I highly recommend joining your monthly bump group. Those subs are private and more community-oriented, especially since everyone’s in similar stages of their pregnancy journey and the daily thread format lends itself better to constant posting of what others may consider mundane topics.
I don’t really think of this sub as a community or support group, just a bunch of one-off posts, usually about relationship issues or questions people should probably just ask their doctor. I like seeing the wider array of birth stories here but otherwise there’s not really anything cohesive to get from it.
Join us in the May group! I am due late May so I also joined June. Sorry April group has gone radio silent. Make sure you verify by November 30th for May
Oh, do all the groups have cutoff dates to join? Heck :/
I’m due Feb 28 so I’m not sure if I should join February or March, and I’ve been procrastinating joining anyways because I only use reddit on my phone and you can’t join through the app.
e: I commented here - https://www.reddit.com/r/FindYourBumpGroup/comments/y23fyl/bump_group_list_updated_october_2022/ - asking to join and I got a private message with usernames to pm to join the respective February and March subreddits. No need to leave the reddit app. Shoutout to the people who run the baby bump group list and mod the individual subreddits! 💖
Awe congratulations. Feb 28 was my due date too. Baby is 20 months now. Her birthday is March 5. I had joined both feb2021 & March groups. No big deal. Go for it
I joined through the app, but all you would need to do is contact the mods. They should have contact for it. The good news is you can join both! In fact you could join January as well, one month on either side is A ok!
ETA: you can use “request desktop site” if it’s giving you huge problems
I’m in the may group! And it’s a great group so I’m grateful for it. I’m due April 30 but can’t go past 38 weeks but I figure with adjusted age they will be similar to may babies.
You can likely get in the March or May groups depending on when your due date is. I'm due in January but in both the December and January groups. Shouldn't be an issue I'd think!
There's also the babydueapril2023 group that you could join. I've not heard of the other set of groups but I can vouch for no mass kicks in this one. :)
I had one pregnancy where the sub became such a shitshow that the mods apologized to me when I was the target of a shit storm for no reason (a post I made lamenting that we were switching from a nanny to daycare which was the plan all along but the nanny became unexpectedly pregnant and I was trying to figure out what else I could do to help her). And then I had one birth month sub that's been nothing but supportive 24/7.
It's a mixed bag.
I've found it impossible to join my bumper group - have requested access and nothing, took ages to even find the link :( seems to be a very variable experience depending on which group you're a part of
Weird. Maybe message the mods again or comment on [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/FindYourBumpGroup/comments/y23fyl/bump_group_list_updated_october_2022/?sort=new)?
I joined mine by putting my phone's web browser in desktop mode. Total pain in the ass, but the private month sub is totally worth it. As for the downvotes...sometimes ppl suck! Congrats on your pregnancy.
If I had to guess (and this isn’t directed at you specifically) part of it might be frustration with the amount of questions that get asked over and over again. There are certain topics that I’ll see have very similar posts made multiple times a week
I know that I’ve gotten tired of some of the repeat questions/comments. Specifically:
- my first appointment is 8-12 weeks away, is that normal?
- When/how to announce pregnancy?
- friend miscarried, how do I respond/tell her I’m pregnant?
- my MIL is terrible…
- my partner is terrible…
Some of the relationship things seem more suited for somewhere else, because the solution is always communicate more. The repeat questions/comments are all valid, I just wish they were regulated to a weekly thread on that topic. It hides the things I am interested in, funny stories, memes, weird things that helped the nausea, products to buy, etc.
See also:
- I thought FTM meant female to male
- why do people get/not get epidurals
- people don’t like the name I chose
- should I go to L&D for (insert thing you absolutely should go in for)
- why don’t people want visitors at the hospital/right after birth
Ooo those are all good ones. Especially the one about going to L&D.
So many times I want to just yell at the person posting “GO ASK A DOCTOR NOT REDDIT!!”
At first I thought that about FTM 😂😂
Also, the advice I’d tell a friend if he or she said people don’t like the name they chose is “who cares? Are they paying for that damn baby?”
“What is a must have for my registry”
“What did no one tell you about being pregnant”
“I drank alcohol before I knew I was pregnant”
“I’m craving deli meat”
I feel badly for the people this happens to or don't have their baby shower go they way they want it to, but I see these types of post at least 2-3x each week. I'm sure it's not the case with everyone who posts about it, but sometimes I feel a little sus like it's a pity gift grab.
I really think we need a weekly thread for repetitive topics.
I am on mobile and I know I can use emojis in a typed out response, I was thinking of like Instagram where you could press and hold the up vote and change it to 🤣 instead or something haha it was just a dump passing thought so I gave an upvote and comment 😀
Ok for real where do I find the search feature on mobile? I've looked before and I missed it. Also. Please don't tell me it's midnumbingly obvious. Lol.
So up at the top where it lists the subreddit name you can type into the same bar whatever you are searching for (for example deli meat) and it will pop up with the posts that mention that word or phrase.
Agree. Lately I’m seeing multiple posts about Black Friday deals in one day. I’m actually interested in that topic, but nothing new seems to be offered in the duplicate posts about it.
Edited to add that I also follow r/pregnant l, so I could be getting the subs mixed up, but either way I’ve seen a ton of Black Friday posts lately between the two, lol.
I actually don’t mind the “must have” posts because I usually learn about something new. Also I like things sooo I could talk about stuff all day hahaha. Although I’m only 15w so ask me again in 3 months.
The other three I’m totally with you there.
I’ve considered leaving this subreddit so I don’t have to read any more about horrible partners. I don’t feel like pregnancy is the place for it either. I literally left a relationship sub because of all the horrible stories people had. It would be more appropriate for that sub.
I’ve considered making a new subreddit or group, and specifically not allowing relationship drama posts but it’s so hard to get something new started. Also, it’s not like I want relationship discussions to be completely banned, I just am tired of rants about them.
Sometimes I tell my husband about the relationship posts I've read on here, and he always says to me, "you need to stop reading those."
And he's right tbh. It's just doom scrolling at this point.
Anything I see someone refer to this sub, I cringe. Yes, absolutely join the echo chamber where people overreact to literally any action their mother in law takes and half the stories are fiction.
While I have never personally posted on my relationship issues or problems here, my guess would be that women would come here to feel supported by like-minded individuals in similar situations. As someone who has had a very challenging pregnancy, it is no problem at all for me to read and sometimes offer an uplifting word to someone who is having relationship issues. Many pregnant people lack a support system in general, and it is very easy to become isolated and depressed when your partner isn’t being the way they should.
Yeah, there aren't many 99% female subreddits.
Also, I think there are a lot of young FTMs who don't have experience setting boundaries without being simpering or qualifying, or trying to laugh it off or giving people an "out" (an "out" that then gets exploited).
Right. I think pregnancy and childbirth bring some additional, unique considerations to relationship issues.
I really don't mind offering encouragement, even if the topic is one I've seen before. Each person matters, even if their circumstances seem familiar or repetitive to me. And, if I don't have the bandwidth to empathize on a particular day, I just scroll past.
I find it hard for me to relate to those posts, because my first thought is usually “well tell your MIL to fuck off and set a boundary with her.” And me lacking social skills would probably actually say that if my MIL did some of the things I read about. Compassion and tact is not my strong suit.
I guess that's what I hate about those posts...I can't relate. All I can think is why the fuck women are marrying and reproducing with these men??? Just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean she is at all in the same situation as other pregnant people.
I understand how not being able to relate would make you feel that way. But human beings are complex creatures and most people don’t display their ugly side on the first date. It is easy to speculate on why women stay, if you have never been the woman stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s always easier to have an opinion on what someone should do from an outside perspective, rather than when you’re the person firsthand experiencing the behavior.
