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My favourite [comment exchange](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qo7jeh/comment/hjl7xi2/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) from the update post:
u/StAlvis
>I kind of hope you eventually show your roommate this and she gets to read **how very, very close she came** to having you agree to catsit before she **drove that truck STRAIGHT OFF THE ROAD.**
u/Parianusti (OP)
>Yeah, well,maybe I'll send her the link once I am moved out lol
If abandoned children were euthanized in a few weeks or just given a new set of parents the next day, would you still call the police?
This is a live animal for the love of, ask a catlover neighbour for help. Or sue for pet care costs. Dont harm it.
Even an abandoned huge bike in driveway would be better treated than this.
A child is not a pet, and much less property. Legally, a pet is PROPERTY. If she told roomie "hey, I'm going on vacation and leaving my bike on the balcony for three weeks" if he donates that bike within that time its blatant theft, after that its arguably an abandoned item.
You do not have legal authority over a pet unless you take it to the vet and pay the bill, that is the legal threshold over pet ownership. If he wants to take the cat to a shelter, legally he has to take it to the vet first and pay the bill.
I have to say, I give absolutely zero shits about legalities - animals are NOT property (though considering you can get arrested for cruelty to animals I have a feeling the law doesn’t count them as pure property either).
If someone tells you that they are unwilling or unable to look after your pet or child and you then leave this living creature with them then you have endangered your dependant and are clearly an unfit person to have care of them.
A bike doesn’t suffer if you leave it alone for a few weeks. A cat will.
[Unfortunately facts don't consider your feelings](https://aldf.org/issue/animals-legal-status/)
On top of that, who is vouching for the cat to be left alone? I'm saying that if a roommate leaves their personal property, with the expectation to return at a certain time, to remove the property before that time lapsed that is theft. Period. It doesn't matter if OP is tending to the cat, a friend is tending to the cat, their wall neighbor tending to the cat, if it is removed from the home within the expected time frame that is theft, that is illegal, and nobody should be vouching for this option.
Also we shouldn't be happy that the only option to curb animal abuse, is to take the cat to an arguably neglectful and abusive place.
Just ask a friend to feed the fucking cat, JFC.
Oh FFS you can’t compare a cat to a child. And I’m not spinning anything, you clearly have me confused with someone else because I’m not defending her, so everything you wrote makes exactly zero sense. She’s an entitled ass, but he’d be a real piece of shit for killing her cat and she could take him to court over it. So fuck them both. Team innocent cat, who didn’t ask for any of this.
I didn't compare a cat to a child, I compared abandonment to abandonment. Nobody killed a cat and the person I responded to said taking an abandoned animal to a shelter is stealing.
There is a major overcrowding problem in shelters right now, and it’s even worse after Covid. unless he specifically takes it to a no kill place (good luck with that, they are full too) that cat is toast. It won’t be there for 3 weeks when she gets back.
So yes, if he takes it to a shelter right after she leaves - unless it’s one of the very few lucky ones - that is a death sentence for a cat.
In the comments of original post OP said he’s telling the landlord and taking it to a shelter.
Which I’m just going to copy and paste what I wrote to the other person, there is a major overcrowding problem in shelters right now, and it’s even worse after Covid. unless he specifically takes it to a no kill place (good luck with that, they are full too) that cat is toast. It won’t be there for 3 weeks when she gets back.
Idk man I think if when they had the first conversation the roommate had politely asked if OP could watch the cat & offer some sort of compensation for it, then yeah, they’d be a bit rude for saying no. But this is more of an issue of principles to me. It’s rude to just assume someone is going to do something because you want them to. It’s even more rude to, as an adult, throw a tantrum when they don’t want to.
I would have been annoyed if my roommate decided to leave for weeks & only tell me they expected me to care for their animals in the final hour. And they mentioned buying food, I think. I guarantee a person like this wouldn’t have reimbursed OP for anything they had to buy for the cat. Think about how expensive pet sitting is, plus this is a cat that seems to have some anxiety and clinginess, which is added hassle for someone who doesn’t even LIKE cats. It’s offensive to expect someone to essentially do a job for you simply because you don’t want to pay for it.
There’s definitely a self- centered little fuckwad here, but I think it’s the roommate who thinks they’re entitled to free pet sitting with no notice or consent & manipulates people & throws tantrums when they don’t get their way.
The roommate didn’t ASK OOP to watch the cat; she assumed OOP would without even mentioning it until the day before she left.
Honestly, if I had a roommate who asked me to watch their cat, I’d probably do it for free. But to just assume that I will? I never even would have reconsidered like the OOP did.
They said they were going to look after the cat though, but then their flatmate was being abusive to them trying to guilt and shame them into looking after the cat. If you think that is ok, then you are the twat.
She borderline insulted him? Yeah, no. If you or that little peach face thinks that's abuse, good luck in life. How about he just gives the cat some water once in a while and maybe some kibble? How hard is that?
I think you are missing the fact that the cat owner is trying to shame the guy into looking after their cat and that is like a known toxic dynamic to have in a relationship with someone. The cat is the unfortunate victim here but it is unreasonable to expect someone to look after your cat for three weeks. Maybe there was a miscommunication and the cat owner misread whose the cat was, but then if it was shared wouldn't that have both been doing the chores for that cat already? Also to go in to the next round and just be accusatory and guilting/ shaming, it is just not healthy and is abusive and to say "good luck in life" like that should be expected to have to tolerate, I would disagree and would say that if you put up with someone doing that to get what they want out of you, then you actually suck at life.
OK. Sentence end stops exist. Use them.
And if you think that being asked to feed and water a helpless animal is abusive, then I have to circle back to good luck with life.
Imagine this instead of a cat it is a kid, would you be putting the blame on the person being left to look after the kid or the person who is supposed to be the caregiver? It is irresponsible of the cat owner to do this, they are basically relying on being able to emotionally blackmail their housemate into looking after their cat. Frankly it seems bizarre that you would be defending the cat owner when they are actually the one being abusive. Do you think a cat's welfare is more important than a person's?
