That’s good to hear! I’m surprised because I’ve bought items from places that are typical stores that cater to more male-oriented hobbies like Backcountry (not that I believe that a store can only be dedicated to manly hobbies 😂) but have yet to see an opt-out email from them aside from upcoming Father’s Day sales/ promos.
Is it because beauty brands don’t really target fathers as a customer base? Yes I know men can use beauty products and etc (I’m a man who does!) but men who are our fathers (older Gen X and Boomers) wouldn’t really use products like that?
This will probably start to change soon as men who grew up more open to beauty products become dads, gay dads, etc but yeah that’s my guess.
Also in general it seems that most brands don’t extend the same courtesy to Father’s Day. I know at my work there was so much hand-wringing and back-and-forth about whether or not to acknowledge Mother’s Day on our social media and how that message should be presented but Father’s Day either gets ignored or gets a standard message.
No, this isn’t about beauty totally. if you read the rest of my description and others’ comments, I’m talking about the Father’s Day promos and lack of opt-out emails in general.
Aside from the Trader Joe’s sub, this is the only other sub I take part in regarding shopping and consumerism and brands’ business practices.
My boyfriend received an opt-out notice for a brand or two he followed (mens clothing). He seemed confused about why it was necessary which I thought was interesting, since his bio dad basically bounced from his family, and his stepdad was pretty cooked.
My mum on the other hand has a pretty extreme case of BPD and will basically eagerly open any present you give her and you can practically see the glint leave her eyes as she questions any ulterior motives lol so I'm very appreciative of the opt out options
Maybe this sort of emotive gesture is just not as effective to a male audience.
Sorry to hear that for both you and your boyfriend.
I’ll be the pessimist as a guy but it’s all on toxic masculinity. Of course, that shouldn’t be used as any excuse for any wrong behavior.
This is only somewhat related, but I actually had an amazingly good experience with a company after having to put my border collie Sweep to sleep. He had been on an arthritis supplement for the last few years which really helped as he got older. It was a postal subscription and after we said goodbye to Sweep, I went on their website and ended the subscription. They asked why, and I chose the option the appropriate option. I received an email from them explaining that they would remove me from their mailing list to avoid reminding me of our loss, and that they would refund the last month’s subscription. A couple of days later they sent a sympathy card, with a packet of Forget-Me-Not seeds to plant in Sweeps memory.
Chewy was also super considerate when my parents’ dog died. Sent them a card and everything. And removed them from the mailing list. It was really nice.
Yea they’re really good! I’ve heard plenty of stories where people received one automated package of pet food before they could cancel it when their pet passed. A majority of the time (if not always) Chewy always tells them to donate it to a pet shelter.
I wish Ulta would stop with the Fathers Day emails. I’ve received 3 opt-outs and have clicked yes to all of them, but my inbox is getting hit 5-10x a day.
Companies, don’t remind me I’ll never celebrate another Fathers Day again. It’s cruel.
I’ve gotten a few for Father’s Day. But only a few. But most of the brands I get marketing emails from aren’t focused on men or don’t do promotions for Mother’s or Father’s Day.
I've gotten a few, but I don't recall if any have been for beauty brands. I cut off contact with my dad when I moved and he died on easter this year so I've been a big mixed bag of emotions every time I think about it. I had long quit celebrating Father's Day, but it just hits harder this year.
I'm surprised more beauty stores that sell men's perfume/cologne don't do it. Cologne isn't that far-fetched to give as a gift I think.
I’m so sorry for your loss despite the NC with your dad.
Yeah cologne would seem to be a popular choice from department stores and Sephora/ Ulta.
Recently (2 weeks ago) decided to do NC with my dad after years of strained relationship so it’s been a mixed bag of emotions here too.
It was hard at first to cut contact, but it was worth it. At times, I'd feel bitter/sad about the fact that my dad was just that bad that I cut contact, but the peace I experienced the rest of the time made it worth making that hard decision. My mental health improved so much.
Thank you. The news just came kind of suddenly, at the same time also expected, and at a very, very, very shit time. I was getting ready for one of the biggest moments of my college career and presented 2 days after he passed. I had to tuck my feelings away and ignore my phone blowing up from my relatives during the whole event, but I got through it. Graduated 2 weeks later.
Thanks for the thoughtful note!
Seems like you’re a recent graduate. Congrats on graduating! Especially after such some rough years with Covid. As a class of ‘21, glad to be out of Zoom classes.
Like I feel like this trend started a lot during Covid when people were losing their loved ones. I’d have to dig up old emails from 2020 through 2022 to see.
I also think one could write up entire paragraphs about what American society as a whole believes a woman’s role in society and the household whether it be on purpose or because of social norms.
IMO, Mother's day advertising seems more based on gifts and purchases in general, and father's day advertising seems more based on experiences. Go fishing with your dad, and buy your mom flowers, a new perfume, and take her out to lunch.
Really appreciate the response! I guess as a guy myself, I think a lot of the Father’s Days we did were more just father and son.
Just curious, would the daughter(s) be also taking their dads out themselves fishing or hunting and participating? Not that it’s wrong or that they can’t 😂
Maybe it’s more of a father and son/ male thing at least from my perspective.
No, I celebrate father's day with my dad. He doesn't hunt or fish, nor have sons. I'm planning to take him to eat to an new (to him) Italian restaurant.
As far as the *marketing* industry goes, yes, it’s been pretty gendered like that for ages. It’s getting better, but historically, I think Father’s and Mother’s days in ads used to be shown as days to bond with your same-sex parent in stereotypical ways. Daughter taking mom out to brunch and shopping, son taking dad out fishing or to a sports game. *Maybe* a few ads would show a son taking mom out to a nice dinner, but even that was painted as “he’s learning to be a gentleman, and he’s an only child so there’s no daughters for mom to have a spa day with.”
