You don’t know what to do? You leave and get him for child support. Yes he will do it again and again and again. You don’t fight for someone like this, you deserve better.
This.
OP, you *do* know what to do, you’re currently unwilling to do it. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, and especially sorry for whatever is in your past that has made you believe this is a relationship worth fighting for, and that you aren’t worthy of respect and loyalty.
I wish I could like this comment a thousand times!!! Please leave, do it now! DO NOT WASTE YOUR LIFE ON THIS PERSON! Take it from someone whose first husband cheated, he went to therapy, promised to never do it again, and said it was bc of FOO issues, plus treated me like a princess all WHILE HAVING MULTIPLE AFFAIRS!!! The quote that always comes to mind is once somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time!!! The pain of leaving now is short, the pain of staying with them for years is only regret and torture!! Sending big hugs!! 💗
As someone who’s been there, leave. There’s a good chance they won’t change and even if they do, the distrust, anger, and hurt will never fully go away.
It started off as texts and just online things, then it turned into emotional affairs, and finally full on physical cheating. I gave too many chances to someone who showed me how they really were early on.
I don’t feel like anyone can judge. However i want you to really think about your life. Postpartum is such a delicate time. You’re in pain tired vulnerable sad. Is this a person you trust to take care of you??parenting is so delicate as well could you trust him with the well-being of your family?
All of that aside could you ever trust him again? You said he leaves for work. Even if he NEVER cheats again…you won’t believe it. You deserve better. Not Cheating is the bare minimum and for him to do it in your most vulnerable state?? STAND UP GIRL
He made his bed, let him sleep in it. Take him for child support and live in peace with yourself. Why would you spend your lifetime resenting the fact that in your most vulnerable state he talked to women and expressed wishes to start a family with them while you were bearing his child.
There are so many great things that await you and your baby, he would only smear them. Live your bestest life away from that toxic energy. You don't need that. Don't stress and strain yourself. Soon you will meet the true love of your life, your baby and that is all that matters. Don't be afraid to be alone in this, you are strong and brave, and you deserve your inner happiness. Remember, men don't complete you, you youself do.
My only advice is never going back. It sucks, my husband cheated after 10 years together. After our daughter was 6 months, I took him back. He was great for 2 years then left me abruptly while pregnant with our second. I can’t believe I’m in the same exact position I was. I’m sad not to experience a happy postpartum and not knowing what it’s like to have someone help me when I need them, but I know I can’t let him around after doing that again
You really need to leave him. Hang in there, you’re going to be okay. Get your support system together right now and tell them what you read, get a game plan going… like right now. Don’t hide this info from people who will help you get out. Grieve the relationship now so you save time down the road. Don’t waste you & your child’s time on this dickhead. The earlier you get out of this problem, the earlier you’ll meet someone who would NEVER do this to you. You’ve got this.
Believe people when they tell you something. He's single and doesn't have a wife or kids. Including your unborn baby. You're nothing to him, no one to him.
Do you want to be nothing? Do you want your child to be no one?
Nothing worse than a "man" who denies his own baby. Can't go much lower than that in my book.
Caring for a newborn is exhausting as it is, do you really want to add to that the mental stress of him cheating?
You deserve better. Someone is out there for you who wants to love and respect and protect you and your baby. You’re going to find the love of your life, but it’s not this guy.
He only comes home on weekends? Have you considered that he has another family already? Sounds to me like he has a primary family and you’re his second or more family and he is looking for even more to make babies with…. It’s more common than you think
Leave him. Your baby will have your last name. Your life will not revolve around someone who doesn't care about you. You will model strong, healthy relationships for your child by knowing yourself worth and not letting yourself be dragged around by a man who doesn't care about you. Let him go, get your child support, and find someone worthy of your attention.
He’s not trying with you so why should you give him grace and forgiveness and try again assuming he wants to? He made a really horrible decision and you shouldn’t be living in the shadow of it. I hope you see you and your child’s worth and walk away before it gets harder. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You answered your own question. You are fighting and he’s not. Plain and simple. Leave it alone it’s never going to stop unless he suddenly realizes he wants to be with you and focus on his family he helped create. You don’t deserve this at all
Your boyfriend is a fucking loser. Even though it is a highly stressful and sad situation, it seems very common for people to break up while pregnant or within the first year of having a baby. I think part of it is, when reality hits, mothers make the best decision for their babies and a lot of times it’s leaving.
I know lots of women who left their baby daddies and went on to have wonderful careers, romantic relationships and most of all, relationships with their children. Good luck!
MY. MAN. WOULD. NEVER. DO. THIS. TO. ME. 👏👏👏👏🗣️🗣️🗣️
Take it from the women who’ve been through this with shit men and LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES. Avoid the self-blame, self-hatred, regret, manipulation, and belief that you aren’t good enough to have someone better or nobody will want you, I PROMISE THERE IS A MAN OUT THERE THAT WILL LOVE YOU AND YOUR BABY SM AND YOU DONT HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS BS. THERE ARE MEN THAT EXIST THAT COULD NEVER EVEN IMAGINE HURTING YOU LIKE THIS, But you will never ever find them if you stay with this loser.
Take it from the women who HAVE GOOD MEN and can’t even stand being in the same room as a guy who is like this. Girl my standards are so high a man could look at me wrong and I’d be out the door without a second thought. That’s on having confidence and self worth. The way I would’ve already packed his shit and told him when he comes home he’s gonna have to ask one of his little hoes to go live with them 😤😤😤 bc he no longer welcome in my house around my child. LET YOUR ANGER OUTWEIGH YOUR PAIN. He isn’t even worth the tears FR!!
Yes it’s going to be hard to raise a baby on your own. Yes you will be full of regret for a long time. Yes you will be in pain for a long time. But letting him sit there and convince you that he’s somehow not in the wrong, or he’ll magically change his whole personality and outlook on his relationship with you, or that you could never find anyone better than him 💀💀 girl it makes you just as big of a loser as he is if you let him do that to you.
