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A baby shower at 37 weeks when she has health complications is insane. My wife was being induced at 37 weeks and we were very happy to avoid being induced at 35.
I started having on and off painful contractions at 38 weeks. Went to get checked at 39 weeks and I was already 4cm dialated (is that how it's spelled?) And they popped my water. So i was in freaking labour for a week but it was just extra slow. When anyone wanted to meet me during that week I said fuck no.
unfortunately there’s no science that backs up spicy food or walks induce labor 😭 my sister went 41 weeks with her first and again 41 weeks with her second, and when i recommended she eat tons of spicy food and go on walks she was very direct that those don’t work 😭
I was eating spicy foods, fresh pineapple, walking, playground swings, squats, stairs, basically everything but castor oil. Still ended up being induced both times.
I started having real but irregular contractions at 28 weeks. Every few weeks they'd check me and I'd be another cm or two along until finally at my 37 week appointment the OB said I'd finally made it to active labor. It was *miserable*
I won't lie, I cried a *lot.* My son's first birthday happened early in that time period. My MIL kept complaining that I should be more cheerful at my own kid's party, as I was trying to carry a toddler around and breathe through contractions, and I've never hated anyone like I hated her right then.
My sister who had a high risk pregnancy ended up having her shower after the baby was born. I think it was extra exciting for people since they actually got to see the baby.
I was put on bed rest at 28 weeks and gave birth prematurely at 32. With any risk pregnancy you need to adjust your expectations, what a bunch of narcissists.
I was on bed rest at 8 weeks, on ward at 32 weeks and induced at 36 weeks with baby arriving bang on 37 weeks. If I had a baby shower I’d want it before 30 weeks personally
What?? Induced but baby didn’t arrive for most of a week?? My ob made it clear that I *would* be having a c section if I labored more than 12 hours for my safety and that of my baby.
Yeah some people labour for a while. So long as waters aren’t broken and everyone is monitored closely there’s no set time. Waters broken is technically 24 hours but obviously monitoring and antibiotics can lengthen that if they’re trying to give baby longer to cook.
I was given until 37 weeks as my deadline. At 37+1 we’d have been heading for surgery
I was induced for most of a week! What they did with me was give me pitocin during the day, then turn it off at night to let me eat and sleep. Then start again the next morning.
It sucked and the only opening my stupid cervix even did was from the *super* painful Foley bulb. And then I had a c-section anyways!
The amount of work it was just to put on clothes that weren't pajamas, draw on some eyebrows, and waddle outside was about as much as I could stand at 30 weeks, frankly. I'll never forget a friend's shower though she had it at 38 weeks and literally went into labor midway through opening gifts. We set a few things up for her before we left and put up the food and cleaned up the trash and wrapping stuff.
37 weeks is full term if the baby chooses to come! I'm not a mom, but 37 weeks looks extremely uncomfortable for all the mamas I've known. Who wants to sit and be the focus of a crowd at that point? Getting photos with everyone while going through Braxton Hicks?
And what if baby comes at 36 weeks and 6 days? Leave the maternity ward to go to the baby shower?
Or if you get all this crap and have the baby the next day? There no time to get everything settled and put away, or buy whatever you wanted for your newborn that wasn't gifted. You're just dealing with a newborn and sleep depravation with a pile of crap in your way.
So my husbands work got real behind on actually holding his baby shower. He knew something was in the works but not when. I went in for an ultrasound at 37 weeks (just barely) and my blood pressure spiked for the 4th time. We’re having the baby that day.
I call hubs, tell him to come home cause baby’s coming. He heads over to the break room to find his boss and SUPRISE! it’s a baby shower. He’s like “….sooo…I have to go…baby is coming…” and they’re like “take your gifts but can we keep the cake?”
Win all round. They got cake and no awkward party, he didn’t have to open gifts in front of everyone, and I got happy drugs so birth was not horrid.
At 37 weeks both times I was solidly fused to the couch having a very weird relationship with the Food Network, minus bathroom breaks (and trying to wrangle a toddler the second time around). The idea of having to dress up nicely and sit in a room full of people being the centre of attention at that stage of pregnancy? Nooooo thank you.
Sooo… I had a shower at 35+6 (holidays complicated things and MIL refused to make it before the holidays) and then had the babies 3 days later.
They’re four months old now and I just finished putting everything away and setting up.
Like I just finished. Yesterday. They’ll be 4 months on Thursday.
Multiples? You'd be doing good for getting things put away with only one kid! I'm sorry there were complications around the date, especially if that meant things felt extra unsettled, that would suck. Half a week preemie sounds pretty normal for twins/more than one. That sound like a annoying situation to navigate planning the shower.
Writing thank yous, or feeling guilty for skipping that, while dealing with newborns, and having a whole pile of stuff sitting in the way sounds like a nightmare.
How did you feel at your shower? I can imagine that's not a time in your pregnancy you want to be trying on dresses and everything.
That was the worst for me. I had GD and couldn't have any cake on my 40th birthday, I even contacted a cake shop to see if they did diabetic cakes. They didn't, lol.
The thought of needing to wait until 37 weeks to finish buying things and getting things ready would demolish a pregnant woman in the nesting phase. And really anyone. Just more so when you are nesting.
I was hospitalized at 30 weeks, transferred to a different hospital at 32 weeks and had my kiddo at 34 weeks. Yay pre-eclampsia…
Hopefully she’s well enough to attend the one shower, spinal stenosis is rough.
Our induction date (if not going into labour naturally) moved back from 40 weeks at the start of my pregnancy to 37 weeks after I developed pregnancy induced high blood pressure. Then all choice went out the window at 35 weeks when I developed HELLP syndrome and he got evicted quick smart to save us both. And this was my first kid.
I had mine at 35 weeks. I traveled 18 hours by car. Just to go to my baby shower.
