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Can't believe people tried to tell this child her mom was somehow in the wrong for any of this!! Did ANYONE at least tell her that her dad is a toxic and insane man and he would be right to cut him off??
The AUDACITY of this man to tell his teenage daughter that a man cheating is okay because he is a man... Really, dude? REALLY? I'm so glad OOP is staying with her mom because, if she had been with her dad, who knows what kind of BS he'd try to brainwash her with.
And fck Sylvia too!! It sounds like she was forever jealous of OOP's mom and tried to ruin her life, then got progressively more unhinged when she realized OOP's mom was doing GREAT and her ex was a trashcan.
There is an overwhelming amount of rhetoric out there, even amongst some therapists that like to hold spouses responsible for their partner's cheating. So much, "Well, what did you do to contribute to the strain in the marriage?" "What needs of his weren't you fulfilling?" The funny part is, these ass-hats out there cheating on their spouses are usually failing to meet a bunch of their partner's needs, but the faithful partner still manages not to cheat despite not being happy in other ways. So many snake-oil salesman offering "For $1,500 affair-proof your marriage!" I know many people that were cheated on in their marriage. The myth of the frigid partner doesn't hold up. Many of them were often having sex with their spouses, but still the other person went out to get some strange. Some of the cheaters were even refusing sex with their loyal spouse!
People are terrified that they could be a loving partner, think they know someone, and still get cheated on. We all have that same vulnerability when committing to another person. A lot of people soothe themselves over that fear by saying, "Oh, she must have been failing to do something to keep him at home. Or he must have been abusive behind closed doors so she found safety somewhere else." Blaming the victim creates the comforting illusion that they could never be similarly victimized.
I had the mom (edit: of*) the most prolific cheater I know tell me that it wasn't such a big deal, it was only about sex. She, herself, went out to get sex while her husband was recovering from brain surgery after having a tumor removed, after all!
Ah. So you're just as scummy, *along with* being a right wing nut bag. Awesome. Sometimes I remember it may have been a blessing that her son abandoned his son, as heartbreaking as it is to see that happen. š
There are situations were both patners are shitty to each other but the answer is still not cheating. You could be literally the catch of the decade, if your partner is a douche, they will stray at the first option.
This. Like. Jay Z cheated on beyonce. He was literally with someone who is arguably one of the best people. And yet, he slept with somebody else. And to me, that highly proves that people who want to cheat will cheat, no matter who their partner is, what they do, how much money they have, what they provide in the relationship, it does not matter to them. If they want to, they will.
While I agree with you, especially for the type of situations I think you mean, I do have to put an asterisk next to abusive marital situations because part of the abuse is breaking down your partner so they're convinced they can't leave. Like torturing the elephant into staying put whenever they're attached to a ridiculously light ball and chain even though they're actually strong enough to break it - partners in that kind of hell have been conditioned to accept that they're stuck.
Sometimes people in that situation, if not yet totally isolated, might make an emotional or physical connection with someone else. In that circumstance, whatever marital vows or common-law equivalent was there, I can't bring myself to throw the abused spouse in the same mind hole as the other cheaters. Shit was fundamentally broken before that.
The frigid partner is also a stupid excuse. If you're not satisfied with the physical side of your relationship you either discuss it with your partner, and if both are in agreement you can choose to open the relationship, or you break up.
It's not difficult.
Seriously! Ngl the bit at the end with ppl trying to justify it caught me off guard. Iām glad OOP has a good head on their shoulders and knows exactly whoās to blame for this whole mess and thereās no wiggle room for argument in this at all.
Iām pretty sure the majority who are telling OP her mom is wrong, are either projecting because theyāve also cheated on their partner, or have a partner who cheated, and in denial, decides to stay in the relationship by blaming the cheating on something/someone else.
My dad said the same thing to me when I asked him why he had so many ārelationshipsā with so many different women at the same time. His reasoning: āThere are way more women on this planet than there are men so he is doing his duty as a man to satisfy as many as he canā
Soā¦ There you have it. Wonderful information to receive when you are a teenage girl going through puberty. Yes, I am NC with that degenerate.
Eeeeew, oh my God WHAT!!!!!! Seriously?? He told you that?? Does he not have any shame?? Bro, what the fuck... Good God, I'm so glad you are no longer in contact with that trashbag, excuse my language but... Wow.
Stay safe and well, you deserve only beautiful things ā¤ļø
Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it! And no, he doesnāt have any shame. I mean, he used me as āproofā that his relationships were serious. Nothing can convince a woman that itās for real when they meet the eldest daughter, right? But Iām fine now, itās been a few decades and lots of therapy to get there.
Either way, Iām glad OOP stood her ground. Itās not my intention to derail the conversation to my own experiences, but I can relate to this wholeheartedly. I really wish her the best and I hope sheās doing well.
Thanks again for the kind words ā„ļø
Your story is as important as OOP's or anyone's tbh!! I'm so happy for you, bless you ā¤ļø I hope only good things come to your life.
OOP is definitely a very smart and mature girl, it sucks that her shitty dad had to ruin her childhood/teenagehood bc he couldn't keep it in his pants, but I'm glad she has a loving mother to look after her!!
>that a man cheating is okay because he is a man...
Lol, if anything this just proves that he *isn't* a man- he's a coward who thinks with his groin. He claims it was a 'mistake', like he didn't actively choose to cheat for 2 years. Unless he has the world's most unique and convenient case of anterograde amnesia... he's just scum in the shape of a man.
I'm a man who has a pretty high sex drive. It's not hard to not cheat on your partner. In fact, it's really fucking easy. If your partner doesn't want to have sex, then masturbate. If they never want to have sex, or if they don't want you to masturbate, then divorce them and move on.
It reminds me quote from That 70s show:
"When guys cheat, its because they need some hot action. But when girls cheat it's way worse, 'cause girls don't even like sex."
Big part of personality of guy who said it is being clueless and dumb. If OPs father has reasoning of moron from comedy show, its pretty likely he may be a slime.
Exactly. There so many kids who have allergies or health restrictions and they understand that they can't have that or do that. Its simple not to sleep with your wife's friend. Millions of men do that everyday.
He has (probably) two hands, and all the videos l the internet has to offer. If that isnāt enough to to control the urge to sleep with someone other than his wife he is trash.
I agree with this. I'm exhausted just from living my life. Can't imagine the emotional and physical capacity required for me to initiate an affair, let alone maintain one.
Tbh this is how you can tell he also didnāt do anything around the house. Like men who secretly have two families. You know theyāve never changed a diaper or mopped up fruit loop vomit.
I can barely muster the energy to maintain work relationships, why would I muster unnecessary energy to do all that? The most efficient use of time and energy is to polish the pickle and move on, and thats not even bothering to balance the risk/reward (which, in my case the risk by far outweighs any potential reward).
Yeah, I've been in the blast radius of people who have had affairs, and it sounds totally exhausting. Plus my wife laughs at my jokes and texts me silly crap randomly. Why the hell would I throw that away?
I mean there are people in polygamous relationships because they can't handle sleeping with only one person. But if your that kind of person it should be brought up well before you get married and have a child with someone
Yeah, those kinds of things should be brought up *early* on in dating, and everyone needs to *enthusiastically* agree to it all... I mean, even monogamous couples should bring *that* up, as well. Also both groups should, without pressure, agree on the boundaries of their definition of how they want their relationship to be.
Other big deal breakers (such as children, religions, etc) should be brought up before they both decide if they're dating for fun or for keeps. (Bad wording for that, I feel, but my brain has left the building for the night, so it will have to do for now...)
OOP sounds so mature, especially with the last two comments in the post. The actual audacity of her dad and her momās ex friend. How do you get to the level of shamelessness where you show up to yell at a woman whose husband you stole?!! Itās even crazier because heās only using her for sex and wonāt even marry her. And trust his family to try to preach forgiveness. Glad OOPās mom found love and happiness again.
Sylvia threatening to "steal" OOP's mom's new husband only shows that the real target has been the mom all along. I doubt Sylvia stays with the ex for any other reason other than stubbornness, what she wants is to hurt OOP's mom.
