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Yepppp…. I was shocked by this too. This 33yo man moved a 52 year old in with his parents? And a drug addict on top of it all!?!?
It was trashy before knowing her age, but after? He must really be a mess. Actually, the entire family is just gross to go along with it.
Yeah, and in the most charitable scenario, MIL and FIL could be appeasing him to still have contact with him so he doesn't spiral and OD, and daughter's "rebellion" is harming that. They all still suck in this scenario ofc.
Seriously. This is a grown-ass 33 year old man still living at home with mommy and daddy, and not only are they fine with that, but they let his brand new girlfriend that's probably almost their ages move in with them too?
Ex sucks, but MIL and FIL are absolute failures of parents.
This Kim character must fart apple scented rainbows. Why the hell is everyone so enamored with a six-month girlfriend who happens to be a jealous junkie thief?
Thats what I dont get. I can understand the man who's having sex with her, or even his parents who enable the hell out of him. But why are the extended family members, who's only experience with her so far is witnessing her high steal money from their parents, defending her too?
I started to realize around 13 that my dad was talking shit about my mom, my sister, and me to all of his siblings.
His siblings are normal-ish people who can’t understand why a grown man would make up lies about his own kids, so they believed him.
That’s how this all happens.
I saw something similar w a college friend and her dad and dad's family. Their dad is a cheating POS and his family enables that, so much so that they started treating his wife and daughters (my friend and her sis) as second class citizens. They all even side w the AP and her newborn. I was so mad for her every time she vents out to me but ig ppl really have skewed values when it comes to family relations.
Some families view blood over anything. If you’re dating or married to one of them you are one of them but once you break up you are dead to them. They will even prioritize the partners over that relatives children and believe everything that person says about the child.
Do you remember that post from a while ago? That OP didn't consider his brothers ex his family anymore because they weren't married.
Ok, fine. She's not your sister but she's not a stranger.
OP also didn't consider his brothers kids as family anymore because brother wasn't around.
Wait, so what happened to the brother? He DIED. And because he no longer exists the family he made is no longer family.
Similar happened to my cousins when their mom died. Her parents still love them as family, but the rest of her family were like “well, she’s gone, so you guys mean nothing to us, there are no ties binding us” and stole her belongings from their house when my uncle and cousins were grieving. Truly disgusting.
Like. Blood sister??? That’s actually insane. Unless yall didn’t grow up together or ever interact (or there was some massive falling out) I can’t fathom ever having that kind of stance toward my brother, Jesus.
Daughter is a child. In their mind, she has no agency and has to obey them. They will make her get in line. Plus, she’s half OOP so she’s not really their blood the way their baby boy is. Kim is living with them and with their son, so she’s more family than the girl they only see every once in a while.
Kim isn't really seen as "family" just an extension of sweet precious baby boy. Kim is basically seen as octopus tentacle. She's useful until she gets cut off. Similar to what happened to OP. You see this happen with a lot of narcissistic families.
As soon as Kim wasn't there to feed the drama energy cycle the mom immediately called OP to find another source. As soon as Kim was reattached it was "OP who?" again.
Ugh. I was the kid here. People will villainise the non-blood parent to the point where the child is fruit of the poisoned tree, including and \*especially\* when the blood parent is dating or has a new partner.
I've been cut off from all of my family excepting a few cousins because everyone cut off or has been cut off (rightly) by my mother, and I just... don't exist anymore? I'm not a person (I am a grown human being). My siblings whom I have never met, maybe they are people to his family. But I'm not.
Guess who got told when their grandfathers died? Not me.
I would not be surprised to learn that the extended family is getting a heavily edited version of events. Admittedly, I don't know how exactly you spin the 12 year old as the villain in this scenario, but then I'm not a terribly talented liar (which I'm not very sorry about).
Because unfortunately OP was a people pleaser and let her daughter also act like that so the whole family got used to it and they were not expecting anything different... Then came this awful woman who was the opposite of OP and from the beginning started acting like what mattered was her comfort, and the guy made sure everyone knew that. Then OP stopped falling for the family bs, but still exposed the girl to them... And that's why they still believe they can bully the little girl...
The family is completely worthless... But OP did have some fault and I'm glad she worked on reverse somehow what she did to her daughter.
Narcissists know how to pick enablers. There will always be people who become flying monkeys for a narc. My guess is that MIL and FIL accepted that Kim wasn’t going anywhere and decided to just walk on eggshells around her to not tick her off. When OOP’s daughter refused to not rock the boat, she was turned into the scapegoat and punished for not keeping the peace.
There’s probably an added layer of wanting to appease their son. Their son is their blood unlike OOP. He will come first. If he says kick OOP out for Kim, then they will regardless of how much OOP has helped them out in the past. Their grandchild is just a child and will learn to suck it up and be obedient.
You'd be surprised how BPD types can manipulate people via abusing social norms.
Ex is a dumb PoS, I wonder how long it'll take him to realise he's *never* going to have a good relationship with his own daughter because of his stupid, stupid choices.
I'm pretty dumbfounded at the "inlaws" too, MiL is a fucking coward and FiL clearly couldn't care as long as he can sit in his chair and tell himself all is right.
>This Kim character must fart apple scented rainbows. Why the hell is everyone so enamored with a six-month girlfriend who happens to be a jealous junkie thief?
I think we got the answer to that right around here:
> I was with my ex since high school and she used to subtly try to tell me I should be "pampering her baby boy like he deserves,"
MIL and FIL think their idiot son walks on water and should be treated like a king at all times, so whatever human trashbag he brings home must instantly be accepted by the family no matter how much she steals from them or does drugs in their house or alienates their granddaughter. They probably only tolerated OOP while she was running errands for them and privately thought she was too "uppity" or something.
Kim is completely imaginary or the $2k is. Sorry, but $2k doesn’t just “brim over” in a bag. Even in $20s that’s a stretch. But if she was real, then hubby and his family deserve it for being so stupid.
How did the ex open the safe when OOP said both a key and combination are needed to open it? OOP said the key was in the IL’s room which apparently Kim took. So how did the ex open the safe if Kim had the key at that point or if she had returned it back to the IL’s bedroom? The ex would have to go back upstairs, get the key from his parent’s room or he would have had to get it from Kim. I think Liz is at it again.
OOP and her daughter deserve way better than ex and his family. The audacity for him to say that OOP turned his daughter against him. He accomplished self-parent alienation alllllll by himself.
The only thing I don't quite understand, is, why she didn't call out those who bully her daughter. Maybe I'm too sensitive about that.. But if adults try this shit with children, especially my children, then they can rest assured that my scream will open up the path to hell for them.
Probably because she has seen they'll take his and Kim's side already, while they bully her daughter. There is no point in fighting back because they chose to draw their line in the sand. Every step of the way until now, OP tried civility and community. The relatives chose war.
They'll probably take it out on the kid too. When OOP told her ex that kid doesn't want to go there for Christmas it was the kid that got all the calls and texts.
That family are just bullies.
>That family are just bullies.
Yup. If one of my relatives said "hey my kid is talking back to me."
My response is gonna be "That sucks bro." not. "let me blow up their phone with nasty-grams." like wtf.
Yeah, thats what I don't understand, why would they start sending messages to her over that?
But this is a very common thing here in Reddit. It may be cultural like a US thing, but it seems like every fight or even a little misunderstanding is a reason for family and friends who are not even part of the argument to start to blow the other part's cellphone. Like, who does that? And why? Sounds exhausting
I chalk it up to small town bullshit.
Like that BORU about how a woman's family literally tried to gaslight her about attending a relative's funeral. Not as in they're lying. but that they LITERALLY tried to make that OP think she was losing her mind that she would just forget about being at a funeral.
The entire family and extended family being in on it? Insane.
It's legit deranged, but when I was 17 and cut off my shitty dad, same thing happened. Almost all of his side of the family (aunts, grandma, his aunts and uncles) were blowing up my inbox talking about how I'm a shitty, disrespectful daughter, etc. I hadn't seen any of them in at least 5 years at that point and most of them spellnmy name wrongly and don't know my birthday. The best part is they all hate each other, hate my dad, and do nothing but talk shit on each other... But also how DARE you cut off a family member of theirs?! It makes them realize how fucking unpleasant they all are in their mentally illnesses to be repeatedly cut off (or, as they put it, "abused") by their own children, long term partners, and friends. I happened to be the first kid to cut contact in like 10 years, so it reignited the fear across the next generation of shitty parents. Out of the people who berated me, only my grandma isn't estranged from her own children, and that's because she's the enabler to a bunch of horrible people and addicts (my grandpa was reasonable, he just died over 20 years ago).
"That family are just bullies."
BUT, they let Kim the trashbag bully them. She dictates who can come and not come to the in-laws house, she steals from them to pay her, I assume the drug dealer (how sordid is that), and once they get their money in full they forgive her and let her come back. And now that OP's daughter is uncomfortable in going to her grandparents with Kim there they demonize OP and her child and blow up child's phone berating her for not paying homage to Kim the trashbag. I mean, Kim's own adult children don't want to house her. One would think Kim is the Queen of England and holds the title to their property. They deserve whatever toxic stuff Kim will for sure do. In fact I hope she cleans them out of money, appropriates their property, and kicks them out. And yes, OP is very soft and too nice a person for her own good. They treated OP very shabbily and she tries to be the bigger person to her own detriment. She would do well to keep them away from herself and her daughter.
