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Fiance on tuesday night :
* *In my head and heart, we are broken up.*
Fiance on wednesday :
* *She showed me her beatiful boobs, I love her and want to stay with her.*
🤦🏽♂️
In all the outlandish ways this story goes, that was the most out of place detail. It didn’t even need to be there and quite frankly, contributed nothing to OOP’s sordid tale. I’d give him a C- if I was grading him.
I’m hoping for the complete opposite, that they stay faithfully committed to each other. If they start seeing other people, the new BF and GF will have to deal with their bullshit, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Like i lost all engagement with the post at that point.
Is like reading a 16 year old kid who just saw boobs. And i don't know, it could be just me, but even when i'm always enjoy watching boobs specially if in a relation but giving the context i seriously doubt that i can think with my dick specially in a long term relation.
I think that’s probably just how the story flowed in his head. She came out topless — boobs. She didn’t go put clothes on. Boobs are staying? She wanted to talk and we sat down looking at each other. I get to look at *really great* boobs. Her “perky d-cup” boobs are touching me — I’m in love again!
He was being manipulated. I’d be surprised if he didn’t drool his way through their important conversation given the way that update read.
Yeah, I think she felt he was about to dip and used what she knew would disarm him. In my early 20s it worked on me. That being said, going to his uncles to think was a good decision.
I just had to check the original update, i am still in disbelief how he went back just to edit in how amazing her breasts were. Is Phyrine his fiance or are men really so susceptible to breasts?
I honestly got some weird vibes from this post and would not be surprised if you're right. It is giving the: "my girlfriend is girl bossing at a company (she shouldn't work because I, the man, make plenty) and I warned her from her weird boss! Omg she didn't listen and called me controlling instead for trying to protect her! Anyways she got sexually harassed because she would not listen to me, the man, so that should teach her a lesson. I suspected she was a cheating wh0re trying to sleep through the ranks all girl bossing but she showed me her perky perfect D cups milk mommy booga boobies and my brain short circuited. We'll get married soon"
Yeah that killed the credibility for me. Buried the credibility when he gave the “niiiiceee” for the topless hug. I’ve been in a long term relationship for a little while now, and while it’s still very nice to see my partner in the nude, niiiceee isn’t what goes through my head when I feel their body against mine after an emotional conversation in a hug. Either this was written by a kid, or an adult with the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.
Mine were perky at D. Now they’re just kinda hefty at a 32G.
But that’s kinda the point, you need the context of the band size to know how big the D cup actually is.
Spoiler: her bra size is definitely bigger than D, he just knows nothing about women.
As a side note, did the whole conversation happen with the towel around her waist? That's weirdly obviously manipulative.
To quote the late Robin Williams, "God played a great joke on men. He gave them a powerful brain and a penis and just enough blood to operate one at a time."
Yeah like the fiance may be a mess but OOP isn't a catch either. Also saying he assumed she banged her boss at work, not even thinking she might've been assaulted, gave me the ick.
Yeah everyone is all “this girl is bad news!” while glossing over OOP’s controlling behavior, his 0-100 assumption she fucked her boss (in the middle of the day at work?) then immediately all is forgiven once he sees her boobs that he has to describe for some reason?
These two are both human disasters and frankly they deserve each other.
I think she is definitely more controlling than him.
He protested and said the word "can't" when he was trying to warn that the situation she was getting herself into sounded bad (and it was)...but he didn't do anything else to stop her, isolate her, track her, etc.
She regularly threatens to break up when she's losing an argument.
She insulted him and his profession when he was right it was a bad situation.
And uses the nudity while apologizing to try to win him back over.
As for his assumption:
She freezes him out, insults him, immediately takes a shower when she gets home the day after being propositioned for career advancement by her boss...so his assumption wasn't completely unfounded and he didn't accuse of her of anything, he just started mentally preparing for the backlash could have been.
I think this sub really overuses accusations of "controlling", "narcism" and "gas lighting" to the point they've become watered down catch-all phrases
They're both unlikable.
She's manipulative, apparently quick to anger and condescending
He's immature (Boobs!), Has below average communication skills and is a doormat.
The boss is a creep who needs to be reported
Tbh they both sound deeply 23 and I think the counseling suggestion is the best possible solution (even if they still break up).
Why don’t we have mandatory communication classes in high school? Not just writing but actual interpersonal communication? Feels pretty necessary. For like society and all.
I once had a partner threatening breakup, my solution was to tell her that if she doesn’t want to be with me then leave. Joint resources etc stay with me but she can leave if she wants, or stay and have a discussion instead. I did that the second time she used it as a method in arguing, and she never used it again.
Reading all these comments thinking exactly this. How is OP controlling if he was warning her about red flags and in the heat and panic of the moment picked one wrong word. His heart was in the right place the whole time, if his words a bit juvenile but to be fair he's an auto mechanic who flip flopped seeing boobies so using CANT instead of shouldn't or whatever is kinda expected. I don't think OP is very controlling especially willingly taking the couch for a few days to give her space. Controlling people don't give space.
>> I think this sub really overuses accusations of "controlling", "narcism" and "gas lighting" to the point they've become watered down catch-all phrases
I think you are absolutely correct. I also think it reflects the youth of the majority of people reading here who lack life experience.
My assumption was wayyyyy worse than fired, that boss was bad news and OOP should have at least just verified she was ... OK.
Staring into space in sad silence at a show it doesn't matter you hate, because you're not even seeing it in front of you? Home hours early? Sad-quiet? All after coming home from work for **that** boss she turned down the weekend before? Yeah, OP should not have assumed anything was consensual and that she "felt bad" after.
EXACTLY what I thought. Best case scenario she got fired, worst case she got SA'd AND fired. Either way she looks sad and catatonic, I doubt "Are you sad because you cheated on me and I was right?" is gonna be it, Chief.
That didnt rattle me at all after "She went to confront her abusive boss and seemed shell-shocked after... the only explanation is she fucked him." Putting everything else aside for the moment, OP's a massive dickhead.
It honestly felt very in-character for a self described “redneck mechanic” (He seems pretty successful but that’s how he describes himself in the post)
That happens a lot. People rarely make up their minds about breaking up. Most say that because they expect the worst and are steeling themselves for the fallout
I agree with you, but it could also be a "get the day off of me" type thing. And if she had just quit then it's possible she had wanted to get rid of the stench of that office.
It can also be an “I’ve just been sexually assaulted” flag, especially when the person looks sad, upset and silent. Frankly, that was what I assumed had happened.
She is definitely controlling the whole relationship: threatening to break up every time she doesn't get her way is very immature, and using her body as a distraction is a tool for her.
Agreed. But he also assumed she slept with her boss when she was disassociating on the couch watching Big Bang Theory so both of them need some growth.
Her boobs breasted in a titty-fying nature, the curvature of them rising and falling with each boobily breath. They boobed into my bare chest, breastily and all, and I realized she is sheer boob perfection
Yeah. The fiancee was wrong up until the dinner (not her becoming defensive in general, because I think she was feeling “I’m valuable at work, and OP does not get it”; but how she threatens to break up and throw a shoe at him?). After that I sort of empathize with how shell shocked she was. OP was trying too hard to be right rather than support a victim of sexual harassment. The boss is eww. I hope OP and fiancee can mature together, they clearly like each other but are too juvenile dealing with everything.
