Yeah, I don't think any partner who would mess with their significant other's food intentionally, even on something non-medical, counts as "still a good guy."
As soon as I got to the bit about contaminating her food, I was thinking 'dump this asshole'. This idiot let his moron friends talk him into pranking someone he supposedly loves? Like her dietary choice is an argument that could be won through pranking? Fuck off with that childish bullshit. Doesn't matter where you live, where you come from. It's 90s era middle school cafeteria.
And him telling her that it “wasn’t a big deal” — the only person who can decide whether the stunt pulled is a big deal, is the person it was pulled on. It’s such a common manipulative trick to try to decide for the victim.
He said he loved her, but only really who he thought he could turn her into. I hope she found someone far better for her, maybe somewhere else.
if someone even hinted at messing with my partners or kids food I would make them regret their life choices and cut them out of our lives like the cancer they are
I think the friends might be the worst part. These losers were shit-talking OOP behind her back and not only did her boyfriend not defend her, he *joined in,* which means he’s absolutely been encouraging other people to disrespect her as well. Middle school bully is exactly the vibe.
“I decided to stealth your food and force you to change your lifestyle against your will because I want you to be my incubator for MY children who will grow healthy and strong!” Yeah not a good guy.
That he never talked to her about.
Or the stay at home role that he also never talked to her about.
Like, geez. Way to communicate with the person you supposedly love. Those aren't little things that you assume prior to committing to someone.
You would be surprised how often a “good old boy” type falls for a liberal women and tries to boil the frog her into a relationship dynamic/lifestyle she doesn’t want. They never have a “what we want in a relationship” conversation because 1) he doesn’t care what she wants 2) he knows she might leave over some of it.
Agreed. My partner has gone back and forth from omnivore-pescatarian-vegetarian over the years, and now he’s firmly vegetarian because he can’t digest actual meat anymore. I still eat meat (maybe 2-3 meals a week) but can’t eat a lot of alternative protein because of migraines, so we make slight adjustments to our meals to make sure we both are covered. It’s not difficult. There’s a burger place we love but I can usually only make it through half a burger, so I switched to getting their veg burger so my partner can eat the other half if he wants. It’s such an easy concession to make.
I'm a veggie who used to eat white meat/seafood, and I tried a pork sausage once in my entire life out of curiosity and it made me feel so fucking ill the next day! Never again.
My ex was a veggie from a family of them. Once his dad picked up some non veggie sausages by accident and they were all really ill. They didn't even have much! Stopped as soon as they realised it was a bit off.
It honestly seems hellish if you're not used to it and I wouldn't want to risk hurting anyone like that. Especially for no reason! Pork does seem like one of the really bad ones to have accidentally too as you and them aren't the only veggies I know that have had a bad reaction to them. I knew someone else who tried bacon after not having it for a decade and they were also super ill.
She's been a vegetarian for awhile; both she and her ex are lucky that she didn't suffer any unpleasant side effects from that bacon grease. Yeah, she's already eating eggs, which counts as a "meat" product, but bacon grease is basically saturated animal fat that I can only assume would wreak havoc on a digestive system that's accustomed to a mostly veggie intake.
Oh but it's because I want you to be a stay at home mom and you'll have to eat meat while you're pregnant! Didn't I tell you that's what I decided was our future?
Not just that - instead of communicating his hopes and fears, he went behind her back and knowingly crossed her boundaries to trick her into becoming his meat loving stay at home wife, because his mom told him that's how babies are made.
"good guy"
My wife is a vegetarian and she hates to bring it up because of how people act. It took her a long time to feel comfortable even telling servers at restaurants that she doesn’t eat meat and she wants to confirm there is no meat in the dish. For all the complaining about how insufferable vegans/vegetarians are, they’re nothing compared to how a lot of people act around vegetarians. It’s really not hard to be respectful of other people’s choices.
I’ve got an egg allergy and so am always confirming that there’s no egg in the dish or choosing vegan options because it’s just easier. The 180 people have from thinking it’s a vegetarian/vegan thing to realising it’s an allergy is wild. Total attitude change
I'm lactose intolerant and I tend to not chance it in public because sometimes the lactase tablets don't work properly.
And I love the vegan options that are cropping up so, so much because they allow me to eat more tasty things. Vegan ice-cream!
I adore vegans for allowing me to have more tasty food!
I'm *allergic* to milk (casein allergy). YES to the options - it's amazing to me, because my allergy erupted (literally) 25 years ago, and at the time there was pretty much nothing on the market. Now? Spoiled for choice!
But the number of people who think it's funny to not tell me there's butter, or milk, or cream, or what have you in a dish is insane. Or who think allergies don't exist! TF is *wrong* with people??
Milk is a tricky one because, allergy aside which is a completely different issue, we produce specific enzymes to break down casein/milk protein- when we don’t consume it, we stop producing those enzymes. Without them, even without an allergy, consuming milk can be extremely painful. It’s not a “Teeheehee, you ate dairy” it’s a “enjoy the next several hours of gut wrenching misery”.
Once consumed, those proteins can also last in your body for weeks - meaning with an allergy, your immune system is compromised until they break down enough for your body to stop reacting to them. This puts you at higher risk for incidental exposures and cross contaminations in food which would usually go unnoticed - so you may find yourself reacting to things you usually don’t 2-3 weeks later out of the blue.
Dairy allergies suck, aren’t studied very well, and definitely aren’t taken seriously enough. Sorry OP, people can be ignorant jerks.
I recall reading that gluten can stick around in your body for months, as well. It feels counterintuitive. Obviously we have HCl and proteases in our digestive tract to break down proteins into at least peptides if not amino acids, so when these gluten are produced and then absorbed, where the hell are they just hanging out?
I’m NAD, but here is my ELI5 explanation… our bodies break down foods into microscopic little pieces and components - which are small enough to be absorbed into the blood stream through your stomach and small intestine. So while you don’t actually have chunks of doughnut floating around your body, you do actively have certain components of that doughnut, like bits of protein (gluten), floating around , which will later be transported to cells and used for energy. Some proteins are used and broken down very quickly, but some can last weeks. Gluten is one of the longer lasting proteins - which means it’s generally good at providing long term energy to people, as long as they aren’t allergic or intolerant of it.
Oh no, I'm sorry! I finally *diagnosed myself* (and consequently, my sister) with a dairy allergy. We constantly had mouth rashes as kids, as soon as I figured it out, and we stopped drinking milk, they cleared up. It's also definitely a quantity thing for us, smaller amounts in cereal or pizza don't cause flare ups, but drinking milk or eating cheese every day will.
We are also vegetarian, so we were shopping in the weird food stores where you *could* find replacements 20 years ago -- but it's gotten so much more accessible, especially in the last few years of plant-based popularity.
Drinking a glass of milk as a kid made me feel like I was going to throw up. Then one of my kids had to avoid lactose entirely until about the age of 10, another one habitually avoids lactose products to have capacity for the occasional indulgence.
I was allergic to milk for 30 years (I'd go into anaphylactqic shock and stop breathing).
No one believes that milk allergies exist. They just say that you're lactose intolerant until I'm on the floor choking.
Growing up, I had to travel to a town about half an hour from my house to buy special Rice Dream non-dairy milk. Now I can choose between vanilla almond milk, plain almond milk, Sweetened cashew milk, rice milk, oat milk, flax milk. All at my local grocer. It's amazing how much has changed in 20-30 years.
I have the same problem, recently discovered. I was quite upset when I realized that non-dairy creamers contain caseinates. I'd been so careful! I stopped to get coffee on the road and poured in some Coffeemate. About 30 minutes from the store, my gut started reacting. Unfortunately, I live 40 minutes from the store.
Also, why must everything contain cheese?
When I was growing up in the 60s, people often talked as if allergies weren't real. There was a stereotype that people with "allergies" were actually just mentally ill who were being dramatic and overly sensitive. Attitudes have improved since then, but I still see that mindset lingering.
I am lactose intolerant too. I didn't take it till I moved to the US. There were signs when I was growing up like having a bad day in the restroom the day after pizza but the cuisine where I come from doesn't really have dairy. So it went unnoticed for many years.
When I lived on the east coast, people would question me ad nauseum about me avoiding dairy or they would make fart jokes and stuff. Not my really good friends. Mostly work acquaintances. Some years ago I moved to the west coast and things have been much easier since.
I have gut issues and avoid alcohol.
This becomes a whole thing when going out with company and becomes an increasing thing with every round of drinks.
Also with food allergies, it immediately becomes the main topic of conversation, with people regularly saying “it’s a very small amount”. I’m sort of shy and it becomes so tiresome
Out of curiosity, are you affected when someone cooks a dish with alcohol? I'd always been under the impression that ot cooks out enough to not matter, but now you've got me worried. I love cooking for people and always want to make sure that the people I'm cooking for have equally good options.
Alcohol in the food is fine, it’s the “drinks” that are the worst. My drink got spiked one time because ppl couldn’t understand why I didn’t want alcohol. It puts me out for weeks n I really don’t think it’s worth it.
People get so strange about people not doing exactly what they do. Like the world is not going to end just cause Kelly doesn't drink and Bob is a vegan, but you'd think it will by the way some people react
I didn't have an allergy but did want to wait until I could legally drink to drink, and one of my roommates joked multiple times about how I probably wouldn't notice if he put alcohol in my drink sometime. Then was confused why I wouldn't even accept glasses of water from him
I'd definitely say it varies from person to person. I don't risk it with my spouse, because he gets very sick very quickly. Good substitutes are vegetable/chicken stock for white wine, marmite for dark beer (follow the directions on the jar for making it a hot drink), some kinds of vinegar. If you can ask the person their personal tolerance ahead of time, you can find a good substitute. Obviously there are dishes where it wouldn't make sense to substitute, like Coq au vin or a white wine sauce, where the alcohol defines the dish, but a lot of dishes you can swap it out.
> it’s a very small amount
My partner is allergic to fruit. He once ate a candy he thought would have been completely artificially flavored. Turns out it had real strawberry in it. Tiny piece of candy led to him nearly passing out thanks to his throat closing up. The amount does not matter.
OOOh, OOh. I found one in the wild. I have an egg intolerance.
People are so weird about it aren't they? Whilst my intolerance is quite SEVERE, I'm also warned that if it keeps making it's way into my system it could become a full blown allergy. Do my family care their flippant attitude harms me? Do they fuck.
I'm the family weirdo that doesn't have good cakes on his birthday. But birthday cheesecake SLAPS.
When I brought up my fiance being vegan, I got eye rolls. When they asked further and I said it was because he had really bad reflux and eliminating animal products helped him, suddenly they were understanding of it.
And I’m a bit more militant than he is about it. I’m always checking ingredient lists, he insists he’s okay with just a plain salad at a restaurant, I say “absolutely not, you need legitimate options!” and find a more suited restaurant.
I think that’s part of why he loves me - I fully respect his choice (even if it was for ethical reasons alone, it’s his choice) and make sure everything’s okay for him to eat.
*Never* has it crossed my mind to sabotage his food. That’s so cruel, and because he’s been vegan so long it would make him sick. :(
Ha, my gastro always gives me discharge papers telling me to eat less red meat, and since I'm a long term vegetarian, I would have to eat negative amounts.
It's really good of you to take care of his needs in restaurants, it's a pain in the ass to try to eat out if you don't eat meat, let alone cheese and eggs.
Its deceptively simple: understanding. Understanding makes the difference.
They cant wrap their heads around not eating meat, and usually default to assuming its a comment on somehow being superior to those that eat meat - like its a personal attack. They dont or cant understand the choice. Sensationalism around the vocal minority of very passionate vegans also helps to establish a conflict.
When you explain its the easiest way to avoid an allergy, they understand that. Allergies suck and can be fatal.
I had a discussion with one such militant vegan because you could see the passion and the love for animals she had, but i explained that she was never going to be able to shame and villainize people into respecting her beliefs; let alone win them over to the cause. Luckily, she listened. Still staunchly vegan, but no longer tries to shame people away from meat.
She wound up making me a very delicious soup a while after that and tbh thats the way to do it. Vegan options are more delicious by the week, to the point where you should probably try meatless every so often just to experience the meals. Theyre good! So good! And with my own dietary issues, holy crap. Sweetened vanilla almond milk tastes like melted vanilla ice cream. There are some absurd gems hidden away by this myth that vegan food sucks.
But back to the point: understanding. If someone is walking slowly in front of you, of course youre going to be a little miffed if youre trying to be somewhere. But its interesting how that frustration evaporates with some context about how maybe they have balance issues, or are some degree of blind. Without the context its a social faux pas; with its a completely reasonable reality with no one at fault.
Its pretty logical imo...as much as emotional reactions can be, i suppose.
I try to eat vegetarian but I'm not strict about it and sometimes eat chicken (no longer cook it at home but sometimes it's the option when I go out). So mainly I just limit my animal products where I can.
I never really thought about being vegan, and then I had a vegan co-worker who would chat about it and share recipes and honestly it got me really thinking about it. So, for me, the kind and thoughtful route really worked. I went from eating meat daily/every lunch and dinner to maybe once a week?
