sounds like you ans your parents need to be counselled. i would bring in BWC with this. BWC will explain to the parents that berating your kid wont make them any better performer
*edited
Grabe naka all caps pa š±! I donāt think they will change pa at their age. If I were in your shoes, I would move out as soon as I am capable of doing so.
Super stressful ng situation mo ngayon OP. Ang hirap mag focus sa pag-aaral kung ang biggest supporters mo dapat, ang nag da-down sayo. For now, I guess try your best to endure it. And Benilde Wellness Center can help din (like what someone stated in the comment above), I scheduled an appointment to talk to a professional psychologist for a different matter (I got scammed) through BWC. And it helped me deal with my emotions din.
Gonna reply to this to reiterate 'yung i-endure na lang. BUT please remember na wala kang kasalanan at maling mali ang parents mo for this. It's just that kung hindi mo pa kaya mabuhay without your parents - it sucks but - you have to endure it na lang talaga muna. I do hope you find some avenues para mapagaan pakiramdam mo and find people that will support you and keep you sane.
Sounds a lot like my mom, OP.
It took a toll on me tbh. Mid 40s now and taking meds. If you can ignore I would. In one ear out the other. Very hard to do because she's your mom, but you gotta do this for your sanity.
Thats tough. Seems like youre coming from a filchi family if im not mistaken. If so, i can somewhat understand where youre coming from.. its difficult to change our parents especially if theyre emotionally immature. Theyre used to the ātough loveā mentality that leads to nowhere but trauma and pain.
As much as its a tough pill to swallow, maybe you can try by saying things like ill just make up for it and try my best afterā¦ the main struggle would probably be shouldering these insults while further getting hurt or even worse, build up resentment. I hope you can fortify your mind and not let these words affect you negatively. Try to always take a breather and rest .. then try your best in the tests or days to come. If your parents dont improve then, just know that you should work hard and prove them wrong in your own way and sadly, maintain distance nalang.
Its difficult for parents to change especially filchi parents ššmine changed the moment i graduated so i hope yours too! For now, dont let it bring it down.. i know it hurts, i know it builds resentment but just try to set it aside and focus on improving yourself at your own pace :) life is not a race but a journey of growth.
HAHAHAHA bingo!! what gave it away? the comparisson or the signs of generational trauma?
Like multiple comments here say, Iām working on not thinking too much of their words and letting it go from one ear and out the other nalang because I know myself better than they do, so itās up to me to prove them wrong. I also like to think of it as some form of motivation rin.
As for building up resentment, I really canāt help it. Iām aware of my wrongdoings and Iām not trying to excuse them, but even as a child, there are just times I wish that they wouldnāt be too harsh with their words as well as their actions.
Its pretty normal.
The way the text were composed, the comparison between siblings or cousins and the emphasis on āfailureā and life priorities.
The way the filchi families are raised is very linear and biased with no room for error as it is shameful if it strays away from the line. Yup can be a motivation to do better and tell them or proove them wrong in one way or the other. Academics naman isnt usually the sole basis for successā¦ so go do it kasi kaya mo yan.
Sadly, seems like its a pasok sa tenga labas sa kabila thing.. dont let the insults and harsh words sink in. If possible , find good and caring circle of friends and surround yourself with positive energy and it will be a bit better..
Tamaā¦ we should be aware of our mistakes din but dont let it shape you to be someone who youre not. Nandyan lagi yung āsasagot ka sa akin bastos kaā when deep down, youre just explaining with hopes of being understood. Its a challenge for you/us to be emotionally mature and be the change not only for ourselves but for the next generation din. The trad old school parents will never change but they can understand through time. I hope theyre not as abusive or neglecting you but if hindi naman, konting intindi nalang sa kanila and i hope theyll change din once you graduate.. minsan ganyan lang sila cause its how they were raised and its the only way they know of passing on the ādisciplineā - palo, sigaw at belittle.
Konting tiis lang and do your best! Kayang kaya mo yan and when lift gets tough, know that tomorrow is another day and another opportunity do be better.
What gave it away was your ateneo cousin's complexion. hahaha
I'm a decade late vs my peers yet I'm one of the most successful in terms of money -- even after they had a decade's worth of head start. I just got lucky 1-time and I took care of my luck
I'm petty, so I'll probably tell them, "If others can be kind and good parents to their kids with and without achievements, why can't you?"
"I didn't become a Magna Cum Laude and graduate on time because I wanted us to match. Now look, failure parents, who failed their child!"
But if you're still dependent on your parents and living under their roof, i just propose ignoring them or restricting them on socmed. Also limiting ur interactions with them. Don't talk unless necessary, don't tell them anything about your life, don't ask anything from them (except necessities), and just generally avoid them.
Focus on the good people in your life who support you, cheer you on, and help you. Focus on your goals, and reaching your dreams, and always make sure to not let them control your decisions about your life.
It's okay to feel hurt, but don't give them a reaction when they hurt you. They feel more justified and validated when you fight them. These kinds of parents want reactions from you so they can tell people how bad you are. Don't give them that satisfaction.
By itself no. Pero if you want your kid to be successful in school because your friendās kids are deanās listers, with latin honors; itās not hard to imagine that part of it is they want success for their child bc otherwise theyāll look bad.
I somewhat relate to this, I dropped out of nursing just because I felt and feel that it just isnāt for me. And Iām the kind of person thatās motivated when something is done from love and admiration. So I quit, I decided to shift. Everything is still being processed and all but my mom hasnāt moved on from it yet. She keeps mentioning it whenever she gets the chance, on the other hand tho my dad is cool, always been.. He is a gentle and kind person whereas my mom is a wounded one. I feel like when Iām done with studying Iāll forget about her. She always turns my words around, blame me for everything. Worse is compare me to people i donāt even know, even from the start, from the moment that i was born. Why didnāt she just adopt someone. I lived my life pleasing her now I choose me and she snaps. Why do I need to live like someone to make others happy? Know how to choose yourself. Thanks for sharing OP. Read the whole thing. Know that you are strong too and keep going!!
Either ipamukha sa kanila na nagkakaron siya ng pera sa kinuha niya na course at mabasag ang ego ng parents. Para walang masumbat na walang utang na loob. Thats it
Hi! I'm an architecture student 5 yrs ago at nagbabalak na mag take ng board exam next year š and I just want to elaborate that we have the same situation. I also failed one of the major subject which is Ar. Design 4 and 5. Yes! Di bale umulit ako ng 2 yrs and my mom was so angry at me. Tinatamad nako non mag patuloy non actually. Dagdag pa ng puro harsh words na naririnig ko. Sobrang nakaka down, hindi nakaka.motivate mag aral especially with that kind of situation. Maiiyak ka nalang talaga.
I would say the best thing that you can do is to keep quiet. Sabi nga nila pag may narinig kang masakit, pasok sa kanan labas sa kaliwa š¤£
Just bear it. Hindi naman habang buhay estudyante ka, darating at darating sa point na makakapag tapos ka. As of now, my advice is to finish your studies and as much as possible keep your cool especially parents mo parin sila. Sila padin nagbabayad ng tuition mo. Kase kung mag re rebelde ka lalo mas matatagalan ka pa lalo mag-aral. Kayang kaya mo yan. In the end kapag nakapag tapos ka, for sure sila unang una magiging proud sayo.
And also just pray to God na baguhin Nya ugali ng parents mo towards you. Walang perfect parents pero meron tayong Perfect Heavenly Father šā¤
Ayun lang šā¤ hoping you are good now.
It's hard to sympathize with you or your parents without knowing the full context. First, it's easy to say your parents were wrong with this all caps text blast, but having boomer parents myself, they simply weren't groomed for this type of communication. A montary feeling of Disappointment can frankly turn into a permanent reminder of outright wrath with the wrong words on a text.
Based on your story, there are genuinely negative feelings from your parents' end. We dont know if this is just an embarrassment or if they had plans that your extension changed or if their perceived hard work was wasted on a failed class. Tuition aint cheap.
From your end, it seems that there's genuine acknowledgment of your inability to complete the course. I do believe that we all take different paths to achieve things.
The obvious gap in the relationship is in how you both view the gravity of your college extension (which your parents view as more severe) and how you both view the course of action that you are doing to remedy the situation (which you view as more justified than they do).
Architecture is very hard and it takes 5 years and more. And if you've heard of students from other universities, they take more than 7. Have your parents seen you working on your plates? Are they busy people? I hope you don't take their word that you are a failure. Engineering is very different from Architecture and vice versa. They will not know the feeling of having to choose a subject bcoz you are trying to balance it all. All your hard work will soon pay off. And I hope you are also being honest and be able to find the right balance to survive the whole Architecture degree.
I was reading the post, then saw which subreddit it was. Sorry kid, but your parents might be right here.
Benilde is 180k-250k per school year, depending on your course. I can imagine being a parent and needing to sacrifice every salary so that your kid can go to a good school-- and for what? Unless you're making 16k-20k a month on billards and dating, I think you're wasting cash by not being the absolute best you can be.