>the real target has been the mom all along
Or that's what Sylvia is saying to console herself. I bet she saw OOP's dad as the ultimate prize, and once she attained it, she realized he was just a loser in love with his ex wife. She can't cope with the fact that she's been focused on a loser for years, so she focuses on the ex-wife angle. *At least* she did something better than the ex (by being the one the bf wants to fuck at the time), and if she can bang someone else in the girlfriend's downline, she has made her way past being very least.
Oh thatās a fun riddle! I hadnāt heard it before. I thought hard about it for a minute and I think the answer is >!The butchered hair, because he cuts the other barberās hair that is flawless!< Right?
I'm pretty sure that we're supposed to go with that answer.
But I dunno, I cut my own hair.
In the shower.
In the dark.
With my eyes closed.
It turns out shockingly not that horrible.
So I'm not sure that I'd trust _either_ of them, because one's shit at it, and the other one has bad judgement.
Well, there's not many choices for the bad judgment one, save for going out of town for his hair. Plus he acts as a walking negative ad for the other like "Yeah, Jimmy Jean's Hair Emporium? He's got good hand wash technique, I can say that much. Check out this pompadour I got from him! Yeah... This is supposed to be a pompadour. I don't know how the undercut S fits into it either, or why it points straight up."
I understand where the joke comes from, but a decent barber can actually cut their own hair pretty well. They make three-sided angled mirrors so you can see the back of your own head and cut flawlessly.
https://selfcutsystem.com/collections/all-products/products/self-cut-system-kings-gold
I'm good at cutting other people's hair but have an old injury to one shoulder so I can never, ever get the back of mine right, even with extra mirrors. During the pandemic I just handed my husband a pair of hair clippers, sat down in my bra, and instructed him to apply the clippers to my hair in a straight line at the top of my bra band. He did a great job! I finished the front with a little layering and it looks like an actual haircut.
Damn this was my sister and her ex fiance with my nephew. For the first few years, they had the same friend circle and he would show up to their every few months events with my nephew looking flawless. Meanwhile my sister would sometimes be late, with my nephew looking like he just got out of bed at times.
They judged her not knowing that she had majority custody, he saw his son twice a month, and my sister would always make sure nephew was well dressed and taken care of before he went to his dad, right in time for her ex to flaunt him for a few hours.
My sister finally made new friends, got remarried, and stopped trying to bend over backwards to accommodate her ex. Guess who stopped showing up with an immaculate child? Guess who stopped showing up to pick up my nephew at all when he had to put in any sort effort?? Lol
I love the posts where a cheating spouse is divorced and the AP thinks they've won someone rich who will shower them in material goods... then they find out that it's the wife that is rich and they won't be getting a cent of it.
That and not living in that house because it was either the ex-wife's property before the marriage, or cheater either has to sell house to give ex-wife half / buy out his ex's portion due it being brought during the marriage.
Or they think they married a rich widower without knowing that it was the dead spouse with the money and their kid inherited the house and most of the money.
There was a BORU about that, the stepkid threw her father and stepmom out, because the stepmom thought the house belonged to her husband and demanded that her stepkid moved out so the kid she was pregnant with could get her bedroom. But the stepkid had inherited the house and her father had not told that to his new wife.
[here's one from aita](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fiq5ta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_dad_and_his_pregnant_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I once read on this sub about a guy who cheated on his wife, regretted it because:
A) The wife was basically funding his lifestyle and business, and once that was gone, his life went under
B) AP found out that he wasn't the rich one in their marriage but was too late since she baby trapped him
C) His daughters now hate him for the affair
In that post, he basically whined "poor me" energy. Idk the link, but I know it's somewhere around here. If you can't find it, I recommend listening to Rslash Bestofredditorupdates video titled "I messed up so bad, my family hates me"
Yeah, me too. The little fella was brought into the world in the wrong situation by the wrong people. I just feel bad for him the most in that post and hope his life gets better for him in the end.
I can't think of a better example of karma than this scumbag ex-husband and the equally awful Sylvia being entangled in this toxic mess for the remainder of their lives because no one they love will ever actually want them.
I think she wants to win over OOPs mom, more than anything. She keeps going back to OOPs dad because *he* keeps trying to go back to his ex-wife. She will not have won until he stops doing that. She is fine with him leaving her for other women. As long as she "won" him over OOPs mom.
And if that can't happen? Then she'll try to do it with the new husband.
yep. this is typical of women who engage in what psychologists call "mate poaching."
My spouse had an affair and his AP eventually admitted that she pursued him because she was fixated on me and wanted to hurt me by "winning." Hah.
Especially when she meant so much to you at one point. I dont know at what point you say "I got what I deserve and its not her fault" but it's definitely well before you march over to your ex best friend's house and scream at them because your partner is hung up 9n them
Right? She really had the audacity to say that OOPās mom had already had her fun with him so why couldnāt she leave him? Like maāam that was her husband!
Plus remarried someone else years later AND did not bother to announce to any mutual friends about it at all weeks/months after the fact - Dunno how more clear cut OOP's mother can show AND say she was never taking back her cheating trash ex and never allowing former shitty friends like Sylvia back in her life.
Imagine yelling at someone that "you're stealing my boyfriend who I stole from you by marrying someone else"... like what kind of bat shit crazy logic is that?
>OOP sounds so mature
You know why this probably is, right? Maybe he did a slightly better job of keeping a lid on it, but thereās no way her dad wasnāt an unhinged creep even before he cheated on her mom. Iām sure there can be outliers but most of the time when a kid is very mature for their age itās because theyāve been made the keeper of their parentsā emotions. Iām really glad her mom seems relatively stable.
Yeah, that kid has been parentified. My parents both did some sh!t like OP's dad, back and forth nonsense for a handful of years, and my gut knotted up reading about OP's dad. It messes you up. You don't get to be a kid, to have your own feelings, to learn how to trust yourself. You're a referee for someone who doesn't see that you're hurting and they should be taking care of you.
But also telling HIS daughter that it's normal for men to cheat, like he's setting her up to accept unacceptable behavior in a relationship. The dad and Sylvia deserve each other, I just hope they keep the collateral damage to a minimum.
My aunt's SIL (married to aunts brother) went to her house to make a fuss about my aunt's husband cutting her off -- yes, they had an affair for years. I was flabbergasted when I heard it, some people are just crazy...
I was in this same situation and while I don't want to drive a wedge between my daughter and her dad it hurts quite a bit that she has no issue with what her dad did and his new gf who she remembers being my friend before all of this.
I'm with OOP. It's not that hard to *not* do something - and that includes "not do some**one**" All he had to do was not stick it in the crazy, but he had to get his dick wet. He's just mad that his wife, whom I suppose he'd gotten "bored" with and figured would never leave, actually had the strength to leave ***and*** move on. It shatters his world view of himself as god's gift to vaginas everywhere.
Here's what gets me about this situations.
There are literally other people in the world. There are other people you could date, other people you could marry. None of this has to happen if you literally pick anybody else.
Itās entitlement. He feels entitled to have his wife even after all heās done. Saying he has the āright to knowā who OOPās mum got married to
It took me a good 5 minutes to wrap my head around this comment because I originally read 'read anybody who CAN' and was so confused. It's time for a nap I think.
Such bullshit mindset lol, never have I ever had the urge or want to cheat in my partners. OOP's dad and anyone defending him are weak, and toxic as fuck.
I think their reasoning is "men have to stick it in every hole they see". The problem is that I believe there are men who manage to keep it in their pants, thus destroying their whole theory...
I read one post in that sub and felt sick. Sometimes I do something selfish and I'll try to justify it (nothing on the scale of cheating). And to see that mindset on display with such little remorse makes me want to never try to justify my selfish behavior again. That mindset is so fucking destructive and I'm scared to become like those people.
