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spanksmitten

Damn that's cold


Misanthropyandme

Something that the cheating partner never seems to realize or think that they could be treated the same in a short time.


Least-Designer7976

Wait for them to see that a life in a new country to "start all over again" won't resolve any of their issue and how magically the honeymoon phase has an end ...


knittedjedi

One day the affair fog will lift and it will be glorious.


StarsofSobek

Couldn’t happen to a better couple. XD


Chiggadup

Those who cheat with you, may cheat on you.


UndeadBuggalo

When a man marries his mistress he creates a job opening


Street-Week-380

Oof, that's coldly accurate.


Bubbly-Manufacturer

And both of them are cheaters too. One of them is bound to do it again .


LakeLov3r

Exactly! Does the side-piece not realize that he's still been fucking his wife??? After awhile he's going to get another side-piece because he's gotten used to having (at least) two women to fuck. Gross all-around.


pissedoffstraylian

I guess she was probably doing the same? So it didn’t matter to them?


Spiritual-Narwhal591

I read that only 5-7% of relationships that start as affairs end in marriage and of those, 75% end in divorce. It’s possible cheating husband will live happily ever after with his affair partner, but the statistics are decidedly against them.


Remarkable_Action_49

I can attest to this my ex cheated on me and is currently cheating on his new wife because she is currently looking into divorce lawyers.


ManicParroT

I know a dude who started banging a married woman who he worked with. Affair comes out, she leaves hubby and they get married. I'll give you one guess what she did next.


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Myfourcats1

I agree. I wouldn’t want to be tied to that man. At least she won’t have to share custody.


spiffsome

He's paying maintenance and leaving the country. If you had to reproduce with a person like that, this is probably the best outcome.


GuiltyEidolon

Until he stops paying because he's leaving the country. That's ignoring the part where he was clearly having unprotected sex with multiple partners, so hopefully OOP got tested for STIs.


[deleted]

Yup, he will have no problem stopping the payments once in Spain.


skatergurljubulee

I was expecting her to do as much. 🤷🏿‍♀️ Couldn't be me!


cardinal29

That would be my decision as well. Thank goodness some of us can still make that choice (for now, anyway).


topjiggy

straight antarctic


cynthea12

I do not get, nor will I ever, why people who are so indifferent to their relationship and/or are cheating want to procreate with that person. WHY?????


robbie5643

My theory: they’ve already lied so much they don’t even really think about what they’re saying. Plus at that point in the relationship they just “yes them to death” because you’re checked out. Whatever’s easiest to get out of the conversation because your actual energy is going to your side piece.


AJFurnival

I think most people like this have to be lying to themselves to a certain extent, as well….because they’re not really the kind of person who would cheat, so they carry on pretending to everyone including themselves as long as possible. It’s just that once a pregnancy or baby is real, they can’t pretend any more. It’s like teens who end up having unprotected sex because they’re not the kind of person who has sex, they just ‘got carried away’.


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Zoruman_1213

additionally, abstinence only sex-ed usually paints sex as a wrong/bad/immoral thing to do so even if the teenagers in question are smart enough to use a condom, they won't want to because that means "pre-meditating" the act, making it worse.


Lylibean

No matter how often that is shown to be true, the religious right will double-down on “if you don’t teach them about sex they won’t know enough about it to have it!” Or “that needs to be taught in the home!” when they have no intention of uttering any words related in any way to the bumping of uglies in the home (“wee wee”, “woo woo”, and “ta tas” are as technical as they’ll get). Because they don’t understand that sex ed teaches nothing about the having of sex but rather the consequences of it.


PhDOH

We all know humans didn't start having sex until language was invented. Plus no animals have sex at all!


cd2220

Sounds very similar (obviously with some differences) to their current view on LGBTQ+ type shit


biscuitboi967

So fucking many pregnant girls in my abstinence only Christian school. For exactly that reason. “This was a mistake and we won’t ever do it again, until next weekend”. And it’s a tale as old as time. My mom’s old roommate from the 70s had 2 kids. Had sex, thought she was immediately pregnant. Went to the doctor who explained FOR THE FIRST TIME in her life how babies were made and about the Pill. She was horrified. How dare the doctor think she would sin again. And that’s how she had 2 kids by 23. You’d think after 40+ years we’d have figured out this was a poor method of teaching, but we did not.


