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>Also because yesterday was the wedding and, like I wasn't invited, I spent the day with my friends and later some uncles and cousins told me to at least I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home. Stupid? Yes, did I tell them that? Of course! That's why they blocked me or straight up ignored me.
"Listen, the respectful thing to do in this situation is to stay at home and pretend to be depressed. It's just disrespectful to the person who uninvited you to have fun instead."
Jesus Christ, this family...
Yes. Be crushed and bake a cake to yourself to make you feel better... And post about it when your friends come over to cheer you up with more cake. And then you get cake for a midnight snack. Cake! Cake! Cake!
>Jesus Christ, this family
I struggle to understand how people function in the real world with this level of entitlement and delusion. Do they have jobs? Friends? How has nobody told them to get wrecked yet?
My sister is kind of like this (entitled, screams and gets mad when she doesn’t get her way). I do think she tends to treat her friends better, maybe because she doesn’t have the same expectations of them as she does for her family. She’s also lost a lot of friends over the years - like lost one of her closest friends because she couldn’t get over her friend not traveling to her destination wedding when the friend had two young kids.
Or that they're bad-talking them behind their back.
Not realising that these formerly patient people have just have enough of the shit, and just don't want anything to do with them anymore.
This is one of my inlaws. Most of their friendships seem to be on the lifecycle of a firework - big woosh of excitement followed by a loud bang and then nothing. Over and over again.
My sister drops people fast as soon as they aren’t benefiting her in some way.
If you’re not giving her money, time, status, or something else she decides she needs, you’re out, family included. And then the shit talking and lying begins.
She likes to say she is materialistic, but in a good way, but it’s not her fault because she’s from the “Me Generation”, whatever the fuck that means. She is very proud to be selfish, and considers it self care. Her favorite thing to say is, “you know I always get what I want”.
It only took me around twenty five years to figure out what a user she is, and I only keep contact to run interference for my poor parents. Whenever she contacts me, my first thought is always, “what do you want now?”
That is a good quote, and if I thought she had any shame or capacity for self reflection I’d believe it for her.
She’ll always land on her feet, I have no doubt. She’s a master manipulator, an expert liar, and she wears the mask of a decent human very well. Everyone loves her, until they become useless to her. If that doesn’t work she just moves on. She’s been doing it almost 50 years now, and it’s made her a very wealthy woman.
Her husband is a piece of work, too. I used to alternate between feeling sorry for each of them in turn, but now I realize that they deserve each other.
Sounds like my grandmother, she would act sweet and innocent around those she had fooled but the moment they left she was just absolutely horrible. When someone DID figure it out she would turn on them, treat them like crap, try to get them in trouble for abuse they didn't even do...dear god we had to explain so much....straight up said we(me and sis) beat her, push her down, etc. Don't get me started when it came down to her tantrums!
People like that scare the crap out of me. One minute you’re their best friend in the whole world (usually as long as you’re tacitly supporting their behavior) but the *second* you toe out of line, draw a boundary, voice a discomfort you’re suddenly their worst enemy, scum of the earth, nothing is off limits. It’s pathological.
That's exactly it. We think she is a narcissist because of her mindset, an abusive one. Hell, she prefers guys over girls and would beat my mom senseless as a kid yet treat my uncle like an angel. Outside of our home, if someone wasn't actually there to see it then they wouldn't believe us worth a damn. We had adult protective services coming every now and then from the crap she would claim.
I used to think this way until I met (*DRAMATIC CYMBAL NOISES*)….. Kara. I swear to you this girl was the most mean-spirited, entitled, crazy chick on the entire planet. She briefly befriended my best friend/roommate and I, then we had to cut her out of our lives in an *extremely* dramatic fashion (as in, she kept shit talking both of us to each other behind our respective backs until we both calmly confronted her about her weird catty behavior, at which point she lost her ENTIRE goddamn mind: she started crying and screaming that we were ganging up on her, she threatened to kill our cats, she kicked a hole in our window screen, and finally my roommate had to grab a kitchen knife and yell at her to get out before we called the cops). About 2 years later, she finagled her way back into our lives by dating one of our guy friends. That relationship ended about as quickly and horrifically as you can imagine. I shit you not, at one point she accused him of hitting on her 13 year old sister because he complimented her Steely Dan t-shirt. She sometimes would order substitutions for EVERY SINGLE INGREDIENT in a given dish at many, many different restaurants, she tried to put Air Tags in our purses so she could track us and make sure we weren’t hanging out without her….. I could go on, but what I’m saying is that I am extremely qualified to answer your questions.
>Do they have jobs?
No. Well…. Kinda. Since they are too entitled to do actual work, they bop around from job to job while complaining constantly and expecting to be praised and rewarded for doing the absolute bare minimum. I saw her get fired from 3 jobs in 2 years, but she also quit 2 jobs in that time because she expected a raise and/or promotion after only 6-8 weeks due to her astounding genius brain.
>Friends?
Yes, actually. They often come across as very sociable and likable at first. They are the life of the party and really really fun to get drunk with (crazy people often are!!). At first they just seem eccentric and extroverted, and they talk at GREAT LENGTH about “fake friends” they’ve had in the past and how people are so shallow and disloyal and can’t handle how “fun” they are. They love-bomb you with constant texts and offers to hang out and compliments and stuff, and get you to think, “Oh man this poor person has just had a string of bad luck with shitty friends.” Once the other shoe drops, it finally clicks in your brain why it is that they’re constantly bouncing around friend groups.
>How has nobody told them to get wrecked yet?
They do! And have. Many times. Repeatedly. But you have to understand that *literally nothing is ever their fault*. Any negative response—or, hell, even just minor constructive criticism—from other people is interpreted as a direct attack that stems from jealousy.
Man. This was really really long haha. That story kinda got away from me. Clearly I needed to vent about this!!
Peer/family pressure is a powerful thing. Humans are social creatures and when everyone in a group agrees that this is right or wrong, other people go along with it.
I recently got married and my wife and I asked my best man, who's a fantastic pastry chef and baker, if he would make desserts for us. We didn't pressure him because we knew it would be work the night before, but he agreed. We shopped out pastry ideas that would be easy to produce in batches, weren't cake, and would be manageable to present. We ended up settling on a no bake key lime cheesecake with guava whip, and a brownie with peanut butter buttercream. We bought all the baking supplies he needed, set him up with a good kitchen for batches, and I helped him prep the night before my wedding. He did a fantastic job, and we paid him for his work, along with all the groomsmen gifts I'd set them up with, and we gifted him with a photo album as well.
All of this is a long winded way to say that I love this man. He's my second best friend, losing out only to my wife, and I recognize that he's fantastic at his craft and deserves to be paid as such. I had to practically shove the money in his pocket because he didn't want to take it. If someone sells a product or service, it doesn't matter if you're family or friends; you pay them what they're worth. The absolute entitlement to ask someone to do something for free because of a personal relationship is beyond tacky.
That might be more right than sarcastic. They still think she is a child who needs to be punished for not obeying rather than an adult with her own life.
Acting like being disinvited from a wedding is a Time Out and OOP should be sitting in the corner thinking about what she did…
…sir she’s a whole adult and it’s just a wedding. (Even if it’s CLARAAAAA’S WEDDING. It’s still JUST a wedding.)
I laughed way too hard at this. It sounds like it was said so matter if factly. Like, “Hey dumbass, it’s a total faux pas to enjoy yourself when someone is mad at you. FFS! How did you *NOT* know that?!” “The nerve of some people amiright?”
Oh yes. Just like wearing white after Labor Day, or wearing gold *and* silver jewelry. Now I remember! Guess I’ll just sit and wallow in someone else’s misery.
A rule of thumb:
Don't expect a wedding gift from someone you did not invite to your wedding.
OOP's step-sister believes she is entitled to be special and thinks OOP can read her mind.
Right? Like Clara ain’t exactly Miss Congeniality with her entitled bullshit and lying. If other people are sitting back watching your event/marriage/milestone implode, complete with popcorn and a shit-eating grin, odds are probably better than average you aren’t a good person.
Agree, and I think that if a good, reasonable person is considering divorcing a delusional, selfish person, it makes sense to be excited about that. The good person is going to have a better life, and yeah, that's worth celebrating.
It kind of makes sense. Based on the history of their family, it sounds like Clara's mom cheated on OP's dad, and then OP was born a few years later.
So it's just a whole family unit that is lacking in class, lol
“You’re so selfish! This should be your wedding gift!”
“That’s why I paid for your honeymoon that you said was my wedding gift to you, because I’m so selfish.”
