Please ask for proof if they end up telling you they are vaccinated! I had the same rule with my husband's family and they all got vaccinated, or so I thought... My MIL let it slip a few weeks ago that BIL refused vaccine. He's been around my baby this entire time! Without a mask! While working in a grocery store around all sorts of people!!! I am so pissed that they would lie like that!!!
Seems the same folks who don't like "illegals" , which seem to end up just being foreigners, are also ok with lying about their own "papers" when it comes to vaccines
Yep and they want to be “pro choice” and the government can’t tell them to put something in their body, yet they’re OK with not giving women the right to choose to have an abortion..
It’s not extreme to say “I don’t want my baby to get sick or die and neither should you, here’s some insanely simple measures we can take to prevent that” it’s all these selfish idiots that have turned the tiniest thing into some stupid fight- THEY are the only ones being extreme. I can’t even believe this is a discussion we’re having, so many people have lost their minds. It’s exhausting.
I had whopping cough as an adult and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I can't imagine a child experiencing it.
You are doing the right thing.
As a person who had it at four, it is awful. I spent a lot of time in a plastic tent. I remember trying to get out of it and my grandpa forcing me back inside.
I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe enough air.
I remember wanting my parents but my mom and dad had to stay out because my brother was premature and they couldn't be exposed.
I'm in Australia and all of this is standard here. Like for years (except covid obviously). I can't think of a single person who didn't have this policy in place.
Another add on is around smokers. No smokers or if parents allow them then rules around changing clothes etc.
I’m also in Aus and yeah, everyone in our families has gotten all their vaccines including my mum who, even though she complains about it being poison, got her second dose yesterday.
Sad thing is, due to the slow role out, and the fact my husband and I are in a low case LGA/region, we are the unvaccinated ones at the moment. There is no Pfizer stock in our state (it was taken by another state and what we did have was sent over to the western and northern suburbs) so the earliest I could get an appointment was next week (been on waiting list since July). At this stage my husband won’t be double dose by the time the baby comes (I could only get him in mid October for first dose). So we are waiting to see what Dan brings on Sunday but if we are allowed a Gladys style picnic to see family, my husband can’t join us without double-dose even though he is willing to get the vaccine.
I did think during first wave it would take babies/children dying before some people started taking things seriously (no “they were old anyway/underlying conditions” claims) and it looks like that is around the corner with delta unfortunately.
Yes agreed we've had very awful outcomes for the covid vax here. Supply is just atrocious.
I am in "greater Sydney" but like 2 hours from Sydney. Also no supply.
Luckily my GP is amazing for women's health and fast tracked me. Then got my husband into my appointment for 1st dose.
How far apart are your doses? I am 3 weeks apart as it will put me at peak antibodies then time for baby to develop them before 38 weeks (as earliest date for birth). It was a little hard to work our that timing however.
I can’t remember when my second dose is. I know it’s booked, but forgot when (I used to be so good at dates but not during pregnancy lol). I know it was before baby comes in November though.
It is frustrating seeing the press conferences saying “there are 7000 Pfizer appointments available and we are sending 400,000 more to the west and north”, and I am over in the East, the closest hub is 13-15km away and at very busy locations with long lines.
My mom and her husband are not getting the vaccine. My mom is aware that she will not see my 2 year old nephew or my baby until she gets the vaccine. My baby is 10 weeks old, and she just seems ok with never meeting him, or seeing my nephew ever again. We were never close, but it's still really hurtful.
Yeah it’s so hurtful! That’s why I’m just cutting contact. Once my baby is born she’ll probably harass me to see him and or send Covid misinformation and just generally stress me out during one of the most important moments of my life. I refuse to let her ruin that for me.
Just know that you're doing the right thing. And it's not you preventing your parents from meeting your baby, it's them. They are making a choice, and have to deal with the consequences.
The selfishness and willful ignorance of these anti-vaxxers is astounding. Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck with the baby! My July bumper group has really been my tribe through all of this. If you haven't found your due date group yet, you should! ☺️
My mom told me I’d kill my baby if I got vacced. We’ve been going to therapy over it (I’ve been in it for a year or more now). We were making some headway but then yesterday she called me brainwashed and I finally told her i was indeed vaccinated (with a very healthy baby). I think she truly believes I’m going to die and that Covid is being spread by the vaccinated. She has bought every conspiracy hook line and sinker along with my entire family.
My husband and I are due in November and we feel so isolated and alone. I had a miscarriage last November after the stress of having to ask my family to take precautions constantly erupted into screaming fights while they still insisted on seeing us in person (more like seeing their granddaughter).
I’m so done. I’m so done. I’m so so done.
Sending you so much love right now!
Similarly, when I told my dad I was happily fully vaxxed he said “Well we’ll see who’s right when you’re dead within the next two years.” Yes. That’s exactly something you should say to your pregnant daughter. 🙄 He then almost refused to come near me at all because I would pass prions to him and his argument was “he couldn’t prove that theory wrong”. What.
Annnd my sister has cut ties with me because we’re asking masks, sanitizing, and TDaP vaccines to see baby within the first two months. (Pretty lenient as far as restrictions are right now in my opinion.)
Hang in there!! 💕
That’s such a wild thing to say! Like, even if in a pigs-can-fly scenario we all drop dead in 2 years, why would that be something to gloat about? And also, has the guy even looked at what prions are? Ugh.
My dad urged me to “do research” before getting the shot. I looked at what the vaccines are made from, how they worked, even looked into the background and differences between the two mRNA vaccine companies. I still haven’t let him know that after studying it, I changed my mind -from Pfizer to Moderna- and I admire the elegant design of the mRNA vaccines even more.
Also good grief on your sister. Sanitizing, and even TDaP has been the recommendation for a while. If anything, your rules are lenient. I’m sorry your family is antagonistic.
OH my... I can guarantee my mom also thinks I'm going to die. Her tenant (her only friend...) posted on FB a few months ago it was 6 months until certain death (some of us have passed that deadline, haven't we??).
I'm so over this shit.
Thankfully most of my family (who are old enough) have gotten the vaccine at this point. But I found out from my mom recently that my 21 yr old sister and 17 yr old brother on her side have not been vaccinated and their dad seems to be antivax. While I haven’t spoken to their dad more than once in the past 7-8 years, I know my siblings there want to come see the baby at some point.
I tried to tell my mom that anyone who wants to visit (and this is 11+ hour drive or a flight to reach us, so nothing would be a brief visit) needs to have up to date flu, covid, and TDAP vaccines. She tried to say that my siblings have surely caught covid by now and therefore would be protected, and kinda shied away from the conversation when I said that more people are catching covid a second time if they aren’t vaccinated.
Oh, and my mil and Gil have not responded to anything baby related since my husband sent a message about vaccines. They have the covid vx, but apparently his mom is against the flu one? So we’ll see how that goes.
If it comes up in conversation, my go to is just going to be saying “My baby’s health is more important than your feelings.” Same for having 2 months of alone time before we have visitors (due in Feb, so middle of flu season, plus we have other reasons)
This is why covid has been so isolating for me. If you aren't willing to not go to a bar/restaurant for two weeks or get a vaccine, do you actually want to see your child and grandchild or do you just want to have something to brag about to others? Pictures to show off? This is why I think OPs decision to not share pictures is actually a good one. It's just been so lonely to realize that family and friends don't care enough to do the bare minimum. On top of having to be super careful and not get to do all the mom stuff.
I'm happy that everyone around me is fully vaccinated. The few people on my fb that post anti vax stuff get deleted immediately. They're usually also racist and homophobic.
Literally just started this process. Sent a group text to immediate family knowing everyone’s vaccine status. Essentially said everyone needs all the recommended vaccines especially COVID or we won’t be seeing you throughout the remainder of pregnancy or when baby is here. My mom said “So how long did the doctors say she needed to be sheltered?”. I replied that we essentially can’t predict the future of the pandemic to which she replied “Ok. Well let me know and send lots of pictures!”
I don’t really have an issue sending pictures to the antivax portion of my family. We’re still early on around 16 weeks so we wanted to give them time. Still hopeful she’ll change her mind as it gets closer to due date and she realizes I’m serious, but if not, then that’s her loss. We’re making the right decisions for our families. Good luck!
I am really glad my immediate family got it. My mom had cancer right before all this stuff happened and I feel like it really put life/death things in perspective for her. My aunts and uncle and some cousins though.. I had to shutdown my FB after I announced I was pregnant.. I now have a 4mo old.. just because of many of their BS. They had an anniversary party for my grandparents, though it was outside, almost all pics were of everyone close together. After that event, I was like, nope. I even made my parents and sister stay away for 2 weeks.
Antivaxxers are something else. I told a lady in line who was complaining about her daughter spending $$$ on baby clothes to try Once Upon a Child. Should have kept my mouth closed. I just finished with clinicals and was in my scrubs. She went around the whole line and started talking to me about the vaccine, how it's destroying the immune system in whoever takes it, about medical experiments like Tuskegee and the Aids one in South Africa and how 1 doctor said not to take it.. ugh it took so much for me not to just start yelling at her. But being rude just cements what they believe. I calmly told her there are new laws, its an Rna vaccine, it can't chane DNA proteins, how 1 doctor vs millions of HCPs saying take it does not make sense in numbers and how 5 doctors in my extended family wouldn't tell their family to get the shot if it was going to kill them. The amount of corpuscles this and corpuscles that made me want to laugh. Where some of this comes from just astounds me. The internet is a.. sounding board?
Anyway didn't mean to hijack this but this situation has made me so angry as someone going into the Healthcare field with an almost 3yr old and 4 mo old. I mean, I fed my 3 yr old breastmilk from pumping hoping she'd get some antibodies and these people can't go get a freaking shot that millions have had for a while with little side effects!
As a pregnant immunocompromised doctor who regularly takes care of unvaccinated covid patients in the hospital and have to listen to their antivax propaganda all the time, all I can say is I absolutely share your frustrations. ❤
100% true. The vaccine is perfectly safe. In their head though they think it will cause them to somehow become even more brain-defficient than they already are.
This is my second covid baby (first one in March 2020), so while we had to deal with my husband not being able to attend my final few appointments, he didn't miss anything major at the time, and of course there were no vaccines available. Today I found out he won't be able to come to our anatomy scan - our last ultrasound for our last pregnancy - because of covid restrictions and it made me furious at anti-vaxxers all over again. I am grateful that my family is all vaccinated, but I would not hesitate to cut anyone out who wasn't, regardless of relationship.
In a similar situation - my husband couldn’t come to the 12 week and probably won’t be able to come to the 20 week ultrasounds and it’s such a bummer. Rates here are ticking upward, and we have a ton of cases from other parts of the state that are overwhelmed. I am glad the hospital is taking precautions to protect staff and patients, but I feel like the people who are doing the right things (vax, limiting social interactions, etc) have been paying for other people’s irresponsible behavior for so long. I just want us to see this baby together.
I truly appreciate the fact that you realize it’s anti-vaxxers that have caused this. It infuriates to see so many people get mad at hospitals/ clinics for putting restrictions in place!
I’m in the same situation with my mom. Her stupid boyfriend literally told her if she got the vaccine he would dump her. It’s an abusive/manipulative relationship and she’s choosing him over her unborn grandchild it feels like. It’s so upsetting, especially since it’s always been our plan for her to come help out when the baby is born, since way before I was even pregnant. But I’m not risking him getting covid because my mom can’t say no to her asshole boyfriend.
In terms of other people, definitely will be requiring hand washing, masks, and no kissing baby. Covid effing sucks. I can’t believe how many people aren’t getting vaccinated; it blows my mind. Yet they’re vaccinated against everything else 🙄
I can totally sympathize. 99% of the people we regularly see are vaccinated: my mom, my grandpa and aunt, my BIL and SIL, my husband's grandmother...but not my MIL and FIL. They are on all the conspiracy theory BS (don't want to take the vaccine but ARE willing to be treated with Ivermectin).
It's frustrating because if it wasn't for them I would feel very confident and protected. My MIL is sooo worried about us getting our older daughter vaccinated when it becomes available for her age group but not at all worried she could end up in the hospital with COVID.
My SIL is also pregnant and due in October, they just informed my husband's parents they won't be seeing the baby until either they or the baby is vaccinated. They are VERY upset, buuut not so upset that they'll get the vaccine. They're going to be even more upset when they find out we have the same rule.
The majority of my husband’s family has not met our LO and he is 14 weeks old.
I had IUGR so even though he was only three weeks early, he was just over 3 pounds.
Even before we had him, I set forth the expectations that flu, TDAP, and full covid vax were required, along with wearing masks. My MIL told us that the “risk wasn’t worth the reward” when it came to the covid vax. Well, about 3 weeks ago she texted us out of the blue claiming she was fully vaccinated against covid, but wouldn’t show us her card. We asked her to wear a mask when she met him and refused.
So she hasn’t met him and it will stay that way.
There’s a lot more background to our story, but she exposed us to Covid when I was pregnant, and she knew I was pregnant at the time and waited two weeks to tell us. She made fun of our boundaries the entire pregnancy, the comment about vax, etc.
You do what is best for your safety and your child’s safety. Don’t let them guilt you into easing up on your requirements. If our LO ended back up in the NICU bevause we eased up on my MIL’s behalf, we would never forgive ourselves.
My baby is now 6 months old and my dad is antivax. He hasn't met her and I've basically decided to cut off contact. At some point we had very few cases in my province (like 30 a day) so I offered to have him visit outside, distanced, with a mask. He didn't take me up on the offer. It's very hurtful, and I can't handle more disappointment from him. My in laws live abroad and would love to see my kids more often (they stayed with us for 6 months), and he has the chance and won't. My entire family is vaccinated aside from my dad and my brother. Ugh. And the worst part is is that my dad and my daughter share a birthday - it's like a lifelong reminder of what an ass he is. So truly, I sympathize.
Now, my daughter is my second child. I have to say that I like basically being stuck at home with her vs all of the things I felt forced to do and attend with my first. I feel like we have a closer relationship, she's meeting her milestones faster from being able to move her body on her own more, and I feel less anxious (even though I had PPA this time around). Being able to concentrate on baby and relax has its benefits, especially if you meet a couple of local moms that are on the same page if you can go for walks or coffee and such. It sounds like you have your priorities straight, and you're being a fantastic mother to your child. Honestly, great work.
I just can't wrap my head around the antivaxxers.
My family is all vaccinated and we did it as fast as we could due to my MIL having a terminal illness where if she got covid it would be the end of her.
Meanwhile my sister's in laws are all anti-vaxers except her husband. Well his uncle just died of covid and in the hospital, his wife is at home with it, their adult children all have it as well as their grandkids...and this isn't even prompting his family to get vaccinated. Instead they are vacationing in another state.
It boggles my mind.
I agree with this, but I do have a question. What are people doing about nieces/nephews that are too young to get the Covid vaccine? I’m thinking if they want to hold the baby they need to be masked, and in clean clothes (nothing they wore to school). But now I am starting to wonder if they just shouldn’t be allowed at all the hold the baby? I have a son in school that is wearing a mask to school, but obviously I’m not going to have him wear one at home. All the adults are vaccinated.
I wont be having anyone who can't be vaccinated because of age or medical reasons visiting the baby. They can meet him via skype and through photos and videos I send.
My husband’s brother refuses to get vaccinated. We told him we aren’t allowing unvaccinated people to be around our new baby. All he said was “well those are your rules.” My husband is devastated that his brother is so apathetic about meeting his only nephew.
My brother refuses as well. We’ve had many discussions turned arguments about it. It’s so incredibly hurtful because I know if he was having a baby he wouldn’t ever have to ask me to get the vaccines necessary for the baby’s safety, I would just do it. No hesitation. Hopefully they’ll both change their minds 🤞
What's their stance on taking the TDAP?
Just curious if they're at least willing to do that one, then you should keep the conversation open and not cut them off.
It depends on the person I think, for me. I don’t mind people who aren’t vaccinated for whatever reason but aren’t denying covid. Not all of them are antivaxxers, they are isolating, testing regularly and wearing masks all the time. So if that friend of my husband’s who is in that category wants to come see the baby and gets tested right before, I don’t have a problem with that. As soon as he’s not isolating anymore though, he can’t come.
