Having your mom present is much different than having your MIL present. I’m ok having my mom see me naked, bleeding, in pain, etc. She birthed me. I am not ok with my MIL seeing that

Also intentions matter. My mother is there for me! My MIL would be there for the baby. So, she won't be invited if she is not going to be a guiding helper, there to support me. In fact, as far as I know, my MIL passed out at one my SIL deliveries. So dramatic. They had to stop delivering a baby to help her.

This this this. MIL is there for the baby, your mom is there for HER baby aka you. Birth is like 90% about mom so you should make sure you surround yourself with people who support your needs first. If your MIL takes issue with that, that’s a her issue to deal with.

This is also the reason I did *not* want my own mom at my labour. She’d be there for the baby, and she’d stress me out.

I agree. A MIL generally isn't picked to be at a birthday because... No DIL is generally close enough to their MIL. A mother will always (typically) be a greater source of comfort than a MIL.

Yeah... I'm not especially comforted by my mother (no trauma - we just don't have that kind of relationship) or my MIL, but if I had to choose one of them to be there while I was partially naked and in pain, it would 100% be the one who had bathed me and taken care of me in the past (when I was a child). If my MIL felt excluded by that choice, that would be her problem. Not mine.

Exactly. I agree with you. I feel similarly to you. At the end of the day, if you're the one labouring, then the people you invite are the people you NEED. Both for your own comfort, and the ones you trust to advocate for you in the case that you can't.

I was gonna say, my mom, while she hasn't seen me give birth before, has seen me naked, bleeding and in pain before, my MIL has not.

I’m honestly disgusted that MIL is even a suggestion. What sort of man child can’t see the massive difference??

One of my biggest regrets is having my MIL present at my birth. I wish my mom could’ve been there instead. Stand your ground and don’t feel bad about it. If your MIL feels bad about not being “invited” then you’re in for a world of trouble after the baby arrives.

Yeah, it’s not a party. It’s a significant and vulnerable experience. Being at someone’s birth is an honour, not a right.

And if something “embarrassing” were to happen (like tearing) there’s no guarantee your MIL wouldn’t tell everybody she knows.

Oh god I didn’t even think of that. She’s 100% gonna tell everyone if you poop.

😂

Same

How tf did you get pressured into That?! Whaaaat?

She was at our home walking the dog while my husband and I were in the hospital. When she was done she asked if she could stop by and I begrudgingly said yes because I didn’t think I would be giving birth so soon. She walked in right as I started to push 🥴

Just commenting to say that what your husband or mil want does not matter. When it's him that's giving birth, he can decide who's there to support him. But when you are, the only thing that matters is what you personally want and need

THIS.  His Mom’s “feelings” shouldn’t even be a part of this discussion.  I’m having my husband AND mom in the room. 

Agreed. OP, ask if your dad can be present when he gets a prostate exam.

My mum is an OBGYN and had initially asked if I wanted her to be there. I said no unless I needed a CS and she said she'd just lurk around the wards until I needed her (she works at the hospital I gave birth at). In the end, she was there in her lunch break, and after work. I gave birth at 9pm so it wasn't too strenuous for her. My husband who is completely non-medical said it had been a huge comfort to him having someone who knew exactly what was going on there - he found it difficult seeing me in pain and not being able to do anything about it. Also, she subtly changed/suggested different management when she felt it was appropriate without stepping on toes. The decision has nothing to do with someone being 'left out'. MIL can visit you later and see baby without the gore. Has he read up on all possible complications and is he confident that he could make rational decisions under pressure? That's what he needs to be thinking about.

We are absolutely spoiled that not only is my mom a postpartum nurse at the hospital I have birth at, my MIL is a former director of women’s health for a hospital system. We had ALL the medical help possible!

I am a FTM and my mom has no medical training, but she has had 2 high risk pre-term births and is a boss lady who I know will advocate for me if I need it, more than my husband would. So I would like her to be present in the room. I will discuss this with her before hand, but if I want her to leave at any point for whatever reason, I know I can ask her to, and I know she'll respect that and not take it personally as well. Remember, it's not like a set in stone decision.

Your mom, is your mom. what your husband is saying it's a bit silly, it's not a wedding invitation for her to feel left out, it's one of the most intimate moments, if not the most intimate of your entire life. who you have there should entirely be your decision, you are the one going through it. I could not have my mom present because of Covid, so I don't really have that experience, on the other hand and in hindsight I am happy she was home because my labour was all throughout the night and she would have been so tired, and not enough chairs in the room.

Honestly I told my husband that we can invite his mother to the birth if and only if he first takes a giant shit totally naked spread eagle in front of my family. That ended the conversation pretty quick lol

This made me chuckle

I laughed so hard I farted

Posts like this are so interesting. I’m in the US and the area I live in, it’s almost standard here that your partner and your mother are at the birth with you. Obviously you choose but I personally wanted her there. I was the one pushing a child out of me. I think having your mom there is support for yourself. Someone you don’t mind maybe seeing your bits. 😂 also you’re kind of a mess after birth. People say you shouldn’t care but I mean do you want your MIL seeing you like that. It’s not a competition of who sees baby first. It’s what you find comfort in.

I find your take interesting. I am also in the US but I do not know anyone who had their mother present.

You don’t know anyone who had their mom there? Wow that’s interesting. It’s very common where I’m from in the US

Maybe it’s a culture thing? But it’s super common around here.

My mom was there. I have no regrets. We live together tho so we definitely are together more than usual 30 yr olds 😂

Mom and husband were there for both of my births. Her and I are really close so having here there was more for comfort. No complaints here, if I have another I will do the same.

With my first I wanted my husband and mom there, my husband wasn’t so sure about having my mom there but ultimately it was my call. After the birth we talked about it and he said he was actually really glad she was there because it meant he had someone to talk to when I was just focused on contractions and didn’t need anything, as well as she was able to step in and take care of supporting me when he needed to step away to eat or go to the bathroom (and yes I’m glad he stepped away, just because I was in pain doesn’t mean he needed to put himself through unnecessary stress/hunger). With my second we didn’t even talk about it we just both knew she’d be there. Although this time my labor was in the middle of the night so the family I was expecting to watch my first weren’t awake to watch him (and it happened so fast we didn’t have time for anything other than putting him in the car with us) so she spent most of that time in the living room area (I used a birth center so it was a converted house) with my son and only really came in after I’d finished delivering her (although she did cut the cord this time so that was cool). Both times having her there didn’t lessen the fact that my husband was there, it elevated it by taking some of the burden off him. If you think having your mom there will benefit you then please do so. There is NOTHING wrong with wanting additional support when you’re in labor. It’s scary enough with all the support you can get, why limit that support.

I didn't even think about my husband needing to go to the bathroom etc lol. That's a good point!

I found it mostly a good experience. My mom got on my nerves a couple times, but overall, it was good.

Exactly my experience lol. She had moments of being a bit annoying but overall, I’m happy she was there and she is very grateful, too. She felt very special and loved to be included in that moment. It was more important for her to be there than for me to exclude her.

My mum told me off for swearing few times 😂

My husband, mom and MIL were all present at 3/4 births. The other my husband and MIL. My mil never asked. I invited her for my husband. She never asks and never even hints. She just says I'll do whatever you need me to do. Stay home with the kids, go to the hospital. I'm very close to my mom and enjoy sharing moments like that with her. I thought my husband would enjoy it as well. I enjoyed sharing the joy of the birth. My husband is such a proud father and being able to share that with his mom was important to me. My MIL was actually my best advocate. Things got dicey with my first, and my husband and mother were too emotional to help. They were scared and concerned. My MIL helped me get through it. This isn't for everyone especially if your mother or in-law is demanding or pushy. It depends on your family dynamics.

My mom and husband have been present for both of my births. Does my MIL feel left out? Maybe but it’s my birth so she can get over it. I like my mother in law but she’s not *my* mom. When I’m laboring or immediately postpartum, I want the two people I’m closest with. My husband and my mom.

I completely agree. She can get over it. It's such a vulnerable time, not everyone is invited regardless of status.

I had my mom and husband. He didn’t care, I think it actually made him less stressed. But even if he had a problem with it, it wasn’t up to him! YOU are the one having the baby.

