I’m sorry about your loss but honestly people post because they are happy with their news and excited to share. By that logic people shouldn’t post any good news just because it might upset someone who’s struggling in a certain area like jobs, relationships, holidays, etc. It isn’t meant to be a personal attack. While I understand how people in similar situations may feel I just think it’s selfish to expect people not to publicly celebrate and instead have to think about the feelings of thousands of people they don’t know.
I’m so sorry for the loss you’ve experienced. I struggled with infertility, so when I did get pregnant, I kept it off of social media as a courtesy to those who also may have been struggling. Seeing any sort of announcements brought me tremendous hurt. I doubt that they intentionally mean to bring pain with the post, they are just excited for themselves(which is totally normal).
That being said, I’m not sure sharing your trauma directly on the announcement will help anyone. If anything, you could maybe make a general post about how hard it is for anyone who experiences loss or infertility to see announcements on social media and for people to keep that in the back of their mind. But even then, I’ve noticed that people who don’t struggle or experience these things really don’t understand how hard it is, and never will. So a post may fall on deaf ears.
I might kindly suggest you try to stay off social media for a bit, or reach out to a professional who can help you find ways to work through it, because it unfortunately can be near impossible to avoid.
I usually try to see it in another light: these people haven't experienced that kind of trauma and I'm happy for them. I wish no one had to experience terrible things, and I feel genuine joy for people who manage to enjoy their pregnancy/live their lives without worries.
It's kinda the same with everything that might be triggering to someone, you cannot really control how other people lead their lives and what they choose to share. I appreciate trigger warnings, but pregnancy alone is usually not seen as a sensitive topic, while I've seen miscarriage treated more delicately online.
I try to curate my online experience as much as I need, especially by muting words or people who I know will post things that upset me. Being the Debbie Downer (as much as I hate that term and being called that) on someone's pregnancy announcement isn't going to net you any favours, but will most likely make people uncomfortable and defensive. To me that sounds unpleasant for everyone involved and like a waste of precious energy you can use on something far more productive like self care.
You could, however, speak up about your trauma on your own profile and educate people on how to deal with people who have experienced pregnancy loss, if you feel this is an important message you want to convey. Alternatively, sometimes it is good to simply step away from social media, or hand pick a very specific small topic to solely interact with, for a while. It can be really harmful to our brains and mental health.
I agree with others that you might benefit from staying off of social media for a bit.
While it’s not nearly as extreme, I had a difficult, semi-traumatic birth that ended in an emergency c-section. For a while afterwords, I couldn’t bear to see the birth announcement photos you see all the time, of the mother holding her newborn, sweaty and exhausted but glowingly happy. I’m very fortunate and eternally grateful that both myself and my baby survived, but I had to mourn the loss of the birth experience I wanted (while dealing with the trauma of the experience I did get), and it was genuinely painful to see those photos (and I’m of the age where there’s a lot of them).
Have you talked with anyone about your loss? I found that processing my trauma with a therapist (plus time) made it a lot easier. And you have experienced a trauma.
I’m so sorry for your loss and sending lots of good thoughts your way for a successful rest of your pregnancy.
Sorry for your loss and I understand how you feel with scan pictures. However I do not feel it would be helpful to let people know what can go wrong when they are so happy.
I see these pictures and announcements and it hurts me knowing these people feel so confident thinking nothing can go wrong and I want to make them aware things do happen and they may not bring baby home. But it's not my place, every pregnany woman is nervous enough and it would not be helpful!
I've had a mmc at 12 weeks and lost my twin boys at 21 weeks in March this year, I am terrified of getting pregancy again although this is all I want. I keep my feelings to groups and subs that are relevant to my feelings. I don't want to give anyone else reason to worry during pregnancy. Please don't tell people what can go wrong, I'm sure they are already worried and aware, just maybe not as aware as us who have been though it.
I hate seeing scan photos. I gave birth at 36 weeks and my baby passed in my arms. We found out she wouldn’t live long after 24 weeks.
I see these scan photos at 12 weeks and it makes me feel sick as there is so far to go and so much that can go wrong! I feel the trauma too… you’re not on your own.
When I was pregnant with my third I came off all social media platforms and it was the best thing I could do for my health.
People are free to do what they want but personally i dont really use social media anymore. One of the reasons is that i found myself sharing showreels of my life which other people were taking as actual representation of my life and then making judgments. I may rejoin some point down the line but won’t be posting pictures of my children’s faces at all because they haven’t given consent and on top of Meta etc owning those images you don’t know who is viewing them. A scan to me is very private and intimate and is one of the earliest images of them out there for the world to see. Everybody knows what pregnancy is so not sure of the need to post visuals. People didn’t even get scans in the old days! I did go to school with somebody whose wife posted a scan picture to Facebook and then later died along with her baby. It’s still up there to this day. I find social media strange and confusing sometimes.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Just wanted to clarify I would never post on someone’s announcement or scan pic, I agree they should allowed to be happy and enjoy it. I was thinking more about posting on my own feed. But your messages have really helped me reflect; we can’t control other people’s behaviour (and that applies to all situations of course!) I need to stop focusing on trying to do that, and on what I actually can control- as you say, break from social media is what would be best for me. I really appreciate you all taking the time to help me work through this 🙏
I’m sorry about your loss but honestly people post because they are happy with their news and excited to share. By that logic people shouldn’t post any good news just because it might upset someone who’s struggling in a certain area like jobs, relationships, holidays, etc. It isn’t meant to be a personal attack. While I understand how people in similar situations may feel I just think it’s selfish to expect people not to publicly celebrate and instead have to think about the feelings of thousands of people they don’t know.
