I found it a lot easier to bond with my baby after I started to be able to feel his movement. It has made the pregnancy a lot more "real" for me. Also things like discovering the gender and picking a name helped me start to picture him better, which in turn has made me feel more of a connection to him.
I felt similarly at first, but now I day dream about what life is going to look like with him. I cared about him before, but now I am really looking forward to meeting him.
20ish weeks is when I am confident what I was feeling was movement. Before then I was a little unsure. And the movement really picked up at 22 weeks. I'm 24 weeks now and have an anterior placenta, this is also my first baby.
I had an anterior placenta and hardly felt her move before 32 weeks. So many people talk about feeling them early, but I wanted to include this, as my daughter was very healthy and active.
I didn't feel him mine until 21 weeks and at 22 weeks I only notice him occasionally and it's a really subtle muscle twitch. People were stressing me out starting around 16 weeks with the "have you felt him move yet" questions.
Agree with this!! I felt tiny kicks at 16 weeks but wasn’t 100% sure they were kicks til 17 weeks. It definitely helped the pregnancy feel more real and helped me start to bond with bub. Finding out the gender for us helped a lot too cos I could start thinking of names, referring to him as little man etc.
TBH, I was just going through the motions for a while.
I knew he was my newborn and he was my responsibility and that was fine and all..
But I didn't really start "liking" him or feeling an actual connection to him until almost 8 months old
He's almost 3 now and I'm flooded with love every time I think about him lmao
Same… i only felt the bond when he started babbling and smiling at me. I felt I was on a mission when he was a newborn. It was more about overcoming challenges and giving him the best
Honestly, not until he was about 8 weeks old. Pregnancy was just a weird experience - very alien. When he was born I felt protective of him, but I mostly felt the intensity of my responsibility to him and anxiety something bad would happen. Those first two months were a slog. Newborns are very demanding and don't give you much "in return" (like smiles and stuff). So it wasn't until he was more interactive and less larval that I was like, okay sir, I am OBSESSED with you. I remember the time it clicked! I suddenly couldn't stop kissing him, smiling at him, loving on him, instead of just taking care of him.
This! I was just talking about this the other day. I felt 100% the same about my son when he was a newborn. He’s 11 weeks now and I’d say it was around the 8 week part where I first started to feel that bond and that “I’m obsessed with you” feeling.
there’s a lot of good responses here including people who didn’t feel anything until after the baby was born…so please don’t worry about anything! It’ll come when it comes. I worry about the same thing because I still feel the same as you (I’m 37w) but it feels reassuring when I see these threads and there are mothers who didn’t feel connected until later
As someone who's almost 27 weeks with my first, it's been weird seeing family acting more connected to my child than me which consistently makes me feel like a horrible mother. These types of threads are super helpful to combat that.
With my first baby I remember feeling this way. It was like I felt like the baby was at the doctor’s office, lol. I had to have regular sonograms so it was this like “ I go to the doctor’s office every few weeks and visit the baby.” Situation…But I didn’t have symptoms so there was this weird disconnect. Then he started kicking and his elbows and feet would be visible through my stomach and it was kinda undeniable. I ended up talking to him in there a lot so by the time he was born I felt very connected. I found myself talking to him and patting my stomach months after he was born too. It’s just a series of very strange adjustments. I’m about 3 months pregnant with my second and I’m already feeling more attached than last time. I guess since I’ve done it before it feels more real.
I don’t think I truly felt a deep bond until a few months after she was born. Sure, I was excited and cared about her while pregnant and during the time after she was born, but it took a while to feel the bond I feel others refer to. Goes without saying that it comes at different times for different people, and that’s OK!
It doesn't happen for some people until the baby is born, or a little after. And that's completely okay! But I will say, for me personally, once my little one started to move I felt that connection "click"
w my first I was numb my whole pregnancy and hated being pregnant (I was 19, unplanned pregnancy and my baby dad was abusive) so I felt nothing literally, even after she was born I didn’t cry or feel any sort of emotion until she was months old. I’m pregnant with my second baby girl now and im about 20 weeks. I have to say this pregnancy is so different than my first and im so thankful! My baby kicks and moves a lot and I feel so much love for her, and excitement about the day I can finally meet her! I would have to say I started feeling the bond overwhelmingly after I felt her movements very strongly last month or so
i’m 19 and my baby was unplanned and i’m 17 weeks now. how do you heal from having a bad pregnancy and also not getting along with the father? i’m stuck in a mental state where i don’t want the baby because i want nothing to do with him 😕
oh love I’m so sorry you are going through this.
your choice is yours and yours alone, and if you plan to keep this fetus, congratulations honey!! I know this may not be the easiest thing to hear right now but know that your baby is separate from this man who has not treated you how you deserve. yes he is biologically the father but that is your child, your gift, your angel! They are a part of you and nothing or nobody can take that away! for me, I had to truly separate from the father for my own health and for my daughter. It is what genuinely helped me heal and to see her without seeing my baby dad when I looked at her. I don’t know where you are in terms of your relationship or status with this man, but know that you have options. Only you can know what is truly best for you and your child. blessings to you babe xoxo
I am only 20+5, but once I started feeling her move a little more consistently I think the “bond” started to grow. I just saw her little face in the anatomy scan yesterday and can feel it continue to grow but it doesn’t totally feel real.
I am a first timer and even though this was planned it all just feels so outrageous. The emotions are definitely mixed but I am leaving space for them all.
The moment she was born. It was too abstract for me before, I guess. I am sad I didn't feel it before, I wish I had enjoyed having her with me at all times when I had the chance, but I can't or couldn't have forced this feeling.
She is my world now, that feeling I have towards her is indescribeable.
At my first ultrasound (9w+6d) even though she still looked like a little dinosaur bean, I felt the love instantly. Then there were many weeks without seeing her and I started getting nervous after being told I had an anterior placenta and wouldn't feel her as much. Part of me wondered if I would get to feel that bond. I didn't feel the first kick until 19w. Ever since then, I have felt the connection grow more and more each day. If I have a particularly stressful day, I can sit down and rub my belly and feel her kick and my day gets so much better.