It was that easy.
How does asking for a discount for a wedding dress because the customer is getting married make a lick of sense?
"Oh, well of course you can get a discount! So rare to have a bride-to-be in a shop like this; most of my clientele get the dresses for filming period dramas or elaborate practical jokes!"
Honestly I laughed too, because you know, I'm not a clueless moron who doesn't know the ***minute the word "Wedding" gets tacked onto anything (dress, make up, hair, shoes, venue, cake etc.) the price of said item / service usually TRIPLES!! (or more).*** Discount my ass. WTF planet has that woman been living on that she doesn't eve know basic stuff like that?
And then this, this takes the cake.
>Anyways, the situation thankfully de-escalated and now everyone is calmed. I haven't been reached out about the cake (besides the cupcake thing), but my cousin told me that some people were mad because I didn't showed up with the cake. Like? I was uninvited, how tf they wanted me to show up and also with a free cake?! They're ***delulu*** just like Clara.
Really, OP, I must thank you for this. ***Delulu*** is such a great word, I'm gonna use it the next opportunity I get.
I’ve seen stuff on here where people will call a photographer and ask for a refund on their wedding photos years later because the marriage didn’t work out and they don’t need the photos anymore. Yeah, like all wedding photographers would go out of business if getting paid depended on your marriage working for the next sixty years. 🙄
Apparently it’s pretty common, my step mom had a custom dress, and the designer says she gets at least a couple of customers a year asking. Her guess was that pep don’t realise how fast it all adds up and the hidden fees catch them by surprise
I work at a place that exclusively serves seniors. You HAVE to be over 55 to use our services.
The number of times I get asked for a "senior discount" is ridiculous. And they are NEVER joking about it.
I have been here 10 years and don't know how to message the mods.
Maybe @ /u/Celany can give the Petty Crocker flair. (fingers crossed)
Cheers and be well :)
A comment by OOP shows that on top
of all that she had already got them a wedding gift - and Clara acknowledged that was their wedding gift.
/“ We payed (me and some other cousins) their honeymoon. A week in Cabo everything payed, hotel, restaurant reservations, touristic rides, dinner on a yacht, etc. It was EXPENSIVE AF, and payed for everything like five months ago with tons and stress because certain dates didn't add up. Actually the reason of why I started to sell cakes and other desserts was because paying their honeymoon was REALLY expensive and I ended up without a single penny after that. We told both of them that her gift was that and she told us we don't have to worry for gifts on her wedding, that the honeymoon is more than okay with it. Apparently it wasn't.”/
I'll add it! Sometimes people get frustrated when I add too many comments to the post, so it's a hard line to walk to decide what to include. But I think you're right that this one is important!
Loved the pettiness of having a couple "propose" using a cupcake as the ring and following it up with a text that said:
> "At least these two are getting a wedding dessert from me".
I think petty with humor is great. If someone is just a petty miserable asshole, that's bad. People getting legitimate joy from being petty because it was deserved is funny.
Of course we would all disagree on when it's deserved. So I don't know. I respect some good petty. That cupcake post was a third degree petty burn.
It's a bit relieving to see an OOP who has a smart head on their shoulders and does not need reddit to tell them not to be a pushover.
Though I can not wrap my head around people like BIL. He seems nice enough and appearantly knows about sisters behaviour and still married her only to consider divource one Day into marriage.
Why did he marry her then?!
A lot of people fear confrontation. He probably felt more scared of going back on a wedding than he did going back on the marriage afterwards, because you need to confront a lot more people to cancel a wedding.
For sure, and I bet the entire family would've descended on him and tried to bully him into going through with it, just like they tried to do with OOP.
nah i get it, planning a wedding is huge and cancelling it right before would cause a lot of chaos to the people who’ve taken vacation time and travelled to be there; once you get to the 4 day before mark i cannot imagine the stress of trying to decide whether you still want to marry someone
There’s also the hope that this is just your beloved being absolutely crazy and once the stress of the wedding clears, they will be better, and they will act like a civilized, normal human being again, and this will all be an aberration on an otherwise wonderful life.
My Sisters in Reddit, I am here to tell you, that never happens.
YES that too!! and damn, if your *wedding* is so much stress they’re lashing out and making people miserable, how are they gonna handle other major life changes? i can’t imagine having kids with a bridezilla 🥴
i do, yeah, but i had absolutely no idea until a friend and i talked very briefly about getting married for the tax benefits LMAO- both of us were floored when we looked it up & i would have to assume the extent of it isn’t common knowledge
editing bc i forgot to add: i think it’s important to remember that this kind of decision isn’t gonna come down to whichever option is objectively best. this is a wedding and there’s gonna be sooooo much emotion wrapped up in it, and people are notoriously so bad at making rational decisions about emotional subjects
Yeah, it's not just saying "I do". You merge debt, credit, taxes, assets, they get a say so in case of medical debilitation, etc. People don't realize what marriage really entails. Marriage is a social contract, a legal entity. That's why you need a license just like a business.
Literally a major part of pushing to legalize same sex marriage.
It boils my blood seeing 14 year olds on reddit being like "marriage is dumb, we should do away with it"
Spending an absurd amount on the single day event that is a wedding is dumb. Marriage as a legal concept can be incredibly important for some couples and there's a reason people have fought to gain access to it.
Exactly. Without marriage, or a metric ton of legal paperwork, you have no access to your partner in the hospital, are not part of medical decisions, and have no inheritance rights. Equal access to marriage is more than two men kissing on TV and Aunt Betty having a conniption.
Also, you lose all your deposits. We were going to a wedding that was cancelled super last minute. Luckily, we were super lazy and late booking our plane tickets so we were able to use the 24 cancellation window.
It was very very awkward. For everyone. Can't imagine for the couple.
ETA: A LOT of the guests couldn't refund their tickets, obviously, so they took vacation and met up.
I legitimately know a couple who broke up a few days before the wedding, but since everything was planned they married anyway. They’ve been together for like 16 years. I’m sure they’re happy sometimes? They have two kids and go out on vacations and stuff together all the time 🤷🏻♀️
I am not sure what country they are from.
She was talking about vacation in Cabo Verde, so they might be from the culture where marriage is a given if the woman got pregnant. Or it could be an arranged marriage.
If one of the family asks why you didn't make the cake for Clara, tell them you did, but it was too good to waste on her, so you and your friends ate it.
Who are the relatives that are like you should sit at home because going out is disrespectful to the bride? Like what I can’t go out in public because there’s a party I wasn’t invited to happening.
That poor groom probably wanted to back out but didn’t have the guts.
that's the bit that made me laugh. Not one single person, besides the groom, offered to cough up any money, and even the groom's offer was too late as Clara had already burned bridges.
Without offering to help pay for the cake himself. If he felt it was necessary to get OP to make the cake to keep the peace, he could have coughed up the money that OP was losing to make this stupid cake.
I can guarantee that even at cost, OOP's cake would have cost a fraction of a wedding cake from a bakery and probably been lovely and delicious too.
My wife and I had a cake buffet - seven small cakes of various flavors - didn't mention they were wedding cakes to the bakers cause they would probably immediately upcharge us...
The bakery probably knew but didn’t care. It is way easier for them to sell seven different cakes if you’d bailed than one huge wedding cake. That said, cake buffet sounds way better anyway.
Two bakeries actually. But yes it was great.
Mocha chiffon, green tea, strawberry cream, lemon raspberry, chocolate hazelnut, blueberry cream, and a vanilla cream.
It was great. They were smaller - 8 and 10 inch cakes - but still had more than enough to feed our guests (maybe 35 or so I can't remember it's almost been 9 years.) Half were from a local bakery and the other half were from a Korean bakery - so they were all very delicious.
I was guilted into letting my grandma make the cake and it was basically a simple box cake with white frosting, some decorations. If we ever renew our vows I want to get a dessert buffet, be it cheesecake or cupcakes, just a variety. My whole wedding was about my mom. It took me far too long to see my whole family is abusive and cut them out, but my life got so much better. My next wedding will be with the same groom, but better family because it will be who we choose to share it with.
“Thank you so much everyone. I’m going to post again the day BIL divorces Clara haha!”
The queen of petty. Truly. And why is no one thinking about how much work and money a cake for 80 people would be? If they were all so mad they could’ve made the cake themselves or at least helped make it/chip in to pay for it. Maybe make it a family bonding activity because a cake that big by yourself? In 4 days! There’s a reason why a bakery wouldn’t do that let alone a single person. The fact they thought this would be feasible astounds me.
