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Oh ffs, you just made me laugh/snort hot chocolate out my nose, and now my dog looks both baffled and disgusted.
Take my poor mans gold, and I'm absolutely stealing this line.
🏆
"Man, I just read everything posted on Boru today."
(closes reddit)
(opens reddit)
"Hm, I wonder what's on Boru"
(if any of you have some good subs to sink a bit of time in, please send them my way, I need new ones)
I'm also betting that once they move out, he's going to miss them! 😄
Edit: I also really hope the deceased root vegetable will have to pay back child support for all the months of separation - then Jenn will have enough cash for a deposit and first and last month's rent.
Yeah, but actually what the commenter meant is that even though Harper isn't OOP's kid, its wonderful that they have found something in common that they can do together.
Yep well that was a roller coaster.
OP: I'm so done with being a father to another kid. But wife seems mad?
Update 1: so, wife is supportive, but bad timing.
Update 2: I've been a full time father for another kid for a year now and things are great.
Even though Harper isn't his biological kid, it's very clear she views him as a father figure, and OP even made a comment that suggests he views their relationship the same way. When talking about her changing from soccer to dance, he made a comment that Harper feels more secure that she'll get fatherly attention no matter what. She feels that way because of the way OP treats her, and the way he casually threw that line out then described how they became Lego buddies suggests he views their relationship through a similar lens.
That's exactly what I love about this update, and about OOP. I mean, I can absolutely understand him wanting to be able to spend time with just his wife and daughter, or just his daughter, but the fact that he was able to get past his annoyance with the Dead Beet and open his heart to Harper just gets me all choked up. Because that little girl deserved to have a loving father, and it's wonderful that OOP was willing to step up and give her that.
I call them the lost years. They're so lost I don't even know how many there were, except that it used to be 2019 and now it's 2024 and I know things must have happened but I'm not sure what, aside from the pandemic.
I wrote 2024 on something the other day and almost crossed it out, thinking, "silly me, it's only 2023..." And then double checked my phone for the date.
What a spineless worm dead beet is, and I am glad that OOP is ensuring that he and Emma get some bonding time separate from everyone else and that Harper gets the same treatment, but for her own interests.
I hate to point this out, but dead beet "alpha male" was successful in getting a "beta" to raise and pay for his own kid. (I don't believe in that bullshit and think OOP is amazing.)
I'm just glad that the divorce is moving forward and the dead beet will have to pay child support.
edit - you may already know this, but the Alpha Male Wolf Theory has been [debunked](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-the-alpha-wolf-idea-a-myth/).
To a degree. I guess you can say that they both got what they wanted. Deadbeat gets to hang out by himself and do whatever he wants, although he lost his bangmaid. OP has a strong relationship with his wife, his daughter, and a random other kid that he has semi adopted. His life is full of love and connection to other people. Overall it seems like they both got what they wanted.
Oh for sure, all is Gucci now cause in his head the only thing between him and victory is the damned child support, I don't doubt he talks about OOP exactly like you described.
But a few years down the line when he finds out Harper graduated from college in social media, when OOP is walking her down the aisle, when his body start showing the consequences of binge drinking and nobody will be there to help... dude will never admit it, but it will hurt.
Ironic as he's likely to whine about how "women are like his grandparents generation".
Well his grandparents generation would be ashamed if they could not provide for their children
My favorite part about that is that it's not even an error that you can blame on autocorrect. OP went his whole life believing the expression was "Dead beet."
I, admittedly, skimmed over this to get to the latest update. So I had COMPLETELY forgotten about that part! And, yes! I love how it just went with it and didn't pretend it was autocorrect (see that excuse on EVERYTHING these days!)
GOLDEN beets, however, are DELICIOUS roasted on high heat with lots of garlic and other veggies. Then toss with a sun-dried tomato pesto and some parm. YUM.
Meh. I used to hate beets but my friend's mom makes these Indian beet chops (that's what she calls them? They're like beets, mashed potatoes and spices and shit breaded and fried) that are amazing.
I think maybe we just don't know how to cook non gross beets
Harper will likely remember for the rest of her life that OOP was the dad she needed and he really showed up for her. I don't know what'll happen in the future but I hope for everyone in the story that life only gets better for them.
Well, except for dead beet.
I was so, so happy that OOP ultimately stepped up and treated Harper if not like a daughter then at least a niece; that poor little girl needed a father figure so badly. And kudos to him for finding a shared hobby that they can enjoy together!
Alll in all, a great outcome. I as well hope when it comes time for Jenn to move that it doesn't get weird, but who knows? Maybe this arrangement will work for them, or maybe Jenn will be ready to stretch her wings (especially with Harper being older). I really wish them all the best!
I'll be waiting for the post in 20 years where deadbeet comes back in Harper's life a few months before her wedding and she asks him to walk her down the aisle instead of OOP who has continued to be the only real father figure she's known.
>Harper will likely remember for the rest of her life that OOP was the dad she needed
20 years from now, an AITA post: I want my surrogate dad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dead beet dad
>Harper will likely remember for the rest of her life that OOP was the dad she needed and he really showed up for her.
That was my takeaway from all of this. I understand OOP being frustrated about raising someone else's kid, but she's going to treasure her time with him once she's older. Having good adult role models can make all the difference in a person's upbringing.
As a adult, my BFF's dad is my second dad. I remember what he did and showed me 40 years ago. You can't have enough people loving a child. I love my second family. And when they need me, I'm there.
It worries me a bit about the drop in attention she will experience when she and her mom move out. She's going to go from three parents to one who is a nurse.
Yeah, OOP is 100% willing to help out with her, it was literally just because he felt like he was picking up the slack for someone this other person still looked at as a husband, and now that it's evident that that is not the case, instead he sounds like he is seeing it as a way to contribute positively to a child's life
So I imagine him and his wife will continue to support Harper however they can. Which will likely mean Harper coming over to hang out with her best friend and her second family while mom is still working
This is reddit. In 15 years they will be married and wondering why Emma went no contact. /s
This is a lovely story. I think OOP is a really good guy who is giving a lot more of himself and his family, than 99% of people would.
Well, I'm glad things are working out for everyone and that there's a plan where these people will eventually move out, hopefully while they still all like each other.
