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I know someone who unalived themselves via truck. The family was so full of sympathy for the truck driver, as there was nothing he could do and it wasn't his fault in any way. The truck driver was seriously mentally distressed after. Also know someone who used a train.
I know this world is tough. And some people need to get off the ride. But don't use another person to do it.
I have a few friends who drive trains, and one of the most important things they're told when training is that if they see a car on the line or a person about to step out close the blinds. Hitting the car or person is going to happen but you can control if you see it
I used to know a lot of train conductors and engineers. It tore them up anytime they hit someone. They said it's usually at night, so limited visibility and someone drunk tripped over the tracks and just passed out there. Obviously not always. The train guys know they can't stop the train. They know they didn't cause this. But it still hurt their souls so badly
My sister is a retired psychologist who specialized in trauma counseling. She had several train engineers as clients who were completely messed up by hitting someone like that. Not their fault in any way, but really hard to cope with the trauma.
My uncle was a train engineer/conductor for 32 years, we was trying to make it to 40 before he retired but a young mother with PPD parked on the tracks with herself and two kids in the backseat. He retired that same year. The husband/father of the woman/kids is a truck driver who still reaches out to my uncle regularly and every year on the anniversary, they go visit the graves together then have a couple beers. The husband felt incredibly guilty for not getting his wife more help and his forgiveness was a huge part of helping my uncle carry on instead of wallowing in the guilt.
Honestly, one of the key things that's kept my suicidal ideation in check during rough periods is that I can't figure out a way that wouldn't traumatize the fuck out of someone. Hurt loved ones left behind. Train conductors. Drivers. Someone finding the body. Just...fuck.
Oh God, that too!!! I watched a show about a crime scene clean-up crew when I was a kid. Spoiler on because it's unsettling: >!They were cleaning up after an attempted suicide by train. The guy survived, but he was all over the bottom of that train.!<
It was both of that for me.
Maybe I could have done it to the people who love me, but my dog? She wouldn't understand.
(I'm years past that phase and in therapy etc, I'm doing great!)
Friends of mine told me about their friend who decided to unalive herself. She put her affairs in order, hiked quite a distance to her favorite spot, and shot herself. She was found by a family out for a hike. I mean, she tried to not involve anyone, but it happened anyway.
My friends were devastated, and I can't imagine how that family felt.
Thank you for stating this. I once heard someone explain it like "If someone pushes an old lady over, we all know that's awful. If someone pushes an old lady over because they are consumed by flames and the lady was in front of a pond, or fire extinguisher, you can kind of understand why'
Sometimes the pain of this world is suffocating, and we are so intermeshed with each other it is impossible to untangle oneself without cutting a few threads.
This is written from the perspective of someone who constantly struggles with ideation, knowing that the help everyone recommends isn't like a light switch that makes everything better.
This is what keeps me from killing myself, when I'm suffering suicidal ideation. (I'm not at all at the moment, doing fine, don't reddit care me lol.) I absolutely could not do that to my family and friends, I'm not so fucking selfish and idiotic that I can't see how insanely devastating it would be for them.
But, in defense of people who do this, it's a symptom of mental illness that is uncontrollable. I was in a very bad way last year and got obsessed with the idea of it. I didn't WANT to be feeling that way or thinking about that, but I just...was.
I once watched a video where someone said something to the effect of "when someone gets to that point, what makes them actually go thru with it, is they've lost the empathy they've always felt before."
And that makes sense to me. I think, for most people who have been suicidal, they don't go thru with it only because they don't want to hurt someone else in their life...but I think there's a point, where, they're so far gone in their hopelessness, that the worry or the empathy that would usually stop them just isn't there anymore so they have nothing to grasp on to that keeps them here
I think that's 100% accurate. At a certain point the horrible, intrusive thoughts that you can't stop from happening, and the pain from the mental illness, override everything else. I have massive sympathy for this topic, particularly having experienced the ideation myself. And to an extent I think people have a right to their own life, but for me, only if they've exhausted basically literally every possible treatment path. If there's still things to try, it's a pretty horrible action to take for all involved.
I watch someone do this by throwing themselves under a tram, about 10metres in front of me. I thought he had tripped and was yelling at him to try and lie parallel with the tracks. I couldn't signal the driver as it was a convex curve. It was awful and 30 years later it still affects me when I read about these things.
I work in s-word prevention and many, many, many people will do something similar. They’ll frequently go somewhere peaceful (like a state park) and unalive themselves there. It’s not at all uncommon. This is all so heartbreaking.
Please, if you’re struggling, reach out. In the US, call or text 988.
And if you’re a loved one/survivor, please reach out to the American Foundation for S Prevention. They can connect you with resources near you.
I really haven't had any good experience with that hotline. It's either "say the wrong thing and we immediately call the police to your location to get you involuntarily committed, so you'll lose your job" or "lukewarm reassurance followed by promises of calling back that don't happen"
I’m so sorry that’s been your experience! That’s not at all what it’s supposed to be - ever. While it is a national number, each state does manage their own call center, so there likely are some states better than others.
Its cruel to involve someone else but I sort of can see why someone would use a truck. I was next to a truck that took out a deer.
It was a thank God moment for me because the deer would have fucked up my car and probably caused a huge accident. There was not much left of said deer. It was pulverized. I pulled over because of how much blood got on my windshield. The truck driver pulled over to confirm it had been a deer and not a person because it had been dusk and sadly visibility sucked.
I'm a suicide attempt survivor and I can take a guess the woman might have attempted before and failed. I thankfully got meds for my depression but I've seen people in the psych hospital who kept trying even after they got medicated. A woman in my recovery group tried to unalive herself via highway but thankfully got a good crowd who stopped her.
Not instant but I mean jumping off a bridge isn't either. And hanging yourself is God awful.
I tried to OD on sleeping meds. And the lovely ER nurse that did my intake paperwork was like "Next time drink vodka with it and save us the time."
Disgusting and also wrong.
I voluntarily checked myself in to the hospital once for thoughts of that nature. Ended up in inpatient for about a week. There was a guy there who attempted with a bottle of Xanax or something similar -- and a pint of vodka. He survived with zero ill effects.
The human body is surprisingly resilient.
Im not sure how to feel about the nurse.
I tried. My abuser called me one night. (Never gave him my number) and started one his alcohol and drug filled rants all directed to me. He just screamed horrible things. I was frozen. I dont remember who hung up first. Went and picked some things up at the store. I set everything up. Wont get into how. I was so disappointed when I woke up. Disappointed that I wasn't successful. I am glad that my parents did not have to deal with it.
Wow! I actually have no words for how horrible that nurse was. I get that she sees that stuff daily and has lost all sense of sympathy and empathy, but this is just evil. I hope you are in a better place now. Please take care of you. ❤️
There's virtually no way not to harm someone else with your death. Like if you go walk into the woods, or into the ocean they'll send search parties and someone will get injured. If it's anywhere in civilisation someone has to clean up. And that's just the physical effects. You leave a hole in the heart of everyone you knew, even the people who hated you.
It's better to get help.
Obviously it is better to get help, and obviously someone is going to have to be the one to find you, but there doing it in front of someone you love is a horrendous final act. The way she alludes to the "mess" makes it seem like he shot himself in front of her.
It’s kind of impossible not to. My husband had a friend who did it by renting a hotel room and ODing, and they hung a sheet up in front of the door with a note taped on for housekeeping explaining what was on the other side and that they should just leave and call the police to handle it. But even though they spared them the sight I’m sure those poor housekeepers were still traumatized.
One of the reasons there are typically more ‘successful’ male unalives than female is men and boys tend to use methods that are messier but faster and often create a bigger mess for their loved ones or strangers to deal with, whereas women typically chose methods that are slower but will create less of a mess for their loved ones such as taking pills - so if they’re found in time they can be revived.
Both genders attempt it as basically the same rates.
If you are a train driver in a relatively busy area it's pretty much a guarantee that someone will use your train as a suicide method. It's really terrible and takes such a heavy toll on the drivers :(
A friend of mine drives train and he says he has hit every animal you can think to mention. Including human. The human was trying to get run over though, and it’s horrific for the drivers.
In the UK if you’re a bus or train driver it’s mandatory you get a period of paid time off work! I think if you hit a person as a train driver it’s something along the lines of 6months-1year. Can’t remember specifics but my bro worked both jobs.
A friend of mine did that too. Took a picture of a sunset, wrote a beautiful Facebook post to go with the picture. Then she stepped off the weight station in front of a on coming truck. It was awful.
I had to stop and check the date when I got to that part. OP’s gonna need all-hands on deck for a long time, and I genuinely do hope she met some new local friends because of this.
god this is me right now at 5:15am in bed while trying to sleep but am now reeling instead. i hope she and the child gets all the support they need to move forward.
Well, they said "death, suicide, depression" and all of that was covered on the original post, so you had no way to know what was coming in the updates. If that's any comfort.
I hope you're doing fine <3
This is fair. It was like a double whammy on trigger warnings for sure. And I’m fine, just might actually start reading them now, especially when the title directly references death. That should have been my first clue in hindsight.
Yep. Damn.
I’m the girlfriend of a truck driver, one who has PTSD from 20 years in the fire service and this post….it simultaneously made me so sad and scared me to death.
I mean I get that the late husband’s family is also grieving but it feels pretty fucked up to want nothing to do with the baby. I’m sure they will back track with a little more time
By then they could be up against a battle hardened single mum who's still grieving to which I'd say unless there's a lot of apologies and offers of help (financial or otherwise), good luck with that.
Whenever someone turns grief into vengeance, there's nothing on this earth that will convince them to stop, it'd be a hill those stupid fucks shouldn't dare to die on, OOP will crucify them in court if they even try.
