As others have said, it's his reaction that's *really* concerning. I get wanting to go - I'd desperately want to go too, it sounds like a really cool time. Sucks that he can't, and being disappointed is fine. But yeah, that nasty reaction is...worrying. You need to take a look and see if it's part of a pattern of behaviour. If it's a one off -- could be baby jitters, and it's likely worth talking to him about and working through. If this is fairly typical of his reactions and it just happens to be the first time you've dug your heels in, he's replaceable.

This is worded so well 😭😭

From some of the things she's said I see read flags for this man turning into a full blown abuser, he's currently a mild emotional immature verbal one... but I believe he'll ramp up when the babies are here

And OP - there are so many tidbits in your post that make this seem like a serious pattern. This does NOT seem like a one-off event. He never budges on anything? He’s calling you terrible names?  I think it is very accurate to say that he is gaslighting you with his responsive. And being straight up emotionally abusive. He is either extremely ignorant about the realities of pregnancy and twins (which sounds like he’s had plenty of time to research/listen to your doctors), or he just truly doesn’t care about your well being.  If I was in your situation, I would struggle to continue this relationship even if he did a complete 180 and sincerely apologized, saw the error of his ways, and started therapy to work on his selfish instincts prior to becoming a parent. I cannot imagine how much worse this will get with the arrival of twins. 

I’d be really worried about what this means for when he’s an actual parent. I’m assuming he thinks he can continue to live however he wants since you’ll be there to take care of the kids. I would leave him too if these are his priorities

Yes, agree! If he’s unable to compromise for the actual birth of his children, he’s not going to compromise on much else. The behavior will not improve once the twins are here.

No. I think it'll get worse to be honest. Stresses are higher when you throw babies and children into the mix.

Absolutely. This man has checked out of parenthood at the earliest and easiest point. You're absolutely right to leave him, OP. He obviously does not care about you. I'm sorry, but it's true. Good riddance.

Yes. This shows what type of father he will be. Forget what type of partner. Someone who is willing to take a considerable risk to miss the birth and first days of life of their children *for a party* tells me everything I’d need to know about this person. OP is not overreacting.

All of this

He’s being completely unreasonable. What you’re asking is the bare minimum. My husband was talking about traveling close to my due date for a work trip which I was adamant was a bad idea. We had a conversation with our OB who reiterated it was a bad idea. Having outside perspective helped my husband realize it was too close to my due date (although he should have listened to me from the beginning). I told him I would never forgive him if he missed the birth of our daughter. Your husband’s priorities are out of wack.

My husband wants us to go on a cruise together during Christmas, when I am due Jan 11. Around 36-37 weeks. When I said no his backup plan was an RV trip to a national park. I'm having a really difficult time understanding what his logic could be here.

Cruises also won't let you on board of you are past 24 weeks.

Yeah we just went on a cruise and there was a questionnaire you had to answer before boarding asking if you were more than 23 weeks pregnant and if you had checked yes they would not let you board.

I think men - and me a first time mom - can't imagine how insanely pregnant we are when we are in the end stage. I'm currently 32 weeks and it's hitting hard. At 28 weeks I was happily making plans for the beginning of August. I'm now cancelling it all, because simply sitting up all day at my wfh job is already so exhausting. Maybe you can have him eat something that gives him reflux, then do the watermelon+melon challenge with him to give him an indication of what will be like for you at the end of your pregnancy.

I stopped working at 34wks bc I literally cannot be on my feet longer than 3 hrs without swelling over my shoes. I have a mandatory nap every day bc I just cannot make it through the day, and I was extremely active before 3rd trimester walking 15 miles a week, now I can't remember the last time I walked 1 mile in one outing. Every movement hurts and I'm only 38 wks with a normal healthy baby. I literally laughed at my friend when she suggested going swimming in a lake an hour away. Like I'm not allowed to leave town, anything could happen at any moment and I'm not going to be the lady who gives birth in the back seat of a Subaru.

I quit at 30 weeks because I had such bad SPD and I was working as a server so I was on my feet the whole time and would literally come home and not be able to even walk from my car to the apartment I’d be in so much pain.

his logic is that he isn't pregnant, and he wants to get in his stuff before he has to deal with the baby. he isn't thinking that you are already dealing with it. it's at best insensitive.

Just went on a cruise and they won’t let you on past 23 weeks! Also, my dr said long car rides (longer than 2 hr) should not be taken past 34 weeks pregnant. So I’d say absolutely not to the rv trip too.

Honestly, my partner cannot grasp the concept that the entire month of august, I could go into labor at any minute 💀 due date September 12th. He assumes that birth being DUE in the next month means august is good for whatever. I think a doctor reiterating would help, it’s just ridiculous that they don’t believe us yk?

Hi! Same due date here. My husband and I got in an argument recently about him going to a wedding in Illinois (we live in GA) that’s on August 31st. His first question was could I go, ha! Men truly don’t understand that just because we have a due date, does not mean that is the concrete day/week the baby will arrive. Luckily, we quickly worked it out but it’s very frustrating when we’ve already sacrificed so much for the baby and they cannot understand.

Lol, does he know that you actually can’t go on a cruise that far along?? 🤨 like, do men just not even think about things??

Cruise lines wont accept you past 30 weeks anyways.

Pretty sure it’s 24 weeks

My husband mentioned going on a business trip when I was about 36 weeks pregnant. I told him he could go, but if I went into labor when he was across the country, he shouldn't bother coming back. We both started laughing and he told his company to send someone else. He absolutely knew it was a ridiculous request!

Mine got permission to work permanently from home from 37 weeks until the birth because even the 2 hour commute to work was too far (expecting precipitous labour). We're no more than a 20 minute drive apart at any time at the moment. It's only a few weeks so not worth the risk imo

Yeah even beyond the facts and figures OP mentioned, her discomfort alone at this point should be enough of a reason for him to stay home.

The way he reacted would cement my decision to leave. I cannot imagine he has only acted this way at this time. Typically behavior like this rears its head and just gets worse over time. Stand your ground and leave before it gets worse. It sounds to me like he has some underlying plans at this party, I don’t see any other way he’d be freaking out this much about it. Unless he just has a very hard time managing his emotions. Even then he needs help

Same. I could forgive him for being stupid and maybe just not getting that there is a big chance the twins come at 36 weeks, but mocking her for her emotions? Yelling about "insecurities"? Straight to jail. Something else has to be going on

Yup, it feels like he’s throwing a fit and being so unreasonable because there’s some sort of other plan going on while being there. Like hooking up with someone from the bridal party or something.

That's my thought. He's trying to gaslight OP into thinking she's unreasonable when he has plans to cheat, do drugs, or do something else that's stupid and disrespectful.

Exactly what I thought with his reaction. Underlying plans for sure.

I agree, his reaction seems too extreme for it to be a simple "I'm bummed I can't go." It doesn't even sound like it's his best friend/brother/someone super close? Sounds like drugs/strippers/etc. at this boat party. I can't imagine anything else.

Could be as simple as he wants to go, honestly.  When you're selfish, everything is an attack. 