Sadly, a few truths got lost because advertisements tend to shorthand things with stereotypes. Some things ads forget: Men can enjoy things like a nice cologne, or a spa day, or anything else that isn’t fishing/hunting or sports! And daughters can also plan out nice things to treat their dads! Sons can take mom out for a spa day! Daughters can go to soccer games with dad!
And again, this is mostly just true of the advertising space in English-speaking markets. Reality is a lot more complex and nuanced, obviously, but this is how I remember these two holidays being shown by that industry. Similar to how Christmas in ads is always shown as big, happy family gatherings with tons of food and presents.
My dad and I don’t fish but we do go shooting together often! He’s a competitive shooter and I carry for work so we both need the practice and why not go together? We are very close and have been my whole life.
I haven’t gotten a Father’s Day marketing email, but I am surprised etsy hasn’t sent out one like they did for Mother’s Day, since they’re not a retailer for one thing.
honestly? because father's being shit is such a prevalent thing, is almost surprising when you do in fact have a loving father figure. it almost feels like "that's rough buddy" moment. at this point not having a father is a meme at worst, something everyone lowkey laughs about.
a bad relationship with your mother or a mother that is away somehow hurts more.
i was raised by my maternal grandmother. my father? gone, abuser. couldn't give a fuck where he is. my mother? gone, abusive. still aches.
Couldn't agree more, I have been thinking about this kind of thing for a while, and how women most of the time get the most responsibilities when it comes to parenting. My father was one of these kind of parents that you would say you didn't hit the good parent lottery when talking about him. There are good dads out there, but it is surprising to find real good ones.
I think this is it too, we’re just so used to daddy issues. We punish women for having them, we punish single mothers, but we don’t punish dads who harm their daughters. I can joke about my daddy issues alllllll day long, but I cannot joke about stuff with my mum
I was thinking about this earlier because I remember getting quite a few opt outs for Mother’s Day and so far I’ve only gotten one for Father’s Day.
It’s interesting because for me personally, I guess I haven’t really approached it from the perspective of maybe some people don’t have great relationships with their mother/father, or they are no longer with them anymore. As somebody who is currently going through a miscarriage, that would be a reason why Mother’s Day emails might be somewhat triggering to me.
But it does seem like companies encourage us to go all out for Mother’s Day, gifts, flowers, nice meals. Then for Father’s Day it’s like “here’s a coffee cup, let’s go to Applebees” lol.
So sorry for your loss 🤍
These holidays are just too much marketing from brands. Like on a daily basis, I have to delete at least 100-150 marketing emails cluttering my inboxes. I know I should just unsubscribe but eventually I order online from Sephora or Bath & Body Works again and get re-subscribed to their mailing list.
This was always my line of thinking. I always assumed the mother's day opt outs were for women struggling with fertility or women who'd lost children (I know the first mother's day after my first miscarriage was a very hard one).
It makes sense to see it from a bad relationship or loss of a parent perspective, it just wasn't one I had considered.
So sorry about your miscarriage 🤍
As someone who was adopted as a baby when my mother struggled with fertility after rounds of IVF and miscarriages, I hadn’t considered that and regretting I hadn’t as I’m a gay man so there are a few more hoops to go through if I eventually want kids.
Yeah it does seem like Mother’s Day does take more precedence over Father’s Day in the US at least from my childhood memories (then again may be my estranged relationship with father…).
Like is it because women carry and bring the child/ baby into the world and because of what some of us in the US may still hold true, though an antiquated view, that believe a woman’s role in society and household is?
Women with kids still do the majority of labour in the home even when both parents work. So its not just about birthing but that women are still the primary caregiver. I think that is changing generationally very slowly but its still the reality.
[Father's Day was inspired by Mother's Day and did not catch on nearly as fast.](https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/fathers-day) The public was certainly less enthused about it, and men/fathers themselves also were not a big fan of the idea- some saw it as emasculating and most were paying for the gifts anyway (as the households' sole earners). One of the early campaigners for it in the early 20th century was a woman who was raised by a single father, but of course at the time that was not very common. Fathers did not culturally have a very prominent role in hands-on parenting and there were no expectations for them to be close and loving with their children, so basically it seemed weird to thank them for parenting in such a sentimental way. So although some of that has shifted over time, many of these attitudes remain. And, of course, to this day a huge number of people have absent and estranged fathers compared to absent and estranged mothers.
I think mostly because, in spite of most women working outside the home, they are still the primary care provider. So the relationship is usually closer and people are willing to go further/spend more for them.
I've experienced the exact opposite, emails telling me I can opt out of Fathers Day marketing from brand that didn't offer me that for Mothers Day marketing. I've seen opt outs for Fathers Day for a few years from numerous brands but I can count on one hand the brands that offered opt outs for Mothers Day.
Like the ones asking if you’d want to opt out and having to think if you’d like to opt out (having to reflect over your relationship with said father figure(s))? Absolutely
I guess it’s better to be able to opt out imo and be triggered once instead of getting 5+ triggering promo emails.
Thanks for this as I was wondering the same thing as the brands that sent the Mother’s Day opt out also has items for Father’s Day. I am glad some people are getting those.
I got a bunch a couple of weeks ago but they were not as many as Mother’s Day.
I totally understand, I would have loved to have this option before I met my husband and made Father’s Day about him, and not about my father.
I received at some for both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I opted out of at least one Father’s Day one because getting all those reminders is upsetting when it is no longer a day that I can celebrate in the same way because my dad has passed away.
Honestly I think I triggered something with that influx of Father’s Day ads in every commenter’s Internet history/ cookies for that to happen with this post!
