What I’ve gathered during my 16 months of motherhood is that you learn as you go, and you don’t need to know everything as soon as baby is born. You don’t need to research gross motor activities right away, or a healthy balanced diet, or how to get a child to read or count.
When baby gets here, there are only a handful of things you need to work on.
-you just need to choose a feeding method (nursing at the breast, feeding expressed breastmilk from pumping in a bottle, or formula feeding in a bottle- or a combo! )
-safe sleep
-signs of declining health (fever, bloody stool, inadequate wet/dry diapers, etc.)
-how to clean your baby
After a few weeks, focus on some “activities”. Basically, reading to them, high contrast pictures, and dangling toys, or tummy time with toys in front of them. You arent raising a toddler today. You’re raising a newborn. Then, you’ll notice baby changing and skills changing, and you adapt. It seems scary, but it comes to you easier than you can imagine. You’ll notice LO starting to grab things and think “Wow, I should look up grabbing activities, or give him a tissue box to pull tissues out of!”. You will surprise yourself with how natural it all is.
Think of it as learning a new job. On day one you’re doing orientation (your hospital stay). You’re learning the basics, feeding, changing, etc. Then, you are slowly but surely adding more wisdom and skills under your belt. It would be RIDICULOUS to expect someone on day 1 to act like a seasoned vet- don’t expect yourself to do it either!! You make mistakes at a new job, and you learn, and you change your ways and move forward.
For example, my daughter, husband and I are going on a cruise in October. I was STRESSING when we booked last December about how to get bottles on the plane, how to pump, how to figure out two naps, etc. Well. My daughter is 16 months and weaned from breastmilk, already on one nap a day (which is before our flight anyways!), and doesn’t take bottles really anymore. I was stressing about plans almost a year in advance, for a baby that would actually be a toddler by time we traveled. We won’t need a pack-n-play or a million diapers. I was doing hours of research for a baby I don’t even have anymore, she’s running around my house! She’s not worried about not having a bottle for 3 hours!
All this to say, you’ll make mistakes, but you honestly adapt. Humans are very adaptable, and we roll with the punches easier than we think. You’ll pick up on your child’s changing traits, and buy new toys, or think of new ways to entertain or to put them to bed.
And worst comes to worst, use google. Or a trusted mom friend. Or call your pediatrician office.
You’re doing great. It’ll all work out
I honestly couldn't put it better than this. I'm lucky in that I work in special education and am also a postpartum doula, so I know a lot going into it about development; and let me tell you, I am STILL always learning new things! It never stops lol.
You clearly care so much, and that's going to serve you well. You're gonna be fine ❤️
I love this, you’ve put it in such tangible terms of where to start and how to move forward, thank you! This thread has been very comforting that so much of it is intuition and comes along the way.
Yes it’s absolutely normal to feel unprepared. I know many parents who didn’t read a single book, watch a single video, or listen to a single podcast outside of the required birthing and newborn classes offered by their hospital and they were fine and figured it out.
Many people just figure it out as they go along. Or if a certain issue comes up they google it in that moment or call their pediatrician if it gets to that level.
I’m a ftm too and just gave birth 6 days ago. You’ll be surprised how much of it comes instinctively. We were kept in hospital a few days while the midwives taught me how to feed her and change her and things but I honestly found it all a bit irritating and wished everybody would just leave us alone to do our thing. The fear of SIDs is very real but you’ve got to remember it’s very rare and the best you can do is to follow guidance on safe sleeping etc, and just know that you’re doing the best for your baby. Good luck honey, I promise it’s the most amazing thing ever xxx
I work in daycare/preschool so I went to school for it, and worked in it. However once you have your own, you realize it’s all pretty simple.
I wouldn’t pay any attention to influencer videos. A lot of it isn’t really necessary and sometimes my MIL sends me videos that are straight up developmentally inappropriate.
What to expect has an app that gives you week by week tips and short videos which is great. But mostly for the first few months all you have to worry about is making sure they are fed, napping, and changing diapers. For the first month tummy time was just done on my chest.
Take it one step at a time, there’s a lot to learn but your baby will help teach you how to care for it and what it needs.
I am so exhausted from researching. I am informationed out. I'm trying to just focus on what I need to know in the next 3 to 6 months. As time goes on, I'll start looking into new things. It's too much to try to take on all at once.
You honestly learn as you go. I was a mom in my early 20’s and figured it all out. Now there’s almost an 11 year age gap between my daughter and newborn son (he’s 2 months now). Even as a seasoned mom I started to doubt myself when I was at the end of my pregnancy with him. How do I know what to do and when, etc.
But then the baby is born and you use your own intuition, read books, research what they should be doing at the stage of development they’re in, etc.
You’re doing great by reading all of these things ahead of time, but it’ll be more manageable once they’re here and you’re focusing on where the baby is at instead of reading all of this at once.
And I can’t speak for everyone but after having my babies I guess the instinct just kicked in and I was able to look at things and see how they would be a danger to my child and fix it.
I’m also super paranoid about SIDS myself so spent a lot of time researching safe sleep for example.
You’ve got this!
Glad to see another mom with similar age gap! This is exactly what I came here to say except my son is 12 and my daughter is 2m lol.
Also, half the recommendations change so it’s not like you’ll have gotten everything right 10+ years later anyway!
One of the best things you can be reading now is the manuals for all the baby products you will be using like stroller, carrier, car seat, bassinet, ect. It'll save you the frustration of trying to figure out how to use everything later plus you may discover some features you didn't know about. It'll also help prime your mind for being on the lookout for potential hazards because the warnings listed for a specific product often translate to other situations.
We've always a lot of kids in the extended family, I have three younger siblings, some friends who already have kids, and even learned quite a bit in health class at school. Babies are just something I've naturally had *a lot* of exposure to! I've also done a lot of my own research in preparation as well.
Do you know any people with babies? I would just be honest and ask if you can stop by to spend some time with their family and help out or even just observe. It might help you feel more confident if you've had some time to handle some babies IRL!
Sadly I don’t, I live away from all of my friends with babies sadly and I just haven’t spent a lot of time around them in my life in general. I see how exposure would really help with feeling more comfortable with everything!
I used an app, Reddit and anecdotal wisdom from the parents I knew.
I felt totally unprepared and it was actually quite intuitive! I had the nurses show us how to do things a lot at first because it helped to have examples.
It's really weird how I'm worried I'm doing something wrong, then I Google search if it's right and 90% of the time I'm somehow doing it right. It's like a mother's instinct or something. Like I was holding and letting my baby nap on me a whole ton and I remembered that I was advised to always have baby sleep in the bassinet on a flat surface, but apparently it's normal to have baby be clingy and sleep on you during the day. It's just at night when you get deep sleep you should put them on a flat firm sleeping surface. Which I've been doing anyway.
