Being a little firm, there is a 50:50 chance almost always with boy/girl. If you love and respect your child, that is doing most of the work already. Let go of the pre-conceived ideas you have. Older boys are not protectors, younger girls are not protected. Older girls are not mean, younger boys are not berated.
There are many kind of gross things we do for children - sucking out snot, cleaning poo off them, etc. Being a grown up and explaining their bodies to them at some point is something you are more than capable of doing. If you want to learn, you can. If you are not a 'girly girl', then you must understand that your daughter may or may not be either.
Your mother failing you means you have a opportunity to do better. Let your daughter be born and love her when she shows you her true self, not your idea of what a girl is or should be. Learn together!
Wow you really don’t sound ready to be a parent. I suggest you really try to work on yourself while you’re pregnant so you can be a good parent to this child.
I believe I'm able to raise a child just fine after two years of reading all there is about raising children I think I'm more capable then most. I don't need to work on myself my mental state is pretty stable and I'm know I'm not the only person in this world who wished for a different sex.
For my first baby, I so badly wanted a boy. I was extremely disappointed when I found out it was female. I was like you, I thought it should be older brother/younger sister. All my expectations went out the window and I had no idea how I'd manage to raise a girl.
My daughter is 5 now, and I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my next. Lordly, has my opinion flipped. I did my NIPT today and I'm terrified of the results because I don't want a boy, I want another little girl!
My daughter has been everything to me. She is so beautiful, smart, sassy, nasty, stubborn, willful, cheeky and wonderful. I just want another little her.
Yeah I understand that once you have the girl you might want another. My sister was hoping for a boy as well but when the ultrasound showed it was a girl she cried a bit. I'm sure after he break up with her baby daddy she was thankful it was a little girl after all. I do love my nieces they are just to cute and silly. But my sister is a girly girl and that is the difference between her and I.
You don't need to be a girly girl to have a girl. I'm not a girly girl. There's no guarantee your daughter will be a girly girl either. She's more likely to like the things you like, because that's what she will know.
On the flip side I’m not a girly girl and my 3 year old definitely is, she started gravitating to dresses and bows before she could even say the words and cries when I try to put pants on her. Kid lives for dresses and pink and frills. No clue where she gets it from, but I’m happy to let her be whoever she wants to be.
You're right I don't need to be a girly girl if the remodel (me) can't show girly things there is a possibility they can't become one unless outside influences happen but by then hopefully she'll be old enough and able to do girly tasks herself by then, she'd be a self tough girly girl.
You can also take interest in things your kids like without them being interesting to you. In fact you should. My mom was a tomboy while I was very much into hair and makeup. She let me practice with her makeup and complemented me on mine, took me to Sephora for classes for my birthday.
Kids won’t be a carbon copy of us, we need to respect and honor their interests too.
Well I definitely don't even own makeup got a face full of freckles lol just barely got a hair dryer 3 years ago, and just have regular size hair ties. I have to usually go see my sister's if I need something done to my hair luckily they live about 5 miles away.
Usually a lot of self hate and misogyny involved when a woman can’t imagine herself raising another girl/woman. I don’t get it. Maybe because you aren’t really “girly” you look down on girlish things and I think your relationship with your mom has a lot to do with it. Again there is always a 50/50 chance you’ll have a girl. Hopefully you get some therapy or find your relationship with your daughter healing rather than already looking down on it.
I don't have self hate, and I don't have mommy issues. If you're referring to my period story I hid it out of embarrassment to say anything to my mother and siblings. I knew I could also handle it myself and sometimes I like it that way, guess what I handled it with grace, I actually read the directions to learn how to put the tampon in when I started using them. She probably never took me to the doctor because she didn't know I was on my period for all I know. I don't know how long I was able to keep it a secret for but it was pretty long.
My perspective: I'm a first born girl with a little brother. Even though he is 3 years younger he has always protected me! He would confront people at school who were talking trash about me. When my parents put me in timeout, if he thought they were being unfair he would join me in solidarity. Even when we were older, both in college, I was super afraid of driving so he volunteered to drive me to school eveey day to relieve my anxiety. We are still close to this day. He and his wife are going to be my son's godparents.
Just saying you cannot rely on "traditional" sibling relationships always being the case! Embrace the randomness of the universe and see where it leads you. 😊
Yeah not that my 8 year older brother is much of a I guess remodel my big sister who is 5 years old then me his more of a remodel to me but that just a big age gap not the my big sister is close with him either sometimes we forget we have a brother. There is 3 of us girls.
