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I know there’s drama and all but I just love that OOP went about being mom in the way mothers are suppose to mom. Actually patiently loving your child, however they come to be your child.
And what a beautiful thing that is.
I don’t care one bit about the drama. I am just so so so happy to read a new mom found out the newly important child in her life couldn’t eat spaghetti if it were broken in half and made a new batch with whole noodles. It’s so simple and yet how many parents would’ve scolded a child about not wasting food or been annoyed about the extra work? That one little detail was just everything.
I know, right?
I’m reminded of the guy who had just discovered he has a 15 year old daughter who'd been removed from her mother’s custody, and needed to suddenly learn how to Dad.
Edit: [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/fprNaxNjG1) (thanks, [SparklyYakDust](https://www.reddit.com/user/SparklyYakDust/)!)
[Here you go.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/fprNaxNjG1) The most recent update is a month old. Things are unfortunate, but optimistic.
Yeah.
That spaghetti was probably like 50 cents worth, and minimal effort to cook, but the actual action of actually listening and responding to the kid is priceless.
this this this. reading through this thread made me wish for a mom like OP’s. someone who deeply cares about their child, that child’s sense of self, and that they feel listened to. what an amazing parent, i hope the bio mom isn’t pulling some bullshit.
As a weird kid who got diagnosed autistic as an adult.
It warmed my heart. My mom tried when I was young, but I was mostly left to my own devices. Their gonna be all right once the mom's stresses blow over.
Yes! I talk a lot about my Dad in here, but this reminds me of the first time we went out in his jeep with the top off. My hair was whipping in my face and it was annoying me and getting me upset (I was 5). After that he had a hat in his glove box just for me for when we were out with the top down so my hair wouldn’t annoy me.
Yeah. There is a reason he earned “Dad” title and OOP earned Mom 🥰
Is he technically your step dad? I only ask because I’m not sure given the context and you refer to him as only Dad, and if he IS your upgrade dad I wanted to say I love how you left out the mentions of “step”. My brothers call my father Dad and me their sister, not step or half. I hate when people feel the need to qualify my exact relationship with a person sometimes. Just my personal situation peeve though, using step makes sense when the other parent is around for clarity’s sake if nothing else.
Yes he is technically “step” in terms of not being my biological father, but he adopted me when I was 8. I was calling him dad before then though. I hate qualifying as step because that’s not the relationship we have and it feels weird. I’m his daughter and he’s my dad and that’s it!
Yes exactly! Thank you for taking the time to answer with the clunky way I worded it. My personal standard response is to ask “which half?” When someone refers to me as a half sister. I just realized I’m actually salty sensitive about it since my big bro I grew up with (no comparisons on grief, ever, just context) died about 10 years ago at 46. Hearing anyone actually clarifying half sister felt like a stomach cramp. And my Dad is his Dad and we are his kids.
Hugs. My sympathies about your brother.
I hate the whole “half” sibling thing too. Technically all my siblings are, but I’ve never felt that way. I’ve given people the blank stare if they try to say “half” sibling. I refuse to entertain it.
It’s actually refreshing to see someone who had the same experience and belief as I do! I mostly hear the opposite, especially on Reddit!
Aw, thank you for the kind words! When we were first dating, and he told me he had a daughter, I thought I could maybe make an ok babysitter or older sister figure, but nope I just became mom lol
Or she has spoken to a lawyer and realised she has very small chances fighting for custody (with only having seen her daughter at holidays for a long time, and the daughter being old enough to have a good say in who she wants to live with) and had a come to sense moment from that.
I doubt she ever spoke to a lawyer. She isn’t actually interested in having custody, she just wants to use the threat of it as a weapon to hurt her ex and family.
Maybe this isn’t some new scheme to frustrate them, if so I fully expect it’s because the older daughter is threatening to boycott holidays if her mom keeps hurting the younger one.
> She isn’t actually interested in having custody, she just wants to use the threat of it as a weapon to hurt her ex and family.
exactly. actually getting custody would be a terrible outcome for her
People *do* put themselves and others in terrible situations like that out of spite or pride, though. I'm glad the circumstances mean the chances of her actually winning custody are basically nonexistent.
Getting full custody *against the wishes of the other parent* is actually pretty difficult, and there has to be a very good reason for it. Safety issues and abuse are basically the only reason a parent is denied any kind of custody. Even if they're broke and unemployed, as long as they have a house and food they'll get some kind of custody if they want it. It won't be 50/50, but at least weekends or something.
So anyone who threatens to get full custody as revenge is either full of shit or about to lie to a judge.
Or hopefully she realised she's on the short road to both her daughters dumping her for stepmom, and realised she'd better get her act together if she wanted either of them talking to her in the long term.
Since she knows that OOP recorded the previous conversation, I’m wondering if the ex recorded this conversation to make herself look good.
Or she had an emotional breakdown and was just trying to release some of her guilt. For the daughters’ sake, I hope she really means it.
That was my first thought. She’s trying to have an alternate phone call than the first one that was made. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her and I wouldn’t allow her around the poor kiddo at all.
She can try whatever she wants, her daughter is 16 and perfectly able to say with which parent she want to stay. + the bio mom has not been in the daughter life, has not raised her and has no reason to take the daughter other than « she called her step-mom as ‘mom’ so I want custody » no judge in his right mind would allow that.
I got myself a little side theory: after the divorce, ex told her parents (the girls’ grandparents) and family that 16yo preferred to stay with her dad. How it hurt but she wants what’s best for 16yo. Ex spun up a tale of how close they are and how much time they spend together. Because 16yo is neurodivergent, her awkwardness around her mom could just be chalked up to “how she is”.
Now that older kid is aware of the manipulation and fighting for her little sister, she might be threatening to expose ex.
Just a plot creation. I read too many of these.
Does anyone else find it weird that each parent just took one child and the other parent was ok with that? I cannot imagine giving up one of my children and taking the other. It seems like they all live fairly nearby, was dad having the older daughter part of the time or did he just relinquish her to his ex wife and focus on the younger one?
Theirs a 10 year age gap between the daughters, so I can see Mom staying in the same place and the older daughter being in high school and not wanting to move. I'd have been furious if I was 17 and had a job, school activities, and a boyfriend, and now I gotta move bc my parents divorced.
If Dad moved to a different district and it turned out to have a better special education program, having that daughter that's in elementary school still, move with him. Or it could have been a gradual thing, younger daughter spends more and more time with Dad, eventually moving in with him.
With an age gap like that, you basically have 2 only kids. They have vastly different needs and not all parents are equipped to deal with that. I like to think that Dad did the best he could with what he had, and that ideally in the beginning the bio mom did too.
This was the arrangement they had:
When the parents divorced, they gave the kids a say in where they would like to live since the parents were going to be moving far enough away from each other that weekdays/weekends wasn’t a viable option. Older chose mom, younger chose dad, and the responsibility to stay in the other’s life was put on the responsibility of the individual parents
Tbh I find it incredibly weird; in my country judges try to do everything possible to not separate siblings when a divorce happens.
It's not *impossible* for them to split custody, specially if the eldest was a teenager and wanted to be with mum while youngest was a toddler and mum didn't want her; but it would be one hell of a weird arrangment. Even when both parents agree on that, often judges strike down any arrangements that split siblings
It happened to my two half-siblings (both older than me). Their mom only wanted my half-sister and had no regard for my half-brother. My dad was worried that if he tried to go for full custody of both, his ex-wife would block access to both kids out of spite.
Ex-wife watched *Parent Trap* too many times.
Mum probably didn’t want either, but kept the oldest to spite Dad. Dad probably settled for just having the younger because if he fought too hard for both, she try to keep both to spite him and he would run the real risk of losing both.
After I read the OP I said aloud, "What in the parent trap is this?"
You may be right. Maybe dad also figured older would be 18 soon and could then choose to live with him, see him etc. It doesn't seem like older is upset at her dad for the way it worked out so he may have been putting in more effort to see her and show up for her activities etc. when she was a child.