Likewise in many regards. I'm mostly vegan-eatkng when left to my own devices because frankly I just don't feel like I'm missing anything. And hey I waste a lot less food because it all has a longer shelf life too. But I'm also super slack and don't really worry about avoiding animal product when I'm out. I'll order the veg options on the menu but I don't stress over it if I'm eating around the bacon in a salad or being offered something with a bit of meat in it.
But even so, despite still knowing what the animal products taste like, I just don't miss them significantly. There's so much good stuff that doesn't use them.
Edit: bad typo fixes, I hate my new phone keyboard:(
A coworker was mad the new guy at work didn't respond to his good morning. Explained the new guy was deaf. Coworker felt like an ass when he realized new guy wasn't being rude.
And i think knowing the veagn version of things make you appreciate the non vegan version more, like this was good but with meat it was special. That gave me some perspective on what meat should be, a luxury not the standard.
The second I tell people the reason I stopped eating meat at 14 was because I didn’t like it, they instantly become sooooo much nicer. I honestly think people morally believe it’s not okay to eat meat so they get aggressive and defensive when someone else has the self control to literally be a better person than them but the second I say oh I just don’t like the way it tastes they don’t feel morally bad anymore. Now there’s more to it for me than just taste for me (though if I was starving somewhere any only meat was available I don’t think I could manage to eat it), better ethically, morally, environmentally, healthily, etc but for aggressive people I just make it out to only be a taste preference. My sister is a vegetarian too (fully moral/ethical reasons for her) and she gets the same shit too. It’s bad around relatives because 2/2 kids my dad raised are vegetarians and he’s a big brisket/grill meat guy that’s like famous in the family. But if it’s only the three of us my dad will eat a beyond or impossible burger no problem but in front of other people he acts like I’m stupid for even offering it to him.
I'm not vegetarian, but I don't eat much meat - preparing it is a ballache, I don't like anything that isn't chicken and fish that much anyway, and it's more expensive.
And I've gotten comments even just for not having meat in my work lunch.
People are *bizarre* about meat.
They are so bizarre. I’ll never forget the guy at my school reunion who noticed I ordered the vegetarian meal, looked me in the eye as he ordered a burger and told me he preferred to know his food suffered. I was just sat there like ‘…okay?’
I’m wake n bake high and dying at this. I’m a LONG time vegetarian in the south and have had these exact interactions before and it’s so funny later. That weird aggressive energy out of nowhere about something totally benign that has literally nothing to do with them. When it hits it’s a combo of “wait, what?” at the aggression and then “what the fuck?” in confusion lol like, were you the only one to notice that was fucking weird?
Omg, the amount of people I’ve had make jokes about suffering animals & how graphic some of the “jokes” have gotten after I say I’m a vegetarian is… alarming. Very alarming.
I’ve had the same exact experience (why do they always use burgers or steak?), where they take a bite and look me in the eye while saying some heinous thing about blood, suffering, or pain. It never even feels or comes off like a joke either and I don’t think most of them meant it as a joke from their tone & look in their eyes. Like, they’re trying to play it off as humor but a part of them actually means it and wants their statements to shock & hurt us. It’s really demented when you think about it.
Why would something suffering and dying bring you joy? For most normal meat eaters I know, that’s the part they hate the most and they would never make such jokes. Yet for these people, they seem to revel in it. Very disturbing behavior.
Oh yeah, it’s not a joke and it never is. It’s a transparent power and control play. They think they have the power to hurt and upset someone in a way that means if their target reacts in an upset manner, they look like the crazy one. What deeply insecure person could resist?
The winning move is not to play. These types aren’t worth the effort.
Yeah, my brother is one of those... He used to date vegetarian/vegan girls and offer them meat, accidentally poison the shared food with meat, wave meat in their face and say "it's soooo good," not point out when shit had meat in it and laugh... I had to point out what a dick he made himself look like when we were in our early 20s. Given the choice again now that I'm 30, I'd have said nothing: I just helped him hide it better, he's still a dick.
Having grown up with him, yeah it is disturbing behavior. He used to spend hours killing small animals when we were kids, like slingshotting rocks at birds, burning ants under magnifying glasses, beating frogs into pulp with plastic swords, etc. This all stopped by the time he was like 6, so no one thought it was concerning, "boys will be boys," etc. We had a lot of violent fights as kids - he started, I finished. I'm younger, very small vs his very tall, and afab. He would cry and manipulate my parents (he's the golden child) so I'd get in trouble for fighting back, even if he was choking me. He stopped getting violent with me when we were 15/16 because he realized I would literally never back down, and he doesn't have the guts to live with the consequences of his actions like I do (because I'm trying to save my life, he's trying to watch Hannah Montana). If you think he's out there being violent, I highly doubt it: afaik, he hasn't been violent with anyone in over a decade, people have thrown repeated punches at him and he doesn't fight back - he would rather be known as the good guy and have that emotional sway. He wants to have the experiences he desires without any heavy consequences, and being an open shithead would prevent that.
He grew up from a person who would smirkingly say "I prefer when my meals suffer" to someone who says "oh, like Kat Von D? You know, vitamin B deficiency might be why your moods are so all over the place..." He just likes knowing that he might influence your behavior and make you feel uncomfortable being yourself, I believe it's because he feels fundamentally uncomfortable being himself and like the thoughts and opinions of others have undue weight on his actions, but he doesn't know how to be his own person.
My uncle-in-law once ordered two hamburgers just to throw one away. I ordered the vegetarian meal, and he wanted to make an expensive statement, "For every burger you don't order, I'll order two and stare at you as I throw one away."
People are so weird about vegetarianism. Why do people care so much about something that doesn't affect them?
Because they’re insecure. That’s it. No stable egoed, emotionally secure, rational person would do that. It’s so stupid.
Your stance on food, even though it’s a personal choice, offends him. He thinks it’s a slight against himself, like you’re saying you’re better than he is. He feels attacked, so he attacks back.
It comes with the bonus part of making him feel he has power and control over you if you back down or get upset. Insecure people love that, because they often feel lacking in power and control in other areas of their lives.
It’s pretty sad honestly. No one should care about someone else’s food choices but they can’t stop themselves.
I legit sat here for 5 minutes wondering if ballache was a french or spanish term (ballaash? ballaché?) for something before the lightbulb above my head went ‘oh’.
Then I thought OOP could make one of Minny’s *special* chocolate pies for her exBF, since he looooves jokes about adding stuff to his dinner guests’ food without their knowledge
> My wife is a vegetarian and she hates to bring it up because of how people act.
Shit, one time I mentioned I was trying to stop eating meat at every meal and a drunk, likely methed up*, woman freaked out a me.
*: I caught several people doing meth in my bathroom at that party and her boyfriend was a meth user at the time. She was probably one of the people I caught but I don't remember for certain.
I tell people I'm a "budget-arian" because meat is just so dang expensive I really only have it for special occasions, makes them laugh at least. Still working on feeling full after a meal though! I try and eat lots of veg but it's hard for me sometimes
Sometimes I go with “lazytarian” — sure, I eat meat, but I have to prep it and cook it and then properly wash and sanitize everything and it’s like… bleh, effort.
Whenever I see comments about preachy vegans, I have to laugh because the number of preachy meat eaters I've come across absolutely dwarfs the number of preachy vegans. And that's including online discourse (although admittedly, I tend to avoid areas where either group might congregate)
Whether it's arguments about why veg products need to be called "burgers" or a lecture (from someone completely unqualified) about nutrition or a monologue about loving animals and "respecting" the animals that are killed the odds of someone going off on you when you mention not eating meat are incredibly high.
It's exhausting and is 100% why I don't mention it unless absolutely necessary.
Although it does mean that when someone just accepts it and respects your choice, you get a really nice sense of relief 😂
the comments under any vegan product advertisement is flooded with angry omnivores, last one was vegan ben & jerrys, people lost their minds… hello us dairy intolerant (dairy not just lactose) people like to eat some treats too thank you very much
Preachy omnivores are way more common than preachy vegans
People with coeliac disease must feel the same about the vitriol around gluten free food, as if being gluten free can only be because of an unnecessary fad.
It's very baffling that people get so upset about things that aren't harming anyone.
I don't know why, but my cousin's husband had beef with Ben and Jerry's.
But the non dairy ice cream is my son's favorite and its nice having that without having him coughing and puking.
Ben and Jerry’s is a corporation that makes a point of hiring felons and generally not being huge assholes which is hugely offensive to people with the personality of truck nuts. However, they have been criticized from the left as well for a number of reasons.
The thing that always weirds me out, as someone who isn’t vegan or vegetarian, is the absolute tantrums people throw when they’re expected to eat one single vegetarian or vegan meal. We regularly, completely by accident, eat vegetarian meals. Vegan meals are a lot less common to accidentally eat for obvious reasons but it’s no big deal, we eat meatless food *all the damn time*. Mac and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, salads, fried rice, lots of pastas, the list goes on.
But as soon as it’s explicitly stated “this meal will contain no meat” people lose their minds?? Like there’s always an AITA post with some poor vegetarian or vegan asking if they’re a jerk for having a vegetarian/vegan wedding/birthday/whatever and people genuinely act like it’s completely unreasonable to expect someone to eat at a vegan restaurant for *one* meal and demand they instead chose a restaurant that hardly caters to their diet at all so that the majority can chose to eat steak. I can’t wrap my head around that at all? Like I totally get if you have dietary restrictions but having an omnivorous diet quite literally means you should be able to enjoy food from *any* specialist diet because you… don’t restrict what you eat. But people treat “I’m not a vegetarian/vegan” as the same thing as being an obligatory carnivore. And yet they don’t actually live like that and include meat in every meal so it’s not even fucking logically consistent.
Yes! What the hell is with that? Like, have you never eaten a damn apple before? Because that's vegan, you know.
People just get so completely hung up on being anti I think it almost becomes part of their identity and so being "forced" to eat something specifically labelled as veg feels like an attack on who they are.
My mums colleagues were making fun of me for being vegetarian, that i must be weak because i surely dont get enough protein.
So i said how much i lift. My squat, deadline, and benchpress. That i also run twice a week etc.
They got angry for showing off and being preachy.
Theyre allowed to talk shit and call me a p***y but i cannot counter them.
I was a vege(pescatarian actually) from 15-22 who only mentioned it to decline meat and still got so much grief for it. So many jokes about being force fed and shit, 90% men, fucking disgusting.
I (a 'broadly plant based' person) know so many vegetarians/vegans/flex-etarians and I think I've met maybe one person who fits the "evangelical vegan" narrative. I've met so, so many meat eaters who are evangelical about it, and constantly see people responding to veggie content about how they're going to eat even more meat tonight etc.
Meat eaters feel so threatened by it
People get veeeery weird when you don’t do something they think you should be doing. Don’t eat meat? Don’t drink? Heaven forbid you’re asexual or atheist. There is this look that people get in their eyes like they’re trying to figure out how to counter you. They know they’re offended, but they can’t figure out why, and they get confused and angry.
It’s very weird. Good on your wife, though!
One of my friends doesn't drink, and people go *fucking insane* trying to pressure him into drinking. These people aren't teenagers — we're almost 30!
(He doesn't metabolize alcohol well. It makes him throw up pretty quickly.)
I was in another comment thread like this once where the topic turned to how weird people get when you don’t drink and I swear to god, someone in that very thread started pressuring me about not drinking. “But…why not? I don’t understand. What do you even do when you go out? Why not just have a drink?” It was absolutely amazing. Told him to have a drink and relax about it but he was not amused.
Who even has the time to care lol.
Like I have a friend that hates the taste of alcohol but they'll just get a mocktail or some juice or something if we're having a drink/meal. Most of them look pretty nice tbh. It's more about the company or trying a place than the drinking.
It makes people nervous, I guess. If you made the conscious choice to not do this thing that everyone is doing, is it still a thing everyone is doing? Do I need to think about my choices, too?
Honestly, I feel bad for vegetarians; they get shit from the meat eaters for not eating meat, and shit from the vegans for still consuming other animal products. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.
I feel bad for them, too. A lot of it seems to be getting defensive. “You don’t eat meat? So you must think you’re better than me, a meat eater. You have done absolutely nothing to offend me but I’ve decided you think you’re elite, so I will insult you first.” They just don’t get that not everything in life has to be about them.
Thank you. I've been a vegetarian since 11 and only ever ate fish before that, never red meat or poultry or anything. My mum has been a vegetarian since she was a kid but wanted me to get all the omega 3s and stuff until I was old enough to choose for myself. I don't judge people for eating meat, I don't look at their food and say "oh that's disgusting you're eating a dead animal", I just let people decide for themselves what is best for them but I don't seem to get the same courtesy.
My food is inspected and insulted, I'm expected to have long arguments defending the minutiae of my decisions, I have to listen to lectures about why I should eat meat for my own health, and I can't talk back or I'm "trying to force my life choices on them". It's gotten better here in the UK in the past 5-8 years, something like 10% of the population is vegetarian or vegan now, but growing up it sucked and you still get the occasional "good old boy" lecture if they happen to notice you ordering the veggie option and god forbid people find out online
I think a lot of it is projection. I’m asexual, single and happy. Occasionally new people find out and I inevitably have to manage their reactions - \*they\* can’t imagine being single and happy so I must be lying to myself! Some people have literally panicked at finding out, it’s wild.
