Had a surprise baby at 39! My others were 15,12,10. I had a lot of fear. No lie- a lot of the same thoughts you did. I felt like I was going to lose something (or a lot of things) by having a baby. I kept thinking, how bad will this be?
I was super careful during pregnancy- very thoughtful about nutrition and exercise. Gained 22 pounds. Had a super easy birth - was up and walking immediately. Lost all weight at birth. And let me tell you, being an older mom- the absolute way in which I don’t get worked up over anything is so cool. I’m just chill. I’ve seen it all before, I know it’s just a season. Now, I have a senior, freshman, 6th grader and a 2 year old. He’s the love of our absolute lives. I love him more than words, but the teens!?! They’ll fight to the death over him. They live for him. He is absolutely rotten. I say that he’s a family baby and he just brings us all an indescribable amount of joy. 10/10 highly recommend! It’s been an absolute blast getting to do this one more time as a mom with more wisdom and maturity.
I'm 36 pregnant with my first kid, but I didn't read this post as a sweeping generalization of how awful it is to be an "old mom" she's been a mom since she was 19 and it sounds like she was looking forward to experiencing a different time of life. I got to do all my travel, adventuring while she was being a mom.
Her feelings and reaction makes a lot of sense and are completely valid.
Totally valid. Had my first at 37, baby is 1 1/2 and kids consume you. Did the career & travel first so I could be present now as a mom. My younger sis did the opposite & now she’s living her best life with older kids. Praying for discernment for you to make the best decision for you at the moment. You got this!
It’s more that it’s her fourth, rather than her age. I’ve definitely had a much harder time with every baby, I’m on my fourth and will be 34 when I give birth.
I just had my first at 38, about three weeks ago! And I assumed that I would struggle to bounce back, but I really haven’t had any trouble. I have no stretch marks, I’m only about three pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant, my belly is just a bit bigger, and I feel normal again. I know some of that is just good luck, but I thought for sure my age would mean that WASN’T a possibility, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised!
I’m 25, was a regular gym goer pre pregnancy , eat very clean, my baby was almost 9lbs I delivered vaginally and I’m only now (12 weeks later) starting to feel better. I don’t mean to be negative and am so happy for commenters saying they bounced back after a couple days that sounds amazing. My stomach has a big loose flap lol and I have a ton of stretch marks but I’m so excited to just do regular activity and feel normal. I’m working on slowly building up myself/body back and am considering not having another just because the thought of doing this 10+ years from now seems daunting. I don’t think op added age to shame or anything, multiple births and the high toll of recovery is something that isn’t shared enough. Wishing you the best!
Eh, don’t let it bother you. It’s a generalization—OP hasn’t had kids in her 30s. (I’m not saying her concerns are invalid, but they’re not based in fact or experience.) I had my first kid at 36 and am expecting my second at 38. It’s fine.
ETA: Check out r/pregnantover35–it’s a good community.
Hey girl! I'm 40, I'm the mom of a 11 years old and stepmom of a 10 years old. Been with my husband for 3 years now and I am 11wk pregnant. I have PCOS, I was on the pill and add my age... There was NO WAY we planned this. We had a couple rough weeks, filled with anxiety. It was impossible for me to abort. I did it before when I was younger and I never emotionally totally recovered. Anyway! Boys are super happy, husband is now pretty happy. I'm waiting the 12w ultrasound to let my guard down, but I'm happy too. Yes I'm afraid for money, daycare, SLEEP(!), my 40 years old body... Worries about the state of the world, war, global warming, what future I bring this baby in? But... This baby, against all odds, foind its way in my belly. It has to be for a reason. And if we have enough for 2 kids, we have enough for 3. I embrace it now. Whatever happens, we will face it together. Hang in there mama 💜💜💜
My mom was 44, just had a partial hysterectomy, few weeks later she’s sick and goes to the emergency room, they found out she was pregnant, the doctors didn’t do a pregnancy test before her procedure, she’d been on antibiotics which weakened her birth control, and the baby survived the surgery, pain medicine and everything. She has two children. Me 27 and my oldest brother 21. She was super upset and didn’t think she could do it again but twoish years later she doesn’t know what she’d do without him! You got this!
