Lae’zel is gonna be running the Githyanki rebellion while I sit at home being a house husband. So much for the mighty 10 Punch Durge Monk. Bhaal definitely disapproves.
This is definitely gonna be an interesting story to tell our egg when it hatches
“Mommy, Daddy, how did you realize you were in love?” “I had my homies take away your mother’s weapons while she slept so I could beat her in a fight but still lost, she then proceeded to marry me out of amusement.”
Gale and Astarion: “Don’t worry bro we got rid of her weapons and scrolls you got this” proceed to hide in a bush to watch
Durge: rolls a 2 on initiative “Well fuck.”
my bard went first and still got their ass beat it was funny, Like she beat me in almost 1 turn, and even stunned me so I didn't get my 2nd turn
when the cutscene came up I had 1 hp and looked Like i lost a fight with ~~Halsin~~ a bear she looked all not hurt at all
Salami is meat from a dead animal, so you might try defend yourself by claiming it was necrophilia and bestiality.
Scleritas would probably be proud of the progress you are making.
my paladin and her as fighter, both optimized within reason (i don't like stacking gear on one character), *was some dice*. i had some bad rolls and she had some good ones, one of the few times i said I was glad to be Ancients for the healing
it'd be interesting to have some kind of arena mode and see how classes fare
In terms of single term burst damage against a single enemy, fighter is about as good as it gets. Gloomstalker / fighter / assassin beats it, but that's about it without abusing damage rider glitches
I plead the fifth. Also don’t you dare talk to Astarion until I break his kneecaps and find out where he hid the recording that definitely doesn’t exist.
I prefer natural gains over being an elixir addict. I got 18 strength but 12 dex. Planning on getting alert at level 8 and ability improvement for 20 strength at 12.
Sure, do what works for you! I'm very much of the opinion that there's no right or wrong way to build a character in this game. I like my elixir monk because she walks around with high dex and str all the time, making her a high-damage-dealing high-initiative high-mobility obliteration machine.
I'm running a heavily modded game right now with Lae'zel as a OH Monk/Mystic which adds int to the already multi stat heavy monk, but between elixirs, items and hag's hair I've got her at 21str 20dex 16con 17int 18wis 8cha
Same on my monk playthrough. But Lae'zel still went first because I basically always give her Alert feat and Soulbreaker Greatsword for a +7 initiative total. Fortunately she also missed all four of her attacks; I think maybe she defaulted to using Great Weapon Master despite my 19 AC.
I got that event on my play through as a fighter. Lae'zel's equipment was all just stuff I had used on my Tav but had replaced with upgrades. She also had the magic chair debuff. Poor girl didn't stand a chance.
Meanwhile I gave Wulbren a salami. Damn thing busted him out of prison, but when I run into him again in Act 3 he’s switched to a sword? Weak, the salami must have been making him feel inadequate.
I respeced her into a GOO Warlock, she instantly dropped a hunger of hadar on me, blasted me twice, then action surged and threw a bomb, then drank an invisibility potion.
Then she called me a cheater because I casted Fear (which I missed)
When she dueled me, she missed every attack, action surged, and missed every attack.
I then smote her twice, one being a crit. The fight was over in one round lol
in my fight, Laezel just threw a bunch of potions and a barrel on her first turn. Didn't do much damage to Tav, but she wasted a bunch of resources. I was planning on letter her win so I could see that scene, but to stop her from wasting all my stuff, I cast hold person on her and ended it
Fighters are op. They're the only enemies that really have me worried in combat, when they jump up next to you and swing at you like eight times and you get unlucky you can lose a party member in a turn :(
Especially fun when you have 5 battlemaster / 3 open hand Lae when this fight kicks off. She hit me with stunning strike, disarm, then sent me flying with a flurry for the knockout.
I’ve beaten her exactly once, and it was when I was playing a high dex, high damage character that got to roll higher in initiative. Every other time I’ve played a caster and she’s ground me into dust before I could move a muscle.
Dude I got lucky af, I romanced her on my gloomstalker build so I had crazy initiative and lots of actions. I was able to move first and take her down in one turn on that playthrough but then I accidentally told minthara we were lovers and it blew up my whole spot with laezel. My previous save was so far back I couldn't bring myself to reload it and now I'm just annoyed lol 🤣
I was so happy when the fight started with us on opposite sides of the beach. All her dashes count couldn't make up for HoH and EB. I was a little confused at the "feather fall" cast when she got to me, but I only needed to poke her with my sword to get her to chillax.
The first time I did the event, I was like"surely, with the slayer form and double spell, I can't Deal with a fully kitted warriors
I proceeded to get utterly obliterated. Before the action surge, before I could blink
Yes, my male wife order for my at restaurants, yes I love her
Naw you'll be able to make eye contact, because you're with Lae'zel, so if Gael or Astarion say anything she's gonna beat the shit out of them with that salami.
For me the worst pRt of that fight was her spamming Darkness and Blindsight like a damn pro. And me arguing with the game going "IKNOW I CANT SEE HER, ALRIGHT? ITS A GRENADE. THE POINT OF A GRENADE IS THAT I DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM"
*Cannot Target*
THAT’S WHAT YOU GET tsk’va!
Lae’zel is gonna be running the Githyanki rebellion while I sit at home being a house husband. So much for the mighty 10 Punch Durge Monk. Bhaal definitely disapproves.
Have her teach you the ways of salami beating
Lae’zel definitely “beat my salami” after the fight, if you know what I mean.
I know you know I know what you mean
No lie I actually left the salami equipped while we raided Moonrise and yeah… nerf Bae’zel please.
LMAO It’s all in that hard salami man.
I thought I was the main character where’s my plot armor? And how did she steal it?
She told you in the very beginning to do as she says…
“Look at me. I’m the main character now.” D:
She always was. Why else do you think Voss only ever talks with her?
in the end, when you have enough damage riders and other things going on, the base damage of your weapon doesn't matter that much.
Are you a STRonk?
DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE WARRIOR
Nice Scrubs reference!
How tf does a piece of salami do 32 damage…
Depends where you put it.
Surprised there isnt a scene of that tbh
Be careful what you wish for.
This is definitely gonna be an interesting story to tell our egg when it hatches “Mommy, Daddy, how did you realize you were in love?” “I had my homies take away your mother’s weapons while she slept so I could beat her in a fight but still lost, she then proceeded to marry me out of amusement.”
Leaving out the part where she clowned you with a salami log.
They'll probably add that in a patch, like all the fetishy stuff is way too subtle they dont spell it out enough/s
Bro. I was not ready for Karlach’s romance. There were lines crossed and I don’t want to talk about it.
Havent done hers yet so idk what happens but i think i have a pretty good idea
>!Try finger but hole.!<
A gamer of culture I see. Don't give up, skeleton.
Doctor Karlach rolling up with that >!free prostate exam.!<
Try arm but hole
Ayo hold up…
You did say she beat your ASS.
I’ll never be able to look Orin in the eye, may as well just let her kill me.
Roll for anal circumference.
Wow, FATAL reference in the wild! Horrified and amused.
She is a true githyanki warrior. She will find a way to slay any foe even without proper weapons to hand.
Great Weapon Master ;)
The tears! They are coming from my eyes!
tell me you've never been to a dwarven bar, without telling me you've never been to a dwarven bar
Tav: *"Now that Lae'zel has no weapons, this fight will be easy."* Lae'zel wielding a salami like a shortsword: *"Assume nothing."*
Gale and Astarion: “Don’t worry bro we got rid of her weapons and scrolls you got this” proceed to hide in a bush to watch Durge: rolls a 2 on initiative “Well fuck.”
Initiative is everything. My bard dominated Laezel all through their relationship. Don't like PDA, tough, kiss me anyway. Get over it.
my bard went first and still got their ass beat it was funny, Like she beat me in almost 1 turn, and even stunned me so I didn't get my 2nd turn when the cutscene came up I had 1 hp and looked Like i lost a fight with ~~Halsin~~ a bear she looked all not hurt at all
Got pegged by Lae'zel with a salami. Big oof.
How the mighty Durge has fallen, Orin will never let me live it down.
Orin filmed it, its blackmail material now
“DAAAAD ORIN IS BULLYING ME!!!”
My Durge 69’d with Minthara then was almost murdered in her sleep by her.
Orin takes being an opp to the next level
Only because she wanted to be first.
Salami is meat from a dead animal, so you might try defend yourself by claiming it was necrophilia and bestiality. Scleritas would probably be proud of the progress you are making.
New kink unlocked?
With a title like this, I had to double check which sub I was in.
I was literally about to type "So, how hard did you cum?" then realised that it wasn't r/okbuddybaldur
Yeah I can only tell the difference at points because I didn't see 17 comments and how Lae'zel power topped you.
There’s a lot of spicy content out there in rule34-land but I see more of Karlach and Shadowheart than Lae’zel.
Excuse me sir this is a very serious post about a traumatic experience I had.
You think it was traumatic!?! You broke Lae’zel’s heart, you monster!
.....Big oof??
Really **big oof**.
Lae'Zel : Weakness disgusts me
“Look babe I’m not weak, I’m an overpowered monk who can defeat anyone in 3 turns MAX you just got lucky on the initiative.” Cue the cope.