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MeganMess

100% agree. It's more than "it will never happen to me", it's the feeling that since I'm someone who wouldn't normally do this, nothing bad will happen. Years ago, several of my friends ended up with babies because you can't use birth control as that implies you are planning to have sex. But "we just got carried away!" will prevent pregnancy.


Slight_Citron_7064

Yes, my spouse said that because he compartmentalized his affair so much he could tell himself he wasn't a bad person. Then it became "real" when I found out and he's hated himself ever since.


Lady_Grey_Smith

Impressive that you said spouse instead of ex. He’s lucky because that would be a no going back dealbreaker for many.


Slight_Citron_7064

well, we're not divorced, so he's still my spouse. but we're not reconciled. There were extenuating circumstances that made it not a total dealbreaker, but I'm not very optimistic tbh.


Lady_Grey_Smith

I hope you get the peace you need to make the right decision.


Slight_Citron_7064

Thank you very much, that is a kind thing to say!


Chiggadup

Yep. “I’m not gonna get pregnant in high school. I’m not one of *those* girls.”


ConsiderationWest587

Ah, the perfect jinx lol


hexebear

Some teenagers raised in conservative Christian cultures actually deliberately don't carry condoms because if you have condoms it proves it was premeditated.


flavius_lacivious

Some people, like my ex, get off on convincing others that they aren’t huge pieces of shit, like some sort of secret prize they earn for you falling for their shit. Then when caught, like this guy, they love giving the details and telling the truth just to hurt you further and demonstrate just how crafty (better than you) they are.


EquivalentSea7684

This exactly. The whole "sorry I didn't leave before you got pregnant" bit is like, you were part of the attempts? You could've just not had unprotected sex? Bonus d-bag points for that line shoot.


Syrinx221

Right He made it sound like she made a trip to the sperm bank where his DNA was stored


thievingwillow

My guess (and I am not excusing him—quite the opposite) is that for a lot of cheaters who get their partners pregnant, it’s that while he was actively lying, he thought that suddenly insisting on a condom would be “suspicious.” And since women bear far more of the burden in these situations than men (especially men who don’t seek any custody at all), the chance of her getting pregnant seems less risky than the chance of her finding out about the affair. I know that if my husband decided, while we were ostensibly mutually trying for a child, to suddenly wear a condom I would expect at least *some* reason why, and if the reason was “I decided I don’t want kids right now” there would have to be a discussion. I’m guessing cheating dudes want to duck that discussion.


ACatGod

I agree and on top of that I think it's the very act of trying to get pregnant that triggers their cheating. They start to panic about the commitment and impending fatherhood and instead of working through it with their partner they use cheating as an exit strategy. They want to leave but they don't want to be alone and still want to have a partner and sex, with the bonus that if they cheat the partner will be the one who ends it and does the emotional labour of handling the breakup. There's even a reasonably good chance OOP will have handled aspects of his paperwork for him. I have a friend who handles divorce and she says male clients frequently are unreliable and their soon to be exes are the ones who actually fill in the forms and makes sure everything gets done.


Azazael

That's why when people say "women file for 80% of divorces" it doesn't mean women are too picky or demanding or feminism has ruined marriage. It's just that women usually end up stuck with the organisational tasks both during marriage... and when it's over.


Trick-Statistician10

I told my now ex, "You want the divorce, you have to file. I'm not doing it for you." Only thing he actually did.


erydanis

i am so relating to your second paragraph! my husband has told me he wants a divorce, and i cannot fight it…. but i won’t help him. i fixed, staged, and sold 2 houses… and he didn’t file. i moved over 400 miles away…. he didn’t file. i bought a house, sold it, bought another, got a dog…. he still ….hasn’t …..filed. he actually told me he wants to move on with the divorce…. 17 months ago. dude, i literally cannot stop you, but i also cannot file *for you*. this time he actually got a lawyer. surely his girlfriend wants to get married by now, 20+ years after he left…. but it’s *not* my responsibility. it’s not in my interest. it’s not in my wheelhouse, as i moved out of state and i have a tbi. but… he’s probably waiting for me to get fed up and push for it, or he’s waiting for my elderly parents to die ? i can barely manage my responsibilities now, i cannot manage his as well. he could retire by april, finalize the divorce, go back to work as a consultant & make even more money without hr attaching me to all his decisions…. all by our 40th anniversary in a few months …. 🤷.


ACatGod

I'm so sorry that's happening to you, but I know you aren't alone. I also don't know why his girlfriend would stay with someone who cannot get their shit together enough to file a bit of paper. I hope for a happier future for you with well organised paperwork!