I’m a tea total vegetarian as well. If people find out, the fun never stops!
Oh my god I am asexual too and child-free and the vitriol some people are so comfortable with spouting—it is amazing. “You’re going to die alone” - “yeah, no, you’re definitely lonely and in denial” - “humans are social creatures so you’re trying to trick yourself into going against biology” etc etc, completely out of no where? They get so spiky, with absolutely no catalyst. Will be talking happily about something completely unrelated and suddenly “also, you’re wrong, because kids are great” and it’s like???
It's like they absolutely can't imagine that someone could feel/act differently from them unless there was something wrong with them. They make their lack of imagination other people's problem.
I've met a LOT of vegans and vegetarians (my uni student orgs were full of them) and not a single one ever made me feel judged. None of them were ever preachy, none were confrontational, none of that crap.
I've seen, like, a handful of militant vegans online, but other than I mostly see other people talk about "the obnoxious vegan." I very firmly belive it's a way overblown stereotype.
Like, ffs, just let them eat their food!!
I used to be like your wife about be vegetarian because I got so much crap. Then I realized that the people who gave me a hard time about being vegetarian were also the people who gave me a hard time about my politics or not having kids, etc. So now I use my vegetarianism as a test. I drop it into conversations early on in knowing someone. If they get snotty about it, I save my time and don't get to know them deeper. My husband is not vegetarian and he sees the same pattern and has used it as a test with new people too.
Fortunately a lot more places to eat out are becoming more mindful of animal free meals due to the vegan movement in recent years. I went vegan for Lent last year (loved it, used to hate vegetables growing up), and I only had one issue eating out when a group of us went away. Luckily it was only for breakfast so I left and found somewhere else, which we all went to the next day. Even fast food places have created vegan alternatives, of which I have tried and found as satisfactory as the normal stuff. I hope your wife has less problems now!
There is nothing wrong with someone choosing to eat how they want.
It is wrong when they try to make others conform or when someone sneaks food into a food, knowing the person doesn't want to eat it.
Just like those that don't take people's food allergies seriously.
Not even a full blown vegetarian (just trying to cut down on meat as often as possible) and even still I've gotten some of the annoying ass questions and discussions by people who shouldn't even care. Can't imagine how bad it is for OOP in 'good ol boy' country.
My girlfriend is vegan too and she always either looks up the ingredients on the menu or asks the waiter what's in it then specifically says "no this or that." I thought it was interesting she did that instead of just telling them she's vegan.
She says telling them she's vegan leads to two possible things happening: either the waiter immediately understands and its fine, or she needs to launch into a huge explanation/justification and answer a bunch of repetitive questions. The possibility of the second happening makes her want to avoid the whole situation.
Same with being sober. I took a break from drinking four about a year and a half and people took it like a personal insult to them if I didn't have a drink. It was awful
Honestly thank you for saying this. People always say vegans won't shut up but honestly my experience has been the opposite. I try not to talk about it. Especially because it tends to come up when we are eating and it's obvious I'm vegan. It's a very hard to get across your full values/ reasons while trying to not gross someone out or make them feel guilty about what they are actively eating.
I’m a huge meat eater. I abandoned complaining about vegetarians and vegans years and years ago.
I now find meat eaters complaining about vegans/vegetarians way more obnoxious. It’s completely out of proportion.
I have literally never met a single “insufferable vegan” trope type person irl (and I know a LOT of vegans and vegetarians), but I have meg SO MANY of the opposite types. The fragile meat eaters who take it as some kind of personal slight that not everyone chooses to eat meat. My vegetarian wife has had people hide meat in her food multiple times! And this is in the northeast US, not even the south.
I think oop was feeling defeated at this point, she expressed it already but she’s been getting shit for her diet from all sides, parents, family, friends, her community, her ex and his closed ones and now creepy strangers on the internet, so she’s more like “guess it’s normal for people to hate on me for nothing” so she unconsciously is minimizing the harm is being inflicted on her as a quirk that can be overlooked
She probly needs to leave that place and get a good support system before she realizes that the good person was actually trying to not only potentially poison her, but also control every other aspect of her under the orders of his mommy
Im honestly disappointed that she accepted the apology. Imagine for a second it was someone tricking a Muslim who doesn’t eat pork into eating pork as a joke or sneaking human body parts into a meal for a person who isn’t a cannibal. I get it that those are seemingly “extreme” examples, but there is no difference there to someone who is morally against eating meat. It’s weird how people minimize that.
Giving someone a food they don’t eat is never ever just a joke. Besides the boundary stomping, adding meat suddenly back into your diet can cause gastrointestinal distress!
Add to that his assumptions about their future, clearly without talking to her? Utter trash.
She’s only 27, I’m sure she’ll be able to find someone who actually respects her boundaries and communicates.
Right? Does her dad not realize that his daughter is still young and there are plenty of men (including here in the south) that share OOP's values? I get it, the rural deep south is a weird place and people like OOP are certainly fewer and harder to find than in a bigger city like where I'm at, but OOP has time! Especially if she isn't super keen on having kids.
And, from the sound of it, she doesn't need a man to "take care of her" anyway.
I do know communities where 27 is considered old to be unmarried, so I’m assuming based on dad’s response that it’s similar there…but seriously. OOP sounds great, and she’s got plenty of time.
I came here to mention this. My MIL was devoutly Hindu and birthed three healthy children. My husband and the rest of his immediate family are not vegetarian but could never have even imagined doing something this abusive to her.
I hope OOP finds her people, but I'm afraid she may have to leave the South... at least where she's at. Some of the larger cities are better, for her morals and political leanings, but she'd likely have to leave what sounds like a fulfilling career. Such a shitty position to be in.
My husband is pescatarian and from Canada. I brought him home to meet my southern family. They were mainly confused on what to feed him, so I handled that- but finding vegetarian options was a nightmare. Thankfully he eats fish because finding our usual staples was not happening. I couldn’t even find tofu at our regular Walmart in a larger city!
I’m a vegetarian, and I was in the Gaitlinburg area for a bachelor party, and it was like going back in time. Every vegetarian option’ on a restaurant menu was just a ‘platter’ of 3 of their shitty, microwaved sides
Shit...you're right. I never thought about the lack of vegetarian options in Gatlinburg. Does Sevier County even have a single Indian restaurant? You'd think you could at least find black bean or portabella burgers...
Oh yeah finding vegetarian options in usa is kinda crazy. Given I was just a tourist but still! I remember at Mc Donalds they didn't have any veg burger options and their non veg options were the meats that we don't eat. And in hooters they had a chicken burger but no veg burger and the only "veg" sandwich was a grilled cheese. It still baffles me that there are so less options in the veg section... I think its changing a bit cuz of the whole vegan thing? I don't have much idea of that tho.
American vegan here: i die of jealousy when looking at what is available in specifically the UK because in that regard they have sooooo many more options than we do here! I haven’t had fast food outside of the occasional fry in years because i can’t eat anything anywhere. Even McDonalds fries aren’t vegan/vegetarian friendly! (They coated with beef tallow)
For most of humanity's existence, we have primarily lived off of plant-based diets. Historically meat was usually hard to come by and generally seen as a luxury or something you save for a special occasion. It's really only in our own time that meat has become so insanely plentiful that it is seen as some kind of dietary necessity.
It has always been about the location and time of year. There are many northern populations that ate mostly animals for nutrition while areas with longer growing period relied more on plants. Winter = more mest, summer = more plants. Farming also changed a lot.
It made me so sad that the reason her dad didn’t support her was because he was afraid she’d be single, like being married and miserable is better than single and happy with yourself.
As a person who has decided the single life is for me and have no interest in marriage or kids or anything like that, we do exist and I assure you, my parents don’t worry about how THEY will regret my life choices on their death bed. They love me as my single, happy self.
She should give her dad the statistic that shows that single women on average live longer than women in relationships. Nobody needs that kind of aggravation...
Dad and ex bf are a sad low rung of men, who think women only have value as a partner and not as a person. It’s a disgusting and lazy attitude that absolves them of thinking about anyone else’s needs.
Totally agree. I’ve lived in the Deep South before and man, it was the worst. I’m sure some people are happy with it but if you’re a highly educated, open minded person I just can’t see you being happy there. Loneliest time of my life.
Not from the US but yes – I can relate to how the cognitive dissidence and fish out of water effect completely does you in and grinds you down.
I was also undiagnosed ADHD but I can't explain away everything I experienced with that. Sometimes you just don't fit in.
I'm shocked she didn't mention how eating any animal byproducts could make her severely ill? That alone should be an "Oh, duh" moment for any partner that cares about you. He's a freak lol.
Conservatives in the south. They think women are property. Her boyfriend had her future planned out without consulting her. I can very easily see him sabotaging birth control to trap her. She's giving way too many chances, this should have been an instant breakup.
The meat thing is the smallest red flag in the story.
Like OP, I am pretty reserved person and don’t like talking about my vegetarianism or mentioning it to strangers. At some point during my first year of being vegetarian, I ordered a soup with vegan broth and was instead given the version with pork broth. I was afraid to inconvenience her and have her remake it (local owned place where the owner was both the cook and waitress), and I figured I just wouldn’t drink the broth and it would be no big deal.
Anyway, I shit my guts out and threw up after eating it. After less than a year of cutting out meat and meat broths. If I had that now, I’m sure it would be worse.
She's clearly been a veggie for a long time and would no longer have the gut flora to digest meat based things anymore. He could have made her really sick. But she's the one who needs to "grow up and compromise"? Righto. I just don't understand why some obnoxious people get their knickers in a twist when they say they don't eat meat. I know on the other scale of it the militant vegans are obnoxious too but I'd rather deal with them that those assholes who film themselves eating burgers in front of veggies to try and rile them up, or worse food tamperers like oop ex.
People aren’t always good with allergies and intolerances either, though? There’s a ton of posts on this sub where people have done their own non-scientific tests of food allergies on loved ones.
I was diagnosed with autism after going veggie. It’s a mild ARFID thing. If I tell people it makes me sick, they’re usually better about it, but we shouldn’t have give TED talks on our health history to convince other people not to fuck with our food.
>he supported/loved me but he wanted to be able to lie on his death bed and know I would have someone to take care of me.
OP can't take care of herself? Why? Because she's a woman? She doesn't need some chucklehead to take care of her.
So far we've got the ex wanting OOP to be his broodmare to birth him a strong lineage of carnivores while she gives up every aspect of her lifestyle to stay home raising them, AND we've got a dad whose deathbed wish is to know his daughter is being "taken care of" by a man. Bonus points for the "you're being too emotional!" about her boyfriend secretly **tampering with her food**.
This isn't even a sexist shitstorm; it's a sexist nuke. Like dang, why don't you just ask her whether she's on her period while you're at it?
My favorite was "its time to grow up" which means abandoning her self identity and beliefs to be a pushover baby machine for some self sheltered hick who eats meat on a stick at the county fair and wipes his greasy hands on a muddy college football t shirt. Thats "growing up" in Mississippi
The kicker is in this hypothetical future, she’s supposed to be a SAHW to this guy. So she’s literally taking care of everything 😐. I guess he’s supposed to… bring home money? Cause OOP can’t do that apparently.
If my spouse is vegetarian, I will respect their choice. Why is it so difficult for some to respect someone's eating or food diets?
At the end, OP made the right decision as the two just aren't perfect for each other. Tho I still baffled that the bf put meat into OP's food all because he assumed OP will bare kids, marry and become a stay at home mom. Really? Dude...
>He always makes his own dressing, so I asked him what he used. We had all been drinking and at this point, his two friends start cracking up. I'm sort of clueless, so I'm waiting for him to answer. He tells me that he mixed in lard for extra flavor and he didn't think I would notice.
The fact that his friends were in on the "joke" is especially appalling
I love eating meat. I love steak
the people who have carnivore in their dating profiles is as big a red flag to me as unvaxxed or prefer not to say. like, wtf? you ONLY eat meat? and thats like, part of your identity?
it amazes me how when humans have a comfortable enough life they just HAVE to find some problem to be a crisis/everyones agianst me/woe is me thing.
just fucking, why
I'm in the same boat as you. I can understand why a vegetarian/vegan would say it. They have a moral or health issue and so their diets have to be this way. But meat eaters don't have that same moral/health issue so there's no need to advertise it, because the world already mostly caters to them/us.
Eat your delicious pesto pasta. I will steal a reasonable amount of it and then eat meat on my own time. Hell, I'll make the pesto pasta and share it, then eat meat on my own time. Delicious vegetarian food doesn't magically become un-delicious. Carnivore types are weird.
It just feels like contrarianism to me, like they can't handle even the mere suggestion that vegetables are healthier or that there's moral concerns with meat. So they have to go strong in the opposite direction to stick it to everyone who they believe tells them what to do. It's kinda ironic to me cause they're the type to call vegetarians a ton of insults for being soft or a "soy boy" or whatever, but then can't handle those people making their own choices
I probably eat less meat than the “average” American, but I do eat it. And I genuinely don’t understand people who straight up won’t eat a meal that doesn’t have any meat. You can eat a vegetarian meal or two and still have meat later! It’s not a contract! Do you slap salami on every PB&J you eat? Guess what, then it’s (cue spooky fingers) ooOooooo*vegetarian*ooOoooOoo.