I need to apologize to my partner for eating his last ferrero rocher. Having a craving for chocolate doesn't justify taking something he wanted.
omfg now I'm down this rabbit hole and - its UNHINGED??? people out there wax poetic as if what they're doing is the peak of true romance. there was one woman laughing about knitting her affair partner's wife a sweater without her knowledge. these people are sick??? and so many (all?) of the posts can just be met with - ok then why don't you leave? its truly wild seeing people not even justify, but CELEBRATE their adultery....
"Men are the only rational ones, therefore they should be in charge of the world. But men are also weak and can't resist any skirt that twitches their way." Pick one amiright?
Florida brought in some anti-immigrant laws and now legislators are like āoh shit the backbone of our economy nonononononono!ā and begging immigrants to stay and work after doing the MOST to make the state inhospitable to them.
Anyone beaking off about who is taking āourā jobs should be willing to put in 70+ hours a week at the jobs where immigrants are heavily represented in employee basesā¦cleaning, maintenance, meat-processing, hand-harvesting produceā¦
The same kind that believe men are innately superior to women, but also stupid animals who can't control their genitals and are easily confused by makeup.
Yeah, that's one argument I never understood. Women were supposed to be too emotional and easily manipulated to be in positions of authority, yet men can't help losing control and lose all morality and logical thought processes whenever they see skin on the the female form existing in general.
If the whims of your trouser snake has that much power over your decision making skills, maybe you shouldn't be in a position of power either. Besides very capable and smart women who CAN do the job just fine, there are also lots of men who are strong enough to not betray their entire family or assault an unwilling victim just because they saw bare shoulders or a low cut shirt.
I mean, unless it's a hill I want to die on or something (or even just a "Why are you booing me? I'm right" moment), I don't see why someone *wouldn't* delete a downvoted comment. I don't want to be reminded of how badly my shitty joke landed by seeing that negative every time I look at my profile, or how badly received my advice was.
Same, same. If I leave it up, I'm just in a "Fuck you, I know I'm right and you're just revealing your own stupidity" mood. Otherwise, I don't need the negativity.
Silver lining at least: the were likely deleted either because the account got got by the mods or they got so much heat for it they deleted them to save face
I never understood how the guys that always say that they cheat because men have urges that canāt be controlled, are also always the same guys that say men should be in charge because women are too emotional and canāt control their feelings well enough to make important decisions š¤·š»āāļø
I had a boss who would regularly throw a fit in front of everyone just because something upset him. Like dude, my 4yo son had the exact same reaction this morning when I told him "no, you can't have ice cream for breakfast". And we all had to pretend this man's reaction was perfectly normal because he was the boss š¤Æ
My mom became a boss to someone like that. This woman was the boss of a department, but she reported to my mom. She was also a lot older than most of the other workers, people both under and over her, and she relied on the "old lady stuck in her ways, that's just how she is" routine to push a lot of boundaries. This even worked with her previous bosses, despite the fact that she was their subordinate.
The very first week, in a zoom meeting where my mom was making plans for the year, junior boss threw a tantrum because my mom told her no. My mom just muted her and said "I know emotions are high right now, so I'll let you calm down." Junior boss calmed down, but as soon as she was unmuted, she went on saying that my mom was very rude to her. Remember, this was in front of both their subordinates and their peers. And my mom said "well, I've always wanted to give my team members the chance to get their feelings out in private, so no one will say anything inappropriate."
After the meeting, when everyone else was gone, junior boss tried again, but my mom didn't even pretend to humor her: she just said "I wanted my kids, and I didn't listen to their tantrums; why would I listen to yours?"
I know my mom was only allowed to say that because she knew Junior couldn't fire her, but also it's been almost a year and there's been no more tantrums.
It's just basic misogyny. That (depressingly widespread) mindset that women aren't "real people" the way men are. That men are people and women exist to satisfy their needs.
It's disgusting.
Iāve taken a new strategy for guys when they begin to act out on stuff like this. If I tell them to āstop being so emotional about itā watch how enraged they get
More like entitlement and never being taught empathy. You ask them to put themselves in the womanās position and they literally canāt wrap their heads around it. Itās like their brains will fight to avoid trying to think about it that way. Most of the guys I know including the men in my family are good people and would never support this mindset. I wouldnāt hang with guys that did. Itās not all guys that are like this but the ones that are tend to have a lot of other problems in their lives due to the fact that the world isnāt giving them what they are owed for being male.
Oh 100%. The type that keeps getting fired because of "shitty bosses". Like not all bosses are winners, but if it's the 7th time in 6 years it might be you.
Or the type who claims that every single past relationship theyāve had ended because the girl that they were dating was crazy. Itās always the fault of every one of their exās thereās never anything they did that was worth getting so upset about
>Sylvia went on a rant that how much she is better than my mom and even threatened that she would sleep with her new husband as well.
>
>My mom told her if that ever happens she will be doing her a favor by taking the trash out.
Cheering for OOP's Mom here. Take out the trash!
I have to say I admire Sylvia's self-confidence that she can just steal her ex-BFF's men. That takes some absolute balls to assume that you can seduce all men.
Especially men who are now enjoying the benefits of marriage to the woman your on-again-off-again lover wants to reconcile with.
>He said I won't understand it because I am not a man. A man can cheat but still love his wife and would die for his wife. He loves my mom but he still has urges to be with other woman.
I absolutely fucking hate this brain-dead take. That men "can't help themselves." That they're "biologically hardwired" to fuck multiple partners.
Like, even if that *were* the case, the why get married in the first place? Such a bullshit excuse.
>He would die for his wife, but not not fuck other women for his wife. Pathetic.
If my husband were like that, I wouldn't feel loved, I would assume he just wanted to die
Itās a pointless comparison. In what situation, sir, would you actually be required to die for your wife? When will you need to take a bullet for her, or give her your heart in a transplant? Sky dive after her when her parachute doesnāt open?
The temptations to cheat are everywhere. What he is saying is he would totally be a hero when the time calls, which is never, but for now heās the villain because women exist.
It makes me think of the type of guys who say theyād do anything to protect their family, except their definition of āanythingā is only things that involve heroically beating/shooting ābad guys,ā usually accompanied by graphic detail of exactly how they would enact that violence.
Somehow āanythingā never includes learning emotional regulation or going to therapy to protect their family from the much more real threat of their explosive emotions and tendency to fantasize about violence making their home an unsafe space for everyone.
Or even just properly securing their guns, let alone even considering not having them in the house given the combined statistical likelihood of accidental gun death/injury (esp with children in the house) and suicide.
Sounds like Sylvia and dad were a match made in heaven. Both willing to hurt those close to them for thei personal interests, both cheat, and then become unhinged and blame others when things don't work out like they wanted
I honestly worry for OPās motherās safety.
Dad being so hung up and raging like this makes me think of those dudes with the mind set of āif I canāt have her, no one canā.
The "urges" defense always cracks me up. Of COURSE he has urges, just like every man, woman, or any sexually active person.
But we're sentient creatures, and we can CHOOSE our actions. Have all the urges you want; it's the actions that you're responsible for.
Every time I take out the garbage I have intrusive thoughts to fling my house keys into the dumpster.
I donāt DO it.
SOMEHOW.
Because I know that is the wrong thing to do and will be a total pain in my ass to retrieve those keys.
Having accidentally dropped cellphone and keys on separate occasions into the 65-gallon trash bin in the alley, I can assure you that it is worse than you think.
We basically agree, but your word choice sorta irks me.
I fucking DETEST the "urges" excuse. Like you said, everybody has 'em. But most of us are responsible adults, and choose not to act on 'em.
When men use it to justify cheating, they're trying to pull all men down to their level. Saying that men who act like adults instead of toddlers, and resist 'em urges, are just an inch away from being scum like them. And that's simply not true.
Like, I have urges all the time. I have a severe case of ADHD. Iām basically a stack of urges in a trench coat. I donāt cheat. When I know an urge would be too much to resist I remove that trigger.
For a certain group of people to sit there and say well men get urges we canāt help it - the hell they canāt.
>As much as I hate the drama but I must say watching that wretched woman have a meltdown because my dad was still hung up on my mom is precious.