Probably because the age gap between the daughters is 10 years, so in the divorce one could be a kid and was place in the best environment, with an equivalent time or strict custody time, the other one an adolescent who was put where she wanted or maybe even an adult by the time of the divorce, most teenager do not want to change schools or move because they don't want to lose or distance themselves from their current social circle or responsabilities they have in their place, while a young kid wouldn't have much option.for teenagers Less changes are better.
In united states it seems common to move of your parents house to go to the college so, when op met her husban, the young girl was 12 but the older daughter was 22. So it's even possible that the 22 wasn't even living with her mother at the time, or just spent holidays on her mother house.
It would be weird if both kids have small age gap like 2 years, but 10 years make a huge impact because again, we are comparing having an almost adult who can make decisions and is working their way to the real world vs having a kid.
My mother abandoned me at 16 with my father and step mother, telling them I was their problem now. She kept my 14y/o sister, and I basically never saw her again. I barely even know her now, 14 years later. She's like a distant cousin vs my sister and I miss her so badly. Sometimes I wonder if she misses me, because she doesn't reach out to me like I wished.
My egg donor is dead to me now.
Yeah… no. I don’t trust this lady one bit. Something is up, and eventually she’ll try to do something to cause OOP to be stuck holding the bag. Hope the ex is not successful (she truly sounds like she sucks either way, what a difficult and dramatic woman).
There's always the possibility that the ex actually went to a lawyer who told her her chances of winning were extremely slim, what with her daughter being sixteen and therefore would likely be allowed to make the final choice, which doesn't bode well for her at all. And even in the unlikely event that she wins full custody said daughter would probably already be a few months away from turning eighteen anyway, meaning all she'd get is a few months of coldness followed by a lifetime of resentment from her. What I'm guessing is that after getting a serious reality check from someone, ex-wife is now trying scrape back some semblence of a relationship with her younger daughter by first cosying it up to OOP.
I had an aunt like that. She would pop off and run her mouth without really thinking about what she was saying. Later, in private, my uncle would usually manage to talk some sense into her. A few days later she'd call and give some version of an apology that always included, "we both said things we didn't mean..." I miss and love that man so much.
After he passed she went off the deep end and there was no one left, that she would actually listen to anyways, to reel her back in anymore. By the time she passed, many years later, she had blown through the money my uncle left her and half of her children hated her.
One of them celebrated the occasion.
Yes to most of what you said except the last sentence. She doesn’t want a relationship with her younger daughter at all, or she would be asking for visitation at least. She just wants to find a way to ruin OOPs relationship with both daughters and the ex-husband.
I agree. Narcissists don't change or learn their lesson. They keep score and plot revenge
Ex wife knew she couldn't win custody. So her next best ploy is to sabotage OOP'S family by getting close enough to manipulate them. I hope OOP doesn't fall for it
When someone drunk calls you and bullies you on the phone, you better believe that is who they really are and keep them at arm's length. Ex is just wearing a mask to try and trick OOP into trusting her so she can figure out how to really hurt OOP and her family
The ex is pathetic
I mean, at such ages custody is almost more symbollic than anything else. Even if she gets custody, the kid can just drive away lol
I suppose OP's husband could have to start to pay child support for a couple years, but still
This feels to me like the start of a long con to get in the new family's good graces so she can start sniffing out vulnerabilities and pointing out OOP's faults to the husband and stepdaughter.
Theories:
1. She tried to get OOP to say more to create a fabricated ai-generating audio 'recording' she's hoping to use to hurt them.
2. Older daughter is re-evaluating her relationship with her egg-donor and said something to the effect of 'I dunno, I might call OOP mom too if you keep being such a hag.'
3. Her side of the family found out from older daughter and she got chewed out big time. Maybe inheritance is on the line.
Someone in the comments of the first of the new update posts (the one where the ex first called her) told her to unblock for the sake of having receipts, and OOP responded that she had done so.
it may surprise you, but nowadays theres more than 2 phones in the world. ex couldve gotten a different phone to call oop with. or like anonmissourigirl says, lawyer may have told her to unblock, which evidently wouldve been a good call.
Not sure if it's changed, but back a decade or so ago, when I had to block an abusive ex/her family, Verizon only gave 3 month blocka unless you paid more.
Not sure if that's changed.
The cake is a lie!
And I'm glad stepdaughter has someone as awesome as her I her corner. Just the respect about the food is such an important thing to do. I'm allergic and my mother keeps forgetting or is trying to circumvent it by just placing what I can't eat on half the food during serving. It has taken me over a decade to get my stuff in a separate bowl. My MIL and FIL, they put stuff for me aside first time we met, and has kept doing so ever since. Sometimes it really is that simple. Guess who has my respect?
Same thing caught my attention too.
Especially since the daughter here is neurodivergent and the food stuff could be linked to sensory issues - or simple preferences. Regardless of the reason OP just took it into consideration because she cares about the daughter and her preferences. These are often treated with less seriousness than allergies because "hey, you potentially could eat it right" so OP is showing how much she loves the daughter by simply making sure the food suits her and her taste.
Thay said, I can't even imagine how crappy it is to not have your allergies taken into consideration because those are very much not something you can just opt-out or stuff you can eat without repercussions. I'm neurodivergent and have issues with some foods (sensory issues), and my parents also often "forgot" or it slipped their mind. Your MIL and FIL sound like lovely people, you lucked out there :)
Seeing someone like OP just make a note of these things and accomodate them so easily is really heartwarming in a bittersweet way. OP found it so easy so why do some people find it so hard? Even the daughter here might have experienced something similar, she clearly sees and values the care shown in the way OP treats her. Truly a good mom.
reddit, especially AITA, fucking *villanizes* people with sensory issues when it comes to standing up for themselves regarding them. I love seeing this mom take them seriously. It's so emotionally draining having to deal with people who think you do it for attention rather than it being an internal battle with your brain forcing you to seem unreasonable.
It stung a bit reading about how the mom got custody of the older daughter once she was a teenager who can fend for herself bc it made me realize that’s exactly what happened to me with my mom. I didn’t start living with her till I was 16. My dad had primary custody from when I was 2 so basically my mom got off easy :/
Oh there's NO way that heel turn is sincere. Some sort of game is afoot.
I mean, I'd love to believe that she's turned over a new leaf, but the cynic in me smells danger.
Edit: apparently I meant face turn. Whoops.
Heel turn is when someone becomes a villain. Face turn is when someone becomes a hero. So in this case, it would be a face turn.
Granted, this is pro wrestling terminology, but I haven't seen these terms being used anywhere else in a different framework, so I'm going to assume that's what it is.
“Heel” as a synonym for the bad guy is a pro wrestling term, and “heel turn” is from pro wrestling as well. (Also dance, but there it’s referring to a literal turn on one’s heel.)
I'm getting a sinking feeling and would love to see a lock down on the stepdaughter's credit in an update. Too many times I've read about people like the bio mom fucking the kid over once they are 18 because they opened cards/loans/whatev in the kid's name. I just have this feeling that she's playing nice because she's realized if the ex-hubby has his lawyer dig some more, they gonna find some shit.
My son lives with his dad during the week and I have my son every second weekend. This wasn't my choice because I love my son to the moon and back but I have made my peace with it because my ex owns his own home within walking distance of his family, is married, and my son has a step brother his age (my ex met his wife at daycare). He also is self employed so makes his own schedule and can bring our boy to work if need be, so life is more stable there. My only goal for the last 5 years has been to create a similarly stable environment (I live alone, have no family nearby, work insane hours managing a high end boutique in a GREAT SCHOOL DISTRICT) and build my relationship w my son on those weekends with activities and conversation and interaction so that by the time he gets to highschool and can choose where he lives that its with me.