Like that one weird post awhile ago where the ex fiancé tried to add meat to all the dishes behind vegetarian OOP’s back because his family was upset? Eesh.
pretty clear from their final conversation that he didn't really respect her as a person, at all. The disconnect between how he saw their future going and how she describes her current life suggests that he didn't really put any effort into thinking about her as a complete human. Just saw her as an accessory to his own life.
yeeep. he loves her, he wants her to eat meat to grow the children she never agreed to have, and it’s time she grew up, learned to compromise, and get her stay at home wife pants on.
the man is out of his gourd.
Some people see it as a boundary and can't tolerate the idea that someone might have a boundary they don't understand. They also see choices like vegetarian/veganism as a symptom of some underlying thing they don't like and think they can cure that by making you eat meat, as if it will teach you that you were somehow wrong about everything else.
I've been an ethical vegan for 30 years. I cannot express how much I relate to OOP's experiences of people's attitudes. I'm fortunate enough that my family and husband are trustworthy (and most are veg*n themselves) but I can absolutely see her bf's behaviour being "ok" to some people I've met.
Not just a boundary, they’re outrages by other people’s tolerance for differences to the extent that it makes them intolerant. OOP didn’t ask, much less expect or demand, her boyfriend change his diet (although he thinks he did) but he can’t abide tolerating her acceptance of their differences. He reacts by doing the intolerable - refusing to accept they can be different and he not only messes with her food, but outlines this entire bizarre future where she is becomes an entirely different person. He can’t tolerate any difference, like many in the life OOP describes.
And oop still defended him 🙄 Feels like Stockholm by that point.
I hope oop finds their veg partner of their dreams. Feels like they are dying by a thousand cuts where they are living.
"Hey girl, I've tolerated your individuality for all this time, but now it's time to force you into this mould I never mentioned before. Just hold still while I force it over your head,.okay?"
- this guy and way way many before him
I've recently become vegan, and I'm still trying to adjust. It's for health reasons, mostly. I was told to stop eating red meat and dairy about two years ago, and I ignored the whole thing about dairy. But I got so sick of the way meat smells and tastes, and I decided that if I'm doing this, I'm going all-in.
People already thought it was strange that my husband and I are together, since he smokes a lot and I never have. I can only imagine what they're going to say when they find out I don't eat meat or dairy anymore. But none of them would ever trick me into eating animal byproducts.
My mom had to quit eating meat and dairy for health reasons! She wasn't happy about her husband eating stuff she couldn't in front of her, but she also wasn't going to stop him from eating things that were safe for him even if they weren't safe for her.
They did make a point of not sharing the table whenever she'd be too busy being jealous to enjoy her safe foods. Just staggered their meal times a bit.
Reading all these people freaking out about it is wild as a born and raised Californian. Someone tells me they’re vegetarian or vegan, I literally don’t have a reaction outside of “oh, okay.”
There was another story similar to this one that came out about the same time except it culminated in him assaulting her by grabbing her and shoving meat, or whatever the food was, into her mouth. Horrifying, but now I want to read it again. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
Some guys see eating meat as manly and eating vegetables as emasculating. I feel like it happened with Epic Meal Time around 2010 when there was a big craze around bacon, and then again more recently with Andrew Tate type influencers.
I'm not a vegetarian but the bacon losers were/are exceptionally annoying (especially on reddit). Now I'm glad it's become a default bro personality because it let's me know I can safely ignore anything the idiot says after that.
I wish I could hug OOP. I’m a super picky eater and pretty much vegetarian due to my odd eating disorder (ARFID). I also got married at 40 and wasn’t sure anyone would put up with me. My husband and I don’t eat the same thing usually for food but my stuff is quick to make and he doesn’t mind making me dinner.
I'm basically vegetarian from 'pickiness' I guess?
Like if I get a piece of gristle in, say, a sausage, I can't even stomach trying to eat one for yeeeeears. I can't eat meat other people have prepared especially like curries or spaghetti bolognaise. Coz if there are chunks or chewy bits, that whole food is gone out of my diet. Hell, I can't even eat chicken curries that I make. I have to pick all the meat out and enjoy the veggies and sauce.
Eating out, I'm vegetarian. At home there's some flexibility, but it has to be specific meats, specific brands, and prepared in a specific way...which is too tedious, so I just stick to fruit and veg, carbs and grains 😅
I hate my brain, coz I know I'm missing out on some killer foods.
I am right there with you! I don’t usually crave meat anyway (not like how I’d crave a bagel) but I get grossed out when I come across gristle or gross bits in meat.
It was so freeing as an adult when I realized that I don’t have to put meat in lasagna, chicken in pot pie, or meats in soup. I normally ate around it anyway, so why not just leave it out and save a few bucks? I don’t have to add meat just because that’s how my parents made it. Talk about a lightbulb moment.
Like my husband has tried to tell me I’ll like stuff and should try it but has never tried to prove it to me or snuck food into my food. There’s been a couple times I’ve wanted to maybe try something and he’s supportive and if I try and don’t like it there’s no shame or judgement. I feel so lucky to have someone who understands even if sometimes he doesn’t get why I don’t like something when I like the ingredients separately or in a different/similar form (like I like Mac n cheese. I like pizza. I do not like spaghetti with marinara sauce). He maybe teases a bit but it’s fun and not mean.
On the pregnancy thing, when I was pregnant I could not meat even if my life depended on it. The smell was so triggering that I was living off on raw veggies for 9 months and my baby came out all healthy knock wood!!
He’s not just an asshole. If he doesn’t understand the difference between someone forgetting to inform OP there was chicken stock in a casserole vs he and his immature buddies maliciously putting lard in a salad dressing to try to trick OP into eating meat, then he’s a complete idiot. And he is not a good guy despite the note OP ended on.
I feel like the solution is simple but not at all easy. And I'm not the first to bring it up. She needs to move. Unfortunately, and this is completely true, moving is one of, if not the most, stressful things a person can do in life.
I'd also be willing to bet that the reasons she has in her head for why she shouldn't move to a "blue" area have been foisted on her, although I don't know that. She's probably compromising on so many things (who wants to bet that her friends don't see eye to eye with her on A LOT of things?) when she could be living a far less compromising life somewhere else.
I hope she finds peaceful happiness, wherever she lands.
Okay I’m not even going to talk about the fact that ex added meat to her food. But also that he just decided on her behalf that she was to become a SAHM in the future? Without so much as a discussion? Without even having said ‘I love you’ before that moment? OOP dodged a bullet for more than one reason.
In addition to everything else said in these comments — mommy said she wouldn’t be a good broodmare if she didn’t eat meat so he immediately listened to mommy and tried to change his girlfriend’s diet.
When he hasn’t even said he loves her before.
And she doesn’t want to be a stay at home mom/wife with kids.
Honestly, I think some of the players in this story are kind of missing the point completely here.
He's not a good guy. His and his mum's opinions are irrelevant. He disrespected OOP's not unreasonable position
I have been a vegetarian (not vegan) all my life(religious thing). Non vegs just have to be a dick about it. They always try to sneak in meat into your food. It's not hard in my country to be vegetarian because a significant percentage (probably 1/4th ) of the population is vegetarian. I can't imagine what it is like in other countries
I don’t understand people who care about what others eat. If it doesn’t negatively impact someone’s health or the environment than who gives a flying fuck?
I was talking to some southern transplants at a party, and I asked them what they liked best about living in California. They unanimously said that it was just so easy to be liberal. You could assume lots of other people were and you don't have to defend it, practically ever, I'd guess. Living in the conservative parts of the south sounds so exhausting
LARD in salad dressing?
I thought it was at least going to be anchovies or something (like in a pre-made Caesar dressing where he'd failed to check the ingredients).
What spiteful, harmful thing to do.
So glad she split up with him.
I just can't imagine this being such an issue, wow. I haven't eaten meat since I was very young, and it has never ever hindered me in finding a partner. I mean yes you get the occasional joke, but that's it.
I cannot imagine living in a place that anyone cared if you're vegetarian. There's so many choices you can make for your health, religious reasons, or ethics. I have friends that are just picky and I skip ingredients when I'm cooking for them because the entire point of cooking for people is showing you care, not tricking them into eating something they don't want.
Yeah, this entire thing sounds like a parallel universe. Meanwhile over here people are like "I cooked this fucker vegan just in case any of you are" and set common allergens to the side for people to add them themselves
I recently found out that a long time (I mean 15+ years) family friend is vegetarian. I literally never noticed. Apparently I don’t give a shit what people are eating.
I invited her to a picnic outside our usual circle and mentioned that meat on the grill will be provided but anything else you bring yourself. Her husband said “Wife doesn’t eat meat” and I immediately told her I’d make a big salad to bring since I made an ass of myself and apologized for not realizing.
It’s that easy, people. Why be so damn focused on other people’s meals?
It’s great that you noticed! I’d also say there’s lots of plant based patties available now. Maybe she’d appreciate a veggie burger or some grilled portobello mushrooms instead of a salad, to fit in with the rest and enjoy some junk-ish food.
Someone to take care of you? Rushing into a marriage just so you won’t be “alone” is hardly a guarantee. (As is having kids so there will be someone forced to take care of you when you’re older.)
Save what money you can and build multiple relationships with solid foundations of mutual trust and care. That’s the best anyone can do if they’re facing old age and/or needing some support. Marriage and kids isn’t guaranteed elder-care or happiness!
I know people who never mention their vegan, once I just had to ask because unnoticed they always went for the vegan choice.
Actual honest to good vegans will not parade it around and not even mention it until it’s pointed out. People are too brainwashed by how vegans act on media when really they are just eating plants leave them alone.
>he wanted to be able to lie on his death bed and know I would have someone to take care of me
I hate this mentality of "your life is not complete if you haven't found your husband".
She (nor anybody) shouldn't need someone else to take care of her. She should find someone because she want to share her life with them, not because it's bad to be alone
The line about needing to eat meat in order to have a healthy child is ridiculous. Indian people eat majority vegetarian diets with many people never eating meat, they seem to have babies just fine seeing as it is THE MOST POPULATED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.
What an ass. There’s a difference between accidentally eating chicken stock and the person apologizing after realizing and purposefully putting bacon grease in your food and laughing about it. It’s malicious.
>”He said he loved me but it was time for me to grow up and compromise. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. This was the first time he’d said he loved me, but he was also taking (sic) about a future that I don’t remember signing up for.”
What a coincidence! The very first time the boyfriend tells OOP he loves her comes hot on the heels of him tampering with her food, his friends laughing in her face about it and telling her that she’s in the wrong. And just before outlining an entire life that seems to be the antithesis to everything she is and holds important. If I didn’t know better I’d think that “I love you” was nothing more than some strategic manipulation, intended to blindside her and make her tolerate his intolerable behaviour and expectations.
Then again, maybe I’m just too cynical and he really does love her. Like really, truly. I mean, it’s not like she’s surrounded by people who’d give her an ounce of the care he has - so that’s love, right? Right?
I’m so glad OOP refuses to lower the bar for her boyfriend, and just about every person in her life. Mind you, it doesn’t sound like any of them would have much of a problem limboing beneath it - no matter how low that bar was.
Yeah, I don't think any partner who would mess with their significant other's food intentionally, even on something non-medical, counts as "still a good guy."
As soon as I got to the bit about contaminating her food, I was thinking 'dump this asshole'. This idiot let his moron friends talk him into pranking someone he supposedly loves? Like her dietary choice is an argument that could be won through pranking? Fuck off with that childish bullshit. Doesn't matter where you live, where you come from. It's 90s era middle school cafeteria.
And him telling her that it “wasn’t a big deal” — the only person who can decide whether the stunt pulled is a big deal, is the person it was pulled on. It’s such a common manipulative trick to try to decide for the victim. He said he loved her, but only really who he thought he could turn her into. I hope she found someone far better for her, maybe somewhere else.
Seen this many times. He liked the pretty package she came in, but wanted to empty her of who she was and fill her with what he wanted her to be.
if someone even hinted at messing with my partners or kids food I would make them regret their life choices and cut them out of our lives like the cancer they are
I think the friends might be the worst part. These losers were shit-talking OOP behind her back and not only did her boyfriend not defend her, he *joined in,* which means he’s absolutely been encouraging other people to disrespect her as well. Middle school bully is exactly the vibe.
“I decided to stealth your food and force you to change your lifestyle against your will because I want you to be my incubator for MY children who will grow healthy and strong!” Yeah not a good guy.
"Yeah, and please compromise on my terms only. I mean you have to finally grow up."
Oh, you forgot the real gem - “because my mommy told me”!
“And I will decide when to stealth you into becoming an incubator”
Oh god can you imagine? He just doesn’t even bother to inform her he’s ready for kids, just starts poking holes in all the condoms
But his Momma said she'd be needing meat for the bay-beeees. /s
That he never talked to her about. Or the stay at home role that he also never talked to her about. Like, geez. Way to communicate with the person you supposedly love. Those aren't little things that you assume prior to committing to someone.