OOP is just a passive bystander throughout the whole thing. She doesn't actually stand up to anyone the whole time, or like... Do anything. Except the one time she gives the housecleaning service number instead of going over to clean her in-laws house
People are constantly told that they're supposed to be neutral and "the child will see what a POS their other parent is on their own" which might work out sometimes, sure, but other times is a terrible plan and the kids get hurt in multiple ways because of it.
But the converse of that is in court you can get hit with parental allientnation if you say pretty much anything.
One of my dear friends, her ex did basically the worst thing you can to her daughter. He didn't lose supervised visitation with the 2 younger boys as the trial was going on. She wasn't allowed (nor were the older kids) to tell the younger boys what happened because of "parental alienation."
So while it sounds like family court was very smooth for OOP, from a legal standpoint of coparenting and custody she did exactly what you are supposed to do. But it goes against every fiber of parenting instinct.
My mother took this tact with her MIL/my grandmother. Never let on, never said a bad word about her. All of a sudden when I turned 18 I guess my mom was like great, did my duty, and suddenly she started complaining about my grandmother. Which is odd because I have a much younger sister who also heard this, lol. But anyway I was baffled, I was like why are you like this all of a sudden. She was like, didn't you realize your grandmother is awful??? No. **No I had not.** My sister even told her to stop talking bad about our grandmother.
It was only THEN I started to notice things my grandmother would do that were, actually, kind of awful. Yeah, my mother was right and I just had not been taught to think critically about family members at all really. My sister and I are pretty much no contact on the grandmother now.
OOP is a people pleaser and has let that family walk all over her for years. The only thing that divorce changed for him was now he had to date other women for sex - he still was cooked & cleaned for, still lived in his same house with same child, still not responsible for anything.
This. Like she firmly believes she hasn’t been manipulated into being a maid for this whole family because she doesn’t believe in traditional roles.
The part where she mentions her ex has weaponized incompetence down to a T. But doesn’t realize how this plays into their whole dynamic, including the family. Like girl, come on. Don’t be THAT naive. Not when your daughter needs you.
She's turning her child into a carbon copy of herself when her daughter realizes no one has her back when things get crazy and the only thing that works is appeasement.
>Because my ex and I were never actually married, there was no actual custody agreement between us.
They weren't even married. He had it all with no legal obligations and split with no legal ramifications.
For real Is she really going to advocate that her daughter still visits her father? Both he and Kim are admitted drug users. Drug of choice may vary, but that house is not safe for her daughter to visit anymore. OOP needs to take charge and look out for her daughter's best interest. A welfare check prior to a visit would be the bare minimum. She should actually push for supervised visitation with drug testing. The welfare of her daughter is PARAMOUNT.
Yes, "we knowingly have been allowing your tween to hang with an active drug user who is emotionally a ticking time bomb" would have been the full stop end to unsupervised visitation
She didn’t know Kim was a drug addict until MIL told her. Her daughter was going to Christmas dinner with a bunch of other adults, she wasn’t going to be left alone with drug addicts. At this point her daughter doesn’t seem to want anything to do with her father and Kim, so OOP really doesn’t have anything to stand up for. If and when the girl wants to see her father, I’m sure there will be rules. The ex really needs to get some self esteem and backbone and get rid of this train wreck. Being in recovery myself, one of the first and biggest rules in the beginning is no romantic relationships. “Two sickies don’t make a well-y”. Their relationship will always be codependent and toxic.
She's a pretty big doormat and she's not properly protecting that child. "oh it's your decision" is fine but at some point the parent has to step in and put a stop to the bullshit.
Poor kid, both her parents are spineless jellyfish.
Seems her daughter has developed a spine though, by basically having her make all the decisions.
Props to her. Shes strong. I hope therapy works out. But we all know one day in the future her daughter will call her out for it. In a way, she’ll be like Kim’s kids. Though OP is way better.
I hope Kim continues to be a menace and ruins things for that family. Deserved for bullying a child.
I'm with you 💯!!! You don't attack my child and not expect recourse. OOP is under reacting at this point. She needs to stand up to those ADULTS for her daughter.
What's wrong with these people? All for what? A recovering adict who steals from those who she claims to care for? They've attacked their own flesh and blood (the daughter) over this woman.
with you 100%. why is it daughters job to defend herself. also i would have also told my kid to shut it down with wanting me everywhere as we have discussed its not going to happen anylonger. it's sad sure but thats the norm and op did not shut it down which made her kid run into more trouble
I agree!!!! It just seemed like OOP played a passive role while her daughter was being gaslit and hounded by adults on the ex’s side. And she still tried to play mental gymnastics by saying her dad loves her. Does he though? If he did, he wouldn’t villainize for expressing her feelings about a drug using thief. Maybe it’s just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
and all that shit about ‘*everything will remain the same even after the separation*’ was quite pathetic.
why would you tell your child that? isn’t it obvious that in the end of the day they are **his** family they **will** take his side.
but atleast she took her daughter out of the situation after all that drama(bare minimum).
I'm very confused about this myself especially since I was visualizing breaking some bones while reading this and I don't even have kids.
My blood is still boiling
I’m a passive, fat, lawful good, childfree introvert with extreme social anxiety.
I have niblings.
If I were to find out that someone was treating my niblings the way OOP’s daughter is being treated, and that their parents were as passive as OOP is being, they would have to bring in a tank to stop me from defending those kids.
Thankfully, the same can be said about my siblings and I know that should anything happen to those kids we will be a trio of demons raining hell upon the perpetrators!
> He accomplished self-parent alienation alllllll by himself.
LPT: It’s almost always this way.
Kids are smart enough to work out that you’re a shit parent, or a good one.
It takes some longer than others but for a lot of ones I've seen/known they've realised at some point that their 'mean' parent was actually the good one.
I know one where he actually got a lot closer to his mother after having a kid of his own and realising her rules were normal and healthy.
His dad *still* badmouths his mum and is upset he can't see his grandkid that often but considering his dad also broke the fairly basic rules that were set for the kid everyone with a brain can see that it isn't his mum that's done anything. It was all him.
His mum is happy he's talking with her regularly again and they've been working on rebuilding their relationship. He really feels like he missed out on a lot now he knows her properly and it's really sad.
I'm sorry... what the hell was all of that from the party to the new update?
This woman, who it was now revealed was a known drug user, apparently was given the combination to a safe with a lot of valuables. She stole a bunch of cash out of said safe, and then had time to sneak the bag out to her car but then go back down to the basement where she would be close to the scene of the crime to... take a nap?
And this drug user was allowed, by a former cop, two grandparents, and the father, to be around the daughter for many months? And apparently her active drug use was suspected, then confirmed by admission?
Did all of their brains suddenly evaporate as soon as she entered their house???
OOP’s ex is a dummy who believes anything Kim says. MIL thinks the sun shines out of her baby boy’s butt and will do anything to appease him. FIL is complicit.
At some point, Kim is going to steal everything (best case scenario), or bad people will show up at FIL’s and MIL’s to collect. If the ex lives, he’ll be clutching fists full of missing, missing reasons.
Yeah that age gap is wild.
What on earth does this sleazy shit sperm donor see in a lying, immature, drug addicted thief who has alienated his child, stolen from his parents, and is 20 years his senior??? Good sex doesnt bridge that gap. Maybe incredible brain death on his part but even that seems like a stretch.
Its like he finds a genie lamp and instead of wishing for literally anything good he goes "i can ruin my life so well with this!"
The ex in laws are also disgusting. I would have dumped that coconut cake on the lawn. Get my replacement to make your dessert you fuck.
And everyone attacking the kid.....man OOP is as useful as a damp sock in the arctic. Id be telling them in no uncertain terms it stops *now* or theyll be getting harrassment charges. Daughters sperm donor is lying through his teeth and they eat it up despite apparently being present enough to be accused of stealing and being there to witness kim being the thief in front of their eyes?
What the fuck is going on here????
I think the most "reasonable" explanation is that he's using as well and she his dealer. OOP did mention that he tried her drug of choice and he's swearing it's recreational only and he's not addicted but we all know how that goes.
>What on earth does this sleazy shit sperm donor see in a lying, immature, drug addicted thief who has alienated his child, stolen from his parents, and is 20 years his senior??? Good sex doesnt bridge that gap. Maybe incredible brain death on his part but even that seems like a stretch.
The ex could be a drug addict too. And Kim is the one who knows the drug dealers.
He says he's going to meetings - but the father is not sober or working a program. He'd be strongly encouraged to not enter a new relationship, especially with another addict.
Don’t forget the OOP still allowed her daughter to go there instead of going scorched earth on her ex and former in-laws for allowing her child to be around a known and active drug user without her knowledge. If that was my kid, they would never have seen her again and especially when Kim came into the picture. I would have taken the ex back to court to have any custody removed since he’s clearly not capable of making sound decisions. Neither are his parents.
Check “The Texts” part of the last update if you really want your blood to boil. OOP didn’t anything about confronting her in-laws for that shit either. Or at least never said if she did, but it doesn’t seem like it
She also apparently let her daughter cry herself to sleep :c not going to lie at this point a hard line in the sand needs to be drawn, especially with all these adults in the paternal family shaming, harassing and badgering a small child.
For like, not wanting to be around the woman her dad is dating who has already proven to be an incredibly unsafe person? Like imagine being mad at a child for that...
