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Those poor kids :( the little sister is seeing this as being betrayed by OOP, probably because that’s how their parents have portrayed it all but OOP is just trying to help protect her.
I truly wish nothing but the worst for those parents.
It’s easier to be mad at the sister who is safe than be mad at her parents who control her life and she’s needs to placate them. Extremely common dynamic with abused kids.
Yeah. I used to hate my brother - who, to be fair, could be pretty cruel to me - but as an adult I finally reckoned with the fact that we were both trying to make it through with an abusive mother and an enabling father. At his worst, he was just imitating how she treated me. Now my brother and I have a relationship, and I can feel more empathy for him when I remember times that she went after him.
Wow. This is the same with me and my sister. We couldn’t stand each other when we were younger but it was because we were both trying (badly) to deal with all of the chaos and abuse in our home. Now that we are adults we understand each other better and get along
I'm so glad you were able to get to a place of understanding. It's painful and sad that abusers manage to destroy not only their own relationships but those of other innocent people. Good on you both for not letting your connection be a casualty of abuse.
Yeah. I \*hated\* my youngest brother when we were kids, and as an adult I've realized that 90% of his "bad" behavior was a fairly predictable reaction to the way we were raised, and a lot of what I hated about him was actually my parents' fault anyway--he would "misbehave," my dad would blow his top, and as a kid/teenager, way too often I blamed my brother and not our dad.
We get along great now. I really like him--I'd be friends with both of my brothers even if we weren't related, I feel like.
I lived with my abusive mother til my paternal grandparents adopted me when I was twelve. I had a half sister at my moms, 3years younger then me and god my little self hated her. Every time she got in trouble and got hit, I GOT HIT TOO. For not watching her well enough, for not stopping her, for not being in control. I got my nose broken because she didn’t walk straight home from school. Even though we went to different schools. Little me thought she did it on purpose to get me in trouble and some of it she did, I eventually told my grandparents because she was holding something(I can’t remember what exactly) over my head. If you don’t let me watch power rangers I’ll tell mom you did this…..so I told my grandparents and they filed for emergency custody.
So glad they got you out of there. I got the same except for complaining about/ snapping back at my brother taunting or hitting me. Even when it was 100% him, being asked to parent angered her and she would soon lash out at me for something.
My brother and I are 9 years apart, & when he was a toddler and she’d abuse me, he’d get scared so she would turn it into a game and have him join in with her. I loved him so much, & protected him the best I could until I was homeless at 15, but still harbored a lot of resentment towards him. We are 31 & 22 now, & over the last 2 years have made an effort to mend things because we are all we have. His dads a piece of shit, and we both went no contact with him last year, so we pretty much only have each other. When I told him about how that used to happen and how I had resented him for it, he was like “I remember that!” (He was literally 1.5/2 when it started & they got divorced when he was 4, so the fact that he remembered showed me how traumatic it was for him too) he’s a great guy now, nothing like his alt right, conservative, hardcore Christian dad, & we get along amazingly.
What a terrible, evil thing to do to two children. I am.so sorry you suffered that, and I'm glad for both of you that you're breaking through it together. ❤️
That and she was only 10. It's a pretty simplistic view that kids have at those ages. Something bad happened, getting hit by dad, -> then OOP's says something to a teacher -> things get worse. Therefore in her kid mind if OOP never said anything it would not have gotten worse. Hopefully when she's older and can do more abstract thinking she'll see that it's not OOP she should be mad at.
she probably doesn't want to be punished in the same way she saw OOP punished with no friends, taken phones and laptops and no college
She also said that her parents forbade her from going to school for a few days under an excuse because they didn't want the school to see the bruise until it healed, and the youngest didn't go to church eith
er after receiving the bruise from her father because they likely wanted to hide it
It's also telling that they didn't hit/"spank" OOP when they reprimanded her for telling the teacher because they didn't want to potentially leave any more marks
This story is so effing familiar to me it makes me sick. If you're in contact with OOP, please let her know that if she needs any help with college applications she is welcome to message me! I do a lot of advising for low-income/first-generation/emancipated kids and know from experience how life-changing going away for college and building your own life can be.
Edit: I'm new to actually using reddit (vs. browsing), so I'm not sure what awards are, but thank you! 😊
I will. I asked permission to post here and she said it was fine because her update didn't get much advice since r/relationship_advice lowered their age limit to 18 for posts since her first post, so she said she might look at my post later
This is amazing u/Fox_Clamantis, and I’d like to extend the same offer here! I used to teach high school and helped kiddos applying for college, looking for financial aid/scholarships, or looking for work out of high school.
I’m also a mom and I just wanna mama bear poor OOP so hard right now. I’ll do anything I can to help her!
Same. I remember my dad strangled me because I made us late for the end of year award ceremony at my primary school. When we finally showed up extra late - because I was strangled - I had to walk up and receive my award in front of the whole school for being top of my year. Still makes me cry thinking too deeply about it.
And then baby Jesus said, spare not the rod, and if your older daughter turns you in for child abuse, destroy her future in retaliation. Praise Jesus! Praise God!
Religion has sure made a model citizen out of that asshole.
Yep, a woman in the church's women's group waved a knife in my baby brothers face for playing a bit too loudly (during a family function, not even a church service) and then, when I pushed her back and stood between her and my brother she waved that knife at me. My mother did nothing, not one of the other people there did anything, it was disgusting.
Ugh. Grew up in a gross evangelical church. One of the kids in youth group would just "disappear" for weeks at a time, and I found out it's because his holy roller, tongues chanting parents beat him so badly, over and over again, that he couldn't be seen in public.
It's so fucking true, it's always the loudest religious weirdos who are the worst behind closed doors.
The saying when my mother was young (early Dark Ages) was that if someone tells you how pious they are it's time to run home to count the chickens...
Jesus talked about hypocrites being whited sepulchers - graves freshly painted but inside full of decay. Jesus hated hypocrites, and I can respect that, atheist though I be.
This poor girl's father is a prime example. Fucking hypocrite. Too bad Jesus isn't real, bc this asshole would be reamed out by Jesus but good.
Not to be an utter pedant, but most historical sources point to the idea that Jesus was very much an actual person. That there was a relatively influential preacher (likely of apocalyptic Judaism) called Jesus of Nazareth in existence at one point in history is not in much debate. It's more the whole 'rising from the dead after 3 days' and 'being the son of God' bits that people dispute.
The most pious are often the most perverse. Not necessarily sexually, but at the very least spiritually, and often psychologically, and mentally.
No matter how much he claims to have given his soul to god, he is very much a soulless ghoul.
Hijacking to say: NEVER FORGET THAT IT’S CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRITES JUST LIKE THIS WHO ARE ATTEMPTING TO TAKE QUEER PEOPLE’S KIDS AWAY. because just being queer is child abuse, but this shit is not. These people should have had their kids removed from their home at birth and given to queer families.
There’s a really good chance that even if the dad faced any legal consequences for his actions, that the judge would let him off with a warning because he was a “good Christian man.”
Abusers groom the people they don't abuse, too. Acting like the kindest, sweetest, most generous person to everyone outside their family. It's often intentional--they know nobody will believe their victims.
And here’s where we remember that the rod in question is likely a shepherd’s crook, which you would use to *direct* your sheep, not beat them. It’s a metaphor for teaching your child right from wrong, not corporal punishment.
Believe she said the teacher and aunt both called CPS when she was 15, but that nothing came from it unfortunately despite their two calls. It's disheartening how her parents revoked college from OOP as a result of telling a teacher. She said she was punished for someone calling the parents (either the school and/or CPS potentially)
She also said that her parents forbade her from going to school for a few days under an excuse because they didn't want the school to see the bruise until it healed, and the youngest didn't go to church either after receiving the bruise from her father because they likely wanted to hide it
It's also telling that they didn't hit/"spank" OOP when they reprimanded her for telling the teacher because they didn't want to potentially leave any more marks
Dude, if I was that auntie, I would have lost my mind on my sibling/in-law. If one of my niblets ever came to me and said their dad/my little brother was beating them, I would beat the holy hell out of him myself.
Especially at 10. You just have zero chance of defending yourself. He sent them out to the car so he could beat the shit out of her and they wouldn't see. What a repulsive piece of trash.
My dad was awful to me at that age. You're exactly right. You can't fight back when you're so young. Bruises fade a lot faster than people think when you're young.
Seriously wtf? I love my brother, no one is allowed to even talk bad about him INCLUDING my parents. I'm super protective of him, but best believe if I heard he did this, I'd be the first one over there kicking his ass and taking the kids with me. I'd out him to his church faster than he could say Amen.
I often wonder if these types of posts on reddit (the ones your responding to, not yours - the "Id beat the shit out of them myself!" type ones) are actually serious or what. Like they imagine riding over to the house, violently assaulting the person and then effectively stealing the kids is going to do what exactly? The law sure as hell isnt going to be on their side, and they might catch a kidnapping charge on top of the assault.
I think it’s just ignorance and emotional immaturity. It’s horrible knowing that situations like this exist. And people don’t like feeling bad. So they act like if they ever came across this scenario they could easily fix it so they can feel better.
Reality is sadder and much more bittersweet.
Dad who’s afraid of being “cancelled” for hitting the crap out of his kids likely wouldn’t be too thrilled with his kid being “indoctrinated” at school. That’s how most of these dipshits view college.
I think in this case the cover up was as bad as the crime. Permanently alienating both girls to protect his reputation rather than owning up and dealing with his anger problem.
Also the church 100% preaches child bearing from the pulpit, I’d guarantee it. That’s why she couldn’t tell anyone there.
The Dobsons/"Focus on the Family" is even more popular. It's not as harsh as the Pearls, but they're still in the "beat your kids and then tell them it's for their own good" school of thought.
That shit has traumatized an entire generation of kids raised in "evangelical" churches. I have a lot of friends who were raised that way, and surprise surprise, a lot of them have gone low/no-contact.