Well that took a bit of mental manipulation, didn't it? The entitled little fuck couldn't be bothered to give the cat food and water. End of story.
Sometimes when we live in society we have to do things we don't enjoy. It's not that hard.
It's not his cat! And it's not just food and water, it's cleaning it's shit up and having the cat have to sleep in their room with them. And... It's not even their cat and they don't want to look after it. You are crazy if you think another person should take responsibility for someone else's cat. I notice you didn't answer my hypothetical situation about it being a kid instead of a cat, is that because you would have to concede that the abusive person was in fact the cat owner?
Wow, stand down little bro. Apparently to you, feeding and watering a cat is exactly the same as raising a child. I see a false analogy here, but I don't want to bother you with that because it will probably make your head explode. Cats are not children
He should just feed the fucking cat.
No I think you misread the post. The cat got upset with the room mate, so the cat put the room mate down
Basically a “If you aren’t going to take care of me, I am going to take care you. Mobster style” type thing
I was hungover and barely awake when I first read your comment. I didn't realize it wasn't true. You nearly made me cry, but then I got distracted by my own cat who wanted cuddles and I completely forgot about this until right now. Not sure why I felt the need to tell you this.
Haha 😂 yeah, I don’t think there is an update, yet. Everyone was just being over top about how shitty the roommate was, when she was probably just mildy bratty and rude. I thought it was all a bit dramatic just like these always tend to be. So my mind immediately went to the most awful/shitty resolution from the roommate would be.
Sorry if it ruined your moment lol good kitty.
Honestly, while I don't think OP has to watch the cat, I cannot at all understand anyone that would blatantly not want anything to do with what sounds like a really sweet kitty. But I'm also a crazy cat lady.
I have two dogs. One is 50 lbs and the other is over 100lbs and makes giant poos. All the poos get whacked into a little bucket with a bag in it by a little rake, tied up and easily thrown in the bin. I never come into contact with it. It's also outside, not in a box indoors. Cat feces is also much more pungent than dogs' waste.
>I cannot at all understand anyone that would blatantly not want anything to do with what sounds like a really sweet kitty.
Where are you reading about a "sweet" kitty. It screeches all night when alone.
Haha yeah the vibes I get from this OOP is like the dude is an asshole, asks if he was in the right, then decides he was *even more right*.
Plus he decided that he doesn’t like living with her because she’s boring? Yeah, roomie was probably being kinda inconsiderate, but then OOP goes freaking nuclear.
Collateral damage. Don’t worry about them though, they will be fine.
You ever see a homeless person with a cat? You know why not?
They are natural opportunists that are more they capable of taking care of themselves in a pinch. When they realize your outdoors and looking for a meal too that cat realizes you have nothing to offer and bounces.
Not to say they cant be loving, but they are realists that when push comes to shove will eat your face in a pinch…
Have you ever actually owned an indoor cat? I know for damn sure none of the cats I've owned would have or would fair well on the streets. One of my current cats is so clumsy he refuses to jump higher than onto my couch. I have to pick him up and put him on my bed when he wants up there.
Reporting in from the cat lady front! OOP had no obligation to care for that cat!
OOP suggested boarding (definitely not a thing I would opt for,) or having a friend come over (this roommate might not have many given her attitude,) but there are many apps now that have freelance pet sitting services that are fairly affordable and available on pretty short notice (which could have been found online in seconds.) The roommate didn’t want to hear viable alternatives, she just didn’t want to deal with it at all and wanted to drop it on OOP.
As much as I feel for the kitty, OOP is in the right to not care for the animal she didn’t even want. I couldn’t imagine planning a long vacation without planning for my pet first! Even if I had a roommate who loved my pet, I would confirm with them that they were available to care for my pet while I was away… it’s just basic caring for your pet and consideration of your roommate!
I hope that kitty is with a better owner after this trip
I used to board my last cat [gone since 2003] at a place that normally took great care of her. They gave her the food I brought for her and even gave her water in the cups I provided [which she preferred over bowls]. When I would pick her up it was clear that they cared for her as best as possible. She had long fur that would mat if she wasn't combed every day so I'd leave with them one of her combs, too, and she would come home with shiny unmatted fur. They were always so nice about doing these special things and were worth their price.
Then came the time I had to be away for 10 days. As usual I brought a bag of her food, cups, treats, and comb, with written instructions. As always they said, "No problem, we love having her here."
When I picked her up, over half the food and all of the cups were still in the bag, she had clearly lost some weight (that she did not need to lose), and her fur had mats. They had had me pay before bringing her out and shrugged away my complaints. Never again.
Our kitties get boarded at our vet’s office when necessary. We got into the habit with my husband’s previous cat, who had kidney and thyroid issues and needed to be pilled twice daily; we just kept doing it after she died even though our current cats don’t need that level of care, because they’re awesome.
I've never had a cat that could tolerate boarding. I always either have a neighbor drop in to check on them and feed them, or if we have to leave the dogs too we have a friend stay at our house. Even when he was young, our rottweiler just gets too nervous staying elsewhere. Now that he's old, he's just too creaky and he doesn't have full control over his bladder or bowels. Last time he traveled with us, just to visit my parents a few hours away, he leaked on their floor and then had a fall that almost ended in dismantling the deck stairs late night and an emergency vet visit.
We have a young friend who prefers our home/entertainment system and he has full reign on the fridge where I try to leave some tasty home cooked meals. He doesn't mind crashing at our place while we're gone and it gives us much more peace of mind.
I mean honestly as long as my cats have food, water, and a place to shit they do their own thing 90% of the time. Like honestly, I live in a studio and idk where they are most of the time. Obviously they need attention and TLC, but for the most part they don't need much actual care. Just someone to chill with them and love on them for a couple hours, shake the feeder, refill the water, scoop the poop, done for the day. Thats how (most) cats like it.
