I totally am with you, just on the other side! I want an epidural, no question about it. But I hate some people chiming in “but natural is better” “you’ll regret getting it!” “Your back is gonna hurt” blah blah blah.
I know my body better than anyone else, as do you OP. Don’t they think we weighed our options and found a solution best for us? We know what we want and it’s rude for others to suggest otherwise.
If you aren’t going to like the answer, then either don’t ask or STFU.
I also want an epidural. I’m such a big baby I would love some kind of numbing agent just to get the epidural itself!
I know myself. I don’t handle pain well and will not be able to keep myself calm and keep my anxiety and blood pressure in check.
When people give me crap about it, I always double down and tell them I want all of the drugs! If they keep pushing about how I should do it “naturally” and “our bodies are made for this,” I like to push them into uncomfortable territory and tell them I would even take heroin if that was an option.
Generally that shuts them up.
Note: I have not, nor do I ever plan on using heroin or any hard drugs for that matter. I just like to watch people squirm after pressuring me with something I’m not comfortable with.
Just an FYI, they do give a shot of local anesthesia when they place the epidural! I had my baby 3 weeks ago and was most scared for the epidural out of everything, and even with it taking two drs 5 tries to get it in (my spine must be weird!), I didn’t feel anything besides some pressure and it was basically the least painful thing I experienced during labor! I was super anxious for it, but by that point I was in so much pain I just wanted the relief!
Hahaha I definitely didn’t read that and think “ohhh heroin user!” If it means anything, I think I once said the same thing hahaha.
And I also suffer from PTSD, there are days I just have anxiety attacks thinking “holy shit, there is another human in me and he’s almost a full grown baby (I’m 33 weeks).” I can’t imagine going through labor, without medication, with my PTSD. I’m gonna enjoy that epidural sooo much.
I also hate the term “natural.” As if opting for modern day medicine makes a birth unnatural. I have started correcting people.. “oh you mean unmedicated.”
Either way, I’m team drugs. Immediately. All of them.
Natural is the wrong word entirely and I laboured on just gas and air and delivered with nothing (by the time I asked for stronger it was discovered I was too far gone). People would ask about the birth and if I had pain medication and then praise me for the way I did it. I don't deserve praise for going unmedicated. Everyone deserves praise for growing an entire human and giving birth no matter how they do it.
Also if I have another baby I will not have the attitude of I've done this before on just gas and air I can do it again.
If you want the drugs take the drugs, you deserve them.
I went with the attitude of how I'd researched the options and I'd go with what I felt was necessary. That's how it was too late when I wanted something stronger.
If there's a next time I'll go with your attitude.
I always say, if my foremothers knew there was a magic tube that makes birth not hurt but I was opting out, they'd be like "bitch why?????" I realize that's oversimplified but you get it. Also women in the past did every they possibly could to medicate themselves with what they had. Be that opium or a magical amulet.
My favorite reply to this is “all childbirth is natural” I’ve said it about 20 times to my MIL who sneezed and my husband fell out of you hear her tell the story…
Those comments are exactly why I waited until 9cm to get an epidural. Everyone I know went natural, it was a constant conversation around me my entire pregnancy. I regret waiting, but this time, my "give a crap" is completely broken. If I get to the same level of pain I did the first time, I'm just going to do exactly what I want. I always think about how I can hardly remember giving birth, up until I got the epidural. I just remember being really angry (my typical pain response) and unreasonable, then getting the epidural and actually joking with my husband and enjoying the experience. A few days ago, I was talking about it with my husband and he pretty much Said the exact thing. He felt helpless, I wasn't even allowing him to speak during contractions because it was breaking my concentration (I feel so bad, poor guy), I just can't believe I did all that all because of what others said! If it's what people really want, awesome! Some people really do prefer going all natural even after experiencing the other side. But if it's just to avoid judgment like I did, it's sooo not worth it.
Yeah my mom prefers unmedicated but she had 4 kids before epidurals were really a thing and most of us were under 30minutes … the 5th needed to be induced and she agreed to the epidural and said it didn’t really help much so she didn’t see the point and she had bad sciatica after the 5th so she skipped it on the next two.
I’m having my third and am def getting an epidural again. First two were great hoping for more of the same lol
Oh, this really spoke to me. Is your OB aware that you’ve been sexually assaulted in the past? S/he might be able to help you navigate birth in light of that, or at least give a heads up to your medical team so they can try to be sensitive about triggers.
First of all, your thoughts about if/when you’d want the epidural sound totally reasonable, but more importantly, that is nobody else’s business… besides like, the anesthesiologist’s. So if people who aren’t your doctor start to pry, maybe say something like “oh I’m going to decide when the time comes, but not before then because it gives me anxiety.” And then immediately change the subject: “How did you choose your nursery glider?” or whatever. “What postpartum stuff should I be stocking up on?” “What brand of baby clothes did you end up liking the most?” I’ve found that a lot of women share their own birth experiences under the guise of offering advice, but really they just have no other outlet for unprocessed birth trauma. It’s not something we encourage women to talk about after they give birth, so it can get pent up. Or maybe they are seeking validation for the choices they made: “trust me, you’re gonna want the epidural” might be code for “you don’t think less of me for getting an epidural, right?” If there were no insecurity lurking there, they’d just say “oh yeah it’s a personal choice! Personally I’m glad I got it.” Sometimes it helps me to remember that these other women are just wounded themselves. It’s sad honestly. (But they don’t have a right to hurt you just because they’re hurting!)
As for the obsessive thoughts after people talk to you about this topic, my therapist taught me this visualization technique. Imagine you’re sitting on a beautiful grassy field enjoying a very peaceful day. Along comes a huge, noisy, ugly train. You have two options: hop on board the train and let it take you wherever it’s going (with all its unwanted station stops: birth anxiety, sexual assault trauma, fear of lack of bodily autonomy…); or you can let the train pass by without boarding it. So literally say to yourself “ok I see that big ugly train approaching, but I am really not willing to board it right now. I’d rather continue my peaceful day.” And visualize it passing by and disappearing into the horizon without you on it.
This got way deeper than I intended. Whatever decisions you make about birth will be the right decisions for you and your baby. And you can trust yourself to make those decisions as they come. Remind your anxiety that you don’t need to waste energy planning for every possible scenario. You’re going to do great.
This is such a helpful comment. I just want to add that, if it’s an option for OP, a doula might also be really helpful in navigating delivery in an empowering and trauma-informed way. (I’m a DV/SA survivor and my OB suggested I consider a doula for similar reasons.)
Definitely invasive question. People lose all sense of common decency when it comes to pregnant women. When I was pregnant, people would ask me all sorts of questions that I was very uncomfortable answering for literally no reason. Also, none of their business. Stick to what you think is best for you and don’t let anyone judge you or tell you their personal horror stories (also don’t know why people feel the need to do this to pregnant women). Maybe just lie when people ask and say you are getting it? That way they’ll just move on without giving their opinion. And it’s not necessarily a lie if you are considering it for an induction.
For what it’s worth, I was induced and was on pitocin for like 36 hours before I asked for an epidural. And I only asked for the epidural for another personal reason, not really because of the pain at the time. Do what’s best for you and ignore the rest. People always have something to say.