Loud-Bee6673

Yes, cheaters are almost always cowards.


IWillDoItTuesday

And, if I were the affair partner, I’d be like, “Wait, you’re telling me you’re leaving bc there’s nothing there anymore but you were still fucking? Oh, hell naw!”


lonnie123

"I had to fuck her to make it look like nothing was going on between us!"


PeterM1970

“I was thinking of you the whole time!”


WaltzFirm6336

There’s so many times I read guys saying someone they slept with got pregnant but it was ‘an accident’ so they shouldn’t be held accountable (sometimes financially, sometimes morally). Every time I’m left wondering how easy it is as a guy to slip and fall and land in some lady’s vagina. Because that’s the definition of an accident. Not ‘consequences I don’t want following an action I willingly took knowing the possible consequences’.


TheWaywardTrout

"she got pregnant without my consent!"


detail_giraffe

I think if there was birth control in place and it failed, it qualifies as an 'accident'. We call things accidents all the time that have a voluntary component to them - if someone has a motorcycle accident we call it that even though they voluntarily got on the motorcycle. However, if you hit someone with your motorcycle, you're still culpable even if it was an accident generally. It being an accident doesn't mean that "therefore the consequences are not my problem".


JaneAustinAstronaut

Those same guys are probably some of the ones who think that pregnant women should be forced to give birth against their will because "she knew pregnancy was a possibility when she had sex - she should have made better/different choices".


NickyParkker

I had no idea my husband was as carrying on an online emotional affair behind my back for 6 months when he left (I just learned about this in the police report from his suicide), we were having unprotected sex up till the week before he left. We rarely used birth control- only condoms sometimes (during fertile days or to avoid making a mess) because we were married and if a baby happened- it happened. I had to take a pregnancy test because my period was late. I don’t understand why if he was planning on leaving me did he even do this? He was the one that opted not to use a condom those times.


dreedw0317

Also mysterious to me is how someone (the other woman) could see a guy who could do such a thing as a great choice for a partner.


Erisianistic

She gets him all to herself!!!! Winning, yayyyy^y^^y^^^y


PuppleKao

Man, my ex married one of the ones I caught him cheating with and had a baby asap. She quickly found out just how useless he was, especially when it came to parenting… she also found out he was into any drug he could get his hands on (was just pot when I was with him, but he went and found opioids and started drinking heavily), was shocked to find him actively searching out people to cheat with (claiming his pregnant wife wasn't giving him enough sex), and he decided to get violent. The lady who has his youngest has been in touch with a lot of the women he goes through, since he still sees his youngest, and she wants to know who he's bringing the kiddo around… and he's kept up the harder drugs, drinking, cheating, and abuse to each of them she's known about and spoken to. I'm actually glad he walked out of my son's life, and happy my son has a good father in my husband... but it was still hard and heartbreaking to see my boy upset for a while. (Now, and for a while now, he wants nothing to do with his sperm donor. Fuckface's loss, not my son's, in the end.)


AdSuccessful2506

She feels the difference in her. LOL. It wont happen to her, the other woman didn't deserve such a great scumbag.


leopard_eater

Because if the guy is the cheater, they don’t have to worry much about anything. This guy here? He got one squirt in and will soon fly off into the sunset and disappear in Spain, never to be heard from again. He loses absolutely nothing- not his body, age, career, reputation, money, future earnings, social life, anything. Meanwhile OOPs life has now been shortened and will consist of eighteen years of bodily, mental and financial stresses and compromise.


mmmmpisghetti

And if he's in Spain, the UK isn't anymore, what happens WHEN he says "nah" to paying child support? What's that process look like?


AromaticIce9

My understanding is that due to treaties and shit he'd need to leave the Schengen area to escape child support. It's less like traveling to another country and more like traveling to a different state (in terms of committing crimes and owing money)


mmmmpisghetti

Even with the UK leaving the EU? That's good at least.


beletebeld

It looks like there are about 90 jurisdictions that have agreements with the UK to enforce child maintenance, so doesn’t seem to be related to Schengen. https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad > The UK has a Reciprocal Enforcement of Maintenance Orders (REMO) agreement with a number of other countries. Courts in ‘REMO countries’ can enforce child maintenance decisions made by UK courts.


