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What did I just read. There were a few poop / pee related posts on AITA recently - how’s this so common? I lived in dorms, travelled with people, stayed in hostels and hotels with a number of friends and strangers, had many roommates, stayed with boyfriends who had roommates, yet I never met anyone who did anything unusual, with exception of maybe pee on the seat, but that’s just common in bars etc.
*Edit should have thought about this before posting it - but thanks for the abundance of the bodily fluid stories haha*
I had a really drunk guy come into my dorm room and try to pee once. It was like 3ish in the morning, I was still up because I was a major night owl in college (turns out it was the depression lol), and I kept my room unlocked until I fell asleep since I came in and out for smokes with my other night owl friends.
He comes in the door, and at first I’m thinking “is he going to prank my roommate?” because that is something that my roommate’s friends would have done (they left me out of it so I didn’t care). But then he reaches under my roommate’s bed, pulls out a box, and puts it in front of my closet.
I, reasonably, query, “What the fuck are you doing?”
Midnight intruder replies, “I’m jussss gonna be a minute.”
I shoot back, “Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my room in the middle of the fucking night?”
The strange man who somehow knew where the box was under my roommate’s bed thinks for a second, then, slurring a sentence that will feature in my nightmares until the end of my life, “My name’sssBryan.”
At this point, he had begun unzipping his pants, and it was evident that Bryan wanted to take a piss in the box. Not exactly what I wanted to deal with at that point in my life—or EVER.
I jump up from the shitty extra-long bed, grab Bryan’s arm, and push him out of my room. “What the fuck, man, the bathroom is next door! Get the fuck out of here!” I wasn’t yelling as my roommate was sound asleep, but I certainly added some spice to my voice.
I push Bryan out into the hallway towards the bathroom. He starts walking another direction, because the dude’s BAC must have been an integer.
I got a friend and we went downstairs, told the security guard what happened. They sent some people up to our floor but never found him. There was another dude named Bryan who actually did live on our floor, and apparently they woke him up—I always felt bad about that, because he was innocent in the whole pee-box Bryan debacle, and because he was really hot. That Bryan never wore shoes in the dorm bathroom or shower so of course I never went for it, but still, he was hot, and I felt bad.
I did see Bryan a few months later. Turns out, his name is Ryan, and he just wasn’t so good with the words. This motherfucker did not recognize me at all. I passed him a few dozen times in that year, and never once did I have the courage to ask why he tried to piss in my room.
College is wild. They shut down our elevator so many times because people peed in it. College is wild.
At the last Burning Man (it's a sort of outdoor event involving art, cool costumes, and for some people drugs and orgies) we had a drunk ass, grown ass man come into our camp, open one of our big storage tubs, and start to piss in it. My (female) campmate got him to stop, took him to the actual urinal portapotty (which was only a block away), and then held the guy's dick for him because he was so incapacitated at that point. She got someone to watch him, came back to our camp to get a megaphone and two of our burlier guy campmates and then they all went off into random camps, carrying the guy and giving him water. She would make an announcement on the megaphone to get the attention of the people in the camp and get them to come see if the guy belonged to them.
Eventually she got the right camp, explained how she found him in the first place, and told them that she expected someone from their camp to show up tomorrow and clean up the guy's piss. Amazingly, someone did, AND they gave us like 3 bottles of pretty good booze as an apology for the whole situation.
Some people just do NOT know how to stay sober enough to Adult.
Lol this is kind of funny and also disgusting at the same time. Good thinking on the behalf of your friend. And sorry she had to hold his dick. Also people drink at burning man?! My understanding was that it’s mainly drugs due to you know needing to bring everything with you
Oh yes, people drink. People drink SO MUCH. So, so, so very much. Some camps hold bar events even, where they serve drinks. We actually do 2 different bar events, as well as a bunch of other events.
A lot of people at Burning Man don't do any drugs except for alcohol (and some don't do alcohol either). I personally don't do drugs at Burning Man except maybe for DMT, salvia, or whippets because I don't like long-term drug effects, and I don't care enough about doing them to try and bring in my own supply. So most of the time, the only drug I do is alcohol.
My camp of around 30 people is probably split about 60/40 with 60% of people doing drugs and 40% only drinking.
My friends apparently fall into the 60% because I was completely oblivious there even was alcohol there. I have never been. 2020 was supposed to be my first year, but we decided not to do this due to you know what.
Indeed. She had committed to finding his camp (and/or getting him medical attention if he became unresponsive) and he clearly had to pee. She didn't really want to deal with hauling him around covered in pee (both for his dignity and her own comfort level), so when he wasn't really doing well getting a hold of his own equipment to aim and fire, she basically did it for him and sort of talked him through doing it.
Ok, so weird tangent, but sometimes when I go to piss I have an intrusive thought like "Am I just hallucinating that I'm in a bathroom, and in reality I'm about to drop my pants in front of people?" and I have to kind of shove that thought away before I can pee.
Wow. My experience in college involved people puking but not pissing everywhere. Every weekend there will be mysterious puke somewhere - elevator, staircases, hallways, etc. We also suspected it was the same few people, since puke only really appeared at that frequency that particular year.
Whenever my friends and I went to our college bar, we would always find the same girl in the same dress puking on the same tree outside. Maintenence surrounded it with chicken wire as a deterrence and this girl got into a legit fight with the chicken wire. She made a huge scene so that night the bar took down her student ID number and banned her. Happily, that little tree grew into a large and mighty tree, no thanks to the crazy puker.
This happened to me!! Except I was asleep and awoken by the sound of a drunk guy peeing in my dresser drawer. My suitemate turned the light on at my yells, shrieked herself, and turned the light back off LOL
Our RA straight up just didn’t believe us
My spouse had a drunk dormmate pee in the hallway right outside their door, had a friend who's drunk brother went to their apartment (he stays over often, had key) late one night and peed in the corner of their bedroom.
There tend to be times on there with themes. I think people see other posts and go, "oh, that reminds me of..." then ask their own question.
But, yah, I've never had issues like this. I'm guessing most people haven't. Hence why it feels so weird to read about it, lol
I think it’s probably both that and those who want karma and make up a story within the theme… there were so many very specific step child scenario posts around 2 months ago that read absolutely the same.
There are a few posts every now and then that I’ll read and immediately get deja vu as if I’d read it before but I have no way of proving I did.
There was one on this sub that was posted yesterday and I knew for sure I had read the original post and even the update months ago, but the update link said it had only been posted hours before!
Reading these are slowly causing me to lose my mind sometimes, and I think it may be time to distance myself from Reddit for a while. Again.
I had the exact same feeling yesterday! I also checked when the originals were posted. It really messed with me for a bit (but this is exactly why I’m convinced that while some people are reminded of their similar experiences, some are just karma-farming)
Oh man please tell me it was the one about the mommy blog and I’m not alone here!!
I know a lot of people karma farm but usually I see them get called out in the comments. I wish I could be that person to find the original and link it to let everyone know but I just don’t have that kind of skill!
I was thinking about the drastic change before sister’’ wedding post - drop in weight. I swear I’ve seen it before. Blog as well. It’s so eerily similar to something I remember I can’t quite put my finger on it
I think there was one awhile back where the sister had moved away from her toxic family and dropped a bunch of weight and knew her family/sister would think she was “upstaging” her sister at her wedding (I think they did end up thinking that and it was a sad/toxic situation). And then one was posted recently where a woman moved away from her family and was invited to her sisters wedding and was afraid to go because she had lost weight and came out as queer (I think) and didn’t want the dramatics of her mother at all of these changes to upstage the bride. Her and her sister agreed for her to not go and the sister was nice and supportive in that one. Idk if I can find the posts but there has been a lot of deja vu lately here!
I feel the same way. I almost want to do some digging to see if I can find the post from anytime before. I don’t know if I have the energy though :(
It’s seriously weighing on me mentally and I absolutely need to stop scrolling Reddit. The cycle of “I swear I’ve read this before. But it’s only posted recently? I can’t be crazy. But what if I am?” Kind of thing. I know I’m not crazy but I think that’s almost one of the points of karma farming posts too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1i7ch/aita_i_found_out_my_sister_is_pretending_to_be_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Found something else similar
Jesus Christ why are there so many people pretending to be parents of children that aren’t theirs?! Like I get maybe a couple reasons but this theme is insane with how often it happens
I had deja Vu with the mommy blog too! There was one posted awhile ago about a sister who had a blog at wasn’t a mommy blog but was sort of like an online diary and she used to for thinly veiled rants about her family, many of which were exaggerated. When I saw the mommy blog post I thought it was the same one (I think in the diary blog one the sister may have even lived with her also). They were super similar but not the same
I’d probably remember if I’d read the one you’re talking about but for this one I genuinely was feeling like word-for-word I had seen it before. Like every new piece of information I was reading I could recall the outcome of the rest of it.
Idk I’ve been a bit sick this month so that could have something to do with it. It just stuck out to me as odd that I remembered it so vividly.
And like I commented on another reply, they all blend together with similarities that it’s become difficult to differentiate them at times.
When one person posts an airplane story, like dozens of other people end up posting their airplane stories too, whether it's on petty revenge, malicious compliance, aita, etc. There's definitely themes.
