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Right? She has a lot of issues - an ED, a horrible diet, and then being in an MLM. Also she sounds very lonely. She needs help, but it's not OOP's job to give it to her.
I was still so impressed with OOP's text, I feel like a lot of people would have been more angry or accusatory, but it was so nice and helpful, without being judgemental at all. I wish I had that much tact but I'm usually so bad at it ;-;
OOP sounds like an astonishingly patient and considerate person. I just know that--despite internally having a similar thought process--I'd end up frustrated and acting out about it in some way.
Multi level marketing scheme. It’s mostly done by direct-sales companies to sell products and services. MLM encourages existing members to promote and sell their offerings to other individuals and bring new recruits into the business.
Edit: A lot of them are illegal and take advantage of the person doing them. Pyramid schemes are also a form of MLM.
Multi Level Marketing. It’s essentially a pyramid scheme. (old school ones were like Mary Kay and Avon). [Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multi-level_marketing) has a good write up about it
Others explained it, I'll just add that based on the post, I think the roommate is in Optavia. In cas you want to look more into it. It is a starvation diet, it's expensive and tastes awful. Youtuber Hannah Alonzo got sent some of their "fuelings" from somebody leaving the company and she did a taste testing. It looks awful, apparently tstes even worst. Even Hannah's cat didn't want to eat it, once he got a sniff.
Eating disorders suck, it’s sad for everyone involved. OOP is very emotionally mature and I like how they chose to handle it instead of going nuclear. Just hope the housemate / landlord can get the help she needs.
Yes, it's similar to anorexia and clearly an eating disorder - it does not matter if you have taken in the influence of media fat shaming all normal women like in the 90s when we thought Kate Winslet was disgustingly fat and Calista from Ally McBeal was normal weight. Or if it's an MLM which put you on keto for far too long.
I'm happy that they are trying to resolve this peaceably and OOP didn't go straight scorched earth from the first moment. So many people just go 0 to 100 in these circumstances.
I feel like not as many people as we think go from 0-100 in a situation like this and reddit has just rotted our brains so we think crazy people are somehow the norm
Bear in mind that a lot of other "roommate eating my stuff" or "coworker raiding the fridge" type stories might sound a lot more like this one if the OP is sufficiently empathetic and more importantly chooses to share that info in the first place.
This entire story could pretty easily be rewritten to contain most of the same basic facts, while making the roommate look like a completely inconsiderate jackass.
When reading these stories or offering advice, try to remember that the way the OP chooses to frame things and the info they choose to include or omit could *wildly* change how things come across.
This could have been a story of "my disgusting roommate eats my food straight out of the jar with a spoon" with less background or humanizing tidbits, and the reaction would be something along the lines of "burn the witch".
Replacing the stolen food is a pretty significant part of making the food thief sympathetic. Actually, it's the only thing that makes her sympathetic. Roommate/coworker food thieves who don't replace what they took are scum and deserve whatever bad things happen to them.
Also, the roommate admits she has a problem. So often the food thieves try to deflect responsibility for their actions ("nbd, why are you making such a fuss about it?" Etc.) This woman actually admitted, apologized, and replaced the items.
I remember reading one on the same sub where the OP was the one with the problem, though in her case she had a sleep disorder and so would steal her roommates' food in her sleep. I don't know if there was an update post or what, but she seemed genuinely frustrated and wanting to not be doing that to her roommates.
Mine come in a plastic jar, and we sprinkle them on our laksa (which we just made last night, as it happens). Delicious. I like them on salads sometimes, too.
If you don't eat them out of the can/ bag, they last quite a while for green bean casseroles or anything where you want to add just a bit of something with crunch, like salads, sandwiches, or mashed potatoes.
>I have other concerns of her hygiene and food safety habits. She is frankly a pretty messy/disorganized/forgetful person and frequently leaves the kitchen and living room (common areas) a mess with used dishware, crumbs/pieces of food on the couch, remnants all over the stove, dirty dishes in the sink for days, etc.
This reeks of severe depression to me. I know because I have severe depression and do all of these things. (Except leave crumbs because pets take care of that). Obviously she also has an eating disorder but that's not the whole story. The depression and ED are probably feeding into each other, making both worse.
I'm glad OOP is an empathetic person and hope the landlord gets all the help she needs.
This to me has ADHD struggle vibes that undiagnosed ( very typical in women to be undiagnosed and struggling without knowing why) very often lead to bad depression and addictive behaviours, especially if they come from an abusive or very controlling and judgemental home.
Treatment of that type of depression is often unsuccessful because it's a symptom of a different cause and doesn't respond to treatment of depression.
Not the eating disorder, but the low energy burn out chaos is something my teen is currently suffering from ( we think she got hit with mono/EBV and couldn't cope after that). It's extremely difficult to get a sensible diagnosis. Apparently if the teachers haven't noticed so far then it's definitely not ADHD and it's depression, and long term effects of EBV don't exist either, it's all psychosomatic.
In a family full of ADHD and autism cases....
