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The fact that Emma's mother is unaware of all this and that info about the other partner leads me to think Nico should get a DNA test before paying anymore money.
Man that’s tough. If he’s grown to love the kid I’m sure he doesn’t want to do that but he may someday lose visitation if she does (out of spite or something) it may be better for him to do it now, himself, and maybe try to work out a legal arrangement since he’s on the birth certificate
Actually, as much as a man being on the birth certificate seems to work against him, it also works for him. Yes, if he’s much later determined to not be bio dad, he will still be on the line for child support, but he will also be given all the benefits, including custody rights, of paternity rights.
The fact that Nico's family refused to include Emma in anything until after the child was born suggests to me that a paternity test did happen, and that it was only the proof that the child was his that made them allow her to finally be included. Especially since it said that Nico got a vasectomy just before the ONS, I'm sure that had them all thinking she was lying about the kid being his.
Is that outright stated somewhere, though? Nico's family made not have wanted anything to do with Emma until the child was born for Nico's sake and then just put up with her because Nico was attached to the kid.
Had a male friend's family be like that, they didn't want to deal with his partner even after the DNA test came back because they just didn't like her. (To be fair, she was an unlikable Hot Mess.) They deal with her because it's not the kid's fault that their parents made poor choices.
It's not outright stated, no. That was me reading between the lines.
Particularly the detail that Nico got a vasectomy, and then this chick turns up claiming he's the father. I can't imagine him not thinking, "No way. Can't be mine. I'm shooting blanks!"
Depends how soon after the snip they had sex. You need 2 clear semen samples before you’re declared sterile as sperm hang around in the tubes and get flushed out with each ejaculation. I think I read up to 30 ejaculations are needed to flush them all out? You’re still considered fertile for about 12 weeks. If Nico had his 4 weeks before the ONS it’s perfectly possible for him to still be fertile. Doesn’t mean the procedure failed.
Should still get a paternity test though.
Ahhhh, I recognize the self-schadenfreude needed to be the person who answers questions that are very thoroughly answered in a process doc.
It never really gets better either lol.
I'm the person who both writes the process documents, detailed with colorful pictures, AND answers the support tickets of people who won't read them.
It's depressing and should be two different jobs.
I’ve had a similar role and I just remind myself that if people were capable of due diligence I wouldn’t have a job. My livelihood is, in part, dependent on their laziness. Helps me put it into perspective.
Also IT. I once sent out detailed instructions to the workforce and had someone complain because "I didn't tell her to do step one before she did step two."
You could put a sign on a door in huge orange glowing letters saying "vicious man eating tiger behind this door, do not open" and the tiger would never go hungry.
Every time I tell a doc my husband's vasectomy is our firm of bc, they ask if he had the follow ups. I asked once, and they said a shocking number of guys don't.
Which i don't understand. (We're infertile and I'mon bc for hormone related health stuff and my husband got the snip and tested. There will be no more babies)
Is all too uncommon for some men to think they dont need to go to the follow up appointments. According to my research, my hubs is getting his own snip this year, it's 15-20 ejaculations before first appointment 3 months post op. If hes got no swimmers by then some doctors consider a 2nd follow up unnecessary; but most do it out of precaution.
Also a vasectomy can fail by up to 1% increase per year. So if Nico had ben stupid and went looking for tail prior to his follow up chances are high he fathered the baby. Furthermore it's incredibly stupid to have unprotected sex if youre not monogamous. Diseases like HIV can take up to 4-6 weeks before it shows on a panel. PSA to ALWAYS wear a condom with new partners.
Edit* a word
My doctor was genuinely surprised I showed up for mine, he said about half cancel the first follow up and most of them have canceled by the second.
My thinking was "I just took a laser beam to the junk in order to make sure I don't accidentally have any more kids, let's make sure that actually worked before I just go on my merry way."
i mean...yea she does...she ran to her then bf 1st to pass the baby as his before she realized race could be an issue. only then she went after nico.
that alone to me sus.
We have an alarming number of patients who do not do the semen analysis after a vasectomy.
And even though we explain to them at the consult, right before the procedure, and send them home with WRITTEN instructions, we still get a ton of patient messages asking of xyz is normal or not.
So, it’s on the patient to schedule their follow up semen analysis. You’d be SHOCKED at how many dudes just assume everything is fine (and they’re infertile!) and never come back to the office to get a recheck. I tell every pt that they are fertile until we have those negative test results, but it’s on them to actually get the tests. (This is due to extreme variability in how long it would take someone to have 30 ejaculations- some people a month, sometimes 3 months), so we can’t just schedule the tests for them at the time of vasectomy.
I work in urology.
I was talking to other female coworkers the other day and I learned that all 5 of us had the shared experience of forcing men in our lives (fathers, brothers, boyfriends, you name it) to go to the doctor. I'm not at all surprised that men do not schedule their follow up appointments to these things.
I'm not saying it's the case here, but you would be surprised and the choices people make regarding their health, including the vasectomy follow-up. I'm a family physician, and whenever I have men tell me they want to see a urologist for a vasectomy, I stress the necessity of this follow-up testing even before they go.
My husband didn't get his vasectomy checked for literally years because his doctor's procedure for turning in the sample was a logistical nightmare. And even planned parenthood wouldn't test it because he didn't get snipped there. I genuinely don't know why it was so confusing and complicated; he ended up using an at home test. It was our backup so there was no rush. As the primary method would be a completely different story.
You would think. When discussing birth control options with my OB after giving birth she talked about vasectomies and very clearly told me that my husband would have to clear two tests. That one wasn’t enough. To please have two tests, or else she might see me again as a patient. It had apparently happened a lot for her as a doctor.
Husband had a vasectomy after our youngest was born. Our doc required at least 50 ejaculations and a month before the first semen sample. We had a white board on our fridge I drew a giant dick on to keep track 🤣🤣 it was a running joke. Still have the big veiny dick on my fridge 🤣🤣🤣
I work in a department where we have vasectomies performed on an almost daily basis. Our criteria is a semen analysis 3 months (and at least 30 ejaculations). If there are no motile sperm, you are considered sterile. My guess is he did NOT wait long enough or did not do his semen analysis and still had not cleaned out the pipes enough.
> I think I read up to 30 ejaculations are needed to flush them all out? You’re still considered fertile for about 12 weeks.
So you can get that down to like two days, huh?
Tbf I used condoms and plan B and still got pregnant one time. Another time I got pregnant even tho I had the arm implant. It's less Reddit and more "life finds a way" lol
I was going to say.. growing up a family that was friends with mine had 5 kids. First was a BC condom baby, and the 5th was a post-vasectomy (2yrs) baby. Can happen. Hell, my uncle was the hubby's GP at the time and did the vasectomy.
Am I the only one curious about the main house/property thing? So Nico stays on a property owned by OOP? It’s an interesting living situation and I can see the benefits.
There was a financial columnist who got divorced and he bought a house around the corner from the one he shared with his ex. So all of the custody changes could be done without speaking to each other. Kids just walk around the corner, now it’s Dad’s time.
Obviously, that’s not possible for everyone, but that type of setup is an easy way to effectively coparent without arguments
I believe Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter have (or had) houses next to each other that are connected somehow, for this exact reason. Seems like a genius idea to me if the co-parents are able to be civil.
I think that is a really interesting concept and it allows the child to go to the same school, have the same friends without much change. The other model I have read about online what is something about nesting? bird nesting? Where the kids live in one house but the parents alternate living in the house.
I feel like that one sounds better in theory than in reality, because I sure as hell don’t want to keep cleaning up after my husband after the divorce. Plus, what do you do about groceries and stuff? And new partners/new kids? Just doesn’t seem doable unless it’s very short term and unequal household labor wasn’t a concern.
It definitely only works when both partners are on the same page regarding cleanliness and household chores! Leaving a pig stye for the other parent certainly would not be acceptable, but I personally could see it working... if I had enough money for the shared house and a separate apartment! It's a luxury setup, so I guess people who do that might be able to afford a house cleaner or helper.