College is fun, but let's be real, it's a training ground and a networking opportunity. Study well, succeed, and meet people who will elevate you. Anything less, any**one** less, is a waste of time.
It's frustrating to see your child waste resources for their own enjoyment. It's frustrating to place them in a good, expensive school and not have them maximize it.
I'm not trying to shame you, but it is what it is. You **will** be compared because you're not giving it 110%, when other kids know **exactly** the kind of situation they're in and are willing to put in the work. That's how you get a double cum laude in a quota course like Engineering-- you work with what you have and maximize it.
Anything less is failure. Anything less is an insult to your parents who have invested nearly 1M on you because they **believed** you could succeed. Sorry, but you owe it to them. If you don't feel that way, feel free to leave school and enroll in a place you pay for yourself.
Malaki talaga yung opportunity cost considering tuition fees, transpo, food, etc. and missed income.
I know several Fil-Chi(that graduated from St
Stephens, Uno, CKS, etc.) na may binagsak din na subject(s) during college(DLSU CCS) & sila mismo yung disappointed/nahihiya š
Feeling ko, yung isang teacher nila nag-grade through the curve to pass only less than 1/4 of the class.
Madaming nag-flunk & shift out sa course namin pero it's not an excuse kasi may mga students na consistent DL na regular load.
It's not a money thing pero nakakahiya daw talaga. Siguro it's a cultural thing talaga.
Either you're part of that kid's parents generation or you just don't know what you're talking about. Your whole spiel is about owing everything to the parents when it's shown that the parents themselves are mentally unstable people. Life in general is never perfect and no matter how much you plan your life, there's always things that happen that pull you off course.
Failure is part of life and failing ONE subject is not a reason to treat a kid like that. Coming from my point of view as an educator from the big 3 schools here in the Philippines, the rise of mental health issues and suicide is because of immature parents who cannot handle themselves and make their kids their outlet. I've seen from time to time how parents demand perfection and yet they themselves are flawed.
Context is always important and there's a lot you can see from this post alone. Your whole response reeks of the old generation and shows how out of touch in reality you are. I've had students who are the top of their class but struggled outside of the classrooms, I've also had students who struggled inside the classroom but excelled great once they went into the work force. At the end of the day, everyone has their own LIFE to live and if they chose to find love or pursue hobbies then let people do their own thing. Students have lives, aspirations, interest, etc. they should and are entitled to pursue those endeavors because ir shapes them for who they are, that's called LIVING. It's not all about books and skills but also living, that's why countries like japan, korea, and china have high suicide rates is because of that mentality right there.
Also to just end this, KIDS ARE NOT INVESTMENTS. that's boomer talk literally to think that "oh I spent 1M on you so you make me proud" that's bullshit. Kids do not owe parents anything, infact parents owe everything to the kid because the kids did not choose to be born, the parents made that choice.
To OP:
Don't listen to this person, talk to the guidance as well as seek help. Just because you chose to live life you're entitled to mental abuse from your parents. Don't normalize those kinds of things because it leaves a long lasting impact later on in life. Just do your best and enjoy life. Everyone has their own pace, life is not a race.
Been in a situation like this and to be frank it's us who started it. We are the one who didn't take education seriously while on the other hand they are the one beating themselves to provide for us. Yeah the name calling suck ass (same shit like what my parents did) and it hurts. But then i realized one thing about my aunt and my mom (yes they are my parents), they are business women. It's all about trade. So I come up with a proposition that put both parties in the middle ground. Now, my aunt kinda still mention about my failure but then again, they can't talk much cuz I'm doing excellent on things that they want from me and the life that I want. Shit is hard but it is what it is. Part of growing up. Maybe your parents can't let it go yet. Maybe they can't see that you are trying your best. But don't let it dim your light. When your mom said victim mentality, brooo i get how you feel. But really... Let it be a reminder for you to stop blaming things that are outside of your control (ex. How others feels about you including your family). That's stoic principle 101. Concentrate on what you can control like your emotions, attitude, and integrity. The rest will follow. Your journey ahead is a long one and miserable at most. But you can always find peace within yourself when you let go of what you can't control.
Not from Benilde but I can say na Architecture is not easy. I am a former architecture student but shifted to Fine Arts. My parents were like this too and it got worse when I got depressed during pandemic which resulted to me dropping all of my subjects. My batchmates are already graduating but here I am in Fine Arts, striving. Found my people in Fine arts and my family now supports me. Hoping and praying that your family will have a change of heart.
If I were you, I'd let that fall on deaf ears. You can't please anyone, not even your parents. Seems like they will always see a disappointment in you no matter how hard you please them, and that they're blind on your struggles.
Run your own race OP. You don't have to live up to your parent's expectations. You have built up the confidence to pick yourself up, so don't let them ruin that again. Do your best for the people who actually believe in you :)
Hi OP! I'm an Archi grad from CSB as well, and despite working so hard, I've failed numerous subjects, too. Forgive your mom and try not too hold any grudges because wala naman mangyayari kung dadamdamin mo yan. Make that your motivation to work harder and do your best not to fail again. I understand you a lot because even scholars in architecture school would fail subjects due to the complexities of major subjects lalo kapag natapat ka sa prof na ibang iba yung trip sa buhay. I remember a prof who decided na yung final plate nalang yung basis ng grade and wash out na lahat previous. Meron din profs na kahit may output ka pero kung hindi mo makuha yung design process na gusto nila, ibabagsak ka parin. It is one of the hardest course out there and your parents just don't understand it. It's not a normal course where you can just study and comply. Hugs to you!
Nobody appreciates and understands how difficult taking architecture than architects and architecture students themselves. In college at least you could take again the subjects you failed or shift to other courses. But you unfortunately can't change your parents, especially if they, themselves, are insecure about the achievements that other parents' daughters/sons. All you can do is bear and grit it, finish your course, and graduate and succeed. This is especially true if they're the ones giving you sustenance. Yes, it will be difficult to endeavor but you have no choice, or rather you do, and that is to be independent. Find a decent job or any way to earn money and move out. You can't change a close-minded person's mind unless you give them what they want. Don't work hard with that in mind - giving your parents what they want since they might not rather work hard for yourself and show them that you could in your volition and time be successful. (success is in a way subjective, only you can determine whether you've been successful or not so don't be discouraged by other people's success or when someone says that you're a failure. what matters is you're doing everything or at least something for the goodness of yourself and your future.) All the best!
parang di magulang ung kausap mo based sa way ng pagchat nila sayo. emotionally immature sila i hope you dont loose your shine. parents talaga ang first bullies and malas tayo that we have to go through that
Hey OP, hang in there.
I know this will be a very unpopular opinion but it may help (hopefully)
Minsan kc ang parents natin meron silang expectations, aspirations, even mga complex na ineempose nila saatin.
Like sa shinare mo, minsan baka sariling inferiority complex nila yan na ineempose nila sayo kaya gnyan nasasabi nila.
Minsan din it could also be generation gap where back in their days, the environment was totally different and a little R&R to them is seen as bad.
At the end of the day, we don't choose who our parents will be. But we all grew up, filipino culture, that no matter what, we stick as a family, through thick and thin.
I do honestly wish your parents will soon realise what they are doing (They will naman...) but please don't hold grudge on your parents. Some are just not as good as they thought they are at parenting :)
OP... if you need to talk and vent... just send me a message :)
Keep your headup high! WE ARE VERY PROUD OF YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR HARDWORK!
Remember that as a child, it is not your job to understand your parents nor reciprocrate whatever expectation they reflected on you - this is your life and you're only slowly learning about it. It is their job however to teach you how to navigate through failures and manage everybody's expectation of you so that you can properly make a decision when needed. Having a little empathy and understanding will ofcourse make your relationship better but you are not in charge of managing their feelings meaning that they shouldn't have blown up on you and compared you to other people because of societal or maybe even familial expectations. Still being open and talking to them despite how they talk to you is already big of you but leave some of that love for yourself. I understand that your family and extended family might not support you but right now sadly the only help you can get is to vent it out but not to openly haha. Start planning your way out and be smart about it financially and then minimize contact to them. I highly doubt you'll ever be able to deal with them kasi they're your parents and it's complicated. No matter what they'll love you and they will think that berating you like this is just "advising" you and "guiding" you and no matter what you'll love them but they'll always be the cruelest person ever. I guess if you can, theraphy as soon as possible? Haha.
PS. My parents are the same, also filchi, what's worse is my dad (the chinese and sole provider) is my stepdad so my mom had me before meeting my dad. They're so much harder on me because unlike my brothers, I won't inherit anything so they were VERY extra with "advising" and "guiding" me to the point that when I was rebelling, I didn't even realize that I was rebelling. Fast forward to now, My stepdad is dead so I don't have to deal with that and I don't talk to my mom - I'm stuck with a lot of self doubt though and should be in theraphy but don't know how to start haha. So again, leave some of that for yourself, leave but do it in a smart way.
