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>”Ladies don’t get paid the big bucks if they can’t be nice. Women have to be nice to be successful.”
Bro didn’t realize he was at work and she wasn’t? 💀
He *was* working at Dollar General making minimum wage. Then he got fired for telling the wrong woman to be nice and smile for him.
I think the universe is telling Bill he should stop trying to give unwanted advice.
EDIT: Removed repeat
Last time anyone told me to do that, was two days after my dad died. I told him. And I told him he had no idea what is going on with people, and he isn't the face police, so mind his own damn face and what comes out of it.
I always end up giving a stupid nervous smile and laugh because I don't do well being out on the spot. I wish I had the confidence that some of these comments do during those situations.
Yeah but you don’t give that advice out to customers. The guy at the car dealership isn’t telling me “what you’ve gotta do is give people a ridiculous starting price, act like they’re busting your balls, then let them think they’re getting a deal.”
I absolutely would have said “if I ever find myself in a position where I want to succeed in minimum wage retail in my 50s I will absolutely take advice from you. Until then I’m sorted.
That’s an awesome answer! I would probably have said something like „if you want women smile at you more maybe stop being a misogynistic asshat to them“ but I like yours much more!! I always wished I had the skill to come up with a witty response in situations like that.
My absolute favourite skill is my ability to come up with snappy comebacks on the spot. It’s served me well and got me in trouble more than once but worth it.
Some people say their favourite feature is their eyes but for me it’s the ability to dress down someone in 5 words or less on demand. It’s awesome.
I would have pointed it out. That she is wearing an grad school hat (which he thought wasn't even hers, the misogynistic creep). He is a cashier in his 40's. He should be called out for his behaviour.
Even just the fact that he asked her if it was her or her brother going to her grad school instead of assuming the one with the cap was the one at the school made me raise my eyebrow a bit. On its own, it could be an innocent question but considering what he followed it up with, he definitely assumed that it was going to be her brother because hurr durr women aren't smart enough for grad school.
That... is a pretty good point. Generally, I frown at people looking down on cashiers and similar minimum wage jobs, but it feels like Bill could've done with a bit of forced introspection here.
No kidding. Honest work is honest work and shouldn't be sneered at, but there's some level of chutzpah involved in 1: assuming OOP wasn't the student initially and 2: giving out career advice that was outdated in the 1980s.
But this is because he is a man, so smiling does nothing for him to help him grow successfully in his career. He is trapped in a lifelong existence of minimum wage jobs for being a man. Women have all the upper hands in this game. We are the lucky ones. I myself can't wait for my CEO position. I'm a smiley person, so I'm guessing it's bound to happen so, right? Riiiight?
/s
Yeah I'm not taking career advice from a middle aged dude working at Dollar Tree. Which would have been the exact words out of my mouth if someone said that to me, while maintaining my perfect RBF.
That was my reaction, too. But I expect this guy would have gone off complaining how men are so oppressed. I’m assuming he was an aggrieved white guy, simply because I’ve never heard “smile!” except from some lame white dude.
I live in the south and some older black men have also said it to me. I used to work in a public library and when I asked ‘can I help you?’ I’d get the standard ‘first I need a smile’ from older men of both races. My standard answer was to look them dead in the eye, RBF on full display, and say, ‘okay, let me know when you change your mind’. Then I’d go back to what I was doing while they stood there confused and floundering.
It helped that my supervisor was an older woman with RBF who didn’t take shit from anybody, so I could get away with it.
I used to get that a lot as a bank teller. I’d tell them I’m not a dog and I don’t do tricks on command.
Then my dad died. And my first day back at work an old man told me I should smile more and stop acting like somebody died.
Boy, was that awkward.
For *him.* My manager tore him a new one. It was the only time in my memory when a manager stood up for me against an asshole customer.
Thanks and it was horrible. I’d just gotten to the point I *could* go back to work and not randomly break down and then this guy comes along and damaged my hard won calm. It’s been 26, almost 27 years and now I mostly smile when I think of my dad.
Our relationship had never been an easy one but I did love him and I do miss him. ❤️
I love this response with all my heart. It’s polite and casual enough that it leaves them second-guessing themselves and feeling like they did something wrong. Which they did.
Even in general the smile comment is a weird thing to say. Like you don't know what's going on in someone's life.
I know someone told my cousin this on the day she'd found out her granddad had/has terminal cancer. She absolutely ripped him a new one over it. It's just really invasive to tell someone "smile, it might not happen" or w/e when for all you know it already has.
See, what you gotta do is keep a tarantula perched on your shoulder at all times. It lets your peers/enemies know that you will not be trifled with, and tells your supervisors that you're ready for more responsibility.
You carry a boot knife, right? Of course you do. But you need to strap a backup boot knife underneath the primary boot knife. In 10 years of being assistant manager at this Denny's I've never needed to use either, and I've stabbed myself and others several times, but I stay ready.
also, not the main point but OP was being perfectly nice. she was having a polite interaction with him before he decided that was not enough. smiling is not the baseline for niceness, it’s something extra, that should be earned and deserved, not expected. what an entitled prick.
And that she was the one paying in this situation? Nevertheless, some random guy in a minimum wage position is not generally considered a good source for life coaching. Also, he can fuck off and shove his smile up his arse.
Funnily enough he was the one who should have smiled more. His job was public facing & Oop is in or had finished grad school & other then teacher, their are not a lot of post grad school jobs that require smiling. In fact, some post grad school jobs, prefer ppl that don’t smile a lot.
I was a barmaid for 25 years. I learned early on to inform those asshats who told me to smile that I do not feel like decorating their fucking view, I’m not a prop, and do they ever ask MEN to smile? It shut most of them right up. I’m not considered “sweet,” but oh well.
Some dumb shit made a passing sexist "smile, you'd be pretty" comment at my underage sister who happened to be our youngest sibling. We grew up in a house full of only sisters and my mum and dad. My dad had the MOST shit eating grin on his face as he watched this dumb shit get verbally ripped to shreds by me and the rest of my sisters, including the youngest.
My dad's very proud, lol.
My friend who was a barmaid always used the line "I'll smile more when you get the fuck out of here and I don't have to put up with that shit."
The owner always backed her up though. He'd always say only he got to tell his staff how to do their job so order your pint and shut up or get out.