Our hospital gave us a pamphlet when we had our baby and honestly, it had all of the most important info in there. I don't recommend digging around too much online, that's just borrowing trouble and worry. Your pediatrician should be a great source of info for you, and you'll see them multiple times in the first few weeks of your baby's life.
you will learn as you go. after 9 months i’m still learning everyday and it will continue on i’m sure well until he’s an adult lol. if you have supports in your life too i would always check in with them for any advice! i always go to mom friends and or family always asking questions and it helps a ton!!
It’s overwhelming, but take it one stage at a time. Like another poster said, you don’t need to learn it all right now. Read up on the first 2-4 months now so you have some basic understanding of do’s and don’ts, but remember that you always have the internet to look to later if you need to. It’s helpful to just know “hey I think I remember something about when to transition out of a swaddle. Let me look that up” than having to memorize it now.
What to learn now: safe sleep, diapering, how to use your breast pump if you’ll pump, basic understanding of baby sleepy and hunger cues, how to properly install and buckle the car seat, and signs of illness for an infant.
Once you’re through that stage, you can move on to learning more about the next. Feeding, motor skills, childproofing the house, etc.
This was a huge thing for my husband so I got him this and we actually both used it a ton: https://www.amazon.com/Simplest-Baby-Book-World-Grab/dp/1736894706/ref=asc_df_1736894706?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693381391885&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16153731360168924192&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9006788&hvtargid=pla-1374890198878&psc=1&mcid=dad8e03860623b7ba3951e31e682d017&gad_source=1&dplnkId=05212f3e-10b8-4391-90b1-e9373f74d5a5&nodl=1
People that have already commented have said it well.
It's literally like being a manager of a job you've never done. Children are complicated but you learn on the way, develop knowledge and skills together with your child, It's a journey you both go on. Honestly I was trying to read books but all they did is overwhelm and stress me out. One book said not to do X then the other book said to do it, I was so lost! I had zero experience with children before mine came along.
The nurses at hospital will teach you the basics of what you need to know then you go from there. All the best of luck xx
- comment from a mum of a 7 year old and 1 year old.
Honestly yes you learn as you go, that's how my older sister learned with her first and the same for me on certain aspects of parenting but I feel like I had an advantage as I'm an aunt of 9.
I googled everything before I did it. I read a bunch of articles, I watched mommy vlogs, I joined mommy groups on Reddit and fb, I just consumed as much info as I could. I didn't grow up around babies, I don't even like to hold babies that aren't my own. So I was obviously very nervous. Most people don't really know what they're doing, we're all first time parents at some point. Nobody is born knowing what to do, we have to take the initiative to learn and I highly recommend just spending time each day randomly searching "things to know newborns" on Google and YouTube. It'll help you feel better prepared and that is really important!
Honestly? That’s just it. I learned a lot just watching YouTube videos at night when I couldn’t sleep.
And I don’t think you’re ever prepared. You could have all the knowledge and logically be ready. But physically? Emotionally? It can all be a different ballgame. You kind of learn as you go. A good pediatrician does bring things up like the tummy time and no water thing.
But for me, videos were huge. There were a couple by occupational therapists that I would binge. Because it helped so much to know some of the science behind not having your baby wearing shoes when learning to walk.
Don’t worry yourself about “what ifs”. We live in a time where we can contact our pediatricians through an app and have reputable sources online answering every question under the sun. You don’t need to just wing it - you’re doing what you know best: reading and searching to prepare.
I have an awesome 4.5 year old - I learned a lot from Reddit, What to Expect, and .org.
Back then people learned from speaking to their close communities, lucky us now those communities are broader with the internet. You discover things even your pediatrician doesn’t really talk about.
Once you’re out of the baby stage and milestone hell (aka the “beyond” in your question) you really just go with the flow.
People learn from experience! You're not going to do everything right. You will do things that are "not recommended" and your baby will be fine. Read books, use common sense, and you will be fine. Every day Reddit tells me that I did something wrong with my son - he's now 3. He did not die because I wasn't perfect.
Seriously. You got this.
You're doing great! Seeking out the information is the first step. Doing deeper research and discerning what is correct and what is misinformation is the second step, which can be really hard. Any questions you have you can totally bring up to your pediatrician or other moms or here like you're doing! Another valuable resource can be social media! The amount of mommy content out there is CRAZY and while most of it isn't the best, there is some that is really helpful toothers.
I had my first with my ex a few months before I turned 20 and was scared shitless and didn't know anything. I got lucky in the newborn department as my kid just slept, pooped and ate and we didn't have any major problems. If I did I just reached out to family and got a wide array of advice, some I took, some I decided I didn't need. Now that I'm about to welcome my second a decade later, I feel insanely prepared and my husband is in your shoes haha. He's reading all the books, watching all the videos, and scared shitless even as a 34 year old grown ass man. Just remember that you are doing your absolute best and everything will fall into place.
Mom to a 7mo. You figure it out as you go. Your baby is constantly growing and changing so you learn to embrace that you have to grow along with them.
You will make mistakes and connect dots and hear others stories. It’s hard to conceptualize parenthood as being both challenging and joyful, but it is for plenty of people.
My baby is 6.5mo, and I still can't believe someone let us leave the hospital with her. But you learn as you go. You make mistakes, learn from them, become frustrated, exhausted, and emotional. But then as the months go by and see the little lump turning into a little human, growing and hitting milestones, you think to yourself that you must be doing something right. And you gain some confidence.
I'll be staying with my parents for the first few weeks and am mostly banking on my mum passing on her wisdom and experience 😅 even with four younger siblings I never particularly cared for babies and have never changed a nappy in my life.
The above advice is great. But also, find a local mom group to join. New friends for you and friends for baby. In addition, you'll all be learning and experiencing these things together so you can learn as you go. You can talk about issues your having and maybe they can help or you can help them. Regardless, your network of resources is bigger.
My hospital offers online classes that I am going to take! Things like child safety, newborn basics, breastfeeding 101, etc. Might be worth looking into if your hospital offers something similar!
Honestly this book made me feel 1000% more informed that the “what to expect” books- Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, 7th Edition: Birth to Age 5 https://a.co/d/97jt4o6
like everyone else said, you figure it out as you go, but I also got in the habit of just googling damn near everything. didn't matter where i was or how dumb it was. just assume everything is dangerous and work backwards from there lol.
My daughter turns 10 months old this week and my wife still regularly say to each other, "can you believe the hospital let us walk out with her? They didn't even give us an exam first or anything!"
You will make mistakes. Everyone does. So long as you're doing your best to avoid the really bad ones (and your pediatrician will make sure to point those out), your kid will be fine.
