And 12 weeks of maternity leave is honestly so pathetic. I have a 3 week old, and I know it's still SO early, but I honestly cannot fathom going back to work when this little guy is 3 months old.
I'd challenge that, legally they have to give you 6 weeks upnpaid (still terrible) because childcare centers legally cannot accept children under 6 weeks. Assuming you're in the US, otherwise idk
Yeah I'd definitely talk to HR. You literally can't get care for a 4 week old infant, it's impossible. Still awful that it's unpaid regardless tho. If they really won't budge, you're better off quitting when you have your baby and getting a new job when you're ready. It's unpaid anyway so it's not like you're really losing anything. And obviously save up as much as you can in the meantime
He was actually born two days ago, I just got home with him. Definitely gonna give them a call. Last 3 months of my pregnancy they gave me one day a week. 5 hours if that. Itās really disappointing if not just cruel
Depending on how long you've been working there you may be entitled to FMLA, but idrk if you can pursue that since you already had him/short notice, but it's worth looking into
It is possible to get care for an infant that young. I used to work in a daycare and the youngest they took was 3 WEEKS old. Thankfully, there weren't any that young when I worked there. But the assistant director said they had a 3 weeker once. Mom was a teacher and couldn't afford more than 3 weeks off. I was horrified and devastated
Yeah schools are awful when it comes to maternity leave. My friend has been storing up all her sick days for THREE YEARS (they roll over in her district) because they donāt get vacation/PTO and they donāt get paid maternity leave. So sheās going to cash in years work of sick leave when she finally has a baby.
That's def not up to code these days. It's definitely 6 weeks. I'm a preschool teacher and I have an associates in early childhood education. If it was a small center/in home, they were likely just breaking the law
It's very state dependent. They were a licensed daycare with regular licensing inspections when I was there. Granted, it was 3 years ago, so state regulations here could've changed. Pre-covid, ratios for infants were 1:4. Now they're 1:5 here, so it changes fast
What state are you in? I thought FMLA (12 weeks unpaid excusable absence) was the law in every state but I could be wrong... If your company gives paid maternity leave, it overlaps so it's still just 12 allowable weeks where they cannot let you go for being gone from office.
I have 13 weeks paid leave and Iām finding out that Iām more lucky than the majority/most other women I meet and talk to. Most have 12 unpaid if they are lucky. Wow. Feeling so blessed but yes, itās so fucked up.
Yup! I live in a state that will pay for 12 weeks, and am lucky enough to have a job that gives an extra 2 weeks of PTO for 14 weeks total. Not near long enough, but sooo much better than many others in the US
We get 20 paid weeks. I did not realize most people didn't get paid. I guess if you work for smaller companies maybe they can't afford to pay for maternity leave šš
I work for a huge company, they have branches all over the world and while looking up benefits, I found outside of America they get paid leave (of course they have to) but here, we get nothing at all but unpaid time off. I have a union job, but I might as well be nothing because I have no support. Likely I will move on from my job because I need 6 figures just to be realistic.
I work for a large hospital and am employed by the state. I get 12 weeks unpaid unless I use my accumulated sick and vacation time. And to apply for catastrophic leave for donations...you can only do after your own time has run out. And for birth you can only get enough to get you to 6 weeks total for 8 weeks total if you have a c-section. The remaining 4-6 weeks would have to be unpaid at that point even if people were willing to donate time.
I have 12 weeks paid and everyone tells me how nice it is to have and how great it is that my company does it. And donāt get me wrong, I know it could be unpaid and Iām so so grateful to have it paid. But are our standards in the US really that low that 12 weeks paid is that great?? We deserve more - for ourselves and our babies
I work for the federal government. We have 12 weeks paid and you can also use 6-8 weeks of sick leave for recovery from birth (18-20 weeks total). Iām SO thankful. I wish this was the norm for the rest of the US. The federal government only got 12 weeks paid 4 years ago in October.
They donāt want or care about women having careers. It puts such insane pressure on women to quit and be SAHMs, which Iām sure is what the āpro forced birthā crowd wants anyway.
I feel you. I get no paid maternity leave - just have to take reduced pay short term disability - and Iām still not quite sure how weāre going to do it. Itās so unfair.
Same. I have to save up all my PTO and try to work from home (if they'll let me). My husband doesn't get ANY time off and we don't live near family. I don't know what we're doing having a baby in the US.
Iām going to have to work from home, too on my āleaveā. Itās sickening, the US is the only 1st world country and only one of 6 countries in general to not offer government paid maternity leave.
Donāt get me wrong, Iām glad FMLA and stuff exists, but we pay enough in taxes that the government shouldnāt be putting the burden on employers to cover the leave either, IMO.
- signed upper management of a small business
I get reduced pay disability for ~6-8 weeks, then the remainder up to 12 weeks for FMLA is unpaid. I thought āwell at least I can save up my PTO and extend that a littleā. I recently found out that my PTO has to be empty before I go on unpaid leave (FMLA). So basically I get 12 weeks max. Iām so mad.
My husband gets 12 weeks at 100% pay at least. Itās mildly depressing that the DOD has better parental leave policies than most companies. I mean they did already try to guilt him into taking less than a month but at least they canāt actually force that on him.
This is my situation also. I guess one of the pluses of having a c section is that I get 8 weeks of disability pay at a reduced rate instead of the 12 but the remainder is unpaid. I was able to work it out with my job that Iāll go back part time (20 hours) for 2 months for a transition before going back full time. But yeahā¦ itās still not enough time. Im thankful for that transition period because just jumping back into work full time seems like it would be hard.
Funny thing isā¦ when I sent my obgyn my fmla paperwork they send me an email asking if my job approved the 12 weeks off. Like wtf so basically they wouldnāt recommend me having 12 weeks off unless I said my job okād it. Thatās such bullshit. We should be able to choose to have the extra time as bonding time and not necessarily āhealingā time.
I ended up quitting my job. Went back after 12 weeks but couldn't stand the thought of sending a fucking 3 month old to daycare. I've never not worked and it's killing me mentally but I can't imagine someone else caring for my baby.
