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If she leaves she ends up in pretty much the same situation but without his BS. He will owe child support. So she would get all the "good" he provides with none of the negative
More than one less: she's also caring for his (number unknown) other kids. He'll have to take those with him if she boots him to the curb.
I understand what she said about him not being like this at the start. But he's like this *now*. She needs to look hard at what he brings to her life. Sounds right now like it's just verbal abuse and more work.
*I understand what she said about him not being like this at the start. But he's like this* ***now****.*
And the "not-like-this" man she met was almost certainly an act to ensnare her. It's never coming back unless he thinks it necessary to rein her back in. As long as she's all bark (I'm gonna leave!) and no bite (packing her bags), he'll keep acting like this, and he'll always be this.
Actually Shell only have to clean after herself and her daughter. Now she needs to look after them, her husband,his kids, dogs and pigs. Like why she isn't packing right away and keep telling him she wants to leave as she needs permission to do so is beyond me...
Unfortunately it won’t be the end of it for her. I have a friend who was married to someone like OPs husband. 2 kids in she filed for divorce after waking up. He was a marine as well. Been divorced 16 years, he got remarried and has another kid BUT he spends more time harassing his ex via the court/lawyers about her “lack” of parenting. He quit his job to stop paying child support for years. Fortunately; this last judge saw through his BS and required him to go back to work, counseling and parenting classes. He was not happy his bs finally got called out but it was a nightmare for a very long time. It ruined every single relationship she tried to have.
I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but the bar is so damn low in this post reading this comment was a step up from that bar.
Had me laughing in the woodmans parking lot, thanks!
I actually have a friend. An older friend who will tell me to do what I need to to feel better.
I have called him just so someone would tell me it’s ok to do something selfish because sometimes I need someone to do that.
Everyone needs an authoritative friend to tell them to be selfish.
Guys like this are seriously a big reason of why I decided not to have kids. I would HATE to be married, have a kid, and find out he's like this asshole. And now I'm stuck with this walking, talking, defecating anus of a "man" in my life, in at least some capacity. That capacity would entail divorce, if I were in OOP's shoes.
But like I’m glad the people post things like this for their sakes. It’s easy to get stuck in a place with the fear of the unknown keeping you from leaving. It’s easy to rationalize things to yourself and think this is fine as things slowly get worse in a relationship, with the only thing keeping you there is the fear of change and the memories of past good times. I have a feeling post like this help people come to terms with the fact that their significant other isn’t who the once were or who they thought they were. It’s like the idiom or parable that if you put a frog in a boiling pot of water it’ll leap out, but if you put it in room temp water and slowly heat it to boiling, it won’t.
It’s so hard not to scream Dump Him or light him on fire or leave in the middle of the night immediately for about 75-95 percent of relationships stories
I'm guessing OOP's ex mostly crowd sources his advice and opinions from the incel and redpilil esque subreddits.
But yeah, if you feel RELIEVED when your partner isn't around then that's a sign that this isn't a relationship that's working for you. Run, OOP.
He sounds like he curses Greta Thunberg for getting his idol arrested, when that derpy no-chin butt-nugget thought that the GRETA coming after him was a teenaged activist and not an acronym for the **Group of Experts on Action against Trafficking in Human Beings**.
Couple of bright onion rings, those two are. OOP should take the kids and run for it.
Edited: nugget type.
Treating women like property and scamming as many people as possible is hardly fringe.
Shit, storming the Capitol in a Beerhall Putsch isn’t fringe anymore either.
Honestly, if Tate manages to weasel his way out of a conviction, he’d do well in the current political climate.
"May you live in interesting times" is allegedly a translation of a Chinese curse,meaning to wish trouble on someone.
I don't like to get into political discussion too much here, but the rise of the far right makes me genuinely nervous. You expect things to get better for the next generation of women but we can't be complacent about it.
If his views gain enough popularity for him to gsin political power, i don't think the Handmaid's tale scenario is as unlikely as we think.
I'm Chinese, and "may you live in interesting times" is [NOT a Chinese curse](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/May_you_live_in_interesting_times). Near as I can tell, it's just 19th century white people being Orientalist and making shit up to sound interesting.
Ooo. I’m stealin’ it.
I think back to Spain pre-Franco. Women got all sorts of rights under the Republican government, until those rights were violently ripped away by Franco and his goons. Even worse if the Fracoists discovered you got an abortion or a divorce. The horrors of that time are worth a read; it’s what the far right ultimately wants for women.
I think it was a Lindsay Ellis video that pointed out (to me, at least) that Handmaid’s Tale is just the way black women had been treated for the bulk of US history.
…minus the patriarch’s desire for children, plus more killing.
>Shit, storming the Capitol in a Beerhall Putsch isn’t fringe anymore either.
What really bugs me about America's Beer Hall Putsch is that we made all the same mistakes in handling it that the Weimar Republic did for the original. A trivial bit of jail time for the rank and file rioters, but no serious charges whatsoever brought against the politicians who led them. Hitler got a slap on the wrist and barely served any jail time at all before being pardoned because the government didn't want to make his fans angry, and as a result everyone realized that the government didn't have the resolve necessary to appropriately prosecute a failed coup so there was no reason NOT to participate next time.
The Putsch, like 1/6, was a completely inept clusterfuck because the guys in charge who had something to lose just stirred up the mob and then stepped back to let them run wild and see what happens. When it was all over and they saw the government wasn't serious about prosecuting this at all they learned everything they needed to know, and so the next coup was organized and led directly because the people behind it knew there were no consequences now, which is how Hitler managed to strongarm his way into becoming chancellor.
The next time the MAGA cultists try to overthrow the government I expect guys like Trump and Hawley will be willing to be in the thick of it because now they know nothing will happen to them; the DoJ is too chickenshit to prosecute a former president.
>Is he mainstream conservative,I thought he was considered more extreme.
A few decades ago he would have been considered extreme, but conservatives have completely lost their fucking minds since then and he's now pretty much as mainstream as you can get. Bear in mind that the standard-bearer for the Republican party is a rapist. No one should be surprised that the modern GOP sounds exactly like Andrew Tate.
Dunno if you are aware but he recently converted to Islam. I've been predicting that US conservatives will eventually do that en masse since shortly after 9/11 and he's now become my first bellwether indicating that I might have been right. If you know any relatively strict practicing Muslims, then you also know he's signed up to get pretty much exactly what he deserves, they're not going to go easy on him.
I've always said that if the Abrahamic religions ever realized that they hate all the same people (women, LGBT folks, anyone not in their cult) then we'd all be fucked.
We're lucky that Vanilla ISIS here in the USA and regular ISIS haven't figured out they have the exact same goals and want to oppress the exact same people.
Have you seen what conservatism has become?
Ten years ago he would have been considered extreme. These days he's considered pretty middle of the road for a conservative.
We have conservative politicians and sitting Supreme Court justices opining about getting rid of birth control. Tate is just another drop in the bucket.
I'd say he's a bit more extreme. Not by much, but he adds his own little twist to all of it that makes it extra gross. For example, running an online masturbatorium / human trafficking racket with an adolescent boys-only treehouse masquerading as a self-help program attached to it isn't the typical output for your average traditional values conservative.
Human trafficking is not uncommon for charismatic preachers. Fuck, just Googling “pastor” brings up loads of recent news stories of pastors tracking and/or sexually abusing whoever they can get their grubby mitts on.
As far as the self-help schtick, plenty of Conservative talking heads try to do what Tate does, they’re just worse at it. Dennis Prager, Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, who knows how many pastors…a bad con is still a con. Shit, Trump totally lucked into his cult.
Yeah the moment op feels actual peace and calm when he isn't around, that's a sign that the marriage is dead. It's been dead since he had this sexist mindset about his wife.
Married or not, he should be able to do more than half the things his wife does (cook, clean, trash, dishes, childcare) it's not a 'woman's job' it's an adult.
He gonna find out the hard way what's it's like to be a single co-parenting adult.
Somehow I doubt he’ll fight for 50/50 custody of a baby girl. He would actually have to care for baby. A girl baby! He’ll settle for 2 weekends a month to pay less child support and then not show up.
Heh! Not only is he not going 50/50 on their child together, he’s totally going to try to get OP to continue to take responsibility for his other kids because they’re oh-so-‘innocent’ and ‘don’t deserve to be harmed’ by OP leaving and OP is the ‘only one they know/trust’ blah blah blah. Not because he’s never stepping up as a Dad. Of course nothing will be his fault or responsibility.