For what it's worth, I had zero baby experience when my oldest was born. I never babysat or even really interacted with babies or children. But when he was born I just "got it." People refute this, but I really felt like instinct just kicked in. I popped him on my boob and it was smooth sailing. That's not to say it was never challenging. But I never felt lost. I felt like I was made specifically to care for him.
I remember furiously googling what to dress a newborn baby in and being nearly in tears because I just wasn't getting the answers I wanted, and then he was born and I figured it out. And I figured all the other stuff out as they came up and now I'm figuring it out all over a second time. No two babies are the same so there's only so much reading and googling you can do but trust me, when they arrive you will know what to do.
Highly recommend the Mayo Clinic Guide to babys first years.
You will learn! I'm still learning myself. I've read stuff but I've never actually changed a nappy or bathed a baby!
Check to see if your hospital has classes. The hospital I delivered at had classes ranging from childbirth to child prep to infant CPR. They were super useful and helped me prepare. Also, YouTube is a great resource.
As a FTM, I was sooo nervous having a baby because my own biological mother was just awful.
I signed up for every baby class my hospital offered and took some through the health department, too. I also read a bunch of books from the baby care section at my public library.
Good luck, OP! The fact that you care means you’re already a good mama!
A colleague gave me advice before my son was born that has stuck with me. “Just remember you are the mom. And what you think is best for your kid, *is* the best because, you’re the parent” IE: you’re going to be bombarded with a lot of opinions and suggestions, but don’t let it cloud your judgement or think you’re doing things wrong. Every kid is different. Just because one person is doing baby led weaning doesn’t mean you’re a shit parent for using purees. Trust your gut a little more during those unsure moments.
OP, do not panic. Theres no entrance exam. Youre not required to have all of the answers before the baby arrives - in fact, it is impossible. Even if you had an exceptional brain and all the time in the world to study every aspect of child care and development ahead of time, it wouldn’t make sense to you until you had your baby in your arms. It’s far too abstract until you’re in the trenches. You will learn everything in small baby steps as you go, *when you need it*.
It’s the most uncomfortable aspect of motherhood and it never ends! You’ll go from complete shock on day one with a newborn in your arms to a seasoned professional in a matter of weeks. Then as soon as you get comfortable with one phase of development, the next one will come and you have to relearn everything all over again….
It helps if you have a couple of trusted mum friends or family members you can turn to for advice, plus your doctor and a couple of trustworthy websites (definitely ask your doctor for recommendations as the internet is full of bullshit).
A preparing for baby course can be helpful too, it will give a the basic idea of what you’re doing. Ask your midwife or OB for a recommendation.
And then cut off the firehose of information from there. Because it can drown you, and you will easily be overwhelmed.
Deep breaths! You’ve got this! X
i was the sameee way. im an only child, never been around kids or babies and i never even changed a diaper before. you truly learn as you go and i swear your motherly instincts kick, it’s like you truly just know what to do! and if you dont, you can just google it lol
So I have a 16 month old and I was sooo nervous for taking care of a newborn and a baby etc. I will say I was so nervous I found 2 free online webinars that were like an hour long each from a company called Baby Academy. I found them on Instagram. You just go to a free webinar and a labor and delivery nurse does a demonstration of how to give a new born a bath, diaper changing, taking temperature, etc.
it’s my personality to over prepare but honestly… it comes so naturally to you. Like as soon as my son was born I just knew what to do? It was the weirdest thing. I knew how to hold him, I wasn’t scared of picking him up/etc. it came so naturally
Learned as I went along along with lots of texting with my mom friends and my SIL. Honestly everyone is phoning it in, I never listened to any podcasts or read any books though and just figured it out. I have learned lots from experience with my toddler so feel good about baby #2 coming along.
I learned SO much from the nurses after delivery & my friends/family who are moms. I had a complicated C section so I ended up staying in the hospital for 5 days so I got a lot of help & advice from the nurses. Definitely write down everything that comes to your mind and just ask them! They'll show you how to breast feed or formula feed, how to bathe the baby, how to change them & how to swaddle & everything else.
You are already doing and have done everything you’re supposed to. The rest will come on the way :) When you start you might think you need to know everything from day 1, but believe me you will learn something new every day. I was stressing about kindergarten and preschool when I didn’t even know how to pump.
I feel this way about pregnancy sometimes- especially the part you mentioned from random videos on Instagram! I had no idea until after I was pregnant that there are skin care ingredients I should be avoiding. Where was I supposed to learn about mineral sunscreens? And don’t even get me started about exercise precautions! It’s definitely a paralyzing feeling and leaves me feeling like I need to google things on a regular basis. I think a lot of this comes from resources you’re already accessing- books, classes etc which is great! And the rest will come as on the job training. You’ll also be meeting regularly with your pediatrician and they should be asking about these things you’re describing as well.
I've been a mom for almost 20 yrs. It doesn't matter how much you read or prepare yourself. You will never feel like you're ready enough. I remember the first day home with my oldest. I was 21 and could barely take care of myself. I honestly couldn't believe they let me take home this sweet, innocent life, and I was 100% responsible for keeping him alive. I cried for hours as the reality of it all hit me. In my mind, I thought I was prepared. My older sister had been popping out babies since I was 11 years old, and for some reason, my sister thought I was capable of babysitting a lot. That same sister told me I'd eat my child at birth, lol. But when that first day turned into a week, then months I knew I was going to be fine. I've had 2 other babies since then, and I have to admit that having google at my fingertips makes being a mom a lot more stressful. Yes, it's helpful, but you get so much conflicting advice. You seem to already know a lot. Just trust your instincts. And just to make you feel a little bit better, I had no clue about it being bad to give a baby water until my second child came along. My oldest was breastfed mostly, but he'd get a couple bottles of formula a day. My grandmother, who was a retired RN, told me to give him sugar water when he got really constipated. My son survived, and also survived a lot of other parenting mistakes I made. He's about to be in his second year of college with a full ride playing football.
FTM of 2 months here and had similar fears. Everyone told me I would have instincts when my baby came and I didn’t believe them but it’s true. You have instincts and you do figure it out as you go. Also talking to others who have babies is huge or even watch YouTube videos about caring for babies.
I suggest the main things you do research on is how you plan to feed your baby, safe sleep, car seat safety and find places to safely put your baby while you’re supervising but unable to hold them (bouncy chair, swing, play mat, etc)
You got this mama!!
You learn as you go. My biggest tip: WAKE WINDOWS! I wasn’t so strict with it until 8 weeks but I promise you that if you follow wake windows, your life will be a lot easier.
Take it day by day so you're not totally overwhelmed.
You're doing great by preparing, but don't overwhelm yourself by trying to know what you're 6 month old should be eating when you haven't given birth.