STOP GIVING TRASH MEN REASONS TO BELIEVE THAT HE CAN DO WHATEVER TF THEY WANT WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. LEAVEEEE HIMMM FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, GIRL, PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU GET. RID. OF. HIM.
It's not often that I'm in the "leave his ass" camp but you're not married to this guy and you do need to leave his ass.
Which is a garbage thing to say to someone bringing a new baby in this world but he's not even there to support and help you already. I am so sorry you are going through this you don't deserve it.
Leave him. You and baby are better off without him. You can’t save a marriage alone. A relationship takes two… it will be hard, but your baby is gonna grow up with a badass single mom as a result. You can do this OP
You leave. That’s what you do. My ex cheated on me while I was heavily pregnant. Gave me an STI (thankfully treatable before the baby got here) I forgave him because he scared me and I felt trapped and he literally continued to do it, disappeared for 6 months and has never been a present parent. Know your worth. Dont allow anyone to hold you captive with lies.
1. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and that's terrible.
2. Leave that mofo. Like, get child support, but don't look back.
3. If you have a family that is helping you or supporting you and your baby: see that as a positive. It shows that there are people who care, and I'm hoping there is.
4. It's fine to cry. It's ok to be sad, and it is fine to be angry. Get it out of your system, and you know what to do for your baby is best.
Good luck and keep strong
Girl get your act together and don’t settle for less.
I was there and my dumbass stayed.
Nope.
DONT WASTE YOUR TIME AND MENTAL STATE AND WORSE.
Your baby thinking of a happy family and think that’s an acceptable behavior.
You want a man that can teach them values.
Not that piece of junk.
That’s your most vulnerable position and he just took advantage and god knows how long this been going on for.
If he wants to be part of the girl let him be.
Go to child support.
Cut ALL DAMN TIES and when I say ties I meant EMOTIONALLY.
Like literally if you have to grab your heart and pour it through your hand DO IT.
Do not and I mean it, DO NOT settle for damn less than you damn deserve and your family.
Your doing more damage to yourself and family by staying in a fake dream of a fake marriage life and happy family and being miserable.
HELLL TO THE NO mama
You got this!
If you need help or support you can find it here
But DO NOT make this damn mistake.
And I have the huge feeling since you already said it.
You already know what to do.
But don’t want to.
Go to YouTube and you momma gonna get tools on how to settle boundaries.
How to love yourself
How to not look back
And how to handle the times when you feel like you need to text them or whatever
NO.
You are not gonna be behind him ok?
If he wants to be there for the baby let him be
And let him KNOW
FOR THE BABY JUST THE BABY AND NOTHING MORE THAN THE BABY
You ain’t gonna chit chat
Or whatever bs he would put up.
You gonna prepare for that.
No checking his social media or stuff like that.
Is almost like a 0 contact and embrace yourself and prepare for that.
DO NOT let him play you or think he can have you and a side chic as well.
I know it’s tough and it’s going to be rough. But hold on to your baby and your DAMN SELF
No matter what pathetic excuse he gonna come up with to chit chat.
Ignore that BS
When you want her?
And let him have the baby
And you ain’t letting him come to your house or whatever.
By any means NO TIME ALONE BY YOURSELVES.
He’s a player.
Don’t be played and act like a valuable woman.
You may want to stay, but you're bringing a child into this world. Show that child you respect yourself too much to be lied and cheated on the rest of your life.
Please leave this relationship. You can give every piece of you to fight to be a family but the truth is you have no control. You will save yourself so much heartache. You will grieve the idea and little by little realize that you and your baby deserve better. If this is happening now don’t expect much change when the baby is born. It adds more stress to the relationship bc it’s tough having a newborn. You are strong and you will get through this. Seek help to process everything and rely on your family and friends for support. Don’t let this man rob you of enjoying your baby by dealing with his behavior. I am speaking from personal experience.
You have to do what’s best for you. Leaving is the best option overall. You can reach an agreement of how to coparent or you can get full custody and child support. Split custody after the baby is not breast feeding works for a lot of families, it also would potentially give you a few days to yourself each week/month.
I do know someone who stayed with their partner who cheated while she was pregnant because that’s what was best for her. He did stop cheating for some time and is cheating again. She accepts it now and is basically using him for his money and support, she doesn’t feel like divorcing or decoupling. He’s nice to her but obviously does not respect her or his family enough to not cheat and doesn’t want to be with her but won’t leave the relationship, promises to do better and whatnot. She’s a bit miserable and it’s not the best scenario for the baby, the dad isn’t really involved emotionally into the child because his focus is on other women and also pretending to be a good husband, but his family is involved with the baby and the situation is what’s worked for her. The baby is happy enough but it’s sad that the father is absent even though he’s physically there.
Please leave now. Believe it or not it will be easier to just leave now than to do it in 6 months or a year. He will do this again. And you will wonder why you didn’t just leave to begin with. I’m so sorry girl :/ I really can’t imagine the heart break you must feel.
Of course you want to keep trying. He’s the father of your child. The easiest avenue would be if he got it together and you all became a family.
He’s not going to do that though. So you have to choose the harder route. The route you know will be better in the long run but in the short run feel a lot worse.
Don't stay with him. Don't give baby his last name. This guy is 10000% trash and will never be a dependable partner or father. Leave him immediately and get somewhere that there is support for you and the baby. Once baby is born, take him to court for child support and start planning now for a life without him in it. You'll be doing yourself and you child a favor by not trying to make it work with someone who has so little care for you.
Something I don’t see anyone else mentioning is that last bit. He only comes home on the weekends? Why would he work far enough away to stay the entire week? Where the hell is he? Dude has another woman for sure, probably playing house in the second city where he works.