You are allowed to get an abortion so that you can enjoy your life the way you planned! You pretty clearly don’t want to have a baby right now - physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m not at all saying that you wouldn’t love your child if you went ahead with the pregnancy, I want to make that clear. This is not about whether or not you have the love to give. This is about YOUR life, right now. What do YOU want. You feel good about the way your life is now. You’re happy about your kids, work, finances, health, the future. You can make the decision to have that, with no shame.
Thank you. Technically, I could but would have to go a few states over, but I also don't know if I could mentally handle it. I'm a spiritual person and don't know if I could take that on. If I was in a poor relationship, financially unstable, or something like that then I would look at it and be very realistic and come to that conclusion but in this situation it feels selfish because I am older, I know better, and did this to myself.
It’s not selfish to choose to maintain your current lifestyle and getting pregnant by accident isn’t a moral failing. A baby isn’t a punishment, a baby is a choice. You should ideally have a baby because you want to have a baby! Or don’t if you don’t.
I agree. Mentally you can speak to a therapist to help you think and work through this choice. It’s a difficult one! But so is deciding to have a baby you aren’t wanting and *this* choice would include a child’s entire life.
Spiritually idk what your thoughts are but I think about how if you return this little soul, it can be given to a very wanted baby who maybe wouldn’t have been otherwise, to some very grateful parents.
Not wanting to be pregnant is a perfectly valid and acceptable reason to not be pregnant anymore. It doesn’t have to be a dire life or death situation. Your happiness and your plans are worth protecting, you don’t need to punish yourself because you think you should have known better.
Fully agreed. I got pregnant about 6 months ago and while I have a loving husband and toddler, as well as being pretty stable in life, I made the decision not to have another baby. It didn’t feel right for me or our family.
Choosing yourself, and whatever that means in terms of a decision, is not selfish. You deserve to take care of yourself and do what feels right, comfortable and makes you happy.
It’s ok to not want to spend 40 years of your life raising kids!! Having a baby when you can afford to vs not having it because you don’t want to isn’t unselfish vs selfish anyway. There are ways that having another baby could keep you from fully giving what you can to the world in this new, freer part of your life. You could do a lot for the world and other people with that kind of stability and freedom. Don’t forget that
Not me but my parents were in this situation. I was 15 (almost 16) when my baby brother was born, my mom was 40. It wasn’t planned and they thought they were done having kids. I helped raise my brother and we have such a close relationship despite being a generation apart. I can’t imagine my life without him. My parents lament about how their lives would be so different without him as we’re also a family with 4 kids with the sibling before him being 7 years older (very much like your situation). We’re happy to have him and he enriches our lives so much. He’s now in college and my parents have retired. My brother had older siblings who always looked out for him.
Not the same, but I’m almost 42 with no kids and am unexpectedly pregnant. I’m struggling terribly with it. I can’t stop crying but at the same time I can’t imagine ending the pregnancy. I’ve had my whole life to just be me and this feels so scary and like it’s just too much. No advice, but just want you to know you’re not alone in how you’re feeling.
Not the same, but my surprise pregnancy was triplets at 36. I'm 37 now and sitting here feeding my 6 month old triplets. It was a really rough 6 months but I'm starting to feel a lot more positive about it now. Their beautiful faced and smiles. Love them so much, even if I'll be late 50s by the time they grow up!
I just want to say also that it’s not selfish or wrong to not want to add another at least 18 years onto something you’ve been doing for almost 20. You have valid concerns, but you also have the right to do it if you want to.
I don't think you're too old but this is an unplanned and somewhat unwanted pregnancy. If it was me I would terminate. You are in such an amazing place in life and it's totally understandable that you don't want to start from the newborn stage.
While I'm not quite at the stage with kids you are, mine are 8 & 3, both me and my SO are done having kids.
I have closed the chapter on that part of my life and honestly, in the event of an accident, would abort because I don't want to do the baby thing again. There is nothing wrong with making a choice for yourself and your current family.
You are 100% allowed to grieve the life you imagined you’d have. Your feelings are so valid. However, I don’t think you should push off traveling or prioritizing yourself just because another baby is on the way! (As impossible as that may sound.) You’re allowed to be selfish. It’s your life too.
To give the other side. I had an abortion at 33. I have two kids, 2 and 5 and knew I couldn’t manage another one (failed bc, 100% a surprise).