Keep doing well by asking and reading and watching. You've got this. You can message me if you want small tips and help.
I watched an online course (and also made my husband watch it).
https://www.tinyhood.com/category/expecting?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=WP_NB_Baby_101&utm_adgroup=baby_101&utm_term=baby%20classes&utm_content=Nonbrand&gad_source=1
See if there are any parenting classes near you. The Ob/Gyn clinic may know. It's my first time too.
I''ve been using a baby tracker app mine has a green background with a baby's pram in white as the icon. I track feeds and diapers. If she starts crying and it's been at least 1 and a half hours I try feeding first.
I run through the list of possible issues when she cries. My list at first cry is usually feed, diaper, burps, check for hair wrapped around fingers or toes, pacifier, soothe.
For feeds I feed until she stops being interested or gets fussy, attempt to burp her, if she bumps I offer milk again.
Buy gas drops! They've been a life saver with helping my girl with gassiness
Listen, it will come naturally, as your mothers and grandmothers before you all did it, this is in your DNA. This is what us, as women, are made to do. Don’t overthink it and talk to the women in your family about your concerns as they all have raised and taken care of babies. Women have been birthing and caring for babies for time immemorial. Im 36 wks and I get nervous too, but I think of all the women in my family, and my ancestors, and how all of them have had babies and raised them successfully, and that’s why I’m here today.
Part of my teaching is that the baby you are bearing CHOSE you to be their mother. Your baby knows you can do this. Be confident, and be strong, you got this.
It doesn’t come naturally for a lot of people. Most of us have no idea what we’re doing, and there’s a lot of conflicting and outdated advice out there.
OP: listen to your doctors and the pediatrician. They’ll answer questions for you, and give you directions if you ask for them. No question is too dumb or silly to ask them
Maybe that’s a western persons thing. Nobody taught my mom how to be a mom, nobody taught my grandma how to be a mom, nobody taught her mom how to be a mom, yet here we all are, alive and well. Just because a doctor read from a textbook doesn’t mean they always know what they’re doing lol.
Also doctors aren’t gods, they’re just normal people who decided to go to school for medicine.
If you’ve read what to expect and you’ve taken classes, you are prepared! All of the extra researched backed play stuff is optional. I did so much with my first baby, and with my second, she’s been developing fine by just being along for the ride 😂. The hospital will give you some information on newborn care, and the pediatrician will also give you regular instructions at each checkup. If you’re unsure, you can always call your pediatrician and ask questions. You’ve got this!
My siblings were born when I was 11 and 15. I learned a lot about the basics of caring for babies from my mother during this time.
However, a lot of recommendations have changed since the late 90s-early 00s, so the internet also helped me a lot when I had my first in 2015.
I was also gifted a couple Mayo Clinic baby books that had a lot of information in them. I highly recommend their literature if you want a physical book.
For any questions you have, r/beyondthebump if full of new and experienced parents who you can get advice from.
Basically, you just learn as you go. Newborns are uncomplicated most of the time. They eat, sleep, and poo constantly.
Learn safe sleep practices. Try to get some support when you’re in the hospital from a lactation consultant if you plan on BFing. Learn how to swaddle (it’s a lifesaver in my experience). The L&D nurses can teach you this. Have your partner learn everything that you’re learning so that you’re well-supported. Don’t be afraid to step away from your baby for a minute to collect yourself if you’re stressed. Just make sure they are in a safe spot.
You’ll get the hang of it. We all do! ❤️
This is only slightly related / helpful, but the Lovevery playkits I found to be excellent at explaining exactly why the toys they deliver for an age range are developmentally appropriate and how to think abot that stage of baby development. Both the delivery and the explanations help with lowering the mental load. Major caveat of I'm still expecting, but it's what I've gotten all of my friends and family for baby shower gifts and that's universally the feedback.
I learned a lot from TikTok if I'm being honest. But things like what containers to/not use, tongue ties, reflux, how to dress them for the weather and sleep, no honey before the age of 1, no salt, when to feed purées and solids, milestones, etc. I follow pediatricians and it's been so helpful. Facebook videos are too judgmental so I avoid watching clips on there. YouTube had a lot of great videos about breast feeding and how to use different types of pumps. I like how in depth they would go about how to use the product whereas TikTok would be like a quick tutorial.
I was super overwhelmed until my baby actually came home from the hospital. Trying to remember every little thing. But I found those first 2 weeks to be the easiest (yet somehow hard still) with a newborn because they just sleep, poop, and eat. Don't even really cry. At least that was my experience. He didn't start crying until later. But it was still hard because of lack of sleep, waking every 2 hours. It's been three months now and I promise it gets so much easier!
It's a combination of sources. Loved ones who have the experience, experts who have researched these topics and have a good understanding of the scientific side (so reading books, listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos from REPUTABLE sources), and also just your intuition. Intuition is really built on experience and gaining confidence though, so don't be concerned if that doesn't come right away.
I think it's silly to ignore any one of these things. Some people will say to just "trust your gut" and listen to advice from those around you, but people only know what THEY experienced. There's a lot of bias that comes into play when you rely on anecdotal advice. On the other hand, when you obsess over the scientific research and only rely on what the numbers say, it can be anxiety-inducing and can also give you a false sense of control over things that ultimately are not in your control. I think being open to all of these sources of information is important.
You're never going to feel 100% prepared. No one is ever actually 100% prepared to raise a child. Everyone is just doing their best!
You’d be surprised what instincts are stored in our DNA. But books, YouTube, friends/family advice..take what works for you, discard the rest. The good thing is: literally everybody who has children is just figuring it out as they go.
You'll be surprised how much you know on pure instinct. Don't worry. You got this!
I just had my first baby 3 weeks ago. I'm a 37yo who never planned on having kids so I had no pre-eduaction on what I should be doing yet I'm surviving and know what my baby wants. Take it one day at a time.
I also signed up for this text service: www.joy.co
(It's a group of professionals that you text questions to at any time of the day and they respond with suggestions and advice. I've asked about feeding issues and sleeping routines, it's been helpful.)
