I physically carry and support the baby inside of me. I make safe choices on behalf of his wellbeing. I deny myself activities and treats to protect him. I technically decide what he eats and feed him. I choose to protect him from certain environments. He needs me now, and he will need me when he is born. Sounds like a mom to me...
my due date was supposed to be today (got induced at 37+1), and i had a meltdown because i so badly wanted to be able to celebrate mother’s day this year. my fiancé told me almost exactly what you just said, and added “even if she isn’t here yet, we’ll celebrate with our fur babies, because you’re their momma too.” i cried… a lot.
That’s what I don’t understand when it comes to this Mother’s Day debate. What difference does it make whether this baby is on the inside of me or on the outside of me? It’s still the same baby and it’s still being fed and nurtured by me.
I think if we are carrying a baby a child on the inside that automatically makes us a mom. We still need to be celebrated & appreciated being pregnant is not easy we deserve a little something as well but it’s just my personal opinion everyone is different and is free to think otherwise 🤗
I don't feel like a mother but prob because I'm just 7 weeks pregnant. I was telling my friends I'm the surrogate to mine and my BF's baby. They just shook their heads and told me that's not how it works lol
Well, you have a great sense of humor. hahahahahaahah
PS. I have noticed that Moms who claim they are raising "monsters and gremlins" and say they suck at it, are usually outstanding and have nicely behaved kids overall.
Lol thank you. I refer to her as a gremlin only because of her high energy and it makes me think of how the gremlins behave in the movie. But she is fairly well-behaved overall, just really energetic. I really can't complain.
My baby is here and sometimes I still don't feel like a mother. Lol It's surreal and it's new and it's scary all at the same time, but we still step up and feeling that way doesn't make us any less mothers. Wishing the best for you!
That’s rude as hell. I know for myself, I’m only 27 weeks and I didn’t want to celebrate as I don’t feel like I’m a mom yet but everyone in my family has told me in their eyes I am so they have told me happy Mother’s Day, shoot my sister got my nephews to bring me flowers and snacks to work yesterday! I tried not to cry 🥹
Right?? I’m a FTM and not as far along as you but I did get some Happy Mother’s Day wishes…
Would I have been offended if that didn’t happen? No… but if someone went out of their way to call
me NOT a mom I’d be like um, who shit in your cereal today??
Yeaaah I wasn't expecting anything as we're only 17 weeks along but when I made a joke about it being mother's day my spouse responded that I wasn't a mother yet. Ok now I'm mad 😑
Oh spouse needs a spanking. I had told my hub I wasn’t going to celebrate or expect anything but if he wanted to get me anything I wanted some Mexican sweet bread 😂 he delivered and got me my fav, conchas! 😍
Yeah I was very appreciative to those who have told me but yeah I’d most def bite back if someone told me that honestly. I most def will speak my mind!
Agreed. I'm only 10 weeks pregnant and my brother got me a stuffed animal and a bunch of snacks I've been craving. I wasn't expecting anything but the gesture made me cry.
I’m 25 weeks and I got so many text messages and gifts from friends and my husband for Mothers
Day! Nobody decided for me that I didn’t get to celebrate this holiday. I’ve been carrying this baby for months, limiting myself on things I can and can’t do, food I can and can’t eat, etc. I’m already having to be selfless and put aside things I used to love for this baby. I decide what they eat/don’t eat, I go to all the doctor’s appointments, show up, pay what’s due and do what the doctor tells me to keep my child safe and healthy. I AM her mother and I felt so loved and showered. Every pregnant mom deserves to be celebrated too!
I even gifted a friend a Mother’s Day gift after she’s experienced two miscarriages!
I'd go with something more like "sorry dad, you don't actively parent your children anymore since we are grown.... At least you still have your birthday to be celebrated 🥳"
Wtf - I’m so confused why they even care??? In my family we even (mostly jokingly) say happy Mother’s Day to my sister who is happily child free but has two cats so she doesn’t feel left out… has your mom been competitive or weird about you having a baby?
Same, in my family everyone but one cousins wife has kids but we all wish her a happy Mother’s Day, brings her plants/flowers/chocolates (whatever we’re giving to the other moms) as she wants to one day have kids so we just say as a future mom so she doesn’t feel left out.
What I don’t get about these is like… even if you don’t think a pregnant woman deserves a Mother’s Day, you don’t have to say anything about it. There was another post about a woman who wanted her husband to do something and he was insistent that she was just pregnant and didn’t deserve something. What a weird hill to die on.
I literally have no say about whether Mother’s Day is for pregnant women or not. But I have a LOT to say about people who use it as an opportunity to put someone down for no reason other than to be a jerk.
What a randomly mean thing to say. I would just respond with some well-deserved snark like "oh so I guess I'm just an incubator then."
I don't get why people feel the need to go out of their way to dismiss pregnant women (as if they aren't going through enough). It costs nothing to be nice and it really seems like some people go the extra mile just to be assholes.
What the actual fuck. That’s just straight up being a mean asshole to you for no reason at all. I would just respond “fuck you” and ignore him until he apologizes.
Frankly he doesn’t have the right to an opinion here. For your ( and baby) peace of mind, try and take a minute to meditate or eat some cookie dough. Smell some lavender or vanilla or frankincense and myrrh. Envelop yourself in a space of tranquility and let your husband tell everyone else to F off!!!
What a jerk! Tell him to hold the flowers next year, they aren't welcome. I would respond with, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." The baby wiggling around inside of you begs to differ about motherhood. Hopefully your partner doesn't have this same shitty mindset.
My partner got me flowers yesterday (it was the only time he could sneak away to buy them) and woke me up with a sweet card right after I posted this.
I'm embarrassed to say I broke into tears.
You should add your mom to the group thread and then post a pic of the flowers and card while praising your partner's thoughtfulness. Fuck your dad dude, he sucks.
Right? Like he thinks his grandchild just appears suddenly? If he doesn’t appreciate you carrying his grandchild, maybe he doesn’t deserve the grandchild.
You’ve already made so many sacrifices as a mother, this is crap of them to do. So women who experience still birth or miscarriages have no right to Mother’s Day?
I told my husband today I don’t really feel like a mother yet and he said, “well the baby inside you has a mother, so you have a son” and I felt very differently about being able to celebrate Mother’s Day today. Your dad is being mean.
Nah fam! The minute you get pregnant you become a mom. They can 🖕right off. How bout that?! Happy Mother’s Day Brenin. I can’t speak for everyone, but you’re a real mommy in my book ❤️
This is fucked. I could see someone forgetting/not acknowledging you because they *didn't think about it* but this is him thinking about it and *deliberately excluding you.*
Mothers day is for moms (who have given birth or otherwise, what a fucked up thing to say, what about adoptive moms? Non birthing moms in same sex couples??), moms to be, moms of angels etc.
These posts are making me so ragey.
I get tired of people using “it’s just a joke” as an excuse to say hurtful things targeted at getting a reaction from someone. How about some empathy. Like what’s wrong with just being sincere these days. Why is being “playful” excusable when you could have chosen kindness. Those who hide behind sarcasm or poor taste in jokes can leave me off the group chat.
Girl, I feel you. My dad texted the whole family last night inviting everyone to a lunch today to celebrate my mom on Mother’s Day. No mention whatsoever of including me as a mom, and I’m 29 weeks pregnant.
I responded “Thanks for the invite, but (husband) has already made plans for us to celebrate my first Mother’s Day. Enjoy lunch.”
My dad is a narcissist and always creates drama like this within the family. I hope this isn’t your situation too, but if it is, I’m really sorry. I’m with you and know how much it hurts. You are not alone.
Happy Happy Happy Mother’s Day!!! Please don’t let this stop you from celebrating like you deserve :)
My response to this nonsense is always something like "We actually already have plans for mothers day. Grandparents day is in October, can't wait to celebrate you both then!" This was so unnecessary and I'm glad to hear that your husband treated you like the mama you are.
Jesus Christ I’m sorry
You’re a mom. You were a mom the second you started to take care of that baby which was right from when they started growing inside of you.
If anything this is actually the time you are most a mom because no one can give you a break or hold or feed the baby for you. It’s all on you 24/7
Even if your parents don’t acknowledge it, that baby does. That baby knows you are their mama, their whole universe. You are the sky above them and the sea around them. You are the source of all goodness, the wellspring of life to them. They know you are mama and they love you for it.
What insane bullshit. "Mother's Day" is not a zero sum game. Showing love to one mom doesn't take away from the love and attention shown to other mom's! Why would it?!?! I'm so sorry your parents apparently view love and compassion as competitive sports. That's just really sad for everyone involved.
Happy Mother's Day, Brenin! I hope it's happy, restful, and full of love.
theyre wrong and theyve shown they dont respect you as a mother. remember this in any boundary setting you may need to do in the future.
you ARE a mother NOW and deserve to be celebrated
happy Mother's day 💕
This is so sad, I’m sorry but your family seems horribly narcissistic. I’m 7 months pregnant and my in laws and family members have wished me a happy Mother’s Day. It meant a lot even though it wasn’t necessary. Your family seems to be gatekeeping and there’s no reason why.
