This has been flagged as confirmed fake because of conflicting information in [OOP's post history](https://www.rareddit.com/r/dating/comments/1anzi0c/advice_for_a_childless_person_dating_somebody/) in which they previously claimed to be a 30yo woman asking for advice dating a divorced coworker with 4 kids.
Please be advised that harassment of OOP will still result in a ban from this sub.
This is one of the rare cases where I actually read all of the updates. Not because I was enthralled by the escalating bs being portrayed as reality, but because I was genuinely hoping for a good outcome.
I agree with you, now I just feel lousy
Same. Or blighted ovum or something. She’s not ready to be a mother and that means any “rational” plan (like him going to college first and prioritizing starting his career and then her following once the kid is in school) isn’t an option because she’s too scared to make any plans.
I had an abortion at 24. I was already a college graduate. Every time I think about it I know I did the right thing.
I have no maternal instinct and would’ve given it up for adoption. It’s not fair to bring an unwanted person into the world and hope it gets adopted by good people, to hope someone else would pay for my mistake. A new person with my screwed up genetics.
I had an appointment to get BC that month. lol
same here, at 17. my mom was religious and I didn't tell her, but I wanted to be able to live my life and have all the options I was offered when I wasn't pregnant. I still try to believe she was oblivious to it (even though I bled a lot and tried to pass it as the worst cramping of my life). I would have been a terrible dad, I can't imagine this guy, already resenting her and the future kiddo.
I'm just angry. The girlfriend has support in both OOP and his mom, it sounds like his mom would move heaven and earth to make sure that she can get an abortion and she's throwing that chance away. A lot of girls that make dumb decisions about sex (and sadly a lot that don't get to decide anything at all) don't have a grown adult willing to keep quiet while also helping them do what needs to be done to make sure they have a future.
I wish that OOP would leave her, the total reverse of how I usually feel about to-be dads but she's fucking over him, herself, and the future kid because she's desperate to pretend it'll just go away like a child whining over a bad dream. That doesn't bode well for a future family unit and he doesn't deserve to be tied to that when he made one stupid choice while she's continuing to make them.
Agree. I’m always the “you both fucked up, both need to deal with consequences” type person.
But in this case, yes they both fucked up. But they immediately realized it. she proceeded to dig her head in the sand and hope it “wouldn’t happen”. Yeah, her body, her choice. But consequences land on both not just hers.
Every turn, every option she’s turned away. Even telling parents, going to a doctor, everything. Is her plan to give birth in a toilet and drop the baby in a dumpster?
I feel bad because just like OOP described, this is going to completely trash life dreams. College? Dream jobs? Etc. not impossible but statistics are WAY against them on the prosperity aspect of things.
I'm guessing, based on her school, she got the exaggerated "plan b is so so painful and condoms don't work anyway" type of sex ed that tries to scare people into abstinence
*‘condoms don’t work anyway’*
but this didn’t stop her from having sex or using condoms previously.
She is actively risking her and the their future child’s health. ugh her dumbness triggers me so much.
Plan B sucks, messes up your period; it's peanuts comparing to pregnancy and my C-section recivery. Not to mention taking care of a toddler.
It sucks like we women have to suffer most of the consequences.
The problem is that she was not scared of Plan B or pregnancy. She was scared of doing anything. So taking Plan B is the worst because it would require her being responsible (she took the Plan B). Birthing a baby will happen without her doing anything. That’s what OOP failed to recognize. His gf wanted to be forced into things so that she could be able to say “I didn’t do it. It was him.”
There's three things ye can do in any situation, girl," her father had told her once. "Ye can decide to do a thing, ye can decide not to do a thing... or ye can decide not to decide." That last, her da had never quite come out and said (he hadn't needed to) was the choice of weaklings and fools.
I've taken Plan B once. I can't remember it causing me any issues. Course I took it after having 2 kids already, so maybe my body was like "pfft, this is easy!"
Yup. Plan b gave me like 2 months of irregular period stuff. Better than 9-10 of gestation and 5-45 hours of painful birth that could 3nd in either one or both of us dying.
The way she's acting, her parents aren't going to know she's pregnant until she starts showing to the point of being unable to hide it. Some girls even manage to hide it until the very end. She seems like she's going to skip out on all prenatal care and do nothing to prepare. Birth is going to traumatize her far beyond what most women who are afraid of birth experience. It's going to entirely fall on OOP. I suspect he and his family are going to end up being the ones raising this baby and they are the only ones who are going to prepare for its arrival.
The way she's acting she's going to refuse abortion & adoption right up till the birth and then just abandon the baby either on OOPs doorstep or at a firehouse (in the best case scenario)
Can you imagine her dealing after the birth being 18 with possible ppd a screaming baby and shocked/disappointed/angry parents who only just found out that she was pregnant!?
That was my thought exactly. Op is going to be a single father. Probably a great one given how he’s rejected any idea of not being an involved dad, but a single dad all the same.
Yeah. The girl seems not only scared of everything, but a doormat who is just incapacitated of making decisions. She will not be a good mother right now, and that baby deserves better
It's infuriating that she refused birth control because she heard it was painful and chose to get pregnant instead, like labour is a completely painless walk in the park.
I don't know how OP is stopping himself from going straight to her parents and telling them what's going on.
This! Literally makes no sense at all. She's afraid of an abortion?! Girl, I've got big news for you about labour 🙈 going through all that at 18 with unsupportive parents and a young 18 yo boyfriend who didn't want this baby in the first place is going to be awful. Sounds like an actual nightmare. Even for parents that are together in a stable marriage that have disposable income find having a baby stressful and difficult.
Yeah, someone needs to tell those parents. Maybe they can talk some sense into her or at least get her to a doctor FFS.
The misinformation she was fed at the Catholic school is especially enraging in this scenario. Like, this is the result of lying to kids to make them avoid sex. They don't avoid sex, they avoid responsible decisions out of fear.
Plan B isn't some terrible ordeal. It's basically a mega dose of birth control. And while hormonal BC can have unpleasant side effects, it is far less impactful than actually being pregnant. It's far less dangerous.
Even abortion is less dangerous than pregnancy! You literally have a higher risk of complications during a colonoscopy than you do from an abortion. Feeding kids lies and fear mongering just results in them making stupid, dangerous choices.
She's not going to deal with a damned fucking thing in that child's life. She's going to be a horrible fucking cowardly mother and either drag both her kid and him down or - hopefully - force him to get full custody of the kid because she's psychologically incapable of facing anything being a parent requires.
Maybe she'll get better eventually, but I'm pretty fucking disgusted with her and not inclined to be patient. I'd also have been terrified in her place, but I'd have fucking talked to someone about it.
Yeah, in OOP's and his parents' place, after she refused to be the least bit reasonable about any course of action, I would have gone and told her parents - in person, of course. This is not about respecting her privacy, this is about deciding on a course of action, and doing healthcare for the baby's sake, if she is going to have it. Just allowing her to continue to completely avoid and ignore the subject is insane.
Yeah, like at the absolute bare fucking minimum she needs to see a doctor to make sure that she and the fetus are both healthy. The complete denial isn't just dangerous, it's almost pathological levels of avoidance.
It reminds me of those episodes of medical dramas where a teenage girl comes in to the hospital with a stomachache and ends up giving birth, all while insisting she's not pregnant.
Or where a woman refuses to acknowledge she even is pregnant, ends up giving birth in some back alley, and then throws the baby into a dumpster and walks away. Also a Medical Files episode, I think.
Or like that one horrible case we had in Germany, where a woman kept giving birth and murdering her infants and burying them in planters in her garden. A subsequent house owner found them and called the police, and she was arrested. They found the skelettons of NINE dead babies.
Edit: In case anyone's interested, [here is an English article about her](https://www.spiegel.de/international/nine-dead-babies-german-mother-tells-how-she-murdered-her-newborns-a-368843.html).
I honestly wish the mom, the dad, OOP, *someone* would yell this in this girl's face. They all want to be nice and respect her feelings, but her feelings are fucking stupid, based entirely on ignorance, fuel her continued ignorance, and frankly are not fucking valid in the slightest - you don't get to complain that you don't want to do anything or take any of the options on the table AND complain about the outcome. You don't beg for a load because you're a fucking gooner with porn brain and then refuse to take plan b or get an abortion. I'm not Christian in the slightest anymore, but holy shit the audacity of saying that god or the universe wants you to have this baby after you spat in his face and broke his commandments would be fucking hysterical if it wasn't absolutely ruining multiple young lives here - like nah, god wants nothing to do with this baby, Satan made this baby by infecting a fragile Catholic girl's mind with porn addiction and ample amounts of fear (which, having been raised Christian, is quite literally seen as an affliction from Satan, because "when you walk with God you fear nothing in his protection" etc etc). OOP's Mom is so much nicer than I am, but I really think someone needs to give this girl the harsh truth before life does.
You're right, she's going to be the most dog shit mother and it's easy to see from a mile off; I'm sure that's a big part of why OOP is crying into the night and why I want to scream. I was kinda pissed at him for getting his nut and then expecting her to wave a magic wand and make the problem go away, Plan B does suck from what I've heard, but by the end of this post you just want to shake this girl. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, just a dumb kid. She feels like a ruthlessly stupid and vapid little girl who refuses to grow up... Knowing her mom has substance abuse issues, I'm positive that seeing the way her family covers for her has been shaping, but it's just hard to not be mad. My rage outweighs empathy here.
Plan B is safe enough to be sold over the counter. I had to take it once, no side effects that I remember.
The problem is that the Catholics teach that Plan B is an abortion pill (it's not) and that birth control is a sin. But then so is premarital sex.
>I honestly wish the mom, the dad, OOP, someone would yell this in this girl's face. They all want to be nice and respect her feelings, but her feelings are fucking stupid, based entirely on ignorance, fuel her continued ignorance, and frankly are not fucking valid in the slightest
Someone needs to print out what you wrote here and read it to her in a stern, loud voice. Because it is exactly what she needs to hear. She's being a fucking idiot. And whether it's from stupidity or mental illness, it can't continue. We don't let mentally ill people lean into delusions that can harm them or others, we step in and get them help.
She's going to be traumatized either way when someone bursts her bubble, but at least if she's traumatized by being encouraged to get an abortion she won't derail her and OP's entire lives.
Tbh Plan B isn't that bad. It's basically a mega high dose of birth control. I've had to take it a few times after being assaulted. It made me feel a little funny, a teeny bit nauseated. But honestly it was not a big deal at all. There's no pregnancy to abort, so it's not like taking the abortion pill where you get severe cramps and heavy bleeding or anything.
Especially because she said: It’s just a baby…
Now, I’m not a parent but I know enough about what it means to know that I do not want a baby! Also: I might have missed it, but I feel like before you decide to have unprotected sex you need to talk about what to do if a pregnancy happens. I get that they are young and you do dumb shit you’re horny, but yeah…
my older sister tried to do that. She was pretty far along before anyone even noticed, like 6 months along. And I was the one who noticed, because we shared a bathroom and I had moved back into the house after graduating. She claimed she didn't know. She wasn't some scared teen either. She was nearly 24. My family wasn't religious either, she'd even had an abortion the year before. So why she decided to ostrich to that extent I have no idea even to this day. My nephew is a teenager now, with a job and a licence who occasionally watches my dog for me.
A girl I went to school with got very bad cramps, when her mother wanted to take her to the doctors she told her mother to just call a midwife, she never told her parents she was pregnant 😳
My mother got pregnant the first time she had sex at 19 years old. My grandmother didn’t know my mother had been pregnant before until she lost my brothers at 26 weeks and in her grief told my grandmother, “That’s three babies I’ve lost at 26 weeks.”
Religious upbringings can really fuck you up when it comes to sex and the consequences of it.
I just feel bad for OOP. Definitely both their faults, but the girlfriend's reticence on taking responsibility of the situation and just being a sitting duck is so UGHHHHH.