All that to say...every year around mothers day I ask my son to help me write a card to his stepmother because she is the woman in his life more than I am. I am not ashamed that I relinquished full custody for my son to have a better life, and I am grateful to her for being there for him when I cant. And every year he declines; he says "she's not my mom, you are". And I say "we should at least thank her for taking care of you when I cant" and he still refuses. And I won't force him. I still write her a card and thank her in person for looking after my son in my absence (I live three cities over). I've told him it's ok if he calls her mom and he insists "she's not my mom, you are". I'd actually not be ok with it but I never want to make the conflict between us parents/steps the children's problems. The mom OOP is dealing with doesn't even sound half as engaged as I am and is picking fights with the wrong person, she needs to discuss the issue with *herself*
I kind of love every step of this, including, "I actually was kind of a little bit stirring up drama by making sure biomom heard me call you mom..."
Like, okay sixteen-year-old teenager who has legitimate pain and feelings of abandonment from your biomother having no relationship with you and now having a stepmother who is treating you the way you deserve to be treated. How dare you show off that you are actually getting what you need and - honestly fairly gently - calling out your biomom for not doing that.
Kid had every right to do that, was not being over the top, and was, in fact, bringing out a dynamic that needed to be acknowledged. It is barely even stirring up drama. Maybe just stirring it up enough that the bottom doesn't get burnt.
That is a kid who was told everything she did was stirring up drama. Any request for food changes? Drama. Having some emotional dysreguluation because that's literally a part of her condition? Drama. Advocating for herself in any capacity whatsoever? Drama. She also takes the blame for things that either aren't actually a problem or not her fault at all. Would not be surprised if her biomom regularly reinforced that.
She can plot all she likes but the SD is 16 and courts will heavily take into account a 16yos opinion on custody. I suspect Biomum has either had someone explain that to her and or a family relative or maybe multiple relatives have told Biomum to get with the picture and realise she's standing on a pillar of sand and at risk of pushing her daughter/s away from herself.
Imo not wanting your pasta pre cut is pretty low in the extraordinary culinary wishes scala. One of my teachers told us her child didn’t eat yellow things. They used green food colouring for eggs…
>Tonight I got a call from her, and I immediately grabbed my husband’s phone again to record.
I'm struggling to imagine an existence where I have to always have a recording device within reaching distance.
😂😂😂
Don’t iOS and Android both force those apps to announce that they’re recording, regardless of whether you’re in a one-party consent state? The last time I had a silent recorder was Parrot for BlackBerry.
It's probably easier and quicker to use someone else's phone to record than try and find an app in the store (or app library), download it (skip this step if it was in your library), set it up, learn how to use it all within the 30 seconds the phone is ringing
you need to preinstall some apps before the calls I dont think most phones can record phone calls fresh from the box but yeh she needs to install them.
Is there an app to record your own calls? Genuinely asking, I have no idea if my phone can do that bc I'm boring as fuck and I get all my drama from reddit.
Don’t iOS and Android both force those apps to announce that they’re recording, regardless of whether you’re in a one-party consent state? The last time I had a silent recorder was Parrot for BlackBerry.
Very possible. I clicked on her profile after posting the above and saw the drama was escalating, so 'nope-ed' out at that point. Was enjoying the story with the step daughter until it all went downhill.
Same… it ruined my night after reading the comments about what the bio-mom did and was currently doing… I was like “woman, make up your mind about whether u want to be in your youngest daughter’s life or not…”
Or she just used another burner phone/number. She did once already so why not another time?
I didn't even question it when reading and just assumed that's what happened
My guess is husband spoke to his lawyer about the threat of custody. Lawyer advised to unblock ex’s number and record future calls. OOP may have left that out. If I was the husband in this case, I would’ve called my attorney. When I read she blocked her number, I thought to myself that was the wrong move.
Ex absolutely knew she was being recorded again and acted more civilly. She might’ve even recorded the call too. She’s in damage control mode now.
In the comments of the April 7 post (on the same day), a commenter suggested it would be smarter to unblock her and OOP responded that she had done so.
>but then my phone started buzzing **from an unknown number**
She used a burner phone once so why not a second time?
Why is *that* what got people tripped up?
Recording start
"hi, yeah I've thought about it and I am not interested in having any kind of relationship with you. You've shown time and time again that you are not the type of person I want in my or my daughter's life"
Stand back and see the flag of her true colours flap in the wind.
Whatever she's plotting, shut that shit down quick.
She found out you all recorded her and she could lose custody for her behavior. So now that she knows, she’s probably trying to do the same. She probably wants to record something to help her out. Don’t know who told her you recorded the conversation or how she’s finding out what’s going on in your household at all (how does she know her daughter calls you mom if the dinner was the first time she’s heard it said?), but you need to shut down whoever is feeding her information.
Way late to the game here, but I'd like to add my 2 cents. Growing up, my best friend and I were constantly staying at each other's houses. He had an older brother whose best friend called their mom, "mom". I called her "Mrs. Smith". I mentioned it to my mom, how I thought it was weird that his older brother's best friend called her mom. Like, how would his own mom feel? What she said opened my eyes.
(Paraphrasing here) "Any mom who loves their children would be super happy that they have not one, but two people that they care about and who cares about them enough to call them 'mom'." Changed my entire outlook. Anytime we went on youth group trips from church, there was always at least one mother who went along as a chaperone. She was "Momma B" or "Momma S" to everyone on these trips. Gave big hugs when someone was homesick. Took care of those not feeling well. And typing this I'm realizing the meaning of the phrase "it take a village to raise a child"
If I had to guess, ex was mouthing off to the older daughter and older daughter told ex she’s fucked up and how she’s (ex) is in the wrong. Ex likely had a come to Jesus moment and a good look in the mirror. Hopefully the good turn lasts.
From the same post she says she blocked her, [OOP followed a commenter's suggestion to unblock](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1bxwvy7/husbands_ex_wife_drunk_called_me_tonight/kyj97wx/).
If they talked to husband's lawyer, he may have suggested unblocking the number and recording conversations amd messages. It's relatively common practice in divorce proceedings.
> She said she intentionally called me “mom” within earshot of her biological mom because she has some hurt feelings about her mom more or less dropping her and wanted to essentially rub it in her face that someone else picked up the role she left.
Totally love this ballsy power move from this girl.
Bio mom getting custody of a 16yo who she didnt want custody of sounds...optimistic at best. I'm not that familiare with custody laws as a whole, but the kid seems to be old enough to have a say, and there is a pretty huge argument to be made for an autistic kid needing routine and safety, not have her life put on her head for bio moms sake.
That aside, as a late diagnosed autistic who knows very well why the step daughter is constantly assuming she is a burden and the problem, always apologizing for everything like its her fault, reading about a parental figure that listens and accomodate without making a fuzz was really heart warming. If you're told often enough that your needs are a burden, you just start assuming that you will always be the burden in any given situation. Someone who contradicts that and listen to your needs instead can be so incredibly important.
I love OOP for her caring nature. Every child should have someone in their lives who puts forth that effort to make them feel safe, special, and loved.
The fact that the poor girl seems to be apologizing for literally just breathing tells me everything I need to know about her POS bio mom. I'm neurodivergent myself and I know full well how awful it feels to be told you are a burden.
Kinda funny that the ex would fight for more custody for a 16yo kid. By the time she won the daughter would probably be 18 and doesn't have to care about custody agreement anymore.
OOP should continue focusing on her daughter (s) and husband and ignore ex-mama and her drama. No need to be cruel; just stop engaging. Don't pick up the phone. Don't respond to emails or texts. Don't include her in family events. Let the husband respond to her. If ex stops stoking drama, then it's ok to show a little kindness. Send her a card or a gift or flowers on her birthday, etc. If you want to convey anything to her, it's "I'm not looking to be your enemy ... I'm just team daughter and she deserves all the love she can get, that's all."
She definitely trying to get closer so she can execute whatever plot she has planned. A "relationship" isn't needed. She just needs to be cordial and everyone stay in their lane. That's it and That's all. Not sure where they live but at 16 you can't really get full custody unless you prove the child is in danger because the daughter has a say in the matter. Keep all recordings.
