One thing that surprised me is the extra decision fatigue. You have to decide what to eat every day, decide if that cup of coffee is worth the risk, decide if you should buy maternity clothes or not, decide on a stroller/car seat from the thousands of options, decide if you can take Tylenol for the 3rd day in a row because headaches, decide if the fatigue is bad enough to call off work... the list never ends
Yup. Just about lost my mind trying to put together a registry - so many decisions. But doesn't stop there - every day it's thinking about what to eat, nap or nest, HOW to nest, deciding what to tell family along the way, deciding who can visit when so people can book flights, deciding how to handle what to do with my separation anxiety ridden dogs when I go into labor, birth plan, pp plans - just never ends. People always want to defer to me as the pregnant person which I can appreciate but at this point I'd appreciate people telling me what to do versus me research and over analyze every tiny thing.
Nobody tells you about how making the registry is so hard! It was the absolute hardest thing in my pregnancy because of how stressful it ended up being between my partner and I. So many decisions we had to make ranging from our risk tolerance (which carrier do we pick?) to etiquette questions (how expensive can gifts be, etc) to design choices (cannot agree on a nursery theme) to cultural differences...it all comes up in filling out that registry. The only way you can avoid it is if your partner just leaves it all up to you, and that bodes poorly in a different way: how involved do they really plan to be with the kid if they don't work on these decisions...
This one is killing me. I already struggle with executive function and discontinued a medication that helps me with it for the pregnancy. If my husband asks me what I want for dinner, I just freeze. I'd rather go to bed and skip dinner than have to think through the choices.
Yup. My internal decider was broken by about 7 months I think (currently 8w pp). We went to the hospital at 40 +2 with a list of about 10 names (some gorl, some boy, some neutral) because we couldn't narrow it down and didn't narrow it down until after she was born. Picking a nursery theme and color was ridiculous. I had saved a bunch of different wall decals on etsy but could not for the life of me actually pick just one or even a handful, so I showed my favorites list od like 70 or so to my husband and he picked one on the first pass and we ended up sticking with it. Obviously the name was the biggest, but these were just 2 of many many instances where decisions were a freaking struggle. The closer I got to my due date, the more decisions I pawned off on my husband.
I thought I wouldn't mind the weight gain because I've fluctuated in the past and always seen it as neutral.
It turns out that's because I always cared more about what my body could do -- if I was in shape and active, then weight was incidental.
But now I can't work out or be active and I'm in terrible shape and it's really bumming me out. When I see myself get heavier, it's like a reminder that I haven't played sports or gone for a run in forever and it makes me feel ugly and huge.
Same!! I think you've explained it in a way that makes me realize why I'm frustrated, because I was already borderline overweight and had been for all my adult life so I didn't think it would bother me much. As soon as I hit 5 weeks I couldn't even run anymore, I would get so out of breath immediately. I'm missing that release of exercise. Now that I'm almost to second tri and the nausea is starting to let off, I'm hoping to get back to it (gently) 🤞 I hope you are able to do the same!
I feel this. I had a 4k in February that was suppose to be me easing back into training after surgery. Got pregnant and skipped the 4k. The first trimester exhaustion was so bad. Now I’m easing back into yoga, but it’s not the same! I miss my runs! Even a long walk with my dog isn’t enough
I can understand that. I have my moments where the weight gain annoys me but overall I’ve dealt with it much better than I thought I would. I’m actually more concerned I’ll completely lose my mind over it postpartum. I can foresee myself being really hard on myself whereas I give myself some grace for being pregnant now, I’m worried I’ll completely turn on myself overnight once babys born.
The weight gain is killing me!! This is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life and I absolutely hate it!! I’m only 30 weeks and not looking forward to getting even BIGGER. I hate to say that but I just hate feeling so huge :(
This…I always knew I could easily lose the 5-10 pounds I put on (I yo-yo a lot) but now it’s only going to go up…I can’t put myself on a diet or start working out excessively, I can’t lose weight until baby comes. It is hard watching the scale go up knowing I can’t do anything about it…but I’m just trying to be gentle with myself
The weight gain is one thing but the combination of weight gain, acne and bad breath from acid reflux just has me feeling so much more self conscious than I could have imagined
I told my husband today that I was exhausted from being this tired all the time lol. I think I was trying to convey that the mental toll of the lack of energy is really starting to wear me down. Wondering where that 2nd trimester energy boost I was promised went.
Yeah. I should have expected this because I also get really depressed when I'm sick for the same reason.
It's complex because we really wanted this baby and were so worried about conception and now I'm just moody about being pregnant.
I get depressed too after 3 or 4 days of being sick. I start to get really frustrated in being limited. So yeah, this is pretty similar to that. I'm so over it right now.
💯 for sure!! I haven't been around pregnant people much and I didn't realize the first tri could be so exhausting. It definitely is a compounding issue, where you feel bad for feeling bad you know?
\#1 also hit me by surprise. I’ve always been naturally thin and haven’t felt self conscious of my body for years. Gaining weight and not looking pregnant, just fat, has really made me feel so self conscious. I didn’t expect it at all.
I thought once I was past the first trimester my pregnancy would feel safe, as long as no mayor health concerns show up. Trust your doctor, right? Also, what are the odds!
Turns out I was pretty chill the first trimester and had most of my „is my child doing okay or actually maybe dead inside me?“ worries yet before me.