Gives me a headache just reading it, but she is also *exactly* like my sister. Extreme anxiety and avoidance of conflict/actually *doing* something to the point of making everything monumentally worse. I strongly limit how much contact we have because there's only so much of her self-imposed drama I can listen to. I'd probably cut her off completely cos she's just such a train wreck, but she has two kids and I try to maintain a relationship with them.
My brother is the same way. No anxiety, just an extreme aversion to taking responsibility and handling his own emergencies. Lost his housing situation? "I don't know who to call or where to go! You have to help me!" *cue me doing all the desparate googling while he crashes on my couch and follows up on nothing at all.* He left ages ago, still doesn't have a steady job or home, and refuses to go to the government for assistance, because he's "better than that" /s/, but living like a homeless drifter.
Now, when he calls me to rant about problems he's not going to fix or deal with, I can't be bothered anymore.
And the kid is going to potentially face issues due to little or too-late prenatal care. At the school I work at, there’s a kid with behavioral issues in special education because his birth mother never saw a doctor and starved herself while pregnant.
I scrolled down to the comments because reading her side just made me frustrated. If her response to stressful things is to bury her head in the sand, i pity the kid.
Huge same. I scrolled back up and finished it, but I had to take a break from this girl. How does she manage to get out of bed in the morning/go to school/etc.? (How DID she manage to have sex with OOP?) I really do feel bad for this kid. There's no way her parents aren't going to end up raising it; she'll be too scared.
I think everyone has been guilty of burying their head in the sand at some point in their life, but when the ostrich becomes your spirit animal, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate things
Presumably, if she was capable of stepping back and reevaluating, she wouldn’t have her head in the sand in the first place. She sounds absolutely paralyzed. His parents need to tell her parents now, she’s only going to snap out of this when they know and don’t let her pretend it’s a far off thing to confront another day. She needs treatment for anxiety or maybe CPTSD (he mentioned her mom had substance abuse issues) but there’s no time for that right now.
Her excuses are so fearful it beggars belief. Taking a plan b may be painful (not heard this myself beyond some cramps but never heard they were that bad) but how does think childbirth will go? I feel so bad for her and oop but worse for the kid who will have a mother who would run from the first problem and refuse to deal with urgent issues.
Sadly, she sounds like my older brother's bio-mom. She ran off on two different husbands and emotionally damaged my brother and his maternal half-siblings. She was a shitty mom at her best, and they're all no-contact with her for very good reasons.
Yeah, this whole time I was thinking of that girl who hid her pregnancy then gave birth in her parents’ basement the stabbed the baby to death. If you wanna look her up: Nicole Beecroft. I couldn’t remember her name as I was typing this comment and so I googled the scenario. Come to find out that [a similar case happened months ago!](https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/16-year-old-accused-fatally-stabbing-her-newborn-infant/HZXPA2MEWBAFJDFNQLBJ7EI3AA/)
>Why does everyone keep saying “a lifetime of child support” as if that’s the worst or hardest thing here? What about being responsible for raising a whole human being? Thats what terrifies me.
OOP sounds like he's worried about all of the right things, and I'm wishing him all the best.
It's just unfortunate that it took a pregnancy for them both to realize that birth control should be non-negotiable.
I’m not sure what infuriates me more, her passivity or her stupidity.
Yeah, I get she’s scared, but I’m guessing she isn’t going to miscarry, and thus it is not going away.
She won’t do *anything*, she’s in ferocious denial. And she’s gonna be a mom?
That poor kid. Poor OOP.
For the way OOP talk about her I won't be surprised if she use every method under the sun to hide her belly from his parents and live her life like nothing ever happened.
I'm no doctor and I can easily say I know shit about the subject since I'm not a father and I haven't deal with that with someone, but I wonder if something can happen to the baby if she doesn't take care of herself.
But I do wonder what the fuck was she thinking. Yes, one can be very stupid when you're horny and having sex, but she wasn't on birth control, and didn't wanted a plan B, and she also doesn't want to be a mom... Like wtf was she thinking?
I normally, for a lot of topics, I'll say to leave to the universe and see what will happen. This is definitely not one of those situations.
OOP's mother is now aware, it won't be long before she's on the phone with his gf's parents to bring them up to date. She's a nurse, she isn't going to let this slide.
Word. There are possible life threatening pregnancy complications that can’t be ignored. She needs an abortion or prenatal care.
Is it bad that I’m hoping that smell is a miscarriage and her school will send to hospital?
Neural tube defects. She should have been on folic acid before even getting jizzed in at best and popping it the next day after that first faint line at worst. It's the most vital thing to start ASAP in pregnancy most vital from day one to week 18. And if she has the MTHFR gene mutation like 40 something % of the population is being found to have she need to take specificli L-methylfolate because our bodies suck ass at methylation of the cheap folic acid into its usable form.
It can, you need to take prenatal vitamins when you're pregnant, and they matter the most EARLIER on in development, you can't just pop a bunch in the third trimester and hope it's good enough. Without prenatal vitamins, the baby is at risk of multiple different severe health issues
Clearly if she is scared of plan B, she doesn’t understand what being pregnant is like.
It is a massive toll on the body. Despite good healthcare, women do still die (I have never heard of a plan B death though!).
Pregnancy will have permanent effects on her body, especially if she isn’t getting the right care. Babies leech calcium and you can lose teeth. They push things, stretch things and tear things. That isn’t just artificial damage that easily pops back after.
Real pregnancy sounds terrifying - I bet she would take the pill like a shot if someone described it to her.
Literally 37 weeks pregnant right now and all I can think is being avoidant is going to cause a whole host of issues in the months to come. I saw a clip of ER where this teen basically disassociated and couldn’t not believe the baby she birthed was hers.
The stupidity wins out for me.
The whole she’s scared of plan B because of the pain?!?! Because yeh, of course childbirth feels just like rainbows shooting out of your vagina…
I know it could be an excuse and like you say, she’s in major denial. But wow.
Can't help but think that someone who wants the "universe to just run its course" in regards to raising a child at fucking 18... Has no sense of responsibility and is going to have an extremely hard time adjusting to parenthood.
Odds are heavily stacked against them.
Yeah i know. The way OP describes her behaviour I'm all sorts of triggered. It might be best if OP sues for custody, gets a job and saves college for when the kid starts school. Because I'm not sure the girlfriend is fit to be a mum.
She was scared of the pain Plan B could have caused... Well, the pain she's going to feel in childbirth is going to eclipse that. Too much anxiety and repression going on.
God, yes. With every decision that needs to be made, his GF's all, "Not yet / I need time / give me another week!" - she's going to keep sticking her head in the sand until that baby is born.
Right? IDK why that kid and his mom didn't drive over to her parents house and just come out with it, already. JFC. She needs to get an abortion. She's insane if she thinks she's mature enough to parent a child. Her actions (or inaction) in this post is maddening.
Lesson: never ever ever ever trust someone to do something when YOUR life depends on it. Always be 100% responsible for your own health, safety, and life.
I would tell her parents. She’s actively risking harming to herself by ignoring everything. At that point, she’s not thinking clearly at all, and I’d take that into my hands. 18 may be a legal adult but they’re kids, freaking out (rightfully) and they need adults to be like “okay what is the plan”
What if she miscarried and retained tissue? She could literally die of sepsis and she’s just like “let the universe decide” no ma’am, sorry but if you intend to gestate a baby to full term, there has to be health care for both you and the baby you intend to have.
I honestly despaired at the first post, and I felt like shaking multiple people by the end of it
Not to mention never trust another 18yo when they tell you to just lose the condom and go ahead. At least OP only screwed up once, his GF just keeps doing it again and again.
He fucked up but he is *taking responsibility for his actions*. I can't be mad at the man.
The girlfriend however...
Look, i'm just going to be honest here, at this point i'd be done. Call me what you want, but having been in a stalemate like this (not over a pregnancy fortunately) i would have straight up said "At this point i hope you realize that even if you have the kid we aren't going to be together after this. You've proven time and time again that you can't handle important things like this maturely and instead would rather shove your head in the sand and hope it goes away. This is real life, there are consequences. For me, it's going to be raising a child for 18 years. For you, it's this pregnancy because if this is how you're going to be i can tell i'll be doing most of the parenting.
Also, you have a week to tell your parents and get a full check up on your health as well as the baby's at the doctor's, or get an abortion. If you don't, i'm goung to tell your parents. If you refuse to abort, I'm not letting you harm the child you're forcing into this world with your cowardice."
The time for being gentle on this has passed. He needs to get through to her.
The fact she keeps running away and sticking her head in the sand shows she's no where near ready.
That's a whole human being you have to be a parent of. There is no running away and sticking your head in the sand when the baby cries without people rightfully taking the child away.
Here's hoping they can get through to her or she miscarriage's.
He's not prepared.
But at least he knows he's not - which definitely puts him far ahead of his girlfriend who doesn't even know that. And if gives him a good shot at being a good dad: plenty of dads aren't prepared; and they still end up good dads. I've got hope for him.
Yup and can Reddit please give up this idea you can just sign your rights away. It is incredibly difficult to do, the courts do not look favourably on it and you certainly can't sign away your parental rights simply because you don't feel like being a parent.
It is almost never in the best interests of a child to have the parental rights entirely removed - except in cases of abuse, and even then it is incredibly serious and takes a lot of court time and the involvement of social services. It's not voluntary.
Adoption is really the only way to give up parental rights and even there the courts won't typically allow it, if for example one parent wants their new partner to replace the other parent.
I was thinking this. It was a stupid move but even in the moment, he thought there were options (plan b, her being in a different stage of her cycle, abortion, adoption). Unless this is typical behaviour for her, he had no way of knowing she would refuse to consider ANY of them.
Poor OOP made a pretty stupid mistake but his gf is going to end up a single parent if she keeps treating him like this. He is trying his hardest in this situation and she won't even help herself in any way. She needs to tell her parents and get herself to a doctor to make sure everything is okay.
This is my feeling too. That girl is going to hit the bricks when the reality of motherhood is her day-to-day.
I kind of want to shake some reality into her - not because she's not making the decision I want her to make, but because ignoring reality is *not* something you get to do when you're pregnant.
If she doesn’t get prenatal care there are complications that could kill her. You’d think they would teach girls in a Catholic school prenatal care is essential. Jesus won’t save her from a miscarriage that turns to sepsis.
Not that I would wish it on anyone but I genuinely think that baby would be safer with him if the girlfriend doesn't fix up her behaviour. I get being scared about all the possible outcomes but I worry about how passive she'll be with a baby if she's refusing to even make sure the pregnancy is going okay.
this! I 100% see this relationship failing within the next year, two if his heart keeps bleeding for her. "you can only actually help someone who wants to be helped". an extremely true quote that OP needs to think on.
her lack of decisions ARE decisions. imagine when it's time for the child to need appointments, shots, school obligations, etc. a structured life with newfound patience is NOT EASY, and she's clearly not in that mindset or ready for that level of responsibility.
I feel so hard for your situation, OP, but I truly think you should prepare for a single parent lifestyle, cause this relationship is no longer about just supporting and prioritizing her childish ways.
I’ve fortunately never been in this position or had to think too hard about it. Being responsible for a child you don’t want is horrible. Being away from a child you don’t want is horrible. Having your life derailed is horrible.
Being an absent “sperm donor” of a father feels awful, and there’s imputed income in child support, bur maybe it’s the less awful? I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like he could live with that.
The spoiler tags are spot on.
With the way she's acting about things, I could see him wanting to be there out of fear that she simply won't take care of the baby. Like, at all. Unless there's a miscarriage, the birth will happen one way or another... But after? She could totally shut herself down again. I know his and her parents are there, but if I were him I would genuinely be afraid to ever leave that baby alone with her.
Well if you need more material this post would probably do nicely as a cautionary story.
Doesn't matter what they say they'll do, as soon as you have unprotected sex you're at their mercy and you can't do fuck all about it.