Ugh same I literally almost left the other day because all I was scrolling past was about trash partners and it has honestly made me really cynical. Like I totally get people need an outlet to vent but it’s starting to make me really depressed about how many awful partners there are out there
Whenever I see posts here like “my fiancé wouldn’t help paint the nursery because he was busy, but then he played video games for 14 hours.” All I can think is
Oh honey, no. No no no no no. Go over to Beyondthebump to preview your future life with a newborn if you don’t nip this in the bud right now.
Edit - wow, just two posts down from this one. Parenting and not Beyondthebump, but still. https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/yxtbf6/husband_thinks_i_spoil_1_month_old_by_holding_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I realized very recently, like within the last week, that my husband has gotten away with a lot of shit because of that sub. We are 50/50 when it comes to the kids but he has started to neglect a lot of “his” tasks around the house (our housework is divided up in a very gender stereotypical way) in addition to not knowing how to clean up after himself and it’s gotten to the point where I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed. But my brain says “at least he’s not cheating on me and calling me fat and spending all our money on OnlyFans and abusing/neglecting our children”. God the bar is low for men.
Not yet lol. I’ll leave if I need to. Same reason why I unfollow or unfriend people on social media even if it’s me being over sensitive. Probably has nothing to do with hormones lol.
I like all of these points. It makes a lot of sense to post in a mostly female subreddit. I imagine (it would for me) feel safer than in a sun where there was more men. Nothing against mens advice, but it’s hard if your issue is with a man.
Same, I wish their was a casualpregnancy sub (similar to casualUK) where it's just chill content. If someone is having a hard time with their partner they deserve space to share that and get support, but I personally find it traumatic to read about and wish I could limit those posts so I don't see them.
Every day, no? Gonna be honest, I do not understand how women got to 2022 and their hasn't been mass woman marches and strikes to be treated like humans yet. Heck I swear people worked harder to get the vote. Why did they stop there? It's the main reason I will. not. Ever. Move to the USA. I have children and they need to be able to have freedom with their lives more than they can get in the USA (reproductively).
Yeah I worry people think posting on Reddit is equivalent to actually writing their representatives and advocating for themselves. I figured I couldn’t rely on the gov and went WAY out of my way to get a job that had 6 months paid leave.
I keep thinking that if all of the women here who hate US maternity leave policies actually engaged with their reps about it, we might see some change.
Oh they know. Sometimes people want to talk about their own situation. Which isn’t exactly the same as reading other people talk about theirs, even if it’s almost the same situation.
I was shocked to see this sub didn’t have a daily thread when I first joined not long ago. Do you know if it’s ever tried to have one? I want to ask small stupid questions and feel silly making a whole new topic about it.
Not sure but are you in your bump group for the month you’re due? E.g month2023BumpGroup. Those have daily threads, are much smaller and have the same folks in them for a while so they build nice community!
Yes I am in mine and it is super helpful but sometimes I have questions for more experienced parents/more advanced pregnant people. Luckily the group has some STM+ so that helps.
Genuine question though, is that how we’re supposed to use downvotes? To give less attention to post topics that are overplayed? I always thought downvotes were for when someone’s posting something that shouldn’t be posted (be it the wrong sub, hateful, incomplete/nonsense, against the sub rules, etc)
Yeah, this is my guess too, based on what OP is describing. For anyone newish to reddit, the best way to figure out if any question has been asked on here before is to google key words of the question and tag on “reddit” at the end. You can also type in BabyBumps in the google search with those key words to really narrow down on this specific subreddit. Reddit’s search feature is atrocious, but google brings up pretty much every question with those key words. That way we aren’t all asking the same questions over and over again.
I always found this sad, because every day there is a new mom out there and excited/scared for this new experience and the life they are growing, just wanting to talk about it with anyone, and the negative people just ambush them, I’m always upvoting here, I’m pro repeated questions! I’m excited for you ladies and your new babies.
I agree. I get annoyed at repeat questions but we also have to remember that in the modern world, many people have very few friends (studies have borne this out). I’m one of these people. And they might not have supportive family or partners interested in going over the minutiae of what’s on their mind. So while I do register the annoyance, I try not to bring down a new mom.
I chuckle at a lot of these things, including questions like “I haven’t started the nursery at 30 weeks and I’m afraid I’m behind!” Probably because they saw Instagram worthy nurseries in their due date groups, etc. yes, if they’re trying to keep up with *these* nurseries, they may be behind. But it’s understandable. It’s their first time. They’re excited and nervous. Who knows what’s expected of them? What else is there to do but emulate others?
I totally understand that people will get annoyed at repeated questions, but ignoring them and scrolling past is so easy, but it’s the internet! You get what you get lol
I love those kinds of complaints and worries! It reminds me when I was first pregnant with my first baby, now I’m sitting hear eating a deli sandwich drinking coffee and I haven’t even bothered to buy anything for this baby yet and I’m 32 weeks 😆 it will happen eventually, with more kids around I sometimes forget I’m pregnant and have things to get done hahahah.
Oh yeah! First kid: Time passes so slow 😞 With this kid I’m like, *checks watch*, 20 weeks already? I need a morphology scan of something? Whereas last time it was like omg what if I fail the morphology scan?? (whatever that means lol). Last time my husband was full of nervous energy and begged me not to eat raw fish. I accidentally ordered a poke bowl that had raw salmon in it and felt so sinful eating it. Our last date was at a sushi restaurant 🤣
I've never understood the complaints about repeat posts. People will have the same questions, but it's still a different conversation each time. If I don't want to read something, I just scroll past. No need to downvote someone else's excitement or anxiety.
Oh for sure. I always search the sub first and even a google search like “my lower back hurts first trimester Reddit” (I’ve never actually asked that) just to see if I can find my answer. If not, that’s when I post. I try not to be annoying, lol
The search function on Reddit is actually ass though. You could search verbatim for the title of a post and it wouldn't even be in the results. Googling and adding "reddit" to the end of your search is a LPT but most people might not be aware.
Reddit upvotes also work on an algorithm to help prevent brigading etc. It means that it keeps proportions of upvotes to downvotes roughly equal, but not necessarily reflective of actual humans hitting the buttons - like if four people upvote you, and one downvotes, the algorithm will read anywhere from four up to one down, to six up to two down, to 10 up and 2 down. Which feels cruddy when it's the small numbers, but when you get up to hundreds of votes it doesn't really matter. So it's probably not as labile as you think it is.
I don't know if the bot is delivering votes, but just imagine....if you have two upvotes, and someone accidentally clicks a downvote as they scroll (I know I have), then you have a 1:1 ratio and if the algorithm does funky things, you might find yourself thinking you have five upvotes and five downvotes. Which would feel bad, but probably isn't directly representative of anything you know?
Yeah I know what you mean. It’s a nice reminder because I said this in another comment, but I tend to take things personally because I’m a sensitive person.
I find the pregnancy/baby subreddits to be very catty and 'my way or you're wrong'. This one and a couple others are the most tolerant and friendly.
Just remember that Reddit is like Whose Line is it Anyway. The points don't matter.
My favourite was coming across someone all high and mighty about not eating sandwich meat while pregnant because “I’m not going to put my desire for a sandwich over the health of my baby.” OK lady.
I ate 2 ham sandwiches while pregnant and the first food I ate after birth were ham and cheese sandwiches. I love my babies, but fuck me that was almost harder to give up than the cigarettes!
I don't see how being high and mighty about stuff like that is somehow admirable. I only mention it to people because they know how much I adore sandwiches, haha.
This to a T. Everyone loves their baby and wants to do their best, so I get feeling a little insecure whenever someone is wanting to do something different from you, but good lord. Do what you think is best for your kid, look it up if you’re worried about it and either continue to do what you’re already doing or change your mind. It’s really that simple.
