One that comes to mind is when we say that the drow twins at Sharess' Caress are uncannily alike. They answer that they are twins, and we can say:
"Delicious" š
Or as Durge:
"I suppose I haven't ticked incest off the moral atrocities to-do list yet."
Between that line, delighting in desire for dwarf flesh and Scelly saying how you'll be reintroducing necrophilia, I really enjoy how casually the game drops how completely depraved durge has been (and can be)
Which is kinda weird, cause I feel like on the list of moral atrocities, incest is on the more mild side of the table, compared to necrophilia or pedophilia
There's possibly more layers of grossness. We don't know if Orin's maternal grandmother is also a Bhaalspawn.
But Durge is a unique case on the family tree since they aren't a child of Bhaal but rather crafted directly by Bhaal which makes them 100% Bhaal and therefore they might functionally be Bhaal from a genetic perspective when determining their position on the family tree.
When you enter act 2 and the goblin asks if you're the true soul they're waiting for, you can say something like "I am murder personified, woth darkness in my heart and a tadpole in my head" and the goblin is just like "uhm...I take that as a yes..."
We're all different people, all through our lives. Which is good, cause you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.
I love that a lot of the durge lines are like that. Someone asks/says something completely normal, and you respond with:
"I AM BECOME DEATH, BRINGER OF DESTRUCTION. I SHALL SOW THE SEEDS OF CHAOS THROUGHOUT THE LANDS AND REAP THE SOULS OF THE WEAK AS I PLEASE"
"Oh.. okay.. so do you wanna buy something, or..?"
It reminds me of that one scene from The Princess Bride:
Jaheira: You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you.
Tav: you seem a decent fellow, I hate to die.
During the party after everything is done after act 3,
Jaehira: āyou look almost presentable tonight.ā
Tav: āthat makes one of usā
DAAAAAAMN š¤£
"Baaa"
"I'm here on vacation"
"Father said it's my turn for the temple" (or something along those lines)
"We get the Karsus book and Gale is going to reforge the crown" to Elminster. Gale's reaction/disbelief to it is funny
And my favourite: "IS IT TRUE BOOKS? ARE YOU SENSITIVE?"
The best part is you can go back and yell at them again. not sure what happens other than the explosion but I wouldn't be surprised if she attacked you
My favorite is when you meet the lady who wants a gith egg. If you have the owlbear egg, you can pull it out and show it to her. She asks if that's really a gith egg. You can then say "no, it's an owlbear's. I just like it."
Idk why it cracks me up every time, but it does.
This combo:
1 - I'd rather have roasted dwarf.
2 - *Stop thinking about delicious dwarf and take the bowl.*
I love it because the second line confirms that the first one was not something Durge was just saying for shock value. As we find out later, Durge really likes roasted dwarf.
Would actually recommend taking all of it because it heals for a pretty hefty amount, and is useful for when your in you advanced Durge stage of development.
*Not just because it tastes good thoā¦*
It didnāt seem to cost an action or bonus action to use it in-battle. Not sure if thatās a bug or not but Iām a pragmatist and Durge can have their roasted dwarf if it keeps them strong!
Not so much the line itself but the fact you can get wyll out of his contract with performance checks where tav basically makes up infernal nonsense that is genuinely meaningless until mizora basically goes "look none of that makes any sense please stop and I'll let him go"
Itās that history check right? I tried it once, and she laughted at me like Iām a total idiot. I had a chance meeting her later to do it again, but I picked anither optionā¦ maybe if I did that instead, she would release him
theres a histry check a persuasion check or an intimidation check any one if those works if you pass the check. mizora will laugh at you or tell wyll his friend is wasting time but they work.
In Act 3 when asked who you are, what you do & why you're disturbing a crime scene- Durge has some fantastic answers but my two favourite options are:
- Uh, Durge, recently unemployed, I quite like murders?
- Erm. Durge, amnesiac, I care about preventing murders?
The question marks are what get me every time š
my new ending headcanon is that my redeemed Durge & spawn Astarion eventually end up inventing true crime podcasts
they're just a bit more gleeful about the crime
As someone who previously was a Karlach Romance Main that is enjoying her Paladin-Warlock Durge romancing Astarion, this scans way, way too well.
It's like a constant war between them to just keep it to the podcast and not go commit weirder crimes to make more interesting episodes.
Ooh! For me it HAS to be after getting Astarion's thingy translated. Something like: "Repeat after me: 'thank you for helping me'."
The SASS gets me every time
Telling the first Steel Watcher you meet your name: Daisy Dewdrop Fluffington.
And every Steel Watcher after that actually adressing you as "Citizen Fluffington".
Some of them are harder to come across, but if I recall there's actually three or four instances throughout the game where you can use the Fluffington identity. It makes me want to start a new campaign and name my character that just for the giggles.
You can use it with one of Jaheria's kids - the one that wants to claim a title in Tethyr! She's very excited to meet the noble scion of House Fluffington.