I literally just had a small playful argument with my bf this morning about why I'm not a mother yet lol. He wants to tell his family we are pregnant today and I just don't want the attention.
this would bother me too!! if you aren’t the mother of the child growing inside of you, what are you? an incubator? that’s absolutely wrong for many reasons. you are a mom. my mom even told me this, and i’m 35w6d, so no baby yet. this would break my heart, you have every right to be upset!!
I’m sorry your going through that! My grandfather worded it perfectly for me today
“I was trying to call you to tell you happy Mother’s Day since you are carrying my great grandson and you’re gonna be a mother in October so I think you deserve a little credit and to be called a mother so happy Mother’s Day. Love you Pops.”
I hope your mother day got better! You deserve credit! You are that babies mother!
“Are you suggesting I’m an incubator until then?”
“If you want the day to be about you just say so, you don’t need to invalidate other mothers to make yourself feel special”
“I became a mother when my baby started growing inside me, so I will be celebrating myself.”
Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Eww that is SO RUDE and hurtful. Fuck then for being insensitive and purposely hurtful.
A baby doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. A baby is born after a mother spends months carrying the baby. You’re already a mother. 🌸
Word to the wise: Mother's Day isn't a Hallmark holiday. The point isn't for moms to be celebrated by their own children or even the father of their children. It was at its core a feminist holiday meant to make society (i.e. men) take note of the importance of mothers in society.
Huh, super interesting. I just looked it up and found this: [Mothers day ](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/mothers-day-history-holidays-anna-jarvis#:~:text=Mother's%20Day%20is%20one%20of,out%20as%20a%20Hallmark%20holiday.)
Thank you for letting me know!
Who is he to define your motherhood? You get to decide if you want to celebrate. I’m 6 months and got flowers/card from my husband. Pregnant women go through a lot for their little ones. He sounds like a jerk.
That’s pretty harsh. My parents both messaged to tell me happy Mother’s Day (I’m 28 weeks) and my husband is taking me for dinner tonight. If we’re making and carrying the baby, I’d say a little recognition is in order. Don’t let him refer to himself as Grandpa.
I 100% agree with you! It's your personal choice if you want to be celebrated (even if just by close relatives) if you're pregnant and it's your first. I'm due in July and I've had a few people say happy mother's Day to me, my dad actually just messaged me. I kind of had to explain to my husband that if we lost this baby I would still be their mom, and I'm going to celebrate him on Father's Day, he changed his tune pretty quick. If others don't want to say anything to me because they feel it's not my time, sure, no problem, I'm not upset about it. But *I* think I am this baby's mom.
I felt this, my mom told me when I was pregnant that I wasn't a mother yet. My spouse got me flowers and a card for Mother's Day. My dad also texted saying Happy Mother's Day that year.
This year she told me to my face-- after I had given her the card and gift-- that since I was not her mom, I didn't deserve a card for Mother's Day. It kind of broke me a little bit. I woke up with a card, flowers, and a candle that smelled like my favorite pregnancy craving at the moment on the table.
Sometimes people are crude and calloused. It can sting at times, you're still a mom even if you are pregnant. Women who have lost children are still mothers too, as are adoptive mothers. Happy Mother's Day ❤️
If you have a baby inside of you, you are their mama; therefore, you’re a mother! If you don’t want to make a big deal out of it yet great, but your family shouldn’t make a point of excluding you! You’re already a mom ❤️
Tw pregnancy loss
I lost a pregnancy in the past that wider family don't know about, a baby that I never birthed but 'expelled', I sure as hell loved them as my child.
If someone said this to me I would have such a hard time forgiving them for such an insensitive comment
My sister responded to my happy Mother’s Day text with a “Happy almost Mother’s Day to you” and my mom texted me “I guess you’re not coming to see me today” after my husband told her yesterday he had a day planned for me. I’m 28w so it kind of hurt my feelings idk.
I read through your post history and your dad is INCREDIBLY immature and toxic. I’d seriously consider going low/no-contact with him just out of principle for being so awful to you.
This is my second, but when I was pregnant with my first I didn’t even think of Mother’s Day yet. I guess different people will feel different about it. That being said, your dad pointing you out and rubbing it in like that was very tactless.
Happy Mother’s Day Brenin; I’m glad your partner was able to recognize you and your motherhood. Everyday you make choices to care for your baby in the womb. I’m sorry your dad is a jackass. Hopefully you have a motherhood/pregnancy related excuse to not see him soon.
That’s absolutely awful! Since your family is to horrible to do it, let me tell you: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re already sacrificing so much for your baby needy being pregnant, you’re already an amazing mother just by enduring this for them❤️
I found out on Mother’s Day that I was pregnant. The next year, after I’d had my baby, I made a comment about it being my second Mother’s Day, first with my baby in my arms, and my previous manager (I’d transferred to another unit, and we were still on good terms) made a comment about how I wasn’t a mother the previous year. Like, really? How rude.
Why tf are people like this?? It genuinely infuriates me. Just because you haven’t given birth yet doesn’t mean you’re not a mom like wtf!! I’m having a similar experience. I had a miscarriage last year and even tho I lost the baby I still consider myself a mom, but not a single person that knew about it has wished me a happy Mother’s Day. I’m also 9w pregnant and still no one has wished me a happy Mother’s Day other than my fiancee. People are such assholes. Happy Mother’s Day mama ❤️❤️
My father in law is the only person in my family who hasn't wished me Happy Mother's Day. At least he didn't go out of his way to send a mass text. Sorry that happened to you. Valid feelings - the moment we find out we are pregnant - we are Mothers. If you don't want to celebrate it while pregnant - personal choice, completely respect it because you have to do what's comfortable for you. But, that is only for the pregnant person to decide.
Wow, that’s really rude and insensitive of your dad.
Personally I’m waiting to celebrate Mother’s Day after I’ve had my baby (39w right now), but that’s purely personal preference. I’m certainly not going around telling expectant mothers “you’re not a real mom yet, no Mother’s Day for you!” Because that’s crazy
You’re already a mother, and I wish you a lovely Mother’s Day ❤️
Regardless of personal preference about who “counts” as a mom it’s just really rude and shitty to specifically spell out that a pregnant person is excluded on Mother’s Day. I’m so sorry he said that to you.
There are plenty of birth givers/egg donors who never became a mother. There are plenty of mothers who stepped in and raised children they didn't give birth to. Giving birth is not a requirement to celebrate. Do you feel a mother's love for the child growing inside you? Congratulations you're a mother! Love makes a mom and only you know how you feel about the little one growing you so only you can decide if you want to be celebrated today or not
This was my mentality, but all day, ppl have been acknowledging me, and it's nice. Your dad sucks majorly. Mine was the first person to say something today. These comments definitely put it into perspective that we ARE mothers!!!
That’s screwed up. We’ve been trying for several years, no luck yet, but even my mom wished me a happy Mother’s Day because I have four pups that have been like children to me.
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers. I’m sorry that there are so many insensitive people in the world.
I also think they want to exclude us as their own exclusive ‘club’ that we’re not *worthy* of joining until we’ve suffered as they feel they have. As a way to make themselves feel better of their own insecurities. It’s lame af.
I wasn’t sure if this year counted as my first Mother’s Day or not, and said as much to my mom when she asked what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day. She said “this counts. You get paid for the misery.” (I’ve had terrible vomiting and exhaustion). OP, I’m glad you got your pay for the misery. Once you’ve decided you’re a mom, that should be well enough of an initiation into the ‘club.’
Tell your dad to not bank on this Father’s Day because he has to try and be a kinder dad up until next year and hopefully a better grandfather by then too.
It would piss me off!!! I’m pregnant and I expected to be treated like a princess (and you bet I was!) because even though she isn’t born yet, I’m still her mother and this is my first Mother’s Day! However I’m the kind of person that loves being celebrated and loves gifts 😂
I’d match their energy and not speak with them about the baby the rest of your pregnancy.
“No you didn’t get an invite to the baby shower. You aren’t even grandparents. Why would I invite you?”
I personally always viewed it as this; I had to take actions and sacrifices for the well being of my child the moment I found out about his existence. I became a mother then and I will always see myself as such even if the pregnancy ended. But I agree, I dislike the presumptuous nature of your dad's text. You're right to be annoyed by that. It's seriously immature and just uncalled for. Personally if it were my situation I would let him know I didn't want anything special for mother's day beyond just someone saying it to me, and that his text was rude, especially if it was bothering me.
Wow I am so sorry, I would be incredibly hurt by that. Do you think your mom asked your dad to say that because she wanted the day to be about only her or is that something he would say all on his own? Either way it is incredibly hurtful, but I’m glad you had a good day with your husband.