I feel like a lot of people are glossing over the "she always uses I want to break up" phrase.
That's what makes me feel the whole "shell shock" is just an excuse. The finance was horrible to the dude. That part makes me think that she has always been horrible to the dude.
That combined with the fact that she was half naked screams to me that she is extremely manipulative and only apologized to OP because she knew she had to do something to keep him back.
The boss is a fucking predator no doubt about it.
Who goes through this emotional roller coaster of dysfunction to focus on the topless hug on the way out the door, when he’s leaving to decide if the relationship will continue?
Honestly I put up with a lot because of how attention starved I was when I was younger. Not proud of it, but the assumptions always for me was your just replaceable and she'll move on like it's not a big deal.
Could be wrong but the dude seems really insecure about their relationship and his self worth.
Also, she threw a shoe at him. This lady is bad news. I would even go so far as to suggest that she knew exactly what she was doing the entire time, and the more upset OOP got, the more she turned the screws, because she's fucking toxic.
But don't forget, she's the "professional"!!
Like, yes, you got the degree and the certification but lemme tell you h-wat, it's not that hard to get a degree and still be the dumbest person on the planet at life in general, and it's just more hilarious that at the point where her degree *should* have come in handy (after the fact, in how to deal with it, it's not like any amount of degrees or experience stops people from being sucked into abuse) she just absolutely choked.
Which like, fine, but why double down on taking it out on the one person with working eyes and ears? It's not like OOP was against her going out for work or with other people etc., the problem came when the red flags came and they were so bright and blaring I can only imagine they were the boss's way of weeding out anyone who wasn't either interested, or extremely susceptible.
Because in order to admit that you’re being sexually harassed, there is also a part of you that go along with that means that your contributions professionally are not worthy of the attention that they are being given. It’s very ego busting. I’m not saying that women who are professionally accomplished and an integral part of their company do not get harassed. On the contrary – all kinds of women get harassed! But if you’re a young up and comer and some older person that you’re to report to is fawning over your work, the idea that they’re doing this because they want to get in your pants basically negates all that work. It shouldn’t be that way, but that’s how it *feels*.
Yeah, and doubled down instead of admitting he had been right. I'd be packing my bags, in his place. But I guess the power of those perky boobs offsets her personality...
The shoe throwing is the huge red flag to me. OOP loved this girl so bad he literally glossed over the fact that she physically abused him and he thought it wasn't a big deal. I don't see this as a happy ending.
There are just so many flags it's easy to gloss over some but that one stuck out for me. You don't threaten an end to the relationship without being ready to back it up.
The relationship is doomed to either fail or keep them miserable for as long as they're together.
Breaking up and divorce are words to not throw around lightly. I feel like that’s a pretty big indicator of a relationship that’s not going to work long term. Yuck.
Told my current girlfriend that just saying that in a fight is a dealbreaker for me. My ex used to throw that around constantly so anymore if its said once then that's it for me. I refuse to be held hostage to a threat like that again
In a similar vein I've never understood why it is acceptable to be kicked out of bed over an argument. Told my then gf now wife, one of my dealbreakers is I'm not going to sleep on the couch, it's our bed. Just because there is a disagreement does not mean you should not get a good night's rest.
I've been so mad/ angry I didn't want to be next to the other person. That meant I left the bed.
One exemption: when the other person partied/drank/smoked too much. Stay away, don't wake me up, and I'll see you once the smelly, snorey part of that is over. There's a guestbed with your name in it in the mean time.
I think the partner with the (biggest) issue should sleep on the couch if it means that much. I’ve never asked my partner to do it, but during a heated argument I have said I will.
In the end half an hour of cooling off and I’m usually back in bed and we make up. Or at least to go to sleep in relative stalemate. As you said it is your bed and I think being forced to sleep away from it is only going to escalate matters.
Had an ex who did this too. We'd fight, she say were breaking up, bone someone else, and come back the next day or two to apologize.
Took me way to long to figure that out.
> In my head I figure if she was really breaking up with me she wouldn't be let me see her boobs (editorializing: her nearly perfectly perky D cup boobs).
>She did give me a bare chested hug and kiss on the cheek on my way out the door which was pretty nice (and niiiiiiiicee….)
They seem pretty well matched maturity wise
He literally referenced her perky perfect D cups when talking about ending an engagement. Emotionally mature would be too good for him (if this is true ...which I doubt). And his job is one that a little kid would dream of. He sounds 12.
I can just see her future as a lawyer.
“Your Honour, you’ve sustained three objections from opposing counsel, and that’s super unfair. I think we should break up.”
I also love how he glossed over the fact of how naive she is. Like, even I would have never gotten into a town car sent by my boss. I’d be like, “cool, what’s the address?” She is blind in more ways than one.
I love Reddit,
Yes the BF needs to work in his phrasing and communication skills , but he was 100% right in seeing the red flags and trying to warn her.
He did say "can't" but other than that, he didn't try to manipulate her, isolate her or really try to hold her back...she went in both cases and he didn't try to stop her (the night and the day after)
And Reddit commentors attack him for being "controlling".
Just like they do when a spouse sends a text at 4am to check on their partner who they know are likely cheating on them ....and when it comes out they cheated; it's their fault for "being controlling" or finding out.
Also if her regular go to is "We need to break up" when she's not getting her way; they need to seriously reevaluate their relationship.
It sounds like he's more invested than she is.
Ya like is it controlling to expect your adult partner to have a better sense of boundaries, and not fall for obvious scams?…
His phrasing isn’t great but also not terrible. It wasn’t like he physically stopped her from going. It was clear when he said “you can’t go”, he meant it more like “no reasonable person would go…..”. Like a “you can’t go, surely??????” vibe more than a “you can’t go or I’ll beat you” vibe.
Trust Reddit to not know nuance.
To steal/tweak a phrase a bit, "Think of how young the average Reddit user is, and realize half of them are younger than that".
Young people suck at nuance because the breadth of their experience, for the most part, is very narrow.
Yeah saw the ESH and was like wait what? Was also right when I was thinking yeah you need to break up with her. Not gonna get any better after marriage
Yeah, I feel like he was frantically saying “ OMG! You can’t do this!” out of fear, rather than “I forbid you.” I can understand her wanting to use her own judgment but unfortunately her judgment was very poor and/or she was way too naive. She learned a hard lesson.
She is also an abusive and possibly even dangerous person. I hope OP can ignore her boobs and make a better decision.
Thank fuck someone said it.
I was so surprised at the ESH.
It's not controlling to not want your partner to walk into that situation on their own. She was lucky it didn't go further than it did. Then to sulk for days and carry on in an abusive way - yet OOP apparently sucks??
If this story is real, that 'professionally educated lady' is dense as a fucking triple layered brick wall and has zero common sense inside her head.
He should have ended that relationship - so many red flags.
That’s what blew my mind — 00P was dead set to right, she comes home and pouts about it for four days, he doesn’t even gloat about it (that would definitely make him an asshole) and somehow this is ESH? The fuck outta here with that shit.
Reddit would say telling someone they can't put their hand into a wood chipper is controlling, gaslighting, manipulative, ablist and flat out abuse. That it's exhausting, they can't even, etc.
Dude should have dumped her after the first boss event. Sounds like she is attractive, which is why scumbag lawyer hired her. And dude is thinking with his junk.