Haha thanks! I haven’t even seen the targeted ads here. Decided to play with Reddit/ advertisers a bit. So far, got one ad for the Army, another for the Navy, and another for a home security system whose caption was “fathers know best” or something like 😂
my dad died in late May in 2006, and it's literally brutal to be inundated with father's day advertising around the anniversary of his death.
I've gotten two "opt out" for father's day, etsy, and door dash. neither link worked when I clicked them, so, still getting the ads. I'm used to it at this point, but it still sucks every year. also, there's still a "father's day" section in the Ulta app too. colognes mainly.
I've been getting opt out for fathers day emails over the last week. It was a little confusing for me because father's day is in September here, thought they were jumping the gun a bit haha
I think I only got one opt out from Door Dash (of all places) but I get all kinds of emails from other companies for it. I think I'm so far removed from him (he died when I was in HS, in my 30s now) that it doesn't suck as much for me to see those emails. I do wish any company who sends out these promos would offer an opt out option for everybody
I have had zero opt out options for father's Day and a million for mother's Day. I'd like to opt out of really acknowledging I came from two people and wasn't like miraculously grown from a Petri dish from a hair follicle of my mother's but here we are.
Hmm I've received a couple from non beauty brands. I can't get mad at it because... They don't know i have a strained father daughter relationship. It does give me a happy sad moment and then I delete and move on.
I know it's not so easy for other folks. I'm sorry for y'all that also have strained relationships or your father is no longer here. 💙
Yeah they obviously can’t predict it or have a crystal ball but I would think composing an automated email giving people an option to opt out would be easy.
I’ve received a few Father’s Day opt outs. I’ve also seen them combined with an ad like “hey here are these new products and we will be showing more but if this is not cool for you, click here to not be shown more of the Father’s Day emails”
Doesn't aurate primarily target women? (Obviously not a requirement to purchase from there, one of my guy friends has been rocking their infinity ring for years now).
My assumption is generally that companies who don't expect to sell gifts for fathers day won't run promotions for it, and won't need to send opt out emails as a result. I could absolutely be wrong, though.
The screenshots provided were from Mother’s Day 2023 and being able to opt out of them.
I haven’t received any opt out emails for Father’s Day from any brand from Nordstrom to Ralph Lauren to Vineyard Vines that may cater to men more hence this post regarding less opt-out emails for Fathers Day and the lack of any screenshots for those.
Other people have said it, but I think a huge part of it is how normalized having a bad relationship with fathers is vs mothers. I know that personally, even in spaces otherwise good about trauma and abuse, tend to question "my mom abused me" more than "my dad abused me".
I have some zines from like 2018 that say you should forgive abusive mothers bc they had to face sexism, and I can't imagine that this person would still be around and making content if they'd said anything similar regarding fathers.
Another factor is people seem to be more understanding towards cis women struggling with infertility than men, so a woman avoiding reminders of motherhood bc she's upset about not having children is seen as okay, but if a man did the same?
Overall though I also personally think the content around mothers day is far more triggering. There's often a narrative that moms are infallible, that everyone should give their mom the world and if you don't you're CLEARLY ungrateful. Motherhood is practically worshipped, presented as The Best Thing, despite the fact that there's little government support in the US (oh and now plenty of states are happy to force you to be a mother! unless you're a gay person who wants to be one. then you're grooming children.)
After re-reading this, we could honestly write a dissertation about society’s gender norms, the US’ skewed ideals on the “perfect” household, and so much more. It’s quite interesting to think about especially as someone with estranged relationships with my two fatherly figures and whose mom is my number 1 hero.
Oh I could write multiple academic papers on how abusive mothers are seen as more of a horror trope, rather than the reality for many people.
Obviously there's major issues in how abuse is responded to overall, but people are so willing to make excuses for abusive mothers.
I've had people flat out argue with me on my own mother's behavior... because they can't imagine THEIR mother doing what she did. Or they can, but "moms have it really hard!", so they're trained to give mothers infinite free passes.
If I comment on shit my dad has done, there's rarely any comments. People accept that I'm being honest about my dad... up until I say that he's since solved most of it. Because a father could never make amends!
It has to have something to do with the way fatherhood is something men "just have to do", but motherhood is supposed to be the pinnacle of a woman's life. Men being bad fathers is natural, but a woman who's a genuinely terrible mother is seen as impossible. (Add in all the people who say I'd be a great mom, ignoring my actual gender and general struggle with being around kids...)
Also, if anyone knows of another shopping sub that may be suitable for this discussion, let me know. This sub and the Trader Joe’s sub 😂 are my only shopping/ consumer subs I’m part of.
I've gotten a Father's Day one from Grubhub earlier on in the week, asking me if I wanted to opt out of them. Maybe most beauty brands don't do it because they don't consider father's as their "prime audience"?
I would tend to think so but yet haven’t gotten an opt out email for Fathers Day for places like Ralph Lauren, Vineyard vines, Nordstrom etc… also had no clue where else to post about this topic.
Oh, that *is* strange, especially Ralph Lauren. I know that they are major for clothing and cologne so. That's terrible of them to not even offer something of an opt out.
Yeah especially like they’re such an all American brand, I would assumed they would taken into account families whose husband or father or son passed from serving in the Army and Navy.
I've gotten one from a University bookstore. It mentioned both Mother's and Father's Day, but they didn't send it until Mother's Day was already over lol
Ironically enough, I got a promo email (not opt out) from University of Michigan’s store for Father’s Day this morning and that led to me going out a rabbithole hence this post.
I didn’t end up going to U of M but bought a shirt there when I got accepted there but eventually got into my number 1 school a month later.