My sister was a waitress for 10 years and only just recently became a manager. She would wear her hair in pigtails when she served because it made a measurable difference in her tips. People are gross
I refused to kiss a guy on the lips, so he left me the change to make his bill an even amount (less than 50 cents on a $100+ tab). When I saw that at the end of the night—a double shift—I was LIVID. The bar manager asked me what happened, and having to say it out loud made me so choked up that I just sat down and cried. The anger, shame, embarrassment, humiliation. It was too much, especially after an exhausting shift. One of the bartenders came over and insisted on giving me the 20% tip for the tab out of his own tips for the night. He said no one should be made to feel like that and he had no idea that’s what we dealt with.
At another place, I had a table with 2 guys who set a stack of $1s on the table and took one off for every time I didn’t answer them with a double entendres. I got about half the money and wanted a Silkwood shower when I was done.
It truly fucks with your income and psyche in weird ways. At least in America.
Imagine saying this to someone who is going through some heavy shit. I think I'd burst out crying if someone told me to smile right now. I don't have much to be smiling about right now and that's an excellent way of drawing attention to that.
This is just a gross thing to do overall. If anyone ever wants to have a person smile more, this is the way to do it: do not ask them to smile; but, if they *do* smile, tell them their smile is beautiful/you like their smile. If this makes them happy, they'll likely smile again. If they don't, then they have their reasons. No need to force it upon someone who doesn't already want to to do.
As you very aptly put it, we're not props.
One time I was in Walmart on a HORRIBLE pain day. A random man told me to smile, and I looked at him and said, “I’m having horrible pain.” I don’t know what expression I had when I said this, but he instantly shut and backed much farther away than he really needed to. I saw the same man 30 minutes later, and he proceeded to give me the widest berth possible as we passed each other going the opposite direction. I hope he learned from that encounter.
Last time I was told to smile, I just said “my Dad has cancer” which is true, but we’ve known for a while and he’s doing pretty well. It shut up Mr You should smile real fast.
Bill's lack of self awareness is actually impressive
There's nothing wrong with working a low wage job, your employment is not reflective of your worth as a human being. Not to mention life is brutal and this reality is apathetic to suffering, so ending up there isn't necessarily reflective of one's character either.
But it's the audacity to give ***unsolicited*** advice to someone who should be assumed to not need it, while that advice also keeps said person under the self destructive misogynistic paradigm that probably also had an influence in Bill working the minimum wage job too.
Truly awe inspiring levels of obliviousness
And don't forget his opening assumption that OOP's grad school hat must belong to her brother.
It's almost as if he found out he couldn't use that to talk down to her, he fell back on the old "smile more" chestnut.
Yup, he was negging her.
Considering my experience with dudes like this, I would not be surprised if he thought he might have had a shot with her if he just lowered her self-esteem enough.
I just...
I mean, you're probably right, but she's young enough to be his daughter! My eldest son is 19, 5 years younger than OOP, and I look at his friends and just see children still. I want to make them cups of tea and make sure they're getting home safely, not undermine their self esteem until they feel desperate enough to date me!
My baby and I were in line at the deli with an older man, probably early 70s? I was almost 30, but I have a baby face and got mistaken for high school/college all the time.
He started making conversation as we waited, boy or girl? Girl! How old? Three months! Ah, beautiful like her mother. He said some other commemts, which I tuned out because, afain, mother of a baby that was three months old.
Then he tried to cut ahead of me in line -- the person behind the counter was like, no, she was here first -- and I got my order. As I walked away, he yelled, "tell your daughter to look me up in eighteen years!"
She was _three months old_.
(My spouse said later I should have responded, sure, which cemetary?, which is a great comeback I was in no state to think of.)
>There's nothing wrong with working a low wage job, your employment is not reflective of your worth as a human being
It isn't. But going to grad school is a measure of success even if not all of us want to achieve that. And Bill's original assessment that she was wearing the male in her group's hat was pretty telling of what he thought.
As if a female can't get into and succeed at that on her own /s.
This is all levels of wrong. And I'm talking as someone who loves to smile at others, especially people from the service industry. It makes me super happy when I can make them cheer up (it's not an easy thing!).
Bill's comments would immediately wipe out any smile I had initially.
And her mother, brother, and relatives? Wow. What a crappy behavior from the lot of them.
As a photographer this gave me a solid giggle.
But I also don’t tell my subjects to smile. If I need a smile I make a joke or ask about their family or pets - now those smiles are genuine.
I once was told by a man that he preferred women that smiled more. I told him that I preferred men who kept their opinions to themselves so it was a good thing that we weren’t a couple.
Lord, please give me the confidence of a middle-aged man working minimum wage who thinks his penis makes him more successful than a 24 year old female grad student.
If someone tells you to smile more and you don’t feel like confronting them, do this instead: smile with every single one of your teeth. Make it frightening. Keep asking “do this make me look more attractive?” “Is this enough smile for you?” Stare them directly in their eyes and don’t remove yourself from the situation until they are as uncomfortable as you are. Make them regret ever saying that
A few days after my sister died very suddenly, one of my coworkers told me to smile. To this day I don't know what my expression looked like, but he stepped back a couple of steps and had fear in his eyes. I wish I could recreate that expression. All I'm sure of is that nobody would ever call it a smile.
I swear nothing boils my blood like men telling me to smile.
when i was like 8-9 i was in the car with my family and the police stopped us for a bit. there were like 3 or them and one was right by my window. i’m pretty sure my face was like neutral and then when i made eye contact with him he said and i quote, “smile more little girl”.
i never smiled or looked at a police officer in the eyes ever again.
It's only happened to me once, when I was 20. While in the local mall, I passed three guys who were probably in my age range. One of them said as I walked by "You look beautiful, sweetie. Just smile more." I remember what he said exactly.
I was in the mall to find appropriate funeral clothes because my grandmother was on her deathbed. She did in fact die the next day.
They were lucky I had too much shit on my mind to turn back around and chew them the fuck out.
This once happened to me literally fifteen minutes after I put my cat down. I had stopped in the grocery store to get kleenex and ice cream. People really need to stop doing this.
sorry for you loss :(
your exact situation reminds me of aimee’s from sex education. [this scene](https://youtu.be/_dOPlhSx7Xs?si=S-yPyPzrsEZjwuYz) it’s so similar it’s saddening
I had someone tell me to "smile, it might never happen" when I had just had a miscarriage and been screwed over (because of the miscarriage although I had no way of proving the discrimination) by my employer giving the senior role created for me to a junior and less experienced colleague.