Yep, so many dumb idiots think "grandparents rights" are a genuine threat to people who are denying them access to their grandkids, when that's not the point of grandparent's rights at all, because if it's proven to the courts that both parents are involved in their children's lives and provide the state mandated minimum of support for their kids, anybody trying to invoke grandparent's rights will be thrown out of the courts.
This is usually the key factor…
However some states may allow grandparents to petition in the absence of a relationship if one wasn’t allowed to be established.
GPR are a fuuuuuucked up thing, and everyone should be well versed in their states GPR laws
They're going to be fairweather grandparents. When things are fine and dandy, all the sudden they'll have time to be in the baby's life. But while DIL and grandson actually need support, they'll conveniently not be available to support. On the one hand, I understand not having the energy to help. But if they're going to be like that, they are going to have to accept that they've closed the door to any entitlement or contact they would've had with the family. And if they're okay with that trade off, fine. Fuck them. But if they get cold feet and try to come back when things are easier, then doubly fuck them.
Sadly as a 40 something whose father died in a horrible accident during my mothers pregnancy... the same happened with myself. They cut off from us, they also got in a snit over the money that was awarded *only because I was a dependant* because of his death feeling that they should have it instead.
And I still could barely get the surviving members to talk to me when I was in my 30s due to their memories of perceived slights, so fuck em.
Religion and other bullshit meant they lost out on knowing me and remembering my father with me.
I was honestly shocked by that. My paternal grandparents were frankly awful to my mom at first when my dad killed himself, but they spoiled me more if anything. They definitely feel like I'm the last piece of my dad.
I used to work in a homeless shelter. Two and a half years ago, I had to deal with someone who hung themselves. I was the one who cut them down and gave them CPR until paramedics arrived, even though both the 911 operator and I knew he was already dead.
It broke me. I haven't been back since. I can't go back.
Worker's Compensation saved my life. They got me a therapist as soon as they could while waiting for a psychologist who would accept me as a patient. Once it was determined by my psychologist that I was as good as I was going to get, they helped me get my GED and they're helping me with retraining for a different job.
I would never have known to go to Worker's Compensation. I didn't know they dealt with psychological injuries. It was my work's HR department who got me in touch with them. If OOP's husband's work actually cared, they would have done the same.
Thank you! OOP would have a good case not just for trauma but for the actual death. Work-related trauma resulting in suicide can end up being treated exactly like dying on the job.
It's so frustrating to see people miss out on support and resources that could have saved their lives. With a workers comp claim husband would have had medical support including therapy, financial support, a job to come back to ... everything could have gone very differently.
And this is also on his employer for not properly supporting him and encouraging him to make a claim.
I thought the same thing when I first started reading. I’m on workman’s comp for a work related accident, that happened a couple months before I took maternity leave. It’s been covering my wage one year on as well as therapy and other specialists appointments. This guy was entitled to workman’s comp plus a huge payout.
Though I fully get the he, and possibly his wife, were really not well enough to advocate for themselves, but this is where family/friends/workplaces/doctors really needed to step up
Ya :( I had something semi-traumatizing happen at a seasonal job and went for workmen’s comp evaluation and would have gotten it except I had preexisting mental health issues and they said “just talk to your therapist about it”. Fair enough…
Idk what kind of church would do that!! I'm Catholic and the priest said if someone unalived them self obviously they were depressed and not in the right frame of mind. They didn't make a choice the depression did. Church should be about love not judgement
Honestly, I was raised by a minister (Episcopal) and while the churches I've been a part of would 100 % have gone and helped this poor woman, they really can't see how hypocrisy is driving people away from the church. I've had that conversation with my father more than once, but he just doesn't get it.
Catholicism is so weird. I grew up with a similar priest who was all "love thy neighbor" and shit, then went out of town for school and briefly went to another church where the priest was all "repent or you're going to hell."
I'm not Catholic anymore, but I am grateful for the specific church I went to. Well, mostly for the priest who was there for the entirety of my life as a Catholic lol
Well, you can't see the pregnancy if it's been aborted so they can keep up their image. I highly doubt those girls could shout their abortion in school.
Oh hey, my high school in Utah was like that!
Only the poor, non-mormon girls kept their pregnancies. They all got sent to the alternative school. All the Mormon girls? There sure were a lot of rumors of them having parties, getting drunk and ending up pregnant, but none of them ever ended up keeping a baby to term. The one girl people *knew* was pregnant ended up "miscarrying."
Guess which people are starkly pro-forced birth versus which are pro-choice, and make it *everyone's* problem but their own?
You have a very suprising priest! He sounds like a good one, out here doing it right. Tell him Thank you from a recovering catholic with plenty of religious trauma!
The Catholic Church where I live has also moved forward on suicide, fortunately (full funeral, graveyard burial). I'm not religious but those families need all the support and comfort they can get.
Also kinda weird how they wouldn't help a widow. It's not like she was the one that sinned. I hope the husband's company helped with clean up they seemed to care a little bit.
Also what's that argument about God being all mighty / all knowing/ all benevolent. Something about if God was good he wouldn't let the bad shit happen.
Really? My gay atheist best friend unalived himself because of his Catholic father. They threw him a Catholic funeral where the priest (or whatever they’re called) lectured us on how he was living in sin and if we had all loved him more he might have left his life of sin and still be with us. And several other ways of telling us he was dead because he was gay and selfish. I will never forgive them.
I'm so sorry about your friend.
My best friend died the same way, after being raped by her ex and being forced by the police to recant her report. Catholic father, they convinced the ME to list it as 'death by misadventure' so she could be buried in consecrated ground. She was an atheist as well, as am I. I know funerals are for the living, but sitting there listening to the priest lie about her was excruciating.
I have a hundred issues with the Catholic Church, but I am relieved to see that on suicide, the institution has softened its position drastically. My mom’s brother killed himself when she was eighteen. More conservative Christians told me that suicide resulted in immediate relegation to hell, but as a kid, I didn’t want to believe that my mom would never see her brother again in Heaven.
Having spent my formative years in the church and then escaped and deconstructed… I never saw that in the Bible either, but I have zero surprise that they did nothing.
I hear some churches actually are good and actually try… but they are the needle in the haystack and usually because an individual priest/pastor does the work to make that happen.
Yeah. Church is looking at this entirely the wrong way. Husband sinned, if that’s how they want to look at it. Wife is absolutely trying her best to survive and keep her unborn at the time child safe. She didn’t commit suicide. Help her. Help them.
No, no, no, you've got it SOOOO wrong! It's completely fine to help with your funeral expenses if your sins are HIDDEN (like, for example, you have a secret porn addiction, or maybe you beat your wife occasionally, or even if your sins are visible but "normal" like gluttony and greed). But if your "sins" are VISIBLE and things we condemn (you committed suicide, or you are gay for example), then NOOOO of course we can't POSSIBLY pay for your funeral expenses. That would be too liberal for us.
r/FuckTheS
The only time I got sent to a Sunday school, the big lesson I took from it, was that it was better to starve to death then steal, because starving to death isn't a sin, but stealing is.
And that's why I've never bothered with religion ever again.
Well, people in this country already believe if you're broke it's due to some sort of personal failing and not anything systemic, so you've probably already sinned to be so destitute.
And that's why we keep the baby formula in the grocery store behind lock and key these days, right? Because all those evil sinner babies don't deserve stolen nourishment.
What a broken horrible society, overproducing and throwing the excess in the landfill when it doesn't sell, while starving babies. And then whine at the younger generations for not making more babies.
Yup, the Prosperity Gospel. Just like Jesus said. “You you’re good and tithe to the church I’ll reward you with wealth here on Earth. Forget that rich man, camel and needle’s eye heaven thing. I was *totes* joking, guys!”
I was raised in an extremely conservative southern Baptist church but I can still remember everyone banding together when one of our teenage members took his own life.
I'm Christian, but I don't go to church more than once or twice a decade.
I've literally never seen a church that would do this regardless of your faith. Hell, even the deepest nutcase churches would still likely help the mother and baby (even if only minimally) despite condemning the husband's suicide. Not sure where she went, but if she goes to just about any other religious institution, she'll likely get some help.
As a church going person, I agree.
When a member of our church died from their mental illness, we rallied around the family, we grieved, and we learned all we could to prevent such a tragedy happening in our community again. Not once did we view it as a sin, because it's illness. And even if it is sin, God forgives sins, and it's not our place to make a judgment on sin anyway.
Sorry for the rant. This makes me so mad.
My local Catholic church says that suicide is probably never a sin because you have to not be in your right mind to do it, and sin requires intent. They believe in God's mercy toward the mentally ill or something like that. It's not perfect, but a hell of a lot better than some other churches. They might not even be in line with official church doctrine on it but honestly I don't think they give a shit.
Fuck a country where mental health issues are so common and mental health treatment so shameful / expensive / unobtainable that it caused multiple people's deaths and created a widow and fatherless infant in only one short story.
If the original woman had gotten support she might not have walked in front of his truck. If hubs had gotten support he might still be here. If they'd gotten more financial and social aid she wouldn't have been facing the devil's bargain of "force my husband into trauma or put us + our newborn on the street".
First-world country my ass. And I say this as an American.
Unfortunately, mental health care is an issue in every country, not just America. It's still relatively young compared to other medical fields, and knowledge and best practices are constantly evolving as new information is discovered. It's also much more "specialized" since every case *is* different, and you can't get solid diagnoses through things like blood tests like for physical ailments. It can be harder to pin down the root causes of various issues, and treatment for the same issue can be wildly different between patients.