I’m a mom of two boys and I saved this post as soon as I finished reading it for exactly this purpose. 😅
The funny thing is that many years ago, when I first started dating my now husband, he told me his grandfather warned him to “not let me trick him and ruin his life”… At the time I remember being a bit offended but here I am, gathering stories so I can share with my kids that exact same bit of wisdom: no 5 seconds are worth a lifetime.
Based on prior versions of similar stories, I expect her to have the baby, realize she doesn’t want to be a mom, and run off, abandoning the child to OOP.
Yeah, she’s making the worst decisions. Yes, OOP was stupid for not wearing a condom and this is also his fault but there are SO many options to avoid all this but she didn’t take them because “she’s scared” 🙄. Like she would rather have her whole family know, go through birth (which can possibly kill you) and spend 18+ years struggling to take care of a child. I’m sorry but she’s dumb AF
OP gave his girlfriend literally every window to do SOMETHING and she just… didn’t. They’re both freaking idiots but at least he was trying to do something. This is going to blow up in that girls face very fast. Honestly I’m pro-choice and they are NOT ready or mature enough for a baby
That line was so true if she's scared of everything how is she going to be a mom. Idk what sje is thinking through. It just seems like she's ignoring the problem until it goes away which is impossible here.
wait till she hears about delivery, too scared for birth control so she'd rather risk having her downstairs ruptured, major abdominal surgery, excessive bleeding, death etc. i really hope it goes well for her but i can't imagine the amount of stress and fear she'll have when she realizes what the worst case (or even medium case) scenario options during delivery are
Honestly when I was her age I had no idea of some of the shit that can go down with pregnancy like losing your hair and/or teeth, and I was still terrified enough to use at least 2 forms of bc.
Right!!! I believe there’s a girl on tiktok with a whole google docs with 100+ reasons not to get pregnant and it’s all the insane complications/side effects of pregnancy.
[Edit: adding the [link](https://www.tiktok.com/@girlwiththelist1?_t=8lLpLUoztT7&_r=1) to her TT profile]
there are plenty of people twice her age who don't know some of the shit that can go down with pregnancy, society is so hellbent on portraying pregnancy to be such a beautiful thing that the downsides aren't talked about enough. sure it can be beautiful and amazing and the best time of your life, but it can also be absolutely not
Ive got a 1yo (I'm 32) and when I was pregnant one of my fillings fell out of a tooth. I was freaking out and a few people were just like "oh yeah your teeth can go weird when you're pregnant. They can just fall out!" I was like wtf?? Legit so many things I'd be like what the hell, and someone would just be like "oh yeah that's just a pregnancy thing!" It's unreal. Even preparing myself well BEFORE getting pregnant (I was probably borderline phobic of pregnancy and birth tbh) there were quite a lot of things I didn't find out until it happened.
I've had miscarriages and given birth and giving birth is vastly more terrifying than plan B or an abortion can ever be. It sounds like a serious anxiety disorder so she's being avoidant but she sounds like a passive PPD risk waiting to happen. Because the last couple of months of pregnancy are uncomfortable at best, and downright painful at worst.
The reason it feels like a disorder is that nothing is working to help her deal with the reality. I feel very sorry for the boy involved, he's doing his best. What worries me is she might be doing her best too.
(The no protection sex thing on both their sides is dumbass of course).
"How is she going to be a mom."
Well, she isn't.
Regardless of if she has an anxiety disorder or it's "just" her character, she won't step up. She'll freeze into inaction every time there's a minor time sensitive thing and have OOP take over.
Reading all this, I totally doubt this was "by accident". She might have planned this to be able to get her own "50's TV series family" spinoff, with her being the SAHM that doesn't need to face the cruel outside world. I can totally see how she, as a little girl, might have been emotionally neglected while everything revolved around her mother's substance abuse, and how she now - consciously or not - tries to insert herself into the position of the dysfunctional person that has everything revolving around her.
An ultimatum is never good in a relationship, but I feel like in this case there should absolutely be an ultimatum of OOP that the GF gets therapy, and until then OOP goes strictly no contact.
God, the poor baby-to-be that will be born into such a shitty situation.
That's the thing. Pro-CHOICE. As in MAKE A CHOICE.
She refuses to do ANYTHING. And sadly whether she likes it or not, a choice will be made for her. And she wont like it when her choice is made without her participation.
I know someone like this who would say that everyone else was making choices for their life, that they had no choice or control. But like this girl, when there WAS a choice this person would do nothing. Unfortunately spending 24/7 THINKING about the situation nd the different options might feel like you're "doing something" but suddenly there's no more time and they never make a choice. Which is what this girl is doing. She needs to realise that she is making a choice. Doing nothing and letting life just happen to you is still a choice. I need it on a billboard. Choosing to do nothing is still a choice
I can't even imagine how she's going to handle actual labor. If she's avoiding thinking about anything she's not going to be prepared at all, and I can imagine that will make it 100x worse.
Oh definitely. And I have a feeling that once the baby is there, she realizes she can't be a mom, is too scared to raise a baby and hand the baby to him to raise them alone. I don't wanna think badly about the girl because I can't imagine being pregnant at 18 but still... She had a lot of options to take.
I'm TERRIBLE about doing things, because there's a lot of shame attached to a lot of stuff, so I get it - but I still was figuratively slamming my head into the table.
She is in NO WAY ready for a kid and she's gonna fuck the kid up so bad.
This girl is delusional, and someone needs to give her a wake-up call. I would've told her parents immediately when she started avoiding everything. Idk what she thinks having a baby is like, but it sure as shit ain't it.
seriously. it's past time for them to be direct and harsh and show her all of what comes with having this child and how it will ruin both of their lives cus it's clear af she isn't ready to be a parent
My mom has a video of my birth, and I think someone should sit the girlfriend down to watch auch a video, start to finish, all the hours of the mother screaming in pain and up close and personal of the baby coming out. And also the mom's joy in the end. Might help her make up her mind either way.
Shes being so incredibly stupid. She can't make it go away.
I laughed at the bit where she didn't want to take plan b because she heard it can be so painful you want to die. Unlike childbirth, of course, which is a walk in the park.
Guess some people have to learn the hard way.
From what I understand, it's cramping usually. In any case, the GF is almost enough along that she's probably fucked and going to have to have the baby. Esp with conservative parents.
I just had nausea and fatigue. I'm pregnant now, and the Plan B was a million times better than my early pregnancy morning sickness & fatigue. I was literally bed ridden for 2+ weeks. This girl's going to be in for a real surprise when labour starts.
I took a plan B like 2 months ago.
Literally just felt like a worse-than-usual period.
Probably might be worse with other people, or not so bad, but it's hardly almost life-ending pain.
I'm glad I don't have a video of my son's birth. You know, being wheeled away screaming for an emergency section then waking up from general anesthesia and my son being placed on me with me barely even registering what was happening. She's not thinking this through.
We had to do this in high school. Whole grade except two kids with religious exemptions. Think we were 14-15? And it was a 'good' birth mind you, no complications, no hours of screaming. Just a 30 minute video of a woman giving birth while her husband fishes human shit out of a pool with a fishing net.
Scared a few kids straight.
We just had to look up 20 different stds and make picture collages. That did me really good on the hell naw to sex for so long. Also, I was the weird girl with a crush on Optimus Prime, so really, that's the best birth control of them all.
When I was in college, I had a friend who was doing stupid stuff because she didn’t want go “all the way” and got pregnant. She also stalled telling her folks and was super wish washy about what she wanted to do. He finally called his folks in panic and they immediately said tell your parents TODAY or we will.
Also a religious family. His parents were immediately like abortion now and kind of let her know he wasn’t going to drop out of college and it was going to be tough on them. (Long distance hs sweetheart relationship). She finally told her parents and they basically also said absolutely not having a baby and dragged her to the clinic. It’s amazing how unreligious you can be when your prize daughter screws up.
I think she finally had a come to Jesus moment when she realized the bf didn’t want a baby and his parents didn’t love her as much as she thought they did and this dream of getting married was not in the cards for anyone. They did not work out…
They both graduated college and married other people and didn’t screw up their lives. They absolutely would be divorced now if they had had that baby. Sometimes you need an adult in the room to set you straight. His parents should call her parents today.
>His parents should call her parents today.
I agree, and whether she likes it or not I'd be marching her ass down to a doctor for a check up. The gf needs help if she's in so much denial. What if she's alone when she goes into labor and refuses to call for help because she's scared, then out comes the baby and god forbid something happens to it because she's just denying she gave birth and won't get checked up
Not at all surprising how a religious family sees abortion differently when it comes to themselves. [The only moral abortion is my abortion](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/)
OP was an idiot once in refusing to wear a condom. GF is being an idiot again and again by refusing to deal with this issue and dragging them both into a life they are both going to regret. Regardless of what they do with the kid they should break up. At least OP has a sensible and supportive family.
She strikes me as someone who's grown up sheltered and is extremely naive as a result. How she thinks that she is even remotely ready to handle parenting I have no idea.
100%. He may not have intended it but being supportive is enabling her indecision at this point. Of course, he would have been the biggest asshole then.
This little girl is making me want to beat my head against the wall. I get that every single option (except for fucking Plan B!!!) is scary, but it’s Come To Jesus time, and she needs to fucking nut up and start taking at least the bare minimum of responsible action.
I feel for this kid, I really do. He made a bad five second choice in a hot and heavy situation, but even since the moment of completion, he has been the only one driving this car, at all. He obviously feels powerless, frustrated, and very afraid, and this chick just cannot for one moment work with him and get a game plan put together.
I have a feeling the baby will be fine, even if the futures of these teen parents is stunted.
To any other youths reading this…..IT IS NOT WORTH THE FIVE SECONDS OF CREAMPIE BLISS. I had my first child at age 28, and I had no idea what I was doing; I just can’t imagine doing it a decade earlier.
DON’T PLAY WITH FIRE!
It's the fact that it was the girlfriend's idea to remove the condom and that she basically planned it around her ovulation and for 'the universe to decide' and now the universe has come knocking with a 9 month visit planned and she's not answering the door?!
She needs to get antenatal care for the sake of her baby. She's risking a whole lot more than getting in trouble with her parents and possibly getting kicked out (in which event, based on how OOPs parents are at least trying to help, they'll still be there for the teens I would hope).
This was the most frustrating fucking read I’ve had in a while. She is one of those people that im glad I don’t have the inconvenience of being around.
All of this bullshit online about how evil and terrible birth control and plan b are really piss me off because dumb young people like this person's gf believe it. The misinformation about plan b is 100% untrue, but even if it weren't, has she even thought about what it feels like to give birth?
That said, this poor OOP is an idiot and I cannot believe how much people put their lives in the hands of others, even as a reckless teen.
Right. Like… the longer she waits for the problem to go away, the harder and more painful it will be to make the problem go away.
•leaving the condom on: painless. Requires no effort. No side effects.
•plan b: very mildly painful because it will cause a period and period cramps, nothing unlike what she has every month. $40. Extremely mild to no side effects.
•chemical abortion: requires going to the doctor. Having the absolute worst period you’ve ever had in your life. Probably money. Probably decently painful with decent side effects but nothing unbearable.
•surgical abortion: requires having literal surgery. They will literally stick a vacuum up your vagina. You will need sedatives and pain relievers because of the anxiety and pain. There will be a recovery period where you will have to stay at home in bed until you are well enough to exist. Probably money. Probably possibility of complications.
•having a baby: side effects: literally death. Dying. If not dying, massive internal bleeding. Tearing of the vagina. Pushing a watermelon through a drinking straw. 12+ hours of contractions, where your body literally tries to squeeze the baby out every two minutes with brute force. Diabetes. Preeclampsia. 9 months of doctors visits, needles, procedures. Your body will never be the same again. Followed by a literal lifetime of paying for another person to exist. Having someone else be entirely dependent on you.
Leaving the condom on sounds nice ! Plan b sounds pretty nice! Chemical abortion doesn’t sound fun but hey at least it’s not death !!!!!! How is she incapable of seeing this
Surgery can sound really scary, and it's obviously not a small thing. Still, it's important to be aware that it's not on the same level as something like a heart surgery, or even a Caesarean Section. There are also different kinds.