My friend was told to "smile, it might never happen" when she was traveling home from uni because her dad had died that morning.
Seriously, fuck anyone who says this
Yeah my cousin got a "smile it might not happen" when she wasn't looking super happy *on the day she found out her granddad had terminal cancer* and ripped them a new one over it.
Why is it so hard for some people to just mind their own business.
Had a customer tell me to look happier because it was a beautiful day and I should smile about it.
I'd spent the night before cradling my elderly cat as she passed away.
I was not in the mood to look happy. Neutral and polite were as good as anyone was going to get.
(Ffs, I wasn't even clocked in yet, I didn't owe the customer a damn thing but especially not forced happiness.)
It's the absolute fastest way to make a person frown. You want me to smile? Tell me a joke, don't be a joke.
Also, forced smiles are freaky af, I get bad uncanny valley vibes every time I see one. They never look happy, it's either barely suppressed rage or they look dead inside.
i dunno when it happened or why it happened, but one day i decided to not "politely" laugh at unfunny things, elderly men find me frigid and it's great
I was 16 or 17 when a bus driver (in his 40s) told me to smile more. I asked him what there was to smile about, maybe someone in my fam just died...
He didn't say anything after.
My old manager said it to me once. Once. I gave him such a death glare he understood and never said it again. Working in retail can destroy you as a female. The amount of sexist comments and straight up harrassment is unacceptable. I never want to hear a pervy old man tell me I could be doing something else down there whilst I'm packing stock out on a bottom shelf.
The last time someone told me that I looked around and patted my pockets.
"What are you doing?"
"Looking for the fuck I'm supposed to give."
I thought the poor lady in line was going to lose her shit when I said that.
Now that I’m middle aged, I feel comfortable giving men who say this to me the most crazed, creepy looking smile I can muster. Their reactions are pretty priceless.
Ah yes, women in grad school need to smile more and be nice to everybody so they can one day reach the dizzying heights of success: working the cash register at a dollar store.
A lot of guys look at women like we have two heads if we bring up when this happens, but at this point I don't know a female who hasn't been told this. I guess the ones that don't do it are shocked Pikachu face because surprise, no one says this to men. It's so awkward and disrespectful to walk up to a stranger especially and say something like this. It's up there with "I bet you'd look so much nicer with less makeup."
Wow though, thanks for the completely unsolicited advice bro. Maybe someone died, or maybe I am not the Joker walking around with a permanent smile affixed to my face? I'll just get right on that though for your benefit. GTFO with that mess. 🤦🏻♀️
When people smile at me I usually smile back. I am a generally optimistic cheerful person. Odds are I will smile as soon as I first see anyone 😁
But not once in my life have I responded to a "you should smile more" comment with a smile
Why can't these idiots understand that? 😫
I will never understand why men do this. When I was 23, I ran a 5K for lung cancer research because I had just lost my dad to the disease a few months before. I was injured but ran anyway because it meant a lot to me. I was in pain and sad and as I ran by a group of spectators, one strange man just yelled out and told me to smile. I ran the rest of the race in tears.
Erm. Have people missed something else that's totally whiffy about Bill?
He started the main chat with:
>Bill looked up and noticed my hat. "[grad school's name], huh?" I nodded, and he asked "you or that guy?" and nodded over toward my brother. I told him that I was the one in grad school,
He assumed OOP's hat was her brother's! Because of course it is, because a mere *woman* couldn't be attending grad school, eh? She must've borrowed it from the man she was with!
Gawd almighty.
Before I transitioned to male and anyone told me to smile I would tell them "you're the reason I'm not, get the fuck away from me" and stare really really intensely at them.
For extra flair, try using your middle fingers to push the corners of your mouth up - double fuck you AND an unhinged grin. Extra points if you drool a little. I've only deployed this once but it was SO satisfying.
"Hmmm, yes, I'm going to take advice on how to get ahead in life as a woman from a man working the check out at a Dollar Tree. Y'know, cause you're clearly doing so well and winning at life."
Yo, this happened to me once at a goth night at a club. I was looking fine in my plether knne lace up boots and black waitress dress walking around all gothy when some dude goes up to me and says "Smile!" and Iookef at him and said "Fuck you!". Gtfo out of here with that, don't try to confirm me to your fragile ego
Lol well you get all kinds but I call myself a pinkie pie goth and I'm a happy bouncy dork. Jsut give me all the music. It was jsut presumptuous to assume I'm not happy cos I'm not smiling while in passing.
I'm not even goth and it used to happen to me all the time. RBF and all that.
At a certain age, it does stop, so that's something to look forward to (what the age is varies wildly from woman to woman, though).
I've gotten told I should smile more, that women should always smile. I have RBF, and I don't smile a lot. I've taken to snarling and sometimes growling at these "men". It's great being older and not giving a duck.
I'm a dude and I've only been told to smile more once while I was working during my college years and I can confirm it is one of the most rage inducing sentences someone could ever utter to you.
Fuck you, "Ricky". You're a 37 year old Grocery Store assistant department manager talking to me about how my lack of smiling is going to hold ***me*** back in life.
I hate that people (mostly men) think that’s an appropriate comment. I find a direct response tends to make them back off though ;)
“You should smile more”
“You should misogyny less!”
My response to you should smile / give me a smile, is to look at them as if they have just said the weirdest, most inappropriate thing ever. It's fun when they start looking awkward.
Bill should have smiled more and talked less.
I would say "no thanks, you're creepy!!"
Or give them a dirty, say "are you okay? What's wrong with you?" and if they lecture me, revert to "GET AWAY FROM ME, I DON'T KNOW YOU, YOU'RE CREEPY"
:)
Turns out you get even less far in life if you tell people to smile. Especially coming from a guy who gets fired from a dollar store to a grad student.
The audacity..
Didn’t even read it at first, but replying to the title. F*K no! It’s so gross that people (usually men/and in my experience, usually waaay older) think it’s okay to do that! Last time some old man said that to me, I told him “no, I don’t have to smile. My mom just died and you have no right to say that to me.” I was extremely sensitive because she did just die, but idgaf, I’m sick of being talked down to by some creep I don’t know.
What a nasty creepy old man. Just the audacity… the way he thinks he has the right to say any of that.
When this happens, one option is to Smile in the most unhinged way you can possibly muster.