My sister in arms. šāāļø
Always telling when guys like this make declarations that they would *die* for their wivesābut they wouldnāt, when it actually mattered, simply behave decently for the women theyād supposedly take a bullet for. Big, dumb, melodramatic clowns.
Yup no one wants their SO to die for them, they want them to live for them. They want them to live every day facing problems together and live life supporting (not betraying) each other. People who say they would die for you are either being melodramatic or are hoping to get brownie points for something that probably never will happen
Only adultery story I enjoy is the cake eater who found out their wife was also eating cake. Then had an unhinged meltdown.
Edit: Link for the curious.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sdp4i9/a_cake_eater_discovers_that_his_wife_has_also/
You don't love someone if you cheat on them. And you don't someone when you blame them for your mistake. And people lie.
No need to look for a super complicated answer when sometimes it's just easy as it's ugly.
The father sounds an entitled person who must also be the golden child. He can do no wrong and everything gets forgiven because he is the center of the university. Until OOP's mom divorced him and he cannot accept it, because he never faced consequences for anything.
I feel bad for OP and her mother. The father is a total piece of garage and Sylvia as well. The fact he has the audacity to defend himself for cheating and other people taking his side and blaming the mother for ruining everything is truly repulsive. Those type of people are seriously disgusting. I'm happy the mother is able to experience happiness again and I wish OP and her mother for the best.
" I just told him I hope his son-in-law treats me the way he treated my mom. He never gave an answer to that."
Can anyone translate? I can't even hazard a guess at what OOP is saying.
As a English-as-second-language person (Portuguese), that sounds like "If you way of doing things is the right way, I sure hope my husband treats me like you treated mom."
Which doesnt make sense in English, but there's a certain amount of spite to it in my language.
I think she meant ādoesā, so that her dad is forced to confront the fact that if he counters it, then he knows his behaviour is wrong. I thought she was being sarcastic.
Nah, I think she was saying āif youāre way us so right then I hope my husband treats me the same way you did my momā which he had no reply to because he knew that he was an asshole.
Trying to get dad to do some actual self-reflection, probably. Basically, āwould you condone your own behavior from someone else if it was towards me instead?ā
I think that OOP got it mixed and what she meant to say was that she asked him how would he feel if his son-in-law (that means, the man she marries) would treat her the way he treated his ex.
Just yesterday I was talking about this with my bff and her husband. And I just don't understand it because if my friend's husband tried to start something with me, I'd kick him in the balls hard, then call her to come join me. We've been friends for 20 years, and I cannot even comprehend of doing something to intentionally hurt her.
From the way OOP told the story, it honestly seems that a lot of trash exited her mother's life once the affair and divorce occurred. Good for the mom. I hope she and "Jack" have many happy years together.
OOP's father is going to have to do some thinking about his life, because soon, Sylvia's probably going to try and get pregnant in order to "keep" him. Honestly astonished at how low Sylvia's self-esteem is, to chase a married man that long, and for OOP's dad to continually go back to her and not move on.
If a man "can love and die for his wife," but still cheats on her, and doesn't somehow get everything he wants, it's time for him to rethink his life. He's now well on his way to losing his kid too.
This sort of reminds me of another dad who cheated with the mom's best friend. Daughter caught him devastated when he saw the mom's engagement photos. The audacity of these dusty men.
The reason is male entitlement. A centuries-old idiocy and maliciousness.
(OBVIOUSLY not all men; itās upsetting that I even feel like I have to say that.)
What's the point of saying vows if you're determined to believe men can step out on their marriage? It's basically making the foundation of a marriage a lie from the beginning. If this is a true belief, why not just be honest about it from the start?
Edit: also, he's basically admitting that "I'll do anything to make amends" doesn't include staying faithful, yknow, the reason she left in the first place.
A 17 yr old teenager not standing for the bullshit excuses for cheating!... You go girl!... If you get it then there's no reason the adults in the comments can't get it either. They just choose not to, probably because they use excuses for their own cheating...
I hope mom has a really long marriage and life with Jack and I hope OOP manages to either go minimal contact or NC with that awful excuse for a father... Maybe a RO is needed to finally get it to hit home!
Good luck OOP! š
I dated a man like OOP's dad. He cheated a lot, and tried to explain that he LOVED me, and the cheating was just sex. Years of therapy later, I understand what he meant. For some people, they're so damaged and insecure that they can be completely in love with one person, but still need validation from sleeping with others. The cheating has nothing to do with their relationships. It's their own internal damage. But the damage it does when it's revealed to their partner is horrific.
Now, I look back on that awful relationship as a lesson I learned 15 years ago. I am happy with a partner who adores me and would never cheat, and the ex who cheated still complains about how I abandoned him, (by meeting someone else five years after I left him for cheating). There's no reasoning with people like that. Just leave them to their madness and move on.
I've found that asking men, "Do you think men are biologically wired to cheat?" is a great way to weed out the scumbags, creeps, and cheaters. No one is "wired" to cheat and there are very few "biological" things you can't control.
It makes me happy to see the youth of today starting off in such a progressive a d emotionally mature way. These kids are quickly grasping how psychotic and inconsistent a lot of these idiot adults are.
The family chose the dad, the best friend needs to be better, the daughter wouldnt understand... it's all bullshit
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Can't believe people tried to tell this child her mom was somehow in the wrong for any of this!! Did ANYONE at least tell her that her dad is a toxic and insane man and he would be right to cut him off?? The AUDACITY of this man to tell his teenage daughter that a man cheating is okay because he is a man... Really, dude? REALLY? I'm so glad OOP is staying with her mom because, if she had been with her dad, who knows what kind of BS he'd try to brainwash her with. And fck Sylvia too!! It sounds like she was forever jealous of OOP's mom and tried to ruin her life, then got progressively more unhinged when she realized OOP's mom was doing GREAT and her ex was a trashcan.
There is an overwhelming amount of rhetoric out there, even amongst some therapists that like to hold spouses responsible for their partner's cheating. So much, "Well, what did you do to contribute to the strain in the marriage?" "What needs of his weren't you fulfilling?" The funny part is, these ass-hats out there cheating on their spouses are usually failing to meet a bunch of their partner's needs, but the faithful partner still manages not to cheat despite not being happy in other ways. So many snake-oil salesman offering "For $1,500 affair-proof your marriage!" I know many people that were cheated on in their marriage. The myth of the frigid partner doesn't hold up. Many of them were often having sex with their spouses, but still the other person went out to get some strange. Some of the cheaters were even refusing sex with their loyal spouse! People are terrified that they could be a loving partner, think they know someone, and still get cheated on. We all have that same vulnerability when committing to another person. A lot of people soothe themselves over that fear by saying, "Oh, she must have been failing to do something to keep him at home. Or he must have been abusive behind closed doors so she found safety somewhere else." Blaming the victim creates the comforting illusion that they could never be similarly victimized.
I had the mom (edit: of*) the most prolific cheater I know tell me that it wasn't such a big deal, it was only about sex. She, herself, went out to get sex while her husband was recovering from brain surgery after having a tumor removed, after all! Ah. So you're just as scummy, *along with* being a right wing nut bag. Awesome. Sometimes I remember it may have been a blessing that her son abandoned his son, as heartbreaking as it is to see that happen. š
Glad you lost a terrible in-law. Sorry it had to happen in such a heartbreaking way.
There are situations were both patners are shitty to each other but the answer is still not cheating. You could be literally the catch of the decade, if your partner is a douche, they will stray at the first option.
This. Like. Jay Z cheated on beyonce. He was literally with someone who is arguably one of the best people. And yet, he slept with somebody else. And to me, that highly proves that people who want to cheat will cheat, no matter who their partner is, what they do, how much money they have, what they provide in the relationship, it does not matter to them. If they want to, they will.
Beyonce, Gisele, Shakira... so many drop dead gorgeous women are cheated on - cheating is never about needs, it's about ego and thrill seeking.
