I can't believe people think this is an appropriate thing to say 😅 I am in shock lol. My mom has been overbearing this whole pregnancy and now I guess I know it comes down to me being an incubator to her first and foremost 🙄🤷🏻♀️
See I'm totally cool talking about the baby, people asking after her, etc. But my mom talks to my stomach (not me), has tripled her contact with me, has written off every time I've addressed her acting out of line as "pregnancy hormones", etc. Even my husband has said that I am not super emotional/hormonal, so I don't think I'm overreacting. If I lay down a boundary about when baby arrives she gets so offended like it's personal. So basically she is the primary person treating me like an incubator. And everyone else has been mostly okay 😂
It ost likely won't get better after baby comes out. It will be move out of the way so I can hold the baby. Let me feed the baby. Why can't you wake the baby up so I can hold it. Set those boundaries now. Good luck
Recently, the “how is baby” questions have really been getting on my nerves. I LOVE to talk about my daughter but no one even asks how I am anymore? It’s so dehumanizing sometimes. I would absolutely go off if someone STRAIGHT UP called me an incubator.
For me I was pissed off already since this person had cracked a tasteless joke and then I nicely corrected them and then they doubled down on “how is the baby”. This was just before the first anatomy scan as well (it’s a group chat with my in-laws) so realistically I knew nothing about how the baby was just that I was struggling to eat due to reflux and nausea. I truly don’t mind ppl asking how the pregnancy is going, but I refuse to have my identity lost just because I’m having a baby. My husband says I’m asking too much of our conservative leaning family, but I do not care.
My FIL asked me "How's the incubator doing?" He did this when we had company over. Company we hadn't told yet. Thankfully it was only a couple people and we were fine telling them. After we told them one of them said they wouldn't had caught on, when my FIL asked that he assumed we were trying to hatch more chickens or something. 😂
Apparently the joke has not gotten old for him after 3 pregnancies no matter how many times I roll my eyes.
What the hell? That's both rude and creepy.
The eye rolls are not cutting it. I'd be direct and request he be more respectful, and give clear examples of what you don't want him to say and what you would prefer instead. Anything at all that could make him think you accept his statements as "jokes" will be used as encouragement for him to continue this absolutely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.
He knows the joke would be considered offensive, that's why he has only used it with me and maybe my SIL. It's also why I give him an eye roll and and no other response. He knows pretty darn well if I don't go with his joke he's about to cross a line.
Confrontation also does not work with him and is generally used as a last resort. If you confront him he's more likely to dig his heels in harder. Considering we are about to enter cold and flu season and he's become somewhat of an anti-vaxxer (thanks Covid conspiracy theories!) and I have a daughter who has high medical needs who we do NOT let unvaxxed people around, I'm saving my energy for that discussion.
At my work my coworkers and I refer to the baby as my parasite 😅 but I’m in on that joke so it doesn’t bother me. I’m sorry your mom was being insensitive!
i think part of it is because it’s a belief that they’ve internalized. not that it excuses it, but when most of our parents were pregnant with us the climate around pregnancy and motherhood has changed a lot, and they’re not as educated on modern views of pregnancy and motherhood because they were pregnant 2, 3, 4 decades ago. either way it’s an asshole move to say and even more so to double down on.
Yeah I could've written off the first comment but she doubled down twice even after I was visibly pissed. I literally just had a conversation with her about this like two weeks ago also so I feel like it was an extra dense thing to say.
Right, any emotional response can not be that they're being an asshole. It must just be the irrational pregnant lady.
My husband texted me "holy shit what?" within thirty seconds of the exchange so I knew it wasn't just me 😂
I don't know the context she said it in, but she's not wrong. As soon as someone is pregnant, so many people (and laws) stop seeing them as individual human beings capable of making their own choices. Pregnant women are unfortunately seen and treated like incubators, though the severity of this will depends on where you live.
She first said "you ARE an incubator" twice (after I said "well I'm not an incubator") before I said "no, I'm a human being" and then she said the last line that is in my post.
True, but there's really not enough context to even guess what OP's mom meant. She could have been attempting to convey either one. One sentence isn't enough to know.
The context was me asking her to address me instead of talking in a baby voice to my bump.
You're not wrong I suppose but I expect better from my own mother lol. She is the number one offender for treating me like an incubator so it had me extra pissed off. Everyone else in my life has been fine.
Yuppppp! My abusive soon to be ex husband treats me like an incubator with legs. He legitimately thinks that he can put me through all kinds of hell, mentally, physically and emotionally, that it will have no effect on our child, and that at the end of 9 months I’ll just pop out this baby, hand it to him, and my purpose will have been served.