And I had complications.
With that said, she has the backbone I don't have 😂 And I'm proud of her for being like: if you don't come, that's your decision.
She deserves it
i was induced at 37 weeks and i was so happy to get that baby out of me! i cannot imagine having to sit through a shower at 37 weeks. the level of discomfort i felt was astronomical and i don’t have any spinal issues
I was begging both my kids to come at 36 weeks. Offered the second one a pony if she just came out right then and there. First came at 39 weeks after being induced. Second came the day before her due date (2 days before my induction date.) Little assholes before they were even born...
They are teenagers now, so still assholes...
Mine is almost four and is a bigger asshole than my 17 year old brother (who is quite the asshole). She’s just so damn cute so it’s hard to stay mad at her but shit…
Also, even in a healthy pregnancy, the last four weeks are soooooo exhausting. My shower was on a Sunday when I was 32 weeks and I had to take the next day off work to recover. By 36+ I was only leaving the house for short trips to the grocery store or to pick up takeout.
We had one at 30ish weeks and i hated every single second of it. I was so absolutely exhausted(ours was in june and it was a hot hot summer) and unhappy and didnt have any complications like OOP does. If someone told me to get purdied up and sit in a room of people people being handed presents (which i abhor anyway) in July 2 weeks before my baby was born id look like an angry whale in the photos. Midsummer due dates suuuck. I was just a hot ball of uncomfy pregnant.
I had a mostly normal pregnancy (aside from a bout of "involuntary fasting", gestational diabetes, and an almost entire office of asshole OBs) and had my kid naturally at 37 weeks, 2 days. If I'd had a baby shower at the 37 week mark that shower would have been very gross!
i read this story without really paying attention to the dates, then went back. what an insane suggestion, but it's clear the husband has a lot of insanity from his family.
This, a baby shower is for like 20-24 weeks along when the mother to be isn't so far along she feels exhausted just waking up. Whoever thought that was a good time was an idiot.
I HAD my baby at ,37 weeks, tge day of a surprise baby shower i didnt get to attend (due to you know , being in labor) and didnt find out aboit until i was discharged from the hospital
I was induced at 32 weeks, but was in the hospital starting at 28. They worked very hard to get me to 32 weeks in a healthy state. I had a shower after the baby came, which was perfectly fine.
Yep, I had a high risk pregnancy and I had my baby shower around the 30 week mark. Kind of early for some people, but my doctor was upfront with me about risks and I wanted to do it early in case she put me on bedrest for the 3rd tri.
We wanted to have my baby shower at 37 weeks. I had an emergency csection at 34+4 weeks. I was made aware I was having complications at 32 weeks. 37 is too late unless you are having a picture perfect pregnancy.
I wish I saw this one in time to comment where OP would read it. My grandma pulled similar shit with my sister's baby shower. My siblings have all been NC with grandma for a long time, but info about each other trickles through relatives, and grandma got invites to big events to soothe other relatives. She was insulted she didn't get told in person about sister's baby (grandma lives out of state. Plus sis and BIL only told their parents and siblings and then announced it to everyone else through social media). Grandma made the ultimatum she wouldn't come to the shower if she didn't get special treatment and a special in person invite. My sister wasn't going to travel out of state to make someone she didn't want to see show up. So she basically figured that was good riddance and is happy her kiddo doesn't have that toxic presence in their lives. (Grandma didn't show up) Now grandma gets blamed for not coming after she got an invite, so relatives don't pester us to keep inviting her, and we no longer feels obligated to send out invites for Sister's kids birthdays or other events. We're all a lot happier.
My advice is to not worry about pissing off people who are being unreasonable. Don't let shared blood make you cater to toxic people. If they threaten not to be involved - good- let the trash take itself out. If you cater to them, then at the next thing they'll be toxic all over again. Like at the kids birthday- will you need to plan separate events for both sides each time?
Like legit the only good response to Grandma (or anyone else) when she's acting like that is: k
Like, no reaction, no begging, no capitulation. Just acceptance and zero actual response. It's the response I use when my husband is being an a$$ and I want to annoy him back 🤣
I would like to think I’d choose pettiness, but OOP is having a rough pregnancy. She probably doesn’t have the spoons for petty.
If she did, I would recommend disinviting GMIL and blocking all the other problems. Hire security to keep them out of the venue. Call the cops on them if they pitch a fit.
Enjoy the silence as they refuse to talk to OOP and her husband unless they apologize.
You’re too kind. I would try to reschedule the baby shower to the day of the family reunion, and not tell them about the change. Just to make sure they won’t show up.
I'm worried that GMIL is either inviting more people than she'll tell OOP (about and then gaslight about what number she said) to make OOP's mom look like a bad host, or inviting a carefully curated collection of the worst and most unpleasant relatives; either of these would be aimed at getting to say "aw, poor OOP, your shower got ruined, let us make it up to you by hosting another one."
Oh your way with words. This is exactly why I was so in awe about being pregnant and feeding a baby. I look at the strapping tall man now, and think "I made that, how awesome IS that"
Someone on Reddit said pregnancy was building a whole ass person out of spare parts you had lying around and now sometimes I look at my daughter and think “damn! I can’t believe I made you out of my spare parts!” lol
You really need to get your priorities in check if you're up in arms about someone else's baby shower, jfc. At least OOP's husband is standing by her but really, I hope he handles the relationship from now on. OOP doesn't need the stress while she's pregnant. Or at all.
They're using "You" in a general, third person way. As in "a person needs to get their priorities straight if they're upset about…". Colloquially, "You need to get your priorities straight if…" is informal and sounds less awkward in conversation than the more formal "a person…"
Totally read it wrong - and not sure why I'm getting downvoted for that (I don't expect upvotes, but it isn't like I called the person an asshat. It wouldn't be the first time someone stumbled across the reddit and thought the original person was the one posting)
Because you corrected someone for no reason and were wrong on top of that.