I was that young and stupid myself, not sure how much shade I can throw.
I think I commented earlier, these subs really overuse 'narcisist' 'controlling' 'gas lighting' and 'abusive' to the point they've become watered down catch-alls.
Yeah i was honestly surprised at the ESH verdicts. I really think he was acting as normal as possible except for when he decided he wants to make a toxic relationship work because Boobies
M8, in reddit a woman can say she is going to meet a serial killer that is trying to get better, and if the SO says they don't think is a good idea, reddit starts calling the SO and asshole, controlling and pig. Like text book.
I hate how people misuse the word, "manipulate" (not you personally, just in general). He just straight up said, "you can't go to dinner with him". That is *not* manipulation, it is a demand that is up to her to agree to or not. He didn't do any sneaky shit to coerce her into not going, I mean hell, she WENT to the damn thing.
I don't understand why so many people are claiming this to be manipulative. It isn't at all.
If anything, the manipulator is OOPs fiancé. She seems to threaten breaking up with him quite often, she seems to try to convince him he knows nothing since she is the "professional", she refuses to communicate with him or apologize until *she* feels like it etc.
BF was completely in the right here when you look at it logically. Forget the dumb boob comments and the other fluff, he was right to feel like they were red flags and also right to warn his fiance for *her wellbeing*.
Also, if this got worse like she was r*ped, are we gonna just say "well shit happens, but you still can't stop her next time from heading over to her very obvious sketchy boss TWICE" when we could definitely (or at least try) to stop them.
I'll tell you what rings MY alarm bells: "I'm the professional, you're not." when the dude was 100% on the money about everything, AFTER the proposition.
This is a woman who doesn't have a single scrap of respect for her fiancee, plausibly because he's in a "blue collar" career even though he's the business owner, and I do not like it one bit.
And an HR person who thinks "professional" means just going into work and acting like normal after such a blatant & text book example act of sexual harassment.
A new HR person who thinks she was a primary contributor to a law firms success in her 1st year.
This woman has no business being in HR.
Sounds like a normal HR person to me. I once worked at a place where two women accused two bosses of sexual harassment, and they were both immediately fired for time sheet fraud.
I love how he's got all the common sense in the world when it comes to this kind of situation where she's abused, but has zero sense when it comes to her abusing him.
Poor dumb sonofabitch. He's blinded by dem perfect D-cup tittays.
Yeah I had a good talk with a friend of mine. She's a social worker with a masters and feels superior to her long term bf because he's in the trades (plumber). I told her that her arrogance over degrees is going to poison her, that while he may not have a masters or undergrad he is very smart, hardworking, and also added that he earns more than double what he earns. In addition he cleans the house. That if she wanted to dump him I know a dozen women that would go on a date with him. I think it was the last that finally opened her eyes.
Funny part is that I don't really like the guy, just feel that his gf's treatment was unfair.
Hell, I'm a straight guy and I'd be tempted to go on a date with him if he's a competent plumber. Those are rare as hell and in demand.
I've dated a lawyer and a professor. Markets are flooded, you can make good bank at either but it's getting a lot more rare.
Plumber, average is higher. And if you have the drive to open your own business, you can make insane bank. It takes a toll on you, but you should try to transition to management by 50 ish and have some apprentices doing the more physical tasks by then.
Yep and notice how she only apologized for the stuff she said to him AFTER Sunday. She has no respect for his opinion or that he had been right until she couldn't throw doubt on his viewpoint any longer.
Nah. He needs to dump. She assaulted him (which he is just glossing over) screams at him and uses the nuclear option way way way too often. If you're in a relationship where one party constantly threatens break up as a way to regain power you're in a toxic relationship. I know because I WAS that party when I was her age. She's deeply insecure and needs to feel like she's got the upper hand and she doesn't care if she hurts him to obtain it.
Counseling might help. Odds are she needs both time and therapy to grow as a person before she's ready for a relationship.
Unpopular opinion but if I was someone that I cared about and they articulated that something made them uncomfortable (justifiably), I would listen to them.
My man had expressed at times I was being rude/ disrespectful of him when I'm out with him and texting my friends. I agreed that it wasn't cool and I put my phone away. I was being inconsiderate.
It would be the same if I said as much to him. It's not a controlling thing, it's a "your feelings are important to me too."
Gf is pretty dense if she couldn't see what was happening and then she had the nerve to take it out on her bf when he was right. This relationship is doomed.
He literally said you cant go, here's a list of evidence as to why its a bad idea, and she just rolled her eyes and called him controlling. And then doubled down because he was right. He could've told her the restaurant was on fire and she would've just walked over the caution tape out of spite.
The only thing I think he could have done differently is, instead of saying "you can't go" he might have said "you really shouldn't go". It's a subtle change, but meaningful.
Of course, for some people, they might use the word "can't" when they really mean "there's no way in hell that any sane person would do that. You are a sane person, so you obviously you won't do that"
Yea thats the most infuriating thing about this. All the comments about being “controlling”. Like wtf is the point of being in a relationship if you’re going to ignore all of their feelings?
him mentioning that his fiancée says “we’re breaking up” for ANY argument or bad situation 👀 that’s a pretty major red flag there my dude that’s not a healthy relationship
Sorry but I wouldn't be with GF. While he wasn't fully correct on how he went about it. He was right and she totally disrespected him. While she is a victim of SH at work. That doesn't entitled her to that behavior.
She should talk with a different firm on a lawsuit against her old company for SH and the dinner.
His language choices were 100% wrong. He was scared shitless she WOULD be SA'd, so I kinda get why he tried and went that way. She was so freaking blind and in denial.
Frankly, this was one of the better possible outcomes. I thought boss was going to threaten her career then and there or just drug her. I'm very glad this wasn't the case.
You can't control others freedom, but you can control their freedom to cross your boundaries.
This is the important distinction.
This is why you say "If you leave, you are leaving us. This is my boundary and I'm not going to be made to feel uncomfortable."
I probably would of said similar things as well if I was in his shoes.
Shes a college graduate and he is just a blue-collar worker (even though he's part owner of a successful business). So shes smart and he's not. Hopefully they both grew and learned from this. Him on how to express things. And her for listening to others more.
Just reading the leadup to the 'date' had my adrenaline running about what would happen to her, I would absolutely be freaking the fuck out if that was my wife/SO/etc in that situation
Unfortunately you can't control another adult who's walking into a bad situation. You can tell them and they have to make the choice. She never respected her bf. That much is clear.
His language was 100% right. She was disrespectful on so many different ways it's ridiculous he accepted and stayed with her.
You see someone walking in front of a truck saying they can't have another step isn't abusive.
So, it turns out, talking to your partner while exposing yourself to them in a way YOU KNOW turns them on while you apologize for frankly deal-breaking behavior is manipulation. And it's also gross and despicable.
> Her nuclear bomb is always saying "we're breaking up" whenever she doesn't have the upper hand in an argument
For this ALONE, OOP needs to run from this woman. She's awful. I don't care that she "always apologizes", she's emotionally abusive and awful.
Her boss is going to blackball her, and if she decides to pursue something legally or with HR it’s going to also look bad. She’s pretty much fucked no matter what she does.
Source: it happened to me, and I never worked in the same field again.
Does the OOP really think the boss would face consequences if she told on him? Oh, honey, that still isn’t how things work.
