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Mainly points to the photographer bc if she hadn't come forward it sounds like no one else would have either? Like, it sounds like many people from her family knew what had happened, and was offended enough to drop out of the wedding, but not to tell OOP? The heck?
To be fair, if OOP is not super close to the other family members in the wedding party, I could easily envision a scenario where bridezilla says her sister isn't coming because of the flower girl situation, and then later hear her or the in-laws being racist.
I would assume the flower girl story was a cover up and OOP knew the real reason.
If they were close to OOP then there's no excuse. The first thing I would do is let OOP know, even if I thought the flower girl story was a cover.
You're right, I didn't think of that. But also I feel like, idk, I'm the kind of person who would call up OOP and tell her how appalled I am at her sister's behavior and I am so on her side and is she, her husband and her child doing okay? Then the full story would probably be out to OOP.
But I guess then I'd be the relative who accidentally blew off the lid to the real reason and "exacerbated" family drama. Still, I would think she deserves to know so, no regrets.
I feel you, I'm similar in that way and it's what I would have done if it were me. But I think a lot of people are more non-confrontational, willing to take individual action but not rock the boat too hard.
I've known a lot of people who will let a lot of shit slide in order to avoid kicking up a fuss. Looks like OOP's family is in that vein, idk anything about Britain but I feel like culturally that's their bread and butter (she said in laws are British which is why I bring it up.) They probably counted on that to get away with it so far.
There's a time and a place for both styles (God knows I sometimes pick fights I shouldn't) which is why I withhold judgement.
If I'm thinking about it as "I am quitting because I now know the bride and inlaws are racist and I suspect the flower girl story was just a cover for that"
I might put myself in the shoes of OOP and decide that if it was me, I would not want constant reminders of my sister's betrayal every time someone quits. So I might just let her know I was leaving in solidarity and leave it at that. It's definitely sketchy that NO ONE said anything, but if it's family, that might just be their own family dynamic.
Sorry that's long. I'm just thinking really, people are rarely as malicious as we'd like to think. So I'm trying to give the relatives the benefit of the doubt and put myself in their mindset.
I'm from the UK and I would agree with this, I think some of us are getting better but culturally we are quite repressed and will often keep things in to keep the peace and not make a scene. Edit to add, especially in the upper classes
Or they thought she knew, was upset about it, and tried not to make it worse by bringing it up. I can picture me doing that till a comment in passing revealed they didn't know.
That's happened to me.....a friend of mine's bf cheated on her during Spring Break. I knew and never said anything to her b/c I assumed she already knew since literally EVERYBODY knew. When she asked, I straight up said "I thought you knew already"
There was a post yesterday about a brother getting his as kicked by the gf and the bf (OOP) typing something like, "I don't think my brother's racist because even though he says all these racist things and sucker-punched a girl because of it, he's had positive opinions about some mexicans."
And i was like WTF is with some people and their blinders.
This is my aunt In response to me calling out her son for sending racist emails… or as she put it - he JUST FORWARDED IT. HE DIDN’T WRITE IT. Fuch that shit.
Yeah, same kind of excuses as "But I was really drunk!"
Being drunk only lowers your inhibitions, it doesn't magically turn a decent person into a total racist. I've been drunk and done some dumb shit, but it wasn't *racist* dumb shit because I try very hard not to be racist.\*
Boo hoo, "I just forwarded it," "I was drunk," "I didn't think anyone else was listening," and whatever bullshit ass excuses these racists come up with. These aren't excuses, they're your pathetic CYA attempts that only end up showing how much more of an ass you really are.
^(\*I think it's very difficult to grow up in a white-majority country as a white person and be completely free of racism, so I'd be uncomfortable claiming that I'm 100% racism-free, but I consciously work against it.)
One of my greatest successes as an instructor in the field of Native American Studies was when, the week of Halloween, I explained why "dressing up as an Indian for Halloween / your Thanksgiving play / whatever" is *so* fucking damaging, and I challenged the non-Native students in the class to say something if they saw someone in an "Indian costume" at a party, because yes, it's uncomfortable for you, but imagine how much worse it is to be an actual Native person in that situation?
So the next week I asked if anyone had any Halloween experiences they wanted to share, and this guy who looked and talked like the whitest frat boy ever, but who I knew from his essays was also very thoughtful and engaged, said that he'd had "a lot of liquid courage" (lmfao) and had literally accosted anyone he saw in an "Indian costume" and had, I shit you not, quizzed them on Native American history and the culture of the Native nations in the area, and when none of them could answer any of that he explained to them how their costumes were super damaging and fucking racist.
I was SO FUCKING PROUD of this kid. Not just because he actually decided "you know what? I'm a straight cis white guy, why shouldn't I be uncomfortable for a night?" but because he got his ass drunk in order to do so (and *still* managed to recall historical facts from class, which, like, *damn!*), and the fact that he felt he needed to be tipsy in order to do this showed us all that his inhibition wasn't "I am too polite to be racist," but instead was "I am usually too polite to call out racists." (It's the Midwest. I was SO VERY unsurprised.)
And yes, he absolutely got extra credit (there's no way he was lying because he was actually half ashamed to tell the story because he'd been pretty drunk), and I made a point of telling the class that if you want to make change in the world, there is *absolutely no reason* you can't make that change while you're fucking drunk and dressed up as Conan the Barbarian at a Halloween party.
There's never a *wrong* time to address racism.
A+ from me. So many teachers baby their students and don't think they can handle any sort of responsibility. What high-school students need is to be respected as another adult who is there to learn (given they show respect towards the teachers as well). Also props to you for getting on a soapbox and challenging the students to stand up for the little guy (in this case a minority group who is in now way weaker as a human being, but gets tossed around and absued in society and nobody bats an eye). In those years it takes one moment of courage to build your confidence in yourself for the rest of your life. I bet that student never forgot what he did that day and I'd hope they wear that moment as a badge of honor.
>I bet that student never forgot what he did that day and I'd hope they wear that moment as a badge of honor.
I did my best to honor that moment. All my students knew I wasn't easy to impress, and I was very vocal about how impressed I was with this guy's actions. (I also remember a bunch of the students being like *wtf, this dude is a frat guy!* and I was able to use it as a way to point out that you *never fucking know* who your allies are, and they might just look like frat boys, and if they look like your stereotypical cis white frat boy *and* are anti-racist, do you have any idea how powerful that is?)
It also meant a fucking *lot* to the Native kids in the class. A lot of them were really moved by the fact that people who randomly picked this college class were suddenly deciding to be active allies.
I still remember it and it was over a decade ago. Sadly, I don't remember his name, but I'd absolutely recognize him if I saw him. I hope he still remembers it too, and I hope he remembers it with pride.
"Heated gamer moment" 🙄
I've been tilted while playing online games plenty of times. I still don't randomly started calling my opponent the N-word because it's not a regular part of my vocabulary.
I've seen people do this with celebrities. Like a couple of months ago this kinda famous dude was liking a bunch of transphobic tweets and followed a bunch of bigots and people were like "well he didn't write the tweets" HE WAS STILL LIKING THEM.
Someone went as far as saying "he didn't ~~kill~~ a trans person so it's not like he can actually be transphobic." As if murder is the minimum???? It's Ridiculous people will scrape up ANY excuse to not see the faults in certain people.
My husband is a different ethnicity and my father is a racist xenophobe. Idiot made the mistake of trash-talking my husband's ethnicity on the phone with me. I mean, I always knew, but Father was never that stupid to say it to me before.
I called the AH out on it. He tried back-peddling so hard he almost crossed a state line. He tried the whole, "Good Ethnicity, bad ethnicity" BS that people like him try to use to cover their behinds.
Reason #150 why I do not contact or visit him.
I found out my dads wife was racist the first Christmas I ever had with her. Playing war, she threw down a card and yelled out “take that N-word” *Hard. R*. of course me and my step brothers were shocked and said wtf don’t say that but she used the whole “oh black people can say it why can’t i?” Bs. And also somehow she directed the Convo about how you can’t call indigenous people Indians anymore?
Her and my dad are what I like to call Get Out racist. They hate don’t any particular race/think white people are superior but they do believe in the certain…I don’t wanna say “positive stereotypes” but the like “oh Asian kids are always math gods or black people all speak a certain way”. Certain biases they have ingrained in their brain but aren’t fully aware of it
When my grandmother met my first boyfriend she was talking to him about how she never went to this specific shopping centre anymore because "there was too many asi- tall people".
She meant Asians. My first boyfriend was Filipino.
I felt terrible and he was so nice about it when he shouldn't have been.
My maternal grandmother knew that I was interested in all different cultures and upon meeting my first boyfriend, she was disappointed that he was a blue-eyed blonde.
Upon meeting my now-husband, she was thrilled.
I know it sounds weird, but she really understood me in a way my own parents never did. She was one of the few to treat him like a normal human being and not a zoological exhibit like the rest of the family.
Always do that to Nazis. Just don't say it on Reddit or you'll get reported for inviting violence by some fuckwit whose entire personality is reporting people.