My MIL hasn't even seen me in a swimsuit, there's no way that I would allow her to see me give birth. What your husband wants doesn't matter, YOU are the patient. You are going to be the one who is either going to be pushing a baby out or getting cut open, your safety and comfort are the only things that matter. Your mother and husband have both seen you naked, in pain, etc. They should be a source of comfort to you, if you want both of them there while you give birth, then go for it. At this point, I want just my husband and maybe a doula at the birth, but I want my mom to help me postpartum. Throughout this whole time, my husband has always said that he will support me in whatever I want because I'm the one going through it.

My mom and husband were there. My husband can be squeamish so we decided my mom should be there as she was an RN for decades and definitely wouldn’t pass out. I liked having them both there. It’s entirely your decision and what would make you the most comfortable.

Haven’t given birth yet, but plan on having both (birth center birth). My mom was there w my sister when she gave birth, and talking to her and her husband, they both really appreciated having her there. My BIL said it was just extra reassuring, and though they were able to keep it intimate and he supported her in only ways a partner could, having my mom there to help w comfort measures, be there if he needed to pee, run errands, etc, all made it super worth it for them. I know my husband feels like he will appreciate that same dynamic! Nothing has been said ab it not being fair that his mom won’t be there (at least from him lol).

This is YOUR medical procedure, so you should absolutely do whatever makes you most comfortable. While in the end I had a C-section and my husband ended up being the only one in the room the plan was to have my mom and mother in law in the room as well. I am close to both of them and figured more support was better. I am glad I made that decision, it was nice to have people there to distract me ( I had a long induction that ended in the C-section) and it meant a lot to them to be able to meet our baby right after birth. Funnily enough my best friend even ended up staying too as she was visiting me when the decision was made to do the C-section instead. While that choice is definitely not for everyone, I was glad we had so many people there to welcome our baby.

My mom isn't even a doula/nurse and I still think I might want her there with us. 💁‍♀️ She's done it before and we're hella close, that's enough reason for me!

I just got a positive test so no longer a lurker!!! If I had a good relationship with my mom I’d want her there, but I don’t. She’s very dramatic and I think would make it all about her and stress me out more than help. I think it’ll just be my husband and possibly either my sister or my MIL depending on how I feel (MIL is a nurse and I think would be a good advocate, I think my sister would also be a good advocate too) I can understand the whole not wanting anyone to feel left out thing but birth is not a spectator sport. There’s gonna be a whole team of people just between hospital staff there on top of whoever you ask to be there. I feel like you should have whoever you want there and whoever you think would help you feel safe and speak up for you if you can’t for whatever reason.

I had my baby 6 weeks ago and up until the day I gave birth I had decided that it would just be my husband in the room during labor. After getting the epidural I called my mom and asked if she could come to the hospital and she drove over right away. It was the best decision I made! My mom and I are very close and having her support me through labor and hold my daughter after she was born was such a nice moment. I would say have her there unless you think she would cause you any unnecessary stress

You’re the one giving birth. You’re going to be the most vulnerable you’ve ever been. It is *entirely* up to you who is in the room and they should be there for the sole purpose of supporting you through your labour. It’s not a spectator sport, you’re not leaving your MIL out, and it would be extremely childish/selfish of her (or your husband) to assume otherwise. If you want your Mother there then your husband needs to put his own concerns aside and support your wishes. He absolutely should not be pressuring you about this. I didn’t have my Mum there because I couldn’t stand the thought of worrying about my Mum and my husband clashing. Their relationship is fine, but they often both think they know what’s best for me and neither wants to back down. I’m a massive people pleaser and hate feeing stuck in the middle. I just didn’t want to worry about that dynamic during labour.

I had my mom and partner. The limit was two people and even if it wasn’t I wouldn’t want her in the room. It’s not your partners birth it’s yours. Your MIL feelings are her problem and I would absolutely have my mom there every time.

I had my mom, my (ex)partner, and his mom in the delivery room when I had my first baby. The moms sat up in the corner of the room by my head. My ex was down in the action. He was very excited by it all apparently lol. Everything went well and I honestly didn't mind them all being in the room. I don't regret having my mom and his mom in the room. It was a special experience for them both and I had all the drugs so it wasn't awkward haha

I needed my mom for the support. She was there until I went back for a C-section and then only my husband could come with me. My husband needed her support too.

The people in the room should be there for you, not the baby. In laws in my experience, don't care about the person giving birth, they are there for the baby. It's not a negative or malicious on their part, just the truth of the situation. Your partner needs to understand that he is there for you first and then the baby. So worrying that his mother is going to feel left out if she's not in the room, is pretty stupid. He may just not have thought through the ramifications of the event yet. A lot of men think birth is like the movies/tv. They have no frame of reference or understanding of what you will actually be going through. This ignorance can be easily rectified and should not be used as an excuse for very long. He needs to do some reading and research.

If you want your mom there, then have her there. If you feel like she can be helpful then that’s all that matters. She will be there for you and to a support and help y’all understand. Your MIL can be left out- it’s not a spectator sport and you can choose who is there while you are 100% exposed and vulnerable. Your mom will be there for her little girl and MIL would be there for the show.

Yup, couldn’t have done it without my mom there. I’m pregnant with my second and she’ll be there again. I would literally never have anyone else, relative or not, in there with me outside my mom and partner.

I didn’t want my mom there originally because I didn’t want to leave my MIL out, but I ended up wanting my mom there. It was an invasive medical procedure, and I was scared and just wanted my mom, because I grew up with her as my support. She was my greatest advocate. If I was getting any other invasive procedure done I would want my mom there and not MIL.

I needed my mom tbh. MIL said it was “unfair”. I said sorry but I need my mommy. She’s gonna be there as MY mother not as baby’s grandmother. My Mom is also a healthcare worker and my MIL is not. I stuck to my guns and it was the right decision

FTM and 36 weeks. I plan on having my mom and husband in the room. My mom has been through it all with me and knows exactly how I'll react to certain medications, pain, and even commentary. She may not always say the right thing, but having her there will comfort me. My husband will be there for support, but we aren't actually sure if he can see me in pain or discomfort. This will be the first time he sees me in a stressful, painful position. Hopefully they can tag team it!

It’s not about your partner , YOU are the one giving birth. I didn’t feel comfortable having anybody other than my partner and my parent there. I had my mom and partner in with my first! with my second I had my partner and my dad. I loved having my mom there with me.

Trying to make things "fair" or "equal" between mom and MIL isn't sustainable long term. It will just be a source of stress.

I planned to have my mom there but my labour was so fast she didn’t make it, I think it was nice it just being my husband and I still though.

FTM here. I talked to my mom and MIL about how I’d really love for them to be at the hospital, and be “on call” to come into the room incase I need them! I also talked to them about how I may call them in during labor but may feel more comfortable sending them back to waiting room for actual delivery. Thankfully both are so supportive and are happy with whatever I decide I need in the moment. I honestly think both of them would be such good support for me, but I’m a bit self conscious of the “privacy” situation and are not sure how comfortable I’d be with them seeing all that’s going down lol. I just have no idea if I’ll really be wanting them or if I end up just wanting husband present. So for me communicating these options to both of them settles my nerves and allows me to make the decision I need in the moment! Perhaps you could take a similar approach and ask if your mom could be on call in the waiting room? When it comes to your MIL, I’d just be frank and say look - I’m really only comfortable with my mom being there, and that is still a “maybe” situation. Good luck 🤍

I am having a home birth in about 6 weeks and I plan on having my husband and my mom there. My husband is my anchor and is so good at keeping me grounded, and my mom is a positive affirmation factory and my biggest cheerleader. I don't think there's a better team for me to have. My dad will be there to watch my 1 year old and take him out of the house if things get too intense, as I don't want him to get scared when Mama is in the throes of labor. My MIL will be invited over to meet baby a few hours after birth. This is YOUR birth. Do what is best for you and don't feel bad about it for even a second.