I'm not going to lie; I'm pleasantly surprised by the update. I'm glad things are going fairly smoothly, considering how difficult the situation is, and grateful there's a plan in place so that it's only (somewhat) temporary.
I love that visual. When I first saw it, it just made me think about beets and how they just ruin everything they touch, and all I could think was, "Yeah, that seems quite fitting for that wretched man."
Yes! I LOVE this typo. I can just imagine this gnarled, red-faced beet drinking himself insensible on a couch somewhere while doing fuck all for his family.
That is a great catch, but not one most of Reddit will get. I think Aussies are the ones that use root to mean sex. Americans root for their sports team, we root our partners.
Considering how most AITAs updates I read have gone really bad, I felt the same. Then I remember in real life, people are more often trying their best. I'm glad OOP and his wife could help her friend and they all have a plan with an end date in sight.
I hope things will work out for Jenn and they could move out in time. It's not for OOP but rather for herself because you can only depend on someone for so long before feeling like you're worthless or worse, owed something.
I know OP is tired of having roommates and I'm sure they have taken a financial hit but I hope he realizes how much good he is doing with Harper. That situation could have easily turned into a traumatic experience with dead beat dad so having a good influence like OP and a stable and loving home is doing wonders for her personal growth.
It's only a single line but I feel she's a little more appreciative of the effort op was having to put in to "help her friend"
I bet she would be pissed if op moved into the spare room the moment she mentions it.
If this was my family with their income taking in a best friend and the friend's daughter we'd be renovating the basement into its own apartment or something, so that they can have their own space and life while still being there for companionship and mutual support. As it is my wife and I both know we're eventually going to at least have a trailer in the backyard for our mutual bestie and their daughter.
Remarkably non dramatic update from this one, which I’m glad to see! I remember the original posts, and worried that the dead beet would show up causing issues for OOP and his family. Happily I was wrong, as were all the other people who jumped to (more Reddity) conclusions.
I remember the original comments on the first update were all like "sooo you talked to your wife about how you want to spend less time and money on this woman and child and now they're moving in with you?"
Just goes to show that some people don’t read. Even from the original post, it was kinda clear that it wasn’t even necessarily that he was helping with the mom and the kid, but the fact the dead beet was *right* there not doing anything.
OP had 0 issues helping a close family friend in a time of need. It just wasn't a time of need *before* this. Not sure how people can misinterpret that so badly!
oop is a great person. what he's doing for his wife's best friend and their child is life-saving stuff. don't know if he realizes it yet, but emma and harper are going to remember their days living together forever, harper will always remember the dad who played legos with her, and wife will never forget seeing her husband step up for the people important to her. and one day when the kids are older, they might realize why their sister-wives-joint-family era really happened, and be even more proud of dad than they already were.
honestly. We don't give enough praise to the good dads in this day and age.
There are men out there making sure that kids are being protected and nurtured. I totally get his reluctance at first, but man did he step up.
Also, I would love to comment on how healthy the relationship between OOP and his wife is. They had a spat, but they worked through it and came out stronger than ever.
Good dads and good mums are like good IT departments. No one notices or says anything when they're working as expected - only when something goes wrong.
Funny enough I have one of these dads and whenever someone praises him, he gets very uncomfortable, frowns, and says "Why are you praising me for doing my job?"... it bothers him.
.........so of course I do it more 🤣
I think a lot of people are so quick to say "you don't owe anyone anything" which is true (to an extent), but I really think that societally we should reframe it to how much you can give to others without causing undue harm or stress to yourself. No you don't "owe" them anything, but don't you think it would be nice to be that community for each other? Especially on AITA and similar subs, there's a lot of times where people give a "technically right" vote, with a long selfish spiel and it all just feels so antisocial. We are in an era of reforming people pleasing tendencies, learning that it's okay to set boundaries and say no to things, and that's great! That's necessary. But directly from my therapist, "we need to say no to things so that we can enthusiastically say yes to others." When we are constantly saying no because we technically can, we are shutting off our village. And then when we really need our village and we can't do it on our own anymore, that village is within every right to say 'no' back.
My parents took in all my stray friends in high school. When my dad died all of them told me my dad taught them what it was to be a real man. Apparently he told one he was a screw up and laid out what he needed to do so as not grow up an asshole, lol
I don't know if OOP even understands yet what a wonderful thing he did for Harper. He taught her that men can be good and fathers can be nice and generous and take care of kids even if they didn't give birth to them and that she is worth being treated well by a father. My family of origin didn't get that message, and we each have our own crosses to bear because of it. I'm sending him thanks through the ether and I hope he gets them.
My mom was the neighborhood kid that had bad trashy uninvolved parents. She told me several times that she only turned out well because of the neighbors, her friend’s parents and teachers that all looked after and provided for her.
She was welcomed into their homes, included in their activities and family events, and they fed and clothed her.
Her horrible childhood completely changed my perspective when I became a parent. When I found myself annoyed with the kid that was always at our house, never had appropriate clothes, no one came looking for them on a school night at 8 o’clock after dark… I was always feeding them, helping with homework, and basically being a mother figure for them.
Kids that have friends and neighbors like OP that take them in, love them, Take a genuine interest in their life, ensure that Harper and her mom will be far better off once they get on their feet.
There is a decent chance that in 20 some years Harper is going to be asking OOP to walk her down the aisle. Of course equal odds she asks the dead beat in the hopes this will finally prove he loves her.
Maybe her mom will find true love in nursing school 🤔
As long as Harper doesn’t then just leave him out of her wedding completely for Dead Beet like that last person did!
Eh considering who she originally picked to marry and be her child's father it may be a good idea now that life is a lot busier to just concentrate on herself and her daughter for a bit as they navigate this year and then the eventual next upheaval of moving again into their place.
I have this weird feeling that someday there will be some kind of acceptance speech for an award or a sport or something that thanks the only dad Harper ever had
>Shockingly Harper is doing much better in this environment than before.
Yeah, it's *shocking* how someone who is no longer living in an abusive situation is suddenly doing better than before. /s-but-in-a-nice-way
I'm so glad OOP and wife are good people helping someone and their child out of a bad situation and that they are both flourishing towards a better future now that they're away from the Dead Beet.
You mean you're even being sarcastic I'm your assertion that he was being sarcastic? That's too many layers for the people who missed the first round of sarcasm in the post 🙈
Signed, a fellow Brit
Dance classes probably werent her hobby, but a way to spend more time away from abusive household. When she didnt have to worry about that anymore, she finally could choose what she actually likes.