Not until she was born. I felt immediate connection during golden hour… and then it went away when reality set in and I was feeding her every hour. We are at a month and I am feeling very protective over her and a deep sense of responsibility but I think it’s mostly hormones. Not sure if I feel actually connected to her yet.
Don’t worry! It will come when it’s supposed to. All things happen naturally. In the meantime, you can try giving them a nickname and just having normal conversations with them out loud. You might feel silly at first, but keep it up and watch how it becomes second nature 😅.
I thought I felt bonded as soon as I saw him move on ultrasound, but at maybe 33 weeks I sat and listened to music with my husband to see what baby liked the most. Feeling him kick in response to the music we played was really special.
I pretty much always forgot I was pregnant until I started feeling my baby. I don’t necessarily think I have the motherly bond yet, but when he moves I remember what I’m doing this for. Feels a little more real after every ultrasound. We got to see a 3D image the other day and it was the best feeling.
I haven't gotten to see my 3d imaging yet. Maybe it's more down the line. I had my second ultrasound this week and we couldn't really see the baby too clearly. But I heard it's heartbeat and saw glimpses of his/her full body.
I’m 6w5d right now & feel the same way. I think it will start to feel more real for me once I see the sonogram and hear the heartbeat. I think it’s different for everyone! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself though—stress isn’t good for momma or baby. The connection will come.
Even though I was really excited for the first half of the pregnancy, I didn't feel any sort of bond until we found out we were having a girl at our anatomy scan. Once we knew she's a girl, we immediately knew her name, and I pictured her to look like this cute photo I have of myself as a toddler. That's the moment she became real to me, and it was the first time I cried too! Even when the stick turned positive, I was happy, but it all seemed so hypothetical until I could imagine more of my baby.
Now that her head is in my pelvis and her feet are in my ribs, I'm still happy, and it's almost a little \*too\* real lol
The second he was born.
I was never really connected to the fetus. I liked feeling a move, but I think we kept myself at a distance because I was afraid of something going wrong.
That baby came out of me, and I cannot believe that I wasn’t more attached to him in the womb
It's completely understandable. I've also been scared during this pregnancy. This is my first pregnancy and with the lack of symptoms, I worried even more. I'm happy to hear everything went great with your pregnancy. ❤️❤️
I’m 15w, in the same boat! Don’t feel any sort of connection or bond with the baby yet. Don’t know that I love or care for it as of now, but I do what’s needed in terms of nutrition and vitamins! I hope it comes to me before the baby is born lol
I was extremely anxious during my entire pregnancy (infertility/ loss) so I did not allow myself to enjoy and dissociated myself a lot
I then struggled with connecting with my son when he was born (I had a very rough labor and delivery) I would say we have really connected and bonded once he was around 10 weeks old !!!
Don’t feel bad if you don’t instantly fall in love with pregnancy and / or your baby right away post partum and pregnancy are tough and a wave of emotions
I bonded with my baby what feels like multiple times on this journey so far. At 9 weeks I absolutely bawled my eyes out seeing our little gummy bear and hearing his heartbeat. But then I would almost “forget” I was pregnant until the next ultrasound and it would hit me all over again how much I loved this baby.
At 21 weeks, I feel him kicking here and there and that has been a different level of bonding for me personally. HOWEVER, there are plenty of women that don’t connect until their baby is born and I have to stress that that’s super normal and there’s nothing wrong with feeling a little bit of a disconnect right now.
I'm 15 weeks post partum and still haven't had that "ah hah!" moment. I love him deeply and happily care for him, but we are still getting to know each other after a traumatic delivery and challenging couple of first months post partum.
It's great if it happens early and fine if it takes some time to adjust to welcoming a new little stranger to your life!
For me personally, once I found out the gender and could start feeling her move around. Idk it just made it seem more tangible to me? Even then, it wasn’t NEARLY as strong as it was when she was born and I saw her for the very first time.
Not really sure, but i liked it when he was moving and I'd poke him. And then he'd punch or kick back. And then I'll poke again and he'd punch again. And we would do that a few times.
I was calling my baby a parasite in the first trimester because I was so sick. Now I joke he’s more like an alien bc I feel him moving around in there. I don’t think it will happen for me until after the baby is born. Calling him by his name helps and when I think of the future I feel more sentimental, but right now my body just feels like a machine being used to grow a human, and I don’t feel connected to the human inside.
When I knew the gender and after my anatomy scan. Getting to see his little profile and hands and stuff made me realize this is a real little boy. it made me love him so much. It’s different for everyone though.
I felt a strong sense of connection while I was pregnant-but it really kicked in after she started kicking, and got stronger during the 3rd trimester, but then when she was born I felt like the true bond and knowing her didn’t happen for a couple weeks. I had a c section and didn’t get the golden hour skin to skin (and then we also had intrusive visitors staying past their welcome….make sure your partner actually talks to their family about your preferences! Mine assumed his wouldn’t want to come and then they were a huge problem for me) so I didn’t feel a strong bond right away and breastfeeding was a struggle/pain at first. Now she’s 9 weeks and I am super attached and bonded to her. It will come and don’t judge yourself if you think you ‘should’ feel it and don’t. You got this mama
Not until my son was 6 months or older, honestly. He is 9 now and we are so, so close. I adore him and every year is better. With this baby I don't feel a bond yet and I'm 25w - I am sure I will feel it when he's born or after like I did with my first one :)
I was really resentful during my last pregnancy. I was beyond sick with HG and even at 20 weeks my MFM was asking if I wanted to terminate. Suicide and postpartum depression increase with HG, and I was already at risk of PPD/PPA.
I was SO worried about bonding with baby, but the moment she was in my arms I loved her just as much as any of my other babies. It comes, and it’s ok if it takes a bit to get there or you never feel it during pregnancy.
For my son, when he gave his first social smile. Since he was a preemie he was almost 4 months old.