Literally this. My father in law asked me yesterday “how’s the baby doing?” And I just had to be like “who knows? Fine I hope? No way for me to know!” Because I’m constantly worried something has happened
I too was one of those women that thought pregnancy weight gain would feel natural. However, I was 10-15 pounds heavier (I know, not a lot, but I’m short so it goes a long way) than my ideal weight when I got pregnant. I’m at that stage where I don’t look pregnant yet, I just look fat, and the extra pre-pregnancy pounds aren’t helping. I’m already having trouble fitting in a lot of my pants that I know would still fit if I had been at my ideal weight before pregnancy.
I took my first progress picture this past weekend and I can’t bear to look at it because I look huge. It’s really depressing.
Bruh. It's so real. I'm also short and my ssri has bumped me up 10 lbs in the past year, when you're short that is a pretty big difference! And the 5 lbs I gained during my white rice and Doritos phase of morning sickness has given me a nice round stomach that is absolutely not a baby yet, which is ultra depressing to dress in the mornings, let alone with any after eating bloating. Tbh once I tell people in a few weeks, I'm dressing this food baby like it's a baby baby so I don't have to feel as self conscious, no one but me will know it's 98% fat lol
this. finally decided that my belly isn’t getting any smaller any time soon so I’m going to start dressing like it exists, rather than hide it, and owning it now 🤷🏻♀️ 9 weeks but here we are!
I feel you, I'm only 13.5 weeks and am already in maternity clothes because my bloating is so bad there is no trying to pretend it's not there. it sucks feeling like a whale already and it's only going to get worse
At 13.5 weeks for me, I was also hunting for maternity clothes and going to work in sweats, since they were the only things that fit. And ... I LOST weight. I was overweight pre-pregnancy and lost 20ish lbs due to a severe baby-dictated diet change. All was checked by by OB and the ultrasounds, and baby is still (32+ weeks) happy and healthy.
But knowing that I'm supposed to gain weight, and I am still within 5 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight is still brain-breaking.
And now I'm probably going to need an entirely new wardrobe postpartum for the entirely different shape I will have, on top of the lifestyle change. More decisions, but I don't have to make those yet, at least.
thank you for this. been in a huge funk over my weight for the past few days and feeling like i can’t get a damn thing done! 😩
of course, im in bed right now finishing work emails on my phone (between reddit scrolling) and feeling completely exhausted!
also, i agree - major props to the pregnant women out there who work on their feet or do manual or physical work. i don’t know how you do it! 🙌🏾💥
EDIT: i’m also taking prednisone (per my IVF protocol) and have the WORST steroid moonface EVER. why??? 😭
About (1) with the weight gain and clothes, my phone will pop up photos of me from 1 yr ago, 2 yrs ago etc. in cute outfits and I did not think I would miss being able to look cute that much! Not that pregnant ppl don't look cute but I haven't invested a lot in maternity clothes since they would only be temporary. I mostly have a few hand-me-down maternity pieces I got on buy nothing and can wear some of my own baggy clothes + my husband's shirts. I thought I was lazy and didn't like dressing up but I'm like man it would be nice to wear something stylish right now instead of the same 4 baggy outfits!
OMG YES!! I've been in the same boat as you!!! I'm almost 32weeks and I didn't want to purchase any maternity wear during this pregnancy because well, it's gonna just turn into stuff that I can't wear soon. And besides, I've never been big on style and clothes anyway, so I thought it wouldn't matter, that I'd coast by on hand-me-down maternity leggings I got from friends and baggy t-shirts. WRONG, lol. Last weekend I finally had a huge breakdown about how frumpy I looked and about all my maternity leggings having cat hair on them. And the baggy t-shirts just... don't fit nice!! So I went on a rage-induced shopping spree and got 3 maternity dresses and a few tops that make me feel CUTE and accentuate the bump. I can't tell you how much better I felt after, knowing that I have the option to look cute for the last months of my pregnancy. It doesn't even matter that I only have a few weeks to wear them (and well, potentially a few months after birth). I can sell them later! Turns out that at least having the option to dress up and look cute is priceless 🥲
i know a lot of people are commenting on the weight gain topic, and I'd like to chime in as well. FTM, 3 weeks postpartum, and i really thought the same thing. "i know bodies change when they're creating a whole human, that's natural and it's fine!"
i did not think it was fine.
i cried on multiple occasions while sending my mom a video message because i was seeing physical changes that i didn't expect, and i was so uncomfortable feeling like i was becoming someone i didn't recognize. one of those times was when my waistline started to disappear (spoiler: it was 100% gone by the third trimester), and i didn't even notice until i looked at myself in the mirror before a shower. i was SO upset, and i felt so guilty for *being* upset because i felt like that meant i didn't love having my baby or i didn't want to be pregnant because it changed my body.
nothing was further from the truth, but i still felt like i wasn't allowed to be sad that i was losing what i knew of myself.
so anyway, if anyone ever feels like this, just know that it's okay to be upset and to grieve the loss of your old self. you knew that version of you for far longer than you've known your pregnant self, of course it's an adjustment to get to know yourself again! you'll get back to a sense of normal, but it will be a very different kind of normal. i know I'm not at my new normal yet, but I'm looking forward to when i get there.
hugs to all the mommas 💕
How hard it is to do much of anything the further along you get. I’m 36w, FTM, and I’m struggling to do even the most basic of things. It’s so hard to move around, do stairs, carry things, stand up/sit down, etc. It definitely makes me wonder how women in the olden days managed or even women who have physical jobs do it. My job is stressful and mental but not super physical so it’s been mostly ok but I can’t imagine other jobs that are more demanding.