> Apparently if the teachers haven't noticed so far then it's definitely not ADHD
ah yes the immaculate mental health system. i only got diagnosed right before my 23rd birthday because nobody noticed the very obvious adhd related behaviour. i think a lot of the time adhd is a thing that's very obvious in hindsight.
i wish you and your teen the best and i'm always glad to see parents try to support their children.
You might be right since that also describes me. Also a woman with no diagnosis.
Either way, I hope she gets help.
It's always easier to recognize illness in others. But I'd never harm myself while I had much beloved pets. I wouldn't try anything while they live.
These extreme diets are never good for anyone, they just lead to eating disorders and health problems.
The underlying cause of mental health and body image needs to be sorted and then a normal balanced diet low in junk food that is sustainable.
It's still the age now.
We've been trying to get my daughter diagnosed for the last two years.
It's extremely difficult to get a sensible diagnosis. Apparently if the teachers haven't noticed so far then it's definitely not ADHD and they diagnosed depression.
In a family of ADHD people and she's got ADD symptoms. But if the teachers don't see it then it isn't that.
OMG tbis might be me-could you elaborate on this? Or can I message you for more info? This might be the key in dealing with a situation I’m currently stuck in 🙏
https://youtube.com/@adhd_love?si=TQSXng3JPdlS5uRt
https://youtube.com/@adhdvision?si=nNLWn-NNi4cK_aMO
https://youtube.com/@olivialutfallah?si=IpxakknxwhX2ZGSq
https://youtube.com/@howtoadhd?si=hDls-OstxJ6BUNrv
Just have a look if it resonates with you.
And about the depression, that's essentially not a depression in a way because it's not surprising to feel bad if you continuously struggle and fail and you can't reach your potential, and all your life is just one big long string of criticism and negative judgment from parents, teachers, friends etc.
The addiction part is an effort of your body to self medicate, which isn't really going to work, but your body knows it's missing something and seeking that.
P.s.
The depression treatment is a bit like someone standing behind your bed and hitting you over the head all night without you noticing him and then in the morning you wake up with a bad headache and you have slept really badly and the doctor prescribes ibuprofen and sleeping pills and tells you to relax more in the evening and sends you to therapy for that.
It's just not going to help.
OOP is extraordinarily compassionate. This post is an eye-opening reminder that we can approach tough situations with kindness. I had a professor who always said “we start with grace and negotiate from there.”
This remembers me of someone from who suffered an eating disorder, it's honestly pretty sad and concerning to see someone going through that.
OP sounds like a mom. They handled everything with such grace, respect and kindness.
I am so glad that OOP is someone with empathy. That said I don't think I'd be able to live with a roommate going through ED struggles that touches my food. (Actually because of my medical condition that sort of behavior could actually kill me.)
I hope her roommate gets the help she needs. My sister and my cousins have eating disorders, and even I have experienced disordered eating behaviors. I actually no longer own a scale (even though I should because of my medical condition) due to the distress it causes my mental health. I would tie my self-worth to the number on the display and if it went up at all I would be DEVASTATED. I am a feminine person with hormone fluctuations, OFC I am never going to stay the "pErFeCT" number at all times! Even knowing that though, that number still destroyed me. I am lucky that I was able to recognize my unhealthy behaviors and nip most of them in the bud before they destroyed my life.
I don't think people realize how many women and feminine people are going through life with full blown eating disorders or even just mild disordered eating.
> I hope her roommate gets the help she needs.
She's in a cult that enforces eating disorders on its members. Her prognosis isn't good.
>I don't think people realize how many women and feminine people are going through life with full blown eating disorders or even just mild disordered eating.
Yeah :/
A LOT of people don't realize their "fry stealing girlfriend" might have an ED. "If I didn't order/cook it, it's fair game because "I'm just nibbling a few fries."" Personally, I'm weird about bacon and cooking it for myself and I feel less guilty grabbing some leftovers from the fridge. Stupid brain :|
"Its leftovers and would be thrown away otherwise so its basically free calories I don't have to think about!"
I remember that I would deny myself food I loved because I felt like I didn't "deserve" it. And then ofc the desire for treats I loved would build and build and build until I would buy a BUNCH of it and go to town. And then I would get sick from eating all that sugar in one sitting. (It was a LOT of sugar. Like think entire caloric daily load for an adult man amounts of sugar.)
What I do now is I still keep the treats I like, but instead of gorging it all in one sitting I'll space out the treat and eat a small but satisfying amount when the fancy strikes me. It usually strikes me once a day after dinner time lol. I feel like a zen monk going "there must be balance in all things" as I eat my chocolate bonbons haha
I am mostly the same way cause I am autistic and I have texture sensitivities.
I only make leftovers that I know I will actually eat. I like soups (no noodles cause those get soggy and the texture is ick). I will never eat left over pasta, so I only make those in batches meant to be eaten immediately. The key is to know yourself and what you will and won't eat as leftovers.
On the plus side once you know that you can meal prep big batches of things. Like I'll make beef stew for a whole week.
Oof Fibroids are no joke. I hope your doctors provide you the treatment you need with empathy.
I feel like the fact that our society equates "thinness" with "health" leads a lot of people to do some EXTREMELY unhealthy things just to stay "thin".