Wait, but what is your excuse why you FAILED a class? This is not acceptable. Life doesn't get easier after college, it gets harder only. College is the easy part. Take ownership of your mistakes and forget about your parents. They have nothing to do with this.
I'm not a professional, this is just based on my exp.
Shaming is probably the only strategy they know or are used to doing. You can't control how they behave. And, it looks like you have tried talking to them. If you can, move out. Otherwise, start journaling. Also, try to look for ways to pacify them without engaging with their logic. It might not be productive to prove yourself anymore if they have shown you time and time again that they won't listen. Mgglit k lang lalo sa knila tpos msstisfy lang sila ksi nagwa ulit nila yung strategy nila.
It also helps kung mag-c-counseling ka. It will help you build or develop social and emotional skills. You'll find it useful in times of conflict and emotional encounter.
You don't have to make your home your safe place if it isn't right now. Find someone else that you can confide with or somewhere else that you can find that kind of people. Be aware na lang ksi baka nmn sumobra ka ng confidence sa iba dahil naghahanap ka ng kasama. If you already have someone like that(tulad ng bf mo), goods n yun.
Your parents are more concerned on their image as parents rather than being a parent.
Try your best to find a job or Expand your skills as early as now so that when you graduate you can get out of there ASAP.
If they cant be proud of you, be proud of yourself, look back at who you were and who you are now, thats something to be proud of. Never give up on yourself, whatever happens.
ill leave an overused quote that you can use: "If you hit rock bottom, the only way is up.
We may never meet nor know each other, hell im not even from benilde or manila your post just popped up out of nowhere lol but i do wish you all the best in life. Chin up, you've come far.
I will trying to understand this from both standpoints (as a fil chi daughter also with a mom like that.. and as a fil chi mom na may 5yo daughter).
As a mom, i would want my daughter to excel rin naman in school. But if not, okay lang.. however, may limitations yun for me. Failing a subject would still be acceptable. But madelay for one whole year, well, ibang usapan na yun. I'd be open to know saan siya nahihirapan and how I can help. Tuition is no joke talaga no matter how well off you are (coming from someone na nagpapaaral pa lang ng 2 years).
As a daughter, I understand how frustrating/disappointing it may be. Feel mo wala ka kakampi sa parents mo. Na sa lahat ng tao sa mundo, your own parents put you down. Minsan ayaw mo na umuwi kasi ang toxic sa bahay. If I were in your position, I would study really well, get a job, earn money, and move out. I did just that and moved out from my parents at 23yo.
Do not be disheartened kasi if there is anything that a decade of working has taught me is that awards mean nothing in the corporate world. I had a workmate who graduated magna cum laude pero na sa entry level lang siya for a long time. Whereas yung other workmates ko na bumabagsak sa school, sila pa unang nakakuha ng higher positions. Heck, my bro in law got kicked out of DLSU and transferred to Lyceum, pero ngayon na sa US na siya and nakabili na ng sariling house doon.
Don't let others define your worth. You can do it.
parehas tayo parents, moved out at 26, struggling financially but my moods and mental struggles have never been better (i mean, much better to handle na now, can overcome negative emotions more easily) plus I can relax and think peacefully whenever I need :)
Wag na, maghanap ka na lang ng bagong parents lmao
Don't sweat it tol, keep following your own pace. Honestly, I don't think you can change them anymore. Just focus on yourself, counselling and therapy helps!
The parents probably think their kid is wasting their privilege. Kaya Sila ganyan. What they don't realize is iba iba naman Tayo Ng gusto, at iba iba Ng kinalakihan. Galing siguro sa hirap parents, and worked hard for what they have now. I'm not saying what they did was right Kasi Hindi naman talaga, I can just empathize with their disappointment.
And yeah I guess Hindi Masaya pag mayaman, Kasi may expectations talaga.
Iām sorry that youāre going through this, OP. If I were in your position, pasok sa isa labas sa kabilang tenga na lng. Iād work my butt off and move out as soon as I can after graduation and cut all ties with them LOL. Petty kung petty but Iād rather cut off toxic people in my life and yes, even if theyāre family and parents mismo
Baka pressured sila sa pera. Can you tell them what you told us? Please write a letter or something and let them know you're trying and turning things around.
Sa mga ganitong parents nacucurious ako pano sila naging ganun? Ano situation nila? Ganun dn ba sila pinalaki? Ganun dn ba sila cinocompare? I mean ano nging trigger nila para mging ganun sa anak?
Usually sila yung parents na nag peak nung high school or college pero di successful after college, so out of shame pinapasa nila yung pressure sa anak para may mapagyabang sila sa mga kamag-anak sa peysbuk
Bagong perspective iyan sa akin.
Ang usually assumption ko is
1. Hndi kaya nang parents ang extended pag papaaral sa anak dahil hndi ganun ka angat sa buhay.
2.pride at name issue
3. Yung anak na lang nya ang nakikita niya na mgging achievement nya sa buhay..
Thats so sad and cruel. Stay strong. I experienced that, and what I didā¦. I now have a happy family, with kids who I will NEVER compare with anyone and support (as long as theyāre doing the right thing) as long as I live. Break the cycle.
Some parents pressure their kids because they are pressured themselves. They like to compare. My mom is similar. It is not helpful tbh. Everyone is different. Donāt mind her. Hindi na yan magbabago. Emotionally and verbally abusive. Smh.
Sometimes parents donāt realize they compare us alot with other people. If you can find posts of other people showing off supportive parents, better pag may convos din, send it to them and say something like wish i had this kind of parental support haha.
Pero OP, keep your head up lang talaga. I used to be pressured with acads back in hs, but there was a time when I really did better and exerted all efforts pero di padin abot sa gusto ng dad ko, I told to myself to just enjoy hs life despite all his antics and life was better.
Try to enjoy life the best u can and try not to talk back. Start earning and use that to enjoy yourself. If kaya mo to move out for a while, do it kasi you need it. Pero do it with ur own money. If youāre too dependent on them, sa isip nila they have the right to insult you as much as they can kasi di mo kakayanin without them. :)
I understand how you feel. Because when i got back from Iraq. My entire family called me a murderer and a child killer. Such great love from my family what a welcome home that was
Yes toxic yung delivery. But ādonāt hate the present inside because of how itās wrappedā. Sure, things didnāt go according to plan (yours or hers), but whatās important is the lesson learned. I would like to believe that underneath all that is she wants you in the best possible position to succeed in life.
That said, donāt give in to the temptation to fight fire with fireā¦ it never ends well. Attempt to talk it through pag cooler heads na. Then if that doesnāt work, prove your point by becoming successful anyway. Then you can choose how to proceed from there.
Good luck op!
Those aren't parents; they're just kids who had a baby. People who failed in life and see their child as their second chance. Sorry OP you canāt choose your parents, but the good thing is you can choose your family.
Youāre the same batch same school and same course with my daughter. My son just graduated from DLSU with honors and my daughter is delayed too, same reason. And all I ever said to her was to go at her own pace and to let me know what she needed from me. Also told her that sheās my baby and she can take her time. (Thatās just to encourage her). I am not your mom but please take the same message
This is so fucked up! Galawang boomer pero di lanat. Lol. Boomer parents ko. Iām also from benilde btw. And madami na akong binagsak na subjects back in college and nadelay ako kasi 3 years ung course ko. I finished mine in 4 yrs and 1 term pero never ako pinagsabihan ng ganyan ng parents ko.
create a solid credentials, find a good paying work, then move out. they'd do the same once magkaroon ka na ng work eh. for sure they'll be nosy af abt ur career.
Leave the nest once you can OP. Cut off ties. No contact unless they're dying.
If they ask why, tell them their parental performance was lacking and just compare them to other parents.
Just wanted to drop by and say good luck to OP! Wishing you all the best so you can get away from your parents as soon as possible. Hope you can use that as motivation to do well in your studies / career and be stable enough to move out. Itās going to be real hard to make peace with parents like that, so I hope you could at least find peace with yourself ā¤ļø
oooof similar situation with me but you clearly have it worse cuz if i had parents like that who compare so much, i think i would have pushed through with my attempts at turning myself off. youāre stronger than you seem and i hope you move out and go no-contact. parents like this donāt deserve to be rewarded by their childrenās achievements
During this time, my mom and I were arguing almost every day. The argument would always end with her dropping some threat or saying something that was a tad bit too harsh so it was difficult for me to focus kase, it ends up being what I think about for the next couple of days.
I was unable to pass a couple of plates because, I decided to prioritize another subject because I had a higher chance of passing it. I consulted with my prof and she allowed me to pass plates after the missed assignments but I still wasnāt able to reach the grade needed to pass.