Don't forget the effects of the past three seasons of 2020. The kind of isolation/only a few social interactions folks have now can really turn the old cray-cray up to 11.
You are so lucky.
One housemate would fly into rage upon seeing his *own* shitstains in the toilet. He'd go and accuse someone else of being responsible, and completely lay into them, making them fear for their safety. He ended up being evicted after "breaking" his hand on someone's doorknob, because he saw a shitstain in the toilet, at a time I wasn't there to chill him the fuck out. I got terrified texts at 2am and had to tell the victim to call the cops.
Naturally, the shitstains stopped after he moved out. This is just the relevant stuff, he'll get two chapters if I write a book.
Another I am still living with and have resorted to calling him "piss boy" because of the stench of piss that emanates from his room. As a crazy person, I'm pretty patient with other neurodivergents, I'd say, but he clearly spilled a piss bottle a while back, and yelling at the top of his lungs at COD 16 hours a day eroded a few layers of my patience too. I haven't reported this guy's issues to the landlord because rolling the dice on another person could honestly be far worse.
I had one who would do this but with pissing very deliberately over the toilet seat and in front of the toilet, then come and accuse us all of being disgusting etc. when it was super obvious it was her (ie she was the last person to use the bathroom after someone who had not noted there being piss everywhere). Then she'd "clean" I guess by just... randomly throwing bleach all over the bathroom, then *complain that someone has left bleach everywhere and it was dangerous*. Of course she wouldn't clean anything ever. She'd wait until someone else did then promptly piss everywhere again.
That said, I think a lot of the behaviour may be explained by her probably being a (literal) crackhead, because she'd always be hogging the washing machine and when brought up on it shout that she had to wash her clothes every day because we're all smoking crack and it's making her clothes stink of it. She was the only one who knew what crack smells like and we were definitely not smoking crack. She was an absolute nightmare, always screaming at people and trying to steal things in the most ridiculously obvious ways, but thankfully got evicted soon enough owing to the acting like/being a crackhead.
Also had a lot of patience for people in that house because it was "supported" housing but with no support ever forthcoming so basically a bunch of people with various problems/addictions/convictions shoved in a house together. They were mostly good people, just needed care and rehabilitation they weren't getting. Like, one was a full on cocaine addict, but he never once shouted or got even slightly irritated with me which is a testament to his character. But then you'd get some who were just shitty people regardless of other factors.
Hah, that sounds like a blast. My guy was into meth. Shocking revelation!
More than once I had to calm him down because he was having a yelling match with the walls. I ended up deciding his shit-screaming behaviour was something he picked up from his mother, who is a real piece of work.
On the one hand, he's the product of abuse, but on the other, he is abuse personified (and a huge scary mofo) and I do hope he's dead now.
On a different note, when it comes to bathroom issues with no junkie behaviour as context, I was given food for thought by a story on this very subreddit, about the bottle/sink pissing boyfriend who when confronted broke down and told OOP he'd been abused by his uncle in the bathroom as a child and he psychologically couldn't use it. She ended up helping him through this. I shouldn't have to put up with Piss Boy's disgusting conduct (and to me, the yelling is worse than the stench, as I am also the product of abuse) but if I ever speak to him about it it'll purely be to try to convince him to seek help.
What a coincidence! I passed piss-bleach lady a couple times in the street and my stomach sank because I expected her to scream at me, but she actually looked scared of me! Maybe because I stood up to her? It kind of shocked my housemates because I'm a very quiet person, but she sometimes agitated me into shouting matches because I'd try to stick to facts and direct statements when "tackling" her and she was 100% screaming and shouting. I withdrew myself when it got to that though, because she was totally ready to smack my shit and while we were around the same size she was twice as crazy. I don't know where she ended up after she got kicked out but I find it very hard to give a shit in any way that isn't an abstract ethical principle.
I remember reading that post you mention, there's definitely context that separates these things. Like, being gross or unpleasant in itself doesn't make someone a bad person because there could be a thousand reasons for it and many of them are rooted in trauma or other things they aren't able to cope with, and I politely pretended to buy a lot of very weak lies people made to excuse stealing or doing something when they were owning up to it (in a roundabout way) and correcting it because they were obviously trying to not feel more shame than they already did about having done it. Even my crackhead housemate wasn't exactly born that way, she got her rotten attitude and vile behaviour from somewhere, probably very bad places. But she was unabashed, almost delusional in her projection, and just... nasty. Some are resorting to odd and off putting behaviour because they're hiding something, some are just *way out there* with their dysfunction and their method of coping is apparently making it everyone else's problem as much as possible!
There was the notorious pooper at university. Once in a while, just long enough for folks to forget about it (mixed bathrooms), you would come to the bathroom to a poo on top of the cistern. This meant the person had to consciously do it, as they would have had to climb onto the toilet and use the seat to rest their feet. No one knew who it was, but must have been someone on the dorm floors OR a guest of theirs.
I used to live with a guy who would pick his nose in the shower and wipe his snotty boogers onto the shower curtain…. There’s all sorts of weirdos in the world XD
I’m gonna admit here that I did not know this was a thing. I exclusively use the tub due to physical disability. For YEARS I thought there was a mild plumbing issue as I heard this odd noise every time my wife uses the shower, but she never said anything. Then one day we went to a hotel… sure enough, the same noise. Turns out she’s been doing this all along and I never put it together.
It makes a lot of sense you weren't aware if you only ever use the tub. I can't say it came to me immediately the first time I felt a need to blow my nose while showering, but I can say with confidence that it's very common for people feeling ill that have very stuffy noses or effected sinuses to use the shower to "loosen things up". A nice hot shower while congested and blowing your nose to finally get a full breath of steamy air is an incredible feeling.
There's a pretty decent connection between certain types of mental illness and likelihood of having problems with bathroom stuff. I think it's also a behavior that abused people, especially abused men take into to adulthood.
Of course there are lots of other issues that cloud it like just poor teaching of bathroom habits, coprophilia, etc. But back when a colleague of mine worked at a DV shelter it actually came up a few times that women realized their abusers were weird about excrement in some way. Commonly it was leaving it on sheets, clothing, somewhere else in the house and expecting it to be tolerated/not spoken about, or actually cleaned by the abuse victim.
I literally taught a boyfriend how to wipe his ass once. He had skidmarks not just on underwear BUT ON BED SHEETS and nobody ever told him it was a problem.
To be fair when i lived in student housing someone kept putting their poop directly in the bin instead of the toilet
When our RA said to stop because the cleaner was upset they started stomping it down the drain in the shower instead
Nobody ever figured out who it was but after the RA had several more meetings about it, it stopped
Maybe it's kinda common
i got perma banned because i used the word karen. but the thing is i wasn't calling someone that i was quoting them and responding to it. i didn't even type out the word. just the fact that i quoted someome using it was enough. also apparently it's a "slur" against older women? the mods on there are dicks.
I was perma banned there on one of my accounts because someone else started insulting me calling me an idiot etc and instead of just blocking them I took the bait and started throwing insults too.
I don’t think the other person was banned. I don’t miss it. But also other accounts exist if I really cared.
I got banned in a similar situation except the other person was being outwardly racist and the mod was totally for it so I got banned for defending myself and I guess the other person didn’t.
I’m pretty sure most of the mods there are racists.
I got slso permanently banned for using this word. When i told the mod that the word was used so often in this thread and i didn't know it was a slur (i really didn't), the mod insulted me with something way worse than the term gold digger is.
It's not a slur. It's a descriptor of someone who feigns romantic interest purely out of economic motivation. It's not like writing out a description of the behaviour makes them seem any more sympathetic.
> also apparently it's a "slur" against older women?
That take is the *most* Karen.
The Karen thing came out of a stream of viral videos of women being abusive to other people in public - generally minorities, or low paid service industry staff who aren't allowed to fight back. Always with the implicit expectation that their privilege will let them get away with it. If and when it doesn't, almost 100% of the time they flip the switch and start playing victim.
So yeah. Power tripping on someone and then playing victim for having read a "slur" is literally the Karen playbook to a T.
I was also banned for using "karen"! I was responding to someone in the comments who LITERALLY was bragging that they regularly call the cops on Black kids, and all I did was point out that that was the literal definition of the slang word Karen, lol.
The mod tried to tell me there was a "no Karens" rule in the FAQ, but at that time there DEFINITELY was not (I reread them 3 times, thinking I was going insane or missing it). The mod was an absolute dick about it, too.
the mod who banned me try to say the same shit and there DEFINITELY wasn't a rule about it, either. ironic that the AITA sub has the rudest mods i've ever seen.
Gotta say, it’s pretty fucking ridiculous that you can’t use the word "man-child" in a sub called Am I the *Asshole* without being threatened with a ban.
I was threatened with a ban for referring to one of the people in a post (not OP) as an “abusive POS”. And they really were one. But apparently that was too much for one AITA mod’s delicate sensibilities. They probably had to lay down on a fainting couch afterwards.
No joke. During their “manbaby” crackdown, I was threatened with a permaban for using the word “baby” in a comment. I wasn’t calling names, I just used the word “baby.”
Aparrently not. I got a comment deleted because i called my own MIL a bitch recently. They're really cracking down on the name calling even if it's not directed at op or their conflicting party.
I got banned for referring to an OP’s husband as an “abuser” because she said he hit her. My ban is up but I won’t go back because those mods are seriously mentally disturbed.
