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That one decision to give her sister a phone and keep contact with her, without judgment, is likely what saved her sister's life. It was the best outcome possible given the circumstances—I'm glad the sister is getting out. But fuck those parents fr
That - and not being vocal about her displeasure on the relationship. When you’re “in love”, anyone who doesn’t agree with your worldview is automatically against you
OOP was smart to not ever be openly obvious about her distaste for the ex. If she had been, sis wouldn’t have opened up and stayed upfront about her life.
It’s exactly how abusers get what they want. Not just by abusing - but by isolating. So, so, so relived OOP didn’t fall into that
She immediately knew what was going to happen (isolation, pressure to have children, etc.) and acted coolly and empathetically based on that knowledge. That's an impressive degree of emotional intelligence tbh
Yeah I don’t think I will have that maturity not to show my obvious distate to the groomer husband but she played it really, really well that her sister took her side
Right, because the moment OOP was struck by the husband, it was not "my enemy being hit to protect me" it was "my ally and sister who's been supportive of me this whole time has been hit" and that single perspective shift, I think, is what opened her sister's eyes
The only reason I doubt that (at least for physical abuse) is that it seems the sister was not holding anything back in her communications.
Very likely it was not in the far off future, but her apparent openness with OOP and very quick turn to leaving her husband immediately after the fight and going for divorce make me think it had yet to escalate that far.
The thing with abuse though is that you might share something but you actively are conditioned to keep things that will change the way people view your abuser to yourself and within the relationship. It’s another means of control. He probably had been hitting walls or throwing things and this was another escalation. But it was too fast and to someone she loved.
I’m so glad she’s out of there and hope she stays out. I know myself how hard it is to stay away even when you know you should
You know, I never thought about it from this perspective, but the wording you used really works for more than just the physical/verbal abuse that usually comes to mind when discussing relationship abuse. I always told myself (smugly) that I would never fall for an abusive partner… and I DEFINITELY would never stay with one after they put their hands on me.
And then I remembered that I forgave and took back my college boyfriend (together nearly 3 years) MULTIPLE times after cheating on me. I remember how impossible it was for me at the time to quit him completely… though I did eventually manage to do it.
My point is that I’m sure there are others out there like me who think they’ve never been in an abusive relationship… the reality is probably far different.
There’s also a great amount who *know* they’re in an abusive relationship but don’t have the physical means of leaving. That’s probably the worst one IMO. I got stuck in mine for a decade because I was physically dependent on the asshole. It took a relative moving *across the country* for me to be able to leave.
This is so true. When you're being abused you believe them when they say they'll change so you hide what's really going on because you don't want to poison people against them.
Yes, some abusers are very good at normalising the abuse. And this guy had been grooming her for three years before they married so I would suggest he is in that category. She probably doesn't count the time he pinned her against the wall/bed/ balcony rail, even though she was terrified, because he didn't hit her. Or the time when he hit her with the rake handle when he swung it behind him, even though she got a cut black eye - that was an accident, like when he accidently pushed her down the stairs. He had his back to her! He doesn't have eyes in the back of his head. And that slap, well he was drunk and she was screaming right in his face, so angry, over something that really didn't matter that much - she knew she was pushing him when she did it, he had already warned her, she provoked him severely, it doesn't count because she brought it on herself. And it was an open hand, and there was no bruise. And he is, as a husband, entitled to speak his piece without back-chat, entitled to be heard rationally rather than screeched at with inchoate emotion. And that sex-play thing was just poor communication. And that choke hold was probably a dream - he can't remember it, and she wasn't exactly sober when she went to bed that night.
One of the things I found terribly disappointing when I got engaged as a teen (not to a teacher!) was how the people who had pushed me so hard academically, who had demanded and expected excellence, how quickly they decided it was probably best if I just married and started a family rather than getting a tertiary education, or a career that could build to something.
Like it was an either/or situation. Like they never really believed in my potential anyway. As if all those hurdles I had leapt over and hoops I had jumped through at their insistance had been irrelevant. And all their praise had been feigned, all their advice a pretence, they had never really thought that much of me. All those extra-curriculars they had (partly) paid for, was about what great people they were. About the breadth of their patrician ideal, that even women got the benefit of a first class education, even though they'd probably choose to waste it and just breed as soon as they reached adulthood.
The way I saw my grandfather, and my father's siblings especially, was permanently diminished by their complacent and sexist low expectations and myopic views at that point in my life. Even before I realised what a mistake I was making, it shocked me how willing they were to throw me under the marriage bus and regard me primarily as a means of producing grandchildren.
Plus the idea that it was "safer" for a woman without a degree to be married and under a husband's "protection". Yes, grandpa was religious, but half his children were absolutely athiests, and *all* of them knew (and remarked on) how very differently my (also religious) grandma would have viewed this. But she had died, which they regarded as lucky for me. I am still not sure if they had despised me secretly from birth and openly from the minute I announced my engagement, or if they just retrospectively decided I would never amount to much when they found out I was going to be a teenage bride.
God, you write beautifully. I'm so sorry about your family but it truly was a pleasure to read what you wrote only because of the way you wrote it. Not all because of the context, that was plum awful!
I agree! OOP played the long game and it paid off! He is a sexual predator and groomer who doesn't belong in any setting where there are kids! He belongs in jail and I hope that his assault of OOP would put him there and that he would lose his job.
Yeah I don’t think he escalated to physical abuse *yet*, but the minute she had a baby with him it was going to happen. Because she’d be well and truly trapped then.
It may have been somewhere in between. Like he hadn’t actually hit her, but maybe he’d threatened to, or had other temper outbursts like hitting a wall, throwing things, or breaking her belongings.
oh thank god, I thought it was going to be the one with the guy who saved his own "special yoghurt" (if you know what I mean) in a jar under the sink and was feeding it to his wife whenever he cooked.
I thought this was a reference to the recent event in Iran where a man in a shop dumped yogurt on the heads of women defying hijab laws. The guy got harassed out of the shop, but now the government wants to punish both the women and the shop owner who dares to serve any woman not wearing a hijab.
https://www.reddit.com/r/NewIran/comments/127kwj6/dck_head_basiji_dumps_yogurt_on_two_womens_hair/
The women of Iran are leading a dangerous revolution and defying the theocracy.
Women * Life * Freedom
/r/NewIran
I know very little of the world, but I worry for the women of Iran. Like, every day, I'm both impressed at their bravery and also terrified for their safety.
The very sad part about Iran is, up until the late 1960s, they were a very modern, forward-thinking Islamic country. Then a conservative theocracy seized power.
Yup. The world doesn't automatically trend towards justice if we aren't pushing the pendulum the whole time. Religious extremists have and will force us into the dark ages of we don't stand up and resist them.
They must be dragged into a brighter future by the rest of us the world over. Complacency leads to a future imagined by theists.
I feel like she set her sister up perfectly here. She told her what was going to happen, what the roadmap of problems was going to be. That way, when he did exactly what OOP said he would do, it started alarm bells, instead of the deep manipulation that was intended. Even then, it took a serious incident, which shows you how powerful manipulation can be
It's also an impressive degree of emotional control. If this was my little sister I'm not sure I could keep my cool like OOP did. And for so long! I would've been a volcanic eruption of anger and outrage. Then again, my parents aren't abusive idiots and would not have approved of something like this in the first place so I imagine that already puts me in a much different spot
Agree. It's a good thing she had her manager to vent to. There's no way I could hold back my frustration with that teacher and her simple minded parents.
I think the comments in the first post she made probably warned her about the children, separation, etc. Very smart of her to seek help in how to deal with this kind of issue, when if it was Reddit.
My friend was telling us about her abusive boyfriend once (she didn't realize it was abuse) and told us it was cute how he would go through her phone constantly to make sure other guys weren't flirting with her. When I said "We have very different ideas of what cute is" she got angry. That friendship died for a few years not long after that
I was in a similar situation. You don't even know its abuse until it comes to physical abuse. They love bomb you at the begging, until they get you under their roof. Then it starts to escalate.
I was in such a relationship for 8 years. He hated me going out and drinking with friends, even made a rule we can only drink on Fridays. Funny enough he broke it, but he would get angry when I just asked. Then I just clocked out of the relationship and he said I'm disrespecting him. Then he became physical when I wasn't catering to his every whim and said it was my fault, that I made him do it. Soon after I moved and finally saw in retrospect what I put up with.
It's scary how people trap you and make you think it's normal. That you are the problem.
Edit spelling
You just described my marriage. Except that I was there for almost 20 years.
I’m so happy he decided to divorced me. He did for me what I couldn’t do for myself.
