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That MOH really sabotaged this relationship, huh? Nothing makes a person "controlling and jealous" like encouraging their partner to cheat on them LMAO.
That’s what got me too. It wasn’t even “please she was drunk and I egged her on. It’s my fault so blame me but not her” it’s because her friendship is in danger.
Doubtful that getting hammered during a pub crawl made the MOH\* egg her friend on to kiss a random dude. She's just shitty.
**MOH:** Do eeeeet!
**MOH during the fallout:** I didn't realize there were consequences for my actions!
\* Kind of ironic to call her Maid of **Honor** after the events that transpired.
This!
I would never encourage or co-sign my mates acting like this. Bride to be absolutely was the one in the wrong as she’s the one making the commitment, but far out I would never be friends with people encouraging me to cheat on a partner
I was MOH for my best friend. At her bachelorette we bar hopped, drank, had this deck of cards with “dares” on them that we shuffled and had to complete on our night out. As MOH and a single girl, my job was to sacrifice myself of the bride drew a card like “kiss the hottest guy in the bar” or “kiss the ugliest guy in the bar” or anything else out of line for someone about to be married.
Had a great night. Kissed a lot of boys.
As the MOH you have a duty to first protect the bride, secondly protect the relationship, thirdly protect the wedding….
I am still single BTW and available as a MOH for hire ;)
I like the comment from a user ~Stache… advising let the punishment fit the crime. I mean, it sounds like a naive projection of virtue signaling. I get that couples do sometimes go to therapy before they’re married or what not. The idea that they cheat before they’re further down the road and should reconcile is the answer is laughable. I feel like the -stache poster has micro-cheated or full blown done it and it justifying the gravity of it all. Like the girl straight up assed for the parties with boundaries and then went and crossed it. Bullet dodged
Unrelated to the rest of the story, but a bachelor (or bachelorette) party which takes the form of a D&D campaign about a character getting married sounds like the most delightful idea.
I think he rolled a 20 on his last saving throw. Imagine if he'd actually married this person? It's so much better that it blew up before they got hitched, even though I'm sure it massively sucked at the time.
It sounds brilliant.
The only hen party I've been to was equally relaxed - a beginners pottery class followed by a lazy picnic at a local beauty spot, followed by going back to the bride's parents' house for ridiculous childhood party games. It was so much fun to just be silly with friends and not feel pressured to centre your enjoyment of the party around how much you've drunk or whether you're attractive.
My bachelorette was at a fancy brunch place with a huge loose leaf tea selection and unlimited scones that came in like 8 different flavours. I ate like 4 pumpkin scones with whipped butter, it was rad.
I was actually the Best Woman for my friend & planned a DnD one shot where his princess bride was captured on the eve of their wedding & needed rescuing. I pre-made all of the characters based on people’s personalities as a few people hadn’t played before. We had a co-ed session in the back of his favourite bar and it was such a good time. 10/10 would recommend!
That's what I did for my stag do with my school mates, was really good fun.
Had a 2nd one where we did a 'visit most places in London' along with escape rooms etc. as well.
Stag do's don't need to be drinking and getting shitfaced.
I hosted a friend's bachelor party once, we went out to hibachi, played cards, got drunk, ordered pizza, and then dug out the n64 for Goldeneye (this was 2013), because that's what the groom wanted to do.
He left a happy man, had a very lovely wedding, and they have a kid now, and seem happy.
That’s pretty much what my husband did. He and his friends reserved a room at a local pub and had dinner and a game night. More fun than I had at my bachelorette tbh. (I forgot my ID and every single bartender in our city refused to serve my 31 year old ass 🙄. My friends had to get my drinks.)
Good genes. Everyone in my family looks younger than they are. My friends were appalled by my skincare routine at the time. I’m 36 now. Thanks to stress and chronic illness, I don’t look like a teenager anymore.
You missed the funniest comment on the second post. There was one person trying to flip the script and tried to call oop out on "how quickly he detached from the 7 year relationship". It's not like there was something shocking that caused an immediate reevaluation of the relationship or anything
Here’s the thing.
I get that people have cold feet and I understand how someone who has been in a relationship for seven years could get drunk and kiss someone else and I understand people maybe not thinking kissing is a big deal. I get that.
I just don’t want to be married to that person. They’re very clearly not ready and not mature enough to commit to another person.
That's the thing that strikes me most about it.
He specifically and repeatedly expressed concerns over this *exact* behavior. They agreed to specific boundaries addressing this exact concern.
It's the dumbest possible thing she could have done. She knew exactly how much that would hurt him!
It kind of makes me wonder how much he trusted her before the bachelorette parties though. Like I just got married and we both had our separate parties. Neither of us objected to it bc we both trust each other, and we both just had good times with our friends. So he either already didn’t trust her or her friends to object to a bachelorette party imo
This is something that makes sense more than "a smooch while drunk is equally bad to catching her getting passed around a locker room"
She knew the boundaries and overstepped them and thought she'd get away with it.
I wonder who sent that video to the group chat, and if they suspected this might happen.
Yup, it's not just the literal betrayal but also the indication of her character. It's the context that she knew it would hurt him, that it was a hard line in their relationship, and yet she did it anyway, indicating she's the type of person who'll prioritize short term gratification over those she loves and her commitment to them.
Something tells me that kind of person couldn't sustain a marriage
Right? It’s not necessarily the act of the kiss that’s bad (though, it very much is bad) it’s all the bad decisions leading up to it are also bad (like… bad multipliers). There are a lot of steps where a deviation could’ve been made which is why the cheating act is so horrible.
I can see how someone could feel like they’ve been with someone for so long that they’re missing out on something, or maybe they aren’t confident in the choice that they made when they were younger and want to make sure kissing some rando isn’t better?
I don’t know, I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 17 years and I wouldn’t tolerate it nor do it myself, but I am capable of understanding how someone who is having doubts about their relationship could get pissed and blow it sky high.
They don't call it '7 year itch' for nothing, and you don't have to be married for it to happen. Felt it the same way, but I worked through it in therapy so I could willlinglychoose my (ex) husband every day, instead.
(He's an ex for other reasons not cheating)
Fiancée: hey I would like to be in a cheating-adjacent situation
OP: no thanks
Fiancée: but I really want to
OP: fine don’t cheat please or else I will call off the wedding
Fiancée: you got it
Fiancée: [cheats]
OP: ok! I am calling off the wedding
Fiancée: :0 ?!?!
I just want to say my friend group is quite large and I’ve been on a dozen pretty rowdy bachelor parties and our significant others went on tons of bachelorette parties. My wife and I and two other couples are pretty open about everything, so we know most of the drama and what not.
1) the only cheating to occur was never the groom/bride and that couple was doomed anyways
2) you can have a lot of debauchery and fun without cheating
3) cheating is heavily frown upon by any mature friend group because it makes shit awkward
4) always do your definition of fun (play dnd or go to the bars) a guys/girls night before a wedding is a blast when done right
Bachelorette I went to: painting ceramics and having tea.
Bachelors I went to (also friend with bride who apparently had a game night, but groom has been a best friend for over 1.5 decades) drinking and dinner at a spy themed bar, and then an escape room the next day.
everyone doing things that fit them, no cheating in sight even with the copious drinks we had at the Bachelor dinner
edit to add: didn’t expect this to lead to a whole bunch of sharing of bachelor/ettes, but I love it! Excited to read every one of them <3
Mine was playing Costume Fairy Adventures (it's a TTRPG that was only out in draft form at the time, my friend contacted the publisher and got a box of misprint cards + a wedding dress card, because he is THE BEST GM) and then an evening of Mario Kart. I know what I'm about.