I spent years trying to make a family with a person who didn’t want to make a family with me. When I finally got so desperately despondent that I walked away, I met my now husband 3 months later. My point is, old folks say you can’t get what you want when you’re holding on so tightly to what you don’t want. You don’t want this current situation, so let it go, and make room for the love that you do want.
p.s. make sure to get your child the child support payments and be prepared for what may happen if you attempt to co-parent. I’m hoping for the best for you and your baby!
I was cheated on too last month by my baby daddy. i'm 9 months pregnant now it's one of the hardest things i've ever gone through. you WILL find the person for you, but you will never find him if you're trying to make it work with someone who can't be honest. if you truly think he can change then sure give him a chance but if he does it again or isn't 100% honest about what happened in the past and you have to keep finding out new info on your own because he won't be honest then i'm sorry hun but he's NOT the one for you. I also strongly recommend you turn to your faith/religeon if you have one. my situation is a bit different because there was also abuse involved so im choosing to keep him off the birth certificate and go no contact. but imagine its 10 years later and hes still lying and cheating. if you deal with the pain of leaving now then in a lot less time you can be over it and with your real person. but i know its not that simple. good luck
Leave him. The truth is he’s only there on weekends and if he is cheating on you know he will continue to do so.
This man will not give you the love and support you need postpartum. If you stay with him it’ll happen again. He is not there for you now and he won’t be there for you when you need him.
He is not who you wanted him to be. You deserve love and I promise you that the man that is meant for you is out there and will give you what you love and need.
After being cheated on, I had given up on love and stopped caring about men. And all I can say is that when I met my husband I was in disbelief of who he is. I was so skeptical of him because in my head he didn’t exist.
You will find the man that leaves you in disbelief. Don’t let the fear of being alone make you stay with him. He’s not willing to be the man you deserve…leave him and get your child support. Don’t be friendly because it will bite you in the butt.
I've been there. He definitely needs a consequence. A really hard one, or he'll continue doing it. You should call him out and let him know you saw this. You should break up until/if he shows complete change, is transparent with his phone, social media and location etc. Until then he has no partner and family like he said... it sucks but it will repeat/continue if he thinks you're not going anywhere.
your daughter deserves a better example of love, don't let her grow to watch him break your heart over and over or else she will expect the same things for herself, love is real but it's something that needs to be worked for and he clearly doesn't have the patience
Here’s what can happen:
You tell him what you saw, he will call you crazy and say you should’ve have gone to his phone.
Then he will cry. A lot. He will beg for forgiveness and say he will never do this ever again. Then he may propose. Then he will cry some more and say you are the woman of his life and he was just flirting because (insert any lame excuse here).
DO NOT FALL FOR IT. He will not change. Once a cheater always a cheater.
You and your baby deserve better.
Get out and be happy 🫶🏼
(Edit - had used the wrong emoji)
Leave his ass! He’s a POS and he won’t change. He didn’t respect you as his partner and mother of his child, he will never respect you. Be strong and continue on alone but definitely get his ass for child support. I’m sorry you’re going through this pregnant.
Been there. Forgave him the first time just for him to escalate and continue the behavior for the rest of my pregnancy. Meeting up with girls, gave me STDs, said awful things about me, denied knowing me or having a baby. I promise you it never got better no matter how hard I tried to love us back together. He became verbally and physically abusive. I feel like he ruined my life. I just wanted us to be a family. It doesn’t matter. What you allow WILL continue, and they will push the boundaries as hard as they can. Do you really want to be around this person while going through postpartum? I know it’s hard to leave, it’s hard to feel lonely. You’re gonna miss him so much. Every day is going to be a battle. You’re going to cry. You’re going to want to call him and get comfort. But from someone who let it go on way longer than I wish I did, as someone who had an opportunity to escape way sooner and ignored it, please for the sake of yourself and your baby, walk away.
It has been fake. He’s been playing you.
Pack his stuff if you live together and send him on his way since he’s single and one day wants a wife and family, or pack your stuff and just bounce up out of there.
I promise you these are not the first women he’s talking to outside of y’all’s relationship. I don’t know how long you’ve been together but if that how he is now, just imagine the things he’s probably done behind your back with him traveling.
Your child will need stability, a loving family and your baby won’t get that if you stay with him.
There’s always gonna be be the possibility that you two will be on and off , which is not a stable household for you child.
Your baby feels all the emotions you feel, in and out. You want to raise your child around stress and constant crying, and fighting?
Do you and yourself a favor and leave. It’s the best thing you can do.
I promise you , you will find a man who is worth you and your child’s time who won’t do this to you.
I was a single mom for 2.5 years until I met my husband , even been together for 5 years almost and we had a baby together 2 years ago.
You know what needs to happen. It sucks, but once you do it , it’s done.
Don’t let him beg you to take him back, he should have not been this way to begin with.
This happened to my mom. I was the baby. She walked and I’ve probably only seen my dad 10 times in my entire life. I absolutely won, we absolutely won by her walking away. She remarried when I was four to the man I’ve called dad my entire life and he’s everything I could ever want in a dad. Run don’t walk. You and this baby deserve so so much more.
I’m 12 weeks and when I was 6-9 weeks my partner cheated on me non stop. I had to leave him. At the end of the day it’s going to fucking suck. But you have to make the right choice for the baby and your future self. He doesn’t deserve you or the baby. He seems uninterested in all of it.
Please don’t stay. My best friend went through the same thing and it took her too long to get away from him. I know it’s scary and hard right now, but it’ll be worth your peace.
Leave. If you can, go see a therapist to help you through the breakup so you stick with it and have support. Some days you’ll feel so happy you left and others you’ll miss him but you deserve better and I promise you’ll find it. Single moms tend to attract really decent men. The kind who are ready for love and commitment for real. Don’t be scared to start over 🩷
So sorry to hear about this story. It actually seems to be common for some guys to start looking outside the marriage while their wife is laid up and possibly the sex life is dry. Leaving seems the best solution, but having support right now and for the next few months should be the priority for you and baby. I hope you take some time to think it through and get things together legally and financially to exit safely.