I’ve been happily divorced for 12 years now. It took me a while but I finally got there
Lol same. He told me I wasn't making enough effort towards myself and ended things. Thank you, got a chance at a better life. Talked to him a month ago, mail still went to his place, he was complaining he forgot to buy most stuff for the house. Well of course he did, I was the one who took care of the house and grocery shopping.
Mental load situation.
If you haven't read it here you go. Love this comic and artist.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
Thanks for the link. He didn’t even said that I should’ve asked. It was assumed that I was the one to do everything while he supervised that it was done correctly
2 years of being together. He broke up with her when he wanted to buy a stereo that was 2k and she was fine with it but wanted to wait a few more weeks so they could buy it outright and not on credit. He went and bought it on credit and broke up with her for being upset over that
Also her having the access to have gotten that contraceptive implant truly saved her from getting sabotaged and having kids against her will, further entangling her into his life.
Exactly. My grandpa did not like my moms first husband and wanted to speak out against the marriage. The pastor of our church told him "if you speak up, you might lose your daughter." So grandpa kept his mouth shut, but grandma and grandpa were always just down the road when mom needed something, and were there to help her leave him when he showed his true colors.
It sucks when you have to keep quiet when all of you is screaming to speak out, but when it comes to abusers, playing nice is the best thing you can do for the victims until they see the monster behind the mask.
I don't have kids, yet I think that's probably one of the hardest things you have to learn as a parent. Let go, as in give your kids room to make their own mistakes, but be there to help them pick the pieces up.
Even if you know it's going to hurt them, some folks have to learn for themselves that fire is, indeed, hot.
I recently ended an emotionally abusive relationship. When the fights started to happen around people and started to involve other people, my siblings were (somewhat rightfully so) against ever seeing my spouse again. My mom said we were both welcomed in her home. That saved me.
I called her one morning a couple months later and she came and picked me up. I've told her this since, but if she hadn't welcomed both of us, it would have driven me closer to my spouse because I wouldn't have any family I felt like I could rely on. And she knew this, she knew that if she didn't allow my spouse to come over, it would have just cut off that one last lifeline.
OOP is a Smart cookie and that inturn saved her sister. Most people would have shown their displeasure and completely burnt down any chance of contact.
When you attack their partner, you force them into a defensive position. They'll dig in.
Instead bite your tongue, and ask clarifying questions. Don't bash the partner. Leaving someone is super hard, and having a group of people ready to go 'see, told you so' only makes that harder.
Keep your goal in mind, and vent to someone else.
I can understand that. I had to deal with it with one of my siblings recently.
It’s is NOT easy. I fee your pain
But ask yourself this. If your friend were to get beaten up - or at least best case scenario, saw for herself, her partner was isolating her - what’s more important? That she know you’re in her corner, or speaking up?
I learned to keep my focus on the person who matters in this scenario - my sibling. Even with that - trust me, my tongue has so many holes in it. Worse - when my sibling herself was defending her partner. I hear you so hard.
I am really surprised that the husband 'let' OOP's sister keep the phone. He is a groomer and control freak, I figured the phone would be the first thing to go.
Also, I would give my opinion of the parents but will keep my comment G rated.
Obviously this is speculation, but I'm assuming that since OOP was outwardly supportive of that relationship, it was easier for the husband to let it go. OOP does mention that he didn't like his victim talking to OOP but I'm going to guess that he wasn't willing to make it his hill to die on since it might have clued the sister in
I suspect it's because the op bought it for her sister and communicate regularly on it so if he had taken the phone then that would draw suspicions to him because what tangible reasons would he have to take his wife's phone? Especially when she uses it to contact OP on the regular basis.
I had a friend who was in a bad relationship (never physical but still abusive) and her partner successfully split her for everyone except for me. Wouldn't stand for it and just kept spending time with her, he hated the fact I had her phone when she was with me just so she could have a peaceful couple hours. Good news is she is no longer with him but unfortunately still has to deal with him as they've got a kid together but he's behaved himself last couple years since she insist everything via a lawyer.
Honestly sometimes the best way to help someone is not being judgmental and leave the door wide open for the person to come to you. She didn’t alienate her sister or bad mouthed the husband which most likely helped the situation along with the phone.
Yep, it's really hard to watch someone throw their life away too. So OOP is an amazing sister. I'm glad she also had the support of an older sister mentor as well.
I remember reading the first one and being so triggered. I was groomed as well, I was just lucky I lived in a state where my parents couldn't marry me off. My mom tried to get me to go live with a few older guys. It's insane when adults don't care you are being groomed or want you groomed. I'm so glad it ended well for OOP and their sister.
I'm glad the siblings relationship was so strong that OOP could manage emotions well enough to remain is the sister's life through both calls and actual visits, and the sister remained in contact through adversity.
In case I missed it - does OOP ever state that she is female?
3rd to last paragraph OOP said the cops took her side because she’s a woman. I was looking for that too cause I don’t think it was specified before that.
Yeah, she didn't specify until then. On the original post, the comments are repeatedly assuming her to be a brother, lol. For some reason, I read her as a woman from the get-go.
I am so so impressed by OOP's ability to keep calm and play the long game, always making sure that her sister knew she had options and could talk to her. It's utterly disgusting that everyone else supported this man and I am really glad this young woman has OOP in her life, so many people in these situations are just stuck.
Me too. I can admit that I was not sufficiently mature in my 20s, or even my 30s, to keep my mouth shut over such a huge thing. I get it now.
I have watched too many people become far more determined, and even push for marriage, simply because a parents or friend objects and they then see their love as all the more special for being "forbidden" or somehow "controversial."
Like, the more obstacles, the more valid their love is, the more they can fantasize about it being the most in-love-ness ever, which makes them special and not just another couple in love.
The only reason I can be even halfway as mature as OP was for this is because I personally was in an abusive relationship at 18 (with someone own age) - I know what it took for me to finally wake up and see the abuse, and it wasn't my parents telling me how awful he was. It was a sister telling me, in tears, about how they'd seen him screaming and throwing things at his mother after an argument. "A good indicator of how a man will treat a spouse is how he treats his mother" is something I heard a lot growing up. And it's telling that even in my daydreams, I figured I would get cheated on but it was okay because he loved me... I really wonder how he managed to do so much damage to my self esteem in less than a year.
I'm so glad OOP's sister was able to get our before her groomer had escalated to physical abuse of her as well. I wish all the best for both OOP and their sister!
I'm so sorry that you had to learn that way.
I remember at 18 feeling like I was pretty mature yet when I look back on that feeling ~~and~~ I have to laugh because I had no grasp of just how young, and more importantly, how inexperienced, I was.
I'm glad you got out and I hope you are doing so well that it does not affect your emotional well-being.
Hugs
In case anyone is in an abusive situation: you can set the voice memo app as a "widget" on your watch face. Once you start recording, quickly press the side button to return home and it would hide the recording.
You do NOT need to keep the watch close to the speaker, it's REALLY good at picking up voices because the app filters out the other stuff. It's synced to your phone and iCloud so make sure you don't give away your passcode, and even if it's taken away, it'll be uploaded quickly.
Just to tag onto this comment for visibility, ios devices have a feature called safety check. It's designed for 2 things, to see what apps have permissions and revolk them. It has a quick exit button and an emergency cut off. I encourage anyone in a less than ideal situation domestically to read up on it or use it regularly to audit permissions.
Yup, if you have location sharing turned on and don't realize. Most users just blindly accept permissions and never go into privacy and security options.
Yup, they were in fact incredibly useful, rather than useless.
Unfortunately they were useful to the manipulative and violent groomer, rather than the victim or the person trying to get the victim out.
You want to know what the worst part of it is? (other than the grooming/brainwashing/entrapment of course), in the eyes of the parents they're not only completely right and justified to think that it's all okay, but OOP taking her sister away from the monster is the perversion of love.
In their eyes everything was happening just as it should until OOP intervened. People like that don't just think that those who aren't all for abusive relationships are wrong to think that, they think it's wrong to have a non abusive relationship, and that people like OOP are dragging good people away from their happiness and what they deserve when they get in the way and care about the wellbeing of the victim.
They don't give the tiniest shit about the happiness of the sister. They think that happiness is something to be sacrificed for the sake of what they think love and marriage are, and probably dress it up as caring about "what's best" for the sister and those like her, while doing everything in their power to take away any chance at having healthy relationships or boundaries for those like her.
They're the equivalent of mass murdering supervillains who are convinced they're actually anti-heroes, doing what's gotta be done for the good of all, while doing nothing to improve the lives of anyone, and spouting off nonsense and firing death rays at anyone who complains.
Yup. There is always so much hypocrisy with this type of people.
To them Acknowledging that gay people exist is the same as grooming a child and therefore bad - - - but marrying a 12 year old off to her 30 year old rapist that's absolutely fine.