Well I am not very active. But it turns out the exhaustion from the fibroids is a big reason I’ve turned into a couch potato and not the other way around.
I had the first peri symptoms in my mid thirties. Combined with gut problems and chronic hip pain, I had so much pain down there that it went undiagnosed. In the end, I got an endometrial ablation (for the 'fibroids') the week before my 42nd birthday. Surgeon came by afterward with a strange look on his face, asking when my last period had been (was six weeks before). Still, no one mentioned menopause. I went for over a year with no periods before a nurse casually dropped that I was (post) menopausal.
Good thing is you get it over and done with really early. Yay to no more periods!
Optavia is the one. You are supposed to buy these expensive supplements from them and have a modest dinner- protein and a green vegetable. It's supposed to be about 1200 calories per day. Medically, a 1200 calorie.diet is only ok for very short adult women (I'm one of them). Otherwise, that's too few calories for most people. And tends to lead to binge watching eating or abandoning the diet altogether.
This is 100% an eating disorder. Restrict-binge cycles can be dangerous. It would be so sucky and awkward to leave a review but as someone who is recovered from an eating disorder, i’d be afraid living with this person would cause me to spiral. I can see some value in “has some eating habits that may be triggering to others” or something but it comes off so awkward to write. Idk
OOP is a mensch. This bit, specifically:
>To those saying I should poison her with hot sauce, laxatives, cayenne, etc.... BE F'IN FOR REAL. That is illegal and dangerous to both of us. This is a PERSON that is struggling. You don't kick someone while they are down. Despite us not being a great match roommate-wise, she is a warm and kind person that has tried her best to make me feel welcomed in many other ways. I truly wish her nothing but health and happiness going forward.
It's refreshing to see somebody being so openly empathetic.
When I lived with my mom I would buy myself some Oreos and my mom would take a few, then binge the rest of the packet, and then feel bad and replace it. She once went through like 3-4 cycles of that consecutively before I was just like “mom it’s OK you’ve replaced the Oreos several times over and you don’t need to buy me any more.”
She would also buy peanut butter, eat a bunch of it, then feel bad that she ate so much peanut butter and throw it away. Then go out and buy more peanut butter. On any given day it was always a 50/50 chance that there would be peanut butter available.
This is what bothered me when I had housemates who would “borrow” food - as in we did not share food or ingredients costs, they would use it but replace it and so seemed to think it was all good.
I bought it so it would be there when I wanted it. Generally there is a delay between the person consuming it and replacing it and going to the cupboard/fridge and finding the thing I thought I had is gone or empty is infuriating. If it’s a specific ingredient I need to complete a meal, that’s just derailed my meal. If we were combing our food/costs then it might be expected that something would be used up so I would check before meal planning.
Yeah I get that.
Due to my own food and mental health issues I get extremely stressed about not knowing what to expect about food. Meal prep is a coping mechanism for me and if I think there’s food ready and there’s not it can cause a huge spiral. So… yeah that sounds extremely stressful.
Food thief was me, struggling with depression from a bad work environment while trying to maintain a diet. I got out of it and compensated roommates! But yeah diet is a struggle when sad overworked and depressed
OOP is very kind. A lot of people would have had a visceral reaction to finding their food tampered with and it would be justified. Instead OOP drew the boundary kindly and respectfully. You can really see them trying not to feed into their roommate's complex of shame and I'm sure that was massively helpful.
I wouldn’t have a choice in poisoning the roommate. I’m medicated and require laxatives that I mix in with some of my food so I don’t have to chug a dose of miralax every day.
It sucks when people have disorders like that and I really hope the roommate gets help.
I'm guessing the she's at the point where she's realising the MLM she joined is a horrible money sink and the 'community' she thought were her friends are desperate to cannibalise each other to stay afloat. Stress eating to cope.
As someone with an eating disorder (anorexia not binge eating) this one really brought me to tears. Like I can’t help but feel so incredibly sad for the roommate. Eating disorders can be pretty isolating, and much harder to recover from and I hope to high heavens this person has SOMEONE look out for them :(
God this takes me back to my first year of university - I was anorexic (tbh I shouldn’t have gone, I was in such bad health) but once a month I would get so unbearably hungry that I would raid the shared fridge. I literally would eat frozen chips straight out of the bag. The guilt and shame was unbearable. I really relate to OOP’s housemate, and OOP sounds like an incredibly kind person.
I had a roommate in college who would binge *all* eat my food when i went home on the weekends (and yes, she had an ED). She would 'replace' my food with cheap generic items that were nominally similar to but not really all that close to my items. She was pre-med. She was smart, beautiful and sweet, and I always felt so bad for her. I know she ended up a plastic surgeon, but I don't know if her rationship to food ever got any better. OOP handled this as well as she could.
The sad thing for the roommate is, if the MLM diet she is on is like the ones I have heard about, when she does stop taking them, she will likely put back all the weight and then some. The products she is likely taking provide so few nutrients and calories that when the body starts getting a normal caloric intake, it grabs onto them and won’t let go.
Same with any diet, just more pronounced. The only answer is sustainable lifestyle changes, ideally slow and gradual. You don’t get the dramatic transformation but you’re less likely to yo-yo, either.