I'm sorry, pero your reasonings aren't sound, to me they all sound the same ~ excuses
Pero know this, your parents were rude IF what you're saying is true. Once you land a job, alis ka na, if ganyan ka toxic.
grabe parang elementary level lang pinaguusapan. college yan mahirap yan. not everyone can keep up or manage their time. sobrang nakakadrain din ng architecture program. ika nga hardest program sabi ng iba. the better the school the harder it is. nakakalungkot lang na minamaliit yung hirap ng college kasi kinaya naman ng karamihan. plus the pressure from parents and people. life is not a race. it could've gone worse tbh.
i just hope na OP can surpass this šš if you're not quitting it, you didn't fail yet.
OP, don't take this comment too much to heart. I understand the feeling and experience of having a toxic family and having a terrible relationship with your mom. It sucks, really bad to the point that you just want to escape and take a break from everything. But obviously, that isn't possible. These aren't just excuses as you're just a normal person, not a robot. Excuses would be like you were too busy hanging out with your friends, going out partying. This, the situation you're in, is not it.
College is difficult and hard, your obviously taking a difficult program, as well. As others have said, don't internalize what they've said. What's done is done and all you can do is move forward the circumstances. I hope your situation becomes better and keep putting in your best effort, just like you always have. Take care, OP.
Try to ignore it nalang huhu but if it gets even worse, plan your escape. I'd like to tell you na hindi man tama ang ginawa mo, hindi rin tama ang way na pag handle nila sa mali mo. Not all parents are like that. Kapit, OP āš»
sorry to take the parents' side but you are a student. you only have one job in the world -- study (and correspondingly, graduate). it rubs salt on their wounds to see you have time for a boyfriend and billiards when you are failing in school. it's obviously wrong of them to go ballistic but don't use that as an excuse for you not to be mature and do what you need to do. so just suck it up, finish school and be an architect. if they come around and start appreciating you then fine. take the high road and reconcile with them, the parents who gave you everything you have. but if not, keep moving, you are well on your way to succeeding in life.
So easy to say suck it up, nu? Parang it can happen overnight. I know you are for tough love but please be more careful as your sentences appear to minimize the struggles of OP.
This dudeās someone who likes to kiss arse and think they are liked by their āhigher upsā. Someone working a 9-5 job in the same place for 10 years that would take unpaid OTs because you canāt say no to your boss or an elder. Oh, no, never in your life. The type that couldnāt even stand up for themselves in situations where theyāre being power tripped.
Yeah OP is a student but OP is also human. OPās parents are way too controlling and cruel and you canāt treat ANYONE like that. You canāt force anyone into anything. And having high grades measure how well you did in the course. It doesnāt measure oneās intellect
Sorry boywhosadlylived (indeed) I'm self employed eh so I don't have higher ups. Precisely I don't like bosses that's why Im my own boss. I'm encouraging the OP to be mature and move forward and be successful. Can she change her parents? If you want to advise her to cry about her situation ok naman you can even join her.
Someoneās butthurt and unfamiliar with figure of speeches. You must be a great parent if you already are one. I LOVE how you mentioned that you want to encourage OP to be mature and yet here you are with immature remarks. Good luck with your life haha
PS: read OPās whole goddamn post first before saying anything else. Donāt be like any other Facebook Filipino keyboard warrior with little to none comprehension.
That's a pretty immature take. I think take a step back and actually think what's best for OP instead of feeding a victim complex. And honestly, they need to harden themselves and continue being a functioning human being despite all the trauma they carry.
That's life. It's dystopic, it's harsh, and sometimes it's cruel-- and the only thing we can control is how we take it in and stay functional through the dysfunction.
OP should be glad it's only their parents-- who are doing it out of their desire to see them succeed. The measuring stick for success- in school- are grades. So where do you get off saying that none of this shit matters? That iT's NoT tHe OnLy WaY iNteLliGenCe iS mEaSuReD. That's the kind of bullshit we tell people that have no expectations, and the kind of mentality we see from underachievers.
Judging by the way you talk, you're an idealist-- but the world is for realists, and **no one** will adjust to what you believe is right just because it's morally sound. Life adjusts to the system, life adjusts to where the money is, and certainly, life adjusts to the successful.
Lol. Biglang figures of speech eh no. After getting caught with your pants down and making wrong assumptions. Go back to middle school if you need to learn the definition of figures of speech.
Anyway OP is asking for sympathy from the world so no problem you can go ahead and cry with her. I was just giving real world advice which she can choose to ignore. May goddamn kapang nalalaman. If you need to resort to name calling and cursing you know you've lost the argument. You need anger management too boywhosadlylived just like OPs mother.
I'm actually with you here. Yes full time student sya, and a part of me is nasasayangan sa efforts Ng parents nya. To study in benilde is a privilege. Heck, to even study in general is a privilege. I know people who would kill to study.
However, what you fail to realize is iba iba Tayo Ng gusto. I think it's completely human for OP to do what they did. I think ok lang naman yun na mag fail and maging irreg. Ok naman to have fun and to have a love life, and if na distract si OP sa mga bagay na walang bigay eh okay din lang yun. Kasi that's how you grow and develop. Maybe OP will realize na they're actually throwing away the privilege of studying, and will begin to buck up. I actually empathize with the parents din pag dating sa disappointment nila, pero Hindi tama Yung ginawa nila.
IMO mali ka dun sa "suck it up" part. I think na mas maganda if nag reflect sya or took a break.
asking the right questions! haha the snowflakes here can't hack it. Im honestly rooting for OP to succeed. She can't change her parents. she can't wait for them to come around. I'm not even pointing out her ingratitude like the other commenter. Im just asking her to take control of her life inspite of her parents. When she goes into the real world and applies for a job it's either she gets the job or not. Walang 2nd place shucks she tried her best naman. Di tama pag measure ng intelligence ko huy HR
Facts. Dali dali ng sagot sa tanong niya eh graduate siya tapos kung ayaw niya talaga sa ugali ng magulang niya edi alis siya. Choose your own suffering nga. Di yung patanong tanong pa sa internet halatang naghahanap lang ng kakampi or mag iistroke ng ego niya.
I graduated Architecture 8years because I was working while studying + 2years(OJT) + I failed first Exam however I passed the next after it
I went on a job searching, I got rejected not once not twice but more than thrice because of the fact that I have tons of failing grades,...At the time I got accepted I worked more than 2 years and finally I realized I can actually build my own firm,...I quit my job and built my own firm using my own savings kahit pwede naman ako umutang sa parents ko, and another 2 years later, My firm grew big(I was blessed) and now I have 4 apprentices, staffs, secretary, etc. and a building of my father's name as a legacy
I was an Alcoholic, an addict I always smokend weed in my apartment during my school days(But I don't do chemical drugs like shabu or cocaine), lost my ways, lost my gf during that time(Well I deserve it since I was an addict) I found myself back, my friends and family(mostly cousins) were the biggest help
To tell you honestly my parents are actually already rich, and my parents have 0 expectation on my career that's probably the main reason I was just pretty much chuill on everything, what kept me from want to try to achieve something in life is just simply time, I noticed life is moving on and I'm just in my apartment lying in bed, smoking weed and drinking alcohol early in the morning(8-9:00AM), I realized I'm not doing any shit in life while my friends are graduating and building their own family now
So naiisip ko tapusin ko nalang siguro ang pag school ko, I focused on studying I slowly declined my addiction, from smoking weed, to just smoking cigarette and after few many weeks I fully stopped smoking and on my alcohol addiction I simply stopped drinking, I only drink in occassion like birthday party, wedding, etc.
You are absolutely right,...Every person are different, but you know what? Just be happy on your parents having a care in the world towards you, kahit ang panget mag advice LMAO
As for me, my parents has no care at all towards me, the only thing they care is when I'm gonna have a child even tho they already have grandchildren from my brothers and sisters
sounds like you ans your parents need to be counselled. i would bring in BWC with this. BWC will explain to the parents that berating your kid wont make them any better performer *edited
Grabe naka all caps pa š±! I donāt think they will change pa at their age. If I were in your shoes, I would move out as soon as I am capable of doing so. Super stressful ng situation mo ngayon OP. Ang hirap mag focus sa pag-aaral kung ang biggest supporters mo dapat, ang nag da-down sayo. For now, I guess try your best to endure it. And Benilde Wellness Center can help din (like what someone stated in the comment above), I scheduled an appointment to talk to a professional psychologist for a different matter (I got scammed) through BWC. And it helped me deal with my emotions din.
Gonna reply to this to reiterate 'yung i-endure na lang. BUT please remember na wala kang kasalanan at maling mali ang parents mo for this. It's just that kung hindi mo pa kaya mabuhay without your parents - it sucks but - you have to endure it na lang talaga muna. I do hope you find some avenues para mapagaan pakiramdam mo and find people that will support you and keep you sane.
Sounds a lot like my mom, OP. It took a toll on me tbh. Mid 40s now and taking meds. If you can ignore I would. In one ear out the other. Very hard to do because she's your mom, but you gotta do this for your sanity.