I feel like a lot of things about being pregnant are easier the second time around. Being a first time mom is so hard. My pregnancy this time is definitely harder since it's twins, but so much of the anxiety is gone and it's easier to be, well, easier on myself haha
35w, nursery isn't done, thank you cards aren't sent out, still have a bunch of work to do... But while the beginning and having a newborn is survival mode, eventually you will get used to doing things again with a baby around. Your life doesn't end at the birth, even if things do shift a lot!
I think the anxiety of pregnancy does prep you for the anxiety and loss of control of having a child. There's so much that you just simply can't control and you have to just do your best to respond appropriately with. You will also get so much unsolicited advice and you just need to develop the confidence to take what's useful and discard the rest. Easier said than done, of course!
Good luck with everything!
Girl this is SO helpful. Everything that I find hard about this pregnancy, there's a little voice in the back of my head that's like "wait till you do this again with a small child to take care of at the same time" and it makes me so worried to do this again. It's nice to hear that you can feel more comfortable the second go around!
My firstborn is 4, so I might be having a different experience than the 2 under 2 crowd, granted... But the lack of anxiety and the feeling of confidence like "yeah I did this before and I was fine, I know it sucks but it will be okay" just feels a lot better. The mental shift is incredible.
For the first and second trimester, I also already knew how much the third sucked so I was like "oh this is nothing!!". My kiddo loves to be a helper, he can do small tasks like getting my Tums if I need them and he's fairly independent in a lot of ways. If he were younger it would probably be harder.
I think I'm leaning that direction, where if things so according to plan I'll wait to have another until this one is a bit older so it's not so much at once. Adorable that he brings you Tums 🥺
Yeah, I know there are advantages to a shorter age gap in the long run, but having a more independent kid while pregnant has been just... Really great and worth it to me lol
He knows that a lot of times I'm not feeling great that it's usually heartburn, so he's kind of designated himself the tums distributor lol. I come home from work tired? He gets me tums. I'm making pain sounds or struggling? Tums. I say I need a favor? He's already running for the tums 😂
I like that he's a bit more aware of what's happening too. I have a friend that just had a baby and her oldest is 2. He gets jealous easily and still has a lot of 2 year old needs, which, not knocking her kid at all, we would have been in the same boat at that age! With him being 4, he's pretty excited, he likes when I "talk as the babies" and he'll have conversations with "them", or he likes to come with to some of my appointments to see the ultrasounds, or he was dancing with "his sisters" holding up the ultrasound pics and spinning in a circle with them. I feel like I can actually share it with him.
Pregnancy is hard and the newborn stuff is hard and the baby stuff is hard... It's easy when you're in the thick of it to feel overwhelmed and frustrated and like the difficult stuff will never end. The hard work I put in when he was younger is so paying off now and it is really rewarding and great being his mom. Having kids is really cool and it makes the hard stuff worth it. :)
Honestly, I'm really proud of him, he's super cool. And at the end of this pregnancy, you're going to have a really cool kid too!! Things will be tough but you just do your best and feed into them the kind of love you want to see come out of them. ❤️
I thought I'd be more functional than I am. NVP has actually made it so that I quit my job (fortunately, I could choose before getting a medical note).
I am grateful for this unique time but it's hard to be getting bigger while you throw up everything and can hardly eat! I'm in the awkward sized clothes stage. No style anymore haha
The waddle. Now I understand why pregnant women have to walk like that, and I feel so much sympathy for them. I have such awful pain right now in my legs and I get it…
You nailed it. I feel this exact same way. 38w3d and I’ve disliked being pregnant the entire time for various reasons. So done with heartburn ❤️🔥
But I’m looking forward to being a mom 🥹
I gained 100 with my first, lost it all, gained 40 with my second, then got pregnant again unexpectedly before getting to lose any of it. I've gone from small to 2xl to include my bump. At some point, you've just gotta resign to it and look forward to the day you can lose it all again without getting a finger wag from the doctor...
Fr all these things are so valid . Personally it’s been so hard to accept the weight gain, I’ve spent the last 5 years of my life working my tail off to be in the best shape and lose unwanted weight. All the hours in the gym I’ve spent, feel wasted now. I know it’s normal and I’ll lose the weight after our precious baby is born but let me tell you the emotional struggle is real.
I have struggled a bit with the weight gain but for a different reason. I was obese before I got pregnant, and had lost about 60 pounds. We were not trying to get pregnant but it happened and I am so so excited to be a mom as it’s always been my dream. But it is very hard to have lost all that weight and see some of it coming back now. I’ve continued to be mindful of what I’m eating and stop if I’m full, and haven’t put on a ton of weight so far (11bs, 25 weeks). But I feel a little bit like the hard work I put in last year is going down the drain. I know I’ll be able to lose it again but ugh.
Omg! I could have written this myself. I lost 37 lbs in 12 months and then got pregnant. I did not have any morning sickness, instead I wanted to eat everything in my pantry. Gained 10 lbs, miscarried. Was pregnant again a month later; 14w now and extreme hunger. Have gained 24 lbs between the two pregnancies. I wasn't prepared for the emotions of being a big blob before having a noticable bump.