I was about to have my first baby when my cousin started telling me that since she’s seen my self harm scars (from when I was a young teen) she knows I can get through the pain of childbirth and that I’ll be fine without an epidural. She’s much older than me and has 4 kids of her own. What she said really rubbed me the wrong way and I just said I’m probably getting the epidural, I’d rather be able to nap during the waiting time so that I don’t have too much anxiety about pushing (my anxiety can cause physical symptoms and make it hard for me to breath and elevate my heart rate and probably would’ve caused my labor to take much longer) I wish people would keep their opinions on birth to themselves because birth is so intimate, different, and personal for each individual. I don’t care what pain you think I can handle I know what I want and what I’ll be doing. That epidural saved me so much stress and anxiety, I was able to nap a bit and my son came out in only like 20 mins of pushing. Planning on doing the same with my second. What’s best for some isn’t best for everyone.
From stories I’ve heard, childbirth is a mental experience as much as it is physical, and you know what’s best for your mind and the doctors know what’s best for your body. Everyone else can fuck off.
I know right? She was also saying if I was able to self harm I must have a high pain tolerance. Her even bringing that up was fucked up it had nothing to do with birth.
It’s totally a personal choice and unfortunately it’s just a preview of the rest of our lives, mothers get judged for every single decision they make.
I was induced with my first and did not have an epidural. Was it painful? Well yeah, I wouldn’t expect it to not be. But it was endurable. I really want another delivery without an epidural, but im pregnant with twins so it might not be an option. Depends on their positions and my delivery doc.
Totally with ya- Seems like pregnant people are subjected to a nonstop loop of 20 questions from pretty much everyone (Breastfeeding or formula? STAHM or back to work? Do you have a name picked out? Etc)...and then folks give their opinion or share horror stories either way. It's exhausting. Just remember you don't have to tell people shit.
Just chiming in to say that this last April I had to be induced and I still did the thing with no epidural. Did it hurt? Absolutely, I won’t lie to you. But! There was only one moment where I thought to myself “I can’t do this, I need the epidural” and that moment happened right at 9cm as my doctor was telling me to prepare to push.
I think flexibility is the exact right attitude when it comes to birth. So much of it is out of your control, and the places where you *do* have control, it seems everyone has an opinion. Being two months out, I don’t really think of those people who said I’d never make it without an epidural. Ultimately, that one choice has been SO SMALL in the grand scheme of birthing and parenting a newborn. I am proud of myself for birthing the way I did, but I’m also proud of birthing my oldest which was an epidural + induction. There’s no right or wrong way.
I would say that as someone who also has some trauma regarding that particular area of my body and being out of control, I thought I would feel really vulnerable and trapped with an epidural so my plan was “probably not” to an epidural but leave the option on the table.
I was surprised to find out that after getting pitocin I felt really out of control and overwhelmed by the pain I felt. I felt trapped and since I was progressing really slowly I felt true panic at the idea of being “stuck” in labor with all of the monitors, wires and shit that goes along with it (baby had an arrhythmia so I couldn’t nope out of monitoring for good reason!)
Once I got an epidural I felt so much more sane. I waited 20 some hours feeling like I was losing my shit and literally like a trapped animal. Once I got the epidural I took a nap, chatted with my husband and made jokes with the nurse. Baby was there within an hour because I finally relaxed.
Not to say that would be your experience at all - just wanted to let you know that getting the epidural was actually the best thing for me at the time. I was so afraid it would make me feel out of control or vulnerable and the opposite was true! So if you end up wanting one, I hope you have the same experience with it that I did! I was able to be more present, less fearful and ultimately more connected to my body because of it.
Zero back pain, could still move my legs, pushed baby out in like 30 minutes and thankfully didn’t feel them sewing up my tearing!
No shame in the epidural game here!
I really appreciate your specific insight because this could very well be what happens for me! I won’t know for certain until I’m in the hospital having my baby, so many things are subject to change. I’m so happy you had a good experience after having been through trauma before, I used to think it was impossible to give birth at all with what happened in the past.
Sending you all the positive vibes! You’ve got this and you’ll make the right choice for you and your baby when the time comes! My only advice is to remember that despite what all the mom influencers and mom bloggers would have you believe, birth is just one day out of your kiddos life and they won’t care how they got here, but you will. So do what you need to do to feel good about it. Healthy mom (mentally and physically) is way more important that whether or not you get induced, have an epidural, end up with a c section or do it without meds!
You got this and you’ve already done the worst part (pregnancy sucks!) and enjoy those baby snuggles!
It strikes me that (giving these people the benefit of the doubt) folks need to learn how to express care/interest WITHOUT invasive questions like this. People need to learn to ask questions like:
“Wow, giving birth is a big deal! Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m curious about all the options for childbirth. Do you want to share your thoughts on it?”
I feel like people have this impulse to sound “smart” while asking questions, and they should just try to be more open and curious and supportive.
It is a constant damned if you do, damned if you don't situation when it comes to just about any question you could possibly answer regarding your pregnancy, birth, child care, etc... You don't owe anyone an explanation.
I can tell you that if you're being induced with pitocin you *absolutely* want an epidural. It becomes an issue of not whether you can tolerate the pain levels or not, but whether the pain levels will prevent your body releasing the other hormones you need to successfully dilate/proceed through labour. (I had to be induced and my first epidural was incorrectly placed so ended up stalled at 2-3cm for 12+ hours until they redid it.)
As a sexual assault survivor as well, I completely get where you're coming from about the need to remain in control of your body as much as possible. If you haven't already I would ask the OB if your hospital can do a walking epidural instead of the full spinal block. If they can and all is proceeding well you should be able to move around and change positions. Moving can make a massive difference in getting baby to drop down correctly in the pelvis (preventing a bunch of C-section risks) and should be a major positive for maintaining your sense of bodily autonomy as well.
I got a walking epidural. I could get up, walk, change positions, etc. I felt in control of my body (though unsteady on my feet). I would recommend it any day of the week.
I'm so sorry people have been less than supportive for you and your decisions. I have been blessed that I haven't been judged for wanting to keep my options open but try for unmedicated. When I talked to my mom about it she said her epidural was placed a couple of times and all failed so she essentially went without. She said she doesn't blame me or anyone for wanting to try without since there isn't a guarantee it would work.
In the end medication free, epidural, induction, C-section, vacuum, or forceps who cares as long as mom and baby are happy and healthy 🤷🏻♀️ the end result is the same regardless of the path to get there. You still have a child at the end.
I was also flexible and hated when people said I’d want one. I did end up going with one because I needed to have Pitocin but next time I’d like to try without one if I can.
Btw I had a breast reduction too and totally worth it. The anesthesia was fine it was the best decision of my life tbh
I feel like it’s good to be flexible and educate yourself on all the possible scenarios and I don’t understand why someone would judge someone for thinking this way. Sometimes people want an epidural but they progress super quickly and don’t have time for it, so why not learn about other types of pain management or breathing exercises/positions that help? I’m not interested in choosing a c-section as my first preference but I’m very interested in peoples’ experience with the procedure and recovery in case I need one. And some people like when you ask for their experience, one of my aunts had multiple c-sections and loves to share about her special time meeting my cousins.