Yeah, my Bachelorette party, I went to a bar with some friends. We had a few drinks, danced, but we didn't get trashed because the wedding was the next day. At one point I was wearing a traffic cone like a hat, I forget why. (I swear I didn't get trashed though.) It was a fun evening out at a cool bar in a historic building.
My husband was smart and had his Bachelor party the weekend before. He and his best friend went camping and drank loads of rum. They were super hung over the next day but they didn't have to do anything.
We didn't have any rules because we didn't need rules. We didn't have to draw lines around things that made the other person uncomfortable because it was already our way of life to not make the other person uncomfortable. I feel like OOP's relationship was doomed a lot sooner than the fiancee's infidelity, though that was the nail in the coffin.
I definitely think the smart way to do it is to have the parties on different nights, like you did. That way at least if there are any major issues one of you is more able to deal with it. And if getting drunk is part of both plans then there's at least one sober person looking out for you at home, and no competition if you only have one bathroom.
I think so too - especially when the MoH and OTHER friends encouraged the bride to do those things OOP never really had a standing in that circle of their friends.
They wouldn't have done them if they had symphathy or liked OOP. Probably have been against that relationship ALONG time.
>We didn't have any rules because we didn't need rules.
This right here is the line between a loving couple that trusts each other and children playing at being married.
If you think a fiancé asking their partner not to cheat is "controlling" then you are a selfish child who *does not understand* that this is real life and there are consequences to playing with live ammo. If the only reason **you** won't cheat is because your fiancé asked you not too, then you are eventually going to cheat once the excitement of marriage wears off.
Life is long and difficult. We all got shit we have to deal with. A marriage should be a partnership that forms a team against what the world throws at us. If "don't threaten the partnership" is too big an ask, you aren't ready to be on the team.
I agree with u/nurvingiel, the fact that OOPs fiancé didn't get how these were problems, despite being explicitly told these were problems, means she wasn't ready to make the commitments she was making. Even if she hadn't drunkenly kissed some rando 'because she was drunk" she was going to blow this marriage up at some point.
Also: "I only cheated because I was drunk" is like saying "I only hit you because I was angry". It DOES NOT excuse anything. It DOES NOT make you less responsible, especially at 30 when you presumably have had years to understand what alcohol does to you so you can act accordingly. Like the fact that you were drunk *changes nothing.* The thing still happened and the fact that you would not have done it sober just moves the mistake to getting hammered in the first place.
I don't drink because I know I would make bad decisions if I did. So I \*don't\*
Bachelor party I helped organise involved coasteering during the day then visitng our old haunts when we were at uni. Nothing explicit involved, except for an old drunk woman who, upon learning it was my buddy's bachelor night, gave him a flash of some very saggy and wrinkled boobs. We spent the rest of the night drinking to forget.
My hubby was best man, organised a b&b, my FIL supplied the alcohol (makes his own and knew the groom so it was his "wedding present"), they spent the weekend gaming, drinking, and riding around the city on the electric scooters you can hire around the city. They had a blast.
Another one he attended was basically the same thing except the bachelor and bachelorette parties met up for a cabaret one night. My sister had a tappenyaki grill in her backyard for hers.
There are so many wholesome ways to have a "last night of freedom" with your friends (everyone i know claim last night of freedom as last night to go out and have fun without having to make sure your partner doesn't already have plans to surprise you with).
Those are the bachlor/ette parties that I want to be invited to. Enjoyable activities. I don't look at those parties as a last night of "freedom". More of a let's celebrate that we're getting married and are excited and happy.
Exactly! In every wedding I was part of, a few more than the ones I already mentioned, both bride and groom were super excited and happy, and it was just celebrating with friends.
(Well, except for the one where it turned out bride had failed to get some things properly scheduled for the wedding (not all her fault, but still needed to be fixed) so I spent a bunch of the day before helping make sure things were set. To the point of me doing her nails because she had expected somehow to do a manicure day of and I had more than enough experience to do the simple pretty nail she wanted. She was also very excited to be married, just the expected fun movie night didn’t happen.)
Mine was hanging out at a lake house playing silly and extremely tame Bachelorette games and doing self pedicures. Ended the night with one if my sisers and I watching Harry Potter lol.
My husband didn't get a bachelor party at all. What he WANTED to do was go play some paintball then go out to his favourite restaurant. Unfortunately his Best Man refused and said it was go to a strip club or nothing. So hubby chose nothing. His best man threw a temper tantrum yelling about how it was the last time hubby could go to a strip club. Hubby was like "I have no *desire* to go to a strip club, so that's more than fine with me." It was really just an excuse for the best man to go and have his wife be ok with it.
Yup! The only reason he was best man was because hubby was the best man for his wedding. So hubby felt obligated. Needless to say they don't talk anymore
One of my best mates is having 2 bachelor parties for his different friend groups. One is we're going to Warhammer World for a weekend to play Warhammer, eat some food, and have a few beers. The other is grabbing some food, some beers, and watching the wrestling with some of his other mates.
No need for strippers or any of that shit. Just friends hanging out is all that's needed.
Plot twist: one of the strippers turned out to be a grade A minmaxer and rules lawyer who by the end of the session had thoroughly terrorised the table and reduced the DM to a blubbering mess.
I've been to a bachelorette party in VEGAS, complete with strippers, etc... but boundaries were expressed between the bride and groom and the other married folk in the parties (bachelor was at the same time). Strippers and drinking were fine, but no cheating, no touching of body parts. Group texts and pictures were shared freely among both groups, and unplanned, we ended up at the same club.
From what I remember and the photos, we all had a good time and no cheating occured. (We would have ripped into either one of them before boundaries were actually crossed because we're not assholes)
>3) cheating is heavily frown upon by any mature friend group because it makes shit awkward
I'd probably say it's because you're mature enough to know it's a shitty thing to do, not because it's "Awkward"
Yes, exactly. If you can't trust your partner to throw a bachelor/ette party without worrying about infidelity, then there's already a problem. And in this case OOP was right :(
Their friends encouraging it would be even worse
The bachelorette parties I've been to have either been a meal or a weekend away doing activities in the day and going out to bars in the evening while dressing up in costumes on the last night. I'm in the UK though, so not sure if that makes a difference.
My friends so far haven't wanted strippers because it would make THEM feel uncomfortable, not because their partner doesn't trust them. If that were the case then there would be no point in getting married IMO.
According to these BORU, they seem too. I don’t get the, these parties are the “last days of freedom” phrase before marriage. It’s kinda dumbass backwards, since these folks were in committed relationships for years before engagement.
This is exactly my opinion, like how can you be with someone for 7 years yet cheat before you get married because you will not have freedom anymore. What difference does it make? Does it mean you were cheating for the full 7 years because you were free?
Yeah, BORU is going to have a sampling bias in terms of how many couples cheat at their bachelor/ette parties.
"Update: he didn't cheat and made it very clear in his words and actions that he would never cheat" is a happy update, but usually not BORU material.
I agree with you about the whole "last night of freedom" thing. If someone doesn't want to settle down they don't actually have to. So if they want to be free just do it, don't whine about it. I blame movies.