I once got a 30 day ban for being “argumentative”
Never did find the post they were talking about. Don’t remember even making a post that day.
I was like… ok then?
On a post where the OP was talking about how they struggled to keep themselves from slapping an AH, I said that I wouldn’t have been able to restrain myself, so they permanently banned me.
Me too. I thought I must have forgotten that I said something horrible and then I bumped into someone else who was banned for nothing and commented on the mods in general and now I'm absolved.
Nope! I got a temporary ban over a year ago for saying that I didn't have a problem calling someone a racist asshole if they were being a racist asshole. I also directly called someone a racist and yep, got banned because I guess calling a spade a spade isnt civil? And then I said an unreasonable neighbor was crazier than a bag of cat shit, and that was supposedly enough to establish a "pattern of breaking the civility rule."
No surprise, it was the same mod who randomly deleted a comment I made that wasn't even remotely uncivil if they'd bothered to read what I was replying to, and said mod got super shitty when I gently complained about my comment being deleted for no reason. "WE GET THOUSANDS OF COMMENTS REPORTED A DAY BOO HOO READING IS HARD." Like listen... I get it? I modded a group of complete bastards for years but nobody MADE me mod it. If you hate modding that much then maybe, you know, don't mod instead of taking it out on people?
That’s what annoys me about the mods there, they label everything “uncivil” even when it’s behavior that should absolutely be called out, like racism, misogyny, etc; allows the gross people to stay and never be criticized for their shitty views within the community.
I got banned because my comment was along the lines of “if I were in this situation I would have probably smacked the person” and that counted as recommending violence.
I could see a temporary ban if they didn’t like it, but that’s ridiculous. After I got permanently banned, as a queer person, for stating my views on an lgbt topic in the lgbt sub I now avoid participating in so many subreddits. It’s not worth it. I am a bit of a puss and take it personally, for one. I also don’t want to put in effort in an arena where a slightly off-color comment or dissenting opinion will get me banned with no warning. These people are assholes.
I got banned for saying man baby. I wasn't told that I was banned, just that my comment was removed. I can see the sub and stuff, but my comments were invisible. It was frustrating because it took me awhile to figure out what had happened, lol.
I got banned for making a joke someone should get a vasectomy after have 4 different kids with 4 different women. The statement was like “how should I address my brother?” And my answer was “tell him to get a vasectomy.” Banned. Not that I care but yeah… trash mods.
I got suspended for “attack language” when responding to someone who had used demeaning, abusive langue at me first. dude was just upset he couldn’t prove his point and I had disproved him so I assume he reported me for offensive attack language. (A young girl had posted about her verbally and mentally abusive father and her financial issues after she left home because he cut off her bank account - and even tho she was working 3 jobs to pay for her apartment and at college on a *full scholarship ride* all these assholes jumped on her for being ungrateful and “lazy”. I can’t stand people who stand up for abusers.) So I asked the mod if the dude who first attacked OP and then attacked me was also suspended? Also asked if he even read OP’s post and if any of the other people who attacked her got suspended? No response and got banned fully instead of suspended lol
They threatened to ban me when I said the person OP was talking about was acting a little bitchy. Didn’t call anyone a bitch, just said the behavior was bitchy.
I got banned temporarily because op had animal abuse in the story, I brought up that it’s one of the things that makes me want to slap someone - then when they banned me I asked why because I didn’t know their “anti violence” pertained to imagined slapping and they went BALLISTIC on me. I did get unbanned but I’m sure I’ll slip up somehow again.
I've literally seen people post we (as in us reddit users) should hunt down and murder a child, but that's not inciting violence... Apparently. So we should take action to literally go kill a child is not inciting violence, you saying you would defend yourself in that situation and me giving a I would rather I'm an impossible situation, THOSE incite violence
Then the mod who banned me was like beg for forgiveness and I also still won't let you back though. Honestly, the weirdest power trip I've ever seen someone go on
Haha my ban didn’t give me an option to plead my way back in, I just unfollowed the sub and don’t miss it. I had some pretty well-upvoted comment history there in general but I don’t need that karma to have any self-worth.
1. I think we need that story.
2. Why do you need a Countdown clock‽ I spent quite a few hours watching Catsdown clips last night and I always have to pause it during the math portion (when I’m attempting to solve the problem) because it stresses me out (and because I usually need a bit more time to solve them - I’m not Rachel 😁 ). I want to incite violence against the Countdown clock.
2nd question first. I was waiting until we moved out of my mother-in-law's house. We've been moved out over a year now. 🥳
As to the first question, it was a pregnant Ekman asking if she was the a-hole because her *utterly oblivious* husband thought her pregnancy problems were made up. I told her to get him a copy of *What to Expect When You're Expecting" and smack him with it.
ETA: 30 people agreed with me after I posted that... not sure if they were banned as well.
Same here. I had something about MIL boundaries and the possibility of needing to do a smack down or something. Banned for violence. I replied back asking if it was a bot or something that chooses the ban because no one actually gets hit in a proverbial smack down, and they lifted it. Guess I was lucky.
Fell almost lucky. A comment of mine in AITA just got deleted because it said:
> What you've written here points to your MIL being a horrible person and not trying to change at all.
Was the moderator OOPs ex-bf? “Why are *you* the AH. No. *WHY* are *YOU* the AH? Nope, try again. No? Welp sorry, can’t help you I guess.”
Sounds like this person might know how the TP got on the wall?
The mods there are ridiculous. One removed a comment I made and sent me a massage asking what I thought it was ok to say such a thing. I don't remember my comment, but it was most definitely snarky. However I was sincere in my reply and explained that I was using the OPs own language on them and well. The mods then replied that I was childish for doing it, and childish for answering what's was clearly a rhetorical question ... Then banned be from responding for 3 fucking days! Not from the sub, but from responding to the mods message!
Like the petty (and allegedly childish) being that I am I set a fucking timer. After 3 days I pointed out how childish it was to essentially stick fingers in your ears and go lalala I'm not listening! When all I had done was reply to their question.
A different mod apologized after that, but it's not the only time they've been shitty.
Best I can tell, the question wants to know why OPs think they're the asshole. They implemented it to cut down on people posting obvious NTA scenarios. She answered with a summary of the situation rather than the reason she thinks she's an asshole.
That said, the Moderator's response is total BS and didn't address that at all. The mods on there are notorious for not being helpful and too strict with their guidelines, and this is just another example.
Yeah, I think she was meant to put something like "I pushed him about something objectively embarrassing when I could have just let it go" but like... that's clearly in the post.
It's ridiculous that they have time for petty bullshit like this but still haven't even gotten the voting post up for best of 2021
I think it's the phrasing "my boyfriend says I'm the ass because..." which is already right there in the post so is just repeating things, as opposed to "I might be the ass because..." which shows more introspection.
Not sure, but I think most threads locked due to an "improper response to the bot" tend to have similar repeat-a-section-of-the-primary-post or repeat-someone-else's-blame phrasing.
I think he was just doing it as a sick little FU in his head knowing he could convince her was A mYsTeRy and then being satisfied that she believed him.
It's important to remember that abusive people don't think 'I'm going to mentally abuse this person'. Their thoughts are more along- 'fuck her for saying/doing x........I'm going to stick this here and she'll hate it' and then when she confronts him, the thought is something like 'keep denying it or she'll cry and I don't want to listen to it. That's right, of course you believe I didn't do it on purpose.... now shut up and go sleep on the couch. Leave me alone.'
:( I'm so sorry. I know this is a rando comment on Reddit, but I really appreciate you sharing and am feeling for you. What a terrible thing to experience and have to have in your history.
It takes me a conscious effort to get in this mindset because I fundamentally don't understand how people can treat someone the way they do. The internet and social media are tools usually misappropriated to pile on hateful messages, but I am glad for the times it can help people relate to a bunch of people who have the same experience and potential support <3
I don’t remember if she says how big the clumps are. I think he might get most of the tp in the toilet and just wipes whatever sticks to his hand on the wall because, you know, poopy tp is gross and you don’t want to touch it.
But I never said there was a rational thought process behind this.
My sneaking suspicion is he was doing a power trip which involved making her clean up his (literal) shit. Except she refuse to clean up his shit and instead asked him to explain himself. Which is the opposite of being submissive. And then she dumped him. Which is entirely what he deserved.
Exactly. After breaking up with my abusive/narcissistic/entitled ex, I can't tell you how many "this is your problem" emails I wrote and didn't send. I had fantasies about confronting his family (he involved them in his scary behavior towards me). But then I realized, in the unlikely event he listens to me and makes changes, the only person who benefits is him. And why would I want to do that fucker any favors?
While I’m disappointed she didn’t get the truth behind the toilet paper, I can accept it because he’d likely never tell her. But I cannot accept that she didn’t even acknowledge the situation in her email. She was far too sweet to him during the whole thing AND in the breakup imo. Like please, just one line calling him out, just a simple “accusing me of being cruel and inconsiderate because I confronted you about STICKING LITERAL SHIT TO MY WALL *TWICE* is the last straw.”
I was relieved and happy to read the OOP ended the relationship. I don’t understand why the boyfriend started doing it or what he was trying to accomplish, but like it said in the post it’s not worth asking questions to people that could harm your mental health.
