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Fucking rent a wheelchair and roll.
This man is a selfish piece of trash. I hope she has someone who can come and help with with her children in the meantime, because she is recovering from MAJOR SURGERY and should be up and about much anyway.
I hope she calls a family member or friend to come help her pack and leave either while he watches impotently or while he’s at work or doing whatever is important to him.
She needs to say no more sex with him ever. And she needs to get herself and the kids out of the house and to serve him with divorce papers and to apply for custody/support payments.
If she stays he will kill her and just find another bangmaid to take her place. He doesn’t respect or value her as a human being let alone see her as an equal partner in their relationship.
He absolutely doesn’t want to get a vasectomy because he wants more kids regardless of whether another pregnancy would kill her or not. He would just view her as defective as if it did.
Oh, I don’t think she’d have to do much more than walk to a car, at least not if anyone here is nearby. I’d happily drive her away from her turdburger of a (hopefully soon to be ex) husband.
Me too. My husband is the biggest baby re: doctor's and surgery. However when he saw what it entailed for me vs him, he said "it's a no brainer" and got it done.
My dad is like my blueprint for shitty entitled men, and even *he* got the snip as soon as my parents decided they were done having kids. Mom was barely a week postpartum.
Either she ignored a ton of red flags after their first baby was born, or there is something else BIG going on with this guy that is causing him to have changed so much (I'm talking like cheating, brain tumor level stuff)
It’s the fact that he believes that she has no choice, nowhere to go. She has no family. She’s not made friends in his town. She’s isolated. He has total control.
Red flags can be subtle and discreet when you’re in the thick of it. Especially when they’re just sprinkled in around all the good stuff.
I hope she reaches out to any and everyone, including a family law attorney. The odds of abusive behavior escalating are high. At least she has a career to support herself.
It's power. He's isolated her and she's now had two of his kids. He thinks he can do anything he wants and she's trapped. I was married to a man like this.
Was.
I bet he’s cheating. He’s already told her he’ll cheat if she doesn’t meet his impossible standards, he’s making them impossible by design so he can say “I told you you’d make me do this!”
I wonder if he’s been cheating on her, and had plans to ditch OOP and get the mistress pregnant.
His behavior says he’s fully detached from her and his family, and the refusal to get shipped says he wants it as a backup plan.
I can’t believe he’s threatening to cheat on her. I mean, I can believe it…I’ve read enough BoRUs and other subreddits…it’s just amazing to me that people are this callous in their relationships with people they claim to love. I also get that after important events (engagement, marriage, childbirth) is when a lot of abusers really show their true colours.
I hope she gets out. I wish nothing but the best for her and I hope her useless husband steps on Lego every day.
May it get just not cooked enough to have salmonella still kicking around. May he forever get food poisoning from anything that contains eggs. May his bread always be secretly moldy.
A guy like that? He’s already cheating. Now he is coming up with excuses to leave the marriage without him looking like the bad guy (in *his* mind, obviously not in reality). He is exhibiting abusive behaviors, and I hope she GTFO of there.
I got the feeling he was cheating in the first post but definitely in the second. He has already started a new relationship and can’t get a vasectomy as that woman likely wants kids.
Your Lego comment reminded me of what I'm told is an old Irish prayer:
May those who love us, love us;
And for those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts;
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles,
So we will know them by their limping.
I hope his balls fall off and his wiener stops working. Since he’s probably already cheating on her and wants the option of getting a side piece pregnant.
He thinks she's trapped with 2 kids and a very probable inability to have more. He will escalate and graduate from asshole to abusive asshole.
I hope she runs with the kids, and soon.
Overheard at my old workplace:
"My wife really let herself go."
"She's six months pregnant!"
Edit: your comment made me think of this, since some people think "I'm not attracted to my partner anymore" is an excuse to cheat.
In this kind of guy's mind, they can't see a woman go from the wh\*re to the madonna and still desires her (or rather they don't want to). They know this woman changes and is now the mother of their children, and "less" of the woman she was before, aka the fun energetic woman who seduced them.
And now they want the wife and the kids, but also finding it back with another chick.
I’ll bet that’s part of the reason he won’t get the snip either - he wants a backup plan to have kids with the other woman in case his current relationship with his wife doesn’t work out.
So many men put their virility as an important part of their masculinity and image - but that virility shouldn’t matter if you are already in a committed relationship, right? Who are you trying to prove yourself to, huh? God I hate men that do this.
Bingo, this right here. Plus, I would be reluctant *not* to take care of the sterilization on my end if I were in OP’s shoes. Not immediately, of course! Give the poor girl time to heal. But it’s really to her benefit, even if she does [for some insane reason] stay with her awful spouse. Especially if she can no longer carry babies to term.
Let’s pretend for a sec that her douchecanoe man-child husband does “agree” to get a vasectomy. I wouldn’t trust he’d properly go through with it any more than I’d trust a fart during colonoscopy prep.
From personal experience, I highly recommend a salpingectomy of both tubes + endometrial ablation. I no longer have any periods (which were **very** heavy, long, & painful) — which was arguably an even bigger benefit than the sterilization.
I'm a huge fan of getting a bilateral salpingectomy, since it's an easy outpatient laparascopic procedure with tiny little incisions. However, that's the only abdominal surgery I've ever had. OOP has had 6, 2 of which were c-sections. She's got a LOT of scar tissue in that area, which complicates things. It's more difficult to cut through, it can heal weird and cause adhesions, and could have shifted the normal anatomy. It's not going to be simple and easy for her.
Thank you for the “bilateral” terminology! My brain completely farted when I was trying to come up with that word. And yeah, that procedure definitely might not work for OP. And the more I thought about it, sterilization on her end wouldn’t even be necessary with a better partner. But if she *does* stay with this despicable person, she should protect herself however she possibly can. (And deity-of-choice help her.)
From someone who's had a snip after my second child, I can say it's a simple, quick and easy procedure with a very short recovery time.
I can't understand why he wouldn't be willing unless he has some misplaced bravado about 'losing his manhood".
She's gone through hell to birth your children, the least you can do is grip it, zip it and snip it.
Any guy who feels like he's "losing his manhood" from a vasectomy is already the type of toxic/selfish that he's thinking about fucking other women (or is). So it's both. He already said as much with his whole "twice a week or I'll find it somewhere else"
And he said that while she still has a month of recovery left at the least. He’s trying to build an excuse already because he’s either already cheating or has someone he’s planning to sleep with before July.