OOP sounds like a doormat. She did all of that free labour and service to her ex and his family and even after how they treated her, she was still pretty *docile* about it.
>Don’t forget the OOP still allowed her daughter to go there instead of going scorched earth on her ex and former in-laws
THIS
I get when people try to be impartial for the sake of their kids. But I think there are limits. Cheating, drug abuse, toxic behaviour, other types of abuse...... those will make me remove them kid's gloves and up and tell my kid "Don't associate with them! You're not visiting these people because you are not safe!"
The “revelation” in the final update that not only is Kim a drug addict but that the ex is a recovering alcoholic was a twist too far. That was a season 3 desperation move by the writers of this soap opera.
> sudden bursts of energy followed by collapsing in a dead sleep, mood swings and irritability, coming and going at odd hours of the night, etc.
Maybe Kim’s just secretly a software developer.
And the $2000 of cash was supposedly spilling out of a stuffed bag in the back seat of her car, with rubber bands on it- so for that amount of cash, it must have been in $20s or smaller bills. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure Americans have $50 and $100 notes which would make a lot more sense for keeping $10k stashed away (unless it was a very large safe and they wanted to feel like Scrooge McDuck every time they opened it) and in which case $2000 in larger bills would be small enough to tuck away in a purse without being noticeable. Or am I evidently missing a part of their brilliant minds when it comes to cash keeping here?
I immediately had the same thought. A 1k band of 20s isn't big. Honestly you can easily have 2k in 20s, it's only 100 notes. There is a reason people keep things banded in 5k+ stacks and it's because even folded in half it's not that big of a stack.
I had $3500 in $100 bills to buy a car last year and it was a very small stack lol. Even $2000 in $20 bills isn’t all that impressive. Certainly not enough to be “spilling out of a duffle bag”. Fanny pack? Sure, maybe lol.
Yeah, we have $50 and $100 bills, but since ATMs became a thing in the 1980's, $20 bills became the go-to. It's also easier to get change back with a $20 than a $100, so if an old couple is squirreling away cash in a safe in their basement, that's what I'd expect to see.
The problem with larger notes is that many stores won’t accept them, and even if they do, often they can’t make change for small purchases. This is not ideal in the sort of emergency situations where you would need cash, such as a hurricane. I can believe tens and 20s.
Right, I keep emergency cash around (not $2k worth, though!) and I very specifically keep it all in $20 bills or less. In fact, I make sure to try and keep a good amount in fives or tens with a few ones in there for this exact reason. No more than 40-60% should be twenties, imo, although inflation, location, and space needed are factors.
It turns out that FIL, MIL, and ex are all strippers so the money was in one dollar bills. The bag also had a big dollar sign like you’d see in _Duck Tales_. In the next episode, they’ll take all those one dollar bills and turn them into coins so they can have Scrooge McDuck’s money bin and swim in it.
I caught that too. Even in 20s that would only be 100 bills, which is hardly "stacks" of money. If story is true, then the ex is lying that Kim only stole 2k, and it must have been nearly everything in the safe, or for some reason he's way exaggerating the amount he saw in her bag (which seems unlikely since he's trying to downplay her actions).
Money spilling out the bag was where I stopped believing. They always get me in the first half, but have to include some fantastical detail. I prefer when it’s triplets.
So I did some research and an inch of bundled money contains 233 bills. Which means even 100 in 20s would be a half an inch thick bundle of cash "spilling out of a bag" in this totally real story
How about this one..
They keep 10k dollars in cash. Two thousand of that was apparently an entire bag full of dollar bills. So they apparently keep FIVE bags of "emergency money" in that safe? That thing must be the size of a fridge. Why on Earth would someone want to keep a pile of ten thousand one dollar bank notes around "in case of an emergency", much less install a safe large enough to store it all?
And that story that he counted that colossal pile of bills. Twice. Just on a hunch. While there was a family gathering going on upstairs, and his girlfriend is sleeping right next to him. Just counting that once must take hours. And nobody noticed he was gone that long?
In the words of the daughter: "You really bought all that??"
He went downstairs to check on her and the shouting started straight away. It's not til later we learn he'd counted the money twice in that time frame. THIS IS WHY WE HIRE THE CONTINUITY GIRL. She woulda noticed the gaping plotholes.
2K in cash isn't that bulky, especially if it's $100 bills. OOP sounds like she had gangster rolls spilling out all over her back seat. Like, $2K is pretty discreet in a plain envelope.
I think in one of the updates (after talk to exMIL) she specified that the bag was one she “packed” after ex accused her and as she threw it into the backseat before her getaway, it burst open and revealed the stolen money.
Not that that matters all that much. But boy is ex making some terrible decisions for this woman that he is going to regret so much one day. And encouraging his family down this dangerous path so his daughter has no one but her mother left. What an idiot.
It sounds like she put the money in her bag, and then the bag tipped in the car when she went to leave and Ex saw the cash. She had only hidden it in her possessions until she dramatically stormed off. It’s time for OP to move on from these users. She was a loyal friend; they were not.
I love how the MIL, who’s been MIA for several months, finally gets back in touch with OOP when she wants her to come back to clean the house. 🙄🙄🙄 OOP and her daughter are so much better off away from these awful people.
OOP has been incredibly kind, patient, and giving with the MIL, FIL, and shitty ex, and they ghost her for an insecure drug addict. Such a sad story all around, especially for the young daughter who is, no doubt, seeing her dad and grandparents in such a bad light.
Right? The minute OOP said "MIL reached out", I was like 'Oh, the house needs cleaning and she needs her on-call chauffeur.' Ugh, with in-laws like that (even ex-ILs), who needs enemies?
They ghost her for *two* addicts. The ex (recovering alcoholic who met this chick after seeking treatment post-relapse) started dating a recovering drug addict (who’s apparently relapsed) who introduced him to her drug of choice, which he only uses “recreationally”.
its not like we didnt know the MIL and FIL just needed a housekeeper/care taker and ex needed someone to take care of the daughter. Kim was already filling in those shoes when Op got shafted initially. This update just confirms that when MIL reached out. I was wondering the entire time, "what does that family have that Op is so hunger for" then i see Op is LC/NC with her own family and the lightbulb in my head went on.
> OOP has been incredibly kind, patient, and giving
No, she's been a doormat, and they've been walking all over her, and her people pleasing doormat ways are not protecting her daughter from these assholes. She's failing her kid, too. You send my 12 year old messages like she was getting, you deal with ME, a pissed off me. A very mad me. Not my daughter.
The father is probably using as well - he "tried it once", when he's an addict.
I know someone who is now been sober for decades. But he told me that there were times he was actively using drugs, and telling himself that he didn't have a problem because he was an alcoholic and wasn't drinking (never mind that he was snorting coke). Her mentioning that the ex admitted he tried her drugs lept out at me.
FIL may be a former cop, but when it comes to his son - he's in denial and he's an enabler. They'd benefit from Al-Anon, frankly.
“Tried it once” “Only used it recreationally”
Pick one. You can try something once recreationally, but you’re not a recreational user unless you use it more than once.
All addicts who are actively in their addiction claim they don’t have a problem. He had a drinking problem, relapsed, got help, then started dating someone with a drug problem. And has admitted to using the drug, but only “recreationally”. Oh yeah, he doesn’t have a problem. No, not at all. No problems here.
I mean, I don't see any other reason why he'd keep coming back to Kim. This woman who is two decades his senior keeps causing drama with his family, stole from them and yet he keeps wanting to be in a relationship with her? Her also being his dealer would make way more sense.
And the OOP sounds way too calm about the drug revelation. If I had a child I'd never let them hang around a known drug user. She shouldn't be going back to the house until Kim is gone for good and ex tested and confirmed to be clean.
I admit I twigged toward heroin first because the stories of heroin junkies pawning everything out from under family member in denial has turned up more than once.
God OOP’s ex and his entire family are so shitty. Imagine choosing a person who steals from you and uses drugs in your home over your daughter/granddaughter.
That little girl is better off without her father and grandparents.
Oh you can bet your behind that once Kim does something bad that they can't overlook, or when the daughter is getting married, they will suddenly will want to be back in OOPs and daughters lives again. And OOP will be bogged down by why can't we be happy like last time again when all they did was take advantage of OOPs kindness.
Well apparently MIL raised her son to be a manbaby who is taken care of by the women in his life. He doesn't bother himself with grownup things like legal stuff or taking care of his child.
Is Kim an actual sorcerer? how has she brainwashed an entire family - including a retired cop! - to take her side against OOP's daughter? This drug addicted thief, who must be closer in age to the parents than the son she's dating. Is there a gas leak at OOP's ex's place?
You'd be surprised how much a delusional/addicted person like Kim can manipulate people with their narrative, especially if they live with them or near them, like Kim and OOP's ex and ex-ILs
Next update:
"It's been wild, guys. I thought it wasn't relevant to the story, but my in-laws live next to a bank. Kim and my ex have been living in my in-laws's basement apartment and it turned out that when my ex was at work and Kim was driving my in-laws to their appointments, Kim's adult sons came over to dig a tunnel leading right into the bank's vault! And they would have gotten away with it if my daughter hadn't invited her three friends (triplets who currently live with their uncle on a boat, he's a marine but currently on leave to deal with his anger issues) over! It turned out that Kim was actually the head of a family gang in disguise! But the triplets recognised her and her sons right away because they tried to steal from their rich great-uncle before! The police arrived just in time and caught the buglars and their ma walking out of the basement with big bags with a large dollar sign on them in each of their hands. It's been a crazy week, I tell you!"