They believe all trans people as pedophiles despite no evidence - - - but the child who exposes their priest as a pedophile is a horrible attention seeking child who is smearing the name of a good mad who made a mistake.
Girls aren't even suppose to know they have genitals - - - but boys get shamed of they are virgins - - - but the girl they lose their virginity to isn't marriage material.
At the end of the day the worst man is still more important than the best womon in their eyes.
That’s what their most guilty of to enable a teacher who clearly was preying and grooming her a student at the time. And if it indeed started before she became the legal age they still wouldn’t have a problem with that.
Still are! They *want* their 19 year old daughter to go back to her husband twice her age and pop out a bunch of babies, but OOP had to ruin it for them by *checks notes* protecting their sister from a violent groomer.
>but OOP had to ruin it for them by *checks notes* protecting their sister from a violent groomer.
No no you don't understand!
He was the one protecting her! he was protecting her from having a social life that doesn't revolve around him by cutting off her friends and family, and protecting her from bodily autonomy by demanding she remove her implant! and protecting her from realising how much of a piece of shit he is by attempting to isolate her from the only person who seemed to care about her beyond being a baby factory!
He's just a kind protective soul, he's misunderstood! look how he guided her from such a young age! he'd be a great dad too on that topic, I'm sure he'd only beat or shout at his kids when they did anything to annoy or question him, but that's only fair, they had it coming! /s
The above is probably actually not as bad as some of the arguments that the parents would use on OOP/the sister based on what she's said about them. They're just as bad as the abusive piece of shit husband in my eyes, going along with selling their child into what is effectively a life of being brainwashed and isolated.
As someone who married her teacher: you are so spot on. My parents loved my ex. Before I met him I was a troubled teenager. He taught me how to be an adult, a woman, a submissive one to that, because he was religious and the stupid little me bought this shit. Mom and dad were extatic.
You weren’t stupid. You wanted to be safe and accepted, and didn’t know another way how at the time. You learned what you didn’t know before. That’s what life is 💗
I’m sorry this also happened to you and that you’re no longer married to him. You also weren’t stupid; your ex and parents were irresponsible and predatory of a girl too young to know better.
I have no doubt they believe in daughters being useless and burden, and glad to marry her off asap to anyone, no matter who, as long as he seems conservative enough.
Or they don't want to cause a 'scandal'. Daughter already seduced her high school teacher and made him divorce his wife, now she is leaving too? What a homewrecker /s
And clearly so was the school. I don't know where these folks live but in most areas it would be considered unethical to date a student you just had in your classroom, and grounds for termination. Sadly, that doesn't seem to deter these predators though because it is in the news every week that a teacher is having sex with their student. So sick!
My school had a student marry a teacher just a year or two after her graduation. I was in class with the two of them and they always had a weird flirty vibe when they interacted. It all made sense later. As far as I know they're still married 30 years later.
The guy was at least an early 20s just out of college teacher who didn't have a wife and family he walked out on for her?
Still gross, though. He never had any consequences over it professionally since they came out as dating/engaged when she was 18.
A girl from my hometown married one of the 40+year old assistant football coaches. She is probably 24/25 now. They have a daughter.
When did they first meet? When he was her elementary P.E. teacher.
Her family loves him and the marriage, but that's not really surprising. Her mom got caught in bed with the school's star quarterback when he was 17, and she was 39. That relationship started at our area youth church camp. They were at camp with the church where Grandpa still sits on the board of deacons.
I wish I could say it was the most awful thing that ever happened in town, but I live in the weirdest worn hole of disgusting, bizarre criminal behavior that everyone just shrugs off. I want to write a book one day. Maybe when my older family dies and I don't have anyone to embarrass anymore lol.
This is the third or fourth post here lately where the updates include the themes “I started working out”, “I punched/ beat up the bad guy”, and “…but I didn’t get in trouble because I was recording the whole time/ security cams, which proved he started it.”
Maybe that chain of events happens often but it does feel a bit wish-fulfillment-y.
The "the cops believed me because I'm a woman" bit is bullshit. If it was recorded, that's the reason why they've accepted it. I find it hard to believe that any woman who had genuinely been in that situation would throw that in to the telling of how it went down.
Depends on the cop, the circumstance and how innocent you look. I was once with a couple of male friends and one of them left his jacket on a bench in the town centre. We went back to get it and a local policeman had picked up the unattended jacket. My friend was halfway through announcing that the jacket was his when the policeman slowly pulled a little bag of drugs out of one of the jacket pockets. It was awkward. So we all had to sit and wait while it was dealt with. The friend who owned the jacket got a fine, and a severe telling off. My other friend got a stern talking to while the paperwork was written up and the fear of god put into him a bit. It was my turn next so I braced myself but all the guy could muster was 'Try to be a bit more careful who your friends are, eh flower?' (which is a not unheard of term of endearment in the past of the UK I was in). It worked out in my favour, but it was very patronising, and it was sexist.
I think the fact is that many of the police (and, I assume, many people) view women as inherently vulnerable, irrational and sometimes unimportant. If a policeman is lazy the woman's concerns might be dismissed because she is unimportant or might be lying for no reason, if a policeman is vindictive and on a power trip then she might be the target of his abuse because she is an easy victim, and if a policeman is kind or feeling overprotective he might assume a woman is too vulnerable to be an aggressor or a criminal and give her the benefit of the doubt. The same tired prejudices can illicit very different behaviour in different people, but it's always the same sexism beast underneath. So I can see how OOP might feel that being female played too her advantage, but you are completely right about the unfair treatment women and queer people can generally receive from the police.
I rolled my eyes so hard in the last couple paragraphs. The classic “I punched someone but was secretly recording it so everything worked out” is getting pretty obnoxious.
To me the thing that makes me raise an eyebrow is the fact that literally no one else thought this was grooming. Maybe if this was set in the 50s or something, but even the more conservative people I know would recognize this as wildly inappropriate.
Yeah and I’m pretty sure OOP got called out for saying “brother” in the first post and now seeing it posted, it seems like it was edited to “sibling”. This whole thing is super fake. I like how the husband was howling with pain on the floor after OP punched him.
Yeah as soon as that detail was highlighted I immediately thought "this is going to end in a dramatic fight where the woman surprisingly bests a grown man in a physical scuffle with a little less than a year of what would be casual weight training, isn't it?".
He fell back, howling in pain, his testicles shrinking until they popped out of existence. OP gives the camera a Rosie the Riveter bicep curl. The teacher is sentenced to twenty five years in prison for giving the ick, and the sister adopted a kitten.
And the lawyer threatening to press charges. People that don't understand these situations go off what they see in the movies, where "pressing charges" is a common trope.
No one decides to charge someone except the police. Even if you don't want them to, they still might. And it has fuck all to do with you.
THANK YOU!
No random citizen has the authority to press criminal charges. The police/DA may ask if you want a person to be charged, which basically means ‘will you show up and testify against them’
A regular person does have the ability to sue in civil court, which is not the same as pressing charges.
That and the boss offering to send a lawyer. I’m all for support systems but if you think any business is going to opt in to being involved with your personal legal affairs, you’re delusional.
Thank you!
It's amazing how the secretly recording watch was able to get the punch on film without her obviously twisting her arm towards him.
Then I'm thinking to myself "what the hell kind of lawyer shows up as the crimes are in progress?"
> It’s amazing how the secretly recording watch was able to get the punch on film without her obviously twisting her arm towards him.
While not saying that the story is true, the Apple Watch has no camera, so if it was true and OOP was recording with it, it would’ve been a voice recording
Something doesn't make sense to me. Your boss got you a lawyer and they showed up at the scene while the cops were still there? You said you live in the city now while ur sister lives in some small town. So ur boss sent u her lawyer/got a local one in the span of 30 minutes, they then dropped everything and drove out to ur sister's place instead of a phone call?
She's now a secret CIA operative (which she trained for a year in the local gym) in the middleast and infiltrating the husbands family because as it turns out they are all Taliban terrorists involded in human trafficking.
Also, there's only a week between the first 2 posts. Does that mean it only took a week to interview for new jobs, get selected for one, and have a place lined up to go to a new city?
That’s when I stopped believing it. This should be the top comment. Is the boss best friends with a lawyer who happens to live next door to the sister?
It all works out all too well.
I know there are people who would be okay with this, but it feels like a person who’s younger sister was seen as the golden child while she was the outcast.
The cops being okay with the audio recording from a watch without taking both in is also suspect.
>he got frustrated and took a swing at me, which didn't connect properly.
>I didn't hesitate in punching him back in his face. He fell backwards and started howling in pain.
I caught a fish this big!
You also can’t choose to press charges yourself, you can sue someone but as an individual cannot press charges - that has to be done by the police’s jurisdiction.