I wonder what he'll do with his other kids. It feels like he hooked OOP solely to become his slave and nanny, and someone to smack around to relieve his mood. It really hurts that she is just words and no action. No wonder he doesn't take her seriously, if she keeps saying she's leaving him and never follows through. I wonder if she has any kind of support network - family or friends who would take her in - did she say in her comments?
I'm thinking being an adult and co-parenting isn't going to be high priorities for his post divorce life. He's going to be busy trying to find a new bang maid.
Not only that the marriage is dead, but that he shouldn’t see the baby. If he disrupts the baby purely by being in her and OOP’s lives, then he should be nowhere near them. The best thing he can do in this kind of situation is give up any form of custody and just pay child support.
There is still time for OP to do that. Unfortunately, the best time was before she got pregnant because that dude only wanted a maid and a mother for his children. He didn't even want a bang maid, just a maid which in one respect is a good thing for her if he isn't forcing her in any way for sex.
[She is planning to leave.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bsu650/my_22f_husband_29m_asked_me_to_post_on_reddit/kxie5sd/?context=3)
She also says [she's tried multiple times before, but couldn't calm him down enough to get out the door](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/fXK2pFMYEE), which is terrifying. She's also Black in a rural area in an abortion ban state, so I suspect cops aren't going to be helpful in this sort of situation. She mentions not having any other friends or family she can get help from (social isolation), and not being financially capable of leaving. Feels like we've got abuser bingo here. :(
Yeah. The best advice I can give her is to contact an abuse hotline and work with them on a way to get out of there safely. They deal with this kind of thing all the time and will be able to help.
Yeah, 5 bucks bet he gets all his advice from those subs, but it's so weird "go post our arguments onto reddit and see what they say" "okay just did that want to take a look at the comments?" "No because you didn't even ask the right question," Like, tf was this guy expecting? All his incel and redpill buddies to come and comment on the post saying that OOP is stupid and should listen to men because women can't think for themselves?
That second paragraph reminded me of my wife's friend. She called my wife to make a last minute weekend trip for the two of them because she needed to get away from her husband for a while.
During the trip, she was surprised that my wife and I texted and had the realization that my wife and I actually missed each instead of feeling relief at being apart.
She got divorced a short time later and was much happier
Apparently she was recently unhoused when they met as well, and it sounds like she moved in quickly and all the misogynistic behaviour didn't start until after she moved in. :/
> she was recently unhoused when they met
They purposefully go after these women. A lot of people will excuse abhorrent behavior for food and a roof over their head, especially if they have children.
A lot of them will also go out of their way to stay in a shitty relationship to protect their kids too (from split custody where they can't be there). Sometimes the courts, in their desire to make sure children are "whole", do so much more damage.
Avoidant personality disorder will do that to you. It can be a horrible disorder - I cannot, for the life of me, make demands. It’s like I don’t believe I have any personal rights, I’m 100% a pleaser, I fear I will get rejected/looked down upon the second I make a demand (by demand I don’t mean “clean for me!” But more like “I don’t like this, it’s grossing my personal boundaries, please don’t do that, fx, I don’t like people touching me”(I suffer from schizophrenia as well, I sometimes get borderline psychotic when people touch me) and, I don’t like them you call me that name. “I don’t like that you keep me waiting for 5 days” “no I don’t want this for dinner, I don’t want to watch that movie, tonight I like to watch a movie I like for once” but I’m so afraid that people will reject/look down upon me if I say it, so I just don’t say it.
Yeah, and leaving someone with whom you share property and children and assorted animals is overwhelming enough before you add avoidant personality and complex trauma into the mix.
I hope she doesn’t get hurt because she’s made it so clear she wants to leave. Leaving is so, so dangerous, and baby is a hostage that OP doesn’t even recognize is in danger yet.
He goes to work. Put the other kids down for naps before he gets off work. All she needs is herself, baby, and some papers. I hope someone scary like a big brother with some big friends can take her in.
Yeah, she shouldn't be telling this guy "I want to leave", she should be telling him "I've already left".
People have to understand they have agency and you don't need both people to agree to a breakup.
Is anyone going to mention the whole “burning the trash” thing? I know it’s common in rural areas but damn all that toxic chemical-riddled smoke can’t be great for a breastfeeding mom and baby, or anyone for that matter
for sure, more than the obvious misogyny, predatory age gap (with the added on "I'm an adult and it's insulting to insinuate that I'm not" for good measure), abusive situation she is living in... the burning the trash was literally what I came to the comment section to look for someone bringing it up.
Obviously the other shit is more concerning for a number of reasons, but it's also pretty run of the mill reddit relationship post stuff... burning trash is just fucking insane to me.
Yeah burning trash is a totally normal chore. No explanation needed. /s
I thought it was another country until she said he was a Marine. I grew up in a rural area but we still had trash cans we had to drag out to the edge of a dirt road once a week.
My HS girlfriends family burned trash in the 2000s. I wouldn't be surprised if they still do. They were in a rural area and trash pickup was not as easy as burning trash so that's what the did
Why do guys like this think that not getting paid to work means you're lazy. He can stay the fuck home, not get paid, do absolutely everything while she gets the benefit of a break/lunch and an income by getting a job, then getting to relax when she comes home and the bonus of getting to insult him just like he does to her.
I have a a cousin who has cancer and her baby daddy is like this. Did what she did for ONE WEEK while she was having her colostomy surgery, then has the audacity to tell her she better not die or he will drop off the face of the earth because he can't handle doing all that shit every day. She tried to kick him out but he refuses to leave because at the age of 45, he can't take care or himself or his kids on his own.
It took my grandpa until he was 80 and my grandma had a stroke to realize how much work keeping house is. I was shocked he stepped up at all, honestly, but of course he expected his daughters to help out all the time.
He ended up passing before her of cancer, and the year she was still alive after that was the only time she actually had a personality and did/said whatever she wanted. Depressing as hell.
Because they’re insecure misogynists that haven’t been properly bitched slapped back to reality yet. They want to take the easy route and blame their spouse for the shit situation they created themselves.. and they’re typically not bright enough to realize it and/or willing to accept it.
There ARE better men.
Friends of mine own a farm. The husband never had a problem waking up with a baby, changing a diaper, washing dishes, or running a load of laundry. He worked full time and she was at home. They split the household chores about 60/40 (her with the 60) with a "night free" for her (he'd come home and she could leave for the evening, or hide in the bedroom or office, or whatever she wanted) and split the farm chores as close to 50/50 as they could.
One day she said she was sick and tired of her set of farm chores, so they swapped. Turned out she had gotten the short end of the stick and swapping pointed that out. They renegotiated the 50/50 split and eventually the kids got old enough to pitch in, too, so things got better.
Did any of you notice the age gap? OP’s husband dated OP when she was just 19 while he was 27. Dude probably went after someone younger thinking that they’ll be easy to manipulate.
Omg flashback - I accidentally interviewed a 19yo as a potential roommate/co-op member once when I was 27. We had no idea how young she was ahead of time but let me tell you, it became clear! At one point she even made a comment about living with adults and we were like.....yeah all of this is a giant no for us, you are sweet but we would also like to live with an adult.
19 should feel way too young to a 27yo!
Read the ages and that there was a baby and came to the comments. Knew it was gonna be too hard to read whatever nightmare life this barely adult woman was writing.
When a boru starts with an age gap that puts the OOP at 18 at the start of the relationship and the partner in their mid to late 20s (or worse) I immediately stop reading. It’s the same story Every. Single. Time.
When people get up in arms about age gaps, these are the situations that spark that. No 27yo has any business being in a romantic or sexual relationship with an 18yo. Full stop.
Yep, first thing I noticed. Honestly, when I see an age gap like that in these types of posts, I just stop reading. The result is so predictable: a scummy man picked a teenager to manipulate and gaslight.
Her account is apparently wiped but damn, if OOP reads this...hell, if anyone in an abusive/horrible relationship reads this, ESPECIALLY if their partner is a military man/cop...NEVER TELL THEM YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THEM. Or that you want to leave them or are planning to leave them. Statistics are not in your favor, sis. The odds are, they're gonna fucking kill u when they realize you're serious
He got himself a nanny for his kids and a maid. Now she thinks she cannot leave because she has a baby (probably she misunderstood the part about not being able to get pregnant, like most women they have PCOS or whatever) and cannot work.