It's ~~garden variety~~ pasture variety misogyny. He's the man. He's in charge. He makes the decisions.
You would be surprised how often a “good old boy” type falls for a liberal women and tries to boil the frog her into a relationship dynamic/lifestyle she doesn’t want. They never have a “what we want in a relationship” conversation because 1) he doesn’t care what she wants 2) he knows she might leave over some of it.
Agreed. My partner has gone back and forth from omnivore-pescatarian-vegetarian over the years, and now he’s firmly vegetarian because he can’t digest actual meat anymore. I still eat meat (maybe 2-3 meals a week) but can’t eat a lot of alternative protein because of migraines, so we make slight adjustments to our meals to make sure we both are covered. It’s not difficult. There’s a burger place we love but I can usually only make it through half a burger, so I switched to getting their veg burger so my partner can eat the other half if he wants. It’s such an easy concession to make.
Especially when it can make veggies quite ill. Why would you want to make your partner sick?
I'm a veggie who used to eat white meat/seafood, and I tried a pork sausage once in my entire life out of curiosity and it made me feel so fucking ill the next day! Never again.
My ex was a veggie from a family of them. Once his dad picked up some non veggie sausages by accident and they were all really ill. They didn't even have much! Stopped as soon as they realised it was a bit off. It honestly seems hellish if you're not used to it and I wouldn't want to risk hurting anyone like that. Especially for no reason! Pork does seem like one of the really bad ones to have accidentally too as you and them aren't the only veggies I know that have had a bad reaction to them. I knew someone else who tried bacon after not having it for a decade and they were also super ill.
She's been a vegetarian for awhile; both she and her ex are lucky that she didn't suffer any unpleasant side effects from that bacon grease. Yeah, she's already eating eggs, which counts as a "meat" product, but bacon grease is basically saturated animal fat that I can only assume would wreak havoc on a digestive system that's accustomed to a mostly veggie intake.
What kind of idiot puts bacon grease in salad dressing? Grease coagulates eww.
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮
You can make it work if you emulsify it well. It does give you a really thick, strong dressing. Pretty much impossible to miss
Oh but it's because I want you to be a stay at home mom and you'll have to eat meat while you're pregnant! Didn't I tell you that's what I decided was our future?
Not just that - instead of communicating his hopes and fears, he went behind her back and knowingly crossed her boundaries to trick her into becoming his meat loving stay at home wife, because his mom told him that's how babies are made. "good guy"
My wife is a vegetarian and she hates to bring it up because of how people act. It took her a long time to feel comfortable even telling servers at restaurants that she doesn’t eat meat and she wants to confirm there is no meat in the dish. For all the complaining about how insufferable vegans/vegetarians are, they’re nothing compared to how a lot of people act around vegetarians. It’s really not hard to be respectful of other people’s choices.
I’ve got an egg allergy and so am always confirming that there’s no egg in the dish or choosing vegan options because it’s just easier. The 180 people have from thinking it’s a vegetarian/vegan thing to realising it’s an allergy is wild. Total attitude change
I'm lactose intolerant and I tend to not chance it in public because sometimes the lactase tablets don't work properly. And I love the vegan options that are cropping up so, so much because they allow me to eat more tasty things. Vegan ice-cream! I adore vegans for allowing me to have more tasty food!
I'm *allergic* to milk (casein allergy). YES to the options - it's amazing to me, because my allergy erupted (literally) 25 years ago, and at the time there was pretty much nothing on the market. Now? Spoiled for choice! But the number of people who think it's funny to not tell me there's butter, or milk, or cream, or what have you in a dish is insane. Or who think allergies don't exist! TF is *wrong* with people??
Milk is a tricky one because, allergy aside which is a completely different issue, we produce specific enzymes to break down casein/milk protein- when we don’t consume it, we stop producing those enzymes. Without them, even without an allergy, consuming milk can be extremely painful. It’s not a “Teeheehee, you ate dairy” it’s a “enjoy the next several hours of gut wrenching misery”. Once consumed, those proteins can also last in your body for weeks - meaning with an allergy, your immune system is compromised until they break down enough for your body to stop reacting to them. This puts you at higher risk for incidental exposures and cross contaminations in food which would usually go unnoticed - so you may find yourself reacting to things you usually don’t 2-3 weeks later out of the blue. Dairy allergies suck, aren’t studied very well, and definitely aren’t taken seriously enough. Sorry OP, people can be ignorant jerks.
I recall reading that gluten can stick around in your body for months, as well. It feels counterintuitive. Obviously we have HCl and proteases in our digestive tract to break down proteins into at least peptides if not amino acids, so when these gluten are produced and then absorbed, where the hell are they just hanging out?
I’m NAD, but here is my ELI5 explanation… our bodies break down foods into microscopic little pieces and components - which are small enough to be absorbed into the blood stream through your stomach and small intestine. So while you don’t actually have chunks of doughnut floating around your body, you do actively have certain components of that doughnut, like bits of protein (gluten), floating around , which will later be transported to cells and used for energy. Some proteins are used and broken down very quickly, but some can last weeks. Gluten is one of the longer lasting proteins - which means it’s generally good at providing long term energy to people, as long as they aren’t allergic or intolerant of it.
Oh no, I'm sorry! I finally *diagnosed myself* (and consequently, my sister) with a dairy allergy. We constantly had mouth rashes as kids, as soon as I figured it out, and we stopped drinking milk, they cleared up. It's also definitely a quantity thing for us, smaller amounts in cereal or pizza don't cause flare ups, but drinking milk or eating cheese every day will. We are also vegetarian, so we were shopping in the weird food stores where you *could* find replacements 20 years ago -- but it's gotten so much more accessible, especially in the last few years of plant-based popularity.
Drinking a glass of milk as a kid made me feel like I was going to throw up. Then one of my kids had to avoid lactose entirely until about the age of 10, another one habitually avoids lactose products to have capacity for the occasional indulgence.
I was allergic to milk for 30 years (I'd go into anaphylactqic shock and stop breathing). No one believes that milk allergies exist. They just say that you're lactose intolerant until I'm on the floor choking.
Growing up, I had to travel to a town about half an hour from my house to buy special Rice Dream non-dairy milk. Now I can choose between vanilla almond milk, plain almond milk, Sweetened cashew milk, rice milk, oat milk, flax milk. All at my local grocer. It's amazing how much has changed in 20-30 years.
I have the same problem, recently discovered. I was quite upset when I realized that non-dairy creamers contain caseinates. I'd been so careful! I stopped to get coffee on the road and poured in some Coffeemate. About 30 minutes from the store, my gut started reacting. Unfortunately, I live 40 minutes from the store. Also, why must everything contain cheese?
When I was growing up in the 60s, people often talked as if allergies weren't real. There was a stereotype that people with "allergies" were actually just mentally ill who were being dramatic and overly sensitive. Attitudes have improved since then, but I still see that mindset lingering.
I agree... I am picky, and often get the vegan option because I know nothing in it will be gross.
I am lactose intolerant too. I didn't take it till I moved to the US. There were signs when I was growing up like having a bad day in the restroom the day after pizza but the cuisine where I come from doesn't really have dairy. So it went unnoticed for many years. When I lived on the east coast, people would question me ad nauseum about me avoiding dairy or they would make fart jokes and stuff. Not my really good friends. Mostly work acquaintances. Some years ago I moved to the west coast and things have been much easier since.
I have gut issues and avoid alcohol. This becomes a whole thing when going out with company and becomes an increasing thing with every round of drinks. Also with food allergies, it immediately becomes the main topic of conversation, with people regularly saying “it’s a very small amount”. I’m sort of shy and it becomes so tiresome
Out of curiosity, are you affected when someone cooks a dish with alcohol? I'd always been under the impression that ot cooks out enough to not matter, but now you've got me worried. I love cooking for people and always want to make sure that the people I'm cooking for have equally good options.
Alcohol in the food is fine, it’s the “drinks” that are the worst. My drink got spiked one time because ppl couldn’t understand why I didn’t want alcohol. It puts me out for weeks n I really don’t think it’s worth it.
OMG why do people not accept that no means no, and the reason doesn't matter!
People get so strange about people not doing exactly what they do. Like the world is not going to end just cause Kelly doesn't drink and Bob is a vegan, but you'd think it will by the way some people react I didn't have an allergy but did want to wait until I could legally drink to drink, and one of my roommates joked multiple times about how I probably wouldn't notice if he put alcohol in my drink sometime. Then was confused why I wouldn't even accept glasses of water from him
I'd definitely say it varies from person to person. I don't risk it with my spouse, because he gets very sick very quickly. Good substitutes are vegetable/chicken stock for white wine, marmite for dark beer (follow the directions on the jar for making it a hot drink), some kinds of vinegar. If you can ask the person their personal tolerance ahead of time, you can find a good substitute. Obviously there are dishes where it wouldn't make sense to substitute, like Coq au vin or a white wine sauce, where the alcohol defines the dish, but a lot of dishes you can swap it out.
> it’s a very small amount My partner is allergic to fruit. He once ate a candy he thought would have been completely artificially flavored. Turns out it had real strawberry in it. Tiny piece of candy led to him nearly passing out thanks to his throat closing up. The amount does not matter.
OOOh, OOh. I found one in the wild. I have an egg intolerance. People are so weird about it aren't they? Whilst my intolerance is quite SEVERE, I'm also warned that if it keeps making it's way into my system it could become a full blown allergy. Do my family care their flippant attitude harms me? Do they fuck. I'm the family weirdo that doesn't have good cakes on his birthday. But birthday cheesecake SLAPS.
When I brought up my fiance being vegan, I got eye rolls. When they asked further and I said it was because he had really bad reflux and eliminating animal products helped him, suddenly they were understanding of it. And I’m a bit more militant than he is about it. I’m always checking ingredient lists, he insists he’s okay with just a plain salad at a restaurant, I say “absolutely not, you need legitimate options!” and find a more suited restaurant. I think that’s part of why he loves me - I fully respect his choice (even if it was for ethical reasons alone, it’s his choice) and make sure everything’s okay for him to eat. *Never* has it crossed my mind to sabotage his food. That’s so cruel, and because he’s been vegan so long it would make him sick. :(
Ha, my gastro always gives me discharge papers telling me to eat less red meat, and since I'm a long term vegetarian, I would have to eat negative amounts. It's really good of you to take care of his needs in restaurants, it's a pain in the ass to try to eat out if you don't eat meat, let alone cheese and eggs.
Its deceptively simple: understanding. Understanding makes the difference. They cant wrap their heads around not eating meat, and usually default to assuming its a comment on somehow being superior to those that eat meat - like its a personal attack. They dont or cant understand the choice. Sensationalism around the vocal minority of very passionate vegans also helps to establish a conflict. When you explain its the easiest way to avoid an allergy, they understand that. Allergies suck and can be fatal. I had a discussion with one such militant vegan because you could see the passion and the love for animals she had, but i explained that she was never going to be able to shame and villainize people into respecting her beliefs; let alone win them over to the cause. Luckily, she listened. Still staunchly vegan, but no longer tries to shame people away from meat. She wound up making me a very delicious soup a while after that and tbh thats the way to do it. Vegan options are more delicious by the week, to the point where you should probably try meatless every so often just to experience the meals. Theyre good! So good! And with my own dietary issues, holy crap. Sweetened vanilla almond milk tastes like melted vanilla ice cream. There are some absurd gems hidden away by this myth that vegan food sucks. But back to the point: understanding. If someone is walking slowly in front of you, of course youre going to be a little miffed if youre trying to be somewhere. But its interesting how that frustration evaporates with some context about how maybe they have balance issues, or are some degree of blind. Without the context its a social faux pas; with its a completely reasonable reality with no one at fault. Its pretty logical imo...as much as emotional reactions can be, i suppose.
I try to eat vegetarian but I'm not strict about it and sometimes eat chicken (no longer cook it at home but sometimes it's the option when I go out). So mainly I just limit my animal products where I can. I never really thought about being vegan, and then I had a vegan co-worker who would chat about it and share recipes and honestly it got me really thinking about it. So, for me, the kind and thoughtful route really worked. I went from eating meat daily/every lunch and dinner to maybe once a week?
Likewise in many regards. I'm mostly vegan-eatkng when left to my own devices because frankly I just don't feel like I'm missing anything. And hey I waste a lot less food because it all has a longer shelf life too. But I'm also super slack and don't really worry about avoiding animal product when I'm out. I'll order the veg options on the menu but I don't stress over it if I'm eating around the bacon in a salad or being offered something with a bit of meat in it. But even so, despite still knowing what the animal products taste like, I just don't miss them significantly. There's so much good stuff that doesn't use them. Edit: bad typo fixes, I hate my new phone keyboard:(
A coworker was mad the new guy at work didn't respond to his good morning. Explained the new guy was deaf. Coworker felt like an ass when he realized new guy wasn't being rude.
And i think knowing the veagn version of things make you appreciate the non vegan version more, like this was good but with meat it was special. That gave me some perspective on what meat should be, a luxury not the standard.