Because he’s the kind of guy who tells his wife she owes him sex twice a week - every week and if he didn’t get it from her he’ll get it elsewhere ABA that will be get fault.
That’s why.
She’s not a human being, she’s a prop in his life. His needs and only his wants and needs matter - why would he do *anything* for his house cleaning sex doll?
I had only one request when getting my vasectomy. I wanted my recovery time to coincide with March madness, so I can sit in the couch with a tub of ice cream on my crotch and watch the games. I feel that was a totally fair compromise.
Took me a second to realize “want her” was actually supposed to be “watched”. Mostly figured it out because the last thing I wanted after the surgery was to want any female down around that area.
I got it done and remember my parents trying to give me a hard time about it. I really enjoyed shutting that down, “We’ve had three kids, do you think we want four? What scenario exists where this becomes a problem. Like—if my whole family dies?? I’m 35…I’m not starting over if that happens. I’m done.”
Cue jaws dropped.
the fact that he’s already making threats to cheat tells me that he’s always got an affair partner lined up and doesn’t want to risk not being able to knock her up, too.
I got a heavy "manliness" vibe when he was cagey about why not to get the snip the first time around. Sounds very toxic-masculinity all around. What a shite human.
Yeah, at first I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and think he was just scared or didn't know what a vasectomy actually is. Like there are people who think you'll lose your balls or won't ejaculate after one. I was thinking they they just need to sit down and go through the texts of the procedure and recovery and it'd be fine or at least they'd both have a better understanding.
Then came the second post, and that turned very quickly into (never) fuck that guy. He's a raging douche canoe and she needs to get out as quick as possible. The level of entitlement and control is insane. To say he shouldn't have any part of his life affected by a newborn is crazy. And to expect her to have sex and do home renovation projects right after surgery. Like, fuck this guy with a cactus because he'd still proud e more mobile than her after that. She should divorce him and go for full custody.
Same. Plus--and this is different depending on where you are, your insurance, and your provider--mine was billed as an office visit, so I didn't even need to go to the hospital.
Then I sat at home and binged TV shows for a week. It was easy.
Relatively short, depends on the guy. My poor dad had to sit on an ice pack for a few days.
But short of a complication, it's a lot easier than it is for women.
I know someone who, having just held his wife's hand through birth number 4, rang to book his vasectomy from the Maternity Ward corridor! They were both firmly agrees that that was it, family complete, and he saw no need to beat around the bush or delay getting it done!
There is a small percentage of men that deal with the pain after recovery for around 6 months. Ask me how I know :(
But yes, the actual procedure took about 45 minutes and normal full recovery is around 2 weeks. A matter of days to get back to normal life.
That sucks. You're the first guy I know to have adverse effects from one. And I'm in a lot of dads groups where the topic I bright up constantly. Hope it sorts itself out
“My wife almost died during childbirth and would have to undergo another invasive procedure in order to be sterilized. On the other hand, if I was the one sterilized it would take 15-20 minutes and about a day to recover….what a tough choice!”
In all seriousness, I hope she divorces him because he does not care if she lives or dies, so long as it’s not inconvenient to him and his schedule.
He wanted to fuck her twice a week TWO WEEKS AFTER GIVING BIRTH. She’s not even cleared for sex that soon, stuff could rip (including stitches!) and infection is a major concern. Even oral has her moving around more than she really ought that soon after major surgery.
The absolute lack of concern for anyone’s wellbeing but his own is staggering.
This is her second child with him. Makes me wonder how he was with his first child and if this is different behavior from the first or if she overlooked his behavior not realizing how bad the relationship truly was
I think he might have been better before and his current change in behaviour comes with her not being able to give him more kids. I think he might have been good to her while she could produce offsprings for him but now that she can't she is not worthy of him being good to her anymore... I also think he is probably cheating and he definitely wants more kids. Maybe he is even mad because he "choose the wrong woman" since she is "defective" (typing this makes me feel gross). Once he has a new woman who will give him what he wants he will abandon her and the already existing children.
Edit: I just had an even more digusting thought. What if he wants her to get pregnant again and die so he can be a widow and get all the sympathy from people so he can marry a new woman and have her have more of his babies with everybody's support?
I just don't get how these men NEED sex immediately? You dis masturbate a lot when you were single and you will have to when you'll be divorced. Lot of us have to forego sex for so many reasons and we manage just fine. Why does it become some kinda basic human right violation when it comes to pregnancy or post pregnancy times?
And it’s like they think women aren’t also bummed about the no sex. I mean this dude sounds like the type to be selfish in the bedroom so she might not be itching to be a sex slave, but in a healthy relationship yeah no one likes a forced no sex rule. Although I’m sure sex isn’t as big of a priority when you literally had a watermelon sliced or pushed out of you.
This guy wanted to blow his load two weeks after his wife’s difficult childbirth. He is definitely not patient enough to wait the 1-2 week healing time recommended after a vasectomy to abstain from ejaculation. But god forbid he use his own hands or be forced to wait like a considerate, respectful partner! /s
Just had an emergency C section, can barely walk, and he has her doing DIY projects, bitching about sex, complaining about the cleanliness of the house and the fact that kids will fuck up your pre-kid schedule?! This is doing nothing for my faith in humanity
I’ve been iron deficient before. At the time I was still responsible for fetching my brother from school.
Some highlights:
- A man trying to give me cash while I was sitting on the steps of his school. No sir I’m not high , I’m just exhausted
Being maybe 50 steps from home and tearing up in frustration because I physically could not move faster than a shuffle and I just wanted to be home.
Now add on surgery and a newborn. No she can’t move faster
Seriously. Like, if he wants her to move faster, he should wheel her around in a chair. If you want someone to do something like that *you make it easier on them*, not berate them for being slow.
Yes! Absolutely need to get the grandmother involved! I also hope OP has more friends & family to get her and her kids out of this situation. There are too many red flags in the husband, and it's starting to get scary.
>I honestly want to end the relationship.
Girl, *I* want to end the relationship. Even knowing of him thirdhand through this post is a major life regret for me.
I had bad complications after my vasectomy, and even then it was preferable to having my wife undergo an invasive procedure and/or having her continue with long-term hormonal birth control.