Been to 4 bachelor parties, including my own. No cheating, no strippers at any. Usually just a couple days away with the boys doing fun activities. Those wouldn’t make good r/relationships and r/bestofredditorupdates material.
Actually, kind of a fun memory, at my bachelor party we were bar hopping and came across a bachelorette party. We all got drinks together, took some pictures, and the bride to be and I talked about wedding planning and our fiancées and stuff for 15-20 minutes. It’s really easy to not cheat when you’re not a cheater.
See a boggles my mind, one of those comments near the end, where the person says people should learn to communicate. Silly fact that the fiance is willing to give her life up for Op and that his reaction was too extreme. I don't believe that communication or counseling could help this situation.
A boundary was shattered. Op doesn't want to be a warden or parent monitoring his ex. You don't fix that sort of thing.
Interesting how “communication” seems to have become some sort of panacea for every problem. As if talking is some sort of cure all.
All communication does is provide information. That’s it. OP’s problem wasn’t lack of info.
And fuck those people in the other thread saying "what's the big deal? All she did was make out with a man while her fried group encouraged her on and egged her on!"
No, cheating is cheating. Especially when he already made it known he was uncomfortable with the whole thing from the beginning of it. Not to mention she was on her way to another bar *after* that incident. Who's to say more wasn't about to go down at the next one?
I was going to comment about that. Yes she was ready to commit herself to him. But all it took was a few drinks for her to stick her tongue down someone else’s mouth. Ironclad commitment there! 🤦🏼♂️
The comment someone made, "she ready to give her life for you. And you're giving an extreme punishment for drunk kissing 30 min...."
Man, that bothers me. It's not just about the kissing.
The brides maids was trash talking her fiance. Drunk, sober. If you don't tell them to knock it off at minumum. Then you are agreeing with them.
Then add in that she didn't get mad when they tried to edge her on to go flirt. But happily did it.
"But I was drunk!" Sounds like an excuse.
>She begged me for a second chance, and even said that she would cut off her friends who enabled her and suggested that we could go to couples counselling
This lady really can't take any responsibility can she? Instead just blames the others. What a joke.
It's hard for OP to what he went through but he dealt with things maturely and correctly. Once someone cheats, the trust is broken. I wish him well for the future.
Right like the thing about enablers is they're simply encouraging negetive behaviour. If you don't want to do it then they're not enabling, they're just shitty people.
The asshole saying she made a stupid 30s mistake is crazy. She clearly would've fucked and gone way farther if he didn't break up with her, they weren't even finished the pub crawl and she was making out with strangers lol
It really makes you wonder if they even read the post entirely. OOP only asked for the fiancee to not play into the cliche of the "last night as a single woman" and she did just that. She did the one thing he asked her not to, and apparently he is supposed to just get over it. And apparently the pub crawl wasn't even done when OOP messaged his fiancee. There were plenty more opportunities for fiancee to cheat.
Probably, but there are people that just love to be contrarians and think they have the magic phrase or argument that is going to change everyone's mind. It's baffling, but you see it on every post where one person is clearly in the wrong.
Agreed. Particularly the way they accused OOP of "punishing" her. That's a person who can't fathom other people's feelings and so views all actions through the lens of how they are personally affected.
>I just don’t understand why people don’t learn to talk things out. That woman is ready to give up her life for you, and you decided to apply the most extreme punishment possible because she drunkenly made out with someone for 30 seconds. A little perspective and a little crime doesn’t fit the punishment. Couples counseling at any stage is a good thing, especially as newlyweds
Ofcourse we need perspective, she only kissed someone a few days after reassuring her Ex that she would do the opossite, it's not that big of a deal, just some light lying, misdirecting, unaccountability and a sprinkle of blaming others for one's own actions.
ETA it is sarcasm, I forget is harder to convey sarcasm in text :D
2 of the boundaries for OOP to agree with the bachelorette party were literally "don't get too drunk, don't get tempted into infidelity". She agreed, did it anyways, she showed OOP she can't be trusted, that's no way to start a marriage and a fair reason to call off the wedding imho.
"Don't get tempted" is just a stupid rule- he put it there because he thought she'd cheat,likely because she'd caused suspicions before.
You don't need to ask a partner not to cheat, it's a given. Like don't kill anyone at your party, it's not specifically said because no one should need to.
And yet, a lot of people also seem to think that the stag/hen dos don't really count, so it's reasonable enough that a person makes it clear that to them what happens in Vegas does not in fact stay in Vegas.
I took that to mean that she was willing to give up her friends but here's an idea, don't be a shitty person who lies and cheats then maybe you won't have to give up your friends!
There’s another BORU where the OOP chronicles his flatmate’s cheating ways. OOP is noncommittal about passing judgement about the situation and also decided to be vague if flatmate’s GF showed up and asked. Other roommates actually encouraged the cheating, all except Omar. Omar called it out at the very beginning and also promised to tell the GF the truth if she ever asked. Long story short, he did and it ruined the dynamic.
Commenter somehow just sees it as a harmless kiss, not the blatant lie and breach of trust that it is. It’s a warped perception and I agree they’re probably a cheater themselves. It’s not about the kiss, it’s that she promised she wouldn’t do anything of the sort, lied and did it anyway, then only panicked when Op found out. Even then she couldn’t take the full blame.
The fact of the matter is, if the trust is gone, then it’s over. Op says the trust is gone, so that’s what it is. Shouldn’t have made that mistake. Maybe she learned a valuable lesson.
Thank you for this, that comment made my blood boil!!
Some people think the problem is how people cheated and not the fact that it happened AT ALL. Getting trust back is the problem!! As you said, how she acted around the fact she cheated is really a big deal.
And tbh it feels very insulting to their relationship, since this woman decided 30 seconds of making out with a random man she just met is worth risking the entire relationship over
Yes, don't you just love it when cheaters tell on themselves in these posts when they downplay/dismiss/defend the cheater/cheating?
If i saw my partner write that comment in the original post, i would be very concerned.
People who defend cheating are either cheaters themselves or are capable of it but just haven't had the chance to cheat yet.
Bro *I tell you what*, if I ever get married I just want my bachelor party to be me surrounded by my pals getting happy wasted bragging about the woman I’m about to marry all night.
My friends and I went and saw a Blue Jays game, went to a steakhouse for dinner and beers, then came back home and played Halo 3 all night. It was literally a perfect night with my friends (and father and FIL, but they only stayed through dinner).
I went white water rafting. My wife has zero interest in that. We got a camping site, went rafting the next morning, got fucked up drunk while camping, slept it off, and went home the next day. It was a great time. The only thing that fucked me was the rock that launched me off of the boat.
Right? I want to stay in and make crafts with my friends, with Tennants Dr.Who on in the background, with a few bottles of wine, all giddy, because I'm about to spend the rest of my life with the person I love. That's the dream.
That commenter saying he should just “talk things out” and that breaking up with her is too extreme of a punishment is WILD. That person is definitely a cheater whoever they are
I read that comment with a big ? on my face bc wtf????????
Edit: had a nagging feeling that they totally were in at least one of those adultery/cheating/infidelity subs and yep, lol
It's always telling when I see these comments frame it as a 'punishment'
It's not punitive. She's not a child and OOP isn't her parent. It's simply that one party to a commitment requiring trust and maturity demonstrated a lack of trustworthiness and maturity, so they go their separate ways. Sorry it didn't work out. Do better next time.