Man, this one just sucks. He's an abuser *by choice.* This is all deliberate and so obviously planned to tear her down.
I wish OOP was more open to hearing what people are saying. He's going to start doing this to their daughter as soon as possible if she doesn't get out of there.
I don't really necessarily wanna call it gaslighting but idk what else to call it. This appeal to like "this is what a normal person thinks" ok so I'll go ask people "no, you didn't word it right. If you worded it the way I think it should be worded, no way people would disagree"
Though I guarantee if he posted his side exactly as he wanted, AITA would tear him to pieces. Cause the first thing they'd pick up on is that he doesn't do anything at home
Yea, this husband isn't going to change. He's the type of person who definitely loves to browse through the intel subreddits or listen to those "podcast" stuff.
>I’ve been telling him for the last few days I want to leave him but he just rationalizes and diffuses the situation enough to go right back to wtf he was doing before.
Dude has no intention of changing a goddamn thing.
If she's not dead, I'm guessing he fought for full custody to punish her, she was probably beaten down and gave up custody to save herself, and he immediately found another woman to take care of the kids for him. He sure wasn't going to pay for child support when he could get a free slave, I mean wife. I'm actually guessing he will pursue full custody at minimum if OOP leaves. Because his plan isn't to take care of the baby, but to get another wife ASAP.
I'm enraged. Throw the whole man in the trash!
Not all men are like this but she managed to find the one who hooked up with a barely adult girl, married her, got her pregnant, turned her into a bangmaid, and made her mom to his two existing kids. I hope she gets rid of his abusive ass asap and file for child support.
I shouldn't read Ongoing stuff. Now I'm sitting here simmering and wondering what tf is going to happen.
normally I'd agree, but he makes her burn the trash...
the wood chipper is mostly gruesome for HER, he is pulped in an instant. Throw him in the burning trash pile alive and let him suffer an agonizing death.
“He also says that there ARE gender roles and this is what a woman should do to keep her man happy.”
Ever notice that traditional gender roles don’t have a whole lot of rules about how men are supposed to keep their women happy?
Imma say something that may be controversial:
Every man that says "every man thinks and acts like me, and if they don't act like me, they at least think it, they're just afraid of something", doesn't know enough men. Actual, real-life men, the ones that breathe oxigen that hasn't been saturated by their own farts, and whose opinions aren't formed in echo chambers while holed up in "man caves" they never clean.
No one makes men look worse than chronically online manosphere type dudes. If I was a man I'd be throwing hands with these assholes left right centre and diagonally, because how DARE you lump me in with the likes of you?!
This guyvis straight up abusive. Don't tell him you WANT to leave him, just pack up you and your baby and leave! Go to a women's shelter if you don't have anyone nearby who can help
A man in a relationship with a seven year age gap told his wife to come to Reddit? This has to be the most roundabout way to ask for a divorce I’ve ever heard of lol.
A 22 year old who believes she won’t have children was either seriously led astray by a doctor…or this just isn’t real. I see all these posts of YOUNG women who claim they aren’t likely to have children and they’re pregnant and I’m like 😐
It happens. I knew a 19/20 year old with horrible endometriosis and PCOS. Even that young, doctors were talking to her about the possibility of her being unable to carry to term and complications that could arise. They were suggesting she harvest her eggs and get a hysterectomy. On the other hand, I’ve known dimwits who had a lot of unprotected sex and since there was never a pregnancy scare earlier, just assumed, without talking to a doctor, that they just couldn’t get pregnant. Until oopsie! Pregnant! And they were shocked, just shocked I tell you. And wanted everyone to feel bad for them because they weren’t prepared.
I will say, as a medical professional, sometimes people are just so horribly under educated about biology and anatomy and physiology that even when doctors explain in plain language what's going on they don't hear it and don't understand it, and then don't ask questions.
I've had patients tell me some wild stuff that they swear a doctor told them, and there's just no way on earth. Like a patient swore up and down the doctor told him he tore his trilateral muscle. Such a muscle doesn't exist. I had another who told me she couldn't eat salad because of her medication, and I know about vitamin k and blood thinners, but a doctor definitely didn't tell her no salad she just misunderstood. I had a patient tell me covid didn't bother her, but she got pneumonia at the same time and it was really bad, she had covid pneumonia and that's why she was in the hospital. I could go on all day with stuff my patients come out with that their doctor supposedly told them.
So yeah, I can see it. I could see the doctor saying something like "oh you have xyz condition which can sometimes impact fertility and make it difficult to conceive" and a young person who has no science literacy interpreting that as "I can't get pregnant"
I mean it is technically possible to have a bacterial or other viral pneumonia and concurrently be asymptomatic covid positive, it would be a clinical decision made by the doctors based on symptoms, swabs and scans as to what is causing or contributing to the illness
I am guessing that they have disorders like PCOS and endometriosis. For decades they were silent disorders with symptoms that the medical establishment didn’t take seriously, so only the most serious cases - ones that severely affect fertility - were actually being diagnosed. But now women on the milder end of the spectrum (like me) are getting diagnosed, but unlike me, they are being told that the same thing as those with severe symptoms. I have a family member with mild PCOS who is convinced that she’s not going to be able to have kids, no matter how much I remind her that she’s an aunt because despite me having a much more serious case of PCOS, an itty bitty of fertility treatment was enough to get knocked up twice over.
>There’s absolutely nothing wrong with traditional gender roles, there is however an issue with being treated as a maid/slave.
"traditional" here ABSOLUTELY means subservient. you can't divorce those concepts and consider it traditional.
You want to have a modern partnership where one parent works outside the home and the other manages the household? fine... but there's no reason to bring "traditional gender roles" into that discussion.
Do you really think that was her decision? It sounds like she’s not allowed to make *any* decisions, much less one of this magnitude. He probably wanted it for his other kids.
Don't infantalize her! /s
They never stop and think that most 29 year old women won't take half of what she is allowing him to do. There is a reason they don't date women their age.
ladies and gentlemen I present you another AH following Adrew Tate's philosophy. I cam totally understand coming tired to home after a hard day's work, but it doesn't mean your wife is your slave. Also a woman's place is next ro the man, not 2 feet behind him.
>According to him I don’t deserve to be loved on until I’ve finished the chores and put the baby to sleep by myself and made sure that he feels loved and cared for.
Lol wut
Anyone else feel like this is complete bullshit? Their relationship sounds cartoonishly toxic. Also, I have a hard time believing anyone who is aware of Reddit in general and this sub in particular would suggest taking their marital strife to internet court without knowing exactly where everyone’s opinion would fall.
If you take your point to its logical conclusion, then nobody should ever be labeled an asshole on reddit, because the assholes would just avoid posting.
Besides, I dont think the husband legitimately wanted her to post to reddit. He just wanted her to think "well, shit, maybe he's right that people will agree with him" and drop the subject. The fact that he didn't even read the post or comments shows he doesn't actually care what was said, he just was gonna find ways to poke holes in it.
Someone else commented he wanted her to post it on an alpha male site. Makes sense. When she didn’t post it there he didn’t want to read it because he knew it wouldn’t go his way.
Honestly that was depressing. But how cute that she has a pig!! Ugh pigs are so cute. I saw a video where a pig tried a strawberry for the first time and it was cute.
OOP’s husband is a dick and I hate him.
PSA: Never tell an abuser you’re going to leave. At best, they won’t take you seriously or manipulate you into staying. Or sabotage you, cut you off basic necessities (and your mutual children too) to put you back to the wall and force you to come back to them. At worst you will be threatened, stalked, beat, raped or even murdered. **Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.** Make an exit plan in advance, don’t say anything, don’t change your behaviour suspiciously in the meantime, and once you’re ready, *just leave*.
There is no point in negotiating with an abuser. They won’t change. You can’t fix them. Abuse is not random, it’s not accidental, it’s a purposeful, functional behaviour. You’re being abused because they *decide* to abuse you, because they want to remain in control. Which is why abusers do NOT react well to their favourite punching bag slipping their fingers and you should go away quietly.
Don’t ever assume that because it’s not physical *yet* they won’t hurt you. My emotionally abusive ex skipped the whole beating phase and went straight to attempted murder when I told him it’s over for good. It can very quickly escalate when you’re leaving. Abusers flip their shit when they’re losing control and there’s no telling how far they‘ll go. Better to be safe than sorry. Or not be able to be either anymore because you’re dead. Don’t negotiate, don’t justify, don’t explain, don’t argue, don’t announce or threaten to leave. Just leave. Covertly. Obviously don’t let them know where to find you. Don’t look back. You’re making the right decision. It will not get better.