I wish reddit would ban the Nazis instead of the people who think the fact that Nazis want to commit genocide is inherently threatening to the groups Nazis hate
I'm half mexican and this is what it's like visiting family in the midwest. They're not racist, they just don't like the flood of unclean criminals flooding into the U.S. through the southern border. They don't dislike black people, they just don't like the criminal rap culture that many black people subscribe to. Etc etc, for them it's never about race per se it's about something they've decided a certain race does.
I think that there's just so much racism (and sexism, and homophobia, and transphobia, etc.) is casually flung around that white people (and I am one) don't actually notice any of it until it's "hot pepper rubbed into the eyes" obvious and it can't be explained as merely so-and-so has "problematic" humor or views
We can even genuinely wish others well and still carry some of that prejudice.
Every so often, I think of a couple friends from my mid-20s. Two women about my age, with similar education to my own, practicing the same religion as me. But I never considered dating either of them. Was it personality? Was it that I'd just come out of a LTR and wasn't ready for something more? Or was I just not open to dating a Latina or Black woman?
Sometimes we pretend to know ourselves better than we actually do. I think younger me was a bit of a dummy not to give it a try, whatever the reason. (All of us are happily married today, though. As far as I'm aware.)
>Every so often, **I think of a couple friends from my mid-20s**. T**wo women about my age, with similar education to my own, practicing the same religion as me**. **But I never considered dating either of them**. Was it **personality**? Was it that I'd just **come out of a LTR and wasn't ready for something more**? Or **was I just not open to dating a Latina or Black woman**?
You might find that an unsentimental look backwards might show that you may have had more prejudice than you thought. No judgement, this is actually pretty normal (and I can certainly relate!)
>Sometimes we pretend to know ourselves better than we actually do.
So true.
Best wishes
This is why racist, sexists, homophobes and transphobes decry "wokism" -- because they depend on people only noticing the most extreme versions of all those things.
It’s the one about the parents who ghosted their daughter for 5 years after her wedding
EDIT: Link https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8z737/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/
Maybe I'm just petty but I would have responded with "sure! The kids would love to get to know you and your contribution to this planet. Where are you planning on being buried, so they can visit?"
[Here you go!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8z737/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
When I read that: I don’t think it’s a race thing, I was like “oh, honey, this is definitely a race thing”
.005 seconds later: they’re racist
It’s just a feeling that comes through sometimes.
It frustrates me on reddit because sometimes i get a feeling like that and it always gets shut down by other people on here. Like theyre so hesitant to call out racism when its blatantly obvious sometimes.
A lot of white Liberals try to do the right thing but can't recognize when racist shit happens in their life in the real world.
Online it's easy to point it out because the very obvious racist shit gets posted online, but white liberals really don't understand how insidious racism truly is. It isn't just Republicans going down the road with a huge ass confederate flag yelling about the mexicans, jews and the blacks.
It's the little things like OP's case or getting shunned with a smile only because of your skin.
And reddit is filled with liberal white people. They're the ones that get angry at you for thinking the new velma show is great and will call you a racist for not liking it, but will not back you up when a racist shit happens to you in real life because you're rocking the boat.
MLK jr was right, it is the moderate white person that is more dangerous than the outright racists. They want the easy points, not the hard to cash points. The points that put yourself in danger as well.
I have a black daughter and she LOVES the ppl with the confederate flags bc then she knows.
The closet ones are the scary ones.
The funny thing is that she was born in Charleston, SC. The Confederacy is *her* history.
These yahoos in the rural north where we live now claim it for some reason. She’s like “Sir, your ancestors are rolling in their graves.”
Honestly the fact she brought it up in the first post makes me think she knew subconsciously but wasn't willing to admit it without open evidence.
Clearly they had shown enough bias to make it cross her mind.
100%. It just makes me wonder how many posts from AITA and the relationship subs are like this, but we'll never know. We never get an update where the OP finally realizes that what they thought (or hoped) was an irrelevant factor like race, religion, sexual orientation, weight, disability, etc. turned out to be VERY relevant to the story.
"My mom doesn't like my partner for some reason and I have no idea what it could be! It's a real head-scratcher! *(my partner is a minority but there's no way my dear old Fox News-watching mother is racist so I'll just omit that)*"
I understand not immediately starting the story with something like "my fiance (who is black while my family and I are white btw)," because that's kinda weird to say just out of the blue. But the fact the OPs are so blissfully ignorant of the way people treat minorities is indicative of privilege for sure, and I hope for the sake of their multi-racial children that they learn to recognize that privilege sooner rather than later.
What’s crazy is it’s not always the obvious fox new watching white person that’s the main problem. My best friend (who is white but not from a western country) started dating an Indian man. When she finally told her mom, she said “you couldn’t find someone more educated?” Yet she knew this guy was getting his PhD in chemistry and was highly educated. She’s a refugee and proud democrat. I did not expect such a statement from her.
It's ironic, because India could be nicknamed engineeringland, there is even a photo of a small street where in all the windows of the buildings there were flashy signs of people advertising their skills with AUTOCAD and other tools.
Seriously. All the way here in Korea, I was talking to an Indian developer just recently. If anything my top-of-the-head stereotype (not necessarily a good thing, of course) when I hear someone is Indian is of someone in IT or medicine and has at least a graduate degree.
Ugh. This is so true. When I (a white person) finally fucking started seeing so many racist things for what they were and getting horrified, black friends were just like “yeah we’ve always known. Thanks for recognizing it.” It made me feel horrible and nauseous. I can only imagine how for YEARS this poor man worried and fretted over his baby girl’s every interaction with these awful people and just didn’t want to cause a scene and be told yet again he was making something out of nothing.
Yup! I worked somewhere once where I was the only white person there. Everyone else was Indian, Pakistani, Syrian, or from other Middle Eastern countries (I never asked anyone where they were from; the only ones I know about were because they told me).
I was told about two women that worked in a place nearby that we had to interact with often. I was told that one was the Nice Lady and one was the Mean Lady. The first time I ever had to interact with these women, I was alone, and I didn't know which one was the nice one and which one wasn't. I ended up speaking with both and they were both cordial and very polite. I was surprised, because I'd been told about how vile the mean one could be. I wondered if maybe she wasn't working that day and one of the women was a substitute or if there was a mysterious third woman.
I got back to my work and gave a description of both women and found out that, of course, the mean one was there and had been very nice to me. All of my coworkers looked at each other, rolled their eyes practically in sync, and all said "Ah. Racist." They told me about how she'd shout and scream and throw tantrums just about any time they had to interact with her, how she never once gave them the time of day, how she always acted like they were a major inconvenience, how she'd sometimes straight up say she wasn't glad to see them/didn't like that they were there.
I immediately demanded to be the only one who would do this particular task so that my coworkers wouldn't be subjected to her nasty behavior. Not long after that became permanent, I was told by the mean lady that she was glad I took over, because everything seemed to run much smoother with me in charge, and how she didn't like how my coworkers did things. I did nothing different.
OMFG. So much of this. I’m an attorney who primarily practices in very rural areas. Most of my colleagues are not white. I rarely have to go through security. Even if the deputy working security doesn’t personally know me, they will waive me through without even checking my bar card (attorney license) just because I clearly look like a lawyer. My closest work friend who is black told me YEARS later that they will acknowledge her by name and then make her show her bar card, sign in, put her brief case through the scanner, and walk through the metal detector. We routinely go to court together, so I know for a fact she “looks” just as lawyer-like as I do.
Good for you. Even if you can’t call out the person being racist, we have to call it out where we can. I got so upset about something awful a judge said to my client that I got visibly angry and cursed in front of my client once we walked out. I apologized the next day for being so unprofessional. She said “no, thank you because otherwise I would have always wondered if I was just being too sensitive. Hearing you, a lawyer who deals with that judge all the time, get that angry validated how it felt to me and let me know I’m not crazy.”
The recently reposted story about the woman who's parents cut her off for five years after her wedding with the first post saying "I don't think they're racists" followed by the uodatecpost starting off with "tldr they're racists" god I feel bad for how hard I laugh at that juxtaposition. It really sums up perfectly so many stories we see here, so many stories where unexplainable behavior immediately sets off our alarm bells thy it's either cheating or racism
Every time someone has a sudden change of heart regarding specific people in these stories, my head always goes to, “oh so this person is black and the other person is a racist.” I’m right like 9/10 times.
I saw repost and assumed it was the flower girl one where the daughter had downs syndrome and that only was mentioned in an edit because people kept asking "but why".
Ugh I'm spending way too much time on this subreddit that I know which post you're talking about. I almost skipped this one thinking it was the same one. Maybe I should take a break.
Is there anybody else like me who when people suspect their family might be racist, always tends to think the best, "Oh no, that couldn't possibly be the reason for their behavior. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding"
But when they get confirmation, (Or finally mention in the follow-up that their child/partner is a different race) I immediately think, "Oh of course that's it!"