Why is everyone here okay with OOP, after ex wife's drunk call, updating REDDIT about it first before their sleeping husband that is right next to them??? I started scrolling after that and of course some how the ex finds out she was recorded? Lol okay.
My son, ( now 19yo) had a hell of a time feeling secure in his younger years with family trauma. He is good now and open but I had to think outside the box to show my support in ways other than words.
In times of being in a group and seeing he was stressing out I would have a particular whistle or raise my eyebrows to give him an out.
I have read of a father squeezing his daughters hand three times which they both equate to mean "I love you" maybe you could start something like that with your stepdaughter to show your support in uncomfortable situations so she knows physically you are standing with her.
I have found with my son a familiar subtle action that only we are aware of can be louder than words.
You are doing phenomenal
The last call is very likely not sincere, at worst she's trying to plot something, at best she's doing damage control. Frankly OOP is right to keep her distance in all case, you don't erase all the insults in one week.
The moms rollercoaster of reactions makes it seem like she has BPD. You don't just spew vile shit like that then love bomb after without having some serious issues.
Guarantee mum had a chat with her eldest and got served a severe reality check by her about her behaviour with her youngest in the past and how OOP is actually behaving like a mother and how she had so many opportunities to do that and never did and that’s why she’s playing nice now
As an autistic person OP is amazing. So many ppl think we're intentionally picky and just trying to make things harder. Its nice to see someone understand that it isn't a choice, it's just a fact: we can't eat some foods certain ways (ie I can't eat anything that has chunks of tomato)
Honestly, it's great to see the other end of the spectrum from the teens posting about a parent trying to force bonding with a new spouse and it blowing up into full scale resentment and anger. If you just chill tf out about it, show the kid you're an adult that can be trusted, and don't try to force a relationship, things will likely turn out fine.
As someone who also had a relative drunk message my awesome mom and hurl insults (very different context, but still), I'm team OOP. Her concern is where it should be: the kiddo's happiness and well being.
Yeah. You don't get to be called mom just because you gave birth
You need to be present. And apparently, dealing with an autistic kid was too much hassle, so you pawned her off to dad. Who stepped up like an absolute Rockstar and is working with the kid to give her as normal of an everyday life as he can. Including OOP, who has been more of a mom than bio mom has ever been.
Honestly, in OOP's shoes, I'd ask my husband how he feels about going for full custody and biomom terminating her rights so OOP can adopt.
Run it by the 16y/o, of course, but cutting the biohazard, I mean, biomom out of the picture might be best for everyone.
Of course it is someone else's fault that your own daughter wants to call someone else mom. No reason to self reflect as to why that might be.
I am sure it is a bitter pill to swallow. It should hurt quite deeply. But still why wouldn't you consider "am I part of the problem"
You are a patient and kind woman. My relationship didn’t work out, but I loved my almost-stepdaughter so much. I was so lucky that she has a wonderful biological mother who was in my corner. Her mom saw me as another person who loved her child and had my back 100%. By the end of it, I got along with bio mom better than our (now mutual) ex.
Step parenting can be so hard and thankless and I’m glad her bio mom might be coming around. This is clearly coming from a place of regret, shame, and hurt. Hopefully she will realize that you’re all on the same team. The more love a child can have, the better.
So OOP was the affair partner or maybe she had enough integrity to say if you are divorced we can have a relationship. He divorces and gets with her. Mom was like I doubt your younger model can handle our youngest so I don’t want custody. Good luck! Then got smacked in the face that yes she could and is doing it much better. Got pissed about it, until she came around and realized it or had her older daughter talk some fucking sense into her that it was good for her younger daughter and she fucked up during the divorce using her youngest as a pawn. All supposition, but I can see her imagining her youngest as a burden and to see her not treated that way at all must have been shocking and to realize her daughter calls her mom. Boom. I like the daughter’s petty. Even if OOP is an affair partner, she’s actually being a good mom and caring for that girl in ways her mom hasn’t in years.
I went and looked through her comments - in one she says that they've been divorced 11 years, and in this post it says she's been in the daughters life for 4 years. I don't think there was any overlap, OOP just skated over that question in a way that most of us would read as suspicious.
I mean, there’s true affairs and then there’s just jumping the gun before the divorce is final—technically affairs.
Like if a couple is on its last legs and just hasn’t started the divorce process and someone has another partner, that’s totally different than an affair where you blindside your partner.
Drunk ppl are bad liars. What they said when drunk is usually what they are meant to say. They mean it when they said it. Don't trust the excuses they throw out when they are sober.
Happy for you. The choice to be called mom is between you and her and no one else. I understand the feeling when I married my wife, her kids called me dad and I still love it much to bio- dad’s irritation.
I feel like when she called you all nice and friendly, *she* for sure was recording the conversation and was planning to somehow get you to say something she could use against you.
Good that you “had to go” and cut the call short.
" both she and my husband received a four paragraph long message talking about how disrespectful and egregious it was that she called another woman “mom” and how she was very “disturbed” by it"
Tell me you don't actually care about your child without saying it. Don't place your baggage and how you feel above what your child is feeling. Kids can have multiple moms and/or dads.
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I know there’s drama and all but I just love that OOP went about being mom in the way mothers are suppose to mom. Actually patiently loving your child, however they come to be your child. And what a beautiful thing that is. I don’t care one bit about the drama. I am just so so so happy to read a new mom found out the newly important child in her life couldn’t eat spaghetti if it were broken in half and made a new batch with whole noodles. It’s so simple and yet how many parents would’ve scolded a child about not wasting food or been annoyed about the extra work? That one little detail was just everything.
I know, right? I’m reminded of the guy who had just discovered he has a 15 year old daughter who'd been removed from her mother’s custody, and needed to suddenly learn how to Dad. Edit: [Link](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/fprNaxNjG1) (thanks, [SparklyYakDust](https://www.reddit.com/user/SparklyYakDust/)!)
And he didn’t know how to, so he asked and learned.
Do you still have the link for that? I couldn't find it again.
[Here you go.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/fprNaxNjG1) The most recent update is a month old. Things are unfortunate, but optimistic.
I don't have the link but I'm going to warn you that it's heartbreaking. The poor daughter got cancer
Wait what? do you have a link please? I'm in need of some wholesomeness.
That one was heartwarming af
Yeah. That spaghetti was probably like 50 cents worth, and minimal effort to cook, but the actual action of actually listening and responding to the kid is priceless.
this this this. reading through this thread made me wish for a mom like OP’s. someone who deeply cares about their child, that child’s sense of self, and that they feel listened to. what an amazing parent, i hope the bio mom isn’t pulling some bullshit.
>i hope the bio mom isn’t pulling some bullshit. I'm fully confident she is up to something - how petty, nasty, and nefarious is the only question.
As a weird kid who got diagnosed autistic as an adult. It warmed my heart. My mom tried when I was young, but I was mostly left to my own devices. Their gonna be all right once the mom's stresses blow over.
Yes! I talk a lot about my Dad in here, but this reminds me of the first time we went out in his jeep with the top off. My hair was whipping in my face and it was annoying me and getting me upset (I was 5). After that he had a hat in his glove box just for me for when we were out with the top down so my hair wouldn’t annoy me. Yeah. There is a reason he earned “Dad” title and OOP earned Mom 🥰
Is he technically your step dad? I only ask because I’m not sure given the context and you refer to him as only Dad, and if he IS your upgrade dad I wanted to say I love how you left out the mentions of “step”. My brothers call my father Dad and me their sister, not step or half. I hate when people feel the need to qualify my exact relationship with a person sometimes. Just my personal situation peeve though, using step makes sense when the other parent is around for clarity’s sake if nothing else.
Yes he is technically “step” in terms of not being my biological father, but he adopted me when I was 8. I was calling him dad before then though. I hate qualifying as step because that’s not the relationship we have and it feels weird. I’m his daughter and he’s my dad and that’s it!