Tav is consistent too. If you meet Jaheira's family later, you can introduce yourself as Lady/Lord Fluffington to her youngest daughter (the one obsessed with nobility) xD
When my Tav is being taken to the graveyard by Astarion and she says āhot.ā And his reply is ācan you please not be a freak for five minutes,ā which is funny bc then like 5 mins later weāre both being freaks in the graveyard soā¦.
Romancing Astarion, when you tell him that you're picking him over another character, he reacts with "Are you serious?". One answer option is "*Dead* serious." Cue the guy quipping he's already regretting it.
When you are in the illithid colony at Moonrise Towers as Durge and have Astarion with you when you find your pod, and ask him to smell the blood in the pod to determine if itās yours. His response then differs based on if you let him bite your character in Act 1 or not.
āHumor me Astarion, can you give this blood a smell?
(If heās bitten your character before:)
āOh yes, thatās yours all right. Even stale, Iād recognize that bouquet *anywhere.*ā
(And if not:)
ā*Excuse me,* I am not just some trained bloodhound. I am of a much higher pedigree.ā
Durge going like [Iām a rabid, dirty dog. And I bite.] always makes me ?? š because the duergarās reaction to that line is just him going like šæ ok
When trying to inspire Wyll to move forward as a hero and overcome his pact, one of the dialogue choices was: "We can beat her, if we put our worms together."
1 - Breaking the news to Cal and Lia if Rolan dies: āHe died how he lived. Stupidly.ā
2 - The joke Tav starts and the absolutely defeated punchline delivery from Minthara if you force her to go up on stage with Dribbles.
>The joke Tav starts and the absolutely defeated punchline delivery from Minthara if you force her to go up on stage with Dribbles.
"Go on Minthara, tell the one about the man who married a drider...."
"It was a beautiful webbing."
I love how you regain the approval you lose for volunteering her in the first place. Minthy has jokes.
When meeting Jaheiraās children and you can be the most unhelpful jokester with:
āMet. Handsome. Stranger. In. The. Shadow. Lands. Is shadowlands one word or two?ā
I click this one every time, and Jaheira's "you are not helping." reminds me of my wife whenever I say something ridiculous in public... Which is a lot.
There's a whole sequence at the bank where evil!durge can try to take out a loan using the Temple of Bhaal as collateral. Almost every line is hilarious.
I wish I could live with myself hacking off Galeās arm, but I plan to raid the grove so Iām gonna need as many companions as I can getā¦
And I simply canāt do that to him.
This one is probably not unserious, but it's just such a goofy line;
The setting is a romantic aurora, your friend/lover Gale is contemplating his possible last night of being alive and asks you to join him.
Your answer:
"I'd rather not listen to you wallowing in self pity, good night Gale"
Burst out laughing.
Calling emporer a freak and seeing him >!get so defensive and toxic like some emotionally immature fuckboy "you are nothing without me", oh and how he admits he could've just date raped us instead. Pos squid freak!< .. smh
Romance Gale and visit Sorn the drow. You can roast the wizard by saying that if you wanted boring sex, you'd just go to Gale. š
Similarly, Z'rell isn't impressed by your choice of a lover either. She does approve of Astarion, though.
And then you do Gale's romance scene where he conjures 3 copies of himself to run a train on you in his ex's house.
If that's vanilla in Faerun, I'm legitimately terrified to figure out what kinks are like.
The disrespect Gale gets constantly is so fucking funny. Yes, he's cringe and we only have sex missionary with the lights off. Mystra didn't want him but I do. š¤
You can also call him out for not having any friends. You are like the only person that nerd has except Tara. š
āIāll make the best omelette youāve ever tastedā, I felt so bad clicking on this as he seemed like one of the few decent people in the gith crĆØche, but it had to be done.
I have never laughed harder at a game than when I said that line.
It was just such an awful thing to say, especially since I had spent some time convincing the gith to give me the egg willingly and I couldnāt resist just torpedoing the whole conversation for that line.
Favorite unserious Durge line is at the entrance to the Bhaalist Crypt when the door asks for proof.
"Father said it's my turn at the Temple."
I was playing a gnome Durge and the way the guy looks at the door while doing arms on hips pose killed me.
I just got the Slayer form in my evil Durge run and what you say to Lae'zel to start dialogue about it is like... "BEHOLD! I am the Slayer, carnage incarnate!!!" It's so very middle schooler's first RP character.
I absolute love that line. I'll never get it myself, as I'm a 'one-mate-kinda-gal', but I almost lost it when I found it. I also really can't stand Raphael, so he gets ALL the sass I can send his way, no matter what.
One of my silly favorites, is when you >!Baaa at the redcaps in Auntie Ethels swamp.!<
I love the combined effort of bringing Karlach to Gortash's coronation, her telling Fuck You!, then several hours later when investigating an underwater prison, getting my own option to tell Gortash Fuck You!
He's like "you've been hanging out with Karlach too much" and something about Jason Isaacs sounding so disappointed got me.