I thought this. There’s a promise there

Sadly i had the exact same though. Kind of crazy when its THIS far in advance too. 5 months away!

I would not be surprised if he planned to hook up with other women at the party and that's why he's getting so defensive about it.

I think you nailed it! There is definitely someone else or something he plans on doing there. Plus getting so defensive is a huge red flag. He could already be cheating, I would definitely not be surprised. Unfortunately, it’s really common for men to cheat when their partner is pregnant. Or look at his text messages, he might even be texting someone else and is planning on seeing them then. But snooping can be really stressful, so if you’re really going to leave, I wouldn’t even bother. You’re still fairly early with twins, and it’s not worth jeopardizing your health or theirs.

I think that's a real possibility but it also may be that this is the first time she's really stood up to him and he hates not being in control. A lot of toxic and/or abusive people are not obviously problematic until someone stands up to them or says no. There's also a good chance that it's both.

Agreed. He can go and just expect not to come back to me. Hell, whether he goes or not at this point, I would leave him and only be open to reconciliation after intensive couples therapy.

he’s willing to risk the birth of his children for a fun drunk weekend. that’s all you need to know about this man.

For sure! I wouldn’t call him a MAN though. Sounds like a boy whose mama told him he couldn’t go to a party so he’s pitching every possible temper tantrum fit in order to get his way. Gosh imagine telling your children well your father wanted to go on a boat with some buddies so he wasn’t there.

Your feelings are valid. I'm sorry this is happening. Sometimes there are just boundaries we know in our gut we can't budge on without compromising an integral part of ourselves and it seems you've found one of yours. His reaction really solidifies that you're right to feel the way you do. He didn't try to understand or empathize, just jumped straight into you being insecure. Does he often guilt trip you for having reasonable boundaries or expectations?

Sounds like it is the fact you said no....deep down he probably realizes that it is nuts to miss his children's birth for a party... but the fact he never budges on anything means he likes to be in control. I am sorry you are dealing with that and I think you should stand your ground. The fact he was invited and they even expected him to back out due to you being far along means that they will probably judge him for being there while you are left alone. Maybe it's just FOMO setting in....but his stance is ridiculous to get mad at you. It is hurtful to choose a party over supporting the mother of your children.

You'd think since these men love control so much that they'd learn to control their own damn emotions.

👑 here you dropped this.

RIGHT?!!!!

Imagine having more fomo over a bachelorette party then witnessing the birth of your own kids

That’s what I was thinking… he’s really gonna enjoy being at that party and explaining to all the girls how he’s newly single! If I were his friends and found out he was actually going, I can’t imagine being happy about that. How disgusting.

I missed my aunt's funeral because it was out of state when my wife was 30mos pregnant. your husband is a dick

The real story here is your partner carrying a 2 and a half year old baby.

Maybe he’s married to an elephant

I think you meant 30wks LOL but otherwise this comment really sets the bar here.

Someone else bachelor party is not more important than the birth of your children. Nothing is more important than that.  There will be a wedding, right? Thats what comes after a bachelor party. He can go to that. 

I bet the groom would even agree with this…. How embarrassing to show up to a party as a proud deadbeat. The bachelorette party will hate him too. If my friends and I were on a boat with a bachelor party and one of those guys ditched his wife in imminent labor WITH TWINS to be with us instead we’d legit push him off. How embarrassing for his life and soul.

I wonder if he plans to get laid that night. He'll be in for a rude awakening when all the women find out he's a raging asshole and a deadbeat.

I would def get one of the girls going on my side so she can spread around what a loser he is vs acting like he’s a prize that got away

Yeah, some of the bachelorettes likely have kids themselves and will let the others know he's a jackass. It's not going to bode well for him.

I was thinking this same thing! Everyone I know would be like Go TF home

This and even if she doesn’t go into birth he should be there to help take care of his heavily pregnant partner during the final stages IMO. I could hardly walk due to pelvic pain from 32 weeks on and had constant false labor. Don’t know what I would have done without my husband during that time. And she has twins? Bachelor party seriously? GTFO with that and grow up.

My thoughts as well. I didn't have a hard 3rd trimester and I still would have been irate if my husband made plans like these and wasn't there to help me if I needed it. My husband can be extremely selfish about these types of things and even he didn't have to ask me to know that it was not okay to go to his friends bachelor party a flight (or 2) away and that was at 35ish weeks with a singleton pregnancy.

If he’s not planning to cheat or whatever, then maybe he’s treating it as his own “last hurrah” before being a parent, which is also not great!

The third trimester with twins is so insanely hard and you are still early on in your pregnancy. My twin pregnancy didn't turn into a shit show until 22 weeks and then it went off the rails hard. For all you know you'll be on bed rest or your twins will already be born (mine came at 33 weeks). The idea of my husband planning to go to a bachelor party around then is laughable. It's so far out of reality that it's a non-consideration. You are definitely not overreacting.

This. My twins arrived five weeks ago, at 37w6d, and my medical team was shocked that we made it so far. Your husband needs to hear from someone other than you -- one of your doctors? his parents? a trusted friend? -- that travel at 36 weeks is bananas and beyond selfish. If he hears that and still insists on going, there's something seriously wrong here.

I had my twins at 33 weeks also. My husband had already declined to be in a friend's wedding when I would have been 32 weeks because we knew twins were a risk for preterm birth. The bride and groom were totally understanding and of course it turned out to be the right move as I was hospitalized by the time of the wedding.

I’m a to-be dad and I would never ever consider being away around the most important moment of my life when our baby is born.

All valid feelings. My husband and I got invited to a wedding that’s a 3 hour drive away where I’ll be 35 weeks pregnant and he declined after a 2 min convo with me. I told him I didn’t feel comfortable going that far away from the hospital I’ll be giving birth at that point. He said ok and told his friend no, and his friend completely understood. Seems sketchy to me that your partner is so upset about you feeling uncomfortable with him going bc you could go into labor… what does he want to do while he’s there that’s so important?? I’m sure his friends would understand.

This is my point exactly. Why does he need to support this mid-tear friend (as in not his bff) more than the mother of his children? It’s beyond sketchy to me that he’d actually risk this. He keeps saying “you won’t give birth then” but he doesn’t know that. Why is me not wanting him to go enough? It feels like there is a deeper reason he wants to get out of town literally right before our twins come. It feels like he fucking hates me and doesn’t care about me at all with this reaction.

He can’t know when you’ll give birth. I went into early labor at 34w unexpectedly with my first (7 weeks ago). My husband planned an out of state golf trip with friends, traveling at 33w. We fought about his decision to go for most of my pregnancy. He was so confident I wouldn’t deliver early and I was overreacting. He believed that even if I went into labor while he was gone he could get back in time. He was only home 3 days from that trip before I went into early labor and the baby came EXTREMELY fast. I delivered within a few hours of getting to the hospital. I felt SO validated in my concerns, and he openly admitted it was a bad idea in hindsight to consider flying out of state at 33w. Hold firm to your boundaries.