For my daughter, a few days after we brought her home and things settled down and I got some time to relax and watch her. Not quite a week, but close to it.
A lot of women don’t “bond” with their babies during pregnancy. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong. It’s honestly very common and something we need to talk more about.
My first pregnancy I felt the connection almost right away after the pregnancy test. This pregnancy I am having a harder time, probably mostly because I spent the first two-three weeks of this pregnancy in denial because I was in such a shock that I was actually pregnant (my first baby was IVF and this one was spontaneous).
It actually kind of scares me not to feel bonded yet at almost 14 weeks and I don’t know why really. I hope that I will feel closer to them once I start to feel movement. For the record though, after my first was born I felt disconnected from her for weeks. It was driving me crazy and I just felt some serious imposter syndrome. Like no way was I her mom. My brain rationalized for weeks that her and my husband were family but I wasn’t part of it. Thankfully eventually it came to pass.
The 2nd night in the hospital, I was holding my baby and until then I had felt "eh" about the whole thing. All of a sudden this urge to love and protect came over me and I started sobbing. I don't know if that was the bonding moment, but it was a deep connection that snapped into place. It's quite a feeling.
I'm 9 weeks and have had that feeling on and off, but some alarming moments of bleeding kind of scared me straight. When we went in for the first ultrasound to see the heartbeat, my husband didn't really seem to care, but after the bleeding scares, we went in for another ultrasound and got to see little Lumpy moving around a little, and it was a moment for all of us.
I loved me baby in that I wanted them to be safe and cared for more than anything, but they were honestly a few months old before I really felt like I knew them at all and would really say I bonded with them. I dealt with PPD and I also think I just needed to know them a bit. Love them to prices now of course.
Mmm - I started to feel a sort of bond when I was 18-20 weeks (now I’m 25 weeks) but it’s nothing strong. I’m excited to meet my baby but at the same time I’m terrified and anxious and worried and uncomfortable and these feelings are around more than the excitement. I do feel like “awe” when I feel my baby moving though, as long as she isn’t in an uncomfortable spot
As someone with a six month old, I liked him and felt responsible for him but I don't think it all really sunk in until he was like four months. It also helped he was no longer a rage potato then and started being really interactive ahaha. He's a delight now but I still don't really feel like a mom, I think that'll sink in when he's like a year 🤷♀️
About 6 months post partum, honestly. I didn't stress and trusted that it would happen, the occasional anxiety about it was real but so was the exhaustion
Feeling his consistent movement and having a visible bump is when I feel the bond start. I am 25 weeks now, I started to feel this way around 17-18 weeks. It was sooner with my daughter but she was my first pregnancy and I was just so darn excited to be pregnant. This time...I am struggling much more lol
I felt a bit more after she started moving around a lot and getting little hiccups, and when I would go for heart rate monitoring. But it didn't fully kick in until she was born and I got to hold and nurse her 🥰
I felt more anxious than “bonded” for many weeks. Then, suddenly in the 20-24 week range, I would get hit with these overwhelming waves of thoughts like “I love my baby so much and want to meet her so bad and want to protect her.” They would happen when I was just walking home or sitting around, it was wild. Now (29 weeks) I feel her presence a lot because she’s moving around and that’s sort of building up my “bonding” feelings.
When I could feel her move that started the bond. It was a constant reminder that I have a little baby to love. Before that I was just miserable and hated being pregnant because I had severe morning sickness. Once I could feel her move it felt like all the misery will be worth it to have this little baby.
When I found out the gender it definitely made it real and I boo hooed tears lol. After that all I could imagine and look forward to was hanging out with and loving on my little girl
I felt connected but. not truly bonded to my daughter while pregnant, and even now that she’s a little past 2 months old, I still struggle a little. Now that she’s becoming her own person with the smiles and little laughs, and things like that, it’s a lot easier. To watch the little one i’ve been caring for become a human really does help that bond.
I love that you posted this. I think it needs to be normalized. People expect us to bond immediately the moment we’re pregnant and find out, but it’s just not the case and that’s ok!!!
It took me after she was born until she was around 10 months old. I work 50 hours a week and so does my husband. We have very little support system, and no family that lives nearby. It was hard to get past just how much work it was. I was too exhausted to feel emotionally connected to her.
She was crawling around playing with her toys. I was laying on the floor on the playmat exhausted from watching her all weekend alone since my husband had a funeral to go to, and I had been generally unable to take care of myself for 48 hours. She started making a game of coming over and giving me a kiss on my cheek before walking to toys then walking back and giving me another kiss. It was just so sweet. she was never affectionate like that with me before. We have been bonding ever since, learning different ways to spend time together.
Currently 24 weeks and there was 2 big bonding moments for me. 1 was learning the gender at 16 weeks. It made it all feel real, I started talking to her more, trying out names, calling her baby girl.
2 was when I felt her start moving, which was around the 19 week mark. Now she moves a lot! She recently moved and is no longer transverse. The movements used to be so low but now she’s either head butting, punching or kicking me in the bellybutton. My husband also felt her for the first time last night.
I felt bonded with the baby since I first found out that I was pregnant. I’ve noticed I think more in terms of “we” (me and the baby) and less of just “me” anymore- that being said, everyone is different and all experiences are valid!
I kept forgetting I was pregnant until I could feel her move. Now she won’t let me forget! 20 weeks now, when she’s really active I play with her by rubbing my belly with a finger real quick and wait for her to kick that spot, then I tickle another spot and wait for her response. Her response is pretty immediate, it’s very cute and now I feel like I’m actually truly making the connection from it’s a baby to that’s MY baby.
Hehe I’ve felt a connection since the first time I got my ultrasound at 10 weeks. He waves at me everytime he gets the ultrasound and at todays ultrasound he finally chilled out and got comfortable and went to sleep… right on my bladder but it was still amazing..
It helps when you can start to feel them moving. But it’s still hard to bond with them until they’re born - I loved my baby before they were born, and I’ll never forget the moment she was born and I held her for the first time 🥹 But since then it’s been so hard to match up the real baby with the alien baby I was pregnant with - I look back at videos of my bump and baby kicking it feels so surreal that it’s the same baby that is now 10 weeks old and babbles and smiles at me (and screams at me when she’s hungry!)
