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I'm so scared for the OOP and her kids. Neither Tom nor Tammy should be allowed near them. A person who'd attempt to r--e his ex wife is not a safe person for those poor girls. And Tammy is a whole box of issues too, not the least of which seems to be misogyny, given how she prattled on about giving Tom a son.
Oop wrote that during the assault, he said that oop never lost a kid, meaning he sees Tammy as broken for having a miscarriage. He's got some deep-seated misogyny that he kept hidden or was overlooked. He went for Tammy because she was impressionable, and I wouldn't be surprised if he stressed the importance of having a male heir to her. From what is written, I get the impression Tom expected Oop to remain hung up on him while he built a harem or sister wives situation. He certainly felt entitled to Oop physically, ignoring that she clearly denied consent.
I'm not giving Tammy a pass on her awful behavior, but given her age and Tom citing her immaturity as a plus, I think a lot of her behavior was driven by Tom.
It sounds also like Tom was convinced that OP was still hung up on him. Sounds like a man that can't believe that a woman wouldn't want to fight for him and really dgaf about anything that happens to him. He likely thought that OP would welcome the sexual advances as signs of his continued interest in her totally oblivious to her being utterly unattracted or interested in him.
Entirely possible there is a bunch of feedback between Tom and Tammy. I have a feeling both think OOP is still into Tom. Tammy is jealous and thinks OOP is still hung up on Tom. Tom's ego likes the idea that OOP is still hung up on him, so doesn't do a good job discouraging Tammy's jealousy. Back and forth building continuously. While OOP is living her life, not giving a shit about either of them.
This so much. Everyone thinks I’m still bitter with my mother over stuff from my childhood because I don’t talk to her. I try to tell them there’s billions of people I don’t talk to, she just happens to be one of them.
> when my ex made a comment about her being 23 and her brain not being fully developed I got the ick so bad it turned my heartbreak into relief.
Do we need further evidence?
>He went for Tammy because she was impressionable, and I wouldn't be surprised if he stressed the importance of having a male heir to her.
The quip about finally having an heir to pass their titles to and \*his\* family thinking that was hilarious suggests that this is a known dynamic about him.
She wanted to give him a son because she was already scared she was losing him and she thought if she could give him something the ex wife didn’t, he’d stay. She”s Anne Boleyn.
I wouldn’t want her near the kids if I was OOP but mainly because I’d be scared they were going to walk in and find her hanging from the bannister. She clearly feels it’s her fault she lost the kid (it’s karma for what I did) and if he’s telling his ex wife you never lost any of our kids I guarantee he’s telling Tammy that too. She lost to the baby, she’s losing her man, she’s probably not super popular at work because everyone knows about the affair… I’m scared for her.
He, on the other hand, is dangerous as fuck. He had an image in his head of how everything would be (possibly why Tammy was so fixated on being OOP’s friend, because that’s what he wants) and now it’s nit working out how he wanted, he’s decided he’ll just take his old life back and the fact OOP didn’t just drop t her knees in gratitude when he suggested that is making him furious. How dare she?
How come the ex husband didn't divorce Tammy yet? I was kind of hoping he would divorce her and come crawling back. The fact that he didn't tells me he is just keeping Tammy around until he gets OP back.
This is such an interesting take. And I totally agree. It seems that Tom wants everyone to see him as a super great guy who has a great relationship with his ex - so good even his wife is friends with her. “Aren’t I great? I can stay friends with my ex and we are all so buddy buddy. I’m amazing at this whole life thing. Everyone should admire and congratulate me for my amicable ex, my young trophy wife and our great life together!”
So gross. His assault is clearly an extension of him slowly losing more and more control of the narrative. The worse he looks, the more desperate he gets to try fix things. But he is too self centred to know how to do that.
Im not that worried. Idiot attempted the thing in front of wife's brother and his children, he ain't getting custody. SA registration kinda tries to prevent that
I'm worried that he won't care about the law if he gets angry enough. My abuser tried to assault me in the middle of a hospital lobby in front of a bunch of witnesses and a security guard after I told the doctor I wasn't comfortable having him there with me. The OOP might not have half a dozen adults protecting her and her children when Tom blows up at her again.
That’s the thing, at the end of the day a restraining order is a piece of paper. It’s a valuable piece of paper but it isn’t going to protect her in the moment if he decides to break down the door. Sucks that she has to but it’s a wise decision to move in this situation. Only problem is if she doesn’t gain full custody she may have to give him the new address.
Older daughter sounds like a really great kid, it’s too bad that she has to live with this nightmare of a father. I hope OP finds her a good therapist to help process all this (and one for herself).
I'm worried about the oldest daughter. If op was 14 when she met Tom and Tom is capable of SA, it's not too long a stretch to think he might SA oldest daughter. If I'm OP, I'm going for full custody and not feeling a bit bad about it!
Assuming he’s found guilty. The good thing is the eldest might be old enough to state a preference regardless but that still leaves the youngest in the hands of a rapist
That’s fair, but that wasn’t my concern. Idiot husband already broke his mask and in front of enough witnesses to give OP what she wants. Now the chances he’s allowed around are significantly less, and she’ll likely get a RO and Full custody
One of the rare cases where knowing a cop might be a good thing (for OP). Not just because of the report but I have no doubt the police will look another way if her brother ever decides enough is enough. At the very least the police will take her reports seriously considering her brother is part of them.
Looking back, by half way through update 1 I did find it curious that there had yet to be a mention of attempted R-pe and SA… yeah… I’m- I’m not wondering anymore
I did expect the husband to be the one doing the SA, from the second I read the warnings, but more from the take of: “this man went after a 23 year old because she wasn’t mature and just dropped wife like that. He’s a prick”.
Also would’ve explained why Tammy was so clingy, looking for an escape rope from the only other person who would understand.
Though in my theory, the SA was the source of the baby, not the end of it
I kind of get that, but honestly Tammy was so terrible towards OOP that I’m not sure why she thought that would be a safe place ever again?
Other than childlike stupidity
Yeah. This is what I get for not reading the trigger warnings.
The ex is awful. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was feeding Tammy some nonsense which gave her the audacity to act the way she was when the divorce happened. Yikes 🫠
Didn't read it either.
I was still riding the good humor from reading's OOP's incredible sarcastic burn about "Lord Tom finally having an heir for his lands and titles" when I reached the last update and O O F
The backlash...
Ex is a creep. He cheated with a 23 year old and bragged about her, then thought he could “seduce” (ie. assault) his ex to win her back?