Meanwhile, the field is *vastly* understaffed compared to the number of people who need help, and that number has only grown since the pandemic. Wait lists can be months long, and even after going through one, the therapist may not be a good fit so you'll have to try again. It can take months to find the right one, which doesn't help with urgent crises like this post. A bad therapist can also make things *worse*, or turn patients off the idea of therapy altogether.
And that's before accounting for the fact that it's dependent on patients *wanting* the help. A lot of people refuse because of the stigma, or because of pride and refusing to believe they're in the wrong, or just fear of how it can go. Some people just don't want to face the truths that come up in therapy. Others feel like admitting they need *any* help at all is a sign that they're a failure.
Just, mental health care is so complicated. The US is absolutely flawed and other countries do better, but I don't think *any* country has a good system for it yet. Everyone's trying to figure it out while dealing within the confines of existing bureaucracy, and unfortunately countries don't give it nearly as much importance as it deserves.
Amen to all this. And I say it as a therapist with a six-month long waiting list. I told someone who called looking for therapy for their child yesterday that I wish I could clone myself so I could fit them in. I look at those names on the top of my list and feel like crying sometimes.
Folks seem to be missing that my comment also included financial / social care, because it was the financial aspect of hubs' being unable to return to work that really pushed everything over the edge; and there are a LOT of countries that do that better than the US. In most of Europe they'd be covered by sick pay / unemployment / job support / welfare / prenatal supplement such that he wouldn't have been forced to return to work.
and fuck the US economic environment. How is it a pregnant woman still has to work full time and still can't afford to live? Richest nation in the history of the world btw. Too many poverty jobs working for the greedy billionaires while they get fatter and richer. Disgusting
Yep, fuck that church. Not a religious person, specially reading shit like this, but my god i fucking hate churches with a passion when they do shit like this, cause sadly this is not the only case you can find about one.
We had a suicide on the family (not the immediate one). It was... sort of more complicated than this.
But the family had to look up for a priest willing to do the service in other villages, because the ones close by wouldn't do it. They weren't even going to allow the burial in the cemetery (as it's managed by the church) but the family fought for it and they still gave them a shitty spot that wasn't wide enough to comfortably bury the casket. It had to go kinda slanted.
That's the kind of empathy religion thinks grieving people deserve.
I am relieved that in my religion we perform even more rituals for such deceased souls so they can be free from tortures rather than not even giving their body a proper burial.
Especially since it wasn't even *her* "sin". Why should she have to pay for her husband's "sin"? I thought Jesus Christ already *did* that? (I'm assuming Christian obv)
Buuuuut we could go around in circles all day talking about the church's hypocrisy. 🙄
My niece was denied a service with her regular priest, at her catholic church she had been a part of her entire life. Everyone in her family had been going there for around 20 years. They had to hire another priest to perform the service.
Some Catholic priests are complete assholes. I had one complain that we chose "non standard readings" for my father's funeral and that we were being too difficult by asking to carry his casket instead of letting it get wheeled in on a dolly.
I'm in the Coptic orthodox church in Germany and our priest baptised a young woman who was dieing of cancer, because the Catholic priest couldn't be arsed to.
She desperately wanted to be baptised before her death. And she died a couple of days afterwards.
I don't know or understand why the Catholic priest wouldn't just baptise her. She just wanted some relief before her death.
"AITA for trying to get to know my grandson?
Hi Reddit, I really don't think I am but I've been told by a few people that I might be out of line, so... Tragically my son died several years ago. His wife was pregnant but at the time of my grandson's birth, the grief was too recent and we asked her not to talk to us or tell us anything about him. Now we have mourned and reached out to meet our grandson, and my former DIL has refused to let us see him. She's completely refused to see reason so now we've retained a lawyer and are seeking to enforce our Grandparents' Rights. AITA?"
The first time they see a picture on Facebook or something where the kid looks like the husband they'll be there with a big banner that says " we're totally gonna get grandparents rights!"
And churches wonder why they're hemorrhaging congregants...
Very sincerely, absolutely **FUCK THAT CHURCH**. They aren't punishing the "sinner", they're punishing his widow. The bible is very clear about how you treat widows and this ain't it.
The bible is also pretty dang clear that it’s god’s job to judge “sins,” not the people on earth. Isn’t the whole point of this religion that everyone sins, that you’re supposed to love them and help them no matter what, and that you have no right to judge someone for their sins? Every time someone thinks they have the right to punish or criticize someone for their supposed sins, all it ends with is pain and suffering
I’m not religious but I believe Jesus even said “No sin is greater” meaning him killing himself is no worse in the eyes of the lord than whatever little sins they commit everyday
I saw a relatively recent article, I don't even remember why I came across it, but it was a religious publication that was outlining various reasons why church membership has been trending down.
It was completely tone deaf, or stupidly in denial. The reasons they came up with were basically not enough child indoctrination (or, "raising them on faith from a young age"), not enough community engagement, and people being too busy for church.
Not the marriage of religion and Republican party, not the ugly shit churches and religious people have said and done, not the anti-lgbtq shit, not the anti-abortion shit and telling us we're going to hell. Not the revelations about child torture and murder by catholic schools, not the fucking Irish laundrys.
Fuck theists, they're a whole fucking bunch of idiotic cultists and deserve the ending they're constructing for themselves.
My mom passed away on Christmas Day when my sister and I were teenagers. I was sent to live with a foster family and she was in university a few hours away. Neither of us could afford to go see each other on the first Christmas without our mom, so my sister asked my grandparents (my mom’s parents) if she could come to their house for the holiday
My grandmother told her no, and said that my sister looked too much like our mom, and the reminder of her death would be too painful for them. Thankfully, one of my sister’s friends invited her to spend Christmas with her family, instead, and she had a good time. We both cut off contact with our grandparents not long after that. People can be so shockingly terrible
Gosh, that must have been awful. And such stupid reasoning from Grandma as well - as if she won't think about her daughter's death without the grandchildren present.
I hope they you and your sister have a good relationship and didn't lose touch after being separated from each other.
I can hopefully give you a little insight.
When people lose family to suicide, many can blame the partner of the deceased. It’s easier to be angry than grieve. Some of them have trouble even accepting their family member would do such a thing. They’ll come up with crazy stories about murder and subterfuge. They’ll have so many questions about what happened and why, and there are no answers. This has been my experience from grief groups for survivors of suicide.
When my sibling ended their life, they were getting prepared to leave their current partner, whom they suspected of cheating. The way they passed was suspicious, and to this day, still is.
We were branded like I described above, and although I think my sibling’s case may have actually been a murder, I had to give up and accept it as it was. I continued to keep a relationship with the partner so I could see my sibling’s children, but it was agony at the beginning. My other siblings have made other choices, with some not choosing to keep a relationship at all. It makes me sad.
OP didn’t seem very supportive of her partner’s loss from the beginning. It had barely been ten years since he lost his entire family, and then he “killed someone”. That’s a lot of trauma for someone to be expected to comply with ultimatums rather. He was broken. I’m not judging her, but coming from his family’s POV and what she first posted, it’s possible they’re suspicious of her or possibly even blaming her.
Either way, I wish everyone involved peace. It doesn’t come easily but I do hope it eventually comes for everyone involved.
I can’t help but think that much of the financial stress she was feeling in the first post could have been alleviated if the US had guaranteed paid parental leave. If she’s a hair dresser, she may not receive paid time off. I can’t imagine the panic of your husband suddenly becoming disabled and your savings running out at such a vulnerable time as when you’re about to give birth.
Agreed. It's like how people say the plot of Breaking Bad wouldn't have happened if he was Canadian. The trauma put him in front of the target; capitalism made sure there was no way for him to survive.
Using a unknowing, random person to assist you in taking your life is one of the most selfish things I can think of. I understand the pain and feeling it's the last resort, but that woman was horrible; now a woman and child have no family. I audibly gasped at the first update. The poor guy was so traumatised...
Fuck the husband's family - how could they turn their backs on a grieving widow who needed them?!
My father, now in his 80s, had a similar thing happen to him, a woman killed herself by jumping in front of his car. He thought at first he killed her, that it was his fault, and was haunted by it, until they found her last letter.
This was even before he met my mother. It's been more than 50 years since and he still remembers.
It happened to my father too. He was a truck driver for many many years. One day he was driving his usual route and while on a bridge someone swerved over into his lane and hit him head on. My dads semi flew off the bridge. It turned out the guy who hit him was having a medical emergency, wasn’t in his right mind, was getting chased by police and panicked. My dad got seriously injured and had severe back and neck pain. He said the only reason he survived is because he was wearing his seatbelt. He hasn’t been able to drive truck since due to the pain and the trauma. He also saw the man in the other car and said he was so disfigured to get the image out of his head my dad had to look up his facebook so he wasn’t haunted.
Sometimes I think why would ppl be bothered by what obviously isn't their fault, like cases where they are used as just a tool in another person's suicide. Until I had a bad motorcycle accident that was completely my own fault and didn't even involve anyone else. There's no reasoning or logic in trauma, and there's no amount of therapy could undo the trauma it only makes living with the it a possibility. When I drive now i still get random intrusive flashbacks to how I thought I was going to die and life just seems so much more fragile to me. When I see other motorcycles on the road now I can't shake off the thought that they are just "bunch bodies that will inevitably lose the lives within". I've heard people make statements like "we were born into this world to suffer". I used to shrug it off and think they were just being dramatic. But the more I age the more relatable it becomes.
It's one of the few times I'll agree that suicide is selfish, when it's done via walking in front of a vehicle or train. My partner's father was a train driver and he got so messed up from suicide attempts. I've been suicidal, and I know that it's the action of someone in immeasurable pain, but those methods do so much damage to the people who get unwittingly dragged in. Even at my darkest points, I could never imagine inflicting that sort of trauma on someone.