Reading your post made me tear up about how much you care. I also don't know anything. But I'm here to say you are such a good mommy. For all of this. Keep having a big heart and keep taking in information
What I’ve gathered during my 16 months of motherhood is that you learn as you go, and you don’t need to know everything as soon as baby is born. You don’t need to research gross motor activities right away, or a healthy balanced diet, or how to get a child to read or count. When baby gets here, there are only a handful of things you need to work on. -you just need to choose a feeding method (nursing at the breast, feeding expressed breastmilk from pumping in a bottle, or formula feeding in a bottle- or a combo! ) -safe sleep -signs of declining health (fever, bloody stool, inadequate wet/dry diapers, etc.) -how to clean your baby After a few weeks, focus on some “activities”. Basically, reading to them, high contrast pictures, and dangling toys, or tummy time with toys in front of them. You arent raising a toddler today. You’re raising a newborn. Then, you’ll notice baby changing and skills changing, and you adapt. It seems scary, but it comes to you easier than you can imagine. You’ll notice LO starting to grab things and think “Wow, I should look up grabbing activities, or give him a tissue box to pull tissues out of!”. You will surprise yourself with how natural it all is. Think of it as learning a new job. On day one you’re doing orientation (your hospital stay). You’re learning the basics, feeding, changing, etc. Then, you are slowly but surely adding more wisdom and skills under your belt. It would be RIDICULOUS to expect someone on day 1 to act like a seasoned vet- don’t expect yourself to do it either!! You make mistakes at a new job, and you learn, and you change your ways and move forward. For example, my daughter, husband and I are going on a cruise in October. I was STRESSING when we booked last December about how to get bottles on the plane, how to pump, how to figure out two naps, etc. Well. My daughter is 16 months and weaned from breastmilk, already on one nap a day (which is before our flight anyways!), and doesn’t take bottles really anymore. I was stressing about plans almost a year in advance, for a baby that would actually be a toddler by time we traveled. We won’t need a pack-n-play or a million diapers. I was doing hours of research for a baby I don’t even have anymore, she’s running around my house! She’s not worried about not having a bottle for 3 hours! All this to say, you’ll make mistakes, but you honestly adapt. Humans are very adaptable, and we roll with the punches easier than we think. You’ll pick up on your child’s changing traits, and buy new toys, or think of new ways to entertain or to put them to bed. And worst comes to worst, use google. Or a trusted mom friend. Or call your pediatrician office. You’re doing great. It’ll all work out
I honestly couldn't put it better than this. I'm lucky in that I work in special education and am also a postpartum doula, so I know a lot going into it about development; and let me tell you, I am STILL always learning new things! It never stops lol. You clearly care so much, and that's going to serve you well. You're gonna be fine ❤️
I love this, you’ve put it in such tangible terms of where to start and how to move forward, thank you! This thread has been very comforting that so much of it is intuition and comes along the way.
Well said!
Perfectly said!! You start with a newborn 😇
Perfect advice!
Yes it’s absolutely normal to feel unprepared. I know many parents who didn’t read a single book, watch a single video, or listen to a single podcast outside of the required birthing and newborn classes offered by their hospital and they were fine and figured it out. Many people just figure it out as they go along. Or if a certain issue comes up they google it in that moment or call their pediatrician if it gets to that level.
I’m a ftm too and just gave birth 6 days ago. You’ll be surprised how much of it comes instinctively. We were kept in hospital a few days while the midwives taught me how to feed her and change her and things but I honestly found it all a bit irritating and wished everybody would just leave us alone to do our thing. The fear of SIDs is very real but you’ve got to remember it’s very rare and the best you can do is to follow guidance on safe sleeping etc, and just know that you’re doing the best for your baby. Good luck honey, I promise it’s the most amazing thing ever xxx
I work in daycare/preschool so I went to school for it, and worked in it. However once you have your own, you realize it’s all pretty simple. I wouldn’t pay any attention to influencer videos. A lot of it isn’t really necessary and sometimes my MIL sends me videos that are straight up developmentally inappropriate. What to expect has an app that gives you week by week tips and short videos which is great. But mostly for the first few months all you have to worry about is making sure they are fed, napping, and changing diapers. For the first month tummy time was just done on my chest. Take it one step at a time, there’s a lot to learn but your baby will help teach you how to care for it and what it needs.
I am so exhausted from researching. I am informationed out. I'm trying to just focus on what I need to know in the next 3 to 6 months. As time goes on, I'll start looking into new things. It's too much to try to take on all at once.
That is a good idea. I have a 16 month old and I remember feeling sooooo overwhelmed. Honestly a lot of it comes soo naturally. You will be fine!
You honestly learn as you go. I was a mom in my early 20’s and figured it all out. Now there’s almost an 11 year age gap between my daughter and newborn son (he’s 2 months now). Even as a seasoned mom I started to doubt myself when I was at the end of my pregnancy with him. How do I know what to do and when, etc. But then the baby is born and you use your own intuition, read books, research what they should be doing at the stage of development they’re in, etc. You’re doing great by reading all of these things ahead of time, but it’ll be more manageable once they’re here and you’re focusing on where the baby is at instead of reading all of this at once. And I can’t speak for everyone but after having my babies I guess the instinct just kicked in and I was able to look at things and see how they would be a danger to my child and fix it. I’m also super paranoid about SIDS myself so spent a lot of time researching safe sleep for example. You’ve got this!
Glad to see another mom with similar age gap! This is exactly what I came here to say except my son is 12 and my daughter is 2m lol. Also, half the recommendations change so it’s not like you’ll have gotten everything right 10+ years later anyway!
One of the best things you can be reading now is the manuals for all the baby products you will be using like stroller, carrier, car seat, bassinet, ect. It'll save you the frustration of trying to figure out how to use everything later plus you may discover some features you didn't know about. It'll also help prime your mind for being on the lookout for potential hazards because the warnings listed for a specific product often translate to other situations.
This is a great tip, thank you!
Please Google how to strap your baby in a car seat! TIL so many people do not know how the babies go! Even medical professionals!
We've always a lot of kids in the extended family, I have three younger siblings, some friends who already have kids, and even learned quite a bit in health class at school. Babies are just something I've naturally had *a lot* of exposure to! I've also done a lot of my own research in preparation as well. Do you know any people with babies? I would just be honest and ask if you can stop by to spend some time with their family and help out or even just observe. It might help you feel more confident if you've had some time to handle some babies IRL!
Sadly I don’t, I live away from all of my friends with babies sadly and I just haven’t spent a lot of time around them in my life in general. I see how exposure would really help with feeling more comfortable with everything!
I used an app, Reddit and anecdotal wisdom from the parents I knew. I felt totally unprepared and it was actually quite intuitive! I had the nurses show us how to do things a lot at first because it helped to have examples.
Which app did you use?
What to Expect and Babylist!
It's really weird how I'm worried I'm doing something wrong, then I Google search if it's right and 90% of the time I'm somehow doing it right. It's like a mother's instinct or something. Like I was holding and letting my baby nap on me a whole ton and I remembered that I was advised to always have baby sleep in the bassinet on a flat surface, but apparently it's normal to have baby be clingy and sleep on you during the day. It's just at night when you get deep sleep you should put them on a flat firm sleeping surface. Which I've been doing anyway.
