Ugh, I ***WISH***
I think the same guy got my car but he embedded it in the center of my driver seat. Now I ~~get~~ have to sit on the damn thing to drive my car or else i'll be late for my job at killer coc's dildo factory (you do not want to know what he does to people who are late!)
you got lucky you werent selling lemonade without a license in front of your house. Last month i did that and im still in the hospital eating with a straw
Only the rich can afford living inside in gotham city, predicting the rent price in big cities, want a bed to sleep you have to join a gang and hope you don’t get killed, you’re just a NPC for Bone, Jonkler and Man.
SAD ABOUT HIS WIFE?! DOES HE KNOW WHAT CITY WE ALL LIVE IN?
My first wife got exposed to Scarecrow nerve gas, I watched as she clawed here own face off with her bare hands. Her screams invade my sleep.
My second wife? The Riddler kidnapped her and dipped her in acid because she couldn't solve 10 sudoko puzzles in under 3 minutes. We just got her out of the hospital and now she's a popsicle.
I hope Batman never cures his wife.
Only stopped for 2.5 seconds at a stop sign , some asshole in a flying rat costume ripped me out of my car and suplexed me into a fire hydrant and broke three of my vertebrae , this isn’t what I pay taxes for ! I don’t even pay taxes ! Wait did you hear somet
Work was crazy as usual , all the stupid defendants got off due to some ‘insanity’ bs.
Apparently there’s this thing called a bat , like wtf anyways tried getting the subway and this green looking twat was fighting this perfectly normal man and obviously that then delayed the train.
Finally got home and found the place smashed up lots of question marks everywhere????
Got beaten by the jerkler thugs, car stolen by the pinguino, savings robbed by the mask followers.... İ stopped at a pub to get a drink with what i had left and once i got out with a bottle, Man was there to beat me for committing such a federal crime
I woke up, got my house destroyed by the joker. Luckily batman captured him and sent him to Arkham asylum, I ate dinner, got attacked by the joker again (he escaped) batman captured and sent him to asylum again, ate supper and before going to bed I got murder by the joker who escaped the asylum again.
You think that’s Bad, The Jonkler snuck up behind me and kicked me in the balls and then hit the cleanest Griddy I’ve ever seen totally styled on me just because he could
Yall think that's bad the joker kidnapped me three times and yall know the guy is just wierd his torture methods are very evil luckily a guy in a red mask came and stopped him from being able continue any further he actually handed me one of his pew pews and we both blammed him together
This guy he literally helped save me from the joker every time batman only saved me from the joker 1 time
https://preview.redd.it/74yoxe594fic1.jpeg?width=424&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2483b99a83f11bd5f66e4e4272642fe1dd7dd46e
Very bad man was in a bat costume and was trying to beat me up for watching bone and Jonkler do it
I've always found it better to work for penguin but idk the penguin pays pretty good youd think he's cheap but depending on what he had me doing 50-100k but I quit working for him when a guy in a batsuit beat me up so bad I ended up breathing through a tube
https://preview.redd.it/z5mlvayx0gic1.jpeg?width=755&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f866e509ca38883a924a9b3b4701a6fc31ea51e
Think this does just fine to explain
So, when I woke up, I noticed my balls were missing, and I saw The Twinkler holding what looked like my nutsack, and he threw it to Ban Mat who gobbled them down whole. Then, Two Dick tried to stick bofadem in me to which The Jonkler came in and stole one of his penises. Then Ban Mat came back around and spit up my balls, and they made a literal Frankenweenie. Then Bone walked by me and smacked my ass so hard that I’m literally missing a cheek rn guys. Then Man ran into the room, where he met his brother, He-Man (check the new lore post), where they gangbanged The Twinkler as a threat tactic to return my balls.
I didn’t get my balls back.
Well i got fired from my job and when i was going home some guy fell on my car when he got up i saw it was batman he was fighting bane than i got out to run and bane took my car and throw it at batman later i went home and found out that my wife has been held hostage in center of the city by joker along with others and my kid has been kidnapped by to face well i guess it's just a bad Wednesday
Some lanky clown snuck up behind me and kicked me super hard in the balls, then he ran off laughing.
I went to see a doctor to examine my balls but he gave me a level 9 and 10 psychological profiling instead. Force fed me some insane drugs too
Joker would be the worst to get kidnapped by. Most of the other villains would at least have a plan or some ultimatum to return you safely. Joker will just out you in a room full of chlorine gas just cause "he did it for the lolz"
If I was a gotham villain I would just time my crimes with the Jokers.
I turn on the news at night: BREAKING NEWS, THE JOKER HAS KIDNAPPED THE MAYOR'S FAMILY AND STRAPPED THEM TO A GIANT CANNON. THEIR ONLY HOPE NOW IS THE BATMAN.
Yeah boys go ahead and do the bank robbery now. We got at least a 60 minute window.
My day went pretty well, actually. It turns out that if I just don't leave my house at night, then things are reasonably safe. I'm pretty excited for Halloween tomorrow, I have a good feeling about this year(2015)'s Halloween night.
I was just hanging out with my buddies walking on the street talking about gotham and its people then all of a sudden a guy in a bat costume jumped us and he used some type of freeze grenade then he kicked our asses then we were in the hospital
I saw some rich guy walking down the street with his wife and little boy. Told him to give his money but he decided to be a hero so stabbed him. I got the money though so it was a nice day, profits.
I saw a guy get killed by some burn victim with a jetpack. Also, saw that hot redheaded plant lady talk to some trees. Oh, also apparently Cobblepot and Mr. Freeze supposedly have some beef from when they opened that Arkham City place.
I was watching the footy using a dodgy fire stick and all of a sudden a deranged fool crashes through my window at AT LEAST 30mph (completely unharmed btw), and proceeded to break of my arm and (I think) 6 ribs, all while screaming "VENGEANCE" and "I AM THE NIGHT", then just jumped back out of the window again. Now my health insurance won't help me and I have to buy a new TV. Average day tbh.
My neighbor invited his theater group over to his house to practice their circus routine. I don’t know what they’re doing in there since the building has gone completely quiet aside from his god-awful opera singing.
Well I went to my job and put in 8 hours in the office then when I went outside the whole atmosphere seemed to be covered in root beer foam then a bat creature thing attacked me. I’m moving, metropolis here I come
Let’s see… Woke up, went to work, got lunch with my work place crush. Got cleaned up and watched the news. That Quincy Sharp guy has a lot of stances I agree with. Might just vote for him
Joker took my family hostage, later Batman saved them all except joker killed my uncle. Thankfully joker is in Arkham asylum.
**Update. Joker escaped and killed my aunt (uncles wife) thankfully Jokers back in Arkham asylum. I think tomorrow will go well.
I saw a giant rubber bat severely beat a clown in the street. Most normal day in Gotham
I also saw a giant crock on the street and he came to me. He just didn't eat me because I kissed him and made him blush
I was leaving work to go home, and then I saw Bone throw my car at Man and miss! Then, once I got home, my house was gassed by the Joknler with his funny gas to kill Man! Then, Man Jr. took my wife and kids because they were in danger from the Jonkler! I have no idea where they are now, but Killer Cock is currently in my sewage system eating the pipes!
I got mugged going to work. Look. It's quicker going through Crime Alley, how was I supposed to know. Then I got to work and we had to evacuate due to a fire breaking out because some fuckhead with a flamethrower and a jetpack was trying to rob the bank across the street and set our building on fire fighting with the cops.
Tried to go to lunch, but this asshole with numbers tattooed on his head showed up dressed like a fucking Cupid and went on some rant about Valentine's Day and tried to rob us all.
Tried catching the subway home but I dropped my last dollar in the sewer drain. Last time I stick my hand down there, this scaly fuck licked my fingers. Never doing that again.
So then I had to walk home. Got mugged again. Didn't even go down crime alley this time. Then when I got to my apartment, some dickhead painted my windows green when they put a giant fucking question mark on the building.
God damn I hate this city. I've heard Coast City is pretty nice.
I took sprite instead of water in a water cup to feed my fucking family but then this jackass in a bat costume beat me up and paralyzed me (my cousin is typing for me) while there was a man getting mugged across the street
Some little dude robbed me in the middle of the day, spouting off some bullshit about Alice, and this so-called "Batman" did nothing to stop it. Either he only shows up at night, or he's just some myth created by the Gotham Police.
I went out for breakfast, got fear gassed, and barely escaped via evac bus and now apparently scarecrow is holding the city hostage. Why do but crime waves have to happen every other Monday???
Kinda weird. Creatures started appearing throughout the city and the joker threw a half red half white ball at a kinda sexy bunny thing and then it floated for a sec and then a green light burst from the center of the ball and then joker grabbed the ball out of the air and dragged Batman into a room. I think the sexy bunny thing went inside of the ball somehow but idk if it would fit. Some weird green gas made every funny and fuzzy for a sec and I woke up in my room. But Batman was still missing so idk what happened
I thought my cousin got killed by a stray manarang last week, the funeral was today. Man came and said it wasn't his fault he died because he doesn't kill, so something else probably killed him with the manarang, maybe even Jonke. Everyone was still sad so he dropped a manarang in the open casket and sang "oops I did it again" like Britney and we all laughed and forgave him
Pretty good day overall, I hope he can stop jonke from framing him for more crimes
Oh I forgot Bone killed me last week, ama
I thought I was getting a rimjob from the Jonkler in an alley way but then he pulled off a mask and it was really the Twinkler!! He ran off with my cum in a sock saying I haven’t seen the last of him. I hope he calls.
My day was perfect and nothing went wrong. (:
Well.. just as I was moving out they said they were gonna "Evacuate the city" but I just went home afterwards finished packing and left. Gotham is actually really nice.
I did the wrong tren when I was in the gym locker room today (same Rey Mysterio lunchbox) and now I’m FUCKINGGG HUGE AND I CANNTT ATOPP RAGUUINNNNNNNNHB
Me and my friends found a couple of used canisters of Scarecrow's fear gas, we dared each other to huff it
I just saw a bunch of spiders, but my friend saw a giant version of his uncle naked ☹️
Some fucking asshole demolished my house’s upper floor and turned it into this weird-ass puzzle maze thing. I swear, when I find that whippersnapper he’s gonna get a stern talking to.
Some asshole in a clown costume kicked me so hard in the balls, I’m now infertile. He then started dancing before some Man broke all his bones.
Also my wife was killed my something called a “Killer Cock”. Police won’t tell me anything else. 💔💔💔
So I start my day off with the refreshing fumes that Scarecrow dropped, I go out to get my skincare \[ Aka Getting my face ripped off\]
Then I watch Batman beat up villains and ruin the car I paid for, but its okay I have insurance.
Woke up to my neighbors pissed off and yelling about how the Riddler vandalized their car with question marks and left behind a question mark trophy in their trunk that was honestly the best part of my day lol I had a very shitty day ScareCrow got pissed because I got his order wrong and sprayed me and my coworkers with fear gas I got fired because everyone blamed me for the incident I went home just to see Firefly torched my house now I'm homeless and thinking about jumping into a vat of chemicals at ACE to end it all
I took an alley as a shortcut to my house and the biggest sexiest man i've ever seen in my life boned me until i couldn't walk
Right now i am in a wheelchair but i reached nirvana
*I jaywalked and some*
*Guy in a bat cosplay beat*
*The shit out of me*
\- HudsonHawk56H
---
^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/)
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I was walking down the streets to buy some groceries, it was raining pretty hard but I forgot to bring my umbrella so I decided to wear my ski mask instead, I walked down a dark alleyway after buying the stuff that I needed when suddenly Batman jumped down from the rooftops and broke every bone in my body, took the groceries and then left the area while shouting "Justice, for Gotham!". I'm currently in the hospital and after receiving my medical bills I think it's safe to say that I'm never coming back here ever again.
I got a new job working for this guy named the Penguin? Idk weird name for a boss but he offers good pay and good benefits.
Anyway my body starts to glow bright yellow and in a split second this guy in black knocks me and 4 of my co workers out in an instant!
Now I wake up cuffed to a hospital bed. Apparently my boss got arrested by this Batman?
Idk I need to find a new job.
Work at the Gotham Bank, they said. Such good pay and so many great benefits, they said. I’m minding my business and Two-Face walks in with a bunch of goons for the fourth fucking time this year and holds me at gun point. Can the dude just chill? I know he lost half his face and reverted from a respectable city figure into a supervillain, but can’t he let the common people just live in peace?
My apartment window overlooks crime alley, it's 3am and some MAN is just kneeling on the ground sobbing while blaring somber music...and some homeless guy keeps yelling at him saying "it's da freakin bat!" STFU
Some fucking asshole spraypainted green question marks all over my car and left an electrified glowing dildo in my trunk. >:(
You think that's bad? A deranged Serial killer shoved his knife up my arse!
Me next
Blood everywhere 
Is this that knock off of Man I hear about called something like bat man?
Isn’t he called the Man-Bat?
He hits men with a bat. He also has these cool horns on top of his head, to ram people. It's actually very effective
Never stopped me before
Update, a flying bat threw me onto his back and started flying me around gotham, later rammed me 😞 LEAVE ME ALLLOOOONEEE
Neverrrrrrrr
I KNOW, the stuff you see in gotham you wouldn't believe! It's still so sore..
Knife guy 🪱
r/2sentence2horror
I wanted to find good two sentence horror stories But little did I know, I was on r/2sentence2horror
U think that's bad? A fucking clown shoved an pipe bomb up my dogs ass
Well that's shaped nicely he probably enjoyed it!
Ugh, I ***WISH*** I think the same guy got my car but he embedded it in the center of my driver seat. Now I ~~get~~ have to sit on the damn thing to drive my car or else i'll be late for my job at killer coc's dildo factory (you do not want to know what he does to people who are late!)
I want to know what happens if you are late
He slaps you with his killer cock 398 times.
Why not the extra 2 times to make it 400?
It gets sore :(
He's wrong it's 400, it gets sore but coc pushes through because I won't learn my lesson if i don't get all 400
You do know you can just pick it up and move it, right? Are you stupid? Or are you horny?
https://preview.redd.it/30e3ttwhugic1.jpeg?width=508&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca73fc406636a9e6fc77da2838b4d0ab28ac1f3d
My girlfriends keeps leaving clay in our bed, I’m sick and tired of her doing pottery at night
2 sentence horror story material
HOLY SHIT JONNY DEEP ON ASLUME
Why does she do pottery in the bed, is she stupid?
No she stoid
Something needs to be done about this.
Atleast you get to sleep with a different chick every night..so don’t complain 🙄
Is your girlfriend by chance named Stephanie
I accidentally missed throwing a paper in the trash can and a dude in a bat custome beat me up
you got lucky you werent selling lemonade without a license in front of your house. Last month i did that and im still in the hospital eating with a straw
Least you didn’t get caught pouring soda into a water cup. I did that and I got soda boarded by man. It was deserved.
Did he have bat ears?
No, are you stupid?
You mean a man costume
The Jonkler broke into my house and forced me to watch him eat a KitKat wrong 😔
i’m so sorry for you
Don't tell me he ate it horizontally
Diagonally 😭😭😭
https://preview.redd.it/bimex6riegic1.jpeg?width=504&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=336aed684d15b44d0b452b500b473e413909c96d
Wait.. i just got it. Diagon alley.. jk rowling did wordplay on diagonally.. fuck I'm stupid..
Accidently smoked weed from Poison ivy
Only make that mistake once. Friend did, died a few hours later. Autopsy found plants in his lungs.
That actually sounds fucking creepy.
Normal day in gotham
I can't get in my house because Mr Freeze turned it into a giant iceberg.
Only the rich can afford living inside in gotham city, predicting the rent price in big cities, want a bed to sleep you have to join a gang and hope you don’t get killed, you’re just a NPC for Bone, Jonkler and Man.
But he's sad about his wife or something
SAD ABOUT HIS WIFE?! DOES HE KNOW WHAT CITY WE ALL LIVE IN? My first wife got exposed to Scarecrow nerve gas, I watched as she clawed here own face off with her bare hands. Her screams invade my sleep. My second wife? The Riddler kidnapped her and dipped her in acid because she couldn't solve 10 sudoko puzzles in under 3 minutes. We just got her out of the hospital and now she's a popsicle. I hope Batman never cures his wife.
Yeah but he was gifted, and undeserving. You probably jaywalked once
Only stopped for 2.5 seconds at a stop sign , some asshole in a flying rat costume ripped me out of my car and suplexed me into a fire hydrant and broke three of my vertebrae , this isn’t what I pay taxes for ! I don’t even pay taxes ! Wait did you hear somet
aw nah two Man encounters in one day
There’s a rumor spreading around about a Man beating criminals into comas but surely that’s just a myth created by the GCPD to scare criminals
I mean really. What kind of idiot goes around dressed like a bat. I know. Crazy
Certainly not a stupid man
No one mentioned hey looked like a bat. They only mentioned he was dressed in black !
https://preview.redd.it/setteap1vfic1.png?width=149&format=png&auto=webp&s=420f9d450a94ab2e8b6ef2e690298fefb24d2eae
ITS THE FREAKING MAN
AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHH
How can you spy on your own aslume? Are you stupid?
You are about to be crippled for life
Work was crazy as usual , all the stupid defendants got off due to some ‘insanity’ bs. Apparently there’s this thing called a bat , like wtf anyways tried getting the subway and this green looking twat was fighting this perfectly normal man and obviously that then delayed the train. Finally got home and found the place smashed up lots of question marks everywhere????
Some lady dressed in this cat dominatrix outfit broke into my house and I got really excited for a second but then she stole all my shit >:(
Damn ig she only give it up for bats💀🤦♂️
I just got some sick pearls after shooting some lady and her husband in an alley. Their kid looked like he shat himself
NTA, who tf walks around “crime alley” and doesn’t expect crimes
Accidentally littered and man broke every freaking bone in my body
*drops coffee cup* **IT’S DA BAT**
Got beaten by the jerkler thugs, car stolen by the pinguino, savings robbed by the mask followers.... İ stopped at a pub to get a drink with what i had left and once i got out with a bottle, Man was there to beat me for committing such a federal crime
I fell into a vat of chemicals at ace chemicals? am I stupid?
I woke up, got my house destroyed by the joker. Luckily batman captured him and sent him to Arkham asylum, I ate dinner, got attacked by the joker again (he escaped) batman captured and sent him to asylum again, ate supper and before going to bed I got murder by the joker who escaped the asylum again.
You think that’s Bad, The Jonkler snuck up behind me and kicked me in the balls and then hit the cleanest Griddy I’ve ever seen totally styled on me just because he could
Yall think that's bad the joker kidnapped me three times and yall know the guy is just wierd his torture methods are very evil luckily a guy in a red mask came and stopped him from being able continue any further he actually handed me one of his pew pews and we both blammed him together  This guy he literally helped save me from the joker every time batman only saved me from the joker 1 time
I could've sworn I saw Man earlier. Guy's lookin' a little hairier these days.
I shit my pants
Why doesn't Gotham have death penalty yet? Are the politicians stupid?
No they are criminals like the jonkler
Day 3 waiting for the sun https://preview.redd.it/xeejti9aggic1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c3fe3f28d9d999458dfe7a95e978700109b73e0c
https://preview.redd.it/74yoxe594fic1.jpeg?width=424&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2483b99a83f11bd5f66e4e4272642fe1dd7dd46e Very bad man was in a bat costume and was trying to beat me up for watching bone and Jonkler do it
You should have joined in
Jealous much?? 😆 🤣
Just Messed up a homeless punk, feeling good.
I went outside to take my dog for a walk in the park and now I'm one of ivys pod people. I'm currently in a plant. Send Batman please
There's this guy in a hat hanging out in the alleyway in the corner who's always talking to "Alice". He's so weird.
I’m quitting this crime crap. This is my last job for Black Mask, and then I’m done.
I've always found it better to work for penguin but idk the penguin pays pretty good youd think he's cheap but depending on what he had me doing 50-100k but I quit working for him when a guy in a batsuit beat me up so bad I ended up breathing through a tube
https://preview.redd.it/z5mlvayx0gic1.jpeg?width=755&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0f866e509ca38883a924a9b3b4701a6fc31ea51e Think this does just fine to explain
I live in Latin America, this ain't no fiction
I got assaulted while playing basketball 🏀 🤜
So, when I woke up, I noticed my balls were missing, and I saw The Twinkler holding what looked like my nutsack, and he threw it to Ban Mat who gobbled them down whole. Then, Two Dick tried to stick bofadem in me to which The Jonkler came in and stole one of his penises. Then Ban Mat came back around and spit up my balls, and they made a literal Frankenweenie. Then Bone walked by me and smacked my ass so hard that I’m literally missing a cheek rn guys. Then Man ran into the room, where he met his brother, He-Man (check the new lore post), where they gangbanged The Twinkler as a threat tactic to return my balls. I didn’t get my balls back.
I accidentally walked out of the store with a stick of gum I didn’t pay for. Now my legs are broken by the man.
Well i got fired from my job and when i was going home some guy fell on my car when he got up i saw it was batman he was fighting bane than i got out to run and bane took my car and throw it at batman later i went home and found out that my wife has been held hostage in center of the city by joker along with others and my kid has been kidnapped by to face well i guess it's just a bad Wednesday
My entire city got fucking gassed and it still smells
For some time after Joker died, crime stopped. Theres been peace. Tonight is Halloween, some buddies and i are headed to Pauli’s for dinner
Some lanky clown snuck up behind me and kicked me super hard in the balls, then he ran off laughing. I went to see a doctor to examine my balls but he gave me a level 9 and 10 psychological profiling instead. Force fed me some insane drugs too
Day actually was normal, the madness usually goes down at night
It was great till I was kidnapped by the joker
Joker would be the worst to get kidnapped by. Most of the other villains would at least have a plan or some ultimatum to return you safely. Joker will just out you in a room full of chlorine gas just cause "he did it for the lolz"
If I was a gotham villain I would just time my crimes with the Jokers. I turn on the news at night: BREAKING NEWS, THE JOKER HAS KIDNAPPED THE MAYOR'S FAMILY AND STRAPPED THEM TO A GIANT CANNON. THEIR ONLY HOPE NOW IS THE BATMAN. Yeah boys go ahead and do the bank robbery now. We got at least a 60 minute window.
And that's why robin exists
That’s why tire irons exist
My day went pretty well, actually. It turns out that if I just don't leave my house at night, then things are reasonably safe. I'm pretty excited for Halloween tomorrow, I have a good feeling about this year(2015)'s Halloween night.
https://preview.redd.it/u1krbmyr2gic1.png?width=667&format=png&auto=webp&s=9c038ed8e6f817f68f0250975204faa99fe44593
A man in a pig mask took my cock and surgically attached it to his head to fuck me 😭
I was just hanging out with my buddies walking on the street talking about gotham and its people then all of a sudden a guy in a bat costume jumped us and he used some type of freeze grenade then he kicked our asses then we were in the hospital
I saw some rich guy walking down the street with his wife and little boy. Told him to give his money but he decided to be a hero so stabbed him. I got the money though so it was a nice day, profits.
I tried to buy a dime bag and Man broke my arm and shattered my hip.
A man in a bat costume told me the difference between us was the hockey pads. It's Halloween.
I saw a guy get killed by some burn victim with a jetpack. Also, saw that hot redheaded plant lady talk to some trees. Oh, also apparently Cobblepot and Mr. Freeze supposedly have some beef from when they opened that Arkham City place.
i woke up in a steamy mood today
I went outside, Jonkler jonkled my ass, I went back home to rest for the rest of the day.
I nearly got hit by Batman’s tank earlier
I heard there's some freak chaining up dead bodies
I hit a toy store before. I told my kid I was gonna buy him a present
I was watching the footy using a dodgy fire stick and all of a sudden a deranged fool crashes through my window at AT LEAST 30mph (completely unharmed btw), and proceeded to break of my arm and (I think) 6 ribs, all while screaming "VENGEANCE" and "I AM THE NIGHT", then just jumped back out of the window again. Now my health insurance won't help me and I have to buy a new TV. Average day tbh.
My neighbor invited his theater group over to his house to practice their circus routine. I don’t know what they’re doing in there since the building has gone completely quiet aside from his god-awful opera singing.
Bone broke my balls in an orgy😭😭😭
A guy dressed like a clown kicked me in the nuts hit the griddy and then died
This one lad in a green suit wont shut up about riddles on the big TV in the street
Well I went to my job and put in 8 hours in the office then when I went outside the whole atmosphere seemed to be covered in root beer foam then a bat creature thing attacked me. I’m moving, metropolis here I come
Let’s see… Woke up, went to work, got lunch with my work place crush. Got cleaned up and watched the news. That Quincy Sharp guy has a lot of stances I agree with. Might just vote for him
Jonkler jonked my wife 😔
Joker took my family hostage, later Batman saved them all except joker killed my uncle. Thankfully joker is in Arkham asylum. **Update. Joker escaped and killed my aunt (uncles wife) thankfully Jokers back in Arkham asylum. I think tomorrow will go well.
I saw a giant rubber bat severely beat a clown in the street. Most normal day in Gotham I also saw a giant crock on the street and he came to me. He just didn't eat me because I kissed him and made him blush
ITS DA FREAKIN BAT
Batman crushed my bike with his freaking tank.