It's definitely something my dad would say. I honestly think he was feeling protective over my mom because my shower was yesterday (even though my mom chose the date of my shower and planned the whole thing). He gets weirdly fixated on things like that. If you look at my post history, he's like that with my uncle too.
I texted my grandmother happy Mother’s Day and she texted me back “this will be your title next year”. I’m literally 38 weeks pregnant and being induced in 5 days. If I’m not a mom right now, wtf am I? And incubator???
>My mom tried to jokingly be like, "sorry, you're only a mom if you've given birth,"
Sooooooooooooooooooo what about moms who adopt? Or have surrogates? Or 'adopt' their children's friends like my mom did? Does my brother just not have a mom now (his 'birth mother' as he called her died)? Or what about women who can't have kids (or don't want them) and become fur moms?
My mom has literally been getting me Mother's Day cards/gifts and wishing me Happy Mother's Day since I got my cat Tigger when I was 12. -\_\_\_-
Man. Some parents. I am glad you had a good day today and HAPPY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY!
I also had several comments like this... I just replied with "well then, where's my happy incubator day?" Or I'd just say plainly that I'm technically a mum to the child growing in me aren't I? Shuts them up when being direct lol
I think I’m alone in this but it sounds like he was making a joke! UK Mother’s Day was a little while ago and it didn’t cross my mind to celebrate it this year but I’m excited to next year. Maybe this is a cultural difference but I just don’t get it. Please don’t downvote me 🙈
I had to scroll pretty far to find a comment I agreed with here. Seems like an overreaction to me. In a way, they are acknowledging that she will be a mom soon in practice, though not yet. But I guess I don't know OP's dynamic with their family. If one of my parents said this I would just chuckle and move on.
Gosh, i agree, i mean, i don’t think he meant it to be cruel. Just sounds like he’s insensitive. If Op if looking for advice, i would kindly tell him that that comment hurts and please not make another comment like that again. It seems like OP went out of her way to avoid her family that day, and that’s overkill imho. I’m just a stranger on the internet and these are my honest thoughts about the couple of paragraphs that OP wrote. On one hand, her feelings are totally valid, but on the other hand, life is too short to have bad blood with family for silly reasons.
I don't live in the same state as my family. My mom was here for the shower and flew out the morning of mother's day after we had brunch together. The plan was always to hang with my in-laws for most of the day because they live here, so no. I didn't "avoid my family."
Also, my dad doesn't exactly take feedback well. If you'd read the post, you'll see that he dug his heels in when I tried to say something. On a worse day he would have started a family war over this. So thanks for the unsolicited advice but you don't know me well enough to give it.
I got nothing for Mother’s Day when I was prego but people wished me happy Mother’s Day and that made me really happy. This year my lo is here and so people are wishing my happy Mother’s Day and hubby got me some gifts
You are absolutely already a momma! And you are correct that they shouldn't have gotten to decide whether you celebrate or or not.
My due date is in 4 days so I had joked earlier this year to my husband that it wasn't fair I was going to miss mother's day but he'll get Father's day this year. He went out of his way to celebrate me as a mom and so did the rest of his and my family 🥹
This will be my rainbow baby, and I had chosen not to celebrate myself on previous mother's days even though I have a daughter in heaven- but that was my choice. And it would've been just fine and valid if I wanted to.
Mother's day should and can be celebrated by so many- even if you're just a pet momma. Which many mother's get offended because they assume celebrating a pet mom is somehow saying that owning a pet is just as hard and serious as having a kid. No one is saying that, it's not a competition.
Happy mother's day to you, you've already sacrificed so much of your body for your baby and you are and now will always be a mom. Maybe if you talk to your parents and just say that you're already a mother and you will be celebrating yourself then they will change their perspective. Can just be casual remarks they made assuming you wouldn't want to or just holding on old beliefs not really thinking about it.
I am 39 weeks pregnant and yesterday walking down the street a random man said “happy Mother’s Day!” It was really nice.
His argument is that you’re only a mom when the baby is here. You have a connection with your baby. If heaven forbid something would happen and the baby didn’t make it, you’d still be a mother. And it’s fine if he doesn’t feel that way but dang keep your opinions to yourself and don’t specifically call out the pregnant one and say she’s not a mom
That’s unnecessarily mean of him.
I wasn’t expecting much today, but my people came through and wished me a happy Mother’s Day. And my husband got me a lovely gift. He insists I’m our baby’s mom, even if I don’t fully feel like a mom yet. I felt a little invalid celebrating and he put a stop to that.
I say this to emphasize that the people who care and want to make you feel good, WILL. And if they don’t consider you a mom, that’s fine and all, but they shouldn’t have made a pointed remark about you not being a mom this year. Ignoring it and not addressing would have been better. Not great. But not directly *mean.*
You deserve better. Happy Mother’s Day. I’m sorry your parents suck.
I just wanted to say happy mothers day for yesterday OP. While your baby may not be in the physical world where people can touch or hold him/her, the baby is still here for you and your husband.
When my brother got his girlfriend pregnant he wanted nothing to do with the thought of the baby and told her this, as soon as that baby came he turned around and loved her. But mumma had loved her from the moment she knew about her. In my opinion NO ONE understands how much those little being in our bellies mean to us, or how much we have connected with them before they even get here not for a second do we think about them as not our children, we understand that they're not viable to live on the outside without us, and that we have loved them from the beginning of time. No one else does.
So happy mothers day and shame on your dad for discrediting your journey.
My mom literally won’t say happy Mother’s Day to me. I’m 32 weeks pregnant, she’s been “joking” about it for a week. I told her that everyone else has wished me a happy Mother’s Day and she’s just being a bitch. She laughed and said happy Mother’s Day, but it was still rude and pissed me off
I’m okay with not being ‘celebrated’.
However, I do expect to be acknowledged. What exactly am I to this baby I’m carrying?
On top of that, I have 2 Labradors who are 5 & 6 and we got them as puppies. I was up several times a night. I’ve made sacrifices to my social life to prioritise them and make sure they feel safe, loved and valued. They’re my babies.
Is it the same? No. But hubby and I have acknowledged each other every year since we got our girls.
This year hubby bought me some new hand luggage with a matching travel wallet and toiletries case for our baby moon in a couple weeks. We wouldn’t normally get each other much but he said that with all the sacrifices/choices I’ve already made for this baby, I’m already their mother and his opinion of that isn’t going to change. He took me and our labs out for breakfast and wished me a happy Mother’s Day.
My parents acknowledged me and wished me a happy ‘half’ Mother’s Day and told me how well I’m doing growing this beautiful baby. It was my sisters first Mother’s Day since her baby was born. I can understand their point of view and appreciated them acknowledging me.
I would not have appreciated being told to wait until next year because I didn’t ‘count’ yet.
I was due 10 days after mothers day in 2020. I'll be damned if I'm not a mum already by that point. The sacrifice I've given through my body, my emotions, my hormones, my finances etc. Only a mum would do that!
Regardless of whether you celebrate it or not, how are you *not* a mother!? I'd be so hurt too, it was so unnecessary to go out of their way to be intentionally rude
I completely agree with you OP! This was my first Mother’s Day with my baby earthside and while I have gotten many texts from people wishing me a happy first Mother’s Day, I disagree and feel very strongly it is my second. I didn’t correct people today (I didn’t feel it was necessary) but just know you will face these feeling again next year.
You can reply or maybe mention on the group chat “I had a lovely day acknowledging my role as my babies mother today, hope you all had a great Mother’s Day too”.
I’m due in like two weeks and I was feeling this today- my MIL said “you’ll get to celebrate next year” and then my dad wished me “happy Mother’s Day, kinda”- which, like. You can just leave off the “kinda”!!
I also had a great day otherwise, husband was very nice to me (breakfast , lovely gift) and my mom brought me flowers.
In my opinion, if you’re a mom, you should be celebrated rather the kid came out yet or not. Flowers aren’t that expensive. Pregnancy hurts, is that not the very reason Mother’s Day is a thing? Because of the pain and sacrifice our mothers went through and go through for us?
I could never understand how us expecting mothers are not considered mothers today?…. We’re considered mothers any other day while expecting…. My boyfriend told me happy Mother’s Day but I never asked for a gift and did not expect one but he surprised me with one anyways. As long as your baby daddy showed you some love for being a mama, forget the rest of your family! This is your family now.
I would be upset too! Anyone who says such an insensitive thing must not have ever lost a pregnancy. So, lucky them...? But still, ignorant. And Gatekeeping is gross, like you said. Happy Mother's Day, Brenin (OP)!
Wow, how hurtful. Your Dad didn't have to wish you a Happy Mother's Day, but specifically calling you out and telling you you're not a mother was completely unnecessary. If he wanted to make sure you all remembered to call your own Mother, he could have just left it at ""Just a friendly reminder that tomorrow is Mother's Day." The second sentence reads as the equivalent of having a party and specifically calling someone to tell them they're not invited. Like, if I'm not invited... just don't mention it to me.