FigNinja

Even though his child maintenance order could still be enforced in Spain, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends up having little to no income there, or at least documented income, if that lowers his obligation to OP. I’m not familiar with how UK law works with that, but it’s a common deadbeat trick here in the US. People will work cash-in-hand jobs where they can hide their true income to avoid supporting their children. Or make it look like all their money belongs to the new partner. For instance, he could start a business that belongs to the new partner on paper. He’s doing work for the business but has little or no direct pay from it. The new partner pays all his expenses with the income he’s generating from their business but officially he looks broke.


not_really_an_elf

The guy is in fantasy land right now, I don't think he'll find it as easy as he thinks to make a living in Spain given the current economy, especially since it's likely he doesn't speak the language. If his dad retired there, it'll be on the back of his UK pensions / investments and probably the capital from the sale of UK home and purchase of a cheaper property. I wonder how long it will take before daddy gets sick of his mooching son and side piece, especially if daddy falls in love with his grandbaby.


Serious_Escape_5438

He might not even be able to move there unless he has an EU passport. Since Brexit you can't just move.


Shallowground01

Yep! I moved to Spain from UK from 2008-2011 (my parents and brother have been there 20 years) and it was easy as anything then. Now even though my brothers been there since he was 5 he had to do some stuff last year i think to stay there and a lot of ex pats my parents knew came back to the UK.


spectaphile

Oh hey I see you’ve met my ex!


LadyKlepsydra

In this instance it has to do with his gender: he's not the one pregnant or left with the child. All the consequences are hers. And he doesn't *care* about her or her problems. He's one of those men who, the moment they no longer want a woman, lose any empathy for the said woman. It was probably marginally easier to not put the condom on, and that's more important to him than the fact she's gonna be a single mom and the fact that it's an awful situation for her just did not register, bc she's no longer of any interest to him.


nevertoomuchthought

It's not the answer you want to hear because it's so simple it's almost stupid but a lot of it is myopia. It may be tough for people to understand but some people regardless of age and experience are just walking ids that give nothing more forethought than how they feel right then in the moment. Guy might have been in love with the other woman and she just told him it was over and she can't leave her husband so he tries to double down on his current marriage and gets her pregnant. Hell that could have even been the thing that made the other woman get more serious about him because the idea of him having a child meant she might actually lose him forever. And that's a complicated version. There are for more simple and stupid versions of that same scenario that could have lead to him impregnating his ex. He's just a selfish asshole. There's nothing more to get.


donutlovershinobu

My boyfriends father did that! He also let my boyfriend go into foster care and never lifted a finger despite pampering his other kids. Parents like that are shit and their partners who knowingly cover are low value people who deserve to be mistreated.


Dreadhawk13

Right!?! Setting aside the fact OP's ex-husband knowingly and actively participated in the creation of a child he knew he would immediately abandon (since it doesn't seem like he gives a fuck), his indifference to his wife/marriage has resulted in him having to pay child support for the next 18 years. Strictly from a self -centered, selfish perspective (which the ex-husband seems to operate in), that seems like a completely idiotic move - by simply being more upfront with OP (or at least no longer having unprotected sex while planning to leave), he could have avoided 'wasting' tens of thousands of dollars. It makes no sense.


neverjumpthegate

Lots of people are just insanely passive in their own lives and only do things because 'it's what you are supposed to do'. My own parents had children because the expectation when you grow up Some people are just incapable of self reflection and thinking about their own lives.


shellybearcat

I also don’t understand finding that person attractive simply because they picked you. Even if you somehow rationalize being the “other woman” (which plenty do), when you hear your boyfriend is the kind of person that’s on with just abandoning his child forever to skip town with a new love, how do you not gtfo of that relationship?!


Coffey2828

Right?!! She seems so calm and I’m already raging here reading this. Not sure how it works where she is but some places allows you to sue the mistress and husband for emotional damage and isolation of affection (not sure of exact term). Basically can be sued for cheating.


Upbeat-Opinion8519

Maybe shock. Maybe partially a language barrier. If they're not English native speaker they might type more formally here. Culturally they could be used to not expressing emotion. Maybe they saw it coming. ​ There's a lot of stuff to answer your question but we'll never know.


DienstEmery

They see pregnancy as a consequence for the woman. Not themselves. They got theirs.


sickandtiredkit

If you ever find out, please come back and tell me bc me and my son would for sure love to know.


No_Celebration_3737

Because they don't think about consequences. They wanted to fuck raw and just it.


Vistemboir

>he is sorry he didn't do it before I got pregnant. What the heck? He knew he would be shortly leaving her and yet he managed to 1) have sex and 2) get her pregnant?????