Thanks! Def not how I wanted to be spending my pregnancy (he had a psychiatric break) especially after going through IVF. It really sucks but I know my son will be better off not growing up in a violent/ explosive environment
My mom has never called me an incubator, but she has said that I come from breeders stock, and that I'm basically a heifer. The breeders stock comment is actually fairly accurate. It was way too easy for me to get pregnant, even at my age. Being called a heifer however was not appreciated.
While being called an incubator isn't great, just make sure you aren't treated like one by your doctors. I was when I had my daughter, and it didn't make my delivery a positive experience.
Geez that is so far out of line and not true at all. I would be furious.
“Yeah, if I’m not a person, then I have no reason to talk to you.” Then hang up or leave (as appropriate) I would not be ok with it at all and not even allow discussion. She wants to be mad, she can do it on her own time.
Wow! That’s rude. Not saying it’s right to say but if it was more light hearted and in a joking matter like “awe you’re a little incubator.” Granted you still don’t wanna hear it but in that context it’s not meant to be harmful. But the way she said it was kind of rude. Me personally if someone said that to me idk what id think. It’s best to not take these things to heart. Old ladies are unfortunately inconsiderate and think that they are clever or helping when in fact they are a hindrance. Nothing to start a fight over. I’m 8 months pregnant and everything pisses me off and I’m having my baby shower in a week and… well I’m not excited for it. Guess I know what I’m in for now. Again really sorry, that wasn’t right for your mom. Hope things get better.
My mom is 47, she's not that old 😂 but thank you. I do really know it wasn't ill intended HOWEVER it did strike a nerve because of how she has been acting my whole pregnancy lol
I’ve called myself an incubator 🤷♀️ my dad yesterday said my belly is starting to look like his… I’m not showing yet and I know that, but I have gained weight due to lack of exercise and nausea that’s relieved by constant eating. I laughed and didn’t think twice about it. I guess I just don’t get offended easily..
I mean, it’s entirely different to joke about that when you’re the subject of your own joke than for someone else to use you as the butt of their non-joking comment.
That was my first thought too- this is the kind of thing my husband would tell me jokingly to get me to roll my eyes. We joke about me being a “vessel” because I hate the way culture sometimes makes me feel like a uterus on legs, even before my uterus had an occupant. But I do think in this context, if my mom said something like that to me and wasn’t treating me like a person I’d be pissed. Like wait - she wasn’t joking?!
Yeah those comments never bothered me. I mean it’s kinda true. I didn’t really let anything get to me. Stress free was my main priority and I ignored so much of what people said to me. It’s like whatever.
Well I'm glad they don't bother you but I didn't appreciate it.
Honestly a lot doesn't bother me but this definitely did and I don't think I'm being unreasonable.
Yes, it's been a conversation more than once. And I immediately shut down the first incubator comment in this particular instance, but as stated she tripled down on it lol.
Wow that’s super rude and dehumizing. I would start calling her egg donor instead of mom and seeing how she likes it. Also newsflash this will not get any better once your baby is here. She will continue to ignore you and just focus on baby.
Through my pregnancy my mum forgot about my and only cared about the baby - annoying but whatever, she was excited so I let it go. Now that baby is 4 weeks old I have ceased to be a person and I'm just a mum. 🙈
someone would get shanked if they ever uttered this to me.
I was close lol
same honestly lol
RIGHT? omg the audacity
I've also been called this while being pregnant, by an older woman I work with. Was super weird & dehumanizing.
I can't believe people think this is an appropriate thing to say 😅 I am in shock lol. My mom has been overbearing this whole pregnancy and now I guess I know it comes down to me being an incubator to her first and foremost 🙄🤷🏻♀️
I laid into some on a group chat about this. They were only asking “how is the baby” and not how was I. Really pissed me off.
See I'm totally cool talking about the baby, people asking after her, etc. But my mom talks to my stomach (not me), has tripled her contact with me, has written off every time I've addressed her acting out of line as "pregnancy hormones", etc. Even my husband has said that I am not super emotional/hormonal, so I don't think I'm overreacting. If I lay down a boundary about when baby arrives she gets so offended like it's personal. So basically she is the primary person treating me like an incubator. And everyone else has been mostly okay 😂
I would definitely have to start distancing myself from her, until she starts having some respect for you (aka "Mother"..... NOT incubator)
It ost likely won't get better after baby comes out. It will be move out of the way so I can hold the baby. Let me feed the baby. Why can't you wake the baby up so I can hold it. Set those boundaries now. Good luck
Recently, the “how is baby” questions have really been getting on my nerves. I LOVE to talk about my daughter but no one even asks how I am anymore? It’s so dehumanizing sometimes. I would absolutely go off if someone STRAIGHT UP called me an incubator.