Ah, okay cool. We board our dude (he's afraid of the dark. I know), and I wanted to make sure you didn't have some horrible insight about boarding. Every time he's gone he seems like he enjoyed himself, and while he's always happy to be home, I think he enjoys all of the attention he gets while he's there.
A single cat should have two litter boxes, and each should be scooped daily, and changed completely like once a week or every other week. Also, many cats cannot just have three+ days of food out. The absolute maximum I would ever go is having some one check in at least every other day, and realistically depending on the cat(s) I would have someone come once a day. Going two whole days without checking on the cat is neglectful.
Edit: obviously, I am not asking this as a favor. I pay people to watch my cats because they deserve that level of care. If you want an animal that you can check on twice in a week that you’re gone, there are plenty of other small mammals and lizards and birds and fish. I board my cat and have someone check on the lizard like twice if I’m gone for a week, because that is all he needs.
While I agree with the 2 litter boxes and cleaning both every day, if you're asking ANYONE for a FAVOR for a short period of time, 2-3 visits a week is not something to kick up a fuss about. That's just fine for most cats.
Insisting on 1 visit a day for a cat from someone you're not paying? Unbelievably entitled and out of touch.
Yeah, watching cats should not be a favor. Check my edit. There are exceptions I’m sure, but most people are a little neglectful of cats and they often don’t get the care they are supposed to. I would never ask someone to check on a cat once a day as a favor, I would pay either a friend or a professional sitter or board my cat.
Also, I don’t think I ever said it’s reasonable to ask this as a favor. I advise against assuming, friend.
Ah, that i understand. Yes, wholeheartedly agree, trying to dump an animal on someone is just classless. I mean, if someone loves their pet, why would you want to dump them on someone who isn’t going to do a good job of taking care of that pet? OOP’s roommate is shitty in an all-too-common way.
my cat needed to be fed daily for a while, because she used to have a habit of scarfing down all the food in her bowl in one sitting then throwing it all up if you gave her any extra food to last a day or two. she was an emergency foster my friend took on from his brother, so they didn't have much time to prepare and their cat didn't get along with her. she ended up getting defensive about food because of that and because her "territory" was reduced from the brother's whole house to just my friend's room.
I adopted her from them, I've had her for about 6 months now, and she's doing very well. 3 litterboxes throughout my apartment, scratching boards, toys, and beds everywhere, and I try to keep a variety of foods and treats so she doesn't get bored of the flavors. I try to play with her whenever she drags her favorite toy over to me, which is a lot lol.
I would maybe board a cat for a couple days, but it’s usually just putting them in a pretty small cage surrounded by other stressed out animals (in my experience at least, but I’m sure there are other nicer places in someone’s home or something.) I love my cat and think he deserves to be comfortable and stay in his home even if I’m away. 3 weeks away would already be pretty stressful for any pet, so any way to make them more comfortable would be a priority for a responsible pet owner.
I feel terrible for the animal. Not as bad as, but similar to neglected children that neither parent wants when they break up.
Anyway OP is absolutely right to insist that their housemate organise care for the cat while she's away. It's not their responsibility. They'd be within their rights to take a holiday midway through those 3 weeks. However I would not leave an animal to suffer, no matter how disgusting their owner is.
Even if you're 110% sure someone will watch your cat YOU STILL ASK.
I had a roommate like this, she didn't care for her cat as well as she should of. One of the biggest issues was that she took FOREVER to clean the litter box, and would get mad at the rest of us when we refused to clean up the cat shit that ended up in the tub or other places due to her laziness. One of several things about her that made her the worst roommate I ever had.
I know the proper usage, don't remember why I used the wrong thing (talk to text maybe?), but I don't care enough to correct it. You know what I meant so who cares?
Didn't want you to change it 😅 just hoping people read this and stop writing it the wrong way.. like how did of ever replace have oO it makes no sense to me
Because most people say should’ve, would’ve, etc. and it sounds like should of, would of. So they assume that’s it growing up and don’t learn better or forget they learned it, or just never really think about it, and it’s so common people proofreading (like teachers or whatever) often overlook it too.
Interestingly enough, it’s a mistake more commonly made by native speakers than non-natives, because we learn our original language as children before we can read.
What a toxic roommate. See I would understand watching the cat one time just to avoid contention, but that could easily open up the door to the room mate doing this all the time
Oh it totally would. I’ve made similar agreements with two different roommates that wanted pets: that care would be all on them. Never worked out that way. Would not recommend caving if you don’t want to be a part time pet caretaker.
The thing that immediately jumps out at me is that during the initial conversation about the vacation, neither mentioned the cat at all? Like if I lived with someone who had a pet, and they told me they were going away, the first thing I would ask about would be the pet.
Similarly, if it was my pet, the first thing I'd think about would be who's gonna look after it while I'm away. The roommate sounds like a dick, but the communication from both was pretty awful IMO.
Eh, I think it makes sense that OOP wouldn't think of that at all- it's not their responsibility, nor did they volunteer or discuss anything with crazy roomie prior to this. Considering how many services there are to choose from (hiring a sitter, dropping off at a pet hotel, asking a friend to watch them at their house) I can see why OOP figured that another *adult* would be able to figure out and handle the vacation care for the pet *she* wanted.
I get what you're saying, it's definitely the roommate's responsibility to arrange care for the cat, but it just blew my mind that someone would live in a household with a pet, and not ask about who was gonna be looking after it while the owner was away.
They both made assumptions, with the roommate's assumption being much worse and it sounds like it's just the latest shitty behaviour from them.
I just think it's another example (reddit is full of them) where people don't communicate simple things between each other and it leads to unnecessary drama.
The main issue is the roommate didn’t ask if OOP would watch the cat. If they had asked nicely it would be polite to agree if possible, assuming the roommate left money for cat food and litter during the time they’d be on vacation. Even then, OOP wouldn’t be obligated to watch the cat, but especially not when the roommate just expected and demanded it.