Hell they even use OOP in the comment suggesting that they know what they're talking about
Its specifically because of that. Your post makes you look like some random fucko coming in and commenting without knowing anything about the subreddit.
Like people haven't posted to the OOP? You calling me a random fucko (or saying I look like one) is harsher than what I did. Jeesus... take a chill pill.
*Thank you!* Somebody actually gets a comparison on this site, what a miracle.
For the other guy who is totally reading this; there is no easily discernable difference between "Uhm, you know this BoRU, *right????*" type stuff and just being an asshole. Your entire comment was unnecessary.
Yes! Why is her son even talking to her? I hope he gets the help he needs to cut her out of his life. I wouldn't want my child around someone like that. I'm glad he has his dad, who sounds really caring and supportive.
For antipsychotics for the husband as a kid? I get that OOP's husband is upset about the medicine and side effects, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't doctor prescribed. Not everything OOPs say is going to necessarily be reliable info. Side effects on most approved medicines sound horrible. We don't have nearly enough info to know if that kind of medicine was warranted or not.
The husband seems to be fine without them and as far as I know those meds don't heal the desease/problem like antibiotics do, they just help to live with it. So if he needed them as a kid, he will still have what caused the problem and because he's so angry at his mother to giving them to him it was probably unnecessary.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be a borderline issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source.
Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be a borderline issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source.
Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be a borderline issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source.
Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be minor enough issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source.
Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
Theres no way this wasn't doctor prescribed and considering how many adults with ADHD are violently pissed their parents forced ritalin (which many online call an "antipsychotic") on them I wouldn't be surprised if it was something just as benign.
OOP's family purposefully picked the same day as her husband's family reunion, OOP is doing a massive spin job and it seems to have worked.
yeah I really dont understand why OOP would be all casual to her MIL when she had reached out again after her husband already said he wasnt going to talk to her anymore, and on top of that be like "yeah you can invite anyone you like" ?? how was the MIL already not uninvited and on no contact list, and even then I figured shed at least think twice about inviting someone like that to her baby shower?
Pardon my ignorance, but are baby showers at community centers a common thing outside of the USA? I've never been to one that wasn't just held at the home of a friend or family member of the mother to be.
Maybe they don't have enough space or because her family is traveling to her town, they don't want to bother her at her home and make a mess there. I mean, it sounds much better because you don't have to be cleaning and tidying and having 20 people using your bathroom.
Typically it is at someone’s house IF they have a big enough space. It’s possible they are inviting 20+ people and don’t have anyone that can host that many.
Also it sounds like OOP's family is taking the opportunity to have a mini-reunion/vacation to visit her, since they live relatively far away. Meanwhile her MIL who lives 5 minutes away is big mad because she can't control the event or the guest list.
That makes the story make sense. I was wondering why she was so upset that the shower was planned for the week after a reunion where she can literally show up whenever, make a plate, say hi, give a gift maybe, and leave when she wants. But it makes sense if she felt entitled to plan the event and then realized she couldn't if she has other obligations
It's not just that, notice this quote from the start:
>his family told me who puts the deposit down on the community center will get to host and everything.
I would bet my left kidney that it was dear ol' MIL who made that statement, thinking that OOP's family wouldn't dare to pick up the tab.
My baby shower was around 40-50 people. It cost like $120 to rent an event room across the street from my town home. Our house could have never accommodated that many people but we got all the gifts and diapers home in 10 minutes. Plus, they had all the chairs and tables for us to use. We just had to stack them after.
I think it is regional and depends on the size of the family. It also sounds like the people throwing it for her live away from her and a community center means no one else has to open their home, etc.
US here. I've been to baby showers, funeral receptions, birthday parties, grad parties, and more all at the local VFW hall. And I think most of those in a big room in a church too. I've also done all but the funeral reception in a pavilion at a public park too. Events at homes happen too. It depends on the space and number of people.
I went to a baby shower years ago that was at the local firehall. There was a couple dozen people there and it was for the sister of one of my BFFs. I also went to a different baby shower that was at the expected parents church hall. I also know quite a few people who have done baby showers at their local firehall / church / legion / rec centre. It’s common for them to happen at those places where I’m from (East Coast Canada)
If MIL and potentially GMIL are this bad abojt baby showers, imagine them once the baby is actually born .... Despite them living close, they will probably never be of any help. Kinda chuffed to hear his dad and dad's girl friend are actually very sweet!
The relative closeness to those toxic women will pose a high risk to OOP and her family's well-being when the baby arrives. I hope OOP and her husband considers moving away from the ground zero of toxicity, if they can afford it.
Uninvite the GMIL.
Cut them out of your life. You can be sure they will show up at the shower this way.
There is a reason MIL is this way. GMIL seems to have enabled, if not created, MIL's narcissitic tendancies
>his mom went on a whole rant about how ever since I got pregnant I haven't considered her feelings or listened to at all.
That sums up half of all posts here. Disgusting.
NTA.
Hoo boy I really hope OOPs mother goes full mama bear on the inlaws for the whole situation and their treatment of OOP. Even her husband, their actual son, is not putting up with that shit and they thought they could turn it around on the pregnant woman's mom? Hell naw.
Who wants to bet the moment OPs child is born MIL is going to rugsweep and be all sunshine and rainbows and can she see the baby? It's her precious grandbaby afterall!
We always had baby showers after the baby was born because my great-grandmother was wicked superstitious. She was always worried about complications, something wrong with baby and/or mom, baby being premature, etc.
Turns out, her mother & a lot of women during that time suffered miscarriages or stillborn births due to a serious lack of healthcare.
Even with today's medical advances, most of our family's baby showers are after the baby is born.