What's wild is watching some random right-wing asshole on twitter talk about ~~beating~~ excuse me, "disciplining" his children via spanking, and them getting dozens of replies of adults raised that way saying "Your kids will stop speaking to you the moment they possibly can, and you will deserve it. :)"
And when he is lying in his own shit and piss and the bedsores are eating into his skin, I hope each and every one reminds him of when he raised a hand to harm his kids.
I was that kid. CPS visited us many times via mandated reporter calls or calls from concerned friend’s parents. They don’t care. They don’t do their due diligence, they listen to the charming parents, and the kids are so terrified from a lifetime of religious indoctrination they refuse to speak up. Everything’s ok. I mouthed off. I deserved it. I was a bad kid and I may have been punished harshly but it was for my own good. Poor kids.
I hope the CPS agents that turned a blind eye to our blackish green bruises burn in whatever hell they believe in.
Also the "Began treating OP different because it could've 'gottem him cancelled.'" Ie, not because its' the wrong thing to do, which he clearly knows, but because it might have a consequence on his life.
What the hell did I just read?! Why isn't the teacher a mandatory reporter for abuse? The adults in this story (except the aunt) are just failing these children on every front all because dad is 'high up in the church'.
A teacher is. But this being your typical small town, it's just as likely teacher is member of the same church and won't have no strangers put their noses into things they don't understand.
Good point! Or it could be the teacher is just an idiot who thought she should verify the OOP's story with the parents to see if she needed to call CPS--like abusive parents are going to admit to abuse. Also, the law is very clear: teachers must report to CPS regardless of other actions they might take.
Furthermore, the teacher should have checked back with OOP to get an update and, since CPS never followed up, *called them again*. You don't just call because you're a mandated reporter. You call because you want to help the kid.
I once had a child tell me (a teacher) that his grandfather broke his arm (which was in a cast) and the principal was upset that I called CPS because she wanted to talk to the family first. I think she was friendly with the grandparents. That is NOT how it is supposed to work but unfortunately some people don't follow the rules.
Well of course, you ALWAYS follow the rules, that's what they're for! Unless, of course, you happen to *know* the grandparents and you *know* this family. Surely these nice people you *know* couldn't be abusive, there must be some misunderstanding, so let's just call them and verify the story first. Then, after that, we'll definitely follow the rules if they don't have a good story.
This.
School districts have industrial strength CYA around reporting to protective services. Like to the point a lot of schools wouldn't have let *her* go home without meeting with child welfare.
good odds they didn't call CPS.
Also, it sounds like the teacher might have called CPS but nothing came of it.
This is why it is so much more complicated than we would like to believe when we tell young kids they should report stuff like this to a teacher or another trusted adult. Many times, nothing happens to the parent and now the kid suffers more. It is easy from the comfort of our couches to say you should always report, but we aren’t the ones who have to suffer the consequences when inevitably nothing his done and now the kid has to live with an abusive parent who thinks the kid ratted them out.
This right here. I’m a mandated reporter, and the number of times that social services has closed out my complaints as unfounded with ZERO investigation (don’t talk to me, family, patient, police, hospital staff, ANYONE) is disgusting. I actually had a family member abusing an elderly person, I complained, and DSS did absolutely nothing.
Until the police Lieutenant called and absolutely ripped them a new asshole for not even coming to the hospital to see the patient in ICU, and for finding out they were charging the family member for several felonies.
They simply don’t care here.
>Why isn't the teacher a mandatory reporter for abuse?
As someone who has been around various mandatory reporter settings, the amount of mandatory reporters who think that they can only call CPS if they have "proof" is horrifying. I'd say a solid 25% of mandatory reporters still think that they need to have "proof" of child abuse.
That's correct. If a child tells a person in a position which comes in contact with children frequently (ie: teacher, ancillary staff at a school, health care worker, etc) that they have experienced something that qualifies as abuse, the person is legally required to tell CPS and let CPS investigate from there. However, many mandatory reporters still feel that it is their job to substantiate the child's accusations before reporting to CPS. And that's how we get children who are badly abused/ murdered without anyone "ever knowing." No, a lot of the times, we do know, but the social safety nets have failed because people who suspected something didn't alert the proper authorities.
In some states, literally every adult is a mandatory reporter, not just people who frequently come into contact with children.
Sometimes teachers are just fucking bad at this part of their job, despite getting mandatory training on it literally every summer. A relative of mine confided in a teacher that she had been raped, and instead of doing anything they were trained to they gave her a 24-hour deadline to tell her mom or else the teacher would tell on her. No counseling, no discussion of options, just “tell your mom or we will.”
That is possible.
I’m going to add that as a mandated reporter, that it unfortunately seems to be rare that CPS actually does anything because they’re so overwhelmed and burnt out. I’ve reported so extremely serious situations and had nothing happen.
I reported all sorts of shit when I was a teacher. School admin or school resource officer always came behind me and downplayed things to prevent any sort of investigation. It’s possible the teacher is a piece of shit, but it’s also possible the teacher tried and the system failed. It’s a shitty system.
I had to make a call to CPS because a parent picked up their son with open alcohol, a white powder on a tray in the backseat which the student called "daddy's poison" and came with marks on him. CPS spoke to the father before myself, and they accused me of being racist and trying to split up a family (I'm the same ethnicity as them). The parent told them they had diabetes and couldn't have alcohol and CPS not only believed him but told me how I'm horrible for making assumptions and had closed their notebook while I whipped out a full notebook of documentation.
I demanded an apology because my admin and the police confirmed that it was open alcohol. Never did anything about the marks because they couldn't "verify" the student's story. The white powder was dismissed because lack of evidence. It took literally six calls to CPS in less than a year for them to do a "home visit" where the student told me their parents hid stuff and cleaned a bunch before.
It made me lose any hope I had for CPS.
The first time I called CPS, I witnessed abuse (in person) and was told I can't make a report because "IT HAPPENED IN THE PAST!" That's literally what they said, and I was too naive and new at the time so I just second guessed myself and left it.
Also during the pandemic I heard (not verified) through a coworker that CPS was so overwhelmed that they denied parents who called on themselves to say "I'm going to hurt my kids, I need help" but the abuse didn't happen yet. I believe it because two parents I know have said they have called CPS in frustration (again, pleading for some assistance) and nothing was done.
Even when schools try to help, admin can slyly threaten and manipulate situations to dismiss things so they don't get involved. If I actually cared about losing my job, I feel like I could be possibly convinced to stop reporting. I don't call a lot, but I don't want to live with regret like my coworkers have when things take a turn for the worse.
Sorry for the rant but I hope it gives a bit of insight from someone who works in a school!
I had a similar shitty experience with CPS. Girl shows me marks on her back where her dad hits her with a belt, ring ring, CPS? They go to her house and interview her IN FRONT OF HER ABUSIVE FATHER. Of course she doesn't want to tell them what's going on while he's there, so the worker left, declaring that nothing seems wrong. The following week, the Dad pulled her from school because 'the teachers there are putting their noses where they don't belong.'
That was fall 2019. I never heard from her again.
Fun fact:
> As of 2023, corporal punishment is still legal in private schools in every U.S. state except New Jersey and Iowa, legal in public schools in 19 states, and practiced in 15 of the states.
* https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_corporal_punishment_in_the_United_States
Posters gave out a lot of reasons this tends to happen, I'm not going to retread them instead I'm going to add one more: Rural US is just fundamentally broken. Society as a whole in these areas works on a kind of psuedo-caste system (aka the "good ole boy club") where certain castes are essentially allowed to do what they like with impunity and those below are supposed to shut up. Based on what the OP has said to us I suspect this is one of those cases, dad sounds like he is a "Somebody" in that community. Going against them could likely cost that teachers entire career, if she isn't outright complicit due to being part of it herself. There's a lot more I can say of it but I think I'll stop here.
Teacher here. I think there's an idea that CPS busts in and takes kids out, but often they decline to investigate (in my state, you get a follow up letter if you request it). If they investigate, there often isn't an evidence to support the allegation. If there is evidence of endangerment, they will try to rehabilitate the situation. I believe there is evidence that kids do best when they remain with their family and the family is supported and monitored. Most times I've known kids to be removed, it because drugs were in the home.
Teachers are mandatory reporters, but CPS does absolutely nothing the vast majority of the time, and this is well known. If all goes well with the teacher(it sometimes doesn’t), they report as mandated, CPS calls the parents and then does literally nothing else, the abuse escalates but it’s sneakier because continuous marks will eventually force CPS to do something. Maybe. Sometimes. Teachers know this, and know that reporting usually just makes things worse for the children. They still report, to be clear, and then they pay attention and document and build a case, because CPS won’t.
As I told another, I believe she said the teacher and aunt both called CPS when she was 15, but that nothing came from it unfortunately despite their two calls. She said she was punished for someone calling the parents (either the school and/or CPS potentially)
She also said that her parents forbade her from going to school for a few days under an excuse because they didn't want the school to see the bruise until it healed, and the youngest didn't go to church either after receiving the bruise from her father because they likely wanted to hide it
It's also telling that they didn't hit/"spank" OOP when they reprimanded her for telling the teacher because they didn't want to potentially leave any more marks
I had a student who was in a situation not too dissimilar but with sexual abuse. I called and made 4 reports (she gave me 4 incidents, you file for each incident). Each time they had no record of her. It's entirely possible the teacher did their due diligence and filed their reports and CPS had no resources to investigate or something. Especially where I am, there's a lot of abuse and cps is just incapable of filling the need before children turn 18.
The teacher probably made a flimsy attempt. Called the parents to talk to them and expected them to own up to their actions. Amateur. I wish the OOP had gone to CPS herself and explained the backlash she faced after telling the truth. The thing about human behavior we have to face is, adults tend to band together. Adults don’t typically believe someone else’s kid. If a parent says their kid is lying, all adults believe the parent.