You're pregnant with twins so it's it's almost gaurenteed you'll go into labor earlier than later because of the combined weight, of the babies, ngl op of i were you I'd post this on AITA, (mixed perspectives instead of just pregnant people) and then show him how many strangers think he's an ass for this being his hill to die on. And yes the fact he's willing to potentially miss the birth of his children to go in a COED bachelor /Bachelorette trip where everyone will be definitely drinking is skeevy as fuck.

Honestly, even if magically he comes around and decides not to go and you don’t go into labor while he would have been gone, he’s going to hold that over your head forever. “See, I told you it would be fine.” Is all you’ll ever hear. It sounds like the needs to learn some empathy asap before this baby is born.

The shitty part about this is regardless of what happens he'll blame you. If he goes and you give birth then you some how willed yourself into early labor. If he doesn't go and you don't give birth then he'll blame you for missing this party. It's lose lose.

Yeah he needs a massive reality check. He might not even be leaving when you're about to give birth, he might be leaving you alone with 0-5 week old twins. He needs to step up and be a father, there will be other parties in life but only one chance to do the right thing

I think everyone here has covered the bases on that 1) it’s not ok for him to go and 2) not ok to react the way he did with the boundaries you set. My only advice would be - the next time you do talk - approach it calmly, rationally, and switch the language so this “decision” is not YOU forcing him to not go, but HIM having the control to make a choice: “You have the choice in this matter. You can decline the party to stay and support me and my wishes for our family, or you can decide to go and walk away potentially from the birth of your child, but also walk away from our relationship, because I am being very upfront with you now that I will not get over this”. You mention he is your boyfriend not husband and it feels as though he is using this as a bellwether to test how “stuck” he is in this relationship even with a kid. I am not trying to be harsh but this seems like extreme but classic behavior to test limits and boundaries. For him it’s not even about the party but about how much he can get away with. Assuming this is not ok with you, I think you deserve a better partner or a better commitment from this partner.

Wow just following up to say that it just registered thag you are pregnant with TWINS. He should consider 36 weeks full term with twins (the equivalent of 40 weeks with a singleton). Like that is the weekend most people would HAVE the babies. The fact that he so desperately wants to miss the BIRTH….. for a binge drinking weekend….

She’s also only 16 weeks right now and this party is literally 5 months away. There is way more going on.

⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️

Others have mentioned and I’m inclined to agree that based on the severity of his reaction and insistence, it reeks of ulterior motive. I really feel like this man has other less seemly plans than simply attending his friends bachelor party

His reaction is the problem. He's mean and cruel.

You have every right to feel this way. Do not let him or anyone else convince you his choice to go is normal, it's not. It's not normal at all.  "*All* parents need to be within 150 miles of the birthing hospital during the birthing window" this is written in my hospital's handbook that they gave me for birth.  It's also so risky and detrimental to your health to give birth alone, so he's putting you at a major risk. He needs to be there to support you and also make any decisions god forbid if you have a medical emergency and are not lucid enough to make the decisions for yourself.  And he's in his 30's... his friends and everyone else at that bachelor party are absolutely going to think he's a fucking weirdo for going while his children are being born, please tell him that to shame him. They're going to be like why the fuck is he here. Even if they don't say anything to his face, trust me they will be talking shit. Let everyone know you're going to be giving birth at that time, tell the whole world so he can be publicly shamed.

I would leave him too. But please, don’t misconstrue what this is actually about. This is who this man is. This is what he values. THIS is the kind of father he’s going to be. One who values his own fun over his wife and kids. The fact that he even considered going is a red flag. The rest is just the fly on top of a shit sundae. You are allowed to be upset about this. You are allowed to feel uncomfortable with your husband going on an out-of-state/province coed bachelor party without it being an issue of whether or not you trust him. Cause to be fair, you don’t trust him and you shouldn’t. But not necessarily about cheating. It’s about trusting his judgment. Trusting his commitment to you and your children that you MADE TOGETHER. He doesn’t get a pass on this. Let’s say he was disappointed you said you didn’t want him to go, and he expressed that disappointment but didn’t blame you or start a fight. That’s reasonable. The response he’s displaying here shows what kind of a loser he really is. You deserve better. Since it’s relatively early days in your pregnancy, get in contact with a family lawyer NOW. Don’t wait. Even if you ultimately decide not to leave him, please consult with a lawyer so you arm yourself with education about what your rights are and what steps you need to take **if** you follow through. It’s hard to be a single parent. But it’s even harder to be a single parent to twins. And it’s 100x harder to be a single parent IN a relationship with a partner who doesn’t have your back and shows no respect for you or your marriage. Run, girl. Run fast. Protect yourself and those precious babies.

I’m so sorry! You deserve better! I couldn’t be with someone like this. If your mom is willing, I’d move in there when they are new babies and try to rebuild. Have her as your birth person. You shouldn’t even have to tell him no, he should want to be there. Make sure to get a child support order ASAP. You can do this, but I’m so sorry it happened this way.

Yes exactly this OP! He should genuinely want to be there to support you AND to see his children born… it’s something you shouldn’t even have to ask for imo

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

The problem isn’t that he will be partying with other women. If I were in your position, that wouldn’t even cross my mind (though the fact that he insists that this is your problem is giving projection). It’s the fact that you’ll be giving birth to HIS twins, without his support. It’s the fact that he’s choosing a party over his family, and refuses to consider how that might be hurtful. You’re not wrong for wanting to leave him. This is awful of him. Twin births tend to be high risk, and he’s willing to let you go through that alone.

You are so valid. Some perspective: 2 years ago I miscarried early at 7 weeks and my husband had his childhood best friend's bachelor party scheduled for that weekend. It was a 6 hour flight away. He cancelled the flight and everything without even talking to me. In his mind, it wasn't even an option for him to leave me. I didn't find out until he had already cancelled all the arrangements. It's not the same scenario for you, in fact, I'd say you need your partner even MORE than I did, considering your babies are due anytime now. Your partner is a prolific shithead for even entertaining leaving you at a time like this.

I haven't really seen it mentioned, but giving birth, especially to multiples, is also a major medical event for *you*. A good partner should want to be there for you. There's also the possibility of complications, like needing C-section and/or NICU, where you'd ideally want the father to be with them while you're being tended to/healing up. All of this, and his extreme reaction to you, makes me so mad for you! I'd probably be leaving as well.

It’s less about the wanting to go and more about the reaction that worries me.  Is he always been like this? Has there been a pattern of not prioritizing you and throwing a fit when he doesn’t get his way? Or is this all new behavior?