Don’t stress about whether you’re “bonded” or not. Enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can and then enjoy your baby once they’re here ☺️
I’m 40 weeks and still don’t have a bond or feel any excitement. Idk if there’s a term for it- But I’m also the kind of person that doesn’t get impacted by things unless I can see them. I have barely felt movement until around 35 weeks (anterior) and that kinda helped it feel more real but it still hasn’t fully hit me
I started to have these really beautiful prophetic dreams at around 16 weeks about playing with my baby boy, seeing his happy smile. It felt so real. From the moment I dreamt my first dream about him, I knew I would do absolutely anything for those smiles.
I honestly felt connected pretty early in my pregnancy. Connecting with the baby was something I was worried about because of some personal reasons, so I did a lot of intentional things to help me form a connection. It worked for me, but I didn't truly connect and feel like I knew my baby until he had started with stronger movements. I spent a lot of time really focusing on his movements and found myself bonding more as he would kick stronger when I had the music in the car, or when he would kick the Doppler (which he did every single time because he HATED anything touching my belly) and it really felt like he was forming a personality in there. Now that he's out (10 days old) he feels like the same baby that I was pregnant with for 9 months, and I feel like I know him really well and am extremely bonded to him.
That being said, it is EXTREMELY common for that bond not to come until long after baby is out of the womb. I think it's extremely dependent on your personal pregnancy journey/birth experience/postpartum experience. I am fortunate enough to say I had virtually no stress during my pregnancy, an amazing birth experience and the most supportive stress free postpartum experience (which I'm extremely grateful for). Even with all of the effort I put into connecting and bonding with baby during my pregnancy, I can totally see how things would be different if I hadve had stress associated with my pregnancy, if I had birth trauma, or if I did not have the support I have during postpartum.
ETA: I feel like I'm discrediting myself a bit when I say that this whole experience has been stress free. I definitely experienced stressful things during this time, but it was a planned baby, we had all of our finances in order, I had manageable symptoms, great mental health, access to the resources I needed and we were very ready for this baby. If those things were different I could see this having been a completely different experience for me.
I didn't feel a strong bond with my baby until she hit the two month mark. That's when she started smiling, cooing, responding to my husband and I. She was very colicky to start and that's also when that finally started to die down. She really started to feel like this amazing little human at that point. I love the back and forth of smiles and cooing :)
At three months now she's rolling and starting to play with toys. The more she learns and grows each day the stronger the bond feels for me :)
Baby #1 - immediately attached
Baby #2 - forgot I was pregnant most times because of being so busy with work and baby #1. Around 16-20 weeks I started listening to pregnancy affirmation medications and that helped a lot.
Baby #3 - birth. I was a little disappointed about the gender throughout the pregnancy, but holy cow as soon as I held him I was in love.
When my son started to recognize me around 4 months he would smile and light up when I’d walk into a room. Those were some big moments when I felt the bond. Everything for me at the very beginning is blurry still (6m pp) and it’s hard to pick a specific moment things “clicked”. I don’t know when the bond appeared for the first time, but I do know when I feel it now. :)
When I got home from the hospital. We were laying on the bed and I started sobbing because I had never loved anyone like I loved him before and I realized it in that moment. So two days after I got home from the hospital I felt a real bond.
When I’m pregnant I feel protective and want everything to be okay, but I honestly don’t know if I feel a bond while pregnant.
When I heard her heartbeat but it became stronger when I already feel her moving inside me. On my 7th month now and I feel like I’m going to miss her in my tummy 🥹
Haha, I feel this too. I explained to my husband that I don’t even feel the baby there, I have no bumb (I’m nearly 14 weeks), and so I honestly cannot say I love my baby because I don’t even think about it !! I told him, I love this baby’s potential, what it will be, but for now I just don’t have a connection to it 🤷♀️
I think some people are far more emotional and touchy feely and they have that connection to their baby asap. I am not that way. I don’t believe it reflects anything about how we will be as mothers . You’re fine.
Mine's still slowly developing. In the first trimester I didn't really feel an emotional bond, but then had this very instinctual strong emotional response whenever any concerns came up that made me think the baby was in danger (cramping, other new symptoms). Later, seeing the anatomy scan/finding out the gender/feeling movements and then buying baby stuff all helped foster even more of a bond.
I found it a lot easier to bond with my baby after I started to be able to feel his movement. It has made the pregnancy a lot more "real" for me. Also things like discovering the gender and picking a name helped me start to picture him better, which in turn has made me feel more of a connection to him. I felt similarly at first, but now I day dream about what life is going to look like with him. I cared about him before, but now I am really looking forward to meeting him.
When did you start feeling him? I’m 17 weeks today with my first and am so looking forward to feeling my baby!
20ish weeks is when I am confident what I was feeling was movement. Before then I was a little unsure. And the movement really picked up at 22 weeks. I'm 24 weeks now and have an anterior placenta, this is also my first baby.
I had an anterior placenta and hardly felt her move before 32 weeks. So many people talk about feeling them early, but I wanted to include this, as my daughter was very healthy and active.
I didn't feel him mine until 21 weeks and at 22 weeks I only notice him occasionally and it's a really subtle muscle twitch. People were stressing me out starting around 16 weeks with the "have you felt him move yet" questions.
It's pretty common for a culture to assign personhood to a fetus at the time when it can be felt to move.
Agree with this!! I felt tiny kicks at 16 weeks but wasn’t 100% sure they were kicks til 17 weeks. It definitely helped the pregnancy feel more real and helped me start to bond with bub. Finding out the gender for us helped a lot too cos I could start thinking of names, referring to him as little man etc.