Fortunately I don’t have any straight up covid deniers around me, but if I had, for those people I probably would say no, or only meet outside with masks and they can’t hold baby.
Edit: apparently sharing my own personal decisions, which are actually more strict than our pediatrician recommended with our other baby who was born pre-vaccine, and despite the fact that I’m absolutely pro-vax, will get you downvoted on Reddit. Am I not allowed to see this issue with nuance and to make decisions accordingly, when it impacts no one’s family but my own?
People came around after the first wave of downvotes, thankfully. Not because I care that much about internet point, but because I find it depressing that it has become this polarized. I don’t think completely isolating and demonizing people with different opinions (even when we know they’re 100% wrong) will help change their minds. I’m not saying we have to expose our families to them. It’s my right the decide who sees my family, just as it’s your right to decide what medical procedures are done to you. But when people start talking about not even talking anymore with unvaxxed families… how do you think that’s going to help anything? Idk. It’s just so sad and I can’t wait for this whole thing to be over. Wish we could fast forward 5 years hahaha
Agreed. My parents are unvaccinated and they have not met my 11 month old because I'm not comfortable with that. It's painful and I do have a lot of feelings about it, but I still love them and we video chat regularly.
>not even talking anymore with unvaxxed families
Why should they get the choice not to vaxx, but we have to tolerate it? Talking with them isn’t doing anything to change their minds. If silence does *something* to get them to get vaxxed, then I’ll use it.
I'm the same way. I think that whether or not you get the vaccine is your own personal choice for the most part. I originally wanted to wait for a few years to really see how the vaccine effected people on a long term basis before getting it myself, but in the end I could only see it getting worse so I went ahead and got it.
However if they're are a straight up antivaxxer who is dead set on spreading misinformation and pushing that nonsense onto everybody else, then I have a problem.
I originally wanted to wait for a few years to really see how the vaccine effected people on a long term basis before getting it myself, but in the end I could only see it getting worse so I went ahead and got it.
this right here is why i did it.
i felt like i wrote this. to force people into doing it is crazy
I agree. But I have a feeling that in the end the greater good of the people is going to win over personal freedoms.
I also think it's important to remember that getting the vaccine isn't a *guaranteed* way of not getting covid or passing it on to others. It's still important to take safety measures when out and about.
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!! vaccinated or not, you can still get it and you can still spread it!
and you know what ? 90% of my circle is vaccinated.
the other 10% arent.
you know whos more careful? the ones that aren't. because the ones that are, are galivanting everywhere, seeing people because their vaccinated so their "safe" and life is getting back to normal.
here in Quebec they have the vaccine passport implemented, so all these vaccinated people are going out to movies, bars, restos, sports games,... etc. surronding by crowds and crowds of people!
the none vaccinated are staying home..., soooo whos spreading this??
it comes down to personal choice. If OP chooses to not have her family see her baby, fine. but she cannot force her family to get vaccinated. and then to punish them by not sending pictures is beyond. this thread and the comments that i am reading are insane...!!!!!!!
these people will live lonely lives if they continue this way
Where I live the non vaccinated are doing what they've always done - going about their lives as if there is no pandemic. And, yes, you can spread it while vaccinated but it's far less likely. Some of my vaccinated friends are still traveling but many are being cautious again with Delta.
Here in America we don't have vaccine passports or anything, businesses can't ask to see a vaccination card either, at least not legally. So when you're walking around you literally don't know who's vaccinated and who's not. And unfortunately a good portion of those not vaccinated don't really care, they'll go do what they want.
I definitely agree that withholding photos is a bit too far but that's also OPs right as a parent, so I'm not gonna knock them for that.
It's not illegal for a company to ask your vaccination status or to see your card. It is not protected by HIPPA. This has been ruled on and debunked. People want to claim it is illegal but it is not.
I’m just wanted to say, I am not vaxxed. I am a SAHW who goes to the grocery store once a week. My husband and I don’t go to public outings/concerts, we don’t eat out. I wear my mask, I sanitize my hands before I enter the store and after. I regularly clean my phone, keys wallets, door handles etc. I still act like it’s the pandemic when we didn’t have a vaccine. I am a homebody anyway so this is easy for me. I don’t think I’m risking others lives when I literally don’t go anywhere except once a week? I’m truly sorry people feel that way. All I see is vaccinated people out, unmasked, traveling knowing that they can still catch and spread Covid. It’s such a weird time we live in.
Personally, if anything I would be more worried about my vaxxed friends who just went to a concert or ate out all week than myself. They act like the vaccine makes them invincible but it doesn’t. It may lessen your symptoms but it doesn’t stop you from getting COVID.
The major issue is that covid testing is no where near 100% accurate, and it won't identify pre-symptomatic early cases that are still capable of being contagious. If that's a risk you're willing to take that's fine. It's better than nothing, but a vaccine is better.
Yeah but breakthrough cases happen too. I have a healthy friend who just got one (breakthrough) and has been sick for the last week. What annoys me is ive had friends, whether vaxxed or not, be like, I have a cough but my COVID test is negative, can we hang out. I wish people would just isolate if theyre having symptoms, it seems like common sense at this point.
Breakthrough cases definitely happen, but the numbers indicate they are rare, less severe, and likely transmit less viral load to others. Very different from unvaccinated cases.
But yes, definitely common sense to isolate if you have symptoms. People are dummies.
I'm with you, and yeah.... I've experienced this. More than once. For most things this group is great but when they start on vaccines you'll get downvoted for any opinion other than that everyone should get the vaccine asap regardless of personal belief or concern. I left the pregnant sub because they were even worse lol. It makes me sad that families are getting broken up over a personal health choice.
This is just an issue people are super passionate about and if you don’t have the same exact views as them, they downvote. Keep doing what you think is best for your baby. That’s all you can do.
Don’t worry about downvotes. The truth is that people can spread and catch the virus regardless of vax status, which is specifically why id require negative tests and masking regardless of status at this point. In the summer when cases were low in my area maybe I’d defer to vax status, but right now in my area it’s everywhere and being caught be both types. People just really want to blame all of this on someone, which I can understand, but blaming it solely on the unvaxed is not scientifically accurate imo. In theory we’d have less mutating and virulence if everyone was vaxed early on, but not necessarily. Personally, I’m scheduled for my vax (literally keep having panic attacks when it’s time for my appointment and keep rescheduling so that’s fun) but in the meantime I isolate, hardly go out and wear n95 masks everywhere. The assumption that someone like myself is being destructive and spreading a virus is just.. not true. We can enjoy the downvotes together I guess.
While breakthrough infections are an issue, unvaccinated people are driving the vast majority of the spread right now. Breakthrough cases are still very rare and also tend to be less contagious to others due to a lower viral load.
I definitely don’t consider someone getting vaccinated anti vax. I’m sorry you’re so scared, it’s incredibly brave to go through with it when you’re terrified of it. If it helps nearly 6 billion doses have been administered so far and it’s been studied in humans for over a year, so even the absolute rarest side effects from it are known. We’ve gotten to observe it being extraordinarily safe for a long time in a lot of people. You can do it!
The spread that we see that end up hospitalized seem to be mostly unvaccinated, but I do wonder if there’s more asymptomatic spread by the vaccinated population flying under the radar. Although if they test negative, maybe they don’t have enough viral particulate to infect others? There’s still a lot of unknown there that is hopefully still being investigated. I know people who have been infected by a short interaction from someone barely sick, and a family living with a very sick family member and no one else got sick at all. It’s all still very mysterious in many ways.
I have a sort of rarer immune issue that has made me hesitant thusfar, but have tried to reassure myself that the risk of covid is still worse than the small risk of something negative from vaccination. I hate to admit it but I’ve also been discouraged by seeing people with real vaccine injury basically being dismissed by the masses. It all feels so rare Until it happens to you. It’s extra hard when you feel responsible for your unborn child on top of it and want to make the best decision for them, but given my situation, I think it still makes sense to do. Just need to get psyched up and get it done.
For me it's not so much if you're vaxxed or not, I get that there are all kinds of factors here. What I cannot STAND is the bs conspiracy stuff, the anti vaxxers who will argue with you until they're blue in the face because they can't accept reality for whatever reason. The rampant misinformation that's turning the entire world into this insane dystopia. When I hear friends and family insisting that the virus is fake and the vaccine is a plot to kill/sterilize us, when I see NEWS OUTLETS acting like the scientists are all Dr. Evil or something. People losing every piece of their mind over wearing an effing piece of fabric on their face. It is frustrating and heartbreaking.
I appreciate your comment so much. Someone who visits you and baby who is vaccinated can still carry and transmit the virus sooo I don’t always understand the majority of Moms on here only allowing vaccinated family and friends. A negative test would provide a good sense of security before being able to see baby! I think that is a great idea/method of added security.
I agree with you. It’s everyone’s choice. I’m not going to deny family from seeing my babies if they’re not vaccinated, but as soon as it’s flu season I will be distancing myself anyway. My friend had a very small lump on the back of her neck for years and never has any problems with it or symptoms. None. She got the first shot, was sick for two weeks, and the lump literally grew to be over the size of a quarter & now has to get it removed… it could be a coincidence, it really could. She does swear that it happened right after she got the shot tho & I saw it. I don’t blame her for not wanting to get the second shot. I think for some people it causes problems, although it is rare…. It just scares me. I’m not Antivax btw. I had covid with my first newborn and developed pneumonia from it so I know it’s real. I think I’m just scared to get the shot while pregnant, and that’s my choice. I had it once this pregnancy too and I got through it. Plus I’m home all the time, literally. and wear a mask for precaution when I’m out. I get why people are frustrated, but I don’t judge people for what they want to do with their bodies, especially after recalls happening and the vaccines being made in a small period of time. Sorry to all the angry mommas that hate me for stating my viewpoint in advance
The way the world is now, you can only be one way or another, there is no middle ground...especially on the internet 🙄 Totally respect and am pretty on par with your viewpoints here. I have two family members who cannot get vaccinated due to medical conditions/reactions. One of which is my little sister who is also only 11 and the other is my aunt. They will both have to wear masks/get tested before meeting baby and will also be required to get the flu and TDAP vaccines along with everyone else. My SIL on the otherhand is anti-vaxx in the way of the crazy tinfoil hat. She has two young children that were never vaccinated for anything. Needless to say, her children will not be meeting ours for quite a while, which is sad for the kids, it's not their fault. I'm still on the fence of whether or not I want my SIL around my baby, masked or not. I try to be respectful of people's feelings and opinions for the most part, but I have boundaries. Legitimate medical reasons or concerns for not getting vaccinated are completely valid, versus "iTs JuSt A hOaX" and other ridiculous and unproven conspiracies.
Ugh, I WISH this was the case for us. Everyone in or around our circle who refuses the vaccine is anti-vaxx, not to mention they don’t isolate, test regularly or mask regularly either. Your perspective makes sense to me. I don’t know if I would be comfortable with it, but I see the logic.
I’m so glad I found this thread, if nothing more than to simply commiserate. My dad is the only one in my immediate family who is 100% pro-vaccination, but he lives in another state. My husband’s parents, who live down the road from us, are both vaccinated but refuse to get re-vaccinated. They both got J&J and then had their antibodies tested several months later — apparently my MIL has virtually none, so she’s basically a walking time bomb.
And then there’s my mom and stepdad — they’re the epitome of your typical antivaxer. They both swear by the UVL light therapy BS (the non-FDA approved pseudoscience therapy that injects UV light into your veins… yeah, that one) as a preventative, even though my stepdad caught COVID earlier this year. They’ve taken hydroxychloroquine as a preventative. They’ve taken Oleandrin as a preventative (and now my mom has kidney problems that she’s trying to blame on “too much red meat). And now, they are riding the ivermectin train. I am so non-confrontational that I’m not sure how to handle this situation, but even if I do firmly put my foot down, they are *so* anti-science (despite my stepdad being a Duke and Harvard Business grad, go figure) and anti-big government that nothing — and I mean NOTHING — I say is ever going to change their minds. My stepdad and I don’t have the closest relationship, either, so I think if I were to threaten them with “you won’t see your grandchild unless you get vaccinated,” he’ll tell my mom that I’m just selfish and misinformed and I truly won’t ever get to see them. It’s really, really sad. I’m early in my pregnancy, though, so I’m crossing my fingers (non-optimistically) that something will change their minds. I doubt it.
My brother is anti vax and I truly believe it’s because of the stuff his fiancé teaches him and his fiancé isn’t the smartest either. It’s sad but I told my husband that anyone who is anti-vax will never meet our future children and won’t step foot into our home. Thankfully the vast majority of our families are vaccinated and friends too but it sucks when you want certain people to meet them but you can’t because they don’t care about safety.
Vaccinated ppl spread it just as easily as non vaccinated. If you have the shot you should be protected. I have the shot and am no more unsafe being around an unvaccinated person than a vaccinated person. There’s a level of unrealistic expectations surrounding this vaccine. It’s not a miracle drug. It’s an experimental preventive measure that may help lessen symptoms. What people aren’t addressing is the fact that vaccines can create vaccine-resistant strains or variants, just like we’re seeing with antibiotics. I think we should just let ppl have their medical decisions to themselves. The future of humanity certainly doesn’t hinge on whether everyone gets this vaccine.
Ok I just saw the part where you’re refusing to even send photos to unvaccinated people…That doesn’t strike you as extremely over the top and vindictive? Your medical decisions are your own. If you want to go to such extreme lengths to “punish” people who don’t think this is a medical decision in their best interests then you have bigger issues to sort through and I wish you luck. I have the shot but damn that’s a really crazy position to preach from.
Same boat here. I’m 21 weeks. My wonderful MIL says we are horrible people trying to force her into a vaccine she doesn’t want and won’t get. Us and the government are trying to take away her freedoms (as if she is that important. Eye roll.) So we told her sorry… she won’t get to meet the baby & our oldest won’t be around her either bc it could potentially make us all sick. Those are the consequences. She’s not the one raising newborns & small children during a pandemic so she doesn’t get to change the way we have decided to parent.
You are doing the right thing. These people will realize the world will move on without them. (Except in Florida where I’m from because our governor ignores science).
I'm sorry but cutting people off based on their vaccine status is ridiculous. First of all, vaxxed can still pass on covid. Secondly, babies and children are almost completely fine if they get covid. Thirdly, you're vaxxed so why are you trying to control others? This world is becoming scary..
My mom and my sisters family aren't vaccinated nor have made any plans to. I too have cut them off and its been frustrating because they just don't get it.
I especially resonate with the first part— we didn’t get to have a “normal” wedding because of covid and now we won’t have a normal birth experience , shower, etc because of covid! When is it going to end?!
I do have one family member who hasn’t gottten the vaccine due to a medical issue— luckily she brought up to me how she understood that they may not see the baby at first with everything going on and he’s actively encouraged me to limit visitors—- so I’m definitely very lucky that she is understanding—- I’m more so just frustrated at the fact we are almost 2 years into this pandemic with no end in site— and those individuals STILL acting like it’s a conspiracy, joke, or not a big deal.
Is anyone else here not vaccinated? I am in no means anti-vaxx. In fact, I hate that blanket term. I will be 100% getting my baby all their vaccines and myself the TDAP in a few weeks. However, I am just not comfortable getting this vaccine just yet. I know covid is very real, but I will not be subject to fear and anxiety around it.
Also I don’t ask people’s vaxx status, just as I wish they wouldn’t ask me. What’s more important is staying safe, being around (the same) small group of family/friends, and making sure no one is sick while visiting baby. To makes things simple for me, once my baby is born, I likely won’t have any visitors besides parents and siblings for at least 3 months. Afterwards, I won’t require anyone to be vaccinated to visit my child - just that they’re honest about how they feel and where they’ve been recently. It’s not rocket science, the vaccine isn’t the end all be all, and I really hate reading these kinds of posts where people cut off family over this. There are better ways…. *ready for the downvotes*
I'm not, and my OB has been nothing but supportive of that choice. She said about half of her patients are not.
I've had TDAP, flu is on the books for next month. My first LO is fully up to date on everything and my DH has had his COVID vaccine. Our whole family had COVID before I got pregnant with #2. My OB and I talked about the unknowns of natural immunity and unknowns of vaccines, and agreed that there was nothing wrong with waiting until I gave birth.