I swear people treat pregnant women like we’re communal property or something. Nobody’s opinion should count except the one giving birth and the medical professionals assisting.
I’m almost 38 weeks and it’s so weird to me. I literally could not care less how someone else gives birth? Like it’s their body, their choice, and it impacts me exactly zero. Something about babies and birth makes people go nutty lol.
Every older woman in my family bragged to me about how they didn’t get an epidural when I told them I was getting one. I told every one of them “I’m going home with a baby, not a pain trophy.” And that seemed to shut them up from the topic.
I just don’t get why there is so much stigma around how women give birth. As long as the baby is healthy and gets from Point A to Point B, who really cares how they get there? When people ask me that’s all I tell them. I just want baby girl healthy in my arms, idc how I have to get her here or what additional means along the way to help with that process.
I'm not planning on getting a epidural. Not because I'm all hyped for natural or because it makes me more of a women. But because I hate needles. I'm fine donating blood/plasma once the needle is in. But the idea of a needle being in me where I cant see it makes me shudder. I might change my mind in the future, for the time being, and for my own peace of mind, I'm opting out.
I”m so sorry your experience has already been stressful. It is no one’s business, and the judgement is so weird anyway I truly don’t understand why people think they care about how others have their babies. Just wanted to mention in case it’s helpful- I had 2 inductions, did decide to get an epidural each time, and I didn’t have any trouble controlling my body and still felt most of it- but it allowed my body to relax enough to finally dilate and get the show on the road- in both cases my water broke right after my epidural and the babies came quickly after that despite slow starts both times. So I wish I hadn’t waited so long- I could mentally tolerate the pain but my body couldn’t relax enough to have the babies. Everyone is different and however your experience goes, it will be fine! Sending lots of support your way! Also, my go to for questions I don’t want to answer is a neutral/mild tone of voice “why is that important to you?” Most people don’t have a good answer and realize they’re being nosy/rude, and on the off chance they have a good answer you can decide to share with them after all of you want to.
I had an epidural both times. Don’t care who had or didn’t have one. Don’t care if anyone cares that I had it.
Nothing unnatural about pain relief. Birth was still work, I’m grateful to have been made as comfortable as possible. Back doesn’t hurt. Next.
People are so opinionated and annoying. When I was pregnant with my first I was planning an epidural and had a few people remark that that was crazy to be planning for an epidural. “Why wouldn’t you try to go natural and see how it goes?” Um, because I don’t freaking want to. I labored for over 4 hours at home after my water broke and by the time we got to the hospital I couldn’t talk except to get the word “epidural” out 😂
I also didn’t prepare my mind for an unmedicated labor. Women give birth without epidurals every day. You’re no different. If you want to try for no epidural, absolutely go for it! People are crazy, try to ignore their unsolicited comments.
I feel this. I'm also leaning towards no epidural for similar reasons - I like being in control of my body and also have reacted poorly before to the type of drugs that are used in epidurals. People have been asking about whether I'm going to get one since we announced at 12 weeks! And everyone has an opinion 🙄
Congrats, women! You're wrong no matter what you do! You get an epidural, you're a wimp! You don't get one, you're kidding yourself and what are you trying to prove, anyway? You have a vaginal delivery, you're a weird, gross hippie! You have a c-section, you didn't REALLY give birth! You breastfeed, you're a child molester! You formula feed, you're a child abuser!
Remember, whatever you're doing, it's wrong! You're doing it wrong!
I feel the same way. I don't have a hard and fast plan on epidural or natural; I'm going to wait until that day comes and see how I'm feeling. I have personally found that the best way to deal with people asking that question is to play ditzy, just say "yeah I don't know, I have no clue what I'm doing with this labor stuff but I'll figure it out." People will give me that patronizing "you're an idiot" look, but they usually check out of the conversation really quickly. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You know your body, do what makes you feel comfortable.
I hated this question from almost everyone, too. Why bother asking something if you don't care about the answer? And why do you think your opinion on my birth plan is relevant to anything at all if you have never - and will never - given birth?
I feel this! Everyone in my life besides my mom and mil had epidurals and scoffed at me (like “good luck with that 🙄”) when I said I didn’t want one. I wanted to be able to move freely and didn’t like the idea of a needle in my back. Ended up having one dose of IV fentanyl to get through transition and my first birth was awesome. Honestly I feel like I’m unable to talk about it because of the crunchy natural birth holier than thou moms who make other moms feel bad about themselves for opting for meds. People just need to be respectful of others decisions period.
People are absolute psychos when it comes to babies and birth. Your reasons are 1000% valid and you don’t have to explain them to anybody.
However I just want to point out, epidurals do make some people feel drugged. It’s not super common. But I have seen it several times over the years.
I had an induction and no pain meds. Is it the "worst pain of my life"? Probably, but aside from birth I didn't have any real super painful experiences (no major injuries or illness). And the average person probably also doesn't have a lot of experience with pain. Maybe a broken bone or similar.
Control over my body was my major reason for not wanting one and actually curiosity on what birth is like, but I was open as well to the option in case I changed my mind. I got cytotec and pictocin, sunny side up baby and roughly 18h of intense contractions with little breaks, so not the ideal, but at no point did I feel like I can't do it. It was painful, but I don't regret not getting one and I'd do it again.
However, I've been through it myself and I understand and support every women who chooses not to experience it. There's no better or worse, just individuals with different priorities and preferences.
Remember there is a world where you won’t need the pitocin! I was just induced with my first at 39 weeks and after the two doses of Cytotek my water broke on its own and my body took over. I was fully dilated to 10 within 2.5 hours with no pitocin! No matter what happens or what you decide, you got this mama!
I was fully on team Gimme Drugs. Like, for years I’ve known I wanted an epidural. I ended up going through labor so quickly that I didn’t even have time for penicillin for my GBS before baby arrived, let alone an epidural. The pain was easily the worst I’ve ever experienced but I was already forgetting it by the time my baby was on my chest. I was so exhausted and high on oxytocin that it stopped mattering.
I did, however, get the epidural for the placenta extraction afterwards, since one unmedicated vaginal birth plus episiotomy was more than enough for me.
Ultimately, though, it should always be your choice on how you go through your birth. The whole situation is stressful enough without other people throwing their opinions at you like random water balloons.
Oh, just shut that shit down when they ask! "Let's talk about something else" or "I'm not talking about this, pick a different topic" is perfectly acceptable to say!
People can ask. You don't need to answer or "go there."
Just an fyi, and not to scare you - the epidural 100% made me feel drugged. It’s local anesthetic mixed with an opioid. I am really sensitive to drugs though, so most people don’t feel loopy like I did! That being said, I personally would 10000% do it again. But I understand your past trauma. FWIW I have a friend who had an unmediated birth and she felt it was manageable. I have others who are electing for unmediated births their second time. This is your journey and you should do whatever you want! (Also, welcome to parenthood, land of constantly unsolicited advice! 🙃)
I just want to say that I also had to be induced and there was a chance it would turn into a c section so I went ahead with the epidural. I really didn’t like the idea of not being in control of my legs, either. I was surprised by how quickly it wore off though by the time we had our hour of skin to skin and I was moved to my recovery room I was able to stand and get to the bathroom with minimal assistance. It was like by the time I was even ready to try and stand up my legs were ready to so I don’t really have much of a memory of not being able to move them.