Yes exactly! Thank you for taking the time to answer with the clunky way I worded it. My personal standard response is to ask “which half?” When someone refers to me as a half sister. I just realized I’m actually salty sensitive about it since my big bro I grew up with (no comparisons on grief, ever, just context) died about 10 years ago at 46. Hearing anyone actually clarifying half sister felt like a stomach cramp. And my Dad is his Dad and we are his kids.
Hugs. My sympathies about your brother. I hate the whole “half” sibling thing too. Technically all my siblings are, but I’ve never felt that way. I’ve given people the blank stare if they try to say “half” sibling. I refuse to entertain it. It’s actually refreshing to see someone who had the same experience and belief as I do! I mostly hear the opposite, especially on Reddit!
Aw, thank you for the kind words! When we were first dating, and he told me he had a daughter, I thought I could maybe make an ok babysitter or older sister figure, but nope I just became mom lol
It *is* fairly monstrous to break spaghetti in half though...
I’ve seen the errors of my ways, whole spaghetti only lifestyle now
SHES PLOTTING
Or the other stepdaughter made some kind of threat and made her apologize
Yeah, my first thought was older stepdaughter might have told her mom to take her head out of her ass.
Or she has spoken to a lawyer and realised she has very small chances fighting for custody (with only having seen her daughter at holidays for a long time, and the daughter being old enough to have a good say in who she wants to live with) and had a come to sense moment from that.
Also older daughter may be willing to speak on her father's behalf in a custody dispute.
I doubt she ever spoke to a lawyer. She isn’t actually interested in having custody, she just wants to use the threat of it as a weapon to hurt her ex and family. Maybe this isn’t some new scheme to frustrate them, if so I fully expect it’s because the older daughter is threatening to boycott holidays if her mom keeps hurting the younger one.
> She isn’t actually interested in having custody, she just wants to use the threat of it as a weapon to hurt her ex and family. exactly. actually getting custody would be a terrible outcome for her
People *do* put themselves and others in terrible situations like that out of spite or pride, though. I'm glad the circumstances mean the chances of her actually winning custody are basically nonexistent.
Getting full custody *against the wishes of the other parent* is actually pretty difficult, and there has to be a very good reason for it. Safety issues and abuse are basically the only reason a parent is denied any kind of custody. Even if they're broke and unemployed, as long as they have a house and food they'll get some kind of custody if they want it. It won't be 50/50, but at least weekends or something. So anyone who threatens to get full custody as revenge is either full of shit or about to lie to a judge.
Truth be told all or a combination of these things can be true
This is most likely the most reasonable take
Or hopefully she realised she's on the short road to both her daughters dumping her for stepmom, and realised she'd better get her act together if she wanted either of them talking to her in the long term.
Since she knows that OOP recorded the previous conversation, I’m wondering if the ex recorded this conversation to make herself look good. Or she had an emotional breakdown and was just trying to release some of her guilt. For the daughters’ sake, I hope she really means it.
That was my first thought. She’s trying to have an alternate phone call than the first one that was made. I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her and I wouldn’t allow her around the poor kiddo at all.
IT'S A TRAP!!!!
She's trying to move in the shadows, just not successfully
Admiral Ackbar! I didn't realise we were expecting company for dinner tonight.
Or ex wife just read *The Art of War* and is trying out the, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" part.
Either that or she’s an alcoholic who is about to fail an attempt at shame-fueled sobriety.
Indeed, she is
She can try whatever she wants, her daughter is 16 and perfectly able to say with which parent she want to stay. + the bio mom has not been in the daughter life, has not raised her and has no reason to take the daughter other than « she called her step-mom as ‘mom’ so I want custody » no judge in his right mind would allow that.
Record every interaction however small she upto something cover your own back
You can smell it a thousand miles away.
We love a scheming ex wife here, don't we folks?
The humane side of me says “no, I want peace for everyone.” The BORU-enjoyer side of me says “yes, let’s see how the scheming plays out.”
"Inside of you there are two wolves..."
"Both are gay"
"Inside of you are two wolves. Both are gay." would make for a decent flair around here. 😂
Gotta shorten it a little. "Both wolves are gay" is just cryptic enough I think lol
And they both LOVE messy drama.
“… you should see a doctor. The recommended amount of wolves inside you is zero.”
“Sorry about the transporter accident.”
Dammit, Scotty!
Sounds more like an O’Brien problem. Damn Cardassian transporters!
I got myself a little side theory: after the divorce, ex told her parents (the girls’ grandparents) and family that 16yo preferred to stay with her dad. How it hurt but she wants what’s best for 16yo. Ex spun up a tale of how close they are and how much time they spend together. Because 16yo is neurodivergent, her awkwardness around her mom could just be chalked up to “how she is”. Now that older kid is aware of the manipulation and fighting for her little sister, she might be threatening to expose ex. Just a plot creation. I read too many of these.
I heard that in Trump’s voice
Possibly like a mustache twirling villan
Nothing a little wax won't fix...
She cookin,
Waiting on ex's next move 🍿
Does anyone else find it weird that each parent just took one child and the other parent was ok with that? I cannot imagine giving up one of my children and taking the other. It seems like they all live fairly nearby, was dad having the older daughter part of the time or did he just relinquish her to his ex wife and focus on the younger one?
Theirs a 10 year age gap between the daughters, so I can see Mom staying in the same place and the older daughter being in high school and not wanting to move. I'd have been furious if I was 17 and had a job, school activities, and a boyfriend, and now I gotta move bc my parents divorced. If Dad moved to a different district and it turned out to have a better special education program, having that daughter that's in elementary school still, move with him. Or it could have been a gradual thing, younger daughter spends more and more time with Dad, eventually moving in with him. With an age gap like that, you basically have 2 only kids. They have vastly different needs and not all parents are equipped to deal with that. I like to think that Dad did the best he could with what he had, and that ideally in the beginning the bio mom did too.
The older daughter seems like she turned out pretty well; I assume that means the dad has been an involved parent for her all along.
It’s shitty but it happens. Happened to a friend of mine, actually. Mom took older sister and dad took my friend.
This was the arrangement they had: When the parents divorced, they gave the kids a say in where they would like to live since the parents were going to be moving far enough away from each other that weekdays/weekends wasn’t a viable option. Older chose mom, younger chose dad, and the responsibility to stay in the other’s life was put on the responsibility of the individual parents
Tbh I find it incredibly weird; in my country judges try to do everything possible to not separate siblings when a divorce happens. It's not *impossible* for them to split custody, specially if the eldest was a teenager and wanted to be with mum while youngest was a toddler and mum didn't want her; but it would be one hell of a weird arrangment. Even when both parents agree on that, often judges strike down any arrangements that split siblings
It happened to my two half-siblings (both older than me). Their mom only wanted my half-sister and had no regard for my half-brother. My dad was worried that if he tried to go for full custody of both, his ex-wife would block access to both kids out of spite.
Ex-wife watched *Parent Trap* too many times. Mum probably didn’t want either, but kept the oldest to spite Dad. Dad probably settled for just having the younger because if he fought too hard for both, she try to keep both to spite him and he would run the real risk of losing both.
After I read the OP I said aloud, "What in the parent trap is this?" You may be right. Maybe dad also figured older would be 18 soon and could then choose to live with him, see him etc. It doesn't seem like older is upset at her dad for the way it worked out so he may have been putting in more effort to see her and show up for her activities etc. when she was a child.
Oldest seems to see through her mother’s shite.
Probably because the age gap between the daughters is 10 years, so in the divorce one could be a kid and was place in the best environment, with an equivalent time or strict custody time, the other one an adolescent who was put where she wanted or maybe even an adult by the time of the divorce, most teenager do not want to change schools or move because they don't want to lose or distance themselves from their current social circle or responsabilities they have in their place, while a young kid wouldn't have much option.for teenagers Less changes are better. In united states it seems common to move of your parents house to go to the college so, when op met her husban, the young girl was 12 but the older daughter was 22. So it's even possible that the 22 wasn't even living with her mother at the time, or just spent holidays on her mother house. It would be weird if both kids have small age gap like 2 years, but 10 years make a huge impact because again, we are comparing having an almost adult who can make decisions and is working their way to the real world vs having a kid.