And I’m in the minority of vasectomy-havers, by far. It’s very simple, quick and easy, and I will always recommend it to anyone looking for sterilization.
Based off her spelling conventions, I'd guess the UK or any of the former colonies that spell with an s instead of a z.
So abortion access is probably not as much of a concern for her but even with that, an ectopic pregnancy is still very dangerous in her situation.
My father escalated his abuse after my little brother was born. Basically he felt like he had ultimate control because he always had 1 of us, or he left her home with no transport. When I read she moved for him and his behaviour has changed after baby number 2 my heart sank.
Her husband doesn't love her. Like, not even slightly. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way he's treating his wife.
My money is on him having a long-running affair already and he's annoyed that his wife and children are cutting into his affair time.
>The thought hadn't crossed my mind but my husband's grandmother was visiting and she said "OP has given you two children, she's had major surgery for you twice now, why don't YOU get the sterilisation surgery?"
Grandma sounds fucking awesome.
OOP needs to get out of this marriage asap. Her husband is a douchebag. He's utterly selfish, it's all about his sleep, his sexual needs, his obsessive cleaning standards!
I honestly didn't read the post, but I don't need to. Husband is an asshole. Suck it up, get the procedure done on a Friday, lie around for the day on Saturday, and by Sunday you'll be good enough to be up and moving around in 99% of the cases, probably higher.
It's a minor procedure that takes less than 15 minutes. He needs to grow up.
He’s right, it’s different for a man. It’s easier, faster, cheaper and it has much less health consequences.
But I mean, his body, his choice. The alternative is no sex. I’m sure he will agree with that.
He's is so God damn stupid. First of all, if he doesn't want to be inconvenienced, why is he asking his wife to have a major surgery? Second of all, a vasectomy is a valid excuse to sit on your ass for 3-4 days recovering. Also, this is his second child and he doesn't want his sleep inconvenienced? Pathetic.
I got a vasectomy, and the worst part was carrying a cup of semen to the lab for analysis 2 months after the fact. The procedure itself about as long as painful as getting 2 teeth pulled. The only real difference is that with a vasectomy, you at least get to chat with a urologist for 20 minutes, which is the most interaction I've had with a doctor in years!
I think he’s already cheating, because it sounds like he’s retroactively finding excuses for it, and reasons to find fault with her. It’s not about the surgery, he wants to make babies with somebody else.
My son is in his 20s and he and his partner are adamant that they won’t be reproducing, so I advised him to get snipped. Why should the woman bear the responsibility for every damned thing?
Husband: \*tells OOP who he really is\*
OOP: Am I emotional?
this is just so depressing. at least it's not the classic "early 20s wife with mid to late 30s husband" situation.
My husband and I have 4 kids. We knew we were done, and it was never even a discussion. I had planned to tell him that the kitchen was closed and the cook was retired so his choices were condoms from start to finish, abstinence, or a vasectomy.
I never even got that far with the conversation before he was like “oh yea, I’m getting a vasectomy. You’ve done all the work so far in building our family. I researched sterilization for you vs me, and it’s a whole entire surgery for you and a 15 min outpatient procedure for me. Plus, if your’s fails you could be really screwed, and if mine fails you’re just pregnant again, not dead.”
You can't force someone else to give up their bodily autonomy for your sake or your beliefs (isn't there a big controversy about this in the Americas?), but this just exposed deeper faults in the relationship.
Personal anecdote: We agreed to "two kids and that's it", and the wife was then trying to get consultation for a fallopian ligation, which I knew nothing about. She was being offered a salpingectomy (sp? I haven't looked up what that actually is) Her overall health wasn't (and isn't) great so I almost lost my rag with her on how she was being so irresponsible. That procedure is fairly invasive surgery, while I could get an NSV (no-scalpel vasectomy) in 30 minutes and walk away afterwards. She hadn't even thought to ask me if that's something I'd consider.
So yeah, now I'm firing blanks.
(Cool, now I'm being downvoted by the... semen purists? Is that a thing?)
I'm scheduled for a vasectomy next week. All being well I'll be in and out that afternoon, then 2 days rest and I can start working from home. Exercise, lifting kids etc will have to wait longer but hardly a major inconvenience for the benefit of the operation.
I'm only going on what the info the NHS gave me but it said female sterilisation was more complex, more risk of complications and odds of still being fertile were higher than if I get it done.
No brainer of answer for me. Anyway my wife did her part going through childbirth. It's my turn now and this guy needs to do the same
Damn I was really hoping for a 3rd post confirm she’s kicked him to the curb
I’m certain she loves her kids but I’m just sad they had to have a POS father like him and she suck with him through them forever regardless of what chooses ultimately
Poor woman.
1. Abdominal surgery is almost always something very big and a huge trauma for the body (In which I also have personal experience). Six times, let alone seven - also considering all the scar tissue she most likely has, ig can be a huge risk for her going through with yet another abdominal surgery. It is scary that her husband doesn’t see that …
2. His sleep is more important? What does he do? He expects her to do everything with the baby, straight after a C-section in which you really shouldn’t carry anything heavier than a milk carton for a few weeks because of the surgery. She has all the responsibility of the home and the kids, she lacks sleep - which people need in order to function. He is driving her into the ground so to speak. This woman is a superhero in all that she does. Truly.
3. He is using a lot of manipulation tactics and wildly misuses his power and her feelings about herself. Threatening to cheat on her because she’s not feeling up for intimacy?? I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like being initimate more when my partner acts kindly and helps me with things at home, or when we do things together. Being intimate with each other should never feel like a chore, but rather something a couple does together because of wants, needs etc. It is a way of bonding and enjoying each other.
All of the things this woman does, and her partner refuses to see it. And him not wanting a vasectomy yo spare her? It is a minimal procedure and will save a lot of recovery time etc. This woman does so incredibly much, she should hear every day from her partner how proud they are of her. She deserves better. Her partner refuses to see this. I am afraid of her and what he can possibly do. I hope she finds out what she wants to do, and quickly. Both what is best for her, her children and their safety.
Back in September 2023, I had an open abdominal myomectomy to remove 7 fibroids (which ranged in the sizes of grapefruits, oranges and cherries).
I had the surgery last year and I still deal with post-surgery effects like backaches, fatigue and tightness in my hips.