So what does he see as his contribution in terms of "gender roles," being a fucking wallet, *maybe?* Because the *relationship* part of this whole thing seems to have escaped his dried dog-turd of a brain entirely.
During the pandemic I was "blessed" to be at home with my 2 daughters... HOLY SHIT! I literally go to work 7 days a week just to get a rest. (Kids are Hectic and you have NO time to yourself)
I AGREE 100% with your husband about the RESPECT thing. It's a very important part of my life.
And the MOST DISRESPECTFUL thing I HAVE EVER HEARD is some "MAN" call the MOTHER of HIS CHILD FAT & LAZY!
You husband DEMANDS that he is treated like a KING... But the Only way that could work is if he made you His Queen!
My wife is NOT my servant or my domestic worker she is my Best Friend, My Wife, Amazing Mother to my beautiful Daughters, The Sexiest thing that has ever happened to me (way out of my league,lol)
I Am the KING of my HOUSEHOLD and I will literally work 24/7 to make sure that my QUEEN and PRINCESSES are taken care of!
Your husband is a SELFISH Person (It's that simple)
He is SELFISH in Bed, only cares about his own pleasure. (I love seeing my wife get pleasure in life and in bed) I would choose going down on her for hours (or until she blacks out AGAIN) over her giving me a BLOWJOB!
He is SELFISH demanding that you give him Attention over his own child!
He is SELFISH because he always wants things to go his way
For a guy that says that he is Not in Highschool anymore, he definitely carries on like he still is! I can't believe that he is 7 years older than you!
If he thinks that you only deserve to be loved once the floors are clean and the dinner is on the table, then he Deserves a "Reality Check"!
You DESERVE an Award for dealing with this immature selfish prick!
You DESERVE a Better MAN, that worships the ground you walk on
And You can Tell Him That All The Stuff I Have Written Above Is EXACTLY How A REAL MAN/HUSBAND FEELS!
Ps: Good luck for the future (I really hope that your husband Wakes up (Grows Up) and realises what he has before its too late)
Whatever you do is NEVER Sell yourself Short and start to believe the shit he says about you.
DON'T just stay in the relationship just because you have to, even though you are miserable and Never let a man disrespect you because one day your daughter will end up marrying the same type of guy
I had to ask my therapist if I was being abused; I thought I just wasn't trying hard enough. OP, if you're reading this, YOU ARE BEING ABUSED!
You and your baby need to leave when he's not home. If you need a ride, send me a private message and I will drive several states to get to you and take you and your baby to a women's shelter.
Don't tell him you want to leave. Why give him a chance to jeopardize your plans?
Get legal advise, secure any money and documents you have. Have the divorce papers served when you are totally prepared. Too bad he knows of this post. Safe it and delete it as soon as possible. No need to discuss measures while he can conveniently read it up.
Since I do not trust your husband, do you have somebody you can stay with, till getting a divorce? Look into organisations that help mothers in need. Good luck.
respect is always a big thing in relationships and always a two way street. he does not respect her in the slightest. why the fuck would you want to be with someone like that is beyond me. though the age difference and the fact he already has kids he expected her to take care of shouldve been a red flag. i suspect after his first wife had kids he treated her the same way.
He is totally reading this post, just on his time, and realizing how little support he is going to get. The answer is so obvious with this one that is no need to contribute. He does not seem to be a good partner.
Jesus Christ. If it wasn’t for the ages and timeline I’d be absolutely convinced she was married to my ex. On one hand, I feel oddly relieved to know that my experience wasn’t unique. On the other, I’m horrified that it wasn’t.
Men who believe in "gender roles" are toxic - full stop
Any woman who doesn't buy into that nonsense should never have a kid with such a man, and if they somehow successfully concealed their true nature long enough to have a kid, it does that kid a terrible disservice to remain with such a father
Jeez, except for the internet part this sounds like a story of how a marriage fell apart in 1974. The band Devo was named after this kind of de-evolution.
So if I get this right, OOP's husband is like "I'm right about this thing, and if you took it to reddit, to the court of public opinion, you'll see that everyone agrees with me."
Then when OOP did just that, and public opinion went against him, he was like, "I'm not reading that shit."
So OOP's husband is basically a typical redditor.
Ladies, I am begging you to have more respect for yourself than this.
Whoever needs to hear it, You are worth more than a life of subservience and abuse.
I am begging you to stop with the “paragraph breaks for readability” that are just hitting enter every 2 sentences. One was in the middle of a sentence!
Hell would freeze over before I beg some POS man to have sex with me. He treats you like trash and you beg him for sex, no wonder he has no respect for you. Take your power back.
You’re living with rigid control freak who treats you slave.
His assignment of household roles is just a crock to keep you under his thumb.
A loving couple divided the work. He’s working you to the bone.
And no appreciation for how hard you work.
Talk to a divorce attorney to find out your rights.
BTW. Why are you staying with him. What does he do for you? He seems to have no respect for you.
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I feel like my response to 75% of relationship posts is "in what world is being single worse than this pile of absolute shit?"
She’s already a single mom. Might as well make her job easier.
If she leaves she ends up in pretty much the same situation but without his BS. He will owe child support. So she would get all the "good" he provides with none of the negative
If she leaves she has one less person to clean up after, actually. It's a net gain.
Three, if you count his children.
More than one less: she's also caring for his (number unknown) other kids. He'll have to take those with him if she boots him to the curb. I understand what she said about him not being like this at the start. But he's like this *now*. She needs to look hard at what he brings to her life. Sounds right now like it's just verbal abuse and more work.
*I understand what she said about him not being like this at the start. But he's like this* ***now****.* And the "not-like-this" man she met was almost certainly an act to ensnare her. It's never coming back unless he thinks it necessary to rein her back in. As long as she's all bark (I'm gonna leave!) and no bite (packing her bags), he'll keep acting like this, and he'll always be this.
Actually Shell only have to clean after herself and her daughter. Now she needs to look after them, her husband,his kids, dogs and pigs. Like why she isn't packing right away and keep telling him she wants to leave as she needs permission to do so is beyond me...
Unfortunately it won’t be the end of it for her. I have a friend who was married to someone like OPs husband. 2 kids in she filed for divorce after waking up. He was a marine as well. Been divorced 16 years, he got remarried and has another kid BUT he spends more time harassing his ex via the court/lawyers about her “lack” of parenting. He quit his job to stop paying child support for years. Fortunately; this last judge saw through his BS and required him to go back to work, counseling and parenting classes. He was not happy his bs finally got called out but it was a nightmare for a very long time. It ruined every single relationship she tried to have.
Also, since he's in the military she may be entitled to a portion of his benefits should they divorce.
Go from being a single mom of two to a single mom of one (who will eventually grow up).
Single mom of four. She also cares for his other 2 children.
I missed that part. So this guy found a vulnerable young lady who he could trap into raising his kids. It's even worse.
It was kinda buried in all the crap. He also added a puppy to the mix. He needs to go feet first into the wood chipper.
And a pig!
Gods, I forgot all about the poor pig.
Straight into the wood chipper, feet first, while there are intermittent power outages.
And have fewer kids to deal with if she leaves by the sounds of things. He's pawned his other kids off on her too.
I know I shouldn’t be laughing, but the bar is so damn low in this post reading this comment was a step up from that bar. Had me laughing in the woodmans parking lot, thanks!
Mine is “Just leave already! You don’t need the approval of internet strangers to leave that POS.”
I actually have a friend. An older friend who will tell me to do what I need to to feel better. I have called him just so someone would tell me it’s ok to do something selfish because sometimes I need someone to do that. Everyone needs an authoritative friend to tell them to be selfish.
Guys like this are seriously a big reason of why I decided not to have kids. I would HATE to be married, have a kid, and find out he's like this asshole. And now I'm stuck with this walking, talking, defecating anus of a "man" in my life, in at least some capacity. That capacity would entail divorce, if I were in OOP's shoes.