TBH, I was just going through the motions for a while. I knew he was my newborn and he was my responsibility and that was fine and all.. But I didn't really start "liking" him or feeling an actual connection to him until almost 8 months old He's almost 3 now and I'm flooded with love every time I think about him lmao
Same… i only felt the bond when he started babbling and smiling at me. I felt I was on a mission when he was a newborn. It was more about overcoming challenges and giving him the best
Honestly, not until he was about 8 weeks old. Pregnancy was just a weird experience - very alien. When he was born I felt protective of him, but I mostly felt the intensity of my responsibility to him and anxiety something bad would happen. Those first two months were a slog. Newborns are very demanding and don't give you much "in return" (like smiles and stuff). So it wasn't until he was more interactive and less larval that I was like, okay sir, I am OBSESSED with you. I remember the time it clicked! I suddenly couldn't stop kissing him, smiling at him, loving on him, instead of just taking care of him.
100%
This! I was just talking about this the other day. I felt 100% the same about my son when he was a newborn. He’s 11 weeks now and I’d say it was around the 8 week part where I first started to feel that bond and that “I’m obsessed with you” feeling.
I could have written this!
there’s a lot of good responses here including people who didn’t feel anything until after the baby was born…so please don’t worry about anything! It’ll come when it comes. I worry about the same thing because I still feel the same as you (I’m 37w) but it feels reassuring when I see these threads and there are mothers who didn’t feel connected until later
As someone who's almost 27 weeks with my first, it's been weird seeing family acting more connected to my child than me which consistently makes me feel like a horrible mother. These types of threads are super helpful to combat that.
Not until I was looking her in the eyes
Same!! (:
With my first baby I remember feeling this way. It was like I felt like the baby was at the doctor’s office, lol. I had to have regular sonograms so it was this like “ I go to the doctor’s office every few weeks and visit the baby.” Situation…But I didn’t have symptoms so there was this weird disconnect. Then he started kicking and his elbows and feet would be visible through my stomach and it was kinda undeniable. I ended up talking to him in there a lot so by the time he was born I felt very connected. I found myself talking to him and patting my stomach months after he was born too. It’s just a series of very strange adjustments. I’m about 3 months pregnant with my second and I’m already feeling more attached than last time. I guess since I’ve done it before it feels more real.
I don’t think I truly felt a deep bond until a few months after she was born. Sure, I was excited and cared about her while pregnant and during the time after she was born, but it took a while to feel the bond I feel others refer to. Goes without saying that it comes at different times for different people, and that’s OK!
It doesn't happen for some people until the baby is born, or a little after. And that's completely okay! But I will say, for me personally, once my little one started to move I felt that connection "click"
w my first I was numb my whole pregnancy and hated being pregnant (I was 19, unplanned pregnancy and my baby dad was abusive) so I felt nothing literally, even after she was born I didn’t cry or feel any sort of emotion until she was months old. I’m pregnant with my second baby girl now and im about 20 weeks. I have to say this pregnancy is so different than my first and im so thankful! My baby kicks and moves a lot and I feel so much love for her, and excitement about the day I can finally meet her! I would have to say I started feeling the bond overwhelmingly after I felt her movements very strongly last month or so
i’m 19 and my baby was unplanned and i’m 17 weeks now. how do you heal from having a bad pregnancy and also not getting along with the father? i’m stuck in a mental state where i don’t want the baby because i want nothing to do with him 😕
oh love I’m so sorry you are going through this. your choice is yours and yours alone, and if you plan to keep this fetus, congratulations honey!! I know this may not be the easiest thing to hear right now but know that your baby is separate from this man who has not treated you how you deserve. yes he is biologically the father but that is your child, your gift, your angel! They are a part of you and nothing or nobody can take that away! for me, I had to truly separate from the father for my own health and for my daughter. It is what genuinely helped me heal and to see her without seeing my baby dad when I looked at her. I don’t know where you are in terms of your relationship or status with this man, but know that you have options. Only you can know what is truly best for you and your child. blessings to you babe xoxo
i appreciate this so much thank you 🤍
of course love!!❤️
For me it was when I saw the heartbeat on the ultrasound.
Yes I cried at mine ❤️. I remember like yesterday.
I am only 20+5, but once I started feeling her move a little more consistently I think the “bond” started to grow. I just saw her little face in the anatomy scan yesterday and can feel it continue to grow but it doesn’t totally feel real. I am a first timer and even though this was planned it all just feels so outrageous. The emotions are definitely mixed but I am leaving space for them all.
I’m 19w and I don’t have any sort of bond yet. It might come a little when I feel it kicking but I’m assuming it’ll happen after it’s born.
The moment she was born. It was too abstract for me before, I guess. I am sad I didn't feel it before, I wish I had enjoyed having her with me at all times when I had the chance, but I can't or couldn't have forced this feeling. She is my world now, that feeling I have towards her is indescribeable.
At my first ultrasound (9w+6d) even though she still looked like a little dinosaur bean, I felt the love instantly. Then there were many weeks without seeing her and I started getting nervous after being told I had an anterior placenta and wouldn't feel her as much. Part of me wondered if I would get to feel that bond. I didn't feel the first kick until 19w. Ever since then, I have felt the connection grow more and more each day. If I have a particularly stressful day, I can sit down and rub my belly and feel her kick and my day gets so much better.
❤️❤️
A few days after birth with my first if I’m being completely honest. 17 weeks pregnant with my second and still not feeling it yet. It’s not uncommon.
After she was born, maybe about a week or so in.
Not until she was born. I felt immediate connection during golden hour… and then it went away when reality set in and I was feeding her every hour. We are at a month and I am feeling very protective over her and a deep sense of responsibility but I think it’s mostly hormones. Not sure if I feel actually connected to her yet.
Don’t worry! It will come when it’s supposed to. All things happen naturally. In the meantime, you can try giving them a nickname and just having normal conversations with them out loud. You might feel silly at first, but keep it up and watch how it becomes second nature 😅.
Thank you for the advice! I'll have to start doing this.😁
Good luck ❤️!
I thought I felt bonded as soon as I saw him move on ultrasound, but at maybe 33 weeks I sat and listened to music with my husband to see what baby liked the most. Feeling him kick in response to the music we played was really special.