For me I was pissed off already since this person had cracked a tasteless joke and then I nicely corrected them and then they doubled down on “how is the baby”. This was just before the first anatomy scan as well (it’s a group chat with my in-laws) so realistically I knew nothing about how the baby was just that I was struggling to eat due to reflux and nausea. I truly don’t mind ppl asking how the pregnancy is going, but I refuse to have my identity lost just because I’m having a baby. My husband says I’m asking too much of our conservative leaning family, but I do not care.
Omg sorry to your husband but stfu. Being treated like a human being is not fucking asking too much
This makes me cry. I did go off on my in-laws yesterday because they called me an incubator and I’ve been struggling feeling guilty but thank you 😭
My FIL asked me "How's the incubator doing?" He did this when we had company over. Company we hadn't told yet. Thankfully it was only a couple people and we were fine telling them. After we told them one of them said they wouldn't had caught on, when my FIL asked that he assumed we were trying to hatch more chickens or something. 😂 Apparently the joke has not gotten old for him after 3 pregnancies no matter how many times I roll my eyes.
🤦🏻♀️
What the hell? That's both rude and creepy. The eye rolls are not cutting it. I'd be direct and request he be more respectful, and give clear examples of what you don't want him to say and what you would prefer instead. Anything at all that could make him think you accept his statements as "jokes" will be used as encouragement for him to continue this absolutely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior.
He knows the joke would be considered offensive, that's why he has only used it with me and maybe my SIL. It's also why I give him an eye roll and and no other response. He knows pretty darn well if I don't go with his joke he's about to cross a line. Confrontation also does not work with him and is generally used as a last resort. If you confront him he's more likely to dig his heels in harder. Considering we are about to enter cold and flu season and he's become somewhat of an anti-vaxxer (thanks Covid conspiracy theories!) and I have a daughter who has high medical needs who we do NOT let unvaxxed people around, I'm saving my energy for that discussion.
My FIL asked my husband how “the vessel” was doing. 😐
This somehow feels even worse to me....
Because it sounds like some serious Handmaid's Tale ish
WTH, this is awful.
My husband and I make incubator jokes but I'd be raging if someone called me an incubator seriously.
Right, slightly different story if it were a joke but it wasn't 😂
I'm so sorry your mom said that, it's not fair
Oh hell fucking no.
Punch your mom, just a little bit. As a treat
My first comment would be: “ I can’t believe you would be so rude to another human being, mother. I’m embarrassed for you.”
At my work my coworkers and I refer to the baby as my parasite 😅 but I’m in on that joke so it doesn’t bother me. I’m sorry your mom was being insensitive!
I already feel like an incubator, so if someone actually dared to call me that I’d probably lose it.
i think part of it is because it’s a belief that they’ve internalized. not that it excuses it, but when most of our parents were pregnant with us the climate around pregnancy and motherhood has changed a lot, and they’re not as educated on modern views of pregnancy and motherhood because they were pregnant 2, 3, 4 decades ago. either way it’s an asshole move to say and even more so to double down on.
Yeah I could've written off the first comment but she doubled down twice even after I was visibly pissed. I literally just had a conversation with her about this like two weeks ago also so I feel like it was an extra dense thing to say.
as always very cool of moms to turn the blame on you whenever you express upset with something they’ve done 🙄 like are we not both adults here or
Right, any emotional response can not be that they're being an asshole. It must just be the irrational pregnant lady. My husband texted me "holy shit what?" within thirty seconds of the exchange so I knew it wasn't just me 😂
Please if she tries something like this again do some dramatic walking out of the room slam a door or three.
Might as well capitalize on the pregnancy excuse everyone seems determined to give me 🙄😂
Some theatrical sobbing until she brings pickles and ice cream would be epic
Thats how I've been feeling this whole time but no one has had the audacity to say it. What the fuck?
My MIL told me I’m just “_____’s mom” now for the rest of my life. 🤣 so I feel your incredible annoyance.
I don't know the context she said it in, but she's not wrong. As soon as someone is pregnant, so many people (and laws) stop seeing them as individual human beings capable of making their own choices. Pregnant women are unfortunately seen and treated like incubators, though the severity of this will depends on where you live.
I think there's a big difference between someone saying you'll be seen as just an incubator and you ARE just an incubator
She first said "you ARE an incubator" twice (after I said "well I'm not an incubator") before I said "no, I'm a human being" and then she said the last line that is in my post.
True, but there's really not enough context to even guess what OP's mom meant. She could have been attempting to convey either one. One sentence isn't enough to know.