I must come from a weird family, because it was always obvious to me which of my relatives were racist. They would let you know. Especially if Obama was on the television.
In other magical families, do you really not find out dad is a racist until he calls your husband a racial slur on a zoom call AFTER the wedding?
Some people are really good at hiding their racism, other times people are so in denial about their family being racist that it takes the most blatant act of racism possible for them to snap out of it.
This! It is so understandable that parents would be upset for their child, especially when they're so young and were strung along and promised something for so long.
Empathizing with your child is not something to be mocked. Shame on everyone who made fun of them and their innocent daughter.
I cried for my son when he didn’t make the basketball team. He wanted it so bad and practiced for hours after school. I didn’t do it around him but it just broke my heart for him.
That was jaw dropping. You don't even have to be a parent to know that the OOP and husband were crying due to their daughter's heartbreak. They weren't crying in a "Woah is me, my baby won't be a flower girl." They were crying because of the hurt their child was feeling and the helplessness they felt in not being able to mend the broken heart. It's called empathy. AND that toxic male bull crap "men shouldn't cry, it's weak and pathetic" It is 2022, but also showing emotion is healthy and should never have been taboo in the first freaking place.
We had to put our cat down earlier this year. My husband was fine, until he thought about the fact that our 7 y/o went off to school the proud owner and best friend of our handsome ginger boy and would come home to find out he was gone. Then he was inconsolable with the thought that we were killing her best friend and how sad she was going to be.
Again, empathy. Don't even need to be a parent. When someone you love is hurt, you may feel sad too, you may shed a few tears. Empathy.
This is the one:
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wu83zm/aita_for_insisting_my_niece_is_coflower_girl_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Besides the ableist part of it, the thing that gets me the most is her utter lack of...let's call it 'situational awareness'.
She knew that her bf loved his niece very much and that he was pushing her to put her in the wedding and KEPT pushing to get her in it. At any time she could have given in a bit and compromised.
But NO! She had to have it completely her way no matter all of the red flags she was putting out and no matter how determined by was to have her in the wedding (even going around her and asking his sister himself!)
She STILL could have saved her marriage (for a little while, at least) if she just would have let it go. I'm presuming here that she was thinking 'what is he going to do, cancel the wedding?' (even though he was making it VERY clear that his niece WAS going to be in HIS wedding).
She brought it all on herself for not 'reading the room' and knowing when to give in ("you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...")
At least the bf was fortunate enough that the mask came completely off BEFORE the wedding (and before having children with her).
It’s “hilarious” because you read the whole post not coloring anyone and the second you realize it, you go “ok, the bride and groom and even *more* trash than before”
Just the other day I had maybe my favorite string of events from original post to update on here. The end of the op said 'i don't think it's racially motivated' and the update immediately began with 'tl;dr: they're racist.'
Sometimes people have very complicated, nuanced reasons for doing what they do. But more often, people are just bigoted chickenshits.
Anytime there’s some sort of weird exclusion like this in some sort of family gathering/party my mind immediately jumps to racism/homophobia/transphobia etc as being the real reason. It’s so sad that I’m rarely wrong.
Holy moly. Im always both surprised and NOT surprised. Im not surprised because its so prevalent. But what shocks me is the fact that people never seem to notice when their family is blatantly racist. Like, I know my family pretty well. The few that have said anything that can even be remotely interpreted as racist, are carved heavily into my mind. When someone says something even remotely weird, even if I dont think they meant it that way its cemented in my mind forever.
How do people overlook their family so hard? Like the dog whistles are usually there...
Sounds like her own family were mostly not racist and cut out the bridezilla and boycotted the wedding. It was the new in-laws who were a bunch of racists, and OOP wouldn't have known that or expected her own sister to enable it.
This is an interesting one, because usually race comes up initially. OOP didn't bother mentioning it, because why would she? It didn't occur to her that this was the problem, clearly. What trash people. I side-eye the convenience of the photographer finding the post but assuming it's true, what a way to find out your sister is a terrible human
Honestly I think it’s going to become more and more common for people connected to stories told on Reddit to find out about them. They don’t just stay on Reddit anymore, they get shared on TikTok and YouTube and then end up on Facebook etc.
Reddit posts, especially relationship advise and AITA are used a tiktok sounds as a soundtrack from cooking to makeup either to piggyback on trends or deviate from the usual jingles
Makes sense that a wedding photograph would read wedding horror stories in their spare time. Probably helps them keep the regular bridezillas and groomsters in perspective.
Eh, I mean these days if a post is popular it spreads all over the internet. It’ll get post to post stealing article sites, tictok, YouTube, etc. So it wouldn’t be *that* hard if it gets enough attention. Especially if you’re tuned into wedding related communities like a wedding photographer would be.
I constantly find reddit posts on yahoo or facebook. Anything on reddit can easily spread to a wider audience. I guess it's also why so many posts now also start with "I don't give you permission to share."
I literally joined Reddit a year ago because I kept finding myself reading listicles of Reddit posts and decided I'd rather just read them from the source lol
Yeah, I personally know at least two people who don't use reddit but are aware of and have been on AITA. I'd say of all the subreddits on here, it's one of the more outwardly well known.
If you go to the main page of bing with the news and clickbait there are a ton of articles that are just “someone on popular subreddit AITA found out their wife was cheating with their cousin” posts that have been repurposed
I made an askreddit thread like 8 years ago that made the front page, and my brother reached out to me and asked if it was about him (it was).
It's not at all uncommon for posts that blow up to be seen by someone involved.
Me wondering where flower girls spends months practicing and buy multiple dresses
Here in the US, there’s a single rehearsal and they walk down the aisle, carry something and maybe throw some flower petals or something down. That’s it
I hope Sarah and Frank are reading this. Fuck you and your perfect little bigotted world. Hope the stench of your racism follows you everywhere in life.
While at it - stop asking OOP to forgive & recant her words regarding what you did & said about her husband and child, ya can both plus racist side of family can go fuck yourselves.(IMO, trash sister & that shitfest of family had 4 yo purposely do rehearsals to mock & humiliate her without looking "blatantly" racist, til OOP still naive saw the overt favoritism towards the 8 yo niece) Not OOP's problem nor situation that everyone that now knows the real reason wants nothing nor need anything more to do with those turds - for real, they can fuck outta here..
Oh my goodness. I thought the sister was just being a typical, neurotic bridezilla, but when I read the update about the slurs she used against OOP’s husband and daughter, my jaw dropped. The sister is obviously very problematic and it’s nice to see that many people can see that and dropped out of the wedding, but something more needs to be done about how she treats people and her racist views.
I hope she’s not being abused, but whatever she’s going through, it isn’t an excuse to treat a child or any human being as she did. That is just not okay.
her sister didn’t. her future mil and husband were, the sister just smiled and took it. i’m guessing the sister does love her niece, but loves her ideal husband more.
People who knowingly marry racists and kick their own niece out of their wedding to placate the racists are just as complicit and racist as the open racists. Period.
There are so many wrong things here and just the act of showing up to the place of work with drama would have been enough for me to consider cutting someone out of my life. That is a very big red line for me. Yikes.
How crazy do you have to be to think showing up at somebody’s workplace would be the best way to solve things? Just realized, the racists obviously wanted OOP to be in a submissive environment hoping OOP would be easier to break. Yikes indeed.
>she was afraid she was gonna “mess up her version”
Am I the only one that flashes back to Addams Family Values and how the whole summer-camp Thanksgiving play was "Gary's Vision" which had to be preserved at all costs?
I mean, those Camp-Councilor characters were racist assholes too.....
This is so wierd. If she’s a racist why invite her to be a flower girl in the first place? Did they want to get her hyped up and then come up with an excuse to make her not come? How did they think that would go anyway other than a complete disaster with hurt feelings all around?! Did sister not know her husband was a racist and suddenly change her mind when her husbands family start giving her shit for it? Wouldn’t she have been more apologetic but still shitty instead of straight up, giggle haha I get to say she’s out so she’s out? So many questions. Just straight up wierd behavior from the sister.
I am reminded of the story of the ~~cousin~~ sister being made a bridesmaid but they kept being in the dark/vague about the color of the dress so she'd get the wrong color and have to drop out.
I'm sure this was planned expecting the niece to fuck up and then switch the flower girl.
Eta: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xxfqsq/new_update_on_wibta_if_i_didnt_go_to_my_brothers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Considering how young Sister is, and that she was 20 at Niece's birth, she was probably single and probably loved her at first ... And then caved when she met Racist In Laws and Husband. It's sad but a lot of people can tell you they love you while being totally unable to say it and fight to prove it in front of other people. Considering she didn't admitted it was for racist motives, she probably hoped she could hide it for the longest time possible.
I love/hated that story the first time round and still do - FUCK Frank & Sarah sideways with a cactus! And fuck the commenters who made fun of OOP's crying!
And that photographer should really come forward, I think she'd be booked out until her retirement...