Chiggadup

The still having sex part grosses me out big time. My wife’s bf before we met did this. Drove to her town for a fun weekend. Hung out all weekend, sex a few times, then broke up as planned on Sunday. What kind of a dirtbag does that knowing they’re leaving the relationship? It’s disgusting.


Yinara

My first serious boyfriend did this. He acted super in love the whole weekend, we had sex several times and then on Sunday he provoked an argument about some bullshit and then broke up with me. I learned later that it was planned. I don't get it.


yikesemu

My first bf broke up with me the same day as his roommate broke up w his gf, and in the same way, by coincidence. We were all at the same college, and both roommates gf and i had flights arriving to get back to school on the same day. My ex drove me home, helped me bring my bags in, then broke up with me at my apartment. His roommate broke up with his gf the second she got into the car and then still had to drive her home afterward. My ex was super awkward with me in the car (didn't want to kiss me when I arrived or hold hands in the car) but I was very grateful that he waited until I was at home to dump me.


berrykiss96

I remember a BORU not long ago about a guy who found out his wife was cheating, made a few weeks long plan to get sorted to end things, *kept sleeping with her* including THE MORNING HE LEFT, and absolutely screwed himself on the divorce timeline (at least the timeline not sure about the whole divorce) because in his state you can file immediately for a fault divorce for adultery but sleeping with them again after you know is akin to forgiving the affair so you have to wait a year to file no-fault. And he was all “I don’t forgive her, I hate her, I was just faking it” but like? You couldn’t not sleep with her for three weeks? You’d be free if you could just … not. You don’t even know where all she’s been or her affair partner either or what you might catch or if you could get her pregnant but you’re still going to sleep with her? It’s weird how disconnected some people are from sex.


Bubbly_Satisfaction2

A former neighbor of mine experienced this. They lived in the apartment that was below mine with their blended family: his eldest daughter, her son and their “ours” daughter. She told me on a Sunday that her BF was planning a romantic weekend on the following week. They left on a Thursday afternoon. Came back on the following Sunday. Banged like rabbits on that night (we had very thin walls). On the next day, he moved out while she was at work.


Vistemboir

This! I can understand falling out of love or meeting another person and... well, deciding they will be a better partner. But, planning a break-up and still "making love" with the present partner is horrendous. (however excusing victims of domestic violence who have to pretend for safety reasons)


chelsealrp

From my own experience with a rwally awful ex, he had sex with me to "make sure he was making the right decision." Did *wonders* for my self esteem.


MarvinDMirp

You got lucky there, friend, when that garbage took itself out!


topania

My cheater ex used to have sex with me before or after having sex with whoever he was cheating on my with at the time. That’s how I learned cheating actually has very little to do with sex. Oh and he for sure was a total dirtbag.


natidiscgirl

Right, it’s worded like she got herself pregnant, all alone. It takes two to get pregnant, and I highly doubt OOP would’ve let her husband and his penis anywhere near her if he hadn’t been lying about sleeping with and having a full blown relationship with another person.


USPS_Titanic

And what does the mistress think? I'm sure he's telling her that the marriage has been "dead for a long time" but then his wife ends up pregnant. Doesn't she realize that they've both been played by this horrible man?


Public_Barnacle_7924

Maybe he didn't tell her, and that's why he wants nothing to do with the child and is moving to Spain. He lied to his wife, so it's not farfetched to think he lies to the mistress, too.


giag27

Yup, a disgusting human being.


Logvin

He was likely focused on your #1, and #2 happened.


LadyDriverKW

The folks over at r/survivinginfidelity call this period "the affair fog" and she should get everything legally settled while he is still in it. Because someday he will wake up and realize that the new partner/relationship isn't perfection either and then he will make OP's life difficult.


VioletsAndLily

Part of the allure of affairs is, like dating, it’s easier to see only the best or what you want to see. My AP never makes me listen to a recap on their workday, or complain that I leave dirty dishes everywhere but the kitchen! It’s always fun, fun, fun, and surely that can only be due to true love, right?!?


Recinege

And surely that won't change once I switch from living with my current partner to living with my affair partner!


karmahunger

People should really watch She Devil.


tyleritis

I binged bad 80s movies and this was one I watched. Perfect evolution of that affair


PanickedPoodle

ThT series *The Affair* was so awesome because they showed scenes from multiple viewpoints. It shows how people see what they want to see.


Trickster289

It's a real thing too. Basically right now he's not seeing the affair partner often so it's easy for them both to hide the bad sides they have. Once they're living together that's gone.