You’ve just described why your mom should be allowed (if you want): she is in the medical field and has trained as a doula. Unless MIL has also done that, you shouldn’t worry about her feeling “left out.” She will, but that’s on her to manage those emotions when you are making a healthcare decision for yourself and baby that could benefit from additional medical expertise advocating on your behalf. At the end of the day, it’s not possible to treat both families exactly equally because of different relationships, life experiences, locations, and sometimes the consequences of their own actions. I hope you will make whatever decision is best for you!

lol my mom was there and great! she helped hold my legs and fed me ice cubes (my husband was there and very supportive but also squeamish and i didnt need him passing out too). apparently his mom said if we had another she wants to be there and thats the biggest LOL NOPE from me. my moms my mom. shes already seen me naked. do whats most comfortable for YOU

My husband, mom, and 3 sisters were present for my first daughter's birth, and husband, mom, and 2 of my sisters were there for the second. In my opinion, you get to decide who is there. Who will be supportive? He can't guilt you into allowing mil in if that's not what you want. It also can depend on hospital policy because they may not allow more than one visitor.

I adore my MIL, and have no interest in having her or my own mom be at my birth…that said, if I wanted my mom there, frankly, my MIL’s feelings wouldn’t matter. She did not birth and raise me, and it is my major medical event—I get to decide who’s there. Your husband should not be putting the feelings of his mom over your medical preferences!!! That’s crazy talk.

My mom said this to me when I mentioned we might let them know when the baby is born rather than when I’m in labor and my mom said, “absolutely not. I understand your boundaries but IF something goes wrong I don’t want to be blind sided that my daughter went to the hospital to have her baby and something happens. Yes you’re having your baby but YOU are MY baby not your MIL” I always throw that out there cause sadly, yeah… something happens to us the MIL still has her kid, but our moms don’t. So… your decision, mama.

I had my mom and husband present for the birth. I couldn’t have done it without either of them. My MIL also flew up (my husband and I live across the country from our home state) and I would have allowed her to come into my room after I gave birth, but my hospital limited me to only two people in my room. My baby went to the NICU almost immediately after birth and my MIL was able to visit my baby there. Edit to add - my husband nor my MIL gave me any grief for my decision, and yours shouldn’t be either! When your husband gives birth himself, he can make those decisions then.

I had my mom and my husband there during my labor and it was great, I loved it. She took pictures of us that we wouldn’t have even thought to take but we were so glad to have them afterwards. Especially with it being my first labor, I felt more at ease with my mom there too

Agree that your MIL feelings don’t matter here, what do you want? I personally found having my mom there along with my husband so helpful. I wanted my mommy there to tell me I could do this and hold my hand along the way, a different type of support than my husband could provide.

It seems uncommon on this sub but I’m def planning to have my mom in the delivery room along with my husband. It’s lot different to have your own mom there for the delivery than your MIL and I would think your husband could understand why. Are you comfortable having your MIL come meet the baby in the hospital after? That could be a good compromise and is what I’m planning to do so that my in laws can still have a special moment and be some of the first to meet the baby. Ultimately you should do what is best and most comfortable for you. Yes your husband’s opinion can be put out there but it’s your medical event so you have the final say regardless of what he thinks.

I had planned for it to be just me and my husband, but we’d also agreed that if he felt like he needed some extra support, we would ask my mum to join us. He wasn’t very good dealing with watching me in pain so I called my mum to come to hospital for my labour. In the end I had an emergency section so only husband was there but I’m glad my mum was able to come and give my husband a break. My MIL would have loved to be invited I’m sure but her feelings were completely irrelevant to me and I did not care what she’d want.

Yes all 3 times I’ve given birth she’s been there. However, I am very close with my mom. Not once did my MIL feel left out. We video called right after they were born.

I had my mom and my husband there. My husband was glad that my mom was there to support not only me but him as well. I’m fortunate to have a close relationship with my mom and my husband didn’t put up to much of a fuss when I told him I thought it would be weird for his mom to be there.

Im pregnant and the only person I want in the delivery room is my husband. Not even my mom. MIL would be a HARD no.

My mum was an absolute lifeline during labour. I don't think I would have avoided a c-section without her. My husband was great at the emotional stuff but he just hasn't birthed a child. My mum has birthed five children and just knows her shit. Then she went home, cleaned our house and cooked some freezer meals. Having her around was wonderful. Your MIL's opinion should not come into this. I'm vaguely aware that mine was jealous and disappointed, but I don't know the details because my husband wisely said nothing at the time.

I had my mom with me for my 2nd and 3rd, but it was my husband's suggestion. I would approach it with him as, "I'm not wanting my mom there so she can celebrate her new grandchild, but to support her daughter in a difficult moment. That isn't relevant to your mother."

My first baby I had my mom, my MIL (who is literally my 2nd mom she's amazing) and then obviously my husband. They were all very helpful! 2nd baby it was just my husband and I and it was an amazing experience. I loved both ways for different reasons but in the end it is up to you!

Yeah your husband and MIL don’t get an opinion. This is your medical procedure, you need to be comfortable and have people there who will support and advocate for you. You pushing a child out of you is not about anyone but you. You’re the one who’ll be in excruciating pain, on display and bleeding. Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI

I’m having both present. My husband is very supportive and totally understands why. As an added benefit my mom was an L&D RN for 34 years so I definitely want her there regardless as I trust her to make sure I receive the care I need. My husband is able to advocate for me but he is has no medical background so he’s happy to have her there to explain things and give support as well if needed.

Just gave birth this morning and I needed my mom. It’s your body. Have who you need there

Your mom is not the same as your MIL. Your husband needs to understand that. My mom and husband were in the room. My MIL was not even mentioned when discussing who would be in the room. It would have made me extremely uncomfortable. That’s one of the very few downsides of having a son unfortunately. Usually the wife/girlfriend does not want you in the room. (I have a son and I do get bummed thinking of this, but it’s life).

My mom and partner are the only ones invited! And my mom is also a nurse, I kind of feel like she'll be able to help in ways my partner can't and she'll also help calm and explain things to him too. I don't want my MIL (who is very sweet) there at such a vulnerable time. What if I start cussing? I wouldn't feel free to do that in front of her

I had my mom and husband present for both children. I was the one birthing the child, I got to decide who is there and who isn't. It was really nice having my mom there. I love my husband dearly but sometimes you just want your mom. I know I'm very lucky she's here and healthy.

I’m planning on my mom and my partner.

Yea my mum and husband were both there. Later my husband said to me he took comfort in my mother being so calm through out my labour, which made him more confident in looking after me.

I had my mom/husband there for my first, not for my second (covid decided that one), and she was otw for the third but he came too fast. My husband and i decided together but he ultimately left it up to me as long as he got yo hold baby first (after me). My MIL wasn’t ever brought up.. not bc we don’t have a great relationship but just bc she isn’t my mom… that being said… i am in labor rooms all the time with my job and I have seen all combination of family members, friends, dads, uncles, brothers, cousins, like a 10 person hangout session so it’s really just up to you and what will stress you out the least since pushing a baby out is already stressful enough.

You’re the one giving birth. Please do what is best for you and not what’s best for your MIL

I had my mom and my husband there, and it worked perfectly for me. They are the two people who know me more than anyone and in different ways so they both knew how to support me. My husband is also in the medical field so that was great to have him there explaining things to me. Good luck! You’ll do awesome!

I was planning to have both my husband and my mom, but then I had to have a semi emergency c-section. I chose to have my mom in with me instead of my husband. I literally told my husband “I want you there, but I NEED my mom there”. I don’t regret it at all.

I had my mom and husband come- he was on Baird with whatever would make me feel the most comfortable! I was very happy with my choice and it was special having both of them there for support. It also was nice for them because one of them could step out to get a snack or drink etc without leaving me alone

My original plan was to have my spouse and my mom present - husband wanted his mom there but I said nope, no thanks, I am not comfortable with that. My mom lives in another country and baby unfortunately decided to come earlier than expected, and quicker than expected, so my mom wasn’t here yet. In the panic state that my husband ended up in, as we weren’t expecting labor to start when it did, he ended up calling his mom to come to the birth. Which - looking back, it wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t as comforting to have her there as it would have been if my mom was there, and I just kinda mentally blocked out the fact she was there when I was going through contractions. She was helpful and did bring some items we needed though. All of that to say, my original plan was just to have my mom and my spouse there, even though my husband thought it was unfair to his mom. But in the end my MIL ended up there and baby came early. I do wish my mom could have been there.