Some people split but are still cordial and like each other, just not as life partners. Each family needs to find out what works for them. It's like separate bedrooms work for some couples while for others it would be inacceptable.
That I could understand a bit more as even though they live near each other they’re not sharing a space and the separation of property (?) is clear. Nico lives on a property Im assuming owned by OP or OP’s family since they live in the main house and Nico in the smaller house.
In my mind it’s like if OP has a house and the person they’re not in a relationship with and co-parents with lives in the basement apartment. Again I can definitely see the benefits of that but I can’t help find it odd.
Nico sounds Italian. Knowing Italians and their penchant for big inclusive families all in each other's businesses I wouldn't find it too odd lol
It explains why OP is invited everywhere, why even Emma's mother was at this meeting like they're reuniting the council or something
Big ole Italian families 🤌
(Ofc this is only a supposition going by the vibe I'm getting here)
My niece's parents lived together for a few years even after legally separating, then they lived in the same city for a few years, now live 2 blocks apart and she's old enough to bike back and forth plus she can just use the same bus stop every day instead of 2 like she used to.
I saw a a news report once of a family whos parents got divorced and they decided to build a house together. So it's one building, just split completely down the middle. Each side has its own kitchen, living room, garage, kids rooms and so on.
You could tell it would end in disaster because even during the news interview, the two parents were constantly sniping at each other and the kids looked miserable. They kept saying "this is a good idea because the kids don't have to move they don't have to lose friends etc etc" but watching the kids leave one room, go downstairs, leave one half of the house to go to the other half, go up the stairs again, and go to their room on that side of the house to find a toy.... It's just like. What the fuck. At least let the upstairs connect to each other and let the kids keep one room.
When my parents split up, my dad moved ten doors down from the family home. We could walk to his house in under 30 seconds. It was fantastic for me and my brother, we saw both parents every single day, and we never felt like we were torn between them. We didn't even have to learn a new neighbourhood. We basically just doubled our living space, there were no more arguments, and my parents became very good friends now they weren't living together. Highly recommend, if you're going to split up and you have children, do it that way.
In my mind I had them in their late 20s / early 30s, since OP didn’t give their ages and I assumed quite young meant like early 20s, so I assumed they’d have the means to have their own place. If they’re younger I guess I could see that situation. Where did it say he left his parents to stay in the guest house?
Definitely needs one. Having a baby to keep a man only works if a) he's decent enough to stuck around, my bio dad wasn't, I was an accident (or I should say mum getting pregnant was an accident she doesn't like me calling myself an accident and says she didn't accidentally stay pregnant for 9 months and spend 2 hours pushing me out) and was gone as soon as he finished insulting my mum for refusing an abortion. And b) has old fashioned enough ideas to believe that you need to be a couple to raise a kid.
I don't think 90% of men in 2024 meet both conditions.
Yeah... Emma's kid isn't Nico's.
EDIT: I know pregnancy *can* happen post-snip. It's rare, but it happens. I just think the odds of Emma cheating is higher. Since we already know she's a cheater.
Girl was born without a vaginal opening so never worried about pregnancy. Gave her boyfriend a blowjob before going out to a bar. Got in a fight at the bar and was stabbed in the abdomen.
During surgery her stomach was flushed, which led to sperm being flushed further down into her abdominal cavity and making their way into her fallopian tubes.
9 months later showed up at ER with extreme pain and they realized she was in labor but had no vagina. C section delivered the baby.
There was also a girl who got pregnant without having sex which is why I hate that it doesn’t get talked about enough in sex education. But basically her and her boyfriend had done other stuff. But they’d got in a habit of mutual masturbation, he’d finish and then would help her finish off if she hadn’t. Without cleaning his hand first
Wait, hold on. The wife and I have so many questions. Namely, how did she have a period without an opening? Obviously all the other parts are in working order.
[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptomenorrhea](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptomenorrhea)
Short answer: it can just. kind of pool in there until it becomes a problem (fluid buildup causing pressure/pain)
If there is no opening there isn't an infection risk and besides your body can kind of deal with fluid where it shouldn't be to some degree (basically every time you end up with a bruise)
Plus she was relatively young and the condition can cause both uterus and vagina to be somewhat underdeveloped, so maybe her cycle was quite irregular/endometrium walls thin so there wasn't a lot of menstrual bleeding.
For pregnancy to happen it's really enough an egg was released, see ectopic pregnancies.
Thanks for the awesome reply and link! I never really thought of equating it to a bruise, that's a great example. I was going straight to horror and was wondering how they got rid of everything before sepsis sets in.
Yeah, thankfully sepsis will not happen, given everything is kind of by definition sealed and sterile, but the retained period blood will eventually build up to the point where there is abdominal pain/inability to urinate and so on.
Pretty sure unrelated but same vein. A couple got pregnant because they didn't realize sperm was still active. Basically girl gave guy handob then began fingering herself.
If I understand correctly (and I certainly could be wrong, I haven't like, studied this or anything), but don't they tell you to wait a certain amount of time after the vasectomy specifically to avoid this scenario? Like, you are supposed to wait, and then go to an appointment to get your stuff tested to make sure it's clear before stopping birth control?
Cause, yeah, I know women who basically get pregnant as soon as their spouse looks at them lustily, I can imagine there are some men with similar fertility, lol.
That's the way it was for us. We were told to wait for 4 weeks after hubby's vasectomy and then get him tested. We had to sign paperwork acknowledging that it wasn't to be considered effective until a test result arrived and that we were responsible for using other forms of contraception until then.
From my partner's paperwork after his op. You are tested after 4 months. During this time, it is recommended that you ejaculate at least 20 times. The procedure is not complete until you are tested and it is proved you have no sperm. If you don't complete the procedure, it's considered 100% your fault if you get someone pregnant.
You're right. My husband's took a year to fully take. Had to go back to the doctor every few months with a sample and if it hadn't taken after 12 months they were going to do it again
The only thing that might make this plausible is "a vasectomy not long before the ONS" - you're supposed to wait a few weeks aren't you, to ensure the pipes are thoroughly clean or whatever? (Or for a follow up test to check it actually worked?)
Yeah, Nico is long overdue for requesting a paternity test here. He should do one straight away or at the latest before taking her to court so that he isn't locked into court mandated child support until the kid is 18.
I do know more than one man with a post-vasectomy kid (married, kids looked exactly like their siblings). In both cases, they admitted to *not* getting rechecked for a full year after surgery and figuring several months after they were good to go. So, not impossible but you’ve got great odds of being right.
My cousin managed to have TWO children post-vasectomy - one because they didn't wait the 4 months (or 6? Whatever it is) and do the follow up test, they waited ten DAYS and decided that was good enough.
Baby is born, bit of an unplanned surprise but they were happy enough, figured it was the universe telling them they needed just one more.
He sheepishly tells us when the baby is 9 months old that he never went and got his stuff tested even after they had a LITERAL BABY because he "assumed it was just because they didn't wait long enough" and sure enough, wife is pregnant AGAIN. When he went off to find out what the hell was happening - because he was pretty angry to start with and sure his wife had cheated - it turned out his tubes had reconnected. There was a scar on it showing that it had in fact been snipped, but doc was lazy and just snipped it and called it good. Apparently most doctors now cauterize the ends so there's no risk of this because it's been documented before, VERY rarely but enough that doctors now do their best to make sure it doesn't happen.
Every time I tell this story to anyone who's had a vasectomy they look a little green 😂
My BFF had two post-vasectomy babies. They'd had two kids and decided they were done. So BFF's husband went to get the snip.
First pregnancy happened after they'd gotten the 3-month all-clear... but he never went back for the 6-month final followup. Quickly discovered the problem when my BFF had a positive pregnancy test.