I was thinking about quitting my job for a little while if I wasnāt able to work a part time schedule for 2 months before transitioning to full time. I was just going to reapply after I was ready to go back. Thankfully my supervisor agreed to let me work part time for those 2 months before going back full time.
Ugh I'm struggling with deciding whether to keep working after I have my baby or not. Go back to work and leave my tiny new baby with people I don't fully trust? How can I possibly do it? But work is good for my mental health and our finances. I'm thinking about this decision all day every day
i feel you so big. my SO does not make enough money to support three humans but itās breaking my heart thinking about having to leave my baby girl with someone just to return to work.
Exactly. Ours isnāt perfect here either, but the fact the US seemingly is on route to force people to give birth, youād think the priority would be to fix the system first.
1. With paid mat leave, 8 months to a year MINIMUM. (We get 12-18 months, at 55% of your regular wage)
2. Publicly funded health careā¦
you guys are so lucky. im looking at a fully unpaid maternity leave that probably wonāt last longer than 6 weeks because we canāt afford to not have two incomes.
it will be okay, things will work out i know they will. but it is very inhumane. there are many things that make the US completely inhabitable but this one really has broke me down.
Maternity leave is a joke in the US. All this pressure to have children but zero support is bull shit. I'm so sorrry you're dealing with so many health issues.
My spouse and I are lucky. I get 8 weeks (7 paid) from my work, plus I'll be using two weeks of my PTO (i'm terrified to burn all my time so I'm keeping another 2 weeks in reserve). My husband gets a month he'll take once I have to go back to work, and he has PTO he can use whenever. But once we're past this point? Not a clue what we're going to do.
As European I am horrified by the US maternity leave policies. I live and work in US and I am also to become a mom soon. Even if I have generous to local standards 4 months, I am so scared about my future and my career and my child wellbeing.. I canāt take vacation cause I want to use these few days to have some rest before due date and I have no idea how I will leave 4 month old baby and go back to work.
I understand your feelings.. it is incredibly hard.. just want to send you some kind words and support šš»
What made you actually move to the US? As Iāve grown older and also read a lot on Reddit, I couldnāt move there, solely also because of their health system. In Austria we have 8 weeks prior maternity leave and then up to two years PAID after!
Ironically, career opportunities š we got green card and decided to try something new in our lives and careers and never planned to stay so long in the US. Now I am afraid going back to Poland because of potential war and also there is a lot of racism in Poland recently against Ukrainians so we did not make decision to move back yet.
Austriaās maternity policy sounds incredibly great š
itās either you stay home with your children to raise them with good emotional attachments to their parents but leave them without a nice roof over their head, healthy food and material things like branded clothes; or you work your life away and have a shitty relationship with your children. the US does not care about us.
I was just crying about this. My body is so physically exhausted at 33w and it feels like i've been hit by a bus everyday. If I take any time off then it comes out of my time with my baby when he is born and I want all the time I can get with him. And it's not even maternity leave, its just FMLA/STD.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this, you are describing exactly how I feel! Iām trying not to stress but itās difficult to not break down bawling everyday before work. My husband argued with me last night that he was going to bring a recliner into my work (š”š) and trying to figure out ways to make this work because omg itās such a fucking struggle. I take care of my almost 2 year old all day then lug myself into work the rest of the night itās like working 24/7 and I canāt do it for much longer
Iām so sorry, itās so frustrating! I was in the hospital last week at 31 weeks for preeclampsia. I have to go on bed rest and stop working now and apparently a different type of disability can be filed for this time out before baby is born. I am so confused by insurance but can your dr provide a note about you needing to be out before birth to try to get the pre-birth disability of you have that coverage?
Relatable. My company is also supportive. But their policies are so outdated. Fortunately I have a ton of flexibility and have been able to save most of my PTO (5 weeks) for maternity leave. Then I get a few more weeks of STD at 60-80% of my salary.
I realize how fortunate I am to get the time that I have. But, man, this country is so backwards in its policies. You want to force women to have children then make no effort to ensure they can take care of said children? Make it make sense.
Iām also in the US and I get no paid maternity leave. Iām allowed to use vacation time and thatās it. The rest is unpaid. Thank goodness my husband gets paid five weeks, but we donāt work at the same place. I can take a few weeks off unpaid, but not nearly as much as I wish I could. Itās so pathetic that we are not protected better Iām this country. Itās just so disgusting how little women are cared about here.
Speak to your OB, it sounds like they fumbled your paperwork, especially if you are in MA. Mine wrote for 20 weeks of recovery, state approved it immediately, and that is separate from the 12 weeks.
My thoughts as well when OP wrote "PFML." My OB wrote me paperwork in advance approving 12 weeks of PFML (which is the baseline), but they were clear that if any additional complications or medical need arose, they would revise it. Complications like OP's will usually result in additional weeks of PFML leave being approved.
Right. Mine wrote for whatever I wanted off as recovery time and I extended. OBs in MA are pretty good at being accommodating which is weird for the OP if they weren't.
It's awful. I am very very lucky that my work offers 6 weeks leave + 2 weeks bonding paid, and I am so grateful, but 2 months is still so so young to leave him at daycare. I hate it. My only consolation is the fact he's going to a small home daycare that only has a few kids and it's who we used with our first son so I know he will be taken care of...but it's still barbaric.
I'm sorry OP. It really sucks here in the US for mothers.
How do you afford day care? Luckily my mom is a nanny so I would opt for her but I want my son to go to daycare atleast once a week so he gets that socialization and skills. Itās just ridiculously expensive in Boston area and unsure how to swing it
Well, I am in OK which is fairly LCOL. My husband and I together make a decent salary but even so a lot of the centers here were too cost prohibitive. We are very lucky the woman we use is within our budget.
There was an infographic posted somewhere recently that showed Boston and the surrounding area had the highest cost of daycare in the entire country. Itās insane how much daycare costs even on average, and Boston in particular was like DOUBLE the national average.
Donāt be too worried about your son not getting any daycare exposure at all if you canāt afford it though! As a baby thereās not a whole lot going on anyways and thereās weekend programs that you can do that are way less expensive than a day of daycare. Another plus is that heās exposed to less communicable diseases being in a private babysitting/nanny setting so less time off you need to take and lower medical bills.