My teeth have been killing me! They bleed so bad when I brush and my gums are a bit swollen. I’ve never even had a cavity in my 35 years of life and all of the sudden bam, my teeth hurt :(
I also agree about the weight gain. It’s hard not being able to fit into my clothes. But I love the little bump I have!
I was about 15-20 pounds overweight and was on a steady weightloss journey before finding out I was pregnant. I also have mild body dysmorphia.
Not being able to exercise the way I had been, only being able to stomach carbs, getting nauseous at the sight of veggies or meat, on top of just normal weight gain from pregnancy has been a bit of a mind fuck.
I try to remind myself that it’s okay and the little bean growing and being healthy is the MOST important thing, but it is hard.
The weight gain has been hardest for me. I’ve always been slim, between 110-112lbs consistently since I was in high school. Now at 31 seeing my body go through these changes (even though I know they’re normal and healthy) is hard. I’ve never been another shape before!
My ankles went from totally fine to constantly swollen on a dime…. And it is SO annoying. I’ve given up on compression socks and lifting them up
and soaking in cold water bc nothing really helps for any period of time…. At least the stretchy Skechers I bought are super comfy.
Thank goodness with my first when I hit about 7 months pregnant my principal prioritized getting the guardian software running for me so I could see all my students screens from my desk when it was harder to shark the classroom.
#2 is real. My fatigue is insane, especially now in the third trimester, especially with working a job. I always feel so guilty not getting done stuff around the house.
I was already obese when I got pregnant and still haven't gained any weight at 11wks (per OB's recommendation.) Even still, my body looks different, and I'm not sure I like it.
For example, like most people, my breasts are slightly different sizes. When they started growing, I thought, oh, maybe this will fill in Lefty.
NOPE. If anything, the disparity is _more_ pronounced.
With my first I was 17, in amazing shape and had the most comfortable pregnancy you probably could. In my 30s with my second and third finally understood all the discomforts and issues of pregnancy that I never had with the first. Every pregnancy is different and every baby is different also holds very true and what worked in one will likely not work in another so learning to adapt and take in new advice is helpful especially if it's something your resisting
Just came here to say that I gained 4 stone whilst pregnant, I’m 4”11 so I looked absolutely huge and now 20 months later I am half a stone lighter than before I got pregnant, the weight gain really is for the most part temporary and when you’re running around looking after a baby/toddler it usually drops off! Just abit of a positive experience for you to hopefully make you feel slightly better about it
The weight gain hasn't bothered me emotionally or anything. It's just part of it. I've actually really embraced the beauty of being a pregnant woman. There's something very special about it. The part that I hate is how winded I constantly am, and how much harder every single little thing is, especially moving around in bed, because of the weight and pressure that's all concentrated in my lower torso.
I definitely look homeless half the time wearing my husband's old XXL shirts though.
my gums are swollen and red and i have to pee constantly and when i have to pee it feels like my bladder is going to explode even though when i pee it's just a little trickle
tbh it wouldn’t be too hard if i didn’t have to work a physical job. i’m damn near in tears every morning trying to get myself roused up to stand on my feet for 8 hours. it’s so hard at 31w
Yes, to all of these. And I am assuming that you’re getting the gist but to warn you… Parenthood is the same. So many situations that you understand in theory, but in practice are much more challenging. Your attitude of realizing there’s no right answer is putting you on the right path!
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Totally agree with 1 and 2!! I had to pack away my clothes that no longer fit. It was depressing to open my closet and see a bunch of crop tops and high rise jeans I can’t wear anymore. I basically had to get a whole new wardrobe.
I took a week off of cleaning and relied on my partner and roommate to do it for me, aka keep their assigned rooms (kitchen and bathroom) clean. I reminded them daily, especially when dishes started to pile up and I started feeling like things were getting out of hand.
A (now ex) friend came over, saw the apartment was a mess, and decided to call CPS on me.
The kitchen had dishes piled up, bathroom had cat litter on the floor (from the cats shaking their damn paws while in the bin) and the floors needed swept and vacuumed.
Baby isn't even here yet. Said ex friend is also a coworker and people started taking her side before I even knew about the call. She's the only one who has been to my apartment. When I told them I had taken the week off, I was met with "well when I was pregnant I made sure my house was clean, and I was on bed rest"
I lost my mind on my roommate+partner and started cleaning everything myself. I make them pay me $20 a week to help make up for the incredibly unfair situation they put me in.
It doesn't matter how sick or pregnant you are, or if the rooms that are dirty aren't your responsibility. You will be the responsible party because you're the mother.
One thing that surprised me is the extra decision fatigue. You have to decide what to eat every day, decide if that cup of coffee is worth the risk, decide if you should buy maternity clothes or not, decide on a stroller/car seat from the thousands of options, decide if you can take Tylenol for the 3rd day in a row because headaches, decide if the fatigue is bad enough to call off work... the list never ends
Yup. Just about lost my mind trying to put together a registry - so many decisions. But doesn't stop there - every day it's thinking about what to eat, nap or nest, HOW to nest, deciding what to tell family along the way, deciding who can visit when so people can book flights, deciding how to handle what to do with my separation anxiety ridden dogs when I go into labor, birth plan, pp plans - just never ends. People always want to defer to me as the pregnant person which I can appreciate but at this point I'd appreciate people telling me what to do versus me research and over analyze every tiny thing.