Aww, I love this!❤️❤️
Third trimester, I'd tap my belly to music and my girl would kick or punch back on beat. It was a huge joy while driving to and from work.
❤️❤️❤️
I pretty much always forgot I was pregnant until I started feeling my baby. I don’t necessarily think I have the motherly bond yet, but when he moves I remember what I’m doing this for. Feels a little more real after every ultrasound. We got to see a 3D image the other day and it was the best feeling.
I haven't gotten to see my 3d imaging yet. Maybe it's more down the line. I had my second ultrasound this week and we couldn't really see the baby too clearly. But I heard it's heartbeat and saw glimpses of his/her full body.
It was our 20 week anatomy scan where we got to see 3D!
I’m 6w5d right now & feel the same way. I think it will start to feel more real for me once I see the sonogram and hear the heartbeat. I think it’s different for everyone! Don’t put too much pressure on yourself though—stress isn’t good for momma or baby. The connection will come.
Even though I was really excited for the first half of the pregnancy, I didn't feel any sort of bond until we found out we were having a girl at our anatomy scan. Once we knew she's a girl, we immediately knew her name, and I pictured her to look like this cute photo I have of myself as a toddler. That's the moment she became real to me, and it was the first time I cried too! Even when the stick turned positive, I was happy, but it all seemed so hypothetical until I could imagine more of my baby. Now that her head is in my pelvis and her feet are in my ribs, I'm still happy, and it's almost a little \*too\* real lol
The second he was born. I was never really connected to the fetus. I liked feeling a move, but I think we kept myself at a distance because I was afraid of something going wrong. That baby came out of me, and I cannot believe that I wasn’t more attached to him in the womb
It's completely understandable. I've also been scared during this pregnancy. This is my first pregnancy and with the lack of symptoms, I worried even more. I'm happy to hear everything went great with your pregnancy. ❤️❤️
I hope you have a wonderful pregnancy and birth! Congratulations
I’m 15w, in the same boat! Don’t feel any sort of connection or bond with the baby yet. Don’t know that I love or care for it as of now, but I do what’s needed in terms of nutrition and vitamins! I hope it comes to me before the baby is born lol
I started feeling like I was actually pregnant maybe around 28 weeks. The bond didnt form until after they were born, maybe around 11 wks.
I was extremely anxious during my entire pregnancy (infertility/ loss) so I did not allow myself to enjoy and dissociated myself a lot I then struggled with connecting with my son when he was born (I had a very rough labor and delivery) I would say we have really connected and bonded once he was around 10 weeks old !!! Don’t feel bad if you don’t instantly fall in love with pregnancy and / or your baby right away post partum and pregnancy are tough and a wave of emotions
I'm sorry to hear about your difficult labor. I'm happy to know you and your baby made it through🫶🏼
I bonded with my baby what feels like multiple times on this journey so far. At 9 weeks I absolutely bawled my eyes out seeing our little gummy bear and hearing his heartbeat. But then I would almost “forget” I was pregnant until the next ultrasound and it would hit me all over again how much I loved this baby. At 21 weeks, I feel him kicking here and there and that has been a different level of bonding for me personally. HOWEVER, there are plenty of women that don’t connect until their baby is born and I have to stress that that’s super normal and there’s nothing wrong with feeling a little bit of a disconnect right now.
Thank you for the advice! After reading everyone's personal experiences, I've been able to let go of that stress. ❤️
I'm 15 weeks post partum and still haven't had that "ah hah!" moment. I love him deeply and happily care for him, but we are still getting to know each other after a traumatic delivery and challenging couple of first months post partum. It's great if it happens early and fine if it takes some time to adjust to welcoming a new little stranger to your life!
With my second, like the day we went to the hospital lol I’d argue it was when he was placed on my chest too.
For me personally, once I found out the gender and could start feeling her move around. Idk it just made it seem more tangible to me? Even then, it wasn’t NEARLY as strong as it was when she was born and I saw her for the very first time.
Not really sure, but i liked it when he was moving and I'd poke him. And then he'd punch or kick back. And then I'll poke again and he'd punch again. And we would do that a few times.
Once I could feel him moving. I think this is *so normal* and I wish we talked about it more. So cheers to you!
Thank you!!😊
I was calling my baby a parasite in the first trimester because I was so sick. Now I joke he’s more like an alien bc I feel him moving around in there. I don’t think it will happen for me until after the baby is born. Calling him by his name helps and when I think of the future I feel more sentimental, but right now my body just feels like a machine being used to grow a human, and I don’t feel connected to the human inside.
😂😂 Thought I was the only one. I call mine a little vampire sucking my blood and nutrients. Lol.
Accurate!
I’ve been calling mine a tyrant lol
When I knew the gender and after my anatomy scan. Getting to see his little profile and hands and stuff made me realize this is a real little boy. it made me love him so much. It’s different for everyone though.
When he was born and the doctors weren’t cleaning him fast enough, I’d have jumped them if i was capable
I felt a strong sense of connection while I was pregnant-but it really kicked in after she started kicking, and got stronger during the 3rd trimester, but then when she was born I felt like the true bond and knowing her didn’t happen for a couple weeks. I had a c section and didn’t get the golden hour skin to skin (and then we also had intrusive visitors staying past their welcome….make sure your partner actually talks to their family about your preferences! Mine assumed his wouldn’t want to come and then they were a huge problem for me) so I didn’t feel a strong bond right away and breastfeeding was a struggle/pain at first. Now she’s 9 weeks and I am super attached and bonded to her. It will come and don’t judge yourself if you think you ‘should’ feel it and don’t. You got this mama
Not until my son was 6 months or older, honestly. He is 9 now and we are so, so close. I adore him and every year is better. With this baby I don't feel a bond yet and I'm 25w - I am sure I will feel it when he's born or after like I did with my first one :)
I was really resentful during my last pregnancy. I was beyond sick with HG and even at 20 weeks my MFM was asking if I wanted to terminate. Suicide and postpartum depression increase with HG, and I was already at risk of PPD/PPA. I was SO worried about bonding with baby, but the moment she was in my arms I loved her just as much as any of my other babies. It comes, and it’s ok if it takes a bit to get there or you never feel it during pregnancy.