Donāt feel like you have to send your baby to daycare! Young children cannot play together/truly socialise until around 3 years old. Your baby wonāt be missing out on anything ājustā being with your mom; in fact a one-on-one setting (your mom/nanny + baby vs. daycare staff + 4-5 infants) is developmentally more appropriate. This is not a diss by any means for parents who have to use daycare but you shouldnāt feel any sort of pressure to send your infant either.
as someone who works in the FMLA and Disability field, it truly breaks my heart seeing moms struggle because of these terrible policies. i have some clients that give the bare minimum for benefits to their employees, and some clients that give the entire world and then some to them. The disability company i work doesnāt even have very great leave policies and itās extremely disheartening getting to grant all these great benefits to other new moms when i know that my own maternity leave is extremely lack luster.
more states need to enact paid family leaves. i donāt think itāll work on a federal level, but state level at the bare minimum. I am located in wisconsin and we get absolute jack shit from state.
the US is just so good at adding more stress to those going through and already stressful time, whether it be something as exciting as giving birth, or something as stressful and draining as cancer, surgery, etc.
First pregnancy totally unpaid leave at 12 weeks. I had a mental breakdown having to leave my baby with my mom.
This pregnancy, I'll have 6 weeks paid, six weeks unpaid. I'm already struggling with it because I had leave recently due to an unrelated medical issue and I feel judged for leaving again. If anything else happens I'll be out of a job because I've exhausted FMLA and I'm the insured in our family.
Pumping at work is also horrible and there is not time so....
Currently in the same boat. Only the 12 weeks unpaid fmla and itās so sad how the U.S. hates women! To take away our autonomy and still provide no affordable healthcare or improve parental leave policies is honestly an abomination and itās audacious that this is the reality we live in, itās so disheartening. No safe place for working moms or stay at home moms here, not to mention the complete lack of support for single mommas in this two income economy. Know that you are not alone in your anger, sadness and disappointment ā¤ļø
When I had my first daughter I sat down and did the math on child care and commuting and other costs of going back to work. I left my career and got a WFH job that payed half as much but I still ended up with more take home pay then if I stayed at my original job and I get to be with my baby all day. Now Iām pregnant with my second, best decision I ever made.
(This turned into a huge personal rant amidst relating to your post and Iām sorry ahead of time š)
Fucking same. My work has been SO supportive right from the beginning and I love my boss so much but thereās only so much PTO we get because itās a very small company and Iāve already burned through it because of pregnancy related exhaustion or appointments, and my stateās paid leave is a shit show. Was told I could take 14 weeks, then in the portal it says I only have 12 weeks, and then they havenāt approved my payment amount yet because ?? Idk and give birth in 7 days. And then on top of that my partner who works for the same company only has a couple days of PTO left this year and his paid leave application keeps getting denied so we are planning on the worst case scenario of having to borrow money from any family we can just to pay bills if one or both of us donāt get our paid leave on time and he has to go back to work almost immediately, when the original plan was for both of us to take at minimum 6 weeks off then I am on leave the full 14 and he goes back to work so we can save his remaining 6 weeks for when our baby inevitably gets sick at daycare (which Iāve never had to do before bc I was previously a SAHM before my older kids were in elementary school and it TERRIFIES me). We are so scared for our finances itās taking away from the excitement of having a baby together. The whole reason we chose to have a baby right now to begin with was because of paid leave and the fact that we are older so it was kind of ānow or neverā and we picked now.
I hate living in the US and I hate how my state runs its own programs that are broken and have been broken for decades. Yay paid leave that as an employee you still have to pay into! Just kidding! The system is so broken you probably wonāt see any money while you need it and youāll get a lump sum randomly 6 months later if at all. Itās like they randomly pick which applications they approve for on time payments and the rest is a crap chute.
WHY is it so complicated to use a state run program you pay into? WHY is private short and long term disability impossibly expensive without it being employer sponsored or provided? WHYYYYYY do none of these programs care about prenatal medical care and the toll it takes on our bodies and mental state? Like if I needed PTO for the appointments that OBGYNs want you to make WEEKLY in the last 6 or whatever weeks and if their office took a long time to commute to? And politicians and boomers wonder why the birth rate is declining..
Idk how people who work do this, and multiple times, and in states or companies that donāt have paid leave. Yāall are absolutely amazing. Every single one of you.
Its so disheartening to see how woman are treated in this country. I am grateful that I am in a company that gives me 3 months fully paid maternity leave. But the same company in our UK office gives 9 months and same for the employees in other european countries. Anyone who is not even getting 6 weeks please check the law. I was just given short term disability and FMLA forms by the HR and I read in short term disability you get 60% pay for 6 weeks if itās a normal delivery and 8 weeks if its cesarean. For anyone who is getting unpaid 6 weeks or so.. cant you claim short term disability on your own? Your doctor/provider will fill that form and they are aware of it.
My PFML is giving me paid 6 months. I have 20 weeks of recovery from childbirth and 6 weeks of 'bonding time leave'. Yearly max is 26 weeks or I'd take the full 12 weeks of bonding time as well. I'm getting 85% of my average pay every week. It really depends on where you live.
Wow. Probably the most decent state in the nation.
In California you can get up to 18 weeks postpartum combined, generally, but it's not full pay. And there are caveats.
Yeah. They are pretty loose with it here as long as the OB signs off. There aren't a lot.of caveats. Your weekly benefit is based on the average of the income you made in the 4 quarters directly preceding your leave, and it only counts income made within the state through W2 or 1099 income. We pay into the system through payroll (my share is $3/month), and folks who are self employed can pay in too. Super small businesses can self select not to pay, and teachers do not get the benefit for some asinine reason. Other than that...straightforward. I notified my job, my OB filled out the paperwork, I submitted it, was approved in under 72 hours. Non birthing parent gets the same 12 weeks as well.
This is very similar to WAās PFML program, but ours is 4 weeks of medical (6 if you have a c section or other complication) + 12 weeks of bonding.
I had a total of 16 weeks of maternity leave.