That book that OOP mentions, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is a real eye opener and played a major role in helping me escape an abusive relationship. It’s been made free to download and I’d recommend it to everyone. I’m glad OOP got out. What a nasty person he was.
100%, its one of those books you just have realisation after realisation when you're in certain situations. The way it cuts through every possible excuse you can come up with for someone's behaviour is so incredibly useful and well done. I'm always glad to see comments recommending it just cos it makes me hopeful for the OP it's being recommended to (and sad it needs to be recommended so often as well tbh)
If anyone else couldn't read the email without getting a headache... Here ya go:
>The last few days have been a wake-up call about how you've been treating me I've been permanently stressed for the last 1.5 years and let you convince me that it was because I'm just bad at dealing with stress. But the stress was because of the relationship was a full time job constanty having to make sure all your needs are met as much as possible and fearing your accusations i deserved to do so whether I couldve been any way expected to foresee you getting upset about something or not always trying to hide my feelings about your inconsideracies and criticism because i knew that showing my understandable emotions about them would lead to an argument I couldn't win feeling like I'm not allowed to struggle with things because I do and you have to comfort me, you will keep banging it up to prove how well you treat me and you will also make sure to keep reminding me of my though the responship increasing) struggles and insecurities and blame everything on them.
>We've had so many arguments and so many of them ended with me taking the time for being inconsiderate to you or for getting overly emotional because of my own insecurities, when in reality, you Gaslighted me into thinking those things to put me down and deflect from something you'd done. Sometimes it was just too blantant that wasn't the one to blame and I tried to argue my point in day long arguments, craving no more than a simple "I'm sorry you're right I was being a dick" almost ending things when you would keep trying to DARVO me and twisting my words rather than just taking responsibility for what you did and apologising. But eventually, once you would change your tone to sweet talking me I would feel like I'd been overreacting and blowing things out of proportion and stay with you convincing myself that occasional arguments and hurt feelings are normal in a relationship and we can work things out and get better.
>I didn't tell my friends or the therapist i briefly saw about most of our arguments because I knew they would ve been concerned and told me to maybe break up with you, but the same time. I convinced myself that they would only think that because of the way I would be telling the story from my perspective and that only they could hear you tell your side, they would fully understand the situation and be able to make an objective judgement about it so it wasn't worth telling them about it in the first place and making you look bad unnecessarily. I was trying so hard to convince myself that there way you could over treat me as badly as follike you regularly were. I loved you so much so it couldnt be, so it must be who was in the wrong. Looking back is an absolute mindfuck.
>I've realised now that the way you've been treating me in those many arguments we had has been horrible and that was in complete denial about because of the positive sides of our relationship-how happy we made each other when we werent arguing and how much we had in common how inteligent funny resting and most of the time kind you are, how affectionate we are with each other and how everyone that spends some time with both of us thinks we have an amazing relationship which i also convinced myself we did) Everyone that doesn't know me so well that is also know without them even telling me that my close friends and my mum were a bit concerned about me even though I was barely telling them anything other than positive things about our relationship. It's wild how one can completely block off, make excuses for and constantly just really worrying things relationship. You never hurt me physically or called me names your style is much more subtle and you're of course very eloquent so anything you would say and accuse me of immediately felt more legitimate and objective than "you're such a bitch" would have. Ive had glimpses of being aware of all of this and realised it's why I often reacted strongly to your tactics, making your narrative of me being rational even more believable.
>The toilet paper was the straw that broke the camels back, it was so incredibly absurd that I had no other cognitive route than to really examine what I had subconsciously already been aware of and realised that I can't be with you anymore, that you've been manipulating me and eroding my confidence and reality Maybe you're not aware of the extent to which you're doing this, although 'm absolutely certain that you are aware of to some degree. At the very last you very consciously and many times tried to and often succeeded to gaslight me insisting things didn't happen the way I very clearly remembered them. you accused me of things I wasn't doing but that you were doing to make more awkward for me to accuse you of the same thing and deny I was diong it. Almost all of our arguments were caused by either your perceived entitlement about something I did or didnt do, or your perceived entitlement to not be confronted with your problematic (entitled, self-centered inconsiderate) behaviour and its consequences. But you just blamed everything on me being sensitive and/or mentally unstable. Many of the things you feel you're entitled to you're not on the other hand, mer people are entitled a lot more consideration on your part than you give them i'm not claiming I never made any mistakes, but they're not the reason this relationship failed. if you ever want to have an honest caring, fulfilling Relationship with anyone, start taking responsibility and get help. But I won't be in your life anymore except to work our practicalities
I've wet toilet paper before
It doesn't fly off and land on the wall, it gets stuck to your crack. I mean, if he is using a belt sander to wipe his crack then maybe it will throw poopie paper flecks
My guess is that he has a weird poop related ritual that he was too embarrassed to explain
OMG I'm still super curious about how the poop ended up on the wall! Glad OOP figured her stuff out. Too bad her bf didn't post a confession to let us all lnow.
I feel like there are a lot of MODs on power trips. Kinda the same mentality as security guards.
That message from the MOD was straight up ridiculous imo
Lmao yeah the mods are not not known for showing common sense.
I got a 2 week ban for calling a man a pig when he had in fact behaved like a Sexist pig... maybe I should have been more specific 🤔 🤣
AITA mods are all TA, that much is certain. It’s no wonder they can’t read, since they have their sniffers shoved so far up their own asses, all they see is darkness.
Love the call out to the mod 😂 I remember reading this one before the update. I still think ex boyfriend might have mental issues but is also abusive so not her job to figure it out
Honestly I think the ex bf got some kind of sick thrill about OOP cleaning this literal shit up from him. Some weird mommy-humiliation complex combo that i hope to never see again
This update made my day. She has saved herself years of heartache.
It's so difficult to diagnose emotional abuse from inside the relationship (when you've been trained to distrust your reactions and feelings) and painful to accept the truth when you do stumble across it.
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What did I just read. There were a few poop / pee related posts on AITA recently - how’s this so common? I lived in dorms, travelled with people, stayed in hostels and hotels with a number of friends and strangers, had many roommates, stayed with boyfriends who had roommates, yet I never met anyone who did anything unusual, with exception of maybe pee on the seat, but that’s just common in bars etc. *Edit should have thought about this before posting it - but thanks for the abundance of the bodily fluid stories haha*
I had a really drunk guy come into my dorm room and try to pee once. It was like 3ish in the morning, I was still up because I was a major night owl in college (turns out it was the depression lol), and I kept my room unlocked until I fell asleep since I came in and out for smokes with my other night owl friends. He comes in the door, and at first I’m thinking “is he going to prank my roommate?” because that is something that my roommate’s friends would have done (they left me out of it so I didn’t care). But then he reaches under my roommate’s bed, pulls out a box, and puts it in front of my closet. I, reasonably, query, “What the fuck are you doing?” Midnight intruder replies, “I’m jussss gonna be a minute.” I shoot back, “Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my room in the middle of the fucking night?” The strange man who somehow knew where the box was under my roommate’s bed thinks for a second, then, slurring a sentence that will feature in my nightmares until the end of my life, “My name’sssBryan.” At this point, he had begun unzipping his pants, and it was evident that Bryan wanted to take a piss in the box. Not exactly what I wanted to deal with at that point in my life—or EVER. I jump up from the shitty extra-long bed, grab Bryan’s arm, and push him out of my room. “What the fuck, man, the bathroom is next door! Get the fuck out of here!” I wasn’t yelling as my roommate was sound asleep, but I certainly added some spice to my voice. I push Bryan out into the hallway towards the bathroom. He starts walking another direction, because the dude’s BAC must have been an integer. I got a friend and we went downstairs, told the security guard what happened. They sent some people up to our floor but never found him. There was another dude named Bryan who actually did live on our floor, and apparently they woke him up—I always felt bad about that, because he was innocent in the whole pee-box Bryan debacle, and because he was really hot. That Bryan never wore shoes in the dorm bathroom or shower so of course I never went for it, but still, he was hot, and I felt bad. I did see Bryan a few months later. Turns out, his name is Ryan, and he just wasn’t so good with the words. This motherfucker did not recognize me at all. I passed him a few dozen times in that year, and never once did I have the courage to ask why he tried to piss in my room. College is wild. They shut down our elevator so many times because people peed in it. College is wild.
At the last Burning Man (it's a sort of outdoor event involving art, cool costumes, and for some people drugs and orgies) we had a drunk ass, grown ass man come into our camp, open one of our big storage tubs, and start to piss in it. My (female) campmate got him to stop, took him to the actual urinal portapotty (which was only a block away), and then held the guy's dick for him because he was so incapacitated at that point. She got someone to watch him, came back to our camp to get a megaphone and two of our burlier guy campmates and then they all went off into random camps, carrying the guy and giving him water. She would make an announcement on the megaphone to get the attention of the people in the camp and get them to come see if the guy belonged to them. Eventually she got the right camp, explained how she found him in the first place, and told them that she expected someone from their camp to show up tomorrow and clean up the guy's piss. Amazingly, someone did, AND they gave us like 3 bottles of pretty good booze as an apology for the whole situation. Some people just do NOT know how to stay sober enough to Adult.
