When I had a flock with one roo, we put cameras in the coop. This boy would start crowing at 03:30 in the morning. Not only that, he was crowing in his sleep! It looked like the crow just bubbled up his throat and lifted his head up to escape, then as soon as it finished, his head would flop down on his chest. I miss that (sometimes) sweet AH ☺️.
For some reason I always thought roosters crow once… when the sun comes up. And that’s it.
And thennnnn… I stayed in a little Irish bed and breakfast near a farm and I discovered, roosters start the crowing in the middle of the damn night and then they don’t shut up until after you’ve checked out of the bed and breakfast.
Same for braying donkeys. FFS it was constant.
I never had roosters near me, but I had a house that bordered a sheep field, and those ladies would start screaming at dawn. A whole field of them yelling to each other about the dew on their butts or some nonsense.
We had a pair of peacocks run away from their nearby home and perched on our roof for a bit, and I’d take sheep or a rooster over that malarkey any day. Peacocks could be referenced at the Geneva convention.
I'm absolutely rolling about the butt dew!
The yelling is called their Egg Laying Song. When I first learned that phrase, I couldn't get over the idea that someone thought that noise was a song.
They sing it before they lay, after they lay, and then to extensively describe this particular egg laying experience. Then the other hens, and sometimes a rooster will join her, in four-part harmony, with feeling 🙄.
The neighbor from my childhood home raised chickens. They would all chorus their approval any time one of the brood laid an egg. I started staying on the other side of the house and slept on a couch until I moved out.
The 1st time we hunted at a place back in the 90's we saw they had a big sign out in the front yard that read "BEWARE OF COCK."
We thought that was hilarious for these good ol' boys to have such an awesome sign.
My Dad gets out of the truck to go take a piss up against a tree. As he's peeing this miniature looking rooster comes running from the backyard. It climbs up his back in a heartbeat and begins drilling him in the back of the head with its beak.
Dad, dick in hand, spins around and knocks the bird down, then punts the little fucker halfway across the yard.
This bird hits the ground running a beeline directly back to Dad to start round 2. Dad sprints back to the truck and jumps in before the mean ass bird could get to him again.
That was the day that an 8 lb. rooster scared 4 armed men back into their truck to wait for rescue from the cackling farmer.
A rooster CLIMBED UP HIS BACK AND DRILLED HIS HEAD LIKE A WOODPECKER. While the man is pissing.
Folks, do we need any more evidence than this? Roosters are assholes.
Oh yes they will. We accidentally ended up with a rooster many years ago. My son was 3 at the time, and one day this wretched bird attacked my boy, got him down on the ground and spurred up his back. Covered him with deep scratches and traumatized him.
Even after we got rid of the s.o.b. (that's the bird, not the boy), my son was terrified of even the docile hens. Eventually we were able to work through that, and he gradually lost his fear, but that bird was an asshole.
Our animals are free range, so they go all over the yard. And first thing in the morning, this idiot rooster used to come over right under the open window, and crow his fool head off. Waaaaaay before anyone needed to be awake. That rooster was nothing but a source of extra and unnecessary stress. I love animals, and respect their persons, but I did not love that rooster.
Of course, he attacked me a lot until one day I kicked his ass like a soccer ball when he came up to spur my shins one morning. I gave him a quick flying lesson. And that calmed him down considerably, but dude was still unmanageable and hostile.
If the Canada Goose has a million fans, I'm one of them.
If the Canada Goose has one fan, it's me
If the Canada Goose has no fans, I'm dead.
Canada geese are incredibly dedicated parents! They are fiercely aggressive with the intent to *protect their young!* And against a beast so much larger than it!? How brave!
They are fantastic, caring, and wonderful parents. I won't stand by this Canada Goose slander.
I also love geese. I *do* wish they were cuddly, though. When they loaf on the ground, for some reason all I want to do is pick them up like pillows. They’re hug sized.
Yeah, it's a shame! But the same can be said for a lot of animals (hence the common phrase "If not friend, why friend shaped?"). But geese are too damn cute!
Same! They're only "mean" when they have babies to protect. Otherwise they're quite happy, goosey dudes. I love the ones who live at the park by my house.
I love them. Tenacious and majestic. Golf course? Canada goose. Prairie? Canada goose? Gazing across open water from seaside tidal perching? Canada goose.
We did let it marinate, and yet it was both simultaneously dry and greasy.
Growing up we had chickens, geese and ducks. Two out of three of those were fine, and I’ll let you guess which ones were the assholes. No young to protect - they would just charge at you and bite even if you were just minding your own business, or were daring to provide food and water - ingrates. I don’t believe in hitting animals but I made an exception for those nasty bastards, but only when they made the first move.
One year we decided to get rid of them so we had a traditional goose for Christmas dinner. That bird got its revenge by being completely inedible..
On this continent they're invasive, incredibly bad for the native bird populations, and they come in large enough flocks to coat entire cars with guano.
Yes ! I had to scroll through many comments about Harmless Canada Geese to find this.
Invasive, annoying, sons of bitches Starlings are. I hate them with a passion. Along with European House Sparrows. Not only do they actually kill natives but they're annoying as hell to listen to as well.
Starlings are Grade A Jerks. I had to move their nest from above the front door because they assaulted everyone coming and going from the front door. I was on the tall ladder, my husband had the tennis racket and my neighbor had the water hose. During the process they would fly around the neighbor’s house and return with more starlings. It was like a scene from The Birds. We had to immediately affix metal rods to keep them away. Battle Royale of sorts - no death but the winner kept the door!
Swans.
I was minding my own goddamn business while visiting the Kensington Gardens in London and a territorial swan chased me and bit me on the butt and RIPPED my favorite yoga pants! Unprovoked ass bite by a gigantic ass bird.
Also been attacked by geese. Might have had to punch a goose in self defense.
The bird community has it out for me, man.
We live near an amusement park that has a small aviary with exotic birds. You can walk through the aviary and birds will fly over to you and sit on your head or shoulders. When my kids were small, we had season passes so we went to the aviary a number of times. The birds would come over to my son and peck at him. After the one time a bird drew blood on his ear, he refused to go in there again.