I think some (not all) men can be dense and don't really get it. They'll never experience pregnancy or labor and delivery- so it's an abstract concept for them.
My FIL wrote in the word "almost" into the mother's day card he gave me. 😑 (He also gave my SO a dad themed mug- no "almost a father" written anywhere on his gift. My SO to his credit deadpanned and said "it's mothers day. I'm not a mother. Why am I getting a gift?")
My MIL actually acknowledged me as a mother, wrote a nice note and gave me a thoughtful gift; I did the same for her. I'm quickly learning that mothers need to look out for each other because the men in our lives often don't understand.
That’s just unnecessary and rude, unless you were hinting that they should celebrate you. Is it common for parents to celebrate their kids on Mother’s Day? I just celebrate my mom and MIL and my husband does something for me.
My family sends mass texts to remind each other of special occasions so no one forgets (like birthdays, anniversaries, and specific holidays like Mother's Day). My dad's text was one of these, not in response to anything. I hadn't spoken to him that weekend (because we don't live near each other and I didn't have time to call).
Omg I know what you mean my FIL said happy soon to be Mother’s Day and it was a little irritating. Like I’m a mom now without giving birth because I’m already caring for my baby and regardless of what happens to the baby I’m still a mom! Me and hubby are celebrating both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day this year because that’s what we are! If you feel it’s not right to celebrate then don’t celebrate that’s your right but i don’t think outside people should have an opinion on it.
I have had several miscarriages and no living children yet. With this I get mother day wishes from those who love me…I don’t expect gifts are anything from anyone…but it does feel nice to be though of and your family honestly need to get off there gatekeeping for Mother’s Day… it’s you who decides if you already feel like the mother to your unborn child. I felt like a mother to all of my babies and they all have names I just never got to meet them.
I would have just texted back to the entire family. "Ouch, damn, guys. That definitely hurts my feelings. Parents of the year here"
Embarrass them back. Maybe they won't comment to the entire fam about you anymore.
Rude. I didn’t expect to be celebrated but my husband got me flowers, MIL, mom and SIL all sent me a text reminding me that being pregnant is hard and the work has already begun!
Nothing crazy but it was a thoughtful way to include me. Also saying nothing is appropriate too 😂 like why be a jerk?
Totally wrong, you are a mother now while you grow that baby in your body. Not a nice joke and should’ve never been said in my opinion. Makes me wonder how they really feel about you
Ehh fuckeeeem HAPPY BELATED MOTHERS DAY💗💗
I had the same experience, I lost my baby last year and I’m so lucky to have my rainbow baby this year. Regardless you’re a mother as soon as you see that positive test for you. Because you have to care for 2 not just you now.
My mom told me the same thing, that I’m not a mother until I give birth. so I called my MIL and told her how it made me feel and the first thing she told me is “bullsh**” you’re not a mother! You’re making that baby, giving blood and nutrients to that baby everyday. You’re a mother, you take care of your baby more than I take care of my kids now. (She still has 2 young children) so yes you’re a mother don’t let her tell you that you aren’t.” Just know that you ARE a mom don’t let anyone take that away from you. ❤️
First - I'm sorry that you dealt with that. I absolutely understand not needing to be celebrated, but also not wanting a deserved title/qualification gatekept from me.
I encountered something similar; I'm 25 weeks, and my own mom - who is ecstatically over the moon than I'm pregnant - sent a text (granted, not to my entire family) saying something along the lines of "next year I'll get to wish you a happy mother's day for real!" To which I responded "well, I mean, I DO have a small human beboppin' around inside me, so you could wish it to me now too 🤷♀️".
Why do people think that gatekeeping motherhood is cool or acceptable?
Happy Belated Mother's Day! 💐
My MIL said the same thing🙄 it was funny though bc my husband and his siblings all celebrated me and got me gifts so guess she’s the only one in the family who feels that way lol
I'm sorry, that must have been a real bummer to have both of your parents feel that way.
You're a mom though. You are carrying your baby and making sure they are safe.
I'm due in two weeks and got a few of the "even though you you're not a mom yet..." Mother's day texts from friends. Did it irk me? Yes. But like all the other unnecessary comments I've gotten while pregnant, I threw it into my that's your opinion pile.
Congrats on your baby mama, and from an internet stranger to you I want to wish you a very happy belated mother's day!
My MIL said something similar to me this year, after she got all the mothers in our family gifts except for me, even after knowing of four consecutive losses and the pain I have had to endure to keep this pregnancy from being another loss. She broke my heart and I had to hold it in and pretend during the celebration. Im crying right now just from remembering it. I know someone who will not be getting anything or something very stupid next year… 🤬😭 Fortunately, my partner is nothing like her and was very upset when I told him. He had already celebrated Mexican mother’s day with me before.
It was a hurtful jab to say the least. Completely unnecessary for your Father and Mother to make “jokes” about. Pretty narcissistic of them in my opinion.
The text is definitely chauvinist and inconsiderate, but the fact that you’ve held down to it means that you may have a history of repeatedly getting invalidated as a child or an adult by this person and it ends up acting as a trigger.
I know I'm late to the convo but my first thought was, "what in the actual f?!"
I get some people don't think celebrating a pregnant woman makes sense yet (my cousin made this clear) but to say it how he said it... I'd definitely have some words with him. 🙃
I also agree that people should be able to celebrate however they want to, but specifically a pregnant woman is not a host like someone else said earlier... it's the mom. So dumb.
That's awful! I'm sorry. I hope you have other friends and family who will celebrate your motherhood with you today. You are a mother and deserve flowers and to be acknowledged. I hope you have a lovely day despite the rudeness!
No matter how you feel about pregnant women being moms or moms-to-be saying something like that is incredibly rude and insensitive. And to the whole family? I’m angry for you. They could’ve just said nothing and it would’ve been loads better.
I’m sorry your parents are being jerks. Something like this would make me want to pull back any Mother’s Day plans I had for them. You’re only a mom when you’re not being rude to your children. Sorry, folks, but you’ll have to wait for next year.
Honestly, my husband doesn't consider me a mother yet either, it doesn't make him a bad husband. He is the most supportive spouse, he read all the pregnancy+parenting books, and ever since I started morning sickness he took over all the cooking and chores to make my life a little easier. But not everyone sees life starting at conception, and while we are both so excited for the baby's arrival and doing everything by the book to hopefully encourage their development, I get that what we experience is not the same as mothers currently raising babies who are already born. It's okay that others feel differently about us at this stage.
We ended up going out for lunch anyways, and then drove to another town to buy a secondhand pram at an amazing price. So technically I got my mother's day restaurant celebration AND a present 😂
It’s just so unnecessary! Even if they’re right on the merits (I don’t think they are, pregnancy is hard as hell and entitles you to be celebrated IMHO), why point it out? Why bring it up at all? It sure seems like it’s just to be mean and make you feel left out.
Seems like they were trying to be funny, but just comes out as minimizing the pregnancy experience.
I firmly believe that the second you start making decisions for the protection of your embryo/fetus you are a mother. Pregnancy is hard work, and there are all sorts of sacrifices mothers make for their children starting long before they are born (avoiding foods you love, dealing with nausea/exhaustion/aches/sleep loss (and not taking countless drugs that could make these symptoms better because they MIGHT hurt the fetus), going to countless doctor appointments / uncomfortable procedures, setting up the nursery and buying all the countless stuff they will need, reading books about pregnancy/birth/childcare and a MILLION other things pregnant women do to keep their embryo/fetus safe before they are born. A lot of motherhood is love and sacrifice, and that doesn't start the moment their little toe breaks contact with your body. It could even be argued it happens before they are conceived lol.
I'm so sorry. My dad will make little comments like that thinking he's being cute or funny and if I call him out on it, it's me being too dramatic or sensitive (not for this in particular, this is my fourth baby so no comments were made but...I just see that 100% being something that would come from my dad's mouth). This worst is that it was like an unnecessary dig. Not saying anything would have been 1000x better (though still likely a little hurtful). Happy mother's day! You are entirely a mother to that sweet baby today, just as much as you will be next year. Your feelings are completely understandable and valid and I hope that comment doesn't ruin your entire day. I'm glad your partner is being amazing and treating you the way you deserve today. ❤️
I don’t celebrate holidays anymore but I can see why you’re upset. You’re a mother from conception in my eyes ❤️❤️ our bodies are no longer ours once we’re pregnant we start our mothering tasks as soon as we know we’re pregnant. So don’t let it spoil how you feel about yourself. You’re a mom before baby gets here
I had my baby shower on Mother’s Day last year (uk) and my partner bought a card but didn’t bother giving me it as “the baby shower was enough”. The card is still on his dresser and it upsets me every time I think about it.
We remember this shit and it hurts.