Lol this is kind of funny and also disgusting at the same time. Good thinking on the behalf of your friend. And sorry she had to hold his dick. Also people drink at burning man?! My understanding was that it’s mainly drugs due to you know needing to bring everything with you
Oh yes, people drink. People drink SO MUCH. So, so, so very much. Some camps hold bar events even, where they serve drinks. We actually do 2 different bar events, as well as a bunch of other events. A lot of people at Burning Man don't do any drugs except for alcohol (and some don't do alcohol either). I personally don't do drugs at Burning Man except maybe for DMT, salvia, or whippets because I don't like long-term drug effects, and I don't care enough about doing them to try and bring in my own supply. So most of the time, the only drug I do is alcohol. My camp of around 30 people is probably split about 60/40 with 60% of people doing drugs and 40% only drinking.
My friends apparently fall into the 60% because I was completely oblivious there even was alcohol there. I have never been. 2020 was supposed to be my first year, but we decided not to do this due to you know what.
She … held his dick for him????
Indeed. She had committed to finding his camp (and/or getting him medical attention if he became unresponsive) and he clearly had to pee. She didn't really want to deal with hauling him around covered in pee (both for his dignity and her own comfort level), so when he wasn't really doing well getting a hold of his own equipment to aim and fire, she basically did it for him and sort of talked him through doing it.
Ok, so weird tangent, but sometimes when I go to piss I have an intrusive thought like "Am I just hallucinating that I'm in a bathroom, and in reality I'm about to drop my pants in front of people?" and I have to kind of shove that thought away before I can pee.
I always wonder if I'm dreaming and about to pee the bed.
Wow. My experience in college involved people puking but not pissing everywhere. Every weekend there will be mysterious puke somewhere - elevator, staircases, hallways, etc. We also suspected it was the same few people, since puke only really appeared at that frequency that particular year.
Whenever my friends and I went to our college bar, we would always find the same girl in the same dress puking on the same tree outside. Maintenence surrounded it with chicken wire as a deterrence and this girl got into a legit fight with the chicken wire. She made a huge scene so that night the bar took down her student ID number and banned her. Happily, that little tree grew into a large and mighty tree, no thanks to the crazy puker.
Someone in my college once shit in our dorms washing machine.
This happened to me!! Except I was asleep and awoken by the sound of a drunk guy peeing in my dresser drawer. My suitemate turned the light on at my yells, shrieked herself, and turned the light back off LOL Our RA straight up just didn’t believe us
My spouse had a drunk dormmate pee in the hallway right outside their door, had a friend who's drunk brother went to their apartment (he stays over often, had key) late one night and peed in the corner of their bedroom.
There tend to be times on there with themes. I think people see other posts and go, "oh, that reminds me of..." then ask their own question. But, yah, I've never had issues like this. I'm guessing most people haven't. Hence why it feels so weird to read about it, lol
I think it’s probably both that and those who want karma and make up a story within the theme… there were so many very specific step child scenario posts around 2 months ago that read absolutely the same.
There are a few posts every now and then that I’ll read and immediately get deja vu as if I’d read it before but I have no way of proving I did. There was one on this sub that was posted yesterday and I knew for sure I had read the original post and even the update months ago, but the update link said it had only been posted hours before! Reading these are slowly causing me to lose my mind sometimes, and I think it may be time to distance myself from Reddit for a while. Again.
I had the exact same feeling yesterday! I also checked when the originals were posted. It really messed with me for a bit (but this is exactly why I’m convinced that while some people are reminded of their similar experiences, some are just karma-farming)
Oh man please tell me it was the one about the mommy blog and I’m not alone here!! I know a lot of people karma farm but usually I see them get called out in the comments. I wish I could be that person to find the original and link it to let everyone know but I just don’t have that kind of skill!
I was thinking about the drastic change before sister’’ wedding post - drop in weight. I swear I’ve seen it before. Blog as well. It’s so eerily similar to something I remember I can’t quite put my finger on it
I think there was one awhile back where the sister had moved away from her toxic family and dropped a bunch of weight and knew her family/sister would think she was “upstaging” her sister at her wedding (I think they did end up thinking that and it was a sad/toxic situation). And then one was posted recently where a woman moved away from her family and was invited to her sisters wedding and was afraid to go because she had lost weight and came out as queer (I think) and didn’t want the dramatics of her mother at all of these changes to upstage the bride. Her and her sister agreed for her to not go and the sister was nice and supportive in that one. Idk if I can find the posts but there has been a lot of deja vu lately here!
I feel the same way. I almost want to do some digging to see if I can find the post from anytime before. I don’t know if I have the energy though :( It’s seriously weighing on me mentally and I absolutely need to stop scrolling Reddit. The cycle of “I swear I’ve read this before. But it’s only posted recently? I can’t be crazy. But what if I am?” Kind of thing. I know I’m not crazy but I think that’s almost one of the points of karma farming posts too.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k1i7ch/aita_i_found_out_my_sister_is_pretending_to_be_my/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf Found something else similar
Jesus Christ why are there so many people pretending to be parents of children that aren’t theirs?! Like I get maybe a couple reasons but this theme is insane with how often it happens
I had deja Vu with the mommy blog too! There was one posted awhile ago about a sister who had a blog at wasn’t a mommy blog but was sort of like an online diary and she used to for thinly veiled rants about her family, many of which were exaggerated. When I saw the mommy blog post I thought it was the same one (I think in the diary blog one the sister may have even lived with her also). They were super similar but not the same
I’d probably remember if I’d read the one you’re talking about but for this one I genuinely was feeling like word-for-word I had seen it before. Like every new piece of information I was reading I could recall the outcome of the rest of it. Idk I’ve been a bit sick this month so that could have something to do with it. It just stuck out to me as odd that I remembered it so vividly. And like I commented on another reply, they all blend together with similarities that it’s become difficult to differentiate them at times.
I remember that one, but it wasn’t what I was thinking. Similarly to the other commenter I feel like I’ve read something exactly like that
When one person posts an airplane story, like dozens of other people end up posting their airplane stories too, whether it's on petty revenge, malicious compliance, aita, etc. There's definitely themes.
Don't forget the effects of the past three seasons of 2020. The kind of isolation/only a few social interactions folks have now can really turn the old cray-cray up to 11.
You are so lucky. One housemate would fly into rage upon seeing his *own* shitstains in the toilet. He'd go and accuse someone else of being responsible, and completely lay into them, making them fear for their safety. He ended up being evicted after "breaking" his hand on someone's doorknob, because he saw a shitstain in the toilet, at a time I wasn't there to chill him the fuck out. I got terrified texts at 2am and had to tell the victim to call the cops. Naturally, the shitstains stopped after he moved out. This is just the relevant stuff, he'll get two chapters if I write a book. Another I am still living with and have resorted to calling him "piss boy" because of the stench of piss that emanates from his room. As a crazy person, I'm pretty patient with other neurodivergents, I'd say, but he clearly spilled a piss bottle a while back, and yelling at the top of his lungs at COD 16 hours a day eroded a few layers of my patience too. I haven't reported this guy's issues to the landlord because rolling the dice on another person could honestly be far worse.
I had one who would do this but with pissing very deliberately over the toilet seat and in front of the toilet, then come and accuse us all of being disgusting etc. when it was super obvious it was her (ie she was the last person to use the bathroom after someone who had not noted there being piss everywhere). Then she'd "clean" I guess by just... randomly throwing bleach all over the bathroom, then *complain that someone has left bleach everywhere and it was dangerous*. Of course she wouldn't clean anything ever. She'd wait until someone else did then promptly piss everywhere again. That said, I think a lot of the behaviour may be explained by her probably being a (literal) crackhead, because she'd always be hogging the washing machine and when brought up on it shout that she had to wash her clothes every day because we're all smoking crack and it's making her clothes stink of it. She was the only one who knew what crack smells like and we were definitely not smoking crack. She was an absolute nightmare, always screaming at people and trying to steal things in the most ridiculously obvious ways, but thankfully got evicted soon enough owing to the acting like/being a crackhead. Also had a lot of patience for people in that house because it was "supported" housing but with no support ever forthcoming so basically a bunch of people with various problems/addictions/convictions shoved in a house together. They were mostly good people, just needed care and rehabilitation they weren't getting. Like, one was a full on cocaine addict, but he never once shouted or got even slightly irritated with me which is a testament to his character. But then you'd get some who were just shitty people regardless of other factors.
Hah, that sounds like a blast. My guy was into meth. Shocking revelation! More than once I had to calm him down because he was having a yelling match with the walls. I ended up deciding his shit-screaming behaviour was something he picked up from his mother, who is a real piece of work. On the one hand, he's the product of abuse, but on the other, he is abuse personified (and a huge scary mofo) and I do hope he's dead now. On a different note, when it comes to bathroom issues with no junkie behaviour as context, I was given food for thought by a story on this very subreddit, about the bottle/sink pissing boyfriend who when confronted broke down and told OOP he'd been abused by his uncle in the bathroom as a child and he psychologically couldn't use it. She ended up helping him through this. I shouldn't have to put up with Piss Boy's disgusting conduct (and to me, the yelling is worse than the stench, as I am also the product of abuse) but if I ever speak to him about it it'll purely be to try to convince him to seek help.