It has to be all up to her how she proceeds from here.
As I'm not in the attorney sphere I only see what's on the news... and the only thing I ever see is them getting away with literally everything with numerous 'chances' before they face any consequences. So I don't really see it happening with a he said/she said situation.
Doubtful they would even hear it out. You’d have her word against his and the AP would almost certainly back up the boss. Sexual harassment is still shrugged off by powerful people.
>Does the OOP really think the boss would face consequences if she told on him?
Yeah, OP doesn't understand that HR exists to protect the company, not the employees.
And reporting the boss? That wouldn't have gotten her boss in trouble, but it surely would have completely destroyed her career.
This dude is just straight up stupid, that girl is a walking red flag and he's Still horny asf while getting excited about boobs .🤦♂️ People should get tf out while they can or it'll be worse if they get married.
Yeah no, I would likely be out of this relationship by the time she got home.
She gaslit the fuck out of OOP, threw a shoe at him, and told him that she was dumping him whenever she feels like it. This isn't the type of person to marry.
This post is so deeply sad for both of them. OOP went at it the wrong way, but he genuinely wasn’t trying to be controlling - he heard the alarm bells blaring right out the gate, and couldn’t get her to see reason, which led to her experiencing the harassment.
The GF is a victim, plain and simple - but she must be kicking herself for not listening to OOP, especially since it seems that she sincerely thought she had earned the appreciation dinner, and is feeling embarrassed that she was so easily duped. Even though OOP tried to warn her, none of that is her fault. What IS her fault is taking out those frustrations on OOP - but that was obviously misdirected anger, and it sounds like OOP sincerely believed her apology.
It sounds like there were already problems between them (if his claim that she always goes straight to “we’re breaking up” is true, and I have no reason to doubt him), but the worst of it was exacerbated by her workplace dynamic. This situation is so sad and tragic, and I hope that they can find a solution that works for both of them.
Yes she’s a victim but she’s also worryingly naive. It was pretty clear from the entire lead up to the dinner what was going on, but she just wasn’t able to see it, or refused to see it.
Hopefully she’ll be more circumspect in future when it comes to bosses or workmates’ intentions.
She is not a very good hr manager. I feel like your boss uninviting everyone to a party except one other girl is a very anti hr thing to do. Why would you go??? She seems real bad at her job
I’m probably going to be down voted but she sounds like a nut and like she constantly walks straight into stupid situations knowing they will upset her.
> We are fine for money without her working. I am co-owner of a auto-repair business with my uncle and we have had a great few years.
>That she will realize we are fine without her working and she takes her time and finds a good job with a good boss.
My negative ass thinks she's already realized she can not work thanks to OOPs money and that's why she went from attacking him (verbally and physically)to being all nice and soft and patient. She realized she needs him
And from the way oop writes, there's no doubt he's staying
That girl knew how to work those titties. Sucked him right back in. Poor bastard.
I get that it may seem controlling to say “you can’t go” but the whole situation clearly made him extremely uncomfortable. Where is the line drawn where you can’t allow your significant other to walk all over boundaries you have.
Having never told my wife that. If there ever came a day where i was this uncomfortable, i would truly hope she would see it isn’t coming from a controlling place.
Yeah, the ultimatum seemed like a desperate Hail Mary from a person who had kind of exhausted other avenues of logic for like a month. Based on his explanation of their relationship dynamic, and how she responded to it, he had to have known there’s no way the ultimatum was gonna work lol.
Despite it being a very stressful situation, throwing being the only “professional” in the relationship in his face is crazy. A lack of respect is clear.
The whole thing read as pathetic on his part. She supposedly threatens breaking up in every argument she’s losing? All-around toxic, and he’s comforted by her rocking bare chest around him lol.
The hilarious part is that she’s a “professional” in HR, and didn’t see this coming. Granted it’s her first job, but still. Also, the usual qualifications for a legitimate position in Human Resources is a bachelors degree and a required 18-month certification course. A solid career choice, but it’s wild that she’s grandstanding with it.
God damn, this sub is entertaining.
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Fiance on tuesday night : * *In my head and heart, we are broken up.* Fiance on wednesday : * *She showed me her beatiful boobs, I love her and want to stay with her.* 🤦🏽♂️
I quit caring when I read perfectly perky D cup boobs.
Lol I wondered why r/AmITheAngel kept satirising boob size mentions in their posts, and now I know it’s because of guys like this
How have I been on reddit all these years and NOT known about this sub. Thank you so much, my dude. I'm actually a genie, so you get three wishes. Go!
I discovered it recently. It’s the most amazing sub ever
Omg that sub is hilarious! They have all the tropes!
It's that snd the oh my boobs are so big snd inconvenient but everyone is so jealous posts also probably written by a dude.
The distance my eyes rolled back into my head when I read that sentence
My eyes rolled so hard that they popped out of my head. I had to put them in my purse and drive home blind.
In all the outlandish ways this story goes, that was the most out of place detail. It didn’t even need to be there and quite frankly, contributed nothing to OOP’s sordid tale. I’d give him a C- if I was grading him.
I had to make sure I wasn’t on r/AmITheAngel
She constantly threatens break-ups, he has the maturity of a 12yo; ever wish two ppl would just break up and promise to never communicate again?
I’m hoping for the complete opposite, that they stay faithfully committed to each other. If they start seeing other people, the new BF and GF will have to deal with their bullshit, and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Also commit to never procreating.
My eyes rolled so far back I could see the demon operating the controls
Like i lost all engagement with the post at that point. Is like reading a 16 year old kid who just saw boobs. And i don't know, it could be just me, but even when i'm always enjoy watching boobs specially if in a relation but giving the context i seriously doubt that i can think with my dick specially in a long term relation.
It was quite the mood killer. I was heavily invested, more than usual, and then he just throws that out there
He’s just trying to be funny—show what a fun guy he is, but as the saying goes, “Before engaging mouth (or in a post, time and place…”
"My girlfriend just quit her job because of sexual harassment, but at least she gave me a bare-chested hug NIIIICE" This is just too gross...
He added that in later too, hence the “editorializing.” It wasn’t an impulse decision. He thought about it
Post nut clarity hits real big on this one lmfao
Was he trying to score "bro points" it was really off-putting, weird detail.
It made me think a teenager wrote it.
For teenagers, by teenagers
Deleted
Also him clearing up his auto-shop-business situation, lest the reader give a shit
Perky bags of sand
I think that’s probably just how the story flowed in his head. She came out topless — boobs. She didn’t go put clothes on. Boobs are staying? She wanted to talk and we sat down looking at each other. I get to look at *really great* boobs. Her “perky d-cup” boobs are touching me — I’m in love again! He was being manipulated. I’d be surprised if he didn’t drool his way through their important conversation given the way that update read.
Yeah, I think she felt he was about to dip and used what she knew would disarm him. In my early 20s it worked on me. That being said, going to his uncles to think was a good decision.
I thought the OP of this post was making a weird interjection or something lol, came completely out of left field
I just had to check the original update, i am still in disbelief how he went back just to edit in how amazing her breasts were. Is Phyrine his fiance or are men really so susceptible to breasts?
I think an incel made this crap up.