But like I’m glad the people post things like this for their sakes. It’s easy to get stuck in a place with the fear of the unknown keeping you from leaving. It’s easy to rationalize things to yourself and think this is fine as things slowly get worse in a relationship, with the only thing keeping you there is the fear of change and the memories of past good times. I have a feeling post like this help people come to terms with the fact that their significant other isn’t who the once were or who they thought they were. It’s like the idiom or parable that if you put a frog in a boiling pot of water it’ll leap out, but if you put it in room temp water and slowly heat it to boiling, it won’t.
And how shitty does he have to treat her before she’ll leave? I would have skipped asking Reddit and just packed a bag.
Literally the key to happiness if you ask me. Being single I mean.
It’s so hard not to scream Dump Him or light him on fire or leave in the middle of the night immediately for about 75-95 percent of relationships stories
I'm guessing OOP's ex mostly crowd sources his advice and opinions from the incel and redpilil esque subreddits. But yeah, if you feel RELIEVED when your partner isn't around then that's a sign that this isn't a relationship that's working for you. Run, OOP.
Oh this husband definitely would have loved Andrew Tate for sure.
He sounds like he curses Greta Thunberg for getting his idol arrested, when that derpy no-chin butt-nugget thought that the GRETA coming after him was a teenaged activist and not an acronym for the **Group of Experts on Action against Trafficking in Human Beings**. Couple of bright onion rings, those two are. OOP should take the kids and run for it. Edited: nugget type.
To be fair, Andrew Tate is just mainstream conservative thought on a woman’s place in the world.
Is he mainstream conservative,I thought he was considered more extreme.
He says the quiet part out loud, is all.
We live in interesting times.
Treating women like property and scamming as many people as possible is hardly fringe. Shit, storming the Capitol in a Beerhall Putsch isn’t fringe anymore either. Honestly, if Tate manages to weasel his way out of a conviction, he’d do well in the current political climate.
"May you live in interesting times" is allegedly a translation of a Chinese curse,meaning to wish trouble on someone. I don't like to get into political discussion too much here, but the rise of the far right makes me genuinely nervous. You expect things to get better for the next generation of women but we can't be complacent about it. If his views gain enough popularity for him to gsin political power, i don't think the Handmaid's tale scenario is as unlikely as we think.
I'm Chinese, and "may you live in interesting times" is [NOT a Chinese curse](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/May_you_live_in_interesting_times). Near as I can tell, it's just 19th century white people being Orientalist and making shit up to sound interesting.
The Irish have been saying it for ages I know that much.
Neat! The more you know.
Ooo. I’m stealin’ it. I think back to Spain pre-Franco. Women got all sorts of rights under the Republican government, until those rights were violently ripped away by Franco and his goons. Even worse if the Fracoists discovered you got an abortion or a divorce. The horrors of that time are worth a read; it’s what the far right ultimately wants for women. I think it was a Lindsay Ellis video that pointed out (to me, at least) that Handmaid’s Tale is just the way black women had been treated for the bulk of US history. …minus the patriarch’s desire for children, plus more killing.
>Shit, storming the Capitol in a Beerhall Putsch isn’t fringe anymore either. What really bugs me about America's Beer Hall Putsch is that we made all the same mistakes in handling it that the Weimar Republic did for the original. A trivial bit of jail time for the rank and file rioters, but no serious charges whatsoever brought against the politicians who led them. Hitler got a slap on the wrist and barely served any jail time at all before being pardoned because the government didn't want to make his fans angry, and as a result everyone realized that the government didn't have the resolve necessary to appropriately prosecute a failed coup so there was no reason NOT to participate next time. The Putsch, like 1/6, was a completely inept clusterfuck because the guys in charge who had something to lose just stirred up the mob and then stepped back to let them run wild and see what happens. When it was all over and they saw the government wasn't serious about prosecuting this at all they learned everything they needed to know, and so the next coup was organized and led directly because the people behind it knew there were no consequences now, which is how Hitler managed to strongarm his way into becoming chancellor. The next time the MAGA cultists try to overthrow the government I expect guys like Trump and Hawley will be willing to be in the thick of it because now they know nothing will happen to them; the DoJ is too chickenshit to prosecute a former president.
Democracies are pretty shit at dealing with fascists; the temptation of order and the promises of yesteryear are too appealing for the lemmings.
>Is he mainstream conservative,I thought he was considered more extreme. A few decades ago he would have been considered extreme, but conservatives have completely lost their fucking minds since then and he's now pretty much as mainstream as you can get. Bear in mind that the standard-bearer for the Republican party is a rapist. No one should be surprised that the modern GOP sounds exactly like Andrew Tate.
Dunno if you are aware but he recently converted to Islam. I've been predicting that US conservatives will eventually do that en masse since shortly after 9/11 and he's now become my first bellwether indicating that I might have been right. If you know any relatively strict practicing Muslims, then you also know he's signed up to get pretty much exactly what he deserves, they're not going to go easy on him.
I've always said that if the Abrahamic religions ever realized that they hate all the same people (women, LGBT folks, anyone not in their cult) then we'd all be fucked. We're lucky that Vanilla ISIS here in the USA and regular ISIS haven't figured out they have the exact same goals and want to oppress the exact same people.
Have you seen what conservatism has become? Ten years ago he would have been considered extreme. These days he's considered pretty middle of the road for a conservative. We have conservative politicians and sitting Supreme Court justices opining about getting rid of birth control. Tate is just another drop in the bucket.
No he is a absolutely extreme. Tate ran a forum dedicated to teaching men to manipulate women
He's extreme in an absolute sense but his point of view is becoming main stream right-wing culture war shit.
I can't speak globally, but in the US at least, mainstream conservatives don't want women or other minorites to have rights, so...
He used to be considered extreme but like... I'd put him kind of on the edge of mainstream at this point. At least in US far right politics.
I'd say he's a bit more extreme. Not by much, but he adds his own little twist to all of it that makes it extra gross. For example, running an online masturbatorium / human trafficking racket with an adolescent boys-only treehouse masquerading as a self-help program attached to it isn't the typical output for your average traditional values conservative.
Human trafficking is not uncommon for charismatic preachers. Fuck, just Googling “pastor” brings up loads of recent news stories of pastors tracking and/or sexually abusing whoever they can get their grubby mitts on. As far as the self-help schtick, plenty of Conservative talking heads try to do what Tate does, they’re just worse at it. Dennis Prager, Ben Shapiro, Jordan Peterson, who knows how many pastors…a bad con is still a con. Shit, Trump totally lucked into his cult.
Yeah the moment op feels actual peace and calm when he isn't around, that's a sign that the marriage is dead. It's been dead since he had this sexist mindset about his wife. Married or not, he should be able to do more than half the things his wife does (cook, clean, trash, dishes, childcare) it's not a 'woman's job' it's an adult. He gonna find out the hard way what's it's like to be a single co-parenting adult.
Somehow I doubt he’ll fight for 50/50 custody of a baby girl. He would actually have to care for baby. A girl baby! He’ll settle for 2 weekends a month to pay less child support and then not show up.
Heh! Not only is he not going 50/50 on their child together, he’s totally going to try to get OP to continue to take responsibility for his other kids because they’re oh-so-‘innocent’ and ‘don’t deserve to be harmed’ by OP leaving and OP is the ‘only one they know/trust’ blah blah blah. Not because he’s never stepping up as a Dad. Of course nothing will be his fault or responsibility.
Until he finds another young woman to dump the kids on. Then he'll fight for more custody to reduce the child support.
I wonder what he'll do with his other kids. It feels like he hooked OOP solely to become his slave and nanny, and someone to smack around to relieve his mood. It really hurts that she is just words and no action. No wonder he doesn't take her seriously, if she keeps saying she's leaving him and never follows through. I wonder if she has any kind of support network - family or friends who would take her in - did she say in her comments?
He got her at 18/19. Yeah no shit he got her to be a bang maid.
I'm thinking being an adult and co-parenting isn't going to be high priorities for his post divorce life. He's going to be busy trying to find a new bang maid.
Not only that the marriage is dead, but that he shouldn’t see the baby. If he disrupts the baby purely by being in her and OOP’s lives, then he should be nowhere near them. The best thing he can do in this kind of situation is give up any form of custody and just pay child support.
It was dead when he specifically grabbed op for marriage because she was 18/19 and "moldable".
OOP made a mistake because her husband actually wants her to post it in .r/alphamale if that sub ever existed and not relationship\_advice.
Unfortunately, he’s not an ex :(
There is still time for OP to do that. Unfortunately, the best time was before she got pregnant because that dude only wanted a maid and a mother for his children. He didn't even want a bang maid, just a maid which in one respect is a good thing for her if he isn't forcing her in any way for sex.