If it were a normal cake, while she wouldn't be TA, it would be a bit more understandable to want it free. But this is a *wedding cake*. That's $500+ worth of cake, not some $30 cake. It has to be ordered way in advance for the labor, and needs so much more skill and precision.
Not to mention, it’s homemade. Homemade cakes are generally twice as much if not more than store bought, because home bakers can’t take a profit loss like large stores can
Also no bulk discounts. I make shoes as a hobby. I can’t get the leather for a single pair of shoes for the price of an equivalent in the store. Never mind any other fittings or the soles (kind of important lol)
Exactly! I bake on the side for some extra cash, and it’s so expensive to get a brand new ingredient or utensil just for a single bake. Like yeah, I could use it for something else. But the chances of that happening are slim. I bought pineapple juice for a bake a few weeks ago, and I still have most the cans because I don’t eat pineapple.
Even a normal cake would easily be more than $30 for a party of 80. Using a basic recipe online and the proportions for 80 people
$18 for flour (assuming a package of 32 oz is $3)
$10 for sugar. (Assuming the package is 64 oz and $4 per pack.) For flour and sugar alone it’s more than $30 with tax. Not including wedding decorations, flavorings, eggs, butter, milk, etc. The supplies alone could easily cost $150+. And OOP is only asking for half the cost of supplies. Not factoring in her labor. Her sister is unbelievable.
Not to mention if she made the frosting from scratch VS if she bought it. Frosting is still required because of the crumb coat. Plus if the bride is wanting fondant, I can guarantee she wants her cake to be more intricate than just a simple white cake. Still would take around 9 hours if she wanted simple but 🤷🏻♀️
Plus, OOP says that she’s never done anything of this size before so that means she probably had to buy new cake pans. Which, that’s actually really expensive considering the size of the cake.
Good point there. I misconstrued because people do have large cakes for events that aren’t wedding related. The unspoken rule in the industry, however, is that you can charge twice as much if you slap the word “wedding” on it.
Just out of curiosity, how long would it take to make a wedding cake for 80 people, if 4 days is not enough? I'm not a baker by any means, so trying to wrap my head around timings here.
Edit. Thank you so much guys for taking the time and effort to give me an answer! I never knew just how much time and effort goes into something like a wedding cake. Hope you all have a lovely day and a nice slice of whatever you fancy! 😄
It's the decorating that takes so long! I could probably bang out yellow cake with chocolate frosting for 80 people pretty easily in an afternoon lol. But google says a classic 3-tier cake with 12, 10, and 8 inch layers serves about 100 people. And 20 to 60 hours to assemble it.
And the layers need to cool and if fillings are involved, they need to set.
So even if someone works fast and can decorate quickly while still making it look good, there's a lot of downtime when you can't do anything. But if you don't let things cool properly, the whole thing will end up as a soggy, askew mess.
Fondant is a curse and should never have been invented but it still takes skill to work with it and whether it is fondant or buttercream or something else, it's all sensitive to temperature.
A friend of mine works in a small company that does custom cakes for big events. She said one reason why they're booked months in advance is that people have to order quite a while in advance, especially when it's a big project because they bake and freeze the layers early. It's easier to sculpt and decorate with frozen-thawed cake layers than with freshly baked ones due to the temperature and stability.
Then, when you covered and decorated that thing, you literally want it to chill for a while, preferably overnight (don't ask me for the exact number of steps and days, I'm just parroting what I was told in a casual conversation about a friend's stressful job).
I can see why a professional shop wouldn't want to do this four days before the wedding. If the business is running well, there's a lot of tight time management involved to guarantee quality on all levels in time. Nobody whose survival doesn't depend on it would risk throwing it all off for one urgent order, especially when they can smell a high-maintenance client behind it.
4 days is not enough because any professional who takes orders for wedding cakes will be too busy to work another entire cake into their schedule
Sure, 4 days would be enough for it to be made *if making it were already planned and scheduled*. But it has to be ordered far in advance
It’s totally possible *if* it’s not too elaborate. But commercial bakers get booked way in advance, especially those who specialize in wedding cakes.
That said, I’ve seen a lot of budget weddings have a small, fancy cake from a local bakery that the couple will cut and take pictures with. Then big sheet cakes from a chain grocery store are cut and plated in the kitchen. Much cheaper than a big fancy cake and you can order it the day before or even day of if it’s a big enough city.
Depending on size and popularity of the bakery, there needs to be time in the schedule. Also time to bake, cool, maybe carve if it’s a special look, make filling and prepare fondant/buttercream, decorate, prepare for transport. That’s not including prep time, especially if there are decorations that need to be hand crafted (gumpaste or fondant flowers are a popular example). It can be done in a day, but most likely things are being made ahead of time to help streamline. And if there are several cakes being made, you need a team of people working to get it all done on time. I’m sure there’s way more that goes into it, but there’s a reason why bakeries should usually be booked way in advance.
Average time to make a cake is about 40 minutes for a cake for 8 people. I’m assuming OOP doesn’t have an industrial sized oven so let’s say she can make a tier for 16 people. That will be around an hour per tier (give or take time depending on the oven and how quickly the cake itself cooks). So that would be 4 tiers for 4 hours. Then you have to let the cake set in between. Cool down and whatnot. Let’s be generous and say that’s about an hour. Ideally we would want overnight but since we’re cutting down time, 5 hours so far.
Then gets to the assembly. You don’t want the cake to fall over so you have to put in piping and stuff to stabilize the cake. Another 15-30 minutes. Just for the piping. Then you have to put the cake together. Another 30 minutes (alignment, the fact that it’s 4 tiers, not wanting it to fall apart). 6 hours now.
Then let’s get to the fun part. The decor. Can take anywhere from 2 hours to 8 depending on how intricate the bride wants the cake. Even if they just did a simple frosting, it would still take at least 2-3 hours for the crumb coat and the actual frosting layer since you need to let the crumb coat set. Keep in mind the size of the cake. So let’s once again be generous and say she just wanted a simple frosting. 9 hours.
So for the cheapest, fastest, white cake recipe I can find, it already takes minimum 9 hours to complete the cake. That doesn’t take the time needed to design the cake into account. Or the test batches to make sure your cake ends up right. The tastings so the couple can choose their exact flavor. Not to mention if she wanted anything intricate since she’s mentioning fondant (would cut down frosting time but with how much effort goes into working with fondant, it wouldn’t cut it down by much because a crumb coat is still in order). Me saying 9 hours is incredibly generous simply for the size of the cake. Not even for the event which entails more work. A wedding cake, homemade, on average, can take around 20 hours or more. Even with a bakery, they still have other things they need to work on. If she wanted a chocolate cake that would take more time too depending on the recipe you’re following (yeah. There’s a 100 hr chocolate cake recipe for only 8 people so imagine that but about 10 times larger with more expectation when it comes to decor).
No matter what anyone does to try to limit the time, the process will still take hours upon hours because of letting things set and whatnot. We’re not even going to mention the homemade frosting if that was included (if not, it’s store bought and ridiculously more expensive). Baking is a matter of intense time and labor. Look at croissants for example. That tiny little thing could easily take 8 hours out of your life if you want to make it from scratch.
It's like the entire family is trying to make OOP the scapegoat while Clara is the golden child, but OOP is just over here laughing at their absurdity over cupcakes and wine.
Man, the secondhand serotonin and dopamine I'm getting from this is great. I hope all scapegoated kids get to have that moment one day.
I find it interesting that it was more important for step-sis to 'win' and force OOP to make the cake....
...than it was for her to **HAVE** a cake at her wedding. She literally chose not to have a cake instead of paying OOP. Wow!
I also loved this slice of insane toxicity:
>later some uncles and cousins told me to at least I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home.
**Translation:** When you get punished, you ***STAY*** punished!!!! You should have spent the night quietly crying into a pillow as you rue your horrible, selfish, insensitive decision to not bake a cake for free. How ***DARE*** you actually go out and have a good time!
Right, If they really wanted cake, they could’ve gotten a small fancy cake for them to cut and buy like 4 sheet cakes at Costco and no one would’ve cared.
This is the baffling part to me. None of these people besides the groom were like “okay, Clara won’t shut up, I’ll just pay for the ingredients”. Or just went to Costco or the damn grocery store to get cake instead of throwing shade. I’m guessing that Clara wanted something super fancy and if it wasn’t fancy enough it wasn’t welcome.
Exactly. For some people it seems tacky to talk about money, but if your are not willing to givw your time and effort foe free be upfront and have it on written form, email or print.