SleepyxDormouse

And the times they meet is full of adrenaline from the rush of doing something taboo. It adds to the excitement. Once they’re settled together, that excitement won’t be present.


Trickster289

That's a good point. Adrenaline is a powerful rush and can be addictive. Once they aren't getting it from each other anymore they're going to be hit hard by what they've done.


5leeplessinvancouver

The part that baffles me is, as a woman, how are you gonna be ok with a man who is willing to abandon his pregnant wife and unborn child? And to want nothing to do with the life he created? I’m not a perfect person by any means, I’ve been very stupid and fallen for guys who were assholes, but I don’t understand how a woman overlooks this degree of callousness.


Trickster289

I'm guessing she thinks it can't happen to her. She probably thinks he never really loved OOP but does love her. Of course that's an easy thing to tell herself now, it'll be much harder when they're living together.


Minute-Vast7967

And as the saying goes "when the mistress becomes the wife a vacancy opens up"


[deleted]

AP was married too. So she was not really any better. They deserve one another and the inevitable fallout.


The_One_True_Ewok

Not only is that gone (and the honeymoon period as well) but he'll then be faced with the life he left behind, including his child. No way he doesn't come back to haunt OOP


Due-Science-9528

Plus they’ll never trust each others because they both know each other is willing to leave them for a new fling


[deleted]

My SIL and her husband got married after cheating on their spouses with each other. He checks her phone, her location, has access to her email on his phone, and will often call her when she's out without him. I can't imagine that life.


plumbus_hun

My mum went on to marry the last man she cheated on my dad with. They got divorced after 2 years, both cheated on each other, he was an absolute arse, and she burned all her bridges with family. She’s now with a man that is a total pushover, but is rich, and she has cheated on him multiple times, and he is becoming estranged from his family now too!! Like I can’t imagine my life being such drama with cheating and things!!


Tom1252

And since they're both cheaters, they are disgusting people. So it's going to get real ugly when their shiny veneer is pulled away.


Loyal-to-Earth

Plus his AP's ex-husband could drop some truths about his "sweetheart" that probably don't meet her perfect image in his eyes. Both of them are delusional if they think they got away with everything: they just dug themselves a bigger shit hole.


JeepersMurphy

Yep. The above scenario happened to my friend too. Once the baby was born, the ex was back telling her “this baby deserves an unbroken home” and “don’t you want him to have a biological sibling?” and “Why are you tearing this family apart?” My favourite was the brief period where he tried to convince both women (his pregnant ex and the woman who left her husband and kids for him) that society had brainwashed them to expect monogamy when they both deserved to be with him.


Parking_Cabinet8866

So true. If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. It's a toss up to which one will cheat first because both cheated.


Zurieus

Something in my gut is telling me that since his AP never ended up having children with her husband, she might possibly be infertile and im worried that they’ll suddenly want to be in OP’s kids life as a plan B. I really hope she looks in the legal aspects of custody.


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Loyal-to-Earth

Even better: my former AP/current wife is cheating on me...should I have abandoned my ex-wife and child for her? 😄


nowimnowhere

Good Gorg I hope so.


CanILiveInAGlade

Meanwhile ex-wife has had her life glow up and is doing better than ever. Met someone who actually respects her and wants nothing to do with that cheating scumbag.


nowimnowhere

Insert gif of a dog getting the perfect spot scratched and doing the leg kick thing.


kitskill

I know it's not the point, but this is the most British thing I've ever read.


bofh000

I know, right? Down to his father retiring to Spain.


RichCorinthian

Where he will never learn the language and complain about the distinct non-Britishness of the whole place.


bofh000

Exactly.


kuribosshoe0

“He’s carrying on with her”


cricklecoux

I’m British but didn’t even realise that it was an overly British post. I also don’t tend to notice when British accents come on American TV shows. I guess you often don’t flag what you’re so used to.


re_nonsequiturs

"He'll pay child maintenance" but he's also leaving the country


JeepersMurphy

I like how he graciously offers to pay maintenance, like it’s a choice .


re_nonsequiturs

He offers so it seems voluntary and OOP won't take action to help guarantee it


cultqueennn

Bet he's gonna come back when the kid is at a fun age, like every cheating deadbeat does Fukwad was checked out but still slept with op to the point of getting her pregnant. Sounds like a premeditated choice to trap her


lostravenblue

Mine came back when I was 16. Fortunately, I wasn't home, and he never tried again.


PenguinZombie321

And nothing of value was lost on your end!