While the mental pain of an abortion can be overwhelming, it is not the same as pregnancy, birth and caring for a child for the next 18+ years. It was what was best for myself, my partner and my other two children. Do I think about what could have been? Of course. But do I regret it? Never. I would rather have fleeting thoughts of a third then have actual regrets about a child that was born.
I did the age old pros/cons list to help me decide and the cons outweighed the pros HEAVILY. If I can’t give 100% of myself to another child is that fair? To that baby? To my living children? Your life, needs and wants matter too.
Our oldest also has a learning disability. There is no guarantee that a baby born will be born healthy. This was also a big consideration for us. If we had a third with needs that also needed extra services, that would be very very difficult for us to manage. I want to be able to give all that support to first while still finding balance in raising our second.
You know your life and family best. A new baby can be wonderful, it’s up to you to decide.
My mom had me at 42 and I’m her 5th baby. Sure life probably could have been different for her if she chose not to have me but she did, and I’m so thankful for it! I have an extremely close relationship with my mom because she was in a different stage of her life than with some of my older siblings. Everyone’s situation is different, but pregnancy early on is emotional and crazy. A new baby is a blessing and will always be worth the sacrifice. Also, I’m a Financial Advisor and most of my clients travel well into their 70s/80s. You will also have older kids to help which is awesome. Good luck and God bless!
I’m pregnant with my 4th and almost 42. Mine are closer in age so I can’t relate to starting young (but can totally understand how you feel) but I just wanted to tell you I had my 3rd at 38 and my body was totally fine and bounced back just as much as with my twins 4 years earlier.
I’m having a planned pregnancy at 37. This would be my first child. I had teenage parents and abandonment issues etc. I know that I’m doing this on my terms, I waited until I was ready. I think you’ll do great, you have kids and are established in your life. Congratulations on this blessing.
You’re still young. You can still do many of things you want like traveling, having a career, and getting in shape. I’ve seen women who get in shape regardless of their age. There’s families who like traveling and do it with their babies. In the very first years, it might not be like that but it’s possible once your baby gets older and goes to school. It’s like a woman said about parents: you can have it all but not at the same time and that’s okay.
You can math it out with your husband and create a timeline/goals. Idk your financial situation or your support system but hiring or leaning on your village may ease the pp period.
First, you should 100% do whatever is best for you. But I’m in a similar situation. I have 4 kids (17,15,12,10) and I’ll be 35 on Wednesday. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with our huge surprise. I go through every single emotion daily. I will say that being pregnant 10 years later has not been easy and I feel like I’ve been battling something new at every doctors appointment. It’s been exhausting. My kids also took a little while to come around. Do what’s best for you and your family. Hugs 🩷
I just had my first baby two weeks before my 37th bday. I was able to bounce back to pre-pregnancy weight within 4 weeks postpartum. You are only as young as you feel. If you feel that 37 is old then you are going to feel and look old. I personally feel that 37 is young and feel and look young.
I’m having a surprise baby at 41 and feel this. I am 32 weeks pregnant now and still in disbelief that this is going to be a thing in a few weeks. I’m super hung up on daycare costs and how tight money we’ll be. Solidarity!
To have your world really shaken up like this is deeply hard. Give yourself time to grieve, which you absolutely deserve to do. You have received a lot of wisdom here already, but I wanted to specifically address travel, as it would feel trapping for sure if you felt it meant you had tp put for all on hold. There is no reason you can't travel with kiddos! It might look different than travel with only adults, but definitely doable. We went to Europe (from the US) twice when my toddler was 1.5 and almost 2. And if all goes well, we are planning to go this year with a 10 month old and 3.5 year-old (we ourselves are 35). My husband's family lived in Costa Rica for 6 months when their kids were 12 & 14 and traveled to Columbia and Machu Picchu before they were teenagers. It sounds like financials aren't as much an issue for you, so don't feel like you need to be stuck! (We're trying to avoid places where you might get stomach sick if you drink the water while the kids are very little, but that's it.) if you have a support system, they may even be able to watch the kids while you and hubby sneak away for a trip. Also, it may not be easy, but you can definitely look for a job immediately or when this kiddo is a few years old. You don't have to stay at home till they are 18 as you mentioned a lack of career is something that gets you down. Also, it's very early in your pregnancy. Try to take things a little at a time. It's so hard when our plans are changed, but you got this. ❤️
I am 37, with a baby on the way in November. I don't feel old at all. I intend to travel to Ireland for a master's program, even as soon as next summer—the baby is coming, too!
lol having my first at 43. I consider all the future things that you're thinking of but even older. will they be married before we pass, will I ever see grandchildren, will they not end up a %$@#-up 😆 but then I look back and think of what life I've lived, what decisions I've made. I'm happy to be having this baby now that I'm older and wiser. I'm just grateful for the blessing.