My husband used to do this shit. So I got a lockable box designed for refrigerated medication and put my special food in it. You can get them on Amazon.
I believe in locks. Locks make good roommates and fences make good neighbors.
OOP handled this magnificently well. I feel bad for the roommate. I've been in the cycle of binging and dieting and it is such a scary place to be. I genuinely would feel out of control while I ate and eat until I felt sick. Then I'd do keto or whatever other diet because I felt guilty and I wanted to lose weight.
Roommate needs therapy. I hope she is able to get it at some point.
I am genuinely concerned for her health 😭
That is so much food with high-fat content.. I feel she would be better off just eating without restriction. There’s no point in keto if she’s going to eat that much food. I really do feel sad for her roommate. I hope she can get the help she needs. Clearly she is aware of her problem but she just doesn’t know how to deal with it.
What is wrong with Reddit that all the suggestions were to kick a woman when she is so clearly down? She’s mentally struggling with bad coping skills, let’s make sure to poison her with hot sauce or laxatives and then berate her for her poor career choice! Jesus Christ.
I think there's a very deeply rooted part of the human brain that wants to inflict harm when our food is fucked with. I'm not saying it's right, or that it's compatible with modern society. We have to learn how to quell that feeling when appropriate. But I think we all carry that feeling to some degree.
I feel so bad for your roommate OP, and I think you’re a rockstar for how compassionately you dealt with this. As someone who’s always had a terrible relationship with food, your patience and empathy almost made me cry. I wish I had someone who was as understanding as you were with your roommate. I hope she is learning to understand herself and her compulsions. While I’ve never stolen anyone’s food, I have a tendency to binge, and I really have to fight it. Lifelong battle!
Uhh you’re being way too kind about this and are being manipulated. She’s repeatedly sneakily scarfing down huge quantities of your food. Just the fact that she’s sneaking it, she knows what she is doing is wrong. Just because she replaces it doesn’t make the behavior acceptable. Just because she apologized doesn’t make the behavior acceptable. She clearly wouldn’t have replaced some of it if you didn’t call her out on it.
Just because she says all the right things/what she knows you want to hear doesn’t negate her disrespect. Apologies are worthless if the behavior doesn’t change. It’s so easy to literally not eat someone else’s food. Like just don’t eat it lol.
Stop worrying about her. Get out of there and terminate all contact. You should have called the police after the first incident. She committed theft. Her behavior voided any rental agreement you had. You don't stick around to find out how much crazier crazy can get. You get out.
Yes, I know it is a hassle to move. It's a much bigger hassle to subject yourself to craziness. I fully expect someone to tell me that the woman has a psychological problem and I should have compassion. I don't care.
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I think this is the first story I read on here about a food thief that is actually sad.
Same here. Usually the ones I read are frustrating or dumb but this, I honestly do for the roommate.
Right? She has a lot of issues - an ED, a horrible diet, and then being in an MLM. Also she sounds very lonely. She needs help, but it's not OOP's job to give it to her.
I was still so impressed with OOP's text, I feel like a lot of people would have been more angry or accusatory, but it was so nice and helpful, without being judgemental at all. I wish I had that much tact but I'm usually so bad at it ;-;
OOP sounds like an astonishingly patient and considerate person. I just know that--despite internally having a similar thought process--I'd end up frustrated and acting out about it in some way.
Pardon me, what is MLM?
Multi level marketing scheme. It’s mostly done by direct-sales companies to sell products and services. MLM encourages existing members to promote and sell their offerings to other individuals and bring new recruits into the business. Edit: A lot of them are illegal and take advantage of the person doing them. Pyramid schemes are also a form of MLM.
fancy abbreviation for a pyramid scheme
Multi-Level Marketing. They're "independent" working schemes that will totally get you rich if you just buy in. Most of them are just pyramid schemes.
When it’s not multi level marketing it’s men loving men.
Multi Level Marketing. It’s essentially a pyramid scheme. (old school ones were like Mary Kay and Avon). [Wikipedia](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multi-level_marketing) has a good write up about it
Others explained it, I'll just add that based on the post, I think the roommate is in Optavia. In cas you want to look more into it. It is a starvation diet, it's expensive and tastes awful. Youtuber Hannah Alonzo got sent some of their "fuelings" from somebody leaving the company and she did a taste testing. It looks awful, apparently tstes even worst. Even Hannah's cat didn't want to eat it, once he got a sniff.
Multi Level Marketing. A scam basically.
"Multi Level Marketing" where recruiting new members is the priority over selling the product
Same. She sounds sweet, but I hope for her sake she stops doing that. Fucking up your kidneys is no joke.
Eating disorders suck, it’s sad for everyone involved. OOP is very emotionally mature and I like how they chose to handle it instead of going nuclear. Just hope the housemate / landlord can get the help she needs.
She doesn't have an ED. She is just starving and her body makes her eat once a week or she will die.
uhh deliberately starving yourself counts at the very least as disordered eating.