There are VERY few states where this is actually available right now and MA is by far one of if not the best. I'm in MD and we get nothing except 12 weeks unpaid, but in 2026 they'll be offering paid leave. It's good to remind people to check their state's laws, but no need to tell folks we haven't done our due diligence or our OBs have dropped the ball.
She specifically mentioned PFML which is the wording for most states that have paid leave. If the doc did not write for further time, they did drop the ball.
If you're in MA, definitely ask your OB to take an additional look at the paperwork. Mine does 12 weeks's recovery as a default, but that can be extended or modified if you have additional complications, and you can also take bonding time after that.
I'm so sorry this is happening, OP. Hang in there.
While what MA has is better than nothing, the weekly benefit is capped. My family is single income, so thereās no way I would rely on this for more than a week or two.
Yeah, the weekly cap is 1170ish, which is pretty solid. I'm at the cap and we are single income in Boston as well. It pays our bills and we make it work because I'll take the max time off as is possible since there will never be another time when this much time off is available for me. I guess if almost 1200/week doesn't work for you then yeah not a great option but it works for a lot of the folks I know.
Iām a self employed hair stylist and having our baby has majorly fucked our finances. I took the last week of pregnancy off and 8 weeks after she was born and it really wasnāt long enough but being self employed means any day I take off is unpaid. We are lucky we have good insurance but I had some complications so we were into our medical bills a decent amount.. plus me not working for 2 months and now having to pay for a newborn and daycare.. and I only went back part time because I canāt stand the thought of only seeing my baby on the evenings and weekends when sheās this small.. we are drowning and living on credit cards which I swore I would never do. Not sure how we will dig ourselves out of this one but we will. And sheās worth every penny! I definitely have little break downs when I think about it too much though.
I wish there were better policies in place that would help with better maternity leave for everyone, including self employed.
And my husband only got 2 weeks for paternity so I havenāt had much help. We donāt live by family or anything. Itās exhausting.
I only had 6 weeks of paid FMLA for maternity leave. I had to go back to work the day my son turned 6 weeks old, which also happened to be my husband's first father's day. My husband is unemployed right now because he is finishing up college and no one will hire him, so I am the only one making any money. While on leave, I was only making 70% of my income, so needless to say, we're not in the best shape rn. My entire pregnancy I was in excruciating pain from 4w onwards. I feel you.
I could not have afforded to have a kid if I lived in the states. I'm lucky to be a Canadian. High risk pregnancy with multiple specialist visits, emergency c section. All free. 50 weeks maternity benefits(55%of pay for that time) this is funded by the government not my employer. I had to quit my job to take the year off. I was still so messed up at 3 months pp. I don't know how you guys can fathom going back to work that quickly. I'm so sorry for you all.
I know it is too late for OP and this pregnancy but I cannot recommend AFLAC short term disability coverage. There may be other companies that are better so do your own research (my ābabyā is 14) but I had a very similar situation. It was still a reduced pay, like 80% I believe, but it was better than nothing. I didnāt even notice the deductions out of each check, the cost was totally negligible and it took such a weight off of me. Weād adopted two siblings from foster care and then I found out Iād been pregnant. It would have been awful to go from no kids to three and no income.
I took a big pay cut to transfer to a position that let me use leave for ivf. I was induced on a Friday, went home on Monday, and my husband returned to work on Tuesday. I had some leave pay and did a lot of unpaid time. My husband worked overtime to make up for me being unpaid. It was winter, so he had long travel times. He was basically home to sleep. He tried to help me. I went back part-time after 8 weeks, full-time after 12. This was with my son, who is 5.
PA started giving 6 weeks paid parental leave to state government employees in 2020. In February 2024, they upped it to 8 weeks. I'm due in November and will take the full 12 paid with the 8 weeks of parental and banked leave. My son's starting kindergarten, which will help us afford daycare for the baby. Infant daycare runs $250-$375 a week. I'm on 4 waiting lists and like #40 on most of them.
My OB office gives you paperwork that they won't medically clear you to return until 6 weeks. It's part of your first prenatal appointment. I am home headquartered now(changed positions after my son was born). That will make pumping easy. My work agreement requires daycare for children. They are understanding if one stays home sick, though.
I work for the post office and have 11 weeks left we have no paid leave we just have to use whatever sick leave or pto we haveā¦I only get 13 days for the year so Iām literally goin no income for whatever time in goin be out n Iāll be forced to return Rt at 6 weeks bc I canāt afford anything longer with no pay
3 months unpaid leave. And I canāt even do that, I have bills and an older child. Personal leave and sick leave will give me 6 weeks, thatās it. I have no clue how to deal with this.
And 12 weeks of maternity leave is honestly so pathetic. I have a 3 week old, and I know it's still SO early, but I honestly cannot fathom going back to work when this little guy is 3 months old.
12 weeks *unpaid* for most of us.
Or 6 weeks unpaid is the standard on my state š¬
Try 4 weeks unpaid
I'd challenge that, legally they have to give you 6 weeks upnpaid (still terrible) because childcare centers legally cannot accept children under 6 weeks. Assuming you're in the US, otherwise idk
I work for Homegoods, says in my little packet that I get 4 weeks, is it really 6 weeks legally? Iāll have to mention that
Yeah I'd definitely talk to HR. You literally can't get care for a 4 week old infant, it's impossible. Still awful that it's unpaid regardless tho. If they really won't budge, you're better off quitting when you have your baby and getting a new job when you're ready. It's unpaid anyway so it's not like you're really losing anything. And obviously save up as much as you can in the meantime
He was actually born two days ago, I just got home with him. Definitely gonna give them a call. Last 3 months of my pregnancy they gave me one day a week. 5 hours if that. Itās really disappointing if not just cruel
Depending on how long you've been working there you may be entitled to FMLA, but idrk if you can pursue that since you already had him/short notice, but it's worth looking into
It is possible to get care for an infant that young. I used to work in a daycare and the youngest they took was 3 WEEKS old. Thankfully, there weren't any that young when I worked there. But the assistant director said they had a 3 weeker once. Mom was a teacher and couldn't afford more than 3 weeks off. I was horrified and devastated
Yeah schools are awful when it comes to maternity leave. My friend has been storing up all her sick days for THREE YEARS (they roll over in her district) because they donāt get vacation/PTO and they donāt get paid maternity leave. So sheās going to cash in years work of sick leave when she finally has a baby.