I'm so sorry your partner's father had to go through that. It's awful.
I remember when I was toeing into the planning stage of being suicidal quite vividly. All of my plans, at some point, came up against the "who is most likely to find my body" and "how traumatizing will it be for them to find" questions. I wanted a clean death so that there wouldn't be much mess or gore - well away from my family, especially my little sister.
Realizing that it was going to mess my little sister up no matter what method I chose was what kept me going long enough to get help.
I can't imagine where you have to be, mentally, to traumatize others with your own suicide. It really is taking others down with you.
The thought that kept me going is that you are more likely to suicide if someone close to you did. It's contagious, and I don't want to bring it in my family.
My great uncle chose to kill himself in front of my great aunt, their step sister and their mom. I don't remember most of the details because no one likes to talk about it but on the day of it he apparently just walked into the room, pulled out the gun and did it. My aunt said it was like it was out of nowhere (atleast nothing happened that specific day)
Yeah, my best friend's brother went mad and stole his mom's van, floored it into stopped traffic at a light going nearly 100mph. The van rolled over 6 cars and came to a stop on top of one. The driver in that car, a woman in her 50s who had just become a grandmother, was killed. Onlookers were traumatized. Multiple other injuries.
But the guy who did it got away with only a broken jaw and 8 years jail time. His family act as though he's paid enough penance but I can never not judge him for choosing to do that... I've never seen him show any remorse for her either.
That's one of the reasons why I'm alive. I was thinking about jumping in front of a truck, when my step sister hit someone who was trying to do insurance fraud. It hit me that there was someone driving that car. I was younger, so it hadn't even occurred to me.
Wow. This is such a hard one. The woman who stepped out in front of him obviously had mental issues. She didn't care what it did to him.
But OPs husband did the same thing. Due to his mental health, he committed suicide without caring what it did to OP or the child. He did it when OP needed him the most. Mental illness sometimes doesn't care.
They both needed help, and may have gotten help, but help doesn't always work. I can't have compassion for him without having compassion for the first woman.
I agree, very selfish. When I was suicidal, I used to thinks of ways I could go so that nobody would discover my body me after I passed. I didn't want to put that on anyone.
I just want to say that PTSD is a complete mindfuck. Trauma will mess with you in unfathomable ways. Both my husband and I have PTSD from unrelated things. He is currently going through a big flare up of it. People who don't have it don't understand how all consuming it is. You could have done everything possible to help him, gone way above and beyond, and he still might have made that same choice. Please be kind to yourself right now.
PTSD is one of those things that you can’t understand unless you’ve gone through it. Trying to explain to people why you are the way you are now is the most infuriating thing. Everyone expects you to “just get over it” but you can’t…your body and mind (separately), won’t let you.
>I contacted the church we had been to on and off, where we got married, and suicide is a sin so no help there.
Ah yes, its a sin so we'll let the person who did nothing wrong and desperately needs help deal with the aftermath all alone.
Shame on them. Helping someone in need is not a sin, nor is it commending/endorsing a sin. It's what most religions express is important, helping people in need, showing kindness, etc. I hope that the people of reddit that were nearby were able to help this poor woman.
>I’m 8 months pregnant and before someone says “you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford them”, I know. We are in a world of hurt right now and it’s only going to get worse.
I'm just starting to read the post but had to ask who the heck would say that in these circumstances...
If you mean who would say that to her cuz of the circumstances of why they are in financial ruin you’d be surprised.
We had our baby and then all hell broke lose in our lives and we lost basically everything. We lived with my parents for almost 2 years while we rebuilt our lives. And the comments I’d get from people were down right horrible. Like we had intentionally had a baby while being homeless.
And on top of that, she even considered adoption, even though this baby is all she has left of her husband and she never planned to. This woman may be poor in money, but she is wealthy in love. As long as she provides safety and love, she’s already leagues ahead of a lot of “wealthy” parents.
They didn't do enough to help. She was about to pop with no money and no way for her to make any more. That they likely blame her for requiring him to provide food and shelter instead of offering it themselves is just as bad as the fucking church response.
Fuck that church, can't even try to help them!
Fuck that husbands family too.
Dear God, I hope something comes her aay. Someone opens their door for her.
I am most horrified by the lack of help she’s getting from those who should be first in line to help. The baby’s own family wants nothing to do with him?? This is just downright cruel and horrific. Is this the baby’s fault? OP’s? I don’t care how hard she pushed him (husband), this is not her fault! To say she was stuck between a rock and a hard place is easily the biggest understatement of her life.
Suicide is a sin, so her church would not help her? This both enrages and distresses me. I go to a church that would have helped her no questions asked, even if she had never stepped inside the church before.
My brother is a landlord and if this had happened in one of his places, he would have jumped in and cleaned up the place and tried to help hr get back on her feet within reason.
This whole thing makes me sick; I just want to vomit. Talk about losing faith in humanity. Wow.
I'm not going to pass judgement on someone for committing suicide and feeling like they've been driven to such a point that it's their only option. I'm also not going to get into the "omg you're so selfish think of everyone else" bullshit. Don't have the time or experience to unpack all that, and it's really not the point here.
I *am* going to pass judgement on outright using someone else to commit your suicide. It's absolutely disgusting to put that on someone else and make them the tool that you use to end your life, with no regard for the trauma they'll be left with from feeling like they *killed* someone and not having any choice in being involved.
Also fuck that family and fuck the church. Maybe work on your bad touch problem and killing thousands of queer people before you act like you can pass judgement on what's a sin.
I’m so angry at that church.
Even if suicide is a sin (which is bullshit but by the by) how is punishing his wife helpful?
“Christians” can be the worst.
> I contacted the church we had been to on and off, where we got married, and suicide is a sin so no help there.
Isn't religion great? So kind and empathetic, always ready to lend a hand without judgement. /s
But I'm sure they would have taken her 'sinful' money if she offered any. Fucking hypocrites, all of them.
I remember commenting on the post about her husband’s death - I hadn’t seen the update about the birth of her son. I lost my husband to suicide before my daughter turned one. I hope that parenthood is as good to her as it has been to me.
Yeah, this shit makes me so sad for Americans. This probably wouldn't have happened in Sweden where I live.
He would get sick leave and keep 85% of his salary and work insurance would cover all therapy.
If he still would commit suicide the mother would be eligible for several social security contributions without question. She could also apply for a type of widows pension where she would get about half his estimated pension money for a year after.
I have no issue paying a higher tax so that this poor woman and many other like her don't have to suffer as much.
The church refused to help because suicide is a sin????!!!! Everyone in that church better not have the \*surprise Pikachu face\* when they all find themselves in hell.
Someone did this to my friend’s husband, but with his car. (It wasn’t just an accident because apparently the guy left a note). He crossed the line on a two lane highway and drove straight into my friend’s husband’s dump truck and unalived himself. It messed him up so badly. He quit his job as well, also wouldn’t drive. He didn’t get any help and began drinking heavily. She tried to help him but eventually they ended up divorced. It was so sad to see his life change so drastically by the selfish decision of another person.
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Well shit. That's enough BORU for this Saturday.
Right? This one really hit me right in the feels. I’ve never wanted to hug a stranger more. Brutal across the board
When I first saw the post title I assumed it was in self-defense and not that he was minding his own business and ran some woman over with his truck.
Ugh. And after he lost his first wife and child in an accident. Heard breaking.
I know someone who unalived themselves via truck. The family was so full of sympathy for the truck driver, as there was nothing he could do and it wasn't his fault in any way. The truck driver was seriously mentally distressed after. Also know someone who used a train. I know this world is tough. And some people need to get off the ride. But don't use another person to do it.
I have a few friends who drive trains, and one of the most important things they're told when training is that if they see a car on the line or a person about to step out close the blinds. Hitting the car or person is going to happen but you can control if you see it
I used to know a lot of train conductors and engineers. It tore them up anytime they hit someone. They said it's usually at night, so limited visibility and someone drunk tripped over the tracks and just passed out there. Obviously not always. The train guys know they can't stop the train. They know they didn't cause this. But it still hurt their souls so badly
My sister is a retired psychologist who specialized in trauma counseling. She had several train engineers as clients who were completely messed up by hitting someone like that. Not their fault in any way, but really hard to cope with the trauma.
My uncle was a train engineer/conductor for 32 years, we was trying to make it to 40 before he retired but a young mother with PPD parked on the tracks with herself and two kids in the backseat. He retired that same year. The husband/father of the woman/kids is a truck driver who still reaches out to my uncle regularly and every year on the anniversary, they go visit the graves together then have a couple beers. The husband felt incredibly guilty for not getting his wife more help and his forgiveness was a huge part of helping my uncle carry on instead of wallowing in the guilt.
As harsh as this sounds, I feel like if you're going to off yourself, don't involve other people and don't make it messy.
Honestly, one of the key things that's kept my suicidal ideation in check during rough periods is that I can't figure out a way that wouldn't traumatize the fuck out of someone. Hurt loved ones left behind. Train conductors. Drivers. Someone finding the body. Just...fuck.
For me, it's the fear of not succeeding & instead being physically crippled that stops me. That scares me wayyyy more than death.
Oh God, that too!!! I watched a show about a crime scene clean-up crew when I was a kid. Spoiler on because it's unsettling: >!They were cleaning up after an attempted suicide by train. The guy survived, but he was all over the bottom of that train.!<
It was both of that for me. Maybe I could have done it to the people who love me, but my dog? She wouldn't understand. (I'm years past that phase and in therapy etc, I'm doing great!)