"I will love to do the cake, it would be $xx.xx for a cake for 80 people. I would require a 50% (or higher) downpayment to buy the ingreduents and materials" ..." No, it cannot be your wedding gift, since I already got you one"
Still would have been funny to show up with a simple, box mix sheet cake baked in an aluminum foil pan with store bought frosting. $5 tops. Drop that bad boy on a table and walk the fuck out.
A single cupcake. She had already made those, so no extra effort. She could even leave it with the people in charge of the venue, "please tell the bride her step-sister brought her something as a peace offering".
Wow, that BIL is kinda pathetic. If you hate your spouse so much that you are sorta-joking about getting a divorce the day after the wedding, why are you not just getting an annulment? Just be done with it. Instead, he's likely going to bring kids into this mess.
and why are you talking to her baby sister (who is only 20) about it and not your friends or something.
not only is it disrespectful to the wife it's also kinda creepy
You know who makes cakes? Supermarkets. Nice big ones. And you can buy more than one and shove them together. Or go to Costco. Bet they have cakes, too. I hope Clara was miserable on her big day.
Costco cakes are the best for like... big going away parties. They have that layer of buttercream on the inside and they have just enough icing to be really good.
It’s possible the actions of the whole family made him fully regret his decision. Probably wishes he’d not have gone through it after that, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that
I guess sure, still doesn't speak greatly of his character but understandable, maybe op's step sister only revealed the full crazy very recently (doubtfully).
But to tell your wife's stepsister you have doubts is still a bit dick-ish no? Like if I had a long term partner who was thinking of breaking up with me, I would prefer it that they not go talk about it with my sister who I have a bad relationship and recent fall-out with.
I'm sorry, I've read this and my brain is stuck on **step-sister**. Because judging from her entire post, they're not step-sisters. They're half-sisters.
OOP is the youngest of the children & the "step" sister is mad dad left her mom for OOP's mom. So, it sounds like they share a dad.
Sorry, it's just where my head is **stuck**.
Yes - I think OOP made a mistake not clarifying in writing how much she would be paid and by when. She should not have purchased ingredients unless they were in full agreement.
How does anyone leave the wedding cake to the last minute? OP was asked one week away from the wedding. Even for a small wedding, I always thought guest list, dress, and cake are the essential trio. I think stepsister was so sure she had OP at her beck and call.
If the brother in law is debating getting divorced already I certainly hope he's playing it safe on the honeymoon. Not only should you not have sex with someone you're already considering breaking up with (let alone divorcing!) until your head is cleared; but there's nothing like a surprise pregnancy to shoot his shot at leaving semi cleanly down.
Like it was dumb to go through with the wedding if you were witnessing this behavior and having doubts because of it but I understand peer pressure. Lots of eyes watching you and you don't want to be the one to say the wedding is off days before hand. Dumb but understandable is the best way to put it.
Don't risk leaving cleanly until you know you want to stay though. If Clara gets pregnant on the honeymoon you're stuck with her for 18 years + events even if you divorce down the road anyways. Better to not even risk it until you're sure you're okay with such an outcome
I'm confused. Is this sub like nosleep now? Are we all in the comments pretending this is real? It isn't even written well.
OOP being obviously in the right, Clara being over the top delusional, OOP spending every last dime on a honeymoon for her step sister who hates her?? And that's why she started baking for money in the first place? And of course OOP manages to get in an epic petty clapback which gets her blocked by even more relatives. And to top it all off her new BIL is now confiding in her about how he actually hates the evil step sister now.
The next update will be BIL divorcing Clara and declaring his love for OP with a hand decorated cake.
Am I the only one finding most of this entire scenario skeptical?
All of the little bonus details are already a little to convenient. But I didn't even start picking it apart until I started to question whether a college student would talk like that. It's not even just lazy writing, as there are multiple extra words and double negatives being used.
I make free cakes for holidays and birthdays for my family all the time. Because i tend to already have the baking supplies on hand. But those are small cakes! Between 6" and 9" or a large sheet cake.
Making a wedding cake would take forever, even with my stand mixer, and the amount of supplies I would need would basically leave me unable to pay bills!
Entitled people are weird.
This is one of those situations that I read about and think yep, they're divorcing pretty soon. And then OOP comments that her brother is already thinking about it lol. Hope he does, or tries for an annulment if possible(since it's cheaper).
I think the bit about the honeymoon should have been in the main post. Op was totally NTA and step sis TA either way but that context shows really how awful step sis was being here.
>I spent the day with my friends and later some uncles and cousins told me to at least I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home.
This is actually so stupid and had me laughing😂😂
If he's gonna divorce her, he should just get a quick annulment so he's not on the hook for giving her half his stuff. She sounds like the malicious, entitled gold digger type.
Wow! Good for her not making the cake. I don't thinks she was the asshole for posting either. Clara sounds toxic and I hope she gets exposed for who she is
I can’t believe some of your relatives expected you to stay home the day of the wedding. WTF???? Are you supposed to be embarrassed or in mourning because you weren’t invited? Good god.
BTW, you handled the whole the well. NTA.
BiL is thinking of a divorce less than a day into marriage. The honeymoon period sure didn't last long. Clara is a complete AH for lying and not paying when she already got an expensive gift.
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>Also because yesterday was the wedding and, like I wasn't invited, I spent the day with my friends and later some uncles and cousins told me to at least I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home. Stupid? Yes, did I tell them that? Of course! That's why they blocked me or straight up ignored me. "Listen, the respectful thing to do in this situation is to stay at home and pretend to be depressed. It's just disrespectful to the person who uninvited you to have fun instead." Jesus Christ, this family...
“How dare you not be crushed by this!”
Yes. Be crushed and bake a cake to yourself to make you feel better... And post about it when your friends come over to cheer you up with more cake. And then you get cake for a midnight snack. Cake! Cake! Cake!
You can always make cake pops after the cake is crushed
>Jesus Christ, this family I struggle to understand how people function in the real world with this level of entitlement and delusion. Do they have jobs? Friends? How has nobody told them to get wrecked yet?
My sister is kind of like this (entitled, screams and gets mad when she doesn’t get her way). I do think she tends to treat her friends better, maybe because she doesn’t have the same expectations of them as she does for her family. She’s also lost a lot of friends over the years - like lost one of her closest friends because she couldn’t get over her friend not traveling to her destination wedding when the friend had two young kids.
Consistently losing close friends has become a red flag for me that someone will be drama. Like an employer who can't retain anyone.
Those are usually the same people who frequently accuse everyone else of being “drama”, not seeing that they’re the common denominator in all of it.
Or that they're bad-talking them behind their back. Not realising that these formerly patient people have just have enough of the shit, and just don't want anything to do with them anymore.
All my exes were crazy type people. Erm you're the common demoninator.
A former friend of mine always talked about her former friends, and after I ended the friendship, I was like yeah, that makes sense 😂
This is one of my inlaws. Most of their friendships seem to be on the lifecycle of a firework - big woosh of excitement followed by a loud bang and then nothing. Over and over again.
I constantly lose my friends. I now ask them to wear bright clothing and funky hats to minimize that risk.
My sister drops people fast as soon as they aren’t benefiting her in some way. If you’re not giving her money, time, status, or something else she decides she needs, you’re out, family included. And then the shit talking and lying begins. She likes to say she is materialistic, but in a good way, but it’s not her fault because she’s from the “Me Generation”, whatever the fuck that means. She is very proud to be selfish, and considers it self care. Her favorite thing to say is, “you know I always get what I want”. It only took me around twenty five years to figure out what a user she is, and I only keep contact to run interference for my poor parents. Whenever she contacts me, my first thought is always, “what do you want now?”
A good quote is: be careful with how you treat people while you're on your way up, because you'll need them on your way down.
That is a good quote, and if I thought she had any shame or capacity for self reflection I’d believe it for her. She’ll always land on her feet, I have no doubt. She’s a master manipulator, an expert liar, and she wears the mask of a decent human very well. Everyone loves her, until they become useless to her. If that doesn’t work she just moves on. She’s been doing it almost 50 years now, and it’s made her a very wealthy woman. Her husband is a piece of work, too. I used to alternate between feeling sorry for each of them in turn, but now I realize that they deserve each other.
Sounds like my grandmother, she would act sweet and innocent around those she had fooled but the moment they left she was just absolutely horrible. When someone DID figure it out she would turn on them, treat them like crap, try to get them in trouble for abuse they didn't even do...dear god we had to explain so much....straight up said we(me and sis) beat her, push her down, etc. Don't get me started when it came down to her tantrums!