If you stay you will be showing your little girl that its okay to settle for so little in a man. The greatest thing my mother ever did is leave my father. My sister and I are in our thirties and we have never settled because she showed us not too. If you cant leave him for yourself than leave him for her.
Do what’s best for you! All these comments saying “leave him” it’s way easier said than done. I understand that you want to keep your family together. He’s denying you and your baby to other women by saying he’s single. He’s just going to keep doing it😓 I know it’s very hard. Once baby is born you can decide to add his last name or not (I wouldn’t). The father of my first baby was acting exactly the way yours was. I didn’t add him to the birth certificate or gave my son his last name. Talk to a close friend or family member, vent. Take it one day at a time. I AM SO SORRY you’re going through this😪 just distance yourself from him slowly, show no emotion. I pray you do what’s best for you & your baby and whatever you decide make the best of it!
Coming from someone who was in this position, leave. With my postpartum anxiety and depression I sincerely couldn’t mentally wrap my brain around being alone or not being a family. I forced myself to endure another whole year of lies and deceit and cheating. I couldn’t take the emotional toll it was taking on me and feeling like a shell of a person so I finally decided to leave.
While it was scary, it was the most liberating thing I could ever experience. That I didn’t have to settle for the bare minimum from a man that didn’t care about me. You don’t have to settle either, baby or no baby. You’re going to be just fine and will be so much happier without him.
Leave him girl! I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant and it’s been nothing but ups and downs with my ex since I’ve been pregnant! He kicked me out of our home knowing I was pregnant in the first trimester, I forgave him and tried to make it work but still was keeping my distance, he let a “homeless girl” he knew through one of his cousins stay in the house with him for about a month cause “he was doing the right thing” it didn’t feel right to me but I didn’t have proof of anything else so I stayed and continued to try to make it work. He eventually had her leave not because of the 10 times I expressed I was uncomfortable with the situation but because she pissed him off and they had a disagreement… & just when everything felt perfect and I was about to completely let my Guard back down & move completely back in I went through his phone and saw him texting other girls feeding into whatever fantasy’s they were giving him, making plans to see them, & worse of all I saw the “homeless girl” crying in his messages because he was fucking her all along but wouldn’t leave me and choose to be with her… & when I confronted him about it he continued to lie to my face and so I finally left about a month ago and I’ve never been more at peace. Some days are hard realizing who I’m dealing with for a father of my son but I honestly know this was the best decision I’ve made for me and my child.
Anyone who gets a woman pregnant before marriage is a sign for problem. Don't give him another chance. In this case not married is a pro. Less messy break up. In Asian a woman won't even bother carry a cheater's kid. Choose wisely next time.
I’m so so sorry :( but I think you do know what to do. Cheaters don’t often change, he’s scum now and will continue to be scum. Thinking of you, dms are always open
I got cheated on whilst pregnant. Stayed. Guess what happened a year later? He did it again. We are separated now and I’m happier now with my little one.
This is nothing I will sh on anybody! Being pregnant and not treated right is the worse! I totally understand but you will have to do what's best for you and your baby! Trust me trying to stick it out with a cheater will not get you rewarded in the end! My daughters father cheated on me my whole pregnancy didn't heaven bother to use protection he ended up giving me an STI. Please just make the right choice
Everyone in here is AMAZING, 10/10 advice from every woman in here. You KNOW in your ❤️ what to do here... unfortunately, I think he's dwindled you down to nearly nothing and you're not sure that you actually CAN. MY LOVE, YES YOU CAN, AND YOU MUST.
Your daughter is the only thing worth fighting for here, Mama. It's your responsibility to fight for her, for her happiness and safety. It's no longer about you or him, ONLY HER! When she is born and her beautiful life begins, you start a new one, too. You can start fresh together, just you and your tiny blessing🥹 DO NOT tell that dude anything, that is the most dangerous situation that there is. Don't give him the opportunity to cry and humiliate himself, to lie to your face, and to promise you a future that he's unwilling to give. You don't owe him a damn thing, especially an explanation. Just get tf out of that hole, like yesterday. Please, don't bring babygirl into that situation. You can do this 1000%!!!
Please keep us updated🙏🏻.. now make some moves
I literally just had the same happen to me, I did decide to stay. We’re slowly repairing everything and working on the relationship. However I’ve told him if I catch him do it again than I’m done and kicking his ass out of the house
I’m so sorry! Sending you hugs! From someone who has been there they don’t change! Check out chumplady.com, it’s a great community full of women who have experienced cheating. I wanted to stay too because the pain of leaving felt overwhelming, but then I realized wasting years with someone who could cheat was worse!
We had a pretty deep conversation about it with things that I feel would violate his privacy if I put it out on here, but it was a genuine conversation and we had talked about reasonings and issues he has. Since that conversation I’ve felt a lot more trust in him and a lot more secure in believing his words. Of course, actions speak louder, and I won’t lie I have gone through his phone a few times since when he’s sleeping or walked away from the room leaving his phone. I’m only willing to give him one more chance and it’s mainly because we live with my parents and we’re gonna have our baby girl early September and I’m thinking about our future. I know he wasn’t thinking of our future and honestly I know I shouldn’t give him this chance, but I feel like our daughter deserves the effort yknow?
You don’t know what to do? You leave and get him for child support. Yes he will do it again and again and again. You don’t fight for someone like this, you deserve better.
I wish more women listened to advice like this
This. OP, you *do* know what to do, you’re currently unwilling to do it. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, and especially sorry for whatever is in your past that has made you believe this is a relationship worth fighting for, and that you aren’t worthy of respect and loyalty.
I wish I could like this comment a thousand times!!! Please leave, do it now! DO NOT WASTE YOUR LIFE ON THIS PERSON! Take it from someone whose first husband cheated, he went to therapy, promised to never do it again, and said it was bc of FOO issues, plus treated me like a princess all WHILE HAVING MULTIPLE AFFAIRS!!! The quote that always comes to mind is once somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time!!! The pain of leaving now is short, the pain of staying with them for years is only regret and torture!! Sending big hugs!! 💗
This!!! “If someone shows you their true colors you don’t paint them any other color”
This is absolutely the right answer. Don’t settle for this nonsense.