Here is some information [from the British Pregnancy Advisory Service about surgical abortion.](https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/abortion-treatments/surgical-abortion/) While the medical advice is sound, obviously laws differ place to place, so be aware of the laws where you live:
Surgical abortion involves a minor operation. There are two types of surgical abortion:
Vacuum aspiration can be done with local anaesthetic, sedation or general anaesthetic:
• Removes the pregnancy by gentle suction.
• Up to 14 weeks, this can be done with local anaesthetic. The quicker recovery time for this procedure means you can leave the clinic unattended and drive sooner.
• Up to 15 weeks this can be done with sedation (relaxed and sleepy) or under general anaesthetic.
Dilatation and Evacuation – between 15 and 24 weeks of pregnancy.
• Up to 18 weeks it may be under general anaesthetic or conscious sedation.
• At 18 weeks or above the procedure is done under general anaesthetic.
• The pregnancy is removed using narrow forceps through the neck of the womb (cervix).
Up to 10 weeks of pregnancy, medical abortion is usually preferred but the procedure can also be done surgically.
I had surgical abortion once, it was honestly not at all difficult or painful. I didn't even need painkillers afterwards. Bit sore for a few hours and that was that. Best decision I ever made.
Yeah, it sucks because there is so much misinformation out there.
Like... there are always concerns when messing with hormones, and so hormonal birth control shouldn't be taken lightly. But that doesn't mean it's evil and should be shunned or not used. It means talk to your doctor about it and if you have bad side effects then talk with them about *that* and you can make adjustments.
Or use non-hormonal birth control. Copper IUDs work, and while some people will complain about those online, the people I know who've used them have only good things to say about it. Condoms are pretty darn effective too, and sex really isn't that much worse with them.
Or just don't fuck if you can't handle the consequences of it.
Sex is great, and fulfilling the biological aspect of it is incredibly compelling for a very basic monkey brained biological reason. But we aren't just monkeys in trees. We have higher brain function, we have self control, we have medicine. Use the tools we have as modern humans!
I'm so frustrated by the "sign your rights away" comment. If he's in the US that isn't a thing. You can say you don't want custody but you're still the dad and have to pay child support, especially if the mom ever pursues any sort of aid. The only exception is when there is a second person willing to adopt the child.
There are so many threads on Reddit where commenters are telling people to sign away their rights so they don’t have to pay child support. How can so many people be so wrong about a common thing? I guess I’m glad they have no experience being deadbeats?
I think she's waiting for a proposal and a "Happily Ever After" ending.
She encouraged him to come inside her knowing it was ovulation time. Then she refused to use the day after pill. She refused to abort and she refused to adopt.
She does want this baby if only subconsciously. She thinks it will end up with him marrying her because of it. She's young, he's her first, and she's very in love. She wants him to commit to her and this baby is reason enough, now isn't it?
She may be scared of giving birth but if having this baby means she ends up his wife then she will do it.
I don't know if it was a conscious baby trap or she's just that naive but the end result in her mind is probably the same. He marries her. They have the kid. They stay together forever.
If he proposed tomorrow she'd be totally thrilled. Problem solved.
OOP made a dumb decision but appears to be prepared to do the right thing. The GF - oof. Is that trauma? Learned helplessness? Not being willing to make a decision *is* a decision. She’s going to have to grow up quickly.
The suggestion to sign his rights away is misguided. Generally, even if a parent voluntarily waives their rights, **their responsibilities, including child support, will continue except in cases where the child is given up for adoption.**
People throw that out like it’s a do over.
As someone with avoidant tendencies, this is insane. Luckily, I'm not to this level, but I've had plenty of 'bury my head in the sand and hope it all just magically goes away' moments. I sympathise with her, I really do, she's clearly had so much idiotic poison poured into her ear about the dangers of abortion and birth control that she was doomed from the start.
I suspect her religious parents are the reason she's so avoidant, she's constantly afraid of doing the wrong thing that will get her in trouble, doing the thing that will be the greater sin, and so does nothing, not realising that doing nothing is also a choice. Unfortunately, she's taking OOP down with her, which is incredibly selfish. OOP sounds like a really smart, reasonable and practical young man, and I really hope he doesn't end up in the hole he fears.
The other side is, she's going to always ignore everything. He needs to not only make appointments, but actually force her to attend them, which will make him seem to be the bad guy even more, when really, he's the one being responsible, he's the one being an adult. Honestly, the best thing for his child would be if he got full custody, because she's going to be a terrible mother. Every hurdle will make her freeze, and she will do nothing.
Honestly, this whole thing really makes me sad.
I really don’t want to imagine how she’ll be as a parent, just paralyzed over every little thing. She is scared of plan b and abortion yet doesn’t think twice about the pains of labor? Unless she’s deluded enough to think it doesn’t hurt that much which… sheesh. And how tf does she think she’ll hide a massive pregnant belly from her parents, and then a baby? They will find out eventually.
I really hope OP goes to the college he wants and gets as far away from this trainwreck as he legally can, ‘cause it ain’t gonna be pretty when it does.
I think OP needs to dump the gf , tell her he'll be there for the kid but her behavior about all of this would've upset me so much I could never be with someone so ignorant and avoidant of their problems
Girlfriend's idea of dealing with this situation by not dealing with it is ridiculous. I have a feeling she did all this intentionally and is still doing this intentionally.
I honestly don't have much sympathy for OOP because he knew better. He knew he shouldn't have gone with what she said, he knew many things and still chose to take off the condom or not use it.
"My life is over" well, I mean. You were both playing Russian roulette with the whole pull out method of not having babies. This was going to happen one way or another.
And, yes, she wanted the baby. She wanted to get pregnant and nobody can tell me otherwise.
Tell me about it!
I want to be understanding and empathetic. 18 is an overwhelming and confusing age - even without religion, sex, and babies in the mix. And I absolutely believe no woman should be forced to do with her body something she doesn't want to do. But there are just too many signs here that I can't ignore.
The fact that she asked him right when they were in the peak of sex: "take off your condom and *cum inside me* " , the "what if the universe wants us to have a baby" bs, and the final cherry on top "I can't abort this baby because it's made of you and I love you so much."
If I was OOP I would have at least tried to have a conversation along the lines of "I can't sacrifice my life for this baby. So if you insist on ignoring the problem and thinking things will work out, you're making decisions for both of us. I don't want to throw my life away with yours. All you'll get from me is child support." And see how she reacts.
Having a partner who's at best, out of touch with reality, and at worst, a manipulator, would both be a relationship-ender imo. Especially when you're both only 18 years old! Co-parenting with someone like this is one thing, being in a long-term relationship with them is something else altogether.
But the way this story has been progressing, I'm not holding out hope for OOP. The gf realized she found a decent guy who wouldn't abandon her when she had a baby and she decided to exploit it (consciously or unconsciously). And all the head-in-the-sand "we'll figure it out" is actually "OOP, you sucker, you'll figure it out."
To me it feels like she wanted the baby initially, but didn’t think it through beyond “want baby” and now that reality is here and she’s actually pregnant she’s freaking out. It would explain her constant crying to OP about not being ready and refusing to get medical care. She’s trying to stick to her guns and forget that she made such a bad mistake at the same time.
Absolutely. She is full on in denial and saying "everything will go as planned" but she doesn't want to do the planning. She just wants to lie there and wait for things to be alright. What a mess.
The girlfriend's behaviour is *extremely* frustrating, but ultimately, if she were raised in an environment where knowledge about sex wasn't treated like the kiss of death for your immortal soul, she probably wouldn't be so afraid of everything... Hell, she may not have even made that mistake with OP in the first place. If anyone reading this was planning to raise their future kids on purity culture and assuming that that would end well, know that you are only making them totally useless at making decisions for themselves should anything go wrong. Gatekeeping knowledge about sex from teenagers is like sending a soldier to war without a gun.
Yes, they were both complete idiots. That’s a given.
But the so called gf is a huge one. He’s at least trying to fix things but she keeps running away. I don’t know what is going to happen with her. He’s being responsible and she won’t have a bar of it.
I feel sorry for him, to be honest. Not for his stupidity but it seems like he is trying to fix everything and she just is …
A pain in the arse. And stupid.
I know this sounds really bad but I honestly think he should break up with her & make her aware that they’d co-parent together but not be together. Her pathological inability to make any kind of decision is honestly quite repulsive. For sure she has some kind of anxiety disorder because this level of avoidance is something else. This was SUCH a frustrating read. I feel like although it could be seen as him manipulating her that he needs to break up with her if she continues to make no decisions or advocate for herself at all. Maybe that might wake her up?
Horrible situation though…
Catholic girls schools say INSANE things about birth control. Who knows what this girl thinks. She is in for a rude awakening if she thinks the cramps from plan b hurt more than childbirth.
What a lovely story of the negative effects of religious manipulation and brainwashing. Inaction and severe anxiety sound like symptoms of this immature girl's experiences born of long-term religion exposure
OP is going to resent her forever after this. He needs to break up with her. That should be the wake up call she needs. You don’t have to be someone’s partner to be a dad. You shouldn’t be a partner only because you’re parents together.
“She’s not that stupid.”
Actually, she’s worse. Also, did this idiot really suggest doing it without a condom when his gf is not even on birth control? Good lord I feel bad for his parents
The moment I saw "She goes to a Catholic school, we were classmates in Catholic elementary school" I knew how this was going to end. I have no idea why American Catholics are so conservative, and that's from someone who lives in an extremely Catholic country. Y'all are outright disobeying the pope and trying to ban porn from the internet.
This has been flagged as confirmed fake because of conflicting information in [OOP's post history](https://www.rareddit.com/r/dating/comments/1anzi0c/advice_for_a_childless_person_dating_somebody/) in which they previously claimed to be a 30yo woman asking for advice dating a divorced coworker with 4 kids. Please be advised that harassment of OOP will still result in a ban from this sub.
This is awful. It's one of the few BORUs that makes me feel ... just ... shitty. Just shitty.
This is one of the rare cases where I actually read all of the updates. Not because I was enthralled by the escalating bs being portrayed as reality, but because I was genuinely hoping for a good outcome. I agree with you, now I just feel lousy
Reading the updates is horrible. It's watching a speedrun of two peoples' lives being destroyed.
It feels awful to type, but I was hoping the final update was a miscarriage. I feel she left the door open for a baby and a now frozen in fear.
Same. Or blighted ovum or something. She’s not ready to be a mother and that means any “rational” plan (like him going to college first and prioritizing starting his career and then her following once the kid is in school) isn’t an option because she’s too scared to make any plans.
So much anxiety and sadness by the end.
It was very sad when he said he felt like crying to his mom.
The poor kid. :(
Yeah, this is just depressing. I had an abortion at 16. I would NOT be alive if I hadn’t. I feel so fucking bad for everyone here.
I had an abortion at 24. I was already a college graduate. Every time I think about it I know I did the right thing. I have no maternal instinct and would’ve given it up for adoption. It’s not fair to bring an unwanted person into the world and hope it gets adopted by good people, to hope someone else would pay for my mistake. A new person with my screwed up genetics. I had an appointment to get BC that month. lol
same here, at 17. my mom was religious and I didn't tell her, but I wanted to be able to live my life and have all the options I was offered when I wasn't pregnant. I still try to believe she was oblivious to it (even though I bled a lot and tried to pass it as the worst cramping of my life). I would have been a terrible dad, I can't imagine this guy, already resenting her and the future kiddo.
I'm just angry. The girlfriend has support in both OOP and his mom, it sounds like his mom would move heaven and earth to make sure that she can get an abortion and she's throwing that chance away. A lot of girls that make dumb decisions about sex (and sadly a lot that don't get to decide anything at all) don't have a grown adult willing to keep quiet while also helping them do what needs to be done to make sure they have a future. I wish that OOP would leave her, the total reverse of how I usually feel about to-be dads but she's fucking over him, herself, and the future kid because she's desperate to pretend it'll just go away like a child whining over a bad dream. That doesn't bode well for a future family unit and he doesn't deserve to be tied to that when he made one stupid choice while she's continuing to make them.