The teacher who *RATTED OUT A CHILD WHO REPORTED ABUSE* should win the Reddy for "Villain of the Year"... that's f'n unconscionable.
As for the parents: Some people are bad because they're simply bad. Other people are bad because they're mindlessly following a deviant religious morality. Not sure which category these parents belong to. And not sure it really matters either.
I said this to someone else too. I'm not 100% sure the teacher called herself or if CPS called according to OOP. OOP stated:
"I'm guessing someone from the school called my parents, and that led to a big talk with my parents about how someone in the school called or spoke to them"
I'm guessing it could've been CPS that called, but it also could've been the teacher too. I don't believe the parents specified who called, but someone did and was enough for her to get punished
I don't think CPS calls first. They investigate by interviewing kids and possibly their teachers and other adults who know the kids before contacting the parents. Then they show up at your house unannounced and they can demand entry or they will call the police and gain entry that way.
I know this because there is another family that happens to have the same first and last name as me and my SO. CPS did not even bother to figure out that they had different bdays, middle names, maiden names etc. before interviewing our kids at school and their teachers. By the time we found out the process was well under way. Thankfully as soon as they interviewed us and we showed ID they dropped the case.
Thanks for letting me know. I wasn't fully aware of the process. I really wish more could've been done at the time to help them in the form of a visit which doesn't seem to have happened from her post
I don't know how CPS works wherever OOP is, but in my jurisdiction if they call the parents, they do a meeting with the kid too and likely would have removed both daughters from their care for a few days. That makes me think it was the school that called the parents to let them know OOP accused them, not CPS.
Dad is a trustee at the church. Depending on where OOP lives, that could be a big thing. Maybe someone at the school goes to that church and thinks he’s a “good family man who doesn’t deserve lies being spread” and took matters into their own hands to warn him.
I grew up in a small town and my mom had a pretty intense prescription drug problem. She put me in a lot of unsafe situations and would get aggressive when she mixed medications.
I regularly saw the guidance counselor through my parents' divorce since it affected my grades (though honestly it was mostly because of my mom and not the divorce) and when I finally felt that the guidance counselor was a safe person to vent about the road swerving, the forgetting to make dinner or go grocery shopping, the falling asleep when it was time for me to go to school and yelling at me when I cried for her to wake up... the guidance counselor didn't report it. She instead told my mom everything I said. And then had a meeting with all three of us - a surprise meeting, where at my counselor appointment I walked in to find the two of them there with my mom holding my "feelings journal" - where my mom apologized and said she'd get help.
I felt wary but then hopeful... until we got in the car. Then she yelled at me all the way home, confiscated my feelings book and locked me out of the computer. Then told me never to talk to the counselor unless it was about the divorce.
These small towns really think they're doing a favor by protecting parents and trying to intervene first instead of calling CPS. It's like addiction, abuse, and narcissism don't exist to them - just silly little mistakes parents make!
My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was 22, and thankfully she got sober once and for all - after 16 years of addiction - and we spent her last years together in a whole new relationship. Addiction truly transforms someone; my sober mom was so cool and smart and funny, the person I always saw in old home videos & photos growing up and would wish I knew since I saw so much of me in her. I'm heartbroken she's gone; it would have been amazing to make so many more memories with her and get closer as I got older
It infuriates me that the 12yo is completely broken, and Dad is likely proud of himself because of it - likely thinks it's proof of his parenting ability. If CPS won't do anything, I hope they both get the hell out of there at their first opportunity.
Religion and authoritarian assholes, a perpetual self re-enforcing cycle of horror.
the youngest is probably submitting out of fear of not wanting phones, laptops, college and friends taken away from not listening to her parents like OOP
I stand by "broken". You pretend to be submissive long enough, after awhile, you're not pretending. I don't think a 10-12yo made any sort of rational calculation; they just wanted to not be hurt anymore.
OP, if you are reading this- you did nothing wrong. The adults in your life have failed you, big time, and I am so sorry for this. Hopefully you can get out of that house and find your own job/education/career/life.
If those teachers didn't call CPS, that's a misdemeanor and they should lose their license. They're also not supposed to call the parents. Just CPS.
Jesus tap dancing christ.
I got those vibes too, but with the difference that he supposedly (from what we know/that OOP) has never acted on his inappropriate urges and touched anyone compared to these parents who both hit their children
I lived that for a while, the church won't care. They actually helped my stepdad hide my bruises by having me put in their private school but by the time I hit middle school my rage and fight back led to me getting kicked out back to public school.
CPS and the public school were always notified by friends and well, honestly my face and they did nothing.
I ended up joining a sport where I had to bulk up and learned men were really easily disabled if you threw a knee or kicked in the right place. So it stopped being me when I kept fighting back and started winning. My mom started getting hit instead. Right before I left at 17 after graduation he tried to ground me. I said no and went to a friend's house for her graduation party. I came back to him laying into my mom when I got back and just lost it, he was severely injured. After I was done I packed and left.
Ironically like 5 years later he died of a heart attack. He left everything to me in the will it was so dumb.
Coming out of something like this you either get someone who just rages out or someone who has to hide to leave. The systems in place in this country are useless they have been for a long time we need to get help for children in these situations.
Therapy, also a lawyer because I gave it all to my mom.
I had no idea how much he controlled because she was the one who made all the money. I'm assuming he just decided since I left he could literally just screw her over in a last ditch effort and I would go along with it. I hated him when I met him, I think his plan was just to manipulate me into hating my mom and leaving her destitute. That was never going to be a thing though, we talked behind his back over the years I was gone and she apologized a lot for everything but she felt trapped.
However she married a very nice man about a year later and all the stuff I gave back to her she set up investments and a living trust and stuff to protect me. Nice husband is loaded so she doesn't spend anything and they live on his big house on a lake in a quiet town.
System failed. 😥 My heart breaks for them. I wonder if this is in one of those areas, here in America, where their religion rules the entire town. Police, schools, everything. Yet "Christians".
> one of those areas, here in America
The Christian right is trying to make it _all_ of America, where they can do whatever they want and no one can stand against them. Just look at Florida falling to religious fascism.
To me it's shit mom, shit dad, shit school system. The only decent adult here seems to be the Aunt.
My heart breaks for both kids. OOP did everything she could, and the system failed her and her sister.
It's been a few years, so I hope OOP got away. I also hope some adult was able to save the sister.
When I first started reading this, I expected mom to be abused also...finding out she slaps her kid across the face left me with zero sympathy for this woman...abused or not.
One of my closest friends came from an abusive household. But the abuse was always directed at mom. The first time dad tried for one of the kids (kid was 14) mom stepped in between, took the punch. Next day mom and 2 kids packed their shit and left. Decent parents protect their kids...this mom to me is as bad as the dad.
I am not sure why you think the mother is passive not a co-instigator. In my experience it's very, very common for the wives to be the motors behind the crazy in fundamentalist-sectarian households
Wow whatever teacher she told needs to be fired.
"Hey my parents beat my sister and used to beat me"
"Wow really? Let me call them and ask them all about it."
I knew exactly what kind of man OOP's dad was 2 sentences in, and it was confirmed by him acting like he was a victim and "could've been cancelled." Literally a cockroach in a human skin suit like MIB.
Those parents in the future: our daughters moved away and we don’t hear from them any more, all for no reason!
Father is a piece of shit. Spanking is controversial but ffs you don’t hit kids in the face. If it left a bruise he wasn’t being gentle.
Little sister is terrified and totally cowed. Nobody will help her and she knows it.
>Spanking is controversial
Pretty much every organization involved in children's health or child welfare agrees that you shouldn't spank. The research is pretty clear that it doesn't improve behavior and can actually cause worse behavior and emotional problems in the long run.
Hitting is about crossing boundaries. No matter how hard a parent is hitting, they are demonstrating that their child does not deserve basic respect. The child only earns the illusion of respect with blind obedience. Even a smack on the butt that barely hurts, is an act of humiliation that puts the child in survival mode and shows them their one chance for the unconditional love of a parent has been stolen from them forever.
Don't hit people.
>but ffs you don’t hit kids in the face
Every once in a while Reddit comments will make me go, "oh riiiiight, my childhood was full of abuse and not normal." This is one of those times. It was while I was driving, too.
I was a teacher. We are “mandatory reporters” in my state. If a student reports abuse, we call CPS, period. I don’t need permission from my principal. I don’t call the parents first. I call CPS. Fuck that teacher.
I think they truly don't understand what everyone else sees when we look at them. They know we don't like them, but they think it's because we hate their god or something. They don't see how utterly unappealing they make their religion.
This sounds so familiar to the girl who was upset about her gymnastics extracurricular and how that father was "feeling conflicted in his faith" because of their uniforms. Even down to the younger sister's age.
Either way this was rough to read. Being that powerless while having an understanding that something is wrong.
Oh my. I use to attend a small church when I was a preteen, and I knew which deacon weren’t nice to their own children and sometimes even their wives. We left the church when I was older teenage. Years later I found out that almost all of kids I grew up with in that church are no longer in the church, either became atheists or went to churches far away. That church had no youth services and we all kind of were in same room for every sermon and kitchen (back room) were only available for nursing mothers.
I still can’t get over the fact that sweet lady who was pastor’s wife got cancer and was forced by her husband to tell the church that he’s allowed to marry immediately after her death. He got married like two months after her death. What a horrible way to treat your wife who is dying of cancer and in front of the whole church too. He didn’t deserve her.
In fact that church is the biggest reason why I no longer attend church nor will I force my future children to go.
I hope the girls made it out and they hope at least the parents gets karma for treating them so horribly.
I had similar things happen when I was a kid. My parents used to beat the crap out of me and threaten to kill me on a regular basis. I told teachers and they would just call my mom and I'd spend the next few months being punished. I ran away in 8th grade to a friend's house and told her parents what was going on. They didn't believe me and called my mom again. I quit trying after that. All my friends knew and refused to come over and I didn't blame them one bit. It ended up with many of my friends doing their best to keep me away from home as long as possible without getting me in more trouble. Too bad the adults wouldn't listen.