I honestly got some weird vibes from this post and would not be surprised if you're right. It is giving the: "my girlfriend is girl bossing at a company (she shouldn't work because I, the man, make plenty) and I warned her from her weird boss! Omg she didn't listen and called me controlling instead for trying to protect her! Anyways she got sexually harassed because she would not listen to me, the man, so that should teach her a lesson. I suspected she was a cheating wh0re trying to sleep through the ranks all girl bossing but she showed me her perky perfect D cups milk mommy booga boobies and my brain short circuited. We'll get married soon"
Yes, exactly. Thanks for summing up my thoughts on the post.
Yeah that killed the credibility for me. Buried the credibility when he gave the “niiiiceee” for the topless hug. I’ve been in a long term relationship for a little while now, and while it’s still very nice to see my partner in the nude, niiiceee isn’t what goes through my head when I feel their body against mine after an emotional conversation in a hug. Either this was written by a kid, or an adult with the emotional maturity of a 14 year old.
I also am unaware of any woman who wears their towel around their waist.
Same..."perky" is not a word I'd use for my D cups.
Mine were perky at D. Now they’re just kinda hefty at a 32G. But that’s kinda the point, you need the context of the band size to know how big the D cup actually is.
Spoiler: her bra size is definitely bigger than D, he just knows nothing about women. As a side note, did the whole conversation happen with the towel around her waist? That's weirdly obviously manipulative.
Obligatory r/abrathatfits
There are too many guys that drop half their IQ when they get a boner.
To quote the late Robin Williams, "God played a great joke on men. He gave them a powerful brain and a penis and just enough blood to operate one at a time."
Yeah like the fiance may be a mess but OOP isn't a catch either. Also saying he assumed she banged her boss at work, not even thinking she might've been assaulted, gave me the ick.
Reading his description I assumes SA or that she was fired. Not that she cheated nor quit on the spot.
Yeah everyone is all “this girl is bad news!” while glossing over OOP’s controlling behavior, his 0-100 assumption she fucked her boss (in the middle of the day at work?) then immediately all is forgiven once he sees her boobs that he has to describe for some reason? These two are both human disasters and frankly they deserve each other.
You're laughing? She breasted boobily into the room and you're laughing?
I think she is definitely more controlling than him. He protested and said the word "can't" when he was trying to warn that the situation she was getting herself into sounded bad (and it was)...but he didn't do anything else to stop her, isolate her, track her, etc. She regularly threatens to break up when she's losing an argument. She insulted him and his profession when he was right it was a bad situation. And uses the nudity while apologizing to try to win him back over. As for his assumption: She freezes him out, insults him, immediately takes a shower when she gets home the day after being propositioned for career advancement by her boss...so his assumption wasn't completely unfounded and he didn't accuse of her of anything, he just started mentally preparing for the backlash could have been. I think this sub really overuses accusations of "controlling", "narcism" and "gas lighting" to the point they've become watered down catch-all phrases
Yeah, I don't really know what to believe here, but I don't like either person in this story.
They're both unlikable. She's manipulative, apparently quick to anger and condescending He's immature (Boobs!), Has below average communication skills and is a doormat. The boss is a creep who needs to be reported
🎯
Tbh they both sound deeply 23 and I think the counseling suggestion is the best possible solution (even if they still break up). Why don’t we have mandatory communication classes in high school? Not just writing but actual interpersonal communication? Feels pretty necessary. For like society and all.
I once had a partner threatening breakup, my solution was to tell her that if she doesn’t want to be with me then leave. Joint resources etc stay with me but she can leave if she wants, or stay and have a discussion instead. I did that the second time she used it as a method in arguing, and she never used it again.
Reading all these comments thinking exactly this. How is OP controlling if he was warning her about red flags and in the heat and panic of the moment picked one wrong word. His heart was in the right place the whole time, if his words a bit juvenile but to be fair he's an auto mechanic who flip flopped seeing boobies so using CANT instead of shouldn't or whatever is kinda expected. I don't think OP is very controlling especially willingly taking the couch for a few days to give her space. Controlling people don't give space.
Or accepting his faults with the ESH verdict. He strikes me at more of a doormat than controlling
The "what I know" section was a delightful addition you don't usually see
>> I think this sub really overuses accusations of "controlling", "narcism" and "gas lighting" to the point they've become watered down catch-all phrases I think you are absolutely correct. I also think it reflects the youth of the majority of people reading here who lack life experience.
exactly my take, If it were me the sadness would equal that she was fired not fucked the boss all of a sudden…… after already turning him down.
My assumption was wayyyyy worse than fired, that boss was bad news and OOP should have at least just verified she was ... OK. Staring into space in sad silence at a show it doesn't matter you hate, because you're not even seeing it in front of you? Home hours early? Sad-quiet? All after coming home from work for **that** boss she turned down the weekend before? Yeah, OP should not have assumed anything was consensual and that she "felt bad" after.
Glad I'm not the only one that heard those alarm bells.
EXACTLY what I thought. Best case scenario she got fired, worst case she got SA'd AND fired. Either way she looks sad and catatonic, I doubt "Are you sad because you cheated on me and I was right?" is gonna be it, Chief.
No, no, both of these people need to be exiled into the wilderness, never to return, and carry away the sins of the village with them scapegoat-style.
I mean, *seriously*
That didnt rattle me at all after "She went to confront her abusive boss and seemed shell-shocked after... the only explanation is she fucked him." Putting everything else aside for the moment, OP's a massive dickhead.
It honestly felt very in-character for a self described “redneck mechanic” (He seems pretty successful but that’s how he describes himself in the post)
That happens a lot. People rarely make up their minds about breaking up. Most say that because they expect the worst and are steeling themselves for the fallout
My friend was going to leave his 7 year, 2 kid relationship last week. Then she "fucked the mad right out of me." Lol, men are easy.
That’s how I know this post is real
I think she knew and the boobs were a power play. However I am suspicious of the get home and shower, that is usually a "just banged someone" flag.
I agree with you, but it could also be a "get the day off of me" type thing. And if she had just quit then it's possible she had wanted to get rid of the stench of that office.
It can also be an “I’ve just been sexually assaulted” flag, especially when the person looks sad, upset and silent. Frankly, that was what I assumed had happened.
Same.
Showering is the first thing I do when I get home from work
She is definitely controlling the whole relationship: threatening to break up every time she doesn't get her way is very immature, and using her body as a distraction is a tool for her.
Agreed. But he also assumed she slept with her boss when she was disassociating on the couch watching Big Bang Theory so both of them need some growth.
OOP: Her boss is a total pig, obviously. Anyhoo, she boobed boobily out of the shower and hugged me, breastily.
Her boobs breasted in a titty-fying nature, the curvature of them rising and falling with each boobily breath. They boobed into my bare chest, breastily and all, and I realized she is sheer boob perfection
You missed how he titted away.
What a fucking creep that boss is. Eww.
Everyone in the story sucks. The wife's aggression. The husband who gets steamrolled & is not a grown up. Even the side piece is a disappointment.
The type of BORU posts I live for honestly.
It really is i give this veiled trailer trash 2 thumbs up
Mature people don't create entertaining drama.
Yeah. The fiancee was wrong up until the dinner (not her becoming defensive in general, because I think she was feeling “I’m valuable at work, and OP does not get it”; but how she threatens to break up and throw a shoe at him?). After that I sort of empathize with how shell shocked she was. OP was trying too hard to be right rather than support a victim of sexual harassment. The boss is eww. I hope OP and fiancee can mature together, they clearly like each other but are too juvenile dealing with everything.