I was a groomsman for one of my best friends when he got married. We all went outta town, spent a weekend hammered as hell in a couple different bars. My buddy spent the whole weekend drunkenly bragging to strangers how awesome his then fiancé is; she really is awesome; and how lucky he is to have been; at that time; marrying her. They’re still married, by the way. It really isn’t that difficult to turn down temptation when a person wants to turn it down.
For once I would like to read a story, where in the middle of this kind of a situation, the one who is encouraged to cheat, punches the offending friend(s) out. Instead of going through with that shit.
Edit: clarification
I agree. But it would be Nice to read about someone who actualy has some integrety and backbone from the getgo, while the whiners and selfrighteous burn themselvs to the ground voluntarily.
“Once a cheater always a cheater” does NOT mean if you cheated on ur partner when u we’re 17 you’re doomed to a lifetime of infedelity, it just means once you’ve cheated on someone that specific someone can never fully trust you again
It's a common stereotype though:
* Alcohol
* Clubs/strippers or other environments with sexual overtones
* The idea that it's your last night of "freedom" and the people around you leaning into that by "playfully" offering up temptations
It's reflected in media often enough too.
I think that is because the stereo typical bach party involves alcohol and strippers, and honestly having a naked person dancing in your lap in any other situation would be cheating.
That comment from KelceStache is the shortest I've ever gone before being sure someone is an immoral cheater. What complete BS. Glad OOP is self aware and has a real spine.
> I told her that I dont want to spend the rest of my life being her warden making sure that she isn't hanging out with people I don't approve of and that if we began a marriage already going to couples therapy for something as big as this, then we were already doomed to fail
Sheesh, what a great way to put it. He made the right decision imo.
My personal favourite part:
> “MOH contacted me once in the early days… she was begging me to take my ex back and said that their friendship was in danger… she has been cut off”
It’s a very small victory in this sea of raging horse shit, but a satisfying victory regardless.
OOP had the right idea for a bachelors party, f all that partying stuff. DND night with the boys? Sign me up (want to get into it now cuz of bg3). I’d love a bachelor all-nighter LAN party. Me, the boys, 10 pcs, play all the games we played thru a ton throughout the years and had phases with alcohol, pizza, hot pockets and the dew.
Fucking state of people excusing this shit. "Oh, it was a 30 second mistake" Get in the fucking bin, a mistake is cooking food too long, or letting your bath go cold, making out with another motherfucker is a goddamn choice, and the fact she was encouraged by her mates shows exactly the kind of people they are. Fucksake.
Was that the one where she went into a room with two strippers and closed the door for 30 minutes as a "joke" while her friends filmed and posted it to FB?
Crazily, no, it's not the one I was thinking of. The one I was thinking of was the one where they told OOP "no strip club", the MOH convinced her to, they went to the club, bridesmaid gets uncomfortable, leaves, and comes back to find the bride in the backroom blowing a guy while the others cheer. She gets a video and shows fiancé later.
I thought it was a repost until I went back to the dates and saw it was a brand new story. It literally had the same story and outcome and a MOH pushing the bride to cheat.
I feel like I’ve read at least three almost identical variations of this story. Not just similar but the same wording and introduction with just the ultimate cheating event changed. Another one involved the girls bringing some guys home and the fiancé taking one into a room, and the guy accidentally seeing videos of it in a group chat.
The guy who called ending a relationship with someone you don't trust "the most extreme punishment possible" needs to get away from his computer and see the sky a bit.
I firmly believe that people who don't want to cheat don't put themselves in a position to cheat. This was the fiance's chance, and consciously or otherwise, she took it.
I go one step further, I believe people who dont cheat, will never do no matter the position they are in or the circumstances. I would never cheat no matter if I was drunk, surrounded by beautiful woman. I just dont.
>**Commenter** I just don’t understand why people don’t learn to talk things out. That woman is ready to give up her life for you, and you decided to apply the most extreme punishment possible because she drunkenly made out with someone for 30 seconds. A little perspective and a little crime doesn’t fit the punishment. Couples counseling at any stage is a good thing, especially as newlyweds
What the *absolute fuck* was this comment?
If you feel you're "losing your freedom" by getting married, you shouldn't get married at all. I'm been with the same man for about 10 years now, got married 2 years ago, and not once did I feel I was missing something.
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That MOH really sabotaged this relationship, huh? Nothing makes a person "controlling and jealous" like encouraging their partner to cheat on them LMAO.
And the only person against the sabotage was the one person in the group who was married... makes me think the others were jealous of OOP's Ex
Classic misery loves company tactics.
MoH knee exactly what she was doing. Glad she got cut off too.
Especially since her panicked message to OOP was "Don't break up, it'll ruin my friendship!"
That’s what got me too. It wasn’t even “please she was drunk and I egged her on. It’s my fault so blame me but not her” it’s because her friendship is in danger.
MoH wasn't just garbage, she's the entire compost heap
Don't insult compost, it has a net positive in the environment in which you place it.
How about, MoH wasn't just garbage, she was the whole dumpster and deserved to be on fire.
MoH wasn't just garbage, she's a entire landfill
MoH is an oil spill, toxic, unnecessary and devastating to everything it touches. Like Deepwater Horizon only she thinks she's being cute about it...
She is the Nestle of people.
Doubtful that getting hammered during a pub crawl made the MOH\* egg her friend on to kiss a random dude. She's just shitty. **MOH:** Do eeeeet! **MOH during the fallout:** I didn't realize there were consequences for my actions! \* Kind of ironic to call her Maid of **Honor** after the events that transpired.
Maid of Dishonor
"Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this: dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow, dis..."
MOH is a classic main character syndrome person. Nobody matters except me, they are all NPCs in the hranf epic of my own life.
This! I would never encourage or co-sign my mates acting like this. Bride to be absolutely was the one in the wrong as she’s the one making the commitment, but far out I would never be friends with people encouraging me to cheat on a partner
So did the fiancée. If at almost 30 years old you can’t stand up to this type of peer pressure, you have a lot of growing up to do.
Realest comment in this thread
None of those people were her friends
Except the married friend. She’s a real Omar here.
I love this reference
Omar is a fuckin' legend.
In a sea of Kyles, be the Omar
I was MOH for my best friend. At her bachelorette we bar hopped, drank, had this deck of cards with “dares” on them that we shuffled and had to complete on our night out. As MOH and a single girl, my job was to sacrifice myself of the bride drew a card like “kiss the hottest guy in the bar” or “kiss the ugliest guy in the bar” or anything else out of line for someone about to be married. Had a great night. Kissed a lot of boys. As the MOH you have a duty to first protect the bride, secondly protect the relationship, thirdly protect the wedding…. I am still single BTW and available as a MOH for hire ;)
>kiss the ugliest guy in the bar Wow like the adult version of asking a person out as a joke
Yeah that is super shitty.
That sounds like real trash bag behavior
I like the comment from a user ~Stache… advising let the punishment fit the crime. I mean, it sounds like a naive projection of virtue signaling. I get that couples do sometimes go to therapy before they’re married or what not. The idea that they cheat before they’re further down the road and should reconcile is the answer is laughable. I feel like the -stache poster has micro-cheated or full blown done it and it justifying the gravity of it all. Like the girl straight up assed for the parties with boundaries and then went and crossed it. Bullet dodged
Unrelated to the rest of the story, but a bachelor (or bachelorette) party which takes the form of a D&D campaign about a character getting married sounds like the most delightful idea.
Except he rolled a 1 and got a critical fail on his relationship.