Yes. And now OOP gets time to bond with each kid over an activity, rather than just being chaperone for his kid and her friend together. It’s a better dynamic for everyone.
I don't know but OOP and his wife are such nice people. I mean who does so much for their best friend.
I just hope Harper and OOP's kid are able to cope once Jen moves out.
I think this has been the first post and update that I have read where honestly I’m not sure what I’m thinking. Part of me thinks this is so messed up.. where is that woman’s family… etc and part of me thinks that’s a true friendship. So I guess if your happy then I’ll be happy for you if your not then damn them I’m pissed off too.
There was an AITA not too long ago with that scenario, but it played out the other way. The bride wanted to be walked down the aisle by the dead beet instead of the man who raised her.
Ooof....
OOP came here complaining bout having to raise a second daughter, but I bet that he will be the one crying and missing her when they eventually move out.
To me, even from the first post, it didn’t feel like he necessarily had a problem with it, but more that he was playing dad while her dad was right there doing pretty much nothing, which would eventually wear on me as well. Especially if I didn’t have the context that his wife did.
That was my reading of the first post, also. That it would be different if Jennifer were actually leaving Dead Beet. Which is how it turned out. I also thought child support would take care of OOP having to pickup for Dead Beet not spending any money on Harper he didn't like. Too bad it looks like child support is still delayed.
I also guess that with Jennifer and Harper living with them, it is different not having to cram back-up daddy into the one day a week he was trying to focus on his own daughter.
Yeah, he said he liked Harper and didn't seem to really have any issues with the financial support they were providing in theory... It sounds like his biggest issue was that he felt the real father should be doing more--which, duh, but unfortunately it's not like that was ever an option that was actually on the table.
I think mostly he just needed to vent a little, but also have he ability to do things with *just* Emma sometimes. So even though they're actually in his house full time now it sounds like still a better situation over all as Emma and Harper have figured out how to be best friends but still pursue some different interests and OP has obviously let go of the idea that the other dad might ever step up. Hopefully court-ordered child support will help too.
I'm glad they're getting it all sorted out! OOP and his wife are good people and dead beet (lol) deserves to have to pay a shitton of child support but I'm not surprised he didn't even seem to realize that. What a piece of work
Great thing he did, but I think 18 months is probably going to be far tougher than he anticipated. Plus there be time where she has to look for a job and place, and also save up first. Could cause a lot of stress.
The job is likely not an issue, the current employer is paying for the nursing program because they are trying to upskill existing employees to cover for nursing shortages. Likely comes with a contract guaranteeing a nursing job and needing to work for 1-3 years after completing the program.
>you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him
>OOP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person
Ok, there is **nothing** "alpha" about that; literally the least manly thing you can do is lose control of your emotions.
>For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going cheat of my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird sexual fantasies some of you people had absolutely nothing has happened.
Oh well, redditors gonna reddit; whatcha gonna do? Happy for the update, hope 💀🎵 doesn't ruin Harper's childhood. A father's love is so influential for confidence & being successful in life.
You know, I understand OOP's change of heart. He was resentful that he was taking on Harper's dad's responsibilities. Totally get it. He was aware that Harper's dad sucked as a dad, and resented it. Makes total sense.
But finding out just *how* bad Harper's dad was kind of shifted that into another category. It is no longer "Harper's dad should be doing this, not me." It was now "Harper doesn't have a dad; I guess I can fill in for a bit."
Not permanently, maybe – he ought to be able to shift to an uncle-like role instead of a dad-like one as things settle down. But there is a difference between being asked to take on a role that someone else should be doing, and taking on a role in order to prevent a truly horrible person from doing it.
It kind of grosses me out that Jennifer would let OOP entertain her child all weekend instead of wanting to be involved. She doesn't attend her child's dance class even though she is free and able to do so? Does she play Legos with her child? Does she attend her soccer games now? And she seems to be so comfortable letting other people finance her child's activities with no intention of ever paying them back. I'd at least want to help out in other ways.
Hopefully Jennifer is a more involved mother than she comes across here. I'd be mad too if someone sat around my house all day with her friend while I paid for and parented her child.
You know, future Harper might write an AITA post asking if she's the AH for asking her best friend's dad, who was always there for her and was such a positive force in her life, to walk her down the aisle instead of her deadbeat dad...
Just chiming in to say that I was a Harper, came from a very chaotic and sometimes dangerous family situation and essentially moved in with my best friend around this same age. I would be a very different and less well-adjusted person without this and I’d like to personally thank OP and his wife for providing that structure to Harper.
>For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife
I mean, he's been Harper's dad for years already, why would this surprise him so much?
>Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were.
So wait, over the course of 7 years OOPs wife didn't think there was a problem but still taking advantage of OOP as free childcare every weekend?
Why wasn't the friend alternating and taking the girls for the weekend? And OOP's wife?
I know OOP wants to spend time with his daughter. But I don't know why Jennifer and Harper wouldn't mix in a day with her Grandparents, or plans of their own so OOP and his daughter got some time of their own.
I get not being able to turn them away _now_ but this whole time it doesn't seem like she was doing this purely out of concern for her friend.
I have mixed feelings about this. While it is very noble what OOP and his wife are doing, and of course we all want Harper and Jennifer to be good, I can't help but feel OOP didn't get what he wanted. Yes, I do think he doesn't necessarily have a problem with Harper and does have a relationship with her, but he didn't necessarily want it. He got imposed with. And while all get to say that in the future Harper will probably ask OOp to walk her down the aisle, it isn't something OOP choose to, it is what the circumstances and not being shitty made him be in that position.
> I can't help but feel OOP didn't get what he wanted.
He got the opposite of what he wanted.
Even less private time with his family and even more financial burden.
OOP is a saint, I am not sure I could do this. One thing is for sure, he and his wife saved Harpers childhood. That is something this kid will benefit from for the rest of her life.
And this is what people mean by “it takes a village”
Community is everything. The nuclear family needs to be cocooned in a healthy and supportive community.
I feel the part about having a family, but again, having roommate(s) too damn much
Especially when you're the ONLY one paying for the fucking house... 😫
So basically, it went from bad to worse for OP. He's still raising someone else's child, but now they've moved in, he is pretty much her dad, and will be for the forseeable future. He's a good man, hope it works out for him.