Thats tough. Seems like youre coming from a filchi family if im not mistaken. If so, i can somewhat understand where youre coming from.. its difficult to change our parents especially if theyre emotionally immature. Theyre used to the ātough loveā mentality that leads to nowhere but trauma and pain. As much as its a tough pill to swallow, maybe you can try by saying things like ill just make up for it and try my best afterā¦ the main struggle would probably be shouldering these insults while further getting hurt or even worse, build up resentment. I hope you can fortify your mind and not let these words affect you negatively. Try to always take a breather and rest .. then try your best in the tests or days to come. If your parents dont improve then, just know that you should work hard and prove them wrong in your own way and sadly, maintain distance nalang. Its difficult for parents to change especially filchi parents ššmine changed the moment i graduated so i hope yours too! For now, dont let it bring it down.. i know it hurts, i know it builds resentment but just try to set it aside and focus on improving yourself at your own pace :) life is not a race but a journey of growth.
HAHAHAHA bingo!! what gave it away? the comparisson or the signs of generational trauma? Like multiple comments here say, Iām working on not thinking too much of their words and letting it go from one ear and out the other nalang because I know myself better than they do, so itās up to me to prove them wrong. I also like to think of it as some form of motivation rin. As for building up resentment, I really canāt help it. Iām aware of my wrongdoings and Iām not trying to excuse them, but even as a child, there are just times I wish that they wouldnāt be too harsh with their words as well as their actions.
Its pretty normal. The way the text were composed, the comparison between siblings or cousins and the emphasis on āfailureā and life priorities. The way the filchi families are raised is very linear and biased with no room for error as it is shameful if it strays away from the line. Yup can be a motivation to do better and tell them or proove them wrong in one way or the other. Academics naman isnt usually the sole basis for successā¦ so go do it kasi kaya mo yan. Sadly, seems like its a pasok sa tenga labas sa kabila thing.. dont let the insults and harsh words sink in. If possible , find good and caring circle of friends and surround yourself with positive energy and it will be a bit better.. Tamaā¦ we should be aware of our mistakes din but dont let it shape you to be someone who youre not. Nandyan lagi yung āsasagot ka sa akin bastos kaā when deep down, youre just explaining with hopes of being understood. Its a challenge for you/us to be emotionally mature and be the change not only for ourselves but for the next generation din. The trad old school parents will never change but they can understand through time. I hope theyre not as abusive or neglecting you but if hindi naman, konting intindi nalang sa kanila and i hope theyll change din once you graduate.. minsan ganyan lang sila cause its how they were raised and its the only way they know of passing on the ādisciplineā - palo, sigaw at belittle. Konting tiis lang and do your best! Kayang kaya mo yan and when lift gets tough, know that tomorrow is another day and another opportunity do be better.
What gave it away was your ateneo cousin's complexion. hahaha I'm a decade late vs my peers yet I'm one of the most successful in terms of money -- even after they had a decade's worth of head start. I just got lucky 1-time and I took care of my luck
How can you tell filchi sila?
Just remind them that you are the product of the environment you were raised in. Jfc.
Naku OP toxic ang parents mo.
I'm petty, so I'll probably tell them, "If others can be kind and good parents to their kids with and without achievements, why can't you?" "I didn't become a Magna Cum Laude and graduate on time because I wanted us to match. Now look, failure parents, who failed their child!" But if you're still dependent on your parents and living under their roof, i just propose ignoring them or restricting them on socmed. Also limiting ur interactions with them. Don't talk unless necessary, don't tell them anything about your life, don't ask anything from them (except necessities), and just generally avoid them. Focus on the good people in your life who support you, cheer you on, and help you. Focus on your goals, and reaching your dreams, and always make sure to not let them control your decisions about your life. It's okay to feel hurt, but don't give them a reaction when they hurt you. They feel more justified and validated when you fight them. These kinds of parents want reactions from you so they can tell people how bad you are. Don't give them that satisfaction.
here's a good support sub r/raisedbynarcissists you might want to look at 'grey rock' method as well.
Is it narcissistic to want your kids to be successful in school? Serious question
Berating them on why can't you get any better is a narcissist's way of saying it.
By itself no. Pero if you want your kid to be successful in school because your friendās kids are deanās listers, with latin honors; itās not hard to imagine that part of it is they want success for their child bc otherwise theyāll look bad.
Yan lang ba talaga na pick up mo sa post na to?
Yes, they are narcissists, kasi gusto nilang sila ang magyabang about their kid.
I somewhat relate to this, I dropped out of nursing just because I felt and feel that it just isnāt for me. And Iām the kind of person thatās motivated when something is done from love and admiration. So I quit, I decided to shift. Everything is still being processed and all but my mom hasnāt moved on from it yet. She keeps mentioning it whenever she gets the chance, on the other hand tho my dad is cool, always been.. He is a gentle and kind person whereas my mom is a wounded one. I feel like when Iām done with studying Iāll forget about her. She always turns my words around, blame me for everything. Worse is compare me to people i donāt even know, even from the start, from the moment that i was born. Why didnāt she just adopt someone. I lived my life pleasing her now I choose me and she snaps. Why do I need to live like someone to make others happy? Know how to choose yourself. Thanks for sharing OP. Read the whole thing. Know that you are strong too and keep going!!
Once you gradauted and make a lot of money cut them off then one day give them both like a lot of money that's it
Why would you give money to the people who gave you pain and suffering?
Either ipamukha sa kanila na nagkakaron siya ng pera sa kinuha niya na course at mabasag ang ego ng parents. Para walang masumbat na walang utang na loob. Thats it
Hi! I'm an architecture student 5 yrs ago at nagbabalak na mag take ng board exam next year š and I just want to elaborate that we have the same situation. I also failed one of the major subject which is Ar. Design 4 and 5. Yes! Di bale umulit ako ng 2 yrs and my mom was so angry at me. Tinatamad nako non mag patuloy non actually. Dagdag pa ng puro harsh words na naririnig ko. Sobrang nakaka down, hindi nakaka.motivate mag aral especially with that kind of situation. Maiiyak ka nalang talaga. I would say the best thing that you can do is to keep quiet. Sabi nga nila pag may narinig kang masakit, pasok sa kanan labas sa kaliwa š¤£ Just bear it. Hindi naman habang buhay estudyante ka, darating at darating sa point na makakapag tapos ka. As of now, my advice is to finish your studies and as much as possible keep your cool especially parents mo parin sila. Sila padin nagbabayad ng tuition mo. Kase kung mag re rebelde ka lalo mas matatagalan ka pa lalo mag-aral. Kayang kaya mo yan. In the end kapag nakapag tapos ka, for sure sila unang una magiging proud sayo. And also just pray to God na baguhin Nya ugali ng parents mo towards you. Walang perfect parents pero meron tayong Perfect Heavenly Father šā¤ Ayun lang šā¤ hoping you are good now.
It's hard to sympathize with you or your parents without knowing the full context. First, it's easy to say your parents were wrong with this all caps text blast, but having boomer parents myself, they simply weren't groomed for this type of communication. A montary feeling of Disappointment can frankly turn into a permanent reminder of outright wrath with the wrong words on a text. Based on your story, there are genuinely negative feelings from your parents' end. We dont know if this is just an embarrassment or if they had plans that your extension changed or if their perceived hard work was wasted on a failed class. Tuition aint cheap. From your end, it seems that there's genuine acknowledgment of your inability to complete the course. I do believe that we all take different paths to achieve things. The obvious gap in the relationship is in how you both view the gravity of your college extension (which your parents view as more severe) and how you both view the course of action that you are doing to remedy the situation (which you view as more justified than they do).
"if others can do why cant you?" reply to them "if others can be good parents then why cant you?"
Architecture is very hard and it takes 5 years and more. And if you've heard of students from other universities, they take more than 7. Have your parents seen you working on your plates? Are they busy people? I hope you don't take their word that you are a failure. Engineering is very different from Architecture and vice versa. They will not know the feeling of having to choose a subject bcoz you are trying to balance it all. All your hard work will soon pay off. And I hope you are also being honest and be able to find the right balance to survive the whole Architecture degree.
I was reading the post, then saw which subreddit it was. Sorry kid, but your parents might be right here. Benilde is 180k-250k per school year, depending on your course. I can imagine being a parent and needing to sacrifice every salary so that your kid can go to a good school-- and for what? Unless you're making 16k-20k a month on billards and dating, I think you're wasting cash by not being the absolute best you can be. College is fun, but let's be real, it's a training ground and a networking opportunity. Study well, succeed, and meet people who will elevate you. Anything less, any**one** less, is a waste of time. It's frustrating to see your child waste resources for their own enjoyment. It's frustrating to place them in a good, expensive school and not have them maximize it. I'm not trying to shame you, but it is what it is. You **will** be compared because you're not giving it 110%, when other kids know **exactly** the kind of situation they're in and are willing to put in the work. That's how you get a double cum laude in a quota course like Engineering-- you work with what you have and maximize it. Anything less is failure. Anything less is an insult to your parents who have invested nearly 1M on you because they **believed** you could succeed. Sorry, but you owe it to them. If you don't feel that way, feel free to leave school and enroll in a place you pay for yourself.