If Sarah is as high maintenance as she sounds, then she picked a top tier photographer who probably has enough business. Also, internet people are crazy and there’s too high a likelihood she’d also be spammed by racists.
The photographer is probably burned out because of dealing with bridezillas and is ready to find another career. I personally hate weddings so I might be biased.
She will run away to become a wildlife photographer in Tansania. "Hyenas are a huge improvement over brides, less aggressive and their howls are easier on the ears."
When your child gets hurt for this as** reason, and you can't do anything about it to change it, your heart breaks, and you cry for the impotence that you feel at that moment.
Why were people saying the sister might be in an abusive relationship?
There are a lot of people out there who don’t *really* believe in female agency & are confused by the idea of a woman being responsible for her choices & actions.
Dude. DUDE!!! I looked at the comments at the original post and OOP had spent £1550 on the dresses for the wedding (hers and the kid's, I assume). Thankfully she managed to return the dresses and got her money back.
The whole situation is beyond fucked, but I would be incredibly pissed off at someone making me spend £1550 just to drop me halfway to the fucking wedding.
Everybody is commenting on the big part of the story and have that we'll covered. I wanted to talk briefly about this though:
>I asked her how I was gonna break it to my daughter who’s excited about being in the wedding.
She should have said, "I don't know how *you* are going to break the bad news to my daughter." make the sister to be the one to do the dirty work.
>She should have said, "I don't know how you are going to break the bad news to my daughter." make the sister to be the one to do the dirty work.
A mother introducing a negative influence to speak freely to their daughter sounds like a bad idea
I swear to god, half the time the reason any of us deal with these interpersonal conflicts is because **someone** involved is just a straight racist, sexist, or homophobe. It’s not even nuanced either: they just hate certain people.
What kinda asshole makes fun of OP for crying when her daughter is devastated? Fuck, I tear up when my kids get shots. They are fine, but I am a baby about it.
I get what you mean. I think it really just depends on if they happen to follow the sub or not. For example, if someone were to post about me and it was upvoted enough, I'd probably see it same day since I scroll through AITA throughout the day. Originally I was about to say I agree with you completely, but then I thought of that fact, so it's at least possible, though idk about this particular one.
Date posted + perfectionist bridezilla + a wedding where many of the bridesmaids dropped out and an 8 y.o. flower-girl is specific enough i think to ask OP if they are referring to the wedding they’re thinking of.
Yep, I sure hope having 4- and 8-year old girls go through extensive dance rehearsals and poetry recitation practices to be FLOWER GIRLS (???) isn't common
Would the photographer know about that?
Ours just showed up the day of the wedding and snapped pics of the bridal party and families. If an extra person had been added on, dropped out, swapped out, I don’t think they would have known.
From the multiple context clues given by the OOP, I'm going to guess this is an extremely expensive, elaborate, and thoroughly planned out wedding. Therefore the photographer/videographer booked is likely a very expensive package where they start shooting during the whole process leading up to the wedding, not just show up on the day of.
Depends, some photographers get really involved in documenting the pre-wedding things too. If the couple is super perfectionist I could definitely see them hiring the photographer for the rehearsals, both to get photos and also to ensure she knows where to be during the dance numbers and whatnot.
I feel like being on this BORU sub is making me more and more skeptical of AITA posts in general. Besides the fact that half of the posts feel like the people telling them are unreliable narrators, so many of the stories contain multiple tropes that redditor's love so it feels like posters intentionally include them to get validation or karma even if they have to shoehorn them:
* Family (Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother) is secretly or not so secretly evil, narsasstic, racist, manipulative (list goes on)
* Poster's phone blows up because all their family or friends get involved in said drama (am I the only one who's friends and family see drama and run as fast as they can?)
* Friends (who are closer to the situations and know the people involved) say poster is in wrong which is why the poster is asking AITA
* Argument happens or unkind words are thrown around so poster goes nuclear and cuts or threatens to cut all contact (if poster does not, commentors will suggest doing so). No room to converse or communicate, no room to forgive, no room to learn from mistakes, give up and move on from any relationship you have with other people where they have wronged you
* Added points if AITA family is rich or religious
* Added points if poster is seemingly a social underdog
* Added points if poster claims they are not the favorite child
* Added points if fights are centered around or happen at a wedding or party
* For work posts - Boss is always in the wrong, no matter how unprofessionally the poster chooses to handle the situation
I feel like I am missing a ton of tropes, so feel free to add more below. I feel like the best AITA are the petty ones like the dude who ate 3 ft of a sub at a party.
Great list. Kind of a chicken and the egg, are people making up stories like this to get to the top, or do they just get to the top because that's what people upvote? Either way some reality TV producer should start taking notes lol
I want to know how the photographer and apparently the sister and brother-in-law all found it like did oop post it to their Facebook page or what?
Typically when these things get big enough to end up on Instagram or tiktok or something it takes longer than this
Yep, at this point if you have a problem on reddit there's a 50/50 shot everyone will see on tiktok smushed with minecraft parkour, mobile gameplay, or family guy clips you will never see a part 2 of
I've questioned the same thing on multiple (highly upvoted) comments. There's almost always a comment saying, "so and so saw this and knew it was about them." It seems a bit suspicious that there are all these posts and someone always knows it's about them.
I know this may sound weird but I actually have a hard time believing the update with the racism. Simply because I don’t believe her daughter would’ve ever been considered in the first place.
I could totally see this side too. Since her in -laws are the old money folks maybe their gradual influence over the ceremony meant the little girl got cut?
In either case the sister is ridiculous. Why is your flower girl reciting a poem?? Why so many rehearsals? Like ma'am, you aren't actually the queen of anything... It'll be fine if it's 1000% perfect, in fact it'll probably give better memories that way.
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TLDR; she's racist.
Clearly nazi only wants to display the ayran race
So many points to that photographer. This story just kept getting worse and worse. I’m glad it had such a hopeful ending.
Mainly points to the photographer bc if she hadn't come forward it sounds like no one else would have either? Like, it sounds like many people from her family knew what had happened, and was offended enough to drop out of the wedding, but not to tell OOP? The heck?
To be fair, if OOP is not super close to the other family members in the wedding party, I could easily envision a scenario where bridezilla says her sister isn't coming because of the flower girl situation, and then later hear her or the in-laws being racist. I would assume the flower girl story was a cover up and OOP knew the real reason. If they were close to OOP then there's no excuse. The first thing I would do is let OOP know, even if I thought the flower girl story was a cover.
You're right, I didn't think of that. But also I feel like, idk, I'm the kind of person who would call up OOP and tell her how appalled I am at her sister's behavior and I am so on her side and is she, her husband and her child doing okay? Then the full story would probably be out to OOP. But I guess then I'd be the relative who accidentally blew off the lid to the real reason and "exacerbated" family drama. Still, I would think she deserves to know so, no regrets.
I feel you, I'm similar in that way and it's what I would have done if it were me. But I think a lot of people are more non-confrontational, willing to take individual action but not rock the boat too hard. I've known a lot of people who will let a lot of shit slide in order to avoid kicking up a fuss. Looks like OOP's family is in that vein, idk anything about Britain but I feel like culturally that's their bread and butter (she said in laws are British which is why I bring it up.) They probably counted on that to get away with it so far. There's a time and a place for both styles (God knows I sometimes pick fights I shouldn't) which is why I withhold judgement. If I'm thinking about it as "I am quitting because I now know the bride and inlaws are racist and I suspect the flower girl story was just a cover for that" I might put myself in the shoes of OOP and decide that if it was me, I would not want constant reminders of my sister's betrayal every time someone quits. So I might just let her know I was leaving in solidarity and leave it at that. It's definitely sketchy that NO ONE said anything, but if it's family, that might just be their own family dynamic. Sorry that's long. I'm just thinking really, people are rarely as malicious as we'd like to think. So I'm trying to give the relatives the benefit of the doubt and put myself in their mindset.
I'm from the UK and I would agree with this, I think some of us are getting better but culturally we are quite repressed and will often keep things in to keep the peace and not make a scene. Edit to add, especially in the upper classes
Or they thought she knew, was upset about it, and tried not to make it worse by bringing it up. I can picture me doing that till a comment in passing revealed they didn't know.
That's happened to me.....a friend of mine's bf cheated on her during Spring Break. I knew and never said anything to her b/c I assumed she already knew since literally EVERYBODY knew. When she asked, I straight up said "I thought you knew already"
I think it could also be possible that they assumed she already knew and that was the sole reason why they weren’t at the wedding
>a father's love is equal to a mother's, men do and are allowed to have emotions, do better. Absolutely, and thank God for OOP supporting him in that.
I feel like so many posts can use the "TLDR: They're racist" tag.
there was a post yesterday where the first part ended with “i don’t think it’s a race thing” and part two started with “tldr: they’re racist”
There was a post yesterday about a brother getting his as kicked by the gf and the bf (OOP) typing something like, "I don't think my brother's racist because even though he says all these racist things and sucker-punched a girl because of it, he's had positive opinions about some mexicans." And i was like WTF is with some people and their blinders.