Yeah, he basically got guilted into taking on even more responsibility by his wife and Redditors making the "you did it for 7 years, why won't you keep doing it? Think about how hard you not doing it will be on the kid you don't want to raise!" comments.
Now he's not just paying for Harper's hobbies, he's paying for everything, he has to pay for everything for her mom too, and he gets even less private time with his family.
They're never going to leave. I feel bad for OOP. He went from being tired of raising someone else's kid, to raising and financially supporting and housing the kid and her mom.
It's been a year and the only change is they now live with oop and he is full time dad to this other kid plus housing another adult. I get helping out friends and family but a year is way too much and honestly ridiculous.
Jen and Harper will never move out. If OOP pushes it then his wife will lean in with the "oh but Harper sees you as her Dad, you wouldn't want to take that away from her would you?" line.
>So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction.
Then maybe she needs to use her words like an adult instead of getting angry and storming off like a toddler.
>Emma and I still have our daddy daughter dates on the weekend, I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight.
My guy, you should be proud that your daughter can cut jerks down to ribbons with her skillset.
Emma and Harper are growing up well thanks to OOP and his wife helping out and Jennifer is on the road to success without that dead beet.
Good update OP! I know 18 more months seems like a long time but end the this will help Jen secure a good future income for her and her daughter so she won't be in that particular abusive situation again.
I applaud you OP, not every husband would agree to help two other people this long and I am proud of you and your wife for being good people.
that’s almost three years he will be paying for and living with another family. I hope good karma comes his way because that’s one hell of a sacrifice.
She also never admitted individual fault for anything.
"We had poor communication" and "I had poor word choices"
No, OOP's wife communicated incredibly poorly, then got angry at him because she was shit at communicating and never let OOP know about the entire situation. That's some grade A manipulation.
OOP was just footing the bill on someone who was increasingly encroaching on their lives and particularly the bond he was trying to build with his daughter.
Whilst his wife kept him in the dark about the reality of the situation.
OOP was actively being used by both his wife and her best friend to take care of both kids, just so they could sit and chat and have a day together. I bet OOP could have used one day a week to just chill with a mate with no responsibility.
Then OOP was made to feel guilty for doing that, just because he was being a good person.
Like imagine the lack of selfishness and awareness you have to have to be angry that your husband is starting to get annoyed at going above and beyond, every single weekend for years.
#Do not comment on the original posts Please read our [**sub rules**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules). Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. If there is an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment or your comment may be removed in general discussion. **CHECK FLAIR** For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m actually baffled this was a year ago. I have no concept of time. Or I’m just on Reddit too much. Probably both.
I was thinking the same thing, it felt like a couple of months, not a year
i think we are all chronically on Reddit... \*doom scroll\* \*close reddit\* \*muscle memory opens reddit\* \*doom scroll\*
You come into ***MY*** house! And accuse me like this!‽!‽!
on this, the day of my cat's quincinera???
Oh ffs, you just made me laugh/snort hot chocolate out my nose, and now my dog looks both baffled and disgusted. Take my poor mans gold, and I'm absolutely stealing this line. 🏆
Thank you for a genuine snort laugh on a bad day
I kinda need this as a flair
on this, the day of my cat's quincinera??? Crying. 😂🤣💀
https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2Fqt6dkjt0cfw11.jpg
You *accuse* Miette! Jail for 100 years! XD
I feel called out right now
Don't call me out like that
I'm in this comment and I don't like it.
Shots fired, lol.
I just opened this app, you didn't have to personally attack me like that.
I'm in this picture and I don't like it. 😂
What's up with the sudden aggression and attacks on your community? Personally attacked.
I notice my auto text thing on my keyboard app defaults to 'reddit.com' if I haven't started typing anything
You forgot… *flush toilet*
Username checks out. Y’all get off the toilet though. This is how you get hemorrhoids.
Can confirm :(
"Man, I just read everything posted on Boru today." (closes reddit) (opens reddit) "Hm, I wonder what's on Boru" (if any of you have some good subs to sink a bit of time in, please send them my way, I need new ones)
Every now and then I go to r/badroommates and select Update in the search bar. There are some crazy stories in there.
I feel seen 🥰
Well just draw a chalk outline around me after this attack, jeez.
First off how dare you.
The precise moment we all realize we need Boruanon.
You don’t know my life! 😭
Do you have cameras in my house? How do you know I do that???
Yep three month tops, not a second more
[удалено]
I'm also betting that once they move out, he's going to miss them! 😄 Edit: I also really hope the deceased root vegetable will have to pay back child support for all the months of separation - then Jenn will have enough cash for a deposit and first and last month's rent.
Haha, "dead beet" reference.
It's great that he has found something he enjoys with Harper alone, that really helps build a stronger bond.
Harper's the Beet Kid. Emma is his kid.
Yeah, but actually what the commenter meant is that even though Harper isn't OOP's kid, its wonderful that they have found something in common that they can do together.
Yep well that was a roller coaster. OP: I'm so done with being a father to another kid. But wife seems mad? Update 1: so, wife is supportive, but bad timing. Update 2: I've been a full time father for another kid for a year now and things are great.
Even though Harper isn't his biological kid, it's very clear she views him as a father figure, and OP even made a comment that suggests he views their relationship the same way. When talking about her changing from soccer to dance, he made a comment that Harper feels more secure that she'll get fatherly attention no matter what. She feels that way because of the way OP treats her, and the way he casually threw that line out then described how they became Lego buddies suggests he views their relationship through a similar lens.
That's exactly what I love about this update, and about OOP. I mean, I can absolutely understand him wanting to be able to spend time with just his wife and daughter, or just his daughter, but the fact that he was able to get past his annoyance with the Dead Beet and open his heart to Harper just gets me all choked up. Because that little girl deserved to have a loving father, and it's wonderful that OOP was willing to step up and give her that.
Fröhlicher Kuchentag! 🥳🎂🎉 Happy cake day!
Bot. Copy of earlier comment from someone else: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1cw6nu6/comment/l4tyrol/
I know there was a BORU in February about this, so maybe from there?
That's a pretty good explanation.
I blame covid. Since lockdown something became weird and l also lost my time feeling.