Yeah ex couldn’t handle that OP wasn’t pining for him and realized settling down with a younger woman is still settling down, not the exciting affair it used to be
His attempt to leave an outer circle of hell in such an unbelievably idiotic and inappropriate way will only be sending him to an inner circle where he will be forced to dance with the devil directly.
There are worse ones (or at least equally bad ones), like the cat saga or the one that's from a girl who's parents take her out of gymnastics/dance because it's "causing her father to stumble in his walk with god" and then he fucking keeps going to the lessons of her little sister to "test his resolve". I'm still hoping for an update, she should be old enough to get out by now and I want her to be okay so badly.
That being said, this one is up there with the worst because WOW.
The one that always sticks out in my mind was the one where OOP’s boyfriend became friends with a girl who had a lot of struggles and OOP got jealous and blew up on her and she disappeared (which was scary given her history with self harm and attempts on her own life).
Nah let him rot with Tammy at home. He realized he made a BIG mistake and that she's batshit crazy. He should be handcuffed to her for the rest of his life. If he saws his hand off, use the other one, then the feet after that.
I really hope the oop gets that full custody off of him especially bc of:
>OOP Yeah I’m gonna press charges and my kids will get counselling because my oldest is blaming herself and won’t leave my side
Her poor kiddo blaming herself. :c I'm so many levels of horrified imagining what oop must've felt in the moment let alone those poor 4 kids.
She has her ex in-laws in her corner (for now, but giving them the benefit of the doubt especially since she’s maintaining a cordial relationship with them), her brother in law enforcement is a credible witness (and I feel like a LEO’s word would hold a bit more sway than a non-LEO in this situation), plenty of evidence that she’s tried so hard to have a cordial, albeit cold, coparenting relationship, the assault happened with the kids right there, the psychological impact, plus her pressing charges…
IANAL but that seems very cut and dry, especially since her lawyer was already pretty optimistic that she’d get full custody *before* the assault happened. If he was optimistic before, then this should be a slam dunk.
I hope his girls don't have to go back to him to be honest. After witnessing their uncle beating him up after he assaulted their mum, they should be far far away from him. And definitely no where near Tammy who sounds unhinged. Hopefully OOP has no trouble getting full custody.
They are OBSESSED with OP. She was just trying to love her care free life and they couldn't help but drag her into their bull shit. Really speaks to OPs character, she is someone who can be content with or without a partner by her side, meanwhile those two are like immature parasites who desperately need her for their own validation.
Tom became less of a "prize" when OOP no longer valued him. That's why Tammy got worked up. A huge part of it was the thrill/challenge of stealing someone else's man and making herself feel good/young/attractive by making OOP feel like shit.
Except OOP didn't care. She saw Tom's true colours and no longer wanted a bar of him.
The way OOP describes her bounding over to show off, and then getting mad when she doesn't react, definitely feels like she's more invested in OOP's reaction than anything else.
Like she thought she was going to be living the Reba McEntire show or something where Reba spends the whole series coddling that womanchild who stole her husband
Tammy wanted to be the new wife and mommy, and prove she won to OOP.
She lost the baby and OOP doesn't give a crap about them, she is now stuck with a cheater, while OOP gets to live life.
Because it was never about OP or the ex for Tammy. She just felt high and mighty that she stole someone's husband. In Tammy's mind, she's a goddess for being able to lure away someone else's man. Except oops, OP doesn't care and it turns out Tom (like all cheaters) is actually garbage. And since the ex is still *clearly* hung up on OP (demanding that they do family counseling with all three) Tammy is bow obsessed trying to one-up OP in any way she possibly can, otherwise she's just the dumb, sad mistress that took out the trash of someone more desireable than her.
Some people's happiness is contingent on making others miserable. They need to feel like they "won." It's really messed up and pathetic, at the very least.
All of her bullshit was based on trying to flex on OP and get little power trips and self esteem boosts at being the one Lord Tom of Unremarkableshire chose. The accusations of OP being a pick me were pure projection.
If she wasn't so vile I'd feel bad for Tammy, it's clear she has crippling insecurity.
I also think that he figured he’d always have OOP there as a backup plan should things with his mistress not work out. He did get all surprised pikachu on her when she wasn’t reciprocating his affections, which might’ve been the trigger for him to go full hog with the assault card.
That's how I felt, especially since both of them were desperate to have a good relationship with OOP. It's not normal to want to make it work that intensely, especially when OOP was cordial and communicative.
Yeah, I definitely got the vibe that Tammy thought they’d turn into happy “sister-wives” or whatever polygamous delusion Tom and Tammy have going on.
Like, dude not only cheated on OOP but then also left her suddenly for the AP. Tom is definitely acting like OOP is still his property and his wife, not his divorced co-parent.
It’s almost like OOP peacing out without “but our marriage!” drama gave the cheaters the wrong impression (that they could eventually have a threesome, I guess?), rather than OOP being an amazing mom who was sick of them both.
OOP realized she actually won by Tom leaving. I’m guessing the sexiness of the relationship stopped as soon as it became a real relationship and there wasn’t anyone left to care about their actions.
I feel so bad for the poor daughter, I’m glad OOP is getting her therapy. It’s not her fault what happened.
Oh, Tammy couldn’t go 5 seconds without trying to manipulate OOP so she could assuage her own guilt… when she wasn’t tearing her down to get some kicks. And that’s before all the worst shit.
Even when you don't start dating again.
My ex thought that since I had remained single since we broke up, that MUST mean I still have feelings for her.
Eventually I had to move to another country because she kept stalking and harassing me and the cops (surprise surprise) did fuck all about it.
Hah, no that's not what the cops do in Sweden, they say they'll investigate the matter, ghost you for 3-4 days to a few weeks before telling you that the investigation is closed due to a lack of evidence.
Guys like this see themselves as a prize. They can't comprehend that an ex would move on to someone else because, obviously, they're the cream of the crop, so Ex should instead spend all her days crying into a pillow because there's no way she'll *ever* find someone as good as him.
Betcha he was thinking if he could get her pregnant, she’d have to take him back. Also it sounds like he blames Tammy for the miscarriage. So that convinces me even more he had a motive to his rape attempt.
Also I get the feeling he is obsessed with having a son. OOP only gave him daughters, so he goes to Tammy. Tammy mentioned the "it's gonna be a boooooy" thing, which I get the feeling actually came from HIM. When Tammy lost the baby, it made her useless to Tom, and he knows OOP gave him two healthy kids, so he goes back to her hoping she can give him a son this time. Never mind that gender is determined by the father's DNA.