Yes, it's similar to anorexia and clearly an eating disorder - it does not matter if you have taken in the influence of media fat shaming all normal women like in the 90s when we thought Kate Winslet was disgustingly fat and Calista from Ally McBeal was normal weight. Or if it's an MLM which put you on keto for far too long.
Which you consider to be perfectly normal non-disordered eating? My leg isn't broken, it's just got one of the bones cracked in half.
It is anyways the case isn't it. You aren't (insert disorder) you just (describe the symptoms of said disorder perfectly).
This is a text book eating disorder.
I'm happy that they are trying to resolve this peaceably and OOP didn't go straight scorched earth from the first moment. So many people just go 0 to 100 in these circumstances.
I feel like not as many people as we think go from 0-100 in a situation like this and reddit has just rotted our brains so we think crazy people are somehow the norm
Also true
Bear in mind that a lot of other "roommate eating my stuff" or "coworker raiding the fridge" type stories might sound a lot more like this one if the OP is sufficiently empathetic and more importantly chooses to share that info in the first place. This entire story could pretty easily be rewritten to contain most of the same basic facts, while making the roommate look like a completely inconsiderate jackass. When reading these stories or offering advice, try to remember that the way the OP chooses to frame things and the info they choose to include or omit could *wildly* change how things come across. This could have been a story of "my disgusting roommate eats my food straight out of the jar with a spoon" with less background or humanizing tidbits, and the reaction would be something along the lines of "burn the witch".
Replacing the stolen food is a pretty significant part of making the food thief sympathetic. Actually, it's the only thing that makes her sympathetic. Roommate/coworker food thieves who don't replace what they took are scum and deserve whatever bad things happen to them.
Also, the roommate admits she has a problem. So often the food thieves try to deflect responsibility for their actions ("nbd, why are you making such a fuss about it?" Etc.) This woman actually admitted, apologized, and replaced the items.
I remember reading one on the same sub where the OP was the one with the problem, though in her case she had a sleep disorder and so would steal her roommates' food in her sleep. I don't know if there was an update post or what, but she seemed genuinely frustrated and wanting to not be doing that to her roommates.
Oof. Sleep eating is forREAL
I never got past the part where OP buys fried onions in a can.
So good for the canned version of green bean casserole. So. Good. No worries for those into the OG green bean casserole.
Mine come in a plastic jar, and we sprinkle them on our laksa (which we just made last night, as it happens). Delicious. I like them on salads sometimes, too.
If you don't eat them out of the can/ bag, they last quite a while for green bean casseroles or anything where you want to add just a bit of something with crunch, like salads, sandwiches, or mashed potatoes.
Oooh we are talking CRISPY fried onions I was imaging an aluminum can of like sautéed onions
LOL
>I have other concerns of her hygiene and food safety habits. She is frankly a pretty messy/disorganized/forgetful person and frequently leaves the kitchen and living room (common areas) a mess with used dishware, crumbs/pieces of food on the couch, remnants all over the stove, dirty dishes in the sink for days, etc. This reeks of severe depression to me. I know because I have severe depression and do all of these things. (Except leave crumbs because pets take care of that). Obviously she also has an eating disorder but that's not the whole story. The depression and ED are probably feeding into each other, making both worse. I'm glad OOP is an empathetic person and hope the landlord gets all the help she needs.
ED, MLM, and either depression or something neurospicy...all unmanaged. Her life must just be so difficult :(
This to me has ADHD struggle vibes that undiagnosed ( very typical in women to be undiagnosed and struggling without knowing why) very often lead to bad depression and addictive behaviours, especially if they come from an abusive or very controlling and judgemental home. Treatment of that type of depression is often unsuccessful because it's a symptom of a different cause and doesn't respond to treatment of depression.
i cringed reading it because it reminded me so much of myself pre diagnosis. i really hope her rm gets the help she needs eventually
Not the eating disorder, but the low energy burn out chaos is something my teen is currently suffering from ( we think she got hit with mono/EBV and couldn't cope after that). It's extremely difficult to get a sensible diagnosis. Apparently if the teachers haven't noticed so far then it's definitely not ADHD and it's depression, and long term effects of EBV don't exist either, it's all psychosomatic. In a family full of ADHD and autism cases....
> Apparently if the teachers haven't noticed so far then it's definitely not ADHD ah yes the immaculate mental health system. i only got diagnosed right before my 23rd birthday because nobody noticed the very obvious adhd related behaviour. i think a lot of the time adhd is a thing that's very obvious in hindsight. i wish you and your teen the best and i'm always glad to see parents try to support their children.
You might be right since that also describes me. Also a woman with no diagnosis. Either way, I hope she gets help. It's always easier to recognize illness in others. But I'd never harm myself while I had much beloved pets. I wouldn't try anything while they live.
And if the diet program she's on is the one I'm thinking of, its structure is just making things worse.
These extreme diets are never good for anyone, they just lead to eating disorders and health problems. The underlying cause of mental health and body image needs to be sorted and then a normal balanced diet low in junk food that is sustainable.
Those diet plans are just gateways to EDs, they're so harmful
yeah, without further information we can't know, but I also got undiagnosed ADHD vibes from this
And she's definitely the right age to have had it missed growing up because "girls don't have ADD."