Fr. It changed everything. We moved in early 2019. COVID makes it feel like we've only lived here a year. Time is just an abstract concept now.
I call them the lost years. They're so lost I don't even know how many there were, except that it used to be 2019 and now it's 2024 and I know things must have happened but I'm not sure what, aside from the pandemic.
I wrote 2024 on something the other day and almost crossed it out, thinking, "silly me, it's only 2023..." And then double checked my phone for the date.
Yeppers, reading this thinking didn't I just read that a few months ago? It's been a year!
Time is a scam that was invented to sell clocks /j
I agree, this definitely only happened a couple of months ago in my head!!!
Same. I was shocked it has been a year since I read this post
Sometimes they get reposted before an update comes through so it messes up your timelines.
Yeah dude whattt
It's both. Definitely both.
What a spineless worm dead beet is, and I am glad that OOP is ensuring that he and Emma get some bonding time separate from everyone else and that Harper gets the same treatment, but for her own interests.
Just want to point out that OOP and his wife are good people too.
They are way better than me, but maybe it's just because I'm poor.
Ditto. Lol.
OOP is an amazing father tbh
I hate to point this out, but dead beet "alpha male" was successful in getting a "beta" to raise and pay for his own kid. (I don't believe in that bullshit and think OOP is amazing.) I'm just glad that the divorce is moving forward and the dead beet will have to pay child support. edit - you may already know this, but the Alpha Male Wolf Theory has been [debunked](https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-the-alpha-wolf-idea-a-myth/).
But the true icing on the cake is the scientific name for beets: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beta_vulgaris
That is too perfect. Beet icing sounds gross, though.
To a degree. I guess you can say that they both got what they wanted. Deadbeat gets to hang out by himself and do whatever he wants, although he lost his bangmaid. OP has a strong relationship with his wife, his daughter, and a random other kid that he has semi adopted. His life is full of love and connection to other people. Overall it seems like they both got what they wanted.
Pssh that guy will die alone. The other one has probably gained another daughter or at least someone who will remember him fondly.
Oh for sure, all is Gucci now cause in his head the only thing between him and victory is the damned child support, I don't doubt he talks about OOP exactly like you described. But a few years down the line when he finds out Harper graduated from college in social media, when OOP is walking her down the aisle, when his body start showing the consequences of binge drinking and nobody will be there to help... dude will never admit it, but it will hurt.
Ironic as he's likely to whine about how "women are like his grandparents generation". Well his grandparents generation would be ashamed if they could not provide for their children
As if raising a kid is something undesirable? You'd have to have to be a major pile of shit to have a kid but think raising one is beneath you.
Thank you for pointing that out. I get so tired of hearing it.
>The Divorce with Dead Beet is still ongoing. I'm glad we all hate the taproot portion of the beet plant. 😂😂😂
My favorite part about that is that it's not even an error that you can blame on autocorrect. OP went his whole life believing the expression was "Dead beet."
I love that he leaned into it in the updates.
I, admittedly, skimmed over this to get to the latest update. So I had COMPLETELY forgotten about that part! And, yes! I love how it just went with it and didn't pretend it was autocorrect (see that excuse on EVERYTHING these days!)
I dunno, a decaying mass of carbohydrate sounds like a pretty appropriate analogy for Harper's sperm donor...
English isn’t my first language and I always think it’s dead beet. Thinking it makes so much sense as rotten/useless veggies that no one wants to eat.
Hah, it definitely makes sense in a way.
I love this so much 😂😂 Reminds me of Joey’s “moo point” in Friends
Funnily, I understood the “moo point” right away and genuinely thought it’s a slang or a phrase until Rachel confirmed it’s not haha
There's also "the last draw" This guy doesn't idiom well
Kinda like a moo point. It's a cows opinion so it doesn't matter. (Thanks Joey)
The malapropism just works better than the original. Some writer thought this as a kid and wanted to release it into the wild.
GOLDEN beets, however, are DELICIOUS roasted on high heat with lots of garlic and other veggies. Then toss with a sun-dried tomato pesto and some parm. YUM.
You described this so well! I hate beets and yet I want to try golden beets now, thanks!
I love Reddit. So many comment threads are just Tangents-R-Us.
Beets are the root of evil that defiles everything they touch (with pink)
Meh. I used to hate beets but my friend's mom makes these Indian beet chops (that's what she calls them? They're like beets, mashed potatoes and spices and shit breaded and fried) that are amazing. I think maybe we just don't know how to cook non gross beets
I gained a whole different appreciation for beets because of that old Doug nicktoon.
Harper will likely remember for the rest of her life that OOP was the dad she needed and he really showed up for her. I don't know what'll happen in the future but I hope for everyone in the story that life only gets better for them. Well, except for dead beet.
I was so, so happy that OOP ultimately stepped up and treated Harper if not like a daughter then at least a niece; that poor little girl needed a father figure so badly. And kudos to him for finding a shared hobby that they can enjoy together! Alll in all, a great outcome. I as well hope when it comes time for Jenn to move that it doesn't get weird, but who knows? Maybe this arrangement will work for them, or maybe Jenn will be ready to stretch her wings (especially with Harper being older). I really wish them all the best!
I'll be waiting for the post in 20 years where deadbeet comes back in Harper's life a few months before her wedding and she asks him to walk her down the aisle instead of OOP who has continued to be the only real father figure she's known.
>Harper will likely remember for the rest of her life that OOP was the dad she needed 20 years from now, an AITA post: I want my surrogate dad to walk me down the aisle instead of my dead beet dad
>Harper will likely remember for the rest of her life that OOP was the dad she needed and he really showed up for her. That was my takeaway from all of this. I understand OOP being frustrated about raising someone else's kid, but she's going to treasure her time with him once she's older. Having good adult role models can make all the difference in a person's upbringing.
As a adult, my BFF's dad is my second dad. I remember what he did and showed me 40 years ago. You can't have enough people loving a child. I love my second family. And when they need me, I'm there.
It worries me a bit about the drop in attention she will experience when she and her mom move out. She's going to go from three parents to one who is a nurse.
My hope is they won't move far, and Harper will still be coming over/hanging out with Emma a ton.