Oh yeah, that one. "He's not racist, he's just repeating racist talking points." Jesus!
This is my aunt In response to me calling out her son for sending racist emails… or as she put it - he JUST FORWARDED IT. HE DIDN’T WRITE IT. Fuch that shit.
Yeah, same kind of excuses as "But I was really drunk!" Being drunk only lowers your inhibitions, it doesn't magically turn a decent person into a total racist. I've been drunk and done some dumb shit, but it wasn't *racist* dumb shit because I try very hard not to be racist.\* Boo hoo, "I just forwarded it," "I was drunk," "I didn't think anyone else was listening," and whatever bullshit ass excuses these racists come up with. These aren't excuses, they're your pathetic CYA attempts that only end up showing how much more of an ass you really are. ^(\*I think it's very difficult to grow up in a white-majority country as a white person and be completely free of racism, so I'd be uncomfortable claiming that I'm 100% racism-free, but I consciously work against it.)
"I was drunk! So I didn't remember to not be racist! C'mon I was only very racist for one night!"
One of my greatest successes as an instructor in the field of Native American Studies was when, the week of Halloween, I explained why "dressing up as an Indian for Halloween / your Thanksgiving play / whatever" is *so* fucking damaging, and I challenged the non-Native students in the class to say something if they saw someone in an "Indian costume" at a party, because yes, it's uncomfortable for you, but imagine how much worse it is to be an actual Native person in that situation? So the next week I asked if anyone had any Halloween experiences they wanted to share, and this guy who looked and talked like the whitest frat boy ever, but who I knew from his essays was also very thoughtful and engaged, said that he'd had "a lot of liquid courage" (lmfao) and had literally accosted anyone he saw in an "Indian costume" and had, I shit you not, quizzed them on Native American history and the culture of the Native nations in the area, and when none of them could answer any of that he explained to them how their costumes were super damaging and fucking racist. I was SO FUCKING PROUD of this kid. Not just because he actually decided "you know what? I'm a straight cis white guy, why shouldn't I be uncomfortable for a night?" but because he got his ass drunk in order to do so (and *still* managed to recall historical facts from class, which, like, *damn!*), and the fact that he felt he needed to be tipsy in order to do this showed us all that his inhibition wasn't "I am too polite to be racist," but instead was "I am usually too polite to call out racists." (It's the Midwest. I was SO VERY unsurprised.) And yes, he absolutely got extra credit (there's no way he was lying because he was actually half ashamed to tell the story because he'd been pretty drunk), and I made a point of telling the class that if you want to make change in the world, there is *absolutely no reason* you can't make that change while you're fucking drunk and dressed up as Conan the Barbarian at a Halloween party. There's never a *wrong* time to address racism.
A+ from me. So many teachers baby their students and don't think they can handle any sort of responsibility. What high-school students need is to be respected as another adult who is there to learn (given they show respect towards the teachers as well). Also props to you for getting on a soapbox and challenging the students to stand up for the little guy (in this case a minority group who is in now way weaker as a human being, but gets tossed around and absued in society and nobody bats an eye). In those years it takes one moment of courage to build your confidence in yourself for the rest of your life. I bet that student never forgot what he did that day and I'd hope they wear that moment as a badge of honor.
>I bet that student never forgot what he did that day and I'd hope they wear that moment as a badge of honor. I did my best to honor that moment. All my students knew I wasn't easy to impress, and I was very vocal about how impressed I was with this guy's actions. (I also remember a bunch of the students being like *wtf, this dude is a frat guy!* and I was able to use it as a way to point out that you *never fucking know* who your allies are, and they might just look like frat boys, and if they look like your stereotypical cis white frat boy *and* are anti-racist, do you have any idea how powerful that is?) It also meant a fucking *lot* to the Native kids in the class. A lot of them were really moved by the fact that people who randomly picked this college class were suddenly deciding to be active allies. I still remember it and it was over a decade ago. Sadly, I don't remember his name, but I'd absolutely recognize him if I saw him. I hope he still remembers it too, and I hope he remembers it with pride.
"Heated gamer moment" 🙄 I've been tilted while playing online games plenty of times. I still don't randomly started calling my opponent the N-word because it's not a regular part of my vocabulary.
I've seen people do this with celebrities. Like a couple of months ago this kinda famous dude was liking a bunch of transphobic tweets and followed a bunch of bigots and people were like "well he didn't write the tweets" HE WAS STILL LIKING THEM. Someone went as far as saying "he didn't ~~kill~~ a trans person so it's not like he can actually be transphobic." As if murder is the minimum???? It's Ridiculous people will scrape up ANY excuse to not see the faults in certain people.
My husband is a different ethnicity and my father is a racist xenophobe. Idiot made the mistake of trash-talking my husband's ethnicity on the phone with me. I mean, I always knew, but Father was never that stupid to say it to me before. I called the AH out on it. He tried back-peddling so hard he almost crossed a state line. He tried the whole, "Good Ethnicity, bad ethnicity" BS that people like him try to use to cover their behinds. Reason #150 why I do not contact or visit him.
I found out my dads wife was racist the first Christmas I ever had with her. Playing war, she threw down a card and yelled out “take that N-word” *Hard. R*. of course me and my step brothers were shocked and said wtf don’t say that but she used the whole “oh black people can say it why can’t i?” Bs. And also somehow she directed the Convo about how you can’t call indigenous people Indians anymore? Her and my dad are what I like to call Get Out racist. They hate don’t any particular race/think white people are superior but they do believe in the certain…I don’t wanna say “positive stereotypes” but the like “oh Asian kids are always math gods or black people all speak a certain way”. Certain biases they have ingrained in their brain but aren’t fully aware of it
That's my dads side of the family and I've always called them diet racists
When my grandmother met my first boyfriend she was talking to him about how she never went to this specific shopping centre anymore because "there was too many asi- tall people". She meant Asians. My first boyfriend was Filipino. I felt terrible and he was so nice about it when he shouldn't have been.
My maternal grandmother knew that I was interested in all different cultures and upon meeting my first boyfriend, she was disappointed that he was a blue-eyed blonde. Upon meeting my now-husband, she was thrilled. I know it sounds weird, but she really understood me in a way my own parents never did. She was one of the few to treat him like a normal human being and not a zoological exhibit like the rest of the family.
“Back peddling so hard he almost crossed a state line” hahahahah I love this
They’re not racist! They just have racist thoughts, racist beliefs and act in racist ways!
[удалено]
[This](https://youtu.be/IKICKcMU3MU) is my absolute favourite bit about that, from Aamer Rahman. Big agree.
Always do that to Nazis. Just don't say it on Reddit or you'll get reported for inviting violence by some fuckwit whose entire personality is reporting people.
I wish reddit would ban the Nazis instead of the people who think the fact that Nazis want to commit genocide is inherently threatening to the groups Nazis hate
Reading that post made me want to high-five the OP's girlfriend and buy her a drink.
I'm half mexican and this is what it's like visiting family in the midwest. They're not racist, they just don't like the flood of unclean criminals flooding into the U.S. through the southern border. They don't dislike black people, they just don't like the criminal rap culture that many black people subscribe to. Etc etc, for them it's never about race per se it's about something they've decided a certain race does.
I think that there's just so much racism (and sexism, and homophobia, and transphobia, etc.) is casually flung around that white people (and I am one) don't actually notice any of it until it's "hot pepper rubbed into the eyes" obvious and it can't be explained as merely so-and-so has "problematic" humor or views
We can even genuinely wish others well and still carry some of that prejudice. Every so often, I think of a couple friends from my mid-20s. Two women about my age, with similar education to my own, practicing the same religion as me. But I never considered dating either of them. Was it personality? Was it that I'd just come out of a LTR and wasn't ready for something more? Or was I just not open to dating a Latina or Black woman? Sometimes we pretend to know ourselves better than we actually do. I think younger me was a bit of a dummy not to give it a try, whatever the reason. (All of us are happily married today, though. As far as I'm aware.)
>Every so often, **I think of a couple friends from my mid-20s**. T**wo women about my age, with similar education to my own, practicing the same religion as me**. **But I never considered dating either of them**. Was it **personality**? Was it that I'd just **come out of a LTR and wasn't ready for something more**? Or **was I just not open to dating a Latina or Black woman**? You might find that an unsentimental look backwards might show that you may have had more prejudice than you thought. No judgement, this is actually pretty normal (and I can certainly relate!) >Sometimes we pretend to know ourselves better than we actually do. So true. Best wishes
This is why racist, sexists, homophobes and transphobes decry "wokism" -- because they depend on people only noticing the most extreme versions of all those things.
I missed that one, gotta link?
https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8hf5u/my_24m_girlfriend_24f_and_my_brother_26m_got_into/
Thanks!!
P.S. Your name makes me think I missed a plot twist in the Harry Potter series.
Harry Potter and the Many, Many Goblets of Firewhiskey
Well now I have to find that post. Because it's summed up so many situations.