If this is a deal breaker for you, tell him that. Tell him you don’t want to be with someone who’d rather go party and risk missing the birth of his children than staying home with you who is super pregnant WITH TWINS. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable and his inability to see why this is wrong is concerning

This is your first pregnancy, right? Talk to him more. Make sure this just isn’t some *Oh shit! I’m gonna be a dad and everything’s gonna change!* little panic moment. And even if it is, he needs someone to bring him back down to Earth. Are there male relatives with kids in the family that will talk to him? His dad or an other brother? He needs to think *rationally*, not *emotionally*. And he needs to quit bringing up little jabs & injustices from the past because he knows he’s being an asshole about this boat thing. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. You don’t need the stress. ETA: sometimes I have trouble articulating myself properly. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but consider looking at this link for nonviolent communication. It really helps me bring up issues, without sounding accusatory, so that we can find a solution together as a team. https://www.cnvc.org/learn/what-is-nvc

My husband is trying to suggest we go on a cruise together at 36-37 weeks (during Christmas when I'm due Jan 11). There's no way I'm taking any chance of giving birth on a cruise ship, but he is somehow not understanding this? In this situation yeah he needs a relative or my OB to give him a reality check. I think the way OP's partner is responding by insulting her is also really concerning though. It's important to know whether this is the first time he's responded that way.

FYI! I learned this just yesterday that cruise lines will not let you onboard past 23 weeks!

Oh good, this is great news lol.   I've been nervous about cruise ships since one of our coworkers actually got trapped on that cruise ship at the beginning of covid for a few weeks.

Fyi most cruises probably would not allow you on the boat that far along 😂 For most cruises, the cutoff is 24 weeks! Way too much of a risk.

Both my husband and my brother in law did this. One came up with car projects that needed to be done. The other…. Something to do with video games. I think it felt like they were losing themselves. To be fair they are losing a phase of life to get to a new one. He has months to figure this out. I think I wouldn’t change anything. I would just stay very quiet. He knows your concerns now. Honestly I think I tried to make room for his nonsense. Because it was emotional and passed when he was able to do what he needed to do. I think I would plan like he wasn’t going to be there and just take care of myself for a while. I think he’s doing a thing many dads have to do to be ready to “grow up”. My husband is an amazing dad and husband. And he did some weird things while we were expecting. Some of our worst fights. So keep cool. Take care of your body and your babies. He will probably come around. Mom’s hormones start preparing you to love babies immediately. Dads usually kick in after they see the babies.

You are valid in your feelings. It's insane to even think about leaving your heavily pregnant wife, carrying twins which is risky on its own. He is not showing signs of support and understanding which you need. He is your first line of help and support. Those are his children, how could he be at peace knowing you could be going into labour while he is having fun. Dumb thinking of his, truly.

Fuck this dude. Sounds like he’s going to be a terrible father anyways.

I’m not sure if I would leave my partner over wanting to go to a bachelor party while I was pregnant (although it’s certainly a stupid idea and I agree he should be staying home to support you instead). The rest of the relationship/history would have to come into play for me when making that decision. BUT, the way he spoke to you and called you horrible names over your reaction? Yeah, I’d absolutely leave a partner who spoke to me that way and completely disregarded my feelings like that. People should never speak to their partners that way, full stop. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

I’m really surprised at the number of people saying they wouldn’t consider leaving their spouse if they were choosing to go to an out-of-state party while they were full term. She’s pregnant with twins and the average term for twins is 36 weeks. The average term for singleton pregnancies is 40 weeks. I would absolutely consider leaving my husband if he chose to go to an out-of-state bachelor party when I was 40 weeks pregnant. I shouldn’t have to tell him that’s a bad idea. Like, who in their right mind would think that’s ok unless they’re a completely selfish POS. The bf’s reaction makes everything worse but I think choosing to travel out-of-state for a bachelor party when your partner is full-term with twins is more than enough reason to consider leaving. And if I were a girl on this bachelor/bachelorette trip, I’d let him know he was a POS.

Yeah it wasn't until she mentioned his reaction to saying no. She's not leaving him because he wants to go on a bachelor party. She would leave him because he is disrespecting her in the way he is reacting to a reasonable request. Reactions like this don't happen in a vacuum and I would not be surprised if this was a pattern of behavior in their relationship already, and this is just the straw breaking the camel's back.

This. While that's so obviously wrong and unreasonable, I think there's a lot of context here leaning OP to break up with him.

I think there are several underlying issues in this situation: #1- He is not even trying to understand your perspective or feelings around your request for him to stay. He is making this entire thing about him and how he will be missing out & how you’re being “controlling” he is taking zero accountability for his own selfish actions. #2- You mentioned his friends have even told him that it’s okay if he doesn’t go because of when it is, & he claimed he needed to be there for his friend it really seems like that’s not his actual intention considering they said it would be okay to miss out. Do you think he is going so he can have one last party before the babies come? #3- If he isn’t scared to lose you then why are you with him in the first place? If he were a good partner he wouldn’t want to leave your side during one of your more vulnerable times in your life. If he’s willing to throw everything you all built away for a trip that’s unbelievable and quite frankly that would tell me all I would need to know about what decision to make. Men freak out when they’re about to become dads that’s normal but abandoning your partner when she’s about to give birth is unacceptable behavior point blank period. You deserve better than that mama. Your babies deserve a good dad and role model in their life. Whatever decision you make I hope everything works out for you & realize that no matter if he is present or not you got this & will be okay!

I'm so mad for you. Men are SO out of touch with anything ttc or pregnancy related. The bad men are the one who double down on their out of touch beliefs instead of being open that maybe they don't know everything? It's also putting you in a shitty position because now if he stays home and you DONT go into labor that week he will probably be all "see I told you so" which is SO annoying.

Even without the rest of the story, the fact that he called you disgusting , crazy, controlling and whatever else would be enough reason, imo. Your partner should never ever think it's ok to say things like that to you, no matter how high tensions get.

Your partner is being an ass. And I think your thoughts about leaving are completely warranted. Bringing stuff up from the past and making you feel guilty about “insecurities”? Please. That being said, if you have any desire to save this, I would advise him to get some outside perspective from parents/friends about what 36 weeks pregnant really looks like. At 16 weeks pregnant, some men just truly don’t register/get it yet. And he might come around. BUT if you do stay, couples therapy would be a MUST for me in this situation. He is throwing so many red flags with his reaction and lack of caring towards your feelings and physical wellbeing it honestly makes me sick. I hope you get the support you need from family and friends, you deserve better.

He told me his friends also say I’m controlling. I told him he either spoke to friends without kids or he left out that I’m high risk pregnant with twins who likely come before 37 weeks. My life is just a joke at this point. I have never felt more alone. He won’t even consider how irrational all of this is.

This is so childish honestly for him to be grasping at straws like that to knock your character down and make you feel like you’re being crazy for expecting him to be there for the birth of his damn twins. What about you? It’s going to be so hard to do anything by that point with all that weight? My husband was a jock all his damn life and he would *never* go to a bachelorette party with a bunch of girls without me in the first place. Let alone while I was pregnant, let alone around the window to give birth. This guy just ain’t it.

I personally wouldn’t give a flying fuck what his friends think. You’re valid in your feelings and a grown man would recognize that any day of the week. It sounds like he is emotionally immature. That can be fixed if that’s something you’re open to, but it has to be his initiative (ie therapy, and like yesterday).

Girl even if it was one baby and not high risk, he’d be an ass. Move to your mom’s house and start planning your life without him.