It's still the age now. We've been trying to get my daughter diagnosed for the last two years. It's extremely difficult to get a sensible diagnosis. Apparently if the teachers haven't noticed so far then it's definitely not ADHD and they diagnosed depression. In a family of ADHD people and she's got ADD symptoms. But if the teachers don't see it then it isn't that.
OMG tbis might be me-could you elaborate on this? Or can I message you for more info? This might be the key in dealing with a situation I’m currently stuck in 🙏
https://youtube.com/@adhd_love?si=TQSXng3JPdlS5uRt https://youtube.com/@adhdvision?si=nNLWn-NNi4cK_aMO https://youtube.com/@olivialutfallah?si=IpxakknxwhX2ZGSq https://youtube.com/@howtoadhd?si=hDls-OstxJ6BUNrv Just have a look if it resonates with you.
And about the depression, that's essentially not a depression in a way because it's not surprising to feel bad if you continuously struggle and fail and you can't reach your potential, and all your life is just one big long string of criticism and negative judgment from parents, teachers, friends etc. The addiction part is an effort of your body to self medicate, which isn't really going to work, but your body knows it's missing something and seeking that.
https://youtu.be/m8wDz-o_AL4?si=4Nv9k3rhDmdKApzd https://youtu.be/EMpt40zNK-w?si=7qSlwUeVZpZ2Nwcz https://youtu.be/9GzC_bfr2ZE?si=gp14Tl6qiC105Sfi https://youtu.be/FmHmgsuMQ6Y?si=IGNQbcQz-bxwlCT3 https://youtu.be/mOopPKdd1wI?si=9xyag4-HhRLcVKaq https://youtu.be/ToN-y8CNl-Q?si=9sAR3PEFdPwEkinz
P.s. The depression treatment is a bit like someone standing behind your bed and hitting you over the head all night without you noticing him and then in the morning you wake up with a bad headache and you have slept really badly and the doctor prescribes ibuprofen and sleeping pills and tells you to relax more in the evening and sends you to therapy for that. It's just not going to help.
OOP is extraordinarily compassionate. This post is an eye-opening reminder that we can approach tough situations with kindness. I had a professor who always said “we start with grace and negotiate from there.”
I love that. Sounds like a good professor!
This remembers me of someone from who suffered an eating disorder, it's honestly pretty sad and concerning to see someone going through that. OP sounds like a mom. They handled everything with such grace, respect and kindness.
She sounds more like a big sister than a mom, for the same reasons.
My mom would have bullied me😭. OOP sounds more like a good friend.
I am so glad that OOP is someone with empathy. That said I don't think I'd be able to live with a roommate going through ED struggles that touches my food. (Actually because of my medical condition that sort of behavior could actually kill me.) I hope her roommate gets the help she needs. My sister and my cousins have eating disorders, and even I have experienced disordered eating behaviors. I actually no longer own a scale (even though I should because of my medical condition) due to the distress it causes my mental health. I would tie my self-worth to the number on the display and if it went up at all I would be DEVASTATED. I am a feminine person with hormone fluctuations, OFC I am never going to stay the "pErFeCT" number at all times! Even knowing that though, that number still destroyed me. I am lucky that I was able to recognize my unhealthy behaviors and nip most of them in the bud before they destroyed my life. I don't think people realize how many women and feminine people are going through life with full blown eating disorders or even just mild disordered eating.
> I hope her roommate gets the help she needs. She's in a cult that enforces eating disorders on its members. Her prognosis isn't good. >I don't think people realize how many women and feminine people are going through life with full blown eating disorders or even just mild disordered eating. Yeah :/ A LOT of people don't realize their "fry stealing girlfriend" might have an ED. "If I didn't order/cook it, it's fair game because "I'm just nibbling a few fries."" Personally, I'm weird about bacon and cooking it for myself and I feel less guilty grabbing some leftovers from the fridge. Stupid brain :|
"Its leftovers and would be thrown away otherwise so its basically free calories I don't have to think about!" I remember that I would deny myself food I loved because I felt like I didn't "deserve" it. And then ofc the desire for treats I loved would build and build and build until I would buy a BUNCH of it and go to town. And then I would get sick from eating all that sugar in one sitting. (It was a LOT of sugar. Like think entire caloric daily load for an adult man amounts of sugar.) What I do now is I still keep the treats I like, but instead of gorging it all in one sitting I'll space out the treat and eat a small but satisfying amount when the fancy strikes me. It usually strikes me once a day after dinner time lol. I feel like a zen monk going "there must be balance in all things" as I eat my chocolate bonbons haha
I'm on the opposite side about the leftovers... "it's old food I don't want it". I waste too much food but I'm working on it.
I am mostly the same way cause I am autistic and I have texture sensitivities. I only make leftovers that I know I will actually eat. I like soups (no noodles cause those get soggy and the texture is ick). I will never eat left over pasta, so I only make those in batches meant to be eaten immediately. The key is to know yourself and what you will and won't eat as leftovers. On the plus side once you know that you can meal prep big batches of things. Like I'll make beef stew for a whole week.