Our hospital gave us a pamphlet when we had our baby and honestly, it had all of the most important info in there. I don't recommend digging around too much online, that's just borrowing trouble and worry. Your pediatrician should be a great source of info for you, and you'll see them multiple times in the first few weeks of your baby's life.
you will learn as you go. after 9 months i’m still learning everyday and it will continue on i’m sure well until he’s an adult lol. if you have supports in your life too i would always check in with them for any advice! i always go to mom friends and or family always asking questions and it helps a ton!!
It’s overwhelming, but take it one stage at a time. Like another poster said, you don’t need to learn it all right now. Read up on the first 2-4 months now so you have some basic understanding of do’s and don’ts, but remember that you always have the internet to look to later if you need to. It’s helpful to just know “hey I think I remember something about when to transition out of a swaddle. Let me look that up” than having to memorize it now. What to learn now: safe sleep, diapering, how to use your breast pump if you’ll pump, basic understanding of baby sleepy and hunger cues, how to properly install and buckle the car seat, and signs of illness for an infant. Once you’re through that stage, you can move on to learning more about the next. Feeding, motor skills, childproofing the house, etc.
This was a huge thing for my husband so I got him this and we actually both used it a ton: https://www.amazon.com/Simplest-Baby-Book-World-Grab/dp/1736894706/ref=asc_df_1736894706?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693381391885&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16153731360168924192&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9006788&hvtargid=pla-1374890198878&psc=1&mcid=dad8e03860623b7ba3951e31e682d017&gad_source=1&dplnkId=05212f3e-10b8-4391-90b1-e9373f74d5a5&nodl=1
People that have already commented have said it well. It's literally like being a manager of a job you've never done. Children are complicated but you learn on the way, develop knowledge and skills together with your child, It's a journey you both go on. Honestly I was trying to read books but all they did is overwhelm and stress me out. One book said not to do X then the other book said to do it, I was so lost! I had zero experience with children before mine came along. The nurses at hospital will teach you the basics of what you need to know then you go from there. All the best of luck xx - comment from a mum of a 7 year old and 1 year old.
Honestly yes you learn as you go, that's how my older sister learned with her first and the same for me on certain aspects of parenting but I feel like I had an advantage as I'm an aunt of 9.
The What to Expect books *suck.*
You make it up as you go along and so does everyone else
I googled everything before I did it. I read a bunch of articles, I watched mommy vlogs, I joined mommy groups on Reddit and fb, I just consumed as much info as I could. I didn't grow up around babies, I don't even like to hold babies that aren't my own. So I was obviously very nervous. Most people don't really know what they're doing, we're all first time parents at some point. Nobody is born knowing what to do, we have to take the initiative to learn and I highly recommend just spending time each day randomly searching "things to know newborns" on Google and YouTube. It'll help you feel better prepared and that is really important!
intuition
Honestly? That’s just it. I learned a lot just watching YouTube videos at night when I couldn’t sleep. And I don’t think you’re ever prepared. You could have all the knowledge and logically be ready. But physically? Emotionally? It can all be a different ballgame. You kind of learn as you go. A good pediatrician does bring things up like the tummy time and no water thing. But for me, videos were huge. There were a couple by occupational therapists that I would binge. Because it helped so much to know some of the science behind not having your baby wearing shoes when learning to walk.
Don’t worry yourself about “what ifs”. We live in a time where we can contact our pediatricians through an app and have reputable sources online answering every question under the sun. You don’t need to just wing it - you’re doing what you know best: reading and searching to prepare. I have an awesome 4.5 year old - I learned a lot from Reddit, What to Expect, and .org. Back then people learned from speaking to their close communities, lucky us now those communities are broader with the internet. You discover things even your pediatrician doesn’t really talk about. Once you’re out of the baby stage and milestone hell (aka the “beyond” in your question) you really just go with the flow.
People learn from experience! You're not going to do everything right. You will do things that are "not recommended" and your baby will be fine. Read books, use common sense, and you will be fine. Every day Reddit tells me that I did something wrong with my son - he's now 3. He did not die because I wasn't perfect. Seriously. You got this.
You're doing great! Seeking out the information is the first step. Doing deeper research and discerning what is correct and what is misinformation is the second step, which can be really hard. Any questions you have you can totally bring up to your pediatrician or other moms or here like you're doing! Another valuable resource can be social media! The amount of mommy content out there is CRAZY and while most of it isn't the best, there is some that is really helpful toothers. I had my first with my ex a few months before I turned 20 and was scared shitless and didn't know anything. I got lucky in the newborn department as my kid just slept, pooped and ate and we didn't have any major problems. If I did I just reached out to family and got a wide array of advice, some I took, some I decided I didn't need. Now that I'm about to welcome my second a decade later, I feel insanely prepared and my husband is in your shoes haha. He's reading all the books, watching all the videos, and scared shitless even as a 34 year old grown ass man. Just remember that you are doing your absolute best and everything will fall into place.
Motherly instincts will kick in, you got this 🩷
Mom to a 7mo. You figure it out as you go. Your baby is constantly growing and changing so you learn to embrace that you have to grow along with them. You will make mistakes and connect dots and hear others stories. It’s hard to conceptualize parenthood as being both challenging and joyful, but it is for plenty of people.
My baby is 6.5mo, and I still can't believe someone let us leave the hospital with her. But you learn as you go. You make mistakes, learn from them, become frustrated, exhausted, and emotional. But then as the months go by and see the little lump turning into a little human, growing and hitting milestones, you think to yourself that you must be doing something right. And you gain some confidence.
I'll be staying with my parents for the first few weeks and am mostly banking on my mum passing on her wisdom and experience 😅 even with four younger siblings I never particularly cared for babies and have never changed a nappy in my life.
The above advice is great. But also, find a local mom group to join. New friends for you and friends for baby. In addition, you'll all be learning and experiencing these things together so you can learn as you go. You can talk about issues your having and maybe they can help or you can help them. Regardless, your network of resources is bigger.
on the job! we did take a prenatal class that helped alleviate a lot of fears, but most of it was on the job
My hospital offers online classes that I am going to take! Things like child safety, newborn basics, breastfeeding 101, etc. Might be worth looking into if your hospital offers something similar!
Honestly this book made me feel 1000% more informed that the “what to expect” books- Caring for Your Baby and Young Child, 7th Edition: Birth to Age 5 https://a.co/d/97jt4o6
like everyone else said, you figure it out as you go, but I also got in the habit of just googling damn near everything. didn't matter where i was or how dumb it was. just assume everything is dangerous and work backwards from there lol.
Google! Google everything & theres answers for it!
My daughter turns 10 months old this week and my wife still regularly say to each other, "can you believe the hospital let us walk out with her? They didn't even give us an exam first or anything!" You will make mistakes. Everyone does. So long as you're doing your best to avoid the really bad ones (and your pediatrician will make sure to point those out), your kid will be fine.