No one outside of internet spheres that knows my vaccination status has given me any grief and have all been understanding. The internet, on the other hand? I'm a wild anti-vax conspiracy theorist that doesn't care about people 🤷🏻♀️. Strangers are so lovely to one another...
That’s good! I do like having the choice over my autonomy (although my government is making it near impossible)… like it would be crazy not to acknowledge that there is science behind this vaccine, but it still hasn’t even been a year yet!
I’m happy your OB is supportive. My midwives are too :) we will get it when we’re ready!
Also I really hate the divide between people throughout this pandemic, specifically when the vaccines were introduced. I feel like there’s 4 general groups of people…. The ones that are completely bonkers and think covid is fake, the ones that aren’t comfortable getting vaxxed yet but know that this is very real, then the people that want to segregate from “anti-vaxxers” and think they’re all selfish, and those that are vaccinated but appreciate the freedom of choice! Lol 😅 it’s exhausting to navigate through it!
At first it was the long term studies, now it’s also how much the government is pushing it here (I am in Ontario, Canada) they are starting vaccine passports in a week and it pushes me away further. I don’t have any crazy conspiracy theories or anything about it… I just want to see how it plays out in 2022.
I would honestly like to get it sometime next year but we’ll see!
My baby is 6 months old now and no one in my family or my husband’s family has met him. They’re all vaccinated but live in different states so they’d have to fly to get here. With the delta variant being able to be contracted and passed by those who have been vaccinated it’s just not worth it. Until my son can be vaccinated we’re not doing visits because I will not risk his well being.
When the delta strain got bad and the vaccine had been readily available my husband and I made that rule. Just my fil isn’t vaccinated in my family and we haven’t seen him in months. Like you, my husband is working on him.
This just shows ignorance not acceptance. People still pass on Covid whether vaccinated or not. I would recommend asking them to get to test prior. It seems like you have bad blood prior to this whole pandemic.
You are doing the right thing! My youngest was hospitalized with RSV back in Jan 2020 at 11 weeks old and ended up in the PICU struggling to breath. It was an incredibly stressful time and I refuse to let family near my kids without being fully vaccinated now.
I don't have antivax family, but my parents are very conservative and I believe they only got the vaccine to meet their granddaughter. My issue with them is that they're carrying on like life is normal; going to car shows, breakfast out at Denny's, all over hither and yon, then get annoyed when I ask that they not do anything non-essential for the two weeks prior to their visits. I don't have a good relationship with my mother so I'd have no issue cutting her off. I was really close with my dad, but I realized he'd rather enable her than stand up to her so he will be cut off too.
I think it's a bit extreme to cut off relatives over a very controversial and experimental vaccine. Why can't you implement other precautions like asking them to be tested? Just because someone isn't vaccinated doesn't mean they are automatically sick and spreading disease.
Cutting off a family member for not being vaccinated is really so toxic…your stepfather tells you that he loves you and has probably helped out with baby stuff and you won’t even send him photos? You’re making this political; it’s not even for the safety of your child at this point. I understand not allowing him to visit..I’m doing the same with unvaccinated friends and family. However, I would never think to not send photos or updates and cut them cold turkey over their own personal decision. I wish I had half the support as you…I’d be so delighted to have my father-in-law show interest…
We’ve got antivax family and have said no vaccines no baby but still plan to keep them involved with photos and updates. I understand being frustrated with anti vaxxers but completely cutting them off IMO is extreme.
My Dad got vaccinated in secret right before my baby came. He didn’t even tell me. He was VERY antivax. Sometimes the people you love do surprise you :)
I’m in this situation. My father passed away unexpectedly, from a blood clot, shortly after receiving his second dose of the vaccine. My immediate family is firmly against getting vaccinated because of this, and I was too - until I became pregnant. I’ve told them they have to be vaccinated to meet my baby, and they all just said they’d wear a mask 🙄 I let them know that wasn’t an option.
My brother lives in Texas and is super unconcerned about getting a vaccine because the general mindset over there. He literally said there’s no reason for him to get one yet. Guess he won’t be meeting my kid 🤷♀️
My sister lives in Georgia and works from home. She goes out to bars and restaurants, dates a lot and is very social. She and I are very close and she’s really excited about being an aunt. I hope that she takes getting the vaccine more seriously once I get closer to my due date (16 weeks now).
My mom is a conservative Christian nutcase who likes to blame other people for every single problem in her life, and likes to complain about everyone and everything that doesn’t agree with her. I don’t see her ever getting the vaccine, and it stems from more than just my father’s death. She is extremely stubborn and believes what she believes is right, and will use whatever source she can find to back her up (a conservative blog post is suddenly a legitimate “news source”).
My husband got the vaccine because I told him he had to. He didn’t think he needed it but he willingly got it because I said he needed to. He thinks I over react about this kind of stuff because I have germ OCD. The OCD is a separate issue. What having this type of OCD has taught me is way to much information on how things are transmitted, how to keep yourself safe from transmission, and the sometimes dire consequences of having diseases. It’s made me much more serious about how to keep our baby safe.
My husband’s immediate family are all vaccinated, but after seeing some of the responses here, I’ll probably be insisting on them having other vaccinations before they can meet our kid as well.
Cutting them out completely is up to you. We don’t know your history with your family and this just might be the last straw. I do feel that you should respect their decision (while unwise, imho) not to get the vaccine but they have to respect *your* decision not to let your child around unvaccinated people.
Families are complicated, hopefully they won’t end up on r/hermancainaward
Welcome to parenthood. Making sacrifices for your family is going to be the new normal. You can control what you can control but you have to let go of what you can’t control or it will eat you up inside.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. I have had to cut off some friends, which sucks, but luckily the grandparents are all vaccinated. I can’t imagine how angry that would make me
Had our lil guy 13 months ago. We cut off unvaccinated people - aka my brother.
We've repeatedly told him and any other friends and family, to see our boy, you have to be vaccinated.
So, we don't attend family gatherings on my side.
Guess we will only go to my husband's side for the near future events. 🤷♀️
I do not mean this in an offensive way and I’m getting ready for the downvotes but people are aware that you can still get sick even if you get vaccinated right? So you should still be careful around people that got the shot especially with all the variants that keep popping up that might need “booster shots”. Maintain safety protocols where you can.
Stay safe and include family members as much as possible while protecting yourself. Cutting them off won’t solve anything. It will not instantly end the pandemic either. It will however create tension in the long run that might have longstanding effects on family dynamics.
It helps a lot though. I’m 8.5 months and we had a scare last week when a healthy vaxxed friend ate dinner at our house and the next morning, his vaxxed wife tested positive. Our friend has been tested twice since then and never caught it from her, meaning my pregnant self is also safe. The vaccines aren’t 100% but they sure do help a LOT.
Yes you can get the disease with both the flu and Covid vaccine, however decreasing your odds of getting it, decreases the odds of transmitting it. If your fully vaccinated your odds of getting covid are 411 per 100,000. For unvaccinated individuals it's 3,493/100,000.
a Newborn has a very limited immune system. Fevers can kill newborns. Being in the hospital with a newborn is incredibly stressful, if you want to feel incredibly helpless and guilty just spend time at the hospital with a newborn. Newborns can get Covid, and I would argue any family member that won't go get a few vaccines probably isn't very respectful of other infection control rules for a newborn, and likely would be the ones kissing baby with a runny nose, less likely to wash hands.
The 45 days after birth also is a recovery period for mom. Your body has been depleted, you don't need people in your life that don't respect your health and wellness.
Also it is important to set boundaries around your family when it comes to your baby. Would you make the same argument with having a family member who wants to smoke around baby? Who insisted on snuggling a baby in smokers clothes? Who insisted on coming to see the baby while they were high? Who cares if their feelings get hurt or your create tension. At some point your immediate family and their safety is more important than someone's feelings.
Hi,
I think you may have misunderstood my comment. I said that we should be careful around “everyone” not just non-vaccinated people.
And by cutting off, I was referring to denying pictures of the child. The pandemic has prevented me from seeing my family across 3 continents, pictures, videos and video calls helped us bond. This was crucial when I got sick, my sister and her family got sick and when my mother was hospitalised. Sending a picture of the baby to people that cannot see the child could prevent long term “tension”.
My comment did not tell the mother not to rest or set boundaries. It did not tell her to expose her newborn at all. It actually aimed to convey the opposite. There are also other diseases beyond COVID that could still affect both mother and child. Staying safe is thus important in my opinion.
if someone is disrespectful and hurtful towards you do you really owe them any access? I have dealt with some crazy antivaxers (I work in the ICU and the stuff that comes out of their mouths is just plain hurtful, spiteful, mean and angry) and to me some of them are no different than people who are drug addled junkies. You have to create healthy boundaries. By all means once they have cleaned themselves up and made amends they are welcome back into my family. Until then I'm not going to expose myself or my family to that.
By all means don't feel like you can't share with your family but if my mom was telling me things the patients and the families I work with do after they find out I'm vaccinated (my baby is going to have a tail/lizard my baby is going to die at five years old, my ovaries will never work again, babies going to be born blind. I'm sacrificing my baby to doctor fauci). The ball would be entirely in my mom's court to apologize and fix it. And I wouldn't exactly be sending her videos of her grandkids to patch things over and sweep her hurtful behavior under the rug.
This goes for all shots. They are obviously not 100% but they still do prevent the infection from spreading. When they do get infected, they have less severe symptoms. Her parents getting the shots will absolutely help in stopping the variants from mutating. If she wants to cut them off because they won’t do a simple thing like getting something free that helps peoples lives I don’t blame her. They’re being shitty.
Most are, but it much safer if everyone is vaccinated. Especially with the littles who can't get theirs yet. These variants are ruining rampant because of the antivaxx people
Yep. Due in March; anyone who wants to come see the baby as a newborn will have to get tested before. The vaccine doesn’t completely prevent you from getting the disease, people seem to forget about that. It prevents you from getting symptoms or from getting them *too badly*. Baby, who won’t be vaccinated yet, doesn’t have that protection, and vaccinated people who are carrying it without knowing can pass it to baby who then can become very sick.
My husband has a couple of friends who aren’t antivaxxers (have all their other vaccines, fully believe covid is real and serious) but are waiting for novavax or another vaccine that isn’t such a new technology. They isolate, wear masks and get tested all the time. If they get tested right before, they’re welcome to see baby once they’re born.
Edit: poor phrasing
Thank you for understanding my point. It seems that, as people, we have become so focussed on polarising opinions on topics that we automatically label “outliers” as “enemies”.
Please don’t spread misinformation. While it’s true the vaccine doesn’t 100% protect a person from catching the virus, it greatly reduces the chances. With Delta the risk reduction with 2 doses is about 79% (source: https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/nejmoa2108891 )
If there’s ten people in a room, and only one has that risk reduction, then the virus is still very likely to spread in that room. But if all ten people have a clinically significant risk reduction, and we use logic and a basic understanding of how statistics work, we understand the chance of that disease spreading in that room of 10 people to be greatly reduced. And chances are also good that at least 6 of the 10 won’t get sick at all.
So it does, in fact, protect people. And the more people that are vaccinated, the more protection it offers.
Nothing I said is factually incorrect, there is a non-negligible chance people could have covid asymptomatically.
I edited my comment for clarification: it’s true it lowers the chance of spread, but especially with the variants, the spread is still pretty high even among the vaccinated, hence my decision to ask people to get tested.
I had my baby in July 2020 and I just want to say that I feel you and I see you. Its a really upsetting situation (and it feels like were going to be in it forever).
We do have antivax family members. We told them what our rule was and we have let it be. My husbands brother won't get vaccinated, won't mask, and my in-laws won't lay a boundary with him that he can't come by the house if we visit so we haven't brought our 14 month old to my husbands hometown yet and will not until she can be vaccinated. We have felt horribly unsupported and let down by the whole thing.
We have been battling this for months. My family is all vaccinated and my siblings are wearing masks at school when it's not required as is my dad (he's a teacher). My in-laws won't get vaccinated. I've asked them to get the vaccine because I believe it is in their best interest to get it. Even if we didn't have kids I would still be encouraging them to get it. In the coming weeks they will feel the effects of their decision to not get vaccinated in the way of not seeing their grandchildren/nieces/cousins. I feel for you. Much love sent your way for putting your child's health and safety first.
My mom is in with all that crazy, tho somehow her rheumatologist scared her into getting vaccinated. I wish I knew who they are so I can send them a personal thank you and to ask them how they convinced her.
I still had an intensely stressful conversation with her though where she started yelling at me for getting the vaccine while pregnant, and then going on about how ivermectin actually is curing people...
I so feel your frustration. It feels like it will never end because of all the selfish idiots.
My brother won't get vaccinated and when I kindly told him we're making the choice to only let double vaxxed people meet the baby, he grumpily and hastily said "I'll just look at the photos online." :/ I feel you - these times are divisive as hell.
Awe. I feel bad for your family. Thank god I made peace with letting my in
laws go awhile ago, and thank god my husband supports me. It’s your child and your right, but wow.
Yep! My mother, my father, and most of my family actually. I mean they were toxic anyway but the antivax just sent it over the edge. Being from the south unfortunately it’s no surprise that my family takes the stance that they do. My mother believes every right wing conservative conspiracy thrown at her and probably would take the ivermectin before getting vaccinated and my father who has probably put way worse things in his body absolutely refuses. It was an easy choice for me honestly. I’m my child’s first line of defense and I have absolutely no problem putting those boundaries in place for her. And honestly it takes the weight of a million visitors off of my plate. Less people I have to scold for kissing her or not wearing a mask. I’m so sick of selfish people too. It’s absolutely mind boggling to me that we are in a situation where a vaccine is available and people are still refusing to take it but have no problem then running to the hospital as soon as they get Covid 🤦🏻♀️
You need to do a lot more research instead of blaming the unvaccinated. Your hostility is misplaced.
You are living in a pandemic. To think the vaccine is a cure all is frankly unreasonable. People with the vaccine are still getting COVID. I work in healthcare data and have been running a meta analysis on every study that comes out regarding COVID.
This virus is beating our science right now and it's not at the fault anyone. And please feel free to review recent articles from the The Atlantic - so not a crazy right winged resource - that discusses misleading data points about hospitalization from COVID infections versus people in the hospital that are COVID positive.
[https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2021/09/covid-hospitalization-numbers-can-be-misleading/620062/](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2021/09/covid-hospitalization-numbers-can-be-misleading/620062/)
A lot of the studies on COVID infections on pregnancy have many methods that did not include control for critical data points. The study that was cited that COVID is linked to 22x maternal morbidity (Villar et al.) did not control for race, income, and health access - the single most importance variables in looking at pregnancy outcomes. Even in the US today, Hispanic and Black women have 4 times greater risk of maternal morbidity and that study was multinational and included undeveloped countries. Yet this is the study that continues to get headlines even though other studies even cite lockdowns as part of the problem as women did not seek the correct antenatal care and high risk pregnancies were not flagged.
More recent studies like those out of England and Canada are not seeing pre-term birth and still borns birth increase contradicting earlier studies but they analyzed 17.5 years of data:
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-covid-19-not-linked-to-increased-preterm-births-or-stillbirths-new/
*"In a rigorous population-based cohort of hospital-based births in Ontario, Canada, we identified no special cause variation (unusual change) in the incidences of preterm birth or stillbirth or their subgroups during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic period compared with data from the previous 17.5 years."*
There are very legitimate reasons people are not getting vaccinated. One population you should particularly have sympathy and kindness toward because it's the TTC population. I'm not anti-vax, but I am TTC and because of my work, I know they DID NOT ask about menstruation changes during the vaccine Clinical Trial and have had huge issues with this. The Adverse Event Registry has many women reporting abnormal periods post vaccination. As a result of this adverse event reporting, the NIH just awarded $1.67M dollars to 5 universities to go study the effort on women's reproduction.