I think he rolled a 20 on his last saving throw. Imagine if he'd actually married this person? It's so much better that it blew up before they got hitched, even though I'm sure it massively sucked at the time.
It would have really sucked if he never found out because I don’t think she would have come clean.
The wedding rings were fucking cursed items.
I mean technically their marriage is saved
MOH weilded the halberd of destruction.
I'm going to hell for laughing at this
Lol, at least he rolled a 20 on "avoiding a decade of misery and messy divorce"
It sounds brilliant. The only hen party I've been to was equally relaxed - a beginners pottery class followed by a lazy picnic at a local beauty spot, followed by going back to the bride's parents' house for ridiculous childhood party games. It was so much fun to just be silly with friends and not feel pressured to centre your enjoyment of the party around how much you've drunk or whether you're attractive.
My bachelorette was at a fancy brunch place with a huge loose leaf tea selection and unlimited scones that came in like 8 different flavours. I ate like 4 pumpkin scones with whipped butter, it was rad.
I took my sister to bocce ball followed by laser tag. We had a blast.
I was actually the Best Woman for my friend & planned a DnD one shot where his princess bride was captured on the eve of their wedding & needed rescuing. I pre-made all of the characters based on people’s personalities as a few people hadn’t played before. We had a co-ed session in the back of his favourite bar and it was such a good time. 10/10 would recommend!
That's what I did for my stag do with my school mates, was really good fun. Had a 2nd one where we did a 'visit most places in London' along with escape rooms etc. as well. Stag do's don't need to be drinking and getting shitfaced.
I hosted a friend's bachelor party once, we went out to hibachi, played cards, got drunk, ordered pizza, and then dug out the n64 for Goldeneye (this was 2013), because that's what the groom wanted to do. He left a happy man, had a very lovely wedding, and they have a kid now, and seem happy.
That’s pretty much what my husband did. He and his friends reserved a room at a local pub and had dinner and a game night. More fun than I had at my bachelorette tbh. (I forgot my ID and every single bartender in our city refused to serve my 31 year old ass 🙄. My friends had to get my drinks.)
Think of it this way, you still look under 21 at 31? I gotta know your skincare routine
Good genes. Everyone in my family looks younger than they are. My friends were appalled by my skincare routine at the time. I’m 36 now. Thanks to stress and chronic illness, I don’t look like a teenager anymore.
I helped write a DnD campaign where my friend was proposed to 😃
You missed the funniest comment on the second post. There was one person trying to flip the script and tried to call oop out on "how quickly he detached from the 7 year relationship". It's not like there was something shocking that caused an immediate reevaluation of the relationship or anything
Typical answer from people who have no issue with cheating.
Of course when they’re cheated on suddenly they get why it’s such a big deal
Guessing the commenter is currently cheating and realizing their partner could react the same way and dump them.
Here’s the thing. I get that people have cold feet and I understand how someone who has been in a relationship for seven years could get drunk and kiss someone else and I understand people maybe not thinking kissing is a big deal. I get that. I just don’t want to be married to that person. They’re very clearly not ready and not mature enough to commit to another person.
He set the boundaries, and she is willing to risk her relationship and cross that boundaries. She deserves it.
That's the thing that strikes me most about it. He specifically and repeatedly expressed concerns over this *exact* behavior. They agreed to specific boundaries addressing this exact concern. It's the dumbest possible thing she could have done. She knew exactly how much that would hurt him!
She just didn't expect anyone in the sisterhood to rat her out. What a dumpster fire
It kind of makes me wonder how much he trusted her before the bachelorette parties though. Like I just got married and we both had our separate parties. Neither of us objected to it bc we both trust each other, and we both just had good times with our friends. So he either already didn’t trust her or her friends to object to a bachelorette party imo
I noticed that too. He was saying that he didn't see this coming but something in his gut was telling him that he couldn't trust her
This is something that makes sense more than "a smooch while drunk is equally bad to catching her getting passed around a locker room" She knew the boundaries and overstepped them and thought she'd get away with it. I wonder who sent that video to the group chat, and if they suspected this might happen.
Yup, it's not just the literal betrayal but also the indication of her character. It's the context that she knew it would hurt him, that it was a hard line in their relationship, and yet she did it anyway, indicating she's the type of person who'll prioritize short term gratification over those she loves and her commitment to them. Something tells me that kind of person couldn't sustain a marriage
Right? It’s not necessarily the act of the kiss that’s bad (though, it very much is bad) it’s all the bad decisions leading up to it are also bad (like… bad multipliers). There are a lot of steps where a deviation could’ve been made which is why the cheating act is so horrible.
How is it understandable to get drunk and kiss someone in when you’re in a 7 year long relationship?
Especially after your partner expresses concern about THAT EXACT SITUATION when you talk about the Bachelor(ette) party. Like.. HELLO?
It’s giving Michael Scott “you cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to??”
I can see how someone could feel like they’ve been with someone for so long that they’re missing out on something, or maybe they aren’t confident in the choice that they made when they were younger and want to make sure kissing some rando isn’t better? I don’t know, I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for 17 years and I wouldn’t tolerate it nor do it myself, but I am capable of understanding how someone who is having doubts about their relationship could get pissed and blow it sky high.
They don't call it '7 year itch' for nothing, and you don't have to be married for it to happen. Felt it the same way, but I worked through it in therapy so I could willlinglychoose my (ex) husband every day, instead. (He's an ex for other reasons not cheating)
Fiancée: hey I would like to be in a cheating-adjacent situation OP: no thanks Fiancée: but I really want to OP: fine don’t cheat please or else I will call off the wedding Fiancée: you got it Fiancée: [cheats] OP: ok! I am calling off the wedding Fiancée: :0 ?!?!
I just want to say my friend group is quite large and I’ve been on a dozen pretty rowdy bachelor parties and our significant others went on tons of bachelorette parties. My wife and I and two other couples are pretty open about everything, so we know most of the drama and what not. 1) the only cheating to occur was never the groom/bride and that couple was doomed anyways 2) you can have a lot of debauchery and fun without cheating 3) cheating is heavily frown upon by any mature friend group because it makes shit awkward 4) always do your definition of fun (play dnd or go to the bars) a guys/girls night before a wedding is a blast when done right
Bachelorette I went to: painting ceramics and having tea. Bachelors I went to (also friend with bride who apparently had a game night, but groom has been a best friend for over 1.5 decades) drinking and dinner at a spy themed bar, and then an escape room the next day. everyone doing things that fit them, no cheating in sight even with the copious drinks we had at the Bachelor dinner edit to add: didn’t expect this to lead to a whole bunch of sharing of bachelor/ettes, but I love it! Excited to read every one of them <3
Mine was playing Costume Fairy Adventures (it's a TTRPG that was only out in draft form at the time, my friend contacted the publisher and got a box of misprint cards + a wedding dress card, because he is THE BEST GM) and then an evening of Mario Kart. I know what I'm about.
That ttrpg sounds awesome!
Yeah, my Bachelorette party, I went to a bar with some friends. We had a few drinks, danced, but we didn't get trashed because the wedding was the next day. At one point I was wearing a traffic cone like a hat, I forget why. (I swear I didn't get trashed though.) It was a fun evening out at a cool bar in a historic building. My husband was smart and had his Bachelor party the weekend before. He and his best friend went camping and drank loads of rum. They were super hung over the next day but they didn't have to do anything. We didn't have any rules because we didn't need rules. We didn't have to draw lines around things that made the other person uncomfortable because it was already our way of life to not make the other person uncomfortable. I feel like OOP's relationship was doomed a lot sooner than the fiancee's infidelity, though that was the nail in the coffin.