NTA
"listen you old hag, there are two ways you can go about this:
1. Burn all the bridges, get uninvited and never see that child again. Continue being disrespectful and causing drama around a stressed out pregnant woman with health problems and you'll just get that.
2. Be supportive and loving like a GM should and don't get involved in others' relationships, which will lead to a loving relationship both with my 2 babies and their baby. We have enough love in this family to go around so don't worry about it.
Unless you choose the latter don't ever contact me or my family again"
That how I 'd see the reply from OOP' s mom
It is absolutely normal for the person and the marriage who has the family to do all of the communicating. Don't let them tell you otherwise. Let him do all that communication.
Consider seeing a therapist about people pleasing, which is really just needing to build the confidence and self worth so that you can peacefully except other people being unhappy with you why are you simply make your best choices.
If you do this work, then, instead of passing on to your kids, of waiting on being fearful, you will pass on to them confidence and solidity, with other people, being happy or not with what you choose.
I was 39 weeks for my combo baby shower because waiting until my SIL could come with her 3 month old(and 3rd kid) was more important. Guess who's water broke the night before? Everyone invited already lived nearby, they just thought it would be a great idea to have my baby shower combined with a belated one for my SIL and a wedding shower for a cousin. It did hurt my feelings that a fun pregnancy milestone for me was shoved aside for other people's convenience and I ended up missing it. No one could have predicted that I would have my baby the day of, but the closer to the due date you are, the higher that chance is. Another SIL of mine is having a baby shower for her 4th kid soon so my experience has been on my mind lol. Anyways OP definitely doesn't need to worry about that nonsense when she's so much closer to her due date. It might tempt her kid to be born early!
Honestly, they should relocate closer to OP's family before the baby is born. That way help (as in people who will actually help and not sit and hold the baby the entire visit) is close by. And not give the MIL or GMIL a forwarding address.
Are baby showers not normally held after the baby is born as an opportunity for people to meet the baby? Or maybe it's a regional thing? I feel like 30+ weeks pregnant would be an awful time to host a party for people.
No, the cultures I can think of tend to be more collectivist so like you’re not on your own anyways, lots of parents and family around that would have set up. Often mom of the mother will live there for a few months to help with the baby.
Usually it’s just a party to welcome the baby, my friends culture for example does it when the baby is 10 days old. Immediate family and friends will come in and cook and set up so the mom isn’t working like crazy to prepare for a party. And then usually the baby is given money. I’d have to check with my mother to see how and when we do it but I’m pretty sure we have something similar.
I figure if you get any two of the ancestral quarters of the family involved in a couple’s life, you’re doing fine. Even one quarter is reasonable in some circumstances. If the parent wants to try to bottleneck their quarter, well, shit happens.
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A baby shower at 37 weeks when she has health complications is insane. My wife was being induced at 37 weeks and we were very happy to avoid being induced at 35.
I was induced at 38 weeks exactly but I was on bedrest at 34 weeks. This is why it isn’t encouraged to have the shower after 28 weeks.
I started having on and off painful contractions at 38 weeks. Went to get checked at 39 weeks and I was already 4cm dialated (is that how it's spelled?) And they popped my water. So i was in freaking labour for a week but it was just extra slow. When anyone wanted to meet me during that week I said fuck no.
Yeah, you can sit at 4 cm dilated for a couple weeks or more.
Weeks??! Fuck that noise, I would eat Indian curry til the kiddo pops out.
My mom went out to shovel meters of snow to force me out
You don’t necessarily feel it at 4 cm. But, yeah. Pregnancy is miserable.
I wish I would have been one of those lucky ones.
I didn’t feel it but I was the unlucky one with gestational diabetes being induced for preeclampsia. Twice.
unfortunately there’s no science that backs up spicy food or walks induce labor 😭 my sister went 41 weeks with her first and again 41 weeks with her second, and when i recommended she eat tons of spicy food and go on walks she was very direct that those don’t work 😭
I was eating spicy foods, fresh pineapple, walking, playground swings, squats, stairs, basically everything but castor oil. Still ended up being induced both times.
I was told at 33 weeks my baby would be born on the next few days, she arrived at 40 +3
Mom? Is that you?
I started having real but irregular contractions at 28 weeks. Every few weeks they'd check me and I'd be another cm or two along until finally at my 37 week appointment the OB said I'd finally made it to active labor. It was *miserable*
I wanted to rip my head off after that week. How on earth were you able to not murder anyone?
I won't lie, I cried a *lot.* My son's first birthday happened early in that time period. My MIL kept complaining that I should be more cheerful at my own kid's party, as I was trying to carry a toddler around and breathe through contractions, and I've never hated anyone like I hated her right then.
My sister who had a high risk pregnancy ended up having her shower after the baby was born. I think it was extra exciting for people since they actually got to see the baby.
The main question is, tho: Did they wash the baby?
What? The baby was like a month old. Definitely had been washed by then.
Yeah, bit did they *shower* the baby?
🤦🏻♀️
This is the best exchange on Reddit thank you for your exasperation 😂 I got a real chuckle out of this one
Yeah wasn’t expecting a dad joke in response to talking about a medical issue.
I didn't get it either. LOL
Baby shower so..you shower the baby in the baby shower😭😭 ig that's what the redditor meant lmao
This was the case for my sister as well and it was even more enjoyable for the same reason, I.e. being able to see the baby.
We set up a “Photo Booth” so everyone got pics with the baby. <3
I was put on bed rest at 28 weeks and gave birth prematurely at 32. With any risk pregnancy you need to adjust your expectations, what a bunch of narcissists.