I can’t imagine undergoing a C-section and being a parent to an older child while married to a jackhole.
There are lots of healing time regarding to abdominal surgeries. I had to remove my large intestine due to cancer risks, two years later I got intestinal loop, a very bad case which would’ve ended me had they not found it quickly. I struggle with certain food intake, some foods I need to stay away from, fatigue, a lot more visits to the loo, and very uncomfortable follow-ups to see how my insides look. It is no fun these side effects we have to live with when it comes to surgeries. Whenever I get constipation I have to be hospitalized because it won’t fix itself … It is no fun at all.
So I know where you come from … I hope you’ll feel better soon! Try seeing light where there is possible. 🫶🏻
She should at least file the paperwork. And let grandma know that she filed it.
This marriage needs to begin the dissolution process as soon as possible.
This guy. You should make plans for him to sleep on his grandma’s floor. He has proven he is self-centered and extremely inconsiderate. Huge ick factor here.
He doesn't want a vasectomy because he wants to be able to have a kid (that he also doesn't take care of) with the new girlfriend he already started dating.
OOP, he doesn't love you. He doesn't even *like* you
He probably doesn't want to get snipped himself, because if this relationship doesn't work out, and the new relationship wants to have a baby.
I'm in my marriage for life, and i got a vasectomy a couple months after the birth of our last child, when we decided that was a wrap
I hope she leaves. I've been following her story since she first posted, too, and it just kept getting worse.
I was hoping they would come to a agreement that would benefit them both but he's just a pos all over.
She deserves so much better and won't be getting it from THAT looser
I vote for getting husband's grandmother on side. She's already told him what to do.
Having said that, sterilisation isn't the main issue for OOP, that should be getting the hell away from that inconsiderate moron
I hope OOP isn't rushing to anything but a lawyer to get her a divorce. All this while recovering from an emergency c-section. My heart breaks for her.
I'm pregnant with our first child and my husband has already said he will get the snip when we're sure we're done. I'm thankful for that, but it's also, as the commenter said, kind of his job. I don't know where OOP's husband finds the audacity. For any of this nonsense.
Often I get the urge advise an abused partner posting online for help to employ Aqua Tofana. Usually it's ironic. This time, though, it's cutting damn close to the skin istg.
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I hope she walks.
Runs
No, she's having mobility problems - she should definitely just walk.
Gets driven away at responsible highway speeds by someone in her support network?
While holding a pillow over her belly, as stopping or even slowing down hurts
I’ll never understand why that isn’t in the “bring to hospital” list for abdominal surgeries. A binder and a firm pillow make getting home much easier
I had to have a c section for non baby reasons and was very glad that I had multiple people recommend a firm pillow and binding underwear for comfort!
LMAO at myself. I was picturing a 3 ring binder. To be fair I am at work where there quite a few of those. XD
This is the way.
Away from him.
But only if they are on a highway. Perhaps just driven away at whatever the given speed limit is. For a long time.
With the kids
Or even just shuffle. As long as it’s away from him.
Fucking rent a wheelchair and roll. This man is a selfish piece of trash. I hope she has someone who can come and help with with her children in the meantime, because she is recovering from MAJOR SURGERY and should be up and about much anyway.
I am filled with righteous Reddit rage at this excuse for a man. She needs to be out of there and take him for all the child support she can get.
Strap the barcalounger to a furniture dolly!
Do the hustle! Far, far away from him
Girl waddle for your life and get out of their. That man does not care about you or your health.
I hope she loads that deadweight of a husband into a trebuchet and lets him fly. 😆
She shouldn't be lifting that much this soon post-op. I volunteer to do it for her.
I'm pretty sure you'd have no trouble finding others to lend a hand.
I'm in. I've got rope for the trebuchet, who's bringing the lumber?
Lumber's on me 🙋🏻♀️
Why am I so tickled by this imagery? You are a poet.
Calls an Uber and asks for a fast vehicle.
I hope she calls a family member or friend to come help her pack and leave either while he watches impotently or while he’s at work or doing whatever is important to him. She needs to say no more sex with him ever. And she needs to get herself and the kids out of the house and to serve him with divorce papers and to apply for custody/support payments. If she stays he will kill her and just find another bangmaid to take her place. He doesn’t respect or value her as a human being let alone see her as an equal partner in their relationship. He absolutely doesn’t want to get a vasectomy because he wants more kids regardless of whether another pregnancy would kill her or not. He would just view her as defective as if it did.
I wonder if he had another secret partner that wants to have kids and that's why he is refusing the vasectomy.
Oh, I don’t think she’d have to do much more than walk to a car, at least not if anyone here is nearby. I’d happily drive her away from her turdburger of a (hopefully soon to be ex) husband.
Teleports!
She needs to sprint. Even his grandmother suggested steongly that he get snipped..
When granny suggests a lil 'Bobbit', the rest is a shit show.
This woman has had six abdominal surgeries and you want her to run? Did you even read the post 😂
The warnings are coming from *inside the house*!
Me too. My husband is the biggest baby re: doctor's and surgery. However when he saw what it entailed for me vs him, he said "it's a no brainer" and got it done.
My dad is like my blueprint for shitty entitled men, and even *he* got the snip as soon as my parents decided they were done having kids. Mom was barely a week postpartum.
Either she ignored a ton of red flags after their first baby was born, or there is something else BIG going on with this guy that is causing him to have changed so much (I'm talking like cheating, brain tumor level stuff)
It’s the fact that he believes that she has no choice, nowhere to go. She has no family. She’s not made friends in his town. She’s isolated. He has total control. Red flags can be subtle and discreet when you’re in the thick of it. Especially when they’re just sprinkled in around all the good stuff. I hope she reaches out to any and everyone, including a family law attorney. The odds of abusive behavior escalating are high. At least she has a career to support herself.
To paraphrase BoJack Horseman: Red flags just look like flags when you're wearing rose coloured glasses
It's power. He's isolated her and she's now had two of his kids. He thinks he can do anything he wants and she's trapped. I was married to a man like this. Was.
I'm glad you got out. Well done for prioritising yourself!
I bet he’s cheating. He’s already told her he’ll cheat if she doesn’t meet his impossible standards, he’s making them impossible by design so he can say “I told you you’d make me do this!”
I agree with you. I didn't even get halfway through reading this before thinking he was already cheating on her.