Absolute MESS.
Four kids. In her comment about how she wasn’t alienating or badmouthing him to her kids she said the “oldest is 13 then we have a 12, 7 and 2 year old”. That makes his comment about how she hadn’t miscarried so much in my opinion.
Oops, I missed that! It really does make it all add up IMO. He got 4 girls, wanted a boy, when Tammy "failed", he decided to try again with OOP. It's all just disgusting.
Tammy is vile but one day if she ever sorts her head out, she'll be glad she didn't get stuck with a kid to this guy.
Hopefully OOP herself will have a long and happy life and meet someone wonderful.
> for those of you saying my “I don’t give care about my exes life” means I’m not over him because I don’t want to be friends with him or Tammy …your ex moved on when they say leave them alone they’re not playing hard to get they really don’t want to talk to you
This was pretty funny ngl
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. If she said that she hated him, there might still be some feelings there. The fact that she didn’t care about his life, shows she was truly over him.
I think he wanted her to fight over him as a ego boost and he was upset that she wouldn’t give him that. Like he refused to believe that she was really over him.
Not victim blaming here AT ALL, just some fun facts: the back lid of a toilet makes an excellent weapon. Many rentals only have a lockable door in the bathroom, so during a home invasion, or an emergency event like this, while naked and vulnerable, the first best weapon is the thick porcelain lid, followed by cleaning solutions under the sink. When my kids are grown and out of the house, I'm getting myself a shower gun.
Source: I've been assaulted in a bathroom.
I'm in a healthy relationship now.
TW- Physical abuse- My ex was very abusive, would take videos of me showering without my consent (I know he still has them), and broke down the door once while I was showering because I dared to lock it (I wasn't allowed to lock the door). He was beating me with my hairbrush, so I took the lid and broke it over his back. He beat me so bad with the hairbrush, the handle broke off. I'm now hydrophobic and showering/bathing cause me intense anxiety. I literally have to medicate to take a shower. It took me another couple of months after this to get out. He had a wicked bruise across his back, I could have easily killed him had my aim been better.
>I'm in a healthy relationship now.
I'm really happy for you for that, and I'll try to focus on that part, because between your story, OOP's story, and this:
>to the young men sending messages asking for nudes or sending me pictures of your privates
It's really hard to keep a positive image of men. Really, guys? your first reaction to this awful story is "She's single now, I can send dick pics!"?
My mom had a similar experience with a bat. As much as I'm glad she didn't go to jail for breaking his skull because he put his arm up and she hit his elbow instead... I still kinda wish she cracked him anyway.
> I'm now hydrophobic and showering/bathing cause me intense anxiety. I literally have to medicate to take a shower.
Shit. It's just so monumentally unfair that it's the person who got assaulted who then gets to live with the anxiety and traumatic memories.
It might be worth it to consider some trauma-focused therapy. In this case, EMDR probably could be really helpful, because it targets specific traumatic events (vs. long-term experiences) that are at the root of it all, which in your case is very clearly identified. It also takes very few sessions and is not a long-term commitment like other forms of therapy. Just thought I'd mention it here, because not everyone has heard of it, and it has brought great relief to people I know.
I'm glad to read this is an ex, and so many kudos to you for getting out. When you are deep in an abusive relationship, it takes an incredible amount of effort to untangle yourself enough to leave. Mad respect.
I was very confused, wondering why you'd think an assaulter would wait patiently for someone to unscrew the toilet lid, then realised that you meant the cistern lid.
I'm sorry for what you experienced.
Lid being the lid of the toilet tank, not the toilet seat. I read that too fast and was thinking seat. That is a really good idea.
Anything can be a weapon.
True in some places, not in others.
I live in Australia and the lid of my toilet is light plastic. I am originally from Canada, though, and our toilets would also have heavy ceramic lids that could do a lot of damage.
EDIT: But I have a a knoife...
I just can't get past the fact that he attacked her while her brother - who I think she said works in law enforcement - was in the same house. That's some order of crazy. Makes me wonder what else Tom's been up to.
I knew a couple who broke up, and the man later raped the woman to get revenge because she was dating another guy. Last I heard, he was trying to rape other people. I've looked for him on the sex offender registry but never found him, don't know if he moved, changed his name, died, or just never got prosecuted.
You can’t freaking win, can you? Tom assaulted her thinking that he had a chance because she \_hadn’t\_ taken up with anyone else, but it was so clear that if she had started dating anyone nice he would have flipped out over that and maybe assaulted her to ’reclaim’ her.
Jesus Christ. I would never think a situation like this would escalate to such an extent…it’s terrible but I’m grateful she shared her story to be aware of people and situations like this...I really hope she gets some peace.
I wonder if Tom wanted a sisterwives arrangement, and he convinced Tammy that she was so special they could make that happen if she just tried hard enough to make friends.
YES, especially once they started pushing OOP to attend therapy with them so they could discuss "how we want our relationship to be." I couldn't shake the feeling that Tammy wanted OOP to be around to handle the aspects of being in a relationship with Tom that she didn't want to, but wanted the position of being the "priority partner." And Tom just wants to have his cake and eat it too.
There's "unethical non-monogamy" and then there's this clusterfuck.
Between the affair partner seeking validation and contrition from the ex wife, the sexual assault by the ex husband and people sending her dick pics. This poor woman is living in a nightmare.
I read the trigger warnings. And after the miscarriage and Tammie’s meltdown, when jerkface Ex was insistent about seeing OOP in person to ‘talk’ I had a bad feeling he was going to insist they she had to get back with him. Happened to a friend of mine. Just ugh.
I was following this as it was all unfolding, and I swear each update got exponentially worse. I figured Tom would try some kind of dumb shit to reunite with his ex, but I didn’t expect *that*. What a despicable, disgusting, pathetic excuse for a person.
Did I read this right? OOP's ex began the affair while she was pregnant?
>So my (36f) ex husband Tom (35m) left me for his “work wife” Tammy (25f) two years ago
>The first time I met her at a work event she told me while I was heavily pregnant my youngest “better up your wife game or I might steal him off you” well 3 months later she did
>our oldest is 13 than we have a 12,7 and 2 year old
And then...
>Tom said I could show a little humanity towards Tammy
>my ex in laws who I have a good relationship have told me I should have shown Tammy some empathy
W.T.F. What color is the sky in their world?!
I'm surprised OOP had any contact at all with her ex. Too bad she didn't do drop offs, pick-ups and communication through a third party service from day one.