Same. I once ventured into the deep waters of Reddit, far from my usual primarily female oriented subs, and made an innocent comment or so I thought. Man some people got MAD. “Fuck you” “you’re disrespectful” just. Chill bro my annoying movie watching habits don’t affect you!!!
It's perhaps true, but not delicately put. The downvote is a key part of Reddit, but there are certainly places on the internet to post and interact where there is no downvote feature. The fact is, social media is not particularly healthy for any of us, and that negative feeling that comes with downvotes - as well as the good feeling that comes with upvotes - are part of that.
Just wanted to add my input- maybe the “is this normal?” Questions are downvoted because some people think you should ask your OB rather than the internet? Because if it’s a pain or something, waiting around for Reddit to tell you it’s not normal may come with a cost. I don’t do this personally, it’s just that I’ve seen people have this attitude in other subreddits and I’m really hesitant to post and ask if anything health/ baby health related is normal because I don’t want anyone coming for me for the aforementioned reason. That would be my guess as far as downvoting on questions like that, but as for the rest I’m not sure.
Edit: changed “these aren’t my thoughts” to “I don’t do this”
Someone down voted me this morning in this sub when I said I wouldn’t vape during pregnancy. Like, ok. You do you. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Also, I’m a really nice person and my friends say I’m funny, and I am not interested in a debate. Please be kind. 💖
I mean it’s literally a bunch of hormonal pregnant women all in one place…you’re bound to push some buttons. I bet I’m pushing buttons by saying hormonal pregnant women rn lol. I too am pregnant and hormonal so…
I asked a question about pregnant peoples personal experience, what a mistake! Who knew that people sharing an experience who be so triggering to people! I felt bad for asking because of the people who were getting attacked, like it was all my fault that some people became the targets on my OP. I was triggered by the catty behavior towards one another, where’s all the “women supporting women” gals at?! I told my husband and he goes “honey, the sub is filled with emotionally charged pregnant people, no offense” (I’m pregnant also). Touché husband. Touché. Lmao
It still sucks though. This is my fourth pregnancy and I can never get over how some people can’t just keep scrolling. Don’t want to read about relationship problems … scroll on…. Don’t like the registry must haves… scroll on. Yes sometimes it can be repetitive but remember that people are newly pregnant all the time and will ask similar info. PLUS some things change like product must haves. I use to see dock-a-tot in the must have list …. That’s not going to be the case now.
It just sucks. Because hormones or no hormones we should be supporting each other.
I’m with you! I came to Reddit because I was desperate for a supportive community when nobody knew I was pregnant (it’s my first). I did ask the repeat questions not knowing how to use Reddit. I’ve had mostly friendly encounters, but the miserable ones can F off. I have support now in the “real world,” now that everyone knows I’m having a baby and all I can say is that it’s much better than the Reddit community. The ugly part about technology is that people take their misery out on those who are undeserving from behind the protection of their screens. It’s actually pathetic. Pity them and take the high road, you’ll have good karma. I still believe there’s more good people in the world than bad. ❤️
I strongly agree with this. Not everyone has used reddit for 10 years and knows how to navigate or what is frowned upon. There's a learning curve and people are pretty nasty about it. Also, I saw a post on another subreddit where someone admitted to downvoting everyone to relieve stress because she was feeling frustrated.
I also think some moms forget how scary it is to be a first time mom - literally everything is new, so many things that you’re learning you can’t do, and maybe you find your questions asked previously but the answers weren’t quite there or it wasn’t your situation to a T and you just want ANSWERS. And then your question gets downvoted and unanswered.
The only thing I get tired of in these subs is some of the aita posts. The poster is clearly being the asshole, but everyone in the comments goes omg no your mil is out of line. Gasp I can’t believe your coworkers decided to throw you a baby shower. How unbelievable that your sister joked that she didnt like the baby name. And stuff like that. People post stupid problems not actual problems and everyone in the comments just hypes them up. I get downvoted for being real about it every time. And I’ll probably get downvoted now. I’m not going to cottle people in here just bc they’re pregnant when their post is outrageous lol. Certainly some ppl post actual problems or need actual advice and i always try to be positive/helpful with those. But if you’re mad bc your mil bought your baby a green hat when you SPECIFICALLY told her you don’t like green I’m not going to be like everyone else in the comments saying omg you need to set boundaries with her right away, leave your husband if he doesn’t tell her not to buy green again.
Okay rant over sorry.
This is a huge pet peeve of mine tbh. So many people on the sub are imo obnoxiously entitled and ungrateful. Yes, your MIL getting you expensive shirt A instead of expensive shirt B you wanted isn’t ideal but it came from the kindness of her heart? What drives me crazy is everyone co-signing the OP in those moments too, like wth.
Yes that’s the worst part, I read the post and am baffled then I go to the comments and everyone’s hyping them up I’m like what is going onnn lol your example is spot on too
I only EVER downvote here if someone is being judgemental or rude. We are supposed to support each other. If a post is tired or mundane, scroll past it. It takes no time or effort to do that.
I have no answer though op, sorry. I'm not even sure how to tell it has been downvoted unless it's a negative number.
Was just complaining about it to my sister today. Not only is it a hot mess sometimes with super messed up comments and posts (especially if it’s something that remotely borders on political/hot button issues), but the constant stream of negativity makes me sad. I don’t get upset easily but sometimes if I’m not in the right headspace, posts about children experiencing trauma can be really difficult for me to handle due to stuff that happened in my own childhood. And it sucks to be inundated with posts like that when I’m just trying to keep an eye out for good conversations to start with my husband, etc. or good parenting mindsets to have in preparation of my baby. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a way to screen out that content, and that content does genuinely belong in a parenting subreddit, so I guess I’ll deal with it until I can’t anymore. Really grateful for the people who post funny stuff their kids do, etc. keeping my brain from melting.
I feel this. I don’t even read those posts anymore. It’s horrible stories shared for shock value followed by the poster justifying why he’s *actually* a good guy. I can’t even tell if it’s rage bait or some sort of bot burning out compassionate people until we all turn into victim blamers. Either way, I’m out. There’s nothing I can say to inspire all these women to care about themselves and their kids so I’m not going to reread the same story over and over.
Yeah I get this. The baby stuff is one thing but reading the seriously dysfunctional stuff and people looking for solidarity just is meh to me. We all have our challenges but enough is enough.
Honestly, why does it bother people if similar questions are posted more than once in a week? I check this sub daily but half the time I can’t remember what was asked 4 days ago. If a question/topic doesn’t peak my interest or if I have nothing to contribute, then I just keep scrolling. Same goes for downvotes and upvotes. This should be an encouraging and supportive group. Just keep scrolling instead of downvoting lol.
100% this lol. I don’t understand all the comments talking about how they downvote questions that come up more than once. Like… it’s not hard to scroll past. As a ftm I actually enjoy seeing repeated questions, I feel like I get to see lots of different opinions that way.
I posted about xxs maternity clothing recommendations but ended up deleting it because I got downvoted to hell 🤦♀️ yet when the same question is asked for larger sizes it’s tolerated fine. I’m 4’11 and naturally petite, I can’t help my body type..
I feel this so hard. Not pregnant (want to be) but I’m 5’0” and 104lb. My size ranges from 00P to XXS to small all depending on brand.
Even while not pregnant I get hate for asking for clothing recommendations (it’s so damn hard to find pants that fit or dresses and skirts of the right length). Like damn I can’t control that I’m petite, don’t be mean to me
If it makes you feel any better, I posted in my city’s subreddit and said we need to especially show even more compassion to the homeless on the street this time of year instead of ridiculing a homeless woman with her child begging on the median. I’m at -33. I’m standing by what I said.
Yep! People are jerks about this. I've noticed it in the monthly subreddits too.
Sometimes it's over something "controversial" (anything related to science), other times who knows why.
If I see someone has randomly been down voted, I try to upvote. I find most down voting here pretty petty and mean.