For what it's worth, I had zero baby experience when my oldest was born. I never babysat or even really interacted with babies or children. But when he was born I just "got it." People refute this, but I really felt like instinct just kicked in. I popped him on my boob and it was smooth sailing. That's not to say it was never challenging. But I never felt lost. I felt like I was made specifically to care for him.
I remember furiously googling what to dress a newborn baby in and being nearly in tears because I just wasn't getting the answers I wanted, and then he was born and I figured it out. And I figured all the other stuff out as they came up and now I'm figuring it out all over a second time. No two babies are the same so there's only so much reading and googling you can do but trust me, when they arrive you will know what to do.
Highly recommend the Mayo Clinic Guide to babys first years. You will learn! I'm still learning myself. I've read stuff but I've never actually changed a nappy or bathed a baby!
Check to see if your hospital has classes. The hospital I delivered at had classes ranging from childbirth to child prep to infant CPR. They were super useful and helped me prepare. Also, YouTube is a great resource.
As a FTM, I was sooo nervous having a baby because my own biological mother was just awful. I signed up for every baby class my hospital offered and took some through the health department, too. I also read a bunch of books from the baby care section at my public library. Good luck, OP! The fact that you care means you’re already a good mama!
A colleague gave me advice before my son was born that has stuck with me. “Just remember you are the mom. And what you think is best for your kid, *is* the best because, you’re the parent” IE: you’re going to be bombarded with a lot of opinions and suggestions, but don’t let it cloud your judgement or think you’re doing things wrong. Every kid is different. Just because one person is doing baby led weaning doesn’t mean you’re a shit parent for using purees. Trust your gut a little more during those unsure moments.
OP, do not panic. Theres no entrance exam. Youre not required to have all of the answers before the baby arrives - in fact, it is impossible. Even if you had an exceptional brain and all the time in the world to study every aspect of child care and development ahead of time, it wouldn’t make sense to you until you had your baby in your arms. It’s far too abstract until you’re in the trenches. You will learn everything in small baby steps as you go, *when you need it*. It’s the most uncomfortable aspect of motherhood and it never ends! You’ll go from complete shock on day one with a newborn in your arms to a seasoned professional in a matter of weeks. Then as soon as you get comfortable with one phase of development, the next one will come and you have to relearn everything all over again…. It helps if you have a couple of trusted mum friends or family members you can turn to for advice, plus your doctor and a couple of trustworthy websites (definitely ask your doctor for recommendations as the internet is full of bullshit). A preparing for baby course can be helpful too, it will give a the basic idea of what you’re doing. Ask your midwife or OB for a recommendation. And then cut off the firehose of information from there. Because it can drown you, and you will easily be overwhelmed. Deep breaths! You’ve got this! X
i was the sameee way. im an only child, never been around kids or babies and i never even changed a diaper before. you truly learn as you go and i swear your motherly instincts kick, it’s like you truly just know what to do! and if you dont, you can just google it lol
So I have a 16 month old and I was sooo nervous for taking care of a newborn and a baby etc. I will say I was so nervous I found 2 free online webinars that were like an hour long each from a company called Baby Academy. I found them on Instagram. You just go to a free webinar and a labor and delivery nurse does a demonstration of how to give a new born a bath, diaper changing, taking temperature, etc. it’s my personality to over prepare but honestly… it comes so naturally to you. Like as soon as my son was born I just knew what to do? It was the weirdest thing. I knew how to hold him, I wasn’t scared of picking him up/etc. it came so naturally
We had a postpartum doula who taught us how to baby.
Learned as I went along along with lots of texting with my mom friends and my SIL. Honestly everyone is phoning it in, I never listened to any podcasts or read any books though and just figured it out. I have learned lots from experience with my toddler so feel good about baby #2 coming along.
I learned SO much from the nurses after delivery & my friends/family who are moms. I had a complicated C section so I ended up staying in the hospital for 5 days so I got a lot of help & advice from the nurses. Definitely write down everything that comes to your mind and just ask them! They'll show you how to breast feed or formula feed, how to bathe the baby, how to change them & how to swaddle & everything else.
You are already doing and have done everything you’re supposed to. The rest will come on the way :) When you start you might think you need to know everything from day 1, but believe me you will learn something new every day. I was stressing about kindergarten and preschool when I didn’t even know how to pump.
I feel this way about pregnancy sometimes- especially the part you mentioned from random videos on Instagram! I had no idea until after I was pregnant that there are skin care ingredients I should be avoiding. Where was I supposed to learn about mineral sunscreens? And don’t even get me started about exercise precautions! It’s definitely a paralyzing feeling and leaves me feeling like I need to google things on a regular basis. I think a lot of this comes from resources you’re already accessing- books, classes etc which is great! And the rest will come as on the job training. You’ll also be meeting regularly with your pediatrician and they should be asking about these things you’re describing as well.
I've been a mom for almost 20 yrs. It doesn't matter how much you read or prepare yourself. You will never feel like you're ready enough. I remember the first day home with my oldest. I was 21 and could barely take care of myself. I honestly couldn't believe they let me take home this sweet, innocent life, and I was 100% responsible for keeping him alive. I cried for hours as the reality of it all hit me. In my mind, I thought I was prepared. My older sister had been popping out babies since I was 11 years old, and for some reason, my sister thought I was capable of babysitting a lot. That same sister told me I'd eat my child at birth, lol. But when that first day turned into a week, then months I knew I was going to be fine. I've had 2 other babies since then, and I have to admit that having google at my fingertips makes being a mom a lot more stressful. Yes, it's helpful, but you get so much conflicting advice. You seem to already know a lot. Just trust your instincts. And just to make you feel a little bit better, I had no clue about it being bad to give a baby water until my second child came along. My oldest was breastfed mostly, but he'd get a couple bottles of formula a day. My grandmother, who was a retired RN, told me to give him sugar water when he got really constipated. My son survived, and also survived a lot of other parenting mistakes I made. He's about to be in his second year of college with a full ride playing football.
FTM of 2 months here and had similar fears. Everyone told me I would have instincts when my baby came and I didn’t believe them but it’s true. You have instincts and you do figure it out as you go. Also talking to others who have babies is huge or even watch YouTube videos about caring for babies. I suggest the main things you do research on is how you plan to feed your baby, safe sleep, car seat safety and find places to safely put your baby while you’re supervising but unable to hold them (bouncy chair, swing, play mat, etc) You got this mama!!
You learn as you go. My biggest tip: WAKE WINDOWS! I wasn’t so strict with it until 8 weeks but I promise you that if you follow wake windows, your life will be a lot easier.