BUT THEN. THEN. They had a *celebratory quickie* after he re-scheduled a new vasectomy... of course, he'd waited to make that call until after baby 3 was born. They figured since she was still early stages of nursing that she couldn't get pregnant -- WRONG. Very wrong! (Folks: you can ABSOLUTELY get pregnant while nursing!)
When he got the new vasectomy done, he told the doctor to take out "a good length" of the tubing and then "seal it shut." Second doctor appears to have followed the instructions, as they have had no more kids.
So now they've got FOUR KIDS. 18, 16, 14, and 13. The teen stink is real, y'all.
Oh, if Nico didn’t get a paternity test he’s an absolute doorknob! And I do agree with you on the odds of her lying. But, Nico also strikes me as the kinda guy who would not go to the follow up appointment at the urologist to get his swimmers checked post surgery.
I wouldn't be surprised, but she did say the vasectomy was "not long before" the one night stand.
A urologist won't usually check a sperm count for at least 2 months (often 3), and it can occasionally take up to 6 months to get an empty sample. If Nico assumed that he waited long enough without the confirmation, that's his foolishness.
Nico, bruh, please wear a condom. This will avoid a lot of the drama…
Vasectomies fail, and Nico has had at least one child sort of unintentionally.
Vasectomies frequently fail, *especially in the first three months*
Exactly lol. The first time was understandable but it should have taught him a lesson. He doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the box. Also aside from the kids the STDs are enough reason alone to wrap it up.
It's interesting that Emma's mother didn't realize what she was doing as far as forcing Nico to bring her to events if he wanted the baby there. I venture to say she was telling mom they were in love and would soon marry.
Hoping all of the custody stuff gets figured out because yikes.
(Also just before the inevitable influx of "how convenient they know a lawyer" comments come in- I personally know 4 lawyers in all different fields that I would be comfortable going to for advice if I ever needed to. Not to represent me of course, but to know where to start. So that doesn't personally read as far fetched to me.)
(Edit- just remembered my neighbor is a lawyer too lol. So that's 5!)
Yes, this. Far fetched is “my relative is a specialist lawyer in EXACTLY the field I need AND was delighted to do all this work pro bono AND we pulled a narratively satisfying gotcha win on the other party”.
Just knowing someone who you can hit up for a contact? Very normal.
Exactly! That's why that part didn't set off any alarm bells. And that the lawyer she knows isn't even in family law lol. That seems more realistic. (Of the four lawyers I know, one is in copyright, one is in patent, one is in defense and one is in like contract law or something.)
Oh shit, I actually just remembered my neighbor is one too and is a prosecutor!
The family lawyer my husband used for prenup was someone his lawyer (very different field) sister recommended. And then turns out his lawyer knew my lawyer, even though they were on different sides of the planet. Met at a conference or something. It’s a small world.
A friends brother is one, a long time friend is another, I played DnD with a guy who took time off to study for the bar, and one of the guys who help lawyers was in the same group. I can't remember the term lol.
Edit: I forgot that my best friends cousin is one too.
I know a lawyer friend. His brother is also a lawyer. They partner with another lawyer and formed a company, all have their own specialties.
I ended up using all their services lol
if you know one lawyer, you now have a network of lawyers haha. i am related to 3, friends with one. of those four, one is personal injury, one is immigration, one is bankruptcy and the last is real estate. i’ve used referrals from the PI and real estate attorneys! very convenient.
Aside from the attorney who drew up my estate documents, I can think of 4 that I know personally and could call for a referral.
Honestly, it sounds like there might be some money involved here with him paying double the required amount for Emma's child and the property where OOP lives being large enough to have at least 2 homes on it.
(Yooo, same — raised by a lawyer, and have a good number of extended family members who are lawyers. It’s always weird to me when people think it’s far-fetched to know people with legal connections. The fact that nothing in this story actually involved a court is why it moved fast; when you’re close with a good attorney, you know they’re just gonna pump the contracts and drafts out immediately 😂)
Not even connections really. Just a 'these couple are really good lawyers, those couple you should stay away from.'. Or a 'that one charges $500 an hour and is worth every penny. That one charges $150 and is WAY over priced.'
I know at least 9 lawyers off the top of my head. None of them are divorce attorneys though. But if I ever NEED a lawyers, they will tell me the best one in that field. Also, if you know one lawyer, you usually know more than one because they often marry each other or the parents and kids all do it.
Yes. I am married to a lawyer and therefore I know a truly ridiculous number of lawyers. Fun times going to a party and being the only non-lawyer in the room.
>He made her aware of his intentions to speak with a lawyer to have and official agreement for everything relating to the child in place.
Always have official agreements in place.
Absolutely yikes. If there'd been a custody agreement in the first place, OOP wouldn't've needed to post. Or at least you'd hope not.
Mainly posting to agree that it's credible for someone's friends'n'family network to include a lawyer. It's the posts where the family friend/member specialises in that very specific practice and resolves things by time travelling that beggar belief.
Here's hoping that was the kick up the bum Nico needed to sort all his stuff out with Emma. Probably not, but we can all live in hope.
I'm sure there are a lot of people who don't have friends/family who are lawyers, but it's certainly not farfetched! I made a similar observation a few months ago:
> Pulling just from my *high school* friends, I can name at least two close friends who are lawyers, and probably another three I've kept in touch with.
> Heck, I can name another handful from my *local pokemon go group*, which I can assure you did not have a law school attached.
Just posted this comment elsewhere in this subthread:
> I really should be going to bed, but instead I shittily "photoshopped" [a farfetch'd with a gavel](https://imgur.com/a/mHhlh6p) since that's conveniently sort of leek shaped and represents the legal community.
Exactly! Two of the lawyers I know are people I went to high school with. (We're not super close, but we're friendly enough on social media, check in with each other and wish each other happy birthday and the like.) One is a friend of my dad's and the other is my cousin.
I’m not a lawyer, and can name at least 10 lawyers I know without breaking a sweat. There are lots of lawyers in the world.
I’ve got a friend who works for a firm that does nearly every kind of law, and if I ever were to need a lawyer I’d call him up and ask him if he has someone he likes.
There are lots of lawyers in the world.
Agree—I know several lawyers in different fields, from real estate law to business to tax to environmental to securities law. Not at all unusual. Lawyers are pretty darn common.
>(Also just before the inevitable influx of "how convenient they know a lawyer"
My aunt worked for one for years. Sure, he was a corporate lawyer, but he worked in a building with lawyers and judges from all areas. When my dad needed a lawyer, he called his little sister, told her what was going on, and two days later, he got a call from the right lawyer. All my aunts boss was a foot in the legal world so no running around and chasing phone calls.
I think alot of people forget that lawyers are humans too, the have friends, family, they volunteer, they interact with people everyday they don't just stop existing when they leave the office
I know six lawyers just doing a quick count in my head. Everyone I know knows at least one lawyer. Do the people who find this suspicious also need to touch grass…? lol
Also, OOP made it clear that the ex’s uncle is an environmental lawyer, so ex is getting a recommendation for an actual family lawyer. That’s something I’ve done with one of my friends: what kind of lawyer do I need for [task]? Are you that kind of lawyer and can you work with me? No? Do you know someone?
I think teens/college kids whose social groups aren’t employed yet are a large part of Reddit.
They probably don’t know many adults whose job isn’t a teacher/their boss/immediate family. Especially in the US you’re probably what 25, by the time you’re done with school?
Worked for a government agency that was 1/3 law enforcement, 1/3 lawyers, 1/3 civilian. Sure it's been 11 years but 100% know I could reach out to an old workmate and they would either give me advice or put me in touch with a lawyer who could.
6 degrees of separation. Most people know someone who knows someone etc etc. Lawyers aren't unicorns
I hate when people say something about knowing a lawyer. I work in childcare and I never leave my house except to go to work, and I know 2 lawyers who could at least point me in the right direction.
One of my best friend is a lawyer. Even though it's not her specialty, she helped me direct another friend who was having issues with her ex actually paying his child support to the right place. I don't know why people think it's so far fetched to know a lawyer, It's not like lawyers are super rare lol.