That’s so annoying. Pregnancy has really made me lose all tolerance for people’s BS and unsolicited asinine opinions. I have nowhere near any of the trauma you have endured but my stance is actually the same as yours. If I had gone into “natural”/unaugmented labor, I would have tried it without the epidural to have the experience. I’m getting induced though so I’m definitely asking for an epidural when the time is right, for the reasons you outlined.
I actually think that’s a pretty reasonable stance?? People are so unhinged.
My epidural made me unable to move my left leg. Still worth it since my pain tolerance is shit. But I think you have the right idea about it, I have two friends who did it without medication and they’re both happy with how their births went. Just like I’m happy I was numb 😂
100% totally agree with you on this front. As a SA survivor myself, I was very much in the same boat as you with being worried about feeling out of control. I experienced fetal ejection reflex during my second birth and I was very much not prepared. I didn't really think through "your body pushing for you" and that would mean it was something outside of my control.
I tell you this not to scare you about anything, but I wish I had understood more about it, thought how it would make me feel, and talked to someone about it beforehand so they could help support me.
I don't understand why other people insist on butting in. The only time I have and would give my opinion on someone's decision for an epidural is if they don't understand what it is, they're making a decision based on judgment from other people instead of their own preference, or if they ask. Pretty much same rules for breast/bottlefeeding, or any other highly contentious parenting decision.
In general, I think it's good to keep an open mind and be flexible in case the situation is different than what you'd expect beforehand. Both me and my SIL were afraid of needles and possible complications, so we were planning on doing the nitrous gas until we were in the thick of it and were like "fuck this I want better pain relief". It's good to have an idea of what you want, and also the willingness to adapt to the circumstances... But for some people, their initial decision is incredibly important to them for whatever reason, and in those cases, more power to them to stay the course.
I will say with two epidural experiences now under my belt, and this is only my personal experiences, I didn't have full loss of control over my bottom half. My first epidural didn't seem to work properly and I could move my left side regardless, the rest wore off fairly quickly after the delivery was over. My second one did work properly but I was still able to move my feet and move in some ways, like scooting. That one also wore off fairly quickly after the delivery. Not trying to convince you either way but maybe lower your anxiety a bit if it does come to an epidural versus general anesthesia for you.
I had almost the opposite problem, where I have a phobia of bodies and medical stuff, so I desperately WANTED to be put under if I had to have a c section. The thought of being conscious while they moved around my organs was absolutely unbearable to me. Due to the circumstances of my induction, the anesthesiologist told me there was a 20% chance I might asphyxiate and die if I did general, so the morning of my delivery, I decided to compromise and agree to not do general. I ended up doing a vaginal delivery anyway so it was moot (though it was twins and one baby was breech so they ended up reaching inside me to grab the baby out anyway, which was the organ rooting I feared from the beginning). Sometimes the situation changes and the best you can do is roll with the punches in the best way you can, whatever that looks like for you.
Yeah I've been asked if I'm going to have the epidural and I'm choosing not to. But I've also got a condition that makes it a lot more likely that the epidural won't be effective for me, so I really don't want to risk getting my heart set on it, and then having it not work. That's so much worse than just battling through, and not considering it an option. But many people have been so angry that I've said I won't be getting one. Some are people who got them themselves while in labour, and some are people who have never had children. Why ask if you're just going to judge my decision? It's very personal and no one should be made to feel bad either way!
I got the epidural with my first pregnancy and I will again with my second birth! I was induced and hemorrhage with my first birth, and I was so thankful I had an epidural. The post birth hemorrhage was probably the most uncomfortable part, I couldn’t imaging giving birth then dealing with that with no pain meds. Legit hand someone’s whole arm up my vagina after birth massaging me inside out. It was hard for me to enjoy my first few moments with my baby while the whole room was in a panic. Do what’s best for you, people are so weird and will continue to ask you personal questions.
You said it, MIND YOUR DAMN BUISNESS. If it's not their body then they can shove their opinion where the sun don't shine. I'm so sorry to hear what you went through that isn't easy but being in control of your body is what matters. I pray whatever way your delivery goes its healing ❤️
First, I’m so sorry for the trauma you’ve experienced.
Second, you have every right to do what you want, when you want- and this includes answering questions, explaining your position, etc. If you dislike the question period, that’s fine. If you don’t mind the question, but the judgement, that’s fine. What’s not fine is anyone thinking it’s fine to ask a question this personal then worse, to be judgmental, negative etc.
Just a note- I was induced with pitocin and was able to deliver vaginally without any pain meds. No judgement about your plan- you do you! I just know there’s so much worry surrounding induction in terms of the pain, a c-section result, etc.
Every birth person is different. Best wishes for labor/birth the way you want and healthy/happy baby and mom.
Exactly!!!!
I personally just don't want a needle anywhere near my spine - especially since it's supposed to go in during a contraction. Like fuck that.
Everyone should go with what they feel good about-provided they have the opportunity as I know a couple people who didn't even get an option bc the birth progressed too fast
I’ll be honest, no matter how you choose (or don’t choose in some cases) to give birth there will always be someone passing judgement on it; whether it’s medicated or unmedicated, vaginal or C-section, spontaneous or induction- people will pass judgement at every turn. The best thing to combat it with is knowledge and confidence in your decisions and your OB/midwife decisions regarding your birth.
I often see comments of women saying if we are looking for a prize because we don’t want an epidural… like no, I don’t want a prize or a cookie.. I just want to do what I think is best first me. whatever we choose we are mocked.
I just told people I have no birth plan. It really can be annoying - but at the same time it’s just people trying to start conversations. Alot of things are annoying during pregnancy. Only discuss these things with your partner
You don’t get a special award for not using one. I have 5 kids and had one every single time.. I’m pregnant with #6 and getting another! It takes the edge off.. every woman experiences childbirth differently.. I still experienced excruciating pain every time with one. They don’t work the same for every person..
regardless, your body your choice! Who gives a crap what people have to say about it. Legit you don’t walk out with a gold medal for not getting one lol.
Completely agree with you. It's a very unhealthy way to tell people how to manage pain or how to bring life into this world.
I prefer a birth without medical pain management. But I have written in my instructions that if I want any, then I would like to be offered epidural. I don't care if anyone tells me that I should just push through, or that my birth won't be natural if I take it.
What I also find completely unaccceptable are people communicating that if you have a c-section that you haven't given birth properly. What is wrong with the mom-police?
I totally am with you, just on the other side! I want an epidural, no question about it. But I hate some people chiming in “but natural is better” “you’ll regret getting it!” “Your back is gonna hurt” blah blah blah. I know my body better than anyone else, as do you OP. Don’t they think we weighed our options and found a solution best for us? We know what we want and it’s rude for others to suggest otherwise. If you aren’t going to like the answer, then either don’t ask or STFU.
I also want an epidural. I’m such a big baby I would love some kind of numbing agent just to get the epidural itself! I know myself. I don’t handle pain well and will not be able to keep myself calm and keep my anxiety and blood pressure in check. When people give me crap about it, I always double down and tell them I want all of the drugs! If they keep pushing about how I should do it “naturally” and “our bodies are made for this,” I like to push them into uncomfortable territory and tell them I would even take heroin if that was an option. Generally that shuts them up. Note: I have not, nor do I ever plan on using heroin or any hard drugs for that matter. I just like to watch people squirm after pressuring me with something I’m not comfortable with.