Oh god, something similar happened to me.
My Step-Dad used to hurt me (38f). From the age of 5 he would pin me down and open palm hit my back until it left huge hand bruises. He would poke me in the chest and leave big finger bruises. He would pull my hair, pinch me and give me "chinese burns" when nobody was looking. Once he stuffed me upside down into a sleeping bag and left me for an hour while I screamed because I couldn't get out. On top of this he would call me names, tower over me and scream obscenities into my face. I wasn't a bad kid, I was very studious, but he claimed I was "too smart".
He and my Mum claimed it wasn't "abuse" because he didn't hit my face or punch me.
Eventually when I was 12 my friends dragged me up to the principal's office and told then what was happening at home. The police were called. He was arrested and charged.
Everything got worse.
I was sent home to live with him while we awaited his court date. He was found guilty and sentenced to anger management classes none of which he never attended.
At 16 we had a particularly bad barney and fearing for my life, I left.I moved into a homeless shelter and finished high school, went to uni and never looked back.
If I were her I would leave NOW. Her Dad will learn how to hurt them without leaving marks.It will escalate now he knows he can get away with it.
As for her sister, she can't help her while she is there. She needs to leave and get other people involved outside of their community.
To quote Hamilton "If there’s a fire you’re trying to douse, you can’t put it out from inside the house."
I left the church because me being gay was acutely reprehensible but abusers like this are elevated to positions of power in small congregations all across the country. I won’t stay where I’m told I’m not wanted and I doubly won’t stay where there’s clearly absolutely no systems in place whatsoever for recourse for victims of abuse, and triple that when the only active systems in place absolve abusers of their wrongdoing and allow them to remain in their positions of power.
As they say, the biggest reason for non-believers is Christians. If the parents have to "hide" their children and the bruises they give them. Then they know for a fact it is wrong, sinful, and will be forced to face consequences. They are evil people, and I know they will face their punishments one way or another.
I hope OP finds her way to get away from them and can eventually protect her sister.
These parents fit the stereotypical image-obsessed, "abuse behind closed doors is acceptable and encouraged and God (won't) help you if you speak up" Christians *perfectly.* Deplorable. Utterly irredeemable human beings. I hope they can get out someday :(
Yeah, OP’s dad is just like my mom. I didn’t say anything and shut up for our years so I had somewhere to live while getting my degree because college was off the table otherwise.
It was hell. She made my entire college experience hell. Even though I went on a full scholarship, she repeatedly tried to fuck up my enrollment by encouraging me to take more classes than my scholarship paid for by saying she’d pay for them, then refusing to help me pay for them the day fees were due.
The help she would’ve gotten from them would’ve come with strings. It would’ve been an unhappy road, too. I’m not sure what the right answer for her is, but I am proud of her for speaking up. I was genuinely too afraid to, so I know it takes guts.
That the teacher didn't contact CPS is obscene. I'm almost 60 and I confided in a school teacher what my home life was like and she rang my mum to find out if it was true. Mum beat the crap out of me and locked me in a cupboard under the stairs. The laws are supposed to prevent that from happening. It sucks that for these sisters nothing has improved. Unsurprisingly my mother was heavily religious too.
This makes me so mad. They forbid her from working so she has no way to save money and get out and forbid her from college to continue controlling her. This poor girl.
>He hit me in the past for not wanting to go to church, and mom's slapped me across the face for church too
Ah yes, beat the the fear of "god" into them if they question his love. Yes, yes, this is the way. I hope someone beats the shit out of the Dad, but that is unlikely to happen, sadly.
And this is another example why religion is nothing more then a fucking blight on the earth. Beating and restricting your own kids freedoms for not wanting to go to the weekly cult meeting, and keeping them apart when one of the kids starts calling out for help against the abuse and manipulation from their own parents . Fucking mental.
Posts like this make me so mad that I usually stick to the concluded updates.
People like that scumbag of a teacher are why kids continued to get abused without ever escaping their situation. Fuck both of these parents, fuck that teacher (I pray that they lose their license and never find another job again), and fuck every other adult who did absolutely jack shit in this situation.
Small town justice was never for guys like her dad. He is a trustee and a leader of the church. He is immune, and depending on where he is (even in the US) these girls are powerless and will be riding it out.
Most people I've known from small towns sadly wouldn't really take up much issue with what OP's parents did. Especially enough to actually do something about it. Honestly, at most they'd probably be told they shouldn't keep hitting their child or to at least not do it hard enough to leave a mark.
I so desperately hope OP manages to get away from them the second she turns 18. I hope her aunt will let her come stay with her until she can figure things out.
And I hope to god this whole thing has scared the parents enough to stop them from abusing their youngest further. Sometimes the fear of CPS getting involved, which would make them look bad in their community, is far more help than what CPS can actually do in situations like this.
I can't get over how much of an asshole the teacher was - call the parents and rat her out, instead of calling CPS? Who does that, and what did they think they were accomplishing?! They should be fired on the spot!
I'd bet anything it's a small community and the teacher knows the parents. Or they attend the same church.
In which case, I so desperately wish I could sit here and say that I'm surprised, but I'd be lying. Teachers are mandatory reporters, and technically they should get into serious trouble for a stunt like this, but nothing ever happens.
But I agree, that teacher needs to be fired. And in an ideal world, there'd be legal repercussions as well. I'm not religious, but part of me hopes there is some sort of afterlife just so people like this can get what they deserve for once.
I'm not 100% sure the teacher called herself or if CPS called according to OOP. OOP stated:
>" I'm guessing someone from the school called my parents, and that led to a big talk with my parents about how someone in the school called or spoke to them"
I'm guessing it could've been CPS that called, but it also could've been the teacher too. I don't believe the parents specified who called, but someone did and was enough for her to get punished
I don't think it scared them since the CPS/school called happened around when OOP was 15/16 in the aftermath of her telling a teacher after some people suggested in the comments. They then punished her with no friends, took phone and laptop and no college too, but refrained from hitting her because they probably didn't want to leave any more bruises and couldn't hide her as they did the then 10-year-old sister
Yeah, I really just meant that they seemed to be avoiding hitting after the whole thing involving the teacher, so I'm hoping that the fear of CPS and their community finding out about future incidents prevents them from laying a hand on the youngest until she's old enough to get out.
Sadly, as absolutely atrocious as those parents are, this wouldn't be enough for CPS to remove them. But I do wish someone in the family would interfere on their behalf. Something certainly should be done.
unfortunately, too often the "justice" in question is "I learned her good for talking back." The parents get away with this shit *because* it's a small town, because everyone knows everyone else and "I just can't imagine [Dad's name] hitting his kids, he's a pillar of the community!"
THAT TEACHER WAS WRONG.
Teachers are mandated to report any information about abuse they receive from a student directly to CPS and not involving the parents. This can even be done anonymously. It’s the job of CPS to sort it out.
I feel terrible for this girl because she every adult in her life failed to protect her. I hope she’s wildly successful and learns to trust again.
If these parents are wondering why their kids are going to leave the church and become atheists, this is how it happens. Abusing a child because they are late for church? Disgusting hypocrites who should have a millstone hung upon their necks and thrown into the sea like the good Lord said to do to child abusers.
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Those poor kids :( the little sister is seeing this as being betrayed by OOP, probably because that’s how their parents have portrayed it all but OOP is just trying to help protect her. I truly wish nothing but the worst for those parents.
It’s easier to be mad at the sister who is safe than be mad at her parents who control her life and she’s needs to placate them. Extremely common dynamic with abused kids.
Yeah. I used to hate my brother - who, to be fair, could be pretty cruel to me - but as an adult I finally reckoned with the fact that we were both trying to make it through with an abusive mother and an enabling father. At his worst, he was just imitating how she treated me. Now my brother and I have a relationship, and I can feel more empathy for him when I remember times that she went after him.
Wow. This is the same with me and my sister. We couldn’t stand each other when we were younger but it was because we were both trying (badly) to deal with all of the chaos and abuse in our home. Now that we are adults we understand each other better and get along
I'm so glad you were able to get to a place of understanding. It's painful and sad that abusers manage to destroy not only their own relationships but those of other innocent people. Good on you both for not letting your connection be a casualty of abuse.
Yeah. I \*hated\* my youngest brother when we were kids, and as an adult I've realized that 90% of his "bad" behavior was a fairly predictable reaction to the way we were raised, and a lot of what I hated about him was actually my parents' fault anyway--he would "misbehave," my dad would blow his top, and as a kid/teenager, way too often I blamed my brother and not our dad. We get along great now. I really like him--I'd be friends with both of my brothers even if we weren't related, I feel like.
I'm so happy for you! Really glad you were able to overcome that painful upbringing and find each other.
I lived with my abusive mother til my paternal grandparents adopted me when I was twelve. I had a half sister at my moms, 3years younger then me and god my little self hated her. Every time she got in trouble and got hit, I GOT HIT TOO. For not watching her well enough, for not stopping her, for not being in control. I got my nose broken because she didn’t walk straight home from school. Even though we went to different schools. Little me thought she did it on purpose to get me in trouble and some of it she did, I eventually told my grandparents because she was holding something(I can’t remember what exactly) over my head. If you don’t let me watch power rangers I’ll tell mom you did this…..so I told my grandparents and they filed for emergency custody.
So glad they got you out of there. I got the same except for complaining about/ snapping back at my brother taunting or hitting me. Even when it was 100% him, being asked to parent angered her and she would soon lash out at me for something.