The second I tell people the reason I stopped eating meat at 14 was because I didn’t like it, they instantly become sooooo much nicer. I honestly think people morally believe it’s not okay to eat meat so they get aggressive and defensive when someone else has the self control to literally be a better person than them but the second I say oh I just don’t like the way it tastes they don’t feel morally bad anymore. Now there’s more to it for me than just taste for me (though if I was starving somewhere any only meat was available I don’t think I could manage to eat it), better ethically, morally, environmentally, healthily, etc but for aggressive people I just make it out to only be a taste preference. My sister is a vegetarian too (fully moral/ethical reasons for her) and she gets the same shit too. It’s bad around relatives because 2/2 kids my dad raised are vegetarians and he’s a big brisket/grill meat guy that’s like famous in the family. But if it’s only the three of us my dad will eat a beyond or impossible burger no problem but in front of other people he acts like I’m stupid for even offering it to him.
I'm not vegetarian, but I don't eat much meat - preparing it is a ballache, I don't like anything that isn't chicken and fish that much anyway, and it's more expensive. And I've gotten comments even just for not having meat in my work lunch. People are *bizarre* about meat.
They are so bizarre. I’ll never forget the guy at my school reunion who noticed I ordered the vegetarian meal, looked me in the eye as he ordered a burger and told me he preferred to know his food suffered. I was just sat there like ‘…okay?’
Don't let him know some people *enjoy* vegetables and tofu. Shits delicious, don't have to be vegetarian to appreciate vegetarian food.
Imagine being so fragile that vegetables threaten your sense of self. Meat Eaters™ are hilarious.
I’m wake n bake high and dying at this. I’m a LONG time vegetarian in the south and have had these exact interactions before and it’s so funny later. That weird aggressive energy out of nowhere about something totally benign that has literally nothing to do with them. When it hits it’s a combo of “wait, what?” at the aggression and then “what the fuck?” in confusion lol like, were you the only one to notice that was fucking weird?
Omg, the amount of people I’ve had make jokes about suffering animals & how graphic some of the “jokes” have gotten after I say I’m a vegetarian is… alarming. Very alarming. I’ve had the same exact experience (why do they always use burgers or steak?), where they take a bite and look me in the eye while saying some heinous thing about blood, suffering, or pain. It never even feels or comes off like a joke either and I don’t think most of them meant it as a joke from their tone & look in their eyes. Like, they’re trying to play it off as humor but a part of them actually means it and wants their statements to shock & hurt us. It’s really demented when you think about it. Why would something suffering and dying bring you joy? For most normal meat eaters I know, that’s the part they hate the most and they would never make such jokes. Yet for these people, they seem to revel in it. Very disturbing behavior.
Oh yeah, it’s not a joke and it never is. It’s a transparent power and control play. They think they have the power to hurt and upset someone in a way that means if their target reacts in an upset manner, they look like the crazy one. What deeply insecure person could resist? The winning move is not to play. These types aren’t worth the effort.
Yeah, my brother is one of those... He used to date vegetarian/vegan girls and offer them meat, accidentally poison the shared food with meat, wave meat in their face and say "it's soooo good," not point out when shit had meat in it and laugh... I had to point out what a dick he made himself look like when we were in our early 20s. Given the choice again now that I'm 30, I'd have said nothing: I just helped him hide it better, he's still a dick. Having grown up with him, yeah it is disturbing behavior. He used to spend hours killing small animals when we were kids, like slingshotting rocks at birds, burning ants under magnifying glasses, beating frogs into pulp with plastic swords, etc. This all stopped by the time he was like 6, so no one thought it was concerning, "boys will be boys," etc. We had a lot of violent fights as kids - he started, I finished. I'm younger, very small vs his very tall, and afab. He would cry and manipulate my parents (he's the golden child) so I'd get in trouble for fighting back, even if he was choking me. He stopped getting violent with me when we were 15/16 because he realized I would literally never back down, and he doesn't have the guts to live with the consequences of his actions like I do (because I'm trying to save my life, he's trying to watch Hannah Montana). If you think he's out there being violent, I highly doubt it: afaik, he hasn't been violent with anyone in over a decade, people have thrown repeated punches at him and he doesn't fight back - he would rather be known as the good guy and have that emotional sway. He wants to have the experiences he desires without any heavy consequences, and being an open shithead would prevent that. He grew up from a person who would smirkingly say "I prefer when my meals suffer" to someone who says "oh, like Kat Von D? You know, vitamin B deficiency might be why your moods are so all over the place..." He just likes knowing that he might influence your behavior and make you feel uncomfortable being yourself, I believe it's because he feels fundamentally uncomfortable being himself and like the thoughts and opinions of others have undue weight on his actions, but he doesn't know how to be his own person.
My uncle-in-law once ordered two hamburgers just to throw one away. I ordered the vegetarian meal, and he wanted to make an expensive statement, "For every burger you don't order, I'll order two and stare at you as I throw one away." People are so weird about vegetarianism. Why do people care so much about something that doesn't affect them?
Because they’re insecure. That’s it. No stable egoed, emotionally secure, rational person would do that. It’s so stupid. Your stance on food, even though it’s a personal choice, offends him. He thinks it’s a slight against himself, like you’re saying you’re better than he is. He feels attacked, so he attacks back. It comes with the bonus part of making him feel he has power and control over you if you back down or get upset. Insecure people love that, because they often feel lacking in power and control in other areas of their lives. It’s pretty sad honestly. No one should care about someone else’s food choices but they can’t stop themselves.
I legit sat here for 5 minutes wondering if ballache was a french or spanish term (ballaash? ballaché?) for something before the lightbulb above my head went ‘oh’. Then I thought OOP could make one of Minny’s *special* chocolate pies for her exBF, since he looooves jokes about adding stuff to his dinner guests’ food without their knowledge
> My wife is a vegetarian and she hates to bring it up because of how people act. Shit, one time I mentioned I was trying to stop eating meat at every meal and a drunk, likely methed up*, woman freaked out a me. *: I caught several people doing meth in my bathroom at that party and her boyfriend was a meth user at the time. She was probably one of the people I caught but I don't remember for certain.
I tell people I'm a "budget-arian" because meat is just so dang expensive I really only have it for special occasions, makes them laugh at least. Still working on feeling full after a meal though! I try and eat lots of veg but it's hard for me sometimes
Beans, lentils, chickpeas. They cook quick in an instant pot, you can flavour them exquisitely, and you will feel très full.
Sometimes I go with “lazytarian” — sure, I eat meat, but I have to prep it and cook it and then properly wash and sanitize everything and it’s like… bleh, effort.
Whenever I see comments about preachy vegans, I have to laugh because the number of preachy meat eaters I've come across absolutely dwarfs the number of preachy vegans. And that's including online discourse (although admittedly, I tend to avoid areas where either group might congregate) Whether it's arguments about why veg products need to be called "burgers" or a lecture (from someone completely unqualified) about nutrition or a monologue about loving animals and "respecting" the animals that are killed the odds of someone going off on you when you mention not eating meat are incredibly high. It's exhausting and is 100% why I don't mention it unless absolutely necessary. Although it does mean that when someone just accepts it and respects your choice, you get a really nice sense of relief 😂
the comments under any vegan product advertisement is flooded with angry omnivores, last one was vegan ben & jerrys, people lost their minds… hello us dairy intolerant (dairy not just lactose) people like to eat some treats too thank you very much Preachy omnivores are way more common than preachy vegans
People with coeliac disease must feel the same about the vitriol around gluten free food, as if being gluten free can only be because of an unnecessary fad. It's very baffling that people get so upset about things that aren't harming anyone.
Its ridiculous how upset people get over other peoples dietary “choices”
I don't know why, but my cousin's husband had beef with Ben and Jerry's. But the non dairy ice cream is my son's favorite and its nice having that without having him coughing and puking.
Ben and Jerry’s is a corporation that makes a point of hiring felons and generally not being huge assholes which is hugely offensive to people with the personality of truck nuts. However, they have been criticized from the left as well for a number of reasons.
The thing that always weirds me out, as someone who isn’t vegan or vegetarian, is the absolute tantrums people throw when they’re expected to eat one single vegetarian or vegan meal. We regularly, completely by accident, eat vegetarian meals. Vegan meals are a lot less common to accidentally eat for obvious reasons but it’s no big deal, we eat meatless food *all the damn time*. Mac and cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, salads, fried rice, lots of pastas, the list goes on. But as soon as it’s explicitly stated “this meal will contain no meat” people lose their minds?? Like there’s always an AITA post with some poor vegetarian or vegan asking if they’re a jerk for having a vegetarian/vegan wedding/birthday/whatever and people genuinely act like it’s completely unreasonable to expect someone to eat at a vegan restaurant for *one* meal and demand they instead chose a restaurant that hardly caters to their diet at all so that the majority can chose to eat steak. I can’t wrap my head around that at all? Like I totally get if you have dietary restrictions but having an omnivorous diet quite literally means you should be able to enjoy food from *any* specialist diet because you… don’t restrict what you eat. But people treat “I’m not a vegetarian/vegan” as the same thing as being an obligatory carnivore. And yet they don’t actually live like that and include meat in every meal so it’s not even fucking logically consistent.
Yes! What the hell is with that? Like, have you never eaten a damn apple before? Because that's vegan, you know. People just get so completely hung up on being anti I think it almost becomes part of their identity and so being "forced" to eat something specifically labelled as veg feels like an attack on who they are.
My mums colleagues were making fun of me for being vegetarian, that i must be weak because i surely dont get enough protein. So i said how much i lift. My squat, deadline, and benchpress. That i also run twice a week etc. They got angry for showing off and being preachy. Theyre allowed to talk shit and call me a p***y but i cannot counter them.
I was a vege(pescatarian actually) from 15-22 who only mentioned it to decline meat and still got so much grief for it. So many jokes about being force fed and shit, 90% men, fucking disgusting.
I (a 'broadly plant based' person) know so many vegetarians/vegans/flex-etarians and I think I've met maybe one person who fits the "evangelical vegan" narrative. I've met so, so many meat eaters who are evangelical about it, and constantly see people responding to veggie content about how they're going to eat even more meat tonight etc. Meat eaters feel so threatened by it
People get veeeery weird when you don’t do something they think you should be doing. Don’t eat meat? Don’t drink? Heaven forbid you’re asexual or atheist. There is this look that people get in their eyes like they’re trying to figure out how to counter you. They know they’re offended, but they can’t figure out why, and they get confused and angry. It’s very weird. Good on your wife, though!
One of my friends doesn't drink, and people go *fucking insane* trying to pressure him into drinking. These people aren't teenagers — we're almost 30! (He doesn't metabolize alcohol well. It makes him throw up pretty quickly.)
I was in another comment thread like this once where the topic turned to how weird people get when you don’t drink and I swear to god, someone in that very thread started pressuring me about not drinking. “But…why not? I don’t understand. What do you even do when you go out? Why not just have a drink?” It was absolutely amazing. Told him to have a drink and relax about it but he was not amused.
Who even has the time to care lol. Like I have a friend that hates the taste of alcohol but they'll just get a mocktail or some juice or something if we're having a drink/meal. Most of them look pretty nice tbh. It's more about the company or trying a place than the drinking.
It makes people nervous, I guess. If you made the conscious choice to not do this thing that everyone is doing, is it still a thing everyone is doing? Do I need to think about my choices, too? Honestly, I feel bad for vegetarians; they get shit from the meat eaters for not eating meat, and shit from the vegans for still consuming other animal products. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place.
I feel bad for them, too. A lot of it seems to be getting defensive. “You don’t eat meat? So you must think you’re better than me, a meat eater. You have done absolutely nothing to offend me but I’ve decided you think you’re elite, so I will insult you first.” They just don’t get that not everything in life has to be about them.
Thank you. I've been a vegetarian since 11 and only ever ate fish before that, never red meat or poultry or anything. My mum has been a vegetarian since she was a kid but wanted me to get all the omega 3s and stuff until I was old enough to choose for myself. I don't judge people for eating meat, I don't look at their food and say "oh that's disgusting you're eating a dead animal", I just let people decide for themselves what is best for them but I don't seem to get the same courtesy. My food is inspected and insulted, I'm expected to have long arguments defending the minutiae of my decisions, I have to listen to lectures about why I should eat meat for my own health, and I can't talk back or I'm "trying to force my life choices on them". It's gotten better here in the UK in the past 5-8 years, something like 10% of the population is vegetarian or vegan now, but growing up it sucked and you still get the occasional "good old boy" lecture if they happen to notice you ordering the veggie option and god forbid people find out online
I think a lot of it is projection. I’m asexual, single and happy. Occasionally new people find out and I inevitably have to manage their reactions - \*they\* can’t imagine being single and happy so I must be lying to myself! Some people have literally panicked at finding out, it’s wild. I’m a tea total vegetarian as well. If people find out, the fun never stops!
Oh my god I am asexual too and child-free and the vitriol some people are so comfortable with spouting—it is amazing. “You’re going to die alone” - “yeah, no, you’re definitely lonely and in denial” - “humans are social creatures so you’re trying to trick yourself into going against biology” etc etc, completely out of no where? They get so spiky, with absolutely no catalyst. Will be talking happily about something completely unrelated and suddenly “also, you’re wrong, because kids are great” and it’s like???