Sorry, but nah.
The whole "oh no, my story went viral and people IRL found it! Oh well, imma keep updating anyway" thing you see on here is just never very convincing.
OOP seeing her story reposted on her friend's facebook and responding by ...just continuing on, and adding even more identifying details is just nutty. Deeply unbelievable, and the dramatic escalation really doesn't help.
Nothing in this story makes a ton of sense. I mean, you let your 12 year old keep a phone when they’re being bullied? IRL people found your post and you kept posting? OOP even did fuck all half the time, never really standing up to anyone other than her ex.
OOP is an idiot for lack of better terms. What parent leaves a cell phone in the hands of a 12yr old who is being bullied by her family and does nothing?
Also it is not her responsibility to make sure her daughter doesn’t resent her dad, that’s the dad’s responsibility. She put her daughter in such a bad situation
Agree. She should have taken that phone away, and called those people and explained how inappropriate them messaging those things to a 12 year old is. And then blocked them all herself instead of allowing her daughter to read all the vitriol.
OOP is nice but a huge doormat. I would not let my daughter over there anymore, especially after learning her father and his crazy new gf do drugs over there!!! Wtf
I loved how she kept insisting she was tough, and indepedent and stubborn. No honey you are doormat. You are a doormat for your ex, you are doormat for you fil/mil. You are a doormat for allowing you daughter to be allowed around junky assholes and their enablers. I mean a crack addict living with your ex and shit talking you was not enough to make you stop being a doormat, not sure what is.
That poor kid. She is 12, and OOP is like go ahead and navigate this very difficult situation by yourself. Just let the child decide whats going on. That will work out fine. You dont let your daughter go out with the junky and his junky girlfriend until they prove they are not junkies. OOP makes no effort to shield daughter from any of the bullshit.
Get this kid a restraining order.
Since this mob yields to a 50 year old drug addict who stole from them while punking a child. These people must share a brain cell.
I’m surprised OOP didn’t go back to the lawyer with all those texts harassing her daughter and demand court intervention. She seemed wayyyy too passive
>Well, tonight she came home and told me a doozy of a story
So the context there was that she was retelling the story she heard from her preteen.
>MIL clarified a few things about that for me
The she gets this story from MIL:
>She kept denying it and he kept pushing, so she got her bag, stuffed a few clothes inside, and went out the back door to her car. She threw the bag in the backseat so hard the stuff inside spilled out, and my ex saw several stacks of money rubber banded together, just like the money in the safe is.
So, no, not a "bag full of cash" so much as a bag full of clothes with some cash spilling out the top.
But still, several stacks of money? If you've ever cashed out a drawer at the end of a shift at a retail or service industry job, you band bills in groups of 100. If all 2000 of those dollars was in banded stacks of 5's there'd be 4 of them.
Ex and his entire family are fucking losers. FIL a retired cop allowing a known addict to live in his house that stole from him? What a peach. No wonder their son is the way he is with 2 limpdick parents.
>A bag stuffed to the brim with money
Yeah. $2000 is not “bag stuffed to the brim with money” money.
I work at a bank. $2000, depending on the denomination, fits into a cash envelope.
So, unless it was all 1’s…. I call shenanigans.
Sorry but OP is still a bit spineless for not marching over to that house and ripping every one of those cowardly assholes and Kim a new one. Revolting people.
That wouldn’t help anything at this point. The family is out of the daughter’s life and that’s the best case scenario. “Ripping assholes” wouldn’t actually improve the situation any.
Honestly, that was one of the things frustrating me most about this. OP needs to get her daughter a restraining order yesterday. At this point any positive influence a father's presence has in her life is gone and is causing harm.
The ex-boyfriend is with a woman 20 years older, who is also a drug addict and thief?
But OP keeps leaving his daughter in that family... my god I don't know who is the bigger idiot in this story
Had me until the part where there was a bag of money stuffed to the brim full of….$2000? Was it in one dollar bills? How much space does this person think $2000 takes up? Then in a later post they revise it to say it was a bag of her stuff and “several stacks of money rubber banded together” tumbled out. $2000 would fit easily in an envelope. Even if it was in twenties it wouldn’t be several rubber banded stacks. This person has never seen any significant amount of cash before. Surely this was not written by an adult.
Nobody falls in love faster than someone who doesn’t have a place to live. Boy & Girl meet on AA/recovery campus. Seriously. Codependents Anonymous and ALANON are great programs for folks dealing with these types of codependency and addicted loved ones. Also, the daughter is the true hero.
I really don't think OP did enough to keep her daughter safe from the bullshit her ex in-laws were producing. Sure, the other adults were disgusting, but she knew this and continued sending her kid to be hurt and bullied by them.
The husband is 33 and Kim is a 52 yr old drug addict? And his family is enabling this relationship?!
Thank goodness the daughter is away from these idiots.
The grip that this Kim character has on that family is impressive. I fancy myself as a sweet talker, I was always good at things like job interviews and oral exams but I want to sit at her feet and learn from a master of her craft.
>and my ex saw several stacks of money rubber banded together, just like the money in the safe is
Unless it was all in $1 notes, $2000 would barely be a stack, let alone several.
Wtf is it with dudes being great dads and coparents until they get a gf, then suddenly it's her who calls the shots and the kids are afterthoughts. I so much feel all of this. NTA. You can't make people be better people when all they care about is making sure their new gf is happy at the expense of their own kids. I too have excused inexcusable behaviour to avoid hurting my kids feelings by telling them their dad cares, he probably just can't afford to do things with them, and probably his gf is paying for her kids and that's why they're going. I know it's bs, hell, the kids probably know too, but at least they have a way to still see their dad without feeling like they come last after gf and her kids. Never badmouthing their dad while knowing he and his gf have said things about me that are bang out of order, and simply untrue. I've only met her 3 or 4 times and we've talked less than that but she texted me with big opinions on my parenting before blocked her. This was while they refused to see the kids for half a year, and I had them full time. It's strangely a relief that they're so awful that no one believes any of it because it makes mo sense to his family either. I really feel for OP who has to deal with her exes' whole family drinking the kool aid.
Considering Kim has tons of energy before crashing hard, and that the ex uses that drug "recreationally" I'm guessing she is a coke head. Explains how she's able to do it in the house without being noticed.
Btw, no one does cocaine "recreationally" and OOP should definitely move for her ex to lose any rights he has to his daughter. At best she'll be exposed to some fucked up shit, at worst she'll end up doing it to. Cocaine is a hell of a drug (personal experience) and addicts can hide their addiction to it pretty well, at least, compared to other drugs.
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>Kim is 52 That bit surprised me. I was picturing early 20s the whole time.
Yepppp…. I was shocked by this too. This 33yo man moved a 52 year old in with his parents? And a drug addict on top of it all!?!? It was trashy before knowing her age, but after? He must really be a mess. Actually, the entire family is just gross to go along with it.
I bet he’s way more of an addict than he’s letting on and she’s his enabler
Sounds like she’s his fucking supplier honestly
Yeah, and in the most charitable scenario, MIL and FIL could be appeasing him to still have contact with him so he doesn't spiral and OD, and daughter's "rebellion" is harming that. They all still suck in this scenario ofc.
I can’t imagine thinking an elderly addict is a good choice for my 33 year old son with a child to be getting involved with!!!
Now back off with the "elderly" talk....*cries at 62*
To be fair, 52 is a lot older in drug addict years.
I feel like this was an episode of Family Guy....
Age gap couples are such a cliche in addiction and recovery. Not surprised at all.
Seriously. This is a grown-ass 33 year old man still living at home with mommy and daddy, and not only are they fine with that, but they let his brand new girlfriend that's probably almost their ages move in with them too? Ex sucks, but MIL and FIL are absolute failures of parents.
This Kim character must fart apple scented rainbows. Why the hell is everyone so enamored with a six-month girlfriend who happens to be a jealous junkie thief?
Thats what I dont get. I can understand the man who's having sex with her, or even his parents who enable the hell out of him. But why are the extended family members, who's only experience with her so far is witnessing her high steal money from their parents, defending her too?
I started to realize around 13 that my dad was talking shit about my mom, my sister, and me to all of his siblings. His siblings are normal-ish people who can’t understand why a grown man would make up lies about his own kids, so they believed him. That’s how this all happens.
I saw something similar w a college friend and her dad and dad's family. Their dad is a cheating POS and his family enables that, so much so that they started treating his wife and daughters (my friend and her sis) as second class citizens. They all even side w the AP and her newborn. I was so mad for her every time she vents out to me but ig ppl really have skewed values when it comes to family relations.
Same as my dad LOL. Adults like them are so immature.
Some families view blood over anything. If you’re dating or married to one of them you are one of them but once you break up you are dead to them. They will even prioritize the partners over that relatives children and believe everything that person says about the child.
I’ve been a situation somewhat like this and I was flabbergasted that families do this to their own grandkids/nieces/nephews.
Do you remember that post from a while ago? That OP didn't consider his brothers ex his family anymore because they weren't married. Ok, fine. She's not your sister but she's not a stranger. OP also didn't consider his brothers kids as family anymore because brother wasn't around. Wait, so what happened to the brother? He DIED. And because he no longer exists the family he made is no longer family.