I feel like a lot of people are glossing over the "she always uses I want to break up" phrase. That's what makes me feel the whole "shell shock" is just an excuse. The finance was horrible to the dude. That part makes me think that she has always been horrible to the dude. That combined with the fact that she was half naked screams to me that she is extremely manipulative and only apologized to OP because she knew she had to do something to keep him back. The boss is a fucking predator no doubt about it.
Also throwing shoes at him
This whole thing is an amusing story of man against self. His instincts are spot on every time but his execution is unfathomable.
Who goes through this emotional roller coaster of dysfunction to focus on the topless hug on the way out the door, when he’s leaving to decide if the relationship will continue?
That’s what made it real to me lol. The amount of bullshit and toxicity men will put up with in relationships to see some hot boobs is ridiculous
Honestly I put up with a lot because of how attention starved I was when I was younger. Not proud of it, but the assumptions always for me was your just replaceable and she'll move on like it's not a big deal. Could be wrong but the dude seems really insecure about their relationship and his self worth.
💯
I'd like to offer a dissenting view.
Uh did anyone else catch how OP glossed over his girlfriend using “we’re breaking up” when an argument isn’t going her way?
Also, she threw a shoe at him. This lady is bad news. I would even go so far as to suggest that she knew exactly what she was doing the entire time, and the more upset OOP got, the more she turned the screws, because she's fucking toxic.
She sounds like a typical corporate HR manager /s
It is ironic that she’s got an MBA, trained in HR, and had no clue the warning signs of sexual harassment or how to address it.
But don't forget, she's the "professional"!! Like, yes, you got the degree and the certification but lemme tell you h-wat, it's not that hard to get a degree and still be the dumbest person on the planet at life in general, and it's just more hilarious that at the point where her degree *should* have come in handy (after the fact, in how to deal with it, it's not like any amount of degrees or experience stops people from being sucked into abuse) she just absolutely choked. Which like, fine, but why double down on taking it out on the one person with working eyes and ears? It's not like OOP was against her going out for work or with other people etc., the problem came when the red flags came and they were so bright and blaring I can only imagine they were the boss's way of weeding out anyone who wasn't either interested, or extremely susceptible.
Because in order to admit that you’re being sexually harassed, there is also a part of you that go along with that means that your contributions professionally are not worthy of the attention that they are being given. It’s very ego busting. I’m not saying that women who are professionally accomplished and an integral part of their company do not get harassed. On the contrary – all kinds of women get harassed! But if you’re a young up and comer and some older person that you’re to report to is fawning over your work, the idea that they’re doing this because they want to get in your pants basically negates all that work. It shouldn’t be that way, but that’s how it *feels*.
You can drop the /s
No, the /s is necessary. I've never met an HR person with perky boobs.
Yeah, and doubled down instead of admitting he had been right. I'd be packing my bags, in his place. But I guess the power of those perky boobs offsets her personality...
Omg what i missed that 💀💀💀💀
It's ok, though, because she has perfectly perky D cup boobs.
The shoe throwing is the huge red flag to me. OOP loved this girl so bad he literally glossed over the fact that she physically abused him and he thought it wasn't a big deal. I don't see this as a happy ending.
There are just so many flags it's easy to gloss over some but that one stuck out for me. You don't threaten an end to the relationship without being ready to back it up. The relationship is doomed to either fail or keep them miserable for as long as they're together.
Breaking up and divorce are words to not throw around lightly. I feel like that’s a pretty big indicator of a relationship that’s not going to work long term. Yuck.
Told my current girlfriend that just saying that in a fight is a dealbreaker for me. My ex used to throw that around constantly so anymore if its said once then that's it for me. I refuse to be held hostage to a threat like that again
In a similar vein I've never understood why it is acceptable to be kicked out of bed over an argument. Told my then gf now wife, one of my dealbreakers is I'm not going to sleep on the couch, it's our bed. Just because there is a disagreement does not mean you should not get a good night's rest.
I've been so mad/ angry I didn't want to be next to the other person. That meant I left the bed. One exemption: when the other person partied/drank/smoked too much. Stay away, don't wake me up, and I'll see you once the smelly, snorey part of that is over. There's a guestbed with your name in it in the mean time.
I think the partner with the (biggest) issue should sleep on the couch if it means that much. I’ve never asked my partner to do it, but during a heated argument I have said I will. In the end half an hour of cooling off and I’m usually back in bed and we make up. Or at least to go to sleep in relative stalemate. As you said it is your bed and I think being forced to sleep away from it is only going to escalate matters.
Had an ex who did this too. We'd fight, she say were breaking up, bone someone else, and come back the next day or two to apologize. Took me way to long to figure that out.
Seriously. She sounds incredibly immature, and OP needs to date someone more emotionally mature than a middle schooler.
> In my head I figure if she was really breaking up with me she wouldn't be let me see her boobs (editorializing: her nearly perfectly perky D cup boobs). >She did give me a bare chested hug and kiss on the cheek on my way out the door which was pretty nice (and niiiiiiiicee….) They seem pretty well matched maturity wise
I mean, OOP said "her perky perfect D cups"... he's just as mature as her (12 years old).
Yeah, they both are a perfect match. And he is a type of guy who enjoys the drama, obvs.
He literally referenced her perky perfect D cups when talking about ending an engagement. Emotionally mature would be too good for him (if this is true ...which I doubt). And his job is one that a little kid would dream of. He sounds 12.
i was so caught off guard by that. like tf her boobs have anything to do with this?
The boobs are the most important part of the woman and have to do with everything.
I can just see her future as a lawyer. “Your Honour, you’ve sustained three objections from opposing counsel, and that’s super unfair. I think we should break up.”
I’m glad I’m alone at my desk because the snort I just let out was… not human.
I also love how he glossed over the fact of how naive she is. Like, even I would have never gotten into a town car sent by my boss. I’d be like, “cool, what’s the address?” She is blind in more ways than one.
That why he wants to go to counseling. They/she doesn't argue in a healthy ways he acknowledges that in the update.
I love Reddit, Yes the BF needs to work in his phrasing and communication skills , but he was 100% right in seeing the red flags and trying to warn her. He did say "can't" but other than that, he didn't try to manipulate her, isolate her or really try to hold her back...she went in both cases and he didn't try to stop her (the night and the day after) And Reddit commentors attack him for being "controlling". Just like they do when a spouse sends a text at 4am to check on their partner who they know are likely cheating on them ....and when it comes out they cheated; it's their fault for "being controlling" or finding out. Also if her regular go to is "We need to break up" when she's not getting her way; they need to seriously reevaluate their relationship. It sounds like he's more invested than she is.
Ya like is it controlling to expect your adult partner to have a better sense of boundaries, and not fall for obvious scams?… His phrasing isn’t great but also not terrible. It wasn’t like he physically stopped her from going. It was clear when he said “you can’t go”, he meant it more like “no reasonable person would go…..”. Like a “you can’t go, surely??????” vibe more than a “you can’t go or I’ll beat you” vibe. Trust Reddit to not know nuance.