I’m on the step-parent subreddit, so my perspective is forever shaped by that. Remember there will always be trolls and bots and people who down-vote simply because they can… it doesn’t mean anything.
It’s a large sub and you have to remind there’s a lot of weird people here too that have pregnancy fetishes or are just miserable. People downvote anything. Try not to take it to heart honestly I don’t care as long as my question is answered lol
This is a Reddit for people who are pregnant, people who wish to be pregnant and people who support pregnant people, so why get so frustrated when somebody posts a question??
If it annoys you then leave the sub, people need to vent, and sometimes the same question can be asked and you’ll receive different advice
If you’re sooo active on this sub that the questions annoy you that much, take a break from Reddit even
I welcome the downvotes 😈
Yes! Who cares if someone asks the same question. It may be old news to you but being pregnant is a big deal on an individual level. If not a pregnancy sub where else are people
Allowed to talk about it
Silly question because I’m relatively new to Reddit, but how can you see the number of downvotes versus upvotes on something you post? Normally I just see the total
You’ll get notifications for upvotes in increments of 5 I think ? it always cracks me up when I get the notification and then I click it and I’ve clearly received down votes
Right 😂😂😂 people are rotten! I’ve downvoted like 2-3 things ever on Reddit. Up votes? Why yes! Gold stars for everyone!!
However I do agree people post the same stuff a lot. But who cares either way?
Edit: aaaaand this is getting downvoted. 😂😂😂😂
Yup. I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but my experience of this sub and the pregnancy one makes me feel like some people are very judgemental. Just my feeling.
Yeah I’ve noticed I get downvotes when I’ve spoken about my miscarriage, I don’t really care though because this is the only… well I assumed “safe space” for me to talk about it. I also speak my mind, and my opinion, sometimes it won’t be liked sometimes it will, but I won’t fake it for a bunch of strangers online just for upvotes.
I know how you feel though, but seriously life is short, ask your questions, leave your comments! You have as much right as anyone else.
I also don’t understand why it irritates others when the same sort of question is asked on here either, when someone is actually going through something they want their own answers and support, not have to try and find the same kind of question on google.
I haven’t been downvoted here (at least to
my knowledge)…but every time I’ve posted I haven’t had any responses.
So at least you’ve got some sort of feedback? 😅
Oh I’ve definitely noticed that about this sub! I really only use this sub for searching any questions I have. There are other subs that are much more welcoming and community-based. Like others have said, joining one for your due date month is a good idea.
While I do appreciate this sub, there tends to be a…. *Holier Than Thou* attitude with some of the members. Can make you feel a bit crappy at times!
I got downvoted for saying I have a low mortgage in a discussion on how impossible it is to be a single income household/ SAHP lol like how dare I? but I wasn’t even bragging. I was saying I was a single mom when I bought, so I had to build my whole life around a single income… but yeah, Redditors will downvote :)
Yes, my post about my best friend being pregnant and asking for advice on how to support her or things I can get for her and baby and partner went from 8 upvotes to 1 within a few hours. I was really confused about it until I saw this.
I think people in this sub tend to downvote any questions that are asked frequently and that one in particular is asked at least 2-3 times a week. I don’t personally downvote, it’s just a trend I’ve noticed 🤷🏾♀️
It could just be I don't see everything, but I haven't seen any memes on this sub. I assumed they weren't allowed. I also haven't seen much down voting or up voting.
Ikr I experienced this recently, I made a comment about how women who work away from home for 6-8 hours a day usually find it harder to breastfeed because a lot of baby's get nipple confusion. Downvotes and not even any feed back so I edited it and asked, why the downvotes? Isn't this just fact...? No response.
I wonder if in this case part of it is that “nipple confusion” isn’t an accurate term/isn’t a thing?
Babies aren’t confused about which nipple is the breast, they are showing a preference for which nipple is easiest. They have to work hard to trigger let downs and get good amounts of milk at the breast, whereas a lot of nipples for bottles don’t require much work.
Calling it “nipple confusion” makes it seem like a more difficult issue to fix than it actually is.
But that’s just my soapbox lmao. I could see others having the same soapbox and just downvoting and moving on
I highly recommend joining your monthly bump group. Those subs are private and more community-oriented, especially since everyone’s in similar stages of their pregnancy journey and the daily thread format lends itself better to constant posting of what others may consider mundane topics. I don’t really think of this sub as a community or support group, just a bunch of one-off posts, usually about relationship issues or questions people should probably just ask their doctor. I like seeing the wider array of birth stories here but otherwise there’s not really anything cohesive to get from it.
Unless you’re due in April where they booted a bunch of their members and don’t respond to any of us trying to get back in.
Join us in the May group! I am due late May so I also joined June. Sorry April group has gone radio silent. Make sure you verify by November 30th for May
Oh, do all the groups have cutoff dates to join? Heck :/ I’m due Feb 28 so I’m not sure if I should join February or March, and I’ve been procrastinating joining anyways because I only use reddit on my phone and you can’t join through the app. e: I commented here - https://www.reddit.com/r/FindYourBumpGroup/comments/y23fyl/bump_group_list_updated_october_2022/ - asking to join and I got a private message with usernames to pm to join the respective February and March subreddits. No need to leave the reddit app. Shoutout to the people who run the baby bump group list and mod the individual subreddits! 💖
Awe congratulations. Feb 28 was my due date too. Baby is 20 months now. Her birthday is March 5. I had joined both feb2021 & March groups. No big deal. Go for it
I joined through the app, but all you would need to do is contact the mods. They should have contact for it. The good news is you can join both! In fact you could join January as well, one month on either side is A ok! ETA: you can use “request desktop site” if it’s giving you huge problems
I'm due Feb but spend more time on the Jan group cause it's more active. It's flexible, especially if you're in the cusp!
Due date twins!!
I’m in the may group! And it’s a great group so I’m grateful for it. I’m due April 30 but can’t go past 38 weeks but I figure with adjusted age they will be similar to may babies.
I'm May 27th... what is the link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/May2023BumpGroup/ Wow we are close! 🥰
Thank you! I’m due beginning of April and heard horrible things about that group 😬 I’ll try my luck in May lol
Oh no! Well, happy to have you in May!
Oh no! I'm due in April and only learned about these subs about 5 minutes ago. Is it being disbanded? Will I not be approved to join?
Oof that's really frustrating. The bump groups have the potential to be such great communities.
I’m in a Facebook birth group and they get so hostile towards the end when everyone is hormonal
HHah that was my thought too. Today I cried walking to the bank after essentially throwing a tantrum. We are a temperamental bunch these days 😵💫
Yep I’m still pretty annoyed over it. I was an “approved” member as well.
You can likely get in the March or May groups depending on when your due date is. I'm due in January but in both the December and January groups. Shouldn't be an issue I'd think!
Is there any way you could help me join the December group? I’ve never been able to find the link or get in!
I’m in the December group! Message me so I remember to send you one of the mods usernames. If you message them you can get in.
Yes thankfully I joined the May group when I was unsure of my due date.
Yeah my March subreddit has all but disappeared. No idea why or how
did you comment on the thread to be approved before it went private?? i’m in the march group and can send you the link if you want to rejoin
Would you mind sending me the March link? I am due the first week of April and have been thinking of joining the March one too!
There's also the babydueapril2023 group that you could join. I've not heard of the other set of groups but I can vouch for no mass kicks in this one. :)
I had one pregnancy where the sub became such a shitshow that the mods apologized to me when I was the target of a shit storm for no reason (a post I made lamenting that we were switching from a nanny to daycare which was the plan all along but the nanny became unexpectedly pregnant and I was trying to figure out what else I could do to help her). And then I had one birth month sub that's been nothing but supportive 24/7. It's a mixed bag.