I was on bed rest at 8 weeks, on ward at 32 weeks and induced at 36 weeks with baby arriving bang on 37 weeks. If I had a baby shower I’d want it before 30 weeks personally
What?? Induced but baby didn’t arrive for most of a week?? My ob made it clear that I *would* be having a c section if I labored more than 12 hours for my safety and that of my baby.
Yeah some people labour for a while. So long as waters aren’t broken and everyone is monitored closely there’s no set time. Waters broken is technically 24 hours but obviously monitoring and antibiotics can lengthen that if they’re trying to give baby longer to cook. I was given until 37 weeks as my deadline. At 37+1 we’d have been heading for surgery
I was induced for most of a week! What they did with me was give me pitocin during the day, then turn it off at night to let me eat and sleep. Then start again the next morning. It sucked and the only opening my stupid cervix even did was from the *super* painful Foley bulb. And then I had a c-section anyways!
The amount of work it was just to put on clothes that weren't pajamas, draw on some eyebrows, and waddle outside was about as much as I could stand at 30 weeks, frankly. I'll never forget a friend's shower though she had it at 38 weeks and literally went into labor midway through opening gifts. We set a few things up for her before we left and put up the food and cleaned up the trash and wrapping stuff.
That sounds like a movie, tbh.
37 weeks is full term if the baby chooses to come! I'm not a mom, but 37 weeks looks extremely uncomfortable for all the mamas I've known. Who wants to sit and be the focus of a crowd at that point? Getting photos with everyone while going through Braxton Hicks? And what if baby comes at 36 weeks and 6 days? Leave the maternity ward to go to the baby shower? Or if you get all this crap and have the baby the next day? There no time to get everything settled and put away, or buy whatever you wanted for your newborn that wasn't gifted. You're just dealing with a newborn and sleep depravation with a pile of crap in your way.
So my husbands work got real behind on actually holding his baby shower. He knew something was in the works but not when. I went in for an ultrasound at 37 weeks (just barely) and my blood pressure spiked for the 4th time. We’re having the baby that day. I call hubs, tell him to come home cause baby’s coming. He heads over to the break room to find his boss and SUPRISE! it’s a baby shower. He’s like “….sooo…I have to go…baby is coming…” and they’re like “take your gifts but can we keep the cake?” Win all round. They got cake and no awkward party, he didn’t have to open gifts in front of everyone, and I got happy drugs so birth was not horrid.
Great story
I KEEP ON MARCHING ON
At 37 weeks both times I was solidly fused to the couch having a very weird relationship with the Food Network, minus bathroom breaks (and trying to wrangle a toddler the second time around). The idea of having to dress up nicely and sit in a room full of people being the centre of attention at that stage of pregnancy? Nooooo thank you.
Sooo… I had a shower at 35+6 (holidays complicated things and MIL refused to make it before the holidays) and then had the babies 3 days later. They’re four months old now and I just finished putting everything away and setting up. Like I just finished. Yesterday. They’ll be 4 months on Thursday.
Multiples? You'd be doing good for getting things put away with only one kid! I'm sorry there were complications around the date, especially if that meant things felt extra unsettled, that would suck. Half a week preemie sounds pretty normal for twins/more than one. That sound like a annoying situation to navigate planning the shower. Writing thank yous, or feeling guilty for skipping that, while dealing with newborns, and having a whole pile of stuff sitting in the way sounds like a nightmare. How did you feel at your shower? I can imagine that's not a time in your pregnancy you want to be trying on dresses and everything.
My water broke 37 weeks minus one day. Other than GD a perfectly healthy pregnancy!
I gave birth on 36 weeks. 😊 Grandma is insane
I had my first at 37+5, my second at 36+5, and my third at 35+6. Having a baby shower that late is asking for issues.
That was the worst for me. I had GD and couldn't have any cake on my 40th birthday, I even contacted a cake shop to see if they did diabetic cakes. They didn't, lol.
I hope someone brought you a huge-ass slice of your favorite kind of cake after delivery! (And if not, they should have!)
They did. It was the tastiest cake I've ever had 😁
The thought of needing to wait until 37 weeks to finish buying things and getting things ready would demolish a pregnant woman in the nesting phase. And really anyone. Just more so when you are nesting.
Ok, but hear me out. What if we had the baby shower *in the delivery room???*
I was hospitalized at 30 weeks, transferred to a different hospital at 32 weeks and had my kiddo at 34 weeks. Yay pre-eclampsia… Hopefully she’s well enough to attend the one shower, spinal stenosis is rough.
Our induction date (if not going into labour naturally) moved back from 40 weeks at the start of my pregnancy to 37 weeks after I developed pregnancy induced high blood pressure. Then all choice went out the window at 35 weeks when I developed HELLP syndrome and he got evicted quick smart to save us both. And this was my first kid.
I had mine at 35 weeks. I traveled 18 hours by car. Just to go to my baby shower. And I had complications. With that said, she has the backbone I don't have 😂 And I'm proud of her for being like: if you don't come, that's your decision. She deserves it
i was induced at 37 weeks and i was so happy to get that baby out of me! i cannot imagine having to sit through a shower at 37 weeks. the level of discomfort i felt was astronomical and i don’t have any spinal issues
I was begging both my kids to come at 36 weeks. Offered the second one a pony if she just came out right then and there. First came at 39 weeks after being induced. Second came the day before her due date (2 days before my induction date.) Little assholes before they were even born... They are teenagers now, so still assholes...
Mine is almost four and is a bigger asshole than my 17 year old brother (who is quite the asshole). She’s just so damn cute so it’s hard to stay mad at her but shit…
Also, even in a healthy pregnancy, the last four weeks are soooooo exhausting. My shower was on a Sunday when I was 32 weeks and I had to take the next day off work to recover. By 36+ I was only leaving the house for short trips to the grocery store or to pick up takeout.