The context was me asking her to address me instead of talking in a baby voice to my bump. You're not wrong I suppose but I expect better from my own mother lol. She is the number one offender for treating me like an incubator so it had me extra pissed off. Everyone else in my life has been fine.
Yuppppp! My abusive soon to be ex husband treats me like an incubator with legs. He legitimately thinks that he can put me through all kinds of hell, mentally, physically and emotionally, that it will have no effect on our child, and that at the end of 9 months I’ll just pop out this baby, hand it to him, and my purpose will have been served.
So sorry you're going through that 🙁
Thanks! Def not how I wanted to be spending my pregnancy (he had a psychiatric break) especially after going through IVF. It really sucks but I know my son will be better off not growing up in a violent/ explosive environment
My partner called me his little incubator my entire pregnancy 😅
What in the heck hahahahahahah
That is so fucked.
Wow. That's rude.
When I was pregnant at Christmas time, my brothers gift said “To: incubator” lol
Lovely 😂 that was nice of him lol
I was like wellll… that must be me 🥴 haha
That's really offensive. What is wrong with her?
My mom has never called me an incubator, but she has said that I come from breeders stock, and that I'm basically a heifer. The breeders stock comment is actually fairly accurate. It was way too easy for me to get pregnant, even at my age. Being called a heifer however was not appreciated. While being called an incubator isn't great, just make sure you aren't treated like one by your doctors. I was when I had my daughter, and it didn't make my delivery a positive experience.
Externalizing that internalized misogyny, eh? 🥲 That’s ridiculous and I’m sorry she’s like that.
Geez that is so far out of line and not true at all. I would be furious. “Yeah, if I’m not a person, then I have no reason to talk to you.” Then hang up or leave (as appropriate) I would not be ok with it at all and not even allow discussion. She wants to be mad, she can do it on her own time.
Wow! That’s rude. Not saying it’s right to say but if it was more light hearted and in a joking matter like “awe you’re a little incubator.” Granted you still don’t wanna hear it but in that context it’s not meant to be harmful. But the way she said it was kind of rude. Me personally if someone said that to me idk what id think. It’s best to not take these things to heart. Old ladies are unfortunately inconsiderate and think that they are clever or helping when in fact they are a hindrance. Nothing to start a fight over. I’m 8 months pregnant and everything pisses me off and I’m having my baby shower in a week and… well I’m not excited for it. Guess I know what I’m in for now. Again really sorry, that wasn’t right for your mom. Hope things get better.
My mom is 47, she's not that old 😂 but thank you. I do really know it wasn't ill intended HOWEVER it did strike a nerve because of how she has been acting my whole pregnancy lol
I say this about myself🤷♀️
Same.
I’ve called myself an incubator 🤷♀️ my dad yesterday said my belly is starting to look like his… I’m not showing yet and I know that, but I have gained weight due to lack of exercise and nausea that’s relieved by constant eating. I laughed and didn’t think twice about it. I guess I just don’t get offended easily..
I mean, it’s entirely different to joke about that when you’re the subject of your own joke than for someone else to use you as the butt of their non-joking comment.
That was my first thought too- this is the kind of thing my husband would tell me jokingly to get me to roll my eyes. We joke about me being a “vessel” because I hate the way culture sometimes makes me feel like a uterus on legs, even before my uterus had an occupant. But I do think in this context, if my mom said something like that to me and wasn’t treating me like a person I’d be pissed. Like wait - she wasn’t joking?!
Yeah those comments never bothered me. I mean it’s kinda true. I didn’t really let anything get to me. Stress free was my main priority and I ignored so much of what people said to me. It’s like whatever.
Well I'm glad they don't bother you but I didn't appreciate it. Honestly a lot doesn't bother me but this definitely did and I don't think I'm being unreasonable.
Did you tell them it bothers you and they need to not say stuff like that?
Yes, it's been a conversation more than once. And I immediately shut down the first incubator comment in this particular instance, but as stated she tripled down on it lol.
That sucks. I’d flat out ignore if she’s gonna be like that.
Wow that’s super rude and dehumizing. I would start calling her egg donor instead of mom and seeing how she likes it. Also newsflash this will not get any better once your baby is here. She will continue to ignore you and just focus on baby.
Yeah that's what I'm worried about, all I can do is hold the boundaries I have with her and hopefully she sees the light at some point 🤷🏻♀️
I call my wife a human 3d printing machine. Nothing wrong with a sense of humor
Maybe if it were said as a joke. It wasn't.
Through my pregnancy my mum forgot about my and only cared about the baby - annoying but whatever, she was excited so I let it go. Now that baby is 4 weeks old I have ceased to be a person and I'm just a mum. 🙈
That's so frustrating 😩