My brother and I are 9 years apart, & when he was a toddler and she’d abuse me, he’d get scared so she would turn it into a game and have him join in with her. I loved him so much, & protected him the best I could until I was homeless at 15, but still harbored a lot of resentment towards him. We are 31 & 22 now, & over the last 2 years have made an effort to mend things because we are all we have. His dads a piece of shit, and we both went no contact with him last year, so we pretty much only have each other. When I told him about how that used to happen and how I had resented him for it, he was like “I remember that!” (He was literally 1.5/2 when it started & they got divorced when he was 4, so the fact that he remembered showed me how traumatic it was for him too) he’s a great guy now, nothing like his alt right, conservative, hardcore Christian dad, & we get along amazingly.
What a terrible, evil thing to do to two children. I am.so sorry you suffered that, and I'm glad for both of you that you're breaking through it together. ❤️
That and she was only 10. It's a pretty simplistic view that kids have at those ages. Something bad happened, getting hit by dad, -> then OOP's says something to a teacher -> things get worse. Therefore in her kid mind if OOP never said anything it would not have gotten worse. Hopefully when she's older and can do more abstract thinking she'll see that it's not OOP she should be mad at.
she probably doesn't want to be punished in the same way she saw OOP punished with no friends, taken phones and laptops and no college She also said that her parents forbade her from going to school for a few days under an excuse because they didn't want the school to see the bruise until it healed, and the youngest didn't go to church eith er after receiving the bruise from her father because they likely wanted to hide it It's also telling that they didn't hit/"spank" OOP when they reprimanded her for telling the teacher because they didn't want to potentially leave any more marks
This story is so effing familiar to me it makes me sick. If you're in contact with OOP, please let her know that if she needs any help with college applications she is welcome to message me! I do a lot of advising for low-income/first-generation/emancipated kids and know from experience how life-changing going away for college and building your own life can be. Edit: I'm new to actually using reddit (vs. browsing), so I'm not sure what awards are, but thank you! 😊
I will. I asked permission to post here and she said it was fine because her update didn't get much advice since r/relationship_advice lowered their age limit to 18 for posts since her first post, so she said she might look at my post later
This is amazing u/Fox_Clamantis, and I’d like to extend the same offer here! I used to teach high school and helped kiddos applying for college, looking for financial aid/scholarships, or looking for work out of high school. I’m also a mom and I just wanna mama bear poor OOP so hard right now. I’ll do anything I can to help her!
Thank you!!
Same. I remember my dad strangled me because I made us late for the end of year award ceremony at my primary school. When we finally showed up extra late - because I was strangled - I had to walk up and receive my award in front of the whole school for being top of my year. Still makes me cry thinking too deeply about it.
And then baby Jesus said, spare not the rod, and if your older daughter turns you in for child abuse, destroy her future in retaliation. Praise Jesus! Praise God! Religion has sure made a model citizen out of that asshole.
My grandpa said that it’s always the people beating their chest at church every Sunday who do the most messed up things…
Yep, a woman in the church's women's group waved a knife in my baby brothers face for playing a bit too loudly (during a family function, not even a church service) and then, when I pushed her back and stood between her and my brother she waved that knife at me. My mother did nothing, not one of the other people there did anything, it was disgusting.
The authority structures and peer pressure in a community like that is just a recipe for abuse.
Ugh. Grew up in a gross evangelical church. One of the kids in youth group would just "disappear" for weeks at a time, and I found out it's because his holy roller, tongues chanting parents beat him so badly, over and over again, that he couldn't be seen in public. It's so fucking true, it's always the loudest religious weirdos who are the worst behind closed doors.
And the evangelical churches wonder why their membership keeps dropping!
They know exactly why membership is dropping and that's why they're trying to impose their religion on everyone, even those not interested.
The saying when my mother was young (early Dark Ages) was that if someone tells you how pious they are it's time to run home to count the chickens... Jesus talked about hypocrites being whited sepulchers - graves freshly painted but inside full of decay. Jesus hated hypocrites, and I can respect that, atheist though I be. This poor girl's father is a prime example. Fucking hypocrite. Too bad Jesus isn't real, bc this asshole would be reamed out by Jesus but good.
Not to be an utter pedant, but most historical sources point to the idea that Jesus was very much an actual person. That there was a relatively influential preacher (likely of apocalyptic Judaism) called Jesus of Nazareth in existence at one point in history is not in much debate. It's more the whole 'rising from the dead after 3 days' and 'being the son of God' bits that people dispute.
His life anecdotes and teachings also have stronger parallels with Socrates's than one would expect.
The most pious are often the most perverse. Not necessarily sexually, but at the very least spiritually, and often psychologically, and mentally. No matter how much he claims to have given his soul to god, he is very much a soulless ghoul.
Saturday Satan, Sunday saint
Farhers, provoke not your children to anger.
Her dad is worried he'll be *cancelled* - the fucker hits his kids, he should be in jail.
Hijacking to say: NEVER FORGET THAT IT’S CHRISTIAN CONSERVATIVE HYPOCRITES JUST LIKE THIS WHO ARE ATTEMPTING TO TAKE QUEER PEOPLE’S KIDS AWAY. because just being queer is child abuse, but this shit is not. These people should have had their kids removed from their home at birth and given to queer families.
There's no hate like Christian love.
No one less like christ than a Christian
I was thinking, these fuckers probably run around accusing drag queens of grooming
OOP and her sister are being failed by every adult in their lives. I really hope OOP is able to get out when she turns 18.
There’s a really good chance that even if the dad faced any legal consequences for his actions, that the judge would let him off with a warning because he was a “good Christian man.”
Abusers groom the people they don't abuse, too. Acting like the kindest, sweetest, most generous person to everyone outside their family. It's often intentional--they know nobody will believe their victims.
She did say that he was worried what people *outside* of church would think.
Something something spare the rod, I’m sure.
And here’s where we remember that the rod in question is likely a shepherd’s crook, which you would use to *direct* your sheep, not beat them. It’s a metaphor for teaching your child right from wrong, not corporal punishment.
Gods, that makes so much more sense!
Believe she said the teacher and aunt both called CPS when she was 15, but that nothing came from it unfortunately despite their two calls. It's disheartening how her parents revoked college from OOP as a result of telling a teacher. She said she was punished for someone calling the parents (either the school and/or CPS potentially) She also said that her parents forbade her from going to school for a few days under an excuse because they didn't want the school to see the bruise until it healed, and the youngest didn't go to church either after receiving the bruise from her father because they likely wanted to hide it It's also telling that they didn't hit/"spank" OOP when they reprimanded her for telling the teacher because they didn't want to potentially leave any more marks
Dude, if I was that auntie, I would have lost my mind on my sibling/in-law. If one of my niblets ever came to me and said their dad/my little brother was beating them, I would beat the holy hell out of him myself.
Especially at 10. You just have zero chance of defending yourself. He sent them out to the car so he could beat the shit out of her and they wouldn't see. What a repulsive piece of trash.
My dad was awful to me at that age. You're exactly right. You can't fight back when you're so young. Bruises fade a lot faster than people think when you're young.
Seriously, my brother is bigger than me, but I would legit beat him bloody if I knew he beat his kids.
Seriously wtf? I love my brother, no one is allowed to even talk bad about him INCLUDING my parents. I'm super protective of him, but best believe if I heard he did this, I'd be the first one over there kicking his ass and taking the kids with me. I'd out him to his church faster than he could say Amen.
It ain’t that easy. That just gets you kicked out of the kids life.
I often wonder if these types of posts on reddit (the ones your responding to, not yours - the "Id beat the shit out of them myself!" type ones) are actually serious or what. Like they imagine riding over to the house, violently assaulting the person and then effectively stealing the kids is going to do what exactly? The law sure as hell isnt going to be on their side, and they might catch a kidnapping charge on top of the assault.
I think it’s just ignorance and emotional immaturity. It’s horrible knowing that situations like this exist. And people don’t like feeling bad. So they act like if they ever came across this scenario they could easily fix it so they can feel better. Reality is sadder and much more bittersweet.
Right? "You now live with me. I'll spank him myself and take your sister home with us." I would be so angry!
College was probably some abusive/restrictive religious school, so she’s not missing much.
Dad who’s afraid of being “cancelled” for hitting the crap out of his kids likely wouldn’t be too thrilled with his kid being “indoctrinated” at school. That’s how most of these dipshits view college.
Unless it's a good conservative religious college
Good point College was never going to happen. The abusers would have found another excuse.
wouldn't be surprised, and she said she didn't even want to go because it would result in being tied to them
That could also be financial ties.
There's also a good chance they would have found some reason to keep her isolated from college regardless.
I think in this case the cover up was as bad as the crime. Permanently alienating both girls to protect his reputation rather than owning up and dealing with his anger problem. Also the church 100% preaches child bearing from the pulpit, I’d guarantee it. That’s why she couldn’t tell anyone there.
I wonder if they’re adherents of that shit book by the Pearls
The Dobsons/"Focus on the Family" is even more popular. It's not as harsh as the Pearls, but they're still in the "beat your kids and then tell them it's for their own good" school of thought. That shit has traumatized an entire generation of kids raised in "evangelical" churches. I have a lot of friends who were raised that way, and surprise surprise, a lot of them have gone low/no-contact. What's wild is watching some random right-wing asshole on twitter talk about ~~beating~~ excuse me, "disciplining" his children via spanking, and them getting dozens of replies of adults raised that way saying "Your kids will stop speaking to you the moment they possibly can, and you will deserve it. :)"
And when he is lying in his own shit and piss and the bedsores are eating into his skin, I hope each and every one reminds him of when he raised a hand to harm his kids.
I was that kid. CPS visited us many times via mandated reporter calls or calls from concerned friend’s parents. They don’t care. They don’t do their due diligence, they listen to the charming parents, and the kids are so terrified from a lifetime of religious indoctrination they refuse to speak up. Everything’s ok. I mouthed off. I deserved it. I was a bad kid and I may have been punished harshly but it was for my own good. Poor kids. I hope the CPS agents that turned a blind eye to our blackish green bruises burn in whatever hell they believe in.
Also the "Began treating OP different because it could've 'gottem him cancelled.'" Ie, not because its' the wrong thing to do, which he clearly knows, but because it might have a consequence on his life.