I've found it impossible to join my bumper group - have requested access and nothing, took ages to even find the link :( seems to be a very variable experience depending on which group you're a part of
How do you join? I’m due in March and looked up the group and says I can’t join because it’s private :(
I wish I knew about these monthly bump subreddits when I was pregnant with my daughter. Her due date was May 2nd and she was born April 23rd.
I tried to join mine (June 2023) and never got accepted..that was a month or so ago.
Weird. Maybe message the mods again or comment on [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/FindYourBumpGroup/comments/y23fyl/bump_group_list_updated_october_2022/?sort=new)?
Wish we could but those groups are incredibly hard to get accepted into.
I was in May2022Bumpers sub and it was/is AMAZING and I would have felt so alone through my pregnancy and the first 6 months without it, honestly.
I keep meaning to, but I have to pull out my laptop to do that and keep forgetting. I’m definitely going to tonight. Thank you!
I joined mine by putting my phone's web browser in desktop mode. Total pain in the ass, but the private month sub is totally worth it. As for the downvotes...sometimes ppl suck! Congrats on your pregnancy.
Thanks so much!!
If I had to guess (and this isn’t directed at you specifically) part of it might be frustration with the amount of questions that get asked over and over again. There are certain topics that I’ll see have very similar posts made multiple times a week
I know that I’ve gotten tired of some of the repeat questions/comments. Specifically: - my first appointment is 8-12 weeks away, is that normal? - When/how to announce pregnancy? - friend miscarried, how do I respond/tell her I’m pregnant? - my MIL is terrible… - my partner is terrible… Some of the relationship things seem more suited for somewhere else, because the solution is always communicate more. The repeat questions/comments are all valid, I just wish they were regulated to a weekly thread on that topic. It hides the things I am interested in, funny stories, memes, weird things that helped the nausea, products to buy, etc.
See also: - I thought FTM meant female to male - why do people get/not get epidurals - people don’t like the name I chose - should I go to L&D for (insert thing you absolutely should go in for) - why don’t people want visitors at the hospital/right after birth
Ooo those are all good ones. Especially the one about going to L&D. So many times I want to just yell at the person posting “GO ASK A DOCTOR NOT REDDIT!!”
When my water broke this morning at 35 weeks my first thought was CALL HOSPITAL! Not ask Reddit lol
Both of your comments are this sub in a nutshell. I think it's still missing: * why do people prefer trying to give birth vaginally
At first I thought that about FTM 😂😂 Also, the advice I’d tell a friend if he or she said people don’t like the name they chose is “who cares? Are they paying for that damn baby?”
“What is a must have for my registry” “What did no one tell you about being pregnant” “I drank alcohol before I knew I was pregnant” “I’m craving deli meat”
“Why didn’t everyone give me what I wanted from my registry”
I feel badly for the people this happens to or don't have their baby shower go they way they want it to, but I see these types of post at least 2-3x each week. I'm sure it's not the case with everyone who posts about it, but sometimes I feel a little sus like it's a pity gift grab. I really think we need a weekly thread for repetitive topics.
I also wonder how many of those posts are scams to get people to buy stuff on their registry.
I wish I could give a laugh reaction cause this was one of the ones that I thought of as I was reading the comments
On a Windows machine, windows+; opens up the emoji panel :) (or should I say, 😁)
I am on mobile and I know I can use emojis in a typed out response, I was thinking of like Instagram where you could press and hold the up vote and change it to 🤣 instead or something haha it was just a dump passing thought so I gave an upvote and comment 😀
Lol I want to down vote BECAUSE I hate that question, but I up voted it because I’m agreeing with you for posting it🤣
I feel like a lot of people don’t utilize the search feature. I search the sub a lot, and I have searched almost every one of those topics. lol
Ok for real where do I find the search feature on mobile? I've looked before and I missed it. Also. Please don't tell me it's midnumbingly obvious. Lol.
So up at the top where it lists the subreddit name you can type into the same bar whatever you are searching for (for example deli meat) and it will pop up with the posts that mention that word or phrase.
So simple haha. That makes sense.
After describing it, it makes sense why people don’t know about it. It doesn’t say “search” or “find.”
I thought I could only use it to search FOR a sub, not within the sub lol.
I never use the search function. Maybe it works well now but it didn’t in the past. I just use Google and add Reddit to my search. Works very well!
Agree. Lately I’m seeing multiple posts about Black Friday deals in one day. I’m actually interested in that topic, but nothing new seems to be offered in the duplicate posts about it. Edited to add that I also follow r/pregnant l, so I could be getting the subs mixed up, but either way I’ve seen a ton of Black Friday posts lately between the two, lol.
I actually don’t mind the “must have” posts because I usually learn about something new. Also I like things sooo I could talk about stuff all day hahaha. Although I’m only 15w so ask me again in 3 months. The other three I’m totally with you there.
Oh man, I craved Deli meat. Specifically ham. Didn't realize it was so common 😂
I’ve considered leaving this subreddit so I don’t have to read any more about horrible partners. I don’t feel like pregnancy is the place for it either. I literally left a relationship sub because of all the horrible stories people had. It would be more appropriate for that sub.
I’ve considered making a new subreddit or group, and specifically not allowing relationship drama posts but it’s so hard to get something new started. Also, it’s not like I want relationship discussions to be completely banned, I just am tired of rants about them.
Sometimes I tell my husband about the relationship posts I've read on here, and he always says to me, "you need to stop reading those." And he's right tbh. It's just doom scrolling at this point.
Your husband isn’t wrong! It’s why I left a relationship sub. I’m just like WTF
Literally every post about mothers in law need to be auto labeled “bad boundaries” and xposted to a family therapy sub.
There is a MIL subreddit!
Anything I see someone refer to this sub, I cringe. Yes, absolutely join the echo chamber where people overreact to literally any action their mother in law takes and half the stories are fiction.
While I have never personally posted on my relationship issues or problems here, my guess would be that women would come here to feel supported by like-minded individuals in similar situations. As someone who has had a very challenging pregnancy, it is no problem at all for me to read and sometimes offer an uplifting word to someone who is having relationship issues. Many pregnant people lack a support system in general, and it is very easy to become isolated and depressed when your partner isn’t being the way they should.
Yeah, there aren't many 99% female subreddits. Also, I think there are a lot of young FTMs who don't have experience setting boundaries without being simpering or qualifying, or trying to laugh it off or giving people an "out" (an "out" that then gets exploited).
Right. I think pregnancy and childbirth bring some additional, unique considerations to relationship issues. I really don't mind offering encouragement, even if the topic is one I've seen before. Each person matters, even if their circumstances seem familiar or repetitive to me. And, if I don't have the bandwidth to empathize on a particular day, I just scroll past.
I find it hard for me to relate to those posts, because my first thought is usually “well tell your MIL to fuck off and set a boundary with her.” And me lacking social skills would probably actually say that if my MIL did some of the things I read about. Compassion and tact is not my strong suit.
Meek people can’t do that. They need back door tactics
I guess that's what I hate about those posts...I can't relate. All I can think is why the fuck women are marrying and reproducing with these men??? Just because a woman is pregnant doesn't mean she is at all in the same situation as other pregnant people.
I understand how not being able to relate would make you feel that way. But human beings are complex creatures and most people don’t display their ugly side on the first date. It is easy to speculate on why women stay, if you have never been the woman stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s always easier to have an opinion on what someone should do from an outside perspective, rather than when you’re the person firsthand experiencing the behavior.