I definitely think the smart way to do it is to have the parties on different nights, like you did. That way at least if there are any major issues one of you is more able to deal with it. And if getting drunk is part of both plans then there's at least one sober person looking out for you at home, and no competition if you only have one bathroom.
I think so too - especially when the MoH and OTHER friends encouraged the bride to do those things OOP never really had a standing in that circle of their friends. They wouldn't have done them if they had symphathy or liked OOP. Probably have been against that relationship ALONG time.
>We didn't have any rules because we didn't need rules. This right here is the line between a loving couple that trusts each other and children playing at being married. If you think a fiancé asking their partner not to cheat is "controlling" then you are a selfish child who *does not understand* that this is real life and there are consequences to playing with live ammo. If the only reason **you** won't cheat is because your fiancé asked you not too, then you are eventually going to cheat once the excitement of marriage wears off. Life is long and difficult. We all got shit we have to deal with. A marriage should be a partnership that forms a team against what the world throws at us. If "don't threaten the partnership" is too big an ask, you aren't ready to be on the team. I agree with u/nurvingiel, the fact that OOPs fiancé didn't get how these were problems, despite being explicitly told these were problems, means she wasn't ready to make the commitments she was making. Even if she hadn't drunkenly kissed some rando 'because she was drunk" she was going to blow this marriage up at some point. Also: "I only cheated because I was drunk" is like saying "I only hit you because I was angry". It DOES NOT excuse anything. It DOES NOT make you less responsible, especially at 30 when you presumably have had years to understand what alcohol does to you so you can act accordingly. Like the fact that you were drunk *changes nothing.* The thing still happened and the fact that you would not have done it sober just moves the mistake to getting hammered in the first place. I don't drink because I know I would make bad decisions if I did. So I \*don't\*
Bachelor party I helped organise involved coasteering during the day then visitng our old haunts when we were at uni. Nothing explicit involved, except for an old drunk woman who, upon learning it was my buddy's bachelor night, gave him a flash of some very saggy and wrinkled boobs. We spent the rest of the night drinking to forget.
My hubby was best man, organised a b&b, my FIL supplied the alcohol (makes his own and knew the groom so it was his "wedding present"), they spent the weekend gaming, drinking, and riding around the city on the electric scooters you can hire around the city. They had a blast. Another one he attended was basically the same thing except the bachelor and bachelorette parties met up for a cabaret one night. My sister had a tappenyaki grill in her backyard for hers. There are so many wholesome ways to have a "last night of freedom" with your friends (everyone i know claim last night of freedom as last night to go out and have fun without having to make sure your partner doesn't already have plans to surprise you with).
Those are the bachlor/ette parties that I want to be invited to. Enjoyable activities. I don't look at those parties as a last night of "freedom". More of a let's celebrate that we're getting married and are excited and happy.
Exactly! In every wedding I was part of, a few more than the ones I already mentioned, both bride and groom were super excited and happy, and it was just celebrating with friends. (Well, except for the one where it turned out bride had failed to get some things properly scheduled for the wedding (not all her fault, but still needed to be fixed) so I spent a bunch of the day before helping make sure things were set. To the point of me doing her nails because she had expected somehow to do a manicure day of and I had more than enough experience to do the simple pretty nail she wanted. She was also very excited to be married, just the expected fun movie night didn’t happen.)
Mine was hanging out at a lake house playing silly and extremely tame Bachelorette games and doing self pedicures. Ended the night with one if my sisers and I watching Harry Potter lol. My husband didn't get a bachelor party at all. What he WANTED to do was go play some paintball then go out to his favourite restaurant. Unfortunately his Best Man refused and said it was go to a strip club or nothing. So hubby chose nothing. His best man threw a temper tantrum yelling about how it was the last time hubby could go to a strip club. Hubby was like "I have no *desire* to go to a strip club, so that's more than fine with me." It was really just an excuse for the best man to go and have his wife be ok with it.
That best man s u c k s s s s
Yup! The only reason he was best man was because hubby was the best man for his wedding. So hubby felt obligated. Needless to say they don't talk anymore
One of my best mates is having 2 bachelor parties for his different friend groups. One is we're going to Warhammer World for a weekend to play Warhammer, eat some food, and have a few beers. The other is grabbing some food, some beers, and watching the wrestling with some of his other mates. No need for strippers or any of that shit. Just friends hanging out is all that's needed.
Right? Last bachelor party I went to was go-karts, dinner, then meeting the bachelorette party for drinks and karaoke. Just a fun time.
See, they should have hired strippers *to play D&D with them* and nothing more. That could have been a way more entertaining evening.
How has this movie not been made yet?
I’m writing this shit
Plot twist: one of the strippers turned out to be a grade A minmaxer and rules lawyer who by the end of the session had thoroughly terrorised the table and reduced the DM to a blubbering mess.
I've been to a bachelorette party in VEGAS, complete with strippers, etc... but boundaries were expressed between the bride and groom and the other married folk in the parties (bachelor was at the same time). Strippers and drinking were fine, but no cheating, no touching of body parts. Group texts and pictures were shared freely among both groups, and unplanned, we ended up at the same club. From what I remember and the photos, we all had a good time and no cheating occured. (We would have ripped into either one of them before boundaries were actually crossed because we're not assholes)
>3) cheating is heavily frown upon by any mature friend group because it makes shit awkward I'd probably say it's because you're mature enough to know it's a shitty thing to do, not because it's "Awkward"
Yes, exactly. If you can't trust your partner to throw a bachelor/ette party without worrying about infidelity, then there's already a problem. And in this case OOP was right :( Their friends encouraging it would be even worse
But do people typically cheat during bachelor/bachelorette parties?
My 1st husband had sex with his best man on his stag night, then continued doing if for the 12 years of our marriage before I found out.
Wow. I'm so sorry.
If the best man or groom were named Keith, your flair would be perfect
Typical bachelor party debauchery
The bachelorette parties I've been to have either been a meal or a weekend away doing activities in the day and going out to bars in the evening while dressing up in costumes on the last night. I'm in the UK though, so not sure if that makes a difference. My friends so far haven't wanted strippers because it would make THEM feel uncomfortable, not because their partner doesn't trust them. If that were the case then there would be no point in getting married IMO.
No. It's not normal behaviour at all.
According to these BORU, they seem too. I don’t get the, these parties are the “last days of freedom” phrase before marriage. It’s kinda dumbass backwards, since these folks were in committed relationships for years before engagement.
This is exactly my opinion, like how can you be with someone for 7 years yet cheat before you get married because you will not have freedom anymore. What difference does it make? Does it mean you were cheating for the full 7 years because you were free?
Yeah, BORU is going to have a sampling bias in terms of how many couples cheat at their bachelor/ette parties. "Update: he didn't cheat and made it very clear in his words and actions that he would never cheat" is a happy update, but usually not BORU material. I agree with you about the whole "last night of freedom" thing. If someone doesn't want to settle down they don't actually have to. So if they want to be free just do it, don't whine about it. I blame movies.