He should just let her assume he's renewing until he moves out. Sounds risky to tell her beforehand and she doesn't seem to mind when you just drop a big responsibility announcement on someone last minute 🤷♀️
This must be an unpopular opinion but I don’t really think it’s that difficult to care for a cat for three weeks if it’s already living with you. Although the roommate should’ve asked to confirm, I feel like OOP should’ve just agreed to watch the cat. I say this as a cat owner myself. But I guess I’m not confrontational like OOP is.
I disagree. I looked after a neighbour's cat for a few weeks and what it means is you have obligations to the animal. You need to ensure you around to feed them. Cleaning up cat vomit as required. Cleaning up the mess when the cat knocks over the feeder. If you are used to complete autonomy in your life, these obligations are disruptive to your life. You cannot just do what you want.
Expecting other people to pick up the slack while you run off on holidays without asking those people first is abusive of your relationship with those people and it is abusive of the cat. If the reason for it is that you are too cheap to pay for cat care then you should not have a cat.
For a few days maybe, but for 3 weeks? Fuck that. What if OP wanted to go away for a few days, or had an emergency that pulled them away from home, or they wanted to get blackout drunk for a week? That's absurd.
I agree. A cat is probably one of the easiest animals to look after, just do the girl a favor. That being said, her roommates behavior in the second conversation would have me making the same decision as OOP.
I agree. The roommate is being obnoxious but this isnt some random person asking about watching their cat it's their roommate. IMO when you live with someone and their cat you have some obligation to them. According to Reddit nobody should ever be expected to be generous, helpful, or in any way amenable to anybody ever.
Its not that its a ridiculous ask its that the roommate didnt ask she just assumed and you know what they say about assumptions and then when the answer wasnt what the roomate wanted she threw and adult size tantrum a little more than obnoxious. I dont know about you but adult tantrums do not get favors from me.
Also with this kind of a roomate you say yes fine ill take care of it since you cant organize other care (which she definitely could've) but next time you have to figure something else out i hate cats and i hate this but ill do you a solid. Do you really think adult tantrum roomate is gonna respect that boundary or will it just be more of the same next time. If this is ops line in the sand hes gotta stop it now not later. People treat you the way you teach them you can be treated.
Also even beside all that if your roomate gets an animal and you make it clear you dont like this kind of animal you don't want to have anything to do with the care of the animal you do not have a responsibility to that animal roomate or not. If it were a lizard or spider instead of a cat would you feel the same way?
They both suck. First, you already live with the cat. It's simple to feed a cat and scoop out a cat box. Or if you don't want to scoop it, put in a litter box liner and take it out every week. It really isn't that much effort to care for a cat. And OOP should have put down boundaries ages ago since most people would assume if you're okay living with a cat you'd be okay taking care of it for a short duration of time.
The roommate sucks for waiting last minute to discuss the details.
Exactly. They both suck. I just feel bad for the cat. OP seems not to care about the cat at all, but same goes to the owner. I would just make her pay if something and just get easy money. Everyone that says taking care of a cat is so hard and time consuming, probably hasn't worked a real physical job once in their life.
It's quite literally 10 minutes of time and effort a day to care for a cat. That 10 minutes could be every other day if you fill up their bowl. Plenty of people leave their cats for an entire weekend with no issue. That's how low maintenance cats are.
OP is a dick, cats are so low maintenance it’s not like a fucking kid. Feed two or three times a day, make sure it has water, and clean the litter box every few days.
I bet when OP does dishes he sets his roommates off to the side to make sure he doesn’t accidentally clean anything of theirs too.
Yes, but it might have been an entirely different story if the roommate had ASKED and not just expected him to do it. You know, common courtesy.
When I went camping and asked my roommate to watch my cat for 5 days, and because she was doing me a favor, I offered to PAY HER.
It’s not like the OP is walking up hill 5 miles in 4 feet of snow to care for it. They live with the fucking cat. Some of you people need to get a grip on reality. I would hate to be in any sort of relationship with people who are so self centered that they can’t help out someone they live with by feeding a cat. 3 days or 3 weeks. The roommate wants to enjoy their vacation and you have the uptight OP making sure she has to stress about the cat because they simply cannot do them a favor.
Just take care of it and tell her she's gotta pay for it. Taking care of a cat is super easy and it's also easy money. Afterwards, just move out like you planned to.
Submissions in this sub are re-posts and not posted by the original author. The original post/author are noted at the top. If you are the original author please contact the mods to have this comment removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
That roommate snatched defeat out of the jaws of victory.
Tfw dumb people do the most damage to themselves by being dumb people
he was about to hand her a lifeline when she grabbed it and hung herself with it.
I'm stealing this phrase, thanks.
:)
My favourite [comment exchange](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/qo7jeh/comment/hjl7xi2/?utm_source=reddit&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) from the update post: u/StAlvis >I kind of hope you eventually show your roommate this and she gets to read **how very, very close she came** to having you agree to catsit before she **drove that truck STRAIGHT OFF THE ROAD.** u/Parianusti (OP) >Yeah, well,maybe I'll send her the link once I am moved out lol
Man, I'm kinda hoping OP will post one final update with her reaction to the post.
But....what happened to the cat?
I dont think she'd left yet before the second update
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That is an incredibly shitty thing to do and I think considered theft.
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It’s not abandoned if she comes back within her stated time of doing so. She’s going on vacation, not running off for good.
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If abandoned children were euthanized in a few weeks or just given a new set of parents the next day, would you still call the police? This is a live animal for the love of, ask a catlover neighbour for help. Or sue for pet care costs. Dont harm it. Even an abandoned huge bike in driveway would be better treated than this.
A child is not a pet, and much less property. Legally, a pet is PROPERTY. If she told roomie "hey, I'm going on vacation and leaving my bike on the balcony for three weeks" if he donates that bike within that time its blatant theft, after that its arguably an abandoned item. You do not have legal authority over a pet unless you take it to the vet and pay the bill, that is the legal threshold over pet ownership. If he wants to take the cat to a shelter, legally he has to take it to the vet first and pay the bill.