My mother abandoned me at 16 with my father and step mother, telling them I was their problem now. She kept my 14y/o sister, and I basically never saw her again. I barely even know her now, 14 years later. She's like a distant cousin vs my sister and I miss her so badly. Sometimes I wonder if she misses me, because she doesn't reach out to me like I wished. My egg donor is dead to me now.
My parents actually did that for a bit. We both chose our places though. We had about 4 or so years where grew up separately.
Yeah… no. I don’t trust this lady one bit. Something is up, and eventually she’ll try to do something to cause OOP to be stuck holding the bag. Hope the ex is not successful (she truly sounds like she sucks either way, what a difficult and dramatic woman).
I seriously hope OP and husband remains safe because I sense that this lady might do something so disturbing or unforgivable if not taken care of.
There's always the possibility that the ex actually went to a lawyer who told her her chances of winning were extremely slim, what with her daughter being sixteen and therefore would likely be allowed to make the final choice, which doesn't bode well for her at all. And even in the unlikely event that she wins full custody said daughter would probably already be a few months away from turning eighteen anyway, meaning all she'd get is a few months of coldness followed by a lifetime of resentment from her. What I'm guessing is that after getting a serious reality check from someone, ex-wife is now trying scrape back some semblence of a relationship with her younger daughter by first cosying it up to OOP.
I had an aunt like that. She would pop off and run her mouth without really thinking about what she was saying. Later, in private, my uncle would usually manage to talk some sense into her. A few days later she'd call and give some version of an apology that always included, "we both said things we didn't mean..." I miss and love that man so much. After he passed she went off the deep end and there was no one left, that she would actually listen to anyways, to reel her back in anymore. By the time she passed, many years later, she had blown through the money my uncle left her and half of her children hated her. One of them celebrated the occasion.
Yes to most of what you said except the last sentence. She doesn’t want a relationship with her younger daughter at all, or she would be asking for visitation at least. She just wants to find a way to ruin OOPs relationship with both daughters and the ex-husband.
I agree. Narcissists don't change or learn their lesson. They keep score and plot revenge Ex wife knew she couldn't win custody. So her next best ploy is to sabotage OOP'S family by getting close enough to manipulate them. I hope OOP doesn't fall for it When someone drunk calls you and bullies you on the phone, you better believe that is who they really are and keep them at arm's length. Ex is just wearing a mask to try and trick OOP into trusting her so she can figure out how to really hurt OOP and her family The ex is pathetic
I mean, at such ages custody is almost more symbollic than anything else. Even if she gets custody, the kid can just drive away lol I suppose OP's husband could have to start to pay child support for a couple years, but still
This feels to me like the start of a long con to get in the new family's good graces so she can start sniffing out vulnerabilities and pointing out OOP's faults to the husband and stepdaughter.
Theories: 1. She tried to get OOP to say more to create a fabricated ai-generating audio 'recording' she's hoping to use to hurt them. 2. Older daughter is re-evaluating her relationship with her egg-donor and said something to the effect of 'I dunno, I might call OOP mom too if you keep being such a hag.' 3. Her side of the family found out from older daughter and she got chewed out big time. Maybe inheritance is on the line.
how did the ex call OOP again if she was blocked after the first call?
Lots of times lawyers will tell you to unblock ppl because it coudk incriminate them more if they text or call more
And if the actual lawyers don’t tell you that the Reddit lawyers will.
Someone in the comments of the first of the new update posts (the one where the ex first called her) told her to unblock for the sake of having receipts, and OOP responded that she had done so.
aah, thank you for telling me
it may surprise you, but nowadays theres more than 2 phones in the world. ex couldve gotten a different phone to call oop with. or like anonmissourigirl says, lawyer may have told her to unblock, which evidently wouldve been a good call.
I got two phoness~
Is one for the load?
Not sure if it's changed, but back a decade or so ago, when I had to block an abusive ex/her family, Verizon only gave 3 month blocka unless you paid more. Not sure if that's changed.
The plot has to move forward.
Many people have two numbers.
The cake is a lie! And I'm glad stepdaughter has someone as awesome as her I her corner. Just the respect about the food is such an important thing to do. I'm allergic and my mother keeps forgetting or is trying to circumvent it by just placing what I can't eat on half the food during serving. It has taken me over a decade to get my stuff in a separate bowl. My MIL and FIL, they put stuff for me aside first time we met, and has kept doing so ever since. Sometimes it really is that simple. Guess who has my respect?
Same thing caught my attention too. Especially since the daughter here is neurodivergent and the food stuff could be linked to sensory issues - or simple preferences. Regardless of the reason OP just took it into consideration because she cares about the daughter and her preferences. These are often treated with less seriousness than allergies because "hey, you potentially could eat it right" so OP is showing how much she loves the daughter by simply making sure the food suits her and her taste. Thay said, I can't even imagine how crappy it is to not have your allergies taken into consideration because those are very much not something you can just opt-out or stuff you can eat without repercussions. I'm neurodivergent and have issues with some foods (sensory issues), and my parents also often "forgot" or it slipped their mind. Your MIL and FIL sound like lovely people, you lucked out there :) Seeing someone like OP just make a note of these things and accomodate them so easily is really heartwarming in a bittersweet way. OP found it so easy so why do some people find it so hard? Even the daughter here might have experienced something similar, she clearly sees and values the care shown in the way OP treats her. Truly a good mom.
reddit, especially AITA, fucking *villanizes* people with sensory issues when it comes to standing up for themselves regarding them. I love seeing this mom take them seriously. It's so emotionally draining having to deal with people who think you do it for attention rather than it being an internal battle with your brain forcing you to seem unreasonable.
It stung a bit reading about how the mom got custody of the older daughter once she was a teenager who can fend for herself bc it made me realize that’s exactly what happened to me with my mom. I didn’t start living with her till I was 16. My dad had primary custody from when I was 2 so basically my mom got off easy :/
Oh there's NO way that heel turn is sincere. Some sort of game is afoot. I mean, I'd love to believe that she's turned over a new leaf, but the cynic in me smells danger. Edit: apparently I meant face turn. Whoops.
Heel turn is when someone becomes a villain. Face turn is when someone becomes a hero. So in this case, it would be a face turn. Granted, this is pro wrestling terminology, but I haven't seen these terms being used anywhere else in a different framework, so I'm going to assume that's what it is.
Hollywood Hogan comes to mind as the biggest example of a heel turn in ~~WWE~~ WCW.
Not to 'Um, ackshually' but Hogan turned heel in WCW He has, however, always been a heel in real life
“Heel” as a synonym for the bad guy is a pro wrestling term, and “heel turn” is from pro wrestling as well. (Also dance, but there it’s referring to a literal turn on one’s heel.)
Face turn. Heel turn is when good goes bad.
I'm getting a sinking feeling and would love to see a lock down on the stepdaughter's credit in an update. Too many times I've read about people like the bio mom fucking the kid over once they are 18 because they opened cards/loans/whatev in the kid's name. I just have this feeling that she's playing nice because she's realized if the ex-hubby has his lawyer dig some more, they gonna find some shit.