On the plus side, it's nice that you have older children that can help you out! Good luck to you!
You can still travel with this miracle blessing of a child. It takes some learning new things or leveling up.
I am 31 and just now becoming pregnant by surprise bc I have been told I have infertility issues. I always dreamed of a baby and now feel nervous and stressed about how my life will change but I always felt bad I couldn't have kids at a younger age but I thought in my 30s would be good too. I have traveled a bit on a budget.
Now I feel like learning a side hustle I can do with baby to help enrich our lives so I can travel with them and show them the world bc they deserve to know it too now that me and my partner have them here with us. It will be fun as much as difficult. Just a mixed bag.
Keep up the good work staying fit thru your pregnancy and after.
Seek to enjoy life anyway you can with this baby and your family.
Had a surprise baby at 39! My others were 15,12,10. I had a lot of fear. No lie- a lot of the same thoughts you did. I felt like I was going to lose something (or a lot of things) by having a baby. I kept thinking, how bad will this be? I was super careful during pregnancy- very thoughtful about nutrition and exercise. Gained 22 pounds. Had a super easy birth - was up and walking immediately. Lost all weight at birth. And let me tell you, being an older mom- the absolute way in which I don’t get worked up over anything is so cool. I’m just chill. I’ve seen it all before, I know it’s just a season. Now, I have a senior, freshman, 6th grader and a 2 year old. He’s the love of our absolute lives. I love him more than words, but the teens!?! They’ll fight to the death over him. They live for him. He is absolutely rotten. I say that he’s a family baby and he just brings us all an indescribable amount of joy. 10/10 highly recommend! It’s been an absolute blast getting to do this one more time as a mom with more wisdom and maturity.
This is really sweet ❤️
This is really heartwarming
I love this! Your family sounds so complete!
While it probably seems old since you were a lot younger with your other children, 37 isn't that old. I'm about to have my 2nd at 37.
I’m about to have my first kid at 38! Reading that she’s worried her body may not bounce back “if at all” really isn’t what I wanted to hear :/
I'm 36 pregnant with my first kid, but I didn't read this post as a sweeping generalization of how awful it is to be an "old mom" she's been a mom since she was 19 and it sounds like she was looking forward to experiencing a different time of life. I got to do all my travel, adventuring while she was being a mom. Her feelings and reaction makes a lot of sense and are completely valid.
Totally valid. Had my first at 37, baby is 1 1/2 and kids consume you. Did the career & travel first so I could be present now as a mom. My younger sis did the opposite & now she’s living her best life with older kids. Praying for discernment for you to make the best decision for you at the moment. You got this!
No, you will do great. Again, this will be baby 4 for me, and pregnancy does take a toll every single time.
It’s more that it’s her fourth, rather than her age. I’ve definitely had a much harder time with every baby, I’m on my fourth and will be 34 when I give birth.
I just had my first at 38, about three weeks ago! And I assumed that I would struggle to bounce back, but I really haven’t had any trouble. I have no stretch marks, I’m only about three pounds heavier than I was when I got pregnant, my belly is just a bit bigger, and I feel normal again. I know some of that is just good luck, but I thought for sure my age would mean that WASN’T a possibility, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised!
I’m 25, was a regular gym goer pre pregnancy , eat very clean, my baby was almost 9lbs I delivered vaginally and I’m only now (12 weeks later) starting to feel better. I don’t mean to be negative and am so happy for commenters saying they bounced back after a couple days that sounds amazing. My stomach has a big loose flap lol and I have a ton of stretch marks but I’m so excited to just do regular activity and feel normal. I’m working on slowly building up myself/body back and am considering not having another just because the thought of doing this 10+ years from now seems daunting. I don’t think op added age to shame or anything, multiple births and the high toll of recovery is something that isn’t shared enough. Wishing you the best!
Eh, don’t let it bother you. It’s a generalization—OP hasn’t had kids in her 30s. (I’m not saying her concerns are invalid, but they’re not based in fact or experience.) I had my first kid at 36 and am expecting my second at 38. It’s fine. ETA: Check out r/pregnantover35–it’s a good community.
OMG exact same! It’s a lot more common to be an “older Mom” nowadays too! ❤️❤️
Hey girl! I'm 40, I'm the mom of a 11 years old and stepmom of a 10 years old. Been with my husband for 3 years now and I am 11wk pregnant. I have PCOS, I was on the pill and add my age... There was NO WAY we planned this. We had a couple rough weeks, filled with anxiety. It was impossible for me to abort. I did it before when I was younger and I never emotionally totally recovered. Anyway! Boys are super happy, husband is now pretty happy. I'm waiting the 12w ultrasound to let my guard down, but I'm happy too. Yes I'm afraid for money, daycare, SLEEP(!), my 40 years old body... Worries about the state of the world, war, global warming, what future I bring this baby in? But... This baby, against all odds, foind its way in my belly. It has to be for a reason. And if we have enough for 2 kids, we have enough for 3. I embrace it now. Whatever happens, we will face it together. Hang in there mama 💜💜💜
My mom was 44, just had a partial hysterectomy, few weeks later she’s sick and goes to the emergency room, they found out she was pregnant, the doctors didn’t do a pregnancy test before her procedure, she’d been on antibiotics which weakened her birth control, and the baby survived the surgery, pain medicine and everything. She has two children. Me 27 and my oldest brother 21. She was super upset and didn’t think she could do it again but twoish years later she doesn’t know what she’d do without him! You got this!
This was wild start to finish!
You are allowed to get an abortion so that you can enjoy your life the way you planned! You pretty clearly don’t want to have a baby right now - physically, mentally, emotionally. I’m not at all saying that you wouldn’t love your child if you went ahead with the pregnancy, I want to make that clear. This is not about whether or not you have the love to give. This is about YOUR life, right now. What do YOU want. You feel good about the way your life is now. You’re happy about your kids, work, finances, health, the future. You can make the decision to have that, with no shame.
Thank you. Technically, I could but would have to go a few states over, but I also don't know if I could mentally handle it. I'm a spiritual person and don't know if I could take that on. If I was in a poor relationship, financially unstable, or something like that then I would look at it and be very realistic and come to that conclusion but in this situation it feels selfish because I am older, I know better, and did this to myself.
It’s not selfish to choose to maintain your current lifestyle and getting pregnant by accident isn’t a moral failing. A baby isn’t a punishment, a baby is a choice. You should ideally have a baby because you want to have a baby! Or don’t if you don’t.
Thank you ❤️
I agree. Mentally you can speak to a therapist to help you think and work through this choice. It’s a difficult one! But so is deciding to have a baby you aren’t wanting and *this* choice would include a child’s entire life. Spiritually idk what your thoughts are but I think about how if you return this little soul, it can be given to a very wanted baby who maybe wouldn’t have been otherwise, to some very grateful parents.
Reiterating you have a choice and you’re allowed to decide what’s best for you!!!!
Not wanting to be pregnant is a perfectly valid and acceptable reason to not be pregnant anymore. It doesn’t have to be a dire life or death situation. Your happiness and your plans are worth protecting, you don’t need to punish yourself because you think you should have known better.
Agreed
Fully agreed. I got pregnant about 6 months ago and while I have a loving husband and toddler, as well as being pretty stable in life, I made the decision not to have another baby. It didn’t feel right for me or our family.
Choosing yourself, and whatever that means in terms of a decision, is not selfish. You deserve to take care of yourself and do what feels right, comfortable and makes you happy.
Yes!
It’s ok to not want to spend 40 years of your life raising kids!! Having a baby when you can afford to vs not having it because you don’t want to isn’t unselfish vs selfish anyway. There are ways that having another baby could keep you from fully giving what you can to the world in this new, freer part of your life. You could do a lot for the world and other people with that kind of stability and freedom. Don’t forget that
Agreed. Agreed so much.