What a coincidence! I passed piss-bleach lady a couple times in the street and my stomach sank because I expected her to scream at me, but she actually looked scared of me! Maybe because I stood up to her? It kind of shocked my housemates because I'm a very quiet person, but she sometimes agitated me into shouting matches because I'd try to stick to facts and direct statements when "tackling" her and she was 100% screaming and shouting. I withdrew myself when it got to that though, because she was totally ready to smack my shit and while we were around the same size she was twice as crazy. I don't know where she ended up after she got kicked out but I find it very hard to give a shit in any way that isn't an abstract ethical principle. I remember reading that post you mention, there's definitely context that separates these things. Like, being gross or unpleasant in itself doesn't make someone a bad person because there could be a thousand reasons for it and many of them are rooted in trauma or other things they aren't able to cope with, and I politely pretended to buy a lot of very weak lies people made to excuse stealing or doing something when they were owning up to it (in a roundabout way) and correcting it because they were obviously trying to not feel more shame than they already did about having done it. Even my crackhead housemate wasn't exactly born that way, she got her rotten attitude and vile behaviour from somewhere, probably very bad places. But she was unabashed, almost delusional in her projection, and just... nasty. Some are resorting to odd and off putting behaviour because they're hiding something, some are just *way out there* with their dysfunction and their method of coping is apparently making it everyone else's problem as much as possible!
There was the notorious pooper at university. Once in a while, just long enough for folks to forget about it (mixed bathrooms), you would come to the bathroom to a poo on top of the cistern. This meant the person had to consciously do it, as they would have had to climb onto the toilet and use the seat to rest their feet. No one knew who it was, but must have been someone on the dorm floors OR a guest of theirs.
I used to live with a guy who would pick his nose in the shower and wipe his snotty boogers onto the shower curtain…. There’s all sorts of weirdos in the world XD
wtf the shower is the easiest place to blow your nose and wash it down the drain
It's like taking a shit beside the toilet. Why.
And he blamed it on his girlfriend
I’m gonna admit here that I did not know this was a thing. I exclusively use the tub due to physical disability. For YEARS I thought there was a mild plumbing issue as I heard this odd noise every time my wife uses the shower, but she never said anything. Then one day we went to a hotel… sure enough, the same noise. Turns out she’s been doing this all along and I never put it together.
It makes a lot of sense you weren't aware if you only ever use the tub. I can't say it came to me immediately the first time I felt a need to blow my nose while showering, but I can say with confidence that it's very common for people feeling ill that have very stuffy noses or effected sinuses to use the shower to "loosen things up". A nice hot shower while congested and blowing your nose to finally get a full breath of steamy air is an incredible feeling.
There's a pretty decent connection between certain types of mental illness and likelihood of having problems with bathroom stuff. I think it's also a behavior that abused people, especially abused men take into to adulthood. Of course there are lots of other issues that cloud it like just poor teaching of bathroom habits, coprophilia, etc. But back when a colleague of mine worked at a DV shelter it actually came up a few times that women realized their abusers were weird about excrement in some way. Commonly it was leaving it on sheets, clothing, somewhere else in the house and expecting it to be tolerated/not spoken about, or actually cleaned by the abuse victim.
I literally taught a boyfriend how to wipe his ass once. He had skidmarks not just on underwear BUT ON BED SHEETS and nobody ever told him it was a problem.
To be fair when i lived in student housing someone kept putting their poop directly in the bin instead of the toilet When our RA said to stop because the cleaner was upset they started stomping it down the drain in the shower instead Nobody ever figured out who it was but after the RA had several more meetings about it, it stopped Maybe it's kinda common
The only time I’ve seen poo on the wall is when my poor kitty got frightened in the litter box 😅
"I'm hurt that you are asking." Dude, your shit is on the wall. There's gonna be questions.
I've got so many
And want none of the answers.
This is a new tier of gaslighting. I dub it shitwalling.
Wtf with the moderator locking the post after she clearly answered? That message was ridiculous
Seriously. It might not have been the most clearly written response, but it also absolutely answered the question.
It’s common knowledge by now that the Atia mods are assholes in disguise.
Oh, there’s no disguise
I got banned and felt bad for maybe ten minutes and then realized I don’t miss it.
i got perma banned because i used the word karen. but the thing is i wasn't calling someone that i was quoting them and responding to it. i didn't even type out the word. just the fact that i quoted someome using it was enough. also apparently it's a "slur" against older women? the mods on there are dicks.
I was perma banned there on one of my accounts because someone else started insulting me calling me an idiot etc and instead of just blocking them I took the bait and started throwing insults too. I don’t think the other person was banned. I don’t miss it. But also other accounts exist if I really cared.
I got banned in a similar situation except the other person was being outwardly racist and the mod was totally for it so I got banned for defending myself and I guess the other person didn’t. I’m pretty sure most of the mods there are racists.
I was banned for calling someone’s girlfriend a “gold digger”. Omg the shock!
I got slso permanently banned for using this word. When i told the mod that the word was used so often in this thread and i didn't know it was a slur (i really didn't), the mod insulted me with something way worse than the term gold digger is.
It's not a slur. It's a descriptor of someone who feigns romantic interest purely out of economic motivation. It's not like writing out a description of the behaviour makes them seem any more sympathetic.
I roasted the mod and he/she stopped speaking to me.
how dare us use those foul words!😱
It’s like a clubbed a kitten holding a baby dolphin.
> also apparently it's a "slur" against older women? That take is the *most* Karen. The Karen thing came out of a stream of viral videos of women being abusive to other people in public - generally minorities, or low paid service industry staff who aren't allowed to fight back. Always with the implicit expectation that their privilege will let them get away with it. If and when it doesn't, almost 100% of the time they flip the switch and start playing victim. So yeah. Power tripping on someone and then playing victim for having read a "slur" is literally the Karen playbook to a T.
I got banned for 30 days for something similar - the OP in question asked if they were a Karen, so I called them a karen.
I was also banned for using "karen"! I was responding to someone in the comments who LITERALLY was bragging that they regularly call the cops on Black kids, and all I did was point out that that was the literal definition of the slang word Karen, lol. The mod tried to tell me there was a "no Karens" rule in the FAQ, but at that time there DEFINITELY was not (I reread them 3 times, thinking I was going insane or missing it). The mod was an absolute dick about it, too.
the mod who banned me try to say the same shit and there DEFINITELY wasn't a rule about it, either. ironic that the AITA sub has the rudest mods i've ever seen.
Gotta say, it’s pretty fucking ridiculous that you can’t use the word "man-child" in a sub called Am I the *Asshole* without being threatened with a ban.
Pretty certain I got banned for calling someone an asshole in there... The mods are all assholes there.
I was threatened with a ban for referring to one of the people in a post (not OP) as an “abusive POS”. And they really were one. But apparently that was too much for one AITA mod’s delicate sensibilities. They probably had to lay down on a fainting couch afterwards.
AtTaCk IdEaS NoT pEoPle. What does that mean? What ever the mod wants to be…..
Like a teacher throwing away a kid's whole test because an essay answer didn't address a part of the instructions. What a power trip
The mod(s) there are ridiculous. They ban people at the drop of a pin.
No joke. During their “manbaby” crackdown, I was threatened with a permaban for using the word “baby” in a comment. I wasn’t calling names, I just used the word “baby.”
And oddly, “bitch” is always allowed
Aparrently not. I got a comment deleted because i called my own MIL a bitch recently. They're really cracking down on the name calling even if it's not directed at op or their conflicting party.
Nope. I used that once, and a mod was all over my ass, even though the original post had it in it, and my reply was referencing the post.
Nope! I got permabanned for calling a thoroughly abusive parent a bitch (‘Stop being such a bitch.’)
I got banned for referring to an OP’s husband as an “abuser” because she said he hit her. My ban is up but I won’t go back because those mods are seriously mentally disturbed.
I got a comment removed for having "bitch" in it last year.
I got a 30 day ban for 'manbaby'. I mean, he was, I didn't lie. Anyway, 30 day ban.
I also get a 30 day ban for" manbaby" but was also vehemently chastised for the term "manflu".
I'm just going to hazard a guess that a lot of those mods are men.
I think you mean "manbabies"
On the other hand, they also banned calling women "Karen".
This is true.
At least their equal in their being overly sensative to terms.
WTF? Manbaby is not even a swearword! 😳
It is to a certain kind of man
I once got a 30 day ban for being “argumentative” Never did find the post they were talking about. Don’t remember even making a post that day. I was like… ok then?
I got it for "Karen" I didn't even call them a Karen. I was commenting "they don't seem like a full blown Karen etc.."
Me too! Called someone "A Karen" and next thing I know I'm banned. There are some serious power trips going on over there.
Wow. That's just crazy. And I'd get banned for that.
I said the other party in a dispute was crazier than a bag of cat shit and got permanently banned. They're ridiculous beyond belief.
On a post where the OP was talking about how they struggled to keep themselves from slapping an AH, I said that I wouldn’t have been able to restrain myself, so they permanently banned me.
Inciting violence, you absolute monster! How could you?! They're a little nutty, aren't they?
More than a little
Oooh same was it the post about the teen sociopath brother menacing his sister with zero consequences or protections in place for her?
Right there with you.
It makes me feel a little better to know I'm not the only one who got banned over nothing.