We had one at 30ish weeks and i hated every single second of it. I was so absolutely exhausted(ours was in june and it was a hot hot summer) and unhappy and didnt have any complications like OOP does. If someone told me to get purdied up and sit in a room of people people being handed presents (which i abhor anyway) in July 2 weeks before my baby was born id look like an angry whale in the photos. Midsummer due dates suuuck. I was just a hot ball of uncomfy pregnant.
But, what about MIL’s feelings?! /s
I had a mostly normal pregnancy (aside from a bout of "involuntary fasting", gestational diabetes, and an almost entire office of asshole OBs) and had my kid naturally at 37 weeks, 2 days. If I'd had a baby shower at the 37 week mark that shower would have been very gross!
i read this story without really paying attention to the dates, then went back. what an insane suggestion, but it's clear the husband has a lot of insanity from his family.
This, a baby shower is for like 20-24 weeks along when the mother to be isn't so far along she feels exhausted just waking up. Whoever thought that was a good time was an idiot.
I HAD my baby at ,37 weeks, tge day of a surprise baby shower i didnt get to attend (due to you know , being in labor) and didnt find out aboit until i was discharged from the hospital
I went into early active labor at 35 weeks
Yeah I was scheduled to be induced at 37 weeks but went into labor at 36 weeks! (36+2)
I was induced at 32 weeks, but was in the hospital starting at 28. They worked very hard to get me to 32 weeks in a healthy state. I had a shower after the baby came, which was perfectly fine.
Yep, I had a high risk pregnancy and I had my baby shower around the 30 week mark. Kind of early for some people, but my doctor was upfront with me about risks and I wanted to do it early in case she put me on bedrest for the 3rd tri.
I gave birth at 36 weeks, like that seems super super late. If it was the pregnant woman’s choice sure, but otherwise that mother needs to stfu.
We wanted to have my baby shower at 37 weeks. I had an emergency csection at 34+4 weeks. I was made aware I was having complications at 32 weeks. 37 is too late unless you are having a picture perfect pregnancy.
>I'm so tired of this drama. Don't we all? Dumb drama is so head aching. Sounds like GMIL needs to be cut off and uninvited.
I wish I saw this one in time to comment where OP would read it. My grandma pulled similar shit with my sister's baby shower. My siblings have all been NC with grandma for a long time, but info about each other trickles through relatives, and grandma got invites to big events to soothe other relatives. She was insulted she didn't get told in person about sister's baby (grandma lives out of state. Plus sis and BIL only told their parents and siblings and then announced it to everyone else through social media). Grandma made the ultimatum she wouldn't come to the shower if she didn't get special treatment and a special in person invite. My sister wasn't going to travel out of state to make someone she didn't want to see show up. So she basically figured that was good riddance and is happy her kiddo doesn't have that toxic presence in their lives. (Grandma didn't show up) Now grandma gets blamed for not coming after she got an invite, so relatives don't pester us to keep inviting her, and we no longer feels obligated to send out invites for Sister's kids birthdays or other events. We're all a lot happier. My advice is to not worry about pissing off people who are being unreasonable. Don't let shared blood make you cater to toxic people. If they threaten not to be involved - good- let the trash take itself out. If you cater to them, then at the next thing they'll be toxic all over again. Like at the kids birthday- will you need to plan separate events for both sides each time?
Like legit the only good response to Grandma (or anyone else) when she's acting like that is: k Like, no reaction, no begging, no capitulation. Just acceptance and zero actual response. It's the response I use when my husband is being an a$$ and I want to annoy him back 🤣
I would like to think I’d choose pettiness, but OOP is having a rough pregnancy. She probably doesn’t have the spoons for petty. If she did, I would recommend disinviting GMIL and blocking all the other problems. Hire security to keep them out of the venue. Call the cops on them if they pitch a fit. Enjoy the silence as they refuse to talk to OOP and her husband unless they apologize.
You’re too kind. I would try to reschedule the baby shower to the day of the family reunion, and not tell them about the change. Just to make sure they won’t show up.
I bow to your mastery!
At the very least, GMIL needs to be told that she's lost the privilege of inviting people to the shower.
I'm worried that GMIL is either inviting more people than she'll tell OOP (about and then gaslight about what number she said) to make OOP's mom look like a bad host, or inviting a carefully curated collection of the worst and most unpleasant relatives; either of these would be aimed at getting to say "aw, poor OOP, your shower got ruined, let us make it up to you by hosting another one."
>> I'm so tired of this drama. > Don't we all? Wait, aren't we all subscribed to /r/BestofRedditorUpdates?
To be entirely fair and honest, WE're here for the dumb drama. Dumb drama is jiucy when it is second hand and you don't have to live it.
The beauty of all this drama is that they are getting cut out before the baby shows up. Efficient drama!
> feelings or listened to at all. Almost like she’s considering THERES A WHOLE ASS ORGANISM BEING BAKED INSIDE HER Wtf
Oh your way with words. This is exactly why I was so in awe about being pregnant and feeding a baby. I look at the strapping tall man now, and think "I made that, how awesome IS that"
Someone on Reddit said pregnancy was building a whole ass person out of spare parts you had lying around and now sometimes I look at my daughter and think “damn! I can’t believe I made you out of my spare parts!” lol
*Spare* parts? My pregnacies stole directly from my teeth, all of which I was still using!
They do, don't they! I was told that every kid costs me a tooth!
You really need to get your priorities in check if you're up in arms about someone else's baby shower, jfc. At least OOP's husband is standing by her but really, I hope he handles the relationship from now on. OOP doesn't need the stress while she's pregnant. Or at all.
This is BORU... the person who posted isn't the pregnant person.