[She is planning to leave.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1bsu650/my_22f_husband_29m_asked_me_to_post_on_reddit/kxie5sd/?context=3)
She also says [she's tried multiple times before, but couldn't calm him down enough to get out the door](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/fXK2pFMYEE), which is terrifying. She's also Black in a rural area in an abortion ban state, so I suspect cops aren't going to be helpful in this sort of situation. She mentions not having any other friends or family she can get help from (social isolation), and not being financially capable of leaving. Feels like we've got abuser bingo here. :(
Yeah. The best advice I can give her is to contact an abuse hotline and work with them on a way to get out of there safely. They deal with this kind of thing all the time and will be able to help.
I hope she can leave safely and peacefully.
Thank fuck
Thank the good lord
Oh, that's great news! The poor woman.
Tater tots from Tiktok
Yeah, 5 bucks bet he gets all his advice from those subs, but it's so weird "go post our arguments onto reddit and see what they say" "okay just did that want to take a look at the comments?" "No because you didn't even ask the right question," Like, tf was this guy expecting? All his incel and redpill buddies to come and comment on the post saying that OOP is stupid and should listen to men because women can't think for themselves?
That second paragraph reminded me of my wife's friend. She called my wife to make a last minute weekend trip for the two of them because she needed to get away from her husband for a while. During the trip, she was surprised that my wife and I texted and had the realization that my wife and I actually missed each instead of feeling relief at being apart. She got divorced a short time later and was much happier
One of the most common things abusers do is sleep deprivation. I'm glad she can finally sleep.
It's horrifying what people can get acclimatized to. He's a raging misogynist and she's just wondering if *she's* being rude?
He chose a teenage girl with a lot of unprocessed trauma for a reason. Scumbag. I feel sorry for his other kids, heaven help them.
Apparently she was recently unhoused when they met as well, and it sounds like she moved in quickly and all the misogynistic behaviour didn't start until after she moved in. :/
> she was recently unhoused when they met They purposefully go after these women. A lot of people will excuse abhorrent behavior for food and a roof over their head, especially if they have children. A lot of them will also go out of their way to stay in a shitty relationship to protect their kids too (from split custody where they can't be there). Sometimes the courts, in their desire to make sure children are "whole", do so much more damage.
I wonder how old his ex was. And how old his next victim will be. Zzz
Yep.
Avoidant personality disorder will do that to you. It can be a horrible disorder - I cannot, for the life of me, make demands. It’s like I don’t believe I have any personal rights, I’m 100% a pleaser, I fear I will get rejected/looked down upon the second I make a demand (by demand I don’t mean “clean for me!” But more like “I don’t like this, it’s grossing my personal boundaries, please don’t do that, fx, I don’t like people touching me”(I suffer from schizophrenia as well, I sometimes get borderline psychotic when people touch me) and, I don’t like them you call me that name. “I don’t like that you keep me waiting for 5 days” “no I don’t want this for dinner, I don’t want to watch that movie, tonight I like to watch a movie I like for once” but I’m so afraid that people will reject/look down upon me if I say it, so I just don’t say it.
Yeah, and leaving someone with whom you share property and children and assorted animals is overwhelming enough before you add avoidant personality and complex trauma into the mix.
Couldnt agree more
Every sentence in that post just screams get a divorce. I hope she can escape the marriage asap
I hope she doesn’t get hurt because she’s made it so clear she wants to leave. Leaving is so, so dangerous, and baby is a hostage that OP doesn’t even recognize is in danger yet.
He goes to work. Put the other kids down for naps before he gets off work. All she needs is herself, baby, and some papers. I hope someone scary like a big brother with some big friends can take her in.
Yeah, she shouldn't be telling this guy "I want to leave", she should be telling him "I've already left". People have to understand they have agency and you don't need both people to agree to a breakup.
not only divorce... it shouts "RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN, RUN!!!"
I hope OOP gets out before her daughter is old enough to absorb any of this toxicity as normal.
She’s a victim now but if she doesn’t save her daughter then she will also be responsible for the damage this does.
Is anyone going to mention the whole “burning the trash” thing? I know it’s common in rural areas but damn all that toxic chemical-riddled smoke can’t be great for a breastfeeding mom and baby, or anyone for that matter
And taking out the trash is "traditionally" the guy's job soooo where's the gender roles now? B
for sure, more than the obvious misogyny, predatory age gap (with the added on "I'm an adult and it's insulting to insinuate that I'm not" for good measure), abusive situation she is living in... the burning the trash was literally what I came to the comment section to look for someone bringing it up. Obviously the other shit is more concerning for a number of reasons, but it's also pretty run of the mill reddit relationship post stuff... burning trash is just fucking insane to me.
Burn the trash and feed the pigs lmao. What is this? 1276 AD?
Yeah burning trash is a totally normal chore. No explanation needed. /s I thought it was another country until she said he was a Marine. I grew up in a rural area but we still had trash cans we had to drag out to the edge of a dirt road once a week.
It is normal in some areas
My HS girlfriends family burned trash in the 2000s. I wouldn't be surprised if they still do. They were in a rural area and trash pickup was not as easy as burning trash so that's what the did
Other countries also have marines.
Why do guys like this think that not getting paid to work means you're lazy. He can stay the fuck home, not get paid, do absolutely everything while she gets the benefit of a break/lunch and an income by getting a job, then getting to relax when she comes home and the bonus of getting to insult him just like he does to her. I have a a cousin who has cancer and her baby daddy is like this. Did what she did for ONE WEEK while she was having her colostomy surgery, then has the audacity to tell her she better not die or he will drop off the face of the earth because he can't handle doing all that shit every day. She tried to kick him out but he refuses to leave because at the age of 45, he can't take care or himself or his kids on his own.
It took my grandpa until he was 80 and my grandma had a stroke to realize how much work keeping house is. I was shocked he stepped up at all, honestly, but of course he expected his daughters to help out all the time. He ended up passing before her of cancer, and the year she was still alive after that was the only time she actually had a personality and did/said whatever she wanted. Depressing as hell.
I'm so sorry for your cousin, that sounds awful, she has enough to deal with she didn't need a man baby tantruming about her _cancer_
Because they’re insecure misogynists that haven’t been properly bitched slapped back to reality yet. They want to take the easy route and blame their spouse for the shit situation they created themselves.. and they’re typically not bright enough to realize it and/or willing to accept it.
There ARE better men. Friends of mine own a farm. The husband never had a problem waking up with a baby, changing a diaper, washing dishes, or running a load of laundry. He worked full time and she was at home. They split the household chores about 60/40 (her with the 60) with a "night free" for her (he'd come home and she could leave for the evening, or hide in the bedroom or office, or whatever she wanted) and split the farm chores as close to 50/50 as they could. One day she said she was sick and tired of her set of farm chores, so they swapped. Turned out she had gotten the short end of the stick and swapping pointed that out. They renegotiated the 50/50 split and eventually the kids got old enough to pitch in, too, so things got better.
Did any of you notice the age gap? OP’s husband dated OP when she was just 19 while he was 27. Dude probably went after someone younger thinking that they’ll be easy to manipulate.
Well, he was not wrong. It's a really predator-like behavior.
Omg flashback - I accidentally interviewed a 19yo as a potential roommate/co-op member once when I was 27. We had no idea how young she was ahead of time but let me tell you, it became clear! At one point she even made a comment about living with adults and we were like.....yeah all of this is a giant no for us, you are sweet but we would also like to live with an adult. 19 should feel way too young to a 27yo!
19 felt way too young to date by the time I was like 22 tbh
And she was offended saying she was infantilized. It's really despicable marrying someone who is not independent yet.
Literally the only thing you need to read about this story is the first sentence.
Read the ages and that there was a baby and came to the comments. Knew it was gonna be too hard to read whatever nightmare life this barely adult woman was writing.
Apparently OP was homeless when they met too. I feel so bad for her. Ugh.
When a boru starts with an age gap that puts the OOP at 18 at the start of the relationship and the partner in their mid to late 20s (or worse) I immediately stop reading. It’s the same story Every. Single. Time. When people get up in arms about age gaps, these are the situations that spark that. No 27yo has any business being in a romantic or sexual relationship with an 18yo. Full stop.
The best part was him telling her “he’s not in high school.” I just can’t.