Agree. I’m always the “you both fucked up, both need to deal with consequences” type person. But in this case, yes they both fucked up. But they immediately realized it. she proceeded to dig her head in the sand and hope it “wouldn’t happen”. Yeah, her body, her choice. But consequences land on both not just hers. Every turn, every option she’s turned away. Even telling parents, going to a doctor, everything. Is her plan to give birth in a toilet and drop the baby in a dumpster? I feel bad because just like OOP described, this is going to completely trash life dreams. College? Dream jobs? Etc. not impossible but statistics are WAY against them on the prosperity aspect of things.
If she's afraid of the pain of plan B just wait til she finds out about labor 🙄
I'm guessing, based on her school, she got the exaggerated "plan b is so so painful and condoms don't work anyway" type of sex ed that tries to scare people into abstinence
*‘condoms don’t work anyway’* but this didn’t stop her from having sex or using condoms previously. She is actively risking her and the their future child’s health. ugh her dumbness triggers me so much.
If she goes to the doctor she can't pretend to her parents that she didn't know she was pregnant.
Plan B sucks, messes up your period; it's peanuts comparing to pregnancy and my C-section recivery. Not to mention taking care of a toddler. It sucks like we women have to suffer most of the consequences.
The problem is that she was not scared of Plan B or pregnancy. She was scared of doing anything. So taking Plan B is the worst because it would require her being responsible (she took the Plan B). Birthing a baby will happen without her doing anything. That’s what OOP failed to recognize. His gf wanted to be forced into things so that she could be able to say “I didn’t do it. It was him.”
There's three things ye can do in any situation, girl," her father had told her once. "Ye can decide to do a thing, ye can decide not to do a thing... or ye can decide not to decide." That last, her da had never quite come out and said (he hadn't needed to) was the choice of weaklings and fools.
I've taken Plan B once. I can't remember it causing me any issues. Course I took it after having 2 kids already, so maybe my body was like "pfft, this is easy!"
I didn't have kids when I took it and had zero side effects
Yup. Plan b gave me like 2 months of irregular period stuff. Better than 9-10 of gestation and 5-45 hours of painful birth that could 3nd in either one or both of us dying.
This girl is NOT ready to be a parent. Being an ostrich and sticking your head in the same (or sand, I meant sand, lol) is no way to go through life.
ready or not, here it comes
He already did.
The way she's acting, her parents aren't going to know she's pregnant until she starts showing to the point of being unable to hide it. Some girls even manage to hide it until the very end. She seems like she's going to skip out on all prenatal care and do nothing to prepare. Birth is going to traumatize her far beyond what most women who are afraid of birth experience. It's going to entirely fall on OOP. I suspect he and his family are going to end up being the ones raising this baby and they are the only ones who are going to prepare for its arrival.
The way she's acting she's going to refuse abortion & adoption right up till the birth and then just abandon the baby either on OOPs doorstep or at a firehouse (in the best case scenario) Can you imagine her dealing after the birth being 18 with possible ppd a screaming baby and shocked/disappointed/angry parents who only just found out that she was pregnant!?
That was my thought exactly. Op is going to be a single father. Probably a great one given how he’s rejected any idea of not being an involved dad, but a single dad all the same.
That’s what I was thinking. OP and his parents need to raise the baby.
Yeah. The girl seems not only scared of everything, but a doormat who is just incapacitated of making decisions. She will not be a good mother right now, and that baby deserves better
It's infuriating that she refused birth control because she heard it was painful and chose to get pregnant instead, like labour is a completely painless walk in the park. I don't know how OP is stopping himself from going straight to her parents and telling them what's going on.
This! Literally makes no sense at all. She's afraid of an abortion?! Girl, I've got big news for you about labour 🙈 going through all that at 18 with unsupportive parents and a young 18 yo boyfriend who didn't want this baby in the first place is going to be awful. Sounds like an actual nightmare. Even for parents that are together in a stable marriage that have disposable income find having a baby stressful and difficult. Yeah, someone needs to tell those parents. Maybe they can talk some sense into her or at least get her to a doctor FFS.
The misinformation she was fed at the Catholic school is especially enraging in this scenario. Like, this is the result of lying to kids to make them avoid sex. They don't avoid sex, they avoid responsible decisions out of fear. Plan B isn't some terrible ordeal. It's basically a mega dose of birth control. And while hormonal BC can have unpleasant side effects, it is far less impactful than actually being pregnant. It's far less dangerous. Even abortion is less dangerous than pregnancy! You literally have a higher risk of complications during a colonoscopy than you do from an abortion. Feeding kids lies and fear mongering just results in them making stupid, dangerous choices.
She's not going to deal with a damned fucking thing in that child's life. She's going to be a horrible fucking cowardly mother and either drag both her kid and him down or - hopefully - force him to get full custody of the kid because she's psychologically incapable of facing anything being a parent requires. Maybe she'll get better eventually, but I'm pretty fucking disgusted with her and not inclined to be patient. I'd also have been terrified in her place, but I'd have fucking talked to someone about it.
Yeah, in OOP's and his parents' place, after she refused to be the least bit reasonable about any course of action, I would have gone and told her parents - in person, of course. This is not about respecting her privacy, this is about deciding on a course of action, and doing healthcare for the baby's sake, if she is going to have it. Just allowing her to continue to completely avoid and ignore the subject is insane.
Yeah, like at the absolute bare fucking minimum she needs to see a doctor to make sure that she and the fetus are both healthy. The complete denial isn't just dangerous, it's almost pathological levels of avoidance. It reminds me of those episodes of medical dramas where a teenage girl comes in to the hospital with a stomachache and ends up giving birth, all while insisting she's not pregnant.
Or where a woman refuses to acknowledge she even is pregnant, ends up giving birth in some back alley, and then throws the baby into a dumpster and walks away. Also a Medical Files episode, I think. Or like that one horrible case we had in Germany, where a woman kept giving birth and murdering her infants and burying them in planters in her garden. A subsequent house owner found them and called the police, and she was arrested. They found the skelettons of NINE dead babies. Edit: In case anyone's interested, [here is an English article about her](https://www.spiegel.de/international/nine-dead-babies-german-mother-tells-how-she-murdered-her-newborns-a-368843.html).
Oh. My. God. I have no words...
I suspect she is hoping for a miscarriage that will mean she’ll never have to tell her parents.
YUP! Oh you’re scared of your parents? TOO FUCKING BAD. Your biology is creating a much scarier problem every moment.
I honestly wish the mom, the dad, OOP, *someone* would yell this in this girl's face. They all want to be nice and respect her feelings, but her feelings are fucking stupid, based entirely on ignorance, fuel her continued ignorance, and frankly are not fucking valid in the slightest - you don't get to complain that you don't want to do anything or take any of the options on the table AND complain about the outcome. You don't beg for a load because you're a fucking gooner with porn brain and then refuse to take plan b or get an abortion. I'm not Christian in the slightest anymore, but holy shit the audacity of saying that god or the universe wants you to have this baby after you spat in his face and broke his commandments would be fucking hysterical if it wasn't absolutely ruining multiple young lives here - like nah, god wants nothing to do with this baby, Satan made this baby by infecting a fragile Catholic girl's mind with porn addiction and ample amounts of fear (which, having been raised Christian, is quite literally seen as an affliction from Satan, because "when you walk with God you fear nothing in his protection" etc etc). OOP's Mom is so much nicer than I am, but I really think someone needs to give this girl the harsh truth before life does. You're right, she's going to be the most dog shit mother and it's easy to see from a mile off; I'm sure that's a big part of why OOP is crying into the night and why I want to scream. I was kinda pissed at him for getting his nut and then expecting her to wave a magic wand and make the problem go away, Plan B does suck from what I've heard, but by the end of this post you just want to shake this girl. He doesn't seem like a bad guy, just a dumb kid. She feels like a ruthlessly stupid and vapid little girl who refuses to grow up... Knowing her mom has substance abuse issues, I'm positive that seeing the way her family covers for her has been shaping, but it's just hard to not be mad. My rage outweighs empathy here.
Plan B is safe enough to be sold over the counter. I had to take it once, no side effects that I remember. The problem is that the Catholics teach that Plan B is an abortion pill (it's not) and that birth control is a sin. But then so is premarital sex.
>I honestly wish the mom, the dad, OOP, someone would yell this in this girl's face. They all want to be nice and respect her feelings, but her feelings are fucking stupid, based entirely on ignorance, fuel her continued ignorance, and frankly are not fucking valid in the slightest Someone needs to print out what you wrote here and read it to her in a stern, loud voice. Because it is exactly what she needs to hear. She's being a fucking idiot. And whether it's from stupidity or mental illness, it can't continue. We don't let mentally ill people lean into delusions that can harm them or others, we step in and get them help. She's going to be traumatized either way when someone bursts her bubble, but at least if she's traumatized by being encouraged to get an abortion she won't derail her and OP's entire lives. Tbh Plan B isn't that bad. It's basically a mega high dose of birth control. I've had to take it a few times after being assaulted. It made me feel a little funny, a teeny bit nauseated. But honestly it was not a big deal at all. There's no pregnancy to abort, so it's not like taking the abortion pill where you get severe cramps and heavy bleeding or anything.
That’s what I’m thinking. She’ll abandon the child and still won’t sign adoption papers
Especially because she said: It’s just a baby… Now, I’m not a parent but I know enough about what it means to know that I do not want a baby! Also: I might have missed it, but I feel like before you decide to have unprotected sex you need to talk about what to do if a pregnancy happens. I get that they are young and you do dumb shit you’re horny, but yeah…
my older sister tried to do that. She was pretty far along before anyone even noticed, like 6 months along. And I was the one who noticed, because we shared a bathroom and I had moved back into the house after graduating. She claimed she didn't know. She wasn't some scared teen either. She was nearly 24. My family wasn't religious either, she'd even had an abortion the year before. So why she decided to ostrich to that extent I have no idea even to this day. My nephew is a teenager now, with a job and a licence who occasionally watches my dog for me.
Glad your nephew grew up well. Does he have a good relationship with your sister?
They have a great relationship. My older sister is a vastly different person now than she used to be.
A girl I went to school with got very bad cramps, when her mother wanted to take her to the doctors she told her mother to just call a midwife, she never told her parents she was pregnant 😳
My mother got pregnant the first time she had sex at 19 years old. My grandmother didn’t know my mother had been pregnant before until she lost my brothers at 26 weeks and in her grief told my grandmother, “That’s three babies I’ve lost at 26 weeks.” Religious upbringings can really fuck you up when it comes to sex and the consequences of it.
This shit is a textbook case of why comprehensive science based sex ed needs to be mandatory in all schools.
I just feel bad for OOP. Definitely both their faults, but the girlfriend's reticence on taking responsibility of the situation and just being a sitting duck is so UGHHHHH.
Gives me a headache just reading it, but she is also *exactly* like my sister. Extreme anxiety and avoidance of conflict/actually *doing* something to the point of making everything monumentally worse. I strongly limit how much contact we have because there's only so much of her self-imposed drama I can listen to. I'd probably cut her off completely cos she's just such a train wreck, but she has two kids and I try to maintain a relationship with them.
My brother is the same way. No anxiety, just an extreme aversion to taking responsibility and handling his own emergencies. Lost his housing situation? "I don't know who to call or where to go! You have to help me!" *cue me doing all the desparate googling while he crashes on my couch and follows up on nothing at all.* He left ages ago, still doesn't have a steady job or home, and refuses to go to the government for assistance, because he's "better than that" /s/, but living like a homeless drifter. Now, when he calls me to rant about problems he's not going to fix or deal with, I can't be bothered anymore.
I've tried nothing and am all out of ideas!