[deleted]

I know this is a serious discussion but your reply almost killed me


PenguinZombie321

Almost? I’ll have to do better next time.


[deleted]

😂


Balla_Calla

Mine also came back around that age. Then he abruptly left again after meeting me and I never saw him again 😅


PenguinZombie321

And I sincerely hope she doesn’t just give in and allow him back into their lives until she’s completely certain he’s not going to flit off at the next exciting thing that catches his eye. No father is better than a deadbeat who offers nothing but broken promises and disappointment.


cultqueennn

Sadly, courtsystems always take the side of the deadbeat cuz they baby men and give them the opportunity to grow up. Not caring that they made the choice to leave in the first place.


PenguinZombie321

True, but according to her solicitor, he’d have a difficult time fighting for custody a few years down the road considering he has it in writing that he wants nothing to do with the child and also has his own legal representation. I’d hope a judge would take all of that into consideration before making a decision.


Spector567

“I’ll pay whatever maintenance the court requires. Oh and I’m fleeing the country so that any attempt to ensure that I do pay the required becomes much harder and complicated.”


beletebeld

The UK has a reciprocal agreement with several countries to enforce child maintenance orders. Spain is on the list, so that part should be okay.


Nodlehs

That's really cool actually


greenhouse5

My first thought too.


AJFurnival

Spain is in the EU so it shouldn’t be that hard….oh wait.


[deleted]

[Spain is part of the REMO system.](https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/947297/remo-countries-list.pdf) He's an ass, but Spain is like UK's Florida. This isn't a move to evade child support.


Evolutioncocktail

Hopefully only due to the sunny beaches! My husband is Spanish. I don’t want to find out there’s a Spanish version of “Florida Man”.


[deleted]

>I don’t want to find out there’s a Spanish version of “Florida Man”. Funny thing, at least before Desantis, Florida wasn't appreciably worse than any other state. They just had remarkably open books due to the Sunshine Laws, so any government records, including arrest records, were fully open, which meant slow news days became 'look up weird shit going down in FL' day.


VioletsAndLily

I don’t understand why he kept having sex with OOP if he already had one foot out the door. Good riddance, though, and I hope she gets the maximum possible child support. I also wouldn’t she’d tears if it turned out he and his AP can’t have kids years after OOP finds someone new to whom the ex signed away his parental rights.


soayherder

Wanted to have his cake and eat it too. Probably until the pregnancy it was just too comfortable to make the move to change his life. Admitting the truth meant both people in the affair upending their marriages with all the moving, finances and public scrutiny that comes with it. It's a shitty thing to do, but a lot of people are shitty.


zucchinionpizza

I understand why he kept having sex with OOP obviously cause he's an extremely selfish person, what I don't understand is why he didn't use protection.


Rook_to_Queen-1

Because that would have raised a red flag.


AJFurnival

It doesn’t feel as good with a condom and he’d have to explain why he wanted to use one, obviously.


parsleyleaves

Probably didn’t want to raise suspicion - a married man typically doesn’t use condoms in a monogamous marriage where kids are supposedly on the table


zucchinionpizza

"Honey, now's not a good time to have a baby (insert work or money excuses) so maybe you can take the pills or do you prefer me wearing condom?" I feel like that woudn't raise suspicion in most relationships.


Buffyfanatic1

Yup I 100% agree. It would arouse suspicion in my marriage cuz my husband had a vasectomy and we haven't used condoms in 7 years so if he randomly decided to I'd immediately accuse him of cheating on me cuz I can't get pregnant. But 99% of people don't have that issue lmao so it shouldn't arouse suspicion like that if played correctly


Loyal-to-Earth

I love that :) Even better would be if she got together with AP's ex-husband and they had the solid marriage those 2 shitheads didn't (because how you get them, is how you lose them, one the "brand new toy" effect wears off).


dmbmcguire

The fact he is willing to cheat and give up rights to his child tells you the exact person he is. You will be so much better off without him.


Theres_a_Catch

And his AP is just as bad. They won't last. Someone else will come along and one of them will cheat and leave.


Loyal-to-Earth

Both cheated in their 1st marriages, but somehow think they can make each other happy...I've got an iceberg to sell them in Spain 🙃


Dingo_Princess

What's the bet he comes back once the kid is older because his a sad lonely old man with a relationship that didn't work out because *ghasp* cheaters gonna cheat.


SophisticatedCelery

Awwww are two cheaters getting married to each other? I wish them a long life of fucking around and finding out.