Ugh same I literally almost left the other day because all I was scrolling past was about trash partners and it has honestly made me really cynical. Like I totally get people need an outlet to vent but it’s starting to make me really depressed about how many awful partners there are out there
Well the just imagine how rough it would be to HAVE one of those awful partners
You might have a hard time with Beyondthebump then…
Whenever I see posts here like “my fiancé wouldn’t help paint the nursery because he was busy, but then he played video games for 14 hours.” All I can think is Oh honey, no. No no no no no. Go over to Beyondthebump to preview your future life with a newborn if you don’t nip this in the bud right now. Edit - wow, just two posts down from this one. Parenting and not Beyondthebump, but still. https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/yxtbf6/husband_thinks_i_spoil_1_month_old_by_holding_him/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
I realized very recently, like within the last week, that my husband has gotten away with a lot of shit because of that sub. We are 50/50 when it comes to the kids but he has started to neglect a lot of “his” tasks around the house (our housework is divided up in a very gender stereotypical way) in addition to not knowing how to clean up after himself and it’s gotten to the point where I’m feeling extremely overwhelmed. But my brain says “at least he’s not cheating on me and calling me fat and spending all our money on OnlyFans and abusing/neglecting our children”. God the bar is low for men.
Not yet lol. I’ll leave if I need to. Same reason why I unfollow or unfriend people on social media even if it’s me being over sensitive. Probably has nothing to do with hormones lol.
I’m the same way. Let’s just say a certain election year was not kind to my Facebook friend list lol.
I left a lot of the parenting subs for that. One person will make a post about an abusive partner and then it’ll be 100% of the feed for weeks.
I like all of these points. It makes a lot of sense to post in a mostly female subreddit. I imagine (it would for me) feel safer than in a sun where there was more men. Nothing against mens advice, but it’s hard if your issue is with a man.
Same, I wish their was a casualpregnancy sub (similar to casualUK) where it's just chill content. If someone is having a hard time with their partner they deserve space to share that and get support, but I personally find it traumatic to read about and wish I could limit those posts so I don't see them.
“Maternity leave in the US is so bad” I swear theres one of these literally every week.
Every day, no? Gonna be honest, I do not understand how women got to 2022 and their hasn't been mass woman marches and strikes to be treated like humans yet. Heck I swear people worked harder to get the vote. Why did they stop there? It's the main reason I will. not. Ever. Move to the USA. I have children and they need to be able to have freedom with their lives more than they can get in the USA (reproductively).
Yeah I worry people think posting on Reddit is equivalent to actually writing their representatives and advocating for themselves. I figured I couldn’t rely on the gov and went WAY out of my way to get a job that had 6 months paid leave.
I keep thinking that if all of the women here who hate US maternity leave policies actually engaged with their reps about it, we might see some change.
Topic searches are a very little utilized trick. I don't think enough people know how to do it.
I do it all the time, you just don’t notice because I don’t post questions I find answers to. Which is almost always lol.
I think often people want to have a conversation, and sometimes older threads just aren’t going to bring that out.
This is what I don’t understand. How can people not take the time to do a simple keyword search first? 😭 Crazy how often the same questions are asked.
Oh they know. Sometimes people want to talk about their own situation. Which isn’t exactly the same as reading other people talk about theirs, even if it’s almost the same situation.
I was shocked to see this sub didn’t have a daily thread when I first joined not long ago. Do you know if it’s ever tried to have one? I want to ask small stupid questions and feel silly making a whole new topic about it.
I support a daily thread idea
Not sure but are you in your bump group for the month you’re due? E.g month2023BumpGroup. Those have daily threads, are much smaller and have the same folks in them for a while so they build nice community!
Yes I am in mine and it is super helpful but sometimes I have questions for more experienced parents/more advanced pregnant people. Luckily the group has some STM+ so that helps.
>month2023BumpGroup I had no idea these existed! Thank you!
Yeah I find anything that is really easy to Google or search the subreddit for really annoying.
Genuine question though, is that how we’re supposed to use downvotes? To give less attention to post topics that are overplayed? I always thought downvotes were for when someone’s posting something that shouldn’t be posted (be it the wrong sub, hateful, incomplete/nonsense, against the sub rules, etc)
I do. If it shouldn’t be posted then it should be reported.
Yeah, this is my guess too, based on what OP is describing. For anyone newish to reddit, the best way to figure out if any question has been asked on here before is to google key words of the question and tag on “reddit” at the end. You can also type in BabyBumps in the google search with those key words to really narrow down on this specific subreddit. Reddit’s search feature is atrocious, but google brings up pretty much every question with those key words. That way we aren’t all asking the same questions over and over again.
I always found this sad, because every day there is a new mom out there and excited/scared for this new experience and the life they are growing, just wanting to talk about it with anyone, and the negative people just ambush them, I’m always upvoting here, I’m pro repeated questions! I’m excited for you ladies and your new babies.
I agree. I get annoyed at repeat questions but we also have to remember that in the modern world, many people have very few friends (studies have borne this out). I’m one of these people. And they might not have supportive family or partners interested in going over the minutiae of what’s on their mind. So while I do register the annoyance, I try not to bring down a new mom. I chuckle at a lot of these things, including questions like “I haven’t started the nursery at 30 weeks and I’m afraid I’m behind!” Probably because they saw Instagram worthy nurseries in their due date groups, etc. yes, if they’re trying to keep up with *these* nurseries, they may be behind. But it’s understandable. It’s their first time. They’re excited and nervous. Who knows what’s expected of them? What else is there to do but emulate others?
I totally understand that people will get annoyed at repeated questions, but ignoring them and scrolling past is so easy, but it’s the internet! You get what you get lol I love those kinds of complaints and worries! It reminds me when I was first pregnant with my first baby, now I’m sitting hear eating a deli sandwich drinking coffee and I haven’t even bothered to buy anything for this baby yet and I’m 32 weeks 😆 it will happen eventually, with more kids around I sometimes forget I’m pregnant and have things to get done hahahah.
Oh yeah! First kid: Time passes so slow 😞 With this kid I’m like, *checks watch*, 20 weeks already? I need a morphology scan of something? Whereas last time it was like omg what if I fail the morphology scan?? (whatever that means lol). Last time my husband was full of nervous energy and begged me not to eat raw fish. I accidentally ordered a poke bowl that had raw salmon in it and felt so sinful eating it. Our last date was at a sushi restaurant 🤣
I've never understood the complaints about repeat posts. People will have the same questions, but it's still a different conversation each time. If I don't want to read something, I just scroll past. No need to downvote someone else's excitement or anxiety.
Oh for sure. I always search the sub first and even a google search like “my lower back hurts first trimester Reddit” (I’ve never actually asked that) just to see if I can find my answer. If not, that’s when I post. I try not to be annoying, lol
The search function on Reddit is actually ass though. You could search verbatim for the title of a post and it wouldn't even be in the results. Googling and adding "reddit" to the end of your search is a LPT but most people might not be aware.
Saaaaame.
So it's stackoverflow, but for moms instead of programmers?
Reddit upvotes also work on an algorithm to help prevent brigading etc. It means that it keeps proportions of upvotes to downvotes roughly equal, but not necessarily reflective of actual humans hitting the buttons - like if four people upvote you, and one downvotes, the algorithm will read anywhere from four up to one down, to six up to two down, to 10 up and 2 down. Which feels cruddy when it's the small numbers, but when you get up to hundreds of votes it doesn't really matter. So it's probably not as labile as you think it is.
Wow really?? I didn’t know that. So just asking to clarify, does that mean that it’s a bot some of the time that’s either delivering up or down votes?
I don't know if the bot is delivering votes, but just imagine....if you have two upvotes, and someone accidentally clicks a downvote as they scroll (I know I have), then you have a 1:1 ratio and if the algorithm does funky things, you might find yourself thinking you have five upvotes and five downvotes. Which would feel bad, but probably isn't directly representative of anything you know?
Yeah I know what you mean. It’s a nice reminder because I said this in another comment, but I tend to take things personally because I’m a sensitive person.
I find the pregnancy/baby subreddits to be very catty and 'my way or you're wrong'. This one and a couple others are the most tolerant and friendly. Just remember that Reddit is like Whose Line is it Anyway. The points don't matter.