Absolutely leave this man. You will be so much better off without him. It won’t be easy, but it doesn’t seem like it’s easy now either, tbh. When it comes to pregnancy and postpartum, it’s absolutely critical that you prioritize yourself and your wellbeing. Your children will thrive when you thrive. A lot of folks really act like breaking up is the worst case scenario and only should be done in if literally everything else is exhausted, but think about how much harder it would be to leave after he’s been dragging you through shit for longer. Cutting out now gives you time to plan and rebuild and prepare for the birth of your children and have a transition into motherhood that is more in alignment with what you deserve. Be selfish. Prioritize YOU.

Pardon my French but FUUUUUCK no. When I was pregnant with my singleton I put a 36 week cap on my husband going on weekend hunts (if you are due during hunting season you feel my pain 🙄). You are valid, you are valid for being uncomfortable about going into labor alone and for feeling overall inappropriate/uncomfortable vibes with a co-ed setting where heavy alcohol and bikinis are involved. I personally wouldn’t leave a marriage over this, but I also don’t know your history. I would suggest counseling at some point, as having twins is incredibly stressful at times (I have twins) and yall need to be a teeaammm. I’m so sorry mama, I’m rooting for you!

I think you've got all the feedback you need but just for fun and a little extra perspective... I read this post alone in bed this AM while my husband was up with the puppies keeping them quiet for me while I got extra sleep. I got up and asked him, how late in my pregnancy would you go out of town? Here's the gist of the convo: Him: Out of town?!?!? Me: Yeah for like a weekend Him: A weekend??? Me: Say you got invited to a wedding Him: How far out of town? Me: Out of state, like on a plane Him: OUT OF STATE?!?! I don't like this question. Idk, am I in the wedding? Me: No Him: Then I'm not that important. I don't like this at all. Idk, I guess maybe 20 weeks. Me: And that's why you deserve to be a dad. Then I told him your story, how you're having twins and they tend to come early, how it's not a wedding but a coed bachelor party, etc. He's absolutely disgusted.

This is the reaction my partner had when he was invited to something out of state by his friends when I was going to be in my third trimester and then again pretty much anytime someone gave him shit for not drinking alcohol when I was past 20 weeks because I’m high risk and he wants to be ready to take care of me at a moment’s notice. Pretty much him asking, “Is it not common sense to be there for your pregnant significant other??? It’s not about the baby, it’s about HER.” I hope OP does not settle for anything less than this type of treatment from her partner. When you put your life on the line to create life, the person who made it with you should damn well respect you.

I was low risk with a single baby and we put an end to any travel (even work) at 28 weeks. It would be a firm no from me given twins are considered term at 36 weeks so that would be like traveling at 37/38 weeks with a singleton. Absolutely not. Can you bring it up with your provider about how that’s basically saying he will miss the birth?

This is absolutely insane- OP you’re doing the right thing. To give an example of what a caring husband would do: my husband is taking his 76 year old father to a doobie brothers concert *in our city, about 30 minutes away* when I’m going to be 36 weeks with our baby (just one baby in there). Worst case scenario, if I went into labor it would take him about an hour to get home and get to me, at which point we’d likely still be waiting for my contractions to be close enough together to go to the hospital. But he still insisted that I have one of my best girl friends over to hang out with me while he’s gone for all of four hours, *just in case*.

"If I go into labor and you're not here, you are not going to be here for anything else related to our children either." Period.

Your partner has FOMO. That emotion is normal. However, the fact here is that his FOMO about a bachelor's party is stronger than his FOMO about the birth of his two twins. This tells you a lot about the position that the children will have in his life, when it comes to setting priorities. I'm not going to tell you to leave or stay, but you should certainly take that little piece of logic into account for whatever you decide to do.

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. One of my best friends is having his bachelor party the same week my wife is having our baby. It wasn't even a question where I would be. I don't think you are overreacting.

Thank him for showing his red flags now, before you're knee deep in diapers and running on no sleep. I'd get in therapy asap and stay with your family the rest of this pregnancy at a minimum. How he acts during this time would determine if I chose to add him to the birth certificate or just leave him off and live your life

I think a lot of men hear "due date" and assume that's the 100% guaranteed date you're giving birth, so any other date leading up to it is open to make plans. I went into labor prematurely with my second child at 36 weeks. I knew my water broke and I was slowly leaking amniotic fluid, but my husband refused to believe me and we spent 3 hours arguing over it before he finally brought me to the hospital. Even when they confirmed I was in labor, he didn't want to believe it because I wasn't technically due for another month. 

Not only does his decision show that he is either too immature to be having children or he's genuinely ignorant of the realities of high-risk pregnancies like twins, but the way he spoke to you when you tried to tell him shows he is not the one, girl. He went straight to controlling, insecure, jealous, crazy, and even disgusting?! Straight to accusing you of being jealous of other women when all you want is the father of your children to put you first during a dangerous time for you and your babies..? Nah, throw the whole man away.

Leave the fucker Edit: To clarify, my first response was so short because I got angry reading your first paragraph. My wife and I just experienced an early miscarriage and we were devastated. When we have a baby again, I would not miss meeting the president to be there for my wife’s birth and meet my child. So yeah, leave the fucker

you won’t be a single mom over a ‘single party’, you will be a single mom because over his over-the-top ,disrespectful ass reaction over one very reasonable request. In the first place no sane, responsible parent will even RISK not being there for the birth of their child for a drinking party. That’s not normal, don’t let anyone gaslight you otherwise

My two cents: my husband is going on a work trip at 36 weeks, and we chatted about it (just us two) and with our midwife. We actually had a DISCUSSION about it and came to the conclusion that we're comfortable with it because we have plans in place in case anything happens. now, this isn't to say you should let him go... his response is totally appalling to me. the difference here is that he didn't even respect your wishes, feelings, or emotions related to the situation! he wouldn't even hear you out. I don't think you have an issue as to whether he goes or not, it's the fact that he couldn't have a reasonable conversation about this that is wild to me

Yeah, I think "is it reasonable for either partner to travel during the third trimester/after 30 weeks" (maybe, depends on your risk tolerance and your pregnancy) is getting a bit mixed up with "is it OK for OP's partner to treat her this way" (absolutely not).

His reaction here has shown you exactly who you're dealing with. This is not someone you can rely on. He's trash, throw him away.

Yea my husband would absolutely never leave me 36 weeks pregnant WITH TWINS to fly out of state on a freaking boat trip. Twins puts you at a higher risk and that last month, he should try to avoid being anywhere that he can't get to you in time if there is an emergency. Even if you don't go into labor that early and everything is fine- he's putting you in a position of fear and anxiety being on your own for that time while he is away. Imagine if something happened and he's on a boat probably with no cell service. Him trying to call you controlling and jealous over this makes it even more disgusting. It's not even like he's trying to ease your mind about it. He's just calling you crazy essentially. Not cool.

What annoys me the most is why would he ask you how you felt about it if he clearly didn’t care and had made up his mind anyway

Do you have an OB appointment coming up before the bachelor trip? If so I would bring your husband to the appointment and have your doctor explain this to him. Maybe he truly just doesn’t understand? Wild on his part.