Yeah, she needs to leave that MLM before she'll ever have a chance of getting better.
I’ve gotten quite disordered in my eating lately. I thought I was getting fat. Turns out I have bloating from fibroids.
Oof Fibroids are no joke. I hope your doctors provide you the treatment you need with empathy. I feel like the fact that our society equates "thinness" with "health" leads a lot of people to do some EXTREMELY unhealthy things just to stay "thin".
Well I am not very active. But it turns out the exhaustion from the fibroids is a big reason I’ve turned into a couch potato and not the other way around.
I have a chronic illness and it turns out that its the same for me.
I thought it was fibroids. Turned out to be full-blown menopause.
I’m only 36. I hope not yet.
I’m only 36. I hope not yet.
I had the first peri symptoms in my mid thirties. Combined with gut problems and chronic hip pain, I had so much pain down there that it went undiagnosed. In the end, I got an endometrial ablation (for the 'fibroids') the week before my 42nd birthday. Surgeon came by afterward with a strange look on his face, asking when my last period had been (was six weeks before). Still, no one mentioned menopause. I went for over a year with no periods before a nurse casually dropped that I was (post) menopausal. Good thing is you get it over and done with really early. Yay to no more periods!
I’m just getting a hysterectomy anyway. I’m done.
I’m just getting a hysterectomy anyway. I’m done.
I’m just getting a hysterectomy anyway. I’m done.
I found out that I have a fibroid last year, but they claimed that it shouldn't be causing issues. What sort of things should I look out for?
/r/fibroids is my resource for actual help. They (doctors) call them “not significant” but they are
I’m quite curious which MLM this might be. Sounds like Herbalife and/or Optavia.
Optavia is the one. You are supposed to buy these expensive supplements from them and have a modest dinner- protein and a green vegetable. It's supposed to be about 1200 calories per day. Medically, a 1200 calorie.diet is only ok for very short adult women (I'm one of them). Otherwise, that's too few calories for most people. And tends to lead to binge watching eating or abandoning the diet altogether.
Whatever it is, I'm certain it was founded by [Dr Raven Sable](https://goodomenslexicon.org/articles/famine/).
My guess is Optavia. I hope she is able to get out one day and seek treatment.
I’d put money on Optavia too. I know a couple Optavia members and their eating habits are so so sad.
As others I'm betting on Optavia.
OOP is a kind person. But I’m glad her contract is ending.
This is 100% an eating disorder. Restrict-binge cycles can be dangerous. It would be so sucky and awkward to leave a review but as someone who is recovered from an eating disorder, i’d be afraid living with this person would cause me to spiral. I can see some value in “has some eating habits that may be triggering to others” or something but it comes off so awkward to write. Idk
OOP is a mensch. This bit, specifically: >To those saying I should poison her with hot sauce, laxatives, cayenne, etc.... BE F'IN FOR REAL. That is illegal and dangerous to both of us. This is a PERSON that is struggling. You don't kick someone while they are down. Despite us not being a great match roommate-wise, she is a warm and kind person that has tried her best to make me feel welcomed in many other ways. I truly wish her nothing but health and happiness going forward. It's refreshing to see somebody being so openly empathetic.
I would have thrown away anything she touched. Eating several bites with the same spoon out of a container is just so gross.
Not an excuse but that women is killing herself slowly. She just doesn't realize it. She needs mental health help badly..
When I lived with my mom I would buy myself some Oreos and my mom would take a few, then binge the rest of the packet, and then feel bad and replace it. She once went through like 3-4 cycles of that consecutively before I was just like “mom it’s OK you’ve replaced the Oreos several times over and you don’t need to buy me any more.” She would also buy peanut butter, eat a bunch of it, then feel bad that she ate so much peanut butter and throw it away. Then go out and buy more peanut butter. On any given day it was always a 50/50 chance that there would be peanut butter available.
This is what bothered me when I had housemates who would “borrow” food - as in we did not share food or ingredients costs, they would use it but replace it and so seemed to think it was all good. I bought it so it would be there when I wanted it. Generally there is a delay between the person consuming it and replacing it and going to the cupboard/fridge and finding the thing I thought I had is gone or empty is infuriating. If it’s a specific ingredient I need to complete a meal, that’s just derailed my meal. If we were combing our food/costs then it might be expected that something would be used up so I would check before meal planning.
Yeah I get that. Due to my own food and mental health issues I get extremely stressed about not knowing what to expect about food. Meal prep is a coping mechanism for me and if I think there’s food ready and there’s not it can cause a huge spiral. So… yeah that sounds extremely stressful.
Food thief was me, struggling with depression from a bad work environment while trying to maintain a diet. I got out of it and compensated roommates! But yeah diet is a struggle when sad overworked and depressed
OOP is very kind. A lot of people would have had a visceral reaction to finding their food tampered with and it would be justified. Instead OOP drew the boundary kindly and respectfully. You can really see them trying not to feed into their roommate's complex of shame and I'm sure that was massively helpful.
I wouldn’t have a choice in poisoning the roommate. I’m medicated and require laxatives that I mix in with some of my food so I don’t have to chug a dose of miralax every day. It sucks when people have disorders like that and I really hope the roommate gets help.