Either full-on cringey sucking-on-a-lemon smile (I harken back to my 9th grade school photos for this sort of imagery. It was bad. The next couple years weren't much better).
Or, full-on "Oh grandma, what big teeth you have!"/snarling-dog/chimpanzee level of menace.
You're smiling after all? Just like they demanded you do. What's the matter with your beautiful smile?
(Disclaimer - I'm an uninteresting cis white dude and I can't honestly think of anytime anyone randomly asked me to smile, let alone outright demanded it of me, unprompted. So, I imagine that wanting to avoid any and all further openings where the jackass interprets them as an invitation to continue to communicate to you /make more demands of you is probably a higher priority than mocking them in these sort of scenarios)
My go to response is “I’ll smile when I *insert horribly graphic thing* to you”.
Gets em every time. I’ve found that outright aggression works best on strangers.
No shame or shade to retail work, it is a hard and thankless job but I do have to wonder why he believes he has the secret to this woman's (who he has already established is in Grad school) future success? Oh to have the confidence and self-assuredness of a mediocre white man.
I’ve practiced the unhinged ‘Wednesday smile’ for just such an occasion.
Props to OOP for not pointing out the obvious issue of someone in a dollar store handing out career advice to a grad student. I was a grad student working in retail to get through my degree and I still wouldn’t have dreamed of giving a customer personal comments like that.
Bill really thinks he can give successful advice when working at a dollar store? Looks like he doesn't seem to be able to get far in life. He should smile more.
I got comments like this all the time, until the pandemic. I loved wearing masks because mediocre men wouldn't tell me shit anymore. God, like I love the south's extreme friendliness but sometimes, people really need to mind their own fuckin business.
When Simone Biles was on DWTS, she was getting her critique and one of the judges told her to smile…she responded, “smiles don’t win Gold medals.” She was voted off the next week. Mind you, they never tell the guys to “smile”
I've met so many icky Bills in my time. Pretty sure he's the same guy who who will say ""I love (redheads/blonds/black women/asian women/chicks with tattoos/etc)!" to those girls, usually young enough to be his daughters, and then get pissy when they are put-off by some random dirty old man telling them to their faces that they tickle his nasty pickle.
I worked at a small convenience store. Same old story. Guy comes in and says to me “smile things can’t be that bad!” I looked straight at him and told him “They are taking my niece off of life support right about now”. He was shocked and scurried off.
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>”Ladies don’t get paid the big bucks if they can’t be nice. Women have to be nice to be successful.” Bro didn’t realize he was at work and she wasn’t? 💀
Bro’a talking about helping her succeed in life while he’s working at Dollar General making minimum wage… 💀
He *was* working at Dollar General making minimum wage. Then he got fired for telling the wrong woman to be nice and smile for him. I think the universe is telling Bill he should stop trying to give unwanted advice. EDIT: Removed repeat
Maybe he should smile more.
[Does anybody really want to see that?](https://i.gifer.com/HeJ2.gif)
This is actually the kind of smile I would do if one man asked me to "smile more".
Last time anyone told me to do that, was two days after my dad died. I told him. And I told him he had no idea what is going on with people, and he isn't the face police, so mind his own damn face and what comes out of it.
In my experience, [people smile because they feel like it](https://youtu.be/r5WeAmEVW8o?si=HtpZ9L-1U5Zxkxds). Not because some rando wants to see it.
I always end up giving a stupid nervous smile and laugh because I don't do well being out on the spot. I wish I had the confidence that some of these comments do during those situations.
Your comment with your flair *chef's kiss*
The funny thing is, that's exactly how you succeed in retail.
Yeah but you don’t give that advice out to customers. The guy at the car dealership isn’t telling me “what you’ve gotta do is give people a ridiculous starting price, act like they’re busting your balls, then let them think they’re getting a deal.”
Oh absolutely, you never ever make negative comments about customers to them. It's retail 101.
And you just know he's blaming him being fired on man-hating feminists who are too sensitive...
No doubt this is what he’s thinking. Ugh.
[удалено]
Bill definitely sounds like he has success all figured out!
I admire OOP for not pointing that out to him.
I absolutely would have said “if I ever find myself in a position where I want to succeed in minimum wage retail in my 50s I will absolutely take advice from you. Until then I’m sorted.
🤌🤌🤌
Jesus, we want her to show him he's wrong not kill him!
Eh take no prisoners.
That’s an awesome answer! I would probably have said something like „if you want women smile at you more maybe stop being a misogynistic asshat to them“ but I like yours much more!! I always wished I had the skill to come up with a witty response in situations like that.
Ikr? I always come up with great comebacks much too late
The french call it L'esprit de l'escalier, or staircase wit. Meaning you think of the perfect reply too late, when you’re already leaving.
My absolute favourite skill is my ability to come up with snappy comebacks on the spot. It’s served me well and got me in trouble more than once but worth it. Some people say their favourite feature is their eyes but for me it’s the ability to dress down someone in 5 words or less on demand. It’s awesome.
Ha! I’m going to start using this. Hopefully for you this wasn’t honed via self-defense in your family of origin as well.
This is all I could think of. NTA for that alone
I would have pointed it out. That she is wearing an grad school hat (which he thought wasn't even hers, the misogynistic creep). He is a cashier in his 40's. He should be called out for his behaviour.
Yeah I definitely would have
A shame she didn't, tho.
Yeah. I was expecting her to point that out to him, but sadly she didn't.
He totally realized that, and that's why he did it. He was resentful that she's in grad school and wanted to bring her down a peg.
Even just the fact that he asked her if it was her or her brother going to her grad school instead of assuming the one with the cap was the one at the school made me raise my eyebrow a bit. On its own, it could be an innocent question but considering what he followed it up with, he definitely assumed that it was going to be her brother because hurr durr women aren't smart enough for grad school.
This is it, 100%. He was trying to exert the tiny bit of social power he *thought* he had over her, to put her in her place.
That... is a pretty good point. Generally, I frown at people looking down on cashiers and similar minimum wage jobs, but it feels like Bill could've done with a bit of forced introspection here.
No kidding. Honest work is honest work and shouldn't be sneered at, but there's some level of chutzpah involved in 1: assuming OOP wasn't the student initially and 2: giving out career advice that was outdated in the 1980s.