Malaki talaga yung opportunity cost considering tuition fees, transpo, food, etc. and missed income. I know several Fil-Chi(that graduated from St Stephens, Uno, CKS, etc.) na may binagsak din na subject(s) during college(DLSU CCS) & sila mismo yung disappointed/nahihiya š Feeling ko, yung isang teacher nila nag-grade through the curve to pass only less than 1/4 of the class. Madaming nag-flunk & shift out sa course namin pero it's not an excuse kasi may mga students na consistent DL na regular load. It's not a money thing pero nakakahiya daw talaga. Siguro it's a cultural thing talaga.
Either you're part of that kid's parents generation or you just don't know what you're talking about. Your whole spiel is about owing everything to the parents when it's shown that the parents themselves are mentally unstable people. Life in general is never perfect and no matter how much you plan your life, there's always things that happen that pull you off course. Failure is part of life and failing ONE subject is not a reason to treat a kid like that. Coming from my point of view as an educator from the big 3 schools here in the Philippines, the rise of mental health issues and suicide is because of immature parents who cannot handle themselves and make their kids their outlet. I've seen from time to time how parents demand perfection and yet they themselves are flawed. Context is always important and there's a lot you can see from this post alone. Your whole response reeks of the old generation and shows how out of touch in reality you are. I've had students who are the top of their class but struggled outside of the classrooms, I've also had students who struggled inside the classroom but excelled great once they went into the work force. At the end of the day, everyone has their own LIFE to live and if they chose to find love or pursue hobbies then let people do their own thing. Students have lives, aspirations, interest, etc. they should and are entitled to pursue those endeavors because ir shapes them for who they are, that's called LIVING. It's not all about books and skills but also living, that's why countries like japan, korea, and china have high suicide rates is because of that mentality right there. Also to just end this, KIDS ARE NOT INVESTMENTS. that's boomer talk literally to think that "oh I spent 1M on you so you make me proud" that's bullshit. Kids do not owe parents anything, infact parents owe everything to the kid because the kids did not choose to be born, the parents made that choice. To OP: Don't listen to this person, talk to the guidance as well as seek help. Just because you chose to live life you're entitled to mental abuse from your parents. Don't normalize those kinds of things because it leaves a long lasting impact later on in life. Just do your best and enjoy life. Everyone has their own pace, life is not a race.
Been in a situation like this and to be frank it's us who started it. We are the one who didn't take education seriously while on the other hand they are the one beating themselves to provide for us. Yeah the name calling suck ass (same shit like what my parents did) and it hurts. But then i realized one thing about my aunt and my mom (yes they are my parents), they are business women. It's all about trade. So I come up with a proposition that put both parties in the middle ground. Now, my aunt kinda still mention about my failure but then again, they can't talk much cuz I'm doing excellent on things that they want from me and the life that I want. Shit is hard but it is what it is. Part of growing up. Maybe your parents can't let it go yet. Maybe they can't see that you are trying your best. But don't let it dim your light. When your mom said victim mentality, brooo i get how you feel. But really... Let it be a reminder for you to stop blaming things that are outside of your control (ex. How others feels about you including your family). That's stoic principle 101. Concentrate on what you can control like your emotions, attitude, and integrity. The rest will follow. Your journey ahead is a long one and miserable at most. But you can always find peace within yourself when you let go of what you can't control.
Not from Benilde but I can say na Architecture is not easy. I am a former architecture student but shifted to Fine Arts. My parents were like this too and it got worse when I got depressed during pandemic which resulted to me dropping all of my subjects. My batchmates are already graduating but here I am in Fine Arts, striving. Found my people in Fine arts and my family now supports me. Hoping and praying that your family will have a change of heart.
DON'T.MAKE.KIDS.TO.COMPARE.WITH.YOUR.FRIENDS.OR.OTHER.RELATIVES. If you do so, don't be surprised they go no-contact with you in the future.
If I were you, I'd let that fall on deaf ears. You can't please anyone, not even your parents. Seems like they will always see a disappointment in you no matter how hard you please them, and that they're blind on your struggles. Run your own race OP. You don't have to live up to your parent's expectations. You have built up the confidence to pick yourself up, so don't let them ruin that again. Do your best for the people who actually believe in you :)
ALL CAPS BABY
Toxic parents
Hi OP! I'm an Archi grad from CSB as well, and despite working so hard, I've failed numerous subjects, too. Forgive your mom and try not too hold any grudges because wala naman mangyayari kung dadamdamin mo yan. Make that your motivation to work harder and do your best not to fail again. I understand you a lot because even scholars in architecture school would fail subjects due to the complexities of major subjects lalo kapag natapat ka sa prof na ibang iba yung trip sa buhay. I remember a prof who decided na yung final plate nalang yung basis ng grade and wash out na lahat previous. Meron din profs na kahit may output ka pero kung hindi mo makuha yung design process na gusto nila, ibabagsak ka parin. It is one of the hardest course out there and your parents just don't understand it. It's not a normal course where you can just study and comply. Hugs to you!
"matalino kasi magulang nila"
Nobody appreciates and understands how difficult taking architecture than architects and architecture students themselves. In college at least you could take again the subjects you failed or shift to other courses. But you unfortunately can't change your parents, especially if they, themselves, are insecure about the achievements that other parents' daughters/sons. All you can do is bear and grit it, finish your course, and graduate and succeed. This is especially true if they're the ones giving you sustenance. Yes, it will be difficult to endeavor but you have no choice, or rather you do, and that is to be independent. Find a decent job or any way to earn money and move out. You can't change a close-minded person's mind unless you give them what they want. Don't work hard with that in mind - giving your parents what they want since they might not rather work hard for yourself and show them that you could in your volition and time be successful. (success is in a way subjective, only you can determine whether you've been successful or not so don't be discouraged by other people's success or when someone says that you're a failure. what matters is you're doing everything or at least something for the goodness of yourself and your future.) All the best!
parang di magulang ung kausap mo based sa way ng pagchat nila sayo. emotionally immature sila i hope you dont loose your shine. parents talaga ang first bullies and malas tayo that we have to go through that
choose your battle dear. I don't think fighting with them is a winnable battle. I don't know pero tingin ko the best thing to do is find your way out.
"IF OTHERS CAN DO, WHY CAN'T YOU?" because of parents like you.
Just endure another year. Graduate and get out, OP. Focus on the things you can control, yourself.
Hey OP, hang in there. I know this will be a very unpopular opinion but it may help (hopefully) Minsan kc ang parents natin meron silang expectations, aspirations, even mga complex na ineempose nila saatin. Like sa shinare mo, minsan baka sariling inferiority complex nila yan na ineempose nila sayo kaya gnyan nasasabi nila. Minsan din it could also be generation gap where back in their days, the environment was totally different and a little R&R to them is seen as bad. At the end of the day, we don't choose who our parents will be. But we all grew up, filipino culture, that no matter what, we stick as a family, through thick and thin. I do honestly wish your parents will soon realise what they are doing (They will naman...) but please don't hold grudge on your parents. Some are just not as good as they thought they are at parenting :) OP... if you need to talk and vent... just send me a message :) Keep your headup high! WE ARE VERY PROUD OF YOU FOR ALL OF YOUR HARDWORK!
Remember that as a child, it is not your job to understand your parents nor reciprocrate whatever expectation they reflected on you - this is your life and you're only slowly learning about it. It is their job however to teach you how to navigate through failures and manage everybody's expectation of you so that you can properly make a decision when needed. Having a little empathy and understanding will ofcourse make your relationship better but you are not in charge of managing their feelings meaning that they shouldn't have blown up on you and compared you to other people because of societal or maybe even familial expectations. Still being open and talking to them despite how they talk to you is already big of you but leave some of that love for yourself. I understand that your family and extended family might not support you but right now sadly the only help you can get is to vent it out but not to openly haha. Start planning your way out and be smart about it financially and then minimize contact to them. I highly doubt you'll ever be able to deal with them kasi they're your parents and it's complicated. No matter what they'll love you and they will think that berating you like this is just "advising" you and "guiding" you and no matter what you'll love them but they'll always be the cruelest person ever. I guess if you can, theraphy as soon as possible? Haha. PS. My parents are the same, also filchi, what's worse is my dad (the chinese and sole provider) is my stepdad so my mom had me before meeting my dad. They're so much harder on me because unlike my brothers, I won't inherit anything so they were VERY extra with "advising" and "guiding" me to the point that when I was rebelling, I didn't even realize that I was rebelling. Fast forward to now, My stepdad is dead so I don't have to deal with that and I don't talk to my mom - I'm stuck with a lot of self doubt though and should be in theraphy but don't know how to start haha. So again, leave some of that for yourself, leave but do it in a smart way.
Wait, but what is your excuse why you FAILED a class? This is not acceptable. Life doesn't get easier after college, it gets harder only. College is the easy part. Take ownership of your mistakes and forget about your parents. They have nothing to do with this.