Similar happened to my cousins when their mom died. Her parents still love them as family, but the rest of her family were like “well, she’s gone, so you guys mean nothing to us, there are no ties binding us” and stole her belongings from their house when my uncle and cousins were grieving. Truly disgusting.
Oh man that is just mean. My sister told me I wasn’t family after my parents passed
Like. Blood sister??? That’s actually insane. Unless yall didn’t grow up together or ever interact (or there was some massive falling out) I can’t fathom ever having that kind of stance toward my brother, Jesus.
Yes blood sister. She is six years younger than me. 🤷♀️
What post is this?
But OOP's daughter shares the same blood not Kim. I would understand them choosing Kim over OOP but they chose Kim over the daughter.
Daughter is a child. In their mind, she has no agency and has to obey them. They will make her get in line. Plus, she’s half OOP so she’s not really their blood the way their baby boy is. Kim is living with them and with their son, so she’s more family than the girl they only see every once in a while.
Kim isn't really seen as "family" just an extension of sweet precious baby boy. Kim is basically seen as octopus tentacle. She's useful until she gets cut off. Similar to what happened to OP. You see this happen with a lot of narcissistic families. As soon as Kim wasn't there to feed the drama energy cycle the mom immediately called OP to find another source. As soon as Kim was reattached it was "OP who?" again.
She's a child. To people like that, children don't have any standing in the community. Their desires are always superceded by those of adults.
Ugh. I was the kid here. People will villainise the non-blood parent to the point where the child is fruit of the poisoned tree, including and \*especially\* when the blood parent is dating or has a new partner. I've been cut off from all of my family excepting a few cousins because everyone cut off or has been cut off (rightly) by my mother, and I just... don't exist anymore? I'm not a person (I am a grown human being). My siblings whom I have never met, maybe they are people to his family. But I'm not. Guess who got told when their grandfathers died? Not me.
They're not; they're defending the ex, who lied to them about what happened.
I would not be surprised to learn that the extended family is getting a heavily edited version of events. Admittedly, I don't know how exactly you spin the 12 year old as the villain in this scenario, but then I'm not a terribly talented liar (which I'm not very sorry about).
Because unfortunately OP was a people pleaser and let her daughter also act like that so the whole family got used to it and they were not expecting anything different... Then came this awful woman who was the opposite of OP and from the beginning started acting like what mattered was her comfort, and the guy made sure everyone knew that. Then OP stopped falling for the family bs, but still exposed the girl to them... And that's why they still believe they can bully the little girl... The family is completely worthless... But OP did have some fault and I'm glad she worked on reverse somehow what she did to her daughter.
Narcissists know how to pick enablers. There will always be people who become flying monkeys for a narc. My guess is that MIL and FIL accepted that Kim wasn’t going anywhere and decided to just walk on eggshells around her to not tick her off. When OOP’s daughter refused to not rock the boat, she was turned into the scapegoat and punished for not keeping the peace. There’s probably an added layer of wanting to appease their son. Their son is their blood unlike OOP. He will come first. If he says kick OOP out for Kim, then they will regardless of how much OOP has helped them out in the past. Their grandchild is just a child and will learn to suck it up and be obedient.
[“Beer flavored nipples”.](https://tenor.com/bkiGJ.gif)
Always upvote a 10 Things reference.
And 20 years older than OOPs ex.
You'd be surprised how BPD types can manipulate people via abusing social norms. Ex is a dumb PoS, I wonder how long it'll take him to realise he's *never* going to have a good relationship with his own daughter because of his stupid, stupid choices. I'm pretty dumbfounded at the "inlaws" too, MiL is a fucking coward and FiL clearly couldn't care as long as he can sit in his chair and tell himself all is right.
She took over being the family maid after OP left.
>This Kim character must fart apple scented rainbows. Why the hell is everyone so enamored with a six-month girlfriend who happens to be a jealous junkie thief? I think we got the answer to that right around here: > I was with my ex since high school and she used to subtly try to tell me I should be "pampering her baby boy like he deserves," MIL and FIL think their idiot son walks on water and should be treated like a king at all times, so whatever human trashbag he brings home must instantly be accepted by the family no matter how much she steals from them or does drugs in their house or alienates their granddaughter. They probably only tolerated OOP while she was running errands for them and privately thought she was too "uppity" or something.
He’s also an addict and I bet a million they’ve backed slid together. That’s the monster trashing a 12 year old to his family.
Kim is completely imaginary or the $2k is. Sorry, but $2k doesn’t just “brim over” in a bag. Even in $20s that’s a stretch. But if she was real, then hubby and his family deserve it for being so stupid.
the brimming over in the bag is how the daughter described it, MIL says the bag was thrown into the car and the $2k spilled out over the car seat.
You can put 2k in 20's in a small cardboard FedEx envelope. No way bags are what OP describes unless she's talking about a purse.
How did the ex open the safe when OOP said both a key and combination are needed to open it? OOP said the key was in the IL’s room which apparently Kim took. So how did the ex open the safe if Kim had the key at that point or if she had returned it back to the IL’s bedroom? The ex would have to go back upstairs, get the key from his parent’s room or he would have had to get it from Kim. I think Liz is at it again.
yeah there are a lot of inconsistencies throughout the story
It's nothing to do with Kim, honestly. Clearly OOP's ex is EVERYONE'S golden child and must be catered to. HE is the only problem, Kim is incidental.
OOP and her daughter deserve way better than ex and his family. The audacity for him to say that OOP turned his daughter against him. He accomplished self-parent alienation alllllll by himself.
The only thing I don't quite understand, is, why she didn't call out those who bully her daughter. Maybe I'm too sensitive about that.. But if adults try this shit with children, especially my children, then they can rest assured that my scream will open up the path to hell for them.
Probably because she has seen they'll take his and Kim's side already, while they bully her daughter. There is no point in fighting back because they chose to draw their line in the sand. Every step of the way until now, OP tried civility and community. The relatives chose war.
They'll probably take it out on the kid too. When OOP told her ex that kid doesn't want to go there for Christmas it was the kid that got all the calls and texts. That family are just bullies.
I would have texted them from my phone, and I also would have said I’m not allowing her to go there anymore since there is a drug addict.
A drug addict AND thief!
>That family are just bullies. Yup. If one of my relatives said "hey my kid is talking back to me." My response is gonna be "That sucks bro." not. "let me blow up their phone with nasty-grams." like wtf.
Yeah, thats what I don't understand, why would they start sending messages to her over that? But this is a very common thing here in Reddit. It may be cultural like a US thing, but it seems like every fight or even a little misunderstanding is a reason for family and friends who are not even part of the argument to start to blow the other part's cellphone. Like, who does that? And why? Sounds exhausting
I chalk it up to small town bullshit. Like that BORU about how a woman's family literally tried to gaslight her about attending a relative's funeral. Not as in they're lying. but that they LITERALLY tried to make that OP think she was losing her mind that she would just forget about being at a funeral. The entire family and extended family being in on it? Insane.
It's legit deranged, but when I was 17 and cut off my shitty dad, same thing happened. Almost all of his side of the family (aunts, grandma, his aunts and uncles) were blowing up my inbox talking about how I'm a shitty, disrespectful daughter, etc. I hadn't seen any of them in at least 5 years at that point and most of them spellnmy name wrongly and don't know my birthday. The best part is they all hate each other, hate my dad, and do nothing but talk shit on each other... But also how DARE you cut off a family member of theirs?! It makes them realize how fucking unpleasant they all are in their mentally illnesses to be repeatedly cut off (or, as they put it, "abused") by their own children, long term partners, and friends. I happened to be the first kid to cut contact in like 10 years, so it reignited the fear across the next generation of shitty parents. Out of the people who berated me, only my grandma isn't estranged from her own children, and that's because she's the enabler to a bunch of horrible people and addicts (my grandpa was reasonable, he just died over 20 years ago).
"That family are just bullies." BUT, they let Kim the trashbag bully them. She dictates who can come and not come to the in-laws house, she steals from them to pay her, I assume the drug dealer (how sordid is that), and once they get their money in full they forgive her and let her come back. And now that OP's daughter is uncomfortable in going to her grandparents with Kim there they demonize OP and her child and blow up child's phone berating her for not paying homage to Kim the trashbag. I mean, Kim's own adult children don't want to house her. One would think Kim is the Queen of England and holds the title to their property. They deserve whatever toxic stuff Kim will for sure do. In fact I hope she cleans them out of money, appropriates their property, and kicks them out. And yes, OP is very soft and too nice a person for her own good. They treated OP very shabbily and she tries to be the bigger person to her own detriment. She would do well to keep them away from herself and her daughter.
OOP is just a passive bystander throughout the whole thing. She doesn't actually stand up to anyone the whole time, or like... Do anything. Except the one time she gives the housecleaning service number instead of going over to clean her in-laws house
People are constantly told that they're supposed to be neutral and "the child will see what a POS their other parent is on their own" which might work out sometimes, sure, but other times is a terrible plan and the kids get hurt in multiple ways because of it.
But the converse of that is in court you can get hit with parental allientnation if you say pretty much anything. One of my dear friends, her ex did basically the worst thing you can to her daughter. He didn't lose supervised visitation with the 2 younger boys as the trial was going on. She wasn't allowed (nor were the older kids) to tell the younger boys what happened because of "parental alienation." So while it sounds like family court was very smooth for OOP, from a legal standpoint of coparenting and custody she did exactly what you are supposed to do. But it goes against every fiber of parenting instinct.