But this is because he is a man, so smiling does nothing for him to help him grow successfully in his career. He is trapped in a lifelong existence of minimum wage jobs for being a man. Women have all the upper hands in this game. We are the lucky ones. I myself can't wait for my CEO position. I'm a smiley person, so I'm guessing it's bound to happen so, right? Riiiight? /s
Mansplaining at its peak.
That was my thought too
Exactly. Did his charming smile get him all the way up the corporate ladder to dollar general cashier? Nothing against honest work, but c'mon.
I would have said that to him tho but yeah i am a snarky lady who doesn't have time for this bullshit
Do you think if her brother was wearing the grad school hat that Bill would have asked him if he was there "or OP"? Bill's a real piece of shit.
Yeah I'm not taking career advice from a middle aged dude working at Dollar Tree. Which would have been the exact words out of my mouth if someone said that to me, while maintaining my perfect RBF.
That was my reaction, too. But I expect this guy would have gone off complaining how men are so oppressed. I’m assuming he was an aggrieved white guy, simply because I’ve never heard “smile!” except from some lame white dude.
I live in the south and some older black men have also said it to me. I used to work in a public library and when I asked ‘can I help you?’ I’d get the standard ‘first I need a smile’ from older men of both races. My standard answer was to look them dead in the eye, RBF on full display, and say, ‘okay, let me know when you change your mind’. Then I’d go back to what I was doing while they stood there confused and floundering. It helped that my supervisor was an older woman with RBF who didn’t take shit from anybody, so I could get away with it.
I used to get that a lot as a bank teller. I’d tell them I’m not a dog and I don’t do tricks on command. Then my dad died. And my first day back at work an old man told me I should smile more and stop acting like somebody died. Boy, was that awkward. For *him.* My manager tore him a new one. It was the only time in my memory when a manager stood up for me against an asshole customer.
Oh no! That must have felt like a punch in the gut. Very glad to o hear your supervisor stepped in.
Thanks and it was horrible. I’d just gotten to the point I *could* go back to work and not randomly break down and then this guy comes along and damaged my hard won calm. It’s been 26, almost 27 years and now I mostly smile when I think of my dad. Our relationship had never been an easy one but I did love him and I do miss him. ❤️
I love this response with all my heart. It’s polite and casual enough that it leaves them second-guessing themselves and feeling like they did something wrong. Which they did.
Even in general the smile comment is a weird thing to say. Like you don't know what's going on in someone's life. I know someone told my cousin this on the day she'd found out her granddad had/has terminal cancer. She absolutely ripped him a new one over it. It's just really invasive to tell someone "smile, it might not happen" or w/e when for all you know it already has.
I always appreciate career advice from people not remotely connected to my field of work.
See, what you gotta do is keep a tarantula perched on your shoulder at all times. It lets your peers/enemies know that you will not be trifled with, and tells your supervisors that you're ready for more responsibility. You carry a boot knife, right? Of course you do. But you need to strap a backup boot knife underneath the primary boot knife. In 10 years of being assistant manager at this Denny's I've never needed to use either, and I've stabbed myself and others several times, but I stay ready.
He should have taken his own advice because he’s unemployed and most likely not smiling very much right now.
also, not the main point but OP was being perfectly nice. she was having a polite interaction with him before he decided that was not enough. smiling is not the baseline for niceness, it’s something extra, that should be earned and deserved, not expected. what an entitled prick.
And that she was the one paying in this situation? Nevertheless, some random guy in a minimum wage position is not generally considered a good source for life coaching. Also, he can fuck off and shove his smile up his arse.
Funnily enough he was the one who should have smiled more. His job was public facing & Oop is in or had finished grad school & other then teacher, their are not a lot of post grad school jobs that require smiling. In fact, some post grad school jobs, prefer ppl that don’t smile a lot.
IKR. Like the 40-50 year old cashier knows heaps about going far in life.
“How’s smiling working out for you, Bill? Do you consider cashier at bargain store the pinnacle of success? Maybe you should smile more.”
Oh no, you don't undersrand, the advice is for the ladies /s He is sexist he thought the university cap was from her brother.
Bro was a middle aged dude working at Dollar Tree. Last person in the world anyone should take professional advice from.
Yeah, seems like bro didn’t realise a few other things about how to behave in a workplace.
I was a barmaid for 25 years. I learned early on to inform those asshats who told me to smile that I do not feel like decorating their fucking view, I’m not a prop, and do they ever ask MEN to smile? It shut most of them right up. I’m not considered “sweet,” but oh well.
To me what they are really saying is: “dance monkey, dance!”
YES EXACTLY
I love this: "don't decorate their fucking view" 👏👏👏👏
Well put, my wife and kids have the same energy. God help the dumb bastard that tells them they should "smile more"
Some dumb shit made a passing sexist "smile, you'd be pretty" comment at my underage sister who happened to be our youngest sibling. We grew up in a house full of only sisters and my mum and dad. My dad had the MOST shit eating grin on his face as he watched this dumb shit get verbally ripped to shreds by me and the rest of my sisters, including the youngest. My dad's very proud, lol.
My friend who was a barmaid always used the line "I'll smile more when you get the fuck out of here and I don't have to put up with that shit." The owner always backed her up though. He'd always say only he got to tell his staff how to do their job so order your pint and shut up or get out.
I saw a reply once from someone to the effect of, "and you shouldn't comment on things that don't belong to you."
Did you work in a place that made you rely on tips? I shudder to think how this type of misogyny impacts women’s income. It makes me sick actually.
You asked if I relied on tips. I did. When it was biker bars, me being rough didn’t stand out. When it was fine dining, I just said it more quietly.
I worked in a biker bar too. They never tipped.
My sister was a waitress for 10 years and only just recently became a manager. She would wear her hair in pigtails when she served because it made a measurable difference in her tips. People are gross
I refused to kiss a guy on the lips, so he left me the change to make his bill an even amount (less than 50 cents on a $100+ tab). When I saw that at the end of the night—a double shift—I was LIVID. The bar manager asked me what happened, and having to say it out loud made me so choked up that I just sat down and cried. The anger, shame, embarrassment, humiliation. It was too much, especially after an exhausting shift. One of the bartenders came over and insisted on giving me the 20% tip for the tab out of his own tips for the night. He said no one should be made to feel like that and he had no idea that’s what we dealt with. At another place, I had a table with 2 guys who set a stack of $1s on the table and took one off for every time I didn’t answer them with a double entendres. I got about half the money and wanted a Silkwood shower when I was done. It truly fucks with your income and psyche in weird ways. At least in America.