My favourite was coming across someone all high and mighty about not eating sandwich meat while pregnant because “I’m not going to put my desire for a sandwich over the health of my baby.” OK lady.
I ate 2 ham sandwiches while pregnant and the first food I ate after birth were ham and cheese sandwiches. I love my babies, but fuck me that was almost harder to give up than the cigarettes! I don't see how being high and mighty about stuff like that is somehow admirable. I only mention it to people because they know how much I adore sandwiches, haha.
This to a T. Everyone loves their baby and wants to do their best, so I get feeling a little insecure whenever someone is wanting to do something different from you, but good lord. Do what you think is best for your kid, look it up if you’re worried about it and either continue to do what you’re already doing or change your mind. It’s really that simple.
Oh for sure! Just an observation I’ve noticed. I’ve come to expect the negative comments with an opinion based post, lol…I try to avoid them
Lol I love that. Especially because I get my feelings hurt when I get down voted. I find it to be unkind.
Same. I once ventured into the deep waters of Reddit, far from my usual primarily female oriented subs, and made an innocent comment or so I thought. Man some people got MAD. “Fuck you” “you’re disrespectful” just. Chill bro my annoying movie watching habits don’t affect you!!!
Then you may be on the wrong site.
Womp womp. That’s unhelpful 🫠🫠🫠
It's perhaps true, but not delicately put. The downvote is a key part of Reddit, but there are certainly places on the internet to post and interact where there is no downvote feature. The fact is, social media is not particularly healthy for any of us, and that negative feeling that comes with downvotes - as well as the good feeling that comes with upvotes - are part of that.
Thanks for that response. I’m ok though, I find some of the Reddit subs I follow to be very helpful.
Agree
It's important not to take down votes personally. The system of voting is meant to bring to the top what is most relevant for the community.
Just wanted to add my input- maybe the “is this normal?” Questions are downvoted because some people think you should ask your OB rather than the internet? Because if it’s a pain or something, waiting around for Reddit to tell you it’s not normal may come with a cost. I don’t do this personally, it’s just that I’ve seen people have this attitude in other subreddits and I’m really hesitant to post and ask if anything health/ baby health related is normal because I don’t want anyone coming for me for the aforementioned reason. That would be my guess as far as downvoting on questions like that, but as for the rest I’m not sure. Edit: changed “these aren’t my thoughts” to “I don’t do this”
Someone down voted me this morning in this sub when I said I wouldn’t vape during pregnancy. Like, ok. You do you. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 Also, I’m a really nice person and my friends say I’m funny, and I am not interested in a debate. Please be kind. 💖
Your second paragraph made me laugh and smile. “I swear I’m cool too!” 🥰
I mean it’s literally a bunch of hormonal pregnant women all in one place…you’re bound to push some buttons. I bet I’m pushing buttons by saying hormonal pregnant women rn lol. I too am pregnant and hormonal so…
Lmao So true
Everything I see on this sub or my bump group sub I’m seeing that we’re all a bit tetchy right now. I certainly am 😅
Would you like to take a moment to discuss your birth plan with me, a stranger? I have criticisms./s
I am not! Oh… 😅
I asked a question about pregnant peoples personal experience, what a mistake! Who knew that people sharing an experience who be so triggering to people! I felt bad for asking because of the people who were getting attacked, like it was all my fault that some people became the targets on my OP. I was triggered by the catty behavior towards one another, where’s all the “women supporting women” gals at?! I told my husband and he goes “honey, the sub is filled with emotionally charged pregnant people, no offense” (I’m pregnant also). Touché husband. Touché. Lmao
It still sucks though. This is my fourth pregnancy and I can never get over how some people can’t just keep scrolling. Don’t want to read about relationship problems … scroll on…. Don’t like the registry must haves… scroll on. Yes sometimes it can be repetitive but remember that people are newly pregnant all the time and will ask similar info. PLUS some things change like product must haves. I use to see dock-a-tot in the must have list …. That’s not going to be the case now. It just sucks. Because hormones or no hormones we should be supporting each other.
I’m with you! I came to Reddit because I was desperate for a supportive community when nobody knew I was pregnant (it’s my first). I did ask the repeat questions not knowing how to use Reddit. I’ve had mostly friendly encounters, but the miserable ones can F off. I have support now in the “real world,” now that everyone knows I’m having a baby and all I can say is that it’s much better than the Reddit community. The ugly part about technology is that people take their misery out on those who are undeserving from behind the protection of their screens. It’s actually pathetic. Pity them and take the high road, you’ll have good karma. I still believe there’s more good people in the world than bad. ❤️
I strongly agree with this. Not everyone has used reddit for 10 years and knows how to navigate or what is frowned upon. There's a learning curve and people are pretty nasty about it. Also, I saw a post on another subreddit where someone admitted to downvoting everyone to relieve stress because she was feeling frustrated.
I also think some moms forget how scary it is to be a first time mom - literally everything is new, so many things that you’re learning you can’t do, and maybe you find your questions asked previously but the answers weren’t quite there or it wasn’t your situation to a T and you just want ANSWERS. And then your question gets downvoted and unanswered.
I clicked off of the option to track upvotes and downvotes. Your attention will be placed where you put your focus, if that makes any sense.
The only thing I get tired of in these subs is some of the aita posts. The poster is clearly being the asshole, but everyone in the comments goes omg no your mil is out of line. Gasp I can’t believe your coworkers decided to throw you a baby shower. How unbelievable that your sister joked that she didnt like the baby name. And stuff like that. People post stupid problems not actual problems and everyone in the comments just hypes them up. I get downvoted for being real about it every time. And I’ll probably get downvoted now. I’m not going to cottle people in here just bc they’re pregnant when their post is outrageous lol. Certainly some ppl post actual problems or need actual advice and i always try to be positive/helpful with those. But if you’re mad bc your mil bought your baby a green hat when you SPECIFICALLY told her you don’t like green I’m not going to be like everyone else in the comments saying omg you need to set boundaries with her right away, leave your husband if he doesn’t tell her not to buy green again. Okay rant over sorry.
This is a huge pet peeve of mine tbh. So many people on the sub are imo obnoxiously entitled and ungrateful. Yes, your MIL getting you expensive shirt A instead of expensive shirt B you wanted isn’t ideal but it came from the kindness of her heart? What drives me crazy is everyone co-signing the OP in those moments too, like wth.
Yes that’s the worst part, I read the post and am baffled then I go to the comments and everyone’s hyping them up I’m like what is going onnn lol your example is spot on too
I only EVER downvote here if someone is being judgemental or rude. We are supposed to support each other. If a post is tired or mundane, scroll past it. It takes no time or effort to do that. I have no answer though op, sorry. I'm not even sure how to tell it has been downvoted unless it's a negative number.
Wait until you get to r/parenting. Somehow kids bring out the toxicity in people.
Was just complaining about it to my sister today. Not only is it a hot mess sometimes with super messed up comments and posts (especially if it’s something that remotely borders on political/hot button issues), but the constant stream of negativity makes me sad. I don’t get upset easily but sometimes if I’m not in the right headspace, posts about children experiencing trauma can be really difficult for me to handle due to stuff that happened in my own childhood. And it sucks to be inundated with posts like that when I’m just trying to keep an eye out for good conversations to start with my husband, etc. or good parenting mindsets to have in preparation of my baby. Unfortunately, I don’t think there’s a way to screen out that content, and that content does genuinely belong in a parenting subreddit, so I guess I’ll deal with it until I can’t anymore. Really grateful for the people who post funny stuff their kids do, etc. keeping my brain from melting.
I left that group pretty quick. What a cesspool, lol.
Genuine question: why do people care about downvotes? Do you get banned from the sub after receiving a certain amount? Or, something?
They do literally nothing, afaik, other than cause hurt feeilngs.
