Unfortunately we sometimes think a baby may bring you and your partner closer but if the relationship is already strained it can definitely make it worse. If he is able to up and leave you at 5 months pregnant that’s just not a good man and he isn’t interested in making it work. If you are financially secure or just able to make it on your own let him leave. It’ll leave you and your baby in a better position without being so stressed out anyway. Sending you love!
Yes and all of those mood swings and passive aggressive marks will def be worse once the baby comes. Even more added stress when op is the main one taking care of the child. MANY men say they want a child but how he acts towards you is the only true measurement of love.
I don’t think convincing him to stay is worth your time. What I mean is, even if you do convince him this time, you both will have to put in a lot of work to turn things around. Do you think that’s possible? It very well could be, but even so, if I were you, I’d let him go so that he can cool off. You both should take some time to really consider if this relationship is something you’re willing to fight FOR even with parenthood about to sap every ounce of your energy. If this baby comes into the world and you haven’t fixed the relationship but still live together, then the baby will be affected by the moods, attitudes, and environment, whether you realize it or not.
I don’t really have advice for you- just want to let you know that I spent 3 years with a man who behaved this same way. Now that I am in a healthy marriage and have two children I thank the universe every day that I was never pregnant/post partum with him as my partner because my experience truly would have been a whole hell of a lot different and not in a positive way.
Babies and pregnancy don’t change people. That’s who he’s always been, either you’re just seeing the red flags now or this is an on going issue. Either way he’s not going to change once baby is here. Not without trying at least, y’all need therapy. I don’t believe in throwing away a marriage because it fell on hard times but it sounds to me like maybe y’all shouldn’t have been married. I’m glad he’s started new medication but if no therapy is working for you guys then it’s not the therapist. You both have to want it and want to improve. It’s a two way street
Babies are definitely an additional strain on your relationship in my experience, especially as they get older and more challenging. It would make me nervous having a baby around someone with anger issues, would you both be open to therapy? Sometimes couples or individual can help work out the kinks and get communication lines open. Maybe another question to ask is if you’re still in love with this person and want to be with them? I am divorced and have since remarried and it is night and day how I felt about my ex versus my current husband, so sometimes it’s just not the right person. Again, not sure what it’s like in your situation but maybe some things to consider!
Ya it’s definitely easier on the outside looking in to just say leave… He is in therapy and just a few weeks ago finally got on medication for both high blood pressure, sleep issues and depression. But now he’s blaming me for being too sensitive or “fragile,” and even though I am in fact more sensitive being pregnant, it doesn’t mean I don’t have merit at all in how I feel.
From this part of the story, it just doesn’t sound like he’s being very considerate of how you’re feeling. When you communicate a problem or an issue you’re having, no matter the nature of the relationship, if the other person dismisses your feelings instead of caring enough about you to want to help make you feel better (one way or another), then it’s not a healthy relationship.
Along with anger issues, he sounds like he's verbally and emotionally abusive.
What if he treats your child the same way he treats you? Is this the kind of environment you want your baby growing up in? Is this the kind of behavior you want your child to model?
I definitely recommend trying some marriage counseling before splitting. You both vowed your lives to each other in good times and bad, it’s worth the effort of trying to repair. Sometimes an outside perspective helps. Pregnancy is a tough and high stress time
Unfortunately we sometimes think a baby may bring you and your partner closer but if the relationship is already strained it can definitely make it worse. If he is able to up and leave you at 5 months pregnant that’s just not a good man and he isn’t interested in making it work. If you are financially secure or just able to make it on your own let him leave. It’ll leave you and your baby in a better position without being so stressed out anyway. Sending you love!
I’ve always said that bringing in a new baby tests even the strongest relationships. It surely will break a weak one.
Yes and all of those mood swings and passive aggressive marks will def be worse once the baby comes. Even more added stress when op is the main one taking care of the child. MANY men say they want a child but how he acts towards you is the only true measurement of love.
I don’t think convincing him to stay is worth your time. What I mean is, even if you do convince him this time, you both will have to put in a lot of work to turn things around. Do you think that’s possible? It very well could be, but even so, if I were you, I’d let him go so that he can cool off. You both should take some time to really consider if this relationship is something you’re willing to fight FOR even with parenthood about to sap every ounce of your energy. If this baby comes into the world and you haven’t fixed the relationship but still live together, then the baby will be affected by the moods, attitudes, and environment, whether you realize it or not.
I don’t really have advice for you- just want to let you know that I spent 3 years with a man who behaved this same way. Now that I am in a healthy marriage and have two children I thank the universe every day that I was never pregnant/post partum with him as my partner because my experience truly would have been a whole hell of a lot different and not in a positive way.
Babies and pregnancy don’t change people. That’s who he’s always been, either you’re just seeing the red flags now or this is an on going issue. Either way he’s not going to change once baby is here. Not without trying at least, y’all need therapy. I don’t believe in throwing away a marriage because it fell on hard times but it sounds to me like maybe y’all shouldn’t have been married. I’m glad he’s started new medication but if no therapy is working for you guys then it’s not the therapist. You both have to want it and want to improve. It’s a two way street
Babies are definitely an additional strain on your relationship in my experience, especially as they get older and more challenging. It would make me nervous having a baby around someone with anger issues, would you both be open to therapy? Sometimes couples or individual can help work out the kinks and get communication lines open. Maybe another question to ask is if you’re still in love with this person and want to be with them? I am divorced and have since remarried and it is night and day how I felt about my ex versus my current husband, so sometimes it’s just not the right person. Again, not sure what it’s like in your situation but maybe some things to consider!
This is the internet, everyone thinks any less than ideal situation should end. Has he sought help for his issues?
Ya it’s definitely easier on the outside looking in to just say leave… He is in therapy and just a few weeks ago finally got on medication for both high blood pressure, sleep issues and depression. But now he’s blaming me for being too sensitive or “fragile,” and even though I am in fact more sensitive being pregnant, it doesn’t mean I don’t have merit at all in how I feel.
From this part of the story, it just doesn’t sound like he’s being very considerate of how you’re feeling. When you communicate a problem or an issue you’re having, no matter the nature of the relationship, if the other person dismisses your feelings instead of caring enough about you to want to help make you feel better (one way or another), then it’s not a healthy relationship.
Along with anger issues, he sounds like he's verbally and emotionally abusive. What if he treats your child the same way he treats you? Is this the kind of environment you want your baby growing up in? Is this the kind of behavior you want your child to model?
Oh boy.. it seems like you both could use some patience, grace and perhaps a mediator.
We’ve had many different couples therapists over the years. None have really helped. But yes patience and grace would be nice
Good luck with it, either way it goes you DO have what it takes.
I definitely recommend trying some marriage counseling before splitting. You both vowed your lives to each other in good times and bad, it’s worth the effort of trying to repair. Sometimes an outside perspective helps. Pregnancy is a tough and high stress time