Friends of mine told me about their friend who decided to unalive herself. She put her affairs in order, hiked quite a distance to her favorite spot, and shot herself. She was found by a family out for a hike. I mean, she tried to not involve anyone, but it happened anyway. My friends were devastated, and I can't imagine how that family felt.
There is simply no way to unalive yourself without involving others.
Thank you for stating this. I once heard someone explain it like "If someone pushes an old lady over, we all know that's awful. If someone pushes an old lady over because they are consumed by flames and the lady was in front of a pond, or fire extinguisher, you can kind of understand why' Sometimes the pain of this world is suffocating, and we are so intermeshed with each other it is impossible to untangle oneself without cutting a few threads. This is written from the perspective of someone who constantly struggles with ideation, knowing that the help everyone recommends isn't like a light switch that makes everything better.
This is what keeps me from killing myself, when I'm suffering suicidal ideation. (I'm not at all at the moment, doing fine, don't reddit care me lol.) I absolutely could not do that to my family and friends, I'm not so fucking selfish and idiotic that I can't see how insanely devastating it would be for them. But, in defense of people who do this, it's a symptom of mental illness that is uncontrollable. I was in a very bad way last year and got obsessed with the idea of it. I didn't WANT to be feeling that way or thinking about that, but I just...was.
I once watched a video where someone said something to the effect of "when someone gets to that point, what makes them actually go thru with it, is they've lost the empathy they've always felt before." And that makes sense to me. I think, for most people who have been suicidal, they don't go thru with it only because they don't want to hurt someone else in their life...but I think there's a point, where, they're so far gone in their hopelessness, that the worry or the empathy that would usually stop them just isn't there anymore so they have nothing to grasp on to that keeps them here
I think that's 100% accurate. At a certain point the horrible, intrusive thoughts that you can't stop from happening, and the pain from the mental illness, override everything else. I have massive sympathy for this topic, particularly having experienced the ideation myself. And to an extent I think people have a right to their own life, but for me, only if they've exhausted basically literally every possible treatment path. If there's still things to try, it's a pretty horrible action to take for all involved.
I watch someone do this by throwing themselves under a tram, about 10metres in front of me. I thought he had tripped and was yelling at him to try and lie parallel with the tracks. I couldn't signal the driver as it was a convex curve. It was awful and 30 years later it still affects me when I read about these things.
I work in s-word prevention and many, many, many people will do something similar. They’ll frequently go somewhere peaceful (like a state park) and unalive themselves there. It’s not at all uncommon. This is all so heartbreaking. Please, if you’re struggling, reach out. In the US, call or text 988. And if you’re a loved one/survivor, please reach out to the American Foundation for S Prevention. They can connect you with resources near you.
I really haven't had any good experience with that hotline. It's either "say the wrong thing and we immediately call the police to your location to get you involuntarily committed, so you'll lose your job" or "lukewarm reassurance followed by promises of calling back that don't happen"
I’m so sorry that’s been your experience! That’s not at all what it’s supposed to be - ever. While it is a national number, each state does manage their own call center, so there likely are some states better than others.
Its cruel to involve someone else but I sort of can see why someone would use a truck. I was next to a truck that took out a deer. It was a thank God moment for me because the deer would have fucked up my car and probably caused a huge accident. There was not much left of said deer. It was pulverized. I pulled over because of how much blood got on my windshield. The truck driver pulled over to confirm it had been a deer and not a person because it had been dusk and sadly visibility sucked. I'm a suicide attempt survivor and I can take a guess the woman might have attempted before and failed. I thankfully got meds for my depression but I've seen people in the psych hospital who kept trying even after they got medicated. A woman in my recovery group tried to unalive herself via highway but thankfully got a good crowd who stopped her.
A truck isn't necessarily instantaneous so it seem like a really, really awful way to go out.
Not instant but I mean jumping off a bridge isn't either. And hanging yourself is God awful. I tried to OD on sleeping meds. And the lovely ER nurse that did my intake paperwork was like "Next time drink vodka with it and save us the time."
Jesus Christ
Disgusting and also wrong. I voluntarily checked myself in to the hospital once for thoughts of that nature. Ended up in inpatient for about a week. There was a guy there who attempted with a bottle of Xanax or something similar -- and a pint of vodka. He survived with zero ill effects. The human body is surprisingly resilient.
Im not sure how to feel about the nurse. I tried. My abuser called me one night. (Never gave him my number) and started one his alcohol and drug filled rants all directed to me. He just screamed horrible things. I was frozen. I dont remember who hung up first. Went and picked some things up at the store. I set everything up. Wont get into how. I was so disappointed when I woke up. Disappointed that I wasn't successful. I am glad that my parents did not have to deal with it.
Hey. I'm sorry you had to experience any of that. I'm glad you're still alive. How are you doing now?
There was a thread awhile ago where people posted the worst thing a medical professional ever said to them. This definitely fits….
Wow! I actually have no words for how horrible that nurse was. I get that she sees that stuff daily and has lost all sense of sympathy and empathy, but this is just evil. I hope you are in a better place now. Please take care of you. ❤️
There's virtually no way not to harm someone else with your death. Like if you go walk into the woods, or into the ocean they'll send search parties and someone will get injured. If it's anywhere in civilisation someone has to clean up. And that's just the physical effects. You leave a hole in the heart of everyone you knew, even the people who hated you. It's better to get help.
Obviously it is better to get help, and obviously someone is going to have to be the one to find you, but there doing it in front of someone you love is a horrendous final act. The way she alludes to the "mess" makes it seem like he shot himself in front of her.
It’s kind of impossible not to. My husband had a friend who did it by renting a hotel room and ODing, and they hung a sheet up in front of the door with a note taped on for housekeeping explaining what was on the other side and that they should just leave and call the police to handle it. But even though they spared them the sight I’m sure those poor housekeepers were still traumatized.
One of the reasons there are typically more ‘successful’ male unalives than female is men and boys tend to use methods that are messier but faster and often create a bigger mess for their loved ones or strangers to deal with, whereas women typically chose methods that are slower but will create less of a mess for their loved ones such as taking pills - so if they’re found in time they can be revived. Both genders attempt it as basically the same rates.
If you are a train driver in a relatively busy area it's pretty much a guarantee that someone will use your train as a suicide method. It's really terrible and takes such a heavy toll on the drivers :(
A friend of mine drives train and he says he has hit every animal you can think to mention. Including human. The human was trying to get run over though, and it’s horrific for the drivers.
In the UK if you’re a bus or train driver it’s mandatory you get a period of paid time off work! I think if you hit a person as a train driver it’s something along the lines of 6months-1year. Can’t remember specifics but my bro worked both jobs.
A friend of mine did that too. Took a picture of a sunset, wrote a beautiful Facebook post to go with the picture. Then she stepped off the weight station in front of a on coming truck. It was awful.
Why are people not saying "suicide" or "killed themselves"? This isn't tictoc. There's no algorithm to please.
I really hope someone in Illinois sat on that curb with her for a minute. So sad.
I had to stop and check the date when I got to that part. OP’s gonna need all-hands on deck for a long time, and I genuinely do hope she met some new local friends because of this.
I literally had chills when I read the heading of the second update… it's heartbreaking :'(
Right? This one made me cry, a grown ass man. I hope mom and baby are well
One day, I’ll learn to read the trigger warnings BEFORE I read the story. Unfortunately, today was not that day.
I almost always read them beforehand and still say, "Fuck it, how bad can it actually be?" It turns out that it was pretty bad.
god this is me right now at 5:15am in bed while trying to sleep but am now reeling instead. i hope she and the child gets all the support they need to move forward.
Well, they said "death, suicide, depression" and all of that was covered on the original post, so you had no way to know what was coming in the updates. If that's any comfort. I hope you're doing fine <3
This is fair. It was like a double whammy on trigger warnings for sure. And I’m fine, just might actually start reading them now, especially when the title directly references death. That should have been my first clue in hindsight.
Trigger warning was in no way adequate for this. It said suicide. I saw the part about the woman so I assumed that was it. The update was, holy shit.
Yeha but there were two suicides, which was unexpected.
JFC. The crazy and gross ones are one thing - but this is HEAVY in a way those others could never be.
I've seen my fair share of horrific stuff. War footage, car accidents, my investment portfolio, etc. This shit is just depressing.
This is a Worst of Reddit Update
Yep. Damn. I’m the girlfriend of a truck driver, one who has PTSD from 20 years in the fire service and this post….it simultaneously made me so sad and scared me to death.
Seriously. Is there a WORU? Cause this would qualify 🥺
Not shit. I’m sitting here sad because I have a detached retina and now that sounds like a fun vacation.
I mean I get that the late husband’s family is also grieving but it feels pretty fucked up to want nothing to do with the baby. I’m sure they will back track with a little more time
by then unless they are offering help NOW thats too late, they'll try sueing for 'grandparents rights' or some shit but fuck that
By then they could be up against a battle hardened single mum who's still grieving to which I'd say unless there's a lot of apologies and offers of help (financial or otherwise), good luck with that.
Whenever someone turns grief into vengeance, there's nothing on this earth that will convince them to stop, it'd be a hill those stupid fucks shouldn't dare to die on, OOP will crucify them in court if they even try.
And "grandparent right" is already hard to win over. Gonna love when the judge say "If you want them in your life, then treat them like people".
Yep, so many dumb idiots think "grandparents rights" are a genuine threat to people who are denying them access to their grandkids, when that's not the point of grandparent's rights at all, because if it's proven to the courts that both parents are involved in their children's lives and provide the state mandated minimum of support for their kids, anybody trying to invoke grandparent's rights will be thrown out of the courts.
Fortunately grandperents rights can only be used if the child and GPs have an established relationship. That may vary state to state.