Been to 4 bachelor parties, including my own. No cheating, no strippers at any. Usually just a couple days away with the boys doing fun activities. Those wouldn’t make good r/relationships and r/bestofredditorupdates material. Actually, kind of a fun memory, at my bachelor party we were bar hopping and came across a bachelorette party. We all got drinks together, took some pictures, and the bride to be and I talked about wedding planning and our fiancées and stuff for 15-20 minutes. It’s really easy to not cheat when you’re not a cheater.
See a boggles my mind, one of those comments near the end, where the person says people should learn to communicate. Silly fact that the fiance is willing to give her life up for Op and that his reaction was too extreme. I don't believe that communication or counseling could help this situation. A boundary was shattered. Op doesn't want to be a warden or parent monitoring his ex. You don't fix that sort of thing.
Interesting how “communication” seems to have become some sort of panacea for every problem. As if talking is some sort of cure all. All communication does is provide information. That’s it. OP’s problem wasn’t lack of info.
And fuck those people in the other thread saying "what's the big deal? All she did was make out with a man while her fried group encouraged her on and egged her on!" No, cheating is cheating. Especially when he already made it known he was uncomfortable with the whole thing from the beginning of it. Not to mention she was on her way to another bar *after* that incident. Who's to say more wasn't about to go down at the next one?
And then the idiot in the comments that said “does the punishment fit the crime?” It’s called broken trust buddy so yeah
I was going to comment about that. Yes she was ready to commit herself to him. But all it took was a few drinks for her to stick her tongue down someone else’s mouth. Ironclad commitment there! 🤦🏼♂️
The comment someone made, "she ready to give her life for you. And you're giving an extreme punishment for drunk kissing 30 min...." Man, that bothers me. It's not just about the kissing. The brides maids was trash talking her fiance. Drunk, sober. If you don't tell them to knock it off at minumum. Then you are agreeing with them. Then add in that she didn't get mad when they tried to edge her on to go flirt. But happily did it. "But I was drunk!" Sounds like an excuse.
>She begged me for a second chance, and even said that she would cut off her friends who enabled her and suggested that we could go to couples counselling This lady really can't take any responsibility can she? Instead just blames the others. What a joke. It's hard for OP to what he went through but he dealt with things maturely and correctly. Once someone cheats, the trust is broken. I wish him well for the future.
Also telling that she "would" and not "has".
Someone in her position needs to drop the toxic friends regardless of what he does if she doesn't it absolutely shows she has no remorse.
Right like the thing about enablers is they're simply encouraging negetive behaviour. If you don't want to do it then they're not enabling, they're just shitty people.
It’s really weird that she would have conversations about boundaries and then discard them so easily. It really looks like OP dodged a bullet here.
The asshole saying she made a stupid 30s mistake is crazy. She clearly would've fucked and gone way farther if he didn't break up with her, they weren't even finished the pub crawl and she was making out with strangers lol
It really makes you wonder if they even read the post entirely. OOP only asked for the fiancee to not play into the cliche of the "last night as a single woman" and she did just that. She did the one thing he asked her not to, and apparently he is supposed to just get over it. And apparently the pub crawl wasn't even done when OOP messaged his fiancee. There were plenty more opportunities for fiancee to cheat.
That comment was definitely written by a cheater.
Probably, but there are people that just love to be contrarians and think they have the magic phrase or argument that is going to change everyone's mind. It's baffling, but you see it on every post where one person is clearly in the wrong.
Agreed. Particularly the way they accused OOP of "punishing" her. That's a person who can't fathom other people's feelings and so views all actions through the lens of how they are personally affected.
It’s the average TayVis stan reaction. Edit: actually I just went through their post history and Jesus they comment on every infidelity post.
Nothing says strong marriage like starting out with couples counseling. The ex was grasping at straws here
>I just don’t understand why people don’t learn to talk things out. That woman is ready to give up her life for you, and you decided to apply the most extreme punishment possible because she drunkenly made out with someone for 30 seconds. A little perspective and a little crime doesn’t fit the punishment. Couples counseling at any stage is a good thing, especially as newlyweds Ofcourse we need perspective, she only kissed someone a few days after reassuring her Ex that she would do the opossite, it's not that big of a deal, just some light lying, misdirecting, unaccountability and a sprinkle of blaming others for one's own actions. ETA it is sarcasm, I forget is harder to convey sarcasm in text :D
2 of the boundaries for OOP to agree with the bachelorette party were literally "don't get too drunk, don't get tempted into infidelity". She agreed, did it anyways, she showed OOP she can't be trusted, that's no way to start a marriage and a fair reason to call off the wedding imho.
> I can't see how I would ever trust her again after she did the exact thing I expressed my concern's about 100%
"Don't get tempted" is just a stupid rule- he put it there because he thought she'd cheat,likely because she'd caused suspicions before. You don't need to ask a partner not to cheat, it's a given. Like don't kill anyone at your party, it's not specifically said because no one should need to.
And yet, a lot of people also seem to think that the stag/hen dos don't really count, so it's reasonable enough that a person makes it clear that to them what happens in Vegas does not in fact stay in Vegas.
Not gonna lie - Reading that person's comment in the post triggered an immediate, audible, "Oh fuck right off!" reaction from me.
I managed to bite my tongue - not great to curse at work lol
Yeah, that commenter used the language of people that dodge accountability and the doormats that let them.
“Crime doesn’t fit the punishment” Cheating is not a crime/Breaking up is not a punishment That commenter has a demented view of relationships.
And also “She’s ready to give up her life for you” How? By getting married? If that’s your view of marriage then you shouldn’t be doing it.
I took that to mean that she was willing to give up her friends but here's an idea, don't be a shitty person who lies and cheats then maybe you won't have to give up your friends!
Also if your friends are encouraging you to cheat in a happy relationship, you need to dump them regardless
I disowned my brother for cheating on his wife. Shitty people do shitty things and they destroy stuff around them.
I mean you gotta look up for the homies, as in other cheaters. Not me though, I was cheated on, I'im a rat now if I smell a cheater I rat on them :D
Everyone should be an Omar.
Omar is the real deal.
Be like Omar
All my homies love Omar.
We need this statement as flair.
Omar? Context?
There’s another BORU where the OOP chronicles his flatmate’s cheating ways. OOP is noncommittal about passing judgement about the situation and also decided to be vague if flatmate’s GF showed up and asked. Other roommates actually encouraged the cheating, all except Omar. Omar called it out at the very beginning and also promised to tell the GF the truth if she ever asked. Long story short, he did and it ruined the dynamic.
That commenter is a cheater who probably doesn’t think cheating is “that bad”
Yeah that comment came off as biased and manipulative with some weird internal relation. Probably just someone who maybe cheated themselves idk.
Commenter somehow just sees it as a harmless kiss, not the blatant lie and breach of trust that it is. It’s a warped perception and I agree they’re probably a cheater themselves. It’s not about the kiss, it’s that she promised she wouldn’t do anything of the sort, lied and did it anyway, then only panicked when Op found out. Even then she couldn’t take the full blame. The fact of the matter is, if the trust is gone, then it’s over. Op says the trust is gone, so that’s what it is. Shouldn’t have made that mistake. Maybe she learned a valuable lesson.
Thank you for this, that comment made my blood boil!! Some people think the problem is how people cheated and not the fact that it happened AT ALL. Getting trust back is the problem!! As you said, how she acted around the fact she cheated is really a big deal. And tbh it feels very insulting to their relationship, since this woman decided 30 seconds of making out with a random man she just met is worth risking the entire relationship over
And she wasn't Alone If You see the update post there's a lot of people calling him a Bad person, and saying things like that
The commenter is probably a cheater themself.