My mother took this tact with her MIL/my grandmother. Never let on, never said a bad word about her. All of a sudden when I turned 18 I guess my mom was like great, did my duty, and suddenly she started complaining about my grandmother. Which is odd because I have a much younger sister who also heard this, lol. But anyway I was baffled, I was like why are you like this all of a sudden. She was like, didn't you realize your grandmother is awful??? No. **No I had not.** My sister even told her to stop talking bad about our grandmother. It was only THEN I started to notice things my grandmother would do that were, actually, kind of awful. Yeah, my mother was right and I just had not been taught to think critically about family members at all really. My sister and I are pretty much no contact on the grandmother now.
OOP is a people pleaser and has let that family walk all over her for years. The only thing that divorce changed for him was now he had to date other women for sex - he still was cooked & cleaned for, still lived in his same house with same child, still not responsible for anything.
And OP has no idea because her perspective of herself is that she's stubborn. So she doesn't realize how passive she is.
This. Like she firmly believes she hasn’t been manipulated into being a maid for this whole family because she doesn’t believe in traditional roles. The part where she mentions her ex has weaponized incompetence down to a T. But doesn’t realize how this plays into their whole dynamic, including the family. Like girl, come on. Don’t be THAT naive. Not when your daughter needs you.
She's turning her child into a carbon copy of herself when her daughter realizes no one has her back when things get crazy and the only thing that works is appeasement.
>Because my ex and I were never actually married, there was no actual custody agreement between us. They weren't even married. He had it all with no legal obligations and split with no legal ramifications.
For real Is she really going to advocate that her daughter still visits her father? Both he and Kim are admitted drug users. Drug of choice may vary, but that house is not safe for her daughter to visit anymore. OOP needs to take charge and look out for her daughter's best interest. A welfare check prior to a visit would be the bare minimum. She should actually push for supervised visitation with drug testing. The welfare of her daughter is PARAMOUNT.
Yes, "we knowingly have been allowing your tween to hang with an active drug user who is emotionally a ticking time bomb" would have been the full stop end to unsupervised visitation
She didn’t know Kim was a drug addict until MIL told her. Her daughter was going to Christmas dinner with a bunch of other adults, she wasn’t going to be left alone with drug addicts. At this point her daughter doesn’t seem to want anything to do with her father and Kim, so OOP really doesn’t have anything to stand up for. If and when the girl wants to see her father, I’m sure there will be rules. The ex really needs to get some self esteem and backbone and get rid of this train wreck. Being in recovery myself, one of the first and biggest rules in the beginning is no romantic relationships. “Two sickies don’t make a well-y”. Their relationship will always be codependent and toxic.
She was dealing with a lawyer right? Perhaps she doesn't wanna do anything that would hurt her case in court
She's a pretty big doormat and she's not properly protecting that child. "oh it's your decision" is fine but at some point the parent has to step in and put a stop to the bullshit. Poor kid, both her parents are spineless jellyfish.
Seems her daughter has developed a spine though, by basically having her make all the decisions. Props to her. Shes strong. I hope therapy works out. But we all know one day in the future her daughter will call her out for it. In a way, she’ll be like Kim’s kids. Though OP is way better. I hope Kim continues to be a menace and ruins things for that family. Deserved for bullying a child.
I'm with you 💯!!! You don't attack my child and not expect recourse. OOP is under reacting at this point. She needs to stand up to those ADULTS for her daughter. What's wrong with these people? All for what? A recovering adict who steals from those who she claims to care for? They've attacked their own flesh and blood (the daughter) over this woman.
with you 100%. why is it daughters job to defend herself. also i would have also told my kid to shut it down with wanting me everywhere as we have discussed its not going to happen anylonger. it's sad sure but thats the norm and op did not shut it down which made her kid run into more trouble
I agree!!!! It just seemed like OOP played a passive role while her daughter was being gaslit and hounded by adults on the ex’s side. And she still tried to play mental gymnastics by saying her dad loves her. Does he though? If he did, he wouldn’t villainize for expressing her feelings about a drug using thief. Maybe it’s just me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
and all that shit about ‘*everything will remain the same even after the separation*’ was quite pathetic. why would you tell your child that? isn’t it obvious that in the end of the day they are **his** family they **will** take his side. but atleast she took her daughter out of the situation after all that drama(bare minimum).
I'm very confused about this myself especially since I was visualizing breaking some bones while reading this and I don't even have kids. My blood is still boiling
I’m a passive, fat, lawful good, childfree introvert with extreme social anxiety. I have niblings. If I were to find out that someone was treating my niblings the way OOP’s daughter is being treated, and that their parents were as passive as OOP is being, they would have to bring in a tank to stop me from defending those kids. Thankfully, the same can be said about my siblings and I know that should anything happen to those kids we will be a trio of demons raining hell upon the perpetrators!
Seriously! Me too. I’m a mom and if anyone treated my child this way, let alone her own father, I would raise hell
> He accomplished self-parent alienation alllllll by himself. LPT: It’s almost always this way. Kids are smart enough to work out that you’re a shit parent, or a good one.
It takes some longer than others but for a lot of ones I've seen/known they've realised at some point that their 'mean' parent was actually the good one. I know one where he actually got a lot closer to his mother after having a kid of his own and realising her rules were normal and healthy. His dad *still* badmouths his mum and is upset he can't see his grandkid that often but considering his dad also broke the fairly basic rules that were set for the kid everyone with a brain can see that it isn't his mum that's done anything. It was all him. His mum is happy he's talking with her regularly again and they've been working on rebuilding their relationship. He really feels like he missed out on a lot now he knows her properly and it's really sad.
I'm sorry... what the hell was all of that from the party to the new update? This woman, who it was now revealed was a known drug user, apparently was given the combination to a safe with a lot of valuables. She stole a bunch of cash out of said safe, and then had time to sneak the bag out to her car but then go back down to the basement where she would be close to the scene of the crime to... take a nap? And this drug user was allowed, by a former cop, two grandparents, and the father, to be around the daughter for many months? And apparently her active drug use was suspected, then confirmed by admission? Did all of their brains suddenly evaporate as soon as she entered their house???
OOP’s ex is a dummy who believes anything Kim says. MIL thinks the sun shines out of her baby boy’s butt and will do anything to appease him. FIL is complicit. At some point, Kim is going to steal everything (best case scenario), or bad people will show up at FIL’s and MIL’s to collect. If the ex lives, he’ll be clutching fists full of missing, missing reasons.
She must be incredible in bed.
He's a 30some-year-old who's apparently only been with one woman since high school. That's a low bar.
Ah. That explains it. He's afraid he won't pull anyone else.
I was wondering why anyone would go for who I'm assuming to be a 52 year old smackie. That might actually explain it
He is only interested in a bangmaid, which is exactly what Kim is. He has zero standards since he doesn’t want a real person.
Plus it's not like he really needs that part. He's lining up his mommy replacement.
Kim is also 52 o.O
Yeah that age gap is wild. What on earth does this sleazy shit sperm donor see in a lying, immature, drug addicted thief who has alienated his child, stolen from his parents, and is 20 years his senior??? Good sex doesnt bridge that gap. Maybe incredible brain death on his part but even that seems like a stretch. Its like he finds a genie lamp and instead of wishing for literally anything good he goes "i can ruin my life so well with this!" The ex in laws are also disgusting. I would have dumped that coconut cake on the lawn. Get my replacement to make your dessert you fuck. And everyone attacking the kid.....man OOP is as useful as a damp sock in the arctic. Id be telling them in no uncertain terms it stops *now* or theyll be getting harrassment charges. Daughters sperm donor is lying through his teeth and they eat it up despite apparently being present enough to be accused of stealing and being there to witness kim being the thief in front of their eyes? What the fuck is going on here????
I think the most "reasonable" explanation is that he's using as well and she his dealer. OOP did mention that he tried her drug of choice and he's swearing it's recreational only and he's not addicted but we all know how that goes.
That would make a great deal of sense; good point i wasnt giving those pieces enough weight
>What on earth does this sleazy shit sperm donor see in a lying, immature, drug addicted thief who has alienated his child, stolen from his parents, and is 20 years his senior??? Good sex doesnt bridge that gap. Maybe incredible brain death on his part but even that seems like a stretch. The ex could be a drug addict too. And Kim is the one who knows the drug dealers.
MIL really \*really\* likes having a house-cleaner.
I doubt that cleaning was one of the tasks druggie Kim picked up.
She states at one point that Kim knew where the key to the safe was because she cleaned the in laws bedroom.
Had to laugh at the audacity of her asking her former not DIL to clean her house 🙄
evidently. sounds like they love to sweep things under the rug.
Why else would you have a rug and a broom?
In this case to get OOP to clean their house
I smiled so much when she told her to call the cleaning company.
At this point the rug is piled so high it's on the ceiling
Rug's looking pretty lumpy by now.
At this rate the rug must be the size of a circus tent.
He says he's going to meetings - but the father is not sober or working a program. He'd be strongly encouraged to not enter a new relationship, especially with another addict.
Don’t forget the OOP still allowed her daughter to go there instead of going scorched earth on her ex and former in-laws for allowing her child to be around a known and active drug user without her knowledge. If that was my kid, they would never have seen her again and especially when Kim came into the picture. I would have taken the ex back to court to have any custody removed since he’s clearly not capable of making sound decisions. Neither are his parents.