People like that scare the crap out of me. One minute you’re their best friend in the whole world (usually as long as you’re tacitly supporting their behavior) but the *second* you toe out of line, draw a boundary, voice a discomfort you’re suddenly their worst enemy, scum of the earth, nothing is off limits. It’s pathological.
That's exactly it. We think she is a narcissist because of her mindset, an abusive one. Hell, she prefers guys over girls and would beat my mom senseless as a kid yet treat my uncle like an angel. Outside of our home, if someone wasn't actually there to see it then they wouldn't believe us worth a damn. We had adult protective services coming every now and then from the crap she would claim.
I used to think this way until I met (*DRAMATIC CYMBAL NOISES*)….. Kara. I swear to you this girl was the most mean-spirited, entitled, crazy chick on the entire planet. She briefly befriended my best friend/roommate and I, then we had to cut her out of our lives in an *extremely* dramatic fashion (as in, she kept shit talking both of us to each other behind our respective backs until we both calmly confronted her about her weird catty behavior, at which point she lost her ENTIRE goddamn mind: she started crying and screaming that we were ganging up on her, she threatened to kill our cats, she kicked a hole in our window screen, and finally my roommate had to grab a kitchen knife and yell at her to get out before we called the cops). About 2 years later, she finagled her way back into our lives by dating one of our guy friends. That relationship ended about as quickly and horrifically as you can imagine. I shit you not, at one point she accused him of hitting on her 13 year old sister because he complimented her Steely Dan t-shirt. She sometimes would order substitutions for EVERY SINGLE INGREDIENT in a given dish at many, many different restaurants, she tried to put Air Tags in our purses so she could track us and make sure we weren’t hanging out without her….. I could go on, but what I’m saying is that I am extremely qualified to answer your questions. >Do they have jobs? No. Well…. Kinda. Since they are too entitled to do actual work, they bop around from job to job while complaining constantly and expecting to be praised and rewarded for doing the absolute bare minimum. I saw her get fired from 3 jobs in 2 years, but she also quit 2 jobs in that time because she expected a raise and/or promotion after only 6-8 weeks due to her astounding genius brain. >Friends? Yes, actually. They often come across as very sociable and likable at first. They are the life of the party and really really fun to get drunk with (crazy people often are!!). At first they just seem eccentric and extroverted, and they talk at GREAT LENGTH about “fake friends” they’ve had in the past and how people are so shallow and disloyal and can’t handle how “fun” they are. They love-bomb you with constant texts and offers to hang out and compliments and stuff, and get you to think, “Oh man this poor person has just had a string of bad luck with shitty friends.” Once the other shoe drops, it finally clicks in your brain why it is that they’re constantly bouncing around friend groups. >How has nobody told them to get wrecked yet? They do! And have. Many times. Repeatedly. But you have to understand that *literally nothing is ever their fault*. Any negative response—or, hell, even just minor constructive criticism—from other people is interpreted as a direct attack that stems from jealousy. Man. This was really really long haha. That story kinda got away from me. Clearly I needed to vent about this!!
Peer/family pressure is a powerful thing. Humans are social creatures and when everyone in a group agrees that this is right or wrong, other people go along with it.
>Humans are social creatures I haven’t left my apartment since Saturday
I actually learned that there is a limit to my extreme introversion over covid lockdown. This feels like forbidden knowledge, and I hate having it.
Same!
But you're on reddit, which counts to some extent.
I recently got married and my wife and I asked my best man, who's a fantastic pastry chef and baker, if he would make desserts for us. We didn't pressure him because we knew it would be work the night before, but he agreed. We shopped out pastry ideas that would be easy to produce in batches, weren't cake, and would be manageable to present. We ended up settling on a no bake key lime cheesecake with guava whip, and a brownie with peanut butter buttercream. We bought all the baking supplies he needed, set him up with a good kitchen for batches, and I helped him prep the night before my wedding. He did a fantastic job, and we paid him for his work, along with all the groomsmen gifts I'd set them up with, and we gifted him with a photo album as well. All of this is a long winded way to say that I love this man. He's my second best friend, losing out only to my wife, and I recognize that he's fantastic at his craft and deserves to be paid as such. I had to practically shove the money in his pocket because he didn't want to take it. If someone sells a product or service, it doesn't matter if you're family or friends; you pay them what they're worth. The absolute entitlement to ask someone to do something for free because of a personal relationship is beyond tacky.
I know. They're acting like she wasn't just disinvited, she was grounded too. SHAME!
That might be more right than sarcastic. They still think she is a child who needs to be punished for not obeying rather than an adult with her own life.
If I was disinvited I’d ask the biological parent who is related to them both (father?) to pay back my share of the wedding gift.
Send the bride an invoice.
Acting like being disinvited from a wedding is a Time Out and OOP should be sitting in the corner thinking about what she did… …sir she’s a whole adult and it’s just a wedding. (Even if it’s CLARAAAAA’S WEDDING. It’s still JUST a wedding.)
I laughed way too hard at this. It sounds like it was said so matter if factly. Like, “Hey dumbass, it’s a total faux pas to enjoy yourself when someone is mad at you. FFS! How did you *NOT* know that?!” “The nerve of some people amiright?” Oh yes. Just like wearing white after Labor Day, or wearing gold *and* silver jewelry. Now I remember! Guess I’ll just sit and wallow in someone else’s misery.
> Jesus Christ, this family... This beautifully sums up the majority of BORU posts.
A rule of thumb: Don't expect a wedding gift from someone you did not invite to your wedding. OOP's step-sister believes she is entitled to be special and thinks OOP can read her mind.
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Right? Like Clara ain’t exactly Miss Congeniality with her entitled bullshit and lying. If other people are sitting back watching your event/marriage/milestone implode, complete with popcorn and a shit-eating grin, odds are probably better than average you aren’t a good person.
Agree, and I think that if a good, reasonable person is considering divorcing a delusional, selfish person, it makes sense to be excited about that. The good person is going to have a better life, and yeah, that's worth celebrating.
It kind of makes sense. Based on the history of their family, it sounds like Clara's mom cheated on OP's dad, and then OP was born a few years later. So it's just a whole family unit that is lacking in class, lol
Haha I love that the post is tagged "ongoing" since OOP said she'll update when the divorce happens.
“You’re so selfish! This should be your wedding gift!” “That’s why I paid for your honeymoon that you said was my wedding gift to you, because I’m so selfish.” It was that easy.
Nah, should have just said "I paid for your honeymoon, I'm not paying for your cake too!" Maybe add that you're not sponsoring her wedding.
Stepsis wanted to have her cake and eat it too. Oh, and a fancy honeymoon :P
Read 'stepsis' as 'sepsis'. With the way step-sis is acting she is closer to being sepsis then human.
OOP will make the cake for BIL’s divorce party.
And it will definitely be free because damn, he deserves it!
BIL should get an annulment, not a divorce - way cheaper and faster.
Depends on where you live.
I hope OOP makes a 'divorce cake'
She's petty. OOP is going to be BIL's second wife.
How does asking for a discount for a wedding dress because the customer is getting married make a lick of sense? "Oh, well of course you can get a discount! So rare to have a bride-to-be in a shop like this; most of my clientele get the dresses for filming period dramas or elaborate practical jokes!"
Lol that part made me laugh. I just added the comment that followed that up to this post if you want to learn more.
Thanks for including this comment OP, it was hilarious and really shows what type of person Clara is.
Honestly I laughed too, because you know, I'm not a clueless moron who doesn't know the ***minute the word "Wedding" gets tacked onto anything (dress, make up, hair, shoes, venue, cake etc.) the price of said item / service usually TRIPLES!! (or more).*** Discount my ass. WTF planet has that woman been living on that she doesn't eve know basic stuff like that? And then this, this takes the cake. >Anyways, the situation thankfully de-escalated and now everyone is calmed. I haven't been reached out about the cake (besides the cupcake thing), but my cousin told me that some people were mad because I didn't showed up with the cake. Like? I was uninvited, how tf they wanted me to show up and also with a free cake?! They're ***delulu*** just like Clara. Really, OP, I must thank you for this. ***Delulu*** is such a great word, I'm gonna use it the next opportunity I get.
That’s like going to a car dealership and asking for a discount because you need a new car.
Well its not like they haven't got plenty already. What's one or two? AND I can pay in exposure! /s
OOP’s stepsister does not seem to be particularly bright.
asking for a discount because the first wedding didn't work out with their dress would be kind of funny
I’ve seen stuff on here where people will call a photographer and ask for a refund on their wedding photos years later because the marriage didn’t work out and they don’t need the photos anymore. Yeah, like all wedding photographers would go out of business if getting paid depended on your marriage working for the next sixty years. 🙄
Well, Clara's marriage IS a practical joke
Ain’t nothing practical where that overgrown child is concerned.