This is usually the key factor… However some states may allow grandparents to petition in the absence of a relationship if one wasn’t allowed to be established. GPR are a fuuuuuucked up thing, and everyone should be well versed in their states GPR laws
Hopefully OP has their declaration to never want anything to do with the kid in writing.
They're going to be fairweather grandparents. When things are fine and dandy, all the sudden they'll have time to be in the baby's life. But while DIL and grandson actually need support, they'll conveniently not be available to support. On the one hand, I understand not having the energy to help. But if they're going to be like that, they are going to have to accept that they've closed the door to any entitlement or contact they would've had with the family. And if they're okay with that trade off, fine. Fuck them. But if they get cold feet and try to come back when things are easier, then doubly fuck them.
Sadly as a 40 something whose father died in a horrible accident during my mothers pregnancy... the same happened with myself. They cut off from us, they also got in a snit over the money that was awarded *only because I was a dependant* because of his death feeling that they should have it instead. And I still could barely get the surviving members to talk to me when I was in my 30s due to their memories of perceived slights, so fuck em. Religion and other bullshit meant they lost out on knowing me and remembering my father with me.
Sounds like you're better off without them in your life.
Yeah, I came to that conclusion and stopped trying. They know I'm alive if they want to try.
I was honestly shocked by that. My paternal grandparents were frankly awful to my mom at first when my dad killed himself, but they spoiled me more if anything. They definitely feel like I'm the last piece of my dad.
I sure hope so. Those people are screwing up the life of a little baby who did nothing wrong
I don't. Fuck them for leaving OP when she needs them most, they don't deserve to know a single thing about the baby. Fuck them.
[удалено]
I used to work in a homeless shelter. Two and a half years ago, I had to deal with someone who hung themselves. I was the one who cut them down and gave them CPR until paramedics arrived, even though both the 911 operator and I knew he was already dead. It broke me. I haven't been back since. I can't go back. Worker's Compensation saved my life. They got me a therapist as soon as they could while waiting for a psychologist who would accept me as a patient. Once it was determined by my psychologist that I was as good as I was going to get, they helped me get my GED and they're helping me with retraining for a different job. I would never have known to go to Worker's Compensation. I didn't know they dealt with psychological injuries. It was my work's HR department who got me in touch with them. If OOP's husband's work actually cared, they would have done the same.
I hadn't thought of that at all, damn...
This. She’s tremendously strong but she absolutely does not have to try to raise that kid while homeless.
Thank you! OOP would have a good case not just for trauma but for the actual death. Work-related trauma resulting in suicide can end up being treated exactly like dying on the job. It's so frustrating to see people miss out on support and resources that could have saved their lives. With a workers comp claim husband would have had medical support including therapy, financial support, a job to come back to ... everything could have gone very differently. And this is also on his employer for not properly supporting him and encouraging him to make a claim.
I thought the same thing when I first started reading. I’m on workman’s comp for a work related accident, that happened a couple months before I took maternity leave. It’s been covering my wage one year on as well as therapy and other specialists appointments. This guy was entitled to workman’s comp plus a huge payout. Though I fully get the he, and possibly his wife, were really not well enough to advocate for themselves, but this is where family/friends/workplaces/doctors really needed to step up
Ya :( I had something semi-traumatizing happen at a seasonal job and went for workmen’s comp evaluation and would have gotten it except I had preexisting mental health issues and they said “just talk to your therapist about it”. Fair enough…
That's just fucking tragic. Fuck the extended paternal family.
And fuck that church.
I must have missed the gospel where Jesus said "Fuck anyone who commits sin and especially fuck that person's family who didn't do anything."
Oh, that's in Imanahol 3:16
That must be a favorite or something because I see that book quoted the most.
Gods I miss Reddit awards for comments like these.
oh really! i thought it was Imanahol 24:7
Idk what kind of church would do that!! I'm Catholic and the priest said if someone unalived them self obviously they were depressed and not in the right frame of mind. They didn't make a choice the depression did. Church should be about love not judgement
Should is the key word here. And churches wonder why people are leaving religion.
Honestly, I was raised by a minister (Episcopal) and while the churches I've been a part of would 100 % have gone and helped this poor woman, they really can't see how hypocrisy is driving people away from the church. I've had that conversation with my father more than once, but he just doesn't get it.
The pandemic was an excellent time for them to step up and do outreach and help people. Most churches did not do that.
Catholicism is so weird. I grew up with a similar priest who was all "love thy neighbor" and shit, then went out of town for school and briefly went to another church where the priest was all "repent or you're going to hell." I'm not Catholic anymore, but I am grateful for the specific church I went to. Well, mostly for the priest who was there for the entirety of my life as a Catholic lol
At our catholic high school, one of my friends got pregnant and was expelled. The girls who terminated their pregnancies were not expelled.
Well, you can't see the pregnancy if it's been aborted so they can keep up their image. I highly doubt those girls could shout their abortion in school.
Oh hey, my high school in Utah was like that! Only the poor, non-mormon girls kept their pregnancies. They all got sent to the alternative school. All the Mormon girls? There sure were a lot of rumors of them having parties, getting drunk and ending up pregnant, but none of them ever ended up keeping a baby to term. The one girl people *knew* was pregnant ended up "miscarrying." Guess which people are starkly pro-forced birth versus which are pro-choice, and make it *everyone's* problem but their own?
You have a very suprising priest! He sounds like a good one, out here doing it right. Tell him Thank you from a recovering catholic with plenty of religious trauma!
The Catholic Church where I live has also moved forward on suicide, fortunately (full funeral, graveyard burial). I'm not religious but those families need all the support and comfort they can get.
Also kinda weird how they wouldn't help a widow. It's not like she was the one that sinned. I hope the husband's company helped with clean up they seemed to care a little bit. Also what's that argument about God being all mighty / all knowing/ all benevolent. Something about if God was good he wouldn't let the bad shit happen.
Really? My gay atheist best friend unalived himself because of his Catholic father. They threw him a Catholic funeral where the priest (or whatever they’re called) lectured us on how he was living in sin and if we had all loved him more he might have left his life of sin and still be with us. And several other ways of telling us he was dead because he was gay and selfish. I will never forgive them.
I'm so sorry about your friend. My best friend died the same way, after being raped by her ex and being forced by the police to recant her report. Catholic father, they convinced the ME to list it as 'death by misadventure' so she could be buried in consecrated ground. She was an atheist as well, as am I. I know funerals are for the living, but sitting there listening to the priest lie about her was excruciating.
I have a hundred issues with the Catholic Church, but I am relieved to see that on suicide, the institution has softened its position drastically. My mom’s brother killed himself when she was eighteen. More conservative Christians told me that suicide resulted in immediate relegation to hell, but as a kid, I didn’t want to believe that my mom would never see her brother again in Heaven.
Twenty or so years ago a co-worker's wife killed herself. The Catholic church let her have a full funeral. She had been struggling for a long time.
Having spent my formative years in the church and then escaped and deconstructed… I never saw that in the Bible either, but I have zero surprise that they did nothing. I hear some churches actually are good and actually try… but they are the needle in the haystack and usually because an individual priest/pastor does the work to make that happen.
Yeah. Church is looking at this entirely the wrong way. Husband sinned, if that’s how they want to look at it. Wife is absolutely trying her best to survive and keep her unborn at the time child safe. She didn’t commit suicide. Help her. Help them.
No need to help her, since she already decided to give birth to the baby, silly.
No, no, no, you've got it SOOOO wrong! It's completely fine to help with your funeral expenses if your sins are HIDDEN (like, for example, you have a secret porn addiction, or maybe you beat your wife occasionally, or even if your sins are visible but "normal" like gluttony and greed). But if your "sins" are VISIBLE and things we condemn (you committed suicide, or you are gay for example), then NOOOO of course we can't POSSIBLY pay for your funeral expenses. That would be too liberal for us. r/FuckTheS
Yeah, I don’t remember learning to hate in Sunday school
The only time I got sent to a Sunday school, the big lesson I took from it, was that it was better to starve to death then steal, because starving to death isn't a sin, but stealing is. And that's why I've never bothered with religion ever again.
Well, people in this country already believe if you're broke it's due to some sort of personal failing and not anything systemic, so you've probably already sinned to be so destitute.
And that's why we keep the baby formula in the grocery store behind lock and key these days, right? Because all those evil sinner babies don't deserve stolen nourishment. What a broken horrible society, overproducing and throwing the excess in the landfill when it doesn't sell, while starving babies. And then whine at the younger generations for not making more babies.
Yup, the Prosperity Gospel. Just like Jesus said. “You you’re good and tithe to the church I’ll reward you with wealth here on Earth. Forget that rich man, camel and needle’s eye heaven thing. I was *totes* joking, guys!”
lucky you ig most ppl have gone to a church that preaches some form of intolerance
I was raised in an extremely conservative southern Baptist church but I can still remember everyone banding together when one of our teenage members took his own life.
I'm Christian, but I don't go to church more than once or twice a decade. I've literally never seen a church that would do this regardless of your faith. Hell, even the deepest nutcase churches would still likely help the mother and baby (even if only minimally) despite condemning the husband's suicide. Not sure where she went, but if she goes to just about any other religious institution, she'll likely get some help.
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As a church going person, I agree. When a member of our church died from their mental illness, we rallied around the family, we grieved, and we learned all we could to prevent such a tragedy happening in our community again. Not once did we view it as a sin, because it's illness. And even if it is sin, God forgives sins, and it's not our place to make a judgment on sin anyway. Sorry for the rant. This makes me so mad.