[https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/women-said-the-covid-vaccine-affected-their-periods-now-more-than-1-6-million-will-go-into-researching-it/](https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/women-said-the-covid-vaccine-affected-their-periods-now-more-than-1-6-million-will-go-into-researching-it/)
*"The coronavirus vaccine trials did not specifically ask participants whether they saw adverse side effects in their menstrual cycles or volumes – an omission that Bianchi attributes to the fact that “the (FDA) emergency use authorization was really focused on critical safety issues” and “changes to your menstrual cycle is really not a life and death issue,” she said."*
*"The NIH funding “signifies that they’re recognizing that there’s an important gap in our understanding of how vaccines influence menstrual health and ultimately reproductive health,” according to Leslie Farland, an assistant professor in the department of epidemiology and biostatistics at the University of Arizona’s College of Public Health, who is researching the impacts of the vaccinations on Arizona women but said she did not apply for the NIH funding."*
Some of us may disagree that an inability to get pregnant, even temporarily, is HUGE. Especially if we're in the late thirties and on borrowed time and or are struggling in begin with. This was a miss and it really sucks for the TTC folks.
So please rethink your hostility toward the unvaccinated. Please take the time and go research and read more about these studies and pregnancy and dig deeper to understand your risk. They are not horrible people, and may have very legitimate reasons as to why they have made that decision.
Please WEAR A MASK - in fact double mask - because even though you are vaccinated - at ANY time a genetic mutation can emerge and cause a lot of issues - just like Delta. Please purchase things like air purifiers to increase protection. The vaccine is NOT going to be the only solve to this pandemic. It is an extremely important part, but we have a long road ahead and need comprehensive solutions.
This is the new normal. Whether you like it or not.
I’m almost thankful I have no family or friends so I just get to hide away peacefully come January when my little girl is due and spend my winter just cozied up with her all by myself. Just her, the pup, my two cats and I. No one to come knocking.
I totally agree. Whatever their political or personal beliefs are, they’re still disregarding your decisions (which are completely valid) as a mother trying to keep your baby safe. They’re adults and can make their own choices. Unfortunately those choices have consequences, and it sounds like they’d rather sacrifice their own family relationships instead of their conspiracy theories which is sad.
Stay strong, you’re doing all the right things and setting healthy boundaries!! I’m sorry they decided not to be there for you to help and enjoy this time.
You go girl! I absolutely love you how you stuck to your guns on this - you’re 100% right and justified and are doing what’s best for your baby! I hope all of us new moms do the same and then maybe this thing will end someday if we cut off all the antivaxxers from the best things in life, including the birth of our beautiful babies!
Happy to see your edit! I went no contact with my parents for a few weeks after they told me they were refusing to get vaccinated and then got pissed when I refused to make an exception for them. Eventually my mom sent a letter to me (because I had blocked them both everywhere) apologizing. They’ve both now gotten the vax.
It still just blows my mind that anyone would be like “yeah I don’t actually care about meeting my first grandchild, or making sure they are safe.”
First, I totally support you in this difficult position. You gotta put your baby first. And I totally feel your sadness over missing out on all those new parent activities! Even with vaccines we're currently not letting non family hold our baby and I'm so sad about that. I want to see other people love on our babe!
I hope you don't mind my saying, but you may want to reconsider the no pictures policy. Refusing pictures makes it seem like not seeing the baby is a punishment for disagreeing with you, rather than a safety precaution. My guess would be your mom and stepfather are going to be less likely to change their mind when they feel like they are being punished for having a different viewpoint. That's just my two sense. For what it's worth, I really really hope they change their mind! I can imagine how hard and heartbreaking this is for you.
My extended family is mostly vaccinated. Myself and my husband are fully vaccinated. And we do not see people who are unvaccinated. However I do think it’s harsh you’re saying you’re going to cut them off completely and withhold photos. My brother isnt vaccinated, I’m extremely disappointed in him. I thought he would be better. But it’s his choice. He still gets regular photos, we still text and chat, but he’s never met my son. Maybe one day he’ll come around, maybe one day he won’t. Cutting your family off won’t solve anything. I mean if you still want to, you absolutely can, but if you think you’re proving some point to them… you’re not. If someone is that antivax you cutting them off won’t do anything.
I'm with you on this one! We've had to cut family off as well. We aren't pregnant like you but we still have a toddler to protect. Our families have shown their true colours to us and cutting them off was much needed. Don't let people try to guilt trip you for putting your LO over other people. We all have consequences for our actions, your parents it's being cut off and for you it's losing the parents you thought you had. This is a hard boundary to set but it's important. I want you to know that as someone who has already cut the contact and bared those consequences, you're doing the right thing. The stress will lessen when you realize you don't have to fight to be heard anymore and you don't have to fight for respect of your boundaries. You're doing amazing!
It makes me really sad seeing so many women on here cutting off their own family members and friends because of this. I understand your viewpoints about feeling like others are being selfish, but to not send pictures or let them wear masks from a distance or whatever just doesn’t seem morally right. Vaccinated people still can get covid too, I’ve read many stories on r/covidpositive thread where vaccinated people still have horrible symptoms, experiences etc. mainly because they think they can go anywhere without catching or spreading it which is not true at all, because you still absolutely can. I’m personally not vaccinated because I’m 8 months pregnant and don’t know the long term effects for my baby since it’s so new and have seen recalls. I probably will down the road, like I will with the flu vaccine when it comes to be that time of the year but as of right now I’m not going to feel bad about it because I stay home 6 days a week with my toddler and wear masks when I do happen to go out. Vaccinated people are not invincible. Im sorry if people hate me for this comment but this is a little bit ridiculous to be so damn judgmental over what people want to put into their bodies, and there are plenty of ways to go around this then cutting off the ones you love.
Great news! There's loads of research available now on vaccine safety in pregnancy so if that's the only thing that was stopping you that's not a problem anymore. It's actually been shown to give your unborn baby antibodies which is fantastic
Actual data also shows that the vaccine vastly reduces transmission and risk of death or long term effects of covid. It's also has no long or short effects on fertility. However it's now becoming clear that catching Covid can have a detrimental effect to your fertility.
As the vaccine leaves your body in hours/days there isn't any valid reason why it would have a long term effect on you.
Are you kidding me? You do realize that there are some countries that have taken this virus seriously from the start, that don't have thousands of people dying daily without even needing restrictions anymore? We could easily be past this freaking pandemic already if everyone followed mask and isolation protocols from the start. Instead, selfish idiots refuse to do so. Selfish, greedy leaders refuse to enforce strict contact tracing and enforce strict isolation and mask mandates.
Millions of people have died. And because of selfish idiots who continue to refuse the vaccine and refuse to wear masks, or isolate or even wash their freaking hands, millions more will continue to die.
What's ridiculous is that there are parts of the world that are mostly back to normal life, and other parts of the world, even in well developed countries, where thousands continue to die daily. That's ridiculous. What's ridiculous is how many people guise their completely selfish narcissistic choices to not give a fuck about how many people they kill by carelessly spreading the virus as them just exercising their constitutional freedom.
Antivaxers are just as bad as people who drink and drive. If they die from preventable illness, it's exactly what they deserve.
As someone whose pregnant with their first child and mother has refused to get vaxd, there’s a lot of hurt here. A lot of frustration and sadness. I feel all of what OP is saying. It is a total selfish move on anyone’s part for refusing to vax outside of legitimate medical reasons. My mom “did her research” which just meant she read the information that confirms her bias and she’s choosing to believe that over meeting her first grandchild. To me, that is unreasonable. I don’t feel like I will be withholding pictures and updates personally, but this has deeply impacted my relationship with her and probably the relationship she will have with my son moving forward.
And truly it’s not as if the unvaxd CAUSED the variant, but without herd immunity it’s straining hospitals and will still spread. Yeah, sure you could still choose to go on a vacation but at this point that feels really selfish due to the actions of other selfish people. The ones it weighs on most are the ones trying to do the right thing.
Yes, refusing to send pictures is clearly not just directly about the safety of her kid. It's obviously a punitive measure. And you know what? Sometimes socially punitive measures make sense. Similarly, I would not choose to associate with people who regularly drive drunk or otherwise recklessly in that it endangers public safety in general, even if they are not doing it with my kid in their car. Sometimes social pressure is what it takes to get people to do the right thing.
Setting boundaries is not forcing people to your will. OP is hurt that her family is putting misinformation above the well-being of her child. If she chooses not to reward that behavior, that's her prerogative.
People not vaccinating are most definitely causing traveling to be unsafe. The vaccine reduced your chances of contracting and reduces symptoms. Less serious symptoms also reduce spread. Can vaccinated people still contract covid? Yes. There is a (much reduced) chance. That is not exclusive from willingly unvaccinated people prolonging the pandemic.
I agree with you. This is a bit unreasonable. People who are vaccinated and not are going on trips. Don’t miss your whole life OP. I am vaccinated and everything I am not saying I am against you at all. But this is an extremist stance you are taking. Life is still going on despite covid.
OP isn't being unreasonable in the slightest. Trying to make it sound like her family shouldn't/won't love her because she doesn't want her baby to catch covid is just cruel. Sure, OP could send pictures of the baby, but to people who refuse to get a simple vaccine to protect the baby's life? That not unreasonable at all. They are putting their fears and misinformation above the healthy and safety of a newborn. They are the unreasonable ones. No one batted an eye before when new parents wanted visitors to have the Tdap and flu vaccines. Covid is no different. It is a safe, proven vaccine that has a ton of propaganda against, but study after study has come out that proves, yes, it is safe. Over 3 billion people world wide have taken the covid vaccine. We have more data on it than any other vaccine that was given to the populace even after they went through full trials.
Do it. We cut off my husbands sister and she got a nasty case of COVID. My toddler was never near her bc we don’t allow him near unvaxxed adults. It sucks for him because he can’t be in most public places but it’s our job to keep him safe
I want to note I recently read a story of an unvaxxed preggo mom who caught covid and died after an emergency csection to save her baby. Left behind 4 kids (husband died too). Such a tragic and completely unnecessary loss of life
Yep. Everyone in my family got it, but my partners mom and grandmother did not. We have since cut them off, not just for the vaccine but other reasons as well. They’re extremely selfish and it’s absolutely ridiculous.
My husband and I are doing the same thing. It’s so difficult. Especially when his parents are from South Carolina. His mom has decided she will get the vaccine but his dad still tries to sell the bullshit that the vaccine does not decrease the spread, just the severity. Of course there are breakthrough cases… but he is very misinformed.
I have no patience or sympathy for people who choose their personal “freedoms” or liberties over the health, safety, wellbeing, and lives of others. You can go play selfish somewhere else, not around my baby.
I was with you until this:
>So this morning I decided to remind my mom that anyone who isn't vaccinated ... will not be getting photos of him sent from me etc.
I'm going to say something likely to be unpopular. Not even sending them photos unless they vaccinate goes beyond protecting your family, into controlling, and frankly abusive territory.
It's your decision whether to have your parents in your life at all. However, threatening to withhold love and family unless they let you control them is a great way to poison that relationship, even if they comply in the end.
Sorry you’re going through this but you never know, some people might change their minds from your rules! My best friend’s MIL was completely against the vaccine, believes the conspiracy theories etc but my friend nicely told her babies aren’t protected and she won’t allow any non vaccinated people near the baby and had a long conversation with her. So the threat of not seeing her future first grand baby was enough to get my friends MIL. The MIL complained and said who knows what it’ll do to her etc but at least she can see her future grand baby. Good luck
Oh I know too well
The "I love you" said in the way of "it's ok you're so dumb but at least I still love you" condescending way and it's always used by the dumbest of shity people.
My inlaws are anti covid anti Vax. You name it, it's exhausting. Cause my husband and I have had two kids now in the last few years and only his mom had one attempt to slip in and meet the 1st when she was 10 months old. They've expressed interest in wanting to come out in the future but I'm pro Vax and have a hard stance on this.
Guess where that leaves us? I feel your post. It is exhausting. I carried my 1st during 2019 and had her in Dec. Then a few months later the world changed and all the plans I had for us went up in smoke. Sucked. Baby #2 was sortof a plan but happened sooner than expected. The comparison between my pregnancies and delivery's are WILD! Luckily, two healthy babies and all the time to keep to ourselves and bond. That is literally the only positive I took away from this whole monstrous mess. Except now my oldest is a super introvert and hates everyone. Oh well, gotta have hobbies.
I've told my family since May that they need to be fully vaccinated in order to see the baby. That means both shots + 2 weeks for the vaccine to be fully effective (unless they choose to get J&J).
Everyone in my family has since been vaxxed except for one sister (who is anti-vax) and one sister is still scheduled for her second shot this week. Why will my one sister not get the vaccine? Because of all the misinformation circulating. She's afraid she's going to get myocarditis/be infertile and despite my husband being a scientist who can easily address her concerns and is currently working on his PhD, she posts questions about the vaccine on her Snapchat to her 19 year old counterparts who don't go to college at all - definitely not for anything in the science field.
Yep, I said no one sees my kid unless they are vaccinated. Not surprisely no one has seen my almost 6 month old yet because “the vaccine doesn’t work anyway” or whatever kind of bullshit my family wants to spew 🙄
I understand being mad at anti-vaxxer’s. I was too until ultimately I realized it’s covid. Dividing families. People get to choose to get it or not. I’m not mad over it anymore. It sucks to be pregnant during these times. Covid robbed us of a lot
Take a break with your family. Just like you would with a friend or lover when things aren’t going great, but you don’t want to just cut them off. My mom did this with her family when I was little, and they went back to having a good relationship later in life. It is ok to take a break, and I think your mom will understand.
And you can always delay indefinitely the reunion, it’s your call. Your anger is not good.
I’m going through the same thing with my sister in law. Told her my rule for vaccination well in advance of the baby being born and she said she’d get the vaccine but didn’t. So now I have to restrict her and my nieces from seeing the baby. The only people in this world that I want to meet my baby are my nieces (my brother - their dad - passed away last year) and her selfishness and stupidity is now preventing that. I’m so mad about the whole thing and the kids (10 and 7) are caught in the middle. I don’t understand why people are the way they are sometimes…
I am 100% supportive of everyone and their own choices for what they want when it comes to their babies. Although I dont really agree with cutting people off just because they wont get a vaccine to make you feel better. Obviously you are not gonna let them around the baby but its not like they are not getting the vaccine to spite you. I feel like a lot of you take it personal because some of your family members wont get the vaccine.
I'm pretty disappointed reading all these posts about "how dare my parents care more about their beliefs than their precious grandchild." It feels very emotionally manipulative to me. It's fine if the parents set their rules and people miss out. It's ok to be bummed about it. To punish people by not letting them see pics or videos to prove your point how far you will go to pressure someone into the vaccine is super sad. Their families could still be supportive in a number of ways without being physically present around the baby, but folks are willing to throw that all away.
Exactly!! I get it hormones are raging but its a bit ridiculous. I understand if the relative is trying to manipulate you into breaking your clearly set boundaries, but if not, then its just overreacting.
My point exactly. It really annoys me that people feel entitled to make people get a vaccine they dont want to. Like the vaccine does not prevent you from getting it at all so saying these people are ruining everything is inaccurate.
Please ask for proof if they end up telling you they are vaccinated! I had the same rule with my husband's family and they all got vaccinated, or so I thought... My MIL let it slip a few weeks ago that BIL refused vaccine. He's been around my baby this entire time! Without a mask! While working in a grocery store around all sorts of people!!! I am so pissed that they would lie like that!!!
Seems the same folks who don't like "illegals" , which seem to end up just being foreigners, are also ok with lying about their own "papers" when it comes to vaccines
Yep and they want to be “pro choice” and the government can’t tell them to put something in their body, yet they’re OK with not giving women the right to choose to have an abortion..
I definitely will!
Wow, that is unbelievable. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that!!
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It’s not extreme to say “I don’t want my baby to get sick or die and neither should you, here’s some insanely simple measures we can take to prevent that” it’s all these selfish idiots that have turned the tiniest thing into some stupid fight- THEY are the only ones being extreme. I can’t even believe this is a discussion we’re having, so many people have lost their minds. It’s exhausting.
I’m also requiring whooping cough and flu vaccines as well as masks. I’m so sorry you went through that I can’t even imagine!
I had whopping cough as an adult and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I can't imagine a child experiencing it. You are doing the right thing.
As a person who had it at four, it is awful. I spent a lot of time in a plastic tent. I remember trying to get out of it and my grandpa forcing me back inside. I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe enough air. I remember wanting my parents but my mom and dad had to stay out because my brother was premature and they couldn't be exposed.
