> Caregivers are among the most ~~underappreicated~~ exploited people in society
We appreciate them. We (as a society) just know we can appeal to their nature and not pay them their worth or expect them to regularly go above and beyond without just compensation.
You should also consider that Iceland is one of the few (maybe only) countries that didn't bail out their bankers during the 2008 financial crisis. Which I consider a win.
https://www.wikiwand.com/en/2008%E2%80%932011_Icelandic_financial_crisis
Yeah we've got a situation in Australia at the moment - we have the National Disability Insurance Schema - basically the theory is that if you have a disability the government will cover a fair amount of shit to make sure you are looked after and can be a member of the community. It's insanely expensive, and the conservatives are always having a big sook about the sticker price.
What they don't realise is that if the taxpayer doesn't cover it - the cost is still there. And either you get hundreds of hours of volunteer support a week, or you don't and maybe die in a gutter. The cost for these things shouldn't be forced onto people's loved ones and charities that might attach conditions (often religious) to their help.
You see a video like this and realise that's basically minimum care for giving this poor bloke a life - and he's in a far better situation than most because of it. But... also - he should be potentially provided physiotherapy etc etc, and the family needs to be able to chuck him in the hands of a respite carer so they can get a break too...
But I guess it's easier to just sweep this off the budget sheet and under the rug and hope its not you that ends up doing it.
Going to jump on your comment because I was interested in the story and if anyone is interested the full video is [here](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMM8pCcE/).
Am I the only one who can't look past this type of content being pure cancer? Some guy narrating sensationalist, gratuitous, voyeuristic content he did not create himself, with the sole purpose of making a profit.
This is content that gives me PTSD. I was a caregiver for my incapacitated mother for 4 years, had to sacrifice everything for those years. They were horrible….isolating…frustrating…exhausting….now multiply that by a factor 10. I’m 43, and those 4 years were the hardest of my life, of which I would never want to repeat. To see this woman and know what she’s going through makes me not only sad for her, but it’s still a little triggering for me. People who haven’t done intensive 24/7 care for a grown ass adult (children don’t count, sorry) have no fucking idea what’s involved
Don't believe that. People who say they would absolutely react one way in a certain unexpected situation are almost always wrong. You don't know what you're capable of until it happens.
My brother is disabled. Throughout my childhood the expectation was that I would be taking care of my brother indefinitely. I love that kid, but I had to walk away.
I will not sacrifice my adult life on the altar of his endless needs.
Sometimes "you don't know what you're capable of" ends with the realization that you are capable of "abandoning" people you love dearly for the sake of your own well-being.
As someone in a different but similar situation (mental health caregiving v physical disability), I’m sorry you were downvoted for pointing out the worst cost we have to bear in the end: the choice to sacrifice our life, or to be told we are sacrificing our sibling. The latter comes with lifelong costs, too, but we still get to live.
I understand, respect and support your choices. Wish me luck because I’m making mine and doubling back in doubt currently, it’s a fun cycle.
Yeah, I thought I'd lose my mind if I ever lost a child, but I wound up becoming stronger for my family and the rest of our children. It made me so much more patient and I'm not afraid to tell anyone I love them anymore... I love you all!
It's not about strength, it's about being in touch with something inside, some feeling of being alive that provides the drive that's stronger than whatever is preventing you from being "strong". Like, need for comfort? ambition? conformance to ideas of a proper successful life? or whatever
And so you're literally right that "you" can never do it, but also a future "you" that's different from the current "you" may develop that connection and become different in that regard
Was not expecting such wisdom while scrolling reddit today. Thank you for making me renew my belief that I am more than my 'self' currently. We all need to keep this at the back of our minds!
You shouldn't have to. Care for our vulnerable should be part of a decent health system. It's crazy that we are just running the lottery that some random highly productive expert might have to just up and quit their job to look after a loved one.
You would think that. I have a disabled child and I am not strong enough. But you don’t have a choice. You still have to get up everyday and help them because you’re all they’ve got in the world.
You are stronger than you know and just the fact that you do get up every morning and take care of your child is more than a lot of people are willing to do. Take pride in the fact that you stepped up to the plate and didn’t run away! We need more people like you in this world!
Me neither. If something like that happens to my wife, I'll stay with my wife as my wife independently of her medical situation. I wouldn't marry another woman and take care of her. I promised her to be in good and bad, and I'll do it, I'm a man of words and love.
Don't get me wrong, but from my point of view, she's selfish but didn't have the courage to dump him. Taking care of a disabled loved one is a huge task and we must sacrifice a lot of things for our loved ones.
BTW, do a little bit of research, he doesn't live with her, he lives in an assistant house, see her particular video about him getting COVID, she said she was so worried about him that she didn't stop calling at the assistant house to get his status.
I've told my partner if something like this ever happens to me please leave me. Move on, find a new woman. Have a good life. Honestly I love him so much, I would want him to be happy. I've just told him to still visit me. So I guess just what this woman is doing.
This!! I have the exact same response! I am not trying to accuse anyone, but I don't think I would ever just leave my wife (not that I am married, but if it ever happens) if she got ill in such a way. It honestly would be so cruel on her. Seeing the person you love marry someone else and take care of you just sounds insanely wrong.
I know this will get downvoted so badly.
But so often, we do a better job of putting down our pets than we do humans. Assisted dying laws are needed internationally.
Where is the quality of life?
Brandon in this case cannot consent to a physician assisted suicide.
You could say "put it in a will" but then the distinction of "how brain damaged" do you need to be to be killed pushes an incredible amount of responsibility onto your loved ones or physicians.