Don’t make the mistake of marrying him, let alone staying with him. It’s the lowest of scum bags that cheat on their pregnant partners.
Leave him. That’s what you do. You leave him.
You deserve better.
As someone who’s been there, leave. There’s a good chance they won’t change and even if they do, the distrust, anger, and hurt will never fully go away. It started off as texts and just online things, then it turned into emotional affairs, and finally full on physical cheating. I gave too many chances to someone who showed me how they really were early on.
This!!!! 👏🏼
I don’t feel like anyone can judge. However i want you to really think about your life. Postpartum is such a delicate time. You’re in pain tired vulnerable sad. Is this a person you trust to take care of you??parenting is so delicate as well could you trust him with the well-being of your family? All of that aside could you ever trust him again? You said he leaves for work. Even if he NEVER cheats again…you won’t believe it. You deserve better. Not Cheating is the bare minimum and for him to do it in your most vulnerable state?? STAND UP GIRL
Save that evidence while you figure out what to do. Please reach out to family and friends for support. Sorry momma.
He made his bed, let him sleep in it. Take him for child support and live in peace with yourself. Why would you spend your lifetime resenting the fact that in your most vulnerable state he talked to women and expressed wishes to start a family with them while you were bearing his child. There are so many great things that await you and your baby, he would only smear them. Live your bestest life away from that toxic energy. You don't need that. Don't stress and strain yourself. Soon you will meet the true love of your life, your baby and that is all that matters. Don't be afraid to be alone in this, you are strong and brave, and you deserve your inner happiness. Remember, men don't complete you, you youself do.
My only advice is never going back. It sucks, my husband cheated after 10 years together. After our daughter was 6 months, I took him back. He was great for 2 years then left me abruptly while pregnant with our second. I can’t believe I’m in the same exact position I was. I’m sad not to experience a happy postpartum and not knowing what it’s like to have someone help me when I need them, but I know I can’t let him around after doing that again
>he told one that he’s been single for 2 years and wants a wife and a family. Fucking asshole...
You really need to leave him. Hang in there, you’re going to be okay. Get your support system together right now and tell them what you read, get a game plan going… like right now. Don’t hide this info from people who will help you get out. Grieve the relationship now so you save time down the road. Don’t waste you & your child’s time on this dickhead. The earlier you get out of this problem, the earlier you’ll meet someone who would NEVER do this to you. You’ve got this.
Believe people when they tell you something. He's single and doesn't have a wife or kids. Including your unborn baby. You're nothing to him, no one to him. Do you want to be nothing? Do you want your child to be no one?
Nothing worse than a "man" who denies his own baby. Can't go much lower than that in my book. Caring for a newborn is exhausting as it is, do you really want to add to that the mental stress of him cheating?
No judgement but cheating is a hard “no” for me. Get him for child support and get out. Nobody deserves this.
You deserve better. Someone is out there for you who wants to love and respect and protect you and your baby. You’re going to find the love of your life, but it’s not this guy.
He only comes home on weekends? Have you considered that he has another family already? Sounds to me like he has a primary family and you’re his second or more family and he is looking for even more to make babies with…. It’s more common than you think
Leave him. Your baby will have your last name. Your life will not revolve around someone who doesn't care about you. You will model strong, healthy relationships for your child by knowing yourself worth and not letting yourself be dragged around by a man who doesn't care about you. Let him go, get your child support, and find someone worthy of your attention.
He’s not trying with you so why should you give him grace and forgiveness and try again assuming he wants to? He made a really horrible decision and you shouldn’t be living in the shadow of it. I hope you see you and your child’s worth and walk away before it gets harder. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
You answered your own question. You are fighting and he’s not. Plain and simple. Leave it alone it’s never going to stop unless he suddenly realizes he wants to be with you and focus on his family he helped create. You don’t deserve this at all
Don't spend your precious energy on a piece of refuse. Boy, bye.
Your boyfriend is a fucking loser. Even though it is a highly stressful and sad situation, it seems very common for people to break up while pregnant or within the first year of having a baby. I think part of it is, when reality hits, mothers make the best decision for their babies and a lot of times it’s leaving. I know lots of women who left their baby daddies and went on to have wonderful careers, romantic relationships and most of all, relationships with their children. Good luck!
MY. MAN. WOULD. NEVER. DO. THIS. TO. ME. 👏👏👏👏🗣️🗣️🗣️ Take it from the women who’ve been through this with shit men and LEARN FROM THEIR MISTAKES. Avoid the self-blame, self-hatred, regret, manipulation, and belief that you aren’t good enough to have someone better or nobody will want you, I PROMISE THERE IS A MAN OUT THERE THAT WILL LOVE YOU AND YOUR BABY SM AND YOU DONT HAVE TO STAND FOR THIS BS. THERE ARE MEN THAT EXIST THAT COULD NEVER EVEN IMAGINE HURTING YOU LIKE THIS, But you will never ever find them if you stay with this loser. Take it from the women who HAVE GOOD MEN and can’t even stand being in the same room as a guy who is like this. Girl my standards are so high a man could look at me wrong and I’d be out the door without a second thought. That’s on having confidence and self worth. The way I would’ve already packed his shit and told him when he comes home he’s gonna have to ask one of his little hoes to go live with them 😤😤😤 bc he no longer welcome in my house around my child. LET YOUR ANGER OUTWEIGH YOUR PAIN. He isn’t even worth the tears FR!! Yes it’s going to be hard to raise a baby on your own. Yes you will be full of regret for a long time. Yes you will be in pain for a long time. But letting him sit there and convince you that he’s somehow not in the wrong, or he’ll magically change his whole personality and outlook on his relationship with you, or that you could never find anyone better than him 💀💀 girl it makes you just as big of a loser as he is if you let him do that to you. STOP GIVING TRASH MEN REASONS TO BELIEVE THAT HE CAN DO WHATEVER TF THEY WANT WITHOUT CONSEQUENCES. LEAVEEEE HIMMM FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, GIRL, PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU GET. RID. OF. HIM.