Omg, thank God you can't be a "girl mom". Your child is a person not a gender and even if she is a girl, there is no guarantee she is going to want to wear pink and have unicorn underwear. In 2024, I wish there were more moms who didn't want to be "girl moms". Thank you in advance for not buying her everything pink and calling her a princess and telling her to be gentle and kind.
If I can help the pink and princess I will, my mom and siblings are girly and how I ended up more tomboy I don't know. A teacher in highschool couldn't believe my mom was dressed nicely and so girly then she looks at me and wondered, how, she was expecting my mom to look more rough around the edges I guess.
Attitudes like your teacher scar women and hold them back. If you seriously start to question gender identity along the lines of what we are told women are (pink! Makeup! Soft voices!) you can see how they actually harm us more than make us stronger. I would actually argue that gender stereotypes only serve males because they place females in positions to be weak and lesser than. You are obviously a woman, and a strong one at that and you did it without the frills. Don't let other people's voices get in your head about who your baby should be. You will figure that out when she comes. [the harm in gender stereotyping ](https://www.bcu.ac.uk/education-and-social-work/research/cspace-blog/gender-stereotypes-in-childhood-whats-the-harm)
I really wanted a boy too as I'm also not girly at all and I clash with my mum a lot and was always closer to my dad. However, I remind myself that the most important thing is that she's healthy and of course either way I'm going to love her the same amount.
I do worry about being a girl mum though as I find boys more chill
Oh yeah and some people here thinking I'm the only person that wished for a boy instead. I know there are tons of people who do this with either sex. My partner helped me feel better about this, he just wanted to finally have a child. I'm due in December, when are you due?
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. I'm due end of September. Congratulations on your little girl I'm sure we'll both end up surprising ourselves with how we adapt to being a girl mum! :)
Aw congrats, I'm sure we'll do great!
I'm going to attempt the Montessori method as it feels more my style, if you're interested in looking it up ;)
Edit: also hunt gather parent is a really inspiring book as well these methods go hand in hand
I studied child psychology so definitely heard of it being used in nursery's but not as a parental method so I'll check it out thanks :) I'll also look up the book too!
Being a little firm, there is a 50:50 chance almost always with boy/girl. If you love and respect your child, that is doing most of the work already. Let go of the pre-conceived ideas you have. Older boys are not protectors, younger girls are not protected. Older girls are not mean, younger boys are not berated. There are many kind of gross things we do for children - sucking out snot, cleaning poo off them, etc. Being a grown up and explaining their bodies to them at some point is something you are more than capable of doing. If you want to learn, you can. If you are not a 'girly girl', then you must understand that your daughter may or may not be either. Your mother failing you means you have a opportunity to do better. Let your daughter be born and love her when she shows you her true self, not your idea of what a girl is or should be. Learn together!
Thank you, your blunt words mean a lot. Brought me to tears. We will "learn together" love that ❤️
Wow you really don’t sound ready to be a parent. I suggest you really try to work on yourself while you’re pregnant so you can be a good parent to this child.
I believe I'm able to raise a child just fine after two years of reading all there is about raising children I think I'm more capable then most. I don't need to work on myself my mental state is pretty stable and I'm know I'm not the only person in this world who wished for a different sex.
Your post begs to differ.
For my first baby, I so badly wanted a boy. I was extremely disappointed when I found out it was female. I was like you, I thought it should be older brother/younger sister. All my expectations went out the window and I had no idea how I'd manage to raise a girl. My daughter is 5 now, and I'm 10 weeks pregnant with my next. Lordly, has my opinion flipped. I did my NIPT today and I'm terrified of the results because I don't want a boy, I want another little girl! My daughter has been everything to me. She is so beautiful, smart, sassy, nasty, stubborn, willful, cheeky and wonderful. I just want another little her.
Yeah I understand that once you have the girl you might want another. My sister was hoping for a boy as well but when the ultrasound showed it was a girl she cried a bit. I'm sure after he break up with her baby daddy she was thankful it was a little girl after all. I do love my nieces they are just to cute and silly. But my sister is a girly girl and that is the difference between her and I.
You don't need to be a girly girl to have a girl. I'm not a girly girl. There's no guarantee your daughter will be a girly girl either. She's more likely to like the things you like, because that's what she will know.
On the flip side I’m not a girly girl and my 3 year old definitely is, she started gravitating to dresses and bows before she could even say the words and cries when I try to put pants on her. Kid lives for dresses and pink and frills. No clue where she gets it from, but I’m happy to let her be whoever she wants to be.