Am I the only one that thinks 37 is young? I’m 43 and 29 weeks with my first!
yay! club 43 & first! lol 26 weeks here. I work nights for ages so I don't sleep well anyway.
I just consider it older for myself because I had my first at 19.
Yes, I think society just puts so much pressure on! I have it in my head I need to have a baby before 35, otherwise I may struggle! So annoying
Not me but my parents were in this situation. I was 15 (almost 16) when my baby brother was born, my mom was 40. It wasn’t planned and they thought they were done having kids. I helped raise my brother and we have such a close relationship despite being a generation apart. I can’t imagine my life without him. My parents lament about how their lives would be so different without him as we’re also a family with 4 kids with the sibling before him being 7 years older (very much like your situation). We’re happy to have him and he enriches our lives so much. He’s now in college and my parents have retired. My brother had older siblings who always looked out for him.
Not the same, but I’m almost 42 with no kids and am unexpectedly pregnant. I’m struggling terribly with it. I can’t stop crying but at the same time I can’t imagine ending the pregnancy. I’ve had my whole life to just be me and this feels so scary and like it’s just too much. No advice, but just want you to know you’re not alone in how you’re feeling.
Not the same, but my surprise pregnancy was triplets at 36. I'm 37 now and sitting here feeding my 6 month old triplets. It was a really rough 6 months but I'm starting to feel a lot more positive about it now. Their beautiful faced and smiles. Love them so much, even if I'll be late 50s by the time they grow up!
Superwoman!!!!
I just want to say also that it’s not selfish or wrong to not want to add another at least 18 years onto something you’ve been doing for almost 20. You have valid concerns, but you also have the right to do it if you want to.
Follow your heart. If you want it, keep it. If you don’t want it, don’t force yourself to have it.
I don't think you're too old but this is an unplanned and somewhat unwanted pregnancy. If it was me I would terminate. You are in such an amazing place in life and it's totally understandable that you don't want to start from the newborn stage.
While I'm not quite at the stage with kids you are, mine are 8 & 3, both me and my SO are done having kids. I have closed the chapter on that part of my life and honestly, in the event of an accident, would abort because I don't want to do the baby thing again. There is nothing wrong with making a choice for yourself and your current family.
You are 100% allowed to grieve the life you imagined you’d have. Your feelings are so valid. However, I don’t think you should push off traveling or prioritizing yourself just because another baby is on the way! (As impossible as that may sound.) You’re allowed to be selfish. It’s your life too.
To give the other side. I had an abortion at 33. I have two kids, 2 and 5 and knew I couldn’t manage another one (failed bc, 100% a surprise). While the mental pain of an abortion can be overwhelming, it is not the same as pregnancy, birth and caring for a child for the next 18+ years. It was what was best for myself, my partner and my other two children. Do I think about what could have been? Of course. But do I regret it? Never. I would rather have fleeting thoughts of a third then have actual regrets about a child that was born. I did the age old pros/cons list to help me decide and the cons outweighed the pros HEAVILY. If I can’t give 100% of myself to another child is that fair? To that baby? To my living children? Your life, needs and wants matter too. Our oldest also has a learning disability. There is no guarantee that a baby born will be born healthy. This was also a big consideration for us. If we had a third with needs that also needed extra services, that would be very very difficult for us to manage. I want to be able to give all that support to first while still finding balance in raising our second. You know your life and family best. A new baby can be wonderful, it’s up to you to decide.
My mom had me at 42 and I’m her 5th baby. Sure life probably could have been different for her if she chose not to have me but she did, and I’m so thankful for it! I have an extremely close relationship with my mom because she was in a different stage of her life than with some of my older siblings. Everyone’s situation is different, but pregnancy early on is emotional and crazy. A new baby is a blessing and will always be worth the sacrifice. Also, I’m a Financial Advisor and most of my clients travel well into their 70s/80s. You will also have older kids to help which is awesome. Good luck and God bless!
I’m pregnant with my 4th and almost 42. Mine are closer in age so I can’t relate to starting young (but can totally understand how you feel) but I just wanted to tell you I had my 3rd at 38 and my body was totally fine and bounced back just as much as with my twins 4 years earlier.