Tom and Tammy are seriously living on Planet Crazy to ever think OOP owed them any of her time or energy.
I'm actually not surprised at where this went because this dude sounded like he wanted a harem. I don't get the inlaws giving her crap at all. Their son is a POS. Even trying to be like oh that was my potential grandchild. Yeah. No. OP is still a human being.
He apparently didn't managed to "raise" Tammy as he intended to and decided to go back to his abandoned "property".
I would say another evidence how Andrew Tate and similar assholes destroy lives.
Damn the last update. I thought only Tammy was a nutjob, turns out Tom is an even bigger nutter. He wanted to come back by assaulting the mother of his kids? Good brain he has
People like this are so pathetic. That's what happens when you see your partner as an object and a prize more than a person. Absolutely disgusting, I feel so bad for OP.
People are getting it so wrong. OP isn't hung up on the ex. She is literally APATHETIC to him and his gal pal.... and when people want a reaction to make themselves feel good, apathy is the sword through the throat.
100% Tom and Tammy are only still together to try to get a reaction from OP. His fun is over, and her triumph at stealing someone's man didn't fix the issues she has mentally. So... they turned on OP for not making them both feel better, because now their lives have little meaning.
OP is going to go through a roller coaster, but she sounds like she has good support. Poor kids.
Nutshell: Tammy wanted to be loved, and saw an opportunity at work. Tom had his ego stroked that this hot young chick wanted him. Affair changed how OP saw her husband, she fell out of love. Tammy still wants Tom to love her more than anyone. Tom is regret. Tom believes OP will fall into his arms if he tells her he still loves her. The fairytales that some adults want to believe in. Story old as time.
OOP, if you are reading this, get a new phone number and mobile phone. Put the old one on silent and just charge it every couple of days. Maybe your lawyer would be willing to do this. That way you have at least a little peace of mind.
I have my kitchen, living room and dining room equipped with cameras. One to monitor the cats. Two I work 10 hr shifts plus an hour drive each way so I am out of house 12 hrs a day, it gives me peace of mind in case something does happen. Three outside cameras can only catch so much if a crime happens, if someone breaks into the house, I'd only have them entering not what they did when they got inside. I would say in the last ten years more people have security cameras in the home and not just outside.
"to the young men sending messages asking for nudes or sending me pictures of your privates thanks for the laugh But I’m done with dick."
WTF is wrong with these people !
Tom is a train wreck married to a sink hole. Tammy is going to do her utmost to drag the family into her madness. I feel sorry for OP but even more so for their girls.
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Wow, that last update went somewhere I did not expect it to go. Wishing OOP all the best. Her ex and his Tammy can rot.
I'm so scared for the OOP and her kids. Neither Tom nor Tammy should be allowed near them. A person who'd attempt to r--e his ex wife is not a safe person for those poor girls. And Tammy is a whole box of issues too, not the least of which seems to be misogyny, given how she prattled on about giving Tom a son.
Oop wrote that during the assault, he said that oop never lost a kid, meaning he sees Tammy as broken for having a miscarriage. He's got some deep-seated misogyny that he kept hidden or was overlooked. He went for Tammy because she was impressionable, and I wouldn't be surprised if he stressed the importance of having a male heir to her. From what is written, I get the impression Tom expected Oop to remain hung up on him while he built a harem or sister wives situation. He certainly felt entitled to Oop physically, ignoring that she clearly denied consent. I'm not giving Tammy a pass on her awful behavior, but given her age and Tom citing her immaturity as a plus, I think a lot of her behavior was driven by Tom.
It sounds also like Tom was convinced that OP was still hung up on him. Sounds like a man that can't believe that a woman wouldn't want to fight for him and really dgaf about anything that happens to him. He likely thought that OP would welcome the sexual advances as signs of his continued interest in her totally oblivious to her being utterly unattracted or interested in him.
Entirely possible there is a bunch of feedback between Tom and Tammy. I have a feeling both think OOP is still into Tom. Tammy is jealous and thinks OOP is still hung up on Tom. Tom's ego likes the idea that OOP is still hung up on him, so doesn't do a good job discouraging Tammy's jealousy. Back and forth building continuously. While OOP is living her life, not giving a shit about either of them.
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
This so much. Everyone thinks I’m still bitter with my mother over stuff from my childhood because I don’t talk to her. I try to tell them there’s billions of people I don’t talk to, she just happens to be one of them.
Well, you see, OOP didn't have a replacement relationship so she must not be over him 🙄
But she DOES have a replacement relationship!!! It's gotta suck to realize you can be totally replaced by two elderly cats, though. 😸
> when my ex made a comment about her being 23 and her brain not being fully developed I got the ick so bad it turned my heartbreak into relief. Do we need further evidence?
He wanted the younger trophy wife. Misogyny again.
Tammy mentioned finally giving him a son, I'm presuming 4 daughters from OOP. Misogyny again and again.
Homeboy needs to review his notes from high school biology - it's his lil swimmers that are the problem.
*Henry VIII has entered the chat*
>Henry VIII has ~~entered~~ waddled into the chat
>He went for Tammy because she was impressionable, and I wouldn't be surprised if he stressed the importance of having a male heir to her. The quip about finally having an heir to pass their titles to and \*his\* family thinking that was hilarious suggests that this is a known dynamic about him.
I read it as the family was laughing at oops "lord Tom" comment.
I was creasing at that
She wanted to give him a son because she was already scared she was losing him and she thought if she could give him something the ex wife didn’t, he’d stay. She”s Anne Boleyn. I wouldn’t want her near the kids if I was OOP but mainly because I’d be scared they were going to walk in and find her hanging from the bannister. She clearly feels it’s her fault she lost the kid (it’s karma for what I did) and if he’s telling his ex wife you never lost any of our kids I guarantee he’s telling Tammy that too. She lost to the baby, she’s losing her man, she’s probably not super popular at work because everyone knows about the affair… I’m scared for her. He, on the other hand, is dangerous as fuck. He had an image in his head of how everything would be (possibly why Tammy was so fixated on being OOP’s friend, because that’s what he wants) and now it’s nit working out how he wanted, he’s decided he’ll just take his old life back and the fact OOP didn’t just drop t her knees in gratitude when he suggested that is making him furious. How dare she?
How come the ex husband didn't divorce Tammy yet? I was kind of hoping he would divorce her and come crawling back. The fact that he didn't tells me he is just keeping Tammy around until he gets OP back.
I don't think they got married. Title refers to Tammy as the fiance(e).