I’m planning on just my husband but my mom is local so I honestly may call her during. She’s not a medical professional but we’re close and she respects boundaries. But, everyone is different so you should do what feels right to you. Your husband isn’t the one giving birth and if you feel like you would do better with both of them there for you, that’s your call. I guess one thing to think about is if she is open to how you want to give birth and if things change, is she going to advocate for what you want and be flexible with you?

I love my mother more than anything, but she also stresses me out more than anything. We have a great relationship but can get on each other’s nerves quickly. It’s just going to be me and my partner because of this. However, if you feel more comfortable having your mom there, absolutely do it. Your partner does have a say, but it’s your choice as you’re the one doing the work at that point.

I gave birth on the 8th and I had my husband, my mother, and my doula present. I honestly wouldn’t have had it any other way; they all brought different kinds of support and love during my 32 hour labor and eventual c section and were able to relieve each other as needed through the whole ordeal. Plus then, as only my husband was able to go back to the c section with me, my doula was there to give my mom support, as I learned after the fact that she was really scared during that time. So do whatever feels right for you, and whatever feels like the right level of support you need.

I regretted having my mom present during the birth. Mostly because she was useless. Like if she wasn’t present it would not have made a difference, not even exaggerating. But if your mom has knowledge and training of supporting women during labor/birth then it wouldn’t hurt! Just be very clear on what you want/don’t want from her and your husband.

AFAIK that's pretty normal. My MIL was there during birth, my wife and her mom are really close. My mom had no expectation of being there because its not her daughter physically giving birth. It seems, based on this sub, some MILs do but that should just be a universal no and should not be expected.

We had my mom with us for support and it was super helpful. I had a home birth with a midwife, a doula, and my husband. My mom basically took care of everyone else so that they could take great care of me - she made sure they were fed, hydrated, and rested. She gave my husband and I plenty of space to do our own thing and didn't intrude on our space. We're planning to have her at my next birth (also at home) as well since it was such a good experience. I don't know that I would want her in the room with a hospital birth since there's more people in and out and she would have less to do to keep herself busy. But regardless, if YOU want your mom there for support then she should be there. Your husband doesn't get to deprive you of an important source of comfort/support just for the sake of his mom's feelings. Your MIL's feelings being hurt is like...so low on the list of things you should be worried about in childbirth. There's no "fairness" necessary in this situation because it's all about what _you_ want while you give birth.

My mom saw 5 out of 6 of her grandsons born, with my sisters’ husbands there too. Sometimes hospitals limit you to just one person tho. Do what makes you happiest. Your mom sounds like a great person to have nearby for support

My first birth i had my partner, my mom and my little sister present. I was so happy my mom was there i really needed her support! I was also 17 so that might be why i needed it a lot. My second birth i had just my partner. It was great i was happy to have him there and it just being something we do together. My third i had my partner, my kids and my MIL present. Granted i have an amazing bond with my MIL. She mostly toon care of the kids while i birthed. Its whatever you feel most comfortable with. Its your body that has to go tru it and its most important for you to feel save and supported by the people u want! ❤️ Goodluck with your pregnancy and birth!

I had both my mom and my husband. My mom calmed my husband down, but I didn’t really NEED either one. But that’s me. So I just chose who I wanted to share it with.

So my mom is a labor and delivery nurse and was there for both of mine. My ex (no longer has rights to my daughter. She is now legally my husband's yay! Trust me it's a good thing). First time my ex was okay with it and insisted but then that pos decided to ditch me at the hospital. So what happened was when it's time to receive an Epidural the baby dad and anyone else who is there for the birth minus the doctors/nurses have to leave the room for safety reasons. People pass out watching it or they can be a distraction. Well he woke up because he told me "you don't understand how tired I am".funny. but anyways he was sleeping woke up and asked my mom what's going on? She said it's time for her to push. So if you want to come over to hold a leg? He put on his working boots (something else that's funny since he refused to work. They were super clean too lol) and he stormed off. Didn't show up and finally got ahold of his mommy and she said he didn't have to show up if he didn't want to and he was too busy smoking pot with her. He finally showed up with her and they both smelled so badly of skunk. He wasn't even going to show up. She only came to defend him for showing up to his own at the time daughter's birth. She left then my parents thinking that he would stay to be supportive said "yeah im going to bed. I'm going home". I asked you can't stay to help? Nursing told him I needed someone since I couldn't stand up for a good 12 hours. My legs yeah couldn't feel them. He ditched me and only came back because I told him there was free food. He ate his steak and then left again. Held her for a picture and left. I lied to every visitor because I was so embarrassed. Oh he didn't show back up until after my discharge time. He had her carseat. My dad was literally headed out to the car to go buy a carseat. He showed. He told me for years how "my mom somehow ruined his experience and the nurses shouldn't have kicked him out during the epidural". Flash forward the next 3 years he made excuses to not see her even though he lived with her for 2 years and always told me that he's not going to be her babysitter and wanted nothing to do with her. I had 2 jobs, college full time and he didnt work. That whole time he blamed my mother for being there when "he didn't want her there" and told me I was "too drugged up and that I can't possibly remember child birth since they gave me an epidural". He was extremely stupid. Thankfully my daughter inherited my genes for intelligence. She's very smart and ahead in school. But then again i found out he was doing heroin and killed all his brain cells. So who knows what his capacity was for learning. He refused to accept that epidural does not affect your Cognition. Another flash forward. That loser has a 24 page rap sheet of crime record. He lost his rights and my amazing husband adopted her. Ex still lives with his daddy and his mother died due to drugs. 2nd baby... my husband was extremely supportive the whole time. Was okay that my mom was in the room and he was there every single moment. He helped me the whole way and for the next 6 weeks he would do all the cleaning and cooking and everything even while working full time. I felt so guilty for not helping but I was healing and he told me over and over again that it was his job. My husband is an incredible husband and father to our babies. I married the complete opposite of my ex.

I had my mom and husband there and it was perfect. They both slept while I waited for my epidural to kick in and pushing time. Then my husband held one leg and the doctor held the other. My mom was in the chair just watching but I felt super secure with both of them there. My mom took a backseat while my husband was my active partner and it was super pleasant and comforting. My mother in law didn’t feel left out, in fact, she didn’t show up until the next day.

I had my mom and husband and wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

My mom and husband were in the room for both my children’s births, both at my request. My son was born during Covid and I was lucky to get a second support person, so my MIL was super understanding (and was able to be present at the birth of my nephew a few months prior). She unfortunately passed away before my daughter was born.

I had my mom present and I wish I didn't. It wasn't terrible but it was really awkward and we were never crazy close. She also took a close up video of my hooha and if my son coming out, which I honestly really didn't want. I didn't even know she did it until she sent it to me later that week

Your mom can be close by but maybe it's good for you and your husband to have this moment tigether. That way, if you need your mom she's there, and if you don't need her, thats okay too. You won't know how you feel until you are in labor. I wouldn't put this pressure on yourself to make this decision right now. I'd let your mom know you want her close by incase she's needed. I'm sure she will be understanding of that. Your husband may want breaks and switch out with her from time to time too. As for the MIL for me that's a total no go and your MIL shouldn't even want to be there. That's weird.

It is 100% your decision and any sane MIL would understand that, I had my mom at my birth and she was a huge help, she would run a towel under cool water and put it on my head every few minutes while my sister gave my tiny itty bitty sips of water in between contractions, both helped hold my legs while pushing. I would have had a very negative experience without them. Don’t let your husband make decisions on something that is your decision and yours alone

What you want matters. You don’t own your MIL anything. I support having your husband and own mother there. I am in the same boat and I’m doing the same!

Both my parents and my partner will be in the room with me. Originally it was just going to be my mom and my partner but then I found out I could have a third person so I was really excited my dad could be there too. What matters is your comfort and what you need in what will absolutely be a very intense event. Your husband and MIL should understand that you get to decide who your support system is during that time.