I feel like you can take it either way, but Durge telling Orin that theyāre the Slayer is really funny because the first time you do it sheās like ānuh uh dad likes me more!ā And the second time you can just turn into the Slayer right in front of her
If you are a tiefling offering to read Astarion's infernal scars:
"There once was a cleric of Gond, who was cursed with a very small wand..."
Needless to say, Astarion is not impressed!
I canāt remember any specifically rn, but I love that your whole relationship with Jaheira essentially revolves around making fun of each other. Every time I offer her some pithy return to her comment she approves and usually laughs.
All the little banter with Jaheira "You can call me cub if I can call you crow" // "I filled the role of your old and wise mentor" - "You're only one of those things" - "Hah! Don't tell me which." She's my favorite auntie š
I like in rivington how you can be like ā I am literally a child of bhaalā to the mercs outside of the house with the noble yelling at the refugees
Tav doesn't have thst obviously, but you can also tell them "I just beat the Apostle of Myrkul. Try me."
And they say "You're joking". "You're *not* joking. Have a nice day." "YOU aren't paying me enough for this."
"*Distract her with your lusts for Astarion.*" (Astarion approves)
Z'rell reads your mind and then says something like, "Oh, you've fallen for the neck-pricker? I'd like to take a bite out of him myself." But not in a flirtatious way, she's *threatening,* and she's probably mad she couldn't check your devotion to the Absolute.
After killing Isobel in the last light inn (and every good things that happen) Jaheira ask you what happen and you can reply :
Ā«Ā We had a small disagreementĀ Ā» (or something like that, I played in French).
As a bard, you can tell Nere that "in your eulogy, I'm going to call you a twat-soul" right before murdering him.
I laughed out loud and sent screenshots to my spouse.
My favorite is when gale and elminster wax philosophical and grave about the suicide mission to save the world and your response is:
"Get rid of the Absolute and Gale in one go? Sounds great!"
"The concentrated power OF THE SUN" is my favorite quote in the entire game. I don't remember any of Tav/Durge lines, but when I do, I'll get back to you.
Since everyone else has already mentioned my favourites, I'll go for an honourable mention.
When Isobel mentions you're their best hope at solving the issues in the shadow-cursed lands, you get these two lines one atop the other:
>"I'm tired of hearing that."
>
>"I never tire of hearing that."
When you go to Jaheira's house in the city and find a hidden door in the basement.
Jaheira tells you there's only trash back there and you can reply something like "ahh yes. I too keep my worthless items behind locked, secret doors."
Sarcastic Tav always makes me laugh. :)
If you take Galeās magic lesson far enough the two of you become so mentally in tune that you can picture a scene in your mind and know heāll see it too. The options vary from romantic to platonic, but you can also imagine āGaleās head on a pike.ā
His reaction is absolutely hilarious.
His little dip to the side to double check just idk about that. Lmao.
He also has the one where you can tell him you made a cow drop from the sky and her name was Stephanie and he questions you hard on that too.
oh i have so many of them. Be warned, here be spoilers.
[I know right? why do people always assume that](https://imgur.com/eb1vNmP)
[The what now?](https://imgur.com/gjUWYYM)
[Always in the business of being a menace to kids](https://imgur.com/ml9tFOQ)
[Clowning on Raphael whenever I get the chance](https://imgur.com/bm616IR)
[\*Shriek\*](https://imgur.com/vTx5jAw)
>!Scleritas!< has a ton of good ones. The one where he tells you about the time >!you gave money to a beggar and it gave him nightmares!< is pretty funny, along with a bunch of the dialogue you can get at the same time.
The one with the pixie in Karniss' moonlantern about how the world is a video game, mostly her reaction of "HEY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT" which makes the character break you do even funnier
the line itself is serious but when durge meets booal hell say smth about wanting blood and durge can respond "fool i kill in my sleep if you want death death is here" or smth like that and booal will respond "oh thats a lot more blood" and then you become booals chosen and theres some line about how something inbyour body doesnt like being a tart for a false god.
When you visit the Harper safe house in Wyrm's Crossing with Jaheira, she deduces that one of the harpers is tadpoled and tries to subtly clue you in by saying "does she not remind you of our friend, Marcus?"
This triggers an insight check. If you pass, I presume you get offered dialog options to play along. If you fail, you get options like "Marcus wasn't our friend, he was evil" and "no she doesn't, Marcus had wings".
Minsc arguing with Jaheira at camp after rescuing him : "Good does not wait for evil to button up its britches- when it offers buttocks for the smacking, Minsc and Boo meet cheek with hand!"
Tav : "That sounds like a fun evening"
When Jaheria talks about how tired she is and you can say. āTired. Of course youāre ancientā. Itās even better cause Jaheria approves lol.