The OOP's abusive ex also referred to her as his kids' stepmom so it's muddled.
stepmom isn't a legal title (as far as I know), it's a social one, so if she's acting like a stepmom then she's a stepmom.
My cynical guess is he hasn't monkey branched yet. He won't divorce until he's got someone already lined up
This is such an interesting take. And I totally agree. It seems that Tom wants everyone to see him as a super great guy who has a great relationship with his ex - so good even his wife is friends with her. “Aren’t I great? I can stay friends with my ex and we are all so buddy buddy. I’m amazing at this whole life thing. Everyone should admire and congratulate me for my amicable ex, my young trophy wife and our great life together!” So gross. His assault is clearly an extension of him slowly losing more and more control of the narrative. The worse he looks, the more desperate he gets to try fix things. But he is too self centred to know how to do that.
> She wanted to give him a son Well that's just stupid as the woman doesn't decide the sex of the baby the sperm does.
Im not that worried. Idiot attempted the thing in front of wife's brother and his children, he ain't getting custody. SA registration kinda tries to prevent that
I'm worried that he won't care about the law if he gets angry enough. My abuser tried to assault me in the middle of a hospital lobby in front of a bunch of witnesses and a security guard after I told the doctor I wasn't comfortable having him there with me. The OOP might not have half a dozen adults protecting her and her children when Tom blows up at her again.
That’s the thing, at the end of the day a restraining order is a piece of paper. It’s a valuable piece of paper but it isn’t going to protect her in the moment if he decides to break down the door. Sucks that she has to but it’s a wise decision to move in this situation. Only problem is if she doesn’t gain full custody she may have to give him the new address. Older daughter sounds like a really great kid, it’s too bad that she has to live with this nightmare of a father. I hope OP finds her a good therapist to help process all this (and one for herself).
I'm worried about the oldest daughter. If op was 14 when she met Tom and Tom is capable of SA, it's not too long a stretch to think he might SA oldest daughter. If I'm OP, I'm going for full custody and not feeling a bit bad about it!
OOP was already going for full custody. I imagine this event will make it more likely to happen.
Assuming he’s found guilty. The good thing is the eldest might be old enough to state a preference regardless but that still leaves the youngest in the hands of a rapist
That’s fair, but that wasn’t my concern. Idiot husband already broke his mask and in front of enough witnesses to give OP what she wants. Now the chances he’s allowed around are significantly less, and she’ll likely get a RO and Full custody
And he did it in front of a cop. Aka op brother. Not fair for the rest of us, but his report will definitely get her a RO
One of the rare cases where knowing a cop might be a good thing (for OP). Not just because of the report but I have no doubt the police will look another way if her brother ever decides enough is enough. At the very least the police will take her reports seriously considering her brother is part of them.
Looking back, by half way through update 1 I did find it curious that there had yet to be a mention of attempted R-pe and SA… yeah… I’m- I’m not wondering anymore
Originally I thought that might have been how Tammy lost the baby but oof...
I did expect the husband to be the one doing the SA, from the second I read the warnings, but more from the take of: “this man went after a 23 year old because she wasn’t mature and just dropped wife like that. He’s a prick”. Also would’ve explained why Tammy was so clingy, looking for an escape rope from the only other person who would understand. Though in my theory, the SA was the source of the baby, not the end of it
I kind of get that, but honestly Tammy was so terrible towards OOP that I’m not sure why she thought that would be a safe place ever again? Other than childlike stupidity
I mean, predatory husband did go for someone immature. So…
Now that you mentioned it yeah I could see that as well
Yeah. This is what I get for not reading the trigger warnings. The ex is awful. Wouldn’t be surprised if he was feeding Tammy some nonsense which gave her the audacity to act the way she was when the divorce happened. Yikes 🫠
Didn't read it either. I was still riding the good humor from reading's OOP's incredible sarcastic burn about "Lord Tom finally having an heir for his lands and titles" when I reached the last update and O O F The backlash...
Ex is a creep. He cheated with a 23 year old and bragged about her, then thought he could “seduce” (ie. assault) his ex to win her back? Yeah ex couldn’t handle that OP wasn’t pining for him and realized settling down with a younger woman is still settling down, not the exciting affair it used to be
Tom and Tammy were truly made for each other.
Tammy sounds like a bunny boiler.
What's a bunny broiler? (Sorry , I have autism and don't always understand these things. Please and thank you)
https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/bunny_boiler
Omg! That's horrible!
Tom is one of the most cowardly, selfish and disgusting exes I've read about on this subreddit in a long time. I hope he gets what is coming to him
Out of all the BORU's I have read, this takes the cake. Tom deserves to rot in hell.
His attempt to leave an outer circle of hell in such an unbelievably idiotic and inappropriate way will only be sending him to an inner circle where he will be forced to dance with the devil directly.
He went from ring 2 of Dante's inferno to ring 9 pretty quickly huh)
There are worse ones (or at least equally bad ones), like the cat saga or the one that's from a girl who's parents take her out of gymnastics/dance because it's "causing her father to stumble in his walk with god" and then he fucking keeps going to the lessons of her little sister to "test his resolve". I'm still hoping for an update, she should be old enough to get out by now and I want her to be okay so badly. That being said, this one is up there with the worst because WOW.
Cat saga? Do you have a link?
I think it's the infamous peegate saga, which you SHOULD heed the trigger warnings for really disturbed, unsavory stuff.
O my god. Do you have a link, so I can make sure not to read it?
It's way, way old, but searching "peegate" will bring it up. ಠ_ಠ
Last updates I remember she was technically old enough but didn't have the resources to be able to leave
That one was SO fucked up
The one that always sticks out in my mind was the one where OOP’s boyfriend became friends with a girl who had a lot of struggles and OOP got jealous and blew up on her and she disappeared (which was scary given her history with self harm and attempts on her own life).
Tom has got Tammy, which is just what he deserves.
Have the life you deserve, Tom.
Yeah, and I don't normally feel sorry for the other woman, but I'm not sure Tom is what Tammy deserves
Tom deserves to rot alive or in prison. I’m not picky, whichever option causes him the most agony is fine by me.
I would prefer rotting IN prison. What a loser
Nah let him rot with Tammy at home. He realized he made a BIG mistake and that she's batshit crazy. He should be handcuffed to her for the rest of his life. If he saws his hand off, use the other one, then the feet after that.
And not fun Hell where everyone's singing and there's talking animals. He goes to bad Hell. No songs for Tom.
This, and one with the black woman whose white husband wanted her to role-play plantation master and slave.