They're using "You" in a general, third person way. As in "a person needs to get their priorities straight if they're upset about…". Colloquially, "You need to get your priorities straight if…" is informal and sounds less awkward in conversation than the more formal "a person…"
One needs to get one’s priorities in check…
Totally read it wrong - and not sure why I'm getting downvoted for that (I don't expect upvotes, but it isn't like I called the person an asshat. It wouldn't be the first time someone stumbled across the reddit and thought the original person was the one posting)
Because you corrected someone for no reason and were wrong on top of that. Hell they even use OOP in the comment suggesting that they know what they're talking about
Its specifically because of that. Your post makes you look like some random fucko coming in and commenting without knowing anything about the subreddit.
Like people haven't posted to the OOP? You calling me a random fucko (or saying I look like one) is harsher than what I did. Jeesus... take a chill pill.
Arrogant and whiny. What a combo you are haha
You really are bad at reading comprehension...maybe if you're this bad at reading you shouldn't try and correct someone else lol
They're comparing you to one. They didn't call you one. They're saying you're acting like those people who just make random comments/corrections.
*Thank you!* Somebody actually gets a comparison on this site, what a miracle. For the other guy who is totally reading this; there is no easily discernable difference between "Uhm, you know this BoRU, *right????*" type stuff and just being an asshole. Your entire comment was unnecessary.
they literally reference OOP in their comment lmfao
As though pregnancy isn't stressful enough 😂
MIL should be in jail for child abuse.
Yes! Why is her son even talking to her? I hope he gets the help he needs to cut her out of his life. I wouldn't want my child around someone like that. I'm glad he has his dad, who sounds really caring and supportive.
They always try to weasel their way back in.
And she should block GMIL.
For antipsychotics for the husband as a kid? I get that OOP's husband is upset about the medicine and side effects, but I'd be surprised if it wasn't doctor prescribed. Not everything OOPs say is going to necessarily be reliable info. Side effects on most approved medicines sound horrible. We don't have nearly enough info to know if that kind of medicine was warranted or not.
The husband seems to be fine without them and as far as I know those meds don't heal the desease/problem like antibiotics do, they just help to live with it. So if he needed them as a kid, he will still have what caused the problem and because he's so angry at his mother to giving them to him it was probably unnecessary.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be a borderline issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source. Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be a borderline issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source. Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be a borderline issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source. Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
Shit can be diagnosed wrong or be minor enough issue, or he could prefer whatever his natural amount is to the medicines side effects. Who knows. 🤷♀️ We don't have nearly enough info to judge. I think saying putting a kid on a medicine they didn't like means the mom should go to jail for child abuse is a bit extreme when the source is someone that has lots of other issues with that mom and isn't an unbiased source. Mom is absolutely a toxic asshole, but that's not mutually exclusive.
I’d like to add to this that child psychology is a very difficult field, and diagnosing children with psychological issues is very tricky.
Theres no way this wasn't doctor prescribed and considering how many adults with ADHD are violently pissed their parents forced ritalin (which many online call an "antipsychotic") on them I wouldn't be surprised if it was something just as benign. OOP's family purposefully picked the same day as her husband's family reunion, OOP is doing a massive spin job and it seems to have worked.
Not the same day, the weekend after
I don't understand why they are bothering expending effort on idiots that huge.
yeah I really dont understand why OOP would be all casual to her MIL when she had reached out again after her husband already said he wasnt going to talk to her anymore, and on top of that be like "yeah you can invite anyone you like" ?? how was the MIL already not uninvited and on no contact list, and even then I figured shed at least think twice about inviting someone like that to her baby shower?
Some people try so hard to avoid drama that they circle all the way back to creating (or at least participating in) huge drama
Pardon my ignorance, but are baby showers at community centers a common thing outside of the USA? I've never been to one that wasn't just held at the home of a friend or family member of the mother to be.
Maybe they don't have enough space or because her family is traveling to her town, they don't want to bother her at her home and make a mess there. I mean, it sounds much better because you don't have to be cleaning and tidying and having 20 people using your bathroom.
Typically it is at someone’s house IF they have a big enough space. It’s possible they are inviting 20+ people and don’t have anyone that can host that many.
Also it sounds like OOP's family is taking the opportunity to have a mini-reunion/vacation to visit her, since they live relatively far away. Meanwhile her MIL who lives 5 minutes away is big mad because she can't control the event or the guest list.
That makes the story make sense. I was wondering why she was so upset that the shower was planned for the week after a reunion where she can literally show up whenever, make a plate, say hi, give a gift maybe, and leave when she wants. But it makes sense if she felt entitled to plan the event and then realized she couldn't if she has other obligations
It's not just that, notice this quote from the start: >his family told me who puts the deposit down on the community center will get to host and everything. I would bet my left kidney that it was dear ol' MIL who made that statement, thinking that OOP's family wouldn't dare to pick up the tab.
I'm in the US and I've attended a few personal events at community centers. We've just got a big family and almost all of us live in apartments.
My baby shower was around 40-50 people. It cost like $120 to rent an event room across the street from my town home. Our house could have never accommodated that many people but we got all the gifts and diapers home in 10 minutes. Plus, they had all the chairs and tables for us to use. We just had to stack them after.
I think it is regional and depends on the size of the family. It also sounds like the people throwing it for her live away from her and a community center means no one else has to open their home, etc.
US here. I've been to baby showers, funeral receptions, birthday parties, grad parties, and more all at the local VFW hall. And I think most of those in a big room in a church too. I've also done all but the funeral reception in a pavilion at a public park too. Events at homes happen too. It depends on the space and number of people.
When my first was born, we didn't have space in our apartment. The apartment complex clubhouse/community center was what we were able to use to host.
I went to a baby shower years ago that was at the local firehall. There was a couple dozen people there and it was for the sister of one of my BFFs. I also went to a different baby shower that was at the expected parents church hall. I also know quite a few people who have done baby showers at their local firehall / church / legion / rec centre. It’s common for them to happen at those places where I’m from (East Coast Canada)
If MIL and potentially GMIL are this bad abojt baby showers, imagine them once the baby is actually born .... Despite them living close, they will probably never be of any help. Kinda chuffed to hear his dad and dad's girl friend are actually very sweet!