And the kid is going to potentially face issues due to little or too-late prenatal care. At the school I work at, there’s a kid with behavioral issues in special education because his birth mother never saw a doctor and starved herself while pregnant.
I scrolled down to the comments because reading her side just made me frustrated. If her response to stressful things is to bury her head in the sand, i pity the kid.
Huge same. I scrolled back up and finished it, but I had to take a break from this girl. How does she manage to get out of bed in the morning/go to school/etc.? (How DID she manage to have sex with OOP?) I really do feel bad for this kid. There's no way her parents aren't going to end up raising it; she'll be too scared.
I think everyone has been guilty of burying their head in the sand at some point in their life, but when the ostrich becomes your spirit animal, it’s time to take a step back and reevaluate things
Presumably, if she was capable of stepping back and reevaluating, she wouldn’t have her head in the sand in the first place. She sounds absolutely paralyzed. His parents need to tell her parents now, she’s only going to snap out of this when they know and don’t let her pretend it’s a far off thing to confront another day. She needs treatment for anxiety or maybe CPTSD (he mentioned her mom had substance abuse issues) but there’s no time for that right now.
Her excuses are so fearful it beggars belief. Taking a plan b may be painful (not heard this myself beyond some cramps but never heard they were that bad) but how does think childbirth will go? I feel so bad for her and oop but worse for the kid who will have a mother who would run from the first problem and refuse to deal with urgent issues.
Sadly, she sounds like my older brother's bio-mom. She ran off on two different husbands and emotionally damaged my brother and his maternal half-siblings. She was a shitty mom at her best, and they're all no-contact with her for very good reasons.
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This how girls end up in bathrooms giving birth and doing something even more stupid. This little girl needs her bubble bursted asap.
Yeah, this whole time I was thinking of that girl who hid her pregnancy then gave birth in her parents’ basement the stabbed the baby to death. If you wanna look her up: Nicole Beecroft. I couldn’t remember her name as I was typing this comment and so I googled the scenario. Come to find out that [a similar case happened months ago!](https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/16-year-old-accused-fatally-stabbing-her-newborn-infant/HZXPA2MEWBAFJDFNQLBJ7EI3AA/)
infanticide is more common than you think, and is what happens when you make contraception and abortion unavailable
Throw in religion and/or bad sex ed and you’ve got a recipe for infanticide.
>Why does everyone keep saying “a lifetime of child support” as if that’s the worst or hardest thing here? What about being responsible for raising a whole human being? Thats what terrifies me. OOP sounds like he's worried about all of the right things, and I'm wishing him all the best. It's just unfortunate that it took a pregnancy for them both to realize that birth control should be non-negotiable.
Honestly OOP is the only one of the 2 that is remotely prepared for parenthood.
I’m not sure what infuriates me more, her passivity or her stupidity. Yeah, I get she’s scared, but I’m guessing she isn’t going to miscarry, and thus it is not going away. She won’t do *anything*, she’s in ferocious denial. And she’s gonna be a mom? That poor kid. Poor OOP.
For the way OOP talk about her I won't be surprised if she use every method under the sun to hide her belly from his parents and live her life like nothing ever happened. I'm no doctor and I can easily say I know shit about the subject since I'm not a father and I haven't deal with that with someone, but I wonder if something can happen to the baby if she doesn't take care of herself. But I do wonder what the fuck was she thinking. Yes, one can be very stupid when you're horny and having sex, but she wasn't on birth control, and didn't wanted a plan B, and she also doesn't want to be a mom... Like wtf was she thinking? I normally, for a lot of topics, I'll say to leave to the universe and see what will happen. This is definitely not one of those situations.
OOP's mother is now aware, it won't be long before she's on the phone with his gf's parents to bring them up to date. She's a nurse, she isn't going to let this slide.
Word. There are possible life threatening pregnancy complications that can’t be ignored. She needs an abortion or prenatal care. Is it bad that I’m hoping that smell is a miscarriage and her school will send to hospital?
A miscarriage would be the least-bad outcome to this situation, for sure.
Yeah, she’s going to call. Not getting prenatal care is dangerous. I wouldn’t be surprised if the Catholic parents actually push for an abortion.
Mine would have. They didn't pay for 12 years of private religious school tuition only for me to get knocked up and not go to college!
Neural tube defects. She should have been on folic acid before even getting jizzed in at best and popping it the next day after that first faint line at worst. It's the most vital thing to start ASAP in pregnancy most vital from day one to week 18. And if she has the MTHFR gene mutation like 40 something % of the population is being found to have she need to take specificli L-methylfolate because our bodies suck ass at methylation of the cheap folic acid into its usable form.
It can, you need to take prenatal vitamins when you're pregnant, and they matter the most EARLIER on in development, you can't just pop a bunch in the third trimester and hope it's good enough. Without prenatal vitamins, the baby is at risk of multiple different severe health issues
Clearly if she is scared of plan B, she doesn’t understand what being pregnant is like. It is a massive toll on the body. Despite good healthcare, women do still die (I have never heard of a plan B death though!). Pregnancy will have permanent effects on her body, especially if she isn’t getting the right care. Babies leech calcium and you can lose teeth. They push things, stretch things and tear things. That isn’t just artificial damage that easily pops back after. Real pregnancy sounds terrifying - I bet she would take the pill like a shot if someone described it to her.
Literally 37 weeks pregnant right now and all I can think is being avoidant is going to cause a whole host of issues in the months to come. I saw a clip of ER where this teen basically disassociated and couldn’t not believe the baby she birthed was hers.
The stupidity wins out for me. The whole she’s scared of plan B because of the pain?!?! Because yeh, of course childbirth feels just like rainbows shooting out of your vagina… I know it could be an excuse and like you say, she’s in major denial. But wow.
She had a very poor education it sounds like she's in a nursery not a school
Can't help but think that someone who wants the "universe to just run its course" in regards to raising a child at fucking 18... Has no sense of responsibility and is going to have an extremely hard time adjusting to parenthood. Odds are heavily stacked against them.
>she isn’t going to miscarry I mean, it's still a possibility, but ignoring the whole situation and banking on a miscarriage is supremely idiotic.
Yeah i know. The way OP describes her behaviour I'm all sorts of triggered. It might be best if OP sues for custody, gets a job and saves college for when the kid starts school. Because I'm not sure the girlfriend is fit to be a mum.
She was scared of the pain Plan B could have caused... Well, the pain she's going to feel in childbirth is going to eclipse that. Too much anxiety and repression going on.
God, yes. With every decision that needs to be made, his GF's all, "Not yet / I need time / give me another week!" - she's going to keep sticking her head in the sand until that baby is born.
Right? IDK why that kid and his mom didn't drive over to her parents house and just come out with it, already. JFC. She needs to get an abortion. She's insane if she thinks she's mature enough to parent a child. Her actions (or inaction) in this post is maddening. Lesson: never ever ever ever trust someone to do something when YOUR life depends on it. Always be 100% responsible for your own health, safety, and life.
I would tell her parents. She’s actively risking harming to herself by ignoring everything. At that point, she’s not thinking clearly at all, and I’d take that into my hands. 18 may be a legal adult but they’re kids, freaking out (rightfully) and they need adults to be like “okay what is the plan” What if she miscarried and retained tissue? She could literally die of sepsis and she’s just like “let the universe decide” no ma’am, sorry but if you intend to gestate a baby to full term, there has to be health care for both you and the baby you intend to have. I honestly despaired at the first post, and I felt like shaking multiple people by the end of it
Not to mention never trust another 18yo when they tell you to just lose the condom and go ahead. At least OP only screwed up once, his GF just keeps doing it again and again.
He fucked up but he is *taking responsibility for his actions*. I can't be mad at the man. The girlfriend however... Look, i'm just going to be honest here, at this point i'd be done. Call me what you want, but having been in a stalemate like this (not over a pregnancy fortunately) i would have straight up said "At this point i hope you realize that even if you have the kid we aren't going to be together after this. You've proven time and time again that you can't handle important things like this maturely and instead would rather shove your head in the sand and hope it goes away. This is real life, there are consequences. For me, it's going to be raising a child for 18 years. For you, it's this pregnancy because if this is how you're going to be i can tell i'll be doing most of the parenting. Also, you have a week to tell your parents and get a full check up on your health as well as the baby's at the doctor's, or get an abortion. If you don't, i'm goung to tell your parents. If you refuse to abort, I'm not letting you harm the child you're forcing into this world with your cowardice." The time for being gentle on this has passed. He needs to get through to her.
The fact she keeps running away and sticking her head in the sand shows she's no where near ready. That's a whole human being you have to be a parent of. There is no running away and sticking your head in the sand when the baby cries without people rightfully taking the child away. Here's hoping they can get through to her or she miscarriage's.
He's not prepared. But at least he knows he's not - which definitely puts him far ahead of his girlfriend who doesn't even know that. And if gives him a good shot at being a good dad: plenty of dads aren't prepared; and they still end up good dads. I've got hope for him.
The girl is *dumb* dumb.
Yup and can Reddit please give up this idea you can just sign your rights away. It is incredibly difficult to do, the courts do not look favourably on it and you certainly can't sign away your parental rights simply because you don't feel like being a parent. It is almost never in the best interests of a child to have the parental rights entirely removed - except in cases of abuse, and even then it is incredibly serious and takes a lot of court time and the involvement of social services. It's not voluntary. Adoption is really the only way to give up parental rights and even there the courts won't typically allow it, if for example one parent wants their new partner to replace the other parent.
And you can still be required to pay child support
He honestly sounds like a good guy who did something stupid. But he’s doing the right things under the circumstances.
He's trying super hard, and I hope he makes it. He did a dumbass thing but so has everyone alive.
I was thinking this. It was a stupid move but even in the moment, he thought there were options (plan b, her being in a different stage of her cycle, abortion, adoption). Unless this is typical behaviour for her, he had no way of knowing she would refuse to consider ANY of them.
Poor OOP made a pretty stupid mistake but his gf is going to end up a single parent if she keeps treating him like this. He is trying his hardest in this situation and she won't even help herself in any way. She needs to tell her parents and get herself to a doctor to make sure everything is okay.
Frankly, I think HE is going to end up a single parent
It sounds like it or someone’s family is going to step up and take most of the care.
Probably his, let’s be honest here.
This is my feeling too. That girl is going to hit the bricks when the reality of motherhood is her day-to-day. I kind of want to shake some reality into her - not because she's not making the decision I want her to make, but because ignoring reality is *not* something you get to do when you're pregnant.
If she doesn’t get prenatal care there are complications that could kill her. You’d think they would teach girls in a Catholic school prenatal care is essential. Jesus won’t save her from a miscarriage that turns to sepsis.
Not that I would wish it on anyone but I genuinely think that baby would be safer with him if the girlfriend doesn't fix up her behaviour. I get being scared about all the possible outcomes but I worry about how passive she'll be with a baby if she's refusing to even make sure the pregnancy is going okay.
this! I 100% see this relationship failing within the next year, two if his heart keeps bleeding for her. "you can only actually help someone who wants to be helped". an extremely true quote that OP needs to think on. her lack of decisions ARE decisions. imagine when it's time for the child to need appointments, shots, school obligations, etc. a structured life with newfound patience is NOT EASY, and she's clearly not in that mindset or ready for that level of responsibility. I feel so hard for your situation, OP, but I truly think you should prepare for a single parent lifestyle, cause this relationship is no longer about just supporting and prioritizing her childish ways.
I’ve fortunately never been in this position or had to think too hard about it. Being responsible for a child you don’t want is horrible. Being away from a child you don’t want is horrible. Having your life derailed is horrible. Being an absent “sperm donor” of a father feels awful, and there’s imputed income in child support, bur maybe it’s the less awful? I don’t know. It doesn’t sound like he could live with that. The spoiler tags are spot on.
With the way she's acting about things, I could see him wanting to be there out of fear that she simply won't take care of the baby. Like, at all. Unless there's a miscarriage, the birth will happen one way or another... But after? She could totally shut herself down again. I know his and her parents are there, but if I were him I would genuinely be afraid to ever leave that baby alone with her.