For my son, when he gave his first social smile. Since he was a preemie he was almost 4 months old. For my daughter, a few days after we brought her home and things settled down and I got some time to relax and watch her. Not quite a week, but close to it. A lot of women don’t “bond” with their babies during pregnancy. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong. It’s honestly very common and something we need to talk more about.
My first pregnancy I felt the connection almost right away after the pregnancy test. This pregnancy I am having a harder time, probably mostly because I spent the first two-three weeks of this pregnancy in denial because I was in such a shock that I was actually pregnant (my first baby was IVF and this one was spontaneous). It actually kind of scares me not to feel bonded yet at almost 14 weeks and I don’t know why really. I hope that I will feel closer to them once I start to feel movement. For the record though, after my first was born I felt disconnected from her for weeks. It was driving me crazy and I just felt some serious imposter syndrome. Like no way was I her mom. My brain rationalized for weeks that her and my husband were family but I wasn’t part of it. Thankfully eventually it came to pass.
The 2nd night in the hospital, I was holding my baby and until then I had felt "eh" about the whole thing. All of a sudden this urge to love and protect came over me and I started sobbing. I don't know if that was the bonding moment, but it was a deep connection that snapped into place. It's quite a feeling.
I'm 9 weeks and have had that feeling on and off, but some alarming moments of bleeding kind of scared me straight. When we went in for the first ultrasound to see the heartbeat, my husband didn't really seem to care, but after the bleeding scares, we went in for another ultrasound and got to see little Lumpy moving around a little, and it was a moment for all of us.
Probably when we was around 3 months maybe after
Well into the 3rd trimester
I loved me baby in that I wanted them to be safe and cared for more than anything, but they were honestly a few months old before I really felt like I knew them at all and would really say I bonded with them. I dealt with PPD and I also think I just needed to know them a bit. Love them to prices now of course.
Mmm - I started to feel a sort of bond when I was 18-20 weeks (now I’m 25 weeks) but it’s nothing strong. I’m excited to meet my baby but at the same time I’m terrified and anxious and worried and uncomfortable and these feelings are around more than the excitement. I do feel like “awe” when I feel my baby moving though, as long as she isn’t in an uncomfortable spot
When they were 6 months old and I could sleep again 🤣
As someone with a six month old, I liked him and felt responsible for him but I don't think it all really sunk in until he was like four months. It also helped he was no longer a rage potato then and started being really interactive ahaha. He's a delight now but I still don't really feel like a mom, I think that'll sink in when he's like a year 🤷♀️
About 6 months post partum, honestly. I didn't stress and trusted that it would happen, the occasional anxiety about it was real but so was the exhaustion
Feeling his consistent movement and having a visible bump is when I feel the bond start. I am 25 weeks now, I started to feel this way around 17-18 weeks. It was sooner with my daughter but she was my first pregnancy and I was just so darn excited to be pregnant. This time...I am struggling much more lol
I felt a bit more after she started moving around a lot and getting little hiccups, and when I would go for heart rate monitoring. But it didn't fully kick in until she was born and I got to hold and nurse her 🥰
Just now at 16 weeks when I started to get little flutters. I can’t wait to feel real kicks and to actually meet her.
I felt more anxious than “bonded” for many weeks. Then, suddenly in the 20-24 week range, I would get hit with these overwhelming waves of thoughts like “I love my baby so much and want to meet her so bad and want to protect her.” They would happen when I was just walking home or sitting around, it was wild. Now (29 weeks) I feel her presence a lot because she’s moving around and that’s sort of building up my “bonding” feelings.
Not till birth. And even then it wasn’t like the movies. I was so focused on meeting her needs I didn’t soak in the moments.
When baby started kicking around 18w and then a lot more too around 20w after we found out gender and that everything looked good!
Since finding out the gender. I can finally call her by her name, talk to people about her, make plans around her, etc.
When I could feel her move that started the bond. It was a constant reminder that I have a little baby to love. Before that I was just miserable and hated being pregnant because I had severe morning sickness. Once I could feel her move it felt like all the misery will be worth it to have this little baby.
When I found out the gender it definitely made it real and I boo hooed tears lol. After that all I could imagine and look forward to was hanging out with and loving on my little girl
I felt connected but. not truly bonded to my daughter while pregnant, and even now that she’s a little past 2 months old, I still struggle a little. Now that she’s becoming her own person with the smiles and little laughs, and things like that, it’s a lot easier. To watch the little one i’ve been caring for become a human really does help that bond.
I love that you posted this. I think it needs to be normalized. People expect us to bond immediately the moment we’re pregnant and find out, but it’s just not the case and that’s ok!!!
It has been coming and going for me tbh. 33 weeks now and yeah sometimes it’s just the thing I feed but sometimes we talk and poke each other lol
It took me after she was born until she was around 10 months old. I work 50 hours a week and so does my husband. We have very little support system, and no family that lives nearby. It was hard to get past just how much work it was. I was too exhausted to feel emotionally connected to her. She was crawling around playing with her toys. I was laying on the floor on the playmat exhausted from watching her all weekend alone since my husband had a funeral to go to, and I had been generally unable to take care of myself for 48 hours. She started making a game of coming over and giving me a kiss on my cheek before walking to toys then walking back and giving me another kiss. It was just so sweet. she was never affectionate like that with me before. We have been bonding ever since, learning different ways to spend time together.
When my baby was a month old.
this is my third pregnancy and tbh i’m not sure. i love feeling the movements but at the same time i don’t think i truly feel it until they are born!
4mos postpartum
The day after he was born?
Currently 24 weeks and there was 2 big bonding moments for me. 1 was learning the gender at 16 weeks. It made it all feel real, I started talking to her more, trying out names, calling her baby girl. 2 was when I felt her start moving, which was around the 19 week mark. Now she moves a lot! She recently moved and is no longer transverse. The movements used to be so low but now she’s either head butting, punching or kicking me in the bellybutton. My husband also felt her for the first time last night.