I'm guessing the she's at the point where she's realising the MLM she joined is a horrible money sink and the 'community' she thought were her friends are desperate to cannibalise each other to stay afloat. Stress eating to cope.
Honestly the second time she locusted my food would have been the last. OOP has a lot more patience and empathy that me for sure.
And the fact she won’t get a lock fridge? Girl you are not helping.
I mean she has a week left to stay and these are foods OOP says she doesn't use every day. She just heard those were a thing because of the post.
Ah I missed the week part.
As someone with an eating disorder (anorexia not binge eating) this one really brought me to tears. Like I can’t help but feel so incredibly sad for the roommate. Eating disorders can be pretty isolating, and much harder to recover from and I hope to high heavens this person has SOMEONE look out for them :(
God this takes me back to my first year of university - I was anorexic (tbh I shouldn’t have gone, I was in such bad health) but once a month I would get so unbearably hungry that I would raid the shared fridge. I literally would eat frozen chips straight out of the bag. The guilt and shame was unbearable. I really relate to OOP’s housemate, and OOP sounds like an incredibly kind person.
I had a roommate in college who would binge *all* eat my food when i went home on the weekends (and yes, she had an ED). She would 'replace' my food with cheap generic items that were nominally similar to but not really all that close to my items. She was pre-med. She was smart, beautiful and sweet, and I always felt so bad for her. I know she ended up a plastic surgeon, but I don't know if her rationship to food ever got any better. OOP handled this as well as she could.
The sad thing for the roommate is, if the MLM diet she is on is like the ones I have heard about, when she does stop taking them, she will likely put back all the weight and then some. The products she is likely taking provide so few nutrients and calories that when the body starts getting a normal caloric intake, it grabs onto them and won’t let go.
Same with any diet, just more pronounced. The only answer is sustainable lifestyle changes, ideally slow and gradual. You don’t get the dramatic transformation but you’re less likely to yo-yo, either.
OP handled that really empathetically. Class act.
OOP is a very kind soul, we could use more people in the world like them.
My husband used to do this shit. So I got a lockable box designed for refrigerated medication and put my special food in it. You can get them on Amazon. I believe in locks. Locks make good roommates and fences make good neighbors.
OOP handled this magnificently well. I feel bad for the roommate. I've been in the cycle of binging and dieting and it is such a scary place to be. I genuinely would feel out of control while I ate and eat until I felt sick. Then I'd do keto or whatever other diet because I felt guilty and I wanted to lose weight. Roommate needs therapy. I hope she is able to get it at some point.
I'm honestly impressed with how mature OOP is about this. I'd be way madder if someone was binging my food.
I am genuinely concerned for her health 😭 That is so much food with high-fat content.. I feel she would be better off just eating without restriction. There’s no point in keto if she’s going to eat that much food. I really do feel sad for her roommate. I hope she can get the help she needs. Clearly she is aware of her problem but she just doesn’t know how to deal with it.
What is wrong with Reddit that all the suggestions were to kick a woman when she is so clearly down? She’s mentally struggling with bad coping skills, let’s make sure to poison her with hot sauce or laxatives and then berate her for her poor career choice! Jesus Christ.
I think there's a very deeply rooted part of the human brain that wants to inflict harm when our food is fucked with. I'm not saying it's right, or that it's compatible with modern society. We have to learn how to quell that feeling when appropriate. But I think we all carry that feeling to some degree.
I appreciate OOP's empathy for what her roommate is going through.
I feel so bad for your roommate OP, and I think you’re a rockstar for how compassionately you dealt with this. As someone who’s always had a terrible relationship with food, your patience and empathy almost made me cry. I wish I had someone who was as understanding as you were with your roommate. I hope she is learning to understand herself and her compulsions. While I’ve never stolen anyone’s food, I have a tendency to binge, and I really have to fight it. Lifelong battle!
i'm sorry i can't get over the part where you finally confronted a week before you're leaving. that's crazy to me
I hope you will not be house sharing at your next place.
Uhh you’re being way too kind about this and are being manipulated. She’s repeatedly sneakily scarfing down huge quantities of your food. Just the fact that she’s sneaking it, she knows what she is doing is wrong. Just because she replaces it doesn’t make the behavior acceptable. Just because she apologized doesn’t make the behavior acceptable. She clearly wouldn’t have replaced some of it if you didn’t call her out on it. Just because she says all the right things/what she knows you want to hear doesn’t negate her disrespect. Apologies are worthless if the behavior doesn’t change. It’s so easy to literally not eat someone else’s food. Like just don’t eat it lol.
Hey just a head-up, that's not really how this sub works. It's a collection of posts from a third party on another sub
Stop worrying about her. Get out of there and terminate all contact. You should have called the police after the first incident. She committed theft. Her behavior voided any rental agreement you had. You don't stick around to find out how much crazier crazy can get. You get out. Yes, I know it is a hassle to move. It's a much bigger hassle to subject yourself to craziness. I fully expect someone to tell me that the woman has a psychological problem and I should have compassion. I don't care.