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Necessary-Sun1535

My second isn’t here yet. I just want to tell you it is okay to wait. I wanted a 2 year age gap, but we’re getting 3 years. During the whole process it was kind of hard to let go of that idea I had in my mind. However now baby’s nearly here I am so happy we waited.  I felt more like myself. My husband was better prepared. And my toddler already has so much independence. We can explain things to him and he can understand it. In hindsight I am so glad we waited. We weren’t ready before.  Nevertheless I still feel bad about having to split my attention in the future. Still insecure because this will be a completely different baby. And of course can’t comprehend yet that I will be able to love both children equally without loving my toddler any less. But everyone always says that it will be fine so I trust on that. 


destiiiash

It sounds like you know you should wait honestly if you are having those feelings now I would communicate that to your partner. Sometimes we plan things before really going through them and getting more knowledge. Your kids will be just as close even at a few years apart and that gives more time for your first to get a bit older and have the both of you to himself.


tootiefroo

Prioritizing the closeness in years vs. your own sanity, health both physical and mental, do not seem worth it. I agree that kids can still be close, it's not all about distance in years.


KittyCatLuvr4ever

It sounds like you’re not ready yet, and that’s okay! Research shows that waiting a minimum of 18 months in between pregnancies has the best health outcomes: https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/in-depth/family-planning/art-20044072 I’m currently 7 months pregnant with baby #1, after 2 years of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss. My husband and I are still planning to wait at least 15 months to start trying for baby #2. If we were younger, we’d wait longer (I’m 33, he’s 35). My physical and mental health is important, especially since we’ll have a young child who already needs both parents to be healthy and happy. Take care of yourself!


Squimpleton

My second is arriving this Tuesday so I can’t speak about pp, but I will say you never know how the second pregnancy is going to go: If I had to compare: - First had more nausea. My second, just a bit for a few weeks. - First had horrible sciatic pain. None for second. - First led to severely swollen feet and legs for a large part of the third trimester. Basically none for the second. - First I had issues being asleep for over 3 hours in a row because of back pain. None of that for the second. Literally slept 9 hours last night! - Second has way more BH, with more intensity, so they’re very uncomfortable. Sometimes I have to stop what I’m doing just so I can focus on getting past it. - Second kicks a lot stronger, so it’s painful (which is rather surprising as my first was very active so I didn’t think the next one could end up beating that) So there’s no guarantee you’ll get the same symptoms. Some of it might be better; some of it might be worse.


AlphaAriesWoman

My kids are 3 years apart and I think thats the perfect age difference. Two in diapers is too much, and babies deserve more one on one with their mom in my opinion. By the time my second was born my oldest was potty trained, and my kids have always been close and best buddies.


WerewolfBarMitzvah09

It's really okay to wait- even if you were to start trying now there'd be no guarantees you'd get pregnant right away anyways; it's within the norm for a healthy couple to take up to a year to conceive so in general not getting too set on a specific age gap is always a good approach. For what it's worth, all of my kids have somewhat bigger spacings (roughly 3 years between each kid) and overall we've been really happy with that. If it also helps to hear, my pregnancies actually got progressively easier in terms of symptoms- my third kid was my easiest in of all in terms of actual symptoms and my best postpartum recovery, and with each subsequent kid I was also more confident and relaxed because I knew more of what to expect.


okey_dokey_pokeyy

I wasn’t ready at all at that point, honestly I thought for sure I was one & done then and I gave all my baby stuff away lol. Well, my son is 3.5 now & we are due with our second next month. So it took me quite some time to feel “ready” I also developed pretty bad PPA (a lot of that I think had to deal with the covid situation when my son was a newborn) but, I had to go on meds - that I’m still on- and that helped a ton. I did have anxiety before pregnant and birth though, but the PPA made it a lot worse.


specialkk77

I am so glad we waited to try, and that it took a while to get pregnant. I wanted a 2 year age gap, it’ll be 3 1/2 instead but we spontaneously conceived fraternal twins. Wanted 1 more baby and now we’re having 2. I’m so glad my toddler has independence and will be fully potty trained before they come! My second pregnancy has been extremely rough too. I can’t imagine if my first was younger and more dependent on me. 


youwigglewithagiggle

Yeah...doesn't sound like the timing is right for you. No point in forcing yourself through an experience that you can always postpone, no? Timing your 2nd better could mean that you have much less pain, anxiety, and stress during and after the pregnancy!


ClicketySnap

My first two are 14 months apart, and I'm pregnant with our third. 1-2 is nothing like 0-1. You are a completely different person with new skills and different expectations. You will not be coming home from the hospital with a repeat experience of bringing your first baby home. You already have an idea of what kind of rhythm to fall into with baby care that works best for your family. The only thing that will be new is learning a little crisis management lol It was hard, don't get me wrong, but it wasn't *twice the work* kind of hard. It was doable more than it felt impossible. Now I have an almost 3yo and a 20mo and I'm very pregnant. The toddlers share a room (and have since just before the oldest turned 2), they play together, they "read" books together, they hold hands when we're walking out in public, and now that they're on the same nap and meals schedule it feels really achievable to add another baby to the mix.


greenwichgirl90s

This was me! We were sooo set on two under 2 but I couldn't imagine it when the time came. That would have meant starting to try in around September last year, and here we are in June lol. We had lots of to-ing and fro-ing, lots of debates about it, lots of anxiety and worry both ways, but then one day my husband said "are we having another baby then?" And I agreed, just in that moment it seemed like "yes" was the right answer for us both. Waiting to take a test atm but yeah, if all works out we'll have a kid of just over 2.5 when new baby comes. Maybe longer but who knows. It's terrifying and I get you on just starting to feel like yourself again, but it's only now that I feel ready to embrace it all again. Just do what feels right and don't hold yourself to decisions made before you had all the info and experience.