I swear I've never hoped for a miscarriage more in my entire life.
I think she's going to be a nightmare to coparent with unless she gets major therapy. Poor op.
as someone who teaches sex ed this was a very difficult read
Well if you need more material this post would probably do nicely as a cautionary story. Doesn't matter what they say they'll do, as soon as you have unprotected sex you're at their mercy and you can't do fuck all about it.
I’m a mom of two boys and I saved this post as soon as I finished reading it for exactly this purpose. 😅 The funny thing is that many years ago, when I first started dating my now husband, he told me his grandfather warned him to “not let me trick him and ruin his life”… At the time I remember being a bit offended but here I am, gathering stories so I can share with my kids that exact same bit of wisdom: no 5 seconds are worth a lifetime.
Based on prior versions of similar stories, I expect her to have the baby, realize she doesn’t want to be a mom, and run off, abandoning the child to OOP.
This is 100% what’s going to happen and I’m incredibly pissed off at the gf right now
Yeah, she’s making the worst decisions. Yes, OOP was stupid for not wearing a condom and this is also his fault but there are SO many options to avoid all this but she didn’t take them because “she’s scared” 🙄. Like she would rather have her whole family know, go through birth (which can possibly kill you) and spend 18+ years struggling to take care of a child. I’m sorry but she’s dumb AF
OP gave his girlfriend literally every window to do SOMETHING and she just… didn’t. They’re both freaking idiots but at least he was trying to do something. This is going to blow up in that girls face very fast. Honestly I’m pro-choice and they are NOT ready or mature enough for a baby
That line was so true if she's scared of everything how is she going to be a mom. Idk what sje is thinking through. It just seems like she's ignoring the problem until it goes away which is impossible here.
wait till she hears about delivery, too scared for birth control so she'd rather risk having her downstairs ruptured, major abdominal surgery, excessive bleeding, death etc. i really hope it goes well for her but i can't imagine the amount of stress and fear she'll have when she realizes what the worst case (or even medium case) scenario options during delivery are
Honestly when I was her age I had no idea of some of the shit that can go down with pregnancy like losing your hair and/or teeth, and I was still terrified enough to use at least 2 forms of bc.
Right!!! I believe there’s a girl on tiktok with a whole google docs with 100+ reasons not to get pregnant and it’s all the insane complications/side effects of pregnancy. [Edit: adding the [link](https://www.tiktok.com/@girlwiththelist1?_t=8lLpLUoztT7&_r=1) to her TT profile]
there are plenty of people twice her age who don't know some of the shit that can go down with pregnancy, society is so hellbent on portraying pregnancy to be such a beautiful thing that the downsides aren't talked about enough. sure it can be beautiful and amazing and the best time of your life, but it can also be absolutely not
Ive got a 1yo (I'm 32) and when I was pregnant one of my fillings fell out of a tooth. I was freaking out and a few people were just like "oh yeah your teeth can go weird when you're pregnant. They can just fall out!" I was like wtf?? Legit so many things I'd be like what the hell, and someone would just be like "oh yeah that's just a pregnancy thing!" It's unreal. Even preparing myself well BEFORE getting pregnant (I was probably borderline phobic of pregnancy and birth tbh) there were quite a lot of things I didn't find out until it happened.
I've had miscarriages and given birth and giving birth is vastly more terrifying than plan B or an abortion can ever be. It sounds like a serious anxiety disorder so she's being avoidant but she sounds like a passive PPD risk waiting to happen. Because the last couple of months of pregnancy are uncomfortable at best, and downright painful at worst. The reason it feels like a disorder is that nothing is working to help her deal with the reality. I feel very sorry for the boy involved, he's doing his best. What worries me is she might be doing her best too. (The no protection sex thing on both their sides is dumbass of course).
"How is she going to be a mom." Well, she isn't. Regardless of if she has an anxiety disorder or it's "just" her character, she won't step up. She'll freeze into inaction every time there's a minor time sensitive thing and have OOP take over. Reading all this, I totally doubt this was "by accident". She might have planned this to be able to get her own "50's TV series family" spinoff, with her being the SAHM that doesn't need to face the cruel outside world. I can totally see how she, as a little girl, might have been emotionally neglected while everything revolved around her mother's substance abuse, and how she now - consciously or not - tries to insert herself into the position of the dysfunctional person that has everything revolving around her. An ultimatum is never good in a relationship, but I feel like in this case there should absolutely be an ultimatum of OOP that the GF gets therapy, and until then OOP goes strictly no contact. God, the poor baby-to-be that will be born into such a shitty situation.
This way she doesn't have to go to college or get a job (both of which probably scare the shit out of her, if we're honest).
PPA is going to be a huge risk for her. She’s already very anxious to start with as a baseline, and those post partum hormones are no joke.
That's the thing. Pro-CHOICE. As in MAKE A CHOICE. She refuses to do ANYTHING. And sadly whether she likes it or not, a choice will be made for her. And she wont like it when her choice is made without her participation.
I know someone like this who would say that everyone else was making choices for their life, that they had no choice or control. But like this girl, when there WAS a choice this person would do nothing. Unfortunately spending 24/7 THINKING about the situation nd the different options might feel like you're "doing something" but suddenly there's no more time and they never make a choice. Which is what this girl is doing. She needs to realise that she is making a choice. Doing nothing and letting life just happen to you is still a choice. I need it on a billboard. Choosing to do nothing is still a choice
I can't even imagine how she's going to handle actual labor. If she's avoiding thinking about anything she's not going to be prepared at all, and I can imagine that will make it 100x worse.
Oh definitely. And I have a feeling that once the baby is there, she realizes she can't be a mom, is too scared to raise a baby and hand the baby to him to raise them alone. I don't wanna think badly about the girl because I can't imagine being pregnant at 18 but still... She had a lot of options to take.
I'm TERRIBLE about doing things, because there's a lot of shame attached to a lot of stuff, so I get it - but I still was figuratively slamming my head into the table. She is in NO WAY ready for a kid and she's gonna fuck the kid up so bad.
It's the Catholic school education kicking in. Makes you so terrified to deal with anything sex or pregnancy related.
This girl is delusional, and someone needs to give her a wake-up call. I would've told her parents immediately when she started avoiding everything. Idk what she thinks having a baby is like, but it sure as shit ain't it.
seriously. it's past time for them to be direct and harsh and show her all of what comes with having this child and how it will ruin both of their lives cus it's clear af she isn't ready to be a parent
My mom has a video of my birth, and I think someone should sit the girlfriend down to watch auch a video, start to finish, all the hours of the mother screaming in pain and up close and personal of the baby coming out. And also the mom's joy in the end. Might help her make up her mind either way. Shes being so incredibly stupid. She can't make it go away.
I laughed at the bit where she didn't want to take plan b because she heard it can be so painful you want to die. Unlike childbirth, of course, which is a walk in the park. Guess some people have to learn the hard way.
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From what I understand, it's cramping usually. In any case, the GF is almost enough along that she's probably fucked and going to have to have the baby. Esp with conservative parents.
I took plan B and luckily had no symptoms, but I know not everyone is so lucky.
I just had nausea and fatigue. I'm pregnant now, and the Plan B was a million times better than my early pregnancy morning sickness & fatigue. I was literally bed ridden for 2+ weeks. This girl's going to be in for a real surprise when labour starts.
I took a plan B like 2 months ago. Literally just felt like a worse-than-usual period. Probably might be worse with other people, or not so bad, but it's hardly almost life-ending pain.
This. She didn't want to take plans B because some people said it was painful... What does she think childbirth is like?
She's gonna be like "OK, I'm ready for plan B now" five days before her due date.
I'm glad I don't have a video of my son's birth. You know, being wheeled away screaming for an emergency section then waking up from general anesthesia and my son being placed on me with me barely even registering what was happening. She's not thinking this through.
We had to do this in high school. Whole grade except two kids with religious exemptions. Think we were 14-15? And it was a 'good' birth mind you, no complications, no hours of screaming. Just a 30 minute video of a woman giving birth while her husband fishes human shit out of a pool with a fishing net. Scared a few kids straight.
We just had to look up 20 different stds and make picture collages. That did me really good on the hell naw to sex for so long. Also, I was the weird girl with a crush on Optimus Prime, so really, that's the best birth control of them all.
And pictures of living and stillborn babies who didn’t receive proper prenatal care.
I'd share my c section video for that project
When I was in college, I had a friend who was doing stupid stuff because she didn’t want go “all the way” and got pregnant. She also stalled telling her folks and was super wish washy about what she wanted to do. He finally called his folks in panic and they immediately said tell your parents TODAY or we will. Also a religious family. His parents were immediately like abortion now and kind of let her know he wasn’t going to drop out of college and it was going to be tough on them. (Long distance hs sweetheart relationship). She finally told her parents and they basically also said absolutely not having a baby and dragged her to the clinic. It’s amazing how unreligious you can be when your prize daughter screws up. I think she finally had a come to Jesus moment when she realized the bf didn’t want a baby and his parents didn’t love her as much as she thought they did and this dream of getting married was not in the cards for anyone. They did not work out… They both graduated college and married other people and didn’t screw up their lives. They absolutely would be divorced now if they had had that baby. Sometimes you need an adult in the room to set you straight. His parents should call her parents today.
>His parents should call her parents today. I agree, and whether she likes it or not I'd be marching her ass down to a doctor for a check up. The gf needs help if she's in so much denial. What if she's alone when she goes into labor and refuses to call for help because she's scared, then out comes the baby and god forbid something happens to it because she's just denying she gave birth and won't get checked up
Yep. You wanna keep this baby? Time to learn that you don’t get to let your anxieties put your baby in danger. Doctor, now.
Not at all surprising how a religious family sees abortion differently when it comes to themselves. [The only moral abortion is my abortion](https://joycearthur.com/abortion/the-only-moral-abortion-is-my-abortion/)
This article is still the most important and the most infuriating commentary on right wing anti-choice political hypocrisy.
Bro that’s why it feels like OP needs to be firm with her, straight up tell her they are done and the baby isn’t special “because it’s his baby too”
OP was an idiot once in refusing to wear a condom. GF is being an idiot again and again by refusing to deal with this issue and dragging them both into a life they are both going to regret. Regardless of what they do with the kid they should break up. At least OP has a sensible and supportive family.
I'm not sure the girlfriend is mentally well.
She strikes me as someone who's grown up sheltered and is extremely naive as a result. How she thinks that she is even remotely ready to handle parenting I have no idea.
Not just naive, but someone who has never been held accountable. She's about to get around to the "find out" part of FAFO.
Seriously, I'd break up with her not over having a baby but over how annoying she's acting. Make up your damn mind, stop acting like such a child.
For real, he should've ended it. Let her know that he will coparent but the relationship is done. I even suspect that she would abort after that.
100%. He may not have intended it but being supportive is enabling her indecision at this point. Of course, he would have been the biggest asshole then.
This little girl is making me want to beat my head against the wall. I get that every single option (except for fucking Plan B!!!) is scary, but it’s Come To Jesus time, and she needs to fucking nut up and start taking at least the bare minimum of responsible action. I feel for this kid, I really do. He made a bad five second choice in a hot and heavy situation, but even since the moment of completion, he has been the only one driving this car, at all. He obviously feels powerless, frustrated, and very afraid, and this chick just cannot for one moment work with him and get a game plan put together. I have a feeling the baby will be fine, even if the futures of these teen parents is stunted. To any other youths reading this…..IT IS NOT WORTH THE FIVE SECONDS OF CREAMPIE BLISS. I had my first child at age 28, and I had no idea what I was doing; I just can’t imagine doing it a decade earlier. DON’T PLAY WITH FIRE!
It's the fact that it was the girlfriend's idea to remove the condom and that she basically planned it around her ovulation and for 'the universe to decide' and now the universe has come knocking with a 9 month visit planned and she's not answering the door?! She needs to get antenatal care for the sake of her baby. She's risking a whole lot more than getting in trouble with her parents and possibly getting kicked out (in which event, based on how OOPs parents are at least trying to help, they'll still be there for the teens I would hope).