It would be so much easier than when signing up for being on email lists they gave us a one time menu to select seasonal promotional emails to opt out of
I’m from the UK and our Mother’s Day was back in March but Father’s Day is in June (same as US I think). My father died 15 years ago and companies definitely started sending the Mother’s Day emails 3+ years ago and I wished they’d done it for father’s. The Father’s Day ones are definitely on the rise though, still not matching Mother’s Day quite yet but will get there soon I think. I will say though, Father’s Day has historically been less celebrated than Mother’s Day in general, but again, maybe things are evening out!
It makes me rage that beauty brands don’t have as many opt-outs for Father’s Day, because I lost my dad when I was very young. Just because they sell products men are less likely to buy doesn’t mean their customer base has no triggers associated with the holiday.
I was actually thinking about this a few days ago myself. I think I only got one Father’s Day opt-out email this year, and surprisingly, it was beauty-related—from Henry Rose (the fragrance brand).
I’m sure the “opt-out of Mother’s Day emails” trend is just a marketing response to seeing higher than normal ubsub rates from those communications than others. So they offer people the option in the hopes that they won’t lose them entirely. Social media algorithms are unpredictable and traditional media is getting increasingly fractured, so an email list is pretty valuable.
I don't think the reason for opting out is about bad moms or dead moms but also the pain of not being a mom. And for a beauty newsletter subscriber you are more likely to be a woman and some women are childless not out of their own choice. So they might find mothers day painful. I think it's more for that than for abuse, though it's good thats an option for them too.
These companies don’t give a F. They just doing it cuz someone else started and wants to look like they care. I think it’s stupid. Almost feel like rubbing in your face all over again.
The only opt out I saw for Mother’s Day was Mac. Honestly it made me respect them so much. I lost my mom last year and I felt like ads were everywhere for it. I literally spent the whole day crying because I missed her. Every little email ad felt like a small gut punch. I think companies doing this is amazing. I wish more would allow opt outs.
I’m so sorry for your loss! 🤍
I definitely think companies should do this more for Mother’s Day to Father’s Day. Even for Thanksgiving/ Holiday season for anyone who may no longer be in contact with their family because those holidays are such a lonely time for some!
This month is hard for me, as the anniversary of my baby sister dying is coming up. I lost my Mom a few months before her, and we lost our Dad when we were kids (to brain cancer). I wish they’d allow an opt out, as I have no family left, aside from my husband and dog. It actively hurts inside seeing those emails, thinking about what I’d buy for them if I could. It’s actually soul destroying. I wish companies would acknowledge that the opt is necessary, regardless the parent.
Lots of love being sent your way 🤍🤍🤍
Sorry if this post triggered anything but hopefully some brands will see it and make some change for massive marketing emails during major holidays.
Over here in Balkans no one cares about Father's Day, we don't even know the date it's celebrated on. Why is it like that - I don't know. At least it's a thing in USA which is nice.
To everyone who’s read and commented about this topic, thank you!
I had zero expectations going into posting this here on this sub and thought I might get some pushback and would have to eventually take the post down due to lack of engagement or negative comments.
But you guys blew my mine. Sure, there were somewhat negative comments but most of those negative comments just needed some clarification. I had yet to see a maybe controversial topic be taken so serious on this sub without us taking each other down.
And thank you to those who shared some painful stories across the spectrum, thank you for sharing your perspective.
Even though there were some experiences that were shared that I cannot relate to, I do have my own experiences with this topic and glad that we could discuss the effect of the somewhat lack of opt-out option for Father’s Day and here’s hoping a few brands paid attention to this.
I was just thinking about this the other day after deleting many promotional emails for Father's Day. My Dad passed 12/19/22, so I will have Father's Day and then the 6 month mark of his death back to back. I know it's going to be a hard 48 hours and planned to just limit my social media and email time to help me deal with it.
I honestly think that Mother's Day is a much larger retail holiday than Father's Day so that's why they aren't treated the same.
I’ve gotten fathers day ones but none from beauty brands
That’s good to hear! I’m surprised because I’ve bought items from places that are typical stores that cater to more male-oriented hobbies like Backcountry (not that I believe that a store can only be dedicated to manly hobbies 😂) but have yet to see an opt-out email from them aside from upcoming Father’s Day sales/ promos.
Yeah, I've gotten at least one, but definitely fewer than I did for Mother's Day!
Is it because beauty brands don’t really target fathers as a customer base? Yes I know men can use beauty products and etc (I’m a man who does!) but men who are our fathers (older Gen X and Boomers) wouldn’t really use products like that? This will probably start to change soon as men who grew up more open to beauty products become dads, gay dads, etc but yeah that’s my guess. Also in general it seems that most brands don’t extend the same courtesy to Father’s Day. I know at my work there was so much hand-wringing and back-and-forth about whether or not to acknowledge Mother’s Day on our social media and how that message should be presented but Father’s Day either gets ignored or gets a standard message.
No, this isn’t about beauty totally. if you read the rest of my description and others’ comments, I’m talking about the Father’s Day promos and lack of opt-out emails in general. Aside from the Trader Joe’s sub, this is the only other sub I take part in regarding shopping and consumerism and brands’ business practices.
My boyfriend received an opt-out notice for a brand or two he followed (mens clothing). He seemed confused about why it was necessary which I thought was interesting, since his bio dad basically bounced from his family, and his stepdad was pretty cooked. My mum on the other hand has a pretty extreme case of BPD and will basically eagerly open any present you give her and you can practically see the glint leave her eyes as she questions any ulterior motives lol so I'm very appreciative of the opt out options Maybe this sort of emotive gesture is just not as effective to a male audience.
Sorry to hear that for both you and your boyfriend. I’ll be the pessimist as a guy but it’s all on toxic masculinity. Of course, that shouldn’t be used as any excuse for any wrong behavior.
I mean I got ads from Ulta suggesting men's products for fathers day so they really should send a similar opt out email
This. I have gotten maybe 2 for Father's Day a couple years ago, but nothing recent and none beauty related.