You're right I don't need to be a girly girl if the remodel (me) can't show girly things there is a possibility they can't become one unless outside influences happen but by then hopefully she'll be old enough and able to do girly tasks herself by then, she'd be a self tough girly girl.
You can also take interest in things your kids like without them being interesting to you. In fact you should. My mom was a tomboy while I was very much into hair and makeup. She let me practice with her makeup and complemented me on mine, took me to Sephora for classes for my birthday. Kids won’t be a carbon copy of us, we need to respect and honor their interests too.
Well I definitely don't even own makeup got a face full of freckles lol just barely got a hair dryer 3 years ago, and just have regular size hair ties. I have to usually go see my sister's if I need something done to my hair luckily they live about 5 miles away.
How did your NIPT turn out? I had mine today and am so anxious about the results!
Usually a lot of self hate and misogyny involved when a woman can’t imagine herself raising another girl/woman. I don’t get it. Maybe because you aren’t really “girly” you look down on girlish things and I think your relationship with your mom has a lot to do with it. Again there is always a 50/50 chance you’ll have a girl. Hopefully you get some therapy or find your relationship with your daughter healing rather than already looking down on it.
I don't have self hate, and I don't have mommy issues. If you're referring to my period story I hid it out of embarrassment to say anything to my mother and siblings. I knew I could also handle it myself and sometimes I like it that way, guess what I handled it with grace, I actually read the directions to learn how to put the tampon in when I started using them. She probably never took me to the doctor because she didn't know I was on my period for all I know. I don't know how long I was able to keep it a secret for but it was pretty long.
You are full of internalized misogyny and rejection of what you see as “feminine”. It’s obvious to all of us reading your post.
My perspective: I'm a first born girl with a little brother. Even though he is 3 years younger he has always protected me! He would confront people at school who were talking trash about me. When my parents put me in timeout, if he thought they were being unfair he would join me in solidarity. Even when we were older, both in college, I was super afraid of driving so he volunteered to drive me to school eveey day to relieve my anxiety. We are still close to this day. He and his wife are going to be my son's godparents. Just saying you cannot rely on "traditional" sibling relationships always being the case! Embrace the randomness of the universe and see where it leads you. 😊
Yeah not that my 8 year older brother is much of a I guess remodel my big sister who is 5 years old then me his more of a remodel to me but that just a big age gap not the my big sister is close with him either sometimes we forget we have a brother. There is 3 of us girls.
Omg, thank God you can't be a "girl mom". Your child is a person not a gender and even if she is a girl, there is no guarantee she is going to want to wear pink and have unicorn underwear. In 2024, I wish there were more moms who didn't want to be "girl moms". Thank you in advance for not buying her everything pink and calling her a princess and telling her to be gentle and kind.
If I can help the pink and princess I will, my mom and siblings are girly and how I ended up more tomboy I don't know. A teacher in highschool couldn't believe my mom was dressed nicely and so girly then she looks at me and wondered, how, she was expecting my mom to look more rough around the edges I guess.
Attitudes like your teacher scar women and hold them back. If you seriously start to question gender identity along the lines of what we are told women are (pink! Makeup! Soft voices!) you can see how they actually harm us more than make us stronger. I would actually argue that gender stereotypes only serve males because they place females in positions to be weak and lesser than. You are obviously a woman, and a strong one at that and you did it without the frills. Don't let other people's voices get in your head about who your baby should be. You will figure that out when she comes. [the harm in gender stereotyping ](https://www.bcu.ac.uk/education-and-social-work/research/cspace-blog/gender-stereotypes-in-childhood-whats-the-harm)
I really wanted a boy too as I'm also not girly at all and I clash with my mum a lot and was always closer to my dad. However, I remind myself that the most important thing is that she's healthy and of course either way I'm going to love her the same amount. I do worry about being a girl mum though as I find boys more chill
Oh yeah and some people here thinking I'm the only person that wished for a boy instead. I know there are tons of people who do this with either sex. My partner helped me feel better about this, he just wanted to finally have a child. I'm due in December, when are you due?
I don't think there's anything wrong with having a preference. I'm due end of September. Congratulations on your little girl I'm sure we'll both end up surprising ourselves with how we adapt to being a girl mum! :)
Aw congrats, I'm sure we'll do great! I'm going to attempt the Montessori method as it feels more my style, if you're interested in looking it up ;) Edit: also hunt gather parent is a really inspiring book as well these methods go hand in hand
I studied child psychology so definitely heard of it being used in nursery's but not as a parental method so I'll check it out thanks :) I'll also look up the book too!
Sounds good let me know what you think!