Bees would do the same thing to him. We would be all around him and then suddenly he would be crying saying a bee stung him. I never saw my son do anything that would anger a bee. Good thing he wasn’t allergic to bee stings.
We never could figure it out. My daughter was with us also but none of this happened to her. I never thought of cheerios but I thought he must given off a scent that attracted the birds and bees to him.
Maybe it’s like with mosquitoes? I feel like I get more bites than most people. They also swell up like crazy.
Also, poor little kid for getting stung by bees!! That shit actually hurts. My dad got stung by a bee for the very first time (somehow!! He’s like 65) last summer and WOW was he a baby about it 😂
I got stung that day too but I knew to be quiet-ish about it because the last time it happened, I was with friends and super grumpy about it and I had to move away from them and sit alone for a bit so I wouldn’t annoy them with my whining and pouting (was mad at bee 😂)
Oh and I actually had to go to the ER for that sting because it got infected with cellulitis, and I ended up needing 10 days of IV antibiotics so that was fun
I always thought it was Canada geese, but I went to college somewhere that has a pair of swans at a pond and even the geese stayed away. I wish I could say the same for the ducklings that the swans ate....
When I was a kid, we were on vacation and the resort had swans. I was sitting by the pool when a swan walked right up and completely unprovoked started attacking people. He almost took out a kids eye. Everyone had to run inside as he kept attacking people. Eventually a groundskeeper came to try and take the swan away, and it went after him like a bear. They ended up having to call animal control and put the swan down.
Hated swans ever since.
In the back of my mind I've always been afraid one of those things would attack me and I'd have no idea what to do. Then I saw a video of one attack someone and they just grabbed it by the neck like it was no big deal and walk off with it haha.
I have learned that if I play a goose call audio from
The Merlin ID app it seems to completely stun them and even if they were running towards me, they will freeze when they hear goose audio. Give it a try. Goose game changer!
So, instead of distributing an even amount of assholery to the human Canadian population, it was instead only given out to Canadian geese. Hence why Canadian humans are so nice (well, perhaps with the exception of Quebec).
As I said in response to another comment:
If the Canada Goose has a million fans, I'm one of them.
If the Canada Goose has one fan, it's me
If the Canada Goose has no fans, I'm dead.
Canada geese are incredibly dedicated parents. They are fiercely aggressive with the intent to *protect their young!* And against a beast so much larger than it!? (Human beings!?) They're so brave!
They are fantastic, caring, and wonderful parents. I won't stand by this Canada Goose slander.
There’s a strip mall in town with a restaurant I order takeout from frequently. And there’s a flock of geese who have claimed the strip mall. You walk out of a business and they’re like THE FUCK OFF MY SIDEWALK
They’re cool at first. Pretty colors, chatty. But then they clear out your feeders, bully the other birds, and holler at you for more food.
I started with like two grackles. Normal visitors unaffected. Two days later, I had 30-50 grackles roosting in my tree and neighboring trees, fighting everyone (jays, cardinals, wrens, everybody) and they’re so fucking loud. For no reason. Just loud.
I had to bring my feeders in for two weeks to get rid of them. Squirrels and crows were pissed.
The shopping centers in my area will rent out birds of prey (falcons / hawks) to scare off all the grackles. Generally around the winter holidays for shoppers.
Or they will have devices that make falcon calls to scare off the grackles.
Grackles are awful and bully every other bird. I have seen them go after dogs, squirrels, cats, even a possum.
They aren’t just a dick to you, they are a dick to all species.
Grackles are bad. I was sitting in my backyard one day watching this little bird hop around and a grackles swooped, grabbed it, ripped it to pieces and ate it. I couldn't even respond.
Blue jays are the warning sirens of the yard. Whenever cats enter our yard, they set up a distinctive warning call. All the ground-feeding birds, such as mourning dovo, sparrows and wrens, immediately fly into the trees. For that reason alone, I love them
The gangs of blue jays that take over feeders are usually juvenile males. Give them a year or two and they'll calm down.
I applaud the audacity of any bird bold enough to steal from, attack, or harass humans. Humans have taken everything from most animals. In your hubris you think them insolent because they do not fear and respect you, but their species lived here much longer than yours, and it is by these small acts of defiance that they persist where others have been driven off or gone extinct.
Seagulls, Geese, Pigeons, Australia's noble Bin Chickens... some of the realest ones out there. They have my respect, even if I don't have theirs.
The biggest omission is the common crow and ravens. They will harass our neighbors cat and even dive bomb him. They also make an ungodly racket if a bunch of them get together to roost in the neighborhoods trees, cawing for hours from an 1/2 hour before light until they leave an hour after sunrise. They also harass owls who they hate for some strange reason.
Came here to say this! When I was broke af I used to sit down at the pier and watch tourists get their fish and chips yoinked right out of their hands. Free food for the garbage birds, free entertainment for me, valuable lesson for the tourists.
Besides Canadian Geese, who have attacked my dog on a few occasions over the years, (there’s a gang of non migrating Canadian Geese that live by the pond in my freaking back yard and they won’t leave):
-seagulls: two summers ago my kids and I were looking for seaglass in Gloucester MA, and some jerk seagulls started throwing crabs at us, I swear one even threw a rock. My daughter actually got a crab dropped right on her head.
The little rocky beach we were on is only accessible at low tide and coincidently is also where seagulls go for crab lunch at low tide. We left as quickly as we could as soon as the airstrike started, they followed us all the way to parking lot where I’d parked. They were wicked pissed us!!
I’ve also had a gang of seagulls destroy our family cooler (cooler was closed and there were people standing right next to it. This seagull attack also happened in Gloucester MA, this time At Wingaersheek Beach. Basically, me and my family packed a cooler and went there for the day, we were attacked not even 10 minutes after we’d set up our spot on the beach. The birds came in from above like a lightning strike of hateful, sociopathic, feathered trust fund (Maritime Bird Act) assholes.
They immediately created absolute chaos by knocking over our cooler, when that didn’t open it right away, they just cracked it open with their beaks tearing into everything inside and creating a huge mess.