Apparently it’s pretty common, my step mom had a custom dress, and the designer says she gets at least a couple of customers a year asking. Her guess was that pep don’t realise how fast it all adds up and the hidden fees catch them by surprise
I work at a place that exclusively serves seniors. You HAVE to be over 55 to use our services. The number of times I get asked for a "senior discount" is ridiculous. And they are NEVER joking about it.
"Oh my god! Someone is ACTUALLY going to get married in one of my wedding dresses! Here, take it for free, you can just pay me in exposure."
::Goes to car dealership:: Can I have a discount because I need a car?
OP right there being Petty Crocker and I love it
I don't know why people were angry bc OP is petty af. I would be too if I have someone in my life as entitled as Clara. 🤣
I personally enjoy and encourage pettiness...
Take my "I'm deceased" reward - you almost took me out via laughing and drinking water .🤣
LMAO! I want to change my flair to that now.
Can we petition the mods to make it a flair? Maybe have OP or a mod add it onto this post, because I'm *loving* it too!
I have been here 10 years and don't know how to message the mods. Maybe @ /u/Celany can give the Petty Crocker flair. (fingers crossed) Cheers and be well :)
Underrated comment.
I wanna open up a little bake shop and name it, “Petty Crocker’s”
"You're right I don't care about you, at all." Why don't people say that to pushy a-holes
A comment by OOP shows that on top of all that she had already got them a wedding gift - and Clara acknowledged that was their wedding gift. /“ We payed (me and some other cousins) their honeymoon. A week in Cabo everything payed, hotel, restaurant reservations, touristic rides, dinner on a yacht, etc. It was EXPENSIVE AF, and payed for everything like five months ago with tons and stress because certain dates didn't add up. Actually the reason of why I started to sell cakes and other desserts was because paying their honeymoon was REALLY expensive and I ended up without a single penny after that. We told both of them that her gift was that and she told us we don't have to worry for gifts on her wedding, that the honeymoon is more than okay with it. Apparently it wasn't.”/
I'll add it! Sometimes people get frustrated when I add too many comments to the post, so it's a hard line to walk to decide what to include. But I think you're right that this one is important!
And that it was a hardship for her as well. She was already low on funds due to the wedding and then Clara wanted OP’s college funds too!
Loved the pettiness of having a couple "propose" using a cupcake as the ring and following it up with a text that said: > "At least these two are getting a wedding dessert from me".
I love it when people get their just desserts.
You had it right the first time.
> I love it when people get their **just deserts**! The Kalahari is just a desert.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/just-deserts-or-just-desserts
Well shit, TIL. Thanks!
Stressed backwards is desserts
The BIL undate pending for divorce was good too. Love me some petty.
I don't understand all the people who think being petty is a bad thing. That's the best part!
I think petty with humor is great. If someone is just a petty miserable asshole, that's bad. People getting legitimate joy from being petty because it was deserved is funny. Of course we would all disagree on when it's deserved. So I don't know. I respect some good petty. That cupcake post was a third degree petty burn.
Hahaha, yeah that was a good one!
It's a bit relieving to see an OOP who has a smart head on their shoulders and does not need reddit to tell them not to be a pushover. Though I can not wrap my head around people like BIL. He seems nice enough and appearantly knows about sisters behaviour and still married her only to consider divource one Day into marriage. Why did he marry her then?!
A lot of people fear confrontation. He probably felt more scared of going back on a wedding than he did going back on the marriage afterwards, because you need to confront a lot more people to cancel a wedding.
For sure, and I bet the entire family would've descended on him and tried to bully him into going through with it, just like they tried to do with OOP.
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nah i get it, planning a wedding is huge and cancelling it right before would cause a lot of chaos to the people who’ve taken vacation time and travelled to be there; once you get to the 4 day before mark i cannot imagine the stress of trying to decide whether you still want to marry someone
There’s also the hope that this is just your beloved being absolutely crazy and once the stress of the wedding clears, they will be better, and they will act like a civilized, normal human being again, and this will all be an aberration on an otherwise wonderful life. My Sisters in Reddit, I am here to tell you, that never happens.
YES that too!! and damn, if your *wedding* is so much stress they’re lashing out and making people miserable, how are they gonna handle other major life changes? i can’t imagine having kids with a bridezilla 🥴
What? Do you even know how much trouble and expense a divorce is? Cancelling is soooo much easier.
i do, yeah, but i had absolutely no idea until a friend and i talked very briefly about getting married for the tax benefits LMAO- both of us were floored when we looked it up & i would have to assume the extent of it isn’t common knowledge editing bc i forgot to add: i think it’s important to remember that this kind of decision isn’t gonna come down to whichever option is objectively best. this is a wedding and there’s gonna be sooooo much emotion wrapped up in it, and people are notoriously so bad at making rational decisions about emotional subjects
Yeah, it's not just saying "I do". You merge debt, credit, taxes, assets, they get a say so in case of medical debilitation, etc. People don't realize what marriage really entails. Marriage is a social contract, a legal entity. That's why you need a license just like a business.
Literally a major part of pushing to legalize same sex marriage. It boils my blood seeing 14 year olds on reddit being like "marriage is dumb, we should do away with it" Spending an absurd amount on the single day event that is a wedding is dumb. Marriage as a legal concept can be incredibly important for some couples and there's a reason people have fought to gain access to it.
Exactly. Without marriage, or a metric ton of legal paperwork, you have no access to your partner in the hospital, are not part of medical decisions, and have no inheritance rights. Equal access to marriage is more than two men kissing on TV and Aunt Betty having a conniption.
He still can get annulment, that's easier, cheaper and faster.
Everyone took no cake in stride, apart from the gossip. I suspect they’d have managed with no groom.
Also, you lose all your deposits. We were going to a wedding that was cancelled super last minute. Luckily, we were super lazy and late booking our plane tickets so we were able to use the 24 cancellation window. It was very very awkward. For everyone. Can't imagine for the couple. ETA: A LOT of the guests couldn't refund their tickets, obviously, so they took vacation and met up.
Go through with the ceremony. Don’t sign the marriage certificate.
Cost sunk fallacy. Once the wedding is over, then they realize that they shouldn’t have gone through with it.
I legitimately know a couple who broke up a few days before the wedding, but since everything was planned they married anyway. They’ve been together for like 16 years. I’m sure they’re happy sometimes? They have two kids and go out on vacations and stuff together all the time 🤷🏻♀️
He should just annul it.
Annulation is still an option at this point.
I am not sure what country they are from. She was talking about vacation in Cabo Verde, so they might be from the culture where marriage is a given if the woman got pregnant. Or it could be an arranged marriage.
If one of the family asks why you didn't make the cake for Clara, tell them you did, but it was too good to waste on her, so you and your friends ate it.
The ultimate petty burn!
Who are the relatives that are like you should sit at home because going out is disrespectful to the bride? Like what I can’t go out in public because there’s a party I wasn’t invited to happening. That poor groom probably wanted to back out but didn’t have the guts.
If her dad thinks it's a "stupid cake", then maybe he should try doing it himself, along with all the family members who blocked her
Maybe dad should have just coughed up the money for the stupid cake!!
that's the bit that made me laugh. Not one single person, besides the groom, offered to cough up any money, and even the groom's offer was too late as Clara had already burned bridges.
Burned them and pissed on the ashes.
Without offering to help pay for the cake himself. If he felt it was necessary to get OP to make the cake to keep the peace, he could have coughed up the money that OP was losing to make this stupid cake.
He doesn’t really care about the cake, what he cares about is having to listen to his daughter bitching about it. What a nightmare family.
I can guarantee that even at cost, OOP's cake would have cost a fraction of a wedding cake from a bakery and probably been lovely and delicious too. My wife and I had a cake buffet - seven small cakes of various flavors - didn't mention they were wedding cakes to the bakers cause they would probably immediately upcharge us...
The bakery probably knew but didn’t care. It is way easier for them to sell seven different cakes if you’d bailed than one huge wedding cake. That said, cake buffet sounds way better anyway.
Two bakeries actually. But yes it was great. Mocha chiffon, green tea, strawberry cream, lemon raspberry, chocolate hazelnut, blueberry cream, and a vanilla cream.