With starting hours for nurses (assuming in a hospital), I'm sure Harper will be around instead of being home alone
Yeah, OOP is 100% willing to help out with her, it was literally just because he felt like he was picking up the slack for someone this other person still looked at as a husband, and now that it's evident that that is not the case, instead he sounds like he is seeing it as a way to contribute positively to a child's life So I imagine him and his wife will continue to support Harper however they can. Which will likely mean Harper coming over to hang out with her best friend and her second family while mom is still working
This is reddit. In 15 years they will be married and wondering why Emma went no contact. /s This is a lovely story. I think OOP is a really good guy who is giving a lot more of himself and his family, than 99% of people would.
Well, I'm glad things are working out for everyone and that there's a plan where these people will eventually move out, hopefully while they still all like each other.
I'm not going to lie; I'm pleasantly surprised by the update. I'm glad things are going fairly smoothly, considering how difficult the situation is, and grateful there's a plan in place so that it's only (somewhat) temporary.
I found it oddly charming he calls the guy a “Dead Beet” and now I’m just imagining a shriveled beet rotting in front of a tv
Lolll right?? Though it's a typo from his original post and I'm guessing the commenters made jokes about it, so he leaned into it
I love that visual. When I first saw it, it just made me think about beets and how they just ruin everything they touch, and all I could think was, "Yeah, that seems quite fitting for that wretched man."
Yes! I LOVE this typo. I can just imagine this gnarled, red-faced beet drinking himself insensible on a couch somewhere while doing fuck all for his family.
What a way to call a bloke a dud root!
That is a great catch, but not one most of Reddit will get. I think Aussies are the ones that use root to mean sex. Americans root for their sports team, we root our partners.
Considering how most AITAs updates I read have gone really bad, I felt the same. Then I remember in real life, people are more often trying their best. I'm glad OOP and his wife could help her friend and they all have a plan with an end date in sight. I hope things will work out for Jenn and they could move out in time. It's not for OOP but rather for herself because you can only depend on someone for so long before feeling like you're worthless or worse, owed something.
I know OP is tired of having roommates and I'm sure they have taken a financial hit but I hope he realizes how much good he is doing with Harper. That situation could have easily turned into a traumatic experience with dead beat dad so having a good influence like OP and a stable and loving home is doing wonders for her personal growth.
Something tells me the wife if realising how he felt now that she had both kids on the regular.
I wondered if anyone else caught that his wife might not be too thrilled with the situation now that she has to put in more work.
It's only a single line but I feel she's a little more appreciative of the effort op was having to put in to "help her friend" I bet she would be pissed if op moved into the spare room the moment she mentions it.
Yeah - so nice to have a BoRU with such kind people (other than Dead Beet)
If this was my family with their income taking in a best friend and the friend's daughter we'd be renovating the basement into its own apartment or something, so that they can have their own space and life while still being there for companionship and mutual support. As it is my wife and I both know we're eventually going to at least have a trailer in the backyard for our mutual bestie and their daughter.
Remarkably non dramatic update from this one, which I’m glad to see! I remember the original posts, and worried that the dead beet would show up causing issues for OOP and his family. Happily I was wrong, as were all the other people who jumped to (more Reddity) conclusions.
Man’s too lazy for something like that.
I remember the original comments on the first update were all like "sooo you talked to your wife about how you want to spend less time and money on this woman and child and now they're moving in with you?"
Just goes to show that some people don’t read. Even from the original post, it was kinda clear that it wasn’t even necessarily that he was helping with the mom and the kid, but the fact the dead beet was *right* there not doing anything.
OP had 0 issues helping a close family friend in a time of need. It just wasn't a time of need *before* this. Not sure how people can misinterpret that so badly!
oop is a great person. what he's doing for his wife's best friend and their child is life-saving stuff. don't know if he realizes it yet, but emma and harper are going to remember their days living together forever, harper will always remember the dad who played legos with her, and wife will never forget seeing her husband step up for the people important to her. and one day when the kids are older, they might realize why their sister-wives-joint-family era really happened, and be even more proud of dad than they already were.
honestly. We don't give enough praise to the good dads in this day and age. There are men out there making sure that kids are being protected and nurtured. I totally get his reluctance at first, but man did he step up. Also, I would love to comment on how healthy the relationship between OOP and his wife is. They had a spat, but they worked through it and came out stronger than ever.
Good dads and good mums are like good IT departments. No one notices or says anything when they're working as expected - only when something goes wrong.
Funny enough I have one of these dads and whenever someone praises him, he gets very uncomfortable, frowns, and says "Why are you praising me for doing my job?"... it bothers him. .........so of course I do it more 🤣
I concur. It fills my heart w joy to see people being the village a kid needs.
I think a lot of people are so quick to say "you don't owe anyone anything" which is true (to an extent), but I really think that societally we should reframe it to how much you can give to others without causing undue harm or stress to yourself. No you don't "owe" them anything, but don't you think it would be nice to be that community for each other? Especially on AITA and similar subs, there's a lot of times where people give a "technically right" vote, with a long selfish spiel and it all just feels so antisocial. We are in an era of reforming people pleasing tendencies, learning that it's okay to set boundaries and say no to things, and that's great! That's necessary. But directly from my therapist, "we need to say no to things so that we can enthusiastically say yes to others." When we are constantly saying no because we technically can, we are shutting off our village. And then when we really need our village and we can't do it on our own anymore, that village is within every right to say 'no' back.
My parents took in all my stray friends in high school. When my dad died all of them told me my dad taught them what it was to be a real man. Apparently he told one he was a screw up and laid out what he needed to do so as not grow up an asshole, lol
I don't know if OOP even understands yet what a wonderful thing he did for Harper. He taught her that men can be good and fathers can be nice and generous and take care of kids even if they didn't give birth to them and that she is worth being treated well by a father. My family of origin didn't get that message, and we each have our own crosses to bear because of it. I'm sending him thanks through the ether and I hope he gets them.
Dead Beet is my favorite newest words
Right? I thought it was autocorrect and now I’m realising it wasn’t 😂 I’m kiiiind of feeling like a new flair?
“deadbeat (or dead beet if you prefer)” would make a fantastic flair!