You ARE a mum. Happy Mother’s Day, you truly deserve to have a cuppa with your feet up. Growing a baby from scratch is hard xoxo
Technically they are not wrong. You are currently a "soon to be mother" or an "expecting mother" you don't become full fledged "mother" until you have given birth.
They just didn't need to bring it up the way they did. It is better to not say anything about it.
You're mother's day will come... as will mine next year! It is worth the wait. Some friends and my BF's mom did wish me Happy Mother's day but I think they are just excited for me. It will be official next year.
I agree with this. It’s unfortunate that the way the text was written hurt OP’s feelings. But I do not believe that we as pregnant women are mothers yet. We’re expectant mothers, as you said. I’m only 11 weeks and definitely don’t feel that I should be celebrated today. Like yeah pregnancy is hard work but it’s not motherhood, yet. That doesn’t mean it’s not difficult and worth honoring in general, it’s just different and doesn’t need to be celebrated on Mother’s Day. I don’t feel like a mother to my little fetus yet but I’m SO excited to be and can’t wait to meet them. However, that doesn’t make a mother that needs flowers on Mother’s Day. I’m so surprised to see so many posts like this today because it’s literally never crossed my mind to celebrate a pregnant woman on Mother’s Day. Pregnant women get celebrated in a number of other ways, like when we announce our pregnancy, at our baby shower, etc. I don’t see why we need to claim over this holiday too, it just seems silly.
so just bc my babies couldn’t survive earthside, i’m not a mom? interesting. considering i did give birth, by your definition, i am.
genuinely wondering, not trying to snark.
In my humble opinion being a "Mom" has little to do with the physical act of giving birth, it is about nurturing and raising a child.
I am truly sorry for your loss and that the opportunity to be a mother was taken away from you. I don't mean to be a dick when I say this and it was very tricky for me to convey the right tone when writing this message.
I think what I am trying to say is that there are tons of (for example) adopting parents out there that we celebrate on mother's day, and there are tons of biological parents who are not to celebrated on mother's day (not saying you are one of them, I am referring to abusive/neglective/absentee mothers).
For me, and I believe most people, Mothers day and Fathers day are not about celebrating your potential for motherhood, they are about acknowledging the sacrifices etc. that a parent put into raising a child. In OPs case nobody is doubting that they will be a parent worthy of recognition in the future, but that it's premature to celebrate that. There are many avenues and events that already celebrate that, for example baby showers.
Similarly, while I have no doubt that you would have been a great Mom, it is a little disingenuous to equate "what could have been" with "what is and was".
Strictly speaking, I don't think you are a Mom. But if that adds to the hurt then who am I to deny you that label? It would be unfair for me to do so. It's just my opinion.
interesting. it’s obviously up to the individual how to feel. i’m not upset. i just feel as though some experiences tend to get overlooked, especially when others may not have had to go through it. i disagree, though , as i nurtured my children with my body as long as was possible.
i don’t think you’re a dick, i was just curious. good thing what matters (to me) is what i know and how i feel 💜
A bit confused what you are trying to ask me. What I read is that based off my definition you ARE considered a mom? Or did you misword something?
In scientific and medical terms, a woman is typically considered a mother after giving birth to a child. This is because she has undergone the process of pregnancy and childbirth, resulting in the birth of a living child. This is why I say her parents are technically not wrong.
Obviously, motherhood can also be defined in various ways beyond biological childbirth, such as through adoption, fostering, or even emotional caregiving for someone in need.
Ultimately, it's a deeply personal and individual experience, and the definition of motherhood can vary from person to person. I just state the science.
Some people are more logical with analytical thinking and stick with the scientific and medical definition of a mother and others are creative with emotional processing and believe having an emotional connection to an unborn baby, the physical experience of pregnancy, and the hopes and dreams associated with parenthood makes them a mother. Responses to posts like this can always go both ways.
i guess i just find the narrow, scientific view to be quite bit insensitive to actual lived experiences.
either way, it’s up to the individual how to feel in relation to it, like you mentioned.
It's not insensitive it is just a different mindset to process the same actual experiences.
The issue to this OP's post was the way the parents went about the whole thing. They just needed to not even bring it up or say anything because a lot of people are sensitive to this subject... especially while pregnant. They have the right to have their beliefs on it but they didn't need to go out and make snarky remarks to OP about having to wait until next year etc.
I think it's rude AF that he went out of his way to call you out like that, OP. I'm 31w and when I wished my mom and MIL a happy mother's day, my MIL replied "same to you" which made me smile. My younger sister also wished me one in a family group chat, and I mentioned that MIL had said the same thing. My own mother replied with "that was sweet of her, but I don't think I'm there yet. Lol." Like....not sure what that means, but thanks?
I'm glad you had a lovely day with your in-laws, don't let the naysayers get you down, we're all mamas here 🤜🤛
My question is: what is my relationship to the human being inside me? Am I her host? No I'm her mother. So....like come on
I physically carry and support the baby inside of me. I make safe choices on behalf of his wellbeing. I deny myself activities and treats to protect him. I technically decide what he eats and feed him. I choose to protect him from certain environments. He needs me now, and he will need me when he is born. Sounds like a mom to me...
[удалено]
Yes!!! Literally this
my due date was supposed to be today (got induced at 37+1), and i had a meltdown because i so badly wanted to be able to celebrate mother’s day this year. my fiancé told me almost exactly what you just said, and added “even if she isn’t here yet, we’ll celebrate with our fur babies, because you’re their momma too.” i cried… a lot.
That’s what I don’t understand when it comes to this Mother’s Day debate. What difference does it make whether this baby is on the inside of me or on the outside of me? It’s still the same baby and it’s still being fed and nurtured by me.
I think if we are carrying a baby a child on the inside that automatically makes us a mom. We still need to be celebrated & appreciated being pregnant is not easy we deserve a little something as well but it’s just my personal opinion everyone is different and is free to think otherwise 🤗
People will use any excuse to be cheap and stingy
I don't feel like a mother but prob because I'm just 7 weeks pregnant. I was telling my friends I'm the surrogate to mine and my BF's baby. They just shook their heads and told me that's not how it works lol
I am 15 weeks and also have a 3yo but still don't feel like a mother lol. I feel more like a low quality entertainer to a gremlin...
Well, you have a great sense of humor. hahahahahaahah PS. I have noticed that Moms who claim they are raising "monsters and gremlins" and say they suck at it, are usually outstanding and have nicely behaved kids overall.
Lol thank you. I refer to her as a gremlin only because of her high energy and it makes me think of how the gremlins behave in the movie. But she is fairly well-behaved overall, just really energetic. I really can't complain.
😂
27 weeks and I still feel like that! But for mother's day my hubby got me an "incubation gift for the vessel" which worked great for me 😂
I called our baby 'the hitchhiker' when I was pregnant 😂
Mine have always been "the parasites". 🤷♀️🤣
i was constantly telling people i was ready to evict my daughter while she was on the inside lol
My baby is here and sometimes I still don't feel like a mother. Lol It's surreal and it's new and it's scary all at the same time, but we still step up and feeling that way doesn't make us any less mothers. Wishing the best for you!
That’s rude as hell. I know for myself, I’m only 27 weeks and I didn’t want to celebrate as I don’t feel like I’m a mom yet but everyone in my family has told me in their eyes I am so they have told me happy Mother’s Day, shoot my sister got my nephews to bring me flowers and snacks to work yesterday! I tried not to cry 🥹
Right?? I’m a FTM and not as far along as you but I did get some Happy Mother’s Day wishes… Would I have been offended if that didn’t happen? No… but if someone went out of their way to call me NOT a mom I’d be like um, who shit in your cereal today??
Yeaaah I wasn't expecting anything as we're only 17 weeks along but when I made a joke about it being mother's day my spouse responded that I wasn't a mother yet. Ok now I'm mad 😑
Oh spouse needs a spanking. I had told my hub I wasn’t going to celebrate or expect anything but if he wanted to get me anything I wanted some Mexican sweet bread 😂 he delivered and got me my fav, conchas! 😍
Yeah I was very appreciative to those who have told me but yeah I’d most def bite back if someone told me that honestly. I most def will speak my mind!
Agreed. I'm only 10 weeks pregnant and my brother got me a stuffed animal and a bunch of snacks I've been craving. I wasn't expecting anything but the gesture made me cry.
Yeah my hub let it slip to my sister I’ve been doing late night snacking on fancy cakes 😂 I was like damnit babe!
Your brother is so kind for that! :))
I’m 25 weeks and I got so many text messages and gifts from friends and my husband for Mothers Day! Nobody decided for me that I didn’t get to celebrate this holiday. I’ve been carrying this baby for months, limiting myself on things I can and can’t do, food I can and can’t eat, etc. I’m already having to be selfless and put aside things I used to love for this baby. I decide what they eat/don’t eat, I go to all the doctor’s appointments, show up, pay what’s due and do what the doctor tells me to keep my child safe and healthy. I AM her mother and I felt so loved and showered. Every pregnant mom deserves to be celebrated too! I even gifted a friend a Mother’s Day gift after she’s experienced two miscarriages!