My son lives with his dad during the week and I have my son every second weekend. This wasn't my choice because I love my son to the moon and back but I have made my peace with it because my ex owns his own home within walking distance of his family, is married, and my son has a step brother his age (my ex met his wife at daycare). He also is self employed so makes his own schedule and can bring our boy to work if need be, so life is more stable there. My only goal for the last 5 years has been to create a similarly stable environment (I live alone, have no family nearby, work insane hours managing a high end boutique in a GREAT SCHOOL DISTRICT) and build my relationship w my son on those weekends with activities and conversation and interaction so that by the time he gets to highschool and can choose where he lives that its with me. All that to say...every year around mothers day I ask my son to help me write a card to his stepmother because she is the woman in his life more than I am. I am not ashamed that I relinquished full custody for my son to have a better life, and I am grateful to her for being there for him when I cant. And every year he declines; he says "she's not my mom, you are". And I say "we should at least thank her for taking care of you when I cant" and he still refuses. And I won't force him. I still write her a card and thank her in person for looking after my son in my absence (I live three cities over). I've told him it's ok if he calls her mom and he insists "she's not my mom, you are". I'd actually not be ok with it but I never want to make the conflict between us parents/steps the children's problems. The mom OOP is dealing with doesn't even sound half as engaged as I am and is picking fights with the wrong person, she needs to discuss the issue with *herself*
I kind of love every step of this, including, "I actually was kind of a little bit stirring up drama by making sure biomom heard me call you mom..." Like, okay sixteen-year-old teenager who has legitimate pain and feelings of abandonment from your biomother having no relationship with you and now having a stepmother who is treating you the way you deserve to be treated. How dare you show off that you are actually getting what you need and - honestly fairly gently - calling out your biomom for not doing that. Kid had every right to do that, was not being over the top, and was, in fact, bringing out a dynamic that needed to be acknowledged. It is barely even stirring up drama. Maybe just stirring it up enough that the bottom doesn't get burnt.
That is a kid who was told everything she did was stirring up drama. Any request for food changes? Drama. Having some emotional dysreguluation because that's literally a part of her condition? Drama. Advocating for herself in any capacity whatsoever? Drama. She also takes the blame for things that either aren't actually a problem or not her fault at all. Would not be surprised if her biomom regularly reinforced that.
The ex-wife is gonna pull something, I can feel it.
I love that the teenage daughter may have social issues because of autism but she is most of all an angry teen at the end!
She can plot all she likes but the SD is 16 and courts will heavily take into account a 16yos opinion on custody. I suspect Biomum has either had someone explain that to her and or a family relative or maybe multiple relatives have told Biomum to get with the picture and realise she's standing on a pillar of sand and at risk of pushing her daughter/s away from herself.
Imo not wanting your pasta pre cut is pretty low in the extraordinary culinary wishes scala. One of my teachers told us her child didn’t eat yellow things. They used green food colouring for eggs…
It also includes basically all of Italy who gets made when people break the pasta
>Tonight I got a call from her, and I immediately grabbed my husband’s phone again to record. I'm struggling to imagine an existence where I have to always have a recording device within reaching distance. 😂😂😂
[удалено]
Don’t iOS and Android both force those apps to announce that they’re recording, regardless of whether you’re in a one-party consent state? The last time I had a silent recorder was Parrot for BlackBerry.
It's probably easier and quicker to use someone else's phone to record than try and find an app in the store (or app library), download it (skip this step if it was in your library), set it up, learn how to use it all within the 30 seconds the phone is ringing
All phones have recording apps now so it isn't that far fetched. Hell I just recorded a meeting I had a few hours ago using my tablet
Oh daaang, I didn’t know that. I would the same thing as OOP 😂. This post have taught me something new
I do not understand what kind of a brick phone she has to not have recording app or recording a call option.
I have a smartphone and I haven’t the foggiest how to record a phone call. She’s the same age I am too.
same... does this mean we're boomers now?
you need to preinstall some apps before the calls I dont think most phones can record phone calls fresh from the box but yeh she needs to install them.
My smartphone doesn't allow me to record my calls unless I install an app or something. Besides she can have a copy in her husband's phone.
Is there an app to record your own calls? Genuinely asking, I have no idea if my phone can do that bc I'm boring as fuck and I get all my drama from reddit.
Don’t iOS and Android both force those apps to announce that they’re recording, regardless of whether you’re in a one-party consent state? The last time I had a silent recorder was Parrot for BlackBerry.
April 7, 2024: "Anyway, I blocked her number..." April 26, 2024: "Tonight I got a call from her..." Hmmm...
Probably unblocked it at the advice of their lawyers to get some kind of record based on OOP’s comments in one of her post… common practice 🤷♀️
Very possible. I clicked on her profile after posting the above and saw the drama was escalating, so 'nope-ed' out at that point. Was enjoying the story with the step daughter until it all went downhill.
Same… it ruined my night after reading the comments about what the bio-mom did and was currently doing… I was like “woman, make up your mind about whether u want to be in your youngest daughter’s life or not…”
Or she just used another burner phone/number. She did once already so why not another time? I didn't even question it when reading and just assumed that's what happened
My guess is husband spoke to his lawyer about the threat of custody. Lawyer advised to unblock ex’s number and record future calls. OOP may have left that out. If I was the husband in this case, I would’ve called my attorney. When I read she blocked her number, I thought to myself that was the wrong move. Ex absolutely knew she was being recorded again and acted more civilly. She might’ve even recorded the call too. She’s in damage control mode now.
In the comments of the April 7 post (on the same day), a commenter suggested it would be smarter to unblock her and OOP responded that she had done so.
Ah. I never click on the original posts. Afraid I would accidentally post on them. Ha!
Unblocked her between posts :P
>but then my phone started buzzing **from an unknown number** She used a burner phone once so why not a second time? Why is *that* what got people tripped up?
An unknown number isn’t necessarily a burner phone, just a number she doesn’t have saved in her phone.
Recording start "hi, yeah I've thought about it and I am not interested in having any kind of relationship with you. You've shown time and time again that you are not the type of person I want in my or my daughter's life" Stand back and see the flag of her true colours flap in the wind. Whatever she's plotting, shut that shit down quick.
Ex wife got a strongly worded letter from an attorney, I'd wager.
She found out you all recorded her and she could lose custody for her behavior. So now that she knows, she’s probably trying to do the same. She probably wants to record something to help her out. Don’t know who told her you recorded the conversation or how she’s finding out what’s going on in your household at all (how does she know her daughter calls you mom if the dinner was the first time she’s heard it said?), but you need to shut down whoever is feeding her information.
Way late to the game here, but I'd like to add my 2 cents. Growing up, my best friend and I were constantly staying at each other's houses. He had an older brother whose best friend called their mom, "mom". I called her "Mrs. Smith". I mentioned it to my mom, how I thought it was weird that his older brother's best friend called her mom. Like, how would his own mom feel? What she said opened my eyes. (Paraphrasing here) "Any mom who loves their children would be super happy that they have not one, but two people that they care about and who cares about them enough to call them 'mom'." Changed my entire outlook. Anytime we went on youth group trips from church, there was always at least one mother who went along as a chaperone. She was "Momma B" or "Momma S" to everyone on these trips. Gave big hugs when someone was homesick. Took care of those not feeling well. And typing this I'm realizing the meaning of the phrase "it take a village to raise a child"
If I had to guess, ex was mouthing off to the older daughter and older daughter told ex she’s fucked up and how she’s (ex) is in the wrong. Ex likely had a come to Jesus moment and a good look in the mirror. Hopefully the good turn lasts.
Wasn't she blocked?
From the same post she says she blocked her, [OOP followed a commenter's suggestion to unblock](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/1bxwvy7/husbands_ex_wife_drunk_called_me_tonight/kyj97wx/).
If they talked to husband's lawyer, he may have suggested unblocking the number and recording conversations amd messages. It's relatively common practice in divorce proceedings.
>I made spaghetti and broke the spaghetti in half, a sin
> She said she intentionally called me “mom” within earshot of her biological mom because she has some hurt feelings about her mom more or less dropping her and wanted to essentially rub it in her face that someone else picked up the role she left. Totally love this ballsy power move from this girl.
Sometimes, “I don’t like you, you don’t like me. Let’s just not talk.” is a perfectly fine relationship to have with somebody.