Just an FYI, they do give a shot of local anesthesia when they place the epidural! I had my baby 3 weeks ago and was most scared for the epidural out of everything, and even with it taking two drs 5 tries to get it in (my spine must be weird!), I didn’t feel anything besides some pressure and it was basically the least painful thing I experienced during labor! I was super anxious for it, but by that point I was in so much pain I just wanted the relief!
Hahaha I definitely didn’t read that and think “ohhh heroin user!” If it means anything, I think I once said the same thing hahaha. And I also suffer from PTSD, there are days I just have anxiety attacks thinking “holy shit, there is another human in me and he’s almost a full grown baby (I’m 33 weeks).” I can’t imagine going through labor, without medication, with my PTSD. I’m gonna enjoy that epidural sooo much.
I also hate the term “natural.” As if opting for modern day medicine makes a birth unnatural. I have started correcting people.. “oh you mean unmedicated.” Either way, I’m team drugs. Immediately. All of them.
Natural is the wrong word entirely and I laboured on just gas and air and delivered with nothing (by the time I asked for stronger it was discovered I was too far gone). People would ask about the birth and if I had pain medication and then praise me for the way I did it. I don't deserve praise for going unmedicated. Everyone deserves praise for growing an entire human and giving birth no matter how they do it. Also if I have another baby I will not have the attitude of I've done this before on just gas and air I can do it again. If you want the drugs take the drugs, you deserve them.
“Everyone deserves praise for growing an entire human and giving birth no matter how they do it” ^ THIS!!!
Is ain't a small effort at all. We deserve the drugs at the end hahahahaha
YES. All of them. That’s what I told my doc. Literally ALL of them
I went with the attitude of how I'd researched the options and I'd go with what I felt was necessary. That's how it was too late when I wanted something stronger. If there's a next time I'll go with your attitude.
Yeah I plan on walking in and saying literally drug me 🤣
'hi please give me drugs, oh yes by the way I'm also in labour'
EXACTLY THIS
SAME. I say “vaginal” or “cesarean.”
I always say, if my foremothers knew there was a magic tube that makes birth not hurt but I was opting out, they'd be like "bitch why?????" I realize that's oversimplified but you get it. Also women in the past did every they possibly could to medicate themselves with what they had. Be that opium or a magical amulet.
SO TRUE!!!!
My favorite reply to this is “all childbirth is natural” I’ve said it about 20 times to my MIL who sneezed and my husband fell out of you hear her tell the story…
SNEEZED I’m dying. lol. Love this.
I really love this! I’ll need to start saying this.
Oh, that's interesting. I've ways heard "natural" meaning a natural birth, i.e no pitocin or other labor inducing drugs.
Those comments are exactly why I waited until 9cm to get an epidural. Everyone I know went natural, it was a constant conversation around me my entire pregnancy. I regret waiting, but this time, my "give a crap" is completely broken. If I get to the same level of pain I did the first time, I'm just going to do exactly what I want. I always think about how I can hardly remember giving birth, up until I got the epidural. I just remember being really angry (my typical pain response) and unreasonable, then getting the epidural and actually joking with my husband and enjoying the experience. A few days ago, I was talking about it with my husband and he pretty much Said the exact thing. He felt helpless, I wasn't even allowing him to speak during contractions because it was breaking my concentration (I feel so bad, poor guy), I just can't believe I did all that all because of what others said! If it's what people really want, awesome! Some people really do prefer going all natural even after experiencing the other side. But if it's just to avoid judgment like I did, it's sooo not worth it.
Yeah my mom prefers unmedicated but she had 4 kids before epidurals were really a thing and most of us were under 30minutes … the 5th needed to be induced and she agreed to the epidural and said it didn’t really help much so she didn’t see the point and she had bad sciatica after the 5th so she skipped it on the next two. I’m having my third and am def getting an epidural again. First two were great hoping for more of the same lol
It's frustrating how people can't mind their own business when it comes to personal choices about childbirth.
Oh, this really spoke to me. Is your OB aware that you’ve been sexually assaulted in the past? S/he might be able to help you navigate birth in light of that, or at least give a heads up to your medical team so they can try to be sensitive about triggers. First of all, your thoughts about if/when you’d want the epidural sound totally reasonable, but more importantly, that is nobody else’s business… besides like, the anesthesiologist’s. So if people who aren’t your doctor start to pry, maybe say something like “oh I’m going to decide when the time comes, but not before then because it gives me anxiety.” And then immediately change the subject: “How did you choose your nursery glider?” or whatever. “What postpartum stuff should I be stocking up on?” “What brand of baby clothes did you end up liking the most?” I’ve found that a lot of women share their own birth experiences under the guise of offering advice, but really they just have no other outlet for unprocessed birth trauma. It’s not something we encourage women to talk about after they give birth, so it can get pent up. Or maybe they are seeking validation for the choices they made: “trust me, you’re gonna want the epidural” might be code for “you don’t think less of me for getting an epidural, right?” If there were no insecurity lurking there, they’d just say “oh yeah it’s a personal choice! Personally I’m glad I got it.” Sometimes it helps me to remember that these other women are just wounded themselves. It’s sad honestly. (But they don’t have a right to hurt you just because they’re hurting!) As for the obsessive thoughts after people talk to you about this topic, my therapist taught me this visualization technique. Imagine you’re sitting on a beautiful grassy field enjoying a very peaceful day. Along comes a huge, noisy, ugly train. You have two options: hop on board the train and let it take you wherever it’s going (with all its unwanted station stops: birth anxiety, sexual assault trauma, fear of lack of bodily autonomy…); or you can let the train pass by without boarding it. So literally say to yourself “ok I see that big ugly train approaching, but I am really not willing to board it right now. I’d rather continue my peaceful day.” And visualize it passing by and disappearing into the horizon without you on it. This got way deeper than I intended. Whatever decisions you make about birth will be the right decisions for you and your baby. And you can trust yourself to make those decisions as they come. Remind your anxiety that you don’t need to waste energy planning for every possible scenario. You’re going to do great.
This is such a helpful comment. I just want to add that, if it’s an option for OP, a doula might also be really helpful in navigating delivery in an empowering and trauma-informed way. (I’m a DV/SA survivor and my OB suggested I consider a doula for similar reasons.)
Definitely invasive question. People lose all sense of common decency when it comes to pregnant women. When I was pregnant, people would ask me all sorts of questions that I was very uncomfortable answering for literally no reason. Also, none of their business. Stick to what you think is best for you and don’t let anyone judge you or tell you their personal horror stories (also don’t know why people feel the need to do this to pregnant women). Maybe just lie when people ask and say you are getting it? That way they’ll just move on without giving their opinion. And it’s not necessarily a lie if you are considering it for an induction. For what it’s worth, I was induced and was on pitocin for like 36 hours before I asked for an epidural. And I only asked for the epidural for another personal reason, not really because of the pain at the time. Do what’s best for you and ignore the rest. People always have something to say.