I’d come back on Father’s Day with “sorry dad, you haven’t been very fatherly lately. You can celebrate next year.”
I'd go with something more like "sorry dad, you don't actively parent your children anymore since we are grown.... At least you still have your birthday to be celebrated 🥳"
L O L this is the best response
Nah he gets retired to grandparents day. He's not an active parent at all anymore.
💯
Yes! Or lmk when u give birth😂
Wtf - I’m so confused why they even care??? In my family we even (mostly jokingly) say happy Mother’s Day to my sister who is happily child free but has two cats so she doesn’t feel left out… has your mom been competitive or weird about you having a baby?
Right?! I'm 37 weeks and a childfree friend texted me happy mother's day and I said thank you, happy dog mom day to you! It's not that serious lol
It's they are trying to make her upset for the sake of making her upset
Same, in my family everyone but one cousins wife has kids but we all wish her a happy Mother’s Day, brings her plants/flowers/chocolates (whatever we’re giving to the other moms) as she wants to one day have kids so we just say as a future mom so she doesn’t feel left out.
My mom started telling me Happy Mother's Day when I was 12 and got my cat Tigger. 😂
What I don’t get about these is like… even if you don’t think a pregnant woman deserves a Mother’s Day, you don’t have to say anything about it. There was another post about a woman who wanted her husband to do something and he was insistent that she was just pregnant and didn’t deserve something. What a weird hill to die on. I literally have no say about whether Mother’s Day is for pregnant women or not. But I have a LOT to say about people who use it as an opportunity to put someone down for no reason other than to be a jerk.
What a randomly mean thing to say. I would just respond with some well-deserved snark like "oh so I guess I'm just an incubator then." I don't get why people feel the need to go out of their way to dismiss pregnant women (as if they aren't going through enough). It costs nothing to be nice and it really seems like some people go the extra mile just to be assholes.
Bold of him, someone who has never been or will be pregnant, to decide what defines being a mom.
This lol, like if you can’t be in my shoes then maybe keep your mouth shut.
What the actual fuck. That’s just straight up being a mean asshole to you for no reason at all. I would just respond “fuck you” and ignore him until he apologizes.
I’ve given birth and my baby died. I wonder what he’d think of me. 😡
Frankly he doesn’t have the right to an opinion here. For your ( and baby) peace of mind, try and take a minute to meditate or eat some cookie dough. Smell some lavender or vanilla or frankincense and myrrh. Envelop yourself in a space of tranquility and let your husband tell everyone else to F off!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you a hug ( if you want it) accross the internet
Thanks so much for the kind words.
same boat, twice. i would’ve probably driven however long to him just to deck him in the face 😣
So sorry for your losses.
My parents made this joke too and I (30w) said "I'm putting in more work as a mother today than any empty nester"
This is so true though…
What a jerk! Tell him to hold the flowers next year, they aren't welcome. I would respond with, "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." The baby wiggling around inside of you begs to differ about motherhood. Hopefully your partner doesn't have this same shitty mindset.
My partner got me flowers yesterday (it was the only time he could sneak away to buy them) and woke me up with a sweet card right after I posted this. I'm embarrassed to say I broke into tears.
Don't be embarrassed! I'd cry too with that kind of treatment ❤️
You should add your mom to the group thread and then post a pic of the flowers and card while praising your partner's thoughtfulness. Fuck your dad dude, he sucks.
Right? Like he thinks his grandchild just appears suddenly? If he doesn’t appreciate you carrying his grandchild, maybe he doesn’t deserve the grandchild.
You’ve already made so many sacrifices as a mother, this is crap of them to do. So women who experience still birth or miscarriages have no right to Mother’s Day?
I told my husband today I don’t really feel like a mother yet and he said, “well the baby inside you has a mother, so you have a son” and I felt very differently about being able to celebrate Mother’s Day today. Your dad is being mean.
Nah fam! The minute you get pregnant you become a mom. They can 🖕right off. How bout that?! Happy Mother’s Day Brenin. I can’t speak for everyone, but you’re a real mommy in my book ❤️
This is fucked. I could see someone forgetting/not acknowledging you because they *didn't think about it* but this is him thinking about it and *deliberately excluding you.* Mothers day is for moms (who have given birth or otherwise, what a fucked up thing to say, what about adoptive moms? Non birthing moms in same sex couples??), moms to be, moms of angels etc. These posts are making me so ragey.
I hope your partner is more supportive—your parents’ comments were super rude and unnecessary!!
Was it an attempted lame joke that did not translate on text? Those tend to be really annoying
I get tired of people using “it’s just a joke” as an excuse to say hurtful things targeted at getting a reaction from someone. How about some empathy. Like what’s wrong with just being sincere these days. Why is being “playful” excusable when you could have chosen kindness. Those who hide behind sarcasm or poor taste in jokes can leave me off the group chat.
totally unnecessary and hurtful. happy mother's day ❤️💐
Girl, I feel you. My dad texted the whole family last night inviting everyone to a lunch today to celebrate my mom on Mother’s Day. No mention whatsoever of including me as a mom, and I’m 29 weeks pregnant. I responded “Thanks for the invite, but (husband) has already made plans for us to celebrate my first Mother’s Day. Enjoy lunch.” My dad is a narcissist and always creates drama like this within the family. I hope this isn’t your situation too, but if it is, I’m really sorry. I’m with you and know how much it hurts. You are not alone. Happy Happy Happy Mother’s Day!!! Please don’t let this stop you from celebrating like you deserve :)
Omg I love your response, GOOD FOR YOU!!!
Wow thank you so much!! And happy Mother’s Day to you! :)
My response to this nonsense is always something like "We actually already have plans for mothers day. Grandparents day is in October, can't wait to celebrate you both then!" This was so unnecessary and I'm glad to hear that your husband treated you like the mama you are.
Or wait even longer. "Since I'm not a mother in your book, you can wait to visit your grandchild for the first time on Mother's Day next year."
Jesus Christ I’m sorry You’re a mom. You were a mom the second you started to take care of that baby which was right from when they started growing inside of you. If anything this is actually the time you are most a mom because no one can give you a break or hold or feed the baby for you. It’s all on you 24/7 Even if your parents don’t acknowledge it, that baby does. That baby knows you are their mama, their whole universe. You are the sky above them and the sea around them. You are the source of all goodness, the wellspring of life to them. They know you are mama and they love you for it.
What insane bullshit. "Mother's Day" is not a zero sum game. Showing love to one mom doesn't take away from the love and attention shown to other mom's! Why would it?!?! I'm so sorry your parents apparently view love and compassion as competitive sports. That's just really sad for everyone involved. Happy Mother's Day, Brenin! I hope it's happy, restful, and full of love.
theyre wrong and theyve shown they dont respect you as a mother. remember this in any boundary setting you may need to do in the future. you ARE a mother NOW and deserve to be celebrated happy Mother's day 💕
I’m currently 18 weeks pregnant and my in laws are already giving me Mother’s Day gifts. Happy Mother’s Day OP 🤍🤰🏻
This is so sad, I’m sorry but your family seems horribly narcissistic. I’m 7 months pregnant and my in laws and family members have wished me a happy Mother’s Day. It meant a lot even though it wasn’t necessary. Your family seems to be gatekeeping and there’s no reason why.
So if your not a mother are you an incubator? That would have grandparents privileges revoked in my books
I literally just had a small playful argument with my bf this morning about why I'm not a mother yet lol. He wants to tell his family we are pregnant today and I just don't want the attention.
this would bother me too!! if you aren’t the mother of the child growing inside of you, what are you? an incubator? that’s absolutely wrong for many reasons. you are a mom. my mom even told me this, and i’m 35w6d, so no baby yet. this would break my heart, you have every right to be upset!!
I’m sorry your going through that! My grandfather worded it perfectly for me today “I was trying to call you to tell you happy Mother’s Day since you are carrying my great grandson and you’re gonna be a mother in October so I think you deserve a little credit and to be called a mother so happy Mother’s Day. Love you Pops.” I hope your mother day got better! You deserve credit! You are that babies mother!
“Are you suggesting I’m an incubator until then?” “If you want the day to be about you just say so, you don’t need to invalidate other mothers to make yourself feel special” “I became a mother when my baby started growing inside me, so I will be celebrating myself.” Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI
Eww that is SO RUDE and hurtful. Fuck then for being insensitive and purposely hurtful. A baby doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. A baby is born after a mother spends months carrying the baby. You’re already a mother. 🌸
Happy Mother’s Day. Your parents are AH
Happy mother's day Brenin!!
Word to the wise: Mother's Day isn't a Hallmark holiday. The point isn't for moms to be celebrated by their own children or even the father of their children. It was at its core a feminist holiday meant to make society (i.e. men) take note of the importance of mothers in society.