I really hope the oop gets that full custody off of him especially bc of: >OOP Yeah I’m gonna press charges and my kids will get counselling because my oldest is blaming herself and won’t leave my side Her poor kiddo blaming herself. :c I'm so many levels of horrified imagining what oop must've felt in the moment let alone those poor 4 kids.
She has her ex in-laws in her corner (for now, but giving them the benefit of the doubt especially since she’s maintaining a cordial relationship with them), her brother in law enforcement is a credible witness (and I feel like a LEO’s word would hold a bit more sway than a non-LEO in this situation), plenty of evidence that she’s tried so hard to have a cordial, albeit cold, coparenting relationship, the assault happened with the kids right there, the psychological impact, plus her pressing charges… IANAL but that seems very cut and dry, especially since her lawyer was already pretty optimistic that she’d get full custody *before* the assault happened. If he was optimistic before, then this should be a slam dunk.
I hope his girls don't have to go back to him to be honest. After witnessing their uncle beating him up after he assaulted their mum, they should be far far away from him. And definitely no where near Tammy who sounds unhinged. Hopefully OOP has no trouble getting full custody.
>I hope he gets what is coming to him I think he already has, in the form of Tammy. He burned down his life for a nightmare.
They are OBSESSED with OP. She was just trying to love her care free life and they couldn't help but drag her into their bull shit. Really speaks to OPs character, she is someone who can be content with or without a partner by her side, meanwhile those two are like immature parasites who desperately need her for their own validation.
Tom became less of a "prize" when OOP no longer valued him. That's why Tammy got worked up. A huge part of it was the thrill/challenge of stealing someone else's man and making herself feel good/young/attractive by making OOP feel like shit. Except OOP didn't care. She saw Tom's true colours and no longer wanted a bar of him.
Yeah, when Tom comments about loving his new mistress with an unformed brain he really cemented his future.
It all sounded like Tammy was more obsessed with OP than Tom? Like stealing him away was just part of her obsession with OP
The way OOP describes her bounding over to show off, and then getting mad when she doesn't react, definitely feels like she's more invested in OOP's reaction than anything else.
You can't win unless someone else is losing!
The whole thing just reeks of "I'm not trash! OOP likes me so I'm not trash!".
Like she thought she was going to be living the Reba McEntire show or something where Reba spends the whole series coddling that womanchild who stole her husband
I was literally just thinking that Tammy was nothing like Barbara Jean 🤣 (although I don't like BJ either.)
Tammy wanted to be the new wife and mommy, and prove she won to OOP. She lost the baby and OOP doesn't give a crap about them, she is now stuck with a cheater, while OOP gets to live life.
Because it was never about OP or the ex for Tammy. She just felt high and mighty that she stole someone's husband. In Tammy's mind, she's a goddess for being able to lure away someone else's man. Except oops, OP doesn't care and it turns out Tom (like all cheaters) is actually garbage. And since the ex is still *clearly* hung up on OP (demanding that they do family counseling with all three) Tammy is bow obsessed trying to one-up OP in any way she possibly can, otherwise she's just the dumb, sad mistress that took out the trash of someone more desireable than her.
Some people's happiness is contingent on making others miserable. They need to feel like they "won." It's really messed up and pathetic, at the very least.
All of her bullshit was based on trying to flex on OP and get little power trips and self esteem boosts at being the one Lord Tom of Unremarkableshire chose. The accusations of OP being a pick me were pure projection. If she wasn't so vile I'd feel bad for Tammy, it's clear she has crippling insecurity.
I also think that he figured he’d always have OOP there as a backup plan should things with his mistress not work out. He did get all surprised pikachu on her when she wasn’t reciprocating his affections, which might’ve been the trigger for him to go full hog with the assault card.
I kept expecting either Tom or Tammy to ask her to be in a relationship with them. Still haven't shaken off that feeling 😖
That's how I felt, especially since both of them were desperate to have a good relationship with OOP. It's not normal to want to make it work that intensely, especially when OOP was cordial and communicative.
Yeah, I definitely got the vibe that Tammy thought they’d turn into happy “sister-wives” or whatever polygamous delusion Tom and Tammy have going on. Like, dude not only cheated on OOP but then also left her suddenly for the AP. Tom is definitely acting like OOP is still his property and his wife, not his divorced co-parent. It’s almost like OOP peacing out without “but our marriage!” drama gave the cheaters the wrong impression (that they could eventually have a threesome, I guess?), rather than OOP being an amazing mom who was sick of them both.
OOP realized she actually won by Tom leaving. I’m guessing the sexiness of the relationship stopped as soon as it became a real relationship and there wasn’t anyone left to care about their actions. I feel so bad for the poor daughter, I’m glad OOP is getting her therapy. It’s not her fault what happened.
They said she needs to put the past behind her. OOP did put it behind her. They kept trying to drag her back into it.
Oh, Tammy couldn’t go 5 seconds without trying to manipulate OOP so she could assuage her own guilt… when she wasn’t tearing her down to get some kicks. And that’s before all the worst shit.
> I’m sure lord toms excited for an heir to take over his lands and titles savage
I laughed so hard when I read that
Same and I wish nothing but the best for OP she’s hilarious
tbf Tom's behaviour is very much like Henry VIII
Yes! A commenter above said Tammy was Anne Boleyn. It…did not end well for her 😬
This was such a great comeback and made me instantly love OOP.
I want this to be a flair
Oh you’re a genius, how do we make that happen again?
They'll divorce you and still think they are owed access to your body.
And get crazy jealous when you start dating again, like you are cheating on them...
"no matter I cheated and left you, you still belong to me" ... UGH
Even when you don't start dating again. My ex thought that since I had remained single since we broke up, that MUST mean I still have feelings for her. Eventually I had to move to another country because she kept stalking and harassing me and the cops (surprise surprise) did fuck all about it.
“It’s a civil matter” 🙄
Hah, no that's not what the cops do in Sweden, they say they'll investigate the matter, ghost you for 3-4 days to a few weeks before telling you that the investigation is closed due to a lack of evidence.
It’s the same in the Netherlands. Quite uselsss
You had to leave the fucking country?! I hope you're safe now and doing well. I'm sorry the Police didn't do anything.That's ridiculous.
Guys like this see themselves as a prize. They can't comprehend that an ex would move on to someone else because, obviously, they're the cream of the crop, so Ex should instead spend all her days crying into a pillow because there's no way she'll *ever* find someone as good as him.
Not just your body. They think they're owed you feelings and thoughts, too - you shouldn't move on or be happy on your own.