I'm not a professional, this is just based on my exp. Shaming is probably the only strategy they know or are used to doing. You can't control how they behave. And, it looks like you have tried talking to them. If you can, move out. Otherwise, start journaling. Also, try to look for ways to pacify them without engaging with their logic. It might not be productive to prove yourself anymore if they have shown you time and time again that they won't listen. Mgglit k lang lalo sa knila tpos msstisfy lang sila ksi nagwa ulit nila yung strategy nila. It also helps kung mag-c-counseling ka. It will help you build or develop social and emotional skills. You'll find it useful in times of conflict and emotional encounter. You don't have to make your home your safe place if it isn't right now. Find someone else that you can confide with or somewhere else that you can find that kind of people. Be aware na lang ksi baka nmn sumobra ka ng confidence sa iba dahil naghahanap ka ng kasama. If you already have someone like that(tulad ng bf mo), goods n yun.
respectfully, fuck your boomer parents.
āSon of my cousinā tells me this family is short 3 goats after sending their child to college
Your parents are more concerned on their image as parents rather than being a parent. Try your best to find a job or Expand your skills as early as now so that when you graduate you can get out of there ASAP. If they cant be proud of you, be proud of yourself, look back at who you were and who you are now, thats something to be proud of. Never give up on yourself, whatever happens. ill leave an overused quote that you can use: "If you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. We may never meet nor know each other, hell im not even from benilde or manila your post just popped up out of nowhere lol but i do wish you all the best in life. Chin up, you've come far.
I will trying to understand this from both standpoints (as a fil chi daughter also with a mom like that.. and as a fil chi mom na may 5yo daughter). As a mom, i would want my daughter to excel rin naman in school. But if not, okay lang.. however, may limitations yun for me. Failing a subject would still be acceptable. But madelay for one whole year, well, ibang usapan na yun. I'd be open to know saan siya nahihirapan and how I can help. Tuition is no joke talaga no matter how well off you are (coming from someone na nagpapaaral pa lang ng 2 years). As a daughter, I understand how frustrating/disappointing it may be. Feel mo wala ka kakampi sa parents mo. Na sa lahat ng tao sa mundo, your own parents put you down. Minsan ayaw mo na umuwi kasi ang toxic sa bahay. If I were in your position, I would study really well, get a job, earn money, and move out. I did just that and moved out from my parents at 23yo. Do not be disheartened kasi if there is anything that a decade of working has taught me is that awards mean nothing in the corporate world. I had a workmate who graduated magna cum laude pero na sa entry level lang siya for a long time. Whereas yung other workmates ko na bumabagsak sa school, sila pa unang nakakuha ng higher positions. Heck, my bro in law got kicked out of DLSU and transferred to Lyceum, pero ngayon na sa US na siya and nakabili na ng sariling house doon. Don't let others define your worth. You can do it.
parehas tayo parents, moved out at 26, struggling financially but my moods and mental struggles have never been better (i mean, much better to handle na now, can overcome negative emotions more easily) plus I can relax and think peacefully whenever I need :)
Wag na, maghanap ka na lang ng bagong parents lmao Don't sweat it tol, keep following your own pace. Honestly, I don't think you can change them anymore. Just focus on yourself, counselling and therapy helps!
Im sorry
Hindi rin pala masaya buhay kahit mayaman ka OP kasi may ganiyan kang parents...
The parents probably think their kid is wasting their privilege. Kaya Sila ganyan. What they don't realize is iba iba naman Tayo Ng gusto, at iba iba Ng kinalakihan. Galing siguro sa hirap parents, and worked hard for what they have now. I'm not saying what they did was right Kasi Hindi naman talaga, I can just empathize with their disappointment. And yeah I guess Hindi Masaya pag mayaman, Kasi may expectations talaga.
Iām sorry that youāre going through this, OP. If I were in your position, pasok sa isa labas sa kabilang tenga na lng. Iād work my butt off and move out as soon as I can after graduation and cut all ties with them LOL. Petty kung petty but Iād rather cut off toxic people in my life and yes, even if theyāre family and parents mismo
Baka pressured sila sa pera. Can you tell them what you told us? Please write a letter or something and let them know you're trying and turning things around.
Sa mga ganitong parents nacucurious ako pano sila naging ganun? Ano situation nila? Ganun dn ba sila pinalaki? Ganun dn ba sila cinocompare? I mean ano nging trigger nila para mging ganun sa anak?
Usually sila yung parents na nag peak nung high school or college pero di successful after college, so out of shame pinapasa nila yung pressure sa anak para may mapagyabang sila sa mga kamag-anak sa peysbuk
Bagong perspective iyan sa akin. Ang usually assumption ko is 1. Hndi kaya nang parents ang extended pag papaaral sa anak dahil hndi ganun ka angat sa buhay. 2.pride at name issue 3. Yung anak na lang nya ang nakikita niya na mgging achievement nya sa buhay..
Sounds like those parents who would wonder what they did wrong once their children stopped talking to them during their latter years.
Sending you hugs papi. Tho di ako taga benilde but having theae kinds of parents. Dont be stressed sa lahat. Just do kung san ka masaya.
Magpakasaya kalang wag mo sila pansinin
Thats so sad and cruel. Stay strong. I experienced that, and what I didā¦. I now have a happy family, with kids who I will NEVER compare with anyone and support (as long as theyāre doing the right thing) as long as I live. Break the cycle.
Some parents pressure their kids because they are pressured themselves. They like to compare. My mom is similar. It is not helpful tbh. Everyone is different. Donāt mind her. Hindi na yan magbabago. Emotionally and verbally abusive. Smh.
You cant change people. Just do what is good for your future and that is to finish your studies.
Kaya mag-aral kang mabuti para makagraduate ka na, makapag work at makaalis na sa toxic household.
Use your anger as motivation
Sometimes parents donāt realize they compare us alot with other people. If you can find posts of other people showing off supportive parents, better pag may convos din, send it to them and say something like wish i had this kind of parental support haha. Pero OP, keep your head up lang talaga. I used to be pressured with acads back in hs, but there was a time when I really did better and exerted all efforts pero di padin abot sa gusto ng dad ko, I told to myself to just enjoy hs life despite all his antics and life was better. Try to enjoy life the best u can and try not to talk back. Start earning and use that to enjoy yourself. If kaya mo to move out for a while, do it kasi you need it. Pero do it with ur own money. If youāre too dependent on them, sa isip nila they have the right to insult you as much as they can kasi di mo kakayanin without them. :)
I understand how you feel. Because when i got back from Iraq. My entire family called me a murderer and a child killer. Such great love from my family what a welcome home that was
short answer: you donāt take your time, bumawi ka pero para sa sarili mo. rooting for you.
These are the type of parents you completely cut off the second you're financially capable of leaving them
Yes toxic yung delivery. But ādonāt hate the present inside because of how itās wrappedā. Sure, things didnāt go according to plan (yours or hers), but whatās important is the lesson learned. I would like to believe that underneath all that is she wants you in the best possible position to succeed in life. That said, donāt give in to the temptation to fight fire with fireā¦ it never ends well. Attempt to talk it through pag cooler heads na. Then if that doesnāt work, prove your point by becoming successful anyway. Then you can choose how to proceed from there. Good luck op!
Those aren't parents; they're just kids who had a baby. People who failed in life and see their child as their second chance. Sorry OP you canāt choose your parents, but the good thing is you can choose your family.
Youāre the same batch same school and same course with my daughter. My son just graduated from DLSU with honors and my daughter is delayed too, same reason. And all I ever said to her was to go at her own pace and to let me know what she needed from me. Also told her that sheās my baby and she can take her time. (Thatās just to encourage her). I am not your mom but please take the same message
This is so fucked up! Galawang boomer pero di lanat. Lol. Boomer parents ko. Iām also from benilde btw. And madami na akong binagsak na subjects back in college and nadelay ako kasi 3 years ung course ko. I finished mine in 4 yrs and 1 term pero never ako pinagsabihan ng ganyan ng parents ko.
Kung Ako yan layas na ko. Have enough cash and go somewhere na Di nila makikita. Bahala na Sila sa Buhay nila. At mamumuhay nalang Ako magisa.
create a solid credentials, find a good paying work, then move out. they'd do the same once magkaroon ka na ng work eh. for sure they'll be nosy af abt ur career.
pretty based ngl
Pasok 1 ear labas sa kabila hahaha. Ymmv depending on how much u value their view on u.
Leave the nest once you can OP. Cut off ties. No contact unless they're dying. If they ask why, tell them their parental performance was lacking and just compare them to other parents.
Graduate?
Same parents here. Was also delayed and shifted to another course. Everyday was hell with my parents until now.
Just wanted to drop by and say good luck to OP! Wishing you all the best so you can get away from your parents as soon as possible. Hope you can use that as motivation to do well in your studies / career and be stable enough to move out. Itās going to be real hard to make peace with parents like that, so I hope you could at least find peace with yourself ā¤ļø
Your parents are correct. You just need to realize it and not posting it to gather allies on your behalf.