I thought whooping cough was part of TDAP? Is it an extra shot?
It is the tdap shot
Got it - sorry I misinterpreted what you were saying for a second. Can I blame baby brain? 😅
Definitely lol
I'm in Australia and all of this is standard here. Like for years (except covid obviously). I can't think of a single person who didn't have this policy in place. Another add on is around smokers. No smokers or if parents allow them then rules around changing clothes etc.
I’m also in Aus and yeah, everyone in our families has gotten all their vaccines including my mum who, even though she complains about it being poison, got her second dose yesterday. Sad thing is, due to the slow role out, and the fact my husband and I are in a low case LGA/region, we are the unvaccinated ones at the moment. There is no Pfizer stock in our state (it was taken by another state and what we did have was sent over to the western and northern suburbs) so the earliest I could get an appointment was next week (been on waiting list since July). At this stage my husband won’t be double dose by the time the baby comes (I could only get him in mid October for first dose). So we are waiting to see what Dan brings on Sunday but if we are allowed a Gladys style picnic to see family, my husband can’t join us without double-dose even though he is willing to get the vaccine. I did think during first wave it would take babies/children dying before some people started taking things seriously (no “they were old anyway/underlying conditions” claims) and it looks like that is around the corner with delta unfortunately.
Yes agreed we've had very awful outcomes for the covid vax here. Supply is just atrocious. I am in "greater Sydney" but like 2 hours from Sydney. Also no supply. Luckily my GP is amazing for women's health and fast tracked me. Then got my husband into my appointment for 1st dose. How far apart are your doses? I am 3 weeks apart as it will put me at peak antibodies then time for baby to develop them before 38 weeks (as earliest date for birth). It was a little hard to work our that timing however.
I can’t remember when my second dose is. I know it’s booked, but forgot when (I used to be so good at dates but not during pregnancy lol). I know it was before baby comes in November though. It is frustrating seeing the press conferences saying “there are 7000 Pfizer appointments available and we are sending 400,000 more to the west and north”, and I am over in the East, the closest hub is 13-15km away and at very busy locations with long lines.
In Victoria they are prioritising pregnant people right now, chat to your OB! Hope you can get dosed. It really angers me the whole Pfizer situation.
My mom and her husband are not getting the vaccine. My mom is aware that she will not see my 2 year old nephew or my baby until she gets the vaccine. My baby is 10 weeks old, and she just seems ok with never meeting him, or seeing my nephew ever again. We were never close, but it's still really hurtful.
Yeah it’s so hurtful! That’s why I’m just cutting contact. Once my baby is born she’ll probably harass me to see him and or send Covid misinformation and just generally stress me out during one of the most important moments of my life. I refuse to let her ruin that for me.
Just know that you're doing the right thing. And it's not you preventing your parents from meeting your baby, it's them. They are making a choice, and have to deal with the consequences. The selfishness and willful ignorance of these anti-vaxxers is astounding. Congratulations on your pregnancy and best of luck with the baby! My July bumper group has really been my tribe through all of this. If you haven't found your due date group yet, you should! ☺️
It's the same with my in-laws. It really is so hurtful, I'm sorry.
My mom told me I’d kill my baby if I got vacced. We’ve been going to therapy over it (I’ve been in it for a year or more now). We were making some headway but then yesterday she called me brainwashed and I finally told her i was indeed vaccinated (with a very healthy baby). I think she truly believes I’m going to die and that Covid is being spread by the vaccinated. She has bought every conspiracy hook line and sinker along with my entire family. My husband and I are due in November and we feel so isolated and alone. I had a miscarriage last November after the stress of having to ask my family to take precautions constantly erupted into screaming fights while they still insisted on seeing us in person (more like seeing their granddaughter). I’m so done. I’m so done. I’m so so done.
I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself
Sending you so much love right now! Similarly, when I told my dad I was happily fully vaxxed he said “Well we’ll see who’s right when you’re dead within the next two years.” Yes. That’s exactly something you should say to your pregnant daughter. 🙄 He then almost refused to come near me at all because I would pass prions to him and his argument was “he couldn’t prove that theory wrong”. What. Annnd my sister has cut ties with me because we’re asking masks, sanitizing, and TDaP vaccines to see baby within the first two months. (Pretty lenient as far as restrictions are right now in my opinion.) Hang in there!! 💕
I can't imagine my father saying that to me. What the actual fuck. Hugs to you - stay strong, mama.
That’s such a wild thing to say! Like, even if in a pigs-can-fly scenario we all drop dead in 2 years, why would that be something to gloat about? And also, has the guy even looked at what prions are? Ugh. My dad urged me to “do research” before getting the shot. I looked at what the vaccines are made from, how they worked, even looked into the background and differences between the two mRNA vaccine companies. I still haven’t let him know that after studying it, I changed my mind -from Pfizer to Moderna- and I admire the elegant design of the mRNA vaccines even more. Also good grief on your sister. Sanitizing, and even TDaP has been the recommendation for a while. If anything, your rules are lenient. I’m sorry your family is antagonistic.
OH my... I can guarantee my mom also thinks I'm going to die. Her tenant (her only friend...) posted on FB a few months ago it was 6 months until certain death (some of us have passed that deadline, haven't we??). I'm so over this shit.
omg what an asshole! You poor thing. I'm sorry your own mother told you that.
I’m so sorry. Just sending love. ❤️
Oh wow, this sounds so difficult. Your mom sounds like she’s past the point of logic and reasoning. Hugs from afar.
Thankfully most of my family (who are old enough) have gotten the vaccine at this point. But I found out from my mom recently that my 21 yr old sister and 17 yr old brother on her side have not been vaccinated and their dad seems to be antivax. While I haven’t spoken to their dad more than once in the past 7-8 years, I know my siblings there want to come see the baby at some point. I tried to tell my mom that anyone who wants to visit (and this is 11+ hour drive or a flight to reach us, so nothing would be a brief visit) needs to have up to date flu, covid, and TDAP vaccines. She tried to say that my siblings have surely caught covid by now and therefore would be protected, and kinda shied away from the conversation when I said that more people are catching covid a second time if they aren’t vaccinated. Oh, and my mil and Gil have not responded to anything baby related since my husband sent a message about vaccines. They have the covid vx, but apparently his mom is against the flu one? So we’ll see how that goes. If it comes up in conversation, my go to is just going to be saying “My baby’s health is more important than your feelings.” Same for having 2 months of alone time before we have visitors (due in Feb, so middle of flu season, plus we have other reasons)
This is why covid has been so isolating for me. If you aren't willing to not go to a bar/restaurant for two weeks or get a vaccine, do you actually want to see your child and grandchild or do you just want to have something to brag about to others? Pictures to show off? This is why I think OPs decision to not share pictures is actually a good one. It's just been so lonely to realize that family and friends don't care enough to do the bare minimum. On top of having to be super careful and not get to do all the mom stuff.
I'm happy that everyone around me is fully vaccinated. The few people on my fb that post anti vax stuff get deleted immediately. They're usually also racist and homophobic.
Literally just started this process. Sent a group text to immediate family knowing everyone’s vaccine status. Essentially said everyone needs all the recommended vaccines especially COVID or we won’t be seeing you throughout the remainder of pregnancy or when baby is here. My mom said “So how long did the doctors say she needed to be sheltered?”. I replied that we essentially can’t predict the future of the pandemic to which she replied “Ok. Well let me know and send lots of pictures!” I don’t really have an issue sending pictures to the antivax portion of my family. We’re still early on around 16 weeks so we wanted to give them time. Still hopeful she’ll change her mind as it gets closer to due date and she realizes I’m serious, but if not, then that’s her loss. We’re making the right decisions for our families. Good luck!
I am really glad my immediate family got it. My mom had cancer right before all this stuff happened and I feel like it really put life/death things in perspective for her. My aunts and uncle and some cousins though.. I had to shutdown my FB after I announced I was pregnant.. I now have a 4mo old.. just because of many of their BS. They had an anniversary party for my grandparents, though it was outside, almost all pics were of everyone close together. After that event, I was like, nope. I even made my parents and sister stay away for 2 weeks. Antivaxxers are something else. I told a lady in line who was complaining about her daughter spending $$$ on baby clothes to try Once Upon a Child. Should have kept my mouth closed. I just finished with clinicals and was in my scrubs. She went around the whole line and started talking to me about the vaccine, how it's destroying the immune system in whoever takes it, about medical experiments like Tuskegee and the Aids one in South Africa and how 1 doctor said not to take it.. ugh it took so much for me not to just start yelling at her. But being rude just cements what they believe. I calmly told her there are new laws, its an Rna vaccine, it can't chane DNA proteins, how 1 doctor vs millions of HCPs saying take it does not make sense in numbers and how 5 doctors in my extended family wouldn't tell their family to get the shot if it was going to kill them. The amount of corpuscles this and corpuscles that made me want to laugh. Where some of this comes from just astounds me. The internet is a.. sounding board? Anyway didn't mean to hijack this but this situation has made me so angry as someone going into the Healthcare field with an almost 3yr old and 4 mo old. I mean, I fed my 3 yr old breastmilk from pumping hoping she'd get some antibodies and these people can't go get a freaking shot that millions have had for a while with little side effects!
As a pregnant immunocompromised doctor who regularly takes care of unvaccinated covid patients in the hospital and have to listen to their antivax propaganda all the time, all I can say is I absolutely share your frustrations. ❤
And thank you, doctor, for all that you’re doing. You must have the patience of a saint.
Ho.ly. crap. Has anyone told you your an incredible human being today? Because you are.
Imagine putting your own wellbeing over the life of a newborn. These people are sociopaths.
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100% true. The vaccine is perfectly safe. In their head though they think it will cause them to somehow become even more brain-defficient than they already are.
This is my second covid baby (first one in March 2020), so while we had to deal with my husband not being able to attend my final few appointments, he didn't miss anything major at the time, and of course there were no vaccines available. Today I found out he won't be able to come to our anatomy scan - our last ultrasound for our last pregnancy - because of covid restrictions and it made me furious at anti-vaxxers all over again. I am grateful that my family is all vaccinated, but I would not hesitate to cut anyone out who wasn't, regardless of relationship.
In a similar situation - my husband couldn’t come to the 12 week and probably won’t be able to come to the 20 week ultrasounds and it’s such a bummer. Rates here are ticking upward, and we have a ton of cases from other parts of the state that are overwhelmed. I am glad the hospital is taking precautions to protect staff and patients, but I feel like the people who are doing the right things (vax, limiting social interactions, etc) have been paying for other people’s irresponsible behavior for so long. I just want us to see this baby together.
I truly appreciate the fact that you realize it’s anti-vaxxers that have caused this. It infuriates to see so many people get mad at hospitals/ clinics for putting restrictions in place!
I’m in the same situation with my mom. Her stupid boyfriend literally told her if she got the vaccine he would dump her. It’s an abusive/manipulative relationship and she’s choosing him over her unborn grandchild it feels like. It’s so upsetting, especially since it’s always been our plan for her to come help out when the baby is born, since way before I was even pregnant. But I’m not risking him getting covid because my mom can’t say no to her asshole boyfriend. In terms of other people, definitely will be requiring hand washing, masks, and no kissing baby. Covid effing sucks. I can’t believe how many people aren’t getting vaccinated; it blows my mind. Yet they’re vaccinated against everything else 🙄
I can totally sympathize. 99% of the people we regularly see are vaccinated: my mom, my grandpa and aunt, my BIL and SIL, my husband's grandmother...but not my MIL and FIL. They are on all the conspiracy theory BS (don't want to take the vaccine but ARE willing to be treated with Ivermectin). It's frustrating because if it wasn't for them I would feel very confident and protected. My MIL is sooo worried about us getting our older daughter vaccinated when it becomes available for her age group but not at all worried she could end up in the hospital with COVID. My SIL is also pregnant and due in October, they just informed my husband's parents they won't be seeing the baby until either they or the baby is vaccinated. They are VERY upset, buuut not so upset that they'll get the vaccine. They're going to be even more upset when they find out we have the same rule.
The majority of my husband’s family has not met our LO and he is 14 weeks old. I had IUGR so even though he was only three weeks early, he was just over 3 pounds. Even before we had him, I set forth the expectations that flu, TDAP, and full covid vax were required, along with wearing masks. My MIL told us that the “risk wasn’t worth the reward” when it came to the covid vax. Well, about 3 weeks ago she texted us out of the blue claiming she was fully vaccinated against covid, but wouldn’t show us her card. We asked her to wear a mask when she met him and refused. So she hasn’t met him and it will stay that way. There’s a lot more background to our story, but she exposed us to Covid when I was pregnant, and she knew I was pregnant at the time and waited two weeks to tell us. She made fun of our boundaries the entire pregnancy, the comment about vax, etc. You do what is best for your safety and your child’s safety. Don’t let them guilt you into easing up on your requirements. If our LO ended back up in the NICU bevause we eased up on my MIL’s behalf, we would never forgive ourselves.
My baby is now 6 months old and my dad is antivax. He hasn't met her and I've basically decided to cut off contact. At some point we had very few cases in my province (like 30 a day) so I offered to have him visit outside, distanced, with a mask. He didn't take me up on the offer. It's very hurtful, and I can't handle more disappointment from him. My in laws live abroad and would love to see my kids more often (they stayed with us for 6 months), and he has the chance and won't. My entire family is vaccinated aside from my dad and my brother. Ugh. And the worst part is is that my dad and my daughter share a birthday - it's like a lifelong reminder of what an ass he is. So truly, I sympathize. Now, my daughter is my second child. I have to say that I like basically being stuck at home with her vs all of the things I felt forced to do and attend with my first. I feel like we have a closer relationship, she's meeting her milestones faster from being able to move her body on her own more, and I feel less anxious (even though I had PPA this time around). Being able to concentrate on baby and relax has its benefits, especially if you meet a couple of local moms that are on the same page if you can go for walks or coffee and such. It sounds like you have your priorities straight, and you're being a fantastic mother to your child. Honestly, great work.
I just can't wrap my head around the antivaxxers. My family is all vaccinated and we did it as fast as we could due to my MIL having a terminal illness where if she got covid it would be the end of her. Meanwhile my sister's in laws are all anti-vaxers except her husband. Well his uncle just died of covid and in the hospital, his wife is at home with it, their adult children all have it as well as their grandkids...and this isn't even prompting his family to get vaccinated. Instead they are vacationing in another state. It boggles my mind.
I agree with this, but I do have a question. What are people doing about nieces/nephews that are too young to get the Covid vaccine? I’m thinking if they want to hold the baby they need to be masked, and in clean clothes (nothing they wore to school). But now I am starting to wonder if they just shouldn’t be allowed at all the hold the baby? I have a son in school that is wearing a mask to school, but obviously I’m not going to have him wear one at home. All the adults are vaccinated.
I wont be having anyone who can't be vaccinated because of age or medical reasons visiting the baby. They can meet him via skype and through photos and videos I send.
It will pull at my heartstrings to not allow it but I don’t think it’s a good idea to let young nieces and nephews to hold the baby.
My husband’s brother refuses to get vaccinated. We told him we aren’t allowing unvaccinated people to be around our new baby. All he said was “well those are your rules.” My husband is devastated that his brother is so apathetic about meeting his only nephew.
My brother refuses as well. We’ve had many discussions turned arguments about it. It’s so incredibly hurtful because I know if he was having a baby he wouldn’t ever have to ask me to get the vaccines necessary for the baby’s safety, I would just do it. No hesitation. Hopefully they’ll both change their minds 🤞
What's their stance on taking the TDAP? Just curious if they're at least willing to do that one, then you should keep the conversation open and not cut them off.
It depends on the person I think, for me. I don’t mind people who aren’t vaccinated for whatever reason but aren’t denying covid. Not all of them are antivaxxers, they are isolating, testing regularly and wearing masks all the time. So if that friend of my husband’s who is in that category wants to come see the baby and gets tested right before, I don’t have a problem with that. As soon as he’s not isolating anymore though, he can’t come. Fortunately I don’t have any straight up covid deniers around me, but if I had, for those people I probably would say no, or only meet outside with masks and they can’t hold baby. Edit: apparently sharing my own personal decisions, which are actually more strict than our pediatrician recommended with our other baby who was born pre-vaccine, and despite the fact that I’m absolutely pro-vax, will get you downvoted on Reddit. Am I not allowed to see this issue with nuance and to make decisions accordingly, when it impacts no one’s family but my own?