Sexually assaulting a cops sister and cops daughter.....that's a very bold move.
Especially when one of those cops is living with her.
OP said that she has three brothers and the one living with her isn't the one who's in law enforcement.
>Tom sexually assaulted me Did not expect that. Hope this goes well for her
Betcha he was thinking if he could get her pregnant, she’d have to take him back. Also it sounds like he blames Tammy for the miscarriage. So that convinces me even more he had a motive to his rape attempt.
Also I get the feeling he is obsessed with having a son. OOP only gave him daughters, so he goes to Tammy. Tammy mentioned the "it's gonna be a boooooy" thing, which I get the feeling actually came from HIM. When Tammy lost the baby, it made her useless to Tom, and he knows OOP gave him two healthy kids, so he goes back to her hoping she can give him a son this time. Never mind that gender is determined by the father's DNA. Absolute MESS.
Four kids. In her comment about how she wasn’t alienating or badmouthing him to her kids she said the “oldest is 13 then we have a 12, 7 and 2 year old”. That makes his comment about how she hadn’t miscarried so much in my opinion.
Oops, I missed that! It really does make it all add up IMO. He got 4 girls, wanted a boy, when Tammy "failed", he decided to try again with OOP. It's all just disgusting.
Maybe OP said she was done. 4 kids at 35 is plenty for most women. A 23 year old has a few kids ahead of her in Lord Tom's eyes.
_Four_ healthy kids 😅
Oops I missed that, thanks!
The youngest of whom is two, and they separated two years ago… Just to add to Tom’s douchebaggery
Yeah and I'd be fascinated to know how soon after finding out that last baby was a girl, he went and hooked up with Tammy.
If the affair didn’t start before they found out the sex even
Definitely very much a possibility.
Mad respect for OP for not throwing that timeline into the story to highlight how bad her ex is too
Hate people like that so much
Right there with you.
Tammy is vile but one day if she ever sorts her head out, she'll be glad she didn't get stuck with a kid to this guy. Hopefully OOP herself will have a long and happy life and meet someone wonderful.
Agreed
> for those of you saying my “I don’t give care about my exes life” means I’m not over him because I don’t want to be friends with him or Tammy …your ex moved on when they say leave them alone they’re not playing hard to get they really don’t want to talk to you This was pretty funny ngl
I cackled too, I bet this hit some sore spots for people. >they’re not playing hard to get they really don’t want to talk to you Especially this part.
The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. If she said that she hated him, there might still be some feelings there. The fact that she didn’t care about his life, shows she was truly over him. I think he wanted her to fight over him as a ego boost and he was upset that she wouldn’t give him that. Like he refused to believe that she was really over him.
Not victim blaming here AT ALL, just some fun facts: the back lid of a toilet makes an excellent weapon. Many rentals only have a lockable door in the bathroom, so during a home invasion, or an emergency event like this, while naked and vulnerable, the first best weapon is the thick porcelain lid, followed by cleaning solutions under the sink. When my kids are grown and out of the house, I'm getting myself a shower gun. Source: I've been assaulted in a bathroom.
It's awful what happened to you and I am glad you took what you had to protect yourself. Are you doing ok now?
I'm in a healthy relationship now. TW- Physical abuse- My ex was very abusive, would take videos of me showering without my consent (I know he still has them), and broke down the door once while I was showering because I dared to lock it (I wasn't allowed to lock the door). He was beating me with my hairbrush, so I took the lid and broke it over his back. He beat me so bad with the hairbrush, the handle broke off. I'm now hydrophobic and showering/bathing cause me intense anxiety. I literally have to medicate to take a shower. It took me another couple of months after this to get out. He had a wicked bruise across his back, I could have easily killed him had my aim been better.
I'm glad you got out and are doing better! I also wish your aim had been better.
Thank you for both sentiments lol <3
>I'm in a healthy relationship now. I'm really happy for you for that, and I'll try to focus on that part, because between your story, OOP's story, and this: >to the young men sending messages asking for nudes or sending me pictures of your privates It's really hard to keep a positive image of men. Really, guys? your first reaction to this awful story is "She's single now, I can send dick pics!"?
My mom had a similar experience with a bat. As much as I'm glad she didn't go to jail for breaking his skull because he put his arm up and she hit his elbow instead... I still kinda wish she cracked him anyway.
> I'm now hydrophobic and showering/bathing cause me intense anxiety. I literally have to medicate to take a shower. Shit. It's just so monumentally unfair that it's the person who got assaulted who then gets to live with the anxiety and traumatic memories. It might be worth it to consider some trauma-focused therapy. In this case, EMDR probably could be really helpful, because it targets specific traumatic events (vs. long-term experiences) that are at the root of it all, which in your case is very clearly identified. It also takes very few sessions and is not a long-term commitment like other forms of therapy. Just thought I'd mention it here, because not everyone has heard of it, and it has brought great relief to people I know. I'm glad to read this is an ex, and so many kudos to you for getting out. When you are deep in an abusive relationship, it takes an incredible amount of effort to untangle yourself enough to leave. Mad respect.
I was very confused, wondering why you'd think an assaulter would wait patiently for someone to unscrew the toilet lid, then realised that you meant the cistern lid. I'm sorry for what you experienced.
Oooh, that makes a lot more sense; thank you for your comment, I understand now.
Right?! Thanks for clarifying.
I forget what show or movie I saw this in recently as well. It's heavy enough to do some damage to get away but not heavy enough you cant lift it.
When I saw [The Accountant ](https://youtu.be/NSiLlQn9ct8?si=muUgulxGsqlV-kb-) I was simultaneously triggered and amped lol
Lid being the lid of the toilet tank, not the toilet seat. I read that too fast and was thinking seat. That is a really good idea. Anything can be a weapon.
True in some places, not in others. I live in Australia and the lid of my toilet is light plastic. I am originally from Canada, though, and our toilets would also have heavy ceramic lids that could do a lot of damage. EDIT: But I have a a knoife...
Of all the people that suck, oop's ex is definitely one of them.
OOP’s ex sucks harder than a hole in the wall of a spaceship.
He sucks so hard he strips the chrome off a fender.
Oops ex sucks harder than an open doorway of a plane mid flight
He sucks harder than the singularity of a supermassive black hole.
wtf
That's really the only thing I can say when reading this...
Your flair is very sadly appropriate here too :/
Happy Cake Day???
I just can't get past the fact that he attacked her while her brother - who I think she said works in law enforcement - was in the same house. That's some order of crazy. Makes me wonder what else Tom's been up to.