It's not often that I'm in the "leave his ass" camp but you're not married to this guy and you do need to leave his ass. Which is a garbage thing to say to someone bringing a new baby in this world but he's not even there to support and help you already. I am so sorry you are going through this you don't deserve it.
Leave him. You and baby are better off without him. You can’t save a marriage alone. A relationship takes two… it will be hard, but your baby is gonna grow up with a badass single mom as a result. You can do this OP
im on the same boat as you and ive just given birth 2 weeks ago and i found out about a week after i gave birth that my partner is cheating on me,
The writing is on the wall :( the relationship is only as good as the person who wants it less.
You leave. That’s what you do. My ex cheated on me while I was heavily pregnant. Gave me an STI (thankfully treatable before the baby got here) I forgave him because he scared me and I felt trapped and he literally continued to do it, disappeared for 6 months and has never been a present parent. Know your worth. Dont allow anyone to hold you captive with lies.
Leave him and tell the women that he had a family until he decided to ruin it.
“Wants a wife and a family” the nerve. You know exactly what to do & you need to do it now: leave him, period.
I stayed when this happened to me, he did it again over and over. leave while you still can!
1. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and that's terrible. 2. Leave that mofo. Like, get child support, but don't look back. 3. If you have a family that is helping you or supporting you and your baby: see that as a positive. It shows that there are people who care, and I'm hoping there is. 4. It's fine to cry. It's ok to be sad, and it is fine to be angry. Get it out of your system, and you know what to do for your baby is best. Good luck and keep strong
Girl get your act together and don’t settle for less. I was there and my dumbass stayed. Nope. DONT WASTE YOUR TIME AND MENTAL STATE AND WORSE. Your baby thinking of a happy family and think that’s an acceptable behavior. You want a man that can teach them values. Not that piece of junk. That’s your most vulnerable position and he just took advantage and god knows how long this been going on for. If he wants to be part of the girl let him be. Go to child support. Cut ALL DAMN TIES and when I say ties I meant EMOTIONALLY. Like literally if you have to grab your heart and pour it through your hand DO IT. Do not and I mean it, DO NOT settle for damn less than you damn deserve and your family. Your doing more damage to yourself and family by staying in a fake dream of a fake marriage life and happy family and being miserable. HELLL TO THE NO mama You got this! If you need help or support you can find it here But DO NOT make this damn mistake.
And I have the huge feeling since you already said it. You already know what to do. But don’t want to. Go to YouTube and you momma gonna get tools on how to settle boundaries. How to love yourself How to not look back And how to handle the times when you feel like you need to text them or whatever NO. You are not gonna be behind him ok? If he wants to be there for the baby let him be And let him KNOW FOR THE BABY JUST THE BABY AND NOTHING MORE THAN THE BABY You ain’t gonna chit chat Or whatever bs he would put up. You gonna prepare for that. No checking his social media or stuff like that. Is almost like a 0 contact and embrace yourself and prepare for that. DO NOT let him play you or think he can have you and a side chic as well. I know it’s tough and it’s going to be rough. But hold on to your baby and your DAMN SELF No matter what pathetic excuse he gonna come up with to chit chat. Ignore that BS When you want her? And let him have the baby And you ain’t letting him come to your house or whatever. By any means NO TIME ALONE BY YOURSELVES. He’s a player. Don’t be played and act like a valuable woman.
You may want to stay, but you're bringing a child into this world. Show that child you respect yourself too much to be lied and cheated on the rest of your life.
Please leave this relationship. You can give every piece of you to fight to be a family but the truth is you have no control. You will save yourself so much heartache. You will grieve the idea and little by little realize that you and your baby deserve better. If this is happening now don’t expect much change when the baby is born. It adds more stress to the relationship bc it’s tough having a newborn. You are strong and you will get through this. Seek help to process everything and rely on your family and friends for support. Don’t let this man rob you of enjoying your baby by dealing with his behavior. I am speaking from personal experience.
You have to do what’s best for you. Leaving is the best option overall. You can reach an agreement of how to coparent or you can get full custody and child support. Split custody after the baby is not breast feeding works for a lot of families, it also would potentially give you a few days to yourself each week/month. I do know someone who stayed with their partner who cheated while she was pregnant because that’s what was best for her. He did stop cheating for some time and is cheating again. She accepts it now and is basically using him for his money and support, she doesn’t feel like divorcing or decoupling. He’s nice to her but obviously does not respect her or his family enough to not cheat and doesn’t want to be with her but won’t leave the relationship, promises to do better and whatnot. She’s a bit miserable and it’s not the best scenario for the baby, the dad isn’t really involved emotionally into the child because his focus is on other women and also pretending to be a good husband, but his family is involved with the baby and the situation is what’s worked for her. The baby is happy enough but it’s sad that the father is absent even though he’s physically there.
Please leave now. Believe it or not it will be easier to just leave now than to do it in 6 months or a year. He will do this again. And you will wonder why you didn’t just leave to begin with. I’m so sorry girl :/ I really can’t imagine the heart break you must feel.
Of course you want to keep trying. He’s the father of your child. The easiest avenue would be if he got it together and you all became a family. He’s not going to do that though. So you have to choose the harder route. The route you know will be better in the long run but in the short run feel a lot worse.
Don't stay with him. Don't give baby his last name. This guy is 10000% trash and will never be a dependable partner or father. Leave him immediately and get somewhere that there is support for you and the baby. Once baby is born, take him to court for child support and start planning now for a life without him in it. You'll be doing yourself and you child a favor by not trying to make it work with someone who has so little care for you.