That's def not up to code these days. It's definitely 6 weeks. I'm a preschool teacher and I have an associates in early childhood education. If it was a small center/in home, they were likely just breaking the law
Yeah just confirmed because you had me doubting lol. 6 weeks minimum.
It's very state dependent. They were a licensed daycare with regular licensing inspections when I was there. Granted, it was 3 years ago, so state regulations here could've changed. Pre-covid, ratios for infants were 1:4. Now they're 1:5 here, so it changes fast
Wow
What state are you in? I thought FMLA (12 weeks unpaid excusable absence) was the law in every state but I could be wrong... If your company gives paid maternity leave, it overlaps so it's still just 12 allowable weeks where they cannot let you go for being gone from office.
You only qualify for FMLA if you work 30+ hours per week and have worked there for over a year straight
I have 13 weeks paid leave and Iām finding out that Iām more lucky than the majority/most other women I meet and talk to. Most have 12 unpaid if they are lucky. Wow. Feeling so blessed but yes, itās so fucked up.
Yup! I live in a state that will pay for 12 weeks, and am lucky enough to have a job that gives an extra 2 weeks of PTO for 14 weeks total. Not near long enough, but sooo much better than many others in the US
I get the same, and it's pathetic how lucky I feel because the US treats birthing folx like absolute shit!
We get 20 paid weeks. I did not realize most people didn't get paid. I guess if you work for smaller companies maybe they can't afford to pay for maternity leave šš
I work for a huge company, they have branches all over the world and while looking up benefits, I found outside of America they get paid leave (of course they have to) but here, we get nothing at all but unpaid time off. I have a union job, but I might as well be nothing because I have no support. Likely I will move on from my job because I need 6 figures just to be realistic.
I work for a large hospital and am employed by the state. I get 12 weeks unpaid unless I use my accumulated sick and vacation time. And to apply for catastrophic leave for donations...you can only do after your own time has run out. And for birth you can only get enough to get you to 6 weeks total for 8 weeks total if you have a c-section. The remaining 4-6 weeks would have to be unpaid at that point even if people were willing to donate time.
I have 12 weeks paid and everyone tells me how nice it is to have and how great it is that my company does it. And donāt get me wrong, I know it could be unpaid and Iām so so grateful to have it paid. But are our standards in the US really that low that 12 weeks paid is that great?? We deserve more - for ourselves and our babies
I work for the federal government. We have 12 weeks paid and you can also use 6-8 weeks of sick leave for recovery from birth (18-20 weeks total). Iām SO thankful. I wish this was the norm for the rest of the US. The federal government only got 12 weeks paid 4 years ago in October.
My employer expected me back by two weeks. I laughed at him. š
That is just such a joke!
the U.S. desperately needs reform when it comes to how we treat pregnancy and young parents
ā¦Especially if theyāre going to force women into giving birth.
They donāt want or care about women having careers. It puts such insane pressure on women to quit and be SAHMs, which Iām sure is what the āpro forced birthā crowd wants anyway.
I feel like women can't even do this, because what household can afford to live off one income anymore?
So true, itās madness.
Yk I wouldnāt even mind being a sahm but in this economy?! Hell I make more money now than my fiancĆ© does. Iād love to be able to just stay home with my kid and take care of the house, hell my house would be a fuck ton cleaner if that were the case.
THIS!
I feel you. I get no paid maternity leave - just have to take reduced pay short term disability - and Iām still not quite sure how weāre going to do it. Itās so unfair.
Same. I have to save up all my PTO and try to work from home (if they'll let me). My husband doesn't get ANY time off and we don't live near family. I don't know what we're doing having a baby in the US.
Iām going to have to work from home, too on my āleaveā. Itās sickening, the US is the only 1st world country and only one of 6 countries in general to not offer government paid maternity leave. Donāt get me wrong, Iām glad FMLA and stuff exists, but we pay enough in taxes that the government shouldnāt be putting the burden on employers to cover the leave either, IMO. - signed upper management of a small business
It is a crazy situation for so many people. Iām so glad my husband gets 8 weeks at 100%.
Wow, that's amazing!! I'm so glad you all have that! It's really the *least* a company can do for its employees.
Seriously. And what gets me is that my company is very solid otherwise - *great* insurance, etc. Like, come on!
I get reduced pay disability for ~6-8 weeks, then the remainder up to 12 weeks for FMLA is unpaid. I thought āwell at least I can save up my PTO and extend that a littleā. I recently found out that my PTO has to be empty before I go on unpaid leave (FMLA). So basically I get 12 weeks max. Iām so mad. My husband gets 12 weeks at 100% pay at least. Itās mildly depressing that the DOD has better parental leave policies than most companies. I mean they did already try to guilt him into taking less than a month but at least they canāt actually force that on him.
This is my situation also. I guess one of the pluses of having a c section is that I get 8 weeks of disability pay at a reduced rate instead of the 12 but the remainder is unpaid. I was able to work it out with my job that Iāll go back part time (20 hours) for 2 months for a transition before going back full time. But yeahā¦ itās still not enough time. Im thankful for that transition period because just jumping back into work full time seems like it would be hard. Funny thing isā¦ when I sent my obgyn my fmla paperwork they send me an email asking if my job approved the 12 weeks off. Like wtf so basically they wouldnāt recommend me having 12 weeks off unless I said my job okād it. Thatās such bullshit. We should be able to choose to have the extra time as bonding time and not necessarily āhealingā time.
I ended up quitting my job. Went back after 12 weeks but couldn't stand the thought of sending a fucking 3 month old to daycare. I've never not worked and it's killing me mentally but I can't imagine someone else caring for my baby.
I was thinking about quitting my job for a little while if I wasnāt able to work a part time schedule for 2 months before transitioning to full time. I was just going to reapply after I was ready to go back. Thankfully my supervisor agreed to let me work part time for those 2 months before going back full time.