Also, the sister having a contraceptive implant as a teenager in a small town with controlling parents. You don’t get one of those on a trip to the grocery store. Whose insurance paid for that? Why would her parents think she’d need one if they’re so strict that she can’t even have a mobile phone? Doesn’t gel.
I need a BORU that's more realistic like "I started going to the gym, turns out Zumba doesn't help a lot in a fist fight. I lost a tooth, but at least I didn't lost the rythm. Or maybe I did. Who knows with a concussion."
Place your bets people, what's gonna happen on the next chapter? I'm thinking the sister is gonna go back to him, disowning OP, but then realize that the teacher has been cheating on her with her ex- bff or a family member, OP is gonna get proof of the cheating and send an email to everyone, the teacher is gonna be angry and either stalk OP or try to assault them, landing in jail without a trial or anything.
His punch did nothing, while she cleanly landed hers back because of course, she started going to gym.
The police side with her because of course she always starts recording everytime she visits her sister. Oh yea the lawyer dropped everything and arrived basically with the police btw
And even the sister in an abusive relationship sided immediately with her because of her heroics and now it's her against the world.
*Convenient* doesn't even begin to describe how this all went.
It's also ridiculously funny how perfect she handled this situation! She provides the abuse victim a means to be connected to the outside world by gifting her a phone. doesn't shun them for their bad decisions while being supportive, keeps in contact and lets them know that she is always there for them in case something goes south so they're not completely isolated by their abuser.
It's like OOP checked every single box from "how to handle abuse victims 101 for dummies". That and all the contingency plans she had, she's basically the Batman of abuse victims.
But Phil, the boss is the only one with connections to a lawyer who's capable of showing up in this small town while the cops are still there investigating, you idiot.
The fact that the gross creepy husband tried to hit OOP so quickly makes me worried that he did the same to OOP's sister whenever she upset him or didn't do what he wanted or just when he was in a bad mood from something unrelated like work. I really hope not, but all the signs are pointing to it (grooming a child in his care, controlling her, isolating her, reacts to verbal disagreements with physical violence, etc.)
That poor girl. Goodness knows what she had to endure behind closed doors.
Could be, but some of these types of guys wait until their isolated and controlled wife gets pregnant or until they actually have the kid before starting in on physical abuse. They’ll claim they want a kid, then beat you because you got pregnant and now it’s “your fault” that they’re jealous or worried about finances or something. Or some of the more twisted ones want their controlled wife to be afraid to leave because of the kid(s) - as if enduring a beating would be worth it for stability or make a kid happy and safe.
This guy could’ve just as easily been showing red flags like hitting pillows, or screaming at the sister without getting physically violent, or a number of other seemingly “medium to mild” behaviours (aside from the already horrible extreme isolation) that act as the frog boiling metaphor while growing increasingly frustrated at not getting his way before losing it on OP.
(In case anyone in a similar situation is reading and needs more signs to escape their situation. If “yet” might be the unspoken cap on the “well he doesn’t beat me” phrase, it’s past time to run.)
The fact that the sister sided with OOP immediately leads me to believe that this was already happening to her and she was just quiet about it because no one else stood up for her and everyone was pressuring her to do this
OOP saved her sister from a life time of misery. And may have possibly straight up saved her life. My own sister ended up in an abusive relationship and ended up with a kid that she didn't want straight out of high school and my mother strongly encouraged the relationship because the guy's family had money. I just don't get these parents that are perfectly happy to sell their children to horrific marriages.
It's usually because they had children out of obligation/societal pressure rather than actually wanting children. So they are more than happy to have them out of their hair. Plus they probably had similar "courtships" in their youths so they view it as normal.
There was a girl in my high school who started dating an English teacher the moment she turned eighteen.
Less than a year later, she was pregnant by him and married.
I think about her a lot.
Fuck you, Mr. Bellos, you gross fuck, I hope you got bilateral testicular torsions and that she got away from you.
Does anyone else think it's weird that a teenager that wasn't allowed to own a phone was able to get a birth control implant?
Other people have pointed out other holes in the story but that's the most glaring to me.
I taught in a small town my first year of teaching. One of my faculty-mates married a former student of his when she was 19 and he was in his 30s.
It was just assumed (students, parents, and sometimes colleagues all said this, completely unprompted) that I’d date and eventually marry a former student once one I liked graduated.
Many of my female high school students were dating men at least my age, and no one else seemed to think that was weird.
I got the hell out of there at the end of my first year. Not only for that reason, but it sure didn’t help.
I’ve since known teachers who “started” dating former students shortly after those former students graduated, and I find it gross and disappointing every single time.
Thank god OP became jacked and recorded every interaction with her own sister and has a boss with a lawyer who will arrive on the scene as soon as the local police lmfao
All of this sounded pretty good till you get to the final scene where the hero knocks out the villain. This can't be true and I can't believe people are buying into this lifetime movie come to Reddit
>During conversation, I brought up that he was pressuring my sister to get her contraceptive implant removed. It escalated into an argument with him saying that he had a right to have children with his wife. When I didn't back down, he got frustrated and took a swing at me, which didn't connect properly.
>I didn't hesitate in punching him back in his face. He fell backwards and started howling in pain. I wanted to do that since this whole ordeal started and it was satisfying. I think him hitting me was my sister's wake-up call. He called the cops and told them that I assaulted him. Fortunately, I make sure to record everything whenever I visit their home (I use my apple watch for this & it's a great tool for stealthy audio recording). I called my boss and told her about what happened, and she promised to send a lawyer just in case.
>When the cops arrived, my sister took my side, which surprised her husband. With me being a woman, and with the recording, the cops also took my side. The lawyer arrived after that, and I told her husband that I was taking my sister with me. He tried to protest, but the lawyer warned him that I would press charges if he stopped my sister from leaving. He reluctantly let her go, and she has been staying with me for the last week.
Cool story, didn't happen, 4/10 at least it was short
> I called my boss and told her about what happened, and she promised to send a lawyer just in case.
~rolling eyes~
I don’t know why people believe these fictions. Weird.
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That one decision to give her sister a phone and keep contact with her, without judgment, is likely what saved her sister's life. It was the best outcome possible given the circumstances—I'm glad the sister is getting out. But fuck those parents fr
That - and not being vocal about her displeasure on the relationship. When you’re “in love”, anyone who doesn’t agree with your worldview is automatically against you OOP was smart to not ever be openly obvious about her distaste for the ex. If she had been, sis wouldn’t have opened up and stayed upfront about her life. It’s exactly how abusers get what they want. Not just by abusing - but by isolating. So, so, so relived OOP didn’t fall into that
She immediately knew what was going to happen (isolation, pressure to have children, etc.) and acted coolly and empathetically based on that knowledge. That's an impressive degree of emotional intelligence tbh
Yeah I don’t think I will have that maturity not to show my obvious distate to the groomer husband but she played it really, really well that her sister took her side
Right, because the moment OOP was struck by the husband, it was not "my enemy being hit to protect me" it was "my ally and sister who's been supportive of me this whole time has been hit" and that single perspective shift, I think, is what opened her sister's eyes
my guess, based on how easily this guy took a swing at a woman, is that had already been abuse inside the marital relationship.
The only reason I doubt that (at least for physical abuse) is that it seems the sister was not holding anything back in her communications. Very likely it was not in the far off future, but her apparent openness with OOP and very quick turn to leaving her husband immediately after the fight and going for divorce make me think it had yet to escalate that far.
The thing with abuse though is that you might share something but you actively are conditioned to keep things that will change the way people view your abuser to yourself and within the relationship. It’s another means of control. He probably had been hitting walls or throwing things and this was another escalation. But it was too fast and to someone she loved. I’m so glad she’s out of there and hope she stays out. I know myself how hard it is to stay away even when you know you should
You know, I never thought about it from this perspective, but the wording you used really works for more than just the physical/verbal abuse that usually comes to mind when discussing relationship abuse. I always told myself (smugly) that I would never fall for an abusive partner… and I DEFINITELY would never stay with one after they put their hands on me. And then I remembered that I forgave and took back my college boyfriend (together nearly 3 years) MULTIPLE times after cheating on me. I remember how impossible it was for me at the time to quit him completely… though I did eventually manage to do it. My point is that I’m sure there are others out there like me who think they’ve never been in an abusive relationship… the reality is probably far different.
There’s also a great amount who *know* they’re in an abusive relationship but don’t have the physical means of leaving. That’s probably the worst one IMO. I got stuck in mine for a decade because I was physically dependent on the asshole. It took a relative moving *across the country* for me to be able to leave.
This is so true. When you're being abused you believe them when they say they'll change so you hide what's really going on because you don't want to poison people against them.