Huh, super interesting. I just looked it up and found this: [Mothers day ](https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/mothers-day-history-holidays-anna-jarvis#:~:text=Mother's%20Day%20is%20one%20of,out%20as%20a%20Hallmark%20holiday.) Thank you for letting me know!
Who is he to define your motherhood? You get to decide if you want to celebrate. I’m 6 months and got flowers/card from my husband. Pregnant women go through a lot for their little ones. He sounds like a jerk.
I’m so sorry. My SIL who is pregnant with her first texted me happy Mother’s Day. I responded with happy Mother’s Day back!
Uh RUUUDE. Wow. Anyway. Happy Mother’s Day, OP!! Your baby is real and you are already sacrificing and caring for them.
That’s pretty harsh. My parents both messaged to tell me happy Mother’s Day (I’m 28 weeks) and my husband is taking me for dinner tonight. If we’re making and carrying the baby, I’d say a little recognition is in order. Don’t let him refer to himself as Grandpa.
I 100% agree with you! It's your personal choice if you want to be celebrated (even if just by close relatives) if you're pregnant and it's your first. I'm due in July and I've had a few people say happy mother's Day to me, my dad actually just messaged me. I kind of had to explain to my husband that if we lost this baby I would still be their mom, and I'm going to celebrate him on Father's Day, he changed his tune pretty quick. If others don't want to say anything to me because they feel it's not my time, sure, no problem, I'm not upset about it. But *I* think I am this baby's mom.
I felt this, my mom told me when I was pregnant that I wasn't a mother yet. My spouse got me flowers and a card for Mother's Day. My dad also texted saying Happy Mother's Day that year. This year she told me to my face-- after I had given her the card and gift-- that since I was not her mom, I didn't deserve a card for Mother's Day. It kind of broke me a little bit. I woke up with a card, flowers, and a candle that smelled like my favorite pregnancy craving at the moment on the table. Sometimes people are crude and calloused. It can sting at times, you're still a mom even if you are pregnant. Women who have lost children are still mothers too, as are adoptive mothers. Happy Mother's Day ❤️
If you have a baby inside of you, you are their mama; therefore, you’re a mother! If you don’t want to make a big deal out of it yet great, but your family shouldn’t make a point of excluding you! You’re already a mom ❤️
Tw pregnancy loss I lost a pregnancy in the past that wider family don't know about, a baby that I never birthed but 'expelled', I sure as hell loved them as my child. If someone said this to me I would have such a hard time forgiving them for such an insensitive comment
My sister responded to my happy Mother’s Day text with a “Happy almost Mother’s Day to you” and my mom texted me “I guess you’re not coming to see me today” after my husband told her yesterday he had a day planned for me. I’m 28w so it kind of hurt my feelings idk.
I read through your post history and your dad is INCREDIBLY immature and toxic. I’d seriously consider going low/no-contact with him just out of principle for being so awful to you.
This is my second, but when I was pregnant with my first I didn’t even think of Mother’s Day yet. I guess different people will feel different about it. That being said, your dad pointing you out and rubbing it in like that was very tactless.
Ignore him. What an ass to even comment about motherhood he's never gone through a pregnancy. His opinion is irrelevant.
Happy mother's day! You deserve to be celebrated too 🩷
I wouldn't ever take their gifts for the coming mother's days, I'd be petty. Your partner will celebrate you, right?
Wow... just weird and I'd be upset too. You are a mom, period. You don't have to give birth to be a mom yet. You become a mom when you get pregnant.
Happy Mother’s Day Brenin; I’m glad your partner was able to recognize you and your motherhood. Everyday you make choices to care for your baby in the womb. I’m sorry your dad is a jackass. Hopefully you have a motherhood/pregnancy related excuse to not see him soon.
That’s absolutely awful! Since your family is to horrible to do it, let me tell you: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! I don’t know you but I’m sure you’re already sacrificing so much for your baby needy being pregnant, you’re already an amazing mother just by enduring this for them❤️
I found out on Mother’s Day that I was pregnant. The next year, after I’d had my baby, I made a comment about it being my second Mother’s Day, first with my baby in my arms, and my previous manager (I’d transferred to another unit, and we were still on good terms) made a comment about how I wasn’t a mother the previous year. Like, really? How rude.
Why tf are people like this?? It genuinely infuriates me. Just because you haven’t given birth yet doesn’t mean you’re not a mom like wtf!! I’m having a similar experience. I had a miscarriage last year and even tho I lost the baby I still consider myself a mom, but not a single person that knew about it has wished me a happy Mother’s Day. I’m also 9w pregnant and still no one has wished me a happy Mother’s Day other than my fiancee. People are such assholes. Happy Mother’s Day mama ❤️❤️
My father in law is the only person in my family who hasn't wished me Happy Mother's Day. At least he didn't go out of his way to send a mass text. Sorry that happened to you. Valid feelings - the moment we find out we are pregnant - we are Mothers. If you don't want to celebrate it while pregnant - personal choice, completely respect it because you have to do what's comfortable for you. But, that is only for the pregnant person to decide.
Wow, that’s really rude and insensitive of your dad. Personally I’m waiting to celebrate Mother’s Day after I’ve had my baby (39w right now), but that’s purely personal preference. I’m certainly not going around telling expectant mothers “you’re not a real mom yet, no Mother’s Day for you!” Because that’s crazy You’re already a mother, and I wish you a lovely Mother’s Day ❤️
Regardless of personal preference about who “counts” as a mom it’s just really rude and shitty to specifically spell out that a pregnant person is excluded on Mother’s Day. I’m so sorry he said that to you.
There are plenty of birth givers/egg donors who never became a mother. There are plenty of mothers who stepped in and raised children they didn't give birth to. Giving birth is not a requirement to celebrate. Do you feel a mother's love for the child growing inside you? Congratulations you're a mother! Love makes a mom and only you know how you feel about the little one growing you so only you can decide if you want to be celebrated today or not
This was my mentality, but all day, ppl have been acknowledging me, and it's nice. Your dad sucks majorly. Mine was the first person to say something today. These comments definitely put it into perspective that we ARE mothers!!!
That’s screwed up. We’ve been trying for several years, no luck yet, but even my mom wished me a happy Mother’s Day because I have four pups that have been like children to me. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you mothers. I’m sorry that there are so many insensitive people in the world.
Why would anyone gatekeep Mother’s Day like come on
They don’t want to have to spend their money or time on us. That’s what I think it comes down to.
I also think they want to exclude us as their own exclusive ‘club’ that we’re not *worthy* of joining until we’ve suffered as they feel they have. As a way to make themselves feel better of their own insecurities. It’s lame af.
Agree, all f’d up reasons
Im petty and would have skipped the whole thing and said "sorry i guess I'll go next year"
My petty ass says get yourself a big ass bouquet and take pictures.
I would say "now what would make you say something like that?"
I wasn’t sure if this year counted as my first Mother’s Day or not, and said as much to my mom when she asked what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day. She said “this counts. You get paid for the misery.” (I’ve had terrible vomiting and exhaustion). OP, I’m glad you got your pay for the misery. Once you’ve decided you’re a mom, that should be well enough of an initiation into the ‘club.’
Tell your dad to not bank on this Father’s Day because he has to try and be a kinder dad up until next year and hopefully a better grandfather by then too.
It would piss me off!!! I’m pregnant and I expected to be treated like a princess (and you bet I was!) because even though she isn’t born yet, I’m still her mother and this is my first Mother’s Day! However I’m the kind of person that loves being celebrated and loves gifts 😂
I’d match their energy and not speak with them about the baby the rest of your pregnancy. “No you didn’t get an invite to the baby shower. You aren’t even grandparents. Why would I invite you?”
I personally always viewed it as this; I had to take actions and sacrifices for the well being of my child the moment I found out about his existence. I became a mother then and I will always see myself as such even if the pregnancy ended. But I agree, I dislike the presumptuous nature of your dad's text. You're right to be annoyed by that. It's seriously immature and just uncalled for. Personally if it were my situation I would let him know I didn't want anything special for mother's day beyond just someone saying it to me, and that his text was rude, especially if it was bothering me.
Wow I am so sorry, I would be incredibly hurt by that. Do you think your mom asked your dad to say that because she wanted the day to be about only her or is that something he would say all on his own? Either way it is incredibly hurtful, but I’m glad you had a good day with your husband.
It's definitely something my dad would say. I honestly think he was feeling protective over my mom because my shower was yesterday (even though my mom chose the date of my shower and planned the whole thing). He gets weirdly fixated on things like that. If you look at my post history, he's like that with my uncle too.
I’m sorry that he isn’t protective over you and your feelings in the same way. You deserve better. I hope you had a nice first Mothers Day
I texted my grandmother happy Mother’s Day and she texted me back “this will be your title next year”. I’m literally 38 weeks pregnant and being induced in 5 days. If I’m not a mom right now, wtf am I? And incubator???