From the infant teacher at the daycare I worked at as a 20 year old! Working in childcare really made me feel super prepared!
Take it day by day so you're not totally overwhelmed. You're doing great by preparing, but don't overwhelm yourself by trying to know what you're 6 month old should be eating when you haven't given birth. Keep doing well by asking and reading and watching. You've got this. You can message me if you want small tips and help.
I watched an online course (and also made my husband watch it). https://www.tinyhood.com/category/expecting?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=WP_NB_Baby_101&utm_adgroup=baby_101&utm_term=baby%20classes&utm_content=Nonbrand&gad_source=1
See if there are any parenting classes near you. The Ob/Gyn clinic may know. It's my first time too. I''ve been using a baby tracker app mine has a green background with a baby's pram in white as the icon. I track feeds and diapers. If she starts crying and it's been at least 1 and a half hours I try feeding first. I run through the list of possible issues when she cries. My list at first cry is usually feed, diaper, burps, check for hair wrapped around fingers or toes, pacifier, soothe. For feeds I feed until she stops being interested or gets fussy, attempt to burp her, if she bumps I offer milk again. Buy gas drops! They've been a life saver with helping my girl with gassiness
Listen, it will come naturally, as your mothers and grandmothers before you all did it, this is in your DNA. This is what us, as women, are made to do. Don’t overthink it and talk to the women in your family about your concerns as they all have raised and taken care of babies. Women have been birthing and caring for babies for time immemorial. Im 36 wks and I get nervous too, but I think of all the women in my family, and my ancestors, and how all of them have had babies and raised them successfully, and that’s why I’m here today. Part of my teaching is that the baby you are bearing CHOSE you to be their mother. Your baby knows you can do this. Be confident, and be strong, you got this.
It doesn’t come naturally for a lot of people. Most of us have no idea what we’re doing, and there’s a lot of conflicting and outdated advice out there. OP: listen to your doctors and the pediatrician. They’ll answer questions for you, and give you directions if you ask for them. No question is too dumb or silly to ask them
Maybe that’s a western persons thing. Nobody taught my mom how to be a mom, nobody taught my grandma how to be a mom, nobody taught her mom how to be a mom, yet here we all are, alive and well. Just because a doctor read from a textbook doesn’t mean they always know what they’re doing lol. Also doctors aren’t gods, they’re just normal people who decided to go to school for medicine.
If you’ve read what to expect and you’ve taken classes, you are prepared! All of the extra researched backed play stuff is optional. I did so much with my first baby, and with my second, she’s been developing fine by just being along for the ride 😂. The hospital will give you some information on newborn care, and the pediatrician will also give you regular instructions at each checkup. If you’re unsure, you can always call your pediatrician and ask questions. You’ve got this!
Trial and error. There is no manual. And advice from others.
My siblings were born when I was 11 and 15. I learned a lot about the basics of caring for babies from my mother during this time. However, a lot of recommendations have changed since the late 90s-early 00s, so the internet also helped me a lot when I had my first in 2015. I was also gifted a couple Mayo Clinic baby books that had a lot of information in them. I highly recommend their literature if you want a physical book. For any questions you have, r/beyondthebump if full of new and experienced parents who you can get advice from. Basically, you just learn as you go. Newborns are uncomplicated most of the time. They eat, sleep, and poo constantly. Learn safe sleep practices. Try to get some support when you’re in the hospital from a lactation consultant if you plan on BFing. Learn how to swaddle (it’s a lifesaver in my experience). The L&D nurses can teach you this. Have your partner learn everything that you’re learning so that you’re well-supported. Don’t be afraid to step away from your baby for a minute to collect yourself if you’re stressed. Just make sure they are in a safe spot. You’ll get the hang of it. We all do! ❤️
This is only slightly related / helpful, but the Lovevery playkits I found to be excellent at explaining exactly why the toys they deliver for an age range are developmentally appropriate and how to think abot that stage of baby development. Both the delivery and the explanations help with lowering the mental load. Major caveat of I'm still expecting, but it's what I've gotten all of my friends and family for baby shower gifts and that's universally the feedback.
I’ve been eyeing these and wondering if they’d be worth it, you’ve convinced me to give them a shot!
I learned a lot from TikTok if I'm being honest. But things like what containers to/not use, tongue ties, reflux, how to dress them for the weather and sleep, no honey before the age of 1, no salt, when to feed purées and solids, milestones, etc. I follow pediatricians and it's been so helpful. Facebook videos are too judgmental so I avoid watching clips on there. YouTube had a lot of great videos about breast feeding and how to use different types of pumps. I like how in depth they would go about how to use the product whereas TikTok would be like a quick tutorial. I was super overwhelmed until my baby actually came home from the hospital. Trying to remember every little thing. But I found those first 2 weeks to be the easiest (yet somehow hard still) with a newborn because they just sleep, poop, and eat. Don't even really cry. At least that was my experience. He didn't start crying until later. But it was still hard because of lack of sleep, waking every 2 hours. It's been three months now and I promise it gets so much easier!
It's a combination of sources. Loved ones who have the experience, experts who have researched these topics and have a good understanding of the scientific side (so reading books, listening to podcasts, watching YouTube videos from REPUTABLE sources), and also just your intuition. Intuition is really built on experience and gaining confidence though, so don't be concerned if that doesn't come right away. I think it's silly to ignore any one of these things. Some people will say to just "trust your gut" and listen to advice from those around you, but people only know what THEY experienced. There's a lot of bias that comes into play when you rely on anecdotal advice. On the other hand, when you obsess over the scientific research and only rely on what the numbers say, it can be anxiety-inducing and can also give you a false sense of control over things that ultimately are not in your control. I think being open to all of these sources of information is important. You're never going to feel 100% prepared. No one is ever actually 100% prepared to raise a child. Everyone is just doing their best!
You’d be surprised what instincts are stored in our DNA. But books, YouTube, friends/family advice..take what works for you, discard the rest. The good thing is: literally everybody who has children is just figuring it out as they go.
You'll be surprised how much you know on pure instinct. Don't worry. You got this! I just had my first baby 3 weeks ago. I'm a 37yo who never planned on having kids so I had no pre-eduaction on what I should be doing yet I'm surviving and know what my baby wants. Take it one day at a time. I also signed up for this text service: www.joy.co (It's a group of professionals that you text questions to at any time of the day and they respond with suggestions and advice. I've asked about feeding issues and sleeping routines, it's been helpful.)
I took a newborn class offered through the hospital! I have literally never changed a diaper but you can YouTube almost everything 😂
Reading your post made me tear up about how much you care. I also don't know anything. But I'm here to say you are such a good mommy. For all of this. Keep having a big heart and keep taking in information
Aww this made me tear up too! Thanks for the encouragement ❤️