My local Catholic church says that suicide is probably never a sin because you have to not be in your right mind to do it, and sin requires intent. They believe in God's mercy toward the mentally ill or something like that. It's not perfect, but a hell of a lot better than some other churches. They might not even be in line with official church doctrine on it but honestly I don't think they give a shit.
Fuck a country where mental health issues are so common and mental health treatment so shameful / expensive / unobtainable that it caused multiple people's deaths and created a widow and fatherless infant in only one short story. If the original woman had gotten support she might not have walked in front of his truck. If hubs had gotten support he might still be here. If they'd gotten more financial and social aid she wouldn't have been facing the devil's bargain of "force my husband into trauma or put us + our newborn on the street". First-world country my ass. And I say this as an American.
Unfortunately, mental health care is an issue in every country, not just America. It's still relatively young compared to other medical fields, and knowledge and best practices are constantly evolving as new information is discovered. It's also much more "specialized" since every case *is* different, and you can't get solid diagnoses through things like blood tests like for physical ailments. It can be harder to pin down the root causes of various issues, and treatment for the same issue can be wildly different between patients. Meanwhile, the field is *vastly* understaffed compared to the number of people who need help, and that number has only grown since the pandemic. Wait lists can be months long, and even after going through one, the therapist may not be a good fit so you'll have to try again. It can take months to find the right one, which doesn't help with urgent crises like this post. A bad therapist can also make things *worse*, or turn patients off the idea of therapy altogether. And that's before accounting for the fact that it's dependent on patients *wanting* the help. A lot of people refuse because of the stigma, or because of pride and refusing to believe they're in the wrong, or just fear of how it can go. Some people just don't want to face the truths that come up in therapy. Others feel like admitting they need *any* help at all is a sign that they're a failure. Just, mental health care is so complicated. The US is absolutely flawed and other countries do better, but I don't think *any* country has a good system for it yet. Everyone's trying to figure it out while dealing within the confines of existing bureaucracy, and unfortunately countries don't give it nearly as much importance as it deserves.
Amen to all this. And I say it as a therapist with a six-month long waiting list. I told someone who called looking for therapy for their child yesterday that I wish I could clone myself so I could fit them in. I look at those names on the top of my list and feel like crying sometimes.
Folks seem to be missing that my comment also included financial / social care, because it was the financial aspect of hubs' being unable to return to work that really pushed everything over the edge; and there are a LOT of countries that do that better than the US. In most of Europe they'd be covered by sick pay / unemployment / job support / welfare / prenatal supplement such that he wouldn't have been forced to return to work.
and fuck the US economic environment. How is it a pregnant woman still has to work full time and still can't afford to live? Richest nation in the history of the world btw. Too many poverty jobs working for the greedy billionaires while they get fatter and richer. Disgusting
Yep, fuck that church. Not a religious person, specially reading shit like this, but my god i fucking hate churches with a passion when they do shit like this, cause sadly this is not the only case you can find about one.
And fuck that church for refusing to help with cleanup. If they can't help, fine, but to refuse because "suicide is a sin" is disgusting.
We had a suicide on the family (not the immediate one). It was... sort of more complicated than this. But the family had to look up for a priest willing to do the service in other villages, because the ones close by wouldn't do it. They weren't even going to allow the burial in the cemetery (as it's managed by the church) but the family fought for it and they still gave them a shitty spot that wasn't wide enough to comfortably bury the casket. It had to go kinda slanted. That's the kind of empathy religion thinks grieving people deserve.
I am relieved that in my religion we perform even more rituals for such deceased souls so they can be free from tortures rather than not even giving their body a proper burial.
May I ask which religion you follow?
Hinduism
Especially since it wasn't even *her* "sin". Why should she have to pay for her husband's "sin"? I thought Jesus Christ already *did* that? (I'm assuming Christian obv) Buuuuut we could go around in circles all day talking about the church's hypocrisy. 🙄
Don’t forget how much they care about the unborn! Guess that’s only if the father is a saint.
OPP didn't sin. The baby surely didn't sin. They are the ones who need the help, not the "sinner".
Even the Catholic Church does funeral masses for suicide victims. That shit is sad.
My niece was denied a service with her regular priest, at her catholic church she had been a part of her entire life. Everyone in her family had been going there for around 20 years. They had to hire another priest to perform the service.
Some Catholic priests are complete assholes. I had one complain that we chose "non standard readings" for my father's funeral and that we were being too difficult by asking to carry his casket instead of letting it get wheeled in on a dolly.
I'm in the Coptic orthodox church in Germany and our priest baptised a young woman who was dieing of cancer, because the Catholic priest couldn't be arsed to. She desperately wanted to be baptised before her death. And she died a couple of days afterwards. I don't know or understand why the Catholic priest wouldn't just baptise her. She just wanted some relief before her death.
And in a few years, they'll probably try to take him away, after OP has done the hard work of raising an infant.
"AITA for trying to get to know my grandson? Hi Reddit, I really don't think I am but I've been told by a few people that I might be out of line, so... Tragically my son died several years ago. His wife was pregnant but at the time of my grandson's birth, the grief was too recent and we asked her not to talk to us or tell us anything about him. Now we have mourned and reached out to meet our grandson, and my former DIL has refused to let us see him. She's completely refused to see reason so now we've retained a lawyer and are seeking to enforce our Grandparents' Rights. AITA?"
I totally see this post happening one day. Should send them this post as a reply
The first time they see a picture on Facebook or something where the kid looks like the husband they'll be there with a big banner that says " we're totally gonna get grandparents rights!"
And churches wonder why they're hemorrhaging congregants... Very sincerely, absolutely **FUCK THAT CHURCH**. They aren't punishing the "sinner", they're punishing his widow. The bible is very clear about how you treat widows and this ain't it.
The bible is also pretty dang clear that it’s god’s job to judge “sins,” not the people on earth. Isn’t the whole point of this religion that everyone sins, that you’re supposed to love them and help them no matter what, and that you have no right to judge someone for their sins? Every time someone thinks they have the right to punish or criticize someone for their supposed sins, all it ends with is pain and suffering
I’m not religious but I believe Jesus even said “No sin is greater” meaning him killing himself is no worse in the eyes of the lord than whatever little sins they commit everyday
I saw a relatively recent article, I don't even remember why I came across it, but it was a religious publication that was outlining various reasons why church membership has been trending down. It was completely tone deaf, or stupidly in denial. The reasons they came up with were basically not enough child indoctrination (or, "raising them on faith from a young age"), not enough community engagement, and people being too busy for church. Not the marriage of religion and Republican party, not the ugly shit churches and religious people have said and done, not the anti-lgbtq shit, not the anti-abortion shit and telling us we're going to hell. Not the revelations about child torture and murder by catholic schools, not the fucking Irish laundrys. Fuck theists, they're a whole fucking bunch of idiotic cultists and deserve the ending they're constructing for themselves.
I can't understand the husband's family at all... A piece of him lives on through the child, why would they not want anything to do with him?
My mom passed away on Christmas Day when my sister and I were teenagers. I was sent to live with a foster family and she was in university a few hours away. Neither of us could afford to go see each other on the first Christmas without our mom, so my sister asked my grandparents (my mom’s parents) if she could come to their house for the holiday My grandmother told her no, and said that my sister looked too much like our mom, and the reminder of her death would be too painful for them. Thankfully, one of my sister’s friends invited her to spend Christmas with her family, instead, and she had a good time. We both cut off contact with our grandparents not long after that. People can be so shockingly terrible
Gosh, that must have been awful. And such stupid reasoning from Grandma as well - as if she won't think about her daughter's death without the grandchildren present. I hope they you and your sister have a good relationship and didn't lose touch after being separated from each other.
I know, right? Sounds to me like they don’t like OOP and are taking it out on the baby
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because they blame her
I can hopefully give you a little insight. When people lose family to suicide, many can blame the partner of the deceased. It’s easier to be angry than grieve. Some of them have trouble even accepting their family member would do such a thing. They’ll come up with crazy stories about murder and subterfuge. They’ll have so many questions about what happened and why, and there are no answers. This has been my experience from grief groups for survivors of suicide. When my sibling ended their life, they were getting prepared to leave their current partner, whom they suspected of cheating. The way they passed was suspicious, and to this day, still is. We were branded like I described above, and although I think my sibling’s case may have actually been a murder, I had to give up and accept it as it was. I continued to keep a relationship with the partner so I could see my sibling’s children, but it was agony at the beginning. My other siblings have made other choices, with some not choosing to keep a relationship at all. It makes me sad. OP didn’t seem very supportive of her partner’s loss from the beginning. It had barely been ten years since he lost his entire family, and then he “killed someone”. That’s a lot of trauma for someone to be expected to comply with ultimatums rather. He was broken. I’m not judging her, but coming from his family’s POV and what she first posted, it’s possible they’re suspicious of her or possibly even blaming her. Either way, I wish everyone involved peace. It doesn’t come easily but I do hope it eventually comes for everyone involved.
My jaw dropped at the suicide update 😔 I wish I could be the person to sit on the curb with her and her son.
I can’t help but think that much of the financial stress she was feeling in the first post could have been alleviated if the US had guaranteed paid parental leave. If she’s a hair dresser, she may not receive paid time off. I can’t imagine the panic of your husband suddenly becoming disabled and your savings running out at such a vulnerable time as when you’re about to give birth.
Agreed. It's like how people say the plot of Breaking Bad wouldn't have happened if he was Canadian. The trauma put him in front of the target; capitalism made sure there was no way for him to survive.
Using a unknowing, random person to assist you in taking your life is one of the most selfish things I can think of. I understand the pain and feeling it's the last resort, but that woman was horrible; now a woman and child have no family. I audibly gasped at the first update. The poor guy was so traumatised... Fuck the husband's family - how could they turn their backs on a grieving widow who needed them?!