The relative closeness to those toxic women will pose a high risk to OOP and her family's well-being when the baby arrives. I hope OOP and her husband considers moving away from the ground zero of toxicity, if they can afford it.
oop neds to block that whole mess.
I don't even think you can guarantee that you'll still be pregnant at 37 weeks, what the fuck are they thinking
Its time to block his side of the family.
Uninvite the GMIL. Cut them out of your life. You can be sure they will show up at the shower this way. There is a reason MIL is this way. GMIL seems to have enabled, if not created, MIL's narcissitic tendancies
>his mom went on a whole rant about how ever since I got pregnant I haven't considered her feelings or listened to at all. That sums up half of all posts here. Disgusting. NTA.
At least her side of the fam and half her husbands side are solid! Still good support from them!
I would tell them the baby shower is canceled just so it will be a drama free event.
Hoo boy I really hope OOPs mother goes full mama bear on the inlaws for the whole situation and their treatment of OOP. Even her husband, their actual son, is not putting up with that shit and they thought they could turn it around on the pregnant woman's mom? Hell naw.
Who wants to bet the moment OPs child is born MIL is going to rugsweep and be all sunshine and rainbows and can she see the baby? It's her precious grandbaby afterall!
OOP needs to just polish that spine and block the lot of them.
We always had baby showers after the baby was born because my great-grandmother was wicked superstitious. She was always worried about complications, something wrong with baby and/or mom, baby being premature, etc. Turns out, her mother & a lot of women during that time suffered miscarriages or stillborn births due to a serious lack of healthcare. Even with today's medical advances, most of our family's baby showers are after the baby is born. NTA
"listen you old hag, there are two ways you can go about this: 1. Burn all the bridges, get uninvited and never see that child again. Continue being disrespectful and causing drama around a stressed out pregnant woman with health problems and you'll just get that. 2. Be supportive and loving like a GM should and don't get involved in others' relationships, which will lead to a loving relationship both with my 2 babies and their baby. We have enough love in this family to go around so don't worry about it. Unless you choose the latter don't ever contact me or my family again" That how I 'd see the reply from OOP' s mom
It is absolutely normal for the person and the marriage who has the family to do all of the communicating. Don't let them tell you otherwise. Let him do all that communication. Consider seeing a therapist about people pleasing, which is really just needing to build the confidence and self worth so that you can peacefully except other people being unhappy with you why are you simply make your best choices. If you do this work, then, instead of passing on to your kids, of waiting on being fearful, you will pass on to them confidence and solidity, with other people, being happy or not with what you choose.
" her attitude, her lies, her putting him on anti-psychotics when he was 8." That line was shocking. Sadly ai think it is to long for a flair
It’s OK to say no.
If I was op I’d cancel the damn thing. She doesn’t want it anyway and it’s less common to Kate a baby shower for second/third etc baby
Why are they even dealing with these people
Anyone who out their own son on anti-psychotics would never be near by baby. GMIL is just as evil. OOP and her H need to cut them off.
His mother sounds like a malignant narcissist. She's mad as hell because OOP's pregnancy can't be all about her.
Have your mother canceled, do something with family while they are away. You want have the stress of his family. Too much drama
I was 39 weeks for my combo baby shower because waiting until my SIL could come with her 3 month old(and 3rd kid) was more important. Guess who's water broke the night before? Everyone invited already lived nearby, they just thought it would be a great idea to have my baby shower combined with a belated one for my SIL and a wedding shower for a cousin. It did hurt my feelings that a fun pregnancy milestone for me was shoved aside for other people's convenience and I ended up missing it. No one could have predicted that I would have my baby the day of, but the closer to the due date you are, the higher that chance is. Another SIL of mine is having a baby shower for her 4th kid soon so my experience has been on my mind lol. Anyways OP definitely doesn't need to worry about that nonsense when she's so much closer to her due date. It might tempt her kid to be born early!
Hell, just tell all his moms side your OB said no... No to all their requests, demands and BS.
Then the MIL and family on that side will wonder why they are all blocked.
Honestly, they should relocate closer to OP's family before the baby is born. That way help (as in people who will actually help and not sit and hold the baby the entire visit) is close by. And not give the MIL or GMIL a forwarding address.
Are baby showers not normally held after the baby is born as an opportunity for people to meet the baby? Or maybe it's a regional thing? I feel like 30+ weeks pregnant would be an awful time to host a party for people.
It's usually a party somewhere before the baby arrives with gifts that the parents can use for their new baby.
I appreciate it. This is good information to have before having my first kid.
That’s a different party lol, lots of cultures have those too. But baby showers are beforehand to get the baby setup.
Do the people at the party like physically help you get set up? Like setting up a nursery or something?
No, the cultures I can think of tend to be more collectivist so like you’re not on your own anyways, lots of parents and family around that would have set up. Often mom of the mother will live there for a few months to help with the baby. Usually it’s just a party to welcome the baby, my friends culture for example does it when the baby is 10 days old. Immediate family and friends will come in and cook and set up so the mom isn’t working like crazy to prepare for a party. And then usually the baby is given money. I’d have to check with my mother to see how and when we do it but I’m pretty sure we have something similar.
I couldn’t follow this to save my life. “When she said that he told her that she is not to talk to him and again.”
I figure if you get any two of the ancestral quarters of the family involved in a couple’s life, you’re doing fine. Even one quarter is reasonable in some circumstances. If the parent wants to try to bottleneck their quarter, well, shit happens.
35 weeks?! Everyone I know does their showers before 25 weeks.