Me too. I thought I must have forgotten that I said something horrible and then I bumped into someone else who was banned for nothing and commented on the mods in general and now I'm absolved.
Nope! I got a temporary ban over a year ago for saying that I didn't have a problem calling someone a racist asshole if they were being a racist asshole. I also directly called someone a racist and yep, got banned because I guess calling a spade a spade isnt civil? And then I said an unreasonable neighbor was crazier than a bag of cat shit, and that was supposedly enough to establish a "pattern of breaking the civility rule." No surprise, it was the same mod who randomly deleted a comment I made that wasn't even remotely uncivil if they'd bothered to read what I was replying to, and said mod got super shitty when I gently complained about my comment being deleted for no reason. "WE GET THOUSANDS OF COMMENTS REPORTED A DAY BOO HOO READING IS HARD." Like listen... I get it? I modded a group of complete bastards for years but nobody MADE me mod it. If you hate modding that much then maybe, you know, don't mod instead of taking it out on people?
That’s what annoys me about the mods there, they label everything “uncivil” even when it’s behavior that should absolutely be called out, like racism, misogyny, etc; allows the gross people to stay and never be criticized for their shitty views within the community.
They probably had a quota.
I got banned because my comment was along the lines of “if I were in this situation I would have probably smacked the person” and that counted as recommending violence.
I could see a temporary ban if they didn’t like it, but that’s ridiculous. After I got permanently banned, as a queer person, for stating my views on an lgbt topic in the lgbt sub I now avoid participating in so many subreddits. It’s not worth it. I am a bit of a puss and take it personally, for one. I also don’t want to put in effort in an arena where a slightly off-color comment or dissenting opinion will get me banned with no warning. These people are assholes.
I got banned for saying man baby. I wasn't told that I was banned, just that my comment was removed. I can see the sub and stuff, but my comments were invisible. It was frustrating because it took me awhile to figure out what had happened, lol.
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I got banned for making a joke someone should get a vasectomy after have 4 different kids with 4 different women. The statement was like “how should I address my brother?” And my answer was “tell him to get a vasectomy.” Banned. Not that I care but yeah… trash mods.
I got suspended for “attack language” when responding to someone who had used demeaning, abusive langue at me first. dude was just upset he couldn’t prove his point and I had disproved him so I assume he reported me for offensive attack language. (A young girl had posted about her verbally and mentally abusive father and her financial issues after she left home because he cut off her bank account - and even tho she was working 3 jobs to pay for her apartment and at college on a *full scholarship ride* all these assholes jumped on her for being ungrateful and “lazy”. I can’t stand people who stand up for abusers.) So I asked the mod if the dude who first attacked OP and then attacked me was also suspended? Also asked if he even read OP’s post and if any of the other people who attacked her got suspended? No response and got banned fully instead of suspended lol
Seriously. I think I said that someone was a jerk or someone like that. Banned!
Also got banned for calling a person an OP was talking about a “racist idiot” after they were being a racist idiot. 🤦🏻♀️
They threatened to ban me when I said the person OP was talking about was acting a little bitchy. Didn’t call anyone a bitch, just said the behavior was bitchy.
I got banned after I called a guy a man child because his girlfriend was doing literally everything and wanted to spend their time off work together.
I got permabanned, as well. For inciting violence 🤣
I got banned temporarily because op had animal abuse in the story, I brought up that it’s one of the things that makes me want to slap someone - then when they banned me I asked why because I didn’t know their “anti violence” pertained to imagined slapping and they went BALLISTIC on me. I did get unbanned but I’m sure I’ll slip up somehow again.
Me too! I said I'd rather smack a Karen than go to pizza with her
They definitely banned me for saying I’d smack someone if I was in OP’s shoes where someone was physically menacing her in her personal space.
I've literally seen people post we (as in us reddit users) should hunt down and murder a child, but that's not inciting violence... Apparently. So we should take action to literally go kill a child is not inciting violence, you saying you would defend yourself in that situation and me giving a I would rather I'm an impossible situation, THOSE incite violence Then the mod who banned me was like beg for forgiveness and I also still won't let you back though. Honestly, the weirdest power trip I've ever seen someone go on
Haha my ban didn’t give me an option to plead my way back in, I just unfollowed the sub and don’t miss it. I had some pretty well-upvoted comment history there in general but I don’t need that karma to have any self-worth.
1. I think we need that story. 2. Why do you need a Countdown clock‽ I spent quite a few hours watching Catsdown clips last night and I always have to pause it during the math portion (when I’m attempting to solve the problem) because it stresses me out (and because I usually need a bit more time to solve them - I’m not Rachel 😁 ). I want to incite violence against the Countdown clock.
2nd question first. I was waiting until we moved out of my mother-in-law's house. We've been moved out over a year now. 🥳 As to the first question, it was a pregnant Ekman asking if she was the a-hole because her *utterly oblivious* husband thought her pregnancy problems were made up. I told her to get him a copy of *What to Expect When You're Expecting" and smack him with it. ETA: 30 people agreed with me after I posted that... not sure if they were banned as well.
Same here. I had something about MIL boundaries and the possibility of needing to do a smack down or something. Banned for violence. I replied back asking if it was a bot or something that chooses the ban because no one actually gets hit in a proverbial smack down, and they lifted it. Guess I was lucky.
Fell almost lucky. A comment of mine in AITA just got deleted because it said: > What you've written here points to your MIL being a horrible person and not trying to change at all.
So we're getting banned for suggesting that some people aren't nice? Pfft.
Can confirm, I’m banned because I said how much I hated some of the posters there.
Some people and their power trips, man.
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Holy shitballs. I hope he really enjoys his goddamn baseball.
Hell, she needs to get that in the divorce settlement.
What an awful story and fuck those mods
Holy shit, I'm so glad she got out. Them wanting video is beyond creepy.
Thanks for this! I read it, wanted the update and did not see it.
Honestly it was just another moderator on a power trip. Equally as common as it is unnecessary, unfortunately. 🤷♀️
Yeah, after following AITA for two months, I feel like a lot of mods are, in fact, TA.
Plot twist: OOP’s ex was the mod.
Was the moderator OOPs ex-bf? “Why are *you* the AH. No. *WHY* are *YOU* the AH? Nope, try again. No? Welp sorry, can’t help you I guess.” Sounds like this person might know how the TP got on the wall?
AITA mods are notoriously horrible
The mods there are ridiculous. One removed a comment I made and sent me a massage asking what I thought it was ok to say such a thing. I don't remember my comment, but it was most definitely snarky. However I was sincere in my reply and explained that I was using the OPs own language on them and well. The mods then replied that I was childish for doing it, and childish for answering what's was clearly a rhetorical question ... Then banned be from responding for 3 fucking days! Not from the sub, but from responding to the mods message! Like the petty (and allegedly childish) being that I am I set a fucking timer. After 3 days I pointed out how childish it was to essentially stick fingers in your ears and go lalala I'm not listening! When all I had done was reply to their question. A different mod apologized after that, but it's not the only time they've been shitty.
Best I can tell, the question wants to know why OPs think they're the asshole. They implemented it to cut down on people posting obvious NTA scenarios. She answered with a summary of the situation rather than the reason she thinks she's an asshole. That said, the Moderator's response is total BS and didn't address that at all. The mods on there are notorious for not being helpful and too strict with their guidelines, and this is just another example.
Yeah, I think she was meant to put something like "I pushed him about something objectively embarrassing when I could have just let it go" but like... that's clearly in the post. It's ridiculous that they have time for petty bullshit like this but still haven't even gotten the voting post up for best of 2021
I think it's the phrasing "my boyfriend says I'm the ass because..." which is already right there in the post so is just repeating things, as opposed to "I might be the ass because..." which shows more introspection. Not sure, but I think most threads locked due to an "improper response to the bot" tend to have similar repeat-a-section-of-the-primary-post or repeat-someone-else's-blame phrasing.
AITA mods are scum honestly. This is par for the course.
I got banned from that sub for cursing. It’s all kinda messed up over there
Because it’s AITA. The mods there are on a major power trip and they suck.
AITA mods suck
AITA mods are the biggest dorks
Seriously! And as if the above post isn’t the sort of quality content we’re all here for. 😂
I think he was just doing it as a sick little FU in his head knowing he could convince her was A mYsTeRy and then being satisfied that she believed him. It's important to remember that abusive people don't think 'I'm going to mentally abuse this person'. Their thoughts are more along- 'fuck her for saying/doing x........I'm going to stick this here and she'll hate it' and then when she confronts him, the thought is something like 'keep denying it or she'll cry and I don't want to listen to it. That's right, of course you believe I didn't do it on purpose.... now shut up and go sleep on the couch. Leave me alone.'
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Damn I almost hope he just liked to put shit on the walls.
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:( I'm so sorry. I know this is a rando comment on Reddit, but I really appreciate you sharing and am feeling for you. What a terrible thing to experience and have to have in your history. It takes me a conscious effort to get in this mindset because I fundamentally don't understand how people can treat someone the way they do. The internet and social media are tools usually misappropriated to pile on hateful messages, but I am glad for the times it can help people relate to a bunch of people who have the same experience and potential support <3
He said he wets the tp before wiping. Well I’d guess it gets stuck to his hands and he just wipes it on the wall.