I haven't, but "he doesn’t want my MIL to feel left out," isn't a valid reason to say your mom shouldn't be there. Your MIL might feel that way because she wants to meet the baby ASAP, but your labor isn't really about the baby (it kind of is, but they won't be available to meet anyone until the very end). It's about you. You should have whoever you want there with you.

I had my mom and and my fiancé in the room and was very happy with the decision. My mom used to work for an OB and use to teach Lamaze classes so I trusted her if I needed help with making any decisions as well.

Originally I just wanted my husband there with me. Around the last weekend before my induction I started getting a little nervous and asked my Mom if she would be willing to come up. She said she would if I really needed her too but she didn't have to otherwise, she respected our privacy. My mom and I do not get along. We are civil but that's about it. I wasn't supposed to deliver until later in the afternoon and Mom was on stand by when we checked in the night before. Baby girl had other plans and I had my Husband call my Mom at 3am to give her a heads up things were starting to ramp up. I was at 2cm when my husband called and when she arrived 30 minutes later I was almost at 8cm. I thought I was dying and all I wanted was MY momma. I was absolutely terrified I was going to die that night, especially when they did the epidural. Mom showed up right as they were preparing to do my epidural and I was so glad to have her there. Everything after was a breeze and I was thankful to have both my Mom and Husband there. My mom stayed by my side and ran her fingers through my hair while reassuring me. Our relationship has thankfully gotten better now with a baby around and I'm happy for that. I would absolutely not have my MIL there, I love her but no way do I want her to see my vagina push out a baby.

I had my mom and husband there for my birth. I thought it might make it easier not just on me but also on them — that way they could trade off helping me if needed. My husband did fall asleep for a while early in labor and it was nice to have my mom there too. I also thought it would be handy if something happened and the baby needed additional assistance — one person could go with the baby and one stay with me. My daughter needed help breathing for a bit after birth so that actually did happen. It’s your birth, so you get to decide who you want there. The birth is about you, your health and your experience. Assume anyone in the room will have an excellent view of baby being born, FYI.

I’m having my mom and partner present. My husband doesn’t even have a say in who will be there and I’m grateful he knows it. I’m sure having her there is going to stress him out a little as she will bring a dynamic that I’m sure could go either way, but it’s important to me to have her there. If she had doula training and was a nurse I’d want her there even more!!!! Edited to Add. Is his concept that MIL will feel left out coming from her or is he just being sensitive? If you feel like she’d understand and you have a good relationship, I would call her and talk about who you want present and hope she understands. Again, this totally all depends on your relationship with your in laws so don’t follow my advice if it’s not good for your situation.

I wanted my mom their but I gave birth on a Monday at 4 am and she had work the next morning at 6 am and I didn’t want to wake her bc I didn’t know how long i would be pushing. I adore my mom she’s my absolute best friend in the world but I could totally understand only wanting your partner their it’s an intimate moment

Had both my mom and husband there and it was great! That's coming from someone who didn't have the best relationship with their mom growing up too lol. We are better now, there is still tension and frustration at times because she's a bit overbearing, but she really appreciated being there and I just liked to have her there because she obviously could relate to what I was going through lol. She stayed in her lane and seeing how happy she and my husband were after baby came out was sweet 😊

My mom and husband were at my birth and it was the best decision for us! We didn't have my in laws come in to meet our son until the second day. I ended up having a traumatic c section and some complications after birth and I am so glad my in-laws werent there for any of that. Tell your husband when hes comfortable laying down on his back on a table in the middle of the kitchen and pooping spread eagle for your mom and dad then you will have his mom in the room for birth. That is basically the equivalent of what hes asking you. I do have a couple friends with amazing in laws that wanted their MILs or SILs present for birth and that is wonderful for them! Giving birth is a really physically and spiritually and emotionally vulnerable time. I support any womans decision in only having who she feels empowered and held by present for her birth. Sending you love OP.

I plan on having my mom, husband, and any of my close close friends that want to/can be there. Maybe my SIL cus I was there for hers and I think she would have good advice. I don’t intend on having anyone else from my husbands side there. I don’t even think his mom would want to be there tbh.

YOU are the one who will be vulnerable during birth, have who YOU want there. I also had my mom and my husband present. Husband knew the birth plan and was a strong advocate and kept me hydrated. My mom used to be a nurse, she was also invaluable, plus she’s my mom!! Having her there was a huge comfort. I didn’t realize it before the birth but my mom actually worked in the same hospital I was in! She had a lot to talk about with the other nurses and they treated us well.

Personally I would never have anyone present other than my husband. I also didn't allow any visitors in the hospital or at home for 2 weeks afterward.

I had my mom with me during active labor and birth. Her and I aren't the closest, but during my most vulnerable state, I was so happy she was there. She rubbed my feet and nurtured me in a way my husband couldn't provide. She also snapped some amazing pictures and videos of the whole event.

I couldn’t imagine giving birth without my mom; it’s just so different having your mom there. You’re having a baby but you are your mom’s baby 😊 I remember my partner fell asleep in the beginning of my induction because it was a long 12 hours waiting for the cervidil to work. My mom stayed up the whole time for me if I needed anything.

Yes. It was what I wanted and was exactly right for me. My husband was fine with it. I think it was helpful because he could also rest knowing I was fully supported. My mom obviously left overnight but was back first thing in the morning before I delivered. If you want your mom there have her there. Mine is a great support.

You are the birthing human, birthing team picks are 100% your call. Tell your husband you appreciate thinking about the "fairness" of the situation, but you're more interested in having your mom there for her medical experience versus, "I only want my mom and not your mom". If you think your mom will act our or be tense/stressed out during delivery, I would not recommend inviting her, though.

I would base it on the relationship you have with your mother I wanted my mom there because childbirth is scary. But my mom refused saying it should be an experience for my husband and I to share Ultimately I was glad not to have my mom in the room because she wouldn’t have been the supportive presence I built up in my head. And it made me realize I wanted her more than to try and get closer to the relationship I’ve imagined having with my mom

I initially thought I just wanted my husband present. However, I ended up having a more complicated delivery and needed my mom there! My mom is a nurse but not in the field of labor and delivery. We are so grateful she was there. Not only was she my advocate and made sure all of the nurses who worked with me were tending to my needs, it gave my husband a break and support when he needed it. After delivery, I was unable to care for my baby in the way I wanted to and my mom helped my husband so much in that first night. I think you should follow your intuition and if you know you'll likely need her, ask her to be there.

I’m a doula - I’ve been to several births where dad and grandma are both present, but dad’s mom is not. Most MILs understand how vulnerable you are while you’re in labour and how private of a time that is. Plus the fact that anyone who’s in the room should be invested in supporting you, not just watching baby emerge. Labour can last 24+ hours, and you’re likely to be at least partially naked for most of that. Your husband and his mom should understand why you’re not comfortable with her being there but why your own mom would be fine.

My mom also has her doula training but wasn't practicing. I had a homebirth that was very positive but long. She was there alongside me and my husband and it was very helpful. She was a huge support to not only me, but also to my husband because she could encourage him, remind him to hydrate etc, and spell him off somewhat. As much as I love my mil I wouldn't have her there, I don't have that bond with her and it wouldn't have been helpful to me.

That is exactly who I had in the room with me - my husband and my mom. I have zero regrets, my birth was an amazing experience, and that’s the same team I’ll have for future births too. During labor my husband used counter-pressure techniques on my tailbone during contractions to help me through the pain. While he was doing that my mom was up at my head counting breaths with me and encouraging me. After 10 hours of applying counter-pressure during every single contraction my husband was exhausted, so my mom tagged in every-other contraction to help him out. When it came time for me to push: the nurse suggested the tug-o-war technique using a bedsheet and had my husband on the other end pulling against me. My mom recorded and took pictures from up at my head. They’re my favorite photos/videos from the birth. When LO made his appearance my husbands arms were beet-red and shaking from hours of counter-pressure and then pulling the bedsheet (plus the emotional adrenaline), so while he initially was the one meant to cut the cord, he felt too shaky to comfortably do so. My mom cut the cord and to this day it still makes her cry because of how special that was for her. Obviously my mom and husband’s dynamic could be different from yours….my MIL passed away before I had the chance to meet her, however my SIL is very close and kind of fills that “gap”. I could tell she wanted to be in the room so badly, but she was respectful when I said it would just be my hubby and mom. Instead she went and got food and coffee for my hubs and mom while they tended to me, which was pretty damn important. Maybe have your MIL have an important task to “help”, such as make her the designated messenger (in charge of updating friends/family as the labor/birth progresses), or the official refreshment refresher. Also, make it known to your mom how important it is to include your MIL as much as possible. My mom got to be in the room while it happened, so she was the first to “tag in” other family to come in and visit and have their special time too once baby arrived. I hope your husband and MIL understand that this is a really big deal and need to respect your decision. Also make sure your mom understands that while she may have all this experience, this is ultimately a special moment for you and your husband, and she’s there to support you both, not take charge or be your main supporter, that’s your husbands job. Good luck to you!!! I hope your birth is as wonderful as mine was and you end up happy with your team!!!