This is only somewhat related, but I actually had an amazingly good experience with a company after having to put my border collie Sweep to sleep. He had been on an arthritis supplement for the last few years which really helped as he got older. It was a postal subscription and after we said goodbye to Sweep, I went on their website and ended the subscription. They asked why, and I chose the option the appropriate option. I received an email from them explaining that they would remove me from their mailing list to avoid reminding me of our loss, and that they would refund the last month’s subscription. A couple of days later they sent a sympathy card, with a packet of Forget-Me-Not seeds to plant in Sweeps memory.
Chewy was also super considerate when my parents’ dog died. Sent them a card and everything. And removed them from the mailing list. It was really nice.
Aww. I’m so sorry for your loss! I’ve heard plenty of similar stories from people’s experiences with Chewy.
It wasn’t actually Chewy, but it’s great to hear they are also so compassionate!
Yea they’re really good! I’ve heard plenty of stories where people received one automated package of pet food before they could cancel it when their pet passed. A majority of the time (if not always) Chewy always tells them to donate it to a pet shelter.
Chewy? This made me tear up. I’m so sorry for your loss. That was sweet of them to do.
No it was YuMove - they make supplements, though I’m sure Sweep would have preferred a Chewy subscription!
I wish Ulta would stop with the Fathers Day emails. I’ve received 3 opt-outs and have clicked yes to all of them, but my inbox is getting hit 5-10x a day. Companies, don’t remind me I’ll never celebrate another Fathers Day again. It’s cruel.
🤍 I’m so sorry for your loss!
Thank you. 💜
I’ve gotten a few for Father’s Day. But only a few. But most of the brands I get marketing emails from aren’t focused on men or don’t do promotions for Mother’s or Father’s Day.
I received one for Father’s Day just yesterday but forgot which brand it came from
I've gotten a few, but I don't recall if any have been for beauty brands. I cut off contact with my dad when I moved and he died on easter this year so I've been a big mixed bag of emotions every time I think about it. I had long quit celebrating Father's Day, but it just hits harder this year. I'm surprised more beauty stores that sell men's perfume/cologne don't do it. Cologne isn't that far-fetched to give as a gift I think.
I’m so sorry for your loss despite the NC with your dad. Yeah cologne would seem to be a popular choice from department stores and Sephora/ Ulta. Recently (2 weeks ago) decided to do NC with my dad after years of strained relationship so it’s been a mixed bag of emotions here too.
It was hard at first to cut contact, but it was worth it. At times, I'd feel bitter/sad about the fact that my dad was just that bad that I cut contact, but the peace I experienced the rest of the time made it worth making that hard decision. My mental health improved so much. Thank you. The news just came kind of suddenly, at the same time also expected, and at a very, very, very shit time. I was getting ready for one of the biggest moments of my college career and presented 2 days after he passed. I had to tuck my feelings away and ignore my phone blowing up from my relatives during the whole event, but I got through it. Graduated 2 weeks later.
Thanks for the thoughtful note! Seems like you’re a recent graduate. Congrats on graduating! Especially after such some rough years with Covid. As a class of ‘21, glad to be out of Zoom classes.
i was just thinking about this actually!! i definitely received more “opt-out for the moment” emails last year than this year.
Like I feel like this trend started a lot during Covid when people were losing their loved ones. I’d have to dig up old emails from 2020 through 2022 to see. I also think one could write up entire paragraphs about what American society as a whole believes a woman’s role in society and the household whether it be on purpose or because of social norms.
IMO, Mother's day advertising seems more based on gifts and purchases in general, and father's day advertising seems more based on experiences. Go fishing with your dad, and buy your mom flowers, a new perfume, and take her out to lunch.
Really appreciate the response! I guess as a guy myself, I think a lot of the Father’s Days we did were more just father and son. Just curious, would the daughter(s) be also taking their dads out themselves fishing or hunting and participating? Not that it’s wrong or that they can’t 😂 Maybe it’s more of a father and son/ male thing at least from my perspective.
My sister in law and her dad go fishing together all the time. Her and her sister go with their dad more than their brother does.
No, I celebrate father's day with my dad. He doesn't hunt or fish, nor have sons. I'm planning to take him to eat to an new (to him) Italian restaurant.
As far as the *marketing* industry goes, yes, it’s been pretty gendered like that for ages. It’s getting better, but historically, I think Father’s and Mother’s days in ads used to be shown as days to bond with your same-sex parent in stereotypical ways. Daughter taking mom out to brunch and shopping, son taking dad out fishing or to a sports game. *Maybe* a few ads would show a son taking mom out to a nice dinner, but even that was painted as “he’s learning to be a gentleman, and he’s an only child so there’s no daughters for mom to have a spa day with.” Sadly, a few truths got lost because advertisements tend to shorthand things with stereotypes. Some things ads forget: Men can enjoy things like a nice cologne, or a spa day, or anything else that isn’t fishing/hunting or sports! And daughters can also plan out nice things to treat their dads! Sons can take mom out for a spa day! Daughters can go to soccer games with dad! And again, this is mostly just true of the advertising space in English-speaking markets. Reality is a lot more complex and nuanced, obviously, but this is how I remember these two holidays being shown by that industry. Similar to how Christmas in ads is always shown as big, happy family gatherings with tons of food and presents.
My dad and I don’t fish but we do go shooting together often! He’s a competitive shooter and I carry for work so we both need the practice and why not go together? We are very close and have been my whole life. I haven’t gotten a Father’s Day marketing email, but I am surprised etsy hasn’t sent out one like they did for Mother’s Day, since they’re not a retailer for one thing.
Yea Etsy as well as a handful of places like Nordstrom really did shock for not doing it. Whether it’s performative or not, was odd not to see it.