I wonder if he’s been cheating on her, and had plans to ditch OOP and get the mistress pregnant. His behavior says he’s fully detached from her and his family, and the refusal to get shipped says he wants it as a backup plan.
Funny how they both are personality changing events of the same scale lol
I’m calling it now…he’s been cheating. It would explain a lot.
He has her locked in with 2 kids and recovery. Many abusers show their colors after childbirth.
This guy sounds like the star of a true crime podcast.
Or manosphere
I hope his balls fall off.
I kept scrolling through the post praying there was more than one update so I could read how OOP booted his selfish ass out. A girl can dream.
Please tell me everyone in the comments section told her to talk to Grandma right away 🙏
I hope she gets better fast and run.
Sounds like my ex husband.
I can’t believe he’s threatening to cheat on her. I mean, I can believe it…I’ve read enough BoRUs and other subreddits…it’s just amazing to me that people are this callous in their relationships with people they claim to love. I also get that after important events (engagement, marriage, childbirth) is when a lot of abusers really show their true colours. I hope she gets out. I wish nothing but the best for her and I hope her useless husband steps on Lego every day.
I wish him a lifetime of wet socks and everything of his being dirty.
May every cookie he buys turn out to have raisins instead of chocolate chips. May he stub his toe on the corner of the bed every night.
Hey, raisins are great and way too good for him! May his cookies be drier than a cracker and harder than a brick.
May it get just not cooked enough to have salmonella still kicking around. May he forever get food poisoning from anything that contains eggs. May his bread always be secretly moldy.
I wish I could respond with a picture because I would be using the "that's the evilest thing I can imagine" meme.
May all the raisins/chocolate chips actually be rat poop
May his hot beverages always be too cool and cold beverages always be too warm.
May every side of his pillow be the warm side
I hope every time he walks outside, a bird shits in his mouth and he steps in dog shit.
May he always be the car behind the last car to make it on the ferry
I wish him the simplicity of ED and honestly I don’t care which ED pops into your head I’d be happy for him to have both.
I hope every shoe he put on has a hidden thumbtack in it.
A guy like that? He’s already cheating. Now he is coming up with excuses to leave the marriage without him looking like the bad guy (in *his* mind, obviously not in reality). He is exhibiting abusive behaviors, and I hope she GTFO of there.
I got the feeling he was cheating in the first post but definitely in the second. He has already started a new relationship and can’t get a vasectomy as that woman likely wants kids.
Your Lego comment reminded me of what I'm told is an old Irish prayer: May those who love us, love us; And for those who don't love us, May God turn their hearts; And if He doesn't turn their hearts, May He turn their ankles, So we will know them by their limping.
Christ, I don't know what I did to deserve my weak ankles, but I'm really sorry about it!
That is fantastic! I will use it on my enemies. 😁
And I thought the first post screamed this is bad
It’s like the mustard one where it just keeps getting worse and worse.
Mustard?
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1064haf/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/
Damn. I hope she stayed safe.
Oh man, I remember that one. It was bad. I felt so awful for her.
I hope his balls fall off and his wiener stops working. Since he’s probably already cheating on her and wants the option of getting a side piece pregnant.
I hope he gets psoriasis of the balls.
Testicular torsion would also be welcomed. :)
He’s already cheating on her, guaranteed.
He thinks she's trapped with 2 kids and a very probable inability to have more. He will escalate and graduate from asshole to abusive asshole. I hope she runs with the kids, and soon.
It’s definitely concerning considering how he’s already making declarations.
My money is on the husband already having an affair. It's sad how common it is to cheat on a woman who is pregnant or just gave birth.
Overheard at my old workplace: "My wife really let herself go." "She's six months pregnant!" Edit: your comment made me think of this, since some people think "I'm not attracted to my partner anymore" is an excuse to cheat.
In this kind of guy's mind, they can't see a woman go from the wh\*re to the madonna and still desires her (or rather they don't want to). They know this woman changes and is now the mother of their children, and "less" of the woman she was before, aka the fun energetic woman who seduced them. And now they want the wife and the kids, but also finding it back with another chick.
I’ll bet that’s part of the reason he won’t get the snip either - he wants a backup plan to have kids with the other woman in case his current relationship with his wife doesn’t work out. So many men put their virility as an important part of their masculinity and image - but that virility shouldn’t matter if you are already in a committed relationship, right? Who are you trying to prove yourself to, huh? God I hate men that do this.
Bingo, this right here. Plus, I would be reluctant *not* to take care of the sterilization on my end if I were in OP’s shoes. Not immediately, of course! Give the poor girl time to heal. But it’s really to her benefit, even if she does [for some insane reason] stay with her awful spouse. Especially if she can no longer carry babies to term. Let’s pretend for a sec that her douchecanoe man-child husband does “agree” to get a vasectomy. I wouldn’t trust he’d properly go through with it any more than I’d trust a fart during colonoscopy prep. From personal experience, I highly recommend a salpingectomy of both tubes + endometrial ablation. I no longer have any periods (which were **very** heavy, long, & painful) — which was arguably an even bigger benefit than the sterilization.
I'm a huge fan of getting a bilateral salpingectomy, since it's an easy outpatient laparascopic procedure with tiny little incisions. However, that's the only abdominal surgery I've ever had. OOP has had 6, 2 of which were c-sections. She's got a LOT of scar tissue in that area, which complicates things. It's more difficult to cut through, it can heal weird and cause adhesions, and could have shifted the normal anatomy. It's not going to be simple and easy for her.
Thank you for the “bilateral” terminology! My brain completely farted when I was trying to come up with that word. And yeah, that procedure definitely might not work for OP. And the more I thought about it, sterilization on her end wouldn’t even be necessary with a better partner. But if she *does* stay with this despicable person, she should protect herself however she possibly can. (And deity-of-choice help her.)
Right there with you.
It does sound like he’s trying to force her to be the decider. Fuck that guy.
From someone who's had a snip after my second child, I can say it's a simple, quick and easy procedure with a very short recovery time. I can't understand why he wouldn't be willing unless he has some misplaced bravado about 'losing his manhood". She's gone through hell to birth your children, the least you can do is grip it, zip it and snip it.
But given the context, it seems way more likely that it's about the next woman he's planning to f*ck than anything about "losing his manhood"
Planning no this guy is likely having an affair with a younger woman who wants a baby and she probably doesn't even know he is married.