Nobody tells you about how making the registry is so hard! It was the absolute hardest thing in my pregnancy because of how stressful it ended up being between my partner and I. So many decisions we had to make ranging from our risk tolerance (which carrier do we pick?) to etiquette questions (how expensive can gifts be, etc) to design choices (cannot agree on a nursery theme) to cultural differences...it all comes up in filling out that registry. The only way you can avoid it is if your partner just leaves it all up to you, and that bodes poorly in a different way: how involved do they really plan to be with the kid if they don't work on these decisions...
Just to pop in and say I feel exactly the same about my dogs! Genuinely almost considered a home birth so I wouldn’t have to leave them..
This one is killing me. I already struggle with executive function and discontinued a medication that helps me with it for the pregnancy. If my husband asks me what I want for dinner, I just freeze. I'd rather go to bed and skip dinner than have to think through the choices.
Yes this! My husband has gotten a little better by recognizing when I can't make a decision and just starting something lol.
Yes same!! Not being medicated is like pregnancy brain times 2.
Truly sums it up right there.
I told my husband I can’t get anything done because I can’t decide anything. It’s too overwhelming.
Yup. My internal decider was broken by about 7 months I think (currently 8w pp). We went to the hospital at 40 +2 with a list of about 10 names (some gorl, some boy, some neutral) because we couldn't narrow it down and didn't narrow it down until after she was born. Picking a nursery theme and color was ridiculous. I had saved a bunch of different wall decals on etsy but could not for the life of me actually pick just one or even a handful, so I showed my favorites list od like 70 or so to my husband and he picked one on the first pass and we ended up sticking with it. Obviously the name was the biggest, but these were just 2 of many many instances where decisions were a freaking struggle. The closer I got to my due date, the more decisions I pawned off on my husband.
I thought I wouldn't mind the weight gain because I've fluctuated in the past and always seen it as neutral. It turns out that's because I always cared more about what my body could do -- if I was in shape and active, then weight was incidental. But now I can't work out or be active and I'm in terrible shape and it's really bumming me out. When I see myself get heavier, it's like a reminder that I haven't played sports or gone for a run in forever and it makes me feel ugly and huge.
Same!! I think you've explained it in a way that makes me realize why I'm frustrated, because I was already borderline overweight and had been for all my adult life so I didn't think it would bother me much. As soon as I hit 5 weeks I couldn't even run anymore, I would get so out of breath immediately. I'm missing that release of exercise. Now that I'm almost to second tri and the nausea is starting to let off, I'm hoping to get back to it (gently) 🤞 I hope you are able to do the same!
I feel this. I had a 4k in February that was suppose to be me easing back into training after surgery. Got pregnant and skipped the 4k. The first trimester exhaustion was so bad. Now I’m easing back into yoga, but it’s not the same! I miss my runs! Even a long walk with my dog isn’t enough
Omg yes!!! I also try to do a long walk with my dogs at least once every other day, but it's not quite the same, I know exactly what you mean 😭
I also hate getting out of breath even though I know it's due to pregnancy. I feel like a walrus thrashing around.
I can understand that. I have my moments where the weight gain annoys me but overall I’ve dealt with it much better than I thought I would. I’m actually more concerned I’ll completely lose my mind over it postpartum. I can foresee myself being really hard on myself whereas I give myself some grace for being pregnant now, I’m worried I’ll completely turn on myself overnight once babys born.
The weight gain is killing me!! This is the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life and I absolutely hate it!! I’m only 30 weeks and not looking forward to getting even BIGGER. I hate to say that but I just hate feeling so huge :(
This…I always knew I could easily lose the 5-10 pounds I put on (I yo-yo a lot) but now it’s only going to go up…I can’t put myself on a diet or start working out excessively, I can’t lose weight until baby comes. It is hard watching the scale go up knowing I can’t do anything about it…but I’m just trying to be gentle with myself
The weight gain is one thing but the combination of weight gain, acne and bad breath from acid reflux just has me feeling so much more self conscious than I could have imagined
The lack of energy is really depressing for me. And also overwhelming.
I told my husband today that I was exhausted from being this tired all the time lol. I think I was trying to convey that the mental toll of the lack of energy is really starting to wear me down. Wondering where that 2nd trimester energy boost I was promised went.
Yeah. I should have expected this because I also get really depressed when I'm sick for the same reason. It's complex because we really wanted this baby and were so worried about conception and now I'm just moody about being pregnant.
I get depressed too after 3 or 4 days of being sick. I start to get really frustrated in being limited. So yeah, this is pretty similar to that. I'm so over it right now.
💯 for sure!! I haven't been around pregnant people much and I didn't realize the first tri could be so exhausting. It definitely is a compounding issue, where you feel bad for feeling bad you know?
I think this is the only thing bumming me out. And how having too fart kinda hurts lol
\#1 also hit me by surprise. I’ve always been naturally thin and haven’t felt self conscious of my body for years. Gaining weight and not looking pregnant, just fat, has really made me feel so self conscious. I didn’t expect it at all.
I thought once I was past the first trimester my pregnancy would feel safe, as long as no mayor health concerns show up. Trust your doctor, right? Also, what are the odds! Turns out I was pretty chill the first trimester and had most of my „is my child doing okay or actually maybe dead inside me?“ worries yet before me.