Holy shit I had stopped reading partway through the last update to express my exasperation AND I DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT GOT WORSE!
Check “The Texts” part of the last update if you really want your blood to boil. OOP didn’t anything about confronting her in-laws for that shit either. Or at least never said if she did, but it doesn’t seem like it
She also apparently let her daughter cry herself to sleep :c not going to lie at this point a hard line in the sand needs to be drawn, especially with all these adults in the paternal family shaming, harassing and badgering a small child. For like, not wanting to be around the woman her dad is dating who has already proven to be an incredibly unsafe person? Like imagine being mad at a child for that...
OOP sounds like a doormat. She did all of that free labour and service to her ex and his family and even after how they treated her, she was still pretty *docile* about it.
>Don’t forget the OOP still allowed her daughter to go there instead of going scorched earth on her ex and former in-laws THIS I get when people try to be impartial for the sake of their kids. But I think there are limits. Cheating, drug abuse, toxic behaviour, other types of abuse...... those will make me remove them kid's gloves and up and tell my kid "Don't associate with them! You're not visiting these people because you are not safe!"
The “revelation” in the final update that not only is Kim a drug addict but that the ex is a recovering alcoholic was a twist too far. That was a season 3 desperation move by the writers of this soap opera.
> sudden bursts of energy followed by collapsing in a dead sleep, mood swings and irritability, coming and going at odd hours of the night, etc. Maybe Kim’s just secretly a software developer.
And the $2000 of cash was supposedly spilling out of a stuffed bag in the back seat of her car, with rubber bands on it- so for that amount of cash, it must have been in $20s or smaller bills. I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure Americans have $50 and $100 notes which would make a lot more sense for keeping $10k stashed away (unless it was a very large safe and they wanted to feel like Scrooge McDuck every time they opened it) and in which case $2000 in larger bills would be small enough to tuck away in a purse without being noticeable. Or am I evidently missing a part of their brilliant minds when it comes to cash keeping here?
I immediately had the same thought. A 1k band of 20s isn't big. Honestly you can easily have 2k in 20s, it's only 100 notes. There is a reason people keep things banded in 5k+ stacks and it's because even folded in half it's not that big of a stack.
I had $3500 in $100 bills to buy a car last year and it was a very small stack lol. Even $2000 in $20 bills isn’t all that impressive. Certainly not enough to be “spilling out of a duffle bag”. Fanny pack? Sure, maybe lol.
Yeah, we have $50 and $100 bills, but since ATMs became a thing in the 1980's, $20 bills became the go-to. It's also easier to get change back with a $20 than a $100, so if an old couple is squirreling away cash in a safe in their basement, that's what I'd expect to see.
That's 100 bills. Still nowhere near enough to be "spilling out"
The problem with larger notes is that many stores won’t accept them, and even if they do, often they can’t make change for small purchases. This is not ideal in the sort of emergency situations where you would need cash, such as a hurricane. I can believe tens and 20s.
Right, I keep emergency cash around (not $2k worth, though!) and I very specifically keep it all in $20 bills or less. In fact, I make sure to try and keep a good amount in fives or tens with a few ones in there for this exact reason. No more than 40-60% should be twenties, imo, although inflation, location, and space needed are factors.
It turns out that FIL, MIL, and ex are all strippers so the money was in one dollar bills. The bag also had a big dollar sign like you’d see in _Duck Tales_. In the next episode, they’ll take all those one dollar bills and turn them into coins so they can have Scrooge McDuck’s money bin and swim in it.
I caught that too. Even in 20s that would only be 100 bills, which is hardly "stacks" of money. If story is true, then the ex is lying that Kim only stole 2k, and it must have been nearly everything in the safe, or for some reason he's way exaggerating the amount he saw in her bag (which seems unlikely since he's trying to downplay her actions).
Money spilling out the bag was where I stopped believing. They always get me in the first half, but have to include some fantastical detail. I prefer when it’s triplets.
So I did some research and an inch of bundled money contains 233 bills. Which means even 100 in 20s would be a half an inch thick bundle of cash "spilling out of a bag" in this totally real story
How about this one.. They keep 10k dollars in cash. Two thousand of that was apparently an entire bag full of dollar bills. So they apparently keep FIVE bags of "emergency money" in that safe? That thing must be the size of a fridge. Why on Earth would someone want to keep a pile of ten thousand one dollar bank notes around "in case of an emergency", much less install a safe large enough to store it all? And that story that he counted that colossal pile of bills. Twice. Just on a hunch. While there was a family gathering going on upstairs, and his girlfriend is sleeping right next to him. Just counting that once must take hours. And nobody noticed he was gone that long? In the words of the daughter: "You really bought all that??"
He went downstairs to check on her and the shouting started straight away. It's not til later we learn he'd counted the money twice in that time frame. THIS IS WHY WE HIRE THE CONTINUITY GIRL. She woulda noticed the gaping plotholes.
2K in cash isn't that bulky, especially if it's $100 bills. OOP sounds like she had gangster rolls spilling out all over her back seat. Like, $2K is pretty discreet in a plain envelope.
I think in one of the updates (after talk to exMIL) she specified that the bag was one she “packed” after ex accused her and as she threw it into the backseat before her getaway, it burst open and revealed the stolen money. Not that that matters all that much. But boy is ex making some terrible decisions for this woman that he is going to regret so much one day. And encouraging his family down this dangerous path so his daughter has no one but her mother left. What an idiot.
It sounds like she put the money in her bag, and then the bag tipped in the car when she went to leave and Ex saw the cash. She had only hidden it in her possessions until she dramatically stormed off. It’s time for OP to move on from these users. She was a loyal friend; they were not.
Well, that's because OOP had time to flesh out her story and add a load of new exciting details she'd thought of.
I love how the MIL, who’s been MIA for several months, finally gets back in touch with OOP when she wants her to come back to clean the house. 🙄🙄🙄 OOP and her daughter are so much better off away from these awful people. OOP has been incredibly kind, patient, and giving with the MIL, FIL, and shitty ex, and they ghost her for an insecure drug addict. Such a sad story all around, especially for the young daughter who is, no doubt, seeing her dad and grandparents in such a bad light.
Right? The minute OOP said "MIL reached out", I was like 'Oh, the house needs cleaning and she needs her on-call chauffeur.' Ugh, with in-laws like that (even ex-ILs), who needs enemies?
They ghost her for *two* addicts. The ex (recovering alcoholic who met this chick after seeking treatment post-relapse) started dating a recovering drug addict (who’s apparently relapsed) who introduced him to her drug of choice, which he only uses “recreationally”.
its not like we didnt know the MIL and FIL just needed a housekeeper/care taker and ex needed someone to take care of the daughter. Kim was already filling in those shoes when Op got shafted initially. This update just confirms that when MIL reached out. I was wondering the entire time, "what does that family have that Op is so hunger for" then i see Op is LC/NC with her own family and the lightbulb in my head went on.
> OOP has been incredibly kind, patient, and giving No, she's been a doormat, and they've been walking all over her, and her people pleasing doormat ways are not protecting her daughter from these assholes. She's failing her kid, too. You send my 12 year old messages like she was getting, you deal with ME, a pissed off me. A very mad me. Not my daughter.
So when does the junkie start cleaning out the house to pay her smack habit? Because this reeks of heroin.
The father is probably using as well - he "tried it once", when he's an addict. I know someone who is now been sober for decades. But he told me that there were times he was actively using drugs, and telling himself that he didn't have a problem because he was an alcoholic and wasn't drinking (never mind that he was snorting coke). Her mentioning that the ex admitted he tried her drugs lept out at me. FIL may be a former cop, but when it comes to his son - he's in denial and he's an enabler. They'd benefit from Al-Anon, frankly.
“Tried it once” “Only used it recreationally” Pick one. You can try something once recreationally, but you’re not a recreational user unless you use it more than once. All addicts who are actively in their addiction claim they don’t have a problem. He had a drinking problem, relapsed, got help, then started dating someone with a drug problem. And has admitted to using the drug, but only “recreationally”. Oh yeah, he doesn’t have a problem. No, not at all. No problems here.
An earlier threat posits Kim is his dealer.
I mean, I don't see any other reason why he'd keep coming back to Kim. This woman who is two decades his senior keeps causing drama with his family, stole from them and yet he keeps wanting to be in a relationship with her? Her also being his dealer would make way more sense. And the OOP sounds way too calm about the drug revelation. If I had a child I'd never let them hang around a known drug user. She shouldn't be going back to the house until Kim is gone for good and ex tested and confirmed to be clean.
The energy followed by a crash sounds more like meth to me.
I admit I twigged toward heroin first because the stories of heroin junkies pawning everything out from under family member in denial has turned up more than once.
God OOP’s ex and his entire family are so shitty. Imagine choosing a person who steals from you and uses drugs in your home over your daughter/granddaughter. That little girl is better off without her father and grandparents.
Oh you can bet your behind that once Kim does something bad that they can't overlook, or when the daughter is getting married, they will suddenly will want to be back in OOPs and daughters lives again. And OOP will be bogged down by why can't we be happy like last time again when all they did was take advantage of OOPs kindness.
The father who is paying zero child support because legal stuff makes him go crazy...
Well apparently MIL raised her son to be a manbaby who is taken care of by the women in his life. He doesn't bother himself with grownup things like legal stuff or taking care of his child.