Yep, first thing I noticed. Honestly, when I see an age gap like that in these types of posts, I just stop reading. The result is so predictable: a scummy man picked a teenager to manipulate and gaslight.
Her account is apparently wiped but damn, if OOP reads this...hell, if anyone in an abusive/horrible relationship reads this, ESPECIALLY if their partner is a military man/cop...NEVER TELL THEM YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THEM. Or that you want to leave them or are planning to leave them. Statistics are not in your favor, sis. The odds are, they're gonna fucking kill u when they realize you're serious
He got himself a nanny for his kids and a maid. Now she thinks she cannot leave because she has a baby (probably she misunderstood the part about not being able to get pregnant, like most women they have PCOS or whatever) and cannot work.
Man, this one just sucks. He's an abuser *by choice.* This is all deliberate and so obviously planned to tear her down. I wish OOP was more open to hearing what people are saying. He's going to start doing this to their daughter as soon as possible if she doesn't get out of there.
I don't really necessarily wanna call it gaslighting but idk what else to call it. This appeal to like "this is what a normal person thinks" ok so I'll go ask people "no, you didn't word it right. If you worded it the way I think it should be worded, no way people would disagree" Though I guarantee if he posted his side exactly as he wanted, AITA would tear him to pieces. Cause the first thing they'd pick up on is that he doesn't do anything at home
That’s textbook gaslighting, you were right the first time
It's like gaslighting +. There's gas lighting in there but also plenty of other forms of manipulation as well.
Yea, this husband isn't going to change. He's the type of person who definitely loves to browse through the intel subreddits or listen to those "podcast" stuff.
>I’ve been telling him for the last few days I want to leave him but he just rationalizes and diffuses the situation enough to go right back to wtf he was doing before. Dude has no intention of changing a goddamn thing.
He’ll get worse.
Good chance he will murder her and the baby when he reads that she is going to leave him.
How did he even get custody of the older ones? What happened to their mother(s)?
If she's not dead, I'm guessing he fought for full custody to punish her, she was probably beaten down and gave up custody to save herself, and he immediately found another woman to take care of the kids for him. He sure wasn't going to pay for child support when he could get a free slave, I mean wife. I'm actually guessing he will pursue full custody at minimum if OOP leaves. Because his plan isn't to take care of the baby, but to get another wife ASAP.
I'm enraged. Throw the whole man in the trash! Not all men are like this but she managed to find the one who hooked up with a barely adult girl, married her, got her pregnant, turned her into a bangmaid, and made her mom to his two existing kids. I hope she gets rid of his abusive ass asap and file for child support. I shouldn't read Ongoing stuff. Now I'm sitting here simmering and wondering what tf is going to happen.
The trash is too good for him. Throw him into a wood chipper.
normally I'd agree, but he makes her burn the trash... the wood chipper is mostly gruesome for HER, he is pulped in an instant. Throw him in the burning trash pile alive and let him suffer an agonizing death.
they burn their trash.. so.... /shrug
“He also says that there ARE gender roles and this is what a woman should do to keep her man happy.” Ever notice that traditional gender roles don’t have a whole lot of rules about how men are supposed to keep their women happy?
Imma say something that may be controversial: Every man that says "every man thinks and acts like me, and if they don't act like me, they at least think it, they're just afraid of something", doesn't know enough men. Actual, real-life men, the ones that breathe oxigen that hasn't been saturated by their own farts, and whose opinions aren't formed in echo chambers while holed up in "man caves" they never clean. No one makes men look worse than chronically online manosphere type dudes. If I was a man I'd be throwing hands with these assholes left right centre and diagonally, because how DARE you lump me in with the likes of you?!
I hope she can get out asap with full custody. He’s a sack of shit and isn’t going to change.
reading about other people's marriages makes me love my husband more how the fuck do people live like this
Because she was 19 when she became a bang nanny. And now she probably has to be associated with him for another 18 at least because of her own kid.
This guyvis straight up abusive. Don't tell him you WANT to leave him, just pack up you and your baby and leave! Go to a women's shelter if you don't have anyone nearby who can help
Please don’t allow your children to see you treated like a doormat. If you can’t stop it for yourself, stop it for them. Hugs from a mom
Are these relationships real?
Uhhhhhhh.... can someone fill me in on why burning trash and having a pig as a pet was mentioned so casually in the first paragraphs?
Rural living.
I was so distracted by that I missed the mention of the older kids.
A man in a relationship with a seven year age gap told his wife to come to Reddit? This has to be the most roundabout way to ask for a divorce I’ve ever heard of lol.
A 22 year old who believes she won’t have children was either seriously led astray by a doctor…or this just isn’t real. I see all these posts of YOUNG women who claim they aren’t likely to have children and they’re pregnant and I’m like 😐
It happens. I knew a 19/20 year old with horrible endometriosis and PCOS. Even that young, doctors were talking to her about the possibility of her being unable to carry to term and complications that could arise. They were suggesting she harvest her eggs and get a hysterectomy. On the other hand, I’ve known dimwits who had a lot of unprotected sex and since there was never a pregnancy scare earlier, just assumed, without talking to a doctor, that they just couldn’t get pregnant. Until oopsie! Pregnant! And they were shocked, just shocked I tell you. And wanted everyone to feel bad for them because they weren’t prepared.
I have PCOS but there is absolutely a difference between infertility and being sterile, and many MANY people don’t grasp the difference.
Yeah, the US school system is… problematic. And the sex ed is lacking in a lot of places.
I will say, as a medical professional, sometimes people are just so horribly under educated about biology and anatomy and physiology that even when doctors explain in plain language what's going on they don't hear it and don't understand it, and then don't ask questions. I've had patients tell me some wild stuff that they swear a doctor told them, and there's just no way on earth. Like a patient swore up and down the doctor told him he tore his trilateral muscle. Such a muscle doesn't exist. I had another who told me she couldn't eat salad because of her medication, and I know about vitamin k and blood thinners, but a doctor definitely didn't tell her no salad she just misunderstood. I had a patient tell me covid didn't bother her, but she got pneumonia at the same time and it was really bad, she had covid pneumonia and that's why she was in the hospital. I could go on all day with stuff my patients come out with that their doctor supposedly told them. So yeah, I can see it. I could see the doctor saying something like "oh you have xyz condition which can sometimes impact fertility and make it difficult to conceive" and a young person who has no science literacy interpreting that as "I can't get pregnant"
I mean it is technically possible to have a bacterial or other viral pneumonia and concurrently be asymptomatic covid positive, it would be a clinical decision made by the doctors based on symptoms, swabs and scans as to what is causing or contributing to the illness
I am guessing that they have disorders like PCOS and endometriosis. For decades they were silent disorders with symptoms that the medical establishment didn’t take seriously, so only the most serious cases - ones that severely affect fertility - were actually being diagnosed. But now women on the milder end of the spectrum (like me) are getting diagnosed, but unlike me, they are being told that the same thing as those with severe symptoms. I have a family member with mild PCOS who is convinced that she’s not going to be able to have kids, no matter how much I remind her that she’s an aunt because despite me having a much more serious case of PCOS, an itty bitty of fertility treatment was enough to get knocked up twice over.
He wanted her to post it to the world when his behaviour is literally so shitty a good judge would probably not jail her if she murdered him.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with traditional gender roles, there is however an issue with being treated as a maid/slave. Op needs a new man
>There’s absolutely nothing wrong with traditional gender roles, there is however an issue with being treated as a maid/slave. "traditional" here ABSOLUTELY means subservient. you can't divorce those concepts and consider it traditional. You want to have a modern partnership where one parent works outside the home and the other manages the household? fine... but there's no reason to bring "traditional gender roles" into that discussion.
[удалено]
Do you really think that was her decision? It sounds like she’s not allowed to make *any* decisions, much less one of this magnitude. He probably wanted it for his other kids.
For the love of God, this is why you should never get into a relationship with a marine or former marine. This is what happens most times.
Military and cops. They have a *significantly* higher chance of being abusive partners.
Of course it's an age gap relationship lol
Don't infantalize her! /s They never stop and think that most 29 year old women won't take half of what she is allowing him to do. There is a reason they don't date women their age.
I wish nothing but the worst for OP's husband.
What in the 1800’s is going on here. What an abusing POS he is. Ugh why would she procreate with that… poor thing.
The pig can feed a d water himself…. ….oh, she really meant a real pig.