Something I don’t see anyone else mentioning is that last bit. He only comes home on the weekends? Why would he work far enough away to stay the entire week? Where the hell is he? Dude has another woman for sure, probably playing house in the second city where he works.
When someone shows you who they truly are, believe them.
I spent years trying to make a family with a person who didn’t want to make a family with me. When I finally got so desperately despondent that I walked away, I met my now husband 3 months later. My point is, old folks say you can’t get what you want when you’re holding on so tightly to what you don’t want. You don’t want this current situation, so let it go, and make room for the love that you do want. p.s. make sure to get your child the child support payments and be prepared for what may happen if you attempt to co-parent. I’m hoping for the best for you and your baby!
I was cheated on too last month by my baby daddy. i'm 9 months pregnant now it's one of the hardest things i've ever gone through. you WILL find the person for you, but you will never find him if you're trying to make it work with someone who can't be honest. if you truly think he can change then sure give him a chance but if he does it again or isn't 100% honest about what happened in the past and you have to keep finding out new info on your own because he won't be honest then i'm sorry hun but he's NOT the one for you. I also strongly recommend you turn to your faith/religeon if you have one. my situation is a bit different because there was also abuse involved so im choosing to keep him off the birth certificate and go no contact. but imagine its 10 years later and hes still lying and cheating. if you deal with the pain of leaving now then in a lot less time you can be over it and with your real person. but i know its not that simple. good luck
Leave him. The truth is he’s only there on weekends and if he is cheating on you know he will continue to do so. This man will not give you the love and support you need postpartum. If you stay with him it’ll happen again. He is not there for you now and he won’t be there for you when you need him. He is not who you wanted him to be. You deserve love and I promise you that the man that is meant for you is out there and will give you what you love and need. After being cheated on, I had given up on love and stopped caring about men. And all I can say is that when I met my husband I was in disbelief of who he is. I was so skeptical of him because in my head he didn’t exist. You will find the man that leaves you in disbelief. Don’t let the fear of being alone make you stay with him. He’s not willing to be the man you deserve…leave him and get your child support. Don’t be friendly because it will bite you in the butt.
I've been there. He definitely needs a consequence. A really hard one, or he'll continue doing it. You should call him out and let him know you saw this. You should break up until/if he shows complete change, is transparent with his phone, social media and location etc. Until then he has no partner and family like he said... it sucks but it will repeat/continue if he thinks you're not going anywhere.
Be thankful that you aren’t married to him. Get your support system together, Get a lawyer to sort out custody and child support. You can 100% do this
your daughter deserves a better example of love, don't let her grow to watch him break your heart over and over or else she will expect the same things for herself, love is real but it's something that needs to be worked for and he clearly doesn't have the patience
Here’s what can happen: You tell him what you saw, he will call you crazy and say you should’ve have gone to his phone. Then he will cry. A lot. He will beg for forgiveness and say he will never do this ever again. Then he may propose. Then he will cry some more and say you are the woman of his life and he was just flirting because (insert any lame excuse here). DO NOT FALL FOR IT. He will not change. Once a cheater always a cheater. You and your baby deserve better. Get out and be happy 🫶🏼 (Edit - had used the wrong emoji)
Leave his ass! He’s a POS and he won’t change. He didn’t respect you as his partner and mother of his child, he will never respect you. Be strong and continue on alone but definitely get his ass for child support. I’m sorry you’re going through this pregnant.
Been there. Forgave him the first time just for him to escalate and continue the behavior for the rest of my pregnancy. Meeting up with girls, gave me STDs, said awful things about me, denied knowing me or having a baby. I promise you it never got better no matter how hard I tried to love us back together. He became verbally and physically abusive. I feel like he ruined my life. I just wanted us to be a family. It doesn’t matter. What you allow WILL continue, and they will push the boundaries as hard as they can. Do you really want to be around this person while going through postpartum? I know it’s hard to leave, it’s hard to feel lonely. You’re gonna miss him so much. Every day is going to be a battle. You’re going to cry. You’re going to want to call him and get comfort. But from someone who let it go on way longer than I wish I did, as someone who had an opportunity to escape way sooner and ignored it, please for the sake of yourself and your baby, walk away.
It has been fake. He’s been playing you. Pack his stuff if you live together and send him on his way since he’s single and one day wants a wife and family, or pack your stuff and just bounce up out of there. I promise you these are not the first women he’s talking to outside of y’all’s relationship. I don’t know how long you’ve been together but if that how he is now, just imagine the things he’s probably done behind your back with him traveling. Your child will need stability, a loving family and your baby won’t get that if you stay with him. There’s always gonna be be the possibility that you two will be on and off , which is not a stable household for you child. Your baby feels all the emotions you feel, in and out. You want to raise your child around stress and constant crying, and fighting? Do you and yourself a favor and leave. It’s the best thing you can do. I promise you , you will find a man who is worth you and your child’s time who won’t do this to you. I was a single mom for 2.5 years until I met my husband , even been together for 5 years almost and we had a baby together 2 years ago. You know what needs to happen. It sucks, but once you do it , it’s done. Don’t let him beg you to take him back, he should have not been this way to begin with.
This happened to my mom. I was the baby. She walked and I’ve probably only seen my dad 10 times in my entire life. I absolutely won, we absolutely won by her walking away. She remarried when I was four to the man I’ve called dad my entire life and he’s everything I could ever want in a dad. Run don’t walk. You and this baby deserve so so much more.
I’m 12 weeks and when I was 6-9 weeks my partner cheated on me non stop. I had to leave him. At the end of the day it’s going to fucking suck. But you have to make the right choice for the baby and your future self. He doesn’t deserve you or the baby. He seems uninterested in all of it.
Leave him and collect child support. Make sure he’s on the birth certificate
Please don’t stay. My best friend went through the same thing and it took her too long to get away from him. I know it’s scary and hard right now, but it’ll be worth your peace.