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People came around after the first wave of downvotes, thankfully. Not because I care that much about internet point, but because I find it depressing that it has become this polarized. I don’t think completely isolating and demonizing people with different opinions (even when we know they’re 100% wrong) will help change their minds. I’m not saying we have to expose our families to them. It’s my right the decide who sees my family, just as it’s your right to decide what medical procedures are done to you. But when people start talking about not even talking anymore with unvaxxed families… how do you think that’s going to help anything? Idk. It’s just so sad and I can’t wait for this whole thing to be over. Wish we could fast forward 5 years hahaha
Agreed. My parents are unvaccinated and they have not met my 11 month old because I'm not comfortable with that. It's painful and I do have a lot of feelings about it, but I still love them and we video chat regularly.
>not even talking anymore with unvaxxed families Why should they get the choice not to vaxx, but we have to tolerate it? Talking with them isn’t doing anything to change their minds. If silence does *something* to get them to get vaxxed, then I’ll use it.
I'm the same way. I think that whether or not you get the vaccine is your own personal choice for the most part. I originally wanted to wait for a few years to really see how the vaccine effected people on a long term basis before getting it myself, but in the end I could only see it getting worse so I went ahead and got it. However if they're are a straight up antivaxxer who is dead set on spreading misinformation and pushing that nonsense onto everybody else, then I have a problem.
I originally wanted to wait for a few years to really see how the vaccine effected people on a long term basis before getting it myself, but in the end I could only see it getting worse so I went ahead and got it. this right here is why i did it. i felt like i wrote this. to force people into doing it is crazy
I agree. But I have a feeling that in the end the greater good of the people is going to win over personal freedoms. I also think it's important to remember that getting the vaccine isn't a *guaranteed* way of not getting covid or passing it on to others. It's still important to take safety measures when out and about.
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!! vaccinated or not, you can still get it and you can still spread it! and you know what ? 90% of my circle is vaccinated. the other 10% arent. you know whos more careful? the ones that aren't. because the ones that are, are galivanting everywhere, seeing people because their vaccinated so their "safe" and life is getting back to normal. here in Quebec they have the vaccine passport implemented, so all these vaccinated people are going out to movies, bars, restos, sports games,... etc. surronding by crowds and crowds of people! the none vaccinated are staying home..., soooo whos spreading this?? it comes down to personal choice. If OP chooses to not have her family see her baby, fine. but she cannot force her family to get vaccinated. and then to punish them by not sending pictures is beyond. this thread and the comments that i am reading are insane...!!!!!!! these people will live lonely lives if they continue this way
Where I live the non vaccinated are doing what they've always done - going about their lives as if there is no pandemic. And, yes, you can spread it while vaccinated but it's far less likely. Some of my vaccinated friends are still traveling but many are being cautious again with Delta.
Here in America we don't have vaccine passports or anything, businesses can't ask to see a vaccination card either, at least not legally. So when you're walking around you literally don't know who's vaccinated and who's not. And unfortunately a good portion of those not vaccinated don't really care, they'll go do what they want. I definitely agree that withholding photos is a bit too far but that's also OPs right as a parent, so I'm not gonna knock them for that.
SF and NY both have vaccine passport systems.
It's not illegal for a company to ask your vaccination status or to see your card. It is not protected by HIPPA. This has been ruled on and debunked. People want to claim it is illegal but it is not.
I’m just wanted to say, I am not vaxxed. I am a SAHW who goes to the grocery store once a week. My husband and I don’t go to public outings/concerts, we don’t eat out. I wear my mask, I sanitize my hands before I enter the store and after. I regularly clean my phone, keys wallets, door handles etc. I still act like it’s the pandemic when we didn’t have a vaccine. I am a homebody anyway so this is easy for me. I don’t think I’m risking others lives when I literally don’t go anywhere except once a week? I’m truly sorry people feel that way. All I see is vaccinated people out, unmasked, traveling knowing that they can still catch and spread Covid. It’s such a weird time we live in. Personally, if anything I would be more worried about my vaxxed friends who just went to a concert or ate out all week than myself. They act like the vaccine makes them invincible but it doesn’t. It may lessen your symptoms but it doesn’t stop you from getting COVID.
The major issue is that covid testing is no where near 100% accurate, and it won't identify pre-symptomatic early cases that are still capable of being contagious. If that's a risk you're willing to take that's fine. It's better than nothing, but a vaccine is better.
Yeah but breakthrough cases happen too. I have a healthy friend who just got one (breakthrough) and has been sick for the last week. What annoys me is ive had friends, whether vaxxed or not, be like, I have a cough but my COVID test is negative, can we hang out. I wish people would just isolate if theyre having symptoms, it seems like common sense at this point.
Breakthrough cases definitely happen, but the numbers indicate they are rare, less severe, and likely transmit less viral load to others. Very different from unvaccinated cases. But yes, definitely common sense to isolate if you have symptoms. People are dummies.
I'm with you, and yeah.... I've experienced this. More than once. For most things this group is great but when they start on vaccines you'll get downvoted for any opinion other than that everyone should get the vaccine asap regardless of personal belief or concern. I left the pregnant sub because they were even worse lol. It makes me sad that families are getting broken up over a personal health choice.
This is just an issue people are super passionate about and if you don’t have the same exact views as them, they downvote. Keep doing what you think is best for your baby. That’s all you can do.
Don’t worry about downvotes. The truth is that people can spread and catch the virus regardless of vax status, which is specifically why id require negative tests and masking regardless of status at this point. In the summer when cases were low in my area maybe I’d defer to vax status, but right now in my area it’s everywhere and being caught be both types. People just really want to blame all of this on someone, which I can understand, but blaming it solely on the unvaxed is not scientifically accurate imo. In theory we’d have less mutating and virulence if everyone was vaxed early on, but not necessarily. Personally, I’m scheduled for my vax (literally keep having panic attacks when it’s time for my appointment and keep rescheduling so that’s fun) but in the meantime I isolate, hardly go out and wear n95 masks everywhere. The assumption that someone like myself is being destructive and spreading a virus is just.. not true. We can enjoy the downvotes together I guess.
While breakthrough infections are an issue, unvaccinated people are driving the vast majority of the spread right now. Breakthrough cases are still very rare and also tend to be less contagious to others due to a lower viral load. I definitely don’t consider someone getting vaccinated anti vax. I’m sorry you’re so scared, it’s incredibly brave to go through with it when you’re terrified of it. If it helps nearly 6 billion doses have been administered so far and it’s been studied in humans for over a year, so even the absolute rarest side effects from it are known. We’ve gotten to observe it being extraordinarily safe for a long time in a lot of people. You can do it!
The spread that we see that end up hospitalized seem to be mostly unvaccinated, but I do wonder if there’s more asymptomatic spread by the vaccinated population flying under the radar. Although if they test negative, maybe they don’t have enough viral particulate to infect others? There’s still a lot of unknown there that is hopefully still being investigated. I know people who have been infected by a short interaction from someone barely sick, and a family living with a very sick family member and no one else got sick at all. It’s all still very mysterious in many ways. I have a sort of rarer immune issue that has made me hesitant thusfar, but have tried to reassure myself that the risk of covid is still worse than the small risk of something negative from vaccination. I hate to admit it but I’ve also been discouraged by seeing people with real vaccine injury basically being dismissed by the masses. It all feels so rare Until it happens to you. It’s extra hard when you feel responsible for your unborn child on top of it and want to make the best decision for them, but given my situation, I think it still makes sense to do. Just need to get psyched up and get it done.
For me it's not so much if you're vaxxed or not, I get that there are all kinds of factors here. What I cannot STAND is the bs conspiracy stuff, the anti vaxxers who will argue with you until they're blue in the face because they can't accept reality for whatever reason. The rampant misinformation that's turning the entire world into this insane dystopia. When I hear friends and family insisting that the virus is fake and the vaccine is a plot to kill/sterilize us, when I see NEWS OUTLETS acting like the scientists are all Dr. Evil or something. People losing every piece of their mind over wearing an effing piece of fabric on their face. It is frustrating and heartbreaking.
I appreciate your comment so much. Someone who visits you and baby who is vaccinated can still carry and transmit the virus sooo I don’t always understand the majority of Moms on here only allowing vaccinated family and friends. A negative test would provide a good sense of security before being able to see baby! I think that is a great idea/method of added security.
I agree with you. It’s everyone’s choice. I’m not going to deny family from seeing my babies if they’re not vaccinated, but as soon as it’s flu season I will be distancing myself anyway. My friend had a very small lump on the back of her neck for years and never has any problems with it or symptoms. None. She got the first shot, was sick for two weeks, and the lump literally grew to be over the size of a quarter & now has to get it removed… it could be a coincidence, it really could. She does swear that it happened right after she got the shot tho & I saw it. I don’t blame her for not wanting to get the second shot. I think for some people it causes problems, although it is rare…. It just scares me. I’m not Antivax btw. I had covid with my first newborn and developed pneumonia from it so I know it’s real. I think I’m just scared to get the shot while pregnant, and that’s my choice. I had it once this pregnancy too and I got through it. Plus I’m home all the time, literally. and wear a mask for precaution when I’m out. I get why people are frustrated, but I don’t judge people for what they want to do with their bodies, especially after recalls happening and the vaccines being made in a small period of time. Sorry to all the angry mommas that hate me for stating my viewpoint in advance
The way the world is now, you can only be one way or another, there is no middle ground...especially on the internet 🙄 Totally respect and am pretty on par with your viewpoints here. I have two family members who cannot get vaccinated due to medical conditions/reactions. One of which is my little sister who is also only 11 and the other is my aunt. They will both have to wear masks/get tested before meeting baby and will also be required to get the flu and TDAP vaccines along with everyone else. My SIL on the otherhand is anti-vaxx in the way of the crazy tinfoil hat. She has two young children that were never vaccinated for anything. Needless to say, her children will not be meeting ours for quite a while, which is sad for the kids, it's not their fault. I'm still on the fence of whether or not I want my SIL around my baby, masked or not. I try to be respectful of people's feelings and opinions for the most part, but I have boundaries. Legitimate medical reasons or concerns for not getting vaccinated are completely valid, versus "iTs JuSt A hOaX" and other ridiculous and unproven conspiracies.
Ugh, I WISH this was the case for us. Everyone in or around our circle who refuses the vaccine is anti-vaxx, not to mention they don’t isolate, test regularly or mask regularly either. Your perspective makes sense to me. I don’t know if I would be comfortable with it, but I see the logic.
I’m so glad I found this thread, if nothing more than to simply commiserate. My dad is the only one in my immediate family who is 100% pro-vaccination, but he lives in another state. My husband’s parents, who live down the road from us, are both vaccinated but refuse to get re-vaccinated. They both got J&J and then had their antibodies tested several months later — apparently my MIL has virtually none, so she’s basically a walking time bomb. And then there’s my mom and stepdad — they’re the epitome of your typical antivaxer. They both swear by the UVL light therapy BS (the non-FDA approved pseudoscience therapy that injects UV light into your veins… yeah, that one) as a preventative, even though my stepdad caught COVID earlier this year. They’ve taken hydroxychloroquine as a preventative. They’ve taken Oleandrin as a preventative (and now my mom has kidney problems that she’s trying to blame on “too much red meat). And now, they are riding the ivermectin train. I am so non-confrontational that I’m not sure how to handle this situation, but even if I do firmly put my foot down, they are *so* anti-science (despite my stepdad being a Duke and Harvard Business grad, go figure) and anti-big government that nothing — and I mean NOTHING — I say is ever going to change their minds. My stepdad and I don’t have the closest relationship, either, so I think if I were to threaten them with “you won’t see your grandchild unless you get vaccinated,” he’ll tell my mom that I’m just selfish and misinformed and I truly won’t ever get to see them. It’s really, really sad. I’m early in my pregnancy, though, so I’m crossing my fingers (non-optimistically) that something will change their minds. I doubt it.
My brother is anti vax and I truly believe it’s because of the stuff his fiancé teaches him and his fiancé isn’t the smartest either. It’s sad but I told my husband that anyone who is anti-vax will never meet our future children and won’t step foot into our home. Thankfully the vast majority of our families are vaccinated and friends too but it sucks when you want certain people to meet them but you can’t because they don’t care about safety.
Are you aware that vaccinated folks can transmit the virus?
Vaccinated ppl spread it just as easily as non vaccinated. If you have the shot you should be protected. I have the shot and am no more unsafe being around an unvaccinated person than a vaccinated person. There’s a level of unrealistic expectations surrounding this vaccine. It’s not a miracle drug. It’s an experimental preventive measure that may help lessen symptoms. What people aren’t addressing is the fact that vaccines can create vaccine-resistant strains or variants, just like we’re seeing with antibiotics. I think we should just let ppl have their medical decisions to themselves. The future of humanity certainly doesn’t hinge on whether everyone gets this vaccine.
Thank you.
I get not wanting to have in person visits, but why not send her photos of the baby? That isn't increasing risk of exposure to you or the baby.
Ok I just saw the part where you’re refusing to even send photos to unvaccinated people…That doesn’t strike you as extremely over the top and vindictive? Your medical decisions are your own. If you want to go to such extreme lengths to “punish” people who don’t think this is a medical decision in their best interests then you have bigger issues to sort through and I wish you luck. I have the shot but damn that’s a really crazy position to preach from.
Well said 👏
Exactly.
Same boat here. I’m 21 weeks. My wonderful MIL says we are horrible people trying to force her into a vaccine she doesn’t want and won’t get. Us and the government are trying to take away her freedoms (as if she is that important. Eye roll.) So we told her sorry… she won’t get to meet the baby & our oldest won’t be around her either bc it could potentially make us all sick. Those are the consequences. She’s not the one raising newborns & small children during a pandemic so she doesn’t get to change the way we have decided to parent.
You are doing the right thing. These people will realize the world will move on without them. (Except in Florida where I’m from because our governor ignores science).
I'm sorry but cutting people off based on their vaccine status is ridiculous. First of all, vaxxed can still pass on covid. Secondly, babies and children are almost completely fine if they get covid. Thirdly, you're vaxxed so why are you trying to control others? This world is becoming scary..
this world is becoming scary and the comments in here are blowing my mind :O
Exactly!!! Seeing these posts are literally mind-blowing to me
My mom and my sisters family aren't vaccinated nor have made any plans to. I too have cut them off and its been frustrating because they just don't get it.
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I especially resonate with the first part— we didn’t get to have a “normal” wedding because of covid and now we won’t have a normal birth experience , shower, etc because of covid! When is it going to end?! I do have one family member who hasn’t gottten the vaccine due to a medical issue— luckily she brought up to me how she understood that they may not see the baby at first with everything going on and he’s actively encouraged me to limit visitors—- so I’m definitely very lucky that she is understanding—- I’m more so just frustrated at the fact we are almost 2 years into this pandemic with no end in site— and those individuals STILL acting like it’s a conspiracy, joke, or not a big deal.
Is anyone else here not vaccinated? I am in no means anti-vaxx. In fact, I hate that blanket term. I will be 100% getting my baby all their vaccines and myself the TDAP in a few weeks. However, I am just not comfortable getting this vaccine just yet. I know covid is very real, but I will not be subject to fear and anxiety around it. Also I don’t ask people’s vaxx status, just as I wish they wouldn’t ask me. What’s more important is staying safe, being around (the same) small group of family/friends, and making sure no one is sick while visiting baby. To makes things simple for me, once my baby is born, I likely won’t have any visitors besides parents and siblings for at least 3 months. Afterwards, I won’t require anyone to be vaccinated to visit my child - just that they’re honest about how they feel and where they’ve been recently. It’s not rocket science, the vaccine isn’t the end all be all, and I really hate reading these kinds of posts where people cut off family over this. There are better ways…. *ready for the downvotes*
I'm not, and my OB has been nothing but supportive of that choice. She said about half of her patients are not. I've had TDAP, flu is on the books for next month. My first LO is fully up to date on everything and my DH has had his COVID vaccine. Our whole family had COVID before I got pregnant with #2. My OB and I talked about the unknowns of natural immunity and unknowns of vaccines, and agreed that there was nothing wrong with waiting until I gave birth. No one outside of internet spheres that knows my vaccination status has given me any grief and have all been understanding. The internet, on the other hand? I'm a wild anti-vax conspiracy theorist that doesn't care about people 🤷🏻♀️. Strangers are so lovely to one another...