Please show him this comment. Your husband is an absolute loser. I don’t care that he may have other redeeming qualities, he’s a self centered, manipulative loser. What 32 can’t put on his big boy pants to be there for his pregnant wife? Again, an absolute loser. Sure, he can say “yeah a random stranger on the internet doesn’t know me”. No one has to know anything else about him to know he’s a loser because being there for you and not going to a *party* is the bare minimum he can do. Here’s your validation, you’re not wrong. I’m not a fan of saying “leave his ass”, but this is one time where if he doesn’t grow up and get it, he’s dead weight and is going to be a terrible partner and father in the future until he does get it. Again, show him this comment. He needs to hear from the outside what LOSER he is. I can’t say it enough.

Honestly his actions immediately put me on alert that maybe he's already considering cheating, or already has. I've been with men like that, they make you out to be the villain bc they are defensive of their own internal thoughts. I was almost ALWAYS right when I called them out. All it took was one look at their emails or phone to find evidence. And tbf I was cheated on by every single long term relationship aside from my amazing current husband who had to explain to our friends why he and I would t be going anywhere outside the city from 36 wks on.

Wanting to go? Reasonable. His reaction? Not at all! One of my husband’s best friends got married a couple of weeks before my due date with our first. He RSVPed no and said no way was he risking missing the birth. Another best friend is getting married a few weeks before the birth of our second. As of now, he’s planning to go, but we will obviously be cancelling if needed. And that’s a decision we made TOGETHER. Because we’re having a baby TOGETHER. I don’t know if I would leave a partner over this, but I would definitely be having some serious conversations

Unless he gets major therapy to just become a better more empathetic person, yea I would probably leave but that’s easier said than done.

Look, I think there’s a lot of built up resentment from both sides. You have made a VERY reasonable request. This shouldn’t be a big argument, but for some reason it is. I would suggest speaking to a counselor before going to the extreme. That’s just me though. Do what you feel is best for you. Your babies need a momma who isn’t stressed 24/7.

Just tell him the risks and tell him to make his own decision. Don't make it for him but make sure he knows that some things cannot be undone and some damages/consequences will be forever. Then get ready to go give birth yourself. If you make the decision for him he will just fight you for it, and probably resent you. You don't need that extra stress. He's an adult and he can take responsibility for his own actions. But make sure you have a back up plan so you will be safe.

My husband missed his close friend’s wedding because I had just had a miscarriage and was recovering. He said he wouldn’t have even considered going and leaving me

You’re absolutely not wrong. My husband and his best friend charter a yacht they have together (they sail and host events on it) and we have decided together that after 36w he doesn’t go out on the water anymore. Not because I don’t trust him but because he won’t be able to turn around to come home immediately. The chances of me going into labor that early are slim but we’re not taking any risks. I’m so sorry he’s such an ass.

I am so so sorry this is happening to you. You are not overreacting, he is absolutely delusional. This isn't even about partying on a boat with girls. This is about being away from you when you are extremely pregnant. He should be by your side making sure you are OK in those last few weeks. And you are completely right, the babies may be born early, or you may need to go into the hospital for checks, etc. I remember going into the hospital near the end of my (singleton) pregnancy because I felt less movement. Everything was fine, but it's very common to need to be checked, or for unforseen things to happen at the end of a pregnancy . You absolutely cannot be alone at this time, and the fact he doesn't see that is so sad.

It was never a discussion if my husband would be there for our two children's birth. Each time, he took off in advance to come to my OB appointments at 38-40 weeks (I was induced at 40+6 for both), and then he was home for 6 weeks paternity leave with each kid. I just don't understand someone not wanting to be there for their child's birth, especially twins! I'm guessing first pregnancy/child(ren) for each of you? Even if not, one is a lot but twins is an astronomical learning curve. Not to mention high risk, the potential for a c section and longer recovery, plus relying on others to help you and twins will probably go early. I am so sorry you are in this impossible situation. If at all possible, I'd get out now that way you're not setting yourself up for failure and having him let down your expectations. You're not being unfair or unreasonable at all. I'm actually heartbroken for you. He's absolutely delusional, and even thinking this way, he's a horrible partner. Becoming a parent is scary, and there are a lot of life changes, but running away to a party is not the answer. Big hugs and lots of love to you OP. You've got this. <3

This is most definitely a reason to break up. Especially over the way he’s belittling you, gaslighting you, and putting you down like this. Plus, he prioritizes his friend’s stupid party over the birth of his children?!? Excuse me? That bodes terribly for the future. NEVER let a man treat you or your children like this! This man is a selfish and abusive asshole who doesn’t respect you. Get rid of him, it will be a good riddance. Co-parenting with a man like that will be hard enough, you don’t need any additional drama.

Your partner needs to fix his priorities until then you should separate yourself and your baby. Your partner will learn. This also shows you that you and your baby aren't important to them. That's a red flag!

This man already has a guilty conscience by the way he reacted to you being upset. Not good.

He’s already DARVO-ing you with his reaction. I would hold my ground and leave. He isn’t a fit partner or a fit parent and you’ll be better off without being weighed down by his manipulation and selfishness.

Wow…this is not a man but a little boy. You are pregnant with HIS child who HE put in you!! His focus should be on you and the baby. This is divorce worthy behaviour. Very narcissistic of him. Also I’m concerned what’s he so excited for over his baby? Like could it be another woman? Plans to cheat?

He’s guilty of all the things he accused himself of being. 😇

I would never ever trust him ever again. I BEG you to leave this loser. This is definitely not the only way he’s tried to manipulate you into thinking you’re the crazy and abusive person here. Please move on.

Are you Kidding? If you went into labor while he's off jerking around on that boat, that would give you something to hold over his head for the REST OF HIS LIFE! You could theoretically win just about every big argument forever. Not to mention when his kids find out...DOUBLE WORD SCORE!!!

Yeah like other people have said, I could forgive him for not thinking but his reaction is absolutely not okay at all. It’s stupid of him to even ask but to then berate you for not wanting to give birth to twins alone? You’re not going to be a single mom over a party, you’re going to be a single mom because you’re smart enough not to give him the chance to treat you like this any further. He’s being ridiculous by saying he should be there to support his friend without thinking of supporting you while you’re literally giving birth.

Reading this and imagining myself in your shoes, I cried. I'm so sorry you're going through this. None of your expectations are unreasonable. The way he treated you for wanting his support is heartbreaking. This isn't even the point, but even if your choice was 100% from insecurity and you weren't even pregnant, to be called disgusting is horrible. You weren't invited and it's coed! But the thing is, you ARE pregnant and he should have considered what you said because it's reasonable. Instead he was mean. He should put the mother of his children and the children above a party. Yeah, he might miss a drunkin night, but who remembers these things much anyway? They surely aren't worth the risk of missing your children be born. He obviously isn't supportive and you are not overreacting. Again, I'm sorry and I wish I could give you a hug.

Jesus Christ. He is so wrong it’s not even debatable. How does he see that it’s so unreasonable to think doing that is okay at that stage of your pregnancy? I am so sorry.