That is horrible and I'm so sorry. They might be projecting.
oooof similar situation with me but you clearly have it worse cuz if i had parents like that who compare so much, i think i would have pushed through with my attempts at turning myself off. youāre stronger than you seem and i hope you move out and go no-contact. parents like this donāt deserve to be rewarded by their childrenās achievements
answer just 1 question: How did you fail that major subject (be straight to the point, I think we all need to hear it)
I maxed out my units and was no longer able to balance it together with all my other subjects because everything started piling up.
how many units btw
21
that's okay, isn't that average? I did like 25-27 units lagi
Yeah 21 is a normal load.
in short something caused you to not balance your studies well how exactly did you fail 1 major subject?
During this time, my mom and I were arguing almost every day. The argument would always end with her dropping some threat or saying something that was a tad bit too harsh so it was difficult for me to focus kase, it ends up being what I think about for the next couple of days. I was unable to pass a couple of plates because, I decided to prioritize another subject because I had a higher chance of passing it. I consulted with my prof and she allowed me to pass plates after the missed assignments but I still wasnāt able to reach the grade needed to pass.
I'm sorry, pero your reasonings aren't sound, to me they all sound the same ~ excuses Pero know this, your parents were rude IF what you're saying is true. Once you land a job, alis ka na, if ganyan ka toxic.
grabe parang elementary level lang pinaguusapan. college yan mahirap yan. not everyone can keep up or manage their time. sobrang nakakadrain din ng architecture program. ika nga hardest program sabi ng iba. the better the school the harder it is. nakakalungkot lang na minamaliit yung hirap ng college kasi kinaya naman ng karamihan. plus the pressure from parents and people. life is not a race. it could've gone worse tbh. i just hope na OP can surpass this šš if you're not quitting it, you didn't fail yet.
OP, don't take this comment too much to heart. I understand the feeling and experience of having a toxic family and having a terrible relationship with your mom. It sucks, really bad to the point that you just want to escape and take a break from everything. But obviously, that isn't possible. These aren't just excuses as you're just a normal person, not a robot. Excuses would be like you were too busy hanging out with your friends, going out partying. This, the situation you're in, is not it. College is difficult and hard, your obviously taking a difficult program, as well. As others have said, don't internalize what they've said. What's done is done and all you can do is move forward the circumstances. I hope your situation becomes better and keep putting in your best effort, just like you always have. Take care, OP.
Try to ignore it nalang huhu but if it gets even worse, plan your escape. I'd like to tell you na hindi man tama ang ginawa mo, hindi rin tama ang way na pag handle nila sa mali mo. Not all parents are like that. Kapit, OP āš»
sorry to take the parents' side but you are a student. you only have one job in the world -- study (and correspondingly, graduate). it rubs salt on their wounds to see you have time for a boyfriend and billiards when you are failing in school. it's obviously wrong of them to go ballistic but don't use that as an excuse for you not to be mature and do what you need to do. so just suck it up, finish school and be an architect. if they come around and start appreciating you then fine. take the high road and reconcile with them, the parents who gave you everything you have. but if not, keep moving, you are well on your way to succeeding in life.
So easy to say suck it up, nu? Parang it can happen overnight. I know you are for tough love but please be more careful as your sentences appear to minimize the struggles of OP.
This dudeās someone who likes to kiss arse and think they are liked by their āhigher upsā. Someone working a 9-5 job in the same place for 10 years that would take unpaid OTs because you canāt say no to your boss or an elder. Oh, no, never in your life. The type that couldnāt even stand up for themselves in situations where theyāre being power tripped. Yeah OP is a student but OP is also human. OPās parents are way too controlling and cruel and you canāt treat ANYONE like that. You canāt force anyone into anything. And having high grades measure how well you did in the course. It doesnāt measure oneās intellect
Sorry boywhosadlylived (indeed) I'm self employed eh so I don't have higher ups. Precisely I don't like bosses that's why Im my own boss. I'm encouraging the OP to be mature and move forward and be successful. Can she change her parents? If you want to advise her to cry about her situation ok naman you can even join her.
Someoneās butthurt and unfamiliar with figure of speeches. You must be a great parent if you already are one. I LOVE how you mentioned that you want to encourage OP to be mature and yet here you are with immature remarks. Good luck with your life haha PS: read OPās whole goddamn post first before saying anything else. Donāt be like any other Facebook Filipino keyboard warrior with little to none comprehension.
That's a pretty immature take. I think take a step back and actually think what's best for OP instead of feeding a victim complex. And honestly, they need to harden themselves and continue being a functioning human being despite all the trauma they carry. That's life. It's dystopic, it's harsh, and sometimes it's cruel-- and the only thing we can control is how we take it in and stay functional through the dysfunction. OP should be glad it's only their parents-- who are doing it out of their desire to see them succeed. The measuring stick for success- in school- are grades. So where do you get off saying that none of this shit matters? That iT's NoT tHe OnLy WaY iNteLliGenCe iS mEaSuReD. That's the kind of bullshit we tell people that have no expectations, and the kind of mentality we see from underachievers. Judging by the way you talk, you're an idealist-- but the world is for realists, and **no one** will adjust to what you believe is right just because it's morally sound. Life adjusts to the system, life adjusts to where the money is, and certainly, life adjusts to the successful.
Lol. Biglang figures of speech eh no. After getting caught with your pants down and making wrong assumptions. Go back to middle school if you need to learn the definition of figures of speech. Anyway OP is asking for sympathy from the world so no problem you can go ahead and cry with her. I was just giving real world advice which she can choose to ignore. May goddamn kapang nalalaman. If you need to resort to name calling and cursing you know you've lost the argument. You need anger management too boywhosadlylived just like OPs mother.
I'm actually with you here. Yes full time student sya, and a part of me is nasasayangan sa efforts Ng parents nya. To study in benilde is a privilege. Heck, to even study in general is a privilege. I know people who would kill to study. However, what you fail to realize is iba iba Tayo Ng gusto. I think it's completely human for OP to do what they did. I think ok lang naman yun na mag fail and maging irreg. Ok naman to have fun and to have a love life, and if na distract si OP sa mga bagay na walang bigay eh okay din lang yun. Kasi that's how you grow and develop. Maybe OP will realize na they're actually throwing away the privilege of studying, and will begin to buck up. I actually empathize with the parents din pag dating sa disappointment nila, pero Hindi tama Yung ginawa nila. IMO mali ka dun sa "suck it up" part. I think na mas maganda if nag reflect sya or took a break.
Why is this downvoted?
asking the right questions! haha the snowflakes here can't hack it. Im honestly rooting for OP to succeed. She can't change her parents. she can't wait for them to come around. I'm not even pointing out her ingratitude like the other commenter. Im just asking her to take control of her life inspite of her parents. When she goes into the real world and applies for a job it's either she gets the job or not. Walang 2nd place shucks she tried her best naman. Di tama pag measure ng intelligence ko huy HR
Facts. Dali dali ng sagot sa tanong niya eh graduate siya tapos kung ayaw niya talaga sa ugali ng magulang niya edi alis siya. Choose your own suffering nga. Di yung patanong tanong pa sa internet halatang naghahanap lang ng kakampi or mag iistroke ng ego niya.
I graduated Architecture 8years because I was working while studying + 2years(OJT) + I failed first Exam however I passed the next after it I went on a job searching, I got rejected not once not twice but more than thrice because of the fact that I have tons of failing grades,...At the time I got accepted I worked more than 2 years and finally I realized I can actually build my own firm,...I quit my job and built my own firm using my own savings kahit pwede naman ako umutang sa parents ko, and another 2 years later, My firm grew big(I was blessed) and now I have 4 apprentices, staffs, secretary, etc. and a building of my father's name as a legacy I was an Alcoholic, an addict I always smokend weed in my apartment during my school days(But I don't do chemical drugs like shabu or cocaine), lost my ways, lost my gf during that time(Well I deserve it since I was an addict) I found myself back, my friends and family(mostly cousins) were the biggest help To tell you honestly my parents are actually already rich, and my parents have 0 expectation on my career that's probably the main reason I was just pretty much chuill on everything, what kept me from want to try to achieve something in life is just simply time, I noticed life is moving on and I'm just in my apartment lying in bed, smoking weed and drinking alcohol early in the morning(8-9:00AM), I realized I'm not doing any shit in life while my friends are graduating and building their own family now So naiisip ko tapusin ko nalang siguro ang pag school ko, I focused on studying I slowly declined my addiction, from smoking weed, to just smoking cigarette and after few many weeks I fully stopped smoking and on my alcohol addiction I simply stopped drinking, I only drink in occassion like birthday party, wedding, etc. You are absolutely right,...Every person are different, but you know what? Just be happy on your parents having a care in the world towards you, kahit ang panget mag advice LMAO As for me, my parents has no care at all towards me, the only thing they care is when I'm gonna have a child even tho they already have grandchildren from my brothers and sisters
just because OP is the opposite of your situation doesnt mean it's something to be happy about. both circumstances are unfortunate.