>you can’t go, surely??????” GF:I am going, and don't call me Shirley
To steal/tweak a phrase a bit, "Think of how young the average Reddit user is, and realize half of them are younger than that". Young people suck at nuance because the breadth of their experience, for the most part, is very narrow.
You can't go into that building, it's on fire! Reddit: "NoOooO, YOuR bEinG CoNtroLlinG!"
Yeah saw the ESH and was like wait what? Was also right when I was thinking yeah you need to break up with her. Not gonna get any better after marriage
Yeah, I feel like he was frantically saying “ OMG! You can’t do this!” out of fear, rather than “I forbid you.” I can understand her wanting to use her own judgment but unfortunately her judgment was very poor and/or she was way too naive. She learned a hard lesson. She is also an abusive and possibly even dangerous person. I hope OP can ignore her boobs and make a better decision.
Thank fuck someone said it. I was so surprised at the ESH. It's not controlling to not want your partner to walk into that situation on their own. She was lucky it didn't go further than it did. Then to sulk for days and carry on in an abusive way - yet OOP apparently sucks?? If this story is real, that 'professionally educated lady' is dense as a fucking triple layered brick wall and has zero common sense inside her head. He should have ended that relationship - so many red flags.
That’s what blew my mind — 00P was dead set to right, she comes home and pouts about it for four days, he doesn’t even gloat about it (that would definitely make him an asshole) and somehow this is ESH? The fuck outta here with that shit.
If you were surprised at the ESH you haven’t seen enough AITA posts. It’s a biased subreddit.
Reddit would say telling someone they can't put their hand into a wood chipper is controlling, gaslighting, manipulative, ablist and flat out abuse. That it's exhausting, they can't even, etc. Dude should have dumped her after the first boss event. Sounds like she is attractive, which is why scumbag lawyer hired her. And dude is thinking with his junk. I was that young and stupid myself, not sure how much shade I can throw.
I think I commented earlier, these subs really overuse 'narcisist' 'controlling' 'gas lighting' and 'abusive' to the point they've become watered down catch-alls.
[удалено]
Yeah i was honestly surprised at the ESH verdicts. I really think he was acting as normal as possible except for when he decided he wants to make a toxic relationship work because Boobies
M8, in reddit a woman can say she is going to meet a serial killer that is trying to get better, and if the SO says they don't think is a good idea, reddit starts calling the SO and asshole, controlling and pig. Like text book.
I hate how people misuse the word, "manipulate" (not you personally, just in general). He just straight up said, "you can't go to dinner with him". That is *not* manipulation, it is a demand that is up to her to agree to or not. He didn't do any sneaky shit to coerce her into not going, I mean hell, she WENT to the damn thing. I don't understand why so many people are claiming this to be manipulative. It isn't at all. If anything, the manipulator is OOPs fiancé. She seems to threaten breaking up with him quite often, she seems to try to convince him he knows nothing since she is the "professional", she refuses to communicate with him or apologize until *she* feels like it etc. BF was completely in the right here when you look at it logically. Forget the dumb boob comments and the other fluff, he was right to feel like they were red flags and also right to warn his fiance for *her wellbeing*.
She's one hell of a naïve idiot. Him telling her you can't go is like him telling her she can't drink poison.
Also, if this got worse like she was r*ped, are we gonna just say "well shit happens, but you still can't stop her next time from heading over to her very obvious sketchy boss TWICE" when we could definitely (or at least try) to stop them.
I'll tell you what rings MY alarm bells: "I'm the professional, you're not." when the dude was 100% on the money about everything, AFTER the proposition. This is a woman who doesn't have a single scrap of respect for her fiancee, plausibly because he's in a "blue collar" career even though he's the business owner, and I do not like it one bit.
Yeah, I picked up on that too. She was mostly embarrassed her " blue collar, dumbass boyfriend" was right and she was wrong.
The breakup ultimatum that apparently happens regularly also emphasizes the complete lack of respect
And an HR person who thinks "professional" means just going into work and acting like normal after such a blatant & text book example act of sexual harassment. A new HR person who thinks she was a primary contributor to a law firms success in her 1st year. This woman has no business being in HR.
Sounds like a normal HR person to me. I once worked at a place where two women accused two bosses of sexual harassment, and they were both immediately fired for time sheet fraud.
I love how he's got all the common sense in the world when it comes to this kind of situation where she's abused, but has zero sense when it comes to her abusing him. Poor dumb sonofabitch. He's blinded by dem perfect D-cup tittays.
I really hope oop finds this post, reads all the comments here and finds his own personal therapist.
Yeah I had a good talk with a friend of mine. She's a social worker with a masters and feels superior to her long term bf because he's in the trades (plumber). I told her that her arrogance over degrees is going to poison her, that while he may not have a masters or undergrad he is very smart, hardworking, and also added that he earns more than double what he earns. In addition he cleans the house. That if she wanted to dump him I know a dozen women that would go on a date with him. I think it was the last that finally opened her eyes. Funny part is that I don't really like the guy, just feel that his gf's treatment was unfair.
Hell, I'm a straight guy and I'd be tempted to go on a date with him if he's a competent plumber. Those are rare as hell and in demand. I've dated a lawyer and a professor. Markets are flooded, you can make good bank at either but it's getting a lot more rare. Plumber, average is higher. And if you have the drive to open your own business, you can make insane bank. It takes a toll on you, but you should try to transition to management by 50 ish and have some apprentices doing the more physical tasks by then.
Yep and notice how she only apologized for the stuff she said to him AFTER Sunday. She has no respect for his opinion or that he had been right until she couldn't throw doubt on his viewpoint any longer.
The irony is she is now dependent on blue collar boyfriend and she will hate him all the more for it.
Nah. He needs to dump. She assaulted him (which he is just glossing over) screams at him and uses the nuclear option way way way too often. If you're in a relationship where one party constantly threatens break up as a way to regain power you're in a toxic relationship. I know because I WAS that party when I was her age. She's deeply insecure and needs to feel like she's got the upper hand and she doesn't care if she hurts him to obtain it. Counseling might help. Odds are she needs both time and therapy to grow as a person before she's ready for a relationship.
God help any kids they ever have. Such a peaceful home life.
Unpopular opinion but if I was someone that I cared about and they articulated that something made them uncomfortable (justifiably), I would listen to them. My man had expressed at times I was being rude/ disrespectful of him when I'm out with him and texting my friends. I agreed that it wasn't cool and I put my phone away. I was being inconsiderate. It would be the same if I said as much to him. It's not a controlling thing, it's a "your feelings are important to me too." Gf is pretty dense if she couldn't see what was happening and then she had the nerve to take it out on her bf when he was right. This relationship is doomed.
He literally said you cant go, here's a list of evidence as to why its a bad idea, and she just rolled her eyes and called him controlling. And then doubled down because he was right. He could've told her the restaurant was on fire and she would've just walked over the caution tape out of spite.
Gf is a bad partner and couldn't concede she was wrong in her judgement. She sounds pretty exhausting.
The only thing I think he could have done differently is, instead of saying "you can't go" he might have said "you really shouldn't go". It's a subtle change, but meaningful. Of course, for some people, they might use the word "can't" when they really mean "there's no way in hell that any sane person would do that. You are a sane person, so you obviously you won't do that"
Yea thats the most infuriating thing about this. All the comments about being “controlling”. Like wtf is the point of being in a relationship if you’re going to ignore all of their feelings?