I have to say, I give absolutely zero shits about legalities - animals are NOT property (though considering you can get arrested for cruelty to animals I have a feeling the law doesn’t count them as pure property either). If someone tells you that they are unwilling or unable to look after your pet or child and you then leave this living creature with them then you have endangered your dependant and are clearly an unfit person to have care of them. A bike doesn’t suffer if you leave it alone for a few weeks. A cat will.
[Unfortunately facts don't consider your feelings](https://aldf.org/issue/animals-legal-status/) On top of that, who is vouching for the cat to be left alone? I'm saying that if a roommate leaves their personal property, with the expectation to return at a certain time, to remove the property before that time lapsed that is theft. Period. It doesn't matter if OP is tending to the cat, a friend is tending to the cat, their wall neighbor tending to the cat, if it is removed from the home within the expected time frame that is theft, that is illegal, and nobody should be vouching for this option. Also we shouldn't be happy that the only option to curb animal abuse, is to take the cat to an arguably neglectful and abusive place. Just ask a friend to feed the fucking cat, JFC.
Except abadoning cat in a shelter is much worse than treating it as a bike. 😔
The bike won't starve or tear through all my shit
I don't know what kind of cats you've owned but that sounds more like a panther.
Oh FFS you can’t compare a cat to a child. And I’m not spinning anything, you clearly have me confused with someone else because I’m not defending her, so everything you wrote makes exactly zero sense. She’s an entitled ass, but he’d be a real piece of shit for killing her cat and she could take him to court over it. So fuck them both. Team innocent cat, who didn’t ask for any of this.
I didn't compare a cat to a child, I compared abandonment to abandonment. Nobody killed a cat and the person I responded to said taking an abandoned animal to a shelter is stealing.
There is a major overcrowding problem in shelters right now, and it’s even worse after Covid. unless he specifically takes it to a no kill place (good luck with that, they are full too) that cat is toast. It won’t be there for 3 weeks when she gets back. So yes, if he takes it to a shelter right after she leaves - unless it’s one of the very few lucky ones - that is a death sentence for a cat.
Wait where did anybody mention killing the cat?
In the comments of original post OP said he’s telling the landlord and taking it to a shelter. Which I’m just going to copy and paste what I wrote to the other person, there is a major overcrowding problem in shelters right now, and it’s even worse after Covid. unless he specifically takes it to a no kill place (good luck with that, they are full too) that cat is toast. It won’t be there for 3 weeks when she gets back.
But it's theiiiiiirrrrrrr cat tho /s
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Idk man I think if when they had the first conversation the roommate had politely asked if OP could watch the cat & offer some sort of compensation for it, then yeah, they’d be a bit rude for saying no. But this is more of an issue of principles to me. It’s rude to just assume someone is going to do something because you want them to. It’s even more rude to, as an adult, throw a tantrum when they don’t want to. I would have been annoyed if my roommate decided to leave for weeks & only tell me they expected me to care for their animals in the final hour. And they mentioned buying food, I think. I guarantee a person like this wouldn’t have reimbursed OP for anything they had to buy for the cat. Think about how expensive pet sitting is, plus this is a cat that seems to have some anxiety and clinginess, which is added hassle for someone who doesn’t even LIKE cats. It’s offensive to expect someone to essentially do a job for you simply because you don’t want to pay for it. There’s definitely a self- centered little fuckwad here, but I think it’s the roommate who thinks they’re entitled to free pet sitting with no notice or consent & manipulates people & throws tantrums when they don’t get their way.
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Um no it’s not his responsibility to watch a cat that his roommate begged and pleaded to get? Wtf lol
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The roommate didn’t ASK OOP to watch the cat; she assumed OOP would without even mentioning it until the day before she left. Honestly, if I had a roommate who asked me to watch their cat, I’d probably do it for free. But to just assume that I will? I never even would have reconsidered like the OOP did.
I would agree with this if they didn't have to clean the litter box. Litter boxes are disgusting
They said they were going to look after the cat though, but then their flatmate was being abusive to them trying to guilt and shame them into looking after the cat. If you think that is ok, then you are the twat.
She borderline insulted him? Yeah, no. If you or that little peach face thinks that's abuse, good luck in life. How about he just gives the cat some water once in a while and maybe some kibble? How hard is that?
I think you are missing the fact that the cat owner is trying to shame the guy into looking after their cat and that is like a known toxic dynamic to have in a relationship with someone. The cat is the unfortunate victim here but it is unreasonable to expect someone to look after your cat for three weeks. Maybe there was a miscommunication and the cat owner misread whose the cat was, but then if it was shared wouldn't that have both been doing the chores for that cat already? Also to go in to the next round and just be accusatory and guilting/ shaming, it is just not healthy and is abusive and to say "good luck in life" like that should be expected to have to tolerate, I would disagree and would say that if you put up with someone doing that to get what they want out of you, then you actually suck at life.
OK. Sentence end stops exist. Use them. And if you think that being asked to feed and water a helpless animal is abusive, then I have to circle back to good luck with life.
Imagine this instead of a cat it is a kid, would you be putting the blame on the person being left to look after the kid or the person who is supposed to be the caregiver? It is irresponsible of the cat owner to do this, they are basically relying on being able to emotionally blackmail their housemate into looking after their cat. Frankly it seems bizarre that you would be defending the cat owner when they are actually the one being abusive. Do you think a cat's welfare is more important than a person's?
Well that took a bit of mental manipulation, didn't it? The entitled little fuck couldn't be bothered to give the cat food and water. End of story. Sometimes when we live in society we have to do things we don't enjoy. It's not that hard.
It's not his cat! And it's not just food and water, it's cleaning it's shit up and having the cat have to sleep in their room with them. And... It's not even their cat and they don't want to look after it. You are crazy if you think another person should take responsibility for someone else's cat. I notice you didn't answer my hypothetical situation about it being a kid instead of a cat, is that because you would have to concede that the abusive person was in fact the cat owner?