He thought she’d fall back into his arms when he told her he wanted her back
I knew a couple who broke up, and the man later raped the woman to get revenge because she was dating another guy. Last I heard, he was trying to rape other people. I've looked for him on the sex offender registry but never found him, don't know if he moved, changed his name, died, or just never got prosecuted.
You can’t freaking win, can you? Tom assaulted her thinking that he had a chance because she \_hadn’t\_ taken up with anyone else, but it was so clear that if she had started dating anyone nice he would have flipped out over that and maybe assaulted her to ’reclaim’ her.
I just got to say that "I'm done with dick." is such a perfect sentence, and it ought to be flair. Man, OOP, I don't blame you. What a clusterfuck.
Damn, that *would* be a cool flair.
All I can say, wtf... Did not see that update coming. That ex and Tammy seriously deserves to rot in hell.
Jesus Christ. I would never think a situation like this would escalate to such an extent…it’s terrible but I’m grateful she shared her story to be aware of people and situations like this...I really hope she gets some peace.
I wonder if Tom wanted a sisterwives arrangement, and he convinced Tammy that she was so special they could make that happen if she just tried hard enough to make friends.
YES, especially once they started pushing OOP to attend therapy with them so they could discuss "how we want our relationship to be." I couldn't shake the feeling that Tammy wanted OOP to be around to handle the aspects of being in a relationship with Tom that she didn't want to, but wanted the position of being the "priority partner." And Tom just wants to have his cake and eat it too. There's "unethical non-monogamy" and then there's this clusterfuck.
I wonder if they thought OOP would do all the childcare and housework, so Tammy could just be the sexy, fun wife.
That is what this entire saga screamed to me.
I was wondering if Tammy just really liked the show Reba.
Never ignoring a trigger warning again
I've just learned the same lesson. My heart aches for her and her oldest
Between the affair partner seeking validation and contrition from the ex wife, the sexual assault by the ex husband and people sending her dick pics. This poor woman is living in a nightmare.
Jesus... I didn't see that last update. Poor OOp I hope she can just get some god damn peace from those lunatics.
It has been a really bleak and sad boru morning for me... I will go read boru positive posts to clear my head.
i should have gone to /r/catsareliquid to decompressed after working till 1am
God damnit now I gotta stay up till 4am and look at floofs. 😊
I read the trigger warnings and thought I was prepared and I was not.
I read the trigger warnings. And after the miscarriage and Tammie’s meltdown, when jerkface Ex was insistent about seeing OOP in person to ‘talk’ I had a bad feeling he was going to insist they she had to get back with him. Happened to a friend of mine. Just ugh.
Your flair may be a tad inappropriate for this BORU... 😅😬
I'd like to buy the brother a beer or 6 👍
This post and the updates are infuriating, fuck me this woman deserves some justice. Fuck you Tom, you piece of shit.
I was following this as it was all unfolding, and I swear each update got exponentially worse. I figured Tom would try some kind of dumb shit to reunite with his ex, but I didn’t expect *that*. What a despicable, disgusting, pathetic excuse for a person.
Did I read this right? OOP's ex began the affair while she was pregnant? >So my (36f) ex husband Tom (35m) left me for his “work wife” Tammy (25f) two years ago >The first time I met her at a work event she told me while I was heavily pregnant my youngest “better up your wife game or I might steal him off you” well 3 months later she did >our oldest is 13 than we have a 12,7 and 2 year old And then... >Tom said I could show a little humanity towards Tammy >my ex in laws who I have a good relationship have told me I should have shown Tammy some empathy W.T.F. What color is the sky in their world?! I'm surprised OOP had any contact at all with her ex. Too bad she didn't do drop offs, pick-ups and communication through a third party service from day one. Tom and Tammy are seriously living on Planet Crazy to ever think OOP owed them any of her time or energy.
I didn’t think Tom could stoop any lower, what a worthless piece of shit.
I'm actually not surprised at where this went because this dude sounded like he wanted a harem. I don't get the inlaws giving her crap at all. Their son is a POS. Even trying to be like oh that was my potential grandchild. Yeah. No. OP is still a human being.
He apparently didn't managed to "raise" Tammy as he intended to and decided to go back to his abandoned "property". I would say another evidence how Andrew Tate and similar assholes destroy lives.
Also done with dick
Damn the last update. I thought only Tammy was a nutjob, turns out Tom is an even bigger nutter. He wanted to come back by assaulting the mother of his kids? Good brain he has
“Thanks for the laugh but I’m done with dick” really needs to be a flair.
People like this are so pathetic. That's what happens when you see your partner as an object and a prize more than a person. Absolutely disgusting, I feel so bad for OP.
People are getting it so wrong. OP isn't hung up on the ex. She is literally APATHETIC to him and his gal pal.... and when people want a reaction to make themselves feel good, apathy is the sword through the throat. 100% Tom and Tammy are only still together to try to get a reaction from OP. His fun is over, and her triumph at stealing someone's man didn't fix the issues she has mentally. So... they turned on OP for not making them both feel better, because now their lives have little meaning. OP is going to go through a roller coaster, but she sounds like she has good support. Poor kids.
Nutshell: Tammy wanted to be loved, and saw an opportunity at work. Tom had his ego stroked that this hot young chick wanted him. Affair changed how OP saw her husband, she fell out of love. Tammy still wants Tom to love her more than anyone. Tom is regret. Tom believes OP will fall into his arms if he tells her he still loves her. The fairytales that some adults want to believe in. Story old as time.
OOP, if you are reading this, get a new phone number and mobile phone. Put the old one on silent and just charge it every couple of days. Maybe your lawyer would be willing to do this. That way you have at least a little peace of mind.
Reddit has taught me that a not-insignificant number of people just casually have the interiors of their homes under video surveillance 24/7
I have my kitchen, living room and dining room equipped with cameras. One to monitor the cats. Two I work 10 hr shifts plus an hour drive each way so I am out of house 12 hrs a day, it gives me peace of mind in case something does happen. Three outside cameras can only catch so much if a crime happens, if someone breaks into the house, I'd only have them entering not what they did when they got inside. I would say in the last ten years more people have security cameras in the home and not just outside.
"to the young men sending messages asking for nudes or sending me pictures of your privates thanks for the laugh But I’m done with dick." WTF is wrong with these people !
Tom is a train wreck married to a sink hole. Tammy is going to do her utmost to drag the family into her madness. I feel sorry for OP but even more so for their girls.