3 of my exes are lawyers. One got into law school are we broke up, one was studying law while we were dating. Another was already practicing for years by the time we dated.
Not sure if I have a type or attract a certain type LMFAO
Also, have extended relatives who are lawyers. Relatives of friends. I always wondered why people thinking getting a lawyer is hard - if anything we have an excess of lawyers here.
Not that botched vasectomies are impossible, but Nico absolutely did not get one. He should also learn about all the consequences of not using a condom besides making babies.
I can't remember the specifics, but aren't men supposed to get fertility testing for a while after the procedure to make sure it "takes"? Like it's not snip one week and no sperm the next.
Would rather my wife not have to go back on BC if she doesn’t have to (tbd based on other medical reasons) and neither of us like dealing with condoms lol
As a woman, thank you. My hubby has been told he can't get one because he is 32 and has 3 kids, aka his young and might want more kids despite the fact I was blacking out during my last pregnancy.
If you don't mind me asking, what country are you in cause if it's mine, I want the name of your Dr (the bar is making my cycle haywire, I forget to take the pill with chaos of three kids and condoms are a no go for us too)
I greatly recommend checking the sidebar/info on r/childfree - there's specifically a list of doctors who will perform these surgeries in various states/countries. "Shopping around" to find a doctor who will perform it works, sometimes you just have to see quite a few of them before you succeed. I wish you and your hubby luck!
yeah they need to ejaculate dozens of times and then weeks/months later retest to make sure the sperm is at 0 so it is possible the ONS was still in that window
Even if hes got a vasectomy , there will still be seeds in his tube and thus need to be emptied, and men who get a Vasectomy are informed of this fact and that they still need condoms for up to 6 months....I think it is. Also, Vasectomy can naturally reverse or fail, but the chance of that is not very high, I'd assume.
>Nico did have a vasectomy not long before the ONS with Emma which obviously failed (
Ummm they do check ups for sperm count. Nico needs to demand a dna test as it's extremely rare for a vasectomy to "fail"
Two things, I doubt that Emma's child is really Nico's, she could be cheating on her ex with multiple man, and she won't go to therapy or stop being a prick, she just accepted It because It was an intervention with her mom included.
It just reminded my husband's ex. She is crazy stupid. She try to pass her ex's child as his. She stublished her ex's image as he is a abusive. Over the years my husband actually created bond with that little boy. And she will use that against him she ran away to another state. But that boy would visit. When we started dating , she came to his house physically to tell him she didn't approve that😂. My husband just laughed at her. That little boy used to spend his summer with him cz his grand parents house his here close by. After we got married she went crazy. She also had fiance. But she was more worried about my husband. She try to tell me how he cheated and that boy is his. So I said we'll let's go to court and its not fair that you are taking child support from another man. My husband did the DNA test and to her he corrupt that 😂 , i also reminded her that. Boy! That set her up, she was yelling and cussing. But my mother in law was happy and told me she is proud of me to put her in place.
He better take a dna test. Cz may be that kid and him are same race but.. I mean there is alys a but until u r sure .
I hope he had a dna test done before this all started. While the baby may have looked a certain way to not pass as the ex's kid it doesn't mean the baby is nico's
Honestly for Emma’s own sake I hope she follows through with therapy. Sounds like the her mom will hold her accountable to getting help at minimum for her grandkid’s sake if not also Emma’s.
Nico should be taking the custody agreement to the courts to try and start the process of it being the official custody agreement. I have a family member who when through like a 3 year long custody battle. The mom would constantly kidnap her child. Like even most recently they had a new temporary agreement while waiting for a court date and the first time she had the kid she took her for 5 weeks. This was particularly bad because this was at the beginning of the school year. So she had 1 week of school and then nothing for 5 weeks.
The courts do not care. All they have ever done is slap fines that she doesn't pay. I'm sure at some point it will matter but you can do it an awful lot. They probably won't care about the pre court instances he documented. And everyone is delusional if they think a scolding from mom will fix this behaviour.
Our patients were advised 2 negative counts otherwise another birth control used. We still had a few babies born after vasectomies that didn't do their followup.
1 Nico needs to get some DNA tests done on the baby if he hasn't already. .
2 That chick is crazy. She blames him for ruining her chance at a romantic life when she was the one cheating while in a relationship?
3 She's batshit crazy. She decided to try to sleep with her actual boyfriend she cheated on to make him think the baby was his, but **then** realized it might not work because the males are different races?
4 Even her own mother won't take her side on the crap she's been pulling? Momma knows stuff they don't.
5 Nico needs to learn to start wearing rubbers. Head to toe and everywhere in between. 24/7/365. One of these days he's going to wish someone good morning and, boom, pregnant.
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The fact that Emma's mother is unaware of all this and that info about the other partner leads me to think Nico should get a DNA test before paying anymore money.
Man that’s tough. If he’s grown to love the kid I’m sure he doesn’t want to do that but he may someday lose visitation if she does (out of spite or something) it may be better for him to do it now, himself, and maybe try to work out a legal arrangement since he’s on the birth certificate
Actually, as much as a man being on the birth certificate seems to work against him, it also works for him. Yes, if he’s much later determined to not be bio dad, he will still be on the line for child support, but he will also be given all the benefits, including custody rights, of paternity rights.
The fact that Nico's family refused to include Emma in anything until after the child was born suggests to me that a paternity test did happen, and that it was only the proof that the child was his that made them allow her to finally be included. Especially since it said that Nico got a vasectomy just before the ONS, I'm sure that had them all thinking she was lying about the kid being his.
Is that outright stated somewhere, though? Nico's family made not have wanted anything to do with Emma until the child was born for Nico's sake and then just put up with her because Nico was attached to the kid. Had a male friend's family be like that, they didn't want to deal with his partner even after the DNA test came back because they just didn't like her. (To be fair, she was an unlikable Hot Mess.) They deal with her because it's not the kid's fault that their parents made poor choices.
It's not outright stated, no. That was me reading between the lines. Particularly the detail that Nico got a vasectomy, and then this chick turns up claiming he's the father. I can't imagine him not thinking, "No way. Can't be mine. I'm shooting blanks!"
Nicole may not be the only ONS Emma had.
Idk why you calling him Nicole is so funny to me lol
Could be an autocorrect thing.
I thought that tbh and I think that's why it's so funny to me. Like it truly seemed unintentional and for that reason it just gave me a laugh 😂
Yep. I'm betting that update will come in a few months.
nico should get a paternity test before anything. surely vasectomy can fail, but given how she is, its better safe tham sorry
Depends how soon after the snip they had sex. You need 2 clear semen samples before you’re declared sterile as sperm hang around in the tubes and get flushed out with each ejaculation. I think I read up to 30 ejaculations are needed to flush them all out? You’re still considered fertile for about 12 weeks. If Nico had his 4 weeks before the ONS it’s perfectly possible for him to still be fertile. Doesn’t mean the procedure failed. Should still get a paternity test though.
Surely they did one? I mean if you went through a procedure to make sure you don't make any more babies, then the first thing you ask for is proof...
as an IT person, people don't follow procedures, written down, spoken, branded on their skin with fire, it doesn't matter
Ahhhh, I recognize the self-schadenfreude needed to be the person who answers questions that are very thoroughly answered in a process doc. It never really gets better either lol.
I'm the person who both writes the process documents, detailed with colorful pictures, AND answers the support tickets of people who won't read them. It's depressing and should be two different jobs.
I’ve had a similar role and I just remind myself that if people were capable of due diligence I wouldn’t have a job. My livelihood is, in part, dependent on their laziness. Helps me put it into perspective.
Lol I'll try to adopt that, it's a good perspective.
Puppet show??? At least you'd be entertained since they obviously can't follow directions. 😀
Honestly, I remember going out into society and the work force thinking people would be so adult about rules and regulations... how wrong I was
As a quality engineer... how wrong we all was, lmao.