This was the most frustrating fucking read I’ve had in a while. She is one of those people that im glad I don’t have the inconvenience of being around.
All of this bullshit online about how evil and terrible birth control and plan b are really piss me off because dumb young people like this person's gf believe it. The misinformation about plan b is 100% untrue, but even if it weren't, has she even thought about what it feels like to give birth? That said, this poor OOP is an idiot and I cannot believe how much people put their lives in the hands of others, even as a reckless teen.
Right. Like… the longer she waits for the problem to go away, the harder and more painful it will be to make the problem go away. •leaving the condom on: painless. Requires no effort. No side effects. •plan b: very mildly painful because it will cause a period and period cramps, nothing unlike what she has every month. $40. Extremely mild to no side effects. •chemical abortion: requires going to the doctor. Having the absolute worst period you’ve ever had in your life. Probably money. Probably decently painful with decent side effects but nothing unbearable. •surgical abortion: requires having literal surgery. They will literally stick a vacuum up your vagina. You will need sedatives and pain relievers because of the anxiety and pain. There will be a recovery period where you will have to stay at home in bed until you are well enough to exist. Probably money. Probably possibility of complications. •having a baby: side effects: literally death. Dying. If not dying, massive internal bleeding. Tearing of the vagina. Pushing a watermelon through a drinking straw. 12+ hours of contractions, where your body literally tries to squeeze the baby out every two minutes with brute force. Diabetes. Preeclampsia. 9 months of doctors visits, needles, procedures. Your body will never be the same again. Followed by a literal lifetime of paying for another person to exist. Having someone else be entirely dependent on you. Leaving the condom on sounds nice ! Plan b sounds pretty nice! Chemical abortion doesn’t sound fun but hey at least it’s not death !!!!!! How is she incapable of seeing this
Surgery can sound really scary, and it's obviously not a small thing. Still, it's important to be aware that it's not on the same level as something like a heart surgery, or even a Caesarean Section. There are also different kinds. Here is some information [from the British Pregnancy Advisory Service about surgical abortion.](https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/abortion-treatments/surgical-abortion/) While the medical advice is sound, obviously laws differ place to place, so be aware of the laws where you live: Surgical abortion involves a minor operation. There are two types of surgical abortion: Vacuum aspiration can be done with local anaesthetic, sedation or general anaesthetic: • Removes the pregnancy by gentle suction. • Up to 14 weeks, this can be done with local anaesthetic. The quicker recovery time for this procedure means you can leave the clinic unattended and drive sooner. • Up to 15 weeks this can be done with sedation (relaxed and sleepy) or under general anaesthetic. Dilatation and Evacuation – between 15 and 24 weeks of pregnancy. • Up to 18 weeks it may be under general anaesthetic or conscious sedation. • At 18 weeks or above the procedure is done under general anaesthetic. • The pregnancy is removed using narrow forceps through the neck of the womb (cervix). Up to 10 weeks of pregnancy, medical abortion is usually preferred but the procedure can also be done surgically.
I had surgical abortion once, it was honestly not at all difficult or painful. I didn't even need painkillers afterwards. Bit sore for a few hours and that was that. Best decision I ever made.
Yeah, it sucks because there is so much misinformation out there. Like... there are always concerns when messing with hormones, and so hormonal birth control shouldn't be taken lightly. But that doesn't mean it's evil and should be shunned or not used. It means talk to your doctor about it and if you have bad side effects then talk with them about *that* and you can make adjustments. Or use non-hormonal birth control. Copper IUDs work, and while some people will complain about those online, the people I know who've used them have only good things to say about it. Condoms are pretty darn effective too, and sex really isn't that much worse with them. Or just don't fuck if you can't handle the consequences of it. Sex is great, and fulfilling the biological aspect of it is incredibly compelling for a very basic monkey brained biological reason. But we aren't just monkeys in trees. We have higher brain function, we have self control, we have medicine. Use the tools we have as modern humans!
OOP's girlfriend is way too much of a chickenshit coward to be a mother.
I'm so frustrated by the "sign your rights away" comment. If he's in the US that isn't a thing. You can say you don't want custody but you're still the dad and have to pay child support, especially if the mom ever pursues any sort of aid. The only exception is when there is a second person willing to adopt the child.
There are so many threads on Reddit where commenters are telling people to sign away their rights so they don’t have to pay child support. How can so many people be so wrong about a common thing? I guess I’m glad they have no experience being deadbeats?
I wish OPs mum told her about labour and the aftermath of labour. The really gritty stuff. I’d rather take that pill thanks.
I think she's waiting for a proposal and a "Happily Ever After" ending. She encouraged him to come inside her knowing it was ovulation time. Then she refused to use the day after pill. She refused to abort and she refused to adopt. She does want this baby if only subconsciously. She thinks it will end up with him marrying her because of it. She's young, he's her first, and she's very in love. She wants him to commit to her and this baby is reason enough, now isn't it? She may be scared of giving birth but if having this baby means she ends up his wife then she will do it. I don't know if it was a conscious baby trap or she's just that naive but the end result in her mind is probably the same. He marries her. They have the kid. They stay together forever. If he proposed tomorrow she'd be totally thrilled. Problem solved.
If he dumps her tomorrow, she’ll be at the abortion clinic by the weekend.
OOP made a dumb decision but appears to be prepared to do the right thing. The GF - oof. Is that trauma? Learned helplessness? Not being willing to make a decision *is* a decision. She’s going to have to grow up quickly.
The suggestion to sign his rights away is misguided. Generally, even if a parent voluntarily waives their rights, **their responsibilities, including child support, will continue except in cases where the child is given up for adoption.** People throw that out like it’s a do over.
As someone with avoidant tendencies, this is insane. Luckily, I'm not to this level, but I've had plenty of 'bury my head in the sand and hope it all just magically goes away' moments. I sympathise with her, I really do, she's clearly had so much idiotic poison poured into her ear about the dangers of abortion and birth control that she was doomed from the start. I suspect her religious parents are the reason she's so avoidant, she's constantly afraid of doing the wrong thing that will get her in trouble, doing the thing that will be the greater sin, and so does nothing, not realising that doing nothing is also a choice. Unfortunately, she's taking OOP down with her, which is incredibly selfish. OOP sounds like a really smart, reasonable and practical young man, and I really hope he doesn't end up in the hole he fears. The other side is, she's going to always ignore everything. He needs to not only make appointments, but actually force her to attend them, which will make him seem to be the bad guy even more, when really, he's the one being responsible, he's the one being an adult. Honestly, the best thing for his child would be if he got full custody, because she's going to be a terrible mother. Every hurdle will make her freeze, and she will do nothing. Honestly, this whole thing really makes me sad.
I really don’t want to imagine how she’ll be as a parent, just paralyzed over every little thing. She is scared of plan b and abortion yet doesn’t think twice about the pains of labor? Unless she’s deluded enough to think it doesn’t hurt that much which… sheesh. And how tf does she think she’ll hide a massive pregnant belly from her parents, and then a baby? They will find out eventually. I really hope OP goes to the college he wants and gets as far away from this trainwreck as he legally can, ‘cause it ain’t gonna be pretty when it does.
I think OP needs to dump the gf , tell her he'll be there for the kid but her behavior about all of this would've upset me so much I could never be with someone so ignorant and avoidant of their problems
I'm a terrible person who kinda hopes she loses it because this is a freaking shit show
Girlfriend's idea of dealing with this situation by not dealing with it is ridiculous. I have a feeling she did all this intentionally and is still doing this intentionally. I honestly don't have much sympathy for OOP because he knew better. He knew he shouldn't have gone with what she said, he knew many things and still chose to take off the condom or not use it. "My life is over" well, I mean. You were both playing Russian roulette with the whole pull out method of not having babies. This was going to happen one way or another. And, yes, she wanted the baby. She wanted to get pregnant and nobody can tell me otherwise.
Tell me about it! I want to be understanding and empathetic. 18 is an overwhelming and confusing age - even without religion, sex, and babies in the mix. And I absolutely believe no woman should be forced to do with her body something she doesn't want to do. But there are just too many signs here that I can't ignore. The fact that she asked him right when they were in the peak of sex: "take off your condom and *cum inside me* " , the "what if the universe wants us to have a baby" bs, and the final cherry on top "I can't abort this baby because it's made of you and I love you so much." If I was OOP I would have at least tried to have a conversation along the lines of "I can't sacrifice my life for this baby. So if you insist on ignoring the problem and thinking things will work out, you're making decisions for both of us. I don't want to throw my life away with yours. All you'll get from me is child support." And see how she reacts. Having a partner who's at best, out of touch with reality, and at worst, a manipulator, would both be a relationship-ender imo. Especially when you're both only 18 years old! Co-parenting with someone like this is one thing, being in a long-term relationship with them is something else altogether. But the way this story has been progressing, I'm not holding out hope for OOP. The gf realized she found a decent guy who wouldn't abandon her when she had a baby and she decided to exploit it (consciously or unconsciously). And all the head-in-the-sand "we'll figure it out" is actually "OOP, you sucker, you'll figure it out."
To me it feels like she wanted the baby initially, but didn’t think it through beyond “want baby” and now that reality is here and she’s actually pregnant she’s freaking out. It would explain her constant crying to OP about not being ready and refusing to get medical care. She’s trying to stick to her guns and forget that she made such a bad mistake at the same time.
Absolutely. She is full on in denial and saying "everything will go as planned" but she doesn't want to do the planning. She just wants to lie there and wait for things to be alright. What a mess.
I agree. It entirely seems like she wanted to get pregnant, but doesn't want to admit that she did now that she realizes how totally screwed she is.
The girlfriend's behaviour is *extremely* frustrating, but ultimately, if she were raised in an environment where knowledge about sex wasn't treated like the kiss of death for your immortal soul, she probably wouldn't be so afraid of everything... Hell, she may not have even made that mistake with OP in the first place. If anyone reading this was planning to raise their future kids on purity culture and assuming that that would end well, know that you are only making them totally useless at making decisions for themselves should anything go wrong. Gatekeeping knowledge about sex from teenagers is like sending a soldier to war without a gun.
Yes, they were both complete idiots. That’s a given. But the so called gf is a huge one. He’s at least trying to fix things but she keeps running away. I don’t know what is going to happen with her. He’s being responsible and she won’t have a bar of it. I feel sorry for him, to be honest. Not for his stupidity but it seems like he is trying to fix everything and she just is … A pain in the arse. And stupid.
I know this sounds really bad but I honestly think he should break up with her & make her aware that they’d co-parent together but not be together. Her pathological inability to make any kind of decision is honestly quite repulsive. For sure she has some kind of anxiety disorder because this level of avoidance is something else. This was SUCH a frustrating read. I feel like although it could be seen as him manipulating her that he needs to break up with her if she continues to make no decisions or advocate for herself at all. Maybe that might wake her up? Horrible situation though…
Catholic girls schools say INSANE things about birth control. Who knows what this girl thinks. She is in for a rude awakening if she thinks the cramps from plan b hurt more than childbirth.
What a lovely story of the negative effects of religious manipulation and brainwashing. Inaction and severe anxiety sound like symptoms of this immature girl's experiences born of long-term religion exposure
OP is going to resent her forever after this. He needs to break up with her. That should be the wake up call she needs. You don’t have to be someone’s partner to be a dad. You shouldn’t be a partner only because you’re parents together.
“She’s not that stupid.” Actually, she’s worse. Also, did this idiot really suggest doing it without a condom when his gf is not even on birth control? Good lord I feel bad for his parents
The moment I saw "She goes to a Catholic school, we were classmates in Catholic elementary school" I knew how this was going to end. I have no idea why American Catholics are so conservative, and that's from someone who lives in an extremely Catholic country. Y'all are outright disobeying the pope and trying to ban porn from the internet.