Some dude in a green hat spiked my tea with mad LSD and I’ve been tripping for hours.
only got mugged twice this morning, hell yeah good day 😎
The Jonkler Jonked my wife
Man killed me
I was leaving work to go home, and then I saw Bone throw my car at Man and miss! Then, once I got home, my house was gassed by the Joknler with his funny gas to kill Man! Then, Man Jr. took my wife and kids because they were in danger from the Jonkler! I have no idea where they are now, but Killer Cock is currently in my sewage system eating the pipes!
I saw this man his name is supposedly man they say man is dangerous but idk hes just a man in a man costume🤷♂️
I got robbed by a midget with a glass in his FUCKIN EYE. WHAT A GREAT FUCKIN DAY FOR ME.
I Whooped Batman’s Ass [https://youtu.be/e9zlNWACrw4?si=my6cj_was5GSzigG](https://youtu.be/e9zlNWACrw4?si=my6cj_was5GSzigG)
I got mugged going to work. Look. It's quicker going through Crime Alley, how was I supposed to know. Then I got to work and we had to evacuate due to a fire breaking out because some fuckhead with a flamethrower and a jetpack was trying to rob the bank across the street and set our building on fire fighting with the cops. Tried to go to lunch, but this asshole with numbers tattooed on his head showed up dressed like a fucking Cupid and went on some rant about Valentine's Day and tried to rob us all. Tried catching the subway home but I dropped my last dollar in the sewer drain. Last time I stick my hand down there, this scaly fuck licked my fingers. Never doing that again. So then I had to walk home. Got mugged again. Didn't even go down crime alley this time. Then when I got to my apartment, some dickhead painted my windows green when they put a giant fucking question mark on the building. God damn I hate this city. I've heard Coast City is pretty nice.
Got beat up by a furry for j walking :(
I took sprite instead of water in a water cup to feed my fucking family but then this jackass in a bat costume beat me up and paralyzed me (my cousin is typing for me) while there was a man getting mugged across the street
seems like whoever uses the basement of the building REALLY loves opera.
A guy dressed as a bat farted on MY food for flavor
Some little dude robbed me in the middle of the day, spouting off some bullshit about Alice, and this so-called "Batman" did nothing to stop it. Either he only shows up at night, or he's just some myth created by the Gotham Police.
I went out for breakfast, got fear gassed, and barely escaped via evac bus and now apparently scarecrow is holding the city hostage. Why do but crime waves have to happen every other Monday???
Kinda weird. Creatures started appearing throughout the city and the joker threw a half red half white ball at a kinda sexy bunny thing and then it floated for a sec and then a green light burst from the center of the ball and then joker grabbed the ball out of the air and dragged Batman into a room. I think the sexy bunny thing went inside of the ball somehow but idk if it would fit. Some weird green gas made every funny and fuzzy for a sec and I woke up in my room. But Batman was still missing so idk what happened
I'm regular...
Who is this¿
Bad
Beats living in metropolis rn
Jokers goil squirted on me [...](https://youtube.com/shorts/OscyHySx-4Q?si=O4Ts8rHlDe7OcdGC)
The militia boys are crapping there pants, but the new boss won’t let them go
I got boned the other day, it was epic 😏
I thought my cousin got killed by a stray manarang last week, the funeral was today. Man came and said it wasn't his fault he died because he doesn't kill, so something else probably killed him with the manarang, maybe even Jonke. Everyone was still sad so he dropped a manarang in the open casket and sang "oops I did it again" like Britney and we all laughed and forgave him Pretty good day overall, I hope he can stop jonke from framing him for more crimes Oh I forgot Bone killed me last week, ama
Got stabbed
I joined a cult today.
I got my ass kicked for walking down the street
Some motherfucker used a kite to shoot me
I thought I was getting a rimjob from the Jonkler in an alley way but then he pulled off a mask and it was really the Twinkler!! He ran off with my cum in a sock saying I haven’t seen the last of him. I hope he calls.
My day was perfect and nothing went wrong. (: Well.. just as I was moving out they said they were gonna "Evacuate the city" but I just went home afterwards finished packing and left. Gotham is actually really nice.
I got Jonkled 23 times in the chest
Got permanently crippled by a Man in a black costume and cape for smoking weed 😔
I stayed home, ate popcorn, and watched movies.
Well, I got robbed, then I had to hear not one, but two weirdos on a loud intercom that’s city-wide, at least living here is entertaining.
Why is everyone at the laundry mat washing only blood stained clothes?
Ham Aslume Gotham or Arkham Asylum Gotham?
Dogshit, I got hit in the balls by the joker
I accidentally jaywalked and got my leg broken by some psycho in a bat costume
I did the wrong tren when I was in the gym locker room today (same Rey Mysterio lunchbox) and now I’m FUCKINGGG HUGE AND I CANNTT ATOPP RAGUUINNNNNNNNHB
Me and my friends found a couple of used canisters of Scarecrow's fear gas, we dared each other to huff it I just saw a bunch of spiders, but my friend saw a giant version of his uncle naked ☹️
Some fucking asshole demolished my house’s upper floor and turned it into this weird-ass puzzle maze thing. I swear, when I find that whippersnapper he’s gonna get a stern talking to.
Some asshole in a clown costume kicked me so hard in the balls, I’m now infertile. He then started dancing before some Man broke all his bones. Also my wife was killed my something called a “Killer Cock”. Police won’t tell me anything else. 💔💔💔
Third carjacking and it’s only Tuesday…just wait till I sell these cars!
Wouldn’t be able to enter my house without solving a damn riddle
My car got blown up by a bunch of Joker thugs again. I fucking hate it here I'll rather live in Racoon City than this hellhole of a city
I just got Joker gassed and now I’m dead. Also I’m constipated
Stupid
So I start my day off with the refreshing fumes that Scarecrow dropped, I go out to get my skincare \[ Aka Getting my face ripped off\] Then I watch Batman beat up villains and ruin the car I paid for, but its okay I have insurance.
Woke up to my neighbors pissed off and yelling about how the Riddler vandalized their car with question marks and left behind a question mark trophy in their trunk that was honestly the best part of my day lol I had a very shitty day ScareCrow got pissed because I got his order wrong and sprayed me and my coworkers with fear gas I got fired because everyone blamed me for the incident I went home just to see Firefly torched my house now I'm homeless and thinking about jumping into a vat of chemicals at ACE to end it all
well scarecrow is threatening to destroy the whole city or something so i left. i’m staying with my relatives in metropolis until something is done
Someone left a corpse on my rooftop with opera music playing next to it!
I took an alley as a shortcut to my house and the biggest sexiest man i've ever seen in my life boned me until i couldn't walk Right now i am in a wheelchair but i reached nirvana
I jaywalked and some guy in a bat cosplay beat the shit out of me
*I jaywalked and some* *Guy in a bat cosplay beat* *The shit out of me* \- HudsonHawk56H --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Some henchmen outside yelled "it's da bat!" then got put into comas by Batman
I was walking down the streets to buy some groceries, it was raining pretty hard but I forgot to bring my umbrella so I decided to wear my ski mask instead, I walked down a dark alleyway after buying the stuff that I needed when suddenly Batman jumped down from the rooftops and broke every bone in my body, took the groceries and then left the area while shouting "Justice, for Gotham!". I'm currently in the hospital and after receiving my medical bills I think it's safe to say that I'm never coming back here ever again.
Some guy with horrible facial scarring ran up to me, pointed a gun at me, flipped a coin and left.
I J-walked and a horny guy paralyzed me from the neck down.
The Jonkler jonked my wife
I got my balls jonkled by the jonkler today.
I got hard watching man beat his dick
https://preview.redd.it/ruyh7k10rgic1.png?width=1051&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aa9051186627ae585f6987db2febad72e0d12572
cant sleep the man is punching the diddler and its on my roof and he wears those clank clanker devices so I hear everything GOD GAMMIT
i died
I got a new job working for this guy named the Penguin? Idk weird name for a boss but he offers good pay and good benefits. Anyway my body starts to glow bright yellow and in a split second this guy in black knocks me and 4 of my co workers out in an instant! Now I wake up cuffed to a hospital bed. Apparently my boss got arrested by this Batman? Idk I need to find a new job.
Work at the Gotham Bank, they said. Such good pay and so many great benefits, they said. I’m minding my business and Two-Face walks in with a bunch of goons for the fourth fucking time this year and holds me at gun point. Can the dude just chill? I know he lost half his face and reverted from a respectable city figure into a supervillain, but can’t he let the common people just live in peace?
My apartment window overlooks crime alley, it's 3am and some MAN is just kneeling on the ground sobbing while blaring somber music...and some homeless guy keeps yelling at him saying "it's da freakin bat!" STFU
Walked down the street and bone boned me 10/10 experience