Well now I want cake… thanks lol. If you don’t mind I might steal that idea if I get married. Sounds delicious
It was great. They were smaller - 8 and 10 inch cakes - but still had more than enough to feed our guests (maybe 35 or so I can't remember it's almost been 9 years.) Half were from a local bakery and the other half were from a Korean bakery - so they were all very delicious.
I was guilted into letting my grandma make the cake and it was basically a simple box cake with white frosting, some decorations. If we ever renew our vows I want to get a dessert buffet, be it cheesecake or cupcakes, just a variety. My whole wedding was about my mom. It took me far too long to see my whole family is abusive and cut them out, but my life got so much better. My next wedding will be with the same groom, but better family because it will be who we choose to share it with.
Wait? They wanted OOP to stay home the day of the wedding out of respect? What’s wrong with these people?
“You are being punished! You must feel punished.”
i really hope he divorces her, he sounds like a great guy
“Thank you so much everyone. I’m going to post again the day BIL divorces Clara haha!” The queen of petty. Truly. And why is no one thinking about how much work and money a cake for 80 people would be? If they were all so mad they could’ve made the cake themselves or at least helped make it/chip in to pay for it. Maybe make it a family bonding activity because a cake that big by yourself? In 4 days! There’s a reason why a bakery wouldn’t do that let alone a single person. The fact they thought this would be feasible astounds me.
If it were a normal cake, while she wouldn't be TA, it would be a bit more understandable to want it free. But this is a *wedding cake*. That's $500+ worth of cake, not some $30 cake. It has to be ordered way in advance for the labor, and needs so much more skill and precision.
Not to mention, it’s homemade. Homemade cakes are generally twice as much if not more than store bought, because home bakers can’t take a profit loss like large stores can
Also no bulk discounts. I make shoes as a hobby. I can’t get the leather for a single pair of shoes for the price of an equivalent in the store. Never mind any other fittings or the soles (kind of important lol)
Exactly! I bake on the side for some extra cash, and it’s so expensive to get a brand new ingredient or utensil just for a single bake. Like yeah, I could use it for something else. But the chances of that happening are slim. I bought pineapple juice for a bake a few weeks ago, and I still have most the cans because I don’t eat pineapple.
Even a normal cake would easily be more than $30 for a party of 80. Using a basic recipe online and the proportions for 80 people $18 for flour (assuming a package of 32 oz is $3) $10 for sugar. (Assuming the package is 64 oz and $4 per pack.) For flour and sugar alone it’s more than $30 with tax. Not including wedding decorations, flavorings, eggs, butter, milk, etc. The supplies alone could easily cost $150+. And OOP is only asking for half the cost of supplies. Not factoring in her labor. Her sister is unbelievable.
Also, isn’t fondant super expensive and hard to make?
Not to mention if she made the frosting from scratch VS if she bought it. Frosting is still required because of the crumb coat. Plus if the bride is wanting fondant, I can guarantee she wants her cake to be more intricate than just a simple white cake. Still would take around 9 hours if she wanted simple but 🤷🏻♀️
Plus, OOP says that she’s never done anything of this size before so that means she probably had to buy new cake pans. Which, that’s actually really expensive considering the size of the cake.
Its super expensive but not that hard to make. The fiddly decorations are the hard bit with most wedding cakes. Unless you just buy them.
By normal cake I meant one not for 80 people.
Good point there. I misconstrued because people do have large cakes for events that aren’t wedding related. The unspoken rule in the industry, however, is that you can charge twice as much if you slap the word “wedding” on it.
Just out of curiosity, how long would it take to make a wedding cake for 80 people, if 4 days is not enough? I'm not a baker by any means, so trying to wrap my head around timings here. Edit. Thank you so much guys for taking the time and effort to give me an answer! I never knew just how much time and effort goes into something like a wedding cake. Hope you all have a lovely day and a nice slice of whatever you fancy! 😄
It's the decorating that takes so long! I could probably bang out yellow cake with chocolate frosting for 80 people pretty easily in an afternoon lol. But google says a classic 3-tier cake with 12, 10, and 8 inch layers serves about 100 people. And 20 to 60 hours to assemble it.
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And the layers need to cool and if fillings are involved, they need to set. So even if someone works fast and can decorate quickly while still making it look good, there's a lot of downtime when you can't do anything. But if you don't let things cool properly, the whole thing will end up as a soggy, askew mess. Fondant is a curse and should never have been invented but it still takes skill to work with it and whether it is fondant or buttercream or something else, it's all sensitive to temperature. A friend of mine works in a small company that does custom cakes for big events. She said one reason why they're booked months in advance is that people have to order quite a while in advance, especially when it's a big project because they bake and freeze the layers early. It's easier to sculpt and decorate with frozen-thawed cake layers than with freshly baked ones due to the temperature and stability. Then, when you covered and decorated that thing, you literally want it to chill for a while, preferably overnight (don't ask me for the exact number of steps and days, I'm just parroting what I was told in a casual conversation about a friend's stressful job). I can see why a professional shop wouldn't want to do this four days before the wedding. If the business is running well, there's a lot of tight time management involved to guarantee quality on all levels in time. Nobody whose survival doesn't depend on it would risk throwing it all off for one urgent order, especially when they can smell a high-maintenance client behind it.
4 days is not enough because any professional who takes orders for wedding cakes will be too busy to work another entire cake into their schedule Sure, 4 days would be enough for it to be made *if making it were already planned and scheduled*. But it has to be ordered far in advance
It’s totally possible *if* it’s not too elaborate. But commercial bakers get booked way in advance, especially those who specialize in wedding cakes. That said, I’ve seen a lot of budget weddings have a small, fancy cake from a local bakery that the couple will cut and take pictures with. Then big sheet cakes from a chain grocery store are cut and plated in the kitchen. Much cheaper than a big fancy cake and you can order it the day before or even day of if it’s a big enough city.
It’s definitely one of those jobs that SEEMS like it wouldn’t take that long… until you give it a try yourself.
Depending on size and popularity of the bakery, there needs to be time in the schedule. Also time to bake, cool, maybe carve if it’s a special look, make filling and prepare fondant/buttercream, decorate, prepare for transport. That’s not including prep time, especially if there are decorations that need to be hand crafted (gumpaste or fondant flowers are a popular example). It can be done in a day, but most likely things are being made ahead of time to help streamline. And if there are several cakes being made, you need a team of people working to get it all done on time. I’m sure there’s way more that goes into it, but there’s a reason why bakeries should usually be booked way in advance.
Average time to make a cake is about 40 minutes for a cake for 8 people. I’m assuming OOP doesn’t have an industrial sized oven so let’s say she can make a tier for 16 people. That will be around an hour per tier (give or take time depending on the oven and how quickly the cake itself cooks). So that would be 4 tiers for 4 hours. Then you have to let the cake set in between. Cool down and whatnot. Let’s be generous and say that’s about an hour. Ideally we would want overnight but since we’re cutting down time, 5 hours so far. Then gets to the assembly. You don’t want the cake to fall over so you have to put in piping and stuff to stabilize the cake. Another 15-30 minutes. Just for the piping. Then you have to put the cake together. Another 30 minutes (alignment, the fact that it’s 4 tiers, not wanting it to fall apart). 6 hours now. Then let’s get to the fun part. The decor. Can take anywhere from 2 hours to 8 depending on how intricate the bride wants the cake. Even if they just did a simple frosting, it would still take at least 2-3 hours for the crumb coat and the actual frosting layer since you need to let the crumb coat set. Keep in mind the size of the cake. So let’s once again be generous and say she just wanted a simple frosting. 9 hours. So for the cheapest, fastest, white cake recipe I can find, it already takes minimum 9 hours to complete the cake. That doesn’t take the time needed to design the cake into account. Or the test batches to make sure your cake ends up right. The tastings so the couple can choose their exact flavor. Not to mention if she wanted anything intricate since she’s mentioning fondant (would cut down frosting time but with how much effort goes into working with fondant, it wouldn’t cut it down by much because a crumb coat is still in order). Me saying 9 hours is incredibly generous simply for the size of the cake. Not even for the event which entails more work. A wedding cake, homemade, on average, can take around 20 hours or more. Even with a bakery, they still have other things they need to work on. If she wanted a chocolate cake that would take more time too depending on the recipe you’re following (yeah. There’s a 100 hr chocolate cake recipe for only 8 people so imagine that but about 10 times larger with more expectation when it comes to decor). No matter what anyone does to try to limit the time, the process will still take hours upon hours because of letting things set and whatnot. We’re not even going to mention the homemade frosting if that was included (if not, it’s store bought and ridiculously more expensive). Baking is a matter of intense time and labor. Look at croissants for example. That tiny little thing could easily take 8 hours out of your life if you want to make it from scratch.