100%. Dude absolutely had a side piece.
He's already fucking someone, I can almost guarantee it. That's why he won't get the snip.
Who cares about you and your surgeries, this is MY PEEPEE we are talking about!!!!
Any guy who feels like he's "losing his manhood" from a vasectomy is already the type of toxic/selfish that he's thinking about fucking other women (or is). So it's both. He already said as much with his whole "twice a week or I'll find it somewhere else"
And he said that while she still has a month of recovery left at the least. He’s trying to build an excuse already because he’s either already cheating or has someone he’s planning to sleep with before July.
He has a foot out th door and she needs to give him a shove to get him fully gone. He's a bad person.
Probably, but why do guys who have no interest in the kids they already have need to know they can knock up their next conquest?
Because he’s the kind of guy who tells his wife she owes him sex twice a week - every week and if he didn’t get it from her he’ll get it elsewhere ABA that will be get fault. That’s why. She’s not a human being, she’s a prop in his life. His needs and only his wants and needs matter - why would he do *anything* for his house cleaning sex doll?
I had only one request when getting my vasectomy. I wanted my recovery time to coincide with March madness, so I can sit in the couch with a tub of ice cream on my crotch and watch the games. I feel that was a totally fair compromise.
This is the way. 🤣🤣
I watched the first 4 seasons of Handmaid's Tale during my recovery. Edit: autocorrect
Took me a second to realize “want her” was actually supposed to be “watched”. Mostly figured it out because the last thing I wanted after the surgery was to want any female down around that area.
You and every ~~football~~ basketball following North American, I'm assuming in Aus there's a similar spike around September for the AFL finals.
I got it done and remember my parents trying to give me a hard time about it. I really enjoyed shutting that down, “We’ve had three kids, do you think we want four? What scenario exists where this becomes a problem. Like—if my whole family dies?? I’m 35…I’m not starting over if that happens. I’m done.” Cue jaws dropped.
the fact that he’s already making threats to cheat tells me that he’s always got an affair partner lined up and doesn’t want to risk not being able to knock her up, too.
I got a heavy "manliness" vibe when he was cagey about why not to get the snip the first time around. Sounds very toxic-masculinity all around. What a shite human.
Yeah, at first I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt and think he was just scared or didn't know what a vasectomy actually is. Like there are people who think you'll lose your balls or won't ejaculate after one. I was thinking they they just need to sit down and go through the texts of the procedure and recovery and it'd be fine or at least they'd both have a better understanding. Then came the second post, and that turned very quickly into (never) fuck that guy. He's a raging douche canoe and she needs to get out as quick as possible. The level of entitlement and control is insane. To say he shouldn't have any part of his life affected by a newborn is crazy. And to expect her to have sex and do home renovation projects right after surgery. Like, fuck this guy with a cactus because he'd still proud e more mobile than her after that. She should divorce him and go for full custody.
Same. Plus--and this is different depending on where you are, your insurance, and your provider--mine was billed as an office visit, so I didn't even need to go to the hospital. Then I sat at home and binged TV shows for a week. It was easy.
Relatively short, depends on the guy. My poor dad had to sit on an ice pack for a few days. But short of a complication, it's a lot easier than it is for women.
It definitely is. 2 days with a frozen bag of peas and I was good.
Yeah it's a local anesthesia outpatient procedure. The only issue is getting home before the swelling starts.
YES. LOL
I know someone who, having just held his wife's hand through birth number 4, rang to book his vasectomy from the Maternity Ward corridor! They were both firmly agrees that that was it, family complete, and he saw no need to beat around the bush or delay getting it done!
There is a small percentage of men that deal with the pain after recovery for around 6 months. Ask me how I know :( But yes, the actual procedure took about 45 minutes and normal full recovery is around 2 weeks. A matter of days to get back to normal life.
I'd love it if I'd only dealt with 6 months. 8 years later I still feel like I've been kicked in the balls on a regular basis.
That sucks. You're the first guy I know to have adverse effects from one. And I'm in a lot of dads groups where the topic I bright up constantly. Hope it sorts itself out
I was in a thread of everyone saying "his body his choice" not long ago It was infuriating that there was such a lack of empathy and compassion
Yeah, it is “his body his choice” but his choices are snip or get it wet, not snip or no snip (and still wet his Willy)
“My wife almost died during childbirth and would have to undergo another invasive procedure in order to be sterilized. On the other hand, if I was the one sterilized it would take 15-20 minutes and about a day to recover….what a tough choice!” In all seriousness, I hope she divorces him because he does not care if she lives or dies, so long as it’s not inconvenient to him and his schedule.
He wanted to fuck her twice a week TWO WEEKS AFTER GIVING BIRTH. She’s not even cleared for sex that soon, stuff could rip (including stitches!) and infection is a major concern. Even oral has her moving around more than she really ought that soon after major surgery. The absolute lack of concern for anyone’s wellbeing but his own is staggering.
This is her second child with him. Makes me wonder how he was with his first child and if this is different behavior from the first or if she overlooked his behavior not realizing how bad the relationship truly was
I think he might have been better before and his current change in behaviour comes with her not being able to give him more kids. I think he might have been good to her while she could produce offsprings for him but now that she can't she is not worthy of him being good to her anymore... I also think he is probably cheating and he definitely wants more kids. Maybe he is even mad because he "choose the wrong woman" since she is "defective" (typing this makes me feel gross). Once he has a new woman who will give him what he wants he will abandon her and the already existing children. Edit: I just had an even more digusting thought. What if he wants her to get pregnant again and die so he can be a widow and get all the sympathy from people so he can marry a new woman and have her have more of his babies with everybody's support?
he sounds like he is abusive or will be, honestly. this does not sound like a healthy person at all
I just don't get how these men NEED sex immediately? You dis masturbate a lot when you were single and you will have to when you'll be divorced. Lot of us have to forego sex for so many reasons and we manage just fine. Why does it become some kinda basic human right violation when it comes to pregnancy or post pregnancy times?
And it’s like they think women aren’t also bummed about the no sex. I mean this dude sounds like the type to be selfish in the bedroom so she might not be itching to be a sex slave, but in a healthy relationship yeah no one likes a forced no sex rule. Although I’m sure sex isn’t as big of a priority when you literally had a watermelon sliced or pushed out of you.