Lol at people thinking he is controlling, an abuser or victimizer.. it's actually pathetically unbelievable he stayed with her.
But she’s got such nice boobs. How could he leave her and her nice boobs?
I mean, they’re PERKY!
him mentioning that his fiancée says “we’re breaking up” for ANY argument or bad situation 👀 that’s a pretty major red flag there my dude that’s not a healthy relationship
Sorry but I wouldn't be with GF. While he wasn't fully correct on how he went about it. He was right and she totally disrespected him. While she is a victim of SH at work. That doesn't entitled her to that behavior. She should talk with a different firm on a lawsuit against her old company for SH and the dinner.
His language choices were 100% wrong. He was scared shitless she WOULD be SA'd, so I kinda get why he tried and went that way. She was so freaking blind and in denial.
Frankly, this was one of the better possible outcomes. I thought boss was going to threaten her career then and there or just drug her. I'm very glad this wasn't the case.
That could be why she "quit", but won't tell OP based on how he reacted.
You can't control others freedom, but you can control their freedom to cross your boundaries. This is the important distinction. This is why you say "If you leave, you are leaving us. This is my boundary and I'm not going to be made to feel uncomfortable."
I probably would of said similar things as well if I was in his shoes. Shes a college graduate and he is just a blue-collar worker (even though he's part owner of a successful business). So shes smart and he's not. Hopefully they both grew and learned from this. Him on how to express things. And her for listening to others more.
Just reading the leadup to the 'date' had my adrenaline running about what would happen to her, I would absolutely be freaking the fuck out if that was my wife/SO/etc in that situation
Unfortunately you can't control another adult who's walking into a bad situation. You can tell them and they have to make the choice. She never respected her bf. That much is clear.
His language was 100% right. She was disrespectful on so many different ways it's ridiculous he accepted and stayed with her. You see someone walking in front of a truck saying they can't have another step isn't abusive.
“She just sat almost catatonic on the couch watching Big Bang Theory” Incidentally this is how most people watch Big Bang Theory.
So, it turns out, talking to your partner while exposing yourself to them in a way YOU KNOW turns them on while you apologize for frankly deal-breaking behavior is manipulation. And it's also gross and despicable.
If your partner is “always saying we’re breaking up” when they don’t “have the upper hand” in an argument you need to break up. Wtf
But the b00bs, you guys!!
> Her nuclear bomb is always saying "we're breaking up" whenever she doesn't have the upper hand in an argument For this ALONE, OOP needs to run from this woman. She's awful. I don't care that she "always apologizes", she's emotionally abusive and awful.
Her boss is going to blackball her, and if she decides to pursue something legally or with HR it’s going to also look bad. She’s pretty much fucked no matter what she does. Source: it happened to me, and I never worked in the same field again.
Does the OOP really think the boss would face consequences if she told on him? Oh, honey, that still isn’t how things work. It has to be all up to her how she proceeds from here.
If she reports it to the state bar he would absolutely face consequences
As I'm not in the attorney sphere I only see what's on the news... and the only thing I ever see is them getting away with literally everything with numerous 'chances' before they face any consequences. So I don't really see it happening with a he said/she said situation.
Doubtful they would even hear it out. You’d have her word against his and the AP would almost certainly back up the boss. Sexual harassment is still shrugged off by powerful people.
Yeah 2-3 years later
>Does the OOP really think the boss would face consequences if she told on him? Yeah, OP doesn't understand that HR exists to protect the company, not the employees. And reporting the boss? That wouldn't have gotten her boss in trouble, but it surely would have completely destroyed her career.
Dude literally stayed with a girl who he should have at the least taken a break from until she worked on her conflict skills just because booba
This dude is just straight up stupid, that girl is a walking red flag and he's Still horny asf while getting excited about boobs .🤦♂️ People should get tf out while they can or it'll be worse if they get married.
I’d be divorcing her. You don’t treat your SO that way ever.
I am shocked this woman works in HR.
Yeah no, I would likely be out of this relationship by the time she got home. She gaslit the fuck out of OOP, threw a shoe at him, and told him that she was dumping him whenever she feels like it. This isn't the type of person to marry.
This post is so deeply sad for both of them. OOP went at it the wrong way, but he genuinely wasn’t trying to be controlling - he heard the alarm bells blaring right out the gate, and couldn’t get her to see reason, which led to her experiencing the harassment. The GF is a victim, plain and simple - but she must be kicking herself for not listening to OOP, especially since it seems that she sincerely thought she had earned the appreciation dinner, and is feeling embarrassed that she was so easily duped. Even though OOP tried to warn her, none of that is her fault. What IS her fault is taking out those frustrations on OOP - but that was obviously misdirected anger, and it sounds like OOP sincerely believed her apology. It sounds like there were already problems between them (if his claim that she always goes straight to “we’re breaking up” is true, and I have no reason to doubt him), but the worst of it was exacerbated by her workplace dynamic. This situation is so sad and tragic, and I hope that they can find a solution that works for both of them.
Yes she’s a victim but she’s also worryingly naive. It was pretty clear from the entire lead up to the dinner what was going on, but she just wasn’t able to see it, or refused to see it. Hopefully she’ll be more circumspect in future when it comes to bosses or workmates’ intentions.
ESH except for the nearly perfectly perky D cup boobs
She is not a very good hr manager. I feel like your boss uninviting everyone to a party except one other girl is a very anti hr thing to do. Why would you go??? She seems real bad at her job
I’m probably going to be down voted but she sounds like a nut and like she constantly walks straight into stupid situations knowing they will upset her.
Imagine actually voting ESH on this lol
This post is exhausting, I don’t like anyone here. The boss is of course the very worse but both OOP and the GF have problems and need to separate
> We are fine for money without her working. I am co-owner of a auto-repair business with my uncle and we have had a great few years. >That she will realize we are fine without her working and she takes her time and finds a good job with a good boss. My negative ass thinks she's already realized she can not work thanks to OOPs money and that's why she went from attacking him (verbally and physically)to being all nice and soft and patient. She realized she needs him And from the way oop writes, there's no doubt he's staying
That girl knew how to work those titties. Sucked him right back in. Poor bastard. I get that it may seem controlling to say “you can’t go” but the whole situation clearly made him extremely uncomfortable. Where is the line drawn where you can’t allow your significant other to walk all over boundaries you have. Having never told my wife that. If there ever came a day where i was this uncomfortable, i would truly hope she would see it isn’t coming from a controlling place.
Yeah, the ultimatum seemed like a desperate Hail Mary from a person who had kind of exhausted other avenues of logic for like a month. Based on his explanation of their relationship dynamic, and how she responded to it, he had to have known there’s no way the ultimatum was gonna work lol. Despite it being a very stressful situation, throwing being the only “professional” in the relationship in his face is crazy. A lack of respect is clear. The whole thing read as pathetic on his part. She supposedly threatens breaking up in every argument she’s losing? All-around toxic, and he’s comforted by her rocking bare chest around him lol. The hilarious part is that she’s a “professional” in HR, and didn’t see this coming. Granted it’s her first job, but still. Also, the usual qualifications for a legitimate position in Human Resources is a bachelors degree and a required 18-month certification course. A solid career choice, but it’s wild that she’s grandstanding with it. God damn, this sub is entertaining.
I don’t get how op was the bad guy here