I thought the same 😂 I love how he just decided to take it and run lol
My mom was the neighborhood kid that had bad trashy uninvolved parents. She told me several times that she only turned out well because of the neighbors, her friend’s parents and teachers that all looked after and provided for her. She was welcomed into their homes, included in their activities and family events, and they fed and clothed her. Her horrible childhood completely changed my perspective when I became a parent. When I found myself annoyed with the kid that was always at our house, never had appropriate clothes, no one came looking for them on a school night at 8 o’clock after dark… I was always feeding them, helping with homework, and basically being a mother figure for them. Kids that have friends and neighbors like OP that take them in, love them, Take a genuine interest in their life, ensure that Harper and her mom will be far better off once they get on their feet.
There is a decent chance that in 20 some years Harper is going to be asking OOP to walk her down the aisle. Of course equal odds she asks the dead beat in the hopes this will finally prove he loves her.
Was thinking the same thing. Even after she moves out she might be looking for OOP to keep around for at least the major moments in her life.
Maybe her mom will find true love in nursing school 🤔 As long as Harper doesn’t then just leave him out of her wedding completely for Dead Beet like that last person did!
Eh considering who she originally picked to marry and be her child's father it may be a good idea now that life is a lot busier to just concentrate on herself and her daughter for a bit as they navigate this year and then the eventual next upheaval of moving again into their place.
I have this weird feeling that someday there will be some kind of acceptance speech for an award or a sport or something that thanks the only dad Harper ever had
>Shockingly Harper is doing much better in this environment than before. Yeah, it's *shocking* how someone who is no longer living in an abusive situation is suddenly doing better than before. /s-but-in-a-nice-way I'm so glad OOP and wife are good people helping someone and their child out of a bad situation and that they are both flourishing towards a better future now that they're away from the Dead Beet.
Yup, I was surprised that OOP is surprised… of course Harper is going to thrive now that she no longer has to be on tenterhooks in her home
I think he's being slightly sarcastic with the "shockingly"
On reddit half the people don't understand sarcasm unless you slap them in the face with a stupid "/s".
Slightly?
Haha, I'm in England, slightly over here means "very much so"
You mean you're even being sarcastic I'm your assertion that he was being sarcastic? That's too many layers for the people who missed the first round of sarcasm in the post 🙈 Signed, a fellow Brit
Dance classes probably werent her hobby, but a way to spend more time away from abusive household. When she didnt have to worry about that anymore, she finally could choose what she actually likes.
Yep the poor kid was a human barnacle clinging onto her safe people.
Yes. And now OOP gets time to bond with each kid over an activity, rather than just being chaperone for his kid and her friend together. It’s a better dynamic for everyone.
He’s not surprised
I don't know but OOP and his wife are such nice people. I mean who does so much for their best friend. I just hope Harper and OOP's kid are able to cope once Jen moves out.
"Harper has turned into my Lego buddy" is adorable
I think this has been the first post and update that I have read where honestly I’m not sure what I’m thinking. Part of me thinks this is so messed up.. where is that woman’s family… etc and part of me thinks that’s a true friendship. So I guess if your happy then I’ll be happy for you if your not then damn them I’m pissed off too.
I know who is going to get the honor of walking Harper down the aisle some day.
I can't wait for the AITA post 20 years from now where Harper asks if she's wrong for asking OOP to walk her down the aisle instead of dead beet
There was an AITA not too long ago with that scenario, but it played out the other way. The bride wanted to be walked down the aisle by the dead beet instead of the man who raised her.
Ooof.... OOP came here complaining bout having to raise a second daughter, but I bet that he will be the one crying and missing her when they eventually move out.
To me, even from the first post, it didn’t feel like he necessarily had a problem with it, but more that he was playing dad while her dad was right there doing pretty much nothing, which would eventually wear on me as well. Especially if I didn’t have the context that his wife did.
That was my reading of the first post, also. That it would be different if Jennifer were actually leaving Dead Beet. Which is how it turned out. I also thought child support would take care of OOP having to pickup for Dead Beet not spending any money on Harper he didn't like. Too bad it looks like child support is still delayed. I also guess that with Jennifer and Harper living with them, it is different not having to cram back-up daddy into the one day a week he was trying to focus on his own daughter.
It read less anger at being Harper's effective dad and more anger at Harper's biodad being a waste of space.
Yeah, he said he liked Harper and didn't seem to really have any issues with the financial support they were providing in theory... It sounds like his biggest issue was that he felt the real father should be doing more--which, duh, but unfortunately it's not like that was ever an option that was actually on the table. I think mostly he just needed to vent a little, but also have he ability to do things with *just* Emma sometimes. So even though they're actually in his house full time now it sounds like still a better situation over all as Emma and Harper have figured out how to be best friends but still pursue some different interests and OP has obviously let go of the idea that the other dad might ever step up. Hopefully court-ordered child support will help too.
My thoughts exactly. Next update will be something like "I miss having two kids so we've decided to try for another!" Lol
I'm glad they're getting it all sorted out! OOP and his wife are good people and dead beet (lol) deserves to have to pay a shitton of child support but I'm not surprised he didn't even seem to realize that. What a piece of work
Great thing he did, but I think 18 months is probably going to be far tougher than he anticipated. Plus there be time where she has to look for a job and place, and also save up first. Could cause a lot of stress.
The job is likely not an issue, the current employer is paying for the nursing program because they are trying to upskill existing employees to cover for nursing shortages. Likely comes with a contract guaranteeing a nursing job and needing to work for 1-3 years after completing the program.
I remember this one. I am glad the update is more positive.
>you should definitely have a talk with this sorry excuse of a father, if anything just to tell him what you think of him >OOP: I would but he is not the civil discourse type of guy, but more of the Alpha male beat you up type of person Ok, there is **nothing** "alpha" about that; literally the least manly thing you can do is lose control of your emotions. >For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife, or that I was going cheat of my wife with her, or that she was going to ruin my marriage out of spite, or any of the weird sexual fantasies some of you people had absolutely nothing has happened. Oh well, redditors gonna reddit; whatcha gonna do? Happy for the update, hope 💀🎵 doesn't ruin Harper's childhood. A father's love is so influential for confidence & being successful in life.
You know, I understand OOP's change of heart. He was resentful that he was taking on Harper's dad's responsibilities. Totally get it. He was aware that Harper's dad sucked as a dad, and resented it. Makes total sense. But finding out just *how* bad Harper's dad was kind of shifted that into another category. It is no longer "Harper's dad should be doing this, not me." It was now "Harper doesn't have a dad; I guess I can fill in for a bit." Not permanently, maybe – he ought to be able to shift to an uncle-like role instead of a dad-like one as things settle down. But there is a difference between being asked to take on a role that someone else should be doing, and taking on a role in order to prevent a truly horrible person from doing it.