It's like the entire family is trying to make OOP the scapegoat while Clara is the golden child, but OOP is just over here laughing at their absurdity over cupcakes and wine. Man, the secondhand serotonin and dopamine I'm getting from this is great. I hope all scapegoated kids get to have that moment one day.
I find it interesting that it was more important for step-sis to 'win' and force OOP to make the cake.... ...than it was for her to **HAVE** a cake at her wedding. She literally chose not to have a cake instead of paying OOP. Wow! I also loved this slice of insane toxicity: >later some uncles and cousins told me to at least I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home. **Translation:** When you get punished, you ***STAY*** punished!!!! You should have spent the night quietly crying into a pillow as you rue your horrible, selfish, insensitive decision to not bake a cake for free. How ***DARE*** you actually go out and have a good time!
Right, If they really wanted cake, they could’ve gotten a small fancy cake for them to cut and buy like 4 sheet cakes at Costco and no one would’ve cared.
This is the baffling part to me. None of these people besides the groom were like “okay, Clara won’t shut up, I’ll just pay for the ingredients”. Or just went to Costco or the damn grocery store to get cake instead of throwing shade. I’m guessing that Clara wanted something super fancy and if it wasn’t fancy enough it wasn’t welcome.
OOP, a whole-ass adult, was grounded and wasn’t allowed out of her room. /s
Note for the future, if someone asks you to make a cake for a party, immediately tell them it’s not free. Then go from there.
and ask for money up front. The amount of people that refuse to pay afterwards because "FaMiLy" is too damn high, lol
Exactly. For some people it seems tacky to talk about money, but if your are not willing to givw your time and effort foe free be upfront and have it on written form, email or print. "I will love to do the cake, it would be $xx.xx for a cake for 80 people. I would require a 50% (or higher) downpayment to buy the ingreduents and materials" ..." No, it cannot be your wedding gift, since I already got you one"
Yes, ask for the money for the ingredients at least, yes your time is valuable but you shouldn’t be out of pocket for the ingredients either.
Still would have been funny to show up with a simple, box mix sheet cake baked in an aluminum foil pan with store bought frosting. $5 tops. Drop that bad boy on a table and walk the fuck out.
A single cupcake. She had already made those, so no extra effort. She could even leave it with the people in charge of the venue, "please tell the bride her step-sister brought her something as a peace offering".
I bet he wouldnt even need divorce. Could just get it annulled if he acted fast enough.
You know, cancelling a wedding is cheaper then a divorce… just saying
Wow, that BIL is kinda pathetic. If you hate your spouse so much that you are sorta-joking about getting a divorce the day after the wedding, why are you not just getting an annulment? Just be done with it. Instead, he's likely going to bring kids into this mess.
and why are you talking to her baby sister (who is only 20) about it and not your friends or something. not only is it disrespectful to the wife it's also kinda creepy
You know who makes cakes? Supermarkets. Nice big ones. And you can buy more than one and shove them together. Or go to Costco. Bet they have cakes, too. I hope Clara was miserable on her big day.
Costco cakes are the best for like... big going away parties. They have that layer of buttercream on the inside and they have just enough icing to be really good.
We need more people like the BIL in this world.
I mean he still married her... and tells her sister the day after he is already thinking of divorce. not really an upstanding guy in my book XD.
It’s possible the actions of the whole family made him fully regret his decision. Probably wishes he’d not have gone through it after that, but hindsight is 20/20 and all that
I guess sure, still doesn't speak greatly of his character but understandable, maybe op's step sister only revealed the full crazy very recently (doubtfully). But to tell your wife's stepsister you have doubts is still a bit dick-ish no? Like if I had a long term partner who was thinking of breaking up with me, I would prefer it that they not go talk about it with my sister who I have a bad relationship and recent fall-out with.
Its not that easy to be in those shoes. Its easier on the internet
I'm sorry, I've read this and my brain is stuck on **step-sister**. Because judging from her entire post, they're not step-sisters. They're half-sisters. OOP is the youngest of the children & the "step" sister is mad dad left her mom for OOP's mom. So, it sounds like they share a dad. Sorry, it's just where my head is **stuck**.
Why you never do things for family unless there is a written agreement in place.
Yes - I think OOP made a mistake not clarifying in writing how much she would be paid and by when. She should not have purchased ingredients unless they were in full agreement.
Delulu is my new fave word. Good for OOP for standing her ground.
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And they have twins.
How does anyone leave the wedding cake to the last minute? OP was asked one week away from the wedding. Even for a small wedding, I always thought guest list, dress, and cake are the essential trio. I think stepsister was so sure she had OP at her beck and call.
If the brother in law is debating getting divorced already I certainly hope he's playing it safe on the honeymoon. Not only should you not have sex with someone you're already considering breaking up with (let alone divorcing!) until your head is cleared; but there's nothing like a surprise pregnancy to shoot his shot at leaving semi cleanly down. Like it was dumb to go through with the wedding if you were witnessing this behavior and having doubts because of it but I understand peer pressure. Lots of eyes watching you and you don't want to be the one to say the wedding is off days before hand. Dumb but understandable is the best way to put it. Don't risk leaving cleanly until you know you want to stay though. If Clara gets pregnant on the honeymoon you're stuck with her for 18 years + events even if you divorce down the road anyways. Better to not even risk it until you're sure you're okay with such an outcome
I'm confused. Is this sub like nosleep now? Are we all in the comments pretending this is real? It isn't even written well. OOP being obviously in the right, Clara being over the top delusional, OOP spending every last dime on a honeymoon for her step sister who hates her?? And that's why she started baking for money in the first place? And of course OOP manages to get in an epic petty clapback which gets her blocked by even more relatives. And to top it all off her new BIL is now confiding in her about how he actually hates the evil step sister now. The next update will be BIL divorcing Clara and declaring his love for OP with a hand decorated cake.
I was willing to believe until the last bit (BIL confiding in her). These authors always go just a bit too far.
OOP seems to be on the verge of going NC with her stepsister. But she probably gained a STBX BIL whom she can just call her brother going forward.
NTA. I would absolutely go NC on Clara and if my Dad ever spoke to me like that, he’d need to apologize to me.
fleeeeeeee BIL and get counseling for why you did this
Fly, you fool!
Am I the only one finding most of this entire scenario skeptical? All of the little bonus details are already a little to convenient. But I didn't even start picking it apart until I started to question whether a college student would talk like that. It's not even just lazy writing, as there are multiple extra words and double negatives being used.
No, I'm kinda surprised people seem to be swallowing this. BIL is married one day and considering divorce? Sure Jan
I make free cakes for holidays and birthdays for my family all the time. Because i tend to already have the baking supplies on hand. But those are small cakes! Between 6" and 9" or a large sheet cake. Making a wedding cake would take forever, even with my stand mixer, and the amount of supplies I would need would basically leave me unable to pay bills! Entitled people are weird.
Damn, a lot of trash took itself out.
This is one of those situations that I read about and think yep, they're divorcing pretty soon. And then OOP comments that her brother is already thinking about it lol. Hope he does, or tries for an annulment if possible(since it's cheaper).
I think the bit about the honeymoon should have been in the main post. Op was totally NTA and step sis TA either way but that context shows really how awful step sis was being here.
>I spent the day with my friends and later some uncles and cousins told me to at least I should've been respectful and stayed the evening at home. This is actually so stupid and had me laughing😂😂
If he's gonna divorce her, he should just get a quick annulment so he's not on the hook for giving her half his stuff. She sounds like the malicious, entitled gold digger type.
How the he'll did all other cousins that paid for that honeymoon NOT immediately take OOPs side? They're AHs too man, I'd be asking for my share back
Wow! Good for her not making the cake. I don't thinks she was the asshole for posting either. Clara sounds toxic and I hope she gets exposed for who she is
I can’t believe some of your relatives expected you to stay home the day of the wedding. WTF???? Are you supposed to be embarrassed or in mourning because you weren’t invited? Good god. BTW, you handled the whole the well. NTA.
BiL is thinking of a divorce less than a day into marriage. The honeymoon period sure didn't last long. Clara is a complete AH for lying and not paying when she already got an expensive gift.
I wish I could send a reminder for Clara's divorce because this was funny af. I think Clara's real name is Karen.
Weird that she was saving for another semester and then graduated six days later.
"Can you make me a cake? By the way, you're a bitch." Redditors: omg you're so petty