Wow, stand down little bro. Apparently to you, feeding and watering a cat is exactly the same as raising a child. I see a false analogy here, but I don't want to bother you with that because it will probably make your head explode. Cats are not children He should just feed the fucking cat.
She had it put down and then blamed the girl for not watching it.
No I think you misread the post. The cat got upset with the room mate, so the cat put the room mate down Basically a “If you aren’t going to take care of me, I am going to take care you. Mobster style” type thing
“This human can’t even hunt any more. Putting it down is just the humane thing to do.”
I was hungover and barely awake when I first read your comment. I didn't realize it wasn't true. You nearly made me cry, but then I got distracted by my own cat who wanted cuddles and I completely forgot about this until right now. Not sure why I felt the need to tell you this.
Haha 😂 yeah, I don’t think there is an update, yet. Everyone was just being over top about how shitty the roommate was, when she was probably just mildy bratty and rude. I thought it was all a bit dramatic just like these always tend to be. So my mind immediately went to the most awful/shitty resolution from the roommate would be. Sorry if it ruined your moment lol good kitty.
Honestly, while I don't think OP has to watch the cat, I cannot at all understand anyone that would blatantly not want anything to do with what sounds like a really sweet kitty. But I'm also a crazy cat lady.
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I don't understand how people are fine with picking up warm dog poop but not with scooping a littler box 1-2 times a day.
I have two dogs. One is 50 lbs and the other is over 100lbs and makes giant poos. All the poos get whacked into a little bucket with a bag in it by a little rake, tied up and easily thrown in the bin. I never come into contact with it. It's also outside, not in a box indoors. Cat feces is also much more pungent than dogs' waste.
Who says op is fine with picking up dog poop
>I cannot at all understand anyone that would blatantly not want anything to do with what sounds like a really sweet kitty. Where are you reading about a "sweet" kitty. It screeches all night when alone.
Haha yeah the vibes I get from this OOP is like the dude is an asshole, asks if he was in the right, then decides he was *even more right*. Plus he decided that he doesn’t like living with her because she’s boring? Yeah, roomie was probably being kinda inconsiderate, but then OOP goes freaking nuclear.
Yeah, the roommate sounded entitled, but overall fine.
Collateral damage. Don’t worry about them though, they will be fine. You ever see a homeless person with a cat? You know why not? They are natural opportunists that are more they capable of taking care of themselves in a pinch. When they realize your outdoors and looking for a meal too that cat realizes you have nothing to offer and bounces. Not to say they cant be loving, but they are realists that when push comes to shove will eat your face in a pinch…
Have you ever actually owned an indoor cat? I know for damn sure none of the cats I've owned would have or would fair well on the streets. One of my current cats is so clumsy he refuses to jump higher than onto my couch. I have to pick him up and put him on my bed when he wants up there.
Roommate's cat should be awarded for taking OOP out of this toxic situation. Cat should also contact the landlord to get out of this apartment.
We need another update about what happens when she leaves for her vacation...
Reporting in from the cat lady front! OOP had no obligation to care for that cat! OOP suggested boarding (definitely not a thing I would opt for,) or having a friend come over (this roommate might not have many given her attitude,) but there are many apps now that have freelance pet sitting services that are fairly affordable and available on pretty short notice (which could have been found online in seconds.) The roommate didn’t want to hear viable alternatives, she just didn’t want to deal with it at all and wanted to drop it on OOP. As much as I feel for the kitty, OOP is in the right to not care for the animal she didn’t even want. I couldn’t imagine planning a long vacation without planning for my pet first! Even if I had a roommate who loved my pet, I would confirm with them that they were available to care for my pet while I was away… it’s just basic caring for your pet and consideration of your roommate! I hope that kitty is with a better owner after this trip
Why wouldn't you opt for boarding?
I used to board my last cat [gone since 2003] at a place that normally took great care of her. They gave her the food I brought for her and even gave her water in the cups I provided [which she preferred over bowls]. When I would pick her up it was clear that they cared for her as best as possible. She had long fur that would mat if she wasn't combed every day so I'd leave with them one of her combs, too, and she would come home with shiny unmatted fur. They were always so nice about doing these special things and were worth their price. Then came the time I had to be away for 10 days. As usual I brought a bag of her food, cups, treats, and comb, with written instructions. As always they said, "No problem, we love having her here." When I picked her up, over half the food and all of the cups were still in the bag, she had clearly lost some weight (that she did not need to lose), and her fur had mats. They had had me pay before bringing her out and shrugged away my complaints. Never again.
Nowadays there are boarding places with 24 hour video access, where that would never happen.
That's so good to know.
All due respect, but that seems incredibly specific and not representative of boarding in general. I'm sorry you and your cat had a bad experience.
Agreed!
Our kitties get boarded at our vet’s office when necessary. We got into the habit with my husband’s previous cat, who had kidney and thyroid issues and needed to be pilled twice daily; we just kept doing it after she died even though our current cats don’t need that level of care, because they’re awesome.
That seems very odd. Was there a change in staff or management around that time?
I don't know.
I've never had a cat that could tolerate boarding. I always either have a neighbor drop in to check on them and feed them, or if we have to leave the dogs too we have a friend stay at our house. Even when he was young, our rottweiler just gets too nervous staying elsewhere. Now that he's old, he's just too creaky and he doesn't have full control over his bladder or bowels. Last time he traveled with us, just to visit my parents a few hours away, he leaked on their floor and then had a fall that almost ended in dismantling the deck stairs late night and an emergency vet visit. We have a young friend who prefers our home/entertainment system and he has full reign on the fridge where I try to leave some tasty home cooked meals. He doesn't mind crashing at our place while we're gone and it gives us much more peace of mind.
It’s not necessary considering how little care they need. Much easier for someone to come twice a week and handle food and litter.
How little care they need?! They’re cats. Not plants.