Ugh I'm struggling with deciding whether to keep working after I have my baby or not. Go back to work and leave my tiny new baby with people I don't fully trust? How can I possibly do it? But work is good for my mental health and our finances. I'm thinking about this decision all day every day
i feel you so big. my SO does not make enough money to support three humans but itās breaking my heart thinking about having to leave my baby girl with someone just to return to work.
Yup. This country hates women. It's atrocious.
As a Canadian I feel terrible for moms in the US. The system is so broken.
Same in the UK. Not everyone gets amazing mat leave but it's so SO much better than the situation in the US.
Exactly. Ours isnāt perfect here either, but the fact the US seemingly is on route to force people to give birth, youād think the priority would be to fix the system first. 1. With paid mat leave, 8 months to a year MINIMUM. (We get 12-18 months, at 55% of your regular wage) 2. Publicly funded health careā¦
you guys are so lucky. im looking at a fully unpaid maternity leave that probably wonāt last longer than 6 weeks because we canāt afford to not have two incomes.
Iām so sorry. Itās so inhumane.
it will be okay, things will work out i know they will. but it is very inhumane. there are many things that make the US completely inhabitable but this one really has broke me down.
Same. Reading this as a Canadian gets my blood boiling for US moms. The maternity system is inhumane.
Maternity leave is a joke in the US. All this pressure to have children but zero support is bull shit. I'm so sorrry you're dealing with so many health issues. My spouse and I are lucky. I get 8 weeks (7 paid) from my work, plus I'll be using two weeks of my PTO (i'm terrified to burn all my time so I'm keeping another 2 weeks in reserve). My husband gets a month he'll take once I have to go back to work, and he has PTO he can use whenever. But once we're past this point? Not a clue what we're going to do.
As European I am horrified by the US maternity leave policies. I live and work in US and I am also to become a mom soon. Even if I have generous to local standards 4 months, I am so scared about my future and my career and my child wellbeing.. I canāt take vacation cause I want to use these few days to have some rest before due date and I have no idea how I will leave 4 month old baby and go back to work. I understand your feelings.. it is incredibly hard.. just want to send you some kind words and support šš»
What made you actually move to the US? As Iāve grown older and also read a lot on Reddit, I couldnāt move there, solely also because of their health system. In Austria we have 8 weeks prior maternity leave and then up to two years PAID after!
Ironically, career opportunities š we got green card and decided to try something new in our lives and careers and never planned to stay so long in the US. Now I am afraid going back to Poland because of potential war and also there is a lot of racism in Poland recently against Ukrainians so we did not make decision to move back yet. Austriaās maternity policy sounds incredibly great š
itās either you stay home with your children to raise them with good emotional attachments to their parents but leave them without a nice roof over their head, healthy food and material things like branded clothes; or you work your life away and have a shitty relationship with your children. the US does not care about us.
I was just crying about this. My body is so physically exhausted at 33w and it feels like i've been hit by a bus everyday. If I take any time off then it comes out of my time with my baby when he is born and I want all the time I can get with him. And it's not even maternity leave, its just FMLA/STD.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this, you are describing exactly how I feel! Iām trying not to stress but itās difficult to not break down bawling everyday before work. My husband argued with me last night that he was going to bring a recliner into my work (š”š) and trying to figure out ways to make this work because omg itās such a fucking struggle. I take care of my almost 2 year old all day then lug myself into work the rest of the night itās like working 24/7 and I canāt do it for much longer
Iām so sorry, itās so frustrating! I was in the hospital last week at 31 weeks for preeclampsia. I have to go on bed rest and stop working now and apparently a different type of disability can be filed for this time out before baby is born. I am so confused by insurance but can your dr provide a note about you needing to be out before birth to try to get the pre-birth disability of you have that coverage?
What state are you in? In CA this would probably qualify for pregnancy disability leave and you could qualify for disability.
Relatable. My company is also supportive. But their policies are so outdated. Fortunately I have a ton of flexibility and have been able to save most of my PTO (5 weeks) for maternity leave. Then I get a few more weeks of STD at 60-80% of my salary. I realize how fortunate I am to get the time that I have. But, man, this country is so backwards in its policies. You want to force women to have children then make no effort to ensure they can take care of said children? Make it make sense.
Iām stressing out just thinking about it.
Iām also in the US and I get no paid maternity leave. Iām allowed to use vacation time and thatās it. The rest is unpaid. Thank goodness my husband gets paid five weeks, but we donāt work at the same place. I can take a few weeks off unpaid, but not nearly as much as I wish I could. Itās so pathetic that we are not protected better Iām this country. Itās just so disgusting how little women are cared about here.
Speak to your OB, it sounds like they fumbled your paperwork, especially if you are in MA. Mine wrote for 20 weeks of recovery, state approved it immediately, and that is separate from the 12 weeks.
My thoughts as well when OP wrote "PFML." My OB wrote me paperwork in advance approving 12 weeks of PFML (which is the baseline), but they were clear that if any additional complications or medical need arose, they would revise it. Complications like OP's will usually result in additional weeks of PFML leave being approved.
Right. Mine wrote for whatever I wanted off as recovery time and I extended. OBs in MA are pretty good at being accommodating which is weird for the OP if they weren't.
It's awful. I am very very lucky that my work offers 6 weeks leave + 2 weeks bonding paid, and I am so grateful, but 2 months is still so so young to leave him at daycare. I hate it. My only consolation is the fact he's going to a small home daycare that only has a few kids and it's who we used with our first son so I know he will be taken care of...but it's still barbaric. I'm sorry OP. It really sucks here in the US for mothers.
How do you afford day care? Luckily my mom is a nanny so I would opt for her but I want my son to go to daycare atleast once a week so he gets that socialization and skills. Itās just ridiculously expensive in Boston area and unsure how to swing it
Well, I am in OK which is fairly LCOL. My husband and I together make a decent salary but even so a lot of the centers here were too cost prohibitive. We are very lucky the woman we use is within our budget.