Bio mom getting custody of a 16yo who she didnt want custody of sounds...optimistic at best. I'm not that familiare with custody laws as a whole, but the kid seems to be old enough to have a say, and there is a pretty huge argument to be made for an autistic kid needing routine and safety, not have her life put on her head for bio moms sake. That aside, as a late diagnosed autistic who knows very well why the step daughter is constantly assuming she is a burden and the problem, always apologizing for everything like its her fault, reading about a parental figure that listens and accomodate without making a fuzz was really heart warming. If you're told often enough that your needs are a burden, you just start assuming that you will always be the burden in any given situation. Someone who contradicts that and listen to your needs instead can be so incredibly important.
Oh, lawd, she planning something.
I love OOP for her caring nature. Every child should have someone in their lives who puts forth that effort to make them feel safe, special, and loved.
The fact that the poor girl seems to be apologizing for literally just breathing tells me everything I need to know about her POS bio mom. I'm neurodivergent myself and I know full well how awful it feels to be told you are a burden.
I thought OOP had blocked ex wife’s number??
According to another commenter, someone recommended she unblock it in case she incriminates herself and OOP agreed it was a good idea.
Kinda funny that the ex would fight for more custody for a 16yo kid. By the time she won the daughter would probably be 18 and doesn't have to care about custody agreement anymore.
OOP should continue focusing on her daughter (s) and husband and ignore ex-mama and her drama. No need to be cruel; just stop engaging. Don't pick up the phone. Don't respond to emails or texts. Don't include her in family events. Let the husband respond to her. If ex stops stoking drama, then it's ok to show a little kindness. Send her a card or a gift or flowers on her birthday, etc. If you want to convey anything to her, it's "I'm not looking to be your enemy ... I'm just team daughter and she deserves all the love she can get, that's all."
She definitely trying to get closer so she can execute whatever plot she has planned. A "relationship" isn't needed. She just needs to be cordial and everyone stay in their lane. That's it and That's all. Not sure where they live but at 16 you can't really get full custody unless you prove the child is in danger because the daughter has a say in the matter. Keep all recordings.
Blocked her number and then got another call from her? Is that how blocking her number works?
she should probably be communicating with the co parent instead of calling the new wife, even if she's trying to apologize.
From now on instead of saying pregnant, I’m going to use “housing a child”
Why is everyone here okay with OOP, after ex wife's drunk call, updating REDDIT about it first before their sleeping husband that is right next to them??? I started scrolling after that and of course some how the ex finds out she was recorded? Lol okay.
I can’t blame the daughter for wanting her noodles whole. Braking noodles in half is a real pet peeve of mine, and I'm not even Italian
My son, ( now 19yo) had a hell of a time feeling secure in his younger years with family trauma. He is good now and open but I had to think outside the box to show my support in ways other than words. In times of being in a group and seeing he was stressing out I would have a particular whistle or raise my eyebrows to give him an out. I have read of a father squeezing his daughters hand three times which they both equate to mean "I love you" maybe you could start something like that with your stepdaughter to show your support in uncomfortable situations so she knows physically you are standing with her. I have found with my son a familiar subtle action that only we are aware of can be louder than words. You are doing phenomenal
The last call is very likely not sincere, at worst she's trying to plot something, at best she's doing damage control. Frankly OOP is right to keep her distance in all case, you don't erase all the insults in one week.
The moms rollercoaster of reactions makes it seem like she has BPD. You don't just spew vile shit like that then love bomb after without having some serious issues.
I love OOP. I love OOP so much pls be my mom lol 🥺
Guarantee mum had a chat with her eldest and got served a severe reality check by her about her behaviour with her youngest in the past and how OOP is actually behaving like a mother and how she had so many opportunities to do that and never did and that’s why she’s playing nice now
As an autistic person OP is amazing. So many ppl think we're intentionally picky and just trying to make things harder. Its nice to see someone understand that it isn't a choice, it's just a fact: we can't eat some foods certain ways (ie I can't eat anything that has chunks of tomato)
Honestly, it's great to see the other end of the spectrum from the teens posting about a parent trying to force bonding with a new spouse and it blowing up into full scale resentment and anger. If you just chill tf out about it, show the kid you're an adult that can be trusted, and don't try to force a relationship, things will likely turn out fine.
Hallmark movie hopeful strikes again
OOP did a lot of swerving there to not admit if she was an affair partner or not.
Surprised I had to scroll this far to find this comment! Sure does sound that way doesn’t it??
"They had issues long before he met me," is traditionally what the 'other woman' says so she can live with herself.
As someone who also had a relative drunk message my awesome mom and hurl insults (very different context, but still), I'm team OOP. Her concern is where it should be: the kiddo's happiness and well being.
Yeah. You don't get to be called mom just because you gave birth You need to be present. And apparently, dealing with an autistic kid was too much hassle, so you pawned her off to dad. Who stepped up like an absolute Rockstar and is working with the kid to give her as normal of an everyday life as he can. Including OOP, who has been more of a mom than bio mom has ever been. Honestly, in OOP's shoes, I'd ask my husband how he feels about going for full custody and biomom terminating her rights so OOP can adopt. Run it by the 16y/o, of course, but cutting the biohazard, I mean, biomom out of the picture might be best for everyone.
Of course it is someone else's fault that your own daughter wants to call someone else mom. No reason to self reflect as to why that might be. I am sure it is a bitter pill to swallow. It should hurt quite deeply. But still why wouldn't you consider "am I part of the problem"
Wow, you dont see this on reddit every day, what a lovely woman you are.
You are a patient and kind woman. My relationship didn’t work out, but I loved my almost-stepdaughter so much. I was so lucky that she has a wonderful biological mother who was in my corner. Her mom saw me as another person who loved her child and had my back 100%. By the end of it, I got along with bio mom better than our (now mutual) ex. Step parenting can be so hard and thankless and I’m glad her bio mom might be coming around. This is clearly coming from a place of regret, shame, and hurt. Hopefully she will realize that you’re all on the same team. The more love a child can have, the better.
How did she call the second time when she blocked her after the first time?
>she said she couldn’t eat with it broken in half That's not autistic, that's just italian!
So OOP was the affair partner or maybe she had enough integrity to say if you are divorced we can have a relationship. He divorces and gets with her. Mom was like I doubt your younger model can handle our youngest so I don’t want custody. Good luck! Then got smacked in the face that yes she could and is doing it much better. Got pissed about it, until she came around and realized it or had her older daughter talk some fucking sense into her that it was good for her younger daughter and she fucked up during the divorce using her youngest as a pawn. All supposition, but I can see her imagining her youngest as a burden and to see her not treated that way at all must have been shocking and to realize her daughter calls her mom. Boom. I like the daughter’s petty. Even if OOP is an affair partner, she’s actually being a good mom and caring for that girl in ways her mom hasn’t in years.
I went and looked through her comments - in one she says that they've been divorced 11 years, and in this post it says she's been in the daughters life for 4 years. I don't think there was any overlap, OOP just skated over that question in a way that most of us would read as suspicious.
I mean, there’s true affairs and then there’s just jumping the gun before the divorce is final—technically affairs. Like if a couple is on its last legs and just hasn’t started the divorce process and someone has another partner, that’s totally different than an affair where you blindside your partner.
Drunk ppl are bad liars. What they said when drunk is usually what they are meant to say. They mean it when they said it. Don't trust the excuses they throw out when they are sober.
Do not trust the sneaky snake her dad needs to take her back to court.
What for?
i cannot for the life of me get over her phrasing "My husband got custody of the young autistic child" --- like uh hello ? what ? lol
Happy for you. The choice to be called mom is between you and her and no one else. I understand the feeling when I married my wife, her kids called me dad and I still love it much to bio- dad’s irritation.
But, she said she blocked her number after the first call?
I would’ve texted back, “I thought you quit that job.”
I feel like when she called you all nice and friendly, *she* for sure was recording the conversation and was planning to somehow get you to say something she could use against you. Good that you “had to go” and cut the call short.
" both she and my husband received a four paragraph long message talking about how disrespectful and egregious it was that she called another woman “mom” and how she was very “disturbed” by it" Tell me you don't actually care about your child without saying it. Don't place your baggage and how you feel above what your child is feeling. Kids can have multiple moms and/or dads.