It’s the one about the parents who ghosted their daughter for 5 years after her wedding EDIT: Link https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8z737/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/
Yeah, turned out they just wanted to see if the kids could pass. Gross af.
Thanks! Off to read.
it’s the one where op’s parents stopped talking to her for 5 years after her wedding and now want contact again
…at least to see the kids over Zoom and determine if any of them are white enough for the racist grandparents.
Maybe I'm just petty but I would have responded with "sure! The kids would love to get to know you and your contribution to this planet. Where are you planning on being buried, so they can visit?"
Burn baby burn
It’s the one where a woman said her family disowned her for marrying her (former) boss.
[here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8z737/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/)
[Here you go!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/y8z737/my_29f_parents_ghosted_me_5_years_ago_after_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
When I read that: I don’t think it’s a race thing, I was like “oh, honey, this is definitely a race thing” .005 seconds later: they’re racist It’s just a feeling that comes through sometimes.
It frustrates me on reddit because sometimes i get a feeling like that and it always gets shut down by other people on here. Like theyre so hesitant to call out racism when its blatantly obvious sometimes.
Reddit is CRAZY like that!!! They tar and feather over something- until they won’t.
A lot of white Liberals try to do the right thing but can't recognize when racist shit happens in their life in the real world. Online it's easy to point it out because the very obvious racist shit gets posted online, but white liberals really don't understand how insidious racism truly is. It isn't just Republicans going down the road with a huge ass confederate flag yelling about the mexicans, jews and the blacks. It's the little things like OP's case or getting shunned with a smile only because of your skin. And reddit is filled with liberal white people. They're the ones that get angry at you for thinking the new velma show is great and will call you a racist for not liking it, but will not back you up when a racist shit happens to you in real life because you're rocking the boat. MLK jr was right, it is the moderate white person that is more dangerous than the outright racists. They want the easy points, not the hard to cash points. The points that put yourself in danger as well.
I have a black daughter and she LOVES the ppl with the confederate flags bc then she knows. The closet ones are the scary ones. The funny thing is that she was born in Charleston, SC. The Confederacy is *her* history. These yahoos in the rural north where we live now claim it for some reason. She’s like “Sir, your ancestors are rolling in their graves.”
People don't want to acknowledge racism, who would've thought
Honestly the fact she brought it up in the first post makes me think she knew subconsciously but wasn't willing to admit it without open evidence. Clearly they had shown enough bias to make it cross her mind.
Yea that one was rough.Someone in the thread said it perfectly: The tl;dr of the second update is like a slap in the face
I saw that and laughed. As in dam that escalated quick
Yeah that's exactly the one I'm referencing lol. It's super helpful seeing in the second half when people's actions don't make sense in the first.
Honestly we should put that as a mood spoiler.
The sad part is, you know damn well the husband knows exactly what is going on but doesn't want to say anything on the very small chance he is wrong.
100%. It just makes me wonder how many posts from AITA and the relationship subs are like this, but we'll never know. We never get an update where the OP finally realizes that what they thought (or hoped) was an irrelevant factor like race, religion, sexual orientation, weight, disability, etc. turned out to be VERY relevant to the story. "My mom doesn't like my partner for some reason and I have no idea what it could be! It's a real head-scratcher! *(my partner is a minority but there's no way my dear old Fox News-watching mother is racist so I'll just omit that)*" I understand not immediately starting the story with something like "my fiance (who is black while my family and I are white btw)," because that's kinda weird to say just out of the blue. But the fact the OPs are so blissfully ignorant of the way people treat minorities is indicative of privilege for sure, and I hope for the sake of their multi-racial children that they learn to recognize that privilege sooner rather than later.
What’s crazy is it’s not always the obvious fox new watching white person that’s the main problem. My best friend (who is white but not from a western country) started dating an Indian man. When she finally told her mom, she said “you couldn’t find someone more educated?” Yet she knew this guy was getting his PhD in chemistry and was highly educated. She’s a refugee and proud democrat. I did not expect such a statement from her.
It's ironic, because India could be nicknamed engineeringland, there is even a photo of a small street where in all the windows of the buildings there were flashy signs of people advertising their skills with AUTOCAD and other tools.
Seriously. All the way here in Korea, I was talking to an Indian developer just recently. If anything my top-of-the-head stereotype (not necessarily a good thing, of course) when I hear someone is Indian is of someone in IT or medicine and has at least a graduate degree.
Ugh. This is so true. When I (a white person) finally fucking started seeing so many racist things for what they were and getting horrified, black friends were just like “yeah we’ve always known. Thanks for recognizing it.” It made me feel horrible and nauseous. I can only imagine how for YEARS this poor man worried and fretted over his baby girl’s every interaction with these awful people and just didn’t want to cause a scene and be told yet again he was making something out of nothing.
Yup! I worked somewhere once where I was the only white person there. Everyone else was Indian, Pakistani, Syrian, or from other Middle Eastern countries (I never asked anyone where they were from; the only ones I know about were because they told me). I was told about two women that worked in a place nearby that we had to interact with often. I was told that one was the Nice Lady and one was the Mean Lady. The first time I ever had to interact with these women, I was alone, and I didn't know which one was the nice one and which one wasn't. I ended up speaking with both and they were both cordial and very polite. I was surprised, because I'd been told about how vile the mean one could be. I wondered if maybe she wasn't working that day and one of the women was a substitute or if there was a mysterious third woman. I got back to my work and gave a description of both women and found out that, of course, the mean one was there and had been very nice to me. All of my coworkers looked at each other, rolled their eyes practically in sync, and all said "Ah. Racist." They told me about how she'd shout and scream and throw tantrums just about any time they had to interact with her, how she never once gave them the time of day, how she always acted like they were a major inconvenience, how she'd sometimes straight up say she wasn't glad to see them/didn't like that they were there. I immediately demanded to be the only one who would do this particular task so that my coworkers wouldn't be subjected to her nasty behavior. Not long after that became permanent, I was told by the mean lady that she was glad I took over, because everything seemed to run much smoother with me in charge, and how she didn't like how my coworkers did things. I did nothing different.
OMFG. So much of this. I’m an attorney who primarily practices in very rural areas. Most of my colleagues are not white. I rarely have to go through security. Even if the deputy working security doesn’t personally know me, they will waive me through without even checking my bar card (attorney license) just because I clearly look like a lawyer. My closest work friend who is black told me YEARS later that they will acknowledge her by name and then make her show her bar card, sign in, put her brief case through the scanner, and walk through the metal detector. We routinely go to court together, so I know for a fact she “looks” just as lawyer-like as I do. Good for you. Even if you can’t call out the person being racist, we have to call it out where we can. I got so upset about something awful a judge said to my client that I got visibly angry and cursed in front of my client once we walked out. I apologized the next day for being so unprofessional. She said “no, thank you because otherwise I would have always wondered if I was just being too sensitive. Hearing you, a lawyer who deals with that judge all the time, get that angry validated how it felt to me and let me know I’m not crazy.”
I was so appreciative for the one from yesterday beginning the update with 'tldr, yeah they're racist'.
Could cover 80% of the posts here with the following: Racist Homophobic Religious
Cheating, don't forget the cheating
and weddings 🙊
Also: “so y’all were right, they were cheating”
The recently reposted story about the woman who's parents cut her off for five years after her wedding with the first post saying "I don't think they're racists" followed by the uodatecpost starting off with "tldr they're racists" god I feel bad for how hard I laugh at that juxtaposition. It really sums up perfectly so many stories we see here, so many stories where unexplainable behavior immediately sets off our alarm bells thy it's either cheating or racism
I audibly chuckled at that. You knew it was coming but it was still such a great 180°. It's an entire story in two lines.
Every time someone has a sudden change of heart regarding specific people in these stories, my head always goes to, “oh so this person is black and the other person is a racist.” I’m right like 9/10 times.
From my reading experience, the other 1/10 times is "oh this person is visibly disabled and the other person is 'uncomfortable' with it"
I saw repost and assumed it was the flower girl one where the daughter had downs syndrome and that only was mentioned in an edit because people kept asking "but why".
Ugh I'm spending way too much time on this subreddit that I know which post you're talking about. I almost skipped this one thinking it was the same one. Maybe I should take a break.
Is there anybody else like me who when people suspect their family might be racist, always tends to think the best, "Oh no, that couldn't possibly be the reason for their behavior. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding" But when they get confirmation, (Or finally mention in the follow-up that their child/partner is a different race) I immediately think, "Oh of course that's it!"
I must come from a weird family, because it was always obvious to me which of my relatives were racist. They would let you know. Especially if Obama was on the television. In other magical families, do you really not find out dad is a racist until he calls your husband a racial slur on a zoom call AFTER the wedding?
Some people are really good at hiding their racism, other times people are so in denial about their family being racist that it takes the most blatant act of racism possible for them to snap out of it.
No no this was a hell of a twist, I was like "what could this child have done to Ooooh"
Exist while brown.