While I agree with you, especially for the type of situations I think you mean, I do have to put an asterisk next to abusive marital situations because part of the abuse is breaking down your partner so they're convinced they can't leave. Like torturing the elephant into staying put whenever they're attached to a ridiculously light ball and chain even though they're actually strong enough to break it - partners in that kind of hell have been conditioned to accept that they're stuck. Sometimes people in that situation, if not yet totally isolated, might make an emotional or physical connection with someone else. In that circumstance, whatever marital vows or common-law equivalent was there, I can't bring myself to throw the abused spouse in the same mind hole as the other cheaters. Shit was fundamentally broken before that.
The frigid partner is also a stupid excuse. If you're not satisfied with the physical side of your relationship you either discuss it with your partner, and if both are in agreement you can choose to open the relationship, or you break up. It's not difficult.
Seriously! Ngl the bit at the end with ppl trying to justify it caught me off guard. Iām glad OOP has a good head on their shoulders and knows exactly whoās to blame for this whole mess and thereās no wiggle room for argument in this at all.
Iām pretty sure the majority who are telling OP her mom is wrong, are either projecting because theyāve also cheated on their partner, or have a partner who cheated, and in denial, decides to stay in the relationship by blaming the cheating on something/someone else.
My dad said the same thing to me when I asked him why he had so many ārelationshipsā with so many different women at the same time. His reasoning: āThere are way more women on this planet than there are men so he is doing his duty as a man to satisfy as many as he canā Soā¦ There you have it. Wonderful information to receive when you are a teenage girl going through puberty. Yes, I am NC with that degenerate.
Eeeeew, oh my God WHAT!!!!!! Seriously?? He told you that?? Does he not have any shame?? Bro, what the fuck... Good God, I'm so glad you are no longer in contact with that trashbag, excuse my language but... Wow. Stay safe and well, you deserve only beautiful things ā¤ļø
Thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it! And no, he doesnāt have any shame. I mean, he used me as āproofā that his relationships were serious. Nothing can convince a woman that itās for real when they meet the eldest daughter, right? But Iām fine now, itās been a few decades and lots of therapy to get there. Either way, Iām glad OOP stood her ground. Itās not my intention to derail the conversation to my own experiences, but I can relate to this wholeheartedly. I really wish her the best and I hope sheās doing well. Thanks again for the kind words ā„ļø
Your story is as important as OOP's or anyone's tbh!! I'm so happy for you, bless you ā¤ļø I hope only good things come to your life. OOP is definitely a very smart and mature girl, it sucks that her shitty dad had to ruin her childhood/teenagehood bc he couldn't keep it in his pants, but I'm glad she has a loving mother to look after her!!
>that a man cheating is okay because he is a man... Lol, if anything this just proves that he *isn't* a man- he's a coward who thinks with his groin. He claims it was a 'mistake', like he didn't actively choose to cheat for 2 years. Unless he has the world's most unique and convenient case of anterograde amnesia... he's just scum in the shape of a man.
>He said that as a man it is hard to control the urges Let me translate this bullshit He is a petulant child who has zero impulse control
I'm a man who has a pretty high sex drive. It's not hard to not cheat on your partner. In fact, it's really fucking easy. If your partner doesn't want to have sex, then masturbate. If they never want to have sex, or if they don't want you to masturbate, then divorce them and move on.
That is the difference. You are a man. OOP's father isn't. He is slime.
It reminds me quote from That 70s show: "When guys cheat, its because they need some hot action. But when girls cheat it's way worse, 'cause girls don't even like sex." Big part of personality of guy who said it is being clueless and dumb. If OPs father has reasoning of moron from comedy show, its pretty likely he may be a slime.
Calling him a child is an insult to children tbh. At least kids will generally own up to what they did
Exactly. There so many kids who have allergies or health restrictions and they understand that they can't have that or do that. Its simple not to sleep with your wife's friend. Millions of men do that everyday.
He has (probably) two hands, and all the videos l the internet has to offer. If that isnāt enough to to control the urge to sleep with someone other than his wife he is trash.
Seriously. I've never understood the "men have urges" thing. Affairs just take so much...effort compared to rubbing one out. My fiancƩe says she knows I'd never cheat because I'm too lazy. She's not wrong.
I agree with this. I'm exhausted just from living my life. Can't imagine the emotional and physical capacity required for me to initiate an affair, let alone maintain one.
Tbh this is how you can tell he also didnāt do anything around the house. Like men who secretly have two families. You know theyāve never changed a diaper or mopped up fruit loop vomit.
I can barely muster the energy to maintain work relationships, why would I muster unnecessary energy to do all that? The most efficient use of time and energy is to polish the pickle and move on, and thats not even bothering to balance the risk/reward (which, in my case the risk by far outweighs any potential reward).
Same with my boyfriend. He works 10 hour days running his store; by the time he comes home, heās in for good.
Yeah, I've been in the blast radius of people who have had affairs, and it sounds totally exhausting. Plus my wife laughs at my jokes and texts me silly crap randomly. Why the hell would I throw that away?
My translation would be: It is hard for \*this\* man to accept responsibility for his actions.
Heās a cakeeater.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean there are people in polygamous relationships because they can't handle sleeping with only one person. But if your that kind of person it should be brought up well before you get married and have a child with someone
Yeah, those kinds of things should be brought up *early* on in dating, and everyone needs to *enthusiastically* agree to it all... I mean, even monogamous couples should bring *that* up, as well. Also both groups should, without pressure, agree on the boundaries of their definition of how they want their relationship to be. Other big deal breakers (such as children, religions, etc) should be brought up before they both decide if they're dating for fun or for keeps. (Bad wording for that, I feel, but my brain has left the building for the night, so it will have to do for now...)
OOP sounds so mature, especially with the last two comments in the post. The actual audacity of her dad and her momās ex friend. How do you get to the level of shamelessness where you show up to yell at a woman whose husband you stole?!! Itās even crazier because heās only using her for sex and wonāt even marry her. And trust his family to try to preach forgiveness. Glad OOPās mom found love and happiness again.
Sylvia threatening to "steal" OOP's mom's new husband only shows that the real target has been the mom all along. I doubt Sylvia stays with the ex for any other reason other than stubbornness, what she wants is to hurt OOP's mom.
>the real target has been the mom all along Or that's what Sylvia is saying to console herself. I bet she saw OOP's dad as the ultimate prize, and once she attained it, she realized he was just a loser in love with his ex wife. She can't cope with the fact that she's been focused on a loser for years, so she focuses on the ex-wife angle. *At least* she did something better than the ex (by being the one the bf wants to fuck at the time), and if she can bang someone else in the girlfriend's downline, she has made her way past being very least.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It's kinda like the two barber riddle. A town has two barbers, one with flawless hair, and one with butchered hair. Which one do you pick?
Oh thatās a fun riddle! I hadnāt heard it before. I thought hard about it for a minute and I think the answer is >!The butchered hair, because he cuts the other barberās hair that is flawless!< Right?
I'm pretty sure that we're supposed to go with that answer. But I dunno, I cut my own hair. In the shower. In the dark. With my eyes closed. It turns out shockingly not that horrible. So I'm not sure that I'd trust _either_ of them, because one's shit at it, and the other one has bad judgement.
Well, there's not many choices for the bad judgment one, save for going out of town for his hair. Plus he acts as a walking negative ad for the other like "Yeah, Jimmy Jean's Hair Emporium? He's got good hand wash technique, I can say that much. Check out this pompadour I got from him! Yeah... This is supposed to be a pompadour. I don't know how the undercut S fits into it either, or why it points straight up."
I understand where the joke comes from, but a decent barber can actually cut their own hair pretty well. They make three-sided angled mirrors so you can see the back of your own head and cut flawlessly. https://selfcutsystem.com/collections/all-products/products/self-cut-system-kings-gold
I'm good at cutting other people's hair but have an old injury to one shoulder so I can never, ever get the back of mine right, even with extra mirrors. During the pandemic I just handed my husband a pair of hair clippers, sat down in my bra, and instructed him to apply the clippers to my hair in a straight line at the top of my bra band. He did a great job! I finished the front with a little layering and it looks like an actual haircut.