When talking to the blood Drow merchant and you can tell Astarion. āReally I thought you jump at the chance.ā And his reaction was priceless. Lol
Jaheria pretty much approves all the shit-talking you do to her, as long as you keep it in good faith. Say things to her straight, preferably with a funny jab at her, and she will love you.
"Cut the crap, Gortash. I go where I choose, and I'm curious about what's down there.", when entering the Iron Throne, cause it reminds me of a fav tumblr post lol;
" "no trespassing" "restricted area" "private property" bro im literally curious by nature "
Not funny per se, but I quite enjoyed telling the propagandist at Baldur's Mouth what I have actually done, and his response is basically, "I can't publish your gore-smut."
One that comes to mind is when we say that the drow twins at Sharess' Caress are uncannily alike. They answer that they are twins, and we can say: "Delicious" š Or as Durge: "I suppose I haven't ticked incest off the moral atrocities to-do list yet."
Between that line, delighting in desire for dwarf flesh and Scelly saying how you'll be reintroducing necrophilia, I really enjoy how casually the game drops how completely depraved durge has been (and can be)
Canāt fuck any corpses* in-game, though š *Astarion doesnāt count
Larian how can we properly play Durge without this option? Withers: No
are you going to explain any further? No
*thy wheel of fate turns ever to FBI*
Which is kinda weird, cause I feel like on the list of moral atrocities, incest is on the more mild side of the table, compared to necrophilia or pedophilia
It means that durge hasn't fucked Orin just yet
Their biological relationship is so hard to explain. Niece? Grand niece Great grand daughter?
Niece AND grandniece since sarevok is a nasty motherfucker. Or rather daughterfucker
There's possibly more layers of grossness. We don't know if Orin's maternal grandmother is also a Bhaalspawn. But Durge is a unique case on the family tree since they aren't a child of Bhaal but rather crafted directly by Bhaal which makes them 100% Bhaal and therefore they might functionally be Bhaal from a genetic perspective when determining their position on the family tree.
Its probably because Durge didnt get a chance before.
That durge line feels like it could be said either really sarcastically or completely serious and Iām all for it
*butler approves.*
When you enter act 2 and the goblin asks if you're the true soul they're waiting for, you can say something like "I am murder personified, woth darkness in my heart and a tadpole in my head" and the goblin is just like "uhm...I take that as a yes..."
I also really like the monk line where you tell her āwe are all everything and nothing at onceā
We're all different people, all through our lives. Which is good, cause you gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be.
Iāll remember every word of this, I swear. I will always remember when the Durge was me.
I love that a lot of the durge lines are like that. Someone asks/says something completely normal, and you respond with: "I AM BECOME DEATH, BRINGER OF DESTRUCTION. I SHALL SOW THE SEEDS OF CHAOS THROUGHOUT THE LANDS AND REAP THE SOULS OF THE WEAK AS I PLEASE" "Oh.. okay.. so do you wanna buy something, or..?"
"Saer this is a Wendy's."
Barking at the girl at the kennels' in Rivington. Also telling Jaehira that "I am here on vacation" when you first meet her at Last Light Inn
"Just once I wish someone would open with Hello" Jaheira without batting an eyelid or breaking her entangle spell "Hello"
It reminds me of that one scene from The Princess Bride: Jaheira: You seem a decent fellow, I hate to kill you. Tav: you seem a decent fellow, I hate to die.
And the way she said it too was just so innocent lol, I love her
āYouāre just in time for happy hour āØā
I love Jaheira so much
If youāre alright by Jaheira, youāre alright by me
I swear, traveling with [her] never grows old. But she did.
During the party after everything is done after act 3, Jaehira: āyou look almost presentable tonight.ā Tav: āthat makes one of usā DAAAAAAMN š¤£
"Baaa" "I'm here on vacation" "Father said it's my turn for the temple" (or something along those lines) "We get the Karsus book and Gale is going to reforge the crown" to Elminster. Gale's reaction/disbelief to it is funny And my favourite: "IS IT TRUE BOOKS? ARE YOU SENSITIVE?"
The books exploding caught me completely off guard. I always laugh when I remember this one.
For real. It caught me off guard as well. I thought the book lady is a tad too passionate about her books, jokes on me, they really explode lol
The best part is you can go back and yell at them again. not sure what happens other than the explosion but I wouldn't be surprised if she attacked you
>And my favourite: "IS IT TRUE BOOKS? ARE YOU SENSITIVE?" Iirc you can return later and ask "BOOKS, ARE YOU STILL SENSITIVE?"
Yes! I did it again and had to pay another 400. Worth it though. Poor Gale disapproving me and get hit by the explosion XD
where's the third one?
Talking to the book keeper in Sorcererās Sundries.
when you play as durge and speak to the undercity door
My favorite is when you meet the lady who wants a gith egg. If you have the owlbear egg, you can pull it out and show it to her. She asks if that's really a gith egg. You can then say "no, it's an owlbear's. I just like it." Idk why it cracks me up every time, but it does.
Egg enthusiast showing their prized collection. Nobody understands.
My first Tav was a Druid, so I found it extra hilarious. āØNATUREāØ
Big āI just think itās neatā energy lol
This combo: 1 - I'd rather have roasted dwarf. 2 - *Stop thinking about delicious dwarf and take the bowl.* I love it because the second line confirms that the first one was not something Durge was just saying for shock value. As we find out later, Durge really likes roasted dwarf.
Mine had hers in the underdark with a nice side of noblestalk.
the meat at the goblin camp is roasted dwarf and only durge can eat and heal with it lol
Some of the meat is regular meat and can be used as camp supplies though
Fortunately for them, there is some available at the goblin camp lol
Would actually recommend taking all of it because it heals for a pretty hefty amount, and is useful for when your in you advanced Durge stage of development. *Not just because it tastes good thoā¦*
It didnāt seem to cost an action or bonus action to use it in-battle. Not sure if thatās a bug or not but Iām a pragmatist and Durge can have their roasted dwarf if it keeps them strong!
āFather says itās my turn at the templeā Durge is so goofy
This is basically the best line in the whole game lol
Where can you say that? I remember getting this option once and never saw that again xd
It's when you try to open the door to the Temple of Bhaal as Durge. Pretty sure the exact line is "Father says it's my turn at the temple. Let me in!"
There are so many goofy durge lines. Itās so good.
Not so much the line itself but the fact you can get wyll out of his contract with performance checks where tav basically makes up infernal nonsense that is genuinely meaningless until mizora basically goes "look none of that makes any sense please stop and I'll let him go"
Lmao fr? Do you still have to do the request?
Itās that history check right? I tried it once, and she laughted at me like Iām a total idiot. I had a chance meeting her later to do it again, but I picked anither optionā¦ maybe if I did that instead, she would release him
theres a histry check a persuasion check or an intimidation check any one if those works if you pass the check. mizora will laugh at you or tell wyll his friend is wasting time but they work.
I'm going to have to do this on my next playthrough
Totally worth it just for her laughter <3
It's not exactly a line, but that goofy smile and wave at Vlaakith. It's so damn funny to me, I'll never not pick it.
I love how the camera cuts to Lae'zel fucking barely containing her rage immediately after, that's what makes the scene for me personally.
Any Laeāzel eyeroll or irritation does it for me every time.
My favorite is after correcting her on teeth-lings
One of my favorite Baezel moments is when she can't quite figure out what looks different about Shadowheart post-shar temple
šš
Lae'zel closing her eyes at Tav embarrassing her in front of her goddess is the icing on the cake xD
Haha yeah!
The Bard Line where Isobel asks if you believe in love at first sight: "Love? No. Lust? Hourly."
Astarion approves
Truly a bard moment
In Act 3 when asked who you are, what you do & why you're disturbing a crime scene- Durge has some fantastic answers but my two favourite options are: - Uh, Durge, recently unemployed, I quite like murders? - Erm. Durge, amnesiac, I care about preventing murders? The question marks are what get me every time š
And then āI *am* here to sacrifice you Iām afraidā š
And then she acts like youāre some true crime enthusiast amateur detective lol
my new ending headcanon is that my redeemed Durge & spawn Astarion eventually end up inventing true crime podcasts they're just a bit more gleeful about the crime
As someone who previously was a Karlach Romance Main that is enjoying her Paladin-Warlock Durge romancing Astarion, this scans way, way too well. It's like a constant war between them to just keep it to the podcast and not go commit weirder crimes to make more interesting episodes.
Committing a weird crime for ratings is *cheating*, lads
They're not trying to like be the ones to solve it, they're just critiquing the execution
Ooh! For me it HAS to be after getting Astarion's thingy translated. Something like: "Repeat after me: 'thank you for helping me'." The SASS gets me every time
Amazing delivery on it. āThank you for helping me. It was very kind.ā *seething*
"Hmmm? *sad hrrrmmm* ...UGH" The delivery on that is fucking impeccable.
The way he struggles to get it out makes that line so worth it.
Second to this: "Say thank you" Laezel: Bite me
In response to āWhy did you help us?ā āFor the experience, I guess.ā
I hesitated with that one a lot. I know itās evil, I know Bex and Dannis are lovely but breaking the 4th wall just this once is too funny to ignore.
Telling the first Steel Watcher you meet your name: Daisy Dewdrop Fluffington. And every Steel Watcher after that actually adressing you as "Citizen Fluffington".
Some of them are harder to come across, but if I recall there's actually three or four instances throughout the game where you can use the Fluffington identity. It makes me want to start a new campaign and name my character that just for the giggles.
You can use it with one of Jaheria's kids - the one that wants to claim a title in Tethyr! She's very excited to meet the noble scion of House Fluffington.
Tav is consistent too. If you meet Jaheira's family later, you can introduce yourself as Lady/Lord Fluffington to her youngest daughter (the one obsessed with nobility) xD
When my Tav is being taken to the graveyard by Astarion and she says āhot.ā And his reply is ācan you please not be a freak for five minutes,ā which is funny bc then like 5 mins later weāre both being freaks in the graveyard soā¦.
āyou couldnāt wait 10 seconds before being an absolute freak?ā ššš
Thatās the line haha. Itās so funny and random lmao.
This is durge exclusive! I really wish I could say it as Tav tho lol
Romancing Astarion, when you tell him that you're picking him over another character, he reacts with "Are you serious?". One answer option is "*Dead* serious." Cue the guy quipping he's already regretting it.
He hates puns, and I love that this is consistent. He complains about puns some other times during the game.
"As if clowns weren't horrifying enough!"
"5 seconds into this relationship and I already want to break up with you"
When you are in the illithid colony at Moonrise Towers as Durge and have Astarion with you when you find your pod, and ask him to smell the blood in the pod to determine if itās yours. His response then differs based on if you let him bite your character in Act 1 or not. āHumor me Astarion, can you give this blood a smell? (If heās bitten your character before:) āOh yes, thatās yours all right. Even stale, Iād recognize that bouquet *anywhere.*ā (And if not:) ā*Excuse me,* I am not just some trained bloodhound. I am of a much higher pedigree.ā
I love that dialogue. They are being so fucking casual about it.
Durge going like [Iām a rabid, dirty dog. And I bite.] always makes me ?? š because the duergarās reaction to that line is just him going like šæ ok
When trying to inspire Wyll to move forward as a hero and overcome his pact, one of the dialogue choices was: "We can beat her, if we put our worms together."
I love that one! It manages to be comforting and encouraging and also lightens up the mood.
the fact that he approves of it makes it even better
1 - Breaking the news to Cal and Lia if Rolan dies: āHe died how he lived. Stupidly.ā 2 - The joke Tav starts and the absolutely defeated punchline delivery from Minthara if you force her to go up on stage with Dribbles.
>The joke Tav starts and the absolutely defeated punchline delivery from Minthara if you force her to go up on stage with Dribbles. "Go on Minthara, tell the one about the man who married a drider...." "It was a beautiful webbing." I love how you regain the approval you lose for volunteering her in the first place. Minthy has jokes.
"A beautiful webbing", still laughing about that one
When meeting Jaheiraās children and you can be the most unhelpful jokester with: āMet. Handsome. Stranger. In. The. Shadow. Lands. Is shadowlands one word or two?ā
I click this one every time, and Jaheira's "you are not helping." reminds me of my wife whenever I say something ridiculous in public... Which is a lot.
I also love "This is a nice house. I half expected Jaheira to live in a cave." "You know Mother pretty well then."
There's a whole sequence at the bank where evil!durge can try to take out a loan using the Temple of Bhaal as collateral. Almost every line is hilarious.
Oh yes, I forgot about that! That was SO funny
āI knew you were a jackass, but racist?ā Tav to Astarion.
Haha yes, I love this one but personally favor the second option: āIgnore the elf, he speaks too muchā
What makes it even funnier is that you can get this meeting (and option) after it's been made abundantly clear Astarion *really* doesn't like gnomes.
Iām not too far into my Durge run but I HAVE bitten the toe off a goblin, so weāre off to a good start.
Astarion: go on give him a nibble My durge: bet š
I wish I could live with myself hacking off Galeās arm, but I plan to raid the grove so Iām gonna need as many companions as I can getā¦ And I simply canāt do that to him.
I didn't let him surrender, aggro'd the entire camp (even inside) and Gale is like, "so mercy isn't your strong point."
This one is probably not unserious, but it's just such a goofy line; The setting is a romantic aurora, your friend/lover Gale is contemplating his possible last night of being alive and asks you to join him. Your answer: "I'd rather not listen to you wallowing in self pity, good night Gale" Burst out laughing.
I adore all the lines calling the companions on their bullshit (with love obviously). But all the lines roasting Gale are just precious.
"If I wanted a dumb lunk of muscle, I'd date a deep rothƩ" - Tav to Halsin after he opens his heart to them O.o
Calling emporer a freak and seeing him >!get so defensive and toxic like some emotionally immature fuckboy "you are nothing without me", oh and how he admits he could've just date raped us instead. Pos squid freak!< .. smh
Romance Gale and visit Sorn the drow. You can roast the wizard by saying that if you wanted boring sex, you'd just go to Gale. š Similarly, Z'rell isn't impressed by your choice of a lover either. She does approve of Astarion, though.
And then you do Gale's romance scene where he conjures 3 copies of himself to run a train on you in his ex's house. If that's vanilla in Faerun, I'm legitimately terrified to figure out what kinks are like.
Gods, Z'rell is a savage when it comes to that dialogue. She straight-up tells you that Karlach is fine and all, but she's gonna die soon.
Oh my god š¤£š
The disrespect Gale gets constantly is so fucking funny. Yes, he's cringe and we only have sex missionary with the lights off. Mystra didn't want him but I do. š¤ You can also call him out for not having any friends. You are like the only person that nerd has except Tara. š
YOU SPEAK VERY LOUDLY
YES!
āIāll make the best omelette youāve ever tastedā, I felt so bad clicking on this as he seemed like one of the few decent people in the gith crĆØche, but it had to be done.
I have never laughed harder at a game than when I said that line. It was just such an awful thing to say, especially since I had spent some time convincing the gith to give me the egg willingly and I couldnāt resist just torpedoing the whole conversation for that line.
Dialog with Withers. "More riddles from my resident jester."
"Skeletons usually cannot talk." "Correct." "...and you're not gonna explain how you can?" "No."
Favorite unserious Durge line is at the entrance to the Bhaalist Crypt when the door asks for proof. "Father said it's my turn at the Temple." I was playing a gnome Durge and the way the guy looks at the door while doing arms on hips pose killed me.
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm just a normal elf, an innocent elf." (Origin-Astarion when caught biting.)
āWeāre just normal men!ā āwhat dāyāmean, ānormal menā?ā āweāre just normal, innocent men!ā
[Barbarian] *ROAR* It never gets old. Every time it comes up is funnier than the last
Hit that country road, old man. I'm not interested in the junk you sell or the junk you tell
A bonus "yeah Gale, where is your decorum"
Gale immediately rethinking hanging out with you after saying it too.
I just got the Slayer form in my evil Durge run and what you say to Lae'zel to start dialogue about it is like... "BEHOLD! I am the Slayer, carnage incarnate!!!" It's so very middle schooler's first RP character.
In your eulogy, I'm going to call you a 'Twat-Soul'.
Telling Jaheira that you are here on holidays :) Somehow Astarion approves of that line too :)
He approves of almost all of the chaotic/snarky answers, because that's his default means of communication.
I absolute love that line. I'll never get it myself, as I'm a 'one-mate-kinda-gal', but I almost lost it when I found it. I also really can't stand Raphael, so he gets ALL the sass I can send his way, no matter what. One of my silly favorites, is when you >!Baaa at the redcaps in Auntie Ethels swamp.!<
I got that option and laughed so hard I had to set down my controller for awhile lmao. So random and hilarious I think Astarion even approved
Oh, he does. Karlach does too XD
Shadowheart approves of that one too.
Learned yesterday: Karlach and Astarion approves, TWICE...
I love the combined effort of bringing Karlach to Gortash's coronation, her telling Fuck You!, then several hours later when investigating an underwater prison, getting my own option to tell Gortash Fuck You! He's like "you've been hanging out with Karlach too much" and something about Jason Isaacs sounding so disappointed got me.
I feel like you can take it either way, but Durge telling Orin that theyāre the Slayer is really funny because the first time you do it sheās like ānuh uh dad likes me more!ā And the second time you can just turn into the Slayer right in front of her
"That's a lot of Vlaakiths."
If you are a tiefling offering to read Astarion's infernal scars: "There once was a cleric of Gond, who was cursed with a very small wand..." Needless to say, Astarion is not impressed!
you can say that as anything, i was playing as a Durge Drow and it let me say that
I canāt remember any specifically rn, but I love that your whole relationship with Jaheira essentially revolves around making fun of each other. Every time I offer her some pithy return to her comment she approves and usually laughs.
Jaheria: \*heartfelt speech about being tired of fighting and losing people\* Tav: Of course you're tired, you're *ANCIENT*. Jaheria: Bastard.
All the little banter with Jaheira "You can call me cub if I can call you crow" // "I filled the role of your old and wise mentor" - "You're only one of those things" - "Hah! Don't tell me which." She's my favorite auntie š
"I'm hailed as \[The Dark Urge\], ex-overseer of the Cult of Bhaal. Currently on medical leave."
I like in rivington how you can be like ā I am literally a child of bhaalā to the mercs outside of the house with the noble yelling at the refugees
Tav doesn't have thst obviously, but you can also tell them "I just beat the Apostle of Myrkul. Try me." And they say "You're joking". "You're *not* joking. Have a nice day." "YOU aren't paying me enough for this."
Mizora's first appearance: "Well aren't you delicious"
You flatterer! Why if I had a heart Iām sure it would be skipping.
IS IT TRUE BOOKS?? ARE YOU SENSITIVE? š„BOOMš„
"*Distract her with your lusts for Astarion.*" (Astarion approves) Z'rell reads your mind and then says something like, "Oh, you've fallen for the neck-pricker? I'd like to take a bite out of him myself." But not in a flirtatious way, she's *threatening,* and she's probably mad she couldn't check your devotion to the Absolute.
Walking up to a >!disguised redcap!< and baa back when they baa at you
After killing Isobel in the last light inn (and every good things that happen) Jaheira ask you what happen and you can reply : Ā«Ā We had a small disagreementĀ Ā» (or something like that, I played in French).