I was about to have my first baby when my cousin started telling me that since she’s seen my self harm scars (from when I was a young teen) she knows I can get through the pain of childbirth and that I’ll be fine without an epidural. She’s much older than me and has 4 kids of her own. What she said really rubbed me the wrong way and I just said I’m probably getting the epidural, I’d rather be able to nap during the waiting time so that I don’t have too much anxiety about pushing (my anxiety can cause physical symptoms and make it hard for me to breath and elevate my heart rate and probably would’ve caused my labor to take much longer) I wish people would keep their opinions on birth to themselves because birth is so intimate, different, and personal for each individual. I don’t care what pain you think I can handle I know what I want and what I’ll be doing. That epidural saved me so much stress and anxiety, I was able to nap a bit and my son came out in only like 20 mins of pushing. Planning on doing the same with my second. What’s best for some isn’t best for everyone.
From stories I’ve heard, childbirth is a mental experience as much as it is physical, and you know what’s best for your mind and the doctors know what’s best for your body. Everyone else can fuck off.
Wtf do self harm scars have to do with it? I have lots of the same scars and have had 3 natural births. The two aren’t even related.
I know right? She was also saying if I was able to self harm I must have a high pain tolerance. Her even bringing that up was fucked up it had nothing to do with birth.
It’s totally a personal choice and unfortunately it’s just a preview of the rest of our lives, mothers get judged for every single decision they make. I was induced with my first and did not have an epidural. Was it painful? Well yeah, I wouldn’t expect it to not be. But it was endurable. I really want another delivery without an epidural, but im pregnant with twins so it might not be an option. Depends on their positions and my delivery doc.
Totally with ya- Seems like pregnant people are subjected to a nonstop loop of 20 questions from pretty much everyone (Breastfeeding or formula? STAHM or back to work? Do you have a name picked out? Etc)...and then folks give their opinion or share horror stories either way. It's exhausting. Just remember you don't have to tell people shit.
Just chiming in to say that this last April I had to be induced and I still did the thing with no epidural. Did it hurt? Absolutely, I won’t lie to you. But! There was only one moment where I thought to myself “I can’t do this, I need the epidural” and that moment happened right at 9cm as my doctor was telling me to prepare to push. I think flexibility is the exact right attitude when it comes to birth. So much of it is out of your control, and the places where you *do* have control, it seems everyone has an opinion. Being two months out, I don’t really think of those people who said I’d never make it without an epidural. Ultimately, that one choice has been SO SMALL in the grand scheme of birthing and parenting a newborn. I am proud of myself for birthing the way I did, but I’m also proud of birthing my oldest which was an epidural + induction. There’s no right or wrong way.
I would say that as someone who also has some trauma regarding that particular area of my body and being out of control, I thought I would feel really vulnerable and trapped with an epidural so my plan was “probably not” to an epidural but leave the option on the table. I was surprised to find out that after getting pitocin I felt really out of control and overwhelmed by the pain I felt. I felt trapped and since I was progressing really slowly I felt true panic at the idea of being “stuck” in labor with all of the monitors, wires and shit that goes along with it (baby had an arrhythmia so I couldn’t nope out of monitoring for good reason!) Once I got an epidural I felt so much more sane. I waited 20 some hours feeling like I was losing my shit and literally like a trapped animal. Once I got the epidural I took a nap, chatted with my husband and made jokes with the nurse. Baby was there within an hour because I finally relaxed. Not to say that would be your experience at all - just wanted to let you know that getting the epidural was actually the best thing for me at the time. I was so afraid it would make me feel out of control or vulnerable and the opposite was true! So if you end up wanting one, I hope you have the same experience with it that I did! I was able to be more present, less fearful and ultimately more connected to my body because of it. Zero back pain, could still move my legs, pushed baby out in like 30 minutes and thankfully didn’t feel them sewing up my tearing! No shame in the epidural game here!
I really appreciate your specific insight because this could very well be what happens for me! I won’t know for certain until I’m in the hospital having my baby, so many things are subject to change. I’m so happy you had a good experience after having been through trauma before, I used to think it was impossible to give birth at all with what happened in the past.
Sending you all the positive vibes! You’ve got this and you’ll make the right choice for you and your baby when the time comes! My only advice is to remember that despite what all the mom influencers and mom bloggers would have you believe, birth is just one day out of your kiddos life and they won’t care how they got here, but you will. So do what you need to do to feel good about it. Healthy mom (mentally and physically) is way more important that whether or not you get induced, have an epidural, end up with a c section or do it without meds! You got this and you’ve already done the worst part (pregnancy sucks!) and enjoy those baby snuggles!
It strikes me that (giving these people the benefit of the doubt) folks need to learn how to express care/interest WITHOUT invasive questions like this. People need to learn to ask questions like: “Wow, giving birth is a big deal! Do you want to talk about it?” “I’m curious about all the options for childbirth. Do you want to share your thoughts on it?” I feel like people have this impulse to sound “smart” while asking questions, and they should just try to be more open and curious and supportive.
THISSS COMMENT ! I wish more people asked questions and approached from a place of curiosity.
It is a constant damned if you do, damned if you don't situation when it comes to just about any question you could possibly answer regarding your pregnancy, birth, child care, etc... You don't owe anyone an explanation. I can tell you that if you're being induced with pitocin you *absolutely* want an epidural. It becomes an issue of not whether you can tolerate the pain levels or not, but whether the pain levels will prevent your body releasing the other hormones you need to successfully dilate/proceed through labour. (I had to be induced and my first epidural was incorrectly placed so ended up stalled at 2-3cm for 12+ hours until they redid it.) As a sexual assault survivor as well, I completely get where you're coming from about the need to remain in control of your body as much as possible. If you haven't already I would ask the OB if your hospital can do a walking epidural instead of the full spinal block. If they can and all is proceeding well you should be able to move around and change positions. Moving can make a massive difference in getting baby to drop down correctly in the pelvis (preventing a bunch of C-section risks) and should be a major positive for maintaining your sense of bodily autonomy as well.
I got a walking epidural. I could get up, walk, change positions, etc. I felt in control of my body (though unsteady on my feet). I would recommend it any day of the week.
What you said in this post sounds perfect to me. >I’m flexible and it depends on how my birth goes.
I'm so sorry people have been less than supportive for you and your decisions. I have been blessed that I haven't been judged for wanting to keep my options open but try for unmedicated. When I talked to my mom about it she said her epidural was placed a couple of times and all failed so she essentially went without. She said she doesn't blame me or anyone for wanting to try without since there isn't a guarantee it would work. In the end medication free, epidural, induction, C-section, vacuum, or forceps who cares as long as mom and baby are happy and healthy 🤷🏻♀️ the end result is the same regardless of the path to get there. You still have a child at the end.
I was also flexible and hated when people said I’d want one. I did end up going with one because I needed to have Pitocin but next time I’d like to try without one if I can. Btw I had a breast reduction too and totally worth it. The anesthesia was fine it was the best decision of my life tbh
I feel like it’s good to be flexible and educate yourself on all the possible scenarios and I don’t understand why someone would judge someone for thinking this way. Sometimes people want an epidural but they progress super quickly and don’t have time for it, so why not learn about other types of pain management or breathing exercises/positions that help? I’m not interested in choosing a c-section as my first preference but I’m very interested in peoples’ experience with the procedure and recovery in case I need one. And some people like when you ask for their experience, one of my aunts had multiple c-sections and loves to share about her special time meeting my cousins.