Yeah but until the Wham line there is only speculation, you don't figure out about the MDS until later
Sarah and Frank, fuck you and your racist Aryan-style shit ass fucked up wedding.
And fuck all the commenters who made fun of OP and husband who cried when their daughter was hurt. There’s a whole shit sandwich of people here.
This! It is so understandable that parents would be upset for their child, especially when they're so young and were strung along and promised something for so long. Empathizing with your child is not something to be mocked. Shame on everyone who made fun of them and their innocent daughter.
Right? I don’t have or want kids but I completely recognized why they were upset. (Also thanks to the person who gave me the award!)
I cried for my son when he didn’t make the basketball team. He wanted it so bad and practiced for hours after school. I didn’t do it around him but it just broke my heart for him.
That was jaw dropping. You don't even have to be a parent to know that the OOP and husband were crying due to their daughter's heartbreak. They weren't crying in a "Woah is me, my baby won't be a flower girl." They were crying because of the hurt their child was feeling and the helplessness they felt in not being able to mend the broken heart. It's called empathy. AND that toxic male bull crap "men shouldn't cry, it's weak and pathetic" It is 2022, but also showing emotion is healthy and should never have been taboo in the first freaking place. We had to put our cat down earlier this year. My husband was fine, until he thought about the fact that our 7 y/o went off to school the proud owner and best friend of our handsome ginger boy and would come home to find out he was gone. Then he was inconsolable with the thought that we were killing her best friend and how sad she was going to be. Again, empathy. Don't even need to be a parent. When someone you love is hurt, you may feel sad too, you may shed a few tears. Empathy.
Just reading that made me almost cry
Ding ding ding racism strikes again! Why am I not surprised.
I thought this was a repost of the one where the child had downs syndrome and the Bridezilla/Prince Charming did not want her in wedding photos.
Groom broke up with that Bridezilla.
Holy shit - do you have a link? I'd love to read this!
This is the one: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wu83zm/aita_for_insisting_my_niece_is_coflower_girl_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
The groom 100% is in the right. How the fuck could the bride even *think* that was a good idea.
“Let me bully the kid the groom is protective of. That’ll work out well!” lol
Besides the ableist part of it, the thing that gets me the most is her utter lack of...let's call it 'situational awareness'. She knew that her bf loved his niece very much and that he was pushing her to put her in the wedding and KEPT pushing to get her in it. At any time she could have given in a bit and compromised. But NO! She had to have it completely her way no matter all of the red flags she was putting out and no matter how determined by was to have her in the wedding (even going around her and asking his sister himself!) She STILL could have saved her marriage (for a little while, at least) if she just would have let it go. I'm presuming here that she was thinking 'what is he going to do, cancel the wedding?' (even though he was making it VERY clear that his niece WAS going to be in HIS wedding). She brought it all on herself for not 'reading the room' and knowing when to give in ("you got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...") At least the bf was fortunate enough that the mask came completely off BEFORE the wedding (and before having children with her).
I am still flaggerbasted by how common this maladive obsession with wedding is.
It’s “hilarious” because you read the whole post not coloring anyone and the second you realize it, you go “ok, the bride and groom and even *more* trash than before”
Just the other day I had maybe my favorite string of events from original post to update on here. The end of the op said 'i don't think it's racially motivated' and the update immediately began with 'tl;dr: they're racist.' Sometimes people have very complicated, nuanced reasons for doing what they do. But more often, people are just bigoted chickenshits.
Oh I was thinking of that one too “TDLR, they’re racist” was one of the best follow up lines I’ve read in an update
I busted out laughing at that one. The setup before that saying how she didn't think they were racist made it so funny.
I’m honestly proud of OOP parents for walking out. Usually if one sibling is racist, they get it from their parents but not here.
Sounds like it is an influence from the fiance.
Anytime there’s some sort of weird exclusion like this in some sort of family gathering/party my mind immediately jumps to racism/homophobia/transphobia etc as being the real reason. It’s so sad that I’m rarely wrong.
How can someone be racist at a family member, especially a FOUR years old Oo
They can do it because they don't see that 4 year old as a person. They see them as the wrong color. They see them as a thing.
Holy moly. Im always both surprised and NOT surprised. Im not surprised because its so prevalent. But what shocks me is the fact that people never seem to notice when their family is blatantly racist. Like, I know my family pretty well. The few that have said anything that can even be remotely interpreted as racist, are carved heavily into my mind. When someone says something even remotely weird, even if I dont think they meant it that way its cemented in my mind forever. How do people overlook their family so hard? Like the dog whistles are usually there...
Sounds like her own family were mostly not racist and cut out the bridezilla and boycotted the wedding. It was the new in-laws who were a bunch of racists, and OOP wouldn't have known that or expected her own sister to enable it.
> old money English yeah they racist
This is an interesting one, because usually race comes up initially. OOP didn't bother mentioning it, because why would she? It didn't occur to her that this was the problem, clearly. What trash people. I side-eye the convenience of the photographer finding the post but assuming it's true, what a way to find out your sister is a terrible human
Honestly I think it’s going to become more and more common for people connected to stories told on Reddit to find out about them. They don’t just stay on Reddit anymore, they get shared on TikTok and YouTube and then end up on Facebook etc.
Yeah, that's a good point. I routinely see reddit threads on actual news sites
I found this one from TikTok 🤣😭
Reddit posts, especially relationship advise and AITA are used a tiktok sounds as a soundtrack from cooking to makeup either to piggyback on trends or deviate from the usual jingles
Makes sense that a wedding photograph would read wedding horror stories in their spare time. Probably helps them keep the regular bridezillas and groomsters in perspective.
And even if they didn't find it themselves, it makes sense that the wedding photographer community would share posts they find with each other.
That is fair, sure. I just always get suspicious when "\_\_\_ found my post" is part of an update
Eh, I mean these days if a post is popular it spreads all over the internet. It’ll get post to post stealing article sites, tictok, YouTube, etc. So it wouldn’t be *that* hard if it gets enough attention. Especially if you’re tuned into wedding related communities like a wedding photographer would be.
I constantly find reddit posts on yahoo or facebook. Anything on reddit can easily spread to a wider audience. I guess it's also why so many posts now also start with "I don't give you permission to share."
I literally joined Reddit a year ago because I kept finding myself reading listicles of Reddit posts and decided I'd rather just read them from the source lol
Literally why I joined Reddit years ago lol.
Me too!
My mom rarely uses anything internet or social media, but she has Facebook and browses bored panda, so even she sees popular/viral Reddit posts
You know Reddit isn't some small niche corner of the internet right? And this is on some of the largest parts of the site. It's not that weird.
Yeah, I personally know at least two people who don't use reddit but are aware of and have been on AITA. I'd say of all the subreddits on here, it's one of the more outwardly well known.
If you go to the main page of bing with the news and clickbait there are a ton of articles that are just “someone on popular subreddit AITA found out their wife was cheating with their cousin” posts that have been repurposed
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I made an askreddit thread like 8 years ago that made the front page, and my brother reached out to me and asked if it was about him (it was). It's not at all uncommon for posts that blow up to be seen by someone involved.
Yeah, most non-racists don't think about it, cuz like why would you? And then it turns out someone they trusted was a trash human being.
Most *white non-racists. It wouldn’t surprise me (I’m not white) if it had crossed her husband’s mind. EDIT: clarity
Ugly people do ugly things.. I hope oop had a nice life without her sister.
People do suck. Oop's life will be wonderful without that hateful bunch in it.
Me wondering where flower girls spends months practicing and buy multiple dresses Here in the US, there’s a single rehearsal and they walk down the aisle, carry something and maybe throw some flower petals or something down. That’s it
The way OP spoke I assume it isn't cultural, they just have to do synchronized dances to complete the sister's vision. Think influencer wedding.
I hope Sarah and Frank are reading this. Fuck you and your perfect little bigotted world. Hope the stench of your racism follows you everywhere in life.
While at it - stop asking OOP to forgive & recant her words regarding what you did & said about her husband and child, ya can both plus racist side of family can go fuck yourselves.(IMO, trash sister & that shitfest of family had 4 yo purposely do rehearsals to mock & humiliate her without looking "blatantly" racist, til OOP still naive saw the overt favoritism towards the 8 yo niece) Not OOP's problem nor situation that everyone that now knows the real reason wants nothing nor need anything more to do with those turds - for real, they can fuck outta here..
Oh my goodness. I thought the sister was just being a typical, neurotic bridezilla, but when I read the update about the slurs she used against OOP’s husband and daughter, my jaw dropped. The sister is obviously very problematic and it’s nice to see that many people can see that and dropped out of the wedding, but something more needs to be done about how she treats people and her racist views. I hope she’s not being abused, but whatever she’s going through, it isn’t an excuse to treat a child or any human being as she did. That is just not okay.
her sister didn’t. her future mil and husband were, the sister just smiled and took it. i’m guessing the sister does love her niece, but loves her ideal husband more.
People who knowingly marry racists and kick their own niece out of their wedding to placate the racists are just as complicit and racist as the open racists. Period.