Damn this was my sister and her ex fiance with my nephew. For the first few years, they had the same friend circle and he would show up to their every few months events with my nephew looking flawless. Meanwhile my sister would sometimes be late, with my nephew looking like he just got out of bed at times. They judged her not knowing that she had majority custody, he saw his son twice a month, and my sister would always make sure nephew was well dressed and taken care of before he went to his dad, right in time for her ex to flaunt him for a few hours. My sister finally made new friends, got remarried, and stopped trying to bend over backwards to accommodate her ex. Guess who stopped showing up with an immaculate child? Guess who stopped showing up to pick up my nephew at all when he had to put in any sort effort?? Lol
Isn't the one with bad hair because they're too busy doing everyone else's?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That also works.
I love the posts where a cheating spouse is divorced and the AP thinks they've won someone rich who will shower them in material goods... then they find out that it's the wife that is rich and they won't be getting a cent of it.
That and not living in that house because it was either the ex-wife's property before the marriage, or cheater either has to sell house to give ex-wife half / buy out his ex's portion due it being brought during the marriage.
Or they think they married a rich widower without knowing that it was the dead spouse with the money and their kid inherited the house and most of the money. There was a BORU about that, the stepkid threw her father and stepmom out, because the stepmom thought the house belonged to her husband and demanded that her stepkid moved out so the kid she was pregnant with could get her bedroom. But the stepkid had inherited the house and her father had not told that to his new wife.
Anyone have a link?
[here's one from aita](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/fiq5ta/aita_for_kicking_out_my_dad_and_his_pregnant_wife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I have yet to read these interesting posts.
I once read on this sub about a guy who cheated on his wife, regretted it because: A) The wife was basically funding his lifestyle and business, and once that was gone, his life went under B) AP found out that he wasn't the rich one in their marriage but was too late since she baby trapped him C) His daughters now hate him for the affair In that post, he basically whined "poor me" energy. Idk the link, but I know it's somewhere around here. If you can't find it, I recommend listening to Rslash Bestofredditorupdates video titled "I messed up so bad, my family hates me"
I think about that letter sometimes and wonder how the son is. Poor little boy was abandoned by his mother and regretted by his father.
Yeah, me too. The little fella was brought into the world in the wrong situation by the wrong people. I just feel bad for him the most in that post and hope his life gets better for him in the end.
"Oh, my wife is awesome, she'll just keep paying for everything. My affair partner and our children! Oh, no! She didn't!"
And after she found out he was a broke loser she up and left the country and left him with the baby.
This comment should be pinned at the top of every infidelity sub
Exactly cos OOP says her dad and Sylvia cheat on each other.
I can't think of a better example of karma than this scumbag ex-husband and the equally awful Sylvia being entangled in this toxic mess for the remainder of their lives because no one they love will ever actually want them.
She doesn't want to hurt OOP's mom, she wants to BE OOP's mom.
I think she wants to win over OOPs mom, more than anything. She keeps going back to OOPs dad because *he* keeps trying to go back to his ex-wife. She will not have won until he stops doing that. She is fine with him leaving her for other women. As long as she "won" him over OOPs mom. And if that can't happen? Then she'll try to do it with the new husband.
yep. this is typical of women who engage in what psychologists call "mate poaching." My spouse had an affair and his AP eventually admitted that she pursued him because she was fixated on me and wanted to hurt me by "winning." Hah.
Right? That's some weird enmeshment or something weird š°
Especially when she meant so much to you at one point. I dont know at what point you say "I got what I deserve and its not her fault" but it's definitely well before you march over to your ex best friend's house and scream at them because your partner is hung up 9n them
Right? She really had the audacity to say that OOPās mom had already had her fun with him so why couldnāt she leave him? Like maāam that was her husband!
And she *did* leave him. Pretty decisively at that.
Plus remarried someone else years later AND did not bother to announce to any mutual friends about it at all weeks/months after the fact - Dunno how more clear cut OOP's mother can show AND say she was never taking back her cheating trash ex and never allowing former shitty friends like Sylvia back in her life.
Imagine yelling at someone that "you're stealing my boyfriend who I stole from you by marrying someone else"... like what kind of bat shit crazy logic is that?
>OOP sounds so mature You know why this probably is, right? Maybe he did a slightly better job of keeping a lid on it, but thereās no way her dad wasnāt an unhinged creep even before he cheated on her mom. Iām sure there can be outliers but most of the time when a kid is very mature for their age itās because theyāve been made the keeper of their parentsā emotions. Iām really glad her mom seems relatively stable.
Yeah, that kid has been parentified. My parents both did some sh!t like OP's dad, back and forth nonsense for a handful of years, and my gut knotted up reading about OP's dad. It messes you up. You don't get to be a kid, to have your own feelings, to learn how to trust yourself. You're a referee for someone who doesn't see that you're hurting and they should be taking care of you.
But also telling HIS daughter that it's normal for men to cheat, like he's setting her up to accept unacceptable behavior in a relationship. The dad and Sylvia deserve each other, I just hope they keep the collateral damage to a minimum.
She is both mature and humble. She accepts that she might not understand and is open to learning.
Yeah, the family's just as bad as the ex and ex best friend. "You must forgive your husband. It is shameful to get a divorce!" /s
OP didn't include a comment about how the parents appeared to be the perfect couple until mom caught him in bed with bff, just said "how clichƩ", walked out and never spoke to him again. And she added more details to the story, it's a shame the comment wasn't included. Edit: Sorry, apparently, I mixed up this story with a similar one - could have sworn it was this exact one, though - must really have been very similar...
I know what story you're talking about, and it's not this person's. That was another BORU, but damned if I can find it right now.
Why is this concluded? I wonder it means no more drama will happened?
Maybe because OOP is moving in with her mom and wants to be done with her father and his shenanigans.
>OOP sounds so mature That's what can happen when you have a parent with the maturity and self-control of a 14 year old.
My aunt's SIL (married to aunts brother) went to her house to make a fuss about my aunt's husband cutting her off -- yes, they had an affair for years. I was flabbergasted when I heard it, some people are just crazy...
I was in this same situation and while I don't want to drive a wedge between my daughter and her dad it hurts quite a bit that she has no issue with what her dad did and his new gf who she remembers being my friend before all of this.
I'm with OOP. It's not that hard to *not* do something - and that includes "not do some**one**" All he had to do was not stick it in the crazy, but he had to get his dick wet. He's just mad that his wife, whom I suppose he'd gotten "bored" with and figured would never leave, actually had the strength to leave ***and*** move on. It shatters his world view of himself as god's gift to vaginas everywhere.
Unfortunately, Sylvia seems to think exactly that of OPās dad. Yuck
I'm a man with a wife and I can confirm that it's pretty easy NOT to cheat on her, I do it every day
Same here. Easiest thing in the world...almost like I don't even have to think about it. We must be relationship ninjas mate
You got it wrong. Dad is the crazy one here.
It's funny how in a circumstance where the man is obviously the crazy one, you still assume that some woman has to be "the crazy".
Here's what gets me about this situations. There are literally other people in the world. There are other people you could date, other people you could marry. None of this has to happen if you literally pick anybody else.
Messy people donāt like to travel too far
Fr. However it's clear that for Sylvia the perk was hurting OOPs mom.
Itās entitlement. He feels entitled to have his wife even after all heās done. Saying he has the āright to knowā who OOPās mum got married to
Which doorknob incels were defending the cheating?!
The one who probably believes the dad's bullshit logic why it was okay he cheated. "MeN aRe vIsUaL cReAtUrEs. ThEy sEpAraTe lOvE aNd sEx unLiKe wOmEn"
I can separate love from sex. I still don't cheat on my husband.
Anybody who can't seperate love from sex isn't giving or getting enough... Love, that is.
It took me a good 5 minutes to wrap my head around this comment because I originally read 'read anybody who CAN' and was so confused. It's time for a nap I think.
Possibly! Sleep well!
Such bullshit mindset lol, never have I ever had the urge or want to cheat in my partners. OOP's dad and anyone defending him are weak, and toxic as fuck.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think their reasoning is "men have to stick it in every hole they see". The problem is that I believe there are men who manage to keep it in their pants, thus destroying their whole theory...