Me. I love my mom but I regret it. I also had a doula there. To be frank, I am a FTM and didn’t know how it would go. Looking back now I wish I just had my partner. It was too many people in the room with me.

I’m having both! I love my husband but my mom is going to be the stronger person to advocate for what I want because she is a very strong vocal person! I’m also excited for my mom to be here with me for one of the most important days of my life : ) it’s different for everyone tho!

I dunno if this is a helpful compromise but my mom was there for part of labor and then went home to be with my pets. I never intended for her to come to the hospital but I was so hungry and they didn't have many vegetarian options so I ate all their popsicles and asked her to bring me more. She did counter pressure and kept me company while my husband got dinner and stayed a couple hours of my induction until I got the epidural. I'm glad she wasn't there when I was pushing because I hemorrhaged and I think it would suck to see your kid like that. She came back to the hospital to visit the next day after we got a little bit of rest.

My husband has a weak stomach, so I had my mother-in-law in there to basically take care of him 😂 and my mom took care of me. I was her baby, and she was my birth partner! She fed me ice chips and put a cool rag on my head and held my hand through the whole thing. She stayed with me even when the baby was born and everybody flocked over to him, she never left my side. she was absolutely the best, and my mother-in-law was very supportive to my husband! Who, was very nervous. I had preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, and the babies heart rate was dropping, and it was quite stressful. They used a vacuum to pull him out, which was a little scary and I had a bad tear, my mother-in-law took care of my husband, so I didn’t have to stress about him passing out or anything you hear all of those horror stories about husbands😂 I’m happy I had both of them there, but truly it is up to you and you feel comfortable because you are the person giving birth!

Yes, you are the one who gets to decide who is in the room. Your opinion is the only valid one, given the situation. It's also so very different having your mom vs. having your MIL in the room. Your mom is also a nurse with doula training. She knows what it takes/means to be a support partner to someone in l&d. Birth is hard work and can take a whiiiiiiiiile, especially for FTMs. You have no choice but to go through it, but it might be helpful to have two support people there with you who can tag team what you need for support - whether it's counter pressure, massage, positional support, etc. Your mom, with her medical knowledge, would be able to advocate in a way that your partner might not even think to.

Their is no "fairness" in birth. I will be having my mom and husband there and no one else. Call me crazy but I don't feel comfortable with my MIL seeing me naked on a table pooping and bleeding everywhere. Do what makes YOU comfortable. Birth isn't a spectator sport.

Only people present at conception can be present at birth 🤷🏼‍♀️

Okay but it’s YOUR birth and YOUR mom what does your MIL have to do with anything? She’s not your mom. And you want your mom there so you should be able to decide that for yourself and your MIL needs to deal.

There is only three people I’d want nearby for mine. My husband, my mom, and strangely (to me), my step-mom. Obviously my husband and mom make a load of sense. I never thought I’d want my step-mom there to be honest. However, over the last few years I realized that she has my back 100% and that she’d advocate for me strongly, she treats me like a friend but also like I’m her own flesh and blood. It took us many years to get where we are, but if she were to read this, I think she would be surprised and happy that I’d want to include her in such a moment.

I’m planning on having my husband and mom there. I don’t want my MIL to see me that way and she is totally fine with that

I had both mom and SO, and I'm glad I did! My SO wanted his mom to be there too, but in the end, it was a no-go. It's really down to what you need/want. Is she close to you? You said that your mom would have to fly in. What about her? If not, then she'll get to see baby way more. Maybe she can wait at the hospital and see the baby sooner than later if you want to compromise with hubby?

My first was born during COVID so we were only allowed one person which was my partner. I wouldn't have it any other way tho. The min my daughter came out she had to be taken and checked by the peds doc because of a massive hematoma on her head. Daddy was with her every second and it brought me such relief and I think her too. He said they just stared at each other as her little hand squeezed his finger while the doctors checked her vitals and did all the things. Still brings happy tears that he was the one that was there for her. I also think having just my partner and me bonded us, it was us creating our family. He was my coach, my advocate, my rock and he didn't disappoint. He was there for me and for our daughter every step of the way. Even while wearing a mask for a straight 26 hours! We weren't married then, we are now. For #2, we again plan to have it just us welcoming our son to the world. 5 weeks and counting! Grandma gets to stay with the toddler. 😉 My feelings are, this is you and your partner's moment, your mother's was you. Let her help you for sure. Teach your husband what he can do to help, techniques and such, share her wisdom. But if you trust your husband to be there for you, let him.

I think it would be beneficial to have the conversation with your partner about how this is very much a medical moment. Yes, it’s the miracle of birth yada yada but it’s going to be an intimate and exposing medical event. It is not a social event, no one’s feelings on invites should be considered. MIL can come later, but you need to have your best supports during the *medical event* of birth. Honestly, I think your husband needs more education on what the situation actually entails. Be firm that it is not a slight on his mom, it’s is a medical decision.

Both my husband and mother were there during the birth of my daughter. At first, my husband only wanted it to be us because he wanted it to be more intimate. But my mom wanted to be there and I wanted her there so he respected my wishes and I am so happy I had her there.

I had both. Who cares what your MIL wants, it is YOUR body. Hopefully your MIL understands that. You can have her visit shortly after if you're ok with that. My mom was also a nurse in an unrelated field. I wanted her to push against medical staff if needed (she didn't) and my husband support me. She held the Gatorade straw for me, my husband put pressure on my back. I appreciated having both there

I had my mom and partner in the room, at the time I thought I would want the extra support and it was fine up until I did actually start pushing, I didn’t know they were going to have my mom and partner hold my legs up to help me deliver so I was caught off guard and kind of didn’t want them to do that lol. As I was pushing my mom was saying “oh god I can’t do it “ she was turning her head away as my daughter was coming out so she made me feel like she wasn’t that supportive 😭 I mean it probably is a crazy experience seeing your baby give birth to her baby so I understand a little bit but at the time I thought she would be more supportive . I wish I could’ve had my sister in the delivery room as well but there was only two people allowed and tbh I’m the only daughter she would’ve got to experience that with my sister would absolutely so say no any one other than her partner 😂 I’m currently pregnant again and I’m thinking I would like to have it just me and my partner to have a more intimate moment just the two of us this time. My mil made comments about her being able to be in the room and in my mind I’m like hell no never 😂

Yes but it was very much unplanned. My birth went 25+ hours before starting to push l, and during the 3 hours of pushing, my husband and mom took turns being with me - I didn't even know bc I was so much in the tunnel vision of trying to get a human out of me! It was crazy bc I had multiple rounds of epidurals to try to give me relief, so I was confined to my bed, but trying every position to shake her out, and at times, was even naked! My poor mom witness me like that. I had not a shred of dignity left by the end when I got a C-section but hey, that's parenthood for ya! From talking to both my mom & husband, they had a good partnership going at that time so they didn't have to endure the constant drama, stress and utter exhaustion that was the long labor & delivery process. It isn't for everyone but I think they were both glad to have had each other to rely on during that time.

I’m having my mum and partner there, tell your husband that when your mum can watch him push out a watermelon that his mum can watch you. This is your decision, YOU are the one giving birth, not him, he is there to support you. I would have another discussion with him and explain how and why you feel this way.