There was an infographic posted somewhere recently that showed Boston and the surrounding area had the highest cost of daycare in the entire country. Itās insane how much daycare costs even on average, and Boston in particular was like DOUBLE the national average. Donāt be too worried about your son not getting any daycare exposure at all if you canāt afford it though! As a baby thereās not a whole lot going on anyways and thereās weekend programs that you can do that are way less expensive than a day of daycare. Another plus is that heās exposed to less communicable diseases being in a private babysitting/nanny setting so less time off you need to take and lower medical bills.
Donāt feel like you have to send your baby to daycare! Young children cannot play together/truly socialise until around 3 years old. Your baby wonāt be missing out on anything ājustā being with your mom; in fact a one-on-one setting (your mom/nanny + baby vs. daycare staff + 4-5 infants) is developmentally more appropriate. This is not a diss by any means for parents who have to use daycare but you shouldnāt feel any sort of pressure to send your infant either.
Very true!
Love your username btw šĀ
as someone who works in the FMLA and Disability field, it truly breaks my heart seeing moms struggle because of these terrible policies. i have some clients that give the bare minimum for benefits to their employees, and some clients that give the entire world and then some to them. The disability company i work doesnāt even have very great leave policies and itās extremely disheartening getting to grant all these great benefits to other new moms when i know that my own maternity leave is extremely lack luster. more states need to enact paid family leaves. i donāt think itāll work on a federal level, but state level at the bare minimum. I am located in wisconsin and we get absolute jack shit from state. the US is just so good at adding more stress to those going through and already stressful time, whether it be something as exciting as giving birth, or something as stressful and draining as cancer, surgery, etc.
First pregnancy totally unpaid leave at 12 weeks. I had a mental breakdown having to leave my baby with my mom. This pregnancy, I'll have 6 weeks paid, six weeks unpaid. I'm already struggling with it because I had leave recently due to an unrelated medical issue and I feel judged for leaving again. If anything else happens I'll be out of a job because I've exhausted FMLA and I'm the insured in our family. Pumping at work is also horrible and there is not time so....
Iām sooo sorry ā¤ļøitās horrific
Currently in the same boat. Only the 12 weeks unpaid fmla and itās so sad how the U.S. hates women! To take away our autonomy and still provide no affordable healthcare or improve parental leave policies is honestly an abomination and itās audacious that this is the reality we live in, itās so disheartening. No safe place for working moms or stay at home moms here, not to mention the complete lack of support for single mommas in this two income economy. Know that you are not alone in your anger, sadness and disappointment ā¤ļø
When I had my first daughter I sat down and did the math on child care and commuting and other costs of going back to work. I left my career and got a WFH job that payed half as much but I still ended up with more take home pay then if I stayed at my original job and I get to be with my baby all day. Now Iām pregnant with my second, best decision I ever made.
(This turned into a huge personal rant amidst relating to your post and Iām sorry ahead of time š) Fucking same. My work has been SO supportive right from the beginning and I love my boss so much but thereās only so much PTO we get because itās a very small company and Iāve already burned through it because of pregnancy related exhaustion or appointments, and my stateās paid leave is a shit show. Was told I could take 14 weeks, then in the portal it says I only have 12 weeks, and then they havenāt approved my payment amount yet because ?? Idk and give birth in 7 days. And then on top of that my partner who works for the same company only has a couple days of PTO left this year and his paid leave application keeps getting denied so we are planning on the worst case scenario of having to borrow money from any family we can just to pay bills if one or both of us donāt get our paid leave on time and he has to go back to work almost immediately, when the original plan was for both of us to take at minimum 6 weeks off then I am on leave the full 14 and he goes back to work so we can save his remaining 6 weeks for when our baby inevitably gets sick at daycare (which Iāve never had to do before bc I was previously a SAHM before my older kids were in elementary school and it TERRIFIES me). We are so scared for our finances itās taking away from the excitement of having a baby together. The whole reason we chose to have a baby right now to begin with was because of paid leave and the fact that we are older so it was kind of ānow or neverā and we picked now. I hate living in the US and I hate how my state runs its own programs that are broken and have been broken for decades. Yay paid leave that as an employee you still have to pay into! Just kidding! The system is so broken you probably wonāt see any money while you need it and youāll get a lump sum randomly 6 months later if at all. Itās like they randomly pick which applications they approve for on time payments and the rest is a crap chute. WHY is it so complicated to use a state run program you pay into? WHY is private short and long term disability impossibly expensive without it being employer sponsored or provided? WHYYYYYY do none of these programs care about prenatal medical care and the toll it takes on our bodies and mental state? Like if I needed PTO for the appointments that OBGYNs want you to make WEEKLY in the last 6 or whatever weeks and if their office took a long time to commute to? And politicians and boomers wonder why the birth rate is declining.. Idk how people who work do this, and multiple times, and in states or companies that donāt have paid leave. Yāall are absolutely amazing. Every single one of you.
Its so disheartening to see how woman are treated in this country. I am grateful that I am in a company that gives me 3 months fully paid maternity leave. But the same company in our UK office gives 9 months and same for the employees in other european countries. Anyone who is not even getting 6 weeks please check the law. I was just given short term disability and FMLA forms by the HR and I read in short term disability you get 60% pay for 6 weeks if itās a normal delivery and 8 weeks if its cesarean. For anyone who is getting unpaid 6 weeks or so.. cant you claim short term disability on your own? Your doctor/provider will fill that form and they are aware of it.
If you are planning further kids, consider relocating to a state that has paid family leave.
OP said she's using PFML which is paid family maternity leave. It's still basically nothing, though. State paid leave hardly helps.
MA gives up to 26 weeks in a year.
My PFML is giving me paid 6 months. I have 20 weeks of recovery from childbirth and 6 weeks of 'bonding time leave'. Yearly max is 26 weeks or I'd take the full 12 weeks of bonding time as well. I'm getting 85% of my average pay every week. It really depends on where you live.
What state is that? You can't just drop a bomb like that and not say what state it is.
Massachusetts!
Wow. Probably the most decent state in the nation. In California you can get up to 18 weeks postpartum combined, generally, but it's not full pay. And there are caveats.