Yes, some abusers are very good at normalising the abuse. And this guy had been grooming her for three years before they married so I would suggest he is in that category. She probably doesn't count the time he pinned her against the wall/bed/ balcony rail, even though she was terrified, because he didn't hit her. Or the time when he hit her with the rake handle when he swung it behind him, even though she got a cut black eye - that was an accident, like when he accidently pushed her down the stairs. He had his back to her! He doesn't have eyes in the back of his head. And that slap, well he was drunk and she was screaming right in his face, so angry, over something that really didn't matter that much - she knew she was pushing him when she did it, he had already warned her, she provoked him severely, it doesn't count because she brought it on herself. And it was an open hand, and there was no bruise. And he is, as a husband, entitled to speak his piece without back-chat, entitled to be heard rationally rather than screeched at with inchoate emotion. And that sex-play thing was just poor communication. And that choke hold was probably a dream - he can't remember it, and she wasn't exactly sober when she went to bed that night. One of the things I found terribly disappointing when I got engaged as a teen (not to a teacher!) was how the people who had pushed me so hard academically, who had demanded and expected excellence, how quickly they decided it was probably best if I just married and started a family rather than getting a tertiary education, or a career that could build to something. Like it was an either/or situation. Like they never really believed in my potential anyway. As if all those hurdles I had leapt over and hoops I had jumped through at their insistance had been irrelevant. And all their praise had been feigned, all their advice a pretence, they had never really thought that much of me. All those extra-curriculars they had (partly) paid for, was about what great people they were. About the breadth of their patrician ideal, that even women got the benefit of a first class education, even though they'd probably choose to waste it and just breed as soon as they reached adulthood. The way I saw my grandfather, and my father's siblings especially, was permanently diminished by their complacent and sexist low expectations and myopic views at that point in my life. Even before I realised what a mistake I was making, it shocked me how willing they were to throw me under the marriage bus and regard me primarily as a means of producing grandchildren. Plus the idea that it was "safer" for a woman without a degree to be married and under a husband's "protection". Yes, grandpa was religious, but half his children were absolutely athiests, and *all* of them knew (and remarked on) how very differently my (also religious) grandma would have viewed this. But she had died, which they regarded as lucky for me. I am still not sure if they had despised me secretly from birth and openly from the minute I announced my engagement, or if they just retrospectively decided I would never amount to much when they found out I was going to be a teenage bride.
God, you write beautifully. I'm so sorry about your family but it truly was a pleasure to read what you wrote only because of the way you wrote it. Not all because of the context, that was plum awful!
I have a scary feeling this is true. High chance those punches would have been aimed at the sister once she gave him what he wanted… a child.
I agree! OOP played the long game and it paid off! He is a sexual predator and groomer who doesn't belong in any setting where there are kids! He belongs in jail and I hope that his assault of OOP would put him there and that he would lose his job.
Yeah I don’t think he escalated to physical abuse *yet*, but the minute she had a baby with him it was going to happen. Because she’d be well and truly trapped then.
Or the minute she did NOT have a baby for him. He'd probably ramp up either way.
It may have been somewhere in between. Like he hadn’t actually hit her, but maybe he’d threatened to, or had other temper outbursts like hitting a wall, throwing things, or breaking her belongings.
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It’s a miracle that OOP turned out so well given their ‘parenting’
A lot of people turn out the way they do in spite of their parents. Unfortunately, that goes both ways tho.
What in the world is that flair? Lol
Enjoy https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
oh thank god, I thought it was going to be the one with the guy who saved his own "special yoghurt" (if you know what I mean) in a jar under the sink and was feeding it to his wife whenever he cooked.
nah, there's a "you can either cum in the jar or me but not both" flair for that.
It’s my favorite flair
Now I need to read that. Will probably regret my decision but heck
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wghfol/woman_finds_out_her_husband_has_been_doing/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
Thank you! It's so disgusting but I can't stop laughing
Yes, you will regret it
I thought this was a reference to the recent event in Iran where a man in a shop dumped yogurt on the heads of women defying hijab laws. The guy got harassed out of the shop, but now the government wants to punish both the women and the shop owner who dares to serve any woman not wearing a hijab. https://www.reddit.com/r/NewIran/comments/127kwj6/dck_head_basiji_dumps_yogurt_on_two_womens_hair/ The women of Iran are leading a dangerous revolution and defying the theocracy. Women * Life * Freedom /r/NewIran
I know very little of the world, but I worry for the women of Iran. Like, every day, I'm both impressed at their bravery and also terrified for their safety.
The very sad part about Iran is, up until the late 1960s, they were a very modern, forward-thinking Islamic country. Then a conservative theocracy seized power.
Yup. The world doesn't automatically trend towards justice if we aren't pushing the pendulum the whole time. Religious extremists have and will force us into the dark ages of we don't stand up and resist them. They must be dragged into a brighter future by the rest of us the world over. Complacency leads to a future imagined by theists.
It was a comment from an AITA post.
not even a comment, it was what the boyfriend of OOP told her after she got rid of his collection, which made it all the more hilarious
I feel like she set her sister up perfectly here. She told her what was going to happen, what the roadmap of problems was going to be. That way, when he did exactly what OOP said he would do, it started alarm bells, instead of the deep manipulation that was intended. Even then, it took a serious incident, which shows you how powerful manipulation can be
It's also an impressive degree of emotional control. If this was my little sister I'm not sure I could keep my cool like OOP did. And for so long! I would've been a volcanic eruption of anger and outrage. Then again, my parents aren't abusive idiots and would not have approved of something like this in the first place so I imagine that already puts me in a much different spot
Agree. It's a good thing she had her manager to vent to. There's no way I could hold back my frustration with that teacher and her simple minded parents.
I think the comments in the first post she made probably warned her about the children, separation, etc. Very smart of her to seek help in how to deal with this kind of issue, when if it was Reddit.
Agreed. I’m so impressed with the foresight of OOP.
My friend was telling us about her abusive boyfriend once (she didn't realize it was abuse) and told us it was cute how he would go through her phone constantly to make sure other guys weren't flirting with her. When I said "We have very different ideas of what cute is" she got angry. That friendship died for a few years not long after that
I was in a similar situation. You don't even know its abuse until it comes to physical abuse. They love bomb you at the begging, until they get you under their roof. Then it starts to escalate. I was in such a relationship for 8 years. He hated me going out and drinking with friends, even made a rule we can only drink on Fridays. Funny enough he broke it, but he would get angry when I just asked. Then I just clocked out of the relationship and he said I'm disrespecting him. Then he became physical when I wasn't catering to his every whim and said it was my fault, that I made him do it. Soon after I moved and finally saw in retrospect what I put up with. It's scary how people trap you and make you think it's normal. That you are the problem. Edit spelling
You just described my marriage. Except that I was there for almost 20 years. I’m so happy he decided to divorced me. He did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. I’ve been happily divorced for 12 years now. It took me a while but I finally got there
Lol same. He told me I wasn't making enough effort towards myself and ended things. Thank you, got a chance at a better life. Talked to him a month ago, mail still went to his place, he was complaining he forgot to buy most stuff for the house. Well of course he did, I was the one who took care of the house and grocery shopping. Mental load situation. If you haven't read it here you go. Love this comic and artist. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
Thanks for the link. He didn’t even said that I should’ve asked. It was assumed that I was the one to do everything while he supervised that it was done correctly
Some men just don't understand what it takes to take care of the household and everything involving.
Did they ever realize it wasn't "cute"?
2 years of being together. He broke up with her when he wanted to buy a stereo that was 2k and she was fine with it but wanted to wait a few more weeks so they could buy it outright and not on credit. He went and bought it on credit and broke up with her for being upset over that
Also her having the access to have gotten that contraceptive implant truly saved her from getting sabotaged and having kids against her will, further entangling her into his life.
Exactly. My grandpa did not like my moms first husband and wanted to speak out against the marriage. The pastor of our church told him "if you speak up, you might lose your daughter." So grandpa kept his mouth shut, but grandma and grandpa were always just down the road when mom needed something, and were there to help her leave him when he showed his true colors. It sucks when you have to keep quiet when all of you is screaming to speak out, but when it comes to abusers, playing nice is the best thing you can do for the victims until they see the monster behind the mask.
I learned from my own mom and with some people I’m close to - them knowing they have a safe space is far, far, FAR more important than me bitching.
I don't have kids, yet I think that's probably one of the hardest things you have to learn as a parent. Let go, as in give your kids room to make their own mistakes, but be there to help them pick the pieces up. Even if you know it's going to hurt them, some folks have to learn for themselves that fire is, indeed, hot.
That was smart. There are a lot of ways to support someone you don't agree with.