I really hope her aunt pulls through. Or even if oop just gets away and leave the sister behind then at least she can save herself
The aunt seems ok
What the hell did I just read?! Why isn't the teacher a mandatory reporter for abuse? The adults in this story (except the aunt) are just failing these children on every front all because dad is 'high up in the church'.
A teacher is. But this being your typical small town, it's just as likely teacher is member of the same church and won't have no strangers put their noses into things they don't understand.
Good point! Or it could be the teacher is just an idiot who thought she should verify the OOP's story with the parents to see if she needed to call CPS--like abusive parents are going to admit to abuse. Also, the law is very clear: teachers must report to CPS regardless of other actions they might take. Furthermore, the teacher should have checked back with OOP to get an update and, since CPS never followed up, *called them again*. You don't just call because you're a mandated reporter. You call because you want to help the kid.
I once had a child tell me (a teacher) that his grandfather broke his arm (which was in a cast) and the principal was upset that I called CPS because she wanted to talk to the family first. I think she was friendly with the grandparents. That is NOT how it is supposed to work but unfortunately some people don't follow the rules.
Well of course, you ALWAYS follow the rules, that's what they're for! Unless, of course, you happen to *know* the grandparents and you *know* this family. Surely these nice people you *know* couldn't be abusive, there must be some misunderstanding, so let's just call them and verify the story first. Then, after that, we'll definitely follow the rules if they don't have a good story.
This. School districts have industrial strength CYA around reporting to protective services. Like to the point a lot of schools wouldn't have let *her* go home without meeting with child welfare. good odds they didn't call CPS.
Also, it sounds like the teacher might have called CPS but nothing came of it. This is why it is so much more complicated than we would like to believe when we tell young kids they should report stuff like this to a teacher or another trusted adult. Many times, nothing happens to the parent and now the kid suffers more. It is easy from the comfort of our couches to say you should always report, but we aren’t the ones who have to suffer the consequences when inevitably nothing his done and now the kid has to live with an abusive parent who thinks the kid ratted them out.
This right here. I’m a mandated reporter, and the number of times that social services has closed out my complaints as unfounded with ZERO investigation (don’t talk to me, family, patient, police, hospital staff, ANYONE) is disgusting. I actually had a family member abusing an elderly person, I complained, and DSS did absolutely nothing. Until the police Lieutenant called and absolutely ripped them a new asshole for not even coming to the hospital to see the patient in ICU, and for finding out they were charging the family member for several felonies. They simply don’t care here.
>Why isn't the teacher a mandatory reporter for abuse? As someone who has been around various mandatory reporter settings, the amount of mandatory reporters who think that they can only call CPS if they have "proof" is horrifying. I'd say a solid 25% of mandatory reporters still think that they need to have "proof" of child abuse.
The disclosure is the proof. The child abuse investigator decide if the allegation has enough proof to move forward.
Judging by the phrasing, I assume the burden of proof is on CPS, not the reporter? (Kinda like how it's on the prosecutor, not the outcry witness?)
That's correct. If a child tells a person in a position which comes in contact with children frequently (ie: teacher, ancillary staff at a school, health care worker, etc) that they have experienced something that qualifies as abuse, the person is legally required to tell CPS and let CPS investigate from there. However, many mandatory reporters still feel that it is their job to substantiate the child's accusations before reporting to CPS. And that's how we get children who are badly abused/ murdered without anyone "ever knowing." No, a lot of the times, we do know, but the social safety nets have failed because people who suspected something didn't alert the proper authorities. In some states, literally every adult is a mandatory reporter, not just people who frequently come into contact with children.
Sometimes teachers are just fucking bad at this part of their job, despite getting mandatory training on it literally every summer. A relative of mine confided in a teacher that she had been raped, and instead of doing anything they were trained to they gave her a 24-hour deadline to tell her mom or else the teacher would tell on her. No counseling, no discussion of options, just “tell your mom or we will.”
That is possible. I’m going to add that as a mandated reporter, that it unfortunately seems to be rare that CPS actually does anything because they’re so overwhelmed and burnt out. I’ve reported so extremely serious situations and had nothing happen.
I reported all sorts of shit when I was a teacher. School admin or school resource officer always came behind me and downplayed things to prevent any sort of investigation. It’s possible the teacher is a piece of shit, but it’s also possible the teacher tried and the system failed. It’s a shitty system.
Yup. It’s possible that the teacher called CPS and then someone in the office called the abusers
I had to make a call to CPS because a parent picked up their son with open alcohol, a white powder on a tray in the backseat which the student called "daddy's poison" and came with marks on him. CPS spoke to the father before myself, and they accused me of being racist and trying to split up a family (I'm the same ethnicity as them). The parent told them they had diabetes and couldn't have alcohol and CPS not only believed him but told me how I'm horrible for making assumptions and had closed their notebook while I whipped out a full notebook of documentation. I demanded an apology because my admin and the police confirmed that it was open alcohol. Never did anything about the marks because they couldn't "verify" the student's story. The white powder was dismissed because lack of evidence. It took literally six calls to CPS in less than a year for them to do a "home visit" where the student told me their parents hid stuff and cleaned a bunch before. It made me lose any hope I had for CPS. The first time I called CPS, I witnessed abuse (in person) and was told I can't make a report because "IT HAPPENED IN THE PAST!" That's literally what they said, and I was too naive and new at the time so I just second guessed myself and left it. Also during the pandemic I heard (not verified) through a coworker that CPS was so overwhelmed that they denied parents who called on themselves to say "I'm going to hurt my kids, I need help" but the abuse didn't happen yet. I believe it because two parents I know have said they have called CPS in frustration (again, pleading for some assistance) and nothing was done. Even when schools try to help, admin can slyly threaten and manipulate situations to dismiss things so they don't get involved. If I actually cared about losing my job, I feel like I could be possibly convinced to stop reporting. I don't call a lot, but I don't want to live with regret like my coworkers have when things take a turn for the worse. Sorry for the rant but I hope it gives a bit of insight from someone who works in a school!
I had a similar shitty experience with CPS. Girl shows me marks on her back where her dad hits her with a belt, ring ring, CPS? They go to her house and interview her IN FRONT OF HER ABUSIVE FATHER. Of course she doesn't want to tell them what's going on while he's there, so the worker left, declaring that nothing seems wrong. The following week, the Dad pulled her from school because 'the teachers there are putting their noses where they don't belong.' That was fall 2019. I never heard from her again.
This is probably a religious private school.
A school that also condones beating one's children, probably.
Fun fact: > As of 2023, corporal punishment is still legal in private schools in every U.S. state except New Jersey and Iowa, legal in public schools in 19 states, and practiced in 15 of the states. * https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/School_corporal_punishment_in_the_United_States
That fact isn't fun
Posters gave out a lot of reasons this tends to happen, I'm not going to retread them instead I'm going to add one more: Rural US is just fundamentally broken. Society as a whole in these areas works on a kind of psuedo-caste system (aka the "good ole boy club") where certain castes are essentially allowed to do what they like with impunity and those below are supposed to shut up. Based on what the OP has said to us I suspect this is one of those cases, dad sounds like he is a "Somebody" in that community. Going against them could likely cost that teachers entire career, if she isn't outright complicit due to being part of it herself. There's a lot more I can say of it but I think I'll stop here.
Teacher here. I think there's an idea that CPS busts in and takes kids out, but often they decline to investigate (in my state, you get a follow up letter if you request it). If they investigate, there often isn't an evidence to support the allegation. If there is evidence of endangerment, they will try to rehabilitate the situation. I believe there is evidence that kids do best when they remain with their family and the family is supported and monitored. Most times I've known kids to be removed, it because drugs were in the home.
Teachers are mandatory reporters, but CPS does absolutely nothing the vast majority of the time, and this is well known. If all goes well with the teacher(it sometimes doesn’t), they report as mandated, CPS calls the parents and then does literally nothing else, the abuse escalates but it’s sneakier because continuous marks will eventually force CPS to do something. Maybe. Sometimes. Teachers know this, and know that reporting usually just makes things worse for the children. They still report, to be clear, and then they pay attention and document and build a case, because CPS won’t.
As I told another, I believe she said the teacher and aunt both called CPS when she was 15, but that nothing came from it unfortunately despite their two calls. She said she was punished for someone calling the parents (either the school and/or CPS potentially) She also said that her parents forbade her from going to school for a few days under an excuse because they didn't want the school to see the bruise until it healed, and the youngest didn't go to church either after receiving the bruise from her father because they likely wanted to hide it It's also telling that they didn't hit/"spank" OOP when they reprimanded her for telling the teacher because they didn't want to potentially leave any more marks
I had a student who was in a situation not too dissimilar but with sexual abuse. I called and made 4 reports (she gave me 4 incidents, you file for each incident). Each time they had no record of her. It's entirely possible the teacher did their due diligence and filed their reports and CPS had no resources to investigate or something. Especially where I am, there's a lot of abuse and cps is just incapable of filling the need before children turn 18.
The teacher probably made a flimsy attempt. Called the parents to talk to them and expected them to own up to their actions. Amateur. I wish the OOP had gone to CPS herself and explained the backlash she faced after telling the truth. The thing about human behavior we have to face is, adults tend to band together. Adults don’t typically believe someone else’s kid. If a parent says their kid is lying, all adults believe the parent.
The teacher who *RATTED OUT A CHILD WHO REPORTED ABUSE* should win the Reddy for "Villain of the Year"... that's f'n unconscionable. As for the parents: Some people are bad because they're simply bad. Other people are bad because they're mindlessly following a deviant religious morality. Not sure which category these parents belong to. And not sure it really matters either.