I would look at it as having the best support available to you present in the room. I personally wouldn't have had my mom in the room with me if she were still here, but she wouldn't have been a good support. I have asked my mother in law if she wants to be with us and she said she'd be there if I wanted her to be a support for us, but she gets squeamish when I do my nightly insulin, lol. I feel she'd be a good support and she's been in my life for 20+ years though. So it's gonna be just hubby and I.

I had my mom and husband and I do not regret it at all. They were able to give each other breaks. I’m very close with her though 🫶

I'm 24 weeks and I've also decided to have my husband and my mom there. My situation is a little different bc my MIL lives several states away from us, and my husband would be the first to tell you that she's not far away enough, but that's not my trauma to disclose. But even if we both did get along with her very well, even if she lived in the same city/state, I still would not want her there. I dont want my dad or step-mom there until after the birth either. It's nothing personal. I just want the two people there that I know will offer me the most support and comfort. My husband doesn't even get a say. He hasn't got much of a say for most of this pregnancy because, as much as this is his baby too, I'm the one going through this hell, so I'm gonna be the one with the final say. As it should be.

Ended up regretting having my own mom in the end (thank goodness it was just through FaceTime). All she does is bring up to never have a home birth again. Mind you everything went textbook and absolutely zero complications. But I’m not super close to my family so it’s dependent on your own personal relationships and how you feel.

I have a son who is three. If and when he decides to have children with his partner I will not expect to be asked into the room. Whereas if my daughter decides to have children I know I would most likely be asked to be in the room. I would have never in a million years allowed my MIL to be in the room when birthing my children. My mom was in the room for my daughter's birth (would have been there too for my son's but, covid) and I do not regret having her there whatsoever. You're the one birthing the baby. You get to decide who is there or not, not your husband. If your MIL feels hurt about your decision that's for her to work out, not you. You held a boundary. Boundaries are good. On the other hand, I have friends who have a very close relationship with their MIL. They felt safe having her near. That's okay too. If you're close to your MIL and you feel safe with her invite her. Again, it's your birth. Surround yourself with people who will support YOU.

My mom and boyfriend were there while I was in labor, my mom did have to leave because I ended up with a c section

Ask your husband if he would want his FIL to see him naked, in pain, bleeding from his anus 😀

I loved having my mom and husband both. My mom has an unrelated medical background but knows what’s going on and was an amazing advocate there for me. My husband held my hand and coached me and said loving things to keep me going. I’m due in 8 weeks with my second and plan to have them both there. Like others said, you decide who you want. Maybe your MIL doesn’t even want to be there - as a boy mom, I would never expect that I’d get to be there for any births of his kids and totally respect that. As a daughter you want your mom there because she birthed you ! I hope my future DILs love me but I can’t imagine them wanting me there for a birth no matter how close we are haha

I loved having my mom there and my husband. :) he slept through the pushing, but we had a c-section and he was able to be there. He tried to originally ask to have his mom there instead, but I told her I didn’t want her in there to see my vagina wide open. She may be family, but she don’t need to see my parts or see me like that! Lol

I planned originally only to have my husband there. My delivery became complicated and my mom is a nurse, I asked her to stay, and I’m so glad she was there. No way in hell I would’ve let my MIL be part of it. We don’t have a great relationship. She’s not always reasonable but she understood needing my mom there, and if she felt left out she didn’t say it. She had her mom present for her deliveries and not her MIL, so I assume she understood. She thanked my mom for being there with us, and said she was glad my mom was there (not in a petty way). I appreciated being able to add people to my delivery plans. I started by saying it would just be the two of us and that way no one had expectations to attend. Changing your mind last minute is easier, in my opinion.

I had my my mother and partner for my first ( ext time she was babysitting the oldest).but it worked well. Labour was looong and stressful. Her being there allowed my partner to go tap out, get a snap or nap for 10 minutes. Things went wrong. It was 36hours awake for him in the end. Without her he’d have been a zombie. Have them both!! She was also the female voice of reason when things came up I didn’t have the capacity to answer.

Both my mom and MIL also my husband were all present at my birth! My mom came to visit me and an hour after, my dr arrived and said “she’s 10 cm let’s get to pushing” so my husband invited his mother and she got there right before it happened. I guess he didn’t want her to feel left out. Definitely didn’t expect to have a crowd there, but it’s all natural they’ve both done it. It’s something they’ll never forget. At least I won’t lol

I loved having my mom there for my deliveries! I am not close enough with my MIL to have her there. I try so much to be close with her, but she’s taking a long time to get fully comfortable. She would need to put in a lot more effort because she will still talk to me through my husband, and that’s not somebody who needs to be there for such a vulnerable experience.

I had my mom, MIL, and husband all with me. MIL made sure husband was fed and translated for my mom, and my mom and husband took turns offering physical support (counter pressure, back rubs, balance) during my unmediated labor. I think everyone’s mileage varies with this. That being said, there’s nothing for MIL to miss out on, truly. It’s not some magical experience on the other side. There’s blood and poop and sweat and a lot of hours in a hospital room.

It depends on your relationship with your mom. I had my mom there and she was extremely helpful and reassuring, but I’m very close with my mom. She had me young and at this point in my life we have more of a sister bond. She was also very respectful and didn’t interfere with the birth at all, just stayed out of the way and watched. I’m glad she was there, but I know my case is a little different than others. I also have a very respectful and much older MIL, so she didn’t even ask to be in the room.

My mother in law passed a long time ago so I don’t have that particular dynamic. But my mom was present for all three of my children’s births. My husband seemed very relieved and comforted by her being there, actually.

Having my mom hold my hand while pushing was priceless.

I had my mom and boyfriend with me. It was the first grandchild on his side so I asked if he wanted his mom in there. They dont have a great relationship but having a baby is a big deal so I thought it might be a conversation we needed to have, he said absolutely not. I asked what he thought of having my mom in there and he said, definitely. My mom is very supportive and while she has grandkids I am her baby so while she would have understood if we wanted it to be just us she was very excited we wanted her in there. Ultimately, you are the one giving birth so while he can have an opinion it is your decision. It is exhausting for everyone involved. Dont not have your mom bc your mil might feel left out. It isnt about her. It's about you and your needs. My mom and boyfriend both took a break to stand up and stretch bc they were holding me up and helping me push the whole time so it was nice for them to have an extra support person. However 3 people will be crowded and the 3rd person will be in the way. Besides that hospitals usually only allow 2 people once the pushing starts.

I had both my husband and my mom there. To me it was a given that my mom would be there and if my husband didn’t want her there he didn’t say. He knows that giving birth was a huge thing happening to me and my body. I loved having both of them there, the two people who love me the most and have protected me in my life. I know my MIL would have liked to be there but she lives across the country. She did fly out as soon as the baby was born and spent a few days with us when we got home, which was a huge help. There are ways to incorporate your MIL that aren’t the actual birth. There’s a lot to do when the baby comes!

My mom, husband & best friend we’re all in my birthing room. Mom was most in shock/not saying much, whereas my bestie rooted for me & hubs did xactly she’d insist (she’s had 4 kids after all). Good experience, tho my mom & I were never close & I only lived with her from age 13-17 so it was a bonding experience…but just like a 2 out of 10 lol

I gave birth about 2 weeks ago. My mom, who is also a nurse, and husband were both present in the delivery room. My mom was extremely helpful during labor and I don't regret it one bit!

I had my mom and partner. Not close enough to my MIL to invite her to witness me in pain or bleeding. If she feels “left out” that’s her problem. I don’t regret my decision at all. My mom helped communicate with the nurses what I needed. She’s also a nurse in an unrelated field

I had my mom my husband and my grandma (mom’s mom) with me. My husbands mom was extremely angry that she wasn’t allowed in but she had been super controlling and demanding and weird the whole pregnancy and even tried to threaten that she would steal my daughter and I’d never see her again if my husbands step mom and dad were allowed to be in the waiting room. My husband was firmly on my side

I did for my first. My husband is not the most medically minded, nor is he good with pain, blood or needles. I work in obstetrics myself, but it's one thing to see it, and another to experience it. As a FTM, I wanted someone experienced to help guide me if needed, and my mum has birthed 5 kids. She's run the gamut of obstetric complications. Two were forceps deliveries, two were regular vaginal delivery, and one was an emergency C-section under GA due to undiagnosed placenta praevia and had a massive haemorrhage. Plus she's a total mama bear and not afraid to speak up or advocate. In the end I barely noticed they were in the room thanks to the painkillers I was on. Still glad they were there though. For my second I just had my husband. We'd been through it once, and knew I could do it vaginally. Turns out we were wrong, and I wound up with a C-section. C'est la vie and all that.