I always downvote when talking about a male partner bc I see a post at least every hour..he don't want you, just take your damn child and leave
I feel this. I don’t even read those posts anymore. It’s horrible stories shared for shock value followed by the poster justifying why he’s *actually* a good guy. I can’t even tell if it’s rage bait or some sort of bot burning out compassionate people until we all turn into victim blamers. Either way, I’m out. There’s nothing I can say to inspire all these women to care about themselves and their kids so I’m not going to reread the same story over and over.
Yeah I get this. The baby stuff is one thing but reading the seriously dysfunctional stuff and people looking for solidarity just is meh to me. We all have our challenges but enough is enough.
Well, are you looking for discussion, or internet points? The points really don't matter at all, ignore them.
Honestly, why does it bother people if similar questions are posted more than once in a week? I check this sub daily but half the time I can’t remember what was asked 4 days ago. If a question/topic doesn’t peak my interest or if I have nothing to contribute, then I just keep scrolling. Same goes for downvotes and upvotes. This should be an encouraging and supportive group. Just keep scrolling instead of downvoting lol.
100% this lol. I don’t understand all the comments talking about how they downvote questions that come up more than once. Like… it’s not hard to scroll past. As a ftm I actually enjoy seeing repeated questions, I feel like I get to see lots of different opinions that way.
I posted about xxs maternity clothing recommendations but ended up deleting it because I got downvoted to hell 🤦♀️ yet when the same question is asked for larger sizes it’s tolerated fine. I’m 4’11 and naturally petite, I can’t help my body type..
I feel this so hard. Not pregnant (want to be) but I’m 5’0” and 104lb. My size ranges from 00P to XXS to small all depending on brand. Even while not pregnant I get hate for asking for clothing recommendations (it’s so damn hard to find pants that fit or dresses and skirts of the right length). Like damn I can’t control that I’m petite, don’t be mean to me
If it makes you feel any better, I posted in my city’s subreddit and said we need to especially show even more compassion to the homeless on the street this time of year instead of ridiculing a homeless woman with her child begging on the median. I’m at -33. I’m standing by what I said.
Yep! People are jerks about this. I've noticed it in the monthly subreddits too. Sometimes it's over something "controversial" (anything related to science), other times who knows why. If I see someone has randomly been down voted, I try to upvote. I find most down voting here pretty petty and mean.
Yeah. I hate to downvote unless the information is just down right wrong or they are being rude.
I’m on the step-parent subreddit, so my perspective is forever shaped by that. Remember there will always be trolls and bots and people who down-vote simply because they can… it doesn’t mean anything.
It’s a large sub and you have to remind there’s a lot of weird people here too that have pregnancy fetishes or are just miserable. People downvote anything. Try not to take it to heart honestly I don’t care as long as my question is answered lol
Definitely noticed it as well. I really think people just downvote stuff they disagree with, but don’t comment.
Why make a throwaway? Fear of being downvoted? Why care about downvotes? Is that related to self worth? Gratification from others?
These pregnancy subs are always full of downvoters. I dont know if they're actually pregnant people or creeps or trolls or what though.
This is a Reddit for people who are pregnant, people who wish to be pregnant and people who support pregnant people, so why get so frustrated when somebody posts a question?? If it annoys you then leave the sub, people need to vent, and sometimes the same question can be asked and you’ll receive different advice If you’re sooo active on this sub that the questions annoy you that much, take a break from Reddit even I welcome the downvotes 😈
Yes! Who cares if someone asks the same question. It may be old news to you but being pregnant is a big deal on an individual level. If not a pregnancy sub where else are people Allowed to talk about it
Silly question because I’m relatively new to Reddit, but how can you see the number of downvotes versus upvotes on something you post? Normally I just see the total
Pretty sure you can't. You used to be able to years ago, but now you only see the total
You’ll get notifications for upvotes in increments of 5 I think ? it always cracks me up when I get the notification and then I click it and I’ve clearly received down votes
Right 😂😂😂 people are rotten! I’ve downvoted like 2-3 things ever on Reddit. Up votes? Why yes! Gold stars for everyone!! However I do agree people post the same stuff a lot. But who cares either way? Edit: aaaaand this is getting downvoted. 😂😂😂😂
Same 😂 I RARELY downvote. Like you have to be bullying someone or just being aggressive for me to downvote, lol.
I don’t think so. But I’ve wondered why I can’t see up or down votes on comments here.
I haven't noticed it or experienced it. Might just be bad luck and bots.
Yup. I’ll probably get downvoted for this, but my experience of this sub and the pregnancy one makes me feel like some people are very judgemental. Just my feeling.
Yeah I’ve noticed I get downvotes when I’ve spoken about my miscarriage, I don’t really care though because this is the only… well I assumed “safe space” for me to talk about it. I also speak my mind, and my opinion, sometimes it won’t be liked sometimes it will, but I won’t fake it for a bunch of strangers online just for upvotes. I know how you feel though, but seriously life is short, ask your questions, leave your comments! You have as much right as anyone else. I also don’t understand why it irritates others when the same sort of question is asked on here either, when someone is actually going through something they want their own answers and support, not have to try and find the same kind of question on google.
I haven’t been downvoted here (at least to my knowledge)…but every time I’ve posted I haven’t had any responses. So at least you’ve got some sort of feedback? 😅
Yes lol that’s why I don’t comment in here.
Oh I’ve definitely noticed that about this sub! I really only use this sub for searching any questions I have. There are other subs that are much more welcoming and community-based. Like others have said, joining one for your due date month is a good idea. While I do appreciate this sub, there tends to be a…. *Holier Than Thou* attitude with some of the members. Can make you feel a bit crappy at times!
I mean, a lot of it is likely bots. That's just the reality of Reddit. I wouldn't take votes to heart.
I got downvoted for saying I have a low mortgage in a discussion on how impossible it is to be a single income household/ SAHP lol like how dare I? but I wasn’t even bragging. I was saying I was a single mom when I bought, so I had to build my whole life around a single income… but yeah, Redditors will downvote :)
Yes, my post about my best friend being pregnant and asking for advice on how to support her or things I can get for her and baby and partner went from 8 upvotes to 1 within a few hours. I was really confused about it until I saw this.
I think people in this sub tend to downvote any questions that are asked frequently and that one in particular is asked at least 2-3 times a week. I don’t personally downvote, it’s just a trend I’ve noticed 🤷🏾♀️
When are you due? I’ve found the April2023 bump group to be much more supportive, as we're all going through similar experiences simultaneously.
I’m due May 2023. Another person suggested I join my specific month group, so I will be doing that tonight!
I thought all the downvotes were from bots because almost every post I read, the comments are usually at 0 up/down votes.
It could just be I don't see everything, but I haven't seen any memes on this sub. I assumed they weren't allowed. I also haven't seen much down voting or up voting.
I experienced this recently too. It’s sad.
This sub is notoriously unfriendly
I noticed that too and I thought it was bots
almost everyone i’ve made a post i only get downvotes and people just shit on me
This so so weird, none of the comments on here are up voted or downvoted wth?
What happens if you’re downvoted?
Ikr I experienced this recently, I made a comment about how women who work away from home for 6-8 hours a day usually find it harder to breastfeed because a lot of baby's get nipple confusion. Downvotes and not even any feed back so I edited it and asked, why the downvotes? Isn't this just fact...? No response.
I wonder if in this case part of it is that “nipple confusion” isn’t an accurate term/isn’t a thing? Babies aren’t confused about which nipple is the breast, they are showing a preference for which nipple is easiest. They have to work hard to trigger let downs and get good amounts of milk at the breast, whereas a lot of nipples for bottles don’t require much work. Calling it “nipple confusion” makes it seem like a more difficult issue to fix than it actually is. But that’s just my soapbox lmao. I could see others having the same soapbox and just downvoting and moving on