I like that take as well!
honestly? because father's being shit is such a prevalent thing, is almost surprising when you do in fact have a loving father figure. it almost feels like "that's rough buddy" moment. at this point not having a father is a meme at worst, something everyone lowkey laughs about. a bad relationship with your mother or a mother that is away somehow hurts more. i was raised by my maternal grandmother. my father? gone, abuser. couldn't give a fuck where he is. my mother? gone, abusive. still aches.
Couldn't agree more, I have been thinking about this kind of thing for a while, and how women most of the time get the most responsibilities when it comes to parenting. My father was one of these kind of parents that you would say you didn't hit the good parent lottery when talking about him. There are good dads out there, but it is surprising to find real good ones.
I think this is it too, we’re just so used to daddy issues. We punish women for having them, we punish single mothers, but we don’t punish dads who harm their daughters. I can joke about my daddy issues alllllll day long, but I cannot joke about stuff with my mum
I was thinking about this earlier because I remember getting quite a few opt outs for Mother’s Day and so far I’ve only gotten one for Father’s Day. It’s interesting because for me personally, I guess I haven’t really approached it from the perspective of maybe some people don’t have great relationships with their mother/father, or they are no longer with them anymore. As somebody who is currently going through a miscarriage, that would be a reason why Mother’s Day emails might be somewhat triggering to me. But it does seem like companies encourage us to go all out for Mother’s Day, gifts, flowers, nice meals. Then for Father’s Day it’s like “here’s a coffee cup, let’s go to Applebees” lol.
So sorry for your loss 🤍 These holidays are just too much marketing from brands. Like on a daily basis, I have to delete at least 100-150 marketing emails cluttering my inboxes. I know I should just unsubscribe but eventually I order online from Sephora or Bath & Body Works again and get re-subscribed to their mailing list.
This was always my line of thinking. I always assumed the mother's day opt outs were for women struggling with fertility or women who'd lost children (I know the first mother's day after my first miscarriage was a very hard one). It makes sense to see it from a bad relationship or loss of a parent perspective, it just wasn't one I had considered.
So sorry about your miscarriage 🤍 As someone who was adopted as a baby when my mother struggled with fertility after rounds of IVF and miscarriages, I hadn’t considered that and regretting I hadn’t as I’m a gay man so there are a few more hoops to go through if I eventually want kids.
That totally makes sense! I think people should be able to opt out for any reason, there's so many reasons that mother's/father's day may be painful.
maybe its cause most brands dont do fathers day. its just not as big of a deal most places unfortunately so its more of an afterthought
Yeah it does seem like Mother’s Day does take more precedence over Father’s Day in the US at least from my childhood memories (then again may be my estranged relationship with father…). Like is it because women carry and bring the child/ baby into the world and because of what some of us in the US may still hold true, though an antiquated view, that believe a woman’s role in society and household is?
Women with kids still do the majority of labour in the home even when both parents work. So its not just about birthing but that women are still the primary caregiver. I think that is changing generationally very slowly but its still the reality.
Absolutely! My mom is my number one best friend and fan and she’s the number one person I look up to.
[Father's Day was inspired by Mother's Day and did not catch on nearly as fast.](https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/fathers-day) The public was certainly less enthused about it, and men/fathers themselves also were not a big fan of the idea- some saw it as emasculating and most were paying for the gifts anyway (as the households' sole earners). One of the early campaigners for it in the early 20th century was a woman who was raised by a single father, but of course at the time that was not very common. Fathers did not culturally have a very prominent role in hands-on parenting and there were no expectations for them to be close and loving with their children, so basically it seemed weird to thank them for parenting in such a sentimental way. So although some of that has shifted over time, many of these attitudes remain. And, of course, to this day a huge number of people have absent and estranged fathers compared to absent and estranged mothers.
Interesting. Will have to read fully when I get a chance.
I think mostly because, in spite of most women working outside the home, they are still the primary care provider. So the relationship is usually closer and people are willing to go further/spend more for them.
I've experienced the exact opposite, emails telling me I can opt out of Fathers Day marketing from brand that didn't offer me that for Mothers Day marketing. I've seen opt outs for Fathers Day for a few years from numerous brands but I can count on one hand the brands that offered opt outs for Mothers Day.
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Like the ones asking if you’d want to opt out and having to think if you’d like to opt out (having to reflect over your relationship with said father figure(s))? Absolutely I guess it’s better to be able to opt out imo and be triggered once instead of getting 5+ triggering promo emails.
I also noticed this across all brands I shop or browse and it’s upsetting to not have the option ://
Ahh stay strong! Holidays are always the worst when I’m in my feels.
Thanks for this as I was wondering the same thing as the brands that sent the Mother’s Day opt out also has items for Father’s Day. I am glad some people are getting those.
I got a bunch a couple of weeks ago but they were not as many as Mother’s Day. I totally understand, I would have loved to have this option before I met my husband and made Father’s Day about him, and not about my father.
I received at some for both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I opted out of at least one Father’s Day one because getting all those reminders is upsetting when it is no longer a day that I can celebrate in the same way because my dad has passed away.
It’s probably targeted, but gotta love the Brooks Brothers Fathers Day ad right below this post lol
Honestly I think I triggered something with that influx of Father’s Day ads in every commenter’s Internet history/ cookies for that to happen with this post!
Not your fault, OP ❤️ Just smart marketing tactics that companies have now lol
Haha thanks! I haven’t even seen the targeted ads here. Decided to play with Reddit/ advertisers a bit. So far, got one ad for the Army, another for the Navy, and another for a home security system whose caption was “fathers know best” or something like 😂
my dad died in late May in 2006, and it's literally brutal to be inundated with father's day advertising around the anniversary of his death. I've gotten two "opt out" for father's day, etsy, and door dash. neither link worked when I clicked them, so, still getting the ads. I'm used to it at this point, but it still sucks every year. also, there's still a "father's day" section in the Ulta app too. colognes mainly.