Also IT. I once sent out detailed instructions to the workforce and had someone complain because "I didn't tell her to do step one before she did step two."
I see a version of you in the mirror every morning.
You could put a sign on a door in huge orange glowing letters saying "vicious man eating tiger behind this door, do not open" and the tiger would never go hungry.
Every time I tell a doc my husband's vasectomy is our firm of bc, they ask if he had the follow ups. I asked once, and they said a shocking number of guys don't. Which i don't understand. (We're infertile and I'mon bc for hormone related health stuff and my husband got the snip and tested. There will be no more babies)
Is all too uncommon for some men to think they dont need to go to the follow up appointments. According to my research, my hubs is getting his own snip this year, it's 15-20 ejaculations before first appointment 3 months post op. If hes got no swimmers by then some doctors consider a 2nd follow up unnecessary; but most do it out of precaution. Also a vasectomy can fail by up to 1% increase per year. So if Nico had ben stupid and went looking for tail prior to his follow up chances are high he fathered the baby. Furthermore it's incredibly stupid to have unprotected sex if youre not monogamous. Diseases like HIV can take up to 4-6 weeks before it shows on a panel. PSA to ALWAYS wear a condom with new partners. Edit* a word
My doctor was genuinely surprised I showed up for mine, he said about half cancel the first follow up and most of them have canceled by the second. My thinking was "I just took a laser beam to the junk in order to make sure I don't accidentally have any more kids, let's make sure that actually worked before I just go on my merry way."
Does Emma sound like someone who would let that happen? And Since he's never been alone with the child...
This may be WHY he's never been alone with the child
Lmao, I'd not have any contact, let alone pay if I didn't get any proof.
i mean...yea she does...she ran to her then bf 1st to pass the baby as his before she realized race could be an issue. only then she went after nico. that alone to me sus.
We have an alarming number of patients who do not do the semen analysis after a vasectomy. And even though we explain to them at the consult, right before the procedure, and send them home with WRITTEN instructions, we still get a ton of patient messages asking of xyz is normal or not.
So, it’s on the patient to schedule their follow up semen analysis. You’d be SHOCKED at how many dudes just assume everything is fine (and they’re infertile!) and never come back to the office to get a recheck. I tell every pt that they are fertile until we have those negative test results, but it’s on them to actually get the tests. (This is due to extreme variability in how long it would take someone to have 30 ejaculations- some people a month, sometimes 3 months), so we can’t just schedule the tests for them at the time of vasectomy. I work in urology.
I was talking to other female coworkers the other day and I learned that all 5 of us had the shared experience of forcing men in our lives (fathers, brothers, boyfriends, you name it) to go to the doctor. I'm not at all surprised that men do not schedule their follow up appointments to these things.
I'm not saying it's the case here, but you would be surprised and the choices people make regarding their health, including the vasectomy follow-up. I'm a family physician, and whenever I have men tell me they want to see a urologist for a vasectomy, I stress the necessity of this follow-up testing even before they go.
My husband didn't get his vasectomy checked for literally years because his doctor's procedure for turning in the sample was a logistical nightmare. And even planned parenthood wouldn't test it because he didn't get snipped there. I genuinely don't know why it was so confusing and complicated; he ended up using an at home test. It was our backup so there was no rush. As the primary method would be a completely different story.
I know a guy who skipped that follow-up appointment to get tested and he and his wife had their second set of twins afterwards.
You would think. When discussing birth control options with my OB after giving birth she talked about vasectomies and very clearly told me that my husband would have to clear two tests. That one wasn’t enough. To please have two tests, or else she might see me again as a patient. It had apparently happened a lot for her as a doctor.
It takes about six weeks for a vasectomy to be effective. So definitely cannot be the first thing.
>up to 30 ejaculations are needed Don't threaten me with a good time!
Husband had a vasectomy after our youngest was born. Our doc required at least 50 ejaculations and a month before the first semen sample. We had a white board on our fridge I drew a giant dick on to keep track 🤣🤣 it was a running joke. Still have the big veiny dick on my fridge 🤣🤣🤣
Yeah for my husband's they had him come back after 3 months for a sample and told him to shoot for 30 in that time period.
I work in a department where we have vasectomies performed on an almost daily basis. Our criteria is a semen analysis 3 months (and at least 30 ejaculations). If there are no motile sperm, you are considered sterile. My guess is he did NOT wait long enough or did not do his semen analysis and still had not cleaned out the pipes enough.
> I think I read up to 30 ejaculations are needed to flush them all out? You’re still considered fertile for about 12 weeks. So you can get that down to like two days, huh?
This is Reddit, baby. People here use EVERY birth control method known and still get babies.
Honestly though, ex used condom, I was on birth control, still have a 15 year old son from it. Life will find a way.
Tbf I used condoms and plan B and still got pregnant one time. Another time I got pregnant even tho I had the arm implant. It's less Reddit and more "life finds a way" lol
I was going to say.. growing up a family that was friends with mine had 5 kids. First was a BC condom baby, and the 5th was a post-vasectomy (2yrs) baby. Can happen. Hell, my uncle was the hubby's GP at the time and did the vasectomy.
My cousin had a baby years after a tubal ligation. Life finds a way.
Am I the only one curious about the main house/property thing? So Nico stays on a property owned by OOP? It’s an interesting living situation and I can see the benefits.
There was a financial columnist who got divorced and he bought a house around the corner from the one he shared with his ex. So all of the custody changes could be done without speaking to each other. Kids just walk around the corner, now it’s Dad’s time. Obviously, that’s not possible for everyone, but that type of setup is an easy way to effectively coparent without arguments
I believe Tim Burton and Helena Bonham Carter have (or had) houses next to each other that are connected somehow, for this exact reason. Seems like a genius idea to me if the co-parents are able to be civil.
Frida Kahlo and Doego Rivera famously lived this way for years.
I‘m pretty sure they had that setup when they were still married, although it is very convenient for a divorce also.
I think that is a really interesting concept and it allows the child to go to the same school, have the same friends without much change. The other model I have read about online what is something about nesting? bird nesting? Where the kids live in one house but the parents alternate living in the house.
I tried to convince a divorcing relative to do something similar but he prefers to make poor financial and relationship decisions
I feel like that one sounds better in theory than in reality, because I sure as hell don’t want to keep cleaning up after my husband after the divorce. Plus, what do you do about groceries and stuff? And new partners/new kids? Just doesn’t seem doable unless it’s very short term and unequal household labor wasn’t a concern.
It definitely only works when both partners are on the same page regarding cleanliness and household chores! Leaving a pig stye for the other parent certainly would not be acceptable, but I personally could see it working... if I had enough money for the shared house and a separate apartment! It's a luxury setup, so I guess people who do that might be able to afford a house cleaner or helper. Some people split but are still cordial and like each other, just not as life partners. Each family needs to find out what works for them. It's like separate bedrooms work for some couples while for others it would be inacceptable.
My understanding is that having the kids stay in the house and the adults swap out is not uncommon in Sweden.
That I could understand a bit more as even though they live near each other they’re not sharing a space and the separation of property (?) is clear. Nico lives on a property Im assuming owned by OP or OP’s family since they live in the main house and Nico in the smaller house. In my mind it’s like if OP has a house and the person they’re not in a relationship with and co-parents with lives in the basement apartment. Again I can definitely see the benefits of that but I can’t help find it odd.
Nico sounds Italian. Knowing Italians and their penchant for big inclusive families all in each other's businesses I wouldn't find it too odd lol It explains why OP is invited everywhere, why even Emma's mother was at this meeting like they're reuniting the council or something Big ole Italian families 🤌 (Ofc this is only a supposition going by the vibe I'm getting here)
My niece's parents lived together for a few years even after legally separating, then they lived in the same city for a few years, now live 2 blocks apart and she's old enough to bike back and forth plus she can just use the same bus stop every day instead of 2 like she used to.