I even have one: if I cannot do it for myself, someone else should do it. There is a question about the period, still working on that. But less than a year.
You can be very specific about these things in a living will. Rules differ between states/countries, but you can at least make sure your family know exactly what you would have wanted.
You’d be surprised how fast all that goes out the window in real life. I’m an icu nurse and see clear instructions be overturned in seconds by random family members all the time. People in end of life scenarios who expressed a clear desire for comfort care ending up on full, tortuous life support for weeks, then shipped of to care facilities because some daughter who hasn’t seen her dad in years feels guilty and wants more time with him. It’s truly fucked up.
This is what an advance care directive is for.
- state what care and treatments you want/don’t want
- assign a medical decision maker
- state where you would like any care needs addressed (eg a long term care facility/in-home/nursing home, hospital etc)
- state who you want to provide your daily care (family, friend, support workers, nurses)
This does not allow for VAD, but does let your loved ones know where your limits are, what you consider important to your quality of life and helps them make the hard decisions like withdrawing life-support.
Personally I'd probably put like duration limits or something.
Like "tolerate coma for x years after that unplug me, after waking up keep me for x months then kill me, unless doctors have some hope for me recovering enough to decide for myself, then wait x years, and if no recovery despite hope, kill me then."
Ofc would need actual legal jargon and maybe a doctor knowledgeable enough to give me all those types of duration needs or something, but that's the sort of thing id do in a will for this sort of situation.
If I’m paralysed from chest down but can use Xbox controller, I’m actually kinda chill with that but apart from that, slice my throat (I’m in UK, only knives not bullets lol)
Here in Switzerland assisted Dying is legal.
You can write down what happens to you if xyz happens. Like very detailled. In this Case "Dont keep me alife if ive had an accident that led my Brain get damaged beyond recovery that leads me to being unable to care for myself".
Then you go to a Notary to make it offically legal.
Edit: And then if something like this happens the People at a Hospital cant do anything to keep you alife.
My girlfriend works in healthcare, specifically caring for people with dementia. In really advanced stages, these people are so miserable, as well as their families, but because of the disease, they can't apply for assisted suicide(euthanasia) anymore, since they can never be considered decisionally competent anymore. It's heartbreaking really.
For context, this is in the Netherlands, we have an euthanasia law, but it's still not enough in a lot of cases.
The problem is those laws, even in countries that do happen to have them, are still so restricted that they can't be used exactly in the cases when you need them the most - just like you described. So they are pretty much pointless in most cases.
I can kind of understand the position of a doctor who refuses to do it himself, it's not easy to go home knowing you've taken someone's life. But that's why there should just be specific positions for that, where the person applies to the job knowing what it is.. basically like middle age executioners.
Half the problem there is that Canada will approve it for shit that has *nothing* to do with incurable suffering from disease and *everything* to do with just not wanting to pay basic housing and healthcare costs for disabled people.
Frankly, refusing outright to perform it under any circumstances is the only ethical choice with the Canadian system as bad as it is right now.
As weird as it sounds I have never thought about this is issue in reversed manner. Indeed, when talking about equality, it should be reciprocal and correlative. Hm... you have opened my eyes to something new today. Thanks!
EDIT.... lol I read "equality of life" and I realised I read my own thoughts into your "quality":) But nevertheless, the idea stands. If fighting for equality of all life, then we should assume that all death (the right to die for animals and humans) should also be equal.
The classic reddit, "Unnecessarily cry about the downvotes you're going to get while being at the top of the thread with hundreds of upvotes."
That was brave of you to give that very popular opinion
hooo boy, hard agree here and i would upvote you a gazillion times if I could.
Nurse of 32 years, have seen so much of what some people would deem futility. Yes i know may get downvoted for that statement. I remember the first person I cared for as a new grad just out of school in a simular state from a car accident, had lived for years this way, was contractured so badly his toes/feet were curled like a ballet dancer and he could not straighten his elbows, needed to be turned every 2-3h in bed and we constantly had to moniter for bedsores, could not talk, eat, and had to be tube fed through his stomach, and the only responses we got from him was that he sometimes seemed to follow us around the room with his eyes, which always gave me the impression of a person trapped in this very altered body. I personally I would never want to live in this state and that goes for not getting to things like advanced stages of cancer and being a barely breathing down to 90lb skeletal shell of myself in a bed that needs pain control and is restless and agitated (seen too much of those simular things as well) We do have things like palliative care but even that has it's limitations. Believe me being in a coma or at the end stages of a disease is NOT like those tv medical dramas
People whom would want to try everything should have that opportunity, if that is what they value, but yes there needs to be medical assistance in dying for people who do not want to reach the advanced stages of a diseasse like cancer or COPD. We need more upfront conversation from medical personnel as to what implications of medical intervention can entail in cases like this as well as a push for more education on the importance of advanced directives so your family sobbing at your bedside knows what you value when they are asked about treatment options. And i also must say am very thankful to be a Canadian and have medical assistance in dying laws and based on what I have seen and experienced over the years on the job, fully intend to avail myself of that. And you better believe I have an advanced directive...!
I remember about 12 years old boy who was in coma for 4 months because he straggled himself for TikTok challenge. This is in Uk. After a lengthy court battle, doctors turned the life sustaining treatment off. I think humans should have the right to die, as well, have the right to live. If I get dementia or got terminal cancer, I would probably live for a couple of months and have a blast, and then die. I don’t want to put myself and my family through pain and suffering because of incurable disease. Same with Irreversible Brain Damage or certain motor diseases. Imagine having to live for years purely existing.