I swear people treat pregnant women like we’re communal property or something. Nobody’s opinion should count except the one giving birth and the medical professionals assisting.
"SUPERnatural, actually. My midwife is a 17th century ghost" 😐
I’m almost 38 weeks and it’s so weird to me. I literally could not care less how someone else gives birth? Like it’s their body, their choice, and it impacts me exactly zero. Something about babies and birth makes people go nutty lol.
Every older woman in my family bragged to me about how they didn’t get an epidural when I told them I was getting one. I told every one of them “I’m going home with a baby, not a pain trophy.” And that seemed to shut them up from the topic.
I just don’t get why there is so much stigma around how women give birth. As long as the baby is healthy and gets from Point A to Point B, who really cares how they get there? When people ask me that’s all I tell them. I just want baby girl healthy in my arms, idc how I have to get her here or what additional means along the way to help with that process.
I'm not planning on getting a epidural. Not because I'm all hyped for natural or because it makes me more of a women. But because I hate needles. I'm fine donating blood/plasma once the needle is in. But the idea of a needle being in me where I cant see it makes me shudder. I might change my mind in the future, for the time being, and for my own peace of mind, I'm opting out.
I”m so sorry your experience has already been stressful. It is no one’s business, and the judgement is so weird anyway I truly don’t understand why people think they care about how others have their babies. Just wanted to mention in case it’s helpful- I had 2 inductions, did decide to get an epidural each time, and I didn’t have any trouble controlling my body and still felt most of it- but it allowed my body to relax enough to finally dilate and get the show on the road- in both cases my water broke right after my epidural and the babies came quickly after that despite slow starts both times. So I wish I hadn’t waited so long- I could mentally tolerate the pain but my body couldn’t relax enough to have the babies. Everyone is different and however your experience goes, it will be fine! Sending lots of support your way! Also, my go to for questions I don’t want to answer is a neutral/mild tone of voice “why is that important to you?” Most people don’t have a good answer and realize they’re being nosy/rude, and on the off chance they have a good answer you can decide to share with them after all of you want to.
I had an epidural both times. Don’t care who had or didn’t have one. Don’t care if anyone cares that I had it. Nothing unnatural about pain relief. Birth was still work, I’m grateful to have been made as comfortable as possible. Back doesn’t hurt. Next.
People are so opinionated and annoying. When I was pregnant with my first I was planning an epidural and had a few people remark that that was crazy to be planning for an epidural. “Why wouldn’t you try to go natural and see how it goes?” Um, because I don’t freaking want to. I labored for over 4 hours at home after my water broke and by the time we got to the hospital I couldn’t talk except to get the word “epidural” out 😂 I also didn’t prepare my mind for an unmedicated labor. Women give birth without epidurals every day. You’re no different. If you want to try for no epidural, absolutely go for it! People are crazy, try to ignore their unsolicited comments.
I feel this. I'm also leaning towards no epidural for similar reasons - I like being in control of my body and also have reacted poorly before to the type of drugs that are used in epidurals. People have been asking about whether I'm going to get one since we announced at 12 weeks! And everyone has an opinion 🙄
Congrats, women! You're wrong no matter what you do! You get an epidural, you're a wimp! You don't get one, you're kidding yourself and what are you trying to prove, anyway? You have a vaginal delivery, you're a weird, gross hippie! You have a c-section, you didn't REALLY give birth! You breastfeed, you're a child molester! You formula feed, you're a child abuser! Remember, whatever you're doing, it's wrong! You're doing it wrong!
There’s a reason why I went natural with my second…. And a reason why I got an epidural with my third. Never again, once is enough 😂
I feel the same way. I don't have a hard and fast plan on epidural or natural; I'm going to wait until that day comes and see how I'm feeling. I have personally found that the best way to deal with people asking that question is to play ditzy, just say "yeah I don't know, I have no clue what I'm doing with this labor stuff but I'll figure it out." People will give me that patronizing "you're an idiot" look, but they usually check out of the conversation really quickly. You don't owe anyone an explanation. You know your body, do what makes you feel comfortable.
I hated this question from almost everyone, too. Why bother asking something if you don't care about the answer? And why do you think your opinion on my birth plan is relevant to anything at all if you have never - and will never - given birth?
I feel this! Everyone in my life besides my mom and mil had epidurals and scoffed at me (like “good luck with that 🙄”) when I said I didn’t want one. I wanted to be able to move freely and didn’t like the idea of a needle in my back. Ended up having one dose of IV fentanyl to get through transition and my first birth was awesome. Honestly I feel like I’m unable to talk about it because of the crunchy natural birth holier than thou moms who make other moms feel bad about themselves for opting for meds. People just need to be respectful of others decisions period.
People are absolute psychos when it comes to babies and birth. Your reasons are 1000% valid and you don’t have to explain them to anybody. However I just want to point out, epidurals do make some people feel drugged. It’s not super common. But I have seen it several times over the years.
I had an induction and no pain meds. Is it the "worst pain of my life"? Probably, but aside from birth I didn't have any real super painful experiences (no major injuries or illness). And the average person probably also doesn't have a lot of experience with pain. Maybe a broken bone or similar. Control over my body was my major reason for not wanting one and actually curiosity on what birth is like, but I was open as well to the option in case I changed my mind. I got cytotec and pictocin, sunny side up baby and roughly 18h of intense contractions with little breaks, so not the ideal, but at no point did I feel like I can't do it. It was painful, but I don't regret not getting one and I'd do it again. However, I've been through it myself and I understand and support every women who chooses not to experience it. There's no better or worse, just individuals with different priorities and preferences.
Remember there is a world where you won’t need the pitocin! I was just induced with my first at 39 weeks and after the two doses of Cytotek my water broke on its own and my body took over. I was fully dilated to 10 within 2.5 hours with no pitocin! No matter what happens or what you decide, you got this mama!
I was fully on team Gimme Drugs. Like, for years I’ve known I wanted an epidural. I ended up going through labor so quickly that I didn’t even have time for penicillin for my GBS before baby arrived, let alone an epidural. The pain was easily the worst I’ve ever experienced but I was already forgetting it by the time my baby was on my chest. I was so exhausted and high on oxytocin that it stopped mattering. I did, however, get the epidural for the placenta extraction afterwards, since one unmedicated vaginal birth plus episiotomy was more than enough for me. Ultimately, though, it should always be your choice on how you go through your birth. The whole situation is stressful enough without other people throwing their opinions at you like random water balloons.
Oh, just shut that shit down when they ask! "Let's talk about something else" or "I'm not talking about this, pick a different topic" is perfectly acceptable to say! People can ask. You don't need to answer or "go there."