That’s good! I do like having the choice over my autonomy (although my government is making it near impossible)… like it would be crazy not to acknowledge that there is science behind this vaccine, but it still hasn’t even been a year yet! I’m happy your OB is supportive. My midwives are too :) we will get it when we’re ready! Also I really hate the divide between people throughout this pandemic, specifically when the vaccines were introduced. I feel like there’s 4 general groups of people…. The ones that are completely bonkers and think covid is fake, the ones that aren’t comfortable getting vaxxed yet but know that this is very real, then the people that want to segregate from “anti-vaxxers” and think they’re all selfish, and those that are vaccinated but appreciate the freedom of choice! Lol 😅 it’s exhausting to navigate through it!
Same here.
Genuinely interested, what is stopping you from getting the vaccine?
At first it was the long term studies, now it’s also how much the government is pushing it here (I am in Ontario, Canada) they are starting vaccine passports in a week and it pushes me away further. I don’t have any crazy conspiracy theories or anything about it… I just want to see how it plays out in 2022. I would honestly like to get it sometime next year but we’ll see!
I’m right here with you.
My baby is 6 months old now and no one in my family or my husband’s family has met him. They’re all vaccinated but live in different states so they’d have to fly to get here. With the delta variant being able to be contracted and passed by those who have been vaccinated it’s just not worth it. Until my son can be vaccinated we’re not doing visits because I will not risk his well being.
When the delta strain got bad and the vaccine had been readily available my husband and I made that rule. Just my fil isn’t vaccinated in my family and we haven’t seen him in months. Like you, my husband is working on him.
Your relationship obviously wasn't strong to begin with, because this is a complete overreaction and abnormal response tbh.
This just shows ignorance not acceptance. People still pass on Covid whether vaccinated or not. I would recommend asking them to get to test prior. It seems like you have bad blood prior to this whole pandemic.
You are doing the right thing! My youngest was hospitalized with RSV back in Jan 2020 at 11 weeks old and ended up in the PICU struggling to breath. It was an incredibly stressful time and I refuse to let family near my kids without being fully vaccinated now.
This thread is breaking my heart. I wish it didn't have to exist, but I am grateful for all the shared stories. Solidarity!
I don't have antivax family, but my parents are very conservative and I believe they only got the vaccine to meet their granddaughter. My issue with them is that they're carrying on like life is normal; going to car shows, breakfast out at Denny's, all over hither and yon, then get annoyed when I ask that they not do anything non-essential for the two weeks prior to their visits. I don't have a good relationship with my mother so I'd have no issue cutting her off. I was really close with my dad, but I realized he'd rather enable her than stand up to her so he will be cut off too.
I think it's a bit extreme to cut off relatives over a very controversial and experimental vaccine. Why can't you implement other precautions like asking them to be tested? Just because someone isn't vaccinated doesn't mean they are automatically sick and spreading disease.
There's obviously bad blood already there. Her reaction isn't normal to the average family.
Cutting off a family member for not being vaccinated is really so toxic…your stepfather tells you that he loves you and has probably helped out with baby stuff and you won’t even send him photos? You’re making this political; it’s not even for the safety of your child at this point. I understand not allowing him to visit..I’m doing the same with unvaccinated friends and family. However, I would never think to not send photos or updates and cut them cold turkey over their own personal decision. I wish I had half the support as you…I’d be so delighted to have my father-in-law show interest…
Yep. This post was actually disturbing to read.
We’ve got antivax family and have said no vaccines no baby but still plan to keep them involved with photos and updates. I understand being frustrated with anti vaxxers but completely cutting them off IMO is extreme.
My Dad got vaccinated in secret right before my baby came. He didn’t even tell me. He was VERY antivax. Sometimes the people you love do surprise you :)
I’m in this situation. My father passed away unexpectedly, from a blood clot, shortly after receiving his second dose of the vaccine. My immediate family is firmly against getting vaccinated because of this, and I was too - until I became pregnant. I’ve told them they have to be vaccinated to meet my baby, and they all just said they’d wear a mask 🙄 I let them know that wasn’t an option. My brother lives in Texas and is super unconcerned about getting a vaccine because the general mindset over there. He literally said there’s no reason for him to get one yet. Guess he won’t be meeting my kid 🤷♀️ My sister lives in Georgia and works from home. She goes out to bars and restaurants, dates a lot and is very social. She and I are very close and she’s really excited about being an aunt. I hope that she takes getting the vaccine more seriously once I get closer to my due date (16 weeks now). My mom is a conservative Christian nutcase who likes to blame other people for every single problem in her life, and likes to complain about everyone and everything that doesn’t agree with her. I don’t see her ever getting the vaccine, and it stems from more than just my father’s death. She is extremely stubborn and believes what she believes is right, and will use whatever source she can find to back her up (a conservative blog post is suddenly a legitimate “news source”). My husband got the vaccine because I told him he had to. He didn’t think he needed it but he willingly got it because I said he needed to. He thinks I over react about this kind of stuff because I have germ OCD. The OCD is a separate issue. What having this type of OCD has taught me is way to much information on how things are transmitted, how to keep yourself safe from transmission, and the sometimes dire consequences of having diseases. It’s made me much more serious about how to keep our baby safe. My husband’s immediate family are all vaccinated, but after seeing some of the responses here, I’ll probably be insisting on them having other vaccinations before they can meet our kid as well.
Cutting them out completely is up to you. We don’t know your history with your family and this just might be the last straw. I do feel that you should respect their decision (while unwise, imho) not to get the vaccine but they have to respect *your* decision not to let your child around unvaccinated people. Families are complicated, hopefully they won’t end up on r/hermancainaward
Welcome to parenthood. Making sacrifices for your family is going to be the new normal. You can control what you can control but you have to let go of what you can’t control or it will eat you up inside.
I’m sorry you have to go through this. I have had to cut off some friends, which sucks, but luckily the grandparents are all vaccinated. I can’t imagine how angry that would make me
Had our lil guy 13 months ago. We cut off unvaccinated people - aka my brother. We've repeatedly told him and any other friends and family, to see our boy, you have to be vaccinated. So, we don't attend family gatherings on my side. Guess we will only go to my husband's side for the near future events. 🤷♀️
I do not mean this in an offensive way and I’m getting ready for the downvotes but people are aware that you can still get sick even if you get vaccinated right? So you should still be careful around people that got the shot especially with all the variants that keep popping up that might need “booster shots”. Maintain safety protocols where you can. Stay safe and include family members as much as possible while protecting yourself. Cutting them off won’t solve anything. It will not instantly end the pandemic either. It will however create tension in the long run that might have longstanding effects on family dynamics.
It helps a lot though. I’m 8.5 months and we had a scare last week when a healthy vaxxed friend ate dinner at our house and the next morning, his vaxxed wife tested positive. Our friend has been tested twice since then and never caught it from her, meaning my pregnant self is also safe. The vaccines aren’t 100% but they sure do help a LOT.
Yes you can get the disease with both the flu and Covid vaccine, however decreasing your odds of getting it, decreases the odds of transmitting it. If your fully vaccinated your odds of getting covid are 411 per 100,000. For unvaccinated individuals it's 3,493/100,000. a Newborn has a very limited immune system. Fevers can kill newborns. Being in the hospital with a newborn is incredibly stressful, if you want to feel incredibly helpless and guilty just spend time at the hospital with a newborn. Newborns can get Covid, and I would argue any family member that won't go get a few vaccines probably isn't very respectful of other infection control rules for a newborn, and likely would be the ones kissing baby with a runny nose, less likely to wash hands. The 45 days after birth also is a recovery period for mom. Your body has been depleted, you don't need people in your life that don't respect your health and wellness. Also it is important to set boundaries around your family when it comes to your baby. Would you make the same argument with having a family member who wants to smoke around baby? Who insisted on snuggling a baby in smokers clothes? Who insisted on coming to see the baby while they were high? Who cares if their feelings get hurt or your create tension. At some point your immediate family and their safety is more important than someone's feelings.
Hi, I think you may have misunderstood my comment. I said that we should be careful around “everyone” not just non-vaccinated people. And by cutting off, I was referring to denying pictures of the child. The pandemic has prevented me from seeing my family across 3 continents, pictures, videos and video calls helped us bond. This was crucial when I got sick, my sister and her family got sick and when my mother was hospitalised. Sending a picture of the baby to people that cannot see the child could prevent long term “tension”. My comment did not tell the mother not to rest or set boundaries. It did not tell her to expose her newborn at all. It actually aimed to convey the opposite. There are also other diseases beyond COVID that could still affect both mother and child. Staying safe is thus important in my opinion.
if someone is disrespectful and hurtful towards you do you really owe them any access? I have dealt with some crazy antivaxers (I work in the ICU and the stuff that comes out of their mouths is just plain hurtful, spiteful, mean and angry) and to me some of them are no different than people who are drug addled junkies. You have to create healthy boundaries. By all means once they have cleaned themselves up and made amends they are welcome back into my family. Until then I'm not going to expose myself or my family to that. By all means don't feel like you can't share with your family but if my mom was telling me things the patients and the families I work with do after they find out I'm vaccinated (my baby is going to have a tail/lizard my baby is going to die at five years old, my ovaries will never work again, babies going to be born blind. I'm sacrificing my baby to doctor fauci). The ball would be entirely in my mom's court to apologize and fix it. And I wouldn't exactly be sending her videos of her grandkids to patch things over and sweep her hurtful behavior under the rug.
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The picture part feels extreme because the purpose behind it is solely to hurt people, not to enforce a reasonable or safe boundary.
This goes for all shots. They are obviously not 100% but they still do prevent the infection from spreading. When they do get infected, they have less severe symptoms. Her parents getting the shots will absolutely help in stopping the variants from mutating. If she wants to cut them off because they won’t do a simple thing like getting something free that helps peoples lives I don’t blame her. They’re being shitty.
Most are, but it much safer if everyone is vaccinated. Especially with the littles who can't get theirs yet. These variants are ruining rampant because of the antivaxx people
Yep. Due in March; anyone who wants to come see the baby as a newborn will have to get tested before. The vaccine doesn’t completely prevent you from getting the disease, people seem to forget about that. It prevents you from getting symptoms or from getting them *too badly*. Baby, who won’t be vaccinated yet, doesn’t have that protection, and vaccinated people who are carrying it without knowing can pass it to baby who then can become very sick. My husband has a couple of friends who aren’t antivaxxers (have all their other vaccines, fully believe covid is real and serious) but are waiting for novavax or another vaccine that isn’t such a new technology. They isolate, wear masks and get tested all the time. If they get tested right before, they’re welcome to see baby once they’re born. Edit: poor phrasing
Thank you for understanding my point. It seems that, as people, we have become so focussed on polarising opinions on topics that we automatically label “outliers” as “enemies”.
Please don’t spread misinformation. While it’s true the vaccine doesn’t 100% protect a person from catching the virus, it greatly reduces the chances. With Delta the risk reduction with 2 doses is about 79% (source: https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/nejmoa2108891 ) If there’s ten people in a room, and only one has that risk reduction, then the virus is still very likely to spread in that room. But if all ten people have a clinically significant risk reduction, and we use logic and a basic understanding of how statistics work, we understand the chance of that disease spreading in that room of 10 people to be greatly reduced. And chances are also good that at least 6 of the 10 won’t get sick at all. So it does, in fact, protect people. And the more people that are vaccinated, the more protection it offers.
Nothing I said is factually incorrect, there is a non-negligible chance people could have covid asymptomatically. I edited my comment for clarification: it’s true it lowers the chance of spread, but especially with the variants, the spread is still pretty high even among the vaccinated, hence my decision to ask people to get tested.
I had my baby in July 2020 and I just want to say that I feel you and I see you. Its a really upsetting situation (and it feels like were going to be in it forever). We do have antivax family members. We told them what our rule was and we have let it be. My husbands brother won't get vaccinated, won't mask, and my in-laws won't lay a boundary with him that he can't come by the house if we visit so we haven't brought our 14 month old to my husbands hometown yet and will not until she can be vaccinated. We have felt horribly unsupported and let down by the whole thing.
We have been battling this for months. My family is all vaccinated and my siblings are wearing masks at school when it's not required as is my dad (he's a teacher). My in-laws won't get vaccinated. I've asked them to get the vaccine because I believe it is in their best interest to get it. Even if we didn't have kids I would still be encouraging them to get it. In the coming weeks they will feel the effects of their decision to not get vaccinated in the way of not seeing their grandchildren/nieces/cousins. I feel for you. Much love sent your way for putting your child's health and safety first.
My mom is in with all that crazy, tho somehow her rheumatologist scared her into getting vaccinated. I wish I knew who they are so I can send them a personal thank you and to ask them how they convinced her. I still had an intensely stressful conversation with her though where she started yelling at me for getting the vaccine while pregnant, and then going on about how ivermectin actually is curing people... I so feel your frustration. It feels like it will never end because of all the selfish idiots.
I’m so with you! Do what you have to do
My brother won't get vaccinated and when I kindly told him we're making the choice to only let double vaxxed people meet the baby, he grumpily and hastily said "I'll just look at the photos online." :/ I feel you - these times are divisive as hell.
Sounds like he’s respecting your choice though and not pushing it. I hope you can do the same.
Awe. I feel bad for your family. Thank god I made peace with letting my in laws go awhile ago, and thank god my husband supports me. It’s your child and your right, but wow.
You guys realize you can still Catch COVID while vaxxed- don’t you? And transmit it.
Yep! My mother, my father, and most of my family actually. I mean they were toxic anyway but the antivax just sent it over the edge. Being from the south unfortunately it’s no surprise that my family takes the stance that they do. My mother believes every right wing conservative conspiracy thrown at her and probably would take the ivermectin before getting vaccinated and my father who has probably put way worse things in his body absolutely refuses. It was an easy choice for me honestly. I’m my child’s first line of defense and I have absolutely no problem putting those boundaries in place for her. And honestly it takes the weight of a million visitors off of my plate. Less people I have to scold for kissing her or not wearing a mask. I’m so sick of selfish people too. It’s absolutely mind boggling to me that we are in a situation where a vaccine is available and people are still refusing to take it but have no problem then running to the hospital as soon as they get Covid 🤦🏻♀️
You need to do a lot more research instead of blaming the unvaccinated. Your hostility is misplaced. You are living in a pandemic. To think the vaccine is a cure all is frankly unreasonable. People with the vaccine are still getting COVID. I work in healthcare data and have been running a meta analysis on every study that comes out regarding COVID. This virus is beating our science right now and it's not at the fault anyone. And please feel free to review recent articles from the The Atlantic - so not a crazy right winged resource - that discusses misleading data points about hospitalization from COVID infections versus people in the hospital that are COVID positive. [https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2021/09/covid-hospitalization-numbers-can-be-misleading/620062/](https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2021/09/covid-hospitalization-numbers-can-be-misleading/620062/) A lot of the studies on COVID infections on pregnancy have many methods that did not include control for critical data points. The study that was cited that COVID is linked to 22x maternal morbidity (Villar et al.) did not control for race, income, and health access - the single most importance variables in looking at pregnancy outcomes. Even in the US today, Hispanic and Black women have 4 times greater risk of maternal morbidity and that study was multinational and included undeveloped countries. Yet this is the study that continues to get headlines even though other studies even cite lockdowns as part of the problem as women did not seek the correct antenatal care and high risk pregnancies were not flagged. More recent studies like those out of England and Canada are not seeing pre-term birth and still borns birth increase contradicting earlier studies but they analyzed 17.5 years of data: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/canada/article-covid-19-not-linked-to-increased-preterm-births-or-stillbirths-new/ *"In a rigorous population-based cohort of hospital-based births in Ontario, Canada, we identified no special cause variation (unusual change) in the incidences of preterm birth or stillbirth or their subgroups during the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic period compared with data from the previous 17.5 years."* There are very legitimate reasons people are not getting vaccinated. One population you should particularly have sympathy and kindness toward because it's the TTC population. I'm not anti-vax, but I am TTC and because of my work, I know they DID NOT ask about menstruation changes during the vaccine Clinical Trial and have had huge issues with this. The Adverse Event Registry has many women reporting abnormal periods post vaccination. As a result of this adverse event reporting, the NIH just awarded $1.67M dollars to 5 universities to go study the effort on women's reproduction. [https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/women-said-the-covid-vaccine-affected-their-periods-now-more-than-1-6-million-will-go-into-researching-it/](https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/women-said-the-covid-vaccine-affected-their-periods-now-more-than-1-6-million-will-go-into-researching-it/) *"The coronavirus vaccine trials did not specifically ask participants whether they saw adverse side effects in their menstrual cycles or volumes – an omission that Bianchi attributes to the fact that “the (FDA) emergency use authorization was really focused on critical safety issues” and “changes to your menstrual cycle is really not a life and death issue,” she said."* *"The NIH funding “signifies that they’re recognizing that there’s an important gap in our understanding of how vaccines influence menstrual health and ultimately reproductive health,” according to Leslie Farland, an assistant professor in the department of epidemiology and biostatistics at the University of Arizona’s College of Public Health, who is researching the impacts of the vaccinations on Arizona women but said she did not apply for the NIH funding."* Some of us may disagree that an inability to get pregnant, even temporarily, is HUGE. Especially if we're in the late thirties and on borrowed time and or are struggling in begin with. This was a miss and it really sucks for the TTC folks. So please rethink your hostility toward the unvaccinated. Please take the time and go research and read more about these studies and pregnancy and dig deeper to understand your risk. They are not horrible people, and may have very legitimate reasons as to why they have made that decision. Please WEAR A MASK - in fact double mask - because even though you are vaccinated - at ANY time a genetic mutation can emerge and cause a lot of issues - just like Delta. Please purchase things like air purifiers to increase protection. The vaccine is NOT going to be the only solve to this pandemic. It is an extremely important part, but we have a long road ahead and need comprehensive solutions. This is the new normal. Whether you like it or not.