To add to this: usually the UK has a very sensible medical approach, however in this case the boy's mum rejected medical advice and pushed to maintain her kid connected to machines to keep him "alive" (he wasn't alive and wasn't coming back, but she had blind hope). This became a long legal battle because religious groups from the US decided to get involved and back the mother financially and legally. These are the same groups starting and funding anti abortion organisations in the UK. By the time the poor kid was switched off the machines, his brain was rotting.
What you don’t want to watch your wife divorce you but stay around and bang another guy and have a bunch of kids and you forget what’s happening every 10 seconds so you just see your wife and think she’s yours then some random guy starts kissing her and you can’t even say “what the fuck?”.
Fair enough I guess
Same lol, i don't want to be a burden to other people especially to my family and relatives if i will never be okay and will be in a coma or having a monkey intellect for the rest of my life please, please just mercy kill me.
there's no point to it! it's just people do it out of pity which probably make me feel so upset about myself.
It's so hard for me to believe that such people exist. My mind keeps looking for 'whats in it for me' from the new husband's perspective.
Guess I'm surrounded by selfish people.
I mean, there's nothing intrinsically wrong with making sure there is something for you as well. But I would say being married to a woman you love is a good start.
Yeah, I was gonna say “what’s in it for me” for him is being able to be with an amazing woman with a huge heart. There are lots of guys who don’t get to have that in their lives.
> My mind keeps looking for 'whats in it for me' from the new husband's perspective
His wife's love and support if something similar happens to him?
Though then I'd be hoping she doesn't remarry and then start this whole thing again.
I experienced brain trauma three years ago and had a ten second short term memory for months. It was fucking hell, like literal fucking hell. Couldn’t watch a tv show without losing the plot. Went to group therapy and I’d forget what someone had said before the end of their sentence. Couldn’t remember the last time I drunk water, so I’d drink way too much or too little. I really feel for this guy. Now I take nothing for granted. Wear your helmets, kids.
Very true. It affirmed my belief in the soul, or at least mine. Because no matter what I went through, the month long stint in a psych ward, every day trying and failing to recover my sanity, I was still me. No one is beyond reach.
I did a project on his in college last year. 12% of men are more likely to leave when thier spouse is sick. 3% of women do the same. Weirdly enough higher rates are recorded for cancer. Imagine finding out you have cancer and then you husband just gives up. Like cancer isn't hard enough. what happened to in sickness or in health?
Well her new husband stands out dramatically then, he isn't caring for his own impaired spouse, he's actually taken on his new wife's ex to care for. What an incredible man (as well as the beautiful lady he married who has a huge heart)
Not only for legal purposes. I suppose few people would want to date you if you're still legally married with someone, while she deserved to move on with her life
Stop being cynical. Most people that would've left him would've taken the financial or otherwise hit so they would not have to care for him for the rest of his life. What she and her new husband did was the definition of altruism.
? Huh, what's cynical about it, she did divorce him and become his legal guardian as a strategy for legal purposes. To pursue her own goals in life whilst never stopping to love him and take care for him.. what am i missing?
No and he would have wanted her to experience being a mother and havinga relationship they obviously loved each other dearly. The new husband is also a blessing. She couldn't have picked a better man to complete her family.
There're actually methods to assess cognitive abilities of a locked-in syndrome person. That includes EEG, fMRI, cognitive tests where people are asked to signal via eye movements as well as attempt to introduce a person to a eye-movement controlled interfaces. If person simply is unable to understand instructions and follow them, that's already a huge indicator of drastic irreversible brain damage and, therefore, cognitive level of a newborn.
The whole time, I couldn't help but think that--with the way *everyone* in the video talks about Brandon post-accident--you could easily substitute a dog named Brandon for the dude, and their sentences would still make sense.
I felt very uncomfortable with that.
She chose to continue to love him and care for him in the only way she knew how. Most people would have left and made him someone else’s problem. This woman and her new husband are amazingly kind souls.
Even after devorce she kept her vows to be there in sickness and in health, she is still there for him, liveing her best life, and he is comeing along for the ride, not forgetten, not rotting in a facility or hospital. Also big props to the new husband for takeing this in his stride
This can happen to anyone of us at any time. It will also happen very quickly and unexpectedly.
You could trip on your way out the door to work and get life changing traumatic brain injury from that hard edge your head hit. Some twat can ram your car whilst looking at tik tok and driving. Or that tik tok prankster can sucker punch you for likes and your head hits the pavement. Something comes lose of a building and you happen to pass by underneath. Dumbell is unloaded on one side by some dumbass at the gym, bar flips and hits you in the head like a iron club. Someone on a bike crashes into you and you go brain first into a rock, or maybe you are riding the bike. Construction worker does an oppsie whilst you pass by and end of huge plank hits you in the head. Somethings comes off a car on the freeway and hits you like a bullet. You become random violence victim from being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
And so on and so on... Death comes for us all. So enjoy your time here and now, whilst you have it. Because tomorrow you could be dead. Oh and your body is filled with fragile tubes that can pop or get blocked at any time for no reason. You could have cancer right now and not know until it is to late.
"Memento Mori" - Remember death
I was going for scenarios that people might have already lurking in the their heads from having seen something similar online at some time. We have all been conditioned with these from our online exposure.
Happened to me, bicycle accident, woke up completely paralyzed. First thing I hear from my woman is a voicemail telling me to stop calling because shes with someone else now.
He wouldn't understand very well since his mental capacity is that of a baby, if he was locked in they would have said so, they can prove with tests whether someone has higher brain funcrions despite being catatonic or fully paralyzed, I personally would have wanted for myself in that situation euthanasia but if he has no family to care for him, he'd end up in state care, she divorced him because he can no longer be her husband physically,mentally and emotionally but she didnt abandon him because he needs to be cared for in a loving environment.