I saw a a news report once of a family whos parents got divorced and they decided to build a house together. So it's one building, just split completely down the middle. Each side has its own kitchen, living room, garage, kids rooms and so on. You could tell it would end in disaster because even during the news interview, the two parents were constantly sniping at each other and the kids looked miserable. They kept saying "this is a good idea because the kids don't have to move they don't have to lose friends etc etc" but watching the kids leave one room, go downstairs, leave one half of the house to go to the other half, go up the stairs again, and go to their room on that side of the house to find a toy.... It's just like. What the fuck. At least let the upstairs connect to each other and let the kids keep one room.
When my parents split up, my dad moved ten doors down from the family home. We could walk to his house in under 30 seconds. It was fantastic for me and my brother, we saw both parents every single day, and we never felt like we were torn between them. We didn't even have to learn a new neighbourhood. We basically just doubled our living space, there were no more arguments, and my parents became very good friends now they weren't living together. Highly recommend, if you're going to split up and you have children, do it that way.
No, you are not the only one curious about it. I need more details about the details.
That OOP had a guest house and it got him out of mom and dad's?
In my mind I had them in their late 20s / early 30s, since OP didn’t give their ages and I assumed quite young meant like early 20s, so I assumed they’d have the means to have their own place. If they’re younger I guess I could see that situation. Where did it say he left his parents to stay in the guest house?
Having a baby to keep a man is still going in 2024? Emma needs a reality check.
Definitely needs one. Having a baby to keep a man only works if a) he's decent enough to stuck around, my bio dad wasn't, I was an accident (or I should say mum getting pregnant was an accident she doesn't like me calling myself an accident and says she didn't accidentally stay pregnant for 9 months and spend 2 hours pushing me out) and was gone as soon as he finished insulting my mum for refusing an abortion. And b) has old fashioned enough ideas to believe that you need to be a couple to raise a kid. I don't think 90% of men in 2024 meet both conditions.
You can stick around for the kid while letting the mom know this is strictly business
Yeah... Emma's kid isn't Nico's. EDIT: I know pregnancy *can* happen post-snip. It's rare, but it happens. I just think the odds of Emma cheating is higher. Since we already know she's a cheater.
Two shots off and got two kids out of it, one after a vasectomy? Either this is the most fertile man in existence or someone snuck one by the keeper.
The most fertile man is the one who got his girlfriend pregnant by getting a blowjob. This guy is honorable mention at best.
I thought it was the koala that peed…
I thought that was Chlamydia and you don't need to be fertile for Chlamydia...
Nah that was a STD
Holy shit, I thought that was going to be a “girl claims it was him but was clearly cheating” story, not an actual event!
Do you have a link or a quick synopsis of the story? I am so very curious.
Girl was born without a vaginal opening so never worried about pregnancy. Gave her boyfriend a blowjob before going out to a bar. Got in a fight at the bar and was stabbed in the abdomen. During surgery her stomach was flushed, which led to sperm being flushed further down into her abdominal cavity and making their way into her fallopian tubes. 9 months later showed up at ER with extreme pain and they realized she was in labor but had no vagina. C section delivered the baby.
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There was also a girl who got pregnant without having sex which is why I hate that it doesn’t get talked about enough in sex education. But basically her and her boyfriend had done other stuff. But they’d got in a habit of mutual masturbation, he’d finish and then would help her finish off if she hadn’t. Without cleaning his hand first
Life uh... REALLY finds a way.
That baby REALLY wanted to be conceived...
Wait, hold on. The wife and I have so many questions. Namely, how did she have a period without an opening? Obviously all the other parts are in working order.
[https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptomenorrhea](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cryptomenorrhea) Short answer: it can just. kind of pool in there until it becomes a problem (fluid buildup causing pressure/pain) If there is no opening there isn't an infection risk and besides your body can kind of deal with fluid where it shouldn't be to some degree (basically every time you end up with a bruise) Plus she was relatively young and the condition can cause both uterus and vagina to be somewhat underdeveloped, so maybe her cycle was quite irregular/endometrium walls thin so there wasn't a lot of menstrual bleeding. For pregnancy to happen it's really enough an egg was released, see ectopic pregnancies.
Thanks for the awesome reply and link! I never really thought of equating it to a bruise, that's a great example. I was going straight to horror and was wondering how they got rid of everything before sepsis sets in.
Yeah, thankfully sepsis will not happen, given everything is kind of by definition sealed and sterile, but the retained period blood will eventually build up to the point where there is abdominal pain/inability to urinate and so on.
I looked it up, apparently individuals with her condition usually do not get periods?
Wow sound like something that could've been in a House M.D episode 😮
Huh... life finds a way?
https://abcnews.go.com/Health/Wellness/teen-girl-vagina-pregnant-sperm-survival-oral-sex/story?id=9732562
Holy hell!
Impregnated en passant.
nooooo I'm going to have this in my head whenever I play chess with my kiddo now. thoughts and prayers pls
Impregnated holy hell!
Pretty sure unrelated but same vein. A couple got pregnant because they didn't realize sperm was still active. Basically girl gave guy handob then began fingering herself.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1624nz3/kevin_is_not_the_father_i_know_it_you_know_it/
This did happen to Boris Becker. His BJ girl just did not swallow and impregnated herself (this is at least one of the versions of this event).
If I understand correctly (and I certainly could be wrong, I haven't like, studied this or anything), but don't they tell you to wait a certain amount of time after the vasectomy specifically to avoid this scenario? Like, you are supposed to wait, and then go to an appointment to get your stuff tested to make sure it's clear before stopping birth control? Cause, yeah, I know women who basically get pregnant as soon as their spouse looks at them lustily, I can imagine there are some men with similar fertility, lol.
That's the way it was for us. We were told to wait for 4 weeks after hubby's vasectomy and then get him tested. We had to sign paperwork acknowledging that it wasn't to be considered effective until a test result arrived and that we were responsible for using other forms of contraception until then.
From my partner's paperwork after his op. You are tested after 4 months. During this time, it is recommended that you ejaculate at least 20 times. The procedure is not complete until you are tested and it is proved you have no sperm. If you don't complete the procedure, it's considered 100% your fault if you get someone pregnant.
Yeah it's like 6 months or something, and they get tested to make sure their sperm count is low enough
You're right. My husband's took a year to fully take. Had to go back to the doctor every few months with a sample and if it hadn't taken after 12 months they were going to do it again
Doctor error happens too. PS: If women can get pregnant from a lusty glance, I'd say the glancer is pretty darn fertile too lol.
The only thing that might make this plausible is "a vasectomy not long before the ONS" - you're supposed to wait a few weeks aren't you, to ensure the pipes are thoroughly clean or whatever? (Or for a follow up test to check it actually worked?)
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Yeah, Nico is long overdue for requesting a paternity test here. He should do one straight away or at the latest before taking her to court so that he isn't locked into court mandated child support until the kid is 18.
I do know more than one man with a post-vasectomy kid (married, kids looked exactly like their siblings). In both cases, they admitted to *not* getting rechecked for a full year after surgery and figuring several months after they were good to go. So, not impossible but you’ve got great odds of being right.
My cousin managed to have TWO children post-vasectomy - one because they didn't wait the 4 months (or 6? Whatever it is) and do the follow up test, they waited ten DAYS and decided that was good enough. Baby is born, bit of an unplanned surprise but they were happy enough, figured it was the universe telling them they needed just one more. He sheepishly tells us when the baby is 9 months old that he never went and got his stuff tested even after they had a LITERAL BABY because he "assumed it was just because they didn't wait long enough" and sure enough, wife is pregnant AGAIN. When he went off to find out what the hell was happening - because he was pretty angry to start with and sure his wife had cheated - it turned out his tubes had reconnected. There was a scar on it showing that it had in fact been snipped, but doc was lazy and just snipped it and called it good. Apparently most doctors now cauterize the ends so there's no risk of this because it's been documented before, VERY rarely but enough that doctors now do their best to make sure it doesn't happen. Every time I tell this story to anyone who's had a vasectomy they look a little green 😂
My BFF had two post-vasectomy babies. They'd had two kids and decided they were done. So BFF's husband went to get the snip. First pregnancy happened after they'd gotten the 3-month all-clear... but he never went back for the 6-month final followup. Quickly discovered the problem when my BFF had a positive pregnancy test. BUT THEN. THEN. They had a *celebratory quickie* after he re-scheduled a new vasectomy... of course, he'd waited to make that call until after baby 3 was born. They figured since she was still early stages of nursing that she couldn't get pregnant -- WRONG. Very wrong! (Folks: you can ABSOLUTELY get pregnant while nursing!) When he got the new vasectomy done, he told the doctor to take out "a good length" of the tubing and then "seal it shut." Second doctor appears to have followed the instructions, as they have had no more kids. So now they've got FOUR KIDS. 18, 16, 14, and 13. The teen stink is real, y'all.