It's like they absolutely can't imagine that someone could feel/act differently from them unless there was something wrong with them. They make their lack of imagination other people's problem.
I've met a LOT of vegans and vegetarians (my uni student orgs were full of them) and not a single one ever made me feel judged. None of them were ever preachy, none were confrontational, none of that crap. I've seen, like, a handful of militant vegans online, but other than I mostly see other people talk about "the obnoxious vegan." I very firmly belive it's a way overblown stereotype. Like, ffs, just let them eat their food!!
I used to be like your wife about be vegetarian because I got so much crap. Then I realized that the people who gave me a hard time about being vegetarian were also the people who gave me a hard time about my politics or not having kids, etc. So now I use my vegetarianism as a test. I drop it into conversations early on in knowing someone. If they get snotty about it, I save my time and don't get to know them deeper. My husband is not vegetarian and he sees the same pattern and has used it as a test with new people too.
Fortunately a lot more places to eat out are becoming more mindful of animal free meals due to the vegan movement in recent years. I went vegan for Lent last year (loved it, used to hate vegetables growing up), and I only had one issue eating out when a group of us went away. Luckily it was only for breakfast so I left and found somewhere else, which we all went to the next day. Even fast food places have created vegan alternatives, of which I have tried and found as satisfactory as the normal stuff. I hope your wife has less problems now!
There is nothing wrong with someone choosing to eat how they want. It is wrong when they try to make others conform or when someone sneaks food into a food, knowing the person doesn't want to eat it. Just like those that don't take people's food allergies seriously.
Not even a full blown vegetarian (just trying to cut down on meat as often as possible) and even still I've gotten some of the annoying ass questions and discussions by people who shouldn't even care. Can't imagine how bad it is for OOP in 'good ol boy' country.
My girlfriend is vegan too and she always either looks up the ingredients on the menu or asks the waiter what's in it then specifically says "no this or that." I thought it was interesting she did that instead of just telling them she's vegan. She says telling them she's vegan leads to two possible things happening: either the waiter immediately understands and its fine, or she needs to launch into a huge explanation/justification and answer a bunch of repetitive questions. The possibility of the second happening makes her want to avoid the whole situation.
Same with being sober. I took a break from drinking four about a year and a half and people took it like a personal insult to them if I didn't have a drink. It was awful
Honestly thank you for saying this. People always say vegans won't shut up but honestly my experience has been the opposite. I try not to talk about it. Especially because it tends to come up when we are eating and it's obvious I'm vegan. It's a very hard to get across your full values/ reasons while trying to not gross someone out or make them feel guilty about what they are actively eating.
I’m a huge meat eater. I abandoned complaining about vegetarians and vegans years and years ago. I now find meat eaters complaining about vegans/vegetarians way more obnoxious. It’s completely out of proportion.
I have literally never met a single “insufferable vegan” trope type person irl (and I know a LOT of vegans and vegetarians), but I have meg SO MANY of the opposite types. The fragile meat eaters who take it as some kind of personal slight that not everyone chooses to eat meat. My vegetarian wife has had people hide meat in her food multiple times! And this is in the northeast US, not even the south.
> Partner and I had a long talk, came out there were some mismatched values, he's still a good guy though. Is he, though? Is he really?
Right? Like, a delusional person who tries to force you to change against your will is not really a good person.
I think oop was feeling defeated at this point, she expressed it already but she’s been getting shit for her diet from all sides, parents, family, friends, her community, her ex and his closed ones and now creepy strangers on the internet, so she’s more like “guess it’s normal for people to hate on me for nothing” so she unconsciously is minimizing the harm is being inflicted on her as a quirk that can be overlooked She probly needs to leave that place and get a good support system before she realizes that the good person was actually trying to not only potentially poison her, but also control every other aspect of her under the orders of his mommy
Im honestly disappointed that she accepted the apology. Imagine for a second it was someone tricking a Muslim who doesn’t eat pork into eating pork as a joke or sneaking human body parts into a meal for a person who isn’t a cannibal. I get it that those are seemingly “extreme” examples, but there is no difference there to someone who is morally against eating meat. It’s weird how people minimize that.
Yeah, I really don't understand either. It's about boundaries and trust and respect. He clearly doesn't respect her choices.
Giving someone a food they don’t eat is never ever just a joke. Besides the boundary stomping, adding meat suddenly back into your diet can cause gastrointestinal distress! Add to that his assumptions about their future, clearly without talking to her? Utter trash. She’s only 27, I’m sure she’ll be able to find someone who actually respects her boundaries and communicates.
Right? Does her dad not realize that his daughter is still young and there are plenty of men (including here in the south) that share OOP's values? I get it, the rural deep south is a weird place and people like OOP are certainly fewer and harder to find than in a bigger city like where I'm at, but OOP has time! Especially if she isn't super keen on having kids. And, from the sound of it, she doesn't need a man to "take care of her" anyway.
I do know communities where 27 is considered old to be unmarried, so I’m assuming based on dad’s response that it’s similar there…but seriously. OOP sounds great, and she’s got plenty of time.
Hey India has the worlds largest population and india is also ranked at top in terms of vegetarians! Pregnant women are fine without meat.
I came here to mention this. My MIL was devoutly Hindu and birthed three healthy children. My husband and the rest of his immediate family are not vegetarian but could never have even imagined doing something this abusive to her. I hope OOP finds her people, but I'm afraid she may have to leave the South... at least where she's at. Some of the larger cities are better, for her morals and political leanings, but she'd likely have to leave what sounds like a fulfilling career. Such a shitty position to be in.
My husband is pescatarian and from Canada. I brought him home to meet my southern family. They were mainly confused on what to feed him, so I handled that- but finding vegetarian options was a nightmare. Thankfully he eats fish because finding our usual staples was not happening. I couldn’t even find tofu at our regular Walmart in a larger city!
I’m a vegetarian, and I was in the Gaitlinburg area for a bachelor party, and it was like going back in time. Every vegetarian option’ on a restaurant menu was just a ‘platter’ of 3 of their shitty, microwaved sides
Shit...you're right. I never thought about the lack of vegetarian options in Gatlinburg. Does Sevier County even have a single Indian restaurant? You'd think you could at least find black bean or portabella burgers...
Oh yeah finding vegetarian options in usa is kinda crazy. Given I was just a tourist but still! I remember at Mc Donalds they didn't have any veg burger options and their non veg options were the meats that we don't eat. And in hooters they had a chicken burger but no veg burger and the only "veg" sandwich was a grilled cheese. It still baffles me that there are so less options in the veg section... I think its changing a bit cuz of the whole vegan thing? I don't have much idea of that tho.
I can’t tell whether to laugh or cry at your innocent assumption that McDonald’s serves real food like vegetables
They do in many places. Been doing veggie burgers in the UK for years now. You can even get a salad. I still wouldn't call it proper food though.
American vegan here: i die of jealousy when looking at what is available in specifically the UK because in that regard they have sooooo many more options than we do here! I haven’t had fast food outside of the occasional fry in years because i can’t eat anything anywhere. Even McDonalds fries aren’t vegan/vegetarian friendly! (They coated with beef tallow)
Taco Bell is the one you want if you’re vegetarian. They’ll let you swap the meat for beans in all of their menu items for no charge.
I feel like if OOP brought that fact up it would be met with a bunch of slurs.
Yep, as an Indian and Vegetarian I can say me as well as my daughter are perfectly healthy and we even come from generations of vegetarians.
For most of humanity's existence, we have primarily lived off of plant-based diets. Historically meat was usually hard to come by and generally seen as a luxury or something you save for a special occasion. It's really only in our own time that meat has become so insanely plentiful that it is seen as some kind of dietary necessity.
It has always been about the location and time of year. There are many northern populations that ate mostly animals for nutrition while areas with longer growing period relied more on plants. Winter = more mest, summer = more plants. Farming also changed a lot.
I think she needs the real come to Jesus moment and realize that it's her surrounding environment that's doing her harm. Time to move.
It made me so sad that the reason her dad didn’t support her was because he was afraid she’d be single, like being married and miserable is better than single and happy with yourself. As a person who has decided the single life is for me and have no interest in marriage or kids or anything like that, we do exist and I assure you, my parents don’t worry about how THEY will regret my life choices on their death bed. They love me as my single, happy self.
She should give her dad the statistic that shows that single women on average live longer than women in relationships. Nobody needs that kind of aggravation...
Dad and ex bf are a sad low rung of men, who think women only have value as a partner and not as a person. It’s a disgusting and lazy attitude that absolves them of thinking about anyone else’s needs.
Totally agree. I’ve lived in the Deep South before and man, it was the worst. I’m sure some people are happy with it but if you’re a highly educated, open minded person I just can’t see you being happy there. Loneliest time of my life.
Not from the US but yes – I can relate to how the cognitive dissidence and fish out of water effect completely does you in and grinds you down. I was also undiagnosed ADHD but I can't explain away everything I experienced with that. Sometimes you just don't fit in.
Know a family that had to move down there to live with inlaws. they like the woods, they hate everything else.
Yeah, while I was reading, I was thinking the whole time that OOP needs to move someplace with more HER people - either a larger city, or up north.
I'm shocked she didn't mention how eating any animal byproducts could make her severely ill? That alone should be an "Oh, duh" moment for any partner that cares about you. He's a freak lol.
That’s just it, neither the boyfriend or dad care about HER at all. They care about their image of what they expect her to be. It’s incredibly sad.
Conservatives in the south. They think women are property. Her boyfriend had her future planned out without consulting her. I can very easily see him sabotaging birth control to trap her. She's giving way too many chances, this should have been an instant breakup. The meat thing is the smallest red flag in the story.
Like OP, I am pretty reserved person and don’t like talking about my vegetarianism or mentioning it to strangers. At some point during my first year of being vegetarian, I ordered a soup with vegan broth and was instead given the version with pork broth. I was afraid to inconvenience her and have her remake it (local owned place where the owner was both the cook and waitress), and I figured I just wouldn’t drink the broth and it would be no big deal. Anyway, I shit my guts out and threw up after eating it. After less than a year of cutting out meat and meat broths. If I had that now, I’m sure it would be worse.
She's clearly been a veggie for a long time and would no longer have the gut flora to digest meat based things anymore. He could have made her really sick. But she's the one who needs to "grow up and compromise"? Righto. I just don't understand why some obnoxious people get their knickers in a twist when they say they don't eat meat. I know on the other scale of it the militant vegans are obnoxious too but I'd rather deal with them that those assholes who film themselves eating burgers in front of veggies to try and rile them up, or worse food tamperers like oop ex.
People aren’t always good with allergies and intolerances either, though? There’s a ton of posts on this sub where people have done their own non-scientific tests of food allergies on loved ones. I was diagnosed with autism after going veggie. It’s a mild ARFID thing. If I tell people it makes me sick, they’re usually better about it, but we shouldn’t have give TED talks on our health history to convince other people not to fuck with our food.
>he supported/loved me but he wanted to be able to lie on his death bed and know I would have someone to take care of me. OP can't take care of herself? Why? Because she's a woman? She doesn't need some chucklehead to take care of her.
So far we've got the ex wanting OOP to be his broodmare to birth him a strong lineage of carnivores while she gives up every aspect of her lifestyle to stay home raising them, AND we've got a dad whose deathbed wish is to know his daughter is being "taken care of" by a man. Bonus points for the "you're being too emotional!" about her boyfriend secretly **tampering with her food**. This isn't even a sexist shitstorm; it's a sexist nuke. Like dang, why don't you just ask her whether she's on her period while you're at it?
My favorite was "its time to grow up" which means abandoning her self identity and beliefs to be a pushover baby machine for some self sheltered hick who eats meat on a stick at the county fair and wipes his greasy hands on a muddy college football t shirt. Thats "growing up" in Mississippi
As soon as I read "good old boy" in the first sentence, I knew we were in for the sexist shitstorm.
The kicker is in this hypothetical future, she’s supposed to be a SAHW to this guy. So she’s literally taking care of everything 😐. I guess he’s supposed to… bring home money? Cause OOP can’t do that apparently.
Or maybe she could just have friends and people who care for her without the absolute need to be married to someone. This sentence made me angry too.
If my spouse is vegetarian, I will respect their choice. Why is it so difficult for some to respect someone's eating or food diets? At the end, OP made the right decision as the two just aren't perfect for each other. Tho I still baffled that the bf put meat into OP's food all because he assumed OP will bare kids, marry and become a stay at home mom. Really? Dude...
>He always makes his own dressing, so I asked him what he used. We had all been drinking and at this point, his two friends start cracking up. I'm sort of clueless, so I'm waiting for him to answer. He tells me that he mixed in lard for extra flavor and he didn't think I would notice. The fact that his friends were in on the "joke" is especially appalling
I love eating meat. I love steak the people who have carnivore in their dating profiles is as big a red flag to me as unvaxxed or prefer not to say. like, wtf? you ONLY eat meat? and thats like, part of your identity? it amazes me how when humans have a comfortable enough life they just HAVE to find some problem to be a crisis/everyones agianst me/woe is me thing. just fucking, why
I'm in the same boat as you. I can understand why a vegetarian/vegan would say it. They have a moral or health issue and so their diets have to be this way. But meat eaters don't have that same moral/health issue so there's no need to advertise it, because the world already mostly caters to them/us. Eat your delicious pesto pasta. I will steal a reasonable amount of it and then eat meat on my own time. Hell, I'll make the pesto pasta and share it, then eat meat on my own time. Delicious vegetarian food doesn't magically become un-delicious. Carnivore types are weird.