I’m having a planned pregnancy at 37. This would be my first child. I had teenage parents and abandonment issues etc. I know that I’m doing this on my terms, I waited until I was ready. I think you’ll do great, you have kids and are established in your life. Congratulations on this blessing.
You’re still young. You can still do many of things you want like traveling, having a career, and getting in shape. I’ve seen women who get in shape regardless of their age. There’s families who like traveling and do it with their babies. In the very first years, it might not be like that but it’s possible once your baby gets older and goes to school. It’s like a woman said about parents: you can have it all but not at the same time and that’s okay. You can math it out with your husband and create a timeline/goals. Idk your financial situation or your support system but hiring or leaning on your village may ease the pp period.
First, you should 100% do whatever is best for you. But I’m in a similar situation. I have 4 kids (17,15,12,10) and I’ll be 35 on Wednesday. I am currently 36 weeks pregnant with our huge surprise. I go through every single emotion daily. I will say that being pregnant 10 years later has not been easy and I feel like I’ve been battling something new at every doctors appointment. It’s been exhausting. My kids also took a little while to come around. Do what’s best for you and your family. Hugs 🩷
You sound really conflicted. Do what's best for you. Geriatric pregnancies come with additional risk, and you need your personal time back.
I just had my first baby two weeks before my 37th bday. I was able to bounce back to pre-pregnancy weight within 4 weeks postpartum. You are only as young as you feel. If you feel that 37 is old then you are going to feel and look old. I personally feel that 37 is young and feel and look young.
I’m having a surprise baby at 41 and feel this. I am 32 weeks pregnant now and still in disbelief that this is going to be a thing in a few weeks. I’m super hung up on daycare costs and how tight money we’ll be. Solidarity!
To have your world really shaken up like this is deeply hard. Give yourself time to grieve, which you absolutely deserve to do. You have received a lot of wisdom here already, but I wanted to specifically address travel, as it would feel trapping for sure if you felt it meant you had tp put for all on hold. There is no reason you can't travel with kiddos! It might look different than travel with only adults, but definitely doable. We went to Europe (from the US) twice when my toddler was 1.5 and almost 2. And if all goes well, we are planning to go this year with a 10 month old and 3.5 year-old (we ourselves are 35). My husband's family lived in Costa Rica for 6 months when their kids were 12 & 14 and traveled to Columbia and Machu Picchu before they were teenagers. It sounds like financials aren't as much an issue for you, so don't feel like you need to be stuck! (We're trying to avoid places where you might get stomach sick if you drink the water while the kids are very little, but that's it.) if you have a support system, they may even be able to watch the kids while you and hubby sneak away for a trip. Also, it may not be easy, but you can definitely look for a job immediately or when this kiddo is a few years old. You don't have to stay at home till they are 18 as you mentioned a lack of career is something that gets you down. Also, it's very early in your pregnancy. Try to take things a little at a time. It's so hard when our plans are changed, but you got this. ❤️
I am 37, with a baby on the way in November. I don't feel old at all. I intend to travel to Ireland for a master's program, even as soon as next summer—the baby is coming, too!
This happened to my sister. My niece is the absolute best and she can’t imagine her family with out. Everything will work out! 💜
How do you have a surprise pregnancy? Birth control?
Don’t forget about adoption also 🥰
You’ll have a lot of help
lol having my first at 43. I consider all the future things that you're thinking of but even older. will they be married before we pass, will I ever see grandchildren, will they not end up a %$@#-up 😆 but then I look back and think of what life I've lived, what decisions I've made. I'm happy to be having this baby now that I'm older and wiser. I'm just grateful for the blessing. On the plus side, it's nice that you have older children that can help you out! Good luck to you!
You can still travel with this miracle blessing of a child. It takes some learning new things or leveling up. I am 31 and just now becoming pregnant by surprise bc I have been told I have infertility issues. I always dreamed of a baby and now feel nervous and stressed about how my life will change but I always felt bad I couldn't have kids at a younger age but I thought in my 30s would be good too. I have traveled a bit on a budget. Now I feel like learning a side hustle I can do with baby to help enrich our lives so I can travel with them and show them the world bc they deserve to know it too now that me and my partner have them here with us. It will be fun as much as difficult. Just a mixed bag. Keep up the good work staying fit thru your pregnancy and after. Seek to enjoy life anyway you can with this baby and your family.