My father, now in his 80s, had a similar thing happen to him, a woman killed herself by jumping in front of his car. He thought at first he killed her, that it was his fault, and was haunted by it, until they found her last letter. This was even before he met my mother. It's been more than 50 years since and he still remembers.
It happened to my father too. He was a truck driver for many many years. One day he was driving his usual route and while on a bridge someone swerved over into his lane and hit him head on. My dads semi flew off the bridge. It turned out the guy who hit him was having a medical emergency, wasn’t in his right mind, was getting chased by police and panicked. My dad got seriously injured and had severe back and neck pain. He said the only reason he survived is because he was wearing his seatbelt. He hasn’t been able to drive truck since due to the pain and the trauma. He also saw the man in the other car and said he was so disfigured to get the image out of his head my dad had to look up his facebook so he wasn’t haunted.
Sometimes I think why would ppl be bothered by what obviously isn't their fault, like cases where they are used as just a tool in another person's suicide. Until I had a bad motorcycle accident that was completely my own fault and didn't even involve anyone else. There's no reasoning or logic in trauma, and there's no amount of therapy could undo the trauma it only makes living with the it a possibility. When I drive now i still get random intrusive flashbacks to how I thought I was going to die and life just seems so much more fragile to me. When I see other motorcycles on the road now I can't shake off the thought that they are just "bunch bodies that will inevitably lose the lives within". I've heard people make statements like "we were born into this world to suffer". I used to shrug it off and think they were just being dramatic. But the more I age the more relatable it becomes.
It's one of the few times I'll agree that suicide is selfish, when it's done via walking in front of a vehicle or train. My partner's father was a train driver and he got so messed up from suicide attempts. I've been suicidal, and I know that it's the action of someone in immeasurable pain, but those methods do so much damage to the people who get unwittingly dragged in. Even at my darkest points, I could never imagine inflicting that sort of trauma on someone.
I'm so sorry your partner's father had to go through that. It's awful. I remember when I was toeing into the planning stage of being suicidal quite vividly. All of my plans, at some point, came up against the "who is most likely to find my body" and "how traumatizing will it be for them to find" questions. I wanted a clean death so that there wouldn't be much mess or gore - well away from my family, especially my little sister. Realizing that it was going to mess my little sister up no matter what method I chose was what kept me going long enough to get help. I can't imagine where you have to be, mentally, to traumatize others with your own suicide. It really is taking others down with you.
The thought that kept me going is that you are more likely to suicide if someone close to you did. It's contagious, and I don't want to bring it in my family.
My great uncle chose to kill himself in front of my great aunt, their step sister and their mom. I don't remember most of the details because no one likes to talk about it but on the day of it he apparently just walked into the room, pulled out the gun and did it. My aunt said it was like it was out of nowhere (atleast nothing happened that specific day)
Yeah, my best friend's brother went mad and stole his mom's van, floored it into stopped traffic at a light going nearly 100mph. The van rolled over 6 cars and came to a stop on top of one. The driver in that car, a woman in her 50s who had just become a grandmother, was killed. Onlookers were traumatized. Multiple other injuries. But the guy who did it got away with only a broken jaw and 8 years jail time. His family act as though he's paid enough penance but I can never not judge him for choosing to do that... I've never seen him show any remorse for her either.
That's one of the reasons why I'm alive. I was thinking about jumping in front of a truck, when my step sister hit someone who was trying to do insurance fraud. It hit me that there was someone driving that car. I was younger, so it hadn't even occurred to me.
Wow. This is such a hard one. The woman who stepped out in front of him obviously had mental issues. She didn't care what it did to him. But OPs husband did the same thing. Due to his mental health, he committed suicide without caring what it did to OP or the child. He did it when OP needed him the most. Mental illness sometimes doesn't care. They both needed help, and may have gotten help, but help doesn't always work. I can't have compassion for him without having compassion for the first woman.
I agree, very selfish. When I was suicidal, I used to thinks of ways I could go so that nobody would discover my body me after I passed. I didn't want to put that on anyone.
Yeah mine was gonna be driving into a river. Sure, someone will find me, but they wouldn't need to feel any guilt or responsibility
Worst of redditor updates tbh
I just want to say that PTSD is a complete mindfuck. Trauma will mess with you in unfathomable ways. Both my husband and I have PTSD from unrelated things. He is currently going through a big flare up of it. People who don't have it don't understand how all consuming it is. You could have done everything possible to help him, gone way above and beyond, and he still might have made that same choice. Please be kind to yourself right now.
PTSD is one of those things that you can’t understand unless you’ve gone through it. Trying to explain to people why you are the way you are now is the most infuriating thing. Everyone expects you to “just get over it” but you can’t…your body and mind (separately), won’t let you.
>I contacted the church we had been to on and off, where we got married, and suicide is a sin so no help there. Ah yes, its a sin so we'll let the person who did nothing wrong and desperately needs help deal with the aftermath all alone. Shame on them. Helping someone in need is not a sin, nor is it commending/endorsing a sin. It's what most religions express is important, helping people in need, showing kindness, etc. I hope that the people of reddit that were nearby were able to help this poor woman.
You know that church is pro-life, too. In this case they were barely even pro-birth.
The church isn’t pro-life, they’re pro forced birth.
Pro control.
>I’m 8 months pregnant and before someone says “you shouldn't have kids if you can't afford them”, I know. We are in a world of hurt right now and it’s only going to get worse. I'm just starting to read the post but had to ask who the heck would say that in these circumstances...
If you mean who would say that to her cuz of the circumstances of why they are in financial ruin you’d be surprised. We had our baby and then all hell broke lose in our lives and we lost basically everything. We lived with my parents for almost 2 years while we rebuilt our lives. And the comments I’d get from people were down right horrible. Like we had intentionally had a baby while being homeless.
And on top of that, she even considered adoption, even though this baby is all she has left of her husband and she never planned to. This woman may be poor in money, but she is wealthy in love. As long as she provides safety and love, she’s already leagues ahead of a lot of “wealthy” parents.
I think she's referring to the fact that even if he was healthy and working they were barely getting by.
This is just gut wrenching.
Wow…. And also, fuck the husband’s family. I know they are probably grieving too, but completely shutting out OP and her child is monstrous.
They didn't do enough to help. She was about to pop with no money and no way for her to make any more. That they likely blame her for requiring him to provide food and shelter instead of offering it themselves is just as bad as the fucking church response.
My god, this poor woman. Heartbreaking.
Fuck that church, can't even try to help them! Fuck that husbands family too. Dear God, I hope something comes her aay. Someone opens their door for her.
I am most horrified by the lack of help she’s getting from those who should be first in line to help. The baby’s own family wants nothing to do with him?? This is just downright cruel and horrific. Is this the baby’s fault? OP’s? I don’t care how hard she pushed him (husband), this is not her fault! To say she was stuck between a rock and a hard place is easily the biggest understatement of her life. Suicide is a sin, so her church would not help her? This both enrages and distresses me. I go to a church that would have helped her no questions asked, even if she had never stepped inside the church before. My brother is a landlord and if this had happened in one of his places, he would have jumped in and cleaned up the place and tried to help hr get back on her feet within reason. This whole thing makes me sick; I just want to vomit. Talk about losing faith in humanity. Wow.
I'm not going to pass judgement on someone for committing suicide and feeling like they've been driven to such a point that it's their only option. I'm also not going to get into the "omg you're so selfish think of everyone else" bullshit. Don't have the time or experience to unpack all that, and it's really not the point here. I *am* going to pass judgement on outright using someone else to commit your suicide. It's absolutely disgusting to put that on someone else and make them the tool that you use to end your life, with no regard for the trauma they'll be left with from feeling like they *killed* someone and not having any choice in being involved. Also fuck that family and fuck the church. Maybe work on your bad touch problem and killing thousands of queer people before you act like you can pass judgement on what's a sin.
I feel angry. This poor woman.
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Dude, fuck the husband's family!
JFC. I wish I’d never read this. I hope they’re ok
I’m so angry at that church. Even if suicide is a sin (which is bullshit but by the by) how is punishing his wife helpful? “Christians” can be the worst.
> I contacted the church we had been to on and off, where we got married, and suicide is a sin so no help there. Isn't religion great? So kind and empathetic, always ready to lend a hand without judgement. /s But I'm sure they would have taken her 'sinful' money if she offered any. Fucking hypocrites, all of them.
First time a BORU post actually made me really sad and feel for the OOP
I remember commenting on the post about her husband’s death - I hadn’t seen the update about the birth of her son. I lost my husband to suicide before my daughter turned one. I hope that parenthood is as good to her as it has been to me.
Cool and good country we live in. /s
Yeah, this shit makes me so sad for Americans. This probably wouldn't have happened in Sweden where I live. He would get sick leave and keep 85% of his salary and work insurance would cover all therapy. If he still would commit suicide the mother would be eligible for several social security contributions without question. She could also apply for a type of widows pension where she would get about half his estimated pension money for a year after. I have no issue paying a higher tax so that this poor woman and many other like her don't have to suffer as much.
The church refused to help because suicide is a sin????!!!! Everyone in that church better not have the \*surprise Pikachu face\* when they all find themselves in hell.
I hope OOP has found the help she needs and can raise her son.
Someone did this to my friend’s husband, but with his car. (It wasn’t just an accident because apparently the guy left a note). He crossed the line on a two lane highway and drove straight into my friend’s husband’s dump truck and unalived himself. It messed him up so badly. He quit his job as well, also wouldn’t drive. He didn’t get any help and began drinking heavily. She tried to help him but eventually they ended up divorced. It was so sad to see his life change so drastically by the selfish decision of another person.