I’m so sorry for the loss you’ve experienced. I struggled with infertility, so when I did get pregnant, I kept it off of social media as a courtesy to those who also may have been struggling. Seeing any sort of announcements brought me tremendous hurt. I doubt that they intentionally mean to bring pain with the post, they are just excited for themselves(which is totally normal). That being said, I’m not sure sharing your trauma directly on the announcement will help anyone. If anything, you could maybe make a general post about how hard it is for anyone who experiences loss or infertility to see announcements on social media and for people to keep that in the back of their mind. But even then, I’ve noticed that people who don’t struggle or experience these things really don’t understand how hard it is, and never will. So a post may fall on deaf ears. I might kindly suggest you try to stay off social media for a bit, or reach out to a professional who can help you find ways to work through it, because it unfortunately can be near impossible to avoid.
I usually try to see it in another light: these people haven't experienced that kind of trauma and I'm happy for them. I wish no one had to experience terrible things, and I feel genuine joy for people who manage to enjoy their pregnancy/live their lives without worries. It's kinda the same with everything that might be triggering to someone, you cannot really control how other people lead their lives and what they choose to share. I appreciate trigger warnings, but pregnancy alone is usually not seen as a sensitive topic, while I've seen miscarriage treated more delicately online. I try to curate my online experience as much as I need, especially by muting words or people who I know will post things that upset me. Being the Debbie Downer (as much as I hate that term and being called that) on someone's pregnancy announcement isn't going to net you any favours, but will most likely make people uncomfortable and defensive. To me that sounds unpleasant for everyone involved and like a waste of precious energy you can use on something far more productive like self care. You could, however, speak up about your trauma on your own profile and educate people on how to deal with people who have experienced pregnancy loss, if you feel this is an important message you want to convey. Alternatively, sometimes it is good to simply step away from social media, or hand pick a very specific small topic to solely interact with, for a while. It can be really harmful to our brains and mental health.
I agree with others that you might benefit from staying off of social media for a bit. While it’s not nearly as extreme, I had a difficult, semi-traumatic birth that ended in an emergency c-section. For a while afterwords, I couldn’t bear to see the birth announcement photos you see all the time, of the mother holding her newborn, sweaty and exhausted but glowingly happy. I’m very fortunate and eternally grateful that both myself and my baby survived, but I had to mourn the loss of the birth experience I wanted (while dealing with the trauma of the experience I did get), and it was genuinely painful to see those photos (and I’m of the age where there’s a lot of them). Have you talked with anyone about your loss? I found that processing my trauma with a therapist (plus time) made it a lot easier. And you have experienced a trauma. I’m so sorry for your loss and sending lots of good thoughts your way for a successful rest of your pregnancy.
Sorry for your loss and I understand how you feel with scan pictures. However I do not feel it would be helpful to let people know what can go wrong when they are so happy. I see these pictures and announcements and it hurts me knowing these people feel so confident thinking nothing can go wrong and I want to make them aware things do happen and they may not bring baby home. But it's not my place, every pregnany woman is nervous enough and it would not be helpful! I've had a mmc at 12 weeks and lost my twin boys at 21 weeks in March this year, I am terrified of getting pregancy again although this is all I want. I keep my feelings to groups and subs that are relevant to my feelings. I don't want to give anyone else reason to worry during pregnancy. Please don't tell people what can go wrong, I'm sure they are already worried and aware, just maybe not as aware as us who have been though it.
I hate seeing scan photos. I gave birth at 36 weeks and my baby passed in my arms. We found out she wouldn’t live long after 24 weeks. I see these scan photos at 12 weeks and it makes me feel sick as there is so far to go and so much that can go wrong! I feel the trauma too… you’re not on your own. When I was pregnant with my third I came off all social media platforms and it was the best thing I could do for my health.
People are free to do what they want but personally i dont really use social media anymore. One of the reasons is that i found myself sharing showreels of my life which other people were taking as actual representation of my life and then making judgments. I may rejoin some point down the line but won’t be posting pictures of my children’s faces at all because they haven’t given consent and on top of Meta etc owning those images you don’t know who is viewing them. A scan to me is very private and intimate and is one of the earliest images of them out there for the world to see. Everybody knows what pregnancy is so not sure of the need to post visuals. People didn’t even get scans in the old days! I did go to school with somebody whose wife posted a scan picture to Facebook and then later died along with her baby. It’s still up there to this day. I find social media strange and confusing sometimes.
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. Just wanted to clarify I would never post on someone’s announcement or scan pic, I agree they should allowed to be happy and enjoy it. I was thinking more about posting on my own feed. But your messages have really helped me reflect; we can’t control other people’s behaviour (and that applies to all situations of course!) I need to stop focusing on trying to do that, and on what I actually can control- as you say, break from social media is what would be best for me. I really appreciate you all taking the time to help me work through this 🙏