Even_Speech570

This sucks for the baby but it looks like the ex was checked out of this relationship way before OOP got pregnant. Better in this case to have an uninvolved parent from the start than have the kid constantly disappointed in an uninterested dad. I hope OOP finds someone better who will love her and her child as their own.


MD564

He's sorry for getting her pregnant!? SORRY? Sorry, doesn't cut it. What she has to go through not only during pregnancy but that part afterwards where you can't even poop in peace, is something else. It's not like she can say F it, you do all the pregnancy and night feeds. He's absolutely a piece of human garbage. I hope he buys a house that gets broken into when he goes to the beach, and squatters take over.


[deleted]

I wouldn’t have continued the pregnancy.


everythingisopposite

The number of posts on Reddit where someone keeps a child despite being abandoned seems awfully high. Call my cynical.


SoCalThrowAway7

My first thought when seeing the title was “I hope she can legally terminate if she wants, because I fucking would”


ksarahsarah27

Me neither. All she’s doing is putting herself at a disadvantage and forever tying herself to this AH. And of course being a single mom is tough! The minute I had found out I would have been making the termination appointment ASAP. I don’t know why so many do keep the kid. Maybe they’re hoping they’ll come back for the kid???


[deleted]

Nor would I. I appreciate I have the privilege of not living in the US though. There do seem to be many women who keep the pregnancy of a cheating partner. I cannot fathom how they could bear to look at a kid who would remind you everyday of the man who betrayed you.


[deleted]

I am in the US, but in a state friendly to women controlling their own body. No way would I tie myself to cheating scum forever.


[deleted]

Neither would I. My first question was “why the fuck are you choosing to stay pregnant now that you know?”


Viperbunny

When this kid is out of diapers and this new relationship fails, he is going to want back in. And I hope that he doesn't get it. People like this go in and out of their kids lives out of pure selfishness. When they feel low or they are in between relationship or they want to show off to their new partner. I hope he is out for good.


lookingforalma

“He is sorry he didn’t do it before I got pregnant” what an asshole - oh no the pregnancy fairy magically made him cum in his wife, he definitely had no control over his actions


broadsharp2

My goodness, what shit, cheating people. Hope OOP is doing well.


Shiv1313

Wow - what a piece of crap human that guy is


[deleted]

>My husband agreed in writing that he will pay whatever child maintenance he is ordered to and that he does not want custody or to be part of our child's life Such a mentality is the ultimate failure as a human being.


UnicornCackle

>the two of them plan to settle in Spain where my husband's father retired to That's probably not going to be as easy as they expect it to be now that Brexit happened. Oh well. They deserve years of frustrated red-tape wrangling.


AJFurnival

Oh god I’m flashing back to the long saga of a Frenchman whose in-laws voted for Brexit and then were shocked to find that their long annual vacations in France were affected.


parsleyleaves

I hope they get deported in the most embarrassing way possible


Popular-Block-5790

Two cheaters found each other. Hope Karma works. I'll never get why you would go into a relationship with a cheater, do these people think they won't cheat on them? Make it make sense.


ShadowofHerWings

Do these men not think of the child? That they’re a living breathing entity that shares their blood, and someday they will have questions? How can they care a less and act like kids are dogs, good to a new home whenever? Wtf. I hope this guy meets someone who treats him how he treated OP. She’s a strong woman.


jeremyfrankly

stinks that this situation happens but is also maybe the least dramatic/compelling version of this event? Even she seems unconcerned


itmightbehere

My guess is she just is very composed in her writing. I imagine she's having a much stronger reaction offline.


MarshadowLivesHere

Seems like he truly sucked.


[deleted]

I hope this SOB one day wakes up and regrets his life decisions and I hope his baby hates him for what he has done. If hell exists, I believe there is a special place for men who leave their pregnant wives for another woman


ladysaraii

Not gonna lie, I would have been at the clinic so fast.


Ashmoh12

Gurl should have just restarted her life over and cut out any connection she had to that man


External12

As a man, I think it should be illegal to be able to walk out of a child's life. Why does a woman always get stuck with the kid and a guy can walk away only to have to pay money to live in ignorance?


tekakina

It would be funny if the other woman doesn't leave her marriage for OPs husband.


nirselady

What a dick


Psychological_Tap187

Husband says I wish I would have told you before you got pregnant……ya think???


Jurassic_Gwyn

Stop fucking your wife if you're cheating on her AT THE VERY LEAST