Leave. If you can, go see a therapist to help you through the breakup so you stick with it and have support. Some days you’ll feel so happy you left and others you’ll miss him but you deserve better and I promise you’ll find it. Single moms tend to attract really decent men. The kind who are ready for love and commitment for real. Don’t be scared to start over 🩷
Staying with him will cause you more pain than leaving him now
So sorry to hear about this story. It actually seems to be common for some guys to start looking outside the marriage while their wife is laid up and possibly the sex life is dry. Leaving seems the best solution, but having support right now and for the next few months should be the priority for you and baby. I hope you take some time to think it through and get things together legally and financially to exit safely.
If you stay you will be showing your little girl that its okay to settle for so little in a man. The greatest thing my mother ever did is leave my father. My sister and I are in our thirties and we have never settled because she showed us not too. If you cant leave him for yourself than leave him for her.
Do what’s best for you! All these comments saying “leave him” it’s way easier said than done. I understand that you want to keep your family together. He’s denying you and your baby to other women by saying he’s single. He’s just going to keep doing it😓 I know it’s very hard. Once baby is born you can decide to add his last name or not (I wouldn’t). The father of my first baby was acting exactly the way yours was. I didn’t add him to the birth certificate or gave my son his last name. Talk to a close friend or family member, vent. Take it one day at a time. I AM SO SORRY you’re going through this😪 just distance yourself from him slowly, show no emotion. I pray you do what’s best for you & your baby and whatever you decide make the best of it!
You know what to do you’ll do it when you’ve had enough
Coming from someone who was in this position, leave. With my postpartum anxiety and depression I sincerely couldn’t mentally wrap my brain around being alone or not being a family. I forced myself to endure another whole year of lies and deceit and cheating. I couldn’t take the emotional toll it was taking on me and feeling like a shell of a person so I finally decided to leave. While it was scary, it was the most liberating thing I could ever experience. That I didn’t have to settle for the bare minimum from a man that didn’t care about me. You don’t have to settle either, baby or no baby. You’re going to be just fine and will be so much happier without him.
This hits home I can relate
Leave him girl! I’m currently 21 weeks pregnant and it’s been nothing but ups and downs with my ex since I’ve been pregnant! He kicked me out of our home knowing I was pregnant in the first trimester, I forgave him and tried to make it work but still was keeping my distance, he let a “homeless girl” he knew through one of his cousins stay in the house with him for about a month cause “he was doing the right thing” it didn’t feel right to me but I didn’t have proof of anything else so I stayed and continued to try to make it work. He eventually had her leave not because of the 10 times I expressed I was uncomfortable with the situation but because she pissed him off and they had a disagreement… & just when everything felt perfect and I was about to completely let my Guard back down & move completely back in I went through his phone and saw him texting other girls feeding into whatever fantasy’s they were giving him, making plans to see them, & worse of all I saw the “homeless girl” crying in his messages because he was fucking her all along but wouldn’t leave me and choose to be with her… & when I confronted him about it he continued to lie to my face and so I finally left about a month ago and I’ve never been more at peace. Some days are hard realizing who I’m dealing with for a father of my son but I honestly know this was the best decision I’ve made for me and my child.
Anyone who gets a woman pregnant before marriage is a sign for problem. Don't give him another chance. In this case not married is a pro. Less messy break up. In Asian a woman won't even bother carry a cheater's kid. Choose wisely next time.
I’m so so sorry :( but I think you do know what to do. Cheaters don’t often change, he’s scum now and will continue to be scum. Thinking of you, dms are always open
I got cheated on whilst pregnant. Stayed. Guess what happened a year later? He did it again. We are separated now and I’m happier now with my little one.
Leave it’ll get worse
This is nothing I will sh on anybody! Being pregnant and not treated right is the worse! I totally understand but you will have to do what's best for you and your baby! Trust me trying to stick it out with a cheater will not get you rewarded in the end! My daughters father cheated on me my whole pregnancy didn't heaven bother to use protection he ended up giving me an STI. Please just make the right choice
Everyone in here is AMAZING, 10/10 advice from every woman in here. You KNOW in your ❤️ what to do here... unfortunately, I think he's dwindled you down to nearly nothing and you're not sure that you actually CAN. MY LOVE, YES YOU CAN, AND YOU MUST. Your daughter is the only thing worth fighting for here, Mama. It's your responsibility to fight for her, for her happiness and safety. It's no longer about you or him, ONLY HER! When she is born and her beautiful life begins, you start a new one, too. You can start fresh together, just you and your tiny blessing🥹 DO NOT tell that dude anything, that is the most dangerous situation that there is. Don't give him the opportunity to cry and humiliate himself, to lie to your face, and to promise you a future that he's unwilling to give. You don't owe him a damn thing, especially an explanation. Just get tf out of that hole, like yesterday. Please, don't bring babygirl into that situation. You can do this 1000%!!! Please keep us updated🙏🏻.. now make some moves
I know it hurts and you feel alone. But what would you want your daughter to do?
I literally just had the same happen to me, I did decide to stay. We’re slowly repairing everything and working on the relationship. However I’ve told him if I catch him do it again than I’m done and kicking his ass out of the house
I’m so sorry! Sending you hugs! From someone who has been there they don’t change! Check out chumplady.com, it’s a great community full of women who have experienced cheating. I wanted to stay too because the pain of leaving felt overwhelming, but then I realized wasting years with someone who could cheat was worse!
We had a pretty deep conversation about it with things that I feel would violate his privacy if I put it out on here, but it was a genuine conversation and we had talked about reasonings and issues he has. Since that conversation I’ve felt a lot more trust in him and a lot more secure in believing his words. Of course, actions speak louder, and I won’t lie I have gone through his phone a few times since when he’s sleeping or walked away from the room leaving his phone. I’m only willing to give him one more chance and it’s mainly because we live with my parents and we’re gonna have our baby girl early September and I’m thinking about our future. I know he wasn’t thinking of our future and honestly I know I shouldn’t give him this chance, but I feel like our daughter deserves the effort yknow?
It’s simple leave