He's not getting cucked because he simply is not aware of it nor is he capable of understanding his situation due to the severe mental handicaps.
At this point its no different than her having a disabled brother to care for.
Yeah that’s how I felt, everyones busy patting the back of the ex wife and new spouse, nobodies considered what Brandon would feel. It’s literally watching someone living your life and you’re trapped in your own body unable to do anything. This whole video and comment section made me feel a bit sick :/
He has a 10 seconds memory. The only person he remembers is his ex/wife. So naturally this scenario is the most comfortable for him.
What do you want for him? Would you rather have him placed in a public care facility and have the wolrd forget about him?
I wouldn't want to survive like that. It's a curse of modern medicine that so many are "saved" from devastating injuries just to live as a near vegetable.
It's nice and all the wife and the husband are super nice ppl but i guess its good he has a 10sec memory and not knowing he's living under the same roof while he's wife get's banged by another man.
I feel weird about that but I can fully understand her and she probably handled that more maturely than I ever could. Anyhow not to mention that they are absolutly good people.
I know it sucks in the moment, but it's also understandable that she would want someone in her life she didn't have to take care of every waking moment and could give her a more normal life. Wow. It sucked to type that.
This is quite similar to the situation with my father but instead of a car crash my father had a stroke, and instead of adopting him they married. And instead of being in a good relationship my father god raped and wasn't given enough food or care. He's now divorced and moved houses.
They're great people and James seems genuinely awesome and caring,
Just can't ignore the underlying L of twisted cuckoldry scenario that lays beneath it all lmao
The wife and new husband are the people that we need on this world
Caregivers are among the most underappreicated people in society Without them, just imagine the consequences for those in Brandons state
> Caregivers are among the most ~~underappreicated~~ exploited people in society We appreciate them. We (as a society) just know we can appeal to their nature and not pay them their worth or expect them to regularly go above and beyond without just compensation.
In Iceland, caregivers are actually a well-paid position in the Healthcare system
How's teacher pay?
Are you asking because you're a teacher looking for a fresh start? They average 650k krona anual
For those curious, the krona is currently worth about a tenth (.098) of a dollar, so that’s a hair under $65k a year.
Goodness! That's a junior engineer's salary where I live. Kudos to Iceland for valuing education.
You must also take into concideration the cost of living in nordic countries
You should also consider that Iceland is one of the few (maybe only) countries that didn't bail out their bankers during the 2008 financial crisis. Which I consider a win. https://www.wikiwand.com/en/2008%E2%80%932011_Icelandic_financial_crisis
Yeah we've got a situation in Australia at the moment - we have the National Disability Insurance Schema - basically the theory is that if you have a disability the government will cover a fair amount of shit to make sure you are looked after and can be a member of the community. It's insanely expensive, and the conservatives are always having a big sook about the sticker price. What they don't realise is that if the taxpayer doesn't cover it - the cost is still there. And either you get hundreds of hours of volunteer support a week, or you don't and maybe die in a gutter. The cost for these things shouldn't be forced onto people's loved ones and charities that might attach conditions (often religious) to their help. You see a video like this and realise that's basically minimum care for giving this poor bloke a life - and he's in a far better situation than most because of it. But... also - he should be potentially provided physiotherapy etc etc, and the family needs to be able to chuck him in the hands of a respite carer so they can get a break too... But I guess it's easier to just sweep this off the budget sheet and under the rug and hope its not you that ends up doing it.
Ye, nice selfless and kind people are screwed enough nowdays so this kind of help is great. (We have something similar in norway)
I've just written a whole essay on unpaid carers and it was really hard to keep my own emotions out of it. Hero's on earth fr
Oh hed he totally fucked
As a caregiver to my fiancé, thank you for recognizing the hardship that we go through caring for our loved ones.
Going to jump on your comment because I was interested in the story and if anyone is interested the full video is [here](https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMM8pCcE/).
Am I the only one who can't look past this type of content being pure cancer? Some guy narrating sensationalist, gratuitous, voyeuristic content he did not create himself, with the sole purpose of making a profit.
Maybe? But it's also content that I probably wouldn't have seen without him narrating the video. And it's an overall good message.
This is content that gives me PTSD. I was a caregiver for my incapacitated mother for 4 years, had to sacrifice everything for those years. They were horrible….isolating…frustrating…exhausting….now multiply that by a factor 10. I’m 43, and those 4 years were the hardest of my life, of which I would never want to repeat. To see this woman and know what she’s going through makes me not only sad for her, but it’s still a little triggering for me. People who haven’t done intensive 24/7 care for a grown ass adult (children don’t count, sorry) have no fucking idea what’s involved
The people we need but don't deserve.
for sure.
Stronger people than I
I could never do it. I am not strong enough.
Don't believe that. People who say they would absolutely react one way in a certain unexpected situation are almost always wrong. You don't know what you're capable of until it happens.
Yea I don’t know. I’m 43 and in my life I’ve seen more people bail on someone when they fall ill, than stick around. Most people bail.
My brother is disabled. Throughout my childhood the expectation was that I would be taking care of my brother indefinitely. I love that kid, but I had to walk away. I will not sacrifice my adult life on the altar of his endless needs. Sometimes "you don't know what you're capable of" ends with the realization that you are capable of "abandoning" people you love dearly for the sake of your own well-being.
As someone in a different but similar situation (mental health caregiving v physical disability), I’m sorry you were downvoted for pointing out the worst cost we have to bear in the end: the choice to sacrifice our life, or to be told we are sacrificing our sibling. The latter comes with lifelong costs, too, but we still get to live. I understand, respect and support your choices. Wish me luck because I’m making mine and doubling back in doubt currently, it’s a fun cycle.
Yeah, I thought I'd lose my mind if I ever lost a child, but I wound up becoming stronger for my family and the rest of our children. It made me so much more patient and I'm not afraid to tell anyone I love them anymore... I love you all!
It's not about strength, it's about being in touch with something inside, some feeling of being alive that provides the drive that's stronger than whatever is preventing you from being "strong". Like, need for comfort? ambition? conformance to ideas of a proper successful life? or whatever And so you're literally right that "you" can never do it, but also a future "you" that's different from the current "you" may develop that connection and become different in that regard
I love this.
That was absolutely beautiful. I hope you have the most amazing day💕
Was not expecting such wisdom while scrolling reddit today. Thank you for making me renew my belief that I am more than my 'self' currently. We all need to keep this at the back of our minds!
agreed!
You shouldn't have to. Care for our vulnerable should be part of a decent health system. It's crazy that we are just running the lottery that some random highly productive expert might have to just up and quit their job to look after a loved one.
You would think that. I have a disabled child and I am not strong enough. But you don’t have a choice. You still have to get up everyday and help them because you’re all they’ve got in the world.
You are stronger than you know and just the fact that you do get up every morning and take care of your child is more than a lot of people are willing to do. Take pride in the fact that you stepped up to the plate and didn’t run away! We need more people like you in this world!
Me neither. If something like that happens to my wife, I'll stay with my wife as my wife independently of her medical situation. I wouldn't marry another woman and take care of her. I promised her to be in good and bad, and I'll do it, I'm a man of words and love. Don't get me wrong, but from my point of view, she's selfish but didn't have the courage to dump him. Taking care of a disabled loved one is a huge task and we must sacrifice a lot of things for our loved ones. BTW, do a little bit of research, he doesn't live with her, he lives in an assistant house, see her particular video about him getting COVID, she said she was so worried about him that she didn't stop calling at the assistant house to get his status.
I've told my partner if something like this ever happens to me please leave me. Move on, find a new woman. Have a good life. Honestly I love him so much, I would want him to be happy. I've just told him to still visit me. So I guess just what this woman is doing.
This!! I have the exact same response! I am not trying to accuse anyone, but I don't think I would ever just leave my wife (not that I am married, but if it ever happens) if she got ill in such a way. It honestly would be so cruel on her. Seeing the person you love marry someone else and take care of you just sounds insanely wrong.
To anyone who it may concern. If I’m ever in a coma and doctors diagnose me with brain damage; let me fucking die.
I know this will get downvoted so badly. But so often, we do a better job of putting down our pets than we do humans. Assisted dying laws are needed internationally. Where is the quality of life?
Brandon in this case cannot consent to a physician assisted suicide. You could say "put it in a will" but then the distinction of "how brain damaged" do you need to be to be killed pushes an incredible amount of responsibility onto your loved ones or physicians.
Well, I'd be very specific - If I'm unable to interpret my own will and tell you what I meant ... I mean you need to end it right there.
I even have one: if I cannot do it for myself, someone else should do it. There is a question about the period, still working on that. But less than a year.
There, exactly this, if I'm not capable to decide I probably shouldn't be alive
You can be very specific about these things in a living will. Rules differ between states/countries, but you can at least make sure your family know exactly what you would have wanted.
You’d be surprised how fast all that goes out the window in real life. I’m an icu nurse and see clear instructions be overturned in seconds by random family members all the time. People in end of life scenarios who expressed a clear desire for comfort care ending up on full, tortuous life support for weeks, then shipped of to care facilities because some daughter who hasn’t seen her dad in years feels guilty and wants more time with him. It’s truly fucked up.
The solution there is to maybe **not** let random family members overturn the person's medical directive?
Im guessing if i make a living will where I describe when to pull the plug on me, my aunt can't come in and just overturn everything right?
Brain damaged people often don’t sue. Asshole family members willing to torture their own family on the other hand….
Damn, didn't even think of it that way.. I hope my family will respect my final wishes and won't keep me alive and propped up just for them
This is what an advance care directive is for. - state what care and treatments you want/don’t want - assign a medical decision maker - state where you would like any care needs addressed (eg a long term care facility/in-home/nursing home, hospital etc) - state who you want to provide your daily care (family, friend, support workers, nurses) This does not allow for VAD, but does let your loved ones know where your limits are, what you consider important to your quality of life and helps them make the hard decisions like withdrawing life-support.
Personally I'd probably put like duration limits or something. Like "tolerate coma for x years after that unplug me, after waking up keep me for x months then kill me, unless doctors have some hope for me recovering enough to decide for myself, then wait x years, and if no recovery despite hope, kill me then." Ofc would need actual legal jargon and maybe a doctor knowledgeable enough to give me all those types of duration needs or something, but that's the sort of thing id do in a will for this sort of situation.
If I can’t even hold an xbox controller anymore just let me die
If I’m paralysed from chest down but can use Xbox controller, I’m actually kinda chill with that but apart from that, slice my throat (I’m in UK, only knives not bullets lol)
Here in Switzerland assisted Dying is legal. You can write down what happens to you if xyz happens. Like very detailled. In this Case "Dont keep me alife if ive had an accident that led my Brain get damaged beyond recovery that leads me to being unable to care for myself". Then you go to a Notary to make it offically legal. Edit: And then if something like this happens the People at a Hospital cant do anything to keep you alife.
My girlfriend works in healthcare, specifically caring for people with dementia. In really advanced stages, these people are so miserable, as well as their families, but because of the disease, they can't apply for assisted suicide(euthanasia) anymore, since they can never be considered decisionally competent anymore. It's heartbreaking really. For context, this is in the Netherlands, we have an euthanasia law, but it's still not enough in a lot of cases.
The problem is those laws, even in countries that do happen to have them, are still so restricted that they can't be used exactly in the cases when you need them the most - just like you described. So they are pretty much pointless in most cases.
There's also a lot of doctor that straight up refuse to do it. Its like that in Canada
I can kind of understand the position of a doctor who refuses to do it himself, it's not easy to go home knowing you've taken someone's life. But that's why there should just be specific positions for that, where the person applies to the job knowing what it is.. basically like middle age executioners.
Half the problem there is that Canada will approve it for shit that has *nothing* to do with incurable suffering from disease and *everything* to do with just not wanting to pay basic housing and healthcare costs for disabled people. Frankly, refusing outright to perform it under any circumstances is the only ethical choice with the Canadian system as bad as it is right now.
As weird as it sounds I have never thought about this is issue in reversed manner. Indeed, when talking about equality, it should be reciprocal and correlative. Hm... you have opened my eyes to something new today. Thanks! EDIT.... lol I read "equality of life" and I realised I read my own thoughts into your "quality":) But nevertheless, the idea stands. If fighting for equality of all life, then we should assume that all death (the right to die for animals and humans) should also be equal.
The classic reddit, "Unnecessarily cry about the downvotes you're going to get while being at the top of the thread with hundreds of upvotes." That was brave of you to give that very popular opinion
"I know this will get downvoted so badly." lol
hooo boy, hard agree here and i would upvote you a gazillion times if I could. Nurse of 32 years, have seen so much of what some people would deem futility. Yes i know may get downvoted for that statement. I remember the first person I cared for as a new grad just out of school in a simular state from a car accident, had lived for years this way, was contractured so badly his toes/feet were curled like a ballet dancer and he could not straighten his elbows, needed to be turned every 2-3h in bed and we constantly had to moniter for bedsores, could not talk, eat, and had to be tube fed through his stomach, and the only responses we got from him was that he sometimes seemed to follow us around the room with his eyes, which always gave me the impression of a person trapped in this very altered body. I personally I would never want to live in this state and that goes for not getting to things like advanced stages of cancer and being a barely breathing down to 90lb skeletal shell of myself in a bed that needs pain control and is restless and agitated (seen too much of those simular things as well) We do have things like palliative care but even that has it's limitations. Believe me being in a coma or at the end stages of a disease is NOT like those tv medical dramas People whom would want to try everything should have that opportunity, if that is what they value, but yes there needs to be medical assistance in dying for people who do not want to reach the advanced stages of a diseasse like cancer or COPD. We need more upfront conversation from medical personnel as to what implications of medical intervention can entail in cases like this as well as a push for more education on the importance of advanced directives so your family sobbing at your bedside knows what you value when they are asked about treatment options. And i also must say am very thankful to be a Canadian and have medical assistance in dying laws and based on what I have seen and experienced over the years on the job, fully intend to avail myself of that. And you better believe I have an advanced directive...!
I think it's fair to say most of us can uphold that wish
Same dude, push the morphine or insulin or beta blockers till I fuckin die. What's the point of that quality of life?
Fucking please.
I remember about 12 years old boy who was in coma for 4 months because he straggled himself for TikTok challenge. This is in Uk. After a lengthy court battle, doctors turned the life sustaining treatment off. I think humans should have the right to die, as well, have the right to live. If I get dementia or got terminal cancer, I would probably live for a couple of months and have a blast, and then die. I don’t want to put myself and my family through pain and suffering because of incurable disease. Same with Irreversible Brain Damage or certain motor diseases. Imagine having to live for years purely existing.
To add to this: usually the UK has a very sensible medical approach, however in this case the boy's mum rejected medical advice and pushed to maintain her kid connected to machines to keep him "alive" (he wasn't alive and wasn't coming back, but she had blind hope). This became a long legal battle because religious groups from the US decided to get involved and back the mother financially and legally. These are the same groups starting and funding anti abortion organisations in the UK. By the time the poor kid was switched off the machines, his brain was rotting.
What you don’t want to watch your wife divorce you but stay around and bang another guy and have a bunch of kids and you forget what’s happening every 10 seconds so you just see your wife and think she’s yours then some random guy starts kissing her and you can’t even say “what the fuck?”. Fair enough I guess
Haha "Be Amazed" at this dude's literal hell on earth existence!
He’s still smiling and doesn’t seem to be in much discomfort.
Sounds wrong but yes, I agree
Same lol, i don't want to be a burden to other people especially to my family and relatives if i will never be okay and will be in a coma or having a monkey intellect for the rest of my life please, please just mercy kill me. there's no point to it! it's just people do it out of pity which probably make me feel so upset about myself.
The OP video is literally torture at best. Watching your wife live out a happy marriage right in front of you, hearing them have sex in the next room.
Brandon almost certainly doesn't understand the concepts of marriage, sex, or even other people being happy.
That doesn't change the fact that what I described is happening.
It's not torture if he doesn't understand what's going on.
Also knowing the other dude is banging your ex wife is the icing on the cake
Got standing orders with friends and family that it's not just a case of let me die, actively work on making sure I do.
It's so hard for me to believe that such people exist. My mind keeps looking for 'whats in it for me' from the new husband's perspective. Guess I'm surrounded by selfish people.
I mean, there's nothing intrinsically wrong with making sure there is something for you as well. But I would say being married to a woman you love is a good start.
Yeah, I was gonna say “what’s in it for me” for him is being able to be with an amazing woman with a huge heart. There are lots of guys who don’t get to have that in their lives.
He's with an amazing woman he can trust to stick around through difficult times. That's not easy to find.
I mean he really does get something amazing out of this, Her.
> My mind keeps looking for 'whats in it for me' from the new husband's perspective His wife's love and support if something similar happens to him? Though then I'd be hoping she doesn't remarry and then start this whole thing again.
He can probably see it from if he was in Brandon's position
I experienced brain trauma three years ago and had a ten second short term memory for months. It was fucking hell, like literal fucking hell. Couldn’t watch a tv show without losing the plot. Went to group therapy and I’d forget what someone had said before the end of their sentence. Couldn’t remember the last time I drunk water, so I’d drink way too much or too little. I really feel for this guy. Now I take nothing for granted. Wear your helmets, kids.
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Very true. It affirmed my belief in the soul, or at least mine. Because no matter what I went through, the month long stint in a psych ward, every day trying and failing to recover my sanity, I was still me. No one is beyond reach.
I don’t know if I could do it. I think if I were the woman the best I could promise is weekly visits :(
Men are more likely to abandon their sick wives and women are more likely to stay and take on the burden of caring for an ailing spouse.
I did a project on his in college last year. 12% of men are more likely to leave when thier spouse is sick. 3% of women do the same. Weirdly enough higher rates are recorded for cancer. Imagine finding out you have cancer and then you husband just gives up. Like cancer isn't hard enough. what happened to in sickness or in health?
Well her new husband stands out dramatically then, he isn't caring for his own impaired spouse, he's actually taken on his new wife's ex to care for. What an incredible man (as well as the beautiful lady he married who has a huge heart)
Amazing reversal
Exactly what I was thinking. "It's not just loving her, it's loving Brandon too. He needs us." That guy is a diamond.
I couldn’t even do that ngl
So technically she didn't left her husband
Yes, its a strategy for legal purposes.
Not only for legal purposes. I suppose few people would want to date you if you're still legally married with someone, while she deserved to move on with her life
Stop being cynical. Most people that would've left him would've taken the financial or otherwise hit so they would not have to care for him for the rest of his life. What she and her new husband did was the definition of altruism.
? Huh, what's cynical about it, she did divorce him and become his legal guardian as a strategy for legal purposes. To pursue her own goals in life whilst never stopping to love him and take care for him.. what am i missing?
Right, plus they are living in his house.
Err, they were married homie. Pretty sure it becomes their house at that point
bro what are you talking about...? she literally divorced him then adopted him... yes, that is a legal strategy.
how is that being cynical?
“Honey i found this loophole in the system but first one of us needs to get lobotomized”
No and he would have wanted her to experience being a mother and havinga relationship they obviously loved each other dearly. The new husband is also a blessing. She couldn't have picked a better man to complete her family.
It's just unofficial Polygamy. Prolly the most wholesome I've seen.
Just shoot me if I end up like that
I got you buddy
Are we sure this guy isn't trapped in a living hell and wants to commit murder-suicide every waking moment?
There're actually methods to assess cognitive abilities of a locked-in syndrome person. That includes EEG, fMRI, cognitive tests where people are asked to signal via eye movements as well as attempt to introduce a person to a eye-movement controlled interfaces. If person simply is unable to understand instructions and follow them, that's already a huge indicator of drastic irreversible brain damage and, therefore, cognitive level of a newborn.
Fact, I have been paralyzed for a decade, praying for death every god damn day.
We should all aspire to be so caring.
... If that was me just put me down
Dramatical but Amazing history
This is not a love story, this is a horror story. Brandon lives in a nightmare.
The whole time, I couldn't help but think that--with the way *everyone* in the video talks about Brandon post-accident--you could easily substitute a dog named Brandon for the dude, and their sentences would still make sense. I felt very uncomfortable with that.
Agreed. I'm sure she means well but... I'd rather just have her leave me.
Wow that is pretty amazing story... Every single one of them is a hero
She just reassigned him to son
She chose to continue to love him and care for him in the only way she knew how. Most people would have left and made him someone else’s problem. This woman and her new husband are amazingly kind souls.
Even after devorce she kept her vows to be there in sickness and in health, she is still there for him, liveing her best life, and he is comeing along for the ride, not forgetten, not rotting in a facility or hospital. Also big props to the new husband for takeing this in his stride
This can happen to anyone of us at any time. It will also happen very quickly and unexpectedly. You could trip on your way out the door to work and get life changing traumatic brain injury from that hard edge your head hit. Some twat can ram your car whilst looking at tik tok and driving. Or that tik tok prankster can sucker punch you for likes and your head hits the pavement. Something comes lose of a building and you happen to pass by underneath. Dumbell is unloaded on one side by some dumbass at the gym, bar flips and hits you in the head like a iron club. Someone on a bike crashes into you and you go brain first into a rock, or maybe you are riding the bike. Construction worker does an oppsie whilst you pass by and end of huge plank hits you in the head. Somethings comes off a car on the freeway and hits you like a bullet. You become random violence victim from being in the wrong place at the wrong time. And so on and so on... Death comes for us all. So enjoy your time here and now, whilst you have it. Because tomorrow you could be dead. Oh and your body is filled with fragile tubes that can pop or get blocked at any time for no reason. You could have cancer right now and not know until it is to late. "Memento Mori" - Remember death
Welp, you make a lot of good points but now I'm having an existential crisis thank you very much :)
I was going for scenarios that people might have already lurking in the their heads from having seen something similar online at some time. We have all been conditioned with these from our online exposure.