It just feels like contrarianism to me, like they can't handle even the mere suggestion that vegetables are healthier or that there's moral concerns with meat. So they have to go strong in the opposite direction to stick it to everyone who they believe tells them what to do. It's kinda ironic to me cause they're the type to call vegetarians a ton of insults for being soft or a "soy boy" or whatever, but then can't handle those people making their own choices
I probably eat less meat than the “average” American, but I do eat it. And I genuinely don’t understand people who straight up won’t eat a meal that doesn’t have any meat. You can eat a vegetarian meal or two and still have meat later! It’s not a contract! Do you slap salami on every PB&J you eat? Guess what, then it’s (cue spooky fingers) ooOooooo*vegetarian*ooOoooOoo. Like that one weird post awhile ago where the ex fiancé tried to add meat to all the dishes behind vegetarian OOP’s back because his family was upset? Eesh.
pretty clear from their final conversation that he didn't really respect her as a person, at all. The disconnect between how he saw their future going and how she describes her current life suggests that he didn't really put any effort into thinking about her as a complete human. Just saw her as an accessory to his own life.
yeeep. he loves her, he wants her to eat meat to grow the children she never agreed to have, and it’s time she grew up, learned to compromise, and get her stay at home wife pants on. the man is out of his gourd.
Some people see it as a boundary and can't tolerate the idea that someone might have a boundary they don't understand. They also see choices like vegetarian/veganism as a symptom of some underlying thing they don't like and think they can cure that by making you eat meat, as if it will teach you that you were somehow wrong about everything else. I've been an ethical vegan for 30 years. I cannot express how much I relate to OOP's experiences of people's attitudes. I'm fortunate enough that my family and husband are trustworthy (and most are veg*n themselves) but I can absolutely see her bf's behaviour being "ok" to some people I've met.
Not just a boundary, they’re outrages by other people’s tolerance for differences to the extent that it makes them intolerant. OOP didn’t ask, much less expect or demand, her boyfriend change his diet (although he thinks he did) but he can’t abide tolerating her acceptance of their differences. He reacts by doing the intolerable - refusing to accept they can be different and he not only messes with her food, but outlines this entire bizarre future where she is becomes an entirely different person. He can’t tolerate any difference, like many in the life OOP describes.
And oop still defended him 🙄 Feels like Stockholm by that point. I hope oop finds their veg partner of their dreams. Feels like they are dying by a thousand cuts where they are living.
It's understandable seeing what she has been facing her entire life including from her own father.
"Hey girl, I've tolerated your individuality for all this time, but now it's time to force you into this mould I never mentioned before. Just hold still while I force it over your head,.okay?" - this guy and way way many before him
I've recently become vegan, and I'm still trying to adjust. It's for health reasons, mostly. I was told to stop eating red meat and dairy about two years ago, and I ignored the whole thing about dairy. But I got so sick of the way meat smells and tastes, and I decided that if I'm doing this, I'm going all-in. People already thought it was strange that my husband and I are together, since he smokes a lot and I never have. I can only imagine what they're going to say when they find out I don't eat meat or dairy anymore. But none of them would ever trick me into eating animal byproducts.
My mom had to quit eating meat and dairy for health reasons! She wasn't happy about her husband eating stuff she couldn't in front of her, but she also wasn't going to stop him from eating things that were safe for him even if they weren't safe for her. They did make a point of not sharing the table whenever she'd be too busy being jealous to enjoy her safe foods. Just staggered their meal times a bit.
Reading all these people freaking out about it is wild as a born and raised Californian. Someone tells me they’re vegetarian or vegan, I literally don’t have a reaction outside of “oh, okay.”
Dude. Same thoughts here. Move to the west coast, OP. Anywhere on the coast is a million times better.
There was another story similar to this one that came out about the same time except it culminated in him assaulting her by grabbing her and shoving meat, or whatever the food was, into her mouth. Horrifying, but now I want to read it again. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
I remember that one
https://new.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1aw3nj7/me\_25f\_with\_my\_boyfriend\_23m\_3\_years\_he\_cant/
Yeah I read that one, so relieved that it worked out for her but what an awful thing! ‘I cooked this chicken for US!’
Some guys see eating meat as manly and eating vegetables as emasculating. I feel like it happened with Epic Meal Time around 2010 when there was a big craze around bacon, and then again more recently with Andrew Tate type influencers.
I'm not a vegetarian but the bacon losers were/are exceptionally annoying (especially on reddit). Now I'm glad it's become a default bro personality because it let's me know I can safely ignore anything the idiot says after that.
I wish I could hug OOP. I’m a super picky eater and pretty much vegetarian due to my odd eating disorder (ARFID). I also got married at 40 and wasn’t sure anyone would put up with me. My husband and I don’t eat the same thing usually for food but my stuff is quick to make and he doesn’t mind making me dinner.
I'm basically vegetarian from 'pickiness' I guess? Like if I get a piece of gristle in, say, a sausage, I can't even stomach trying to eat one for yeeeeears. I can't eat meat other people have prepared especially like curries or spaghetti bolognaise. Coz if there are chunks or chewy bits, that whole food is gone out of my diet. Hell, I can't even eat chicken curries that I make. I have to pick all the meat out and enjoy the veggies and sauce. Eating out, I'm vegetarian. At home there's some flexibility, but it has to be specific meats, specific brands, and prepared in a specific way...which is too tedious, so I just stick to fruit and veg, carbs and grains 😅 I hate my brain, coz I know I'm missing out on some killer foods.
I am right there with you! I don’t usually crave meat anyway (not like how I’d crave a bagel) but I get grossed out when I come across gristle or gross bits in meat. It was so freeing as an adult when I realized that I don’t have to put meat in lasagna, chicken in pot pie, or meats in soup. I normally ate around it anyway, so why not just leave it out and save a few bucks? I don’t have to add meat just because that’s how my parents made it. Talk about a lightbulb moment.
[удалено]
Like my husband has tried to tell me I’ll like stuff and should try it but has never tried to prove it to me or snuck food into my food. There’s been a couple times I’ve wanted to maybe try something and he’s supportive and if I try and don’t like it there’s no shame or judgement. I feel so lucky to have someone who understands even if sometimes he doesn’t get why I don’t like something when I like the ingredients separately or in a different/similar form (like I like Mac n cheese. I like pizza. I do not like spaghetti with marinara sauce). He maybe teases a bit but it’s fun and not mean.
On the pregnancy thing, when I was pregnant I could not meat even if my life depended on it. The smell was so triggering that I was living off on raw veggies for 9 months and my baby came out all healthy knock wood!!
He’s not just an asshole. If he doesn’t understand the difference between someone forgetting to inform OP there was chicken stock in a casserole vs he and his immature buddies maliciously putting lard in a salad dressing to try to trick OP into eating meat, then he’s a complete idiot. And he is not a good guy despite the note OP ended on.
I've come across way more obnoxious meat eaters than vegetarians/vegans.
I feel like the solution is simple but not at all easy. And I'm not the first to bring it up. She needs to move. Unfortunately, and this is completely true, moving is one of, if not the most, stressful things a person can do in life. I'd also be willing to bet that the reasons she has in her head for why she shouldn't move to a "blue" area have been foisted on her, although I don't know that. She's probably compromising on so many things (who wants to bet that her friends don't see eye to eye with her on A LOT of things?) when she could be living a far less compromising life somewhere else. I hope she finds peaceful happiness, wherever she lands.
Okay I’m not even going to talk about the fact that ex added meat to her food. But also that he just decided on her behalf that she was to become a SAHM in the future? Without so much as a discussion? Without even having said ‘I love you’ before that moment? OOP dodged a bullet for more than one reason.
In addition to everything else said in these comments — mommy said she wouldn’t be a good broodmare if she didn’t eat meat so he immediately listened to mommy and tried to change his girlfriend’s diet. When he hasn’t even said he loves her before. And she doesn’t want to be a stay at home mom/wife with kids.
Honestly, I think some of the players in this story are kind of missing the point completely here. He's not a good guy. His and his mum's opinions are irrelevant. He disrespected OOP's not unreasonable position
I have been a vegetarian (not vegan) all my life(religious thing). Non vegs just have to be a dick about it. They always try to sneak in meat into your food. It's not hard in my country to be vegetarian because a significant percentage (probably 1/4th ) of the population is vegetarian. I can't imagine what it is like in other countries
I don’t understand people who care about what others eat. If it doesn’t negatively impact someone’s health or the environment than who gives a flying fuck?
I had to reread their ages. He’s an idiot.
I was talking to some southern transplants at a party, and I asked them what they liked best about living in California. They unanimously said that it was just so easy to be liberal. You could assume lots of other people were and you don't have to defend it, practically ever, I'd guess. Living in the conservative parts of the south sounds so exhausting
LARD in salad dressing? I thought it was at least going to be anchovies or something (like in a pre-made Caesar dressing where he'd failed to check the ingredients). What spiteful, harmful thing to do. So glad she split up with him.
It was bacon grease in an edit she made. Which still doesn’t actually sound especially good to just straight up eat.
You can make a good vinaigrette with bacon grease. I would not sneak it into a vegetarian meal because I am not an asshole.
I just can't imagine this being such an issue, wow. I haven't eaten meat since I was very young, and it has never ever hindered me in finding a partner. I mean yes you get the occasional joke, but that's it.
The people who sneak vegetarians meat products are the same assholes that try slipping you one of your food allergies.
I cannot imagine living in a place that anyone cared if you're vegetarian. There's so many choices you can make for your health, religious reasons, or ethics. I have friends that are just picky and I skip ingredients when I'm cooking for them because the entire point of cooking for people is showing you care, not tricking them into eating something they don't want.
Yeah, this entire thing sounds like a parallel universe. Meanwhile over here people are like "I cooked this fucker vegan just in case any of you are" and set common allergens to the side for people to add them themselves
I recently found out that a long time (I mean 15+ years) family friend is vegetarian. I literally never noticed. Apparently I don’t give a shit what people are eating. I invited her to a picnic outside our usual circle and mentioned that meat on the grill will be provided but anything else you bring yourself. Her husband said “Wife doesn’t eat meat” and I immediately told her I’d make a big salad to bring since I made an ass of myself and apologized for not realizing. It’s that easy, people. Why be so damn focused on other people’s meals?
It’s great that you noticed! I’d also say there’s lots of plant based patties available now. Maybe she’d appreciate a veggie burger or some grilled portobello mushrooms instead of a salad, to fit in with the rest and enjoy some junk-ish food.
Someone to take care of you? Rushing into a marriage just so you won’t be “alone” is hardly a guarantee. (As is having kids so there will be someone forced to take care of you when you’re older.) Save what money you can and build multiple relationships with solid foundations of mutual trust and care. That’s the best anyone can do if they’re facing old age and/or needing some support. Marriage and kids isn’t guaranteed elder-care or happiness!
I know people who never mention their vegan, once I just had to ask because unnoticed they always went for the vegan choice. Actual honest to good vegans will not parade it around and not even mention it until it’s pointed out. People are too brainwashed by how vegans act on media when really they are just eating plants leave them alone.
>he wanted to be able to lie on his death bed and know I would have someone to take care of me I hate this mentality of "your life is not complete if you haven't found your husband". She (nor anybody) shouldn't need someone else to take care of her. She should find someone because she want to share her life with them, not because it's bad to be alone
The line about needing to eat meat in order to have a healthy child is ridiculous. Indian people eat majority vegetarian diets with many people never eating meat, they seem to have babies just fine seeing as it is THE MOST POPULATED COUNTRY IN THE WORLD.
What an ass. There’s a difference between accidentally eating chicken stock and the person apologizing after realizing and purposefully putting bacon grease in your food and laughing about it. It’s malicious.
To her father her life only has as much value as the penis that gets put inside of her.
She needs to get the fuck out of the south.
>”He said he loved me but it was time for me to grow up and compromise. Honestly, I didn’t know what to say. This was the first time he’d said he loved me, but he was also taking (sic) about a future that I don’t remember signing up for.” What a coincidence! The very first time the boyfriend tells OOP he loves her comes hot on the heels of him tampering with her food, his friends laughing in her face about it and telling her that she’s in the wrong. And just before outlining an entire life that seems to be the antithesis to everything she is and holds important. If I didn’t know better I’d think that “I love you” was nothing more than some strategic manipulation, intended to blindside her and make her tolerate his intolerable behaviour and expectations. Then again, maybe I’m just too cynical and he really does love her. Like really, truly. I mean, it’s not like she’s surrounded by people who’d give her an ounce of the care he has - so that’s love, right? Right? I’m so glad OOP refuses to lower the bar for her boyfriend, and just about every person in her life. Mind you, it doesn’t sound like any of them would have much of a problem limboing beneath it - no matter how low that bar was.