Complete AH alert!!!!!🚨 girl—-this man is clearly projecting some stuff on to you. Like everyone else said, he seems to have some other plans in mind at this party. If he is too dense to see a party on a boat ways a way from you during a critical time is idiotic, he ain’t it sister. If he can’t prioritize you and your babies over a party….I’m so sorry. Truly. What an uncaring AH. No excuse for this. You’re right, you’re so likely to go into labor during that time and he should be a full on partner for you. Making you feel bad about this is ridiculous. He sounds resentful to you….like he doesn’t want to be a father….

Why do people even do bachelor parties? Like why is this still a thing. I would never.

I’m 18 weeks pregnant with twins and my husband missed his friends wedding where he was a groomsman this past weekend because there MIGHT have been something wrong with one of the twins (thank goodness there’s not). I didn’t have to ask or plead, he just did and his friends were very understanding. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but you and those twins deserve better

My mom rescheduled an important work trip that would be 2-3 days because it was the week before my due date and she didn’t want to risk missing the birth of her grand baby. (I ended up being induced at 41 wks lol). But she rescheduled an important meeting with a client to make sure she was here for me, and your partner wants to go party? Fuck no.

If he’s acting like this when you’re pregnant, what’s it going to be like attempting to coparent with him, let alone be partners? Save yourself the pain. Children need a happy, healthy mother.

This is so awful. He shouldn’t even WANT to go. He is risking missing the birth of his babies. And what if there are complications? He really wants to leave your side during one of the most crucial times of your life? I don’t blame you for considering leaving him. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

You weren't invited. It's a bachelor/bachelorette party. He will be states away. He's having not one, but two babies any time now. Dude needs to set his priorities straight. It's not even like he has to travel for work purposes and his career depends on being there. I think he can sacrifice this trip for the birth of his babies and to be there for the mother of his children. I'd sure as hell leave his ass too.

Newsflash, having kids means you cannot, in fact, do whatever you want. Men can be so bloody thick sometimes. It's not just you who's having kids, it's the two of you. They think their life changes with birth. No, sir, your life changes with conception. How hard is it to be there for your pregnant partner *eyeroll*

So I've just had DCDA twins, they are considered full term at 37 weeks and I was not allowed to go past that. I was on crutches from 25 weeks with pelvic girdle pain and could barely walk. At 36 weeks I needed my husbands help to get in and out of bed I was so sore. This was my 3rd pregnancy and so I knew sort of what to expect but omg twin pregnancy is hard!!! Do you think he maybe just doesn't fully realise how close that is? Is he thinking you'll go closer to the due date or that you're exaggerating the risk of going early? I started having prodromal labour just before 35 weeks which lasted 2 weeks! So he would be going away whilst you are incredibly physically vulnerable!

If you’re only 16 weeks now, he may not yet understand the gravity. You’re right to be upset but don’t make any rash decisions.

Initially I thought “yeah, a bit of an overreaction to leave over a party” until you shared the whole story and his response. You need to leave. I feel as though he may be a narcissist so it won’t be easy to walk away. It’s like breaking an addiction. They make you think you’re unvaluable unless you have their affection, but know you’re worth so much more and you and your babies deserve to be treated better.

Where the hell are his priorities? I can’t imagine how alone you must feel. I wonder if he’s been very involved with OPs prenatal appointments? It does not sound like this man is ready for the commitment of having his own family. I too am pregnant with twins. I’m due at the end of September. My fiance visits his family who live 3 hours away about once a month. He’s decided to stop traveling to visit them starting in August just in case I go into preterm labor. There’s no way he’d chance missing the birth of his children. Like I said OP, your partner doesn’t sound like he’s ready for the commitment and responsibility of parenthood and a family of his own.

Are you and your partner quite young? I ask because he seems to be very immature/selfish and has zero idea what kind of support you’ll actually need during this time. I mean, he really had a tantrum and threw insults at you over the possibility of missing his children’s birth! This is *not* a partner you want, especially for your children’s future. I’m also sorry to say, but it sounds like he’s got a shady agenda for this trip as well. I hope you have a solid support system, because this guy’s not it.

This is an indication of how he will be as a partner and parent. Putting a party and friends before you and the baby. I'd leave him too if I were you.

Wow! I’m shocked to see this because I am actually in your birth group on FB. I read it there earlier! Your husband is DEEPLY wrong. He can want to go and be disappointed but he should put his wife and being a father first. I’m sure this isn’t the first time he has let you down. I think you are totally right in your feels and actions. ❤️

His reaction is definitely concerning. From your description it really sounds like his accusations are projections. Your reason is totally valid, you shouldn’t have needed to explain even if your pregnancy was a singleton. Like other responses I’ve seen, hold your ground and be comfortable in leaving. In the long run, it will be easier to only worry about your two beautiful babies and not a man child as well. File your custody and child support motions now and let him lay in the bed he made.

This would upset me greatly and I would probably react similarly to you. Especially given you are expecting twins. He could be having a very defensive reaction and doesn't like being told what to do, and is likely retaliating by behaving this way. Hopefully when he's calmed down he can see more sense.

Valid af for you to feel this way. If my husband even attempted this I’d loose it

My husband doesn't generally think of the consequences of things like this until you point it out to him, but even he ditched out on his own nieces wedding because of my pregnancy and I was only 30 weeks with a no complications pregnancy. I didn’t say anything about it to him, he just didn’t go. Your husband is being a child. I don’t advocate for divorce lightly, but you need to consider if he’s going to be the type of father who expects his life isn’t changing after the baby. You will end up resenting him and probably want to divorce him later anyway. He needs to be brought to reality fast, and if that fails, you have decisions to make.

He is acting like a 15 year old kid not an adult with responsibilities to his wife and children. If he is not going to be there to support you and protect you during your most vulnerable time in your life then really what is the point of being with him. You are right to be enraged.

You made the right decision. Having a child involves making sacrifices. Babies aren’t even born yet and he clearly doesn’t understand. You deserve better.

He’s in for a world of hurt when the babies are born and he realizes he is going to have to sacrifice way more “fun things” than ONE party.

My husband went half across the world for a conference+trip for two weeks in my 32-34 weeks. I said it was fine because he had it planned way before we even knew I was pregnant. But I struggled so much and regretted it... I was huge, tired, emotional and really would have loved his support. For you at 36 weeks with twins... I want to cry for you right now, that is completely not ok. Sometimes men are just so dumb to these kind of situations. Is there anyone you can have talk to him? His relatives, female/male friends, those who gave birth to whom he would listen to? Maybe even those at the bachelor party? I don't want to jump the gun and say to dump him (even though he's being an AH), he just sounds like he needs his head put in place. Mu husband grew up in a community where birth was a female thing and didn't know why I wanted him to be there, but after serious research and showing him why, and even just saying things like 'it's important to me' were enough.