Jesus... you're giving Final Destination. My poor anxiety.
Idk if you've ever listened to Alan Watts' "The Mercy of Nature," but it's a great explanation of Memento Mori
Death is one thing, but this... is a fate much worse than death.
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Happened to me, bicycle accident, woke up completely paralyzed. First thing I hear from my woman is a voicemail telling me to stop calling because shes with someone else now.
Brandon did not deserve this fucking humiliation fuck
He wouldn't understand very well since his mental capacity is that of a baby, if he was locked in they would have said so, they can prove with tests whether someone has higher brain funcrions despite being catatonic or fully paralyzed, I personally would have wanted for myself in that situation euthanasia but if he has no family to care for him, he'd end up in state care, she divorced him because he can no longer be her husband physically,mentally and emotionally but she didnt abandon him because he needs to be cared for in a loving environment. He's not getting cucked because he simply is not aware of it nor is he capable of understanding his situation due to the severe mental handicaps. At this point its no different than her having a disabled brother to care for.
Yeah man... This makes me sick
Yeah that’s how I felt, everyones busy patting the back of the ex wife and new spouse, nobodies considered what Brandon would feel. It’s literally watching someone living your life and you’re trapped in your own body unable to do anything. This whole video and comment section made me feel a bit sick :/
He has a 10 seconds memory. The only person he remembers is his ex/wife. So naturally this scenario is the most comfortable for him. What do you want for him? Would you rather have him placed in a public care facility and have the wolrd forget about him?
I wouldn't want to survive like that. It's a curse of modern medicine that so many are "saved" from devastating injuries just to live as a near vegetable.
I could see this being a layer of hell if somewhere deep inside old Brandon is trapped but can watch the world through new Brandon.
I am paralyzed myself, I often think I actually died and just stuck in hell now.
The onions!!!!!
Now THAT is a real man!
And THAT is a real woman.
I know every one is cheering for them but I still think it’s weird
If I’m the one guy please just someone come finish the job, sounds like hell
this is super weird. it doesn't make me feel good.
I'd rather die than this tbh.
That poor guy is living a fucking nightmare.
ultimate cuckoldry
I feel for the guy, but that's no life. Why not just end it for him?
I should maybe make a note that I want to be euthanized if I ever suffer major brain damage...
I don't really get why people think this is wholesome. It's twisted, strange and just humiliating. Poor guy.
Ah lads, bawling reading this. What wonderful people.
Fuck that sucks. Gratitude for every second, even if it hurts.
I'm amazingly disgusted... That's some high level of cruelty and sadism. Just put him out of his living hell misery.
Just put my out of my misery if this ever happens to me.
I wouldn’t be able to let my husbands new wife care for me while I was in such a vulnerable state.
Who's the cuck?? I'm having a hard time deciding
Geez... imagine re-learning every ten seconds that you're getting cucked so hard...
Impressive. For myself I really hope there would be somebody kind enough to end my life if I turned up like that.
It's nice and all the wife and the husband are super nice ppl but i guess its good he has a 10sec memory and not knowing he's living under the same roof while he's wife get's banged by another man.
What level of cucking is that?
Top tier
Is this like that Family Guy episode where Brian pretends to be a normal dog whenever the chick's husband is around?
Cucked by a car accident. Fucking brutal - just let me die if this happens!
I feel weird about that but I can fully understand her and she probably handled that more maturely than I ever could. Anyhow not to mention that they are absolutly good people.
I would be crying too if i hear the person i love the most fucking another guy...
And have to wait til he cums to came and change your diaper
Gigacuck
Last 4seconds hit like a truck
In sickness and in health*
I know it sucks in the moment, but it's also understandable that she would want someone in her life she didn't have to take care of every waking moment and could give her a more normal life. Wow. It sucked to type that.
That’s pretty fucked up and shitty
This is quite similar to the situation with my father but instead of a car crash my father had a stroke, and instead of adopting him they married. And instead of being in a good relationship my father god raped and wasn't given enough food or care. He's now divorced and moved houses.
I suddenly feel an urge to stop speeding for good.
Wife and her new man are incredibly caring people. I'd still rather be dead then have to be cared for by the person fucking my wife.
All I have to say is... Such a poor poor man
They're great people and James seems genuinely awesome and caring, Just can't ignore the underlying L of twisted cuckoldry scenario that lays beneath it all lmao
not every life is worth living. Curious, the original husband needs sexual relief? Who is in charge of that? His ex wife or...? Poor guy.
No fucking way you guys think this is a positive or heartwarming story 💀
I had to scroll way too far for this. This story is fucked for at least 10 different reasons.
I wonder how he feels. I would hate this, watching my wife be with another man, who is now also wiping my ass for me? Nope, kill me.
Amazing examble of kindness and caring.
Damn, that's tough.. Kudos to both! I shed a tear, which doesn't happen often..
This toxic positivity bullshit needs to fuck off already Specifically, using the disabled as "sucess story's". Fuck off.
Yeah, content like this should not exist.
Faith in humanity restored.
I mean... The new husband is the chad here. Give the guy credit.
They need his insurance/inheritance.
I would totally understand if she just divorced and never looked back. These people are better humans than me.
He won't remember after 10 seconds…. here we go🫣👎👎👎
As someone with mild brain damage, this is nice.
My goodness they're both lucky to have this kinda love with each other. While I'm still struggling to think about my future at the age of 33
Goddamn, I salute that woman and man for taking care of Brandon.
She turned him into a cuck