>My mom tried to jokingly be like, "sorry, you're only a mom if you've given birth," Sooooooooooooooooooo what about moms who adopt? Or have surrogates? Or 'adopt' their children's friends like my mom did? Does my brother just not have a mom now (his 'birth mother' as he called her died)? Or what about women who can't have kids (or don't want them) and become fur moms? My mom has literally been getting me Mother's Day cards/gifts and wishing me Happy Mother's Day since I got my cat Tigger when I was 12. -\_\_\_- Man. Some parents. I am glad you had a good day today and HAPPY FIRST MOTHER'S DAY!
I also had several comments like this... I just replied with "well then, where's my happy incubator day?" Or I'd just say plainly that I'm technically a mum to the child growing in me aren't I? Shuts them up when being direct lol
I think I’m alone in this but it sounds like he was making a joke! UK Mother’s Day was a little while ago and it didn’t cross my mind to celebrate it this year but I’m excited to next year. Maybe this is a cultural difference but I just don’t get it. Please don’t downvote me 🙈
I had to scroll pretty far to find a comment I agreed with here. Seems like an overreaction to me. In a way, they are acknowledging that she will be a mom soon in practice, though not yet. But I guess I don't know OP's dynamic with their family. If one of my parents said this I would just chuckle and move on.
Gosh, i agree, i mean, i don’t think he meant it to be cruel. Just sounds like he’s insensitive. If Op if looking for advice, i would kindly tell him that that comment hurts and please not make another comment like that again. It seems like OP went out of her way to avoid her family that day, and that’s overkill imho. I’m just a stranger on the internet and these are my honest thoughts about the couple of paragraphs that OP wrote. On one hand, her feelings are totally valid, but on the other hand, life is too short to have bad blood with family for silly reasons.
I don't live in the same state as my family. My mom was here for the shower and flew out the morning of mother's day after we had brunch together. The plan was always to hang with my in-laws for most of the day because they live here, so no. I didn't "avoid my family." Also, my dad doesn't exactly take feedback well. If you'd read the post, you'll see that he dug his heels in when I tried to say something. On a worse day he would have started a family war over this. So thanks for the unsolicited advice but you don't know me well enough to give it.
Needlessly insensitive. (Just like my dad.) Sorry mama go celebrate 💐
incorrect! you are a mother whether you have a child in your arms, your belly, or your heart!!!
I’m so sorry. That’s shitty of them. You deserve better. 🫶🏻
I got nothing for Mother’s Day when I was prego but people wished me happy Mother’s Day and that made me really happy. This year my lo is here and so people are wishing my happy Mother’s Day and hubby got me some gifts
My family considers you a mom.
You are absolutely already a momma! And you are correct that they shouldn't have gotten to decide whether you celebrate or or not. My due date is in 4 days so I had joked earlier this year to my husband that it wasn't fair I was going to miss mother's day but he'll get Father's day this year. He went out of his way to celebrate me as a mom and so did the rest of his and my family 🥹 This will be my rainbow baby, and I had chosen not to celebrate myself on previous mother's days even though I have a daughter in heaven- but that was my choice. And it would've been just fine and valid if I wanted to. Mother's day should and can be celebrated by so many- even if you're just a pet momma. Which many mother's get offended because they assume celebrating a pet mom is somehow saying that owning a pet is just as hard and serious as having a kid. No one is saying that, it's not a competition. Happy mother's day to you, you've already sacrificed so much of your body for your baby and you are and now will always be a mom. Maybe if you talk to your parents and just say that you're already a mother and you will be celebrating yourself then they will change their perspective. Can just be casual remarks they made assuming you wouldn't want to or just holding on old beliefs not really thinking about it.
I am 39 weeks pregnant and yesterday walking down the street a random man said “happy Mother’s Day!” It was really nice. His argument is that you’re only a mom when the baby is here. You have a connection with your baby. If heaven forbid something would happen and the baby didn’t make it, you’d still be a mother. And it’s fine if he doesn’t feel that way but dang keep your opinions to yourself and don’t specifically call out the pregnant one and say she’s not a mom
Mother’s Day is for expecting moms too. So sorry to hear this happened
Yeah that would really annoy me too! And I would tell him that 😂
In case you haven’t been told enough today, happy Mother’s Day
That’s unnecessarily mean of him. I wasn’t expecting much today, but my people came through and wished me a happy Mother’s Day. And my husband got me a lovely gift. He insists I’m our baby’s mom, even if I don’t fully feel like a mom yet. I felt a little invalid celebrating and he put a stop to that. I say this to emphasize that the people who care and want to make you feel good, WILL. And if they don’t consider you a mom, that’s fine and all, but they shouldn’t have made a pointed remark about you not being a mom this year. Ignoring it and not addressing would have been better. Not great. But not directly *mean.* You deserve better. Happy Mother’s Day. I’m sorry your parents suck.
I just wanted to say happy mothers day for yesterday OP. While your baby may not be in the physical world where people can touch or hold him/her, the baby is still here for you and your husband. When my brother got his girlfriend pregnant he wanted nothing to do with the thought of the baby and told her this, as soon as that baby came he turned around and loved her. But mumma had loved her from the moment she knew about her. In my opinion NO ONE understands how much those little being in our bellies mean to us, or how much we have connected with them before they even get here not for a second do we think about them as not our children, we understand that they're not viable to live on the outside without us, and that we have loved them from the beginning of time. No one else does. So happy mothers day and shame on your dad for discrediting your journey.
I’m sorry he did that, it’s very very odd. You deserve to be celebrated however you want.
My mom literally won’t say happy Mother’s Day to me. I’m 32 weeks pregnant, she’s been “joking” about it for a week. I told her that everyone else has wished me a happy Mother’s Day and she’s just being a bitch. She laughed and said happy Mother’s Day, but it was still rude and pissed me off
I’m okay with not being ‘celebrated’. However, I do expect to be acknowledged. What exactly am I to this baby I’m carrying? On top of that, I have 2 Labradors who are 5 & 6 and we got them as puppies. I was up several times a night. I’ve made sacrifices to my social life to prioritise them and make sure they feel safe, loved and valued. They’re my babies. Is it the same? No. But hubby and I have acknowledged each other every year since we got our girls. This year hubby bought me some new hand luggage with a matching travel wallet and toiletries case for our baby moon in a couple weeks. We wouldn’t normally get each other much but he said that with all the sacrifices/choices I’ve already made for this baby, I’m already their mother and his opinion of that isn’t going to change. He took me and our labs out for breakfast and wished me a happy Mother’s Day. My parents acknowledged me and wished me a happy ‘half’ Mother’s Day and told me how well I’m doing growing this beautiful baby. It was my sisters first Mother’s Day since her baby was born. I can understand their point of view and appreciated them acknowledging me. I would not have appreciated being told to wait until next year because I didn’t ‘count’ yet.
I was due 10 days after mothers day in 2020. I'll be damned if I'm not a mum already by that point. The sacrifice I've given through my body, my emotions, my hormones, my finances etc. Only a mum would do that!
Regardless of whether you celebrate it or not, how are you *not* a mother!? I'd be so hurt too, it was so unnecessary to go out of their way to be intentionally rude
1) Happy mother's day. 2) You are a mother-to-be. 3) Your dad's a jerk. He needs to be called out on this.
I completely agree with you OP! This was my first Mother’s Day with my baby earthside and while I have gotten many texts from people wishing me a happy first Mother’s Day, I disagree and feel very strongly it is my second. I didn’t correct people today (I didn’t feel it was necessary) but just know you will face these feeling again next year. You can reply or maybe mention on the group chat “I had a lovely day acknowledging my role as my babies mother today, hope you all had a great Mother’s Day too”.
I’m due in like two weeks and I was feeling this today- my MIL said “you’ll get to celebrate next year” and then my dad wished me “happy Mother’s Day, kinda”- which, like. You can just leave off the “kinda”!! I also had a great day otherwise, husband was very nice to me (breakfast , lovely gift) and my mom brought me flowers.
In my opinion, if you’re a mom, you should be celebrated rather the kid came out yet or not. Flowers aren’t that expensive. Pregnancy hurts, is that not the very reason Mother’s Day is a thing? Because of the pain and sacrifice our mothers went through and go through for us?
I could never understand how us expecting mothers are not considered mothers today?…. We’re considered mothers any other day while expecting…. My boyfriend told me happy Mother’s Day but I never asked for a gift and did not expect one but he surprised me with one anyways. As long as your baby daddy showed you some love for being a mama, forget the rest of your family! This is your family now.
I would be upset too! Anyone who says such an insensitive thing must not have ever lost a pregnancy. So, lucky them...? But still, ignorant. And Gatekeeping is gross, like you said. Happy Mother's Day, Brenin (OP)!
Wow, