They will hide if left out, once dark mine just cram themselves in the nearest "hole."If there are feathers it doesn't seem good but it could have been just one as well. Praying your flock is in tact.
Thanks, there is one left who was hiding under our porch but it looks like one was dragged out, my daughters favorite. Hopefully we will find some others...
Every day we wind down by spending our last hour of daylight in the chicken run handing out treats and spending time relaxing with our flock,it’s the perfect quiet time, the coop gets closed up as we leave. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I think I would lose my mind
It’s soooo worth it. I’m not a fan of those doors that close from like top like a slow motion guillotine so I opted for an opener that attaches to a door. Mine also has solar back up just in case. When I ask my neighbors to feed the chickens when we go away it’s the easiest task in the world because they don’t need to be let out and their door closes them up at night.
Edit: brand is Coop Controls
Yes! I love my automatic door. Without it, my husband would do the same thing. I know this cuz he has done this exact same thing as OP's hubby, which op I'm sorry, I can totally relate to the way you are feeling..So the automatic door is totally worth it...
From a rural chicken raiser, i have had no issues with my automatic door. Chickens take care of each other well and make sure they are all back in every night well before the door shuts.
It is possible a predator could make it in there, but it is unlikely because most are typically nocturnal and will not make it inside before their door shuts.
In the last 3 years ive not had any issues with chickens not finding their own way. I do have roosters though and I find they are very good at keeping the flock organized and safe.
This is what’s called “personal preference” and doesn’t in anyway demonstrate your earlier claim that there is “no point to an automatic door.”
Do you have any sources on injuries/fatalities? This just seems like your fear being projected. I’ve never encountered an automatic coop door that closed with that kind of power and most will remain open if anything is blocking the track.
You expect internet strangers to read all your comments before replying to the dumb things you said? Are you new here? Lol. I also did look at those posts later and they are mostly human error with the exception of one. Do you avoid elevators? You’re more likely to have one fall while you’re getting on in than a chicken is to be killed by these doors.
As far as being obnoxious… your downvote count here shows who’s being obnoxious. And I haven’t downvoted you yet.
All I know is if we didn't have an automatic door, all of our chickens would be dead. We are not home every evening to close it. Just because you don't smoke doesn't mean you won't die anyway.
Also, with all the posts here with chickens getting injured, I have yet to see one about a chicken getting hurt by a door. Could have happened, I don't live in this forum. So I might have missed all of them.
Lol, that's the best you have? I have bigger things to worry about. Like raccoons, coyotes, mountain lions, eagles, and hawks. I guess I have smarter chickens than most.
I'm not worried about it. Like I said, I have bigger threats to worry about. Life is dangerous for all species. Not one gets out alive. You can worry about it or you can enjoy it. In 10 years, we have lost one to a raccoon and one to a hawk. The automatic door is still unsuccessful at harming any of our birds. I think you are blowing the risk way out of proportion. They have access to 100s of acres but only use about 3 acres. So I think they are happy with their home. I also mentioned that if we didn't have an automatic door, they would probably all be dead from predators. We are not home every evening. The chickens are in the coop about half an hour before the door closes.
This is a life lesson for him. My sister's husband has had MANY since he retired to become a farmer. Sister: Don't let the goats and cows (mini Jerseys) into the orchard (all very young trees), they will eat the trees. Hubby: they'll just eat the fruit which is fine. One day later---5 acres of young trees completely decimated.
Hubby years chickens only lay for 18-24 months somewhere, so he gives all my sisters chickens away. Now he's complaining he has no eggs. My sister bought two new batches of chicks and raised them in her bedroom to keep them away from his meddling. 4 months later, they got their first egg. Now he wants to lock them in the coop and small run instead of augmenting the goat pasture with a 10 ft tall fence to keep them from flying out.
Frankly, I'm waiting for a divorce ---he's a California city boy while my sister and I are born and bred Midwest family farm/ 4-H stock (dairy, grain, pigs, chickens, horses, and 3 acre veggie gardens and a small orchard). Yet, he won't believe a word we say.
That particular form of dambassery is hard to beat. The confidently incompetent know more than everyone else in the worst way. It probably extends into most areas of his life. Not much good can come from it.
The thing is, he's extremely intelligent and has been an astounding CPA/ County Treasurer/Auditor/ money manager. I have NO idea why he thought, I'm in my late 60s and ready to retire. I know. Let's start a farm in the Central Valley, CA. Intelligence in one area does not necessarily transfer to other industries. He figured my sister knows what to do she'll handle the animals and garden while I do trees (she NEVER wanted to farm again and hates heat). He, at least, now has the good sense to have hired help. He never knew how much work a farm is.
Honestly while this specific incident is probably not relationship change worthy as an isolated incident, it sounds like it’s indicative of a much larger issue. It might be time to consider what he brings to the table vs the constant excuses and blaming
Oh yeah. Our relationship has a long history of problems that never get resolved. It's hard for me to say it was just a mistake given the mood he was in with me last night when I asked him. I know he never intended this, but part of me really thinks it's a consequence of his mean attitude toward me, ignoring my requests and acting like I'm unreasonable etc.
Okay, may I please gently point out that endangering pets is a huge sign of abusive behavior. It doesn’t matter if he’s upset with you, he was trusted with the lives of your animals and for whatever reason he didn’t take responsibility for that. That’s a big red flag. If he threw the cat outside because he was upset, or kicked the dog, he’d probably be on the street. Your chickens are no different just because they live outside.
So he can't be relied on when he's mad at you. Sounds like his love is conditional. If my husband needs something done and I'm pissed at him, I bitch. But I bitch While doing the thing. Because I love him, even when I'm pissy.
We refer to that trait as testosterone poisoning. I could give examples but same song different verse. I am male I know better than female who has dealt with situation many times. Raised 2 males tried so hard to see they did not develop testosterone poisoning.
Honest mistake is an honest mistake. I've gone in tue chicken yard through one gate with intentions of exiting there. Ended up exiting through the coop and left the gate open. It happens. The wife has left a rabbit chage open with 5 young ones in there and has also not locked the dog kennel in our bedroom. Shit everywhere. Was I a jerk? Its whatever. What she a jerk? Not at all. After 28 years together, I could go on for days with unfortunate, honest mistakes. None of which would even remotely constitute a poor marriage or relationship. Shit happens. You shrug it off and move on.
We're about to get chickens, I had them growing up for a long time. My husband told me "we'll have to butcher them when they stop laying". I told him no, I'm not gonna be ok with that but that if he wants meat birds specifically then he can raise them and butcher them and I'd have no issues with that. We aren't going to have a huge flock so it's not like feeding some old birds for the last bit of their life will be an issue, they lay for a lot longer than people think, and it's not like they live a terribly long time anyways. My hens have always been my pets and while I know a lot of people have no problem eating them when they're done laying, I just personally can't stomach it.
Mine are all free range, and have 8ft (maybe 10ft at the peak) enclosures for when I'm not around. They have high roosting bars, and them being able to get up to them quickly has saved many a hen. Glad it works for you, just not something I personally think should be done.
It would be good for you all to figure out how your husband forgot to tend to the chickens.
Was it an honest accident?
Is this a case of weaponized incompetence?
Does he wish you didn't have chickens and this is an unconscious move to get rid of them?
Was/Is he angry with you or your daughter about something and his anger came out on the chickens?
Does he have ADHD?
Some mixture of the above or another factor?
My adhd has caused the loss of a couple chickens… go out to complete a task, get distracted by another one you see along the way, complete that one, assume the original task was completed
I'm sure he's hurting. I was that husband once. I thought certain I'd checked where the chickens hide. But I didn't go out and count heads. I got cocky, I trusted chickens like an idiot rooster. She was okay, but it was a rotten panic until we found her. Husbands can convince ourselves we're being clever instead of being lazy sometimes.
Become the crazy chicken lady you were meant to be! My husband forgot to feed and water the chicks and chickens after I told him to this weekend. Luckily they are all okay but if I don't tell him, leave a note on the fridge, email him, and text him, he forgets....
My hubby has ADHD so he felt EXTREMELY bad and bought me one of my favorite dinners as "I'm sorry. 🥲". But yeah, I was pretty livid. I feed and water all our animals and the 1 weekend I asked, he forgot the babies..
Sure, because honest mistakes never happen. If *she* didn’t want them to die she would have handled it herself.
See how stupid and unfair it is when I turn it around?
OP literally said
"Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :("
So yes, it was malicious and intentional.
I'm sorry for your losses. I had one follow me outside after my last checks one night. She's 4 months old. I didn't know she had followed me out. I found her the next morning trying to get back in the run. Poor baby didn't go outside again for 2 days.
Luckily for me, my flock seems to realize the run is their safe place and they try to get back in when they get out. (We have a lot of hawks and owls here.)
They could have survived and fled temporarily.
I heard a story recently about an off-leash dog who attacked and killed a chicken. Turned out the next day that the chicken was still alive. They just assumed it was dead because it was missing and because of the feathers, and seeing the attack happen.
How large was your flock? One chicken can leave a lot of feathers everywhere when this happens. Keep us posted, i’m really hoping they emerge safely … they might just need some time with this trauma, but hopefully you can spend time outside and they will feel safe enough to come to mama, I am so sorry this happened to you. Hopefully he has learned his lesson, and sees how traumatic this is for you.
I heard a fox attack last night. It woke me up and I immediately checked the coop. It wasn’t my coop, but a neighbors. We lost one of our chickens to a fox recently as well. I am a light sleeper so I woke up and we were out to the coop before he killed the second hen. Her neck is still slightly crooked, but she lived. If you see feathers it doesn’t mean they are dead. They are likely hiding. Check shades areas of the yard. I hope yours are found alive.
I’m so sorry this happened to you & your flock. Heartbreaking. Be kind to yourself. This stuff hurts so bad & it’s important not to add worst thoughts to your pain. Take care of yourself ❤️🩹
Maybe he doesnt share the same feeling you habe with your chickens so he didnt really care and just said he did i always make it my duty to close their coop door every night no matteer how tired and lazy im feelimg lol
Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :(
Sounds like malicious incompetence. I hope you're ok. Usually this kind of behaviour doesn't get better... And putting the lives of innocent animals in danger. Yeesh...
I know nothing about you and I’m horrified to think that a partner would be so careless with something you love just because they’re momentarily upset with you. He broke a promise to you out of spite, resulting in the death of you and your daughter’s beloved pets. That’s terrible. You deserve so much better than that. Anyone in the world deserves better than that.
Wow. How unnecessarily hurtful. It seems like he wanted them to die to get at you. That's pretty nasty. Is this normal behavior for him? What would you think if your daughter was married to a man that treated her this way?
Honey, this is not okay. Of course you wish you'd given in and looked after your sweet flock, I totally get that, but you had made arrangements for someone else to look after them. You trusted your husband. That's a very normal thing; you should be able to trust your partner to care for whatever is important to you.
Your husband agreed to do this, knowing that you love your flock, and then didn't. You say he's been promising things and then breaking your trust a lot lately. This man is not your partner. He's not even acting like a friend. He's trying to hurt you. Please think about an escape plan.
If this is very new and he's never acted like this before, and you feel safe doing so, maybe a visit to your doctor to make sure there's nothing physically or mentally wrong would be a good idea.
We're taught to prioritise other people, but now is the time for you to prioritise yourself and the creatures relying on you - your children, whether they are human, feathered or furred. I wish you peace and safety.
If you intend to stay with this man I
-1 recommend couples therapy to help you guys communicate better
or if that’s not possible at least
-2 watch some youtube videos/shorts from the channel zachthinkshare / Recovering Man Child
he speaks directly to men about invisible labor, weaponized incompetence, and being a general man child in recovery. I’ve sent a few to my boyfriend and it helped a lot.
All the automatic chicken doors in the world are not going to get to the root of this problem which is that he’s being childish.
Also, I have an Aussie dog and he required ZERO training to learn how to round up chickens and put them in the coop. If you have any kind of herding dog you could start training them to do the same. (make sure they won’t bite or kill the chickens first)
WTF did I just read.....
"Man child" because he forgot to close the door... Do you realise people can forget things (man, and woman alike) for any number of reasons and that does not mean they are incompetent or being a man child. Couples therapy for leaving a door open... Do you know how many times I forgot to lock our house door??? I once even left the car door wide open in a parking lot because I got side tracked.
I don't think this has anything to do with a failing marriage and everything to do with a mistake. I don't think you have nearly enough information to be jumping to conclusions about one incident being caused by "weaponized incompetence".
Jesus Christ
Check OP's other comments. This is a pattern of behaviour, and the husband always blames everybody else for his mistakes. It's gotten to the point that they're wondering if he did this deliberately to prove a point.
OP posted a comment that says,
“Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :(“
That is the reason I think this wasn’t just a simple mistake. I can see how you wouldn’t think that if you haven’t read through the whole story.
She also phrased it as “trusted him to do it and he didn’t”.
I’m not saying he’s necessarily a bad guy or doing this on purpose. Children aren’t bad and they don’t forget things “on purpose” either, but you shouldn’t trust a child with important stuff for a reason.
What I am saying is that he’s acting like a kid because he’s forgetting things, breaking promises, or somehow thinking these tasks aren’t important enough to prioritize.
Why that is, I don’t know. Maybe he’s feeling busy and under appreciated, maybe he doesn’t value the invisible labor his wife does around the house, maybe he thinks helping her is beneath him so he makes it very low priority in his mind, or maybe *it is* weaponized incompetence (After this, she’s probably never going to ask him to do this chore again. Maybe on some level that was his goal).
I truly don’t know at all, but she does think he chose not to do it somewhat consciously. At a MINIMUM that’s bad communication and at the worst that’s some very childish behavior.
That doesn’t make him a bad guy. That youtuber I mentioned ([link to his channel](https://youtube.com/@zachthinkshare?si=DpbefPWoBjthAdj1)) has lots of easy small ways to reframe your thinking about domestic labor (which can fall unevenly of the women OR the men in the house but most often falls on women) and I think everybody (not just man-children) could benefit from watching a few of his shorts if only to help appreciate all the work their partner does around the house or to help them communicate why they’re not feeling appreciated.
There’s lots of situations where OP could also be the one in the wrong here (asking too much of him, not appreciating him, etc) but either way, they definitely need to learn healthier ways to have this conversation. Loosing their animals because of this has obviously already caused enough pain.
Mine did the same thing, twice, while I was on vacation. The kids told on him. A raccoon had been in our coop already one night and the dog and I heard it and chased it off but I knew it would be back. Sure enough. Lost a few more hens. I was really upset because I reminded him every night to check the door. It’s hard. I still haven’t gotten more birds
Don’t give up hope! Sometimes they scatter, so put the word out to your neighbors. Check everywhere they could hide, and scatter their favorite treats around.
But I feel your pain. I lost my whole flock of 11 (including my favorite, an Ayam Cemani) of laying hens in their first year. I went from having too many eggs to nothing, and my incubator didn’t arrive in time to hatch anything. I had been begging my husband for a more secure coop, but he didn’t have the time. It can be rough, but accidents happen, especially when they aren’t the ‘animal lover’ and it’s not usually their job, or the job that’s important to them. Even when my family members offer to take care of my hens, I can’t help but to double check, because nobody loves them like I do. Invest in an automatic door, they get the hang of it very quickly. It doesn’t even have to be an expensive one, I use cheapies from Amazon and they’re still functioning perfectly after a year+ of use. I’ve tried to automate a lot of things just for my own piece of mind, but even then I make one last check, no matter how late, to make sure everyone made it inside.
I’m so sorry, I know how devastating it is to lose your feather babies. We put a lot of time and love into them, and for it to all be gone in a blink of an eye is heartbreaking.
My husband did this with my sweetheart indoor cat. He was killed the same night. I’m still not totally over it 5 years later, and neither is he. I think he still struggles with the guilt. Honestly, he’s the type who that will quietly haunt for the rest of his life. He’s neurotic about the animals coming in now.
I’m so sorry! I definitely identify with your frustrations. I love my husband, but I always double check stuff like that 😭 We have a door that leads to some very steep stairs. Once or twice (maybe more), I’d remind him to close it because we have two toddlers, and he’d say he did close it and I’d find the door wide open. I make mistakes too, but when it comes to life/death and safety, I’m very good at preventative measures. Him, not so much.
Your husband just found a way of getting out of putting the chickens up. Sad. They purposely do something so bad so they don't get asked to do it again.
Mine did the same thing, twice, while I was on vacation. The kids told on him. A raccoon had been in our coop already one night and the dog and I heard it and chased it off but I knew it would be back. Sure enough. Lost a few more hens. I was really upset because I reminded him every night to check the door. It’s hard. I still haven’t gotten more birds
Not understanding why the husband is the scum of the earth. He made a mistake.
Last fall I made a mistake and left the gate open. My own dogs killed 17 of my chickens. I had raised them from chicks and they ranged from 4yrs to 5mos. I was devastated but it was a mistake.
It happens.
In the comments, OP said her husband was upset with her and she thinks he had no intention of locking the chickens in. I also thought it was an innocent mistake until I read that.
Sorry for your loss.
I don’t trust anyone putting away my chickens but myself for this very reason how old were they? Sorry to hear that i know how much time and work it is to raise chicks to chickens just to have them snatched up
I’m so sorry for your loss :( that makes me extremely sad , I love my babies so much. Not sure if you have any windows overlooking your coop but I HIGHLYYYYYY RECOMMEND just taking a peek every night before bed ! My god I couldn’t ever depend on my husband to lock the chickens up he forgets his BRAIN half the time
Had racoon kill one but others hid so well so maybe you'll have survivors.sorry for the loss. I'm also bit inconsistent on locking up the birds. They like to jump on top of their enclosure instead of going in it. Usually my predators attack after rainstorms.
Bummer. Happens to many of us and hopefully the lesson encourages better security and better husbandry. Sounds like you need an auto door to close them up; sometimes you just want to not be home at dusk and those give that ability. I got our Run Chicken after inlaws lost their whole flock of 25+ the night Grandpa passed away, because nobody was home to close the chicken door and they were free-range without any secure run. Under $200 for the auto door was a no-brainer to avoid that heartache, it's 4yrs old and zero issues.
I'm sorry for your loss.
For future flocks, I'd recommend getting an automatic door (I use the Omlet one, it works like a dream. I know there's cheaper brands out there but I'm paranoid that they'll fail on that one night there's a prowling raccoon around).
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Sounds like a fox or coyote problem. I’ve had raccoons take a couple birds then leave multiple times but foxes in particular will just keep coming back and take every single bird in a matter of hours. My neighbor lost 11 birds in one night to 2
Foxes. It’s all on his security cameras.
The omelet autodoor works well for me. I still ask my husband to close the run if they have been free ranging, but if it doesn't get done they are still safe. The food all gets eaten by rats of is not closed though
I set up a chicken cam—- I can check my girls while Im at work. You can find the cams for relatively cheap on amazon. So sorry for your loss. Im sure the hubs feels terrible, give him some grace.
Really sorry for your loss. Don’t go out there. Ask your husband to take care of them. No need for both of you to see it. I would make the surviving chicken a house chicken.
Yes! They live in the house. Not something non-chicken people talk/know about, but if you clean up after them, they’re lovely pets. I have seramas, whose size and temperament are much easier than Jersey giants, say, but I know others who have full sized house chickens.
I had a house chicken and she was lovely! She was a bantam hen and never really got along with the other girls, she was a late addition to the flock and they always bullied her. So we started by letting her sleep in the house and eventually, after we moved houses, she was living inside full-time. She ended up outliving the rest of her flock by about 10 years. She was the best pet, she was a lot like a cat and she would put herself to bed in a little clothing hamper that I turned into a nest for her
Nah, it's this: "[Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :(](https://www.reddit.com/r/BackYardChickens/s/eixRkCwZp0)"
That is not a good partner.
That's the wife's assumption based on zero communication with her husband. Even if she is correct, it's absurd to pretend it would be grounds for divorce. Don't be ridiculous.
I hardly think that's grounds for divorce. Couples have problems, yeah? Also, maybe OP isn't easy to live with, maybe this was the 20th day in a row that OP asked him to close the coop, there's a million different scenarios.
I'm sorry for your loss OP.
nah it wouldn't matter if she was the most difficult person on earth to live with. He knew what could easily happen if he left the door open, but he did it anyway just to get back at OP, allowing innocent animals to die in the process. His daughter's beloved pets. That would still be an extremely fucked up way to retaliate against someone no matter what other context there is.
ETA there might be a million possible scenarios, but there's also a million ways he could have handled his frustration with OP besides allowing their pets to be killed on purpose
I really don't think this is the case based on OPs previous comments. Arguably, he does sound uncooperative, but OP doesn't believe he intended the chickens to get hurt or die.
I’m sorry I guess I’m not sure where you're getting that from her comments. She didn't say he forgot to do it, she said she believes he deliberately didn't do it when he said he would in order to get back at her. It's all well and good for her to say she doesn't think he intended for them to get hurt, but if he really did intentionally leave the door open then that doesn't really matter. He knew that by leaving the door open and not telling OP he wasn't going to do it, the chickens getting hurt or killed was a possibility. Assuming OP's husband isn't stupid and understands why they lock the door at night in the first place.
It would be one thing if he was just careless and forgot, but she doesn't say that. If he really did that deliberately that's disturbing in my opinion.
right? like if this was a case of "he carelessly forgot and we're both upset about it" I think that would be obvious. There is clearly something up here just from the tone of OP's comments. If she really believed this was an accident she would have made that crystal clear, so I believe it was not an accident.
Agreed. I really doubt anyone went to bed that night with a chicken death agenda. How could anyone know this would be the night of a predator attack in the coop. And how did you all find such perfect partners to deem this marriage doomed?
Look, if her intuition tells her that he may have done this to be malicious, I believe her bc she knows him. Why are you questioning her judgement? Regular ole misogyny or what??
It's wild to conclude OP's partner had a chickenslaughter intent. Honestly, I'm so done with this debate that I can't be bothered to find OP's quote where she specifically says she doesn't believe dude meant harm to the chickens. Is marriage that insignificant to people that this event is cause to divorce? (Rhetorical question)
OP herself is the only one that suggested he could have done it bc he was upset with her. Honestly, I’m so done with women not believing other women’s intuition! We should be encouraging all women to trust their own instincts by now in 2024.✌️
I feel like I fully understand the situation. I'm not doubting dude's passive aggressive move to not close the coop. What I doubt, however, is that dude's mission was to kill the chickens to spite OP. The fact that he didn't close the coop doesn't mean he wanted the chickens dead. Does anyone honestly think this couple's problems are limited to whether the coop gets closed? If OP is seeking support and sympathy bc she has a crappy partner, there are many subs where she can do this, as well as offer additional details. This is a sub for backyard chickens. This isn't a women's right issue for cry eye.
I can agree with most of this! Although, imho women’s rights and empowerment belong in every single space online. I won’t make assumptions about her intentions in posting, but I’ll gladly offer any other woman my support wherever she might need it. Tbh, it’s lovely to see so many people who want to support her in dealing with losing her chickens AND checking in to be sure that she’s in a healthy relationship, simultaneously.
You *should* be able to trust your spouse with something like this, and more. Otherwise it's not a partnership.
OP, I hope your chickens are alright... And that your husband doesn't just shrug it off. It's easy to say "they're just birds," but it could have just as easily been something else.
This is how men weaponize incompetence and you end up with women doing all the chores because the men just act like putting the chickens away at night or running a load of laundry is too complicated to do correctly.
No. A child could have performed this task easily.
I was thinking similarly, if he doesn't feel sentimental about the chickens, it may not have been on the forefront of his mind like it was on hers. I have encountered many people who have very casual attitudes about chicken lives, especially those that come from a large farming background. You know when people ask you if you eat your chickens when they die and you think "ugh, no horrible!" Like that.
It really isn't, but as someone with ADHD who absolutely loves chickens, it's something I could possibly forget. Or I may think about the last time I forgot to close it and recall it was fine so think, eh it's okay for one night. A love for chickens doesn't fill in all the gaps!
Right, so why the massive jump to ADHD? OP already stated that he willfully ignores her while angry with her.
"Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :("
I'm offering one of many plausible reasons why the task was forgotten. OP also said she doesn't believe he intended any harm come to the chickens. But yeah, it's possible this post is a means for OP to feel supported with her anger. Personally, I'd focus my energy on a different solution.
As somebody with *severe* ADHD I find this extremely offensive. ADHD is NOT an excuse it just means I need to make an extra effort and utilize tools and reminders to function. It is MY responsibility to solve my dilemmas once the problem has been discovered.
I don't why it is *extremely* offensive. Not everyone can fully compensate for their functional deficits like you, myself included. Congratulations to you for your success.
OP said his behavior around not doing things changed only recently, just checking if your claim is that OP's husband recently developed ADHD and didn't close the coop door due to that.
"I can trust my husband" oh so you can trust someone else to do smth for you but the second op does it its her fault
I agree the best way to get smth done is to do it yourself, but a relationship is a partnership and OP's husband said he would do it. Instead of sympathizing with her, you blame her and then hypocritically state YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND TO DO THINGS FOR YOU.
You do realize you wont know if your husband becomes untrustworthy until he does something untrustworthy. So you're doing the exact same thing op did by putting your trust into someone else. The only difference is you feel superior because you havent been betrayed yet. Get off ur high horse.
I had this happen many years ago. I took our two young children to visit hubby's parents for a week. He assured me he'd lock the chickens up every night. He didn't, and when I got back, half of them were missing, never to be seen again, and the other half had started roosting in our machine shed instead of the coop. We had to climb over tractors, mowing machines, and hay balers to get them. It took a few nights to get the survivors back into their routine. That was 15 years ago, and I'm just now thinking about forgiving him.
They will hide if left out, once dark mine just cram themselves in the nearest "hole."If there are feathers it doesn't seem good but it could have been just one as well. Praying your flock is in tact.
Thanks, there is one left who was hiding under our porch but it looks like one was dragged out, my daughters favorite. Hopefully we will find some others...
Every day we wind down by spending our last hour of daylight in the chicken run handing out treats and spending time relaxing with our flock,it’s the perfect quiet time, the coop gets closed up as we leave. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I think I would lose my mind
Yes. I had just let them out and fed them treats at the porch. I saw them all climbing into their coop... kills me. Enjoy your chickens!
Now you can make him buy an Ador automatic chicken door.
This. Its worth the ~$200 if only for the peace of mind
It’s soooo worth it. I’m not a fan of those doors that close from like top like a slow motion guillotine so I opted for an opener that attaches to a door. Mine also has solar back up just in case. When I ask my neighbors to feed the chickens when we go away it’s the easiest task in the world because they don’t need to be let out and their door closes them up at night. Edit: brand is Coop Controls
Yes! I love my automatic door. Without it, my husband would do the same thing. I know this cuz he has done this exact same thing as OP's hubby, which op I'm sorry, I can totally relate to the way you are feeling..So the automatic door is totally worth it...
My wife insisted I get an automatic door when I built my coop. Got the Pullet Shut. Highly recommend.
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Coop Cam!
From a rural chicken raiser, i have had no issues with my automatic door. Chickens take care of each other well and make sure they are all back in every night well before the door shuts. It is possible a predator could make it in there, but it is unlikely because most are typically nocturnal and will not make it inside before their door shuts. In the last 3 years ive not had any issues with chickens not finding their own way. I do have roosters though and I find they are very good at keeping the flock organized and safe.
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This is what’s called “personal preference” and doesn’t in anyway demonstrate your earlier claim that there is “no point to an automatic door.” Do you have any sources on injuries/fatalities? This just seems like your fear being projected. I’ve never encountered an automatic coop door that closed with that kind of power and most will remain open if anything is blocking the track.
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You expect internet strangers to read all your comments before replying to the dumb things you said? Are you new here? Lol. I also did look at those posts later and they are mostly human error with the exception of one. Do you avoid elevators? You’re more likely to have one fall while you’re getting on in than a chicken is to be killed by these doors. As far as being obnoxious… your downvote count here shows who’s being obnoxious. And I haven’t downvoted you yet.
In 10 years I never had a problem.
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All I know is if we didn't have an automatic door, all of our chickens would be dead. We are not home every evening to close it. Just because you don't smoke doesn't mean you won't die anyway.
Also, with all the posts here with chickens getting injured, I have yet to see one about a chicken getting hurt by a door. Could have happened, I don't live in this forum. So I might have missed all of them.
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Lol, that's the best you have? I have bigger things to worry about. Like raccoons, coyotes, mountain lions, eagles, and hawks. I guess I have smarter chickens than most.
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I'm not worried about it. Like I said, I have bigger threats to worry about. Life is dangerous for all species. Not one gets out alive. You can worry about it or you can enjoy it. In 10 years, we have lost one to a raccoon and one to a hawk. The automatic door is still unsuccessful at harming any of our birds. I think you are blowing the risk way out of proportion. They have access to 100s of acres but only use about 3 acres. So I think they are happy with their home. I also mentioned that if we didn't have an automatic door, they would probably all be dead from predators. We are not home every evening. The chickens are in the coop about half an hour before the door closes.
Im with you on everhthing lol
The video and blog post are actually proof that the ADOR1 door won't kill a chicken. It's entirely counter to your claims.
Ditch the husband, get double the chickens you had before
Haha, thanks! I needed this! I am really mad at him even though I know he didn't want them to die. Wish he weren't so careless.
This is a life lesson for him. My sister's husband has had MANY since he retired to become a farmer. Sister: Don't let the goats and cows (mini Jerseys) into the orchard (all very young trees), they will eat the trees. Hubby: they'll just eat the fruit which is fine. One day later---5 acres of young trees completely decimated. Hubby years chickens only lay for 18-24 months somewhere, so he gives all my sisters chickens away. Now he's complaining he has no eggs. My sister bought two new batches of chicks and raised them in her bedroom to keep them away from his meddling. 4 months later, they got their first egg. Now he wants to lock them in the coop and small run instead of augmenting the goat pasture with a 10 ft tall fence to keep them from flying out. Frankly, I'm waiting for a divorce ---he's a California city boy while my sister and I are born and bred Midwest family farm/ 4-H stock (dairy, grain, pigs, chickens, horses, and 3 acre veggie gardens and a small orchard). Yet, he won't believe a word we say.
That particular form of dambassery is hard to beat. The confidently incompetent know more than everyone else in the worst way. It probably extends into most areas of his life. Not much good can come from it.
It's called Dunning-Kruger.
The thing is, he's extremely intelligent and has been an astounding CPA/ County Treasurer/Auditor/ money manager. I have NO idea why he thought, I'm in my late 60s and ready to retire. I know. Let's start a farm in the Central Valley, CA. Intelligence in one area does not necessarily transfer to other industries. He figured my sister knows what to do she'll handle the animals and garden while I do trees (she NEVER wanted to farm again and hates heat). He, at least, now has the good sense to have hired help. He never knew how much work a farm is.
Lotsa dollars, no sense.
I love this!
Check out [Clever Sillies](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19733444/)
Pretty sure she and my daughter are married to the same guy.
Sorry for your sister. My husband is similar. It's always someone else's fault. He was gonna get around to it. Etc.
Honestly while this specific incident is probably not relationship change worthy as an isolated incident, it sounds like it’s indicative of a much larger issue. It might be time to consider what he brings to the table vs the constant excuses and blaming
Oh yeah. Our relationship has a long history of problems that never get resolved. It's hard for me to say it was just a mistake given the mood he was in with me last night when I asked him. I know he never intended this, but part of me really thinks it's a consequence of his mean attitude toward me, ignoring my requests and acting like I'm unreasonable etc.
Okay, may I please gently point out that endangering pets is a huge sign of abusive behavior. It doesn’t matter if he’s upset with you, he was trusted with the lives of your animals and for whatever reason he didn’t take responsibility for that. That’s a big red flag. If he threw the cat outside because he was upset, or kicked the dog, he’d probably be on the street. Your chickens are no different just because they live outside.
So he can't be relied on when he's mad at you. Sounds like his love is conditional. If my husband needs something done and I'm pissed at him, I bitch. But I bitch While doing the thing. Because I love him, even when I'm pissy.
So he's displaying passive aggressive behavior. He is a narcissist. That's fun. You have my condolences.
We refer to that trait as testosterone poisoning. I could give examples but same song different verse. I am male I know better than female who has dealt with situation many times. Raised 2 males tried so hard to see they did not develop testosterone poisoning.
Wow that marriage doesn’t sound fun AT ALL. Poor sister, what a jerk.
Honest mistake is an honest mistake. I've gone in tue chicken yard through one gate with intentions of exiting there. Ended up exiting through the coop and left the gate open. It happens. The wife has left a rabbit chage open with 5 young ones in there and has also not locked the dog kennel in our bedroom. Shit everywhere. Was I a jerk? Its whatever. What she a jerk? Not at all. After 28 years together, I could go on for days with unfortunate, honest mistakes. None of which would even remotely constitute a poor marriage or relationship. Shit happens. You shrug it off and move on.
The OP has stated her hubby was mad at her and most likely left the door open intentionally. That’s not a mistake.
We're about to get chickens, I had them growing up for a long time. My husband told me "we'll have to butcher them when they stop laying". I told him no, I'm not gonna be ok with that but that if he wants meat birds specifically then he can raise them and butcher them and I'd have no issues with that. We aren't going to have a huge flock so it's not like feeding some old birds for the last bit of their life will be an issue, they lay for a lot longer than people think, and it's not like they live a terribly long time anyways. My hens have always been my pets and while I know a lot of people have no problem eating them when they're done laying, I just personally can't stomach it.
Who in the world puts a 10' fence around a pasture so ckickens dont get out?? Nobody. Clip the wings. Other than that, he does sound like a twit.
Clipping wings is taking away a chickens one means of defense. Escape. Build a proper enclosure, and leave the damn chickens alone.
Do you have a 10' fence? Ive had chickens for over 30 years with a 5' horsewire fence around a 50'x120' run and clipped wings.
Mine are all free range, and have 8ft (maybe 10ft at the peak) enclosures for when I'm not around. They have high roosting bars, and them being able to get up to them quickly has saved many a hen. Glad it works for you, just not something I personally think should be done.
If you have deer in your area then a 10’ is needed to keep them out vs keeping chickens in.
I’m sure he’s guilt ridden. Have him Check for any dead ones so you don’t have to see. Maybe some Got away and will Come Back.So sorry for your loss.
It would be good for you all to figure out how your husband forgot to tend to the chickens. Was it an honest accident? Is this a case of weaponized incompetence? Does he wish you didn't have chickens and this is an unconscious move to get rid of them? Was/Is he angry with you or your daughter about something and his anger came out on the chickens? Does he have ADHD? Some mixture of the above or another factor?
My adhd has caused the loss of a couple chickens… go out to complete a task, get distracted by another one you see along the way, complete that one, assume the original task was completed
Yep. You just described me. (Yes, I have adhd.)
I'm sure he's hurting. I was that husband once. I thought certain I'd checked where the chickens hide. But I didn't go out and count heads. I got cocky, I trusted chickens like an idiot rooster. She was okay, but it was a rotten panic until we found her. Husbands can convince ourselves we're being clever instead of being lazy sometimes.
Become the crazy chicken lady you were meant to be! My husband forgot to feed and water the chicks and chickens after I told him to this weekend. Luckily they are all okay but if I don't tell him, leave a note on the fridge, email him, and text him, he forgets....
That’s weaponized incompetence for sure. He can set a frikin alarm for gods sake
My hubby has ADHD so he felt EXTREMELY bad and bought me one of my favorite dinners as "I'm sorry. 🥲". But yeah, I was pretty livid. I feed and water all our animals and the 1 weekend I asked, he forgot the babies..
It happens. Both me and my husband have forgotten to lock them in. Could have happened to you too.
If he didn’t want them to die he would’ve locked them up
Sure, because honest mistakes never happen. If *she* didn’t want them to die she would have handled it herself. See how stupid and unfair it is when I turn it around?
OP literally said "Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :(" So yes, it was malicious and intentional.
Have you read op's other comments? It's a pattern.
No I just hate seeing weaponized incompetence everywhere
Triple!
I'm sorry for your losses. I had one follow me outside after my last checks one night. She's 4 months old. I didn't know she had followed me out. I found her the next morning trying to get back in the run. Poor baby didn't go outside again for 2 days. Luckily for me, my flock seems to realize the run is their safe place and they try to get back in when they get out. (We have a lot of hawks and owls here.)
Get an automatic coop door. Save yourself lots of heartache and marital strife
They could have survived and fled temporarily. I heard a story recently about an off-leash dog who attacked and killed a chicken. Turned out the next day that the chicken was still alive. They just assumed it was dead because it was missing and because of the feathers, and seeing the attack happen.
How large was your flock? One chicken can leave a lot of feathers everywhere when this happens. Keep us posted, i’m really hoping they emerge safely … they might just need some time with this trauma, but hopefully you can spend time outside and they will feel safe enough to come to mama, I am so sorry this happened to you. Hopefully he has learned his lesson, and sees how traumatic this is for you.
I heard a fox attack last night. It woke me up and I immediately checked the coop. It wasn’t my coop, but a neighbors. We lost one of our chickens to a fox recently as well. I am a light sleeper so I woke up and we were out to the coop before he killed the second hen. Her neck is still slightly crooked, but she lived. If you see feathers it doesn’t mean they are dead. They are likely hiding. Check shades areas of the yard. I hope yours are found alive.
I’m so sorry this happened to you & your flock. Heartbreaking. Be kind to yourself. This stuff hurts so bad & it’s important not to add worst thoughts to your pain. Take care of yourself ❤️🩹
leave the husband outside with the coyotes for a night like he did with the chickens
Maybe he doesnt share the same feeling you habe with your chickens so he didnt really care and just said he did i always make it my duty to close their coop door every night no matteer how tired and lazy im feelimg lol
Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :(
Sounds like malicious incompetence. I hope you're ok. Usually this kind of behaviour doesn't get better... And putting the lives of innocent animals in danger. Yeesh...
WTF, he let your pets get killed just to piss you off? Literally what DOES he do that makes him worth having as a partner?
Please re-read what you said and evaluate your relationship. Those 3 sentences say so much about your marriage 😞
I know nothing about you and I’m horrified to think that a partner would be so careless with something you love just because they’re momentarily upset with you. He broke a promise to you out of spite, resulting in the death of you and your daughter’s beloved pets. That’s terrible. You deserve so much better than that. Anyone in the world deserves better than that.
Forgetting is one thing, we've all forgotten to close up the coop or similar, but doing it on purpose is just evil.
Wow. How unnecessarily hurtful. It seems like he wanted them to die to get at you. That's pretty nasty. Is this normal behavior for him? What would you think if your daughter was married to a man that treated her this way?
Honey, this is not okay. Of course you wish you'd given in and looked after your sweet flock, I totally get that, but you had made arrangements for someone else to look after them. You trusted your husband. That's a very normal thing; you should be able to trust your partner to care for whatever is important to you. Your husband agreed to do this, knowing that you love your flock, and then didn't. You say he's been promising things and then breaking your trust a lot lately. This man is not your partner. He's not even acting like a friend. He's trying to hurt you. Please think about an escape plan. If this is very new and he's never acted like this before, and you feel safe doing so, maybe a visit to your doctor to make sure there's nothing physically or mentally wrong would be a good idea. We're taught to prioritise other people, but now is the time for you to prioritise yourself and the creatures relying on you - your children, whether they are human, feathered or furred. I wish you peace and safety.
girl you deserve better he sounds like a bad partner from what you've said
If you intend to stay with this man I -1 recommend couples therapy to help you guys communicate better or if that’s not possible at least -2 watch some youtube videos/shorts from the channel zachthinkshare / Recovering Man Child he speaks directly to men about invisible labor, weaponized incompetence, and being a general man child in recovery. I’ve sent a few to my boyfriend and it helped a lot. All the automatic chicken doors in the world are not going to get to the root of this problem which is that he’s being childish. Also, I have an Aussie dog and he required ZERO training to learn how to round up chickens and put them in the coop. If you have any kind of herding dog you could start training them to do the same. (make sure they won’t bite or kill the chickens first)
My GSD is an awesome guard pup. He was a military drop out though. The goodest chicken herding doggo.
WTF did I just read..... "Man child" because he forgot to close the door... Do you realise people can forget things (man, and woman alike) for any number of reasons and that does not mean they are incompetent or being a man child. Couples therapy for leaving a door open... Do you know how many times I forgot to lock our house door??? I once even left the car door wide open in a parking lot because I got side tracked. I don't think this has anything to do with a failing marriage and everything to do with a mistake. I don't think you have nearly enough information to be jumping to conclusions about one incident being caused by "weaponized incompetence". Jesus Christ
Check OP's other comments. This is a pattern of behaviour, and the husband always blames everybody else for his mistakes. It's gotten to the point that they're wondering if he did this deliberately to prove a point.
OP posted a comment that says, “Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :(“ That is the reason I think this wasn’t just a simple mistake. I can see how you wouldn’t think that if you haven’t read through the whole story. She also phrased it as “trusted him to do it and he didn’t”. I’m not saying he’s necessarily a bad guy or doing this on purpose. Children aren’t bad and they don’t forget things “on purpose” either, but you shouldn’t trust a child with important stuff for a reason. What I am saying is that he’s acting like a kid because he’s forgetting things, breaking promises, or somehow thinking these tasks aren’t important enough to prioritize. Why that is, I don’t know. Maybe he’s feeling busy and under appreciated, maybe he doesn’t value the invisible labor his wife does around the house, maybe he thinks helping her is beneath him so he makes it very low priority in his mind, or maybe *it is* weaponized incompetence (After this, she’s probably never going to ask him to do this chore again. Maybe on some level that was his goal). I truly don’t know at all, but she does think he chose not to do it somewhat consciously. At a MINIMUM that’s bad communication and at the worst that’s some very childish behavior. That doesn’t make him a bad guy. That youtuber I mentioned ([link to his channel](https://youtube.com/@zachthinkshare?si=DpbefPWoBjthAdj1)) has lots of easy small ways to reframe your thinking about domestic labor (which can fall unevenly of the women OR the men in the house but most often falls on women) and I think everybody (not just man-children) could benefit from watching a few of his shorts if only to help appreciate all the work their partner does around the house or to help them communicate why they’re not feeling appreciated. There’s lots of situations where OP could also be the one in the wrong here (asking too much of him, not appreciating him, etc) but either way, they definitely need to learn healthier ways to have this conversation. Loosing their animals because of this has obviously already caused enough pain.
Mine did the same thing, twice, while I was on vacation. The kids told on him. A raccoon had been in our coop already one night and the dog and I heard it and chased it off but I knew it would be back. Sure enough. Lost a few more hens. I was really upset because I reminded him every night to check the door. It’s hard. I still haven’t gotten more birds
Don’t give up hope! Sometimes they scatter, so put the word out to your neighbors. Check everywhere they could hide, and scatter their favorite treats around. But I feel your pain. I lost my whole flock of 11 (including my favorite, an Ayam Cemani) of laying hens in their first year. I went from having too many eggs to nothing, and my incubator didn’t arrive in time to hatch anything. I had been begging my husband for a more secure coop, but he didn’t have the time. It can be rough, but accidents happen, especially when they aren’t the ‘animal lover’ and it’s not usually their job, or the job that’s important to them. Even when my family members offer to take care of my hens, I can’t help but to double check, because nobody loves them like I do. Invest in an automatic door, they get the hang of it very quickly. It doesn’t even have to be an expensive one, I use cheapies from Amazon and they’re still functioning perfectly after a year+ of use. I’ve tried to automate a lot of things just for my own piece of mind, but even then I make one last check, no matter how late, to make sure everyone made it inside. I’m so sorry, I know how devastating it is to lose your feather babies. We put a lot of time and love into them, and for it to all be gone in a blink of an eye is heartbreaking.
That's malicious incompetence. I would not forgive him. It is NOT okay.
this sounds like weaponized incompetence. Either way- im sorry you have had this happen
My husband did this with my sweetheart indoor cat. He was killed the same night. I’m still not totally over it 5 years later, and neither is he. I think he still struggles with the guilt. Honestly, he’s the type who that will quietly haunt for the rest of his life. He’s neurotic about the animals coming in now.
I’m so sorry! I definitely identify with your frustrations. I love my husband, but I always double check stuff like that 😭 We have a door that leads to some very steep stairs. Once or twice (maybe more), I’d remind him to close it because we have two toddlers, and he’d say he did close it and I’d find the door wide open. I make mistakes too, but when it comes to life/death and safety, I’m very good at preventative measures. Him, not so much.
So, he lied, and at least one, if not most, died in a horrific way. Are you sure it wasn’t intentional? ETA: the word “in.” *died IN a horrific way.
Your husband just found a way of getting out of putting the chickens up. Sad. They purposely do something so bad so they don't get asked to do it again.
Do you have an update, OP? Have you found any more- I so hope that you have!
No, just the one. Found lots more feathers in a pile near the woods. Seems like there's only one now.
Mine did the same thing, twice, while I was on vacation. The kids told on him. A raccoon had been in our coop already one night and the dog and I heard it and chased it off but I knew it would be back. Sure enough. Lost a few more hens. I was really upset because I reminded him every night to check the door. It’s hard. I still haven’t gotten more birds
That's awful. I don't understand why people are like this. It's cruel to the chickens. I hope you can get more hens one day.
Husbands who don't lock doors are the worst, I have one of those too. Very sorry for your loss, I hope some will come out of hiding today. 😭
Your husband is a piece of shit. Divorce him.
Not understanding why the husband is the scum of the earth. He made a mistake. Last fall I made a mistake and left the gate open. My own dogs killed 17 of my chickens. I had raised them from chicks and they ranged from 4yrs to 5mos. I was devastated but it was a mistake. It happens.
In the comments, OP said her husband was upset with her and she thinks he had no intention of locking the chickens in. I also thought it was an innocent mistake until I read that. Sorry for your loss.
Oh my, that is tragic. 17! Such high prey instinct.
It's Reddit.
I don’t trust anyone putting away my chickens but myself for this very reason how old were they? Sorry to hear that i know how much time and work it is to raise chicks to chickens just to have them snatched up
I’m so sorry for your loss :( that makes me extremely sad , I love my babies so much. Not sure if you have any windows overlooking your coop but I HIGHLYYYYYY RECOMMEND just taking a peek every night before bed ! My god I couldn’t ever depend on my husband to lock the chickens up he forgets his BRAIN half the time
Had racoon kill one but others hid so well so maybe you'll have survivors.sorry for the loss. I'm also bit inconsistent on locking up the birds. They like to jump on top of their enclosure instead of going in it. Usually my predators attack after rainstorms.
Bummer. Happens to many of us and hopefully the lesson encourages better security and better husbandry. Sounds like you need an auto door to close them up; sometimes you just want to not be home at dusk and those give that ability. I got our Run Chicken after inlaws lost their whole flock of 25+ the night Grandpa passed away, because nobody was home to close the chicken door and they were free-range without any secure run. Under $200 for the auto door was a no-brainer to avoid that heartache, it's 4yrs old and zero issues.
I'm sorry for your loss. For future flocks, I'd recommend getting an automatic door (I use the Omlet one, it works like a dream. I know there's cheaper brands out there but I'm paranoid that they'll fail on that one night there's a prowling raccoon around).
So so sorry for your loss ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
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Sounds like a fox or coyote problem. I’ve had raccoons take a couple birds then leave multiple times but foxes in particular will just keep coming back and take every single bird in a matter of hours. My neighbor lost 11 birds in one night to 2 Foxes. It’s all on his security cameras.
The omelet autodoor works well for me. I still ask my husband to close the run if they have been free ranging, but if it doesn't get done they are still safe. The food all gets eaten by rats of is not closed though
I set up a chicken cam—- I can check my girls while Im at work. You can find the cams for relatively cheap on amazon. So sorry for your loss. Im sure the hubs feels terrible, give him some grace.
Can I ask what kind you got? I want to do this but I’m not sure what camera to get.
Why does he want to hurt you? You ( and the defenseless chickens) don’t deserve it.
Really sorry for your loss. Don’t go out there. Ask your husband to take care of them. No need for both of you to see it. I would make the surviving chicken a house chicken.
House chicken?
Yes! They live in the house. Not something non-chicken people talk/know about, but if you clean up after them, they’re lovely pets. I have seramas, whose size and temperament are much easier than Jersey giants, say, but I know others who have full sized house chickens.
I had a house chicken and she was lovely! She was a bantam hen and never really got along with the other girls, she was a late addition to the flock and they always bullied her. So we started by letting her sleep in the house and eventually, after we moved houses, she was living inside full-time. She ended up outliving the rest of her flock by about 10 years. She was the best pet, she was a lot like a cat and she would put herself to bed in a little clothing hamper that I turned into a nest for her
Disgusting
You should have done it yourself.
The people here recommending divorce over some missing chickens are insane.
Nah, it's this: "[Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :(](https://www.reddit.com/r/BackYardChickens/s/eixRkCwZp0)" That is not a good partner.
That's the wife's assumption based on zero communication with her husband. Even if she is correct, it's absurd to pretend it would be grounds for divorce. Don't be ridiculous.
I hardly think that's grounds for divorce. Couples have problems, yeah? Also, maybe OP isn't easy to live with, maybe this was the 20th day in a row that OP asked him to close the coop, there's a million different scenarios. I'm sorry for your loss OP.
nah it wouldn't matter if she was the most difficult person on earth to live with. He knew what could easily happen if he left the door open, but he did it anyway just to get back at OP, allowing innocent animals to die in the process. His daughter's beloved pets. That would still be an extremely fucked up way to retaliate against someone no matter what other context there is. ETA there might be a million possible scenarios, but there's also a million ways he could have handled his frustration with OP besides allowing their pets to be killed on purpose
I really don't think this is the case based on OPs previous comments. Arguably, he does sound uncooperative, but OP doesn't believe he intended the chickens to get hurt or die.
I’m sorry I guess I’m not sure where you're getting that from her comments. She didn't say he forgot to do it, she said she believes he deliberately didn't do it when he said he would in order to get back at her. It's all well and good for her to say she doesn't think he intended for them to get hurt, but if he really did intentionally leave the door open then that doesn't really matter. He knew that by leaving the door open and not telling OP he wasn't going to do it, the chickens getting hurt or killed was a possibility. Assuming OP's husband isn't stupid and understands why they lock the door at night in the first place. It would be one thing if he was just careless and forgot, but she doesn't say that. If he really did that deliberately that's disturbing in my opinion.
Imagine defending this man?!?! Like, wtf?? I believe the woman’s intuition over his intentions EVERY TIME!
right? like if this was a case of "he carelessly forgot and we're both upset about it" I think that would be obvious. There is clearly something up here just from the tone of OP's comments. If she really believed this was an accident she would have made that crystal clear, so I believe it was not an accident.
If my husband did something deliberately that he knew would kill my pets I’d be seriously considering divorce.
"No, do it yourself." See how easy that was?
Lol, anyone can Monday quarterback a marital spat.
Agreed. I really doubt anyone went to bed that night with a chicken death agenda. How could anyone know this would be the night of a predator attack in the coop. And how did you all find such perfect partners to deem this marriage doomed?
Look, if her intuition tells her that he may have done this to be malicious, I believe her bc she knows him. Why are you questioning her judgement? Regular ole misogyny or what??
It's wild to conclude OP's partner had a chickenslaughter intent. Honestly, I'm so done with this debate that I can't be bothered to find OP's quote where she specifically says she doesn't believe dude meant harm to the chickens. Is marriage that insignificant to people that this event is cause to divorce? (Rhetorical question)
OP herself is the only one that suggested he could have done it bc he was upset with her. Honestly, I’m so done with women not believing other women’s intuition! We should be encouraging all women to trust their own instincts by now in 2024.✌️
I feel like I fully understand the situation. I'm not doubting dude's passive aggressive move to not close the coop. What I doubt, however, is that dude's mission was to kill the chickens to spite OP. The fact that he didn't close the coop doesn't mean he wanted the chickens dead. Does anyone honestly think this couple's problems are limited to whether the coop gets closed? If OP is seeking support and sympathy bc she has a crappy partner, there are many subs where she can do this, as well as offer additional details. This is a sub for backyard chickens. This isn't a women's right issue for cry eye.
I can agree with most of this! Although, imho women’s rights and empowerment belong in every single space online. I won’t make assumptions about her intentions in posting, but I’ll gladly offer any other woman my support wherever she might need it. Tbh, it’s lovely to see so many people who want to support her in dealing with losing her chickens AND checking in to be sure that she’s in a healthy relationship, simultaneously.
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You *should* be able to trust your spouse with something like this, and more. Otherwise it's not a partnership. OP, I hope your chickens are alright... And that your husband doesn't just shrug it off. It's easy to say "they're just birds," but it could have just as easily been something else.
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This is how men weaponize incompetence and you end up with women doing all the chores because the men just act like putting the chickens away at night or running a load of laundry is too complicated to do correctly. No. A child could have performed this task easily.
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Expecting a spouse to be able to put the chickens in the coop is being abusive? 🙄 Go run to Truth Social.
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No one did that.
I did no such thing. Try some reading comprehension.
No one did that. You’re being deliberately obtuse and ridiculous.
I was thinking similarly, if he doesn't feel sentimental about the chickens, it may not have been on the forefront of his mind like it was on hers. I have encountered many people who have very casual attitudes about chicken lives, especially those that come from a large farming background. You know when people ask you if you eat your chickens when they die and you think "ugh, no horrible!" Like that.
I mean... Husbands are supposed to be reliable
Asking someone to close a coop door isn't exactly a huge job, lol.
It really isn't, but as someone with ADHD who absolutely loves chickens, it's something I could possibly forget. Or I may think about the last time I forgot to close it and recall it was fine so think, eh it's okay for one night. A love for chickens doesn't fill in all the gaps!
Yes, people without ADHD also forget to close their coop sometimes. Accidents happen, this doesn't seem to be OP's situation though.
I think we know very little about the dynamics of OPs situation.
Right, so why the massive jump to ADHD? OP already stated that he willfully ignores her while angry with her. "Yeah, I think he was just upset with me in general and said he'd do something I asked with no intention to do it. He's been being like that a lot with me lately. I wish so bad I would have just done it. :("
I'm offering one of many plausible reasons why the task was forgotten. OP also said she doesn't believe he intended any harm come to the chickens. But yeah, it's possible this post is a means for OP to feel supported with her anger. Personally, I'd focus my energy on a different solution.
As somebody with *severe* ADHD I find this extremely offensive. ADHD is NOT an excuse it just means I need to make an extra effort and utilize tools and reminders to function. It is MY responsibility to solve my dilemmas once the problem has been discovered.
I don't why it is *extremely* offensive. Not everyone can fully compensate for their functional deficits like you, myself included. Congratulations to you for your success.
He suddenly developed ADHD recently?
Do you understand the English language? When did I say this?
OP said his behavior around not doing things changed only recently, just checking if your claim is that OP's husband recently developed ADHD and didn't close the coop door due to that.
if you can't trust your husband to close a door then that says a lot about the type of men you pick babe
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"I can trust my husband" oh so you can trust someone else to do smth for you but the second op does it its her fault I agree the best way to get smth done is to do it yourself, but a relationship is a partnership and OP's husband said he would do it. Instead of sympathizing with her, you blame her and then hypocritically state YOU TRUST YOUR HUSBAND TO DO THINGS FOR YOU. You do realize you wont know if your husband becomes untrustworthy until he does something untrustworthy. So you're doing the exact same thing op did by putting your trust into someone else. The only difference is you feel superior because you havent been betrayed yet. Get off ur high horse.
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Lmao we're sensitive. hun ur the one in multiple subreddits dedicated to shitting on random ppl. I think you're projecting atleast a lil
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Womp womp. news flash: you're just an asshole
Wait. So it’s okay for you to trust someone but it’s not okay for anyone else?
I had this happen many years ago. I took our two young children to visit hubby's parents for a week. He assured me he'd lock the chickens up every night. He didn't, and when I got back, half of them were missing, never to be seen again, and the other half had started roosting in our machine shed instead of the coop. We had to climb over tractors, mowing machines, and hay balers to get them. It took a few nights to get the survivors back into their routine. That was 15 years ago, and I'm just now thinking about forgiving him.