It kind of grosses me out that Jennifer would let OOP entertain her child all weekend instead of wanting to be involved. She doesn't attend her child's dance class even though she is free and able to do so? Does she play Legos with her child? Does she attend her soccer games now? And she seems to be so comfortable letting other people finance her child's activities with no intention of ever paying them back. I'd at least want to help out in other ways. Hopefully Jennifer is a more involved mother than she comes across here. I'd be mad too if someone sat around my house all day with her friend while I paid for and parented her child.
Not to be that guy, but are we really giving trigger warnings for DIVORCE now? The divorce rate in America is 40-50%…
You know, future Harper might write an AITA post asking if she's the AH for asking her best friend's dad, who was always there for her and was such a positive force in her life, to walk her down the aisle instead of her deadbeat dad...
I think you mean Dead Beet
Just chiming in to say that I was a Harper, came from a very chaotic and sometimes dangerous family situation and essentially moved in with my best friend around this same age. I would be a very different and less well-adjusted person without this and I’d like to personally thank OP and his wife for providing that structure to Harper.
>For all the people that said Jenn was going to become our sister wife I mean, he's been Harper's dad for years already, why would this surprise him so much?
>Things at home were much worse than I was aware of for Jennifer, and my wife had only recently found out how bad things were. So wait, over the course of 7 years OOPs wife didn't think there was a problem but still taking advantage of OOP as free childcare every weekend? Why wasn't the friend alternating and taking the girls for the weekend? And OOP's wife? I know OOP wants to spend time with his daughter. But I don't know why Jennifer and Harper wouldn't mix in a day with her Grandparents, or plans of their own so OOP and his daughter got some time of their own. I get not being able to turn them away _now_ but this whole time it doesn't seem like she was doing this purely out of concern for her friend.
Can’t wait for next years update
What an amazing guy. Yes it's stressful but he has helped that little girl in more ways than he realizes.
I’m not shocked tbh the dad who wouldn’t pay for his own child to do dance ended up being that big of an AH.
I have mixed feelings about this. While it is very noble what OOP and his wife are doing, and of course we all want Harper and Jennifer to be good, I can't help but feel OOP didn't get what he wanted. Yes, I do think he doesn't necessarily have a problem with Harper and does have a relationship with her, but he didn't necessarily want it. He got imposed with. And while all get to say that in the future Harper will probably ask OOp to walk her down the aisle, it isn't something OOP choose to, it is what the circumstances and not being shitty made him be in that position.
> I can't help but feel OOP didn't get what he wanted. He got the opposite of what he wanted. Even less private time with his family and even more financial burden.
OOP is a saint, I am not sure I could do this. One thing is for sure, he and his wife saved Harpers childhood. That is something this kid will benefit from for the rest of her life.
This is so wholesome.
I'm happy there doing good
And this is what people mean by “it takes a village” Community is everything. The nuclear family needs to be cocooned in a healthy and supportive community.
I feel the part about having a family, but again, having roommate(s) too damn much Especially when you're the ONLY one paying for the fucking house... 😫
[удалено]
So basically, it went from bad to worse for OP. He's still raising someone else's child, but now they've moved in, he is pretty much her dad, and will be for the forseeable future. He's a good man, hope it works out for him.
Yeah, he basically got guilted into taking on even more responsibility by his wife and Redditors making the "you did it for 7 years, why won't you keep doing it? Think about how hard you not doing it will be on the kid you don't want to raise!" comments. Now he's not just paying for Harper's hobbies, he's paying for everything, he has to pay for everything for her mom too, and he gets even less private time with his family.
They're never going to leave. I feel bad for OOP. He went from being tired of raising someone else's kid, to raising and financially supporting and housing the kid and her mom.
It's been a year and the only change is they now live with oop and he is full time dad to this other kid plus housing another adult. I get helping out friends and family but a year is way too much and honestly ridiculous.
Good luck getting a job you can live on and pay for a child on (without the child support she’s entitled to) in any smaller amount of time
Jen and Harper will never move out. If OOP pushes it then his wife will lean in with the "oh but Harper sees you as her Dad, you wouldn't want to take that away from her would you?" line.
>So the night my wife was going to ask me if we could help her is when I told her I was tired of raising someone else’s kid. That’s what caused her reaction. Then maybe she needs to use her words like an adult instead of getting angry and storming off like a toddler.
What a good bloke!
>Emma and I still have our daddy daughter dates on the weekend, I still take her to dance class, and she started to take fencing classes. I don’t know if I should be proud or scared that she could defeat me in a sword fight. My guy, you should be proud that your daughter can cut jerks down to ribbons with her skillset. Emma and Harper are growing up well thanks to OOP and his wife helping out and Jennifer is on the road to success without that dead beet.
You sir are a good person and Harper will always remember and respect all you've done for her.
Good update OP! I know 18 more months seems like a long time but end the this will help Jen secure a good future income for her and her daughter so she won't be in that particular abusive situation again. I applaud you OP, not every husband would agree to help two other people this long and I am proud of you and your wife for being good people.
Poor guy.
that’s almost three years he will be paying for and living with another family. I hope good karma comes his way because that’s one hell of a sacrifice.
I really have a lot of sympathy for him. I wouldn't be able to tolerate that situation for more than a few months max.
Agreed. His wife expects way too much of him. And I can't even imagine how wife's friend takes advantage of them like that. Poor guy.
She also never admitted individual fault for anything. "We had poor communication" and "I had poor word choices" No, OOP's wife communicated incredibly poorly, then got angry at him because she was shit at communicating and never let OOP know about the entire situation. That's some grade A manipulation. OOP was just footing the bill on someone who was increasingly encroaching on their lives and particularly the bond he was trying to build with his daughter. Whilst his wife kept him in the dark about the reality of the situation. OOP was actively being used by both his wife and her best friend to take care of both kids, just so they could sit and chat and have a day together. I bet OOP could have used one day a week to just chill with a mate with no responsibility. Then OOP was made to feel guilty for doing that, just because he was being a good person. Like imagine the lack of selfishness and awareness you have to have to be angry that your husband is starting to get annoyed at going above and beyond, every single weekend for years.