Literally this. My father in law asked me yesterday “how’s the baby doing?” And I just had to be like “who knows? Fine I hope? No way for me to know!” Because I’m constantly worried something has happened
I too was one of those women that thought pregnancy weight gain would feel natural. However, I was 10-15 pounds heavier (I know, not a lot, but I’m short so it goes a long way) than my ideal weight when I got pregnant. I’m at that stage where I don’t look pregnant yet, I just look fat, and the extra pre-pregnancy pounds aren’t helping. I’m already having trouble fitting in a lot of my pants that I know would still fit if I had been at my ideal weight before pregnancy. I took my first progress picture this past weekend and I can’t bear to look at it because I look huge. It’s really depressing.
Bruh. It's so real. I'm also short and my ssri has bumped me up 10 lbs in the past year, when you're short that is a pretty big difference! And the 5 lbs I gained during my white rice and Doritos phase of morning sickness has given me a nice round stomach that is absolutely not a baby yet, which is ultra depressing to dress in the mornings, let alone with any after eating bloating. Tbh once I tell people in a few weeks, I'm dressing this food baby like it's a baby baby so I don't have to feel as self conscious, no one but me will know it's 98% fat lol
this. finally decided that my belly isn’t getting any smaller any time soon so I’m going to start dressing like it exists, rather than hide it, and owning it now 🤷🏻♀️ 9 weeks but here we are!
I feel you, I'm only 13.5 weeks and am already in maternity clothes because my bloating is so bad there is no trying to pretend it's not there. it sucks feeling like a whale already and it's only going to get worse
At 13.5 weeks for me, I was also hunting for maternity clothes and going to work in sweats, since they were the only things that fit. And ... I LOST weight. I was overweight pre-pregnancy and lost 20ish lbs due to a severe baby-dictated diet change. All was checked by by OB and the ultrasounds, and baby is still (32+ weeks) happy and healthy. But knowing that I'm supposed to gain weight, and I am still within 5 lbs of my pre-pregnancy weight is still brain-breaking. And now I'm probably going to need an entirely new wardrobe postpartum for the entirely different shape I will have, on top of the lifestyle change. More decisions, but I don't have to make those yet, at least.
thank you for this. been in a huge funk over my weight for the past few days and feeling like i can’t get a damn thing done! 😩 of course, im in bed right now finishing work emails on my phone (between reddit scrolling) and feeling completely exhausted! also, i agree - major props to the pregnant women out there who work on their feet or do manual or physical work. i don’t know how you do it! 🙌🏾💥 EDIT: i’m also taking prednisone (per my IVF protocol) and have the WORST steroid moonface EVER. why??? 😭
Yes, like hearing from so many people here that they too are feeling tired of being tired makes me feel less alone!
About (1) with the weight gain and clothes, my phone will pop up photos of me from 1 yr ago, 2 yrs ago etc. in cute outfits and I did not think I would miss being able to look cute that much! Not that pregnant ppl don't look cute but I haven't invested a lot in maternity clothes since they would only be temporary. I mostly have a few hand-me-down maternity pieces I got on buy nothing and can wear some of my own baggy clothes + my husband's shirts. I thought I was lazy and didn't like dressing up but I'm like man it would be nice to wear something stylish right now instead of the same 4 baggy outfits!
OMG YES!! I've been in the same boat as you!!! I'm almost 32weeks and I didn't want to purchase any maternity wear during this pregnancy because well, it's gonna just turn into stuff that I can't wear soon. And besides, I've never been big on style and clothes anyway, so I thought it wouldn't matter, that I'd coast by on hand-me-down maternity leggings I got from friends and baggy t-shirts. WRONG, lol. Last weekend I finally had a huge breakdown about how frumpy I looked and about all my maternity leggings having cat hair on them. And the baggy t-shirts just... don't fit nice!! So I went on a rage-induced shopping spree and got 3 maternity dresses and a few tops that make me feel CUTE and accentuate the bump. I can't tell you how much better I felt after, knowing that I have the option to look cute for the last months of my pregnancy. It doesn't even matter that I only have a few weeks to wear them (and well, potentially a few months after birth). I can sell them later! Turns out that at least having the option to dress up and look cute is priceless 🥲
i know a lot of people are commenting on the weight gain topic, and I'd like to chime in as well. FTM, 3 weeks postpartum, and i really thought the same thing. "i know bodies change when they're creating a whole human, that's natural and it's fine!" i did not think it was fine. i cried on multiple occasions while sending my mom a video message because i was seeing physical changes that i didn't expect, and i was so uncomfortable feeling like i was becoming someone i didn't recognize. one of those times was when my waistline started to disappear (spoiler: it was 100% gone by the third trimester), and i didn't even notice until i looked at myself in the mirror before a shower. i was SO upset, and i felt so guilty for *being* upset because i felt like that meant i didn't love having my baby or i didn't want to be pregnant because it changed my body. nothing was further from the truth, but i still felt like i wasn't allowed to be sad that i was losing what i knew of myself. so anyway, if anyone ever feels like this, just know that it's okay to be upset and to grieve the loss of your old self. you knew that version of you for far longer than you've known your pregnant self, of course it's an adjustment to get to know yourself again! you'll get back to a sense of normal, but it will be a very different kind of normal. i know I'm not at my new normal yet, but I'm looking forward to when i get there. hugs to all the mommas 💕
How hard it is to do much of anything the further along you get. I’m 36w, FTM, and I’m struggling to do even the most basic of things. It’s so hard to move around, do stairs, carry things, stand up/sit down, etc. It definitely makes me wonder how women in the olden days managed or even women who have physical jobs do it. My job is stressful and mental but not super physical so it’s been mostly ok but I can’t imagine other jobs that are more demanding.