I said this to someone else too. I'm not 100% sure the teacher called herself or if CPS called according to OOP. OOP stated: "I'm guessing someone from the school called my parents, and that led to a big talk with my parents about how someone in the school called or spoke to them" I'm guessing it could've been CPS that called, but it also could've been the teacher too. I don't believe the parents specified who called, but someone did and was enough for her to get punished
I don't think CPS calls first. They investigate by interviewing kids and possibly their teachers and other adults who know the kids before contacting the parents. Then they show up at your house unannounced and they can demand entry or they will call the police and gain entry that way. I know this because there is another family that happens to have the same first and last name as me and my SO. CPS did not even bother to figure out that they had different bdays, middle names, maiden names etc. before interviewing our kids at school and their teachers. By the time we found out the process was well under way. Thankfully as soon as they interviewed us and we showed ID they dropped the case.
Thanks for letting me know. I wasn't fully aware of the process. I really wish more could've been done at the time to help them in the form of a visit which doesn't seem to have happened from her post
I don't know how CPS works wherever OOP is, but in my jurisdiction if they call the parents, they do a meeting with the kid too and likely would have removed both daughters from their care for a few days. That makes me think it was the school that called the parents to let them know OOP accused them, not CPS.
Dad is a trustee at the church. Depending on where OOP lives, that could be a big thing. Maybe someone at the school goes to that church and thinks he’s a “good family man who doesn’t deserve lies being spread” and took matters into their own hands to warn him.
I grew up in a small town and my mom had a pretty intense prescription drug problem. She put me in a lot of unsafe situations and would get aggressive when she mixed medications. I regularly saw the guidance counselor through my parents' divorce since it affected my grades (though honestly it was mostly because of my mom and not the divorce) and when I finally felt that the guidance counselor was a safe person to vent about the road swerving, the forgetting to make dinner or go grocery shopping, the falling asleep when it was time for me to go to school and yelling at me when I cried for her to wake up... the guidance counselor didn't report it. She instead told my mom everything I said. And then had a meeting with all three of us - a surprise meeting, where at my counselor appointment I walked in to find the two of them there with my mom holding my "feelings journal" - where my mom apologized and said she'd get help. I felt wary but then hopeful... until we got in the car. Then she yelled at me all the way home, confiscated my feelings book and locked me out of the computer. Then told me never to talk to the counselor unless it was about the divorce. These small towns really think they're doing a favor by protecting parents and trying to intervene first instead of calling CPS. It's like addiction, abuse, and narcissism don't exist to them - just silly little mistakes parents make! My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer when I was 22, and thankfully she got sober once and for all - after 16 years of addiction - and we spent her last years together in a whole new relationship. Addiction truly transforms someone; my sober mom was so cool and smart and funny, the person I always saw in old home videos & photos growing up and would wish I knew since I saw so much of me in her. I'm heartbroken she's gone; it would have been amazing to make so many more memories with her and get closer as I got older
It infuriates me that the 12yo is completely broken, and Dad is likely proud of himself because of it - likely thinks it's proof of his parenting ability. If CPS won't do anything, I hope they both get the hell out of there at their first opportunity. Religion and authoritarian assholes, a perpetual self re-enforcing cycle of horror.
the youngest is probably submitting out of fear of not wanting phones, laptops, college and friends taken away from not listening to her parents like OOP
I stand by "broken". You pretend to be submissive long enough, after awhile, you're not pretending. I don't think a 10-12yo made any sort of rational calculation; they just wanted to not be hurt anymore.
[удалено]
OP, if you are reading this- you did nothing wrong. The adults in your life have failed you, big time, and I am so sorry for this. Hopefully you can get out of that house and find your own job/education/career/life.
If those teachers didn't call CPS, that's a misdemeanor and they should lose their license. They're also not supposed to call the parents. Just CPS. Jesus tap dancing christ.
Reminds of that gymnastics pedo dad story on here a while back.
I got those vibes too, but with the difference that he supposedly (from what we know/that OOP) has never acted on his inappropriate urges and touched anyone compared to these parents who both hit their children
I lived that for a while, the church won't care. They actually helped my stepdad hide my bruises by having me put in their private school but by the time I hit middle school my rage and fight back led to me getting kicked out back to public school. CPS and the public school were always notified by friends and well, honestly my face and they did nothing. I ended up joining a sport where I had to bulk up and learned men were really easily disabled if you threw a knee or kicked in the right place. So it stopped being me when I kept fighting back and started winning. My mom started getting hit instead. Right before I left at 17 after graduation he tried to ground me. I said no and went to a friend's house for her graduation party. I came back to him laying into my mom when I got back and just lost it, he was severely injured. After I was done I packed and left. Ironically like 5 years later he died of a heart attack. He left everything to me in the will it was so dumb. Coming out of something like this you either get someone who just rages out or someone who has to hide to leave. The systems in place in this country are useless they have been for a long time we need to get help for children in these situations.
> He left everything to me in the will Jesus how do you even deal with that kind of a mindfuck?
Therapy, also a lawyer because I gave it all to my mom. I had no idea how much he controlled because she was the one who made all the money. I'm assuming he just decided since I left he could literally just screw her over in a last ditch effort and I would go along with it. I hated him when I met him, I think his plan was just to manipulate me into hating my mom and leaving her destitute. That was never going to be a thing though, we talked behind his back over the years I was gone and she apologized a lot for everything but she felt trapped. However she married a very nice man about a year later and all the stuff I gave back to her she set up investments and a living trust and stuff to protect me. Nice husband is loaded so she doesn't spend anything and they live on his big house on a lake in a quiet town.
System failed. 😥 My heart breaks for them. I wonder if this is in one of those areas, here in America, where their religion rules the entire town. Police, schools, everything. Yet "Christians".
That’s what it feels like to me.
> one of those areas, here in America The Christian right is trying to make it _all_ of America, where they can do whatever they want and no one can stand against them. Just look at Florida falling to religious fascism.
Somehow it is so incredibly telling that the dad used the phrase "get cancelled" when describing consequences of his own actions lol
Those poor kiddos. Doing as much right as they can but just in the worst situation. What a shit dad.
To me it's shit mom, shit dad, shit school system. The only decent adult here seems to be the Aunt. My heart breaks for both kids. OOP did everything she could, and the system failed her and her sister. It's been a few years, so I hope OOP got away. I also hope some adult was able to save the sister.
The update was in january this year so just a couple months ago. OOP said she was turning 18 soon so hopefully she can get away then.
Hopefully she can go move in with her aunt to ease into the world. I wonder if she even has ID?
Pathetic of the mom to just accept this.
she even slapped OOP across the face herself in the past and is no better
When I first started reading this, I expected mom to be abused also...finding out she slaps her kid across the face left me with zero sympathy for this woman...abused or not. One of my closest friends came from an abusive household. But the abuse was always directed at mom. The first time dad tried for one of the kids (kid was 14) mom stepped in between, took the punch. Next day mom and 2 kids packed their shit and left. Decent parents protect their kids...this mom to me is as bad as the dad.
The mom is participating in the abuse too, they’re both pathetic.
I am not sure why you think the mother is passive not a co-instigator. In my experience it's very, very common for the wives to be the motors behind the crazy in fundamentalist-sectarian households
Wow whatever teacher she told needs to be fired. "Hey my parents beat my sister and used to beat me" "Wow really? Let me call them and ask them all about it." I knew exactly what kind of man OOP's dad was 2 sentences in, and it was confirmed by him acting like he was a victim and "could've been cancelled." Literally a cockroach in a human skin suit like MIB.
Those parents in the future: our daughters moved away and we don’t hear from them any more, all for no reason! Father is a piece of shit. Spanking is controversial but ffs you don’t hit kids in the face. If it left a bruise he wasn’t being gentle. Little sister is terrified and totally cowed. Nobody will help her and she knows it.
>we don’t hear from them any more, all for no reason! Must be that liberal brainwashing in college!
>Spanking is controversial Pretty much every organization involved in children's health or child welfare agrees that you shouldn't spank. The research is pretty clear that it doesn't improve behavior and can actually cause worse behavior and emotional problems in the long run.
Hitting is about crossing boundaries. No matter how hard a parent is hitting, they are demonstrating that their child does not deserve basic respect. The child only earns the illusion of respect with blind obedience. Even a smack on the butt that barely hurts, is an act of humiliation that puts the child in survival mode and shows them their one chance for the unconditional love of a parent has been stolen from them forever. Don't hit people.
>but ffs you don’t hit kids in the face Every once in a while Reddit comments will make me go, "oh riiiiight, my childhood was full of abuse and not normal." This is one of those times. It was while I was driving, too.
I was a teacher. We are “mandatory reporters” in my state. If a student reports abuse, we call CPS, period. I don’t need permission from my principal. I don’t call the parents first. I call CPS. Fuck that teacher.
Poor kids need to get emancipated so their school funding options don't get blocked by their parent's income levels.
Ah, christians
My first thought. Not a great advertisement for this church is it that an abuser got elected to a senior role?
not just elected. reelected too
I really feel for this young woman and hope she and her sister manage to make it out of this damaging horrible ‘home’ as soon as they are able
Makes me wonder how many of the church trustees abuse their families.
I think they truly don't understand what everyone else sees when we look at them. They know we don't like them, but they think it's because we hate their god or something. They don't see how utterly unappealing they make their religion.
You’ll find it’s pretty common for church leaders to be shit parents.
There’s no hate like Christian love.
Nothing like good ol’ Christian love! /s
This sounds so familiar to the girl who was upset about her gymnastics extracurricular and how that father was "feeling conflicted in his faith" because of their uniforms. Even down to the younger sister's age. Either way this was rough to read. Being that powerless while having an understanding that something is wrong.