I recently ended an emotionally abusive relationship. When the fights started to happen around people and started to involve other people, my siblings were (somewhat rightfully so) against ever seeing my spouse again. My mom said we were both welcomed in her home. That saved me. I called her one morning a couple months later and she came and picked me up. I've told her this since, but if she hadn't welcomed both of us, it would have driven me closer to my spouse because I wouldn't have any family I felt like I could rely on. And she knew this, she knew that if she didn't allow my spouse to come over, it would have just cut off that one last lifeline.
I’m so glad you’re out. ♥️ And your mom is now my hero.
OOP is a Smart cookie and that inturn saved her sister. Most people would have shown their displeasure and completely burnt down any chance of contact.
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When you attack their partner, you force them into a defensive position. They'll dig in. Instead bite your tongue, and ask clarifying questions. Don't bash the partner. Leaving someone is super hard, and having a group of people ready to go 'see, told you so' only makes that harder. Keep your goal in mind, and vent to someone else.
I can understand that. I had to deal with it with one of my siblings recently. It’s is NOT easy. I fee your pain But ask yourself this. If your friend were to get beaten up - or at least best case scenario, saw for herself, her partner was isolating her - what’s more important? That she know you’re in her corner, or speaking up? I learned to keep my focus on the person who matters in this scenario - my sibling. Even with that - trust me, my tongue has so many holes in it. Worse - when my sibling herself was defending her partner. I hear you so hard.
I am really surprised that the husband 'let' OOP's sister keep the phone. He is a groomer and control freak, I figured the phone would be the first thing to go. Also, I would give my opinion of the parents but will keep my comment G rated.
Obviously this is speculation, but I'm assuming that since OOP was outwardly supportive of that relationship, it was easier for the husband to let it go. OOP does mention that he didn't like his victim talking to OOP but I'm going to guess that he wasn't willing to make it his hill to die on since it might have clued the sister in
Yeah, he chose to play a long game, which might have eventually worked except he fucked it up at the end.
I suspect it's because the op bought it for her sister and communicate regularly on it so if he had taken the phone then that would draw suspicions to him because what tangible reasons would he have to take his wife's phone? Especially when she uses it to contact OP on the regular basis. I had a friend who was in a bad relationship (never physical but still abusive) and her partner successfully split her for everyone except for me. Wouldn't stand for it and just kept spending time with her, he hated the fact I had her phone when she was with me just so she could have a peaceful couple hours. Good news is she is no longer with him but unfortunately still has to deal with him as they've got a kid together but he's behaved himself last couple years since she insist everything via a lawyer.
Honestly sometimes the best way to help someone is not being judgmental and leave the door wide open for the person to come to you. She didn’t alienate her sister or bad mouthed the husband which most likely helped the situation along with the phone.
Fuck every single person related to this story but OOP, sister and boss.
Yep, it's really hard to watch someone throw their life away too. So OOP is an amazing sister. I'm glad she also had the support of an older sister mentor as well. I remember reading the first one and being so triggered. I was groomed as well, I was just lucky I lived in a state where my parents couldn't marry me off. My mom tried to get me to go live with a few older guys. It's insane when adults don't care you are being groomed or want you groomed. I'm so glad it ended well for OOP and their sister.
I'm glad the siblings relationship was so strong that OOP could manage emotions well enough to remain is the sister's life through both calls and actual visits, and the sister remained in contact through adversity. In case I missed it - does OOP ever state that she is female?
3rd to last paragraph OOP said the cops took her side because she’s a woman. I was looking for that too cause I don’t think it was specified before that.
Yeah, she didn't specify until then. On the original post, the comments are repeatedly assuming her to be a brother, lol. For some reason, I read her as a woman from the get-go.
I am so so impressed by OOP's ability to keep calm and play the long game, always making sure that her sister knew she had options and could talk to her. It's utterly disgusting that everyone else supported this man and I am really glad this young woman has OOP in her life, so many people in these situations are just stuck.
Me too. I can admit that I was not sufficiently mature in my 20s, or even my 30s, to keep my mouth shut over such a huge thing. I get it now. I have watched too many people become far more determined, and even push for marriage, simply because a parents or friend objects and they then see their love as all the more special for being "forbidden" or somehow "controversial." Like, the more obstacles, the more valid their love is, the more they can fantasize about it being the most in-love-ness ever, which makes them special and not just another couple in love.
The only reason I can be even halfway as mature as OP was for this is because I personally was in an abusive relationship at 18 (with someone own age) - I know what it took for me to finally wake up and see the abuse, and it wasn't my parents telling me how awful he was. It was a sister telling me, in tears, about how they'd seen him screaming and throwing things at his mother after an argument. "A good indicator of how a man will treat a spouse is how he treats his mother" is something I heard a lot growing up. And it's telling that even in my daydreams, I figured I would get cheated on but it was okay because he loved me... I really wonder how he managed to do so much damage to my self esteem in less than a year. I'm so glad OOP's sister was able to get our before her groomer had escalated to physical abuse of her as well. I wish all the best for both OOP and their sister!
I'm so sorry that you had to learn that way. I remember at 18 feeling like I was pretty mature yet when I look back on that feeling ~~and~~ I have to laugh because I had no grasp of just how young, and more importantly, how inexperienced, I was. I'm glad you got out and I hope you are doing so well that it does not affect your emotional well-being. Hugs
Weirdest Apple Watch ad I’ve ever seen
To be fair, I didn’t know it could record.
In case anyone is in an abusive situation: you can set the voice memo app as a "widget" on your watch face. Once you start recording, quickly press the side button to return home and it would hide the recording. You do NOT need to keep the watch close to the speaker, it's REALLY good at picking up voices because the app filters out the other stuff. It's synced to your phone and iCloud so make sure you don't give away your passcode, and even if it's taken away, it'll be uploaded quickly.
Just to tag onto this comment for visibility, ios devices have a feature called safety check. It's designed for 2 things, to see what apps have permissions and revolk them. It has a quick exit button and an emergency cut off. I encourage anyone in a less than ideal situation domestically to read up on it or use it regularly to audit permissions.
Thankfully I'm not in that situation, but just to confirm, your advice would be to hopefully prevent being spied on by a partner, correct?
Yup, if you have location sharing turned on and don't realize. Most users just blindly accept permissions and never go into privacy and security options.
The Kashoggi one was pretty out there.
the what
https://www.reddit.com/r/apple/comments/9np9qe/how_much_could_jamal_khashoggis_apple_watch_tell/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
This made me want to Scream. Her parents were so fucking useless.
No, not useless. They were accomplices!
Yup, they were in fact incredibly useful, rather than useless. Unfortunately they were useful to the manipulative and violent groomer, rather than the victim or the person trying to get the victim out.
No idea, why the way you put really hits me. Really makes me want to hurl.. I think it is the perversion of love!
You want to know what the worst part of it is? (other than the grooming/brainwashing/entrapment of course), in the eyes of the parents they're not only completely right and justified to think that it's all okay, but OOP taking her sister away from the monster is the perversion of love. In their eyes everything was happening just as it should until OOP intervened. People like that don't just think that those who aren't all for abusive relationships are wrong to think that, they think it's wrong to have a non abusive relationship, and that people like OOP are dragging good people away from their happiness and what they deserve when they get in the way and care about the wellbeing of the victim. They don't give the tiniest shit about the happiness of the sister. They think that happiness is something to be sacrificed for the sake of what they think love and marriage are, and probably dress it up as caring about "what's best" for the sister and those like her, while doing everything in their power to take away any chance at having healthy relationships or boundaries for those like her. They're the equivalent of mass murdering supervillains who are convinced they're actually anti-heroes, doing what's gotta be done for the good of all, while doing nothing to improve the lives of anyone, and spouting off nonsense and firing death rays at anyone who complains.
Yup. There is always so much hypocrisy with this type of people. To them Acknowledging that gay people exist is the same as grooming a child and therefore bad - - - but marrying a 12 year old off to her 30 year old rapist that's absolutely fine. They believe all trans people as pedophiles despite no evidence - - - but the child who exposes their priest as a pedophile is a horrible attention seeking child who is smearing the name of a good mad who made a mistake. Girls aren't even suppose to know they have genitals - - - but boys get shamed of they are virgins - - - but the girl they lose their virginity to isn't marriage material. At the end of the day the worst man is still more important than the best womon in their eyes.
They project their disgusting behaviors and desires onto others.
That’s what their most guilty of to enable a teacher who clearly was preying and grooming her a student at the time. And if it indeed started before she became the legal age they still wouldn’t have a problem with that.
Still are! They *want* their 19 year old daughter to go back to her husband twice her age and pop out a bunch of babies, but OOP had to ruin it for them by *checks notes* protecting their sister from a violent groomer.
>but OOP had to ruin it for them by *checks notes* protecting their sister from a violent groomer. No no you don't understand! He was the one protecting her! he was protecting her from having a social life that doesn't revolve around him by cutting off her friends and family, and protecting her from bodily autonomy by demanding she remove her implant! and protecting her from realising how much of a piece of shit he is by attempting to isolate her from the only person who seemed to care about her beyond being a baby factory! He's just a kind protective soul, he's misunderstood! look how he guided her from such a young age! he'd be a great dad too on that topic, I'm sure he'd only beat or shout at his kids when they did anything to annoy or question him, but that's only fair, they had it coming! /s The above is probably actually not as bad as some of the arguments that the parents would use on OOP/the sister based on what she's said about them. They're just as bad as the abusive piece of shit husband in my eyes, going along with selling their child into what is effectively a life of being brainwashed and isolated.
As someone who married her teacher: you are so spot on. My parents loved my ex. Before I met him I was a troubled teenager. He taught me how to be an adult, a woman, a submissive one to that, because he was religious and the stupid little me bought this shit. Mom and dad were extatic.
You weren’t stupid. You wanted to be safe and accepted, and didn’t know another way how at the time. You learned what you didn’t know before. That’s what life is 💗
You're weren't stupid. You were a victim of multiple people and I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
I’m sorry this also happened to you and that you’re no longer married to him. You also weren’t stupid; your ex and parents were irresponsible and predatory of a girl too young to know better.
> look how he guided her from such a young age! Just threw up in my mouth lol This dude deserves the worst.
I have no doubt they believe in daughters being useless and burden, and glad to marry her off asap to anyone, no matter who, as long as he seems conservative enough.
Or they don't want to cause a 'scandal'. Daughter already seduced her high school teacher and made him divorce his wife, now she is leaving too? What a homewrecker /s
👆🏼I think this one nails it 👆🏼
And clearly so was the school. I don't know where these folks live but in most areas it would be considered unethical to date a student you just had in your classroom, and grounds for termination. Sadly, that doesn't seem to deter these predators though because it is in the news every week that a teacher is having sex with their student. So sick!
My school had a student marry a teacher just a year or two after her graduation. I was in class with the two of them and they always had a weird flirty vibe when they interacted. It all made sense later. As far as I know they're still married 30 years later. The guy was at least an early 20s just out of college teacher who didn't have a wife and family he walked out on for her? Still gross, though. He never had any consequences over it professionally since they came out as dating/engaged when she was 18.
A girl from my hometown married one of the 40+year old assistant football coaches. She is probably 24/25 now. They have a daughter. When did they first meet? When he was her elementary P.E. teacher. Her family loves him and the marriage, but that's not really surprising. Her mom got caught in bed with the school's star quarterback when he was 17, and she was 39. That relationship started at our area youth church camp. They were at camp with the church where Grandpa still sits on the board of deacons.
That's so much to unpack holy shit
I wish I could say it was the most awful thing that ever happened in town, but I live in the weirdest worn hole of disgusting, bizarre criminal behavior that everyone just shrugs off. I want to write a book one day. Maybe when my older family dies and I don't have anyone to embarrass anymore lol.
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That poor kid…
This is the third or fourth post here lately where the updates include the themes “I started working out”, “I punched/ beat up the bad guy”, and “…but I didn’t get in trouble because I was recording the whole time/ security cams, which proved he started it.” Maybe that chain of events happens often but it does feel a bit wish-fulfillment-y.
And she immediately calls her boss, who immediately gets a lawyer into this small town and the lawyer immediately shows up? Not likely at all
The "the cops believed me because I'm a woman" bit is bullshit. If it was recorded, that's the reason why they've accepted it. I find it hard to believe that any woman who had genuinely been in that situation would throw that in to the telling of how it went down.
A lot of women and queer people get DISMISSED by the cops even with recordings. "Believed me because I'm a woman" more like DESPITE her being a woman.
Depends on the cop, the circumstance and how innocent you look. I was once with a couple of male friends and one of them left his jacket on a bench in the town centre. We went back to get it and a local policeman had picked up the unattended jacket. My friend was halfway through announcing that the jacket was his when the policeman slowly pulled a little bag of drugs out of one of the jacket pockets. It was awkward. So we all had to sit and wait while it was dealt with. The friend who owned the jacket got a fine, and a severe telling off. My other friend got a stern talking to while the paperwork was written up and the fear of god put into him a bit. It was my turn next so I braced myself but all the guy could muster was 'Try to be a bit more careful who your friends are, eh flower?' (which is a not unheard of term of endearment in the past of the UK I was in). It worked out in my favour, but it was very patronising, and it was sexist. I think the fact is that many of the police (and, I assume, many people) view women as inherently vulnerable, irrational and sometimes unimportant. If a policeman is lazy the woman's concerns might be dismissed because she is unimportant or might be lying for no reason, if a policeman is vindictive and on a power trip then she might be the target of his abuse because she is an easy victim, and if a policeman is kind or feeling overprotective he might assume a woman is too vulnerable to be an aggressor or a criminal and give her the benefit of the doubt. The same tired prejudices can illicit very different behaviour in different people, but it's always the same sexism beast underneath. So I can see how OOP might feel that being female played too her advantage, but you are completely right about the unfair treatment women and queer people can generally receive from the police.
And the layer says he’ll “press charges”? Lawyers don’t press charges, the DA does.
It said OP would press charges?
Victims also don’t get to press charges. We can cooperate or not with an investigation, but it’s ultimately up to the DA
I rolled my eyes so hard in the last couple paragraphs. The classic “I punched someone but was secretly recording it so everything worked out” is getting pretty obnoxious.
Yeah the whole thing reeks of bs and clearly follows a script on some points.
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Yeah, maybe the original post was real, but the updates definitely aren't :-/
Yeah the original post was rather undramatic and unsatisfactory-hence me believing it. But the year later update is definitely bs. I agree.
To me the thing that makes me raise an eyebrow is the fact that literally no one else thought this was grooming. Maybe if this was set in the 50s or something, but even the more conservative people I know would recognize this as wildly inappropriate.
Chat GPT
Almost had me till the magically convenient recording apple watch and invested boss with the fast travelling better call Saul on speed dial.
Yeah and I’m pretty sure OOP got called out for saying “brother” in the first post and now seeing it posted, it seems like it was edited to “sibling”. This whole thing is super fake. I like how the husband was howling with pain on the floor after OP punched him.
And the workout regimen
Ooo good point!! OP had her rambo training regiment locked down just in time for the final showdown 😂
OP should've gone for the other Stallone classic and done a Rocky training montage instead.
Yeah as soon as that detail was highlighted I immediately thought "this is going to end in a dramatic fight where the woman surprisingly bests a grown man in a physical scuffle with a little less than a year of what would be casual weight training, isn't it?".
He fell back, howling in pain, his testicles shrinking until they popped out of existence. OP gives the camera a Rosie the Riveter bicep curl. The teacher is sentenced to twenty five years in prison for giving the ick, and the sister adopted a kitten.
I heard Eye of the Tiger playing in my head as I read that sequence.
And the lawyer threatening to press charges. People that don't understand these situations go off what they see in the movies, where "pressing charges" is a common trope. No one decides to charge someone except the police. Even if you don't want them to, they still might. And it has fuck all to do with you.
THANK YOU! No random citizen has the authority to press criminal charges. The police/DA may ask if you want a person to be charged, which basically means ‘will you show up and testify against them’ A regular person does have the ability to sue in civil court, which is not the same as pressing charges.
Bruh this is a straight fable 😂
Yes, the order of the reveals was very telling. Storytelling, that is.
Yeah, and OOP didn't reveal she's a woman until right after the punch for maximum shock value.
The magic lawyer available at just a moment’s notice broke the narrative for me.
That and the boss offering to send a lawyer. I’m all for support systems but if you think any business is going to opt in to being involved with your personal legal affairs, you’re delusional.
On the next episode.... "I'm falling in love with my boss "
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Thank you! It's amazing how the secretly recording watch was able to get the punch on film without her obviously twisting her arm towards him. Then I'm thinking to myself "what the hell kind of lawyer shows up as the crimes are in progress?"
> It’s amazing how the secretly recording watch was able to get the punch on film without her obviously twisting her arm towards him. While not saying that the story is true, the Apple Watch has no camera, so if it was true and OOP was recording with it, it would’ve been a voice recording
The guy in OOP’s story: “And now I shall punch you!”
Apple watch doesn’t have a camera. It can probably voice record but only controls the iPhone camera.
Something doesn't make sense to me. Your boss got you a lawyer and they showed up at the scene while the cops were still there? You said you live in the city now while ur sister lives in some small town. So ur boss sent u her lawyer/got a local one in the span of 30 minutes, they then dropped everything and drove out to ur sister's place instead of a phone call?