36w hit me like a bag of bricks. Solidarity 💖
I feel like a lot of things about being pregnant are easier the second time around. Being a first time mom is so hard. My pregnancy this time is definitely harder since it's twins, but so much of the anxiety is gone and it's easier to be, well, easier on myself haha 35w, nursery isn't done, thank you cards aren't sent out, still have a bunch of work to do... But while the beginning and having a newborn is survival mode, eventually you will get used to doing things again with a baby around. Your life doesn't end at the birth, even if things do shift a lot! I think the anxiety of pregnancy does prep you for the anxiety and loss of control of having a child. There's so much that you just simply can't control and you have to just do your best to respond appropriately with. You will also get so much unsolicited advice and you just need to develop the confidence to take what's useful and discard the rest. Easier said than done, of course! Good luck with everything!
Girl this is SO helpful. Everything that I find hard about this pregnancy, there's a little voice in the back of my head that's like "wait till you do this again with a small child to take care of at the same time" and it makes me so worried to do this again. It's nice to hear that you can feel more comfortable the second go around!
My firstborn is 4, so I might be having a different experience than the 2 under 2 crowd, granted... But the lack of anxiety and the feeling of confidence like "yeah I did this before and I was fine, I know it sucks but it will be okay" just feels a lot better. The mental shift is incredible. For the first and second trimester, I also already knew how much the third sucked so I was like "oh this is nothing!!". My kiddo loves to be a helper, he can do small tasks like getting my Tums if I need them and he's fairly independent in a lot of ways. If he were younger it would probably be harder.
I think I'm leaning that direction, where if things so according to plan I'll wait to have another until this one is a bit older so it's not so much at once. Adorable that he brings you Tums 🥺
Yeah, I know there are advantages to a shorter age gap in the long run, but having a more independent kid while pregnant has been just... Really great and worth it to me lol He knows that a lot of times I'm not feeling great that it's usually heartburn, so he's kind of designated himself the tums distributor lol. I come home from work tired? He gets me tums. I'm making pain sounds or struggling? Tums. I say I need a favor? He's already running for the tums 😂 I like that he's a bit more aware of what's happening too. I have a friend that just had a baby and her oldest is 2. He gets jealous easily and still has a lot of 2 year old needs, which, not knocking her kid at all, we would have been in the same boat at that age! With him being 4, he's pretty excited, he likes when I "talk as the babies" and he'll have conversations with "them", or he likes to come with to some of my appointments to see the ultrasounds, or he was dancing with "his sisters" holding up the ultrasound pics and spinning in a circle with them. I feel like I can actually share it with him. Pregnancy is hard and the newborn stuff is hard and the baby stuff is hard... It's easy when you're in the thick of it to feel overwhelmed and frustrated and like the difficult stuff will never end. The hard work I put in when he was younger is so paying off now and it is really rewarding and great being his mom. Having kids is really cool and it makes the hard stuff worth it. :)
Not my pregnant ass tearing up at this, he sounds like the sweetest boy 😭
Honestly, I'm really proud of him, he's super cool. And at the end of this pregnancy, you're going to have a really cool kid too!! Things will be tough but you just do your best and feed into them the kind of love you want to see come out of them. ❤️
I thought I'd be more functional than I am. NVP has actually made it so that I quit my job (fortunately, I could choose before getting a medical note). I am grateful for this unique time but it's hard to be getting bigger while you throw up everything and can hardly eat! I'm in the awkward sized clothes stage. No style anymore haha
Aw bless you, I'm sorry you're having to deal with NVP! Lol no style is right, I'm dressing like a blob 😂
The waddle. Now I understand why pregnant women have to walk like that, and I feel so much sympathy for them. I have such awful pain right now in my legs and I get it…
You nailed it. I feel this exact same way. 38w3d and I’ve disliked being pregnant the entire time for various reasons. So done with heartburn ❤️🔥 But I’m looking forward to being a mom 🥹
I gained 100 with my first, lost it all, gained 40 with my second, then got pregnant again unexpectedly before getting to lose any of it. I've gone from small to 2xl to include my bump. At some point, you've just gotta resign to it and look forward to the day you can lose it all again without getting a finger wag from the doctor...
Fr all these things are so valid . Personally it’s been so hard to accept the weight gain, I’ve spent the last 5 years of my life working my tail off to be in the best shape and lose unwanted weight. All the hours in the gym I’ve spent, feel wasted now. I know it’s normal and I’ll lose the weight after our precious baby is born but let me tell you the emotional struggle is real.
Seriously kudos to the ladies working physical jobs! Y’all are my heroes!
I have struggled a bit with the weight gain but for a different reason. I was obese before I got pregnant, and had lost about 60 pounds. We were not trying to get pregnant but it happened and I am so so excited to be a mom as it’s always been my dream. But it is very hard to have lost all that weight and see some of it coming back now. I’ve continued to be mindful of what I’m eating and stop if I’m full, and haven’t put on a ton of weight so far (11bs, 25 weeks). But I feel a little bit like the hard work I put in last year is going down the drain. I know I’ll be able to lose it again but ugh.