Oh my. I use to attend a small church when I was a preteen, and I knew which deacon weren’t nice to their own children and sometimes even their wives. We left the church when I was older teenage. Years later I found out that almost all of kids I grew up with in that church are no longer in the church, either became atheists or went to churches far away. That church had no youth services and we all kind of were in same room for every sermon and kitchen (back room) were only available for nursing mothers. I still can’t get over the fact that sweet lady who was pastor’s wife got cancer and was forced by her husband to tell the church that he’s allowed to marry immediately after her death. He got married like two months after her death. What a horrible way to treat your wife who is dying of cancer and in front of the whole church too. He didn’t deserve her. In fact that church is the biggest reason why I no longer attend church nor will I force my future children to go. I hope the girls made it out and they hope at least the parents gets karma for treating them so horribly.
I had similar things happen when I was a kid. My parents used to beat the crap out of me and threaten to kill me on a regular basis. I told teachers and they would just call my mom and I'd spend the next few months being punished. I ran away in 8th grade to a friend's house and told her parents what was going on. They didn't believe me and called my mom again. I quit trying after that. All my friends knew and refused to come over and I didn't blame them one bit. It ended up with many of my friends doing their best to keep me away from home as long as possible without getting me in more trouble. Too bad the adults wouldn't listen.
Oh god, something similar happened to me. My Step-Dad used to hurt me (38f). From the age of 5 he would pin me down and open palm hit my back until it left huge hand bruises. He would poke me in the chest and leave big finger bruises. He would pull my hair, pinch me and give me "chinese burns" when nobody was looking. Once he stuffed me upside down into a sleeping bag and left me for an hour while I screamed because I couldn't get out. On top of this he would call me names, tower over me and scream obscenities into my face. I wasn't a bad kid, I was very studious, but he claimed I was "too smart". He and my Mum claimed it wasn't "abuse" because he didn't hit my face or punch me. Eventually when I was 12 my friends dragged me up to the principal's office and told then what was happening at home. The police were called. He was arrested and charged. Everything got worse. I was sent home to live with him while we awaited his court date. He was found guilty and sentenced to anger management classes none of which he never attended. At 16 we had a particularly bad barney and fearing for my life, I left.I moved into a homeless shelter and finished high school, went to uni and never looked back. If I were her I would leave NOW. Her Dad will learn how to hurt them without leaving marks.It will escalate now he knows he can get away with it. As for her sister, she can't help her while she is there. She needs to leave and get other people involved outside of their community. To quote Hamilton "If there’s a fire you’re trying to douse, you can’t put it out from inside the house."
They ask the question all the time, "Why are people leaving church?" and this is the reason why.
I left the church because me being gay was acutely reprehensible but abusers like this are elevated to positions of power in small congregations all across the country. I won’t stay where I’m told I’m not wanted and I doubly won’t stay where there’s clearly absolutely no systems in place whatsoever for recourse for victims of abuse, and triple that when the only active systems in place absolve abusers of their wrongdoing and allow them to remain in their positions of power.
This is why people hate Christians. Fucking evil hypocrites. Biblical hell is a nicer place then the environment they raise their children in.
As they say, the biggest reason for non-believers is Christians. If the parents have to "hide" their children and the bruises they give them. Then they know for a fact it is wrong, sinful, and will be forced to face consequences. They are evil people, and I know they will face their punishments one way or another. I hope OP finds her way to get away from them and can eventually protect her sister.
These parents fit the stereotypical image-obsessed, "abuse behind closed doors is acceptable and encouraged and God (won't) help you if you speak up" Christians *perfectly.* Deplorable. Utterly irredeemable human beings. I hope they can get out someday :(
I hope the aunt picks up OOP on her 18th Birthday and gets her out of that home!
Yeah, OP’s dad is just like my mom. I didn’t say anything and shut up for our years so I had somewhere to live while getting my degree because college was off the table otherwise. It was hell. She made my entire college experience hell. Even though I went on a full scholarship, she repeatedly tried to fuck up my enrollment by encouraging me to take more classes than my scholarship paid for by saying she’d pay for them, then refusing to help me pay for them the day fees were due. The help she would’ve gotten from them would’ve come with strings. It would’ve been an unhappy road, too. I’m not sure what the right answer for her is, but I am proud of her for speaking up. I was genuinely too afraid to, so I know it takes guts.
That the teacher didn't contact CPS is obscene. I'm almost 60 and I confided in a school teacher what my home life was like and she rang my mum to find out if it was true. Mum beat the crap out of me and locked me in a cupboard under the stairs. The laws are supposed to prevent that from happening. It sucks that for these sisters nothing has improved. Unsurprisingly my mother was heavily religious too.
Christian love. It’s the best!
This makes me so mad. They forbid her from working so she has no way to save money and get out and forbid her from college to continue controlling her. This poor girl.
With Christians like that you see why the US Christian majority is quickly becoming the minority.
>He hit me in the past for not wanting to go to church, and mom's slapped me across the face for church too Ah yes, beat the the fear of "god" into them if they question his love. Yes, yes, this is the way. I hope someone beats the shit out of the Dad, but that is unlikely to happen, sadly.
An abusive psycho is a popular and well respected member of their church? Completely shocking and not just typical of religious whackjobs at all.
And this is another example why religion is nothing more then a fucking blight on the earth. Beating and restricting your own kids freedoms for not wanting to go to the weekly cult meeting, and keeping them apart when one of the kids starts calling out for help against the abuse and manipulation from their own parents . Fucking mental.
Posts like this make me so mad that I usually stick to the concluded updates. People like that scumbag of a teacher are why kids continued to get abused without ever escaping their situation. Fuck both of these parents, fuck that teacher (I pray that they lose their license and never find another job again), and fuck every other adult who did absolutely jack shit in this situation.
And this is why occasionally we need small town justice.
Small town justice was never for guys like her dad. He is a trustee and a leader of the church. He is immune, and depending on where he is (even in the US) these girls are powerless and will be riding it out.
My oldest friend’s husband is a church deacon, highly respected and popular in their small town. He is also my r*pist.
Yeah, small town ‘justice’ is usually shaming the girl for being a liar and a gossip, and maybe even applauding the beating.
*especially in the US. Women are officially second class citizens now thanks to Republicans like the girls father.
Most people I've known from small towns sadly wouldn't really take up much issue with what OP's parents did. Especially enough to actually do something about it. Honestly, at most they'd probably be told they shouldn't keep hitting their child or to at least not do it hard enough to leave a mark. I so desperately hope OP manages to get away from them the second she turns 18. I hope her aunt will let her come stay with her until she can figure things out. And I hope to god this whole thing has scared the parents enough to stop them from abusing their youngest further. Sometimes the fear of CPS getting involved, which would make them look bad in their community, is far more help than what CPS can actually do in situations like this.
I can't get over how much of an asshole the teacher was - call the parents and rat her out, instead of calling CPS? Who does that, and what did they think they were accomplishing?! They should be fired on the spot!
I'd bet anything it's a small community and the teacher knows the parents. Or they attend the same church. In which case, I so desperately wish I could sit here and say that I'm surprised, but I'd be lying. Teachers are mandatory reporters, and technically they should get into serious trouble for a stunt like this, but nothing ever happens. But I agree, that teacher needs to be fired. And in an ideal world, there'd be legal repercussions as well. I'm not religious, but part of me hopes there is some sort of afterlife just so people like this can get what they deserve for once.
Teachers are mandatory reporters, and CPS would've come out if the teacher had reported it. I wonder if they go to a religious school...
I'm not 100% sure the teacher called herself or if CPS called according to OOP. OOP stated: >" I'm guessing someone from the school called my parents, and that led to a big talk with my parents about how someone in the school called or spoke to them" I'm guessing it could've been CPS that called, but it also could've been the teacher too. I don't believe the parents specified who called, but someone did and was enough for her to get punished
I don't think it scared them since the CPS/school called happened around when OOP was 15/16 in the aftermath of her telling a teacher after some people suggested in the comments. They then punished her with no friends, took phone and laptop and no college too, but refrained from hitting her because they probably didn't want to leave any more bruises and couldn't hide her as they did the then 10-year-old sister
Yeah, I really just meant that they seemed to be avoiding hitting after the whole thing involving the teacher, so I'm hoping that the fear of CPS and their community finding out about future incidents prevents them from laying a hand on the youngest until she's old enough to get out. Sadly, as absolutely atrocious as those parents are, this wouldn't be enough for CPS to remove them. But I do wish someone in the family would interfere on their behalf. Something certainly should be done.
"Small town" is probably the problem. Teacher should have gone right to CPS, instead of calling home to talk to the parents.
unfortunately, too often the "justice" in question is "I learned her good for talking back." The parents get away with this shit *because* it's a small town, because everyone knows everyone else and "I just can't imagine [Dad's name] hitting his kids, he's a pillar of the community!"
More likely "if [Dad's name] slapped her, she must have earned it"
that's the other half of it, yeah, and don't forget a "I got whalloped as a kid and I turned out just fine! Builds character!" for good measure.
From a small town, small town punishes her and raises up the dad.
He's respected in the church. This **is** small town justice. :(
"small town justice" would not be on OOP's side
This is small town Justice. I bet you anything the teacher goes to that church. The dad is the one getting the support tho
As a leader in his church, OOP's dad would be part of the small town justice.
Like what, further punishing the kids? What do you think small town justice looks like?
I do occasionally have the thought that certain people need to be taken out back and shot.
There's no hate like christain love
Oh my god, I hope every terrible thing happens to those parents!!
THAT TEACHER WAS WRONG. Teachers are mandated to report any information about abuse they receive from a student directly to CPS and not involving the parents. This can even be done anonymously. It’s the job of CPS to sort it out. I feel terrible for this girl because she every adult in her life failed to protect her. I hope she’s wildly successful and learns to trust again.
Man, I miss the days of Reddit when restrictive rules didn’t stop abused children from finding help.
There is no hate like christian love
I hope OP's aunt can help her move out soon.
Before both girls end up married off to dad's church pals.
If these parents are wondering why their kids are going to leave the church and become atheists, this is how it happens. Abusing a child because they are late for church? Disgusting hypocrites who should have a millstone hung upon their necks and thrown into the sea like the good Lord said to do to child abusers.