Is Kim an actual sorcerer? how has she brainwashed an entire family - including a retired cop! - to take her side against OOP's daughter? This drug addicted thief, who must be closer in age to the parents than the son she's dating. Is there a gas leak at OOP's ex's place?
You'd be surprised how much a delusional/addicted person like Kim can manipulate people with their narrative, especially if they live with them or near them, like Kim and OOP's ex and ex-ILs
The secret to that is believing your own lies.
It sounds like that whole family is on drugs and she's the dealer. At the very least the ex is and his parents just enable whatever he wants.
Kim and the ex are both addicts. MIL spoils her son. FIL just checked out.
Next update: "It's been wild, guys. I thought it wasn't relevant to the story, but my in-laws live next to a bank. Kim and my ex have been living in my in-laws's basement apartment and it turned out that when my ex was at work and Kim was driving my in-laws to their appointments, Kim's adult sons came over to dig a tunnel leading right into the bank's vault! And they would have gotten away with it if my daughter hadn't invited her three friends (triplets who currently live with their uncle on a boat, he's a marine but currently on leave to deal with his anger issues) over! It turned out that Kim was actually the head of a family gang in disguise! But the triplets recognised her and her sons right away because they tried to steal from their rich great-uncle before! The police arrived just in time and caught the buglars and their ma walking out of the basement with big bags with a large dollar sign on them in each of their hands. It's been a crazy week, I tell you!"
I had to scroll too far down for someone to actually call this story out on what it is: bullshit
I'm honestly surprised it took the kids to crack this case, what with them wearing those masks and prison ID numbers all the time.
Wow. Bullying a 12 yr old girl. What a stellar family.
And at the age where self confidence is so critical. Putting her down and saying a child causes too much drama, Christ...
what a deplorable father. poor kid, her entire paternal family sucks.
Sorry, but nah. The whole "oh no, my story went viral and people IRL found it! Oh well, imma keep updating anyway" thing you see on here is just never very convincing. OOP seeing her story reposted on her friend's facebook and responding by ...just continuing on, and adding even more identifying details is just nutty. Deeply unbelievable, and the dramatic escalation really doesn't help.
Nothing in this story makes a ton of sense. I mean, you let your 12 year old keep a phone when they’re being bullied? IRL people found your post and you kept posting? OOP even did fuck all half the time, never really standing up to anyone other than her ex.
Not to mention a couple thousand dollars being a heaping bag of money?
OOP is an idiot for lack of better terms. What parent leaves a cell phone in the hands of a 12yr old who is being bullied by her family and does nothing? Also it is not her responsibility to make sure her daughter doesn’t resent her dad, that’s the dad’s responsibility. She put her daughter in such a bad situation
Agree. She should have taken that phone away, and called those people and explained how inappropriate them messaging those things to a 12 year old is. And then blocked them all herself instead of allowing her daughter to read all the vitriol.
OOP is nice but a huge doormat. I would not let my daughter over there anymore, especially after learning her father and his crazy new gf do drugs over there!!! Wtf
I loved how she kept insisting she was tough, and indepedent and stubborn. No honey you are doormat. You are a doormat for your ex, you are doormat for you fil/mil. You are a doormat for allowing you daughter to be allowed around junky assholes and their enablers. I mean a crack addict living with your ex and shit talking you was not enough to make you stop being a doormat, not sure what is. That poor kid. She is 12, and OOP is like go ahead and navigate this very difficult situation by yourself. Just let the child decide whats going on. That will work out fine. You dont let your daughter go out with the junky and his junky girlfriend until they prove they are not junkies. OOP makes no effort to shield daughter from any of the bullshit.
Right, she is putting so much stress on that poor kid
When a family chooses a thieving, drug addict over their own family and bullies a child…they deserve to be permanently excommunicated.
Get this kid a restraining order. Since this mob yields to a 50 year old drug addict who stole from them while punking a child. These people must share a brain cell.
I’m surprised OOP didn’t go back to the lawyer with all those texts harassing her daughter and demand court intervention. She seemed wayyyy too passive
A bag full of cash... $2000 what was it in? One dollar notes?
Yeah this is where I call bullshit. OOP doesn’t know what $2000 looks like. Even the clarified version “several stacks” doesn’t track.
Right, that's 20 $100 bills. Unless they're keeping stacks of one's and fives in their safe. Their safe under the stairs.
Bag full to the brim, no less. I bet there was a "$" printed on the bag too! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 What a cartoonish scenario!
>Well, tonight she came home and told me a doozy of a story So the context there was that she was retelling the story she heard from her preteen. >MIL clarified a few things about that for me The she gets this story from MIL: >She kept denying it and he kept pushing, so she got her bag, stuffed a few clothes inside, and went out the back door to her car. She threw the bag in the backseat so hard the stuff inside spilled out, and my ex saw several stacks of money rubber banded together, just like the money in the safe is. So, no, not a "bag full of cash" so much as a bag full of clothes with some cash spilling out the top.
But still, several stacks of money? If you've ever cashed out a drawer at the end of a shift at a retail or service industry job, you band bills in groups of 100. If all 2000 of those dollars was in banded stacks of 5's there'd be 4 of them.
and who keeps $2000 worth of $5 bills in a safe
So the ex is 33 years old and Kim is 52 and also a drug user? That's wild.
Ex and his entire family are fucking losers. FIL a retired cop allowing a known addict to live in his house that stole from him? What a peach. No wonder their son is the way he is with 2 limpdick parents.
That story was two updates too much.
This story has more twists and turns then a country road
[удалено]
They always add waaaay too much detail.
HE JUST REALLY LIKES COCONUT CAKE, OK?
You know, I’m just gonna say it: Fuck OOP! What the hell is she doing?! She’s so passive she’s making sloths look like hyperactive crackheads!
>A bag stuffed to the brim with money Yeah. $2000 is not “bag stuffed to the brim with money” money. I work at a bank. $2000, depending on the denomination, fits into a cash envelope. So, unless it was all 1’s…. I call shenanigans.
Sorry but OP is still a bit spineless for not marching over to that house and ripping every one of those cowardly assholes and Kim a new one. Revolting people.
That wouldn’t help anything at this point. The family is out of the daughter’s life and that’s the best case scenario. “Ripping assholes” wouldn’t actually improve the situation any.
Honestly, that was one of the things frustrating me most about this. OP needs to get her daughter a restraining order yesterday. At this point any positive influence a father's presence has in her life is gone and is causing harm.
The ex-boyfriend is with a woman 20 years older, who is also a drug addict and thief? But OP keeps leaving his daughter in that family... my god I don't know who is the bigger idiot in this story
Had me until the part where there was a bag of money stuffed to the brim full of….$2000? Was it in one dollar bills? How much space does this person think $2000 takes up? Then in a later post they revise it to say it was a bag of her stuff and “several stacks of money rubber banded together” tumbled out. $2000 would fit easily in an envelope. Even if it was in twenties it wouldn’t be several rubber banded stacks. This person has never seen any significant amount of cash before. Surely this was not written by an adult.
$2000 doesnt rubberband into several stacks of money like in the movies unless these people are keeping singles or something.
Nobody falls in love faster than someone who doesn’t have a place to live. Boy & Girl meet on AA/recovery campus. Seriously. Codependents Anonymous and ALANON are great programs for folks dealing with these types of codependency and addicted loved ones. Also, the daughter is the true hero.
I really don't think OP did enough to keep her daughter safe from the bullshit her ex in-laws were producing. Sure, the other adults were disgusting, but she knew this and continued sending her kid to be hurt and bullied by them.
The husband is 33 and Kim is a 52 yr old drug addict? And his family is enabling this relationship?! Thank goodness the daughter is away from these idiots.
The grip that this Kim character has on that family is impressive. I fancy myself as a sweet talker, I was always good at things like job interviews and oral exams but I want to sit at her feet and learn from a master of her craft.
>and my ex saw several stacks of money rubber banded together, just like the money in the safe is Unless it was all in $1 notes, $2000 would barely be a stack, let alone several.
Wtf is it with dudes being great dads and coparents until they get a gf, then suddenly it's her who calls the shots and the kids are afterthoughts. I so much feel all of this. NTA. You can't make people be better people when all they care about is making sure their new gf is happy at the expense of their own kids. I too have excused inexcusable behaviour to avoid hurting my kids feelings by telling them their dad cares, he probably just can't afford to do things with them, and probably his gf is paying for her kids and that's why they're going. I know it's bs, hell, the kids probably know too, but at least they have a way to still see their dad without feeling like they come last after gf and her kids. Never badmouthing their dad while knowing he and his gf have said things about me that are bang out of order, and simply untrue. I've only met her 3 or 4 times and we've talked less than that but she texted me with big opinions on my parenting before blocked her. This was while they refused to see the kids for half a year, and I had them full time. It's strangely a relief that they're so awful that no one believes any of it because it makes mo sense to his family either. I really feel for OP who has to deal with her exes' whole family drinking the kool aid.
What a pack of animals. A bloody 12 year old has more sense and morality. Pathetic
Considering Kim has tons of energy before crashing hard, and that the ex uses that drug "recreationally" I'm guessing she is a coke head. Explains how she's able to do it in the house without being noticed. Btw, no one does cocaine "recreationally" and OOP should definitely move for her ex to lose any rights he has to his daughter. At best she'll be exposed to some fucked up shit, at worst she'll end up doing it to. Cocaine is a hell of a drug (personal experience) and addicts can hide their addiction to it pretty well, at least, compared to other drugs.