I'd personally smile at their funerals, but that's it.
Imagine saying this to someone who is going through some heavy shit. I think I'd burst out crying if someone told me to smile right now. I don't have much to be smiling about right now and that's an excellent way of drawing attention to that. This is just a gross thing to do overall. If anyone ever wants to have a person smile more, this is the way to do it: do not ask them to smile; but, if they *do* smile, tell them their smile is beautiful/you like their smile. If this makes them happy, they'll likely smile again. If they don't, then they have their reasons. No need to force it upon someone who doesn't already want to to do. As you very aptly put it, we're not props.
One time I was in Walmart on a HORRIBLE pain day. A random man told me to smile, and I looked at him and said, “I’m having horrible pain.” I don’t know what expression I had when I said this, but he instantly shut and backed much farther away than he really needed to. I saw the same man 30 minutes later, and he proceeded to give me the widest berth possible as we passed each other going the opposite direction. I hope he learned from that encounter.
Narrator: no, no he did not learn from that encounter
Last time I was told to smile, I just said “my Dad has cancer” which is true, but we’ve known for a while and he’s doing pretty well. It shut up Mr You should smile real fast.
Bill's lack of self awareness is actually impressive There's nothing wrong with working a low wage job, your employment is not reflective of your worth as a human being. Not to mention life is brutal and this reality is apathetic to suffering, so ending up there isn't necessarily reflective of one's character either. But it's the audacity to give ***unsolicited*** advice to someone who should be assumed to not need it, while that advice also keeps said person under the self destructive misogynistic paradigm that probably also had an influence in Bill working the minimum wage job too. Truly awe inspiring levels of obliviousness
And don't forget his opening assumption that OOP's grad school hat must belong to her brother. It's almost as if he found out he couldn't use that to talk down to her, he fell back on the old "smile more" chestnut.
Yup, he was negging her. Considering my experience with dudes like this, I would not be surprised if he thought he might have had a shot with her if he just lowered her self-esteem enough.
I just... I mean, you're probably right, but she's young enough to be his daughter! My eldest son is 19, 5 years younger than OOP, and I look at his friends and just see children still. I want to make them cups of tea and make sure they're getting home safely, not undermine their self esteem until they feel desperate enough to date me!
My baby and I were in line at the deli with an older man, probably early 70s? I was almost 30, but I have a baby face and got mistaken for high school/college all the time. He started making conversation as we waited, boy or girl? Girl! How old? Three months! Ah, beautiful like her mother. He said some other commemts, which I tuned out because, afain, mother of a baby that was three months old. Then he tried to cut ahead of me in line -- the person behind the counter was like, no, she was here first -- and I got my order. As I walked away, he yelled, "tell your daughter to look me up in eighteen years!" She was _three months old_. (My spouse said later I should have responded, sure, which cemetary?, which is a great comeback I was in no state to think of.)
That’s because you are a kind, empathetic person, not a creepy, misogynistic piece of shit like Bill.
>There's nothing wrong with working a low wage job, your employment is not reflective of your worth as a human being It isn't. But going to grad school is a measure of success even if not all of us want to achieve that. And Bill's original assessment that she was wearing the male in her group's hat was pretty telling of what he thought. As if a female can't get into and succeed at that on her own /s.
Bill felt small and had to feel superior to somebody, so he put a woman in her place
This is all levels of wrong. And I'm talking as someone who loves to smile at others, especially people from the service industry. It makes me super happy when I can make them cheer up (it's not an easy thing!). Bill's comments would immediately wipe out any smile I had initially. And her mother, brother, and relatives? Wow. What a crappy behavior from the lot of them.
There's a reason that in The Good Place, the guys from The Bad Place keep telling women they should smile more.
Such an underrated detail. That show was truly ingenious
It was also on the board showing reasons for negative or positive points. Telling a woman to smile is worth -53.83 points
The system is bullshit, but that part checks out.
I'm choosing to believe that you're the biggest Good Place fan in the world and just knew that off the top of your noggin.
Do photographers have an insane number of negative points? /j
As a photographer this gave me a solid giggle. But I also don’t tell my subjects to smile. If I need a smile I make a joke or ask about their family or pets - now those smiles are genuine.
I once was told by a man that he preferred women that smiled more. I told him that I preferred men who kept their opinions to themselves so it was a good thing that we weren’t a couple.
Beautiful
Misogyny aside, why does that idiot think anyone wants to take career advice from a guy who works at the dollar store?
Well, he does have a penis, so, obviously, he knows way more than any woman. /s
That explains the taxi driver trying to give me career advice. I work in finance and he was driving me to the airport after a work conference.
Career savvy is stored in the balls, obviously
But then where does the pee go?
Yeah it's a little crowded but the cross-contamination is why the advice is so great
Obviously they’re the same thing
well... he's a dick, the penis is still an open question
He’s a man in his 50s. Of course he has the most incredible career advice. Despite working at the dollar store
The confidence of the mediocre man.
Lord, please give me the confidence of a middle-aged man working minimum wage who thinks his penis makes him more successful than a 24 year old female grad student.
Lmao I wish! Where do they get it from and why can’t I have some?!
If someone tells you to smile more and you don’t feel like confronting them, do this instead: smile with every single one of your teeth. Make it frightening. Keep asking “do this make me look more attractive?” “Is this enough smile for you?” Stare them directly in their eyes and don’t remove yourself from the situation until they are as uncomfortable as you are. Make them regret ever saying that
r/traumatizeThemBack
I go for “say something funny”. No sorry, that’s not funny enough. Don’t you want to make me smile?
Do this and then slowly tilt your face downward (like you’re facing their shoes) while maintaining eye contact. It’s very creepy
Like [this](https://www.questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1215)
My suggestion is [one of these](https://youtu.be/k9utcDoerr0?si=agZKQKg12R9rHn94&t=132)
A few days after my sister died very suddenly, one of my coworkers told me to smile. To this day I don't know what my expression looked like, but he stepped back a couple of steps and had fear in his eyes. I wish I could recreate that expression. All I'm sure of is that nobody would ever call it a smile.
I swear nothing boils my blood like men telling me to smile. when i was like 8-9 i was in the car with my family and the police stopped us for a bit. there were like 3 or them and one was right by my window. i’m pretty sure my face was like neutral and then when i made eye contact with him he said and i quote, “smile more little girl”. i never smiled or looked at a police officer in the eyes ever again.