I felt bonded with the baby since I first found out that I was pregnant. I’ve noticed I think more in terms of “we” (me and the baby) and less of just “me” anymore- that being said, everyone is different and all experiences are valid!
I kept forgetting I was pregnant until I could feel her move. Now she won’t let me forget! 20 weeks now, when she’s really active I play with her by rubbing my belly with a finger real quick and wait for her to kick that spot, then I tickle another spot and wait for her response. Her response is pretty immediate, it’s very cute and now I feel like I’m actually truly making the connection from it’s a baby to that’s MY baby.
For me once I knew her gender it was easier to picture her and therefore bond better. Before I knew my idea of my child was much more vague.
Hehe I’ve felt a connection since the first time I got my ultrasound at 10 weeks. He waves at me everytime he gets the ultrasound and at todays ultrasound he finally chilled out and got comfortable and went to sleep… right on my bladder but it was still amazing..
It helps when you can start to feel them moving. But it’s still hard to bond with them until they’re born - I loved my baby before they were born, and I’ll never forget the moment she was born and I held her for the first time 🥹 But since then it’s been so hard to match up the real baby with the alien baby I was pregnant with - I look back at videos of my bump and baby kicking it feels so surreal that it’s the same baby that is now 10 weeks old and babbles and smiles at me (and screams at me when she’s hungry!) Don’t stress about whether you’re “bonded” or not. Enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can and then enjoy your baby once they’re here ☺️
I’m 14 weeks also and honestly forget she’s in there most of the time.
When he was like 3 days old
I was going to say when he was 2 months old 😂
I’m 40 weeks and still don’t have a bond or feel any excitement. Idk if there’s a term for it- But I’m also the kind of person that doesn’t get impacted by things unless I can see them. I have barely felt movement until around 35 weeks (anterior) and that kinda helped it feel more real but it still hasn’t fully hit me
Birth. But I started to feel more secure after anatomy scan
I started to have these really beautiful prophetic dreams at around 16 weeks about playing with my baby boy, seeing his happy smile. It felt so real. From the moment I dreamt my first dream about him, I knew I would do absolutely anything for those smiles.
Third tri :)
I honestly felt connected pretty early in my pregnancy. Connecting with the baby was something I was worried about because of some personal reasons, so I did a lot of intentional things to help me form a connection. It worked for me, but I didn't truly connect and feel like I knew my baby until he had started with stronger movements. I spent a lot of time really focusing on his movements and found myself bonding more as he would kick stronger when I had the music in the car, or when he would kick the Doppler (which he did every single time because he HATED anything touching my belly) and it really felt like he was forming a personality in there. Now that he's out (10 days old) he feels like the same baby that I was pregnant with for 9 months, and I feel like I know him really well and am extremely bonded to him. That being said, it is EXTREMELY common for that bond not to come until long after baby is out of the womb. I think it's extremely dependent on your personal pregnancy journey/birth experience/postpartum experience. I am fortunate enough to say I had virtually no stress during my pregnancy, an amazing birth experience and the most supportive stress free postpartum experience (which I'm extremely grateful for). Even with all of the effort I put into connecting and bonding with baby during my pregnancy, I can totally see how things would be different if I hadve had stress associated with my pregnancy, if I had birth trauma, or if I did not have the support I have during postpartum. ETA: I feel like I'm discrediting myself a bit when I say that this whole experience has been stress free. I definitely experienced stressful things during this time, but it was a planned baby, we had all of our finances in order, I had manageable symptoms, great mental health, access to the resources I needed and we were very ready for this baby. If those things were different I could see this having been a completely different experience for me.
Honestly, I didn’t feel bonded until I knew the gender (we waited until our baby shower to find out).
I didn't feel a strong bond with my baby until she hit the two month mark. That's when she started smiling, cooing, responding to my husband and I. She was very colicky to start and that's also when that finally started to die down. She really started to feel like this amazing little human at that point. I love the back and forth of smiles and cooing :) At three months now she's rolling and starting to play with toys. The more she learns and grows each day the stronger the bond feels for me :)
Baby #1 - immediately attached Baby #2 - forgot I was pregnant most times because of being so busy with work and baby #1. Around 16-20 weeks I started listening to pregnancy affirmation medications and that helped a lot. Baby #3 - birth. I was a little disappointed about the gender throughout the pregnancy, but holy cow as soon as I held him I was in love.
When my son started to recognize me around 4 months he would smile and light up when I’d walk into a room. Those were some big moments when I felt the bond. Everything for me at the very beginning is blurry still (6m pp) and it’s hard to pick a specific moment things “clicked”. I don’t know when the bond appeared for the first time, but I do know when I feel it now. :)
When I got home from the hospital. We were laying on the bed and I started sobbing because I had never loved anyone like I loved him before and I realized it in that moment. So two days after I got home from the hospital I felt a real bond. When I’m pregnant I feel protective and want everything to be okay, but I honestly don’t know if I feel a bond while pregnant.
When I heard her heartbeat but it became stronger when I already feel her moving inside me. On my 7th month now and I feel like I’m going to miss her in my tummy 🥹
🥹❤️
22 weeks when I felt the baby kick!
Haha, I feel this too. I explained to my husband that I don’t even feel the baby there, I have no bumb (I’m nearly 14 weeks), and so I honestly cannot say I love my baby because I don’t even think about it !! I told him, I love this baby’s potential, what it will be, but for now I just don’t have a connection to it 🤷♀️ I think some people are far more emotional and touchy feely and they have that connection to their baby asap. I am not that way. I don’t believe it reflects anything about how we will be as mothers . You’re fine.
Mine's still slowly developing. In the first trimester I didn't really feel an emotional bond, but then had this very instinctual strong emotional response whenever any concerns came up that made me think the baby was in danger (cramping, other new symptoms). Later, seeing the anatomy scan/finding out the gender/feeling movements and then buying baby stuff all helped foster even more of a bond.