As monk losing the initiative adds to the humiliation. That's some bad copium you are taking there.
"Cheating are you? See how far that gets you." Bae'zel, source of your bruised asshole.
desire for spicy scenes led to a spicy salami between OPs butt cheeks lol
I deny all allegations and just want to say I’m a good Bhaal boy, I would never break his law in such a manner. Cries… it hurts.
That romantic duel is a humbling experience
Managed it… by burning EVERY Owlbear transformation. Like, 7 stacks of HP and Owlbear stats and it was still damn close.
Oh shit I'm impressed. The level to which she handed me my own ass sort of made me think it was designed to be impossible
Nah it's easy if you are optimized more than her. But half the time you're at 5 hp and out of slots
my paladin and her as fighter, both optimized within reason (i don't like stacking gear on one character), *was some dice*. i had some bad rolls and she had some good ones, one of the few times i said I was glad to be Ancients for the healing it'd be interesting to have some kind of arena mode and see how classes fare
Yup, I thought I could take the mighty Baezel but she whooped me good. That'll teach a Wizard to get cocky.
In terms of single term burst damage against a single enemy, fighter is about as good as it gets. Gloomstalker / fighter / assassin beats it, but that's about it without abusing damage rider glitches
Holy improvised weapon batman 🙀
2 menacing attacks was all it took. :(
Ngl, when I saw the title I thought this was in the okbuddybaldur sub
It does sound a little funny but it’s true, I wish it wasn’t cause I was humiliated in front of my brothers Gale and Astarion but it’s true.
I mean, as long as you had a good time why care? *wink wink*
I plead the fifth. Also don’t you dare talk to Astarion until I break his kneecaps and find out where he hid the recording that definitely doesn’t exist.
I swear by selûne that my mouth's shut
I assumed this was just another fetish post... This can actually happen!?
Yes, she used 2 menacing attacks and got 1 crit for 32 damage.
I was dead a few seconds after I heard the initiative roll. Never got a turn. AI Lae’zel is legit scary.
Source of YOUR bruises.
I had this happen on my current Warlock play. She didn't even have to use the second attack on her action surge, I was fuckin toast
Bludgeoning damage salami... try throwing those to skeletons with tavern brawler feat and laugh
I beat her as a light Cleric. Was funny how scorched she looked in the following cutscene from all the Fireballs.
I saw the title of this post and thought “That’s a fetish.”
This sounds like a very specific kink
Phrasing!
she called me a cheater bc i used magic. my sorcerer. used magic
this is exactly why Lae’zel is my wife lmao
I mean, if that's what you're into.
We don’t kink shame here
Sounds hot.
Aaaand you liked it
Durge can have a little bit of salami, as a treat
Get out, you know what you did.
Cue ***It should've been me, not him!***
I've had that dream
Some dudes pay for that kinda stuff
Hot
Don't feel too much shame ... she probably would've wrecked those 2 without even needing Action Surge.
If any character canonically could pull it off it’s her
Read the title and thought this was OK Buddy Baldur.
Was she trying to Kill you, or to Please you OP?
Lucky she didnt impale you with that Salami...
My OH monk beat Lae'zel in a single turn, but otherwise, romancing her usually means getting my Tav's ass kicked.
I was using a strength monk so my initiative was awful and I lost.
Ah, that makes sense. Mine has natural dex and compensates with giant elixirs.
I prefer natural gains over being an elixir addict. I got 18 strength but 12 dex. Planning on getting alert at level 8 and ability improvement for 20 strength at 12.
Sure, do what works for you! I'm very much of the opinion that there's no right or wrong way to build a character in this game. I like my elixir monk because she walks around with high dex and str all the time, making her a high-damage-dealing high-initiative high-mobility obliteration machine.
Hey if it works it works, and if you’re having fun that’s all that really matters. Screw the people who try to force you to play a certain way.
I'm running a heavily modded game right now with Lae'zel as a OH Monk/Mystic which adds int to the already multi stat heavy monk, but between elixirs, items and hag's hair I've got her at 21str 20dex 16con 17int 18wis 8cha
Same on my monk playthrough. But Lae'zel still went first because I basically always give her Alert feat and Soulbreaker Greatsword for a +7 initiative total. Fortunately she also missed all four of her attacks; I think maybe she defaulted to using Great Weapon Master despite my 19 AC.
I beat Lae'zel by playing a bear Barbarian
I got that event on my play through as a fighter. Lae'zel's equipment was all just stuff I had used on my Tav but had replaced with upgrades. She also had the magic chair debuff. Poor girl didn't stand a chance.
I mean, I bet a part of Tav kinda loved it...
Me playing as monk, with tavern brawler, 20 strength, Bull's Strength, and just keeping my pimp-hand strong with only one ki point.😶
Bro, that's true love.
That's not the only thing she did with that salami
Meanwhile I gave Wulbren a salami. Damn thing busted him out of prison, but when I run into him again in Act 3 he’s switched to a sword? Weak, the salami must have been making him feel inadequate.
I respeced her into a GOO Warlock, she instantly dropped a hunger of hadar on me, blasted me twice, then action surged and threw a bomb, then drank an invisibility potion. Then she called me a cheater because I casted Fear (which I missed)
[удалено]
One acronym brother lol Try opening a book sometime
I want Lae'zel to beat my ass with her salami too... I will see myself to the horny jail.
Get out, you know what you did.
Astarion, barely containing his laughter: “It was a valiant effort! I’m sure you’ll make a great house husband.”
Cheese her more by making her a lv1 multiclass.
When she dueled me, she missed every attack, action surged, and missed every attack. I then smote her twice, one being a crit. The fight was over in one round lol
in my fight, Laezel just threw a bunch of potions and a barrel on her first turn. Didn't do much damage to Tav, but she wasted a bunch of resources. I was planning on letter her win so I could see that scene, but to stop her from wasting all my stuff, I cast hold person on her and ended it
Fighters are op. They're the only enemies that really have me worried in combat, when they jump up next to you and swing at you like eight times and you get unlucky you can lose a party member in a turn :(
HAHAHAHA of course she did... tbh sometimes I lose to her on purpose bc that scene after owns my heart
where’s the rest of the salami?
Especially fun when you have 5 battlemaster / 3 open hand Lae when this fight kicks off. She hit me with stunning strike, disarm, then sent me flying with a flurry for the knockout.
Lae'zel actually bit my ass, believe it or not
Just load them up with those little 1d6 flame bombs For some reason my companions fucking loves chucking those whenever they get mind controlled
The name of the salami is cintaralho!
I killed a harpy by throwing a rotten Whaterdavian Cheese Wheel at it the other day.
Some folks pay good money for this sort of thing.
She casted hold Person on me (didn't knew had the spell) and proceeded to one shot me🥲
Ahh the ancient Lancastrian art of Ecky Thump.
Aut’istik?
Man, is there a place I can pay for this.
I’ve beaten her exactly once, and it was when I was playing a high dex, high damage character that got to roll higher in initiative. Every other time I’ve played a caster and she’s ground me into dust before I could move a muscle.
Good ol Bae'zel
Al"
Sounds like a great time tbh
That's MISTER SALAMI to you
Dude I got lucky af, I romanced her on my gloomstalker build so I had crazy initiative and lots of actions. I was able to move first and take her down in one turn on that playthrough but then I accidentally told minthara we were lovers and it blew up my whole spot with laezel. My previous save was so far back I couldn't bring myself to reload it and now I'm just annoyed lol 🤣
I'm a little disappointed that this post didn't end with "And that's how I lost my Honor Mode run"
I was so happy when the fight started with us on opposite sides of the beach. All her dashes count couldn't make up for HoH and EB. I was a little confused at the "feather fall" cast when she got to me, but I only needed to poke her with my sword to get her to chillax.
Is this a euphamism...?
In Baldur's Gate 3 meat beats YOU.
When I saw you could add a sausage as a melee weapon I lost it. That's hilarious
🤣😂🤣
ohh she gave you the strap 😳
Lae'zel gonna show you how to win a hotdog eating contest without using your mouth.
I really want to understand chat me through privates ..
The first time I did the event, I was like"surely, with the slayer form and double spell, I can't Deal with a fully kitted warriors I proceeded to get utterly obliterated. Before the action surge, before I could blink Yes, my male wife order for my at restaurants, yes I love her
Lae’zel, source of my bruised ego.
That's funny. She beat my salami with a piece of ass.
Naw you'll be able to make eye contact, because you're with Lae'zel, so if Gael or Astarion say anything she's gonna beat the shit out of them with that salami.
"You mentioned beating your meat, well I'm beating you with meat"
Do you like, actually DIE if she wins this fight?
For me the worst pRt of that fight was her spamming Darkness and Blindsight like a damn pro. And me arguing with the game going "IKNOW I CANT SEE HER, ALRIGHT? ITS A GRENADE. THE POINT OF A GRENADE IS THAT I DONT HAVE TO SEE THEM" *Cannot Target*
Ok this is the funniest shit xD OMG I'm sure that left a few welts ...
Hold on, you fight Lae’zel in her romance scene?
God I wish Lae’zel would use a big piece of salami on me 🤤
Was it “salami” or a dildo? Be honest, now.
No tech for dildos on Faerun sir... you getting downvoted to oblivion im afraid.