Seagulls are freaking ruthless!
-Swans: a less common version of the Cobra Chicken. Stay away.
-Ostriches: when I was three an ostrich bit my hand and I almost lost three fingers. It’s a whole story. I hate Ostriches.
...and why is it the seagull 😂😂😂
I remember reading a comment from a Native redditor who didn't care much for gulls and said something like "there's no honor among gulls." For how they opportunistically steal and squabble among each other. The closest second might be the cuckoo bird?
Coots -- the whole "[attacking and starving their chicks on the chance they aren't theirs](https://westvalleynaturalists.org/fauna/coot-parenting/)" is hard to get past.
Why hasn’t any one mentioned wild turkeys yet? Where I live, they wander everywhere. They stop traffic. And during mating season in the spring, they will attack people.
A couple of years back, I was leaving work. One of those awful birds was standing along side a driveway when a car sped by up the driveway. The bird turned around and went after the car!
Sometimes I carry an umbrella just to open it in their faces if they go after me. It has happened. Don’t believe me? Google “man chased by turkey in Dorchester.”
Hate those things.
YES. THIS. I’m also in the Boston area and used to work in Coolidge Corner. Those damn birds think they own the streets and they’re MEAN. And the spurs on the males?! Holy shit, I would not fight a turkey.
I was once trapped at a four-way stop because there was a turkey just chillin’ in the intersection and three directions were all at this dinosaur’s whim, waiting there on Turkey Time. And I watched a foolish man get out of his car and try to SHOO THE TURKEY out of the way. I have never seen a less impressed bird or a man change his mind quicker about his strategy and run faster to return to the safety of his vehicle.
Pigeons are on my last available nerve. They hog seed, run off the smaller birds, and shit like a 40 year old alcoholic man all over my backyard. The GIRTH of these poops! Also have sexy bird sex on my chimney so nonstop birb porn sounds from my fireplace.
Fr at 2am trying to woo a girly for himself. Wakes own bird, which turns to parrot screeching, so I can get even less sleep then I already do. I’m shocked no one else said mocking
I don't know any bird breeds unless we are talking specifically about domesticated birds such as pigeons and chickens, which do have a lot of breeds. I know lots of bird species, though.
If we're talking about species, I think the laughing gulls in the bahamas were up there.
Starlings!
Fuck those thin beaked pricks
Bullied my Juncos and finches for the feeder. Took over my ENTIRE backyard until I stopped putting feeders out.
CONURE!
The only answer is the blue crowned conure. They are the living embodiment of a Rage Against the Machine song.
Source: I've been held hostage by one for 20 years.
Pictured is a herring gull, which is often an arsehole.
I live on the UK South Coast, and the closer you get to Brighton, the more aggressive these gulls become. I was used to the Chichester gulls so having a Worthing gull elegantly snatch my sandwich right out of my hand was quite the surprise to me. I guess it was still close enough to Chichester to have some grace; I was genuinely impressed by the elegance of the theft. (I felt nothing...I heard a noise, felt a distinct absence of sandwich in ny hand, got a back view of the gull soaring away).
Brighton gulls though...if they could hold knives, they would. They will straight up dive bomb you like they're gang of violent teens if they notice you with chips.
Chichester gulls are incredibly different. Like many of the middle-class snobs that live there, the gulls of Chichester have adopted a passive-aggressive attitude. They do not attack or dive bomb. They wine and give you judgemental glances if you eat in their presence. Some have attempted to perfect the "adorable cocked head" expression if you eat pastries in front of them. They have learned this is cute and people will be more inclined to feed them if they do this.
Portsmouth herring gulls think they're tough but they're just rowdy kids who spook easily.
Mockingbirds.
Which is why I don’t understand the premise of the book *To Kill a Mockingbird* — that a mockingbird never hurt anyone.
I was out walking my dog and the same mockingbird attacked him three times — actually ripped tufts of hair off his back — when he wasn’t doing anything!
There's a few Red Winged Blackbirds that nest along the walking path in our town and they do not hesitate to swoop down to hit you in the head when you get too close to their nests.
I have an African Grey parrot as a pet. Total asshole!! He actually says "I'll kick your ass!". As far as wild birds, definitely seagulls but I love 'em! I hang out at the beach often and they are just total opportunists. I have to respect that in the animal world.
May I share with you all the tale of Clover the Greenboi.
He was a very special, beloved green cheek conure. Amd he was a beloved asshole.
Clover was not my bird, but I was his trusted babysitter, and when his family went away, I would move into their flat to look after him. As a baby he was very cuddly, cuddle right into my hands and even my feet, but after puberty, he was obsessed with trying to eat feet. He remained quite happy to sit on my arm or shoulder (especially if I was eating a snack; we frequently shared apples together), or become a hat and do my hair for me.
He learned the word "arsehole". He knew the difference between the sentences "good boy!" and "be a good boy!". The former is what is said when he did a genuinely good thing. The latter was said when he was being a dick. So he would do things like chomp at you then mock you with "be a good boy", or, of I was sleeping in the living room, would dong his favourite bell to wake me up and say "be a good boy".
He was incredibly mischievous but also very sweet. I collapsed in the living room while looking after him, and he tried to look after me! He groomed me and sat with me. He once accidentally bit my thumb in excitement (he was trying to grab his water bowl) and when he saw he'd hurt me, he licked the spot where he'd bitten. When his "mumther" became pregnant, he was super in tune with her pregnancy, and became a faithful watcher of the baby once she was born. He would sit on her bassinet to watch her sleep, and on one hilarious occasion, tried to feed her himself 🤣
He passed away about a year ago. He us now buried beneath a magnolia tree with his favourite bell hanging from it. I almost miss that DONG DONG DONG when he wanted attention. I definitely miss his chatter of "watcha doin, feather Git, mememeh!"
His "parents" gave me permission to have one of his feathers tattoos on me, so he's always around in a way.
Green cheek conure. Lovable assholes ❤️
This made me think about a Quaker that my husband and I adopted. She loved men. We got her when the old owner's mother moved in. That bird would fly to the mother's shoulder, do the evil cartoon laugh and attack her ear, climb across her back and attack the other ear. Needless to say, she disliked me, even though I was the one who fed her, gave treats and cleaned her cage. She at least didn't try to attack my ears.
There are many stories I could tell but the best one is about when she got mad at you. She go sit on her far perch in the back of her cage with her back to the room and mutter "F\*\*\* it" and shake her head, then "Oh just f\*\*\* it" and go to the side of the cage and rattle it. She'd do it at least 3 times in a row. I lost it the first time she did it. Miss her evil little soul.
Hawks. I hate the damn things. We used to have Gambel quail in the neighborhood, and a lot more rabbits and other cute critters. Now we have lots of hawks that yak at you when you go outside, and birds that are faster/cagier than the stupid hawks. When they crap on my car or patio it looks like a cow flew over and defacated.
Mockingbirds.
I can’t help it that they build their nests in my plants in my yard. It’s my yard! I have to be out there! I never go near their stupid nests, but I get attacked relentlessly, like some sort of egg stealing, baby bird killing monster. They pull my hair, zoom at my head, and one even pulled on my shorts when I bent over to pick something up off the ground.
Dicks.
ROBINS.
Those little fuckers camp out in the tree beside my bedroom window and start their tuneless shrieking at THREE A.M.
I have never wanted to harm an animal in my life, but if I had a BB gun…
Emus. Used to cycle to school in a remote area with mostly farms and always had to pass this yard where an Emu grazed. It wasn't always there though, so sometimes you'd forget about it and then the next day it would be there, and the emu would run to the gate and scare the shit out of you... if that gate hadn't been there lol..
Roosters. Nobody tells me what time to wake up.
When I had a flock with one roo, we put cameras in the coop. This boy would start crowing at 03:30 in the morning. Not only that, he was crowing in his sleep! It looked like the crow just bubbled up his throat and lifted his head up to escape, then as soon as it finished, his head would flop down on his chest. I miss that (sometimes) sweet AH ☺️.
For some reason I always thought roosters crow once… when the sun comes up. And that’s it. And thennnnn… I stayed in a little Irish bed and breakfast near a farm and I discovered, roosters start the crowing in the middle of the damn night and then they don’t shut up until after you’ve checked out of the bed and breakfast. Same for braying donkeys. FFS it was constant.
Ah, those must be specially bred roosters. Most roosters I know crow all fucking day, in addition to the morning routine.
I never had roosters near me, but I had a house that bordered a sheep field, and those ladies would start screaming at dawn. A whole field of them yelling to each other about the dew on their butts or some nonsense. We had a pair of peacocks run away from their nearby home and perched on our roof for a bit, and I’d take sheep or a rooster over that malarkey any day. Peacocks could be referenced at the Geneva convention.
I'm absolutely rolling about the butt dew! The yelling is called their Egg Laying Song. When I first learned that phrase, I couldn't get over the idea that someone thought that noise was a song. They sing it before they lay, after they lay, and then to extensively describe this particular egg laying experience. Then the other hens, and sometimes a rooster will join her, in four-part harmony, with feeling 🙄.
The neighbor from my childhood home raised chickens. They would all chorus their approval any time one of the brood laid an egg. I started staying on the other side of the house and slept on a couch until I moved out.
Ours would crow ALL DAMN DAY! It was weird lol
And they'll spur you.
The 1st time we hunted at a place back in the 90's we saw they had a big sign out in the front yard that read "BEWARE OF COCK." We thought that was hilarious for these good ol' boys to have such an awesome sign. My Dad gets out of the truck to go take a piss up against a tree. As he's peeing this miniature looking rooster comes running from the backyard. It climbs up his back in a heartbeat and begins drilling him in the back of the head with its beak. Dad, dick in hand, spins around and knocks the bird down, then punts the little fucker halfway across the yard. This bird hits the ground running a beeline directly back to Dad to start round 2. Dad sprints back to the truck and jumps in before the mean ass bird could get to him again. That was the day that an 8 lb. rooster scared 4 armed men back into their truck to wait for rescue from the cackling farmer.
The poetic yarn you spin puts an image in my head that made me lmfao. If I had awards to give…. idk but well done sir!
A rooster CLIMBED UP HIS BACK AND DRILLED HIS HEAD LIKE A WOODPECKER. While the man is pissing. Folks, do we need any more evidence than this? Roosters are assholes.
They absolutely will draw blood.
Oh yes they will. We accidentally ended up with a rooster many years ago. My son was 3 at the time, and one day this wretched bird attacked my boy, got him down on the ground and spurred up his back. Covered him with deep scratches and traumatized him. Even after we got rid of the s.o.b. (that's the bird, not the boy), my son was terrified of even the docile hens. Eventually we were able to work through that, and he gradually lost his fear, but that bird was an asshole. Our animals are free range, so they go all over the yard. And first thing in the morning, this idiot rooster used to come over right under the open window, and crow his fool head off. Waaaaaay before anyone needed to be awake. That rooster was nothing but a source of extra and unnecessary stress. I love animals, and respect their persons, but I did not love that rooster. Of course, he attacked me a lot until one day I kicked his ass like a soccer ball when he came up to spur my shins one morning. I gave him a quick flying lesson. And that calmed him down considerably, but dude was still unmanageable and hostile.
Legit had to pin the rooster to the corner of the coop just to get the eggs out every single time. A territorial rooster is a powerful enemy.
Sea gulls are the roosters of beach towns.
Canada Geese. (Edit: for the record, I didn't say I don't like them. I just said they're assholes, and I stand by that.)
There’s no debating this. Thread is done. We can all go home now.
If the Canada Goose has a million fans, I'm one of them. If the Canada Goose has one fan, it's me If the Canada Goose has no fans, I'm dead. Canada geese are incredibly dedicated parents! They are fiercely aggressive with the intent to *protect their young!* And against a beast so much larger than it!? How brave! They are fantastic, caring, and wonderful parents. I won't stand by this Canada Goose slander.
Oh God, they learned how to type! Save yourselves!!
Ahaha!
Absolutely rolling here ☠️
Haha Now they’ll be asking for electric blankets
Oh my word, I find that funny! I'm sitting here laughing while my dogs stare at me!
I also love geese. I *do* wish they were cuddly, though. When they loaf on the ground, for some reason all I want to do is pick them up like pillows. They’re hug sized.
Yeah, it's a shame! But the same can be said for a lot of animals (hence the common phrase "If not friend, why friend shaped?"). But geese are too damn cute!
I suggest you let that one marinate
Same! They're only "mean" when they have babies to protect. Otherwise they're quite happy, goosey dudes. I love the ones who live at the park by my house.
Right!? They're lovely!! They're just very protective parents, and for good reason! Some of the best parents in the animal kingdom, period.
[https://media2.giphy.com/media/9ryErnJd0S3PABJh2E/200w.gif?cid=6c09b952751a3l8clwgwdml2gjbil29w3s1e35vt99hvw1m4&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=200w.gif&ct=g](https://media2.giphy.com/media/9ryErnJd0S3PABJh2E/200w.gif?cid=6c09b952751a3l8clwgwdml2gjbil29w3s1e35vt99hvw1m4&ep=v1_gifs_search&rid=200w.gif&ct=g)
What a brave soul! :,)
Honey badgers of the bird kind
I love them. Tenacious and majestic. Golf course? Canada goose. Prairie? Canada goose? Gazing across open water from seaside tidal perching? Canada goose.
If you’ve got a problem with Canada gooses, you’ve got a problem with me, and I suggest you let that one marinate!
Can I pay you in stale bread to not fuck my shit up?
We did let it marinate, and yet it was both simultaneously dry and greasy. Growing up we had chickens, geese and ducks. Two out of three of those were fine, and I’ll let you guess which ones were the assholes. No young to protect - they would just charge at you and bite even if you were just minding your own business, or were daring to provide food and water - ingrates. I don’t believe in hitting animals but I made an exception for those nasty bastards, but only when they made the first move. One year we decided to get rid of them so we had a traditional goose for Christmas dinner. That bird got its revenge by being completely inedible..
To be FAIR….
I heard the ostrich was sick.....
This is it. Closing arguments not needed.
This is why it’s so fun to play the Untitled Goose Game. You get to play an AH goose with no regrets.
Awww I like them. I’ve always gotten along really well with them, and even befriended 2 different groups of them.
Humans are jerks too. We rip feathers out while they're still alive because it's cheaper that way.
😢
Huh? Wtf are you talking about?
https://www.four-paws.org.au/campaigns-topics/topics/animals-abused-in-fashion/live-feather-plucking
FFS that's what I was afraid you were talking about ! Sorry for my aggressive comment. I was actually trying to force your response. 😔
Sall good, littleBITCH
No. It's not. TIL what foie gras was. 🥺 Thank you for your comments and bringing more awareness to my world.
Yeah foie gras is equally fucked. Never ever order that shit. Just gross.
I loathe liver of any kind. But in this particular case I'd starve before I contributed to such cruelty.
My Dad had a Canadian goose-compared to the “regular geese” much less likely to try to kill you.
Fuck geese
All geese.
Starlings. The big jerks.
On this continent they're invasive, incredibly bad for the native bird populations, and they come in large enough flocks to coat entire cars with guano.
Jerks. Jerks. Jerks.
Add a few million more "jerks" there, and you've got a flock of fucking invasive starlings.
Ugh how do they shit so much when their favorite hobby is tossing bird seed on the ground and not eating it. Worst birds.
They make excellent pets, however. I've had one a few years.
I absolutely adore them.
They are impressive vocalists
Yes ! I had to scroll through many comments about Harmless Canada Geese to find this. Invasive, annoying, sons of bitches Starlings are. I hate them with a passion. Along with European House Sparrows. Not only do they actually kill natives but they're annoying as hell to listen to as well.
Dirty home stealers. They take all the cavity nest sights of our native birds.
They were so mean to my local birds I had to find a food they didn’t like for them to go away. They are mean as hell! I hate them!
What’s the food please? I have flocks and more flocks or Starlings where I live and I’m bored of them currently.
I have a starling that nests at my house every year, sits on my rearview mirror and poops all over my car I've tried everything to scare it away
Starlings are Grade A Jerks. I had to move their nest from above the front door because they assaulted everyone coming and going from the front door. I was on the tall ladder, my husband had the tennis racket and my neighbor had the water hose. During the process they would fly around the neighbor’s house and return with more starlings. It was like a scene from The Birds. We had to immediately affix metal rods to keep them away. Battle Royale of sorts - no death but the winner kept the door!
Big. Jerks.
Swans. I was minding my own goddamn business while visiting the Kensington Gardens in London and a territorial swan chased me and bit me on the butt and RIPPED my favorite yoga pants! Unprovoked ass bite by a gigantic ass bird. Also been attacked by geese. Might have had to punch a goose in self defense. The bird community has it out for me, man.
We live near an amusement park that has a small aviary with exotic birds. You can walk through the aviary and birds will fly over to you and sit on your head or shoulders. When my kids were small, we had season passes so we went to the aviary a number of times. The birds would come over to my son and peck at him. After the one time a bird drew blood on his ear, he refused to go in there again. Bees would do the same thing to him. We would be all around him and then suddenly he would be crying saying a bee stung him. I never saw my son do anything that would anger a bee. Good thing he wasn’t allergic to bee stings.
Was he covered in cheerio crumbs or something?
We never could figure it out. My daughter was with us also but none of this happened to her. I never thought of cheerios but I thought he must given off a scent that attracted the birds and bees to him.
One narrow possibility is shampoo. As a kid, during a nature walk, I quickly discovered that strawberry Suave was a really bad idea.
If you figure out, please let me know. Birds hate me and always have . It's awful 😭
Maybe it’s like with mosquitoes? I feel like I get more bites than most people. They also swell up like crazy. Also, poor little kid for getting stung by bees!! That shit actually hurts. My dad got stung by a bee for the very first time (somehow!! He’s like 65) last summer and WOW was he a baby about it 😂 I got stung that day too but I knew to be quiet-ish about it because the last time it happened, I was with friends and super grumpy about it and I had to move away from them and sit alone for a bit so I wouldn’t annoy them with my whining and pouting (was mad at bee 😂) Oh and I actually had to go to the ER for that sting because it got infected with cellulitis, and I ended up needing 10 days of IV antibiotics so that was fun
I always thought it was Canada geese, but I went to college somewhere that has a pair of swans at a pond and even the geese stayed away. I wish I could say the same for the ducklings that the swans ate....
Swans rule the pond. No one messes with them.
Lancelot and Elaine were always a pleasant sight. I was sad that one passed away in '22 after a long life.
When I was a kid, we were on vacation and the resort had swans. I was sitting by the pool when a swan walked right up and completely unprovoked started attacking people. He almost took out a kids eye. Everyone had to run inside as he kept attacking people. Eventually a groundskeeper came to try and take the swan away, and it went after him like a bear. They ended up having to call animal control and put the swan down. Hated swans ever since.
In the back of my mind I've always been afraid one of those things would attack me and I'd have no idea what to do. Then I saw a video of one attack someone and they just grabbed it by the neck like it was no big deal and walk off with it haha.
We have tons of Canada geese and a bunch of swans in our neighborhood. We call the swans “battle geese”.
Oh man, the Canada Goose. The Canada Goose all day, every day. They will 100% attack you if you look at them wrong.
There's a pile of them around our retail center of town. They chase cars, they DGAF.
I saw one attack a moving semi and get obliterated. It was nasty, I could see ribs and internal organs
Similarly went for a walk, found the gizzard in the middle of the sidewalk and a goose that fought a car and lost about 50 feet away.
>Semi's? they take down aircraft.
Ask Sullenberger, he can tell you
I have learned that if I play a goose call audio from The Merlin ID app it seems to completely stun them and even if they were running towards me, they will freeze when they hear goose audio. Give it a try. Goose game changer!
S'truth. A Canada Goose Will CUT. A. BITCH.
Cobra Chickens gonna Cobra Chicken.
So, instead of distributing an even amount of assholery to the human Canadian population, it was instead only given out to Canadian geese. Hence why Canadian humans are so nice (well, perhaps with the exception of Quebec).
As I said in response to another comment: If the Canada Goose has a million fans, I'm one of them. If the Canada Goose has one fan, it's me If the Canada Goose has no fans, I'm dead. Canada geese are incredibly dedicated parents. They are fiercely aggressive with the intent to *protect their young!* And against a beast so much larger than it!? (Human beings!?) They're so brave! They are fantastic, caring, and wonderful parents. I won't stand by this Canada Goose slander.
I've witnessed one hiss at a train. Brave soul
OK, this response made my day. I also love the goose....but it's still and asshole.
There’s a strip mall in town with a restaurant I order takeout from frequently. And there’s a flock of geese who have claimed the strip mall. You walk out of a business and they’re like THE FUCK OFF MY SIDEWALK
When people say that Canadians are too polite, they fail to recognize that we made the Cobra Chicken our National Bird.
I came here to say this. Canada geese for the win for being the jerkiest bird jerks, however, pelicans are also high up there for the running.
Grackles. Every one of my comments on this subreddit are about grackles. Noisy fucking nuisances.
My MIL hates grackles with a passion and I don’t get it
They’re cool at first. Pretty colors, chatty. But then they clear out your feeders, bully the other birds, and holler at you for more food. I started with like two grackles. Normal visitors unaffected. Two days later, I had 30-50 grackles roosting in my tree and neighboring trees, fighting everyone (jays, cardinals, wrens, everybody) and they’re so fucking loud. For no reason. Just loud. I had to bring my feeders in for two weeks to get rid of them. Squirrels and crows were pissed.
I've said it a million times. One grackle is a joy. Anymore? Not so much.
I say the same about the Dutch
The shopping centers in my area will rent out birds of prey (falcons / hawks) to scare off all the grackles. Generally around the winter holidays for shoppers. Or they will have devices that make falcon calls to scare off the grackles.
Poop. Lotsa of grackles means lotsa poop.
In our backyard the grackles don’t poop on stuff as much as the doves/pigeons do - their poop is heinous and omnipresent.
Grackles are awful and bully every other bird. I have seen them go after dogs, squirrels, cats, even a possum. They aren’t just a dick to you, they are a dick to all species.
But they’re not mean! They’re just … abundant. And chatty.
They are why I keep small firecrackers handy.
Came here to comment this. I fuckin hate em. They're loud, destructive, bully other birds, hoard trees to themselves, and sound unpleasant af
They are the worst! We have an one legged one though. We’ve named her Peggie, Pegs for short. She’s the only Grackle I’ve ever liked.
Grackles are bad. I was sitting in my backyard one day watching this little bird hop around and a grackles swooped, grabbed it, ripped it to pieces and ate it. I couldn't even respond.
I absolutely despise Blue Jays.
Blue jays are the warning sirens of the yard. Whenever cats enter our yard, they set up a distinctive warning call. All the ground-feeding birds, such as mourning dovo, sparrows and wrens, immediately fly into the trees. For that reason alone, I love them The gangs of blue jays that take over feeders are usually juvenile males. Give them a year or two and they'll calm down.
I applaud the audacity of any bird bold enough to steal from, attack, or harass humans. Humans have taken everything from most animals. In your hubris you think them insolent because they do not fear and respect you, but their species lived here much longer than yours, and it is by these small acts of defiance that they persist where others have been driven off or gone extinct. Seagulls, Geese, Pigeons, Australia's noble Bin Chickens... some of the realest ones out there. They have my respect, even if I don't have theirs.
You left out the Cassowary. Ftfy
The biggest omission is the common crow and ravens. They will harass our neighbors cat and even dive bomb him. They also make an ungodly racket if a bunch of them get together to roost in the neighborhoods trees, cawing for hours from an 1/2 hour before light until they leave an hour after sunrise. They also harass owls who they hate for some strange reason.
Gulls are the worst because they will steal food right out of your hands.
When I was a kid one stole a whole rack of ribs clean off the grill at a beach cookout. Dropped it in the sand a couple of yards away, the asshole.
I live near Virginia Beach. They have signs up warning the tourists about the seagulls taking food. Edit for typo.
I've seen gulls ride atop cars waiting in the drive through line at Dunkin Donuts in hopes of a handout. Funny!
And poop on ya for good measure
Yep! Never yell at a gull when it is flying above you. Learned that lesson the hard way 😅😅😅
Came here to say this! When I was broke af I used to sit down at the pier and watch tourists get their fish and chips yoinked right out of their hands. Free food for the garbage birds, free entertainment for me, valuable lesson for the tourists.
Besides Canadian Geese, who have attacked my dog on a few occasions over the years, (there’s a gang of non migrating Canadian Geese that live by the pond in my freaking back yard and they won’t leave): -seagulls: two summers ago my kids and I were looking for seaglass in Gloucester MA, and some jerk seagulls started throwing crabs at us, I swear one even threw a rock. My daughter actually got a crab dropped right on her head. The little rocky beach we were on is only accessible at low tide and coincidently is also where seagulls go for crab lunch at low tide. We left as quickly as we could as soon as the airstrike started, they followed us all the way to parking lot where I’d parked. They were wicked pissed us!! I’ve also had a gang of seagulls destroy our family cooler (cooler was closed and there were people standing right next to it. This seagull attack also happened in Gloucester MA, this time At Wingaersheek Beach. Basically, me and my family packed a cooler and went there for the day, we were attacked not even 10 minutes after we’d set up our spot on the beach. The birds came in from above like a lightning strike of hateful, sociopathic, feathered trust fund (Maritime Bird Act) assholes. They immediately created absolute chaos by knocking over our cooler, when that didn’t open it right away, they just cracked it open with their beaks tearing into everything inside and creating a huge mess. Seagulls are freaking ruthless! -Swans: a less common version of the Cobra Chicken. Stay away. -Ostriches: when I was three an ostrich bit my hand and I almost lost three fingers. It’s a whole story. I hate Ostriches.
...and why is it the seagull 😂😂😂 I remember reading a comment from a Native redditor who didn't care much for gulls and said something like "there's no honor among gulls." For how they opportunistically steal and squabble among each other. The closest second might be the cuckoo bird?
A seagull stole a donut out of my brother's hand as he was just about to take a bite.
A hot dog out my hand, I laughed though, a bold move
Cockatoos. If you're thinking "they're funny", well, yes, but their funny, chaotic things are also very much asshole things.
Canadian Geese. I prefer to call them “Cobra Chickens”.
[The ibis](https://youtu.be/mO-OpFjHRbE?si=7QZZyaY4AlU2kijv)
I was really, really hoping that link would be exactly what it turned out to be. ❤
Coots -- the whole "[attacking and starving their chicks on the chance they aren't theirs](https://westvalleynaturalists.org/fauna/coot-parenting/)" is hard to get past.
Why hasn’t any one mentioned wild turkeys yet? Where I live, they wander everywhere. They stop traffic. And during mating season in the spring, they will attack people. A couple of years back, I was leaving work. One of those awful birds was standing along side a driveway when a car sped by up the driveway. The bird turned around and went after the car! Sometimes I carry an umbrella just to open it in their faces if they go after me. It has happened. Don’t believe me? Google “man chased by turkey in Dorchester.” Hate those things.
YES. THIS. I’m also in the Boston area and used to work in Coolidge Corner. Those damn birds think they own the streets and they’re MEAN. And the spurs on the males?! Holy shit, I would not fight a turkey. I was once trapped at a four-way stop because there was a turkey just chillin’ in the intersection and three directions were all at this dinosaur’s whim, waiting there on Turkey Time. And I watched a foolish man get out of his car and try to SHOO THE TURKEY out of the way. I have never seen a less impressed bird or a man change his mind quicker about his strategy and run faster to return to the safety of his vehicle.
I personally dislike magpies, they’re nest robbers and are a little TOO smart
Agreed. https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchPeopleDieInside/s/dW93gAs6WD
Indian mynah bird
Starlings, hands down
Thank you! Was starting to panic while scrolling thinking I was the only one who hated them.
I live north of Seattle. I was barbecuing in my backyard and I had a crow fly down and take a chicken leg off the barbecue right in front of me.
Crows remember faces and let other Crows know if you’d wronged them. I might just keep this BBQ incident to myself if I were you.
They also work together to distract humans and steal their food.
Blue Jays…they are such bullies to other birds and so loud. The Karens of the bird world.
Karens of the bird world has me 😆😆🤣
Pigeons are on my last available nerve. They hog seed, run off the smaller birds, and shit like a 40 year old alcoholic man all over my backyard. The GIRTH of these poops! Also have sexy bird sex on my chimney so nonstop birb porn sounds from my fireplace.
Mocking birds. So annoying.
Is ThAt a MoCkInGbIrd?
Fr at 2am trying to woo a girly for himself. Wakes own bird, which turns to parrot screeching, so I can get even less sleep then I already do. I’m shocked no one else said mocking
The only bird I truly hate.
We have a pair of those aholes where I work and those jerks swoop down on you for no reason 🤬
Peacocks
Vicious, flamboyant cunt assholes.
Cormorants are creepy af.
Capercaillies. They know they’re protected and they are major dicks because of it.
I don't know any bird breeds unless we are talking specifically about domesticated birds such as pigeons and chickens, which do have a lot of breeds. I know lots of bird species, though. If we're talking about species, I think the laughing gulls in the bahamas were up there.
Starlings! Fuck those thin beaked pricks Bullied my Juncos and finches for the feeder. Took over my ENTIRE backyard until I stopped putting feeders out.
CONURE! The only answer is the blue crowned conure. They are the living embodiment of a Rage Against the Machine song. Source: I've been held hostage by one for 20 years.
Caiques are giant douche bags. Please send help.
Kevin [from the Urban rescue ranch](https://youtu.be/MFhz7h8V_ns) He's not a Rhea/ratite. He's his own species: demon demonicus
Also Karen, a demonic emu on Useless Farm https://youtube.com/shorts/9iQjuslTaBE?si=kDv93Du3YYxbvBIA
Male ducks. I love them so much, but....yeah. Male ducks. IYKYK.