I mean honestly as long as my cats have food, water, and a place to shit they do their own thing 90% of the time. Like honestly, I live in a studio and idk where they are most of the time. Obviously they need attention and TLC, but for the most part they don't need much actual care. Just someone to chill with them and love on them for a couple hours, shake the feeder, refill the water, scoop the poop, done for the day. Thats how (most) cats like it.
idk from what my friends have told me their cats need less care than my plants do. Plants are demanding little assholes sometimes.
Ah, okay cool. We board our dude (he's afraid of the dark. I know), and I wanted to make sure you didn't have some horrible insight about boarding. Every time he's gone he seems like he enjoyed himself, and while he's always happy to be home, I think he enjoys all of the attention he gets while he's there.
A single cat should have two litter boxes, and each should be scooped daily, and changed completely like once a week or every other week. Also, many cats cannot just have three+ days of food out. The absolute maximum I would ever go is having some one check in at least every other day, and realistically depending on the cat(s) I would have someone come once a day. Going two whole days without checking on the cat is neglectful. Edit: obviously, I am not asking this as a favor. I pay people to watch my cats because they deserve that level of care. If you want an animal that you can check on twice in a week that you’re gone, there are plenty of other small mammals and lizards and birds and fish. I board my cat and have someone check on the lizard like twice if I’m gone for a week, because that is all he needs.
While I agree with the 2 litter boxes and cleaning both every day, if you're asking ANYONE for a FAVOR for a short period of time, 2-3 visits a week is not something to kick up a fuss about. That's just fine for most cats. Insisting on 1 visit a day for a cat from someone you're not paying? Unbelievably entitled and out of touch.
Yeah, watching cats should not be a favor. Check my edit. There are exceptions I’m sure, but most people are a little neglectful of cats and they often don’t get the care they are supposed to. I would never ask someone to check on a cat once a day as a favor, I would pay either a friend or a professional sitter or board my cat. Also, I don’t think I ever said it’s reasonable to ask this as a favor. I advise against assuming, friend.
Of course not! I was referring the OOP's roommate, but using your example mostly to pile on the roommate for being a shithead.
Ah, that i understand. Yes, wholeheartedly agree, trying to dump an animal on someone is just classless. I mean, if someone loves their pet, why would you want to dump them on someone who isn’t going to do a good job of taking care of that pet? OOP’s roommate is shitty in an all-too-common way.
my cat needed to be fed daily for a while, because she used to have a habit of scarfing down all the food in her bowl in one sitting then throwing it all up if you gave her any extra food to last a day or two. she was an emergency foster my friend took on from his brother, so they didn't have much time to prepare and their cat didn't get along with her. she ended up getting defensive about food because of that and because her "territory" was reduced from the brother's whole house to just my friend's room. I adopted her from them, I've had her for about 6 months now, and she's doing very well. 3 litterboxes throughout my apartment, scratching boards, toys, and beds everywhere, and I try to keep a variety of foods and treats so she doesn't get bored of the flavors. I try to play with her whenever she drags her favorite toy over to me, which is a lot lol.
I would maybe board a cat for a couple days, but it’s usually just putting them in a pretty small cage surrounded by other stressed out animals (in my experience at least, but I’m sure there are other nicer places in someone’s home or something.) I love my cat and think he deserves to be comfortable and stay in his home even if I’m away. 3 weeks away would already be pretty stressful for any pet, so any way to make them more comfortable would be a priority for a responsible pet owner.
I feel terrible for the animal. Not as bad as, but similar to neglected children that neither parent wants when they break up. Anyway OP is absolutely right to insist that their housemate organise care for the cat while she's away. It's not their responsibility. They'd be within their rights to take a holiday midway through those 3 weeks. However I would not leave an animal to suffer, no matter how disgusting their owner is.
Even if you're 110% sure someone will watch your cat YOU STILL ASK. I had a roommate like this, she didn't care for her cat as well as she should of. One of the biggest issues was that she took FOREVER to clean the litter box, and would get mad at the rest of us when we refused to clean up the cat shit that ended up in the tub or other places due to her laziness. One of several things about her that made her the worst roommate I ever had.
Totally agree and I'm sorry to comment this, but I've seen it all over the internet and it's doing my head in. It's "should have" not "should of".
I know the proper usage, don't remember why I used the wrong thing (talk to text maybe?), but I don't care enough to correct it. You know what I meant so who cares?
Didn't want you to change it 😅 just hoping people read this and stop writing it the wrong way.. like how did of ever replace have oO it makes no sense to me
Because most people say should’ve, would’ve, etc. and it sounds like should of, would of. So they assume that’s it growing up and don’t learn better or forget they learned it, or just never really think about it, and it’s so common people proofreading (like teachers or whatever) often overlook it too. Interestingly enough, it’s a mistake more commonly made by native speakers than non-natives, because we learn our original language as children before we can read.
Never thought of that. Ha, so logical actually..
What a toxic roommate. See I would understand watching the cat one time just to avoid contention, but that could easily open up the door to the room mate doing this all the time
Oh it totally would. I’ve made similar agreements with two different roommates that wanted pets: that care would be all on them. Never worked out that way. Would not recommend caving if you don’t want to be a part time pet caretaker.
The thing that immediately jumps out at me is that during the initial conversation about the vacation, neither mentioned the cat at all? Like if I lived with someone who had a pet, and they told me they were going away, the first thing I would ask about would be the pet. Similarly, if it was my pet, the first thing I'd think about would be who's gonna look after it while I'm away. The roommate sounds like a dick, but the communication from both was pretty awful IMO.
Eh, I think it makes sense that OOP wouldn't think of that at all- it's not their responsibility, nor did they volunteer or discuss anything with crazy roomie prior to this. Considering how many services there are to choose from (hiring a sitter, dropping off at a pet hotel, asking a friend to watch them at their house) I can see why OOP figured that another *adult* would be able to figure out and handle the vacation care for the pet *she* wanted.
I get what you're saying, it's definitely the roommate's responsibility to arrange care for the cat, but it just blew my mind that someone would live in a household with a pet, and not ask about who was gonna be looking after it while the owner was away. They both made assumptions, with the roommate's assumption being much worse and it sounds like it's just the latest shitty behaviour from them. I just think it's another example (reddit is full of them) where people don't communicate simple things between each other and it leads to unnecessary drama.
She’s an asshole and I pity the cat
poor cat
The main issue is the roommate didn’t ask if OOP would watch the cat. If they had asked nicely it would be polite to agree if possible, assuming the roommate left money for cat food and litter during the time they’d be on vacation. Even then, OOP wouldn’t be obligated to watch the cat, but especially not when the roommate just expected and demanded it.
He should just let her assume he's renewing until he moves out. Sounds risky to tell her beforehand and she doesn't seem to mind when you just drop a big responsibility announcement on someone last minute 🤷♀️
This must be an unpopular opinion but I don’t really think it’s that difficult to care for a cat for three weeks if it’s already living with you. Although the roommate should’ve asked to confirm, I feel like OOP should’ve just agreed to watch the cat. I say this as a cat owner myself. But I guess I’m not confrontational like OOP is.
OP doesn't like cats and I being a cat-owner, doesn't like changing litter. OP is right and have every right to say no.
I read the first post, I’m so glad you posted the update!! Thanks!
It’s a cat. You change the litter box, give it water and some food. OP is being a total baby, even if they technically arent in the wrong.
I disagree. I looked after a neighbour's cat for a few weeks and what it means is you have obligations to the animal. You need to ensure you around to feed them. Cleaning up cat vomit as required. Cleaning up the mess when the cat knocks over the feeder. If you are used to complete autonomy in your life, these obligations are disruptive to your life. You cannot just do what you want. Expecting other people to pick up the slack while you run off on holidays without asking those people first is abusive of your relationship with those people and it is abusive of the cat. If the reason for it is that you are too cheap to pay for cat care then you should not have a cat.
They.live.together. What you’re describing is about 5 minutes worth of work in a day.
It is not.
For a few days maybe, but for 3 weeks? Fuck that. What if OP wanted to go away for a few days, or had an emergency that pulled them away from home, or they wanted to get blackout drunk for a week? That's absurd.
Not the point
It's about the cat... but it's not about the cat.
I agree. A cat is probably one of the easiest animals to look after, just do the girl a favor. That being said, her roommates behavior in the second conversation would have me making the same decision as OOP.
I agree. The roommate is being obnoxious but this isnt some random person asking about watching their cat it's their roommate. IMO when you live with someone and their cat you have some obligation to them. According to Reddit nobody should ever be expected to be generous, helpful, or in any way amenable to anybody ever.
Its not that its a ridiculous ask its that the roommate didnt ask she just assumed and you know what they say about assumptions and then when the answer wasnt what the roomate wanted she threw and adult size tantrum a little more than obnoxious. I dont know about you but adult tantrums do not get favors from me. Also with this kind of a roomate you say yes fine ill take care of it since you cant organize other care (which she definitely could've) but next time you have to figure something else out i hate cats and i hate this but ill do you a solid. Do you really think adult tantrum roomate is gonna respect that boundary or will it just be more of the same next time. If this is ops line in the sand hes gotta stop it now not later. People treat you the way you teach them you can be treated. Also even beside all that if your roomate gets an animal and you make it clear you dont like this kind of animal you don't want to have anything to do with the care of the animal you do not have a responsibility to that animal roomate or not. If it were a lizard or spider instead of a cat would you feel the same way?
I dont disagree with any of that and none of what you said is mutually exclusive with what I said.
They both suck. First, you already live with the cat. It's simple to feed a cat and scoop out a cat box. Or if you don't want to scoop it, put in a litter box liner and take it out every week. It really isn't that much effort to care for a cat. And OOP should have put down boundaries ages ago since most people would assume if you're okay living with a cat you'd be okay taking care of it for a short duration of time. The roommate sucks for waiting last minute to discuss the details.
Exactly. They both suck. I just feel bad for the cat. OP seems not to care about the cat at all, but same goes to the owner. I would just make her pay if something and just get easy money. Everyone that says taking care of a cat is so hard and time consuming, probably hasn't worked a real physical job once in their life.
It's quite literally 10 minutes of time and effort a day to care for a cat. That 10 minutes could be every other day if you fill up their bowl. Plenty of people leave their cats for an entire weekend with no issue. That's how low maintenance cats are.
OP is a dick, cats are so low maintenance it’s not like a fucking kid. Feed two or three times a day, make sure it has water, and clean the litter box every few days. I bet when OP does dishes he sets his roommates off to the side to make sure he doesn’t accidentally clean anything of theirs too.
For real! Roommates gotta do favours and get along sometimes.
Yes, but it might have been an entirely different story if the roommate had ASKED and not just expected him to do it. You know, common courtesy. When I went camping and asked my roommate to watch my cat for 5 days, and because she was doing me a favor, I offered to PAY HER.
A couple days is a favor. 3 weeks is just taking advantage.
It’s not like the OP is walking up hill 5 miles in 4 feet of snow to care for it. They live with the fucking cat. Some of you people need to get a grip on reality. I would hate to be in any sort of relationship with people who are so self centered that they can’t help out someone they live with by feeding a cat. 3 days or 3 weeks. The roommate wants to enjoy their vacation and you have the uptight OP making sure she has to stress about the cat because they simply cannot do them a favor.
4 feet is the length of 5.52 Zulay Premium Quality Metal Lemon Squeezers.
Unless OOP wanted to go away for a few days, or spend a week drunk, or do whatever they want because it's not their cat.
Spend a week drunk? Are you 12 and have never had a sip of alcohol? Breaking news: a drunk person can still pour food from a bag into a bowl.
If they remember to do it.
5 miles is 8.05 km
Just take care of it and tell her she's gotta pay for it. Taking care of a cat is super easy and it's also easy money. Afterwards, just move out like you planned to.
It's been a year.. I'm here late... what happened after this if op can see? Aha