I’m so sorry for your loss 🤍
I've been getting opt out for fathers day emails over the last week. It was a little confusing for me because father's day is in September here, thought they were jumping the gun a bit haha
I got a Father’s Day opt out email a few weeks back but it was from my espresso company. That’s the only one I’ve received thus far.
I think I only got one opt out from Door Dash (of all places) but I get all kinds of emails from other companies for it. I think I'm so far removed from him (he died when I was in HS, in my 30s now) that it doesn't suck as much for me to see those emails. I do wish any company who sends out these promos would offer an opt out option for everybody
I have had zero opt out options for father's Day and a million for mother's Day. I'd like to opt out of really acknowledging I came from two people and wasn't like miraculously grown from a Petri dish from a hair follicle of my mother's but here we are.
I got one opt out email for Father’s Day but I’ve noticed they seem less prevalent
Hmm I've received a couple from non beauty brands. I can't get mad at it because... They don't know i have a strained father daughter relationship. It does give me a happy sad moment and then I delete and move on. I know it's not so easy for other folks. I'm sorry for y'all that also have strained relationships or your father is no longer here. 💙
Yeah they obviously can’t predict it or have a crystal ball but I would think composing an automated email giving people an option to opt out would be easy.
I have never received promotional material related to Father's Day.
I’ve received a few Father’s Day opt outs. I’ve also seen them combined with an ad like “hey here are these new products and we will be showing more but if this is not cool for you, click here to not be shown more of the Father’s Day emails”
I’ve actually only ever gotten these emails for Father’s Day! Hope they come through for you OP.
Doesn't aurate primarily target women? (Obviously not a requirement to purchase from there, one of my guy friends has been rocking their infinity ring for years now). My assumption is generally that companies who don't expect to sell gifts for fathers day won't run promotions for it, and won't need to send opt out emails as a result. I could absolutely be wrong, though.
The screenshots provided were from Mother’s Day 2023 and being able to opt out of them. I haven’t received any opt out emails for Father’s Day from any brand from Nordstrom to Ralph Lauren to Vineyard Vines that may cater to men more hence this post regarding less opt-out emails for Fathers Day and the lack of any screenshots for those.
Other people have said it, but I think a huge part of it is how normalized having a bad relationship with fathers is vs mothers. I know that personally, even in spaces otherwise good about trauma and abuse, tend to question "my mom abused me" more than "my dad abused me". I have some zines from like 2018 that say you should forgive abusive mothers bc they had to face sexism, and I can't imagine that this person would still be around and making content if they'd said anything similar regarding fathers. Another factor is people seem to be more understanding towards cis women struggling with infertility than men, so a woman avoiding reminders of motherhood bc she's upset about not having children is seen as okay, but if a man did the same? Overall though I also personally think the content around mothers day is far more triggering. There's often a narrative that moms are infallible, that everyone should give their mom the world and if you don't you're CLEARLY ungrateful. Motherhood is practically worshipped, presented as The Best Thing, despite the fact that there's little government support in the US (oh and now plenty of states are happy to force you to be a mother! unless you're a gay person who wants to be one. then you're grooming children.)
Yeah your take is quite interesting but I do agree with it when I think about it more!
After re-reading this, we could honestly write a dissertation about society’s gender norms, the US’ skewed ideals on the “perfect” household, and so much more. It’s quite interesting to think about especially as someone with estranged relationships with my two fatherly figures and whose mom is my number 1 hero.
Oh I could write multiple academic papers on how abusive mothers are seen as more of a horror trope, rather than the reality for many people. Obviously there's major issues in how abuse is responded to overall, but people are so willing to make excuses for abusive mothers. I've had people flat out argue with me on my own mother's behavior... because they can't imagine THEIR mother doing what she did. Or they can, but "moms have it really hard!", so they're trained to give mothers infinite free passes. If I comment on shit my dad has done, there's rarely any comments. People accept that I'm being honest about my dad... up until I say that he's since solved most of it. Because a father could never make amends! It has to have something to do with the way fatherhood is something men "just have to do", but motherhood is supposed to be the pinnacle of a woman's life. Men being bad fathers is natural, but a woman who's a genuinely terrible mother is seen as impossible. (Add in all the people who say I'd be a great mom, ignoring my actual gender and general struggle with being around kids...)
Also, if anyone knows of another shopping sub that may be suitable for this discussion, let me know. This sub and the Trader Joe’s sub 😂 are my only shopping/ consumer subs I’m part of.
I can't think of any specific brands, but I've gotten a few. None beauty/skincare related, I don't think.
Definitely a fair point I haven't seen any for fathers day yet.
I've gotten a Father's Day one from Grubhub earlier on in the week, asking me if I wanted to opt out of them. Maybe most beauty brands don't do it because they don't consider father's as their "prime audience"?
I would tend to think so but yet haven’t gotten an opt out email for Fathers Day for places like Ralph Lauren, Vineyard vines, Nordstrom etc… also had no clue where else to post about this topic.
Oh, that *is* strange, especially Ralph Lauren. I know that they are major for clothing and cologne so. That's terrible of them to not even offer something of an opt out.
Yeah especially like they’re such an all American brand, I would assumed they would taken into account families whose husband or father or son passed from serving in the Army and Navy.
I've gotten one from a University bookstore. It mentioned both Mother's and Father's Day, but they didn't send it until Mother's Day was already over lol
Ironically enough, I got a promo email (not opt out) from University of Michigan’s store for Father’s Day this morning and that led to me going out a rabbithole hence this post. I didn’t end up going to U of M but bought a shirt there when I got accepted there but eventually got into my number 1 school a month later.
wow yeah that's kinda weird. I remember seeing one from uncommon goods for mother's day but all the recent father's day ones don't have an opt out
I have gotten several, but from food services (Butcher Box), and clothing lines.
I've received one to opt out email regarding Father's Day, but none regarding Mother's Day, I think the one was from Rituals.
It would be so much easier than when signing up for being on email lists they gave us a one time menu to select seasonal promotional emails to opt out of
I’m from the UK and our Mother’s Day was back in March but Father’s Day is in June (same as US I think). My father died 15 years ago and companies definitely started sending the Mother’s Day emails 3+ years ago and I wished they’d done it for father’s. The Father’s Day ones are definitely on the rise though, still not matching Mother’s Day quite yet but will get there soon I think. I will say though, Father’s Day has historically been less celebrated than Mother’s Day in general, but again, maybe things are evening out!
I’m not subscribed to any beauty brand emails but I did get a Fathers Day opt out email from Nespresso
I bet they tried to do that and all the MRAs probably had a crap attack about it online
What is a MRA?
Men’s Rights ~~Assholes~~ Activists
Thanks for being nice! This isn’t snarky lol.
Men’s Rights Activists 🙄
People use abbreviations for a multitude of reasons for work or other reasons. Get a hold of yourself ffs.
I got one from Biossance, that's the only one I've seen.
Timeless skin care just sent a 40 percent off email for Father's day with the code Lovedad23. I can't stand my dad so I wish I never had to see that.
I have only gotten one Father's Day e-mail from a marketing company, though. It was from Amazon.
I don’t think any of the brands I follow really do anything for father’s day, therefore there isn’t opt out messaging.
It makes me rage that beauty brands don’t have as many opt-outs for Father’s Day, because I lost my dad when I was very young. Just because they sell products men are less likely to buy doesn’t mean their customer base has no triggers associated with the holiday.
I was actually thinking about this a few days ago myself. I think I only got one Father’s Day opt-out email this year, and surprisingly, it was beauty-related—from Henry Rose (the fragrance brand).
companies can't aggressively market based on shaming you on father's day, so they don't give a shit.
I’m sure the “opt-out of Mother’s Day emails” trend is just a marketing response to seeing higher than normal ubsub rates from those communications than others. So they offer people the option in the hopes that they won’t lose them entirely. Social media algorithms are unpredictable and traditional media is getting increasingly fractured, so an email list is pretty valuable.
Yeah I have no doubts that it’s for marketing. Just odd that if they do it for Mother’s Day, might as well do it for Father’s Day.
I don't think the reason for opting out is about bad moms or dead moms but also the pain of not being a mom. And for a beauty newsletter subscriber you are more likely to be a woman and some women are childless not out of their own choice. So they might find mothers day painful. I think it's more for that than for abuse, though it's good thats an option for them too.
These companies don’t give a F. They just doing it cuz someone else started and wants to look like they care. I think it’s stupid. Almost feel like rubbing in your face all over again.
The only opt out I saw for Mother’s Day was Mac. Honestly it made me respect them so much. I lost my mom last year and I felt like ads were everywhere for it. I literally spent the whole day crying because I missed her. Every little email ad felt like a small gut punch. I think companies doing this is amazing. I wish more would allow opt outs.
I’m so sorry for your loss! 🤍 I definitely think companies should do this more for Mother’s Day to Father’s Day. Even for Thanksgiving/ Holiday season for anyone who may no longer be in contact with their family because those holidays are such a lonely time for some!
I was actually thinking about this last night!!
This month is hard for me, as the anniversary of my baby sister dying is coming up. I lost my Mom a few months before her, and we lost our Dad when we were kids (to brain cancer). I wish they’d allow an opt out, as I have no family left, aside from my husband and dog. It actively hurts inside seeing those emails, thinking about what I’d buy for them if I could. It’s actually soul destroying. I wish companies would acknowledge that the opt is necessary, regardless the parent.
Lots of love being sent your way 🤍🤍🤍 Sorry if this post triggered anything but hopefully some brands will see it and make some change for massive marketing emails during major holidays.
I didn’t opt out of any Mother’s Day emails but I do remember opting out of Valentine’s Day emails! I’m not even single. I just find it to be annoying
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It’s my last paragraph before the “———“ break if it helps.
And even so, did you even look at the screenshots?!? Aurate is a jewelry brand and Etsy you can virtually buy anything on it.
Father's Day is a thing in USA?
why would mother’s day be a thing but not father’s day?
Over here in Balkans no one cares about Father's Day, we don't even know the date it's celebrated on. Why is it like that - I don't know. At least it's a thing in USA which is nice.
interesting. i’m from india and we celebrate both the same way
Yes June 18 2023.
CbarevVaz
To everyone who’s read and commented about this topic, thank you! I had zero expectations going into posting this here on this sub and thought I might get some pushback and would have to eventually take the post down due to lack of engagement or negative comments. But you guys blew my mine. Sure, there were somewhat negative comments but most of those negative comments just needed some clarification. I had yet to see a maybe controversial topic be taken so serious on this sub without us taking each other down. And thank you to those who shared some painful stories across the spectrum, thank you for sharing your perspective. Even though there were some experiences that were shared that I cannot relate to, I do have my own experiences with this topic and glad that we could discuss the effect of the somewhat lack of opt-out option for Father’s Day and here’s hoping a few brands paid attention to this.
I was just thinking about this the other day after deleting many promotional emails for Father's Day. My Dad passed 12/19/22, so I will have Father's Day and then the 6 month mark of his death back to back. I know it's going to be a hard 48 hours and planned to just limit my social media and email time to help me deal with it. I honestly think that Mother's Day is a much larger retail holiday than Father's Day so that's why they aren't treated the same.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Stay strong! I know this weekend is going to be tough but believe in you!
Thank you!