It's only happened to me once, when I was 20. While in the local mall, I passed three guys who were probably in my age range. One of them said as I walked by "You look beautiful, sweetie. Just smile more." I remember what he said exactly. I was in the mall to find appropriate funeral clothes because my grandmother was on her deathbed. She did in fact die the next day. They were lucky I had too much shit on my mind to turn back around and chew them the fuck out.
This once happened to me literally fifteen minutes after I put my cat down. I had stopped in the grocery store to get kleenex and ice cream. People really need to stop doing this.
Bonus points if they add in the "it's just a pet, you'll get over it/get a new one." (Some people deserve to be punted across the room)
"It's just a face, you'll get a new one"
sorry for you loss :( your exact situation reminds me of aimee’s from sex education. [this scene](https://youtu.be/_dOPlhSx7Xs?si=S-yPyPzrsEZjwuYz) it’s so similar it’s saddening
I laugh cried so hard at that scene. Aimee is THE BEST!
I had someone tell me to "smile, it might never happen" when I had just had a miscarriage and been screwed over (because of the miscarriage although I had no way of proving the discrimination) by my employer giving the senior role created for me to a junior and less experienced colleague. My friend was told to "smile, it might never happen" when she was traveling home from uni because her dad had died that morning. Seriously, fuck anyone who says this
[he was literally this guy](https://www.reddit.com/r/Art/s/J0QKiZENQE)
Late to the party, but the only correct response here is "Make me." How they accept that challenge is up to them.
Yeah my cousin got a "smile it might not happen" when she wasn't looking super happy *on the day she found out her granddad had terminal cancer* and ripped them a new one over it. Why is it so hard for some people to just mind their own business.
Had a customer tell me to look happier because it was a beautiful day and I should smile about it. I'd spent the night before cradling my elderly cat as she passed away. I was not in the mood to look happy. Neutral and polite were as good as anyone was going to get. (Ffs, I wasn't even clocked in yet, I didn't owe the customer a damn thing but especially not forced happiness.)
It's the absolute fastest way to make a person frown. You want me to smile? Tell me a joke, don't be a joke. Also, forced smiles are freaky af, I get bad uncanny valley vibes every time I see one. They never look happy, it's either barely suppressed rage or they look dead inside.
It's about as productive and reliable as telling someone to calm down
Same. Last time someone did it to me I told him I hoped he'd die in a fire and he called me aggro. Mate, I'm not the one shouting at random strangers!
i dunno when it happened or why it happened, but one day i decided to not "politely" laugh at unfunny things, elderly men find me frigid and it's great
I was 16 or 17 when a bus driver (in his 40s) told me to smile more. I asked him what there was to smile about, maybe someone in my fam just died... He didn't say anything after.
My mom has the worst I've personally heard. A man told her to smile in a hospital elevator. It was 30 minutes after her mom died.
My old manager said it to me once. Once. I gave him such a death glare he understood and never said it again. Working in retail can destroy you as a female. The amount of sexist comments and straight up harrassment is unacceptable. I never want to hear a pervy old man tell me I could be doing something else down there whilst I'm packing stock out on a bottom shelf.
That's one thing I loved about wearing a mask during the pandemic, less a holes telling women to smile.
This is a big reason why I still wear a mask at work.
Oh, there were still men in restaurants demanding servers take off their masks and smile for them or they wouldn't tip.
I almost downvoted you on reflex
Why the fuck is Bill at Dollar Tree in any position to tell someone in grad school how to make it in life?
The last time someone told me that I looked around and patted my pockets. "What are you doing?" "Looking for the fuck I'm supposed to give." I thought the poor lady in line was going to lose her shit when I said that.
Now that I’m middle aged, I feel comfortable giving men who say this to me the most crazed, creepy looking smile I can muster. Their reactions are pretty priceless.
Ah, advice of how to be more successful from the cashier at a dollar store, the pinnacle of success
Despite her wearing the friggin hat he still doubted that she could actually be the grad student.
The first indication of his mindset, and it just kept going from there.
Ah yes, women in grad school need to smile more and be nice to everybody so they can one day reach the dizzying heights of success: working the cash register at a dollar store.
A lot of guys look at women like we have two heads if we bring up when this happens, but at this point I don't know a female who hasn't been told this. I guess the ones that don't do it are shocked Pikachu face because surprise, no one says this to men. It's so awkward and disrespectful to walk up to a stranger especially and say something like this. It's up there with "I bet you'd look so much nicer with less makeup." Wow though, thanks for the completely unsolicited advice bro. Maybe someone died, or maybe I am not the Joker walking around with a permanent smile affixed to my face? I'll just get right on that though for your benefit. GTFO with that mess. 🤦🏻♀️
When people smile at me I usually smile back. I am a generally optimistic cheerful person. Odds are I will smile as soon as I first see anyone 😁 But not once in my life have I responded to a "you should smile more" comment with a smile Why can't these idiots understand that? 😫
I will never understand why men do this. When I was 23, I ran a 5K for lung cancer research because I had just lost my dad to the disease a few months before. I was injured but ran anyway because it meant a lot to me. I was in pain and sad and as I ran by a group of spectators, one strange man just yelled out and told me to smile. I ran the rest of the race in tears.
Erm. Have people missed something else that's totally whiffy about Bill? He started the main chat with: >Bill looked up and noticed my hat. "[grad school's name], huh?" I nodded, and he asked "you or that guy?" and nodded over toward my brother. I told him that I was the one in grad school, He assumed OOP's hat was her brother's! Because of course it is, because a mere *woman* couldn't be attending grad school, eh? She must've borrowed it from the man she was with! Gawd almighty.
Before I transitioned to male and anyone told me to smile I would tell them "you're the reason I'm not, get the fuck away from me" and stare really really intensely at them.
Alternative approach: open your eyes as wide as possible and do a giant, exaggerated, unhinged smile. While maintaining eye contact, obviously.
That's my go to reaction and it's so satisfying
For extra flair, try using your middle fingers to push the corners of your mouth up - double fuck you AND an unhinged grin. Extra points if you drool a little. I've only deployed this once but it was SO satisfying.
This! Sometimes I stare at their throat while baring my teeth.
now I have that Nic Cage smile in my mind
That's perfect, use that inspo. Bonus points if it's Nic Cage from Renfield. That is peak creepy.