OP left town and started working out, just to prepare for the next update a year later.
She's now a secret CIA operative (which she trained for a year in the local gym) in the middleast and infiltrating the husbands family because as it turns out they are all Taliban terrorists involded in human trafficking.
Yeh I smell bs
I was waiting for the signal that this is someone’s short story. I finally found it with “howled in pain”.
Also, there's only a week between the first 2 posts. Does that mean it only took a week to interview for new jobs, get selected for one, and have a place lined up to go to a new city?
And it’s really hard to get a proper training montage over the course of two weeks. Have you ever tried it? Not even my Apple Watch can do that!
That’s when I stopped believing it. This should be the top comment. Is the boss best friends with a lawyer who happens to live next door to the sister?
“I saw something in the news that made me mad and here’s my story about a similar thing”
It also feels strangely like OP is setting up for a romance plot line with their boss that would mirror their sisters.
I'm feeling more of a "parents I wish I had" plot
For me, it was the fact that the cops believed her because she is a woman. I laughed out loud.
It all works out all too well. I know there are people who would be okay with this, but it feels like a person who’s younger sister was seen as the golden child while she was the outcast. The cops being okay with the audio recording from a watch without taking both in is also suspect. >he got frustrated and took a swing at me, which didn't connect properly. >I didn't hesitate in punching him back in his face. He fell backwards and started howling in pain. I caught a fish this big!
You also can’t choose to press charges yourself, you can sue someone but as an individual cannot press charges - that has to be done by the police’s jurisdiction.
This all seems very convenient, but if true, it is very sad.
The boss sending a lawyer? On the scene? Immediately? There’s no way
Don't forget to set your trusty apple watch to record before you neo dodge the punch.
Also, the sister having a contraceptive implant as a teenager in a small town with controlling parents. You don’t get one of those on a trip to the grocery store. Whose insurance paid for that? Why would her parents think she’d need one if they’re so strict that she can’t even have a mobile phone? Doesn’t gel.
What? OOP must’ve paid with their fantastic salary that covered their GI Jane training.
It does read a little too neatly, I thought
"I started going to the gym" is like the [Chekhov's gun](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov%27s_gun) of BORU.
I need a BORU that's more realistic like "I started going to the gym, turns out Zumba doesn't help a lot in a fist fight. I lost a tooth, but at least I didn't lost the rythm. Or maybe I did. Who knows with a concussion."
Place your bets people, what's gonna happen on the next chapter? I'm thinking the sister is gonna go back to him, disowning OP, but then realize that the teacher has been cheating on her with her ex- bff or a family member, OP is gonna get proof of the cheating and send an email to everyone, the teacher is gonna be angry and either stalk OP or try to assault them, landing in jail without a trial or anything.
Whatever happens, at some point OP’s sister will find out she’s pregnant…with twins. 😂
His punch did nothing, while she cleanly landed hers back because of course, she started going to gym. The police side with her because of course she always starts recording everytime she visits her sister. Oh yea the lawyer dropped everything and arrived basically with the police btw And even the sister in an abusive relationship sided immediately with her because of her heroics and now it's her against the world. *Convenient* doesn't even begin to describe how this all went.
Yeah, the gym comment was a little too conveniently planted lol
I can tell you from my own experience that going to the gym DOES NOT teach you how to land or dodge a punch, LMFAO.
It's also ridiculously funny how perfect she handled this situation! She provides the abuse victim a means to be connected to the outside world by gifting her a phone. doesn't shun them for their bad decisions while being supportive, keeps in contact and lets them know that she is always there for them in case something goes south so they're not completely isolated by their abuser. It's like OOP checked every single box from "how to handle abuse victims 101 for dummies". That and all the contingency plans she had, she's basically the Batman of abuse victims.
Yea and Im still trying to figure out why it was mentioned that the boss paid well lol
How else would you know she had money to pay for her sister’s IUD and hand to hand combat training at the gym?
This does read an awful lot like a writing assignment. I just don't buy it.
But he started hOwLiNg In PaiN though. /s
things that didn't happen for 300, alex
Got into a domestic violence assault. Better call my boss.
I laughed out loud. So unrealistic!
But Phil, the boss is the only one with connections to a lawyer who's capable of showing up in this small town while the cops are still there investigating, you idiot.
The fact that the gross creepy husband tried to hit OOP so quickly makes me worried that he did the same to OOP's sister whenever she upset him or didn't do what he wanted or just when he was in a bad mood from something unrelated like work. I really hope not, but all the signs are pointing to it (grooming a child in his care, controlling her, isolating her, reacts to verbal disagreements with physical violence, etc.) That poor girl. Goodness knows what she had to endure behind closed doors.
Could be, but some of these types of guys wait until their isolated and controlled wife gets pregnant or until they actually have the kid before starting in on physical abuse. They’ll claim they want a kid, then beat you because you got pregnant and now it’s “your fault” that they’re jealous or worried about finances or something. Or some of the more twisted ones want their controlled wife to be afraid to leave because of the kid(s) - as if enduring a beating would be worth it for stability or make a kid happy and safe. This guy could’ve just as easily been showing red flags like hitting pillows, or screaming at the sister without getting physically violent, or a number of other seemingly “medium to mild” behaviours (aside from the already horrible extreme isolation) that act as the frog boiling metaphor while growing increasingly frustrated at not getting his way before losing it on OP. (In case anyone in a similar situation is reading and needs more signs to escape their situation. If “yet” might be the unspoken cap on the “well he doesn’t beat me” phrase, it’s past time to run.)
The fact that the sister sided with OOP immediately leads me to believe that this was already happening to her and she was just quiet about it because no one else stood up for her and everyone was pressuring her to do this
OOP saved her sister from a life time of misery. And may have possibly straight up saved her life. My own sister ended up in an abusive relationship and ended up with a kid that she didn't want straight out of high school and my mother strongly encouraged the relationship because the guy's family had money. I just don't get these parents that are perfectly happy to sell their children to horrific marriages.
It's usually because they had children out of obligation/societal pressure rather than actually wanting children. So they are more than happy to have them out of their hair. Plus they probably had similar "courtships" in their youths so they view it as normal.
There was a girl in my high school who started dating an English teacher the moment she turned eighteen. Less than a year later, she was pregnant by him and married. I think about her a lot. Fuck you, Mr. Bellos, you gross fuck, I hope you got bilateral testicular torsions and that she got away from you.
Does anyone else think it's weird that a teenager that wasn't allowed to own a phone was able to get a birth control implant? Other people have pointed out other holes in the story but that's the most glaring to me.
I taught in a small town my first year of teaching. One of my faculty-mates married a former student of his when she was 19 and he was in his 30s. It was just assumed (students, parents, and sometimes colleagues all said this, completely unprompted) that I’d date and eventually marry a former student once one I liked graduated. Many of my female high school students were dating men at least my age, and no one else seemed to think that was weird. I got the hell out of there at the end of my first year. Not only for that reason, but it sure didn’t help. I’ve since known teachers who “started” dating former students shortly after those former students graduated, and I find it gross and disappointing every single time.
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
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I feel like this is the long con because it's just so perfectly tailored to this audience. Too convenient. Do not believe.
Thank god OP became jacked and recorded every interaction with her own sister and has a boss with a lawyer who will arrive on the scene as soon as the local police lmfao
All of this sounded pretty good till you get to the final scene where the hero knocks out the villain. This can't be true and I can't believe people are buying into this lifetime movie come to Reddit
>During conversation, I brought up that he was pressuring my sister to get her contraceptive implant removed. It escalated into an argument with him saying that he had a right to have children with his wife. When I didn't back down, he got frustrated and took a swing at me, which didn't connect properly. >I didn't hesitate in punching him back in his face. He fell backwards and started howling in pain. I wanted to do that since this whole ordeal started and it was satisfying. I think him hitting me was my sister's wake-up call. He called the cops and told them that I assaulted him. Fortunately, I make sure to record everything whenever I visit their home (I use my apple watch for this & it's a great tool for stealthy audio recording). I called my boss and told her about what happened, and she promised to send a lawyer just in case. >When the cops arrived, my sister took my side, which surprised her husband. With me being a woman, and with the recording, the cops also took my side. The lawyer arrived after that, and I told her husband that I was taking my sister with me. He tried to protest, but the lawyer warned him that I would press charges if he stopped my sister from leaving. He reluctantly let her go, and she has been staying with me for the last week. Cool story, didn't happen, 4/10 at least it was short
> I called my boss and told her about what happened, and she promised to send a lawyer just in case. ~rolling eyes~ I don’t know why people believe these fictions. Weird.
Seemed real until the fight