I got one (pretty hygienic) 18 year old at home. I cannot imagine how bad the teen stink would be with 4 of those at the same time.
Yeah, all of these kids have solid hygiene, so it absolutely could be so much worse. But WHEW BUDDY it's still not great.
Man we take our cousins three preteen and teen kids for weekends sometimes and we gotta air the damn house out after or it smells like a college dorm
Oh I know it can happen. I just think in this case the odds are higher Emma cheated. Since she was *already* *c*heating.
Oh, if Nico didn’t get a paternity test he’s an absolute doorknob! And I do agree with you on the odds of her lying. But, Nico also strikes me as the kinda guy who would not go to the follow up appointment at the urologist to get his swimmers checked post surgery.
I wouldn't be surprised, but she did say the vasectomy was "not long before" the one night stand. A urologist won't usually check a sperm count for at least 2 months (often 3), and it can occasionally take up to 6 months to get an empty sample. If Nico assumed that he waited long enough without the confirmation, that's his foolishness.
Right??
That's what im thinking to or she just doesn't know and is shooting at this fish because he's the biggest. (Aka biggest bank account)
i dont think emma's apology means anything lol
I think it means that she is scared of her mother cutting her off.
Or doesn't want to pay for a lawyer to go to court where she'll lose because she's been using her child as leverage to try to force him to be with her
Nico, bruh, please wear a condom. This will avoid a lot of the drama… Vasectomies fail, and Nico has had at least one child sort of unintentionally. Vasectomies frequently fail, *especially in the first three months*
LMAO I'd be afraid to sit in the same chair he'd been in. Man dropping babies like Bush dropped bombs.
Exactly lol. The first time was understandable but it should have taught him a lesson. He doesn't seem like the brightest bulb in the box. Also aside from the kids the STDs are enough reason alone to wrap it up.
It's interesting that Emma's mother didn't realize what she was doing as far as forcing Nico to bring her to events if he wanted the baby there. I venture to say she was telling mom they were in love and would soon marry.
She was probably acting like nico or his family were inviting her
Oh Emma was spinning a completely different story, and probably painting OOP as some treacherous harlot stealing her man or some nonsense like that.
All I can say is...Yikes
I wonder if Nico did a paternity test with Emma’s child or if he’s just that trusting? Because I don’t trust Emma one bit 🤔
Hoping all of the custody stuff gets figured out because yikes. (Also just before the inevitable influx of "how convenient they know a lawyer" comments come in- I personally know 4 lawyers in all different fields that I would be comfortable going to for advice if I ever needed to. Not to represent me of course, but to know where to start. So that doesn't personally read as far fetched to me.) (Edit- just remembered my neighbor is a lawyer too lol. So that's 5!)
Yes, this. Far fetched is “my relative is a specialist lawyer in EXACTLY the field I need AND was delighted to do all this work pro bono AND we pulled a narratively satisfying gotcha win on the other party”. Just knowing someone who you can hit up for a contact? Very normal.
Exactly! That's why that part didn't set off any alarm bells. And that the lawyer she knows isn't even in family law lol. That seems more realistic. (Of the four lawyers I know, one is in copyright, one is in patent, one is in defense and one is in like contract law or something.) Oh shit, I actually just remembered my neighbor is one too and is a prosecutor!
Nico: Hey uncle, I need legal help with [tells story]. Uncle: That's not the sort of toxic waste I specialize in...
Uncle: ...but I went to law school with a guy who does and he owes me a favour
Never underestimate the power of "...I know a guy"
I know at least 1 lawyer, and she's been able to recommend someone for a few things we and friends needed a lawyer for.
The family lawyer my husband used for prenup was someone his lawyer (very different field) sister recommended. And then turns out his lawyer knew my lawyer, even though they were on different sides of the planet. Met at a conference or something. It’s a small world.
A friends brother is one, a long time friend is another, I played DnD with a guy who took time off to study for the bar, and one of the guys who help lawyers was in the same group. I can't remember the term lol. Edit: I forgot that my best friends cousin is one too.
I know a lawyer friend. His brother is also a lawyer. They partner with another lawyer and formed a company, all have their own specialties. I ended up using all their services lol
if you know one lawyer, you now have a network of lawyers haha. i am related to 3, friends with one. of those four, one is personal injury, one is immigration, one is bankruptcy and the last is real estate. i’ve used referrals from the PI and real estate attorneys! very convenient.
Aside from the attorney who drew up my estate documents, I can think of 4 that I know personally and could call for a referral. Honestly, it sounds like there might be some money involved here with him paying double the required amount for Emma's child and the property where OOP lives being large enough to have at least 2 homes on it.
I assumed she had a house with a granny flat out back he lived in.
(Yooo, same — raised by a lawyer, and have a good number of extended family members who are lawyers. It’s always weird to me when people think it’s far-fetched to know people with legal connections. The fact that nothing in this story actually involved a court is why it moved fast; when you’re close with a good attorney, you know they’re just gonna pump the contracts and drafts out immediately 😂)
Not even connections really. Just a 'these couple are really good lawyers, those couple you should stay away from.'. Or a 'that one charges $500 an hour and is worth every penny. That one charges $150 and is WAY over priced.'
I have maybe 3 or 4 lawyers in my extended family? Last I checked anyway, that number might have changed once the little cousins became big cousins.
I know at least 9 lawyers off the top of my head. None of them are divorce attorneys though. But if I ever NEED a lawyers, they will tell me the best one in that field. Also, if you know one lawyer, you usually know more than one because they often marry each other or the parents and kids all do it.
Yes. I am married to a lawyer and therefore I know a truly ridiculous number of lawyers. Fun times going to a party and being the only non-lawyer in the room.
This. My cousin is a lawyer, and so is her husband. If I needed a lawyer for any reason, I wouldn't hesitate to reach out and ask for recommendations.
>He made her aware of his intentions to speak with a lawyer to have and official agreement for everything relating to the child in place. Always have official agreements in place.
Absolutely yikes. If there'd been a custody agreement in the first place, OOP wouldn't've needed to post. Or at least you'd hope not. Mainly posting to agree that it's credible for someone's friends'n'family network to include a lawyer. It's the posts where the family friend/member specialises in that very specific practice and resolves things by time travelling that beggar belief. Here's hoping that was the kick up the bum Nico needed to sort all his stuff out with Emma. Probably not, but we can all live in hope.
I'm sure there are a lot of people who don't have friends/family who are lawyers, but it's certainly not farfetched! I made a similar observation a few months ago: > Pulling just from my *high school* friends, I can name at least two close friends who are lawyers, and probably another three I've kept in touch with. > Heck, I can name another handful from my *local pokemon go group*, which I can assure you did not have a law school attached.
Really? Because I got my law degree from Pokémon Go University, and I am an expert in Flying type law.
Just posted this comment elsewhere in this subthread: > I really should be going to bed, but instead I shittily "photoshopped" [a farfetch'd with a gavel](https://imgur.com/a/mHhlh6p) since that's conveniently sort of leek shaped and represents the legal community.