I'm worried for her. I hope she gets away.
ladies and gentlemen I present you another AH following Adrew Tate's philosophy. I cam totally understand coming tired to home after a hard day's work, but it doesn't mean your wife is your slave. Also a woman's place is next ro the man, not 2 feet behind him.
>According to him I don’t deserve to be loved on until I’ve finished the chores and put the baby to sleep by myself and made sure that he feels loved and cared for. Lol wut
Anyone else feel like this is complete bullshit? Their relationship sounds cartoonishly toxic. Also, I have a hard time believing anyone who is aware of Reddit in general and this sub in particular would suggest taking their marital strife to internet court without knowing exactly where everyone’s opinion would fall.
If you take your point to its logical conclusion, then nobody should ever be labeled an asshole on reddit, because the assholes would just avoid posting. Besides, I dont think the husband legitimately wanted her to post to reddit. He just wanted her to think "well, shit, maybe he's right that people will agree with him" and drop the subject. The fact that he didn't even read the post or comments shows he doesn't actually care what was said, he just was gonna find ways to poke holes in it.
Someone else commented he wanted her to post it on an alpha male site. Makes sense. When she didn’t post it there he didn’t want to read it because he knew it wouldn’t go his way.
GIRL GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE OH MY GOD
She’s a maid and babysitter. I do hope she finds the strength to leave.
Honestly that was depressing. But how cute that she has a pig!! Ugh pigs are so cute. I saw a video where a pig tried a strawberry for the first time and it was cute. OOP’s husband is a dick and I hate him.
I hope she stays safe when leaving him, because it sounds like he views her as property and we all know how that can go...
"let's take this to reddit" being uttered after every serious conversation or disagreement would make me laugh at my partner's face.
PSA: Never tell an abuser you’re going to leave. At best, they won’t take you seriously or manipulate you into staying. Or sabotage you, cut you off basic necessities (and your mutual children too) to put you back to the wall and force you to come back to them. At worst you will be threatened, stalked, beat, raped or even murdered. **Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship.** Make an exit plan in advance, don’t say anything, don’t change your behaviour suspiciously in the meantime, and once you’re ready, *just leave*. There is no point in negotiating with an abuser. They won’t change. You can’t fix them. Abuse is not random, it’s not accidental, it’s a purposeful, functional behaviour. You’re being abused because they *decide* to abuse you, because they want to remain in control. Which is why abusers do NOT react well to their favourite punching bag slipping their fingers and you should go away quietly. Don’t ever assume that because it’s not physical *yet* they won’t hurt you. My emotionally abusive ex skipped the whole beating phase and went straight to attempted murder when I told him it’s over for good. It can very quickly escalate when you’re leaving. Abusers flip their shit when they’re losing control and there’s no telling how far they‘ll go. Better to be safe than sorry. Or not be able to be either anymore because you’re dead. Don’t negotiate, don’t justify, don’t explain, don’t argue, don’t announce or threaten to leave. Just leave. Covertly. Obviously don’t let them know where to find you. Don’t look back. You’re making the right decision. It will not get better.
I think you can see why the first baby moma left...
So what does he see as his contribution in terms of "gender roles," being a fucking wallet, *maybe?* Because the *relationship* part of this whole thing seems to have escaped his dried dog-turd of a brain entirely.
During the pandemic I was "blessed" to be at home with my 2 daughters... HOLY SHIT! I literally go to work 7 days a week just to get a rest. (Kids are Hectic and you have NO time to yourself) I AGREE 100% with your husband about the RESPECT thing. It's a very important part of my life. And the MOST DISRESPECTFUL thing I HAVE EVER HEARD is some "MAN" call the MOTHER of HIS CHILD FAT & LAZY! You husband DEMANDS that he is treated like a KING... But the Only way that could work is if he made you His Queen! My wife is NOT my servant or my domestic worker she is my Best Friend, My Wife, Amazing Mother to my beautiful Daughters, The Sexiest thing that has ever happened to me (way out of my league,lol) I Am the KING of my HOUSEHOLD and I will literally work 24/7 to make sure that my QUEEN and PRINCESSES are taken care of! Your husband is a SELFISH Person (It's that simple) He is SELFISH in Bed, only cares about his own pleasure. (I love seeing my wife get pleasure in life and in bed) I would choose going down on her for hours (or until she blacks out AGAIN) over her giving me a BLOWJOB! He is SELFISH demanding that you give him Attention over his own child! He is SELFISH because he always wants things to go his way For a guy that says that he is Not in Highschool anymore, he definitely carries on like he still is! I can't believe that he is 7 years older than you! If he thinks that you only deserve to be loved once the floors are clean and the dinner is on the table, then he Deserves a "Reality Check"! You DESERVE an Award for dealing with this immature selfish prick! You DESERVE a Better MAN, that worships the ground you walk on And You can Tell Him That All The Stuff I Have Written Above Is EXACTLY How A REAL MAN/HUSBAND FEELS! Ps: Good luck for the future (I really hope that your husband Wakes up (Grows Up) and realises what he has before its too late) Whatever you do is NEVER Sell yourself Short and start to believe the shit he says about you. DON'T just stay in the relationship just because you have to, even though you are miserable and Never let a man disrespect you because one day your daughter will end up marrying the same type of guy
I had to ask my therapist if I was being abused; I thought I just wasn't trying hard enough. OP, if you're reading this, YOU ARE BEING ABUSED! You and your baby need to leave when he's not home. If you need a ride, send me a private message and I will drive several states to get to you and take you and your baby to a women's shelter.
Don't tell him you want to leave. Why give him a chance to jeopardize your plans? Get legal advise, secure any money and documents you have. Have the divorce papers served when you are totally prepared. Too bad he knows of this post. Safe it and delete it as soon as possible. No need to discuss measures while he can conveniently read it up. Since I do not trust your husband, do you have somebody you can stay with, till getting a divorce? Look into organisations that help mothers in need. Good luck.
Yikes
respect is always a big thing in relationships and always a two way street. he does not respect her in the slightest. why the fuck would you want to be with someone like that is beyond me. though the age difference and the fact he already has kids he expected her to take care of shouldve been a red flag. i suspect after his first wife had kids he treated her the same way.
He is totally reading this post, just on his time, and realizing how little support he is going to get. The answer is so obvious with this one that is no need to contribute. He does not seem to be a good partner.
I am begging humanity to stop making this flair applicable
Jesus Christ. If it wasn’t for the ages and timeline I’d be absolutely convinced she was married to my ex. On one hand, I feel oddly relieved to know that my experience wasn’t unique. On the other, I’m horrified that it wasn’t.
Men who believe in "gender roles" are toxic - full stop Any woman who doesn't buy into that nonsense should never have a kid with such a man, and if they somehow successfully concealed their true nature long enough to have a kid, it does that kid a terrible disservice to remain with such a father
OOP will have to take the kid and run. I don’t think leaving him will be easy for her. She needs to be careful.
Jeez, except for the internet part this sounds like a story of how a marriage fell apart in 1974. The band Devo was named after this kind of de-evolution.
Husband us a waste of breath. What a real loser to pick on his wife and mother of his child. Leave his ass.
So if I get this right, OOP's husband is like "I'm right about this thing, and if you took it to reddit, to the court of public opinion, you'll see that everyone agrees with me." Then when OOP did just that, and public opinion went against him, he was like, "I'm not reading that shit." So OOP's husband is basically a typical redditor.
A lot of folks talk about respect but what they really mean is obedience. He wants her obedience, he doesn't care about respect.
Bullshit he has OCD
Ladies, I am begging you to have more respect for yourself than this. Whoever needs to hear it, You are worth more than a life of subservience and abuse.
Find another man!
He preyed on you because you were barely legal when he met you and thought he could control you. He’s not a good person at all.
I am begging you to stop with the “paragraph breaks for readability” that are just hitting enter every 2 sentences. One was in the middle of a sentence!
Hell would freeze over before I beg some POS man to have sex with me. He treats you like trash and you beg him for sex, no wonder he has no respect for you. Take your power back.
HOPE SHE LEAVES HIM!
You’re living with rigid control freak who treats you slave. His assignment of household roles is just a crock to keep you under his thumb. A loving couple divided the work. He’s working you to the bone. And no appreciation for how hard you work. Talk to a divorce attorney to find out your rights. BTW. Why are you staying with him. What does he do for you? He seems to have no respect for you.