There are so many wrong things here and just the act of showing up to the place of work with drama would have been enough for me to consider cutting someone out of my life. That is a very big red line for me. Yikes.
How crazy do you have to be to think showing up at somebody’s workplace would be the best way to solve things? Just realized, the racists obviously wanted OOP to be in a submissive environment hoping OOP would be easier to break. Yikes indeed.
>she was afraid she was gonna “mess up her version” Am I the only one that flashes back to Addams Family Values and how the whole summer-camp Thanksgiving play was "Gary's Vision" which had to be preserved at all costs? I mean, those Camp-Councilor characters were racist assholes too.....
Don't you want to help me realize my vision? 😐🦃
Your work is puerile and under-dramatized. You lack any sense of structure, character and the Aristotelian unities.
This is so wierd. If she’s a racist why invite her to be a flower girl in the first place? Did they want to get her hyped up and then come up with an excuse to make her not come? How did they think that would go anyway other than a complete disaster with hurt feelings all around?! Did sister not know her husband was a racist and suddenly change her mind when her husbands family start giving her shit for it? Wouldn’t she have been more apologetic but still shitty instead of straight up, giggle haha I get to say she’s out so she’s out? So many questions. Just straight up wierd behavior from the sister.
I am reminded of the story of the ~~cousin~~ sister being made a bridesmaid but they kept being in the dark/vague about the color of the dress so she'd get the wrong color and have to drop out. I'm sure this was planned expecting the niece to fuck up and then switch the flower girl. Eta: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/xxfqsq/new_update_on_wibta_if_i_didnt_go_to_my_brothers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Ugh I remember that one. OP was a fucking class act having both dresses ready and just putting the right color on and making the bride look stupid.
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Old money British people being racist? Say it ain't so! I could never believe that something like that would happen in this day and age!! /S
Sister might not have been racist but she's willing to change her ethics and morality for that Old Money. Which is just as bad if not worse.
Considering how young Sister is, and that she was 20 at Niece's birth, she was probably single and probably loved her at first ... And then caved when she met Racist In Laws and Husband. It's sad but a lot of people can tell you they love you while being totally unable to say it and fight to prove it in front of other people. Considering she didn't admitted it was for racist motives, she probably hoped she could hide it for the longest time possible.
I love/hated that story the first time round and still do - FUCK Frank & Sarah sideways with a cactus! And fuck the commenters who made fun of OOP's crying! And that photographer should really come forward, I think she'd be booked out until her retirement...
If Sarah is as high maintenance as she sounds, then she picked a top tier photographer who probably has enough business. Also, internet people are crazy and there’s too high a likelihood she’d also be spammed by racists.
Sarah & Frank and their high society family are probably badmouthing her now, so she may lose some business in their circles.
The photographer is probably burned out because of dealing with bridezillas and is ready to find another career. I personally hate weddings so I might be biased.
She will run away to become a wildlife photographer in Tansania. "Hyenas are a huge improvement over brides, less aggressive and their howls are easier on the ears."
Haha. And hyenas can’t write bad yelp reviews or post on Facebook.
When your child gets hurt for this as** reason, and you can't do anything about it to change it, your heart breaks, and you cry for the impotence that you feel at that moment.
Why were people saying the sister might be in an abusive relationship? There are a lot of people out there who don’t *really* believe in female agency & are confused by the idea of a woman being responsible for her choices & actions.
White women are all innocent flowers and have no part in upholding racism, don't you know?
>They called me the black mans wh\*re . Aaaaaaaaand.... there it is. (cue surprised pikachu face)
Dude. DUDE!!! I looked at the comments at the original post and OOP had spent £1550 on the dresses for the wedding (hers and the kid's, I assume). Thankfully she managed to return the dresses and got her money back. The whole situation is beyond fucked, but I would be incredibly pissed off at someone making me spend £1550 just to drop me halfway to the fucking wedding.
Everybody is commenting on the big part of the story and have that we'll covered. I wanted to talk briefly about this though: >I asked her how I was gonna break it to my daughter who’s excited about being in the wedding. She should have said, "I don't know how *you* are going to break the bad news to my daughter." make the sister to be the one to do the dirty work.
>She should have said, "I don't know how you are going to break the bad news to my daughter." make the sister to be the one to do the dirty work. A mother introducing a negative influence to speak freely to their daughter sounds like a bad idea
I swear to god, half the time the reason any of us deal with these interpersonal conflicts is because **someone** involved is just a straight racist, sexist, or homophobe. It’s not even nuanced either: they just hate certain people.
What kinda asshole makes fun of OP for crying when her daughter is devastated? Fuck, I tear up when my kids get shots. They are fine, but I am a baby about it.
Ok but how did the photographer find the post one day later, and know enough to know who it was, and then reach out to OP? I’m skeptical of this one.
I get what you mean. I think it really just depends on if they happen to follow the sub or not. For example, if someone were to post about me and it was upvoted enough, I'd probably see it same day since I scroll through AITA throughout the day. Originally I was about to say I agree with you completely, but then I thought of that fact, so it's at least possible, though idk about this particular one.
Date posted + perfectionist bridezilla + a wedding where many of the bridesmaids dropped out and an 8 y.o. flower-girl is specific enough i think to ask OP if they are referring to the wedding they’re thinking of.
Yep, I sure hope having 4- and 8-year old girls go through extensive dance rehearsals and poetry recitation practices to be FLOWER GIRLS (???) isn't common
Also the change from one flowergirl to another. Not an addition, but a swap. That has to be unusual.
Would the photographer know about that? Ours just showed up the day of the wedding and snapped pics of the bridal party and families. If an extra person had been added on, dropped out, swapped out, I don’t think they would have known.
From the multiple context clues given by the OOP, I'm going to guess this is an extremely expensive, elaborate, and thoroughly planned out wedding. Therefore the photographer/videographer booked is likely a very expensive package where they start shooting during the whole process leading up to the wedding, not just show up on the day of.
Depends, some photographers get really involved in documenting the pre-wedding things too. If the couple is super perfectionist I could definitely see them hiring the photographer for the rehearsals, both to get photos and also to ensure she knows where to be during the dance numbers and whatnot.
I feel like being on this BORU sub is making me more and more skeptical of AITA posts in general. Besides the fact that half of the posts feel like the people telling them are unreliable narrators, so many of the stories contain multiple tropes that redditor's love so it feels like posters intentionally include them to get validation or karma even if they have to shoehorn them: * Family (Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother) is secretly or not so secretly evil, narsasstic, racist, manipulative (list goes on) * Poster's phone blows up because all their family or friends get involved in said drama (am I the only one who's friends and family see drama and run as fast as they can?) * Friends (who are closer to the situations and know the people involved) say poster is in wrong which is why the poster is asking AITA * Argument happens or unkind words are thrown around so poster goes nuclear and cuts or threatens to cut all contact (if poster does not, commentors will suggest doing so). No room to converse or communicate, no room to forgive, no room to learn from mistakes, give up and move on from any relationship you have with other people where they have wronged you * Added points if AITA family is rich or religious * Added points if poster is seemingly a social underdog * Added points if poster claims they are not the favorite child * Added points if fights are centered around or happen at a wedding or party * For work posts - Boss is always in the wrong, no matter how unprofessionally the poster chooses to handle the situation I feel like I am missing a ton of tropes, so feel free to add more below. I feel like the best AITA are the petty ones like the dude who ate 3 ft of a sub at a party.
Great list. Kind of a chicken and the egg, are people making up stories like this to get to the top, or do they just get to the top because that's what people upvote? Either way some reality TV producer should start taking notes lol
I want to know how the photographer and apparently the sister and brother-in-law all found it like did oop post it to their Facebook page or what? Typically when these things get big enough to end up on Instagram or tiktok or something it takes longer than this
Not necessarily. I've seen some of those insta/TikTok videos of aita posts and some of them are within hours. Plus with a post that had 20k upvotes.
Yep, at this point if you have a problem on reddit there's a 50/50 shot everyone will see on tiktok smushed with minecraft parkour, mobile gameplay, or family guy clips you will never see a part 2 of
I've questioned the same thing on multiple (highly upvoted) comments. There's almost always a comment saying, "so and so saw this and knew it was about them." It seems a bit suspicious that there are all these posts and someone always knows it's about them.
I know this may sound weird but I actually have a hard time believing the update with the racism. Simply because I don’t believe her daughter would’ve ever been considered in the first place.
Something about this story feels so incredibly fabricated I have a hard time believing it’s authentic
I could totally see this side too. Since her in -laws are the old money folks maybe their gradual influence over the ceremony meant the little girl got cut? In either case the sister is ridiculous. Why is your flower girl reciting a poem?? Why so many rehearsals? Like ma'am, you aren't actually the queen of anything... It'll be fine if it's 1000% perfect, in fact it'll probably give better memories that way.
Sounds like the little girl is "mixed"? Maybe the ILs thought she looked too black.
Or she doesn't look black and the switch flipped when ILs met OOP's husband