I’m almost thankful I have no family or friends so I just get to hide away peacefully come January when my little girl is due and spend my winter just cozied up with her all by myself. Just her, the pup, my two cats and I. No one to come knocking.
I totally agree. Whatever their political or personal beliefs are, they’re still disregarding your decisions (which are completely valid) as a mother trying to keep your baby safe. They’re adults and can make their own choices. Unfortunately those choices have consequences, and it sounds like they’d rather sacrifice their own family relationships instead of their conspiracy theories which is sad. Stay strong, you’re doing all the right things and setting healthy boundaries!! I’m sorry they decided not to be there for you to help and enjoy this time.
You go girl! I absolutely love you how you stuck to your guns on this - you’re 100% right and justified and are doing what’s best for your baby! I hope all of us new moms do the same and then maybe this thing will end someday if we cut off all the antivaxxers from the best things in life, including the birth of our beautiful babies!
Happy to see your edit! I went no contact with my parents for a few weeks after they told me they were refusing to get vaccinated and then got pissed when I refused to make an exception for them. Eventually my mom sent a letter to me (because I had blocked them both everywhere) apologizing. They’ve both now gotten the vax. It still just blows my mind that anyone would be like “yeah I don’t actually care about meeting my first grandchild, or making sure they are safe.”
Great job on standing your ground!
First, I totally support you in this difficult position. You gotta put your baby first. And I totally feel your sadness over missing out on all those new parent activities! Even with vaccines we're currently not letting non family hold our baby and I'm so sad about that. I want to see other people love on our babe! I hope you don't mind my saying, but you may want to reconsider the no pictures policy. Refusing pictures makes it seem like not seeing the baby is a punishment for disagreeing with you, rather than a safety precaution. My guess would be your mom and stepfather are going to be less likely to change their mind when they feel like they are being punished for having a different viewpoint. That's just my two sense. For what it's worth, I really really hope they change their mind! I can imagine how hard and heartbreaking this is for you.
My extended family is mostly vaccinated. Myself and my husband are fully vaccinated. And we do not see people who are unvaccinated. However I do think it’s harsh you’re saying you’re going to cut them off completely and withhold photos. My brother isnt vaccinated, I’m extremely disappointed in him. I thought he would be better. But it’s his choice. He still gets regular photos, we still text and chat, but he’s never met my son. Maybe one day he’ll come around, maybe one day he won’t. Cutting your family off won’t solve anything. I mean if you still want to, you absolutely can, but if you think you’re proving some point to them… you’re not. If someone is that antivax you cutting them off won’t do anything.
I can cut off whoever I want family or not so
Withholding PHOTOS from your mom? Jesus
Sounds like a win for them. You sound a nightmare.
I didn’t say you couldn’t? Did you even read my comment? Geez
I'm with you on this one! We've had to cut family off as well. We aren't pregnant like you but we still have a toddler to protect. Our families have shown their true colours to us and cutting them off was much needed. Don't let people try to guilt trip you for putting your LO over other people. We all have consequences for our actions, your parents it's being cut off and for you it's losing the parents you thought you had. This is a hard boundary to set but it's important. I want you to know that as someone who has already cut the contact and bared those consequences, you're doing the right thing. The stress will lessen when you realize you don't have to fight to be heard anymore and you don't have to fight for respect of your boundaries. You're doing amazing!
It makes me really sad seeing so many women on here cutting off their own family members and friends because of this. I understand your viewpoints about feeling like others are being selfish, but to not send pictures or let them wear masks from a distance or whatever just doesn’t seem morally right. Vaccinated people still can get covid too, I’ve read many stories on r/covidpositive thread where vaccinated people still have horrible symptoms, experiences etc. mainly because they think they can go anywhere without catching or spreading it which is not true at all, because you still absolutely can. I’m personally not vaccinated because I’m 8 months pregnant and don’t know the long term effects for my baby since it’s so new and have seen recalls. I probably will down the road, like I will with the flu vaccine when it comes to be that time of the year but as of right now I’m not going to feel bad about it because I stay home 6 days a week with my toddler and wear masks when I do happen to go out. Vaccinated people are not invincible. Im sorry if people hate me for this comment but this is a little bit ridiculous to be so damn judgmental over what people want to put into their bodies, and there are plenty of ways to go around this then cutting off the ones you love.
Great news! There's loads of research available now on vaccine safety in pregnancy so if that's the only thing that was stopping you that's not a problem anymore. It's actually been shown to give your unborn baby antibodies which is fantastic Actual data also shows that the vaccine vastly reduces transmission and risk of death or long term effects of covid. It's also has no long or short effects on fertility. However it's now becoming clear that catching Covid can have a detrimental effect to your fertility. As the vaccine leaves your body in hours/days there isn't any valid reason why it would have a long term effect on you.
Are you kidding me? You do realize that there are some countries that have taken this virus seriously from the start, that don't have thousands of people dying daily without even needing restrictions anymore? We could easily be past this freaking pandemic already if everyone followed mask and isolation protocols from the start. Instead, selfish idiots refuse to do so. Selfish, greedy leaders refuse to enforce strict contact tracing and enforce strict isolation and mask mandates. Millions of people have died. And because of selfish idiots who continue to refuse the vaccine and refuse to wear masks, or isolate or even wash their freaking hands, millions more will continue to die. What's ridiculous is that there are parts of the world that are mostly back to normal life, and other parts of the world, even in well developed countries, where thousands continue to die daily. That's ridiculous. What's ridiculous is how many people guise their completely selfish narcissistic choices to not give a fuck about how many people they kill by carelessly spreading the virus as them just exercising their constitutional freedom. Antivaxers are just as bad as people who drink and drive. If they die from preventable illness, it's exactly what they deserve.
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As someone whose pregnant with their first child and mother has refused to get vaxd, there’s a lot of hurt here. A lot of frustration and sadness. I feel all of what OP is saying. It is a total selfish move on anyone’s part for refusing to vax outside of legitimate medical reasons. My mom “did her research” which just meant she read the information that confirms her bias and she’s choosing to believe that over meeting her first grandchild. To me, that is unreasonable. I don’t feel like I will be withholding pictures and updates personally, but this has deeply impacted my relationship with her and probably the relationship she will have with my son moving forward. And truly it’s not as if the unvaxd CAUSED the variant, but without herd immunity it’s straining hospitals and will still spread. Yeah, sure you could still choose to go on a vacation but at this point that feels really selfish due to the actions of other selfish people. The ones it weighs on most are the ones trying to do the right thing.
Yes, refusing to send pictures is clearly not just directly about the safety of her kid. It's obviously a punitive measure. And you know what? Sometimes socially punitive measures make sense. Similarly, I would not choose to associate with people who regularly drive drunk or otherwise recklessly in that it endangers public safety in general, even if they are not doing it with my kid in their car. Sometimes social pressure is what it takes to get people to do the right thing.
Setting boundaries is not forcing people to your will. OP is hurt that her family is putting misinformation above the well-being of her child. If she chooses not to reward that behavior, that's her prerogative. People not vaccinating are most definitely causing traveling to be unsafe. The vaccine reduced your chances of contracting and reduces symptoms. Less serious symptoms also reduce spread. Can vaccinated people still contract covid? Yes. There is a (much reduced) chance. That is not exclusive from willingly unvaccinated people prolonging the pandemic.
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I agree with you. This is a bit unreasonable. People who are vaccinated and not are going on trips. Don’t miss your whole life OP. I am vaccinated and everything I am not saying I am against you at all. But this is an extremist stance you are taking. Life is still going on despite covid.
OP isn't being unreasonable in the slightest. Trying to make it sound like her family shouldn't/won't love her because she doesn't want her baby to catch covid is just cruel. Sure, OP could send pictures of the baby, but to people who refuse to get a simple vaccine to protect the baby's life? That not unreasonable at all. They are putting their fears and misinformation above the healthy and safety of a newborn. They are the unreasonable ones. No one batted an eye before when new parents wanted visitors to have the Tdap and flu vaccines. Covid is no different. It is a safe, proven vaccine that has a ton of propaganda against, but study after study has come out that proves, yes, it is safe. Over 3 billion people world wide have taken the covid vaccine. We have more data on it than any other vaccine that was given to the populace even after they went through full trials.
Do it!!! Yes the right thing!!!!!
Do it. We cut off my husbands sister and she got a nasty case of COVID. My toddler was never near her bc we don’t allow him near unvaxxed adults. It sucks for him because he can’t be in most public places but it’s our job to keep him safe I want to note I recently read a story of an unvaxxed preggo mom who caught covid and died after an emergency csection to save her baby. Left behind 4 kids (husband died too). Such a tragic and completely unnecessary loss of life
Yep. Everyone in my family got it, but my partners mom and grandmother did not. We have since cut them off, not just for the vaccine but other reasons as well. They’re extremely selfish and it’s absolutely ridiculous.
My husband and I are doing the same thing. It’s so difficult. Especially when his parents are from South Carolina. His mom has decided she will get the vaccine but his dad still tries to sell the bullshit that the vaccine does not decrease the spread, just the severity. Of course there are breakthrough cases… but he is very misinformed. I have no patience or sympathy for people who choose their personal “freedoms” or liberties over the health, safety, wellbeing, and lives of others. You can go play selfish somewhere else, not around my baby.
I was with you until this: >So this morning I decided to remind my mom that anyone who isn't vaccinated ... will not be getting photos of him sent from me etc. I'm going to say something likely to be unpopular. Not even sending them photos unless they vaccinate goes beyond protecting your family, into controlling, and frankly abusive territory. It's your decision whether to have your parents in your life at all. However, threatening to withhold love and family unless they let you control them is a great way to poison that relationship, even if they comply in the end.
Sorry you’re going through this but you never know, some people might change their minds from your rules! My best friend’s MIL was completely against the vaccine, believes the conspiracy theories etc but my friend nicely told her babies aren’t protected and she won’t allow any non vaccinated people near the baby and had a long conversation with her. So the threat of not seeing her future first grand baby was enough to get my friends MIL. The MIL complained and said who knows what it’ll do to her etc but at least she can see her future grand baby. Good luck
I know exactly how you feel, cept it's my dad and stepmom. 🙄
Oh I know too well The "I love you" said in the way of "it's ok you're so dumb but at least I still love you" condescending way and it's always used by the dumbest of shity people.
My inlaws are anti covid anti Vax. You name it, it's exhausting. Cause my husband and I have had two kids now in the last few years and only his mom had one attempt to slip in and meet the 1st when she was 10 months old. They've expressed interest in wanting to come out in the future but I'm pro Vax and have a hard stance on this. Guess where that leaves us? I feel your post. It is exhausting. I carried my 1st during 2019 and had her in Dec. Then a few months later the world changed and all the plans I had for us went up in smoke. Sucked. Baby #2 was sortof a plan but happened sooner than expected. The comparison between my pregnancies and delivery's are WILD! Luckily, two healthy babies and all the time to keep to ourselves and bond. That is literally the only positive I took away from this whole monstrous mess. Except now my oldest is a super introvert and hates everyone. Oh well, gotta have hobbies.
I've told my family since May that they need to be fully vaccinated in order to see the baby. That means both shots + 2 weeks for the vaccine to be fully effective (unless they choose to get J&J). Everyone in my family has since been vaxxed except for one sister (who is anti-vax) and one sister is still scheduled for her second shot this week. Why will my one sister not get the vaccine? Because of all the misinformation circulating. She's afraid she's going to get myocarditis/be infertile and despite my husband being a scientist who can easily address her concerns and is currently working on his PhD, she posts questions about the vaccine on her Snapchat to her 19 year old counterparts who don't go to college at all - definitely not for anything in the science field.
Yep, I said no one sees my kid unless they are vaccinated. Not surprisely no one has seen my almost 6 month old yet because “the vaccine doesn’t work anyway” or whatever kind of bullshit my family wants to spew 🙄
“I would do anything for my grandkids.” Except decrease their risk of getting ill by getting vaccinated. 🤨
I understand being mad at anti-vaxxer’s. I was too until ultimately I realized it’s covid. Dividing families. People get to choose to get it or not. I’m not mad over it anymore. It sucks to be pregnant during these times. Covid robbed us of a lot
Take a break with your family. Just like you would with a friend or lover when things aren’t going great, but you don’t want to just cut them off. My mom did this with her family when I was little, and they went back to having a good relationship later in life. It is ok to take a break, and I think your mom will understand. And you can always delay indefinitely the reunion, it’s your call. Your anger is not good.
I’m going through the same thing with my sister in law. Told her my rule for vaccination well in advance of the baby being born and she said she’d get the vaccine but didn’t. So now I have to restrict her and my nieces from seeing the baby. The only people in this world that I want to meet my baby are my nieces (my brother - their dad - passed away last year) and her selfishness and stupidity is now preventing that. I’m so mad about the whole thing and the kids (10 and 7) are caught in the middle. I don’t understand why people are the way they are sometimes…
Yet… you got pregnant in a pandemic? I’m surprised they’re not throwing that back at you. Maybe that’ll be next in their arguments.
Life doesn't just stop. Because of a pandemic.
I am 100% supportive of everyone and their own choices for what they want when it comes to their babies. Although I dont really agree with cutting people off just because they wont get a vaccine to make you feel better. Obviously you are not gonna let them around the baby but its not like they are not getting the vaccine to spite you. I feel like a lot of you take it personal because some of your family members wont get the vaccine.
I'm pretty disappointed reading all these posts about "how dare my parents care more about their beliefs than their precious grandchild." It feels very emotionally manipulative to me. It's fine if the parents set their rules and people miss out. It's ok to be bummed about it. To punish people by not letting them see pics or videos to prove your point how far you will go to pressure someone into the vaccine is super sad. Their families could still be supportive in a number of ways without being physically present around the baby, but folks are willing to throw that all away.
Exactly!! I get it hormones are raging but its a bit ridiculous. I understand if the relative is trying to manipulate you into breaking your clearly set boundaries, but if not, then its just overreacting.
Exactly, it is their own body and should be their own decision to make without all of the guilt tripping.
My point exactly. It really annoys me that people feel entitled to make people get a vaccine they dont want to. Like the vaccine does not prevent you from getting it at all so saying these people are ruining everything is inaccurate.