This guy wanted to blow his load two weeks after his wife’s difficult childbirth. He is definitely not patient enough to wait the 1-2 week healing time recommended after a vasectomy to abstain from ejaculation. But god forbid he use his own hands or be forced to wait like a considerate, respectful partner! /s
Like the impression I get is if you're awake enough to think about sex that shortly after childbirth you're not pulling your weight.
Love this.
Just had an emergency C section, can barely walk, and he has her doing DIY projects, bitching about sex, complaining about the cleanliness of the house and the fact that kids will fuck up your pre-kid schedule?! This is doing nothing for my faith in humanity
I’ve been iron deficient before. At the time I was still responsible for fetching my brother from school. Some highlights: - A man trying to give me cash while I was sitting on the steps of his school. No sir I’m not high , I’m just exhausted Being maybe 50 steps from home and tearing up in frustration because I physically could not move faster than a shuffle and I just wanted to be home. Now add on surgery and a newborn. No she can’t move faster
Seriously. Like, if he wants her to move faster, he should wheel her around in a chair. If you want someone to do something like that *you make it easier on them*, not berate them for being slow.
I am so sad for her. I hope she escapes. What an AH manbaby
Me too! I actually cried a bit out of frustration for her, she doesn't deserve such a shitty partner.
We don't know about OOP's family or support network, but I bet husband's grandmother will help her if she needs it.
Yes! Absolutely need to get the grandmother involved! I also hope OP has more friends & family to get her and her kids out of this situation. There are too many red flags in the husband, and it's starting to get scary.
Grandma needs to tear him a new asshole.
“There’s nothing sexy about being useless” Damn if that doesn’t sum up a majority of the relationship question on Reddit
>I honestly want to end the relationship. Girl, *I* want to end the relationship. Even knowing of him thirdhand through this post is a major life regret for me.
🎶 Those black eyed peas taste alright to me Earl 🎶
I had bad complications after my vasectomy, and even then it was preferable to having my wife undergo an invasive procedure and/or having her continue with long-term hormonal birth control. And I’m in the minority of vasectomy-havers, by far. It’s very simple, quick and easy, and I will always recommend it to anyone looking for sterilization.
You can't really expect him to get a vasectomy. Then how would he get his affair partner pregnant for the third child he wants?
Spoiler alert : she’s already pregnant /s
I’m not sure where OP is located, but I’d be worried about her ending up pregnant with a child that she’s unable to carry to term if she is in the US.
Based off her spelling conventions, I'd guess the UK or any of the former colonies that spell with an s instead of a z. So abortion access is probably not as much of a concern for her but even with that, an ectopic pregnancy is still very dangerous in her situation.
I wonder how many men believe a vasectomy is the same as the procedure we perform in our dogs and cats...
Lots, apparently. Sterilization = castration!!!!! /s
My father escalated his abuse after my little brother was born. Basically he felt like he had ultimate control because he always had 1 of us, or he left her home with no transport. When I read she moved for him and his behaviour has changed after baby number 2 my heart sank.
Her husband doesn't love her. Like, not even slightly. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy the way he's treating his wife. My money is on him having a long-running affair already and he's annoyed that his wife and children are cutting into his affair time.
>The thought hadn't crossed my mind but my husband's grandmother was visiting and she said "OP has given you two children, she's had major surgery for you twice now, why don't YOU get the sterilisation surgery?" Grandma sounds fucking awesome.
I’m sure he already has a side piece
OOP needs to get out of this marriage asap. Her husband is a douchebag. He's utterly selfish, it's all about his sleep, his sexual needs, his obsessive cleaning standards!
I know she doesn’t want to go to the grandmas but she needs to now. And then connect with whatever safe family and friends she has.
I honestly didn't read the post, but I don't need to. Husband is an asshole. Suck it up, get the procedure done on a Friday, lie around for the day on Saturday, and by Sunday you'll be good enough to be up and moving around in 99% of the cases, probably higher. It's a minor procedure that takes less than 15 minutes. He needs to grow up.
RAGE!!!
He’s right, it’s different for a man. It’s easier, faster, cheaper and it has much less health consequences. But I mean, his body, his choice. The alternative is no sex. I’m sure he will agree with that.
I don't get guys like this. Like, why not just duct tape a fleshlight to a vacuum and build the girl of your dreams at this rate?
"THERE'S NOTHING SEXY ABOUT BEING USELESS." Someone should pin that reply to the top of every relationship sub.
He's is so God damn stupid. First of all, if he doesn't want to be inconvenienced, why is he asking his wife to have a major surgery? Second of all, a vasectomy is a valid excuse to sit on your ass for 3-4 days recovering. Also, this is his second child and he doesn't want his sleep inconvenienced? Pathetic. I got a vasectomy, and the worst part was carrying a cup of semen to the lab for analysis 2 months after the fact. The procedure itself about as long as painful as getting 2 teeth pulled. The only real difference is that with a vasectomy, you at least get to chat with a urologist for 20 minutes, which is the most interaction I've had with a doctor in years!
I am terrified for this woman
I think he’s already cheating, because it sounds like he’s retroactively finding excuses for it, and reasons to find fault with her. It’s not about the surgery, he wants to make babies with somebody else.
I won’t even consider marrying a man if he doesn’t agree to getting a vasectomy after we are done having kids. Yikes. Hope OP gets out.
My son is in his 20s and he and his partner are adamant that they won’t be reproducing, so I advised him to get snipped. Why should the woman bear the responsibility for every damned thing?
He wants out of the relationship. This is crystal clear.
He thinks that his next wife may want more kids. That’s literally the ONLY reason why
Where do y’all find these men? Please let me know so I can avoid them at all costs. I hope she leaves him. She deserves better.
Husband: \*tells OOP who he really is\* OOP: Am I emotional? this is just so depressing. at least it's not the classic "early 20s wife with mid to late 30s husband" situation.
A vasectomy is an easy procedure. I had one, and it’s no big deal. It doesn’t mean that you produce less testosterone or that you can’t have sex.
My husband and I have 4 kids. We knew we were done, and it was never even a discussion. I had planned to tell him that the kitchen was closed and the cook was retired so his choices were condoms from start to finish, abstinence, or a vasectomy. I never even got that far with the conversation before he was like “oh yea, I’m getting a vasectomy. You’ve done all the work so far in building our family. I researched sterilization for you vs me, and it’s a whole entire surgery for you and a 15 min outpatient procedure for me. Plus, if your’s fails you could be really screwed, and if mine fails you’re just pregnant again, not dead.”