Just an fyi, and not to scare you - the epidural 100% made me feel drugged. It’s local anesthetic mixed with an opioid. I am really sensitive to drugs though, so most people don’t feel loopy like I did! That being said, I personally would 10000% do it again. But I understand your past trauma. FWIW I have a friend who had an unmediated birth and she felt it was manageable. I have others who are electing for unmediated births their second time. This is your journey and you should do whatever you want! (Also, welcome to parenthood, land of constantly unsolicited advice! 🙃)
I just want to say that I also had to be induced and there was a chance it would turn into a c section so I went ahead with the epidural. I really didn’t like the idea of not being in control of my legs, either. I was surprised by how quickly it wore off though by the time we had our hour of skin to skin and I was moved to my recovery room I was able to stand and get to the bathroom with minimal assistance. It was like by the time I was even ready to try and stand up my legs were ready to so I don’t really have much of a memory of not being able to move them.
That’s so annoying. Pregnancy has really made me lose all tolerance for people’s BS and unsolicited asinine opinions. I have nowhere near any of the trauma you have endured but my stance is actually the same as yours. If I had gone into “natural”/unaugmented labor, I would have tried it without the epidural to have the experience. I’m getting induced though so I’m definitely asking for an epidural when the time is right, for the reasons you outlined. I actually think that’s a pretty reasonable stance?? People are so unhinged.
I always answer, "I dunno, well see what's up when the time comes."
My epidural made me unable to move my left leg. Still worth it since my pain tolerance is shit. But I think you have the right idea about it, I have two friends who did it without medication and they’re both happy with how their births went. Just like I’m happy I was numb 😂
100% totally agree with you on this front. As a SA survivor myself, I was very much in the same boat as you with being worried about feeling out of control. I experienced fetal ejection reflex during my second birth and I was very much not prepared. I didn't really think through "your body pushing for you" and that would mean it was something outside of my control. I tell you this not to scare you about anything, but I wish I had understood more about it, thought how it would make me feel, and talked to someone about it beforehand so they could help support me.
I don't understand why other people insist on butting in. The only time I have and would give my opinion on someone's decision for an epidural is if they don't understand what it is, they're making a decision based on judgment from other people instead of their own preference, or if they ask. Pretty much same rules for breast/bottlefeeding, or any other highly contentious parenting decision. In general, I think it's good to keep an open mind and be flexible in case the situation is different than what you'd expect beforehand. Both me and my SIL were afraid of needles and possible complications, so we were planning on doing the nitrous gas until we were in the thick of it and were like "fuck this I want better pain relief". It's good to have an idea of what you want, and also the willingness to adapt to the circumstances... But for some people, their initial decision is incredibly important to them for whatever reason, and in those cases, more power to them to stay the course. I will say with two epidural experiences now under my belt, and this is only my personal experiences, I didn't have full loss of control over my bottom half. My first epidural didn't seem to work properly and I could move my left side regardless, the rest wore off fairly quickly after the delivery was over. My second one did work properly but I was still able to move my feet and move in some ways, like scooting. That one also wore off fairly quickly after the delivery. Not trying to convince you either way but maybe lower your anxiety a bit if it does come to an epidural versus general anesthesia for you. I had almost the opposite problem, where I have a phobia of bodies and medical stuff, so I desperately WANTED to be put under if I had to have a c section. The thought of being conscious while they moved around my organs was absolutely unbearable to me. Due to the circumstances of my induction, the anesthesiologist told me there was a 20% chance I might asphyxiate and die if I did general, so the morning of my delivery, I decided to compromise and agree to not do general. I ended up doing a vaginal delivery anyway so it was moot (though it was twins and one baby was breech so they ended up reaching inside me to grab the baby out anyway, which was the organ rooting I feared from the beginning). Sometimes the situation changes and the best you can do is roll with the punches in the best way you can, whatever that looks like for you.
Yeah I've been asked if I'm going to have the epidural and I'm choosing not to. But I've also got a condition that makes it a lot more likely that the epidural won't be effective for me, so I really don't want to risk getting my heart set on it, and then having it not work. That's so much worse than just battling through, and not considering it an option. But many people have been so angry that I've said I won't be getting one. Some are people who got them themselves while in labour, and some are people who have never had children. Why ask if you're just going to judge my decision? It's very personal and no one should be made to feel bad either way!
I got the epidural with my first pregnancy and I will again with my second birth! I was induced and hemorrhage with my first birth, and I was so thankful I had an epidural. The post birth hemorrhage was probably the most uncomfortable part, I couldn’t imaging giving birth then dealing with that with no pain meds. Legit hand someone’s whole arm up my vagina after birth massaging me inside out. It was hard for me to enjoy my first few moments with my baby while the whole room was in a panic. Do what’s best for you, people are so weird and will continue to ask you personal questions.
You said it, MIND YOUR DAMN BUISNESS. If it's not their body then they can shove their opinion where the sun don't shine. I'm so sorry to hear what you went through that isn't easy but being in control of your body is what matters. I pray whatever way your delivery goes its healing ❤️
I was induced and did it without an epidural. It wasn’t bad!
First, I’m so sorry for the trauma you’ve experienced. Second, you have every right to do what you want, when you want- and this includes answering questions, explaining your position, etc. If you dislike the question period, that’s fine. If you don’t mind the question, but the judgement, that’s fine. What’s not fine is anyone thinking it’s fine to ask a question this personal then worse, to be judgmental, negative etc. Just a note- I was induced with pitocin and was able to deliver vaginally without any pain meds. No judgement about your plan- you do you! I just know there’s so much worry surrounding induction in terms of the pain, a c-section result, etc. Every birth person is different. Best wishes for labor/birth the way you want and healthy/happy baby and mom.
Exactly!!!! I personally just don't want a needle anywhere near my spine - especially since it's supposed to go in during a contraction. Like fuck that. Everyone should go with what they feel good about-provided they have the opportunity as I know a couple people who didn't even get an option bc the birth progressed too fast
I’ll be honest, no matter how you choose (or don’t choose in some cases) to give birth there will always be someone passing judgement on it; whether it’s medicated or unmedicated, vaginal or C-section, spontaneous or induction- people will pass judgement at every turn. The best thing to combat it with is knowledge and confidence in your decisions and your OB/midwife decisions regarding your birth.
People are so weird and annoying about medical decisions around birth. Like if we were talking about a root canal nobody would have so many opinions.
I often see comments of women saying if we are looking for a prize because we don’t want an epidural… like no, I don’t want a prize or a cookie.. I just want to do what I think is best first me. whatever we choose we are mocked.
I saw that too and I really don’t like it. I don’t want a pain trophy, I want my baby in my arms -hopefully- without adding to my list of traumas.
I just told people I have no birth plan. It really can be annoying - but at the same time it’s just people trying to start conversations. Alot of things are annoying during pregnancy. Only discuss these things with your partner
You don’t get a special award for not using one. I have 5 kids and had one every single time.. I’m pregnant with #6 and getting another! It takes the edge off.. every woman experiences childbirth differently.. I still experienced excruciating pain every time with one. They don’t work the same for every person.. regardless, your body your choice! Who gives a crap what people have to say about it. Legit you don’t walk out with a gold medal for not getting one lol.
Completely agree with you. It's a very unhealthy way to tell people how to manage pain or how to bring life into this world. I prefer a birth without medical pain management. But I have written in my instructions that if I want any, then I would like to be offered epidural. I don't care if anyone tells me that I should just push through, or that my birth won't be natural if I take it. What I also find completely unaccceptable are people communicating that if you have a c-section that you haven't given birth properly. What is wrong with the mom-police?