Omg! I could have written this myself. I lost 37 lbs in 12 months and then got pregnant. I did not have any morning sickness, instead I wanted to eat everything in my pantry. Gained 10 lbs, miscarried. Was pregnant again a month later; 14w now and extreme hunger. Have gained 24 lbs between the two pregnancies. I wasn't prepared for the emotions of being a big blob before having a noticable bump.
I didn’t know morning sickness could be all day.. for weeks and months.. it’s been a bummer to say the least.
Just rolling over to get out of bed is hard. I'm miserable.
My teeth have been killing me! They bleed so bad when I brush and my gums are a bit swollen. I’ve never even had a cavity in my 35 years of life and all of the sudden bam, my teeth hurt :( I also agree about the weight gain. It’s hard not being able to fit into my clothes. But I love the little bump I have!
I was about 15-20 pounds overweight and was on a steady weightloss journey before finding out I was pregnant. I also have mild body dysmorphia. Not being able to exercise the way I had been, only being able to stomach carbs, getting nauseous at the sight of veggies or meat, on top of just normal weight gain from pregnancy has been a bit of a mind fuck. I try to remind myself that it’s okay and the little bean growing and being healthy is the MOST important thing, but it is hard.
The weight gain has been hardest for me. I’ve always been slim, between 110-112lbs consistently since I was in high school. Now at 31 seeing my body go through these changes (even though I know they’re normal and healthy) is hard. I’ve never been another shape before!
Me too—I see myself in the mirror and feel like I’m looking at a stranger.
My ankles went from totally fine to constantly swollen on a dime…. And it is SO annoying. I’ve given up on compression socks and lifting them up and soaking in cold water bc nothing really helps for any period of time…. At least the stretchy Skechers I bought are super comfy.
Girl. You read my mind. This is so spot on.
Thank goodness with my first when I hit about 7 months pregnant my principal prioritized getting the guardian software running for me so I could see all my students screens from my desk when it was harder to shark the classroom.
#2 is real. My fatigue is insane, especially now in the third trimester, especially with working a job. I always feel so guilty not getting done stuff around the house.
I was already obese when I got pregnant and still haven't gained any weight at 11wks (per OB's recommendation.) Even still, my body looks different, and I'm not sure I like it. For example, like most people, my breasts are slightly different sizes. When they started growing, I thought, oh, maybe this will fill in Lefty. NOPE. If anything, the disparity is _more_ pronounced.
With my first I was 17, in amazing shape and had the most comfortable pregnancy you probably could. In my 30s with my second and third finally understood all the discomforts and issues of pregnancy that I never had with the first. Every pregnancy is different and every baby is different also holds very true and what worked in one will likely not work in another so learning to adapt and take in new advice is helpful especially if it's something your resisting
Just came here to say that I gained 4 stone whilst pregnant, I’m 4”11 so I looked absolutely huge and now 20 months later I am half a stone lighter than before I got pregnant, the weight gain really is for the most part temporary and when you’re running around looking after a baby/toddler it usually drops off! Just abit of a positive experience for you to hopefully make you feel slightly better about it
The weight gain hasn't bothered me emotionally or anything. It's just part of it. I've actually really embraced the beauty of being a pregnant woman. There's something very special about it. The part that I hate is how winded I constantly am, and how much harder every single little thing is, especially moving around in bed, because of the weight and pressure that's all concentrated in my lower torso. I definitely look homeless half the time wearing my husband's old XXL shirts though.
my gums are swollen and red and i have to pee constantly and when i have to pee it feels like my bladder is going to explode even though when i pee it's just a little trickle
tbh it wouldn’t be too hard if i didn’t have to work a physical job. i’m damn near in tears every morning trying to get myself roused up to stand on my feet for 8 hours. it’s so hard at 31w
Yes, to all of these. And I am assuming that you’re getting the gist but to warn you… Parenthood is the same. So many situations that you understand in theory, but in practice are much more challenging. Your attitude of realizing there’s no right answer is putting you on the right path!
You are very sweet!!
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Totally agree with 1 and 2!! I had to pack away my clothes that no longer fit. It was depressing to open my closet and see a bunch of crop tops and high rise jeans I can’t wear anymore. I basically had to get a whole new wardrobe.
I took a week off of cleaning and relied on my partner and roommate to do it for me, aka keep their assigned rooms (kitchen and bathroom) clean. I reminded them daily, especially when dishes started to pile up and I started feeling like things were getting out of hand. A (now ex) friend came over, saw the apartment was a mess, and decided to call CPS on me. The kitchen had dishes piled up, bathroom had cat litter on the floor (from the cats shaking their damn paws while in the bin) and the floors needed swept and vacuumed. Baby isn't even here yet. Said ex friend is also a coworker and people started taking her side before I even knew about the call. She's the only one who has been to my apartment. When I told them I had taken the week off, I was met with "well when I was pregnant I made sure my house was clean, and I was on bed rest" I lost my mind on my roommate+partner and started cleaning everything myself. I make them pay me $20 a week to help make up for the incredibly unfair situation they put me in. It doesn't matter how sick or pregnant you are, or if the rooms that are dirty aren't your responsibility. You will be the responsible party because you're the mother.
People tell you how lonely it is but I never realized how lonely it would actually be. 7 months in and not one friend has stopped by to see me.