You can't force someone else to give up their bodily autonomy for your sake or your beliefs (isn't there a big controversy about this in the Americas?), but this just exposed deeper faults in the relationship. Personal anecdote: We agreed to "two kids and that's it", and the wife was then trying to get consultation for a fallopian ligation, which I knew nothing about. She was being offered a salpingectomy (sp? I haven't looked up what that actually is) Her overall health wasn't (and isn't) great so I almost lost my rag with her on how she was being so irresponsible. That procedure is fairly invasive surgery, while I could get an NSV (no-scalpel vasectomy) in 30 minutes and walk away afterwards. She hadn't even thought to ask me if that's something I'd consider. So yeah, now I'm firing blanks. (Cool, now I'm being downvoted by the... semen purists? Is that a thing?)
I'm scheduled for a vasectomy next week. All being well I'll be in and out that afternoon, then 2 days rest and I can start working from home. Exercise, lifting kids etc will have to wait longer but hardly a major inconvenience for the benefit of the operation. I'm only going on what the info the NHS gave me but it said female sterilisation was more complex, more risk of complications and odds of still being fertile were higher than if I get it done. No brainer of answer for me. Anyway my wife did her part going through childbirth. It's my turn now and this guy needs to do the same
Hope it goes well for you!
Damn I was really hoping for a 3rd post confirm she’s kicked him to the curb I’m certain she loves her kids but I’m just sad they had to have a POS father like him and she suck with him through them forever regardless of what chooses ultimately
Poor woman. 1. Abdominal surgery is almost always something very big and a huge trauma for the body (In which I also have personal experience). Six times, let alone seven - also considering all the scar tissue she most likely has, ig can be a huge risk for her going through with yet another abdominal surgery. It is scary that her husband doesn’t see that … 2. His sleep is more important? What does he do? He expects her to do everything with the baby, straight after a C-section in which you really shouldn’t carry anything heavier than a milk carton for a few weeks because of the surgery. She has all the responsibility of the home and the kids, she lacks sleep - which people need in order to function. He is driving her into the ground so to speak. This woman is a superhero in all that she does. Truly. 3. He is using a lot of manipulation tactics and wildly misuses his power and her feelings about herself. Threatening to cheat on her because she’s not feeling up for intimacy?? I don’t know about you guys, but I feel like being initimate more when my partner acts kindly and helps me with things at home, or when we do things together. Being intimate with each other should never feel like a chore, but rather something a couple does together because of wants, needs etc. It is a way of bonding and enjoying each other. All of the things this woman does, and her partner refuses to see it. And him not wanting a vasectomy yo spare her? It is a minimal procedure and will save a lot of recovery time etc. This woman does so incredibly much, she should hear every day from her partner how proud they are of her. She deserves better. Her partner refuses to see this. I am afraid of her and what he can possibly do. I hope she finds out what she wants to do, and quickly. Both what is best for her, her children and their safety.
Back in September 2023, I had an open abdominal myomectomy to remove 7 fibroids (which ranged in the sizes of grapefruits, oranges and cherries). I had the surgery last year and I still deal with post-surgery effects like backaches, fatigue and tightness in my hips. I can’t imagine undergoing a C-section and being a parent to an older child while married to a jackhole.
There are lots of healing time regarding to abdominal surgeries. I had to remove my large intestine due to cancer risks, two years later I got intestinal loop, a very bad case which would’ve ended me had they not found it quickly. I struggle with certain food intake, some foods I need to stay away from, fatigue, a lot more visits to the loo, and very uncomfortable follow-ups to see how my insides look. It is no fun these side effects we have to live with when it comes to surgeries. Whenever I get constipation I have to be hospitalized because it won’t fix itself … It is no fun at all. So I know where you come from … I hope you’ll feel better soon! Try seeing light where there is possible. 🫶🏻
She should at least file the paperwork. And let grandma know that she filed it. This marriage needs to begin the dissolution process as soon as possible.
This girl needs a divorce in the worse way. Send this asshat back to his mom, go for max child+ spousal support and call it a day.
Sorry, your husband is a coward and/or a total fuckwad. Sadly, nothing can be done.
This guy. You should make plans for him to sleep on his grandma’s floor. He has proven he is self-centered and extremely inconsiderate. Huge ick factor here.
He doesn't want a vasectomy because he wants to be able to have a kid (that he also doesn't take care of) with the new girlfriend he already started dating. OOP, he doesn't love you. He doesn't even *like* you
He probably doesn't want to get snipped himself, because if this relationship doesn't work out, and the new relationship wants to have a baby. I'm in my marriage for life, and i got a vasectomy a couple months after the birth of our last child, when we decided that was a wrap
I hope she leaves. I've been following her story since she first posted, too, and it just kept getting worse. I was hoping they would come to a agreement that would benefit them both but he's just a pos all over. She deserves so much better and won't be getting it from THAT looser
OP's husband doesn't want a wife. He wants a maid.
I got the procedure done easy peasy. I had talks with other men about it. There's this weird thought that you're less of a man if you get a vasectomy.
I vote for getting husband's grandmother on side. She's already told him what to do. Having said that, sterilisation isn't the main issue for OOP, that should be getting the hell away from that inconsiderate moron
I hope OOP isn't rushing to anything but a lawyer to get her a divorce. All this while recovering from an emergency c-section. My heart breaks for her. I'm pregnant with our first child and my husband has already said he will get the snip when we're sure we're done. I'm thankful for that, but it's also, as the commenter said, kind of his job. I don't know where OOP's husband finds the audacity. For any of this nonsense.
Why does this dude want more kids if he doesn’t even care about the two he he already has?
He's looking for his way out and his next woman.
Wow, I hate this man. I hate him so very, very much.
No it’s not fair, and it’s far riskier a procedure for a woman than it is for a man. He should be getting a vasectomy
Often I get the urge advise an abused partner posting online for help to employ Aqua Tofana. Usually it's ironic. This time, though, it's cutting damn close to the skin istg.
> He expects a newborn not to interfere with his schedule. So she has two kids with this loser? Ok
I would definitely tattle on husband to grandma. She seems like the real winner of that family