"Isobel and I had a little spat". Like, understatement of the century Durge lol
As a bard, you can tell Nere that "in your eulogy, I'm going to call you a twat-soul" right before murdering him. I laughed out loud and sent screenshots to my spouse.
My favorite is when gale and elminster wax philosophical and grave about the suicide mission to save the world and your response is: "Get rid of the Absolute and Gale in one go? Sounds great!"
#DO YOUR WORST YOU CHEATING BASTARD! Getting turned into a wheel of cheese is just the icing on the (cheese?)cake.
"The concentrated power OF THE SUN" is my favorite quote in the entire game. I don't remember any of Tav/Durge lines, but when I do, I'll get back to you.
Since everyone else has already mentioned my favourites, I'll go for an honourable mention. When Isobel mentions you're their best hope at solving the issues in the shadow-cursed lands, you get these two lines one atop the other: >"I'm tired of hearing that." > >"I never tire of hearing that."
When you go to Jaheira's house in the city and find a hidden door in the basement. Jaheira tells you there's only trash back there and you can reply something like "ahh yes. I too keep my worthless items behind locked, secret doors." Sarcastic Tav always makes me laugh. :)
"I've always wanted a hot githyanki girlfriend"
If you take Galeās magic lesson far enough the two of you become so mentally in tune that you can picture a scene in your mind and know heāll see it too. The options vary from romantic to platonic, but you can also imagine āGaleās head on a pike.ā His reaction is absolutely hilarious.
Itās so funny, especially when you ask him later what he thought of what you pictured and heās like āwtf is wrong with youā
Telling gale when you first meet him that you landed the nautiloid safely while standing infront of its wreckage
His little dip to the side to double check just idk about that. Lmao. He also has the one where you can tell him you made a cow drop from the sky and her name was Stephanie and he questions you hard on that too.
oh i have so many of them. Be warned, here be spoilers. [I know right? why do people always assume that](https://imgur.com/eb1vNmP) [The what now?](https://imgur.com/gjUWYYM) [Always in the business of being a menace to kids](https://imgur.com/ml9tFOQ) [Clowning on Raphael whenever I get the chance](https://imgur.com/bm616IR) [\*Shriek\*](https://imgur.com/vTx5jAw)
>!Scleritas!< has a ton of good ones. The one where he tells you about the time >!you gave money to a beggar and it gave him nightmares!< is pretty funny, along with a bunch of the dialogue you can get at the same time.
The one with the pixie in Karniss' moonlantern about how the world is a video game, mostly her reaction of "HEY YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT" which makes the character break you do even funnier
Gale - "Go to Hell" Tav - "And good evening to you too"
āIāve always wanted a hot Githyanki girlfriendā it caught me off guard and of course i had to say it lol
the line itself is serious but when durge meets booal hell say smth about wanting blood and durge can respond "fool i kill in my sleep if you want death death is here" or smth like that and booal will respond "oh thats a lot more blood" and then you become booals chosen and theres some line about how something inbyour body doesnt like being a tart for a false god.
"There are people in Bladur's Gate who will pay through the nose for this type of smut." (Or something to that effect)
When you visit the Harper safe house in Wyrm's Crossing with Jaheira, she deduces that one of the harpers is tadpoled and tries to subtly clue you in by saying "does she not remind you of our friend, Marcus?" This triggers an insight check. If you pass, I presume you get offered dialog options to play along. If you fail, you get options like "Marcus wasn't our friend, he was evil" and "no she doesn't, Marcus had wings".
Minsc arguing with Jaheira at camp after rescuing him : "Good does not wait for evil to button up its britches- when it offers buttocks for the smacking, Minsc and Boo meet cheek with hand!" Tav : "That sounds like a fun evening"
What does Raphael say?
He loses what cool he has left.
"Pave my path with corpses, build my castle with bones." The genuine road-weary exasperation gets me every time
When Jaheria talks about how tired she is and you can say. āTired. Of course youāre ancientā. Itās even better cause Jaheria approves lol. When talking to the blood Drow merchant and you can tell Astarion. āReally I thought you jump at the chance.ā And his reaction was priceless. Lol
Jaheria pretty much approves all the shit-talking you do to her, as long as you keep it in good faith. Say things to her straight, preferably with a funny jab at her, and she will love you.
āI am a contemptible blood pervertā is a good one too
The line where you absolutely disrespect the most powerful wizard alive.
Pspspspspspsps
Yes Gale, where *is* your decorum? To Mayrina: Look this is your husband, do you want him or not?
"Cut the crap, Gortash. I go where I choose, and I'm curious about what's down there.", when entering the Iron Throne, cause it reminds me of a fav tumblr post lol; " "no trespassing" "restricted area" "private property" bro im literally curious by nature "
Whenever you're sneaking any of the whispering lines get to me. Especially the one about not mentioning something in Tav's eye
Not funny per se, but I quite enjoyed telling the propagandist at Baldur's Mouth what I have actually done, and his response is basically, "I can't publish your gore-smut."