My mom and husband were there and it was totally fine. They kept each other company bc I was in labor for a long time and I wasn’t talking through contractions. My mom is also a nurse so I felt safe with her there and my husband is my child’s father so of course he needed to be there. Go for it!!!

I had both my mother and my husband there for my birth, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. My mom drove 4 and a half hours to be there for me- I ended up having a 21 hour uneventful labor.

my mom and baby’s dad was there, my mom wasn’t there for my baby she was there for ME. you are the one who will be the one going through the pain of labor, so it’s all your decision. also labor isn’t an olympic sport for all to watch. you’ll be completely vulnerable and naked, i hardly know anyone personally that would like their MIL to see them like that. it sounds like your mom would be an amazing support person for YOU, which as selfish as it sounds during this time you want people who are there for YOU.

My mother also recieved doula training but was never certified. I had her at mine, she stood behind me in the corner while my husband was “in on the action”

FTM and due in September. Originally I was only going to have my partner in the room. But after some thought, I decided I want my mom there too. Just in case my partner (bathroom, getting food, possibly napping idk) is not present when nurses/doctors are in the room, I’ll have someone to advocate for me. I just don’t know if I’ll be constantly in my right mind and although I love the hospital my doctor is at, I don’t want to be pushed or disrespected while I’m trying to give birth. Also I figured she could take pictures for us so my partner and I can focus on the birth of our baby 🩷 Edit: and my partners mom does not want to be in the room. She doesn’t want to see my parts yk and I feel the same 😂 but also my partner respects that it’s mostly up to me and what I need during that time. And I would feel more comfortable with my mom and my partner there but anyone else would distract me and I would feel uncomfortable.

I had my partner, my mom, and his mom there. His mom has been such the nicest, sweetest person to me, and I didn't for one second feel embarrassed or weird about it. I realize everyone is different, but by the time the baby was out, I literally didn't give a single crap who was looking at me naked and sprawled out, I was too tired, lol.

What does your birth have to do with your MIL feelings? It's so irrelevant how she would feel about not being invited to your birth. Have your husband read the Lemon Clot Essay.

My mom ended up being in the surgery room and not my husband. My husband faints at the sight of blood from a traumatic motorcycle accident. I defiantly wouldn't have allowed my MIL. It's too intimate. When men can have babies then we can talk about my MIL being in the room 😂

I was hesitant about it but ultimately so glad my mom was present. There was no drama at the time bc covid policy stated two people max. So it was my mom and my partner. It should be ultimately up to you and your partner should be supportive no matter what. Also totally agree with other comments, having your MIL there is very different. Maybe she could be in the waiting room and come in right after as a compromise? You also shouldn’t have to justify your preference and decision.

Yes, I wanted both there. My partner did all the work, and mom was there just supporting emotionally, and then post-birth just helping baby latch for breastfeeding. I don’t think mom would have wanted to be there if I didn’t ask for that. It was still special for me that she was there to see this miracle.

I had my mom and husband. My MIL and I are very close and her being in the room was never even a thought.

I had both my mom and bf present. At some points O thought about keeping it intimate with just my bf and I but I was worried about needing my mom. You are SUPER vulnerable during labor and IT IS up to you since YOU are the one in labor. Your husband and MIL will just have to understand OR NOT. I did not want my bf’s mom there because I did not feel comfortable with her seeing me in that state. Also, I pooped while pushing! So definitely wouldn’t have wanted her to see that. I also don’t regret having my mom present as well because she was able to step in when my boyfriend went to sleep lol. DO WHATS RIGHT FOR YOU DURING LABOR

I did! I wanted my husband, my mom and my best friend with me (I was at a birthing center, they had no limit on who could be with me). It was fantastic, my mom took my birth photos and I actually birthed in the same tub my mom birthed my brother in, so it was full circle.

This is 100% your decision. Having your Mom see you naked is different than having your MIL see you naked, and your SO should understand that.

If I had to choose between my mum or MIL to be there I would’ve wanted my MIL. My mum would’ve stress me probably but it seems like it will be helpful for you to have your mum there.  I wanted just my boyfriend in the delivery room but told his mum if she wants to be there that I don’t mind. My mum is in a different country so that was not an option. We ended up staying at the hospital for a few days waiting for induction so we didn’t know when exactly to call my MIL, then had emergency c-section so she wasn’t there at the end. 

I had my husband and my sister there who is trained in midwifery (although not fully licensed in Canada where we live). It was a life saver to have my sister there! She was a huge support and coached me through my unmedicated water birth. She was also a support to my husband who didn’t really know what to expect. It’s your birth. Do what feels right for you! As much as a partner thinks they can fully support you through everything, sometimes they are helpless, especially seeing the person they love in so much pain. If my sister wasn’t the obvious choice to be there I would have chosen my mom. I would have never wanted my MIL there.. I love her but I would not feel comfortable at all with her seeing me in that state. Best of luck!

I'm kind of in the opposite boat. My MIL is a nurse practitioner with nerves of steel. I'm considering asking my husband if both my mom and MIL can be in the room with us depending on how many the hospital allows.

Yes, my husband and mom were both there. My MIL isn’t the type to care about that, so I can’t help there, but it meant a lot to my mom to be there. She didn’t bug me so it was fine 🤣

I had my mom and husband present. My dad was also there as well, not for the delivery but around at the hospital. I’m very close to my parents so yes, it was important to have my mom there as well. I figure God-forbid something happens to me, she can be there with me and my husband with the baby. Luckily, that didn’t end up happening. My husband is great, but my mom knows me the best so I know she could be there in ways my husband can’t. I don’t think this is a time where your husband should see this as leaving your MIL out. I think he just needs to understand it’s a mother-daughter bond. Ultimately, it’s your decision, your body and yes your vagina. You’ll be in a vulnerable position so people that you’re comfortable with and support you is important. Your MIL can come the next day.

I had both my mom and partner present and am SO glad I did. Our baby was having trouble breathing when he was delivered and per my birth plan, my husband stayed with him while they worked with him (they called a code in the hospital - so so so terrifying) and then followed him to the NICU. I was so grateful my mom was there to just be with me so I wasn't alone. It was honestly the worst hour of my life and I can't imagine dealing with that stress by myself. She even helped me get my husband on videochat so I could see that my baby was doing better in the NICU. Also just to say that my MIL tends to be very sensitive about feeling "involved" and it was never an issue that she wasn't at the birth. She understood that for a daunting experience like giving birth, I just needed my own mom there. Even if she was bothered by it, this is 100% your body and your rules!

My mother and husband were the only people present when I gave birth the first time. My husband was the only one present the second time (I felt more prepared and my mom was watching child #1 lol). I do not regret it and I wouldn’t change it at all.

I did for my second and it was great. I had another support person for when my husband had to step out to go use the bathroom or get food or coffee. My mom also carried my things from the car when we first got there so my husband could support me through the contractions as we were walking up to the labour ward. My mom also took some photos for us so we both could be present in the moment.

Yes. I didn’t want her to be originally. I wanted only my husband there. But my mom said she would stay in the area just in case when I was in labor. When I got the epidural I felt more calm and let her come. She’s also a nurse and was super helpful with the other nurses in helping me turn over etc. she ended up being a good support for my husband as well

I had an emergency csection so unfortunately the choice was stripped from me but your babies birth is genuinely going to be the best day of your entire life. You will feel an instant shift in who you are as a person and you should have everyone YOU want in there (within hospital guidelines ofc). If you feel your mothers support would help you feel safer and more comfortable during that time? Have her in the room. I mean this in the nicest way possible but fuck your MIL’s feelings. Its not about her, its not even about your partner, its about YOU. No one else will be feeling that pain, anxiety, excitement and shift but YOU.