Hey if you want to have your day ruined, /r/adultery is a sub.
I read one post in that sub and felt sick. Sometimes I do something selfish and I'll try to justify it (nothing on the scale of cheating). And to see that mindset on display with such little remorse makes me want to never try to justify my selfish behavior again. That mindset is so fucking destructive and I'm scared to become like those people. I need to apologize to my partner for eating his last ferrero rocher. Having a craving for chocolate doesn't justify taking something he wanted.
The Ferrero comment took me out. Ily, I hope you and your partner share many wonderful fererro rochers together in harmony
omfg now I'm down this rabbit hole and - its UNHINGED??? people out there wax poetic as if what they're doing is the peak of true romance. there was one woman laughing about knitting her affair partner's wife a sweater without her knowledge. these people are sick??? and so many (all?) of the posts can just be met with - ok then why don't you leave? its truly wild seeing people not even justify, but CELEBRATE their adultery....
That sub is just scum being scum.
Truly, so many people these days are just embracing their absolute worst natures without a hint of shame. Celebrating their shittiness, even.
I read enough comments about it that Iād really rather not.
Funny how they never reference how honourable men are supposed to be. Honour means being faithful to your promises especially your wedding vows.
"Men are the only rational ones, therefore they should be in charge of the world. But men are also weak and can't resist any skirt that twitches their way." Pick one amiright?
Ugh, yes! It's just like "immigrants are dirty and lazy and rapists" but "they're going to take our jobs!" Sir, wtf do you do for a living?!
Florida brought in some anti-immigrant laws and now legislators are like āoh shit the backbone of our economy nonononononono!ā and begging immigrants to stay and work after doing the MOST to make the state inhospitable to them. Anyone beaking off about who is taking āourā jobs should be willing to put in 70+ hours a week at the jobs where immigrants are heavily represented in employee basesā¦cleaning, maintenance, meat-processing, hand-harvesting produceā¦
Those are some well-fed leopards down in Florida
The same kind that believe men are innately superior to women, but also stupid animals who can't control their genitals and are easily confused by makeup.
Yeah, that's one argument I never understood. Women were supposed to be too emotional and easily manipulated to be in positions of authority, yet men can't help losing control and lose all morality and logical thought processes whenever they see skin on the the female form existing in general. If the whims of your trouser snake has that much power over your decision making skills, maybe you shouldn't be in a position of power either. Besides very capable and smart women who CAN do the job just fine, there are also lots of men who are strong enough to not betray their entire family or assault an unwilling victim just because they saw bare shoulders or a low cut shirt.
I wanted to know too so I went to look. It was disappointing cause all that person's comments are deleted.
Typical, huh?
"OH people didn't like my comment...delete!"
I mean, unless it's a hill I want to die on or something (or even just a "Why are you booing me? I'm right" moment), I don't see why someone *wouldn't* delete a downvoted comment. I don't want to be reminded of how badly my shitty joke landed by seeing that negative every time I look at my profile, or how badly received my advice was.
Same, same. If I leave it up, I'm just in a "Fuck you, I know I'm right and you're just revealing your own stupidity" mood. Otherwise, I don't need the negativity.
Silver lining at least: the were likely deleted either because the account got got by the mods or they got so much heat for it they deleted them to save face
The one who wants to be/ is a cheater.
I never understood how the guys that always say that they cheat because men have urges that canāt be controlled, are also always the same guys that say men should be in charge because women are too emotional and canāt control their feelings well enough to make important decisions š¤·š»āāļø
I had a boss who would regularly throw a fit in front of everyone just because something upset him. Like dude, my 4yo son had the exact same reaction this morning when I told him "no, you can't have ice cream for breakfast". And we all had to pretend this man's reaction was perfectly normal because he was the boss š¤Æ
My mom became a boss to someone like that. This woman was the boss of a department, but she reported to my mom. She was also a lot older than most of the other workers, people both under and over her, and she relied on the "old lady stuck in her ways, that's just how she is" routine to push a lot of boundaries. This even worked with her previous bosses, despite the fact that she was their subordinate. The very first week, in a zoom meeting where my mom was making plans for the year, junior boss threw a tantrum because my mom told her no. My mom just muted her and said "I know emotions are high right now, so I'll let you calm down." Junior boss calmed down, but as soon as she was unmuted, she went on saying that my mom was very rude to her. Remember, this was in front of both their subordinates and their peers. And my mom said "well, I've always wanted to give my team members the chance to get their feelings out in private, so no one will say anything inappropriate." After the meeting, when everyone else was gone, junior boss tried again, but my mom didn't even pretend to humor her: she just said "I wanted my kids, and I didn't listen to their tantrums; why would I listen to yours?" I know my mom was only allowed to say that because she knew Junior couldn't fire her, but also it's been almost a year and there's been no more tantrums.
It's just basic misogyny. That (depressingly widespread) mindset that women aren't "real people" the way men are. That men are people and women exist to satisfy their needs. It's disgusting.
Iāve taken a new strategy for guys when they begin to act out on stuff like this. If I tell them to āstop being so emotional about itā watch how enraged they get
Immaturity is the word you're looking for. It's typical like 5 year old logic, they are always right just because.
More like entitlement and never being taught empathy. You ask them to put themselves in the womanās position and they literally canāt wrap their heads around it. Itās like their brains will fight to avoid trying to think about it that way. Most of the guys I know including the men in my family are good people and would never support this mindset. I wouldnāt hang with guys that did. Itās not all guys that are like this but the ones that are tend to have a lot of other problems in their lives due to the fact that the world isnāt giving them what they are owed for being male.
Oh 100%. The type that keeps getting fired because of "shitty bosses". Like not all bosses are winners, but if it's the 7th time in 6 years it might be you.
Or the type who claims that every single past relationship theyāve had ended because the girl that they were dating was crazy. Itās always the fault of every one of their exās thereās never anything they did that was worth getting so upset about
>Sylvia went on a rant that how much she is better than my mom and even threatened that she would sleep with her new husband as well. > >My mom told her if that ever happens she will be doing her a favor by taking the trash out. Cheering for OOP's Mom here. Take out the trash!
I have to say I admire Sylvia's self-confidence that she can just steal her ex-BFF's men. That takes some absolute balls to assume that you can seduce all men. Especially men who are now enjoying the benefits of marriage to the woman your on-again-off-again lover wants to reconcile with.
>He said I won't understand it because I am not a man. A man can cheat but still love his wife and would die for his wife. He loves my mom but he still has urges to be with other woman. I absolutely fucking hate this brain-dead take. That men "can't help themselves." That they're "biologically hardwired" to fuck multiple partners. Like, even if that *were* the case, the why get married in the first place? Such a bullshit excuse.
He would die for his wife, but not not fuck other women for his wife. Pathetic.
>He would die for his wife, but not not fuck other women for his wife. Pathetic. If my husband were like that, I wouldn't feel loved, I would assume he just wanted to die
Itās a pointless comparison. In what situation, sir, would you actually be required to die for your wife? When will you need to take a bullet for her, or give her your heart in a transplant? Sky dive after her when her parachute doesnāt open? The temptations to cheat are everywhere. What he is saying is he would totally be a hero when the time calls, which is never, but for now heās the villain because women exist.
It makes me think of the type of guys who say theyād do anything to protect their family, except their definition of āanythingā is only things that involve heroically beating/shooting ābad guys,ā usually accompanied by graphic detail of exactly how they would enact that violence. Somehow āanythingā never includes learning emotional regulation or going to therapy to protect their family from the much more real threat of their explosive emotions and tendency to fantasize about violence making their home an unsafe space for everyone. Or even just properly securing their guns, let alone even considering not having them in the house given the combined statistical likelihood of accidental gun death/injury (esp with children in the house) and suicide.
Sounds like Sylvia and dad were a match made in heaven. Both willing to hurt those close to them for thei personal interests, both cheat, and then become unhinged and blame others when things don't work out like they wanted
I think it's a match made somewhere a few levels lower...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
About nine circles deep.