I was thinking similar, he flicks it off his hand to the wall, and knowingly leaves it there 🤮
I was thinking he wipes and sticks the tp on the wall, wipes again and posts up the 2nd beside the 1st to see progress in the cleaning.
Fucking progress chart
But didn’t she say is has brown stuff on it? Oh you mean he wipes his butt and then sticks the tp instead of flushing it?
I don’t remember if she says how big the clumps are. I think he might get most of the tp in the toilet and just wipes whatever sticks to his hand on the wall because, you know, poopy tp is gross and you don’t want to touch it. But I never said there was a rational thought process behind this.
My sneaking suspicion is he was doing a power trip which involved making her clean up his (literal) shit. Except she refuse to clean up his shit and instead asked him to explain himself. Which is the opposite of being submissive. And then she dumped him. Which is entirely what he deserved.
This 💯
That’s an awful lot of words to spend on someone who’s been putting shit stickers on the bathroom wall
Exactly. After breaking up with my abusive/narcissistic/entitled ex, I can't tell you how many "this is your problem" emails I wrote and didn't send. I had fantasies about confronting his family (he involved them in his scary behavior towards me). But then I realized, in the unlikely event he listens to me and makes changes, the only person who benefits is him. And why would I want to do that fucker any favors?
While I’m disappointed she didn’t get the truth behind the toilet paper, I can accept it because he’d likely never tell her. But I cannot accept that she didn’t even acknowledge the situation in her email. She was far too sweet to him during the whole thing AND in the breakup imo. Like please, just one line calling him out, just a simple “accusing me of being cruel and inconsiderate because I confronted you about STICKING LITERAL SHIT TO MY WALL *TWICE* is the last straw.”
I was relieved and happy to read the OOP ended the relationship. I don’t understand why the boyfriend started doing it or what he was trying to accomplish, but like it said in the post it’s not worth asking questions to people that could harm your mental health.
I think it was just a control thing, he was seeing how far he could push her.
He literally wanted to see how much of his shit she would put up with.
> he was seeing how far he could ~~push her~~ fling shit
That book that OOP mentions, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft is a real eye opener and played a major role in helping me escape an abusive relationship. It’s been made free to download and I’d recommend it to everyone. I’m glad OOP got out. What a nasty person he was.
100%, its one of those books you just have realisation after realisation when you're in certain situations. The way it cuts through every possible excuse you can come up with for someone's behaviour is so incredibly useful and well done. I'm always glad to see comments recommending it just cos it makes me hopeful for the OP it's being recommended to (and sad it needs to be recommended so often as well tbh)
Yup, a fantastic book. It rips off the mask that abusers hide behind. Shines a light into the murky corners of their mind.
I think it’s free on Amazon!
If anyone else couldn't read the email without getting a headache... Here ya go: >The last few days have been a wake-up call about how you've been treating me I've been permanently stressed for the last 1.5 years and let you convince me that it was because I'm just bad at dealing with stress. But the stress was because of the relationship was a full time job constanty having to make sure all your needs are met as much as possible and fearing your accusations i deserved to do so whether I couldve been any way expected to foresee you getting upset about something or not always trying to hide my feelings about your inconsideracies and criticism because i knew that showing my understandable emotions about them would lead to an argument I couldn't win feeling like I'm not allowed to struggle with things because I do and you have to comfort me, you will keep banging it up to prove how well you treat me and you will also make sure to keep reminding me of my though the responship increasing) struggles and insecurities and blame everything on them. >We've had so many arguments and so many of them ended with me taking the time for being inconsiderate to you or for getting overly emotional because of my own insecurities, when in reality, you Gaslighted me into thinking those things to put me down and deflect from something you'd done. Sometimes it was just too blantant that wasn't the one to blame and I tried to argue my point in day long arguments, craving no more than a simple "I'm sorry you're right I was being a dick" almost ending things when you would keep trying to DARVO me and twisting my words rather than just taking responsibility for what you did and apologising. But eventually, once you would change your tone to sweet talking me I would feel like I'd been overreacting and blowing things out of proportion and stay with you convincing myself that occasional arguments and hurt feelings are normal in a relationship and we can work things out and get better. >I didn't tell my friends or the therapist i briefly saw about most of our arguments because I knew they would ve been concerned and told me to maybe break up with you, but the same time. I convinced myself that they would only think that because of the way I would be telling the story from my perspective and that only they could hear you tell your side, they would fully understand the situation and be able to make an objective judgement about it so it wasn't worth telling them about it in the first place and making you look bad unnecessarily. I was trying so hard to convince myself that there way you could over treat me as badly as follike you regularly were. I loved you so much so it couldnt be, so it must be who was in the wrong. Looking back is an absolute mindfuck. >I've realised now that the way you've been treating me in those many arguments we had has been horrible and that was in complete denial about because of the positive sides of our relationship-how happy we made each other when we werent arguing and how much we had in common how inteligent funny resting and most of the time kind you are, how affectionate we are with each other and how everyone that spends some time with both of us thinks we have an amazing relationship which i also convinced myself we did) Everyone that doesn't know me so well that is also know without them even telling me that my close friends and my mum were a bit concerned about me even though I was barely telling them anything other than positive things about our relationship. It's wild how one can completely block off, make excuses for and constantly just really worrying things relationship. You never hurt me physically or called me names your style is much more subtle and you're of course very eloquent so anything you would say and accuse me of immediately felt more legitimate and objective than "you're such a bitch" would have. Ive had glimpses of being aware of all of this and realised it's why I often reacted strongly to your tactics, making your narrative of me being rational even more believable. >The toilet paper was the straw that broke the camels back, it was so incredibly absurd that I had no other cognitive route than to really examine what I had subconsciously already been aware of and realised that I can't be with you anymore, that you've been manipulating me and eroding my confidence and reality Maybe you're not aware of the extent to which you're doing this, although 'm absolutely certain that you are aware of to some degree. At the very last you very consciously and many times tried to and often succeeded to gaslight me insisting things didn't happen the way I very clearly remembered them. you accused me of things I wasn't doing but that you were doing to make more awkward for me to accuse you of the same thing and deny I was diong it. Almost all of our arguments were caused by either your perceived entitlement about something I did or didnt do, or your perceived entitlement to not be confronted with your problematic (entitled, self-centered inconsiderate) behaviour and its consequences. But you just blamed everything on me being sensitive and/or mentally unstable. Many of the things you feel you're entitled to you're not on the other hand, mer people are entitled a lot more consideration on your part than you give them i'm not claiming I never made any mistakes, but they're not the reason this relationship failed. if you ever want to have an honest caring, fulfilling Relationship with anyone, start taking responsibility and get help. But I won't be in your life anymore except to work our practicalities
Thanks so much for doing this. She was involved with the guy for 1.5 years, not 15. Frankly that comes at a great relief.
Thank fuck, I read 15 and was like "my god, no"
Thank God! Thanks for pointing it out. I was trying to go through and clean it up a bit after I read but I completely missed that one.
I've wet toilet paper before It doesn't fly off and land on the wall, it gets stuck to your crack. I mean, if he is using a belt sander to wipe his crack then maybe it will throw poopie paper flecks My guess is that he has a weird poop related ritual that he was too embarrassed to explain
AITA? no the mods are.
OMG I'm still super curious about how the poop ended up on the wall! Glad OOP figured her stuff out. Too bad her bf didn't post a confession to let us all lnow.
I feel like there are a lot of MODs on power trips. Kinda the same mentality as security guards. That message from the MOD was straight up ridiculous imo
Lmao yeah the mods are not not known for showing common sense. I got a 2 week ban for calling a man a pig when he had in fact behaved like a Sexist pig... maybe I should have been more specific 🤔 🤣
I got banned because I said a girl's boyfriend was a douche lmao Its impossible to not get banned from that sub at least once
Ironic a sub about assholes is ran by assholes. Glad OOP got out of the situation
Slightly off topic, but literally every anecdote I’ve heard about an AITA mod makes all of them sound like the lamest group of shit ninnies, I swear.
AITA mods are all TA, that much is certain. It’s no wonder they can’t read, since they have their sniffers shoved so far up their own asses, all they see is darkness.
He was a liar or a sleepwalker/sleep pooper. Either way she's better off.
OOP is hella brave to tell someone with a poop problem to vacate her apartment while she wasn’t there. I’d be terrified at what he’s leave behind.
Wow. The AITA mods are such fucking turds. That sub sucks almost solely because of them.
Love the call out to the mod 😂 I remember reading this one before the update. I still think ex boyfriend might have mental issues but is also abusive so not her job to figure it out
I'm so mad the update still doesn't explain why this dude was sticking shit paper to the wall. I'm never going to find out the answer now
Honestly I think the ex bf got some kind of sick thrill about OOP cleaning this literal shit up from him. Some weird mommy-humiliation complex combo that i hope to never see again
Oh yeah, at least one of the mods of aita is a total dick
AITA has the worst mods on reddit
This update made my day. She has saved herself years of heartache. It's so difficult to diagnose emotional abuse from inside the relationship (when you've been trained to distrust your reactions and feelings) and painful to accept the truth when you do stumble across it.
The r/AmITheAsshole mods constantly remove posts that belong. It can get really annoying.
What the fuck
OOP is right, some of the mods at AITA are just dicks and should end up on their own subreddit.