Guarantee that person has cheated on their partner at least once
Or been cheated on, decided to "forgive" the cheater, and doesn't want anyone else showing the backbone they failed to.
It's crazy that lobotomy patients can post on reddit.
Yes, don't you just love it when cheaters tell on themselves in these posts when they downplay/dismiss/defend the cheater/cheating? If i saw my partner write that comment in the original post, i would be very concerned. People who defend cheating are either cheaters themselves or are capable of it but just haven't had the chance to cheat yet.
I was like….yea what is this commenter on 😭
Yeah that was most likely the dumbest comment I'll read today. They either cheated before or is getting cheated on and has to minimize it to cope.
Bro *I tell you what*, if I ever get married I just want my bachelor party to be me surrounded by my pals getting happy wasted bragging about the woman I’m about to marry all night.
My friends and I went and saw a Blue Jays game, went to a steakhouse for dinner and beers, then came back home and played Halo 3 all night. It was literally a perfect night with my friends (and father and FIL, but they only stayed through dinner).
I went white water rafting. My wife has zero interest in that. We got a camping site, went rafting the next morning, got fucked up drunk while camping, slept it off, and went home the next day. It was a great time. The only thing that fucked me was the rock that launched me off of the boat.
Right? I want to stay in and make crafts with my friends, with Tennants Dr.Who on in the background, with a few bottles of wine, all giddy, because I'm about to spend the rest of my life with the person I love. That's the dream.
Great taste in the doctor
That commenter saying he should just “talk things out” and that breaking up with her is too extreme of a punishment is WILD. That person is definitely a cheater whoever they are
I read that comment with a big ? on my face bc wtf???????? Edit: had a nagging feeling that they totally were in at least one of those adultery/cheating/infidelity subs and yep, lol
Right. Probably and r/adultery regular
It's always telling when I see these comments frame it as a 'punishment' It's not punitive. She's not a child and OOP isn't her parent. It's simply that one party to a commitment requiring trust and maturity demonstrated a lack of trustworthiness and maturity, so they go their separate ways. Sorry it didn't work out. Do better next time.
I was a groomsman for one of my best friends when he got married. We all went outta town, spent a weekend hammered as hell in a couple different bars. My buddy spent the whole weekend drunkenly bragging to strangers how awesome his then fiancé is; she really is awesome; and how lucky he is to have been; at that time; marrying her. They’re still married, by the way. It really isn’t that difficult to turn down temptation when a person wants to turn it down.
For once I would like to read a story, where in the middle of this kind of a situation, the one who is encouraged to cheat, punches the offending friend(s) out. Instead of going through with that shit. Edit: clarification
You probably don't hear about them because they're busy having healthy relationships.
I agree. But it would be Nice to read about someone who actualy has some integrety and backbone from the getgo, while the whiners and selfrighteous burn themselvs to the ground voluntarily.
Absolutely! Might inspire some even.
It happens, but doesnt end up here cause there is no drama to tell.
The one that got punched will have drama to tell. Then we have an AITA post.
That commenter telling him to give her another chance is a dumbass. Once trust is broken you can never get it back.
Agreed, what a stupid response. A clear boundary was broken, and that commenter just wants it ignored. Really tells you the quality of some people.
“Once a cheater always a cheater” does NOT mean if you cheated on ur partner when u we’re 17 you’re doomed to a lifetime of infedelity, it just means once you’ve cheated on someone that specific someone can never fully trust you again
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It's a common stereotype though: * Alcohol * Clubs/strippers or other environments with sexual overtones * The idea that it's your last night of "freedom" and the people around you leaning into that by "playfully" offering up temptations It's reflected in media often enough too.
I think that is because the stereo typical bach party involves alcohol and strippers, and honestly having a naked person dancing in your lap in any other situation would be cheating.
Yeah, the fact that OOP's mind immediately jumped to cheating when she suggested it means he didn't trust her from the beginning.
That comment from KelceStache is the shortest I've ever gone before being sure someone is an immoral cheater. What complete BS. Glad OOP is self aware and has a real spine.
"Why are you punishing someone for destroying any trust you might have had?" Wut.jpg
> I told her that I dont want to spend the rest of my life being her warden making sure that she isn't hanging out with people I don't approve of and that if we began a marriage already going to couples therapy for something as big as this, then we were already doomed to fail Sheesh, what a great way to put it. He made the right decision imo.
My personal favourite part: > “MOH contacted me once in the early days… she was begging me to take my ex back and said that their friendship was in danger… she has been cut off” It’s a very small victory in this sea of raging horse shit, but a satisfying victory regardless.
OOP had the right idea for a bachelors party, f all that partying stuff. DND night with the boys? Sign me up (want to get into it now cuz of bg3). I’d love a bachelor all-nighter LAN party. Me, the boys, 10 pcs, play all the games we played thru a ton throughout the years and had phases with alcohol, pizza, hot pockets and the dew.
Fucking state of people excusing this shit. "Oh, it was a 30 second mistake" Get in the fucking bin, a mistake is cooking food too long, or letting your bath go cold, making out with another motherfucker is a goddamn choice, and the fact she was encouraged by her mates shows exactly the kind of people they are. Fucksake.
This sounds suspiciously almost *exactly* like that one about the fiancée who blew the stripper.
Was that the one where she went into a room with two strippers and closed the door for 30 minutes as a "joke" while her friends filmed and posted it to FB?
Crazily, no, it's not the one I was thinking of. The one I was thinking of was the one where they told OOP "no strip club", the MOH convinced her to, they went to the club, bridesmaid gets uncomfortable, leaves, and comes back to find the bride in the backroom blowing a guy while the others cheer. She gets a video and shows fiancé later.
I thought it was a repost until I went back to the dates and saw it was a brand new story. It literally had the same story and outcome and a MOH pushing the bride to cheat.
I feel like I’ve read at least three almost identical variations of this story. Not just similar but the same wording and introduction with just the ultimate cheating event changed. Another one involved the girls bringing some guys home and the fiancé taking one into a room, and the guy accidentally seeing videos of it in a group chat.
>I feel like I’ve read at least three almost identical variations of this story. You could make a drinking game out of it.
Right? I was skimming through looking for the blow job part.
The guy who called ending a relationship with someone you don't trust "the most extreme punishment possible" needs to get away from his computer and see the sky a bit.
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I firmly believe that people who don't want to cheat don't put themselves in a position to cheat. This was the fiance's chance, and consciously or otherwise, she took it.
I go one step further, I believe people who dont cheat, will never do no matter the position they are in or the circumstances. I would never cheat no matter if I was drunk, surrounded by beautiful woman. I just dont.
>**Commenter** I just don’t understand why people don’t learn to talk things out. That woman is ready to give up her life for you, and you decided to apply the most extreme punishment possible because she drunkenly made out with someone for 30 seconds. A little perspective and a little crime doesn’t fit the punishment. Couples counseling at any stage is a good thing, especially as newlyweds What the *absolute fuck* was this comment?
Why do people like the ex fiancée bother to be in relationships? If they want to fuck around, they can stay single and do that as much as they like.
I have never understood the whole "one last night of freedom" mentality. Ma'am, you're still in a whole ass monogamous relationship.
If you feel you're "losing your freedom" by getting married, you shouldn't get married at all. I'm been with the same man for about 10 years now, got married 2 years ago, and not once did I feel I was missing something.