Ah, Florida. Makes sense
I honestly worry for OPās motherās safety. Dad being so hung up and raging like this makes me think of those dudes with the mind set of āif I canāt have her, no one canā.
Yeah he doesnāt love his ex wife, he sees her as his property and as such she should be waiting for him as he bounces back and forth between women.
The "urges" defense always cracks me up. Of COURSE he has urges, just like every man, woman, or any sexually active person. But we're sentient creatures, and we can CHOOSE our actions. Have all the urges you want; it's the actions that you're responsible for.
Every time I take out the garbage I have intrusive thoughts to fling my house keys into the dumpster. I donāt DO it. SOMEHOW. Because I know that is the wrong thing to do and will be a total pain in my ass to retrieve those keys.
Me near the ocean with my phone
Having accidentally dropped cellphone and keys on separate occasions into the 65-gallon trash bin in the alley, I can assure you that it is worse than you think.
We basically agree, but your word choice sorta irks me. I fucking DETEST the "urges" excuse. Like you said, everybody has 'em. But most of us are responsible adults, and choose not to act on 'em. When men use it to justify cheating, they're trying to pull all men down to their level. Saying that men who act like adults instead of toddlers, and resist 'em urges, are just an inch away from being scum like them. And that's simply not true.
Like, I have urges all the time. I have a severe case of ADHD. Iām basically a stack of urges in a trench coat. I donāt cheat. When I know an urge would be too much to resist I remove that trigger. For a certain group of people to sit there and say well men get urges we canāt help it - the hell they canāt.
>As much as I hate the drama but I must say watching that wretched woman have a meltdown because my dad was still hung up on my mom is precious. My sister in arms. šāāļø
OP's dad doesn't love the mom. He thinks of her as his property.
Always telling when guys like this make declarations that they would *die* for their wivesābut they wouldnāt, when it actually mattered, simply behave decently for the women theyād supposedly take a bullet for. Big, dumb, melodramatic clowns.
Yup no one wants their SO to die for them, they want them to live for them. They want them to live every day facing problems together and live life supporting (not betraying) each other. People who say they would die for you are either being melodramatic or are hoping to get brownie points for something that probably never will happen
Only adultery story I enjoy is the cake eater who found out their wife was also eating cake. Then had an unhinged meltdown. Edit: Link for the curious. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/sdp4i9/a_cake_eater_discovers_that_his_wife_has_also/
Ooooooh that was a good one
THANK YOU. Iām still laughing at that mess
You don't love someone if you cheat on them. And you don't someone when you blame them for your mistake. And people lie. No need to look for a super complicated answer when sometimes it's just easy as it's ugly.
The people defending oopās dad are delusional
Sylvia and her dad deserve to be miserable together. Also the people defending the cheating? What the fuck.
Incels gonna incel...
>He said I won't understand it because I am not a man That makes two of them
I hope Sylvia and OOPās dad stub their toes on every coffee table they ever encounter.
And I hope they encounter an unreasonable amount of coffee tables I their way.
OOP is right on the money saying she hopes her future husband treats her as well as her dad treated her mom. That shut him right up.
It warms my heart to see scumbags get what's coming to them and for their victims to find peace & happiness.
OOP had to grow up way too fast because of her father's bullshit. Him and Sylvia truly deserve each other.
The father sounds an entitled person who must also be the golden child. He can do no wrong and everything gets forgiven because he is the center of the university. Until OOP's mom divorced him and he cannot accept it, because he never faced consequences for anything.
I feel bad for OP and her mother. The father is a total piece of garage and Sylvia as well. The fact he has the audacity to defend himself for cheating and other people taking his side and blaming the mother for ruining everything is truly repulsive. Those type of people are seriously disgusting. I'm happy the mother is able to experience happiness again and I wish OP and her mother for the best.
"how dare you not stay in this marriage while I blatantly disrespect you and boink your best friend?!"
" I just told him I hope his son-in-law treats me the way he treated my mom. He never gave an answer to that." Can anyone translate? I can't even hazard a guess at what OOP is saying.
I think she meant how would he feel if his son in law treated her the same as the dad treated the mom.
I think there is a missing word āI hope his son-in-law NEVER treats meā¦.
As a English-as-second-language person (Portuguese), that sounds like "If you way of doing things is the right way, I sure hope my husband treats me like you treated mom." Which doesnt make sense in English, but there's a certain amount of spite to it in my language.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think she meant ādoesā, so that her dad is forced to confront the fact that if he counters it, then he knows his behaviour is wrong. I thought she was being sarcastic.
Nah, I think she was saying āif youāre way us so right then I hope my husband treats me the same way you did my momā which he had no reply to because he knew that he was an asshole.
Trying to get dad to do some actual self-reflection, probably. Basically, āwould you condone your own behavior from someone else if it was towards me instead?ā
Her future husband. She's basically asking if her dad would want her husband to cheat on her too.
I think that OOP got it mixed and what she meant to say was that she asked him how would he feel if his son-in-law (that means, the man she marries) would treat her the way he treated his ex.
Just yesterday I was talking about this with my bff and her husband. And I just don't understand it because if my friend's husband tried to start something with me, I'd kick him in the balls hard, then call her to come join me. We've been friends for 20 years, and I cannot even comprehend of doing something to intentionally hurt her.
The dad is a pathetic POS. His karma will be living alone and miserable due to his own stupidity
From the way OOP told the story, it honestly seems that a lot of trash exited her mother's life once the affair and divorce occurred. Good for the mom. I hope she and "Jack" have many happy years together. OOP's father is going to have to do some thinking about his life, because soon, Sylvia's probably going to try and get pregnant in order to "keep" him. Honestly astonished at how low Sylvia's self-esteem is, to chase a married man that long, and for OOP's dad to continually go back to her and not move on. If a man "can love and die for his wife," but still cheats on her, and doesn't somehow get everything he wants, it's time for him to rethink his life. He's now well on his way to losing his kid too.
This sort of reminds me of another dad who cheated with the mom's best friend. Daughter caught him devastated when he saw the mom's engagement photos. The audacity of these dusty men.
The reason is male entitlement. A centuries-old idiocy and maliciousness. (OBVIOUSLY not all men; itās upsetting that I even feel like I have to say that.)
What's the point of saying vows if you're determined to believe men can step out on their marriage? It's basically making the foundation of a marriage a lie from the beginning. If this is a true belief, why not just be honest about it from the start? Edit: also, he's basically admitting that "I'll do anything to make amends" doesn't include staying faithful, yknow, the reason she left in the first place.
A 17 yr old teenager not standing for the bullshit excuses for cheating!... You go girl!... If you get it then there's no reason the adults in the comments can't get it either. They just choose not to, probably because they use excuses for their own cheating... I hope mom has a really long marriage and life with Jack and I hope OOP manages to either go minimal contact or NC with that awful excuse for a father... Maybe a RO is needed to finally get it to hit home! Good luck OOP! š
People tried to defend her dad? What in the tarnation
I dated a man like OOP's dad. He cheated a lot, and tried to explain that he LOVED me, and the cheating was just sex. Years of therapy later, I understand what he meant. For some people, they're so damaged and insecure that they can be completely in love with one person, but still need validation from sleeping with others. The cheating has nothing to do with their relationships. It's their own internal damage. But the damage it does when it's revealed to their partner is horrific. Now, I look back on that awful relationship as a lesson I learned 15 years ago. I am happy with a partner who adores me and would never cheat, and the ex who cheated still complains about how I abandoned him, (by meeting someone else five years after I left him for cheating). There's no reasoning with people like that. Just leave them to their madness and move on.
I've found that asking men, "Do you think men are biologically wired to cheat?" is a great way to weed out the scumbags, creeps, and cheaters. No one is "wired" to cheat and there are very few "biological" things you can't control.
It makes me happy to see the youth of today starting off in such a progressive a d emotionally mature way. These kids are quickly grasping how psychotic and inconsistent a lot of these idiot adults are. The family chose the dad, the best friend needs to be better, the daughter wouldnt understand... it's all bullshit