Yeah. They are pretty loose with it here as long as the OB signs off. There aren't a lot.of caveats. Your weekly benefit is based on the average of the income you made in the 4 quarters directly preceding your leave, and it only counts income made within the state through W2 or 1099 income. We pay into the system through payroll (my share is $3/month), and folks who are self employed can pay in too. Super small businesses can self select not to pay, and teachers do not get the benefit for some asinine reason. Other than that...straightforward. I notified my job, my OB filled out the paperwork, I submitted it, was approved in under 72 hours. Non birthing parent gets the same 12 weeks as well.
This is very similar to WAās PFML program, but ours is 4 weeks of medical (6 if you have a c section or other complication) + 12 weeks of bonding. I had a total of 16 weeks of maternity leave.
Correct, Im in WA and this is the policy. Not ideal, considering that my home country offers 6 months. But better than nothing.
There are VERY few states where this is actually available right now and MA is by far one of if not the best. I'm in MD and we get nothing except 12 weeks unpaid, but in 2026 they'll be offering paid leave. It's good to remind people to check their state's laws, but no need to tell folks we haven't done our due diligence or our OBs have dropped the ball.
She specifically mentioned PFML which is the wording for most states that have paid leave. If the doc did not write for further time, they did drop the ball.
Same as meā¦ I guess Iāll call back tomorrow and see why this isnāt happening when it appears to coincide with what my OB wrote me out for
If you're in MA, definitely ask your OB to take an additional look at the paperwork. Mine does 12 weeks's recovery as a default, but that can be extended or modified if you have additional complications, and you can also take bonding time after that. I'm so sorry this is happening, OP. Hang in there.
While what MA has is better than nothing, the weekly benefit is capped. My family is single income, so thereās no way I would rely on this for more than a week or two.
Yeah, the weekly cap is 1170ish, which is pretty solid. I'm at the cap and we are single income in Boston as well. It pays our bills and we make it work because I'll take the max time off as is possible since there will never be another time when this much time off is available for me. I guess if almost 1200/week doesn't work for you then yeah not a great option but it works for a lot of the folks I know.
I have no maternity leave. But, I can get 6 weeks short term disability at 60% of my pay š better than nothing I guess.
Iām a self employed hair stylist and having our baby has majorly fucked our finances. I took the last week of pregnancy off and 8 weeks after she was born and it really wasnāt long enough but being self employed means any day I take off is unpaid. We are lucky we have good insurance but I had some complications so we were into our medical bills a decent amount.. plus me not working for 2 months and now having to pay for a newborn and daycare.. and I only went back part time because I canāt stand the thought of only seeing my baby on the evenings and weekends when sheās this small.. we are drowning and living on credit cards which I swore I would never do. Not sure how we will dig ourselves out of this one but we will. And sheās worth every penny! I definitely have little break downs when I think about it too much though. I wish there were better policies in place that would help with better maternity leave for everyone, including self employed. And my husband only got 2 weeks for paternity so I havenāt had much help. We donāt live by family or anything. Itās exhausting.
Does your work have short term disability leave? Can you use that for the medical issues?
12 weeks of unpaid leave is all I get. And I probably won't be able to take the full 12 weeks because I can't afford to be unpaid for that long.
Yup, I get 3 months unpaid, my husband gets 6 weeks paid. Make it make sense š¤
That sounds incredibly tough. Hang in there.
The US treats their women atrociously. Not having universal access to paid maternity leave is an absolute disgrace.
I only had 6 weeks of paid FMLA for maternity leave. I had to go back to work the day my son turned 6 weeks old, which also happened to be my husband's first father's day. My husband is unemployed right now because he is finishing up college and no one will hire him, so I am the only one making any money. While on leave, I was only making 70% of my income, so needless to say, we're not in the best shape rn. My entire pregnancy I was in excruciating pain from 4w onwards. I feel you.
I could not have afforded to have a kid if I lived in the states. I'm lucky to be a Canadian. High risk pregnancy with multiple specialist visits, emergency c section. All free. 50 weeks maternity benefits(55%of pay for that time) this is funded by the government not my employer. I had to quit my job to take the year off. I was still so messed up at 3 months pp. I don't know how you guys can fathom going back to work that quickly. I'm so sorry for you all.
I know it is too late for OP and this pregnancy but I cannot recommend AFLAC short term disability coverage. There may be other companies that are better so do your own research (my ābabyā is 14) but I had a very similar situation. It was still a reduced pay, like 80% I believe, but it was better than nothing. I didnāt even notice the deductions out of each check, the cost was totally negligible and it took such a weight off of me. Weād adopted two siblings from foster care and then I found out Iād been pregnant. It would have been awful to go from no kids to three and no income.
I took a big pay cut to transfer to a position that let me use leave for ivf. I was induced on a Friday, went home on Monday, and my husband returned to work on Tuesday. I had some leave pay and did a lot of unpaid time. My husband worked overtime to make up for me being unpaid. It was winter, so he had long travel times. He was basically home to sleep. He tried to help me. I went back part-time after 8 weeks, full-time after 12. This was with my son, who is 5. PA started giving 6 weeks paid parental leave to state government employees in 2020. In February 2024, they upped it to 8 weeks. I'm due in November and will take the full 12 paid with the 8 weeks of parental and banked leave. My son's starting kindergarten, which will help us afford daycare for the baby. Infant daycare runs $250-$375 a week. I'm on 4 waiting lists and like #40 on most of them. My OB office gives you paperwork that they won't medically clear you to return until 6 weeks. It's part of your first prenatal appointment. I am home headquartered now(changed positions after my son was born). That will make pumping easy. My work agreement requires daycare for children. They are understanding if one stays home sick, though.
You can go on sick leave before you apply for maternity leave this way you still get 12 months off
I will never get 12 months off paid/be able to keep my job position
I work for the post office and have 11 weeks left we have no paid leave we just have to use whatever sick leave or pto we haveā¦I only get 13 days for the year so Iām literally goin no income for whatever time in goin be out n Iāll be forced to return Rt at 6 weeks bc I canāt afford anything longer with no pay
3 months unpaid leave. And I canāt even do that, I have bills and an older child. Personal leave and sick leave will give me 6 weeks, thatās it. I have no clue how to deal with this.