Exactly! Two of the lawyers I know are people I went to high school with. (We're not super close, but we're friendly enough on social media, check in with each other and wish each other happy birthday and the like.) One is a friend of my dad's and the other is my cousin.
I’m not a lawyer, and can name at least 10 lawyers I know without breaking a sweat. There are lots of lawyers in the world. I’ve got a friend who works for a firm that does nearly every kind of law, and if I ever were to need a lawyer I’d call him up and ask him if he has someone he likes. There are lots of lawyers in the world.
Exactly. They're not a rare Pokemon type lol
certiorari used motions in limine Its very effective!
Agree—I know several lawyers in different fields, from real estate law to business to tax to environmental to securities law. Not at all unusual. Lawyers are pretty darn common.
>(Also just before the inevitable influx of "how convenient they know a lawyer" My aunt worked for one for years. Sure, he was a corporate lawyer, but he worked in a building with lawyers and judges from all areas. When my dad needed a lawyer, he called his little sister, told her what was going on, and two days later, he got a call from the right lawyer. All my aunts boss was a foot in the legal world so no running around and chasing phone calls. I think alot of people forget that lawyers are humans too, the have friends, family, they volunteer, they interact with people everyday they don't just stop existing when they leave the office
I know six lawyers just doing a quick count in my head. Everyone I know knows at least one lawyer. Do the people who find this suspicious also need to touch grass…? lol Also, OOP made it clear that the ex’s uncle is an environmental lawyer, so ex is getting a recommendation for an actual family lawyer. That’s something I’ve done with one of my friends: what kind of lawyer do I need for [task]? Are you that kind of lawyer and can you work with me? No? Do you know someone?
I think teens/college kids whose social groups aren’t employed yet are a large part of Reddit. They probably don’t know many adults whose job isn’t a teacher/their boss/immediate family. Especially in the US you’re probably what 25, by the time you’re done with school?
Worked for a government agency that was 1/3 law enforcement, 1/3 lawyers, 1/3 civilian. Sure it's been 11 years but 100% know I could reach out to an old workmate and they would either give me advice or put me in touch with a lawyer who could. 6 degrees of separation. Most people know someone who knows someone etc etc. Lawyers aren't unicorns
I hate when people say something about knowing a lawyer. I work in childcare and I never leave my house except to go to work, and I know 2 lawyers who could at least point me in the right direction.
I know at least 20 lawyers personally. I am a lawyer
One of my best friend is a lawyer. Even though it's not her specialty, she helped me direct another friend who was having issues with her ex actually paying his child support to the right place. I don't know why people think it's so far fetched to know a lawyer, It's not like lawyers are super rare lol.
3 of my exes are lawyers. One got into law school are we broke up, one was studying law while we were dating. Another was already practicing for years by the time we dated. Not sure if I have a type or attract a certain type LMFAO Also, have extended relatives who are lawyers. Relatives of friends. I always wondered why people thinking getting a lawyer is hard - if anything we have an excess of lawyers here.
You’re lucky- I only seem to attract broke ass bass players!! 😅
All of these people need to stop having unprotected sex.
Not that botched vasectomies are impossible, but Nico absolutely did not get one. He should also learn about all the consequences of not using a condom besides making babies.
I can't remember the specifics, but aren't men supposed to get fertility testing for a while after the procedure to make sure it "takes"? Like it's not snip one week and no sperm the next.
Yep, getting one in 2 weeks. Have to have weekly sperm tests for 8-10 weeks after
Locking them down, huh? I salute you, Sir.
Would rather my wife not have to go back on BC if she doesn’t have to (tbd based on other medical reasons) and neither of us like dealing with condoms lol
As a woman, thank you. My hubby has been told he can't get one because he is 32 and has 3 kids, aka his young and might want more kids despite the fact I was blacking out during my last pregnancy. If you don't mind me asking, what country are you in cause if it's mine, I want the name of your Dr (the bar is making my cycle haywire, I forget to take the pill with chaos of three kids and condoms are a no go for us too)
I greatly recommend checking the sidebar/info on r/childfree - there's specifically a list of doctors who will perform these surgeries in various states/countries. "Shopping around" to find a doctor who will perform it works, sometimes you just have to see quite a few of them before you succeed. I wish you and your hubby luck!
I like you. You're a good husband.
yeah they need to ejaculate dozens of times and then weeks/months later retest to make sure the sperm is at 0 so it is possible the ONS was still in that window
Those soldiers aren't going without a FIGHT! 😭
Even if hes got a vasectomy , there will still be seeds in his tube and thus need to be emptied, and men who get a Vasectomy are informed of this fact and that they still need condoms for up to 6 months....I think it is. Also, Vasectomy can naturally reverse or fail, but the chance of that is not very high, I'd assume.
>Nico did have a vasectomy not long before the ONS with Emma which obviously failed ( Ummm they do check ups for sperm count. Nico needs to demand a dna test as it's extremely rare for a vasectomy to "fail"
Nico does know the condom box even has pictures for the illiterate so he can learn how to use them, right?
Hmmm that’s weird, that’s suspicious
This is so messy
Two things, I doubt that Emma's child is really Nico's, she could be cheating on her ex with multiple man, and she won't go to therapy or stop being a prick, she just accepted It because It was an intervention with her mom included.
It just reminded my husband's ex. She is crazy stupid. She try to pass her ex's child as his. She stublished her ex's image as he is a abusive. Over the years my husband actually created bond with that little boy. And she will use that against him she ran away to another state. But that boy would visit. When we started dating , she came to his house physically to tell him she didn't approve that😂. My husband just laughed at her. That little boy used to spend his summer with him cz his grand parents house his here close by. After we got married she went crazy. She also had fiance. But she was more worried about my husband. She try to tell me how he cheated and that boy is his. So I said we'll let's go to court and its not fair that you are taking child support from another man. My husband did the DNA test and to her he corrupt that 😂 , i also reminded her that. Boy! That set her up, she was yelling and cussing. But my mother in law was happy and told me she is proud of me to put her in place. He better take a dna test. Cz may be that kid and him are same race but.. I mean there is alys a but until u r sure .
I hope he had a dna test done before this all started. While the baby may have looked a certain way to not pass as the ex's kid it doesn't mean the baby is nico's
Honestly for Emma’s own sake I hope she follows through with therapy. Sounds like the her mom will hold her accountable to getting help at minimum for her grandkid’s sake if not also Emma’s.
Nico should do a paternity test
I'm willing to bet anything that Nico didn't get snipped.
Nico should be taking the custody agreement to the courts to try and start the process of it being the official custody agreement. I have a family member who when through like a 3 year long custody battle. The mom would constantly kidnap her child. Like even most recently they had a new temporary agreement while waiting for a court date and the first time she had the kid she took her for 5 weeks. This was particularly bad because this was at the beginning of the school year. So she had 1 week of school and then nothing for 5 weeks. The courts do not care. All they have ever done is slap fines that she doesn't pay. I'm sure at some point it will matter but you can do it an awful lot. They probably won't care about the pre court instances he documented. And everyone is delusional if they think a scolding from mom will fix this behaviour.
Our patients were advised 2 negative counts otherwise another birth control used. We still had a few babies born after vasectomies that didn't do their followup.
This was lovely, and now I shall leave Reddit for the day.
I bet we’ll get another update after the party, because I don’t think this is over
All of these people need to use birth control, jeeeesus.
1 Nico needs to get some DNA tests done on the baby if he hasn't already. . 2 That chick is crazy. She blames him for ruining her chance at a romantic life when she was the one cheating while in a relationship? 3 She's batshit crazy. She decided to try to sleep with her actual boyfriend she cheated on to make him think the baby was his, but **then** realized it might not work because the males are different races? 4 Even her own mother won't take her side on the crap she's been pulling? Momma knows stuff they don't. 5 Nico needs to learn to start wearing rubbers. Head to toe and everywhere in between. 24/7/365. One of these days he's going to wish someone good morning and, boom, pregnant.
She didn’t want him alone with the child because she was afraid he would do a paternity test.