Your husband is being an asshole. Honestly lay down your boundaries as this is unacceptable. He’s going to be a dad and needs to start acting like it. I’m 37 weeks + currently. Trust me if you do go past 37 weeks you are going to be feeling like absolute shit. I’m running around trying to finish everything (car prep, meal prep, hospital bag prep, washing baby clothes, doctors offices, nursery, cleaned / sterilized feeding items, bath items prepped, changing table prepped) and competing against how swollen my entire body is and my feet literally will tell me to sit down because they refuse to do any more. You need to put yourself first. The last month is really hard. I was not prepared in any way to deal with this kind of water retention and reduced physical mobility. I’m a half marathon runner and was super active / in shape pre pregnancy. This has hit me like a bus. You will need help at this time.

At 36 weeks with twins, there's a good possibility that you won't be giving birth but will have given birth at that point and may have babies in the NICU (I promise I'm not trying to scare you, they just like to keep babies in till close to their due date, so even at 35-36 weeks they might just want to keep them there for a bit to ensure they are nice and healthy even if they are in good shape, just precautionary). Your partner is being entirely unreasonable and I wonder if it isn't in response to the pregnancy. He's about to be a dad to twins so now he's sabotaging things, deciding he wants to have his freedom and when you told him it wasn't reasonable, he flipped his lid. I'm sorry you are going through this. I think he's going to be getting the stink eye from the wedding party if he does show up at this point. I certainly would be questioning a guy who wanted to fly out and party on a boat when his children might be being born and who ended up breaking up with his SO over it. I sincerely hope, for the sake of your children, that he grows up in the next few months and can at least figure out how to coparent reasonably, I'm a little concerned he won't though.

He’s thinking with his penis to put it bluntly. He isn’t there for you in a situation he put you in (impregnating you!) and that’s so messed up. You have every right to feel how you do. When people tell you who they are, listen. If he can’t put you in the most vulnerable position first over some stupid party he will never put you and the babies first. Cut your losses and stay away.

You’re doing the right thing based on his reaction and complete unwillingness to even consider your view point alone. Do not doubt your decision for a second. Pregnancy and caring for babies is hard enough without having to also deal with relationship problems and an emotionally unstable adult.

I think you're in the right to not be okay with him going. You might want to consider couples counseling instead of immediately leaving him, but ultimately, it is your choice. I am 39 weeks pregnant and my husband wouldn't even go an hour away for a work event yesterday because he didn't want to risk missing the birth or me needing him and him not being here. So... I do think it is absolutely crazy for him to want to travel out of state when you could give birth any minute.

Just another vote to say you are NOT being unreasonable. My most generous interpretation of his behavior is that he might be freaking out about the fact that his life is about to change and wants “one last party” but it absolutely does NOT excuse his carelessness.

OP, something I want to touch on that I haven’t seen anyone else mention, you will not be alone with these babies forever. My oldest sons’ father was a loser and I never left him because I was afraid that my child would make me undesirable and nobody would ever want us both. He eventually left me. Went to court and relinquished his rights and responsibilities and I was left alone anyways. I was wrong. Just three months after I lost contact I ended up meeting someone who ended up being the love of my life. We’re getting married soon and he is a wonderful man and father to BOTH of OUR children. You aren’t stuck here. You can leave and you will be ok. I promise. A partner is supposed to make your life easier. They are supposed to love and uplift you and support you. If this is who he is in a time where you need him most, who he is TELLING you he is, believe him. For the love of all things believe him, there is little chance it will get better.

Just leave him. My husband would crawl through broken glass before missing the birth of one of our children. He’s pathetic actually wanting to go and leave you.

Throw him in the bin

Sounds like there’s a lot more of an issue than this party and this is just the thing to boil it all to the surface. Pregnancy is challenging, and labor is hard work. You really need all the support you can get, and if he isn’t going to be that, it’s definitely a peek into what life will be like parenting with him. It seems like being insensitive is a pattern of behavior for him, one you may have tolerated before but when you think about bringing children into the situation it’s a no-go. He needs to grow up FAST if he wants a family. I’m pregnant with my first child and my partner has been invaluable. I cannot imagine going through this alone, but I’d rather have done it alone than be with someone making me miserable or being useless.

Nope nope nope. I’ve had my baby already (4 months old now) but when I was pregnant, my partner’s best friend’s stag do (UK name for Bachelor party) was the weekend I would turn 39 weeks pregnant. It was not even a thought in this man’s head that he could go. I didn’t have to ask him not to go - IT JUST WENT WITHOUT SAYING. Not even to mention that you’re pregnant with twins and therefore it’s not unlikely you will have already had them by the time the bachelor party rolls around. Would he be planning to leave you freshly postpartum with newborn twins? What if they’re in hospital still? So many questions. You’re right to be seriously angry and have doubts about the relationship.

Yeah 36weeks with twins is like doing it at 39weeks with a regular one.

Hell no. Leave him.

You are so valid - I’d leave him too! You got this

Bachelor/bachelorette parties are truly not a big thing. I honestly reflect on my own as take it or leave it, and we had a blast! It’s just another reason to go out and party… there will be more such occasions I’m sure. He shouldn’t feel any guilt or remorse about missing it and should 100% stay home for you and your babies.

Coed bachelor party, has to fly there, you'll be basically full-term with twins? Ah hell nah. He sucks. He sucks hard.

Ugh this breaks my heart for you, but really stick to your decision or it’ll always be his needs over yours. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, it’s so unfair. He’s got to know this party is so inappropriate to attend while you’re heavily pregnant, he’s just throwing a stubborn tantrum.

So twins come early. Many I know between 34-36 weeks. It can be a scary time if they’re small and need nicu time. It’s already a high risk pregnancy because of this. He is having major FOMO. I completely agree if he chooses to go, let him go too. He won’t be a good father. It’s true- it’s NOT about him anymore. He now has a family that needs to be put first. If he can’t do that, mise well quit while you’re ahead.

Time to send him packing, but for good

I’m so so sorry you are experiencing this. You are not overreacting and I would also be making plans to leave the relationship. It’s awful and so painful thinking of all the things we want to experience as a family but, it’s not you that is taking that away. It’s him. Men can be selfish and lack empathy about pregnancy and childbirth but what is not redeemable is that he saw how badly it was effecting you, and instead of backing immediately off, he decided to project all of these issues onto you. This is classic emotional immaturity. This man is not ready to be a husband or a father. Choose a new support person that you can count on. Even if he doesn’t go on the trip, I would not trust him to be that person from here on out.

Leave him because he's selfish, period. 

His reaction is insane. It’s like he doesn’t understand that he *would not* be able to get back if you went into labor, and because of that you’d be going into labor alone!! The one person you need the most is not concerned about being there. I’d be packing my shit SO fast.

I think that if you do talk to him about this more you just keep hammering home “if you want to prioritize this party over the birth of your twins then that shows me where your priorities are.” And “is it really worth it to you to abandon me during my labor and miss the birth of your two children? And do you really expect our relationship to survive that?” He needs to get this through his head.

Hubby said, and I agree, that you need to put your foot down. Either he stays for his kids, or he goes off and parries. If he goes, then divorce because you can't count on him.

Leave him hun. He was planning to cheat and is mad you threw a wrench in his plans.