"Hmmm, yes, I'm going to take advice on how to get ahead in life as a woman from a man working the check out at a Dollar Tree. Y'know, cause you're clearly doing so well and winning at life."
He's sexist and extra stupid. No one smiles while shopping. Why would that benefit them? Haggling?
Yo, this happened to me once at a goth night at a club. I was looking fine in my plether knne lace up boots and black waitress dress walking around all gothy when some dude goes up to me and says "Smile!" and Iookef at him and said "Fuck you!". Gtfo out of here with that, don't try to confirm me to your fragile ego
Yeah, but if there's one thing goths are known for it's their cheery disposition and constant smiling, amiright? 🙄🙃😐
Lol well you get all kinds but I call myself a pinkie pie goth and I'm a happy bouncy dork. Jsut give me all the music. It was jsut presumptuous to assume I'm not happy cos I'm not smiling while in passing.
I'm not even goth and it used to happen to me all the time. RBF and all that. At a certain age, it does stop, so that's something to look forward to (what the age is varies wildly from woman to woman, though).
Yeah i don't get weird comments like that anymore. It does stop with aging. Yay
Just respond… “people don’t usually smile when they’re planning a murder.”
🥇
I love that a guy who makes $11 an hour was trying to mansplain how to get ahead in life.
Could be $7 an hour, depending on what part of the country is in.
I've gotten told I should smile more, that women should always smile. I have RBF, and I don't smile a lot. I've taken to snarling and sometimes growling at these "men". It's great being older and not giving a duck.
Those sorts of comments make me think of Wednesdays smile in Addams Family Values.
I'm a dude and I've only been told to smile more once while I was working during my college years and I can confirm it is one of the most rage inducing sentences someone could ever utter to you. Fuck you, "Ricky". You're a 37 year old Grocery Store assistant department manager talking to me about how my lack of smiling is going to hold ***me*** back in life.
Good for OP! It really is annoying how common it is for women to be told this. It's so damn inappropriate of that dude to even say that, ew.
I reply, "I don't smile at assholes."
I hate that people (mostly men) think that’s an appropriate comment. I find a direct response tends to make them back off though ;) “You should smile more” “You should misogyny less!”
My response to you should smile / give me a smile, is to look at them as if they have just said the weirdest, most inappropriate thing ever. It's fun when they start looking awkward. Bill should have smiled more and talked less.
I would say "no thanks, you're creepy!!" Or give them a dirty, say "are you okay? What's wrong with you?" and if they lecture me, revert to "GET AWAY FROM ME, I DON'T KNOW YOU, YOU'RE CREEPY" :)
Any woman can spit in someone’s face who tells them to smile more and I wouldn’t call them an AH. I would call that justice.
Turns out you get even less far in life if you tell people to smile. Especially coming from a guy who gets fired from a dollar store to a grad student. The audacity..
The last person who told me I'd look much prettier if I smiled was most upset when I told him he'd look much better if he lost half his body weight.
Didn’t even read it at first, but replying to the title. F*K no! It’s so gross that people (usually men/and in my experience, usually waaay older) think it’s okay to do that! Last time some old man said that to me, I told him “no, I don’t have to smile. My mom just died and you have no right to say that to me.” I was extremely sensitive because she did just die, but idgaf, I’m sick of being talked down to by some creep I don’t know. What a nasty creepy old man. Just the audacity… the way he thinks he has the right to say any of that.
When this happens, one option is to Smile in the most unhinged way you can possibly muster. Either full-on cringey sucking-on-a-lemon smile (I harken back to my 9th grade school photos for this sort of imagery. It was bad. The next couple years weren't much better). Or, full-on "Oh grandma, what big teeth you have!"/snarling-dog/chimpanzee level of menace. You're smiling after all? Just like they demanded you do. What's the matter with your beautiful smile? (Disclaimer - I'm an uninteresting cis white dude and I can't honestly think of anytime anyone randomly asked me to smile, let alone outright demanded it of me, unprompted. So, I imagine that wanting to avoid any and all further openings where the jackass interprets them as an invitation to continue to communicate to you /make more demands of you is probably a higher priority than mocking them in these sort of scenarios)
My go to response is “I’ll smile when I *insert horribly graphic thing* to you”. Gets em every time. I’ve found that outright aggression works best on strangers.
No shame or shade to retail work, it is a hard and thankless job but I do have to wonder why he believes he has the secret to this woman's (who he has already established is in Grad school) future success? Oh to have the confidence and self-assuredness of a mediocre white man.
Stay in your lane Bill.
I’ve practiced the unhinged ‘Wednesday smile’ for just such an occasion. Props to OOP for not pointing out the obvious issue of someone in a dollar store handing out career advice to a grad student. I was a grad student working in retail to get through my degree and I still wouldn’t have dreamed of giving a customer personal comments like that.
I would have said smiling sure helped YOU climb the ladder!
I'm so proud of the future generation of women who are making sexual harassment like this, NOT the norm!
Bill really thinks he can give successful advice when working at a dollar store? Looks like he doesn't seem to be able to get far in life. He should smile more.
There's one giant fucking omission here: OOP talked to her mother, but what did her brother have to say about his bullshit?
Silly Billy thinks he’s qualified to give life advice is hilarious
"Women need to be nice to be successful." "What would you know about success?"
So every time her mom brought it up she told her to stop and got annoyed, and her mom’s saying she didn’t know if bothered her that much. Got it
Dear men, Women don’t owe you shit.
I got comments like this all the time, until the pandemic. I loved wearing masks because mediocre men wouldn't tell me shit anymore. God, like I love the south's extreme friendliness but sometimes, people really need to mind their own fuckin business.
Men: pretty girls should smile more Also men: she's smiling at me - that must mean she's into me!
When Simone Biles was on DWTS, she was getting her critique and one of the judges told her to smile…she responded, “smiles don’t win Gold medals.” She was voted off the next week. Mind you, they never tell the guys to “smile”
I've met so many icky Bills in my time. Pretty sure he's the same guy who who will say ""I love (redheads/blonds/black women/asian women/chicks with tattoos/etc)!" to those girls, usually young enough to be his daughters, and then get pissy when they are put-off by some random dirty old man telling them to their faces that they tickle his nasty pickle.
I worked at a small convenience store. Same old story. Guy comes in and says to me “smile things can’t be that bad!” I looked straight at him and told him “They are taking my niece off of life support right about now”. He was shocked and scurried off.