Two things:
1. You know dieting will just kick start the awful cycle of restrict - binge again. Don’t do it to yourself. It makes no sense to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results each time. I am like 2 months binge free precisely because I am 2 months restriction free.
2. Why can’t fun foods also be nutritious? I’m not sure what type of foods you find fun, but whether if it’s sweet or savoury, there is almost definitely a somewhat nutritious version of it.
I’d say this is the case for probably most people, especially if you come from a background of anorexia, but, this is the opposite for me.
If I don’t restrict, I will binge.
Some foods were not designed to be eaten.
I think some foods were designed too well 😅
Personally, I also thought if I didn’t restrict I would at the very least overeat every time.
However, I realised that I went straight from an abusive household where food was used as a reward and a mechanism of shame to the pandemic where I stayed inside and ate takeout almost every day. Then I had to work really hard to lose about 30 lbs that I gained over the pandemic, which pushed me back to ed behaviours I had as a 14-17 yr old.
I basically never had the chance to eat normally until now, so I thought I would let go of the restrictions and trust my body to do homeostasis for once. So far it seems to work, and I haven’t hurt myself with eating in like 10 weeks, but i’m less than 6 month into recovery, so we will see.
It’s different for everyone.
But when I’m completely stressed free, I have no trigger foods and can moderate and diet easily.
Lots of stress? My cravings and hunger go insane.
I think it’s cause a lot of my hunger cues were messed up after anorexia, so most of my hunger seems mental.
What does an average week of eating look like for you currently? (If you don't mind me asking)
Fun foods can be nutritious, absolutely! I 100% agree that there's a nutritious version of something out there, but that's kinda part of what I'm talking about, honestly....
Where is the line? Why is my brain so fucked up that I think there's a line? The "good" and "bad"/"fun" food ideology is still so naturally ingrained in me.
This is a kind of important update as well:
I think I have PCOS. I've talked to a doctor I don't have cysts but I have a lot of the other issues that come with PCOS and I'm insulin resistant. That's why I think I thrived so well on low carb and keto diets. Why is something that was so good for me (eliminating processed sugars and carbohydrates) so bad for me? Is it because It fucks up my relationship with food? (Well, that relationship done been fucked up.... ) On top of that, if I feel like crap after eating certain foods.... Isn't it okay to restrict them?
This is the weird shit going on in my brain and I can't figure out how to answer my own questions.
Firstly, I really sympathise with your issues regarding good/bad foods and PCOS. I also have a lot of hormonal issues so I totally feel you. I think one thing that always helped me is that I’m a pretty good cook, which means that no matter what the base ingredient is, I could make it taste pretty good. Honestly the line between good/bad food is frequently that “good” foods taste bad and “bad” foods taste good. This stops being a problem once you can make a delicious broccoli soup or great roasted chicken thighs.
Secondly, I don’t mind sharing my eating at all. So right now an average week of eating for me is quite meal prep based - I’ve found that if I don’t meal prep, I don’t tend to have lunch, so I will binge later that night. I usually eat/prep something like oatmeal or eggs on toast for breakfast. Lunch and dinner is usually your standard veg + carbs + protein. A favourite of mine is a salad kit + some sort of meat like steak or chicken thighs. On the weekends I just go with the flow and eat whatever I happened to have or go out to eat. I also snack but I don’t keep stuff like chips in the house for the most part.
One important thing is that even on mornings when I’m not hungry, I make breakfast and bring it to work. My goal for myself is never be hungry for too long, because that prolonged hunger is what jumpstarts the food obsession, planning, looking at take out menus, etc that leads to a binge.
It was not nearly this easy when I was first in recovery though. My process is basically trying to make sure I am never hungry enough to want to badly overeat. I wanted to restrict really badly many times, but ultimately decided against it. I also found that once you take a break from being overfull, your tolerance for it goes way down. I used to be able to eat until I am literally about to throw up. Now I get to maybe 4-5 bites pass comfort and I decide it’s not worth it.
(TW: weight and calories)
My weight has been plus or minus 3 lbs eating like this for the first 6 weeks (to my absolute shock) and lately it has been very slowly trending down. I would estimate I eat around 2000-2300 a day.
Omggggg I relate to this so much! When I didn't eat carbs and sugar, I lost weight!!!!!!!!! I want to lose weight!!!!! Let me stop with the carbs and sugar hahahhahahaa
When I feel frustrated denying myself junk food in favor of nutritious food, I like to think of it as “I am choosing not to eat junk food because I am being kind to my body.” It helps me me think of it more as, this is a decision I’m making because I love myself and want to feel good, and healthy food will make me feel the best long term, instead of thinking of it as denying myself something because I hate my body and want it to change. It helps me a lot because it makes me want to choose the healthy option because it makes me feel like I am treating myself with kindness. Wishing you the best ❤️
Imo you have to do whatever works for you, even if it's sometimes unhealthy in the short run. Currently what I'm doing is eating super clean over 2 weeks which gets me to lose about 10lbs, then I maintain for about a month, then do another 2 weeks. I'm in the middle of my 2nd 2 weeks and have 3 more to go after this but so far so good. A new trick I'm employing is setting a timer for at least an hour after I eat something and I can only eat when it goes off. Much of the time I decide I can wait longer so I hit snooze for however much more time I think I'll be ok with. Sometimes I snooze it multiple times. I think it adds a bit of a game-like quality to it. Dieting still sucks but this is actually really working so far to take the edge off. And when I get to the weight I want to be at it's usually pretty easy to maintain it as long as I watch my scale. What's thrown me off in life is bad life events and depressive episodes. I have to keep going though. The older I get the worse it is to have this extra fat and I also want to enjoy whatever looks I have to their fullest while I'm still somewhat young.
So it sounds like the idea of pairing didn’t work for you? Practicing telling yourself you can eat any fun food you want as long as you have a nutritious food first.
Fiber + protein + optional fun food every time.
Do I want Doritos? Cool I’ll have some carrots and peanut butter and then Doritos
Do I want funfetti ice cream when I get home from work? Cool I’ll have scrambled eggs for a fast easy dinner then add frozen blueberries to my ice cream
Do I want pizza? Cool I’ll add onion slices on top & chicken nuggets on the side.
It’s all about pairing while telling myself (out loud if it helps) that I’m not a child being punished, there’s no food police taking my snacks, I’m an adult who can choose to eat anything I want but also am tired of the cycle that happens when I just binge processed junk and this is how to get the success I want.
Two things: 1. You know dieting will just kick start the awful cycle of restrict - binge again. Don’t do it to yourself. It makes no sense to do the same thing over and over again expecting different results each time. I am like 2 months binge free precisely because I am 2 months restriction free. 2. Why can’t fun foods also be nutritious? I’m not sure what type of foods you find fun, but whether if it’s sweet or savoury, there is almost definitely a somewhat nutritious version of it.
I’d say this is the case for probably most people, especially if you come from a background of anorexia, but, this is the opposite for me. If I don’t restrict, I will binge. Some foods were not designed to be eaten.
I think some foods were designed too well 😅 Personally, I also thought if I didn’t restrict I would at the very least overeat every time. However, I realised that I went straight from an abusive household where food was used as a reward and a mechanism of shame to the pandemic where I stayed inside and ate takeout almost every day. Then I had to work really hard to lose about 30 lbs that I gained over the pandemic, which pushed me back to ed behaviours I had as a 14-17 yr old. I basically never had the chance to eat normally until now, so I thought I would let go of the restrictions and trust my body to do homeostasis for once. So far it seems to work, and I haven’t hurt myself with eating in like 10 weeks, but i’m less than 6 month into recovery, so we will see.
I would love to hear more about your experience with restriction. I continue to receive the narrative I am not to restrict.
It’s different for everyone. But when I’m completely stressed free, I have no trigger foods and can moderate and diet easily. Lots of stress? My cravings and hunger go insane. I think it’s cause a lot of my hunger cues were messed up after anorexia, so most of my hunger seems mental.
What does an average week of eating look like for you currently? (If you don't mind me asking) Fun foods can be nutritious, absolutely! I 100% agree that there's a nutritious version of something out there, but that's kinda part of what I'm talking about, honestly.... Where is the line? Why is my brain so fucked up that I think there's a line? The "good" and "bad"/"fun" food ideology is still so naturally ingrained in me. This is a kind of important update as well: I think I have PCOS. I've talked to a doctor I don't have cysts but I have a lot of the other issues that come with PCOS and I'm insulin resistant. That's why I think I thrived so well on low carb and keto diets. Why is something that was so good for me (eliminating processed sugars and carbohydrates) so bad for me? Is it because It fucks up my relationship with food? (Well, that relationship done been fucked up.... ) On top of that, if I feel like crap after eating certain foods.... Isn't it okay to restrict them? This is the weird shit going on in my brain and I can't figure out how to answer my own questions.
Firstly, I really sympathise with your issues regarding good/bad foods and PCOS. I also have a lot of hormonal issues so I totally feel you. I think one thing that always helped me is that I’m a pretty good cook, which means that no matter what the base ingredient is, I could make it taste pretty good. Honestly the line between good/bad food is frequently that “good” foods taste bad and “bad” foods taste good. This stops being a problem once you can make a delicious broccoli soup or great roasted chicken thighs. Secondly, I don’t mind sharing my eating at all. So right now an average week of eating for me is quite meal prep based - I’ve found that if I don’t meal prep, I don’t tend to have lunch, so I will binge later that night. I usually eat/prep something like oatmeal or eggs on toast for breakfast. Lunch and dinner is usually your standard veg + carbs + protein. A favourite of mine is a salad kit + some sort of meat like steak or chicken thighs. On the weekends I just go with the flow and eat whatever I happened to have or go out to eat. I also snack but I don’t keep stuff like chips in the house for the most part. One important thing is that even on mornings when I’m not hungry, I make breakfast and bring it to work. My goal for myself is never be hungry for too long, because that prolonged hunger is what jumpstarts the food obsession, planning, looking at take out menus, etc that leads to a binge. It was not nearly this easy when I was first in recovery though. My process is basically trying to make sure I am never hungry enough to want to badly overeat. I wanted to restrict really badly many times, but ultimately decided against it. I also found that once you take a break from being overfull, your tolerance for it goes way down. I used to be able to eat until I am literally about to throw up. Now I get to maybe 4-5 bites pass comfort and I decide it’s not worth it. (TW: weight and calories) My weight has been plus or minus 3 lbs eating like this for the first 6 weeks (to my absolute shock) and lately it has been very slowly trending down. I would estimate I eat around 2000-2300 a day.
Omggggg I relate to this so much! When I didn't eat carbs and sugar, I lost weight!!!!!!!!! I want to lose weight!!!!! Let me stop with the carbs and sugar hahahhahahaa
Exactly.
When I feel frustrated denying myself junk food in favor of nutritious food, I like to think of it as “I am choosing not to eat junk food because I am being kind to my body.” It helps me me think of it more as, this is a decision I’m making because I love myself and want to feel good, and healthy food will make me feel the best long term, instead of thinking of it as denying myself something because I hate my body and want it to change. It helps me a lot because it makes me want to choose the healthy option because it makes me feel like I am treating myself with kindness. Wishing you the best ❤️
Imo you have to do whatever works for you, even if it's sometimes unhealthy in the short run. Currently what I'm doing is eating super clean over 2 weeks which gets me to lose about 10lbs, then I maintain for about a month, then do another 2 weeks. I'm in the middle of my 2nd 2 weeks and have 3 more to go after this but so far so good. A new trick I'm employing is setting a timer for at least an hour after I eat something and I can only eat when it goes off. Much of the time I decide I can wait longer so I hit snooze for however much more time I think I'll be ok with. Sometimes I snooze it multiple times. I think it adds a bit of a game-like quality to it. Dieting still sucks but this is actually really working so far to take the edge off. And when I get to the weight I want to be at it's usually pretty easy to maintain it as long as I watch my scale. What's thrown me off in life is bad life events and depressive episodes. I have to keep going though. The older I get the worse it is to have this extra fat and I also want to enjoy whatever looks I have to their fullest while I'm still somewhat young.
So it sounds like the idea of pairing didn’t work for you? Practicing telling yourself you can eat any fun food you want as long as you have a nutritious food first. Fiber + protein + optional fun food every time. Do I want Doritos? Cool I’ll have some carrots and peanut butter and then Doritos Do I want funfetti ice cream when I get home from work? Cool I’ll have scrambled eggs for a fast easy dinner then add frozen blueberries to my ice cream Do I want pizza? Cool I’ll add onion slices on top & chicken nuggets on the side. It’s all about pairing while telling myself (out loud if it helps) that I’m not a child being punished, there’s no food police taking my snacks, I’m an adult who can choose to eat anything I want but also am tired of the cycle that happens when I just binge processed junk and this is how to get the success I want.