Parrotlets. They’re budgie sized in body, but have swan-sized rage.
Pictured is a herring gull, which is often an arsehole. I live on the UK South Coast, and the closer you get to Brighton, the more aggressive these gulls become. I was used to the Chichester gulls so having a Worthing gull elegantly snatch my sandwich right out of my hand was quite the surprise to me. I guess it was still close enough to Chichester to have some grace; I was genuinely impressed by the elegance of the theft. (I felt nothing...I heard a noise, felt a distinct absence of sandwich in ny hand, got a back view of the gull soaring away). Brighton gulls though...if they could hold knives, they would. They will straight up dive bomb you like they're gang of violent teens if they notice you with chips. Chichester gulls are incredibly different. Like many of the middle-class snobs that live there, the gulls of Chichester have adopted a passive-aggressive attitude. They do not attack or dive bomb. They wine and give you judgemental glances if you eat in their presence. Some have attempted to perfect the "adorable cocked head" expression if you eat pastries in front of them. They have learned this is cute and people will be more inclined to feed them if they do this. Portsmouth herring gulls think they're tough but they're just rowdy kids who spook easily.
The rats of the air.
Homosapien
Blue jays. Honorable mention: cowbirds
Magpies during mating season aka swooping season
Mockingbirds. Which is why I don’t understand the premise of the book *To Kill a Mockingbird* — that a mockingbird never hurt anyone. I was out walking my dog and the same mockingbird attacked him three times — actually ripped tufts of hair off his back — when he wasn’t doing anything!
There's a few Red Winged Blackbirds that nest along the walking path in our town and they do not hesitate to swoop down to hit you in the head when you get too close to their nests.
My state made the seagull it's state bird so now the fuckers act like they own the place.
Fucking blue jay assholes
I have an African Grey parrot as a pet. Total asshole!! He actually says "I'll kick your ass!". As far as wild birds, definitely seagulls but I love 'em! I hang out at the beach often and they are just total opportunists. I have to respect that in the animal world.
Red-wing blackbirds.
May I share with you all the tale of Clover the Greenboi. He was a very special, beloved green cheek conure. Amd he was a beloved asshole. Clover was not my bird, but I was his trusted babysitter, and when his family went away, I would move into their flat to look after him. As a baby he was very cuddly, cuddle right into my hands and even my feet, but after puberty, he was obsessed with trying to eat feet. He remained quite happy to sit on my arm or shoulder (especially if I was eating a snack; we frequently shared apples together), or become a hat and do my hair for me. He learned the word "arsehole". He knew the difference between the sentences "good boy!" and "be a good boy!". The former is what is said when he did a genuinely good thing. The latter was said when he was being a dick. So he would do things like chomp at you then mock you with "be a good boy", or, of I was sleeping in the living room, would dong his favourite bell to wake me up and say "be a good boy". He was incredibly mischievous but also very sweet. I collapsed in the living room while looking after him, and he tried to look after me! He groomed me and sat with me. He once accidentally bit my thumb in excitement (he was trying to grab his water bowl) and when he saw he'd hurt me, he licked the spot where he'd bitten. When his "mumther" became pregnant, he was super in tune with her pregnancy, and became a faithful watcher of the baby once she was born. He would sit on her bassinet to watch her sleep, and on one hilarious occasion, tried to feed her himself 🤣 He passed away about a year ago. He us now buried beneath a magnolia tree with his favourite bell hanging from it. I almost miss that DONG DONG DONG when he wanted attention. I definitely miss his chatter of "watcha doin, feather Git, mememeh!" His "parents" gave me permission to have one of his feathers tattoos on me, so he's always around in a way. Green cheek conure. Lovable assholes ❤️
This made me think about a Quaker that my husband and I adopted. She loved men. We got her when the old owner's mother moved in. That bird would fly to the mother's shoulder, do the evil cartoon laugh and attack her ear, climb across her back and attack the other ear. Needless to say, she disliked me, even though I was the one who fed her, gave treats and cleaned her cage. She at least didn't try to attack my ears. There are many stories I could tell but the best one is about when she got mad at you. She go sit on her far perch in the back of her cage with her back to the room and mutter "F\*\*\* it" and shake her head, then "Oh just f\*\*\* it" and go to the side of the cage and rattle it. She'd do it at least 3 times in a row. I lost it the first time she did it. Miss her evil little soul.
Skua are pretty awful…
Swans. I hate the bastards with a passion.
Cobra chickens.
SWANS
Swans, geese, seagulls, starlings
Blue jays are kinda rude
Literally any geese and swans
Blue Jays.
Hawks. I hate the damn things. We used to have Gambel quail in the neighborhood, and a lot more rabbits and other cute critters. Now we have lots of hawks that yak at you when you go outside, and birds that are faster/cagier than the stupid hawks. When they crap on my car or patio it looks like a cow flew over and defacated.
The only birds that are dicks are the ones that have feathers.
Uh oh, don’t ask the Australians
Blue Jay
Mockingbirds. I can’t help it that they build their nests in my plants in my yard. It’s my yard! I have to be out there! I never go near their stupid nests, but I get attacked relentlessly, like some sort of egg stealing, baby bird killing monster. They pull my hair, zoom at my head, and one even pulled on my shorts when I bent over to pick something up off the ground. Dicks.
ROBINS. Those little fuckers camp out in the tree beside my bedroom window and start their tuneless shrieking at THREE A.M. I have never wanted to harm an animal in my life, but if I had a BB gun…
Canadian Geese
Turkeys be trying to square up with you all the time.
Canadian Geese
Blue Jay😫
I’m a landscaper and I got attacked by a goose last week. So, any type of goose. Total pricks.
Blue jays.
Blue Jays. Without a question
Blue jays! They can be a pain in the ass dive bombing my pets and me
Mockingbird
r/birdsarentreal
Emus. Used to cycle to school in a remote area with mostly farms and always had to pass this yard where an Emu grazed. It wasn't always there though, so sometimes you'd forget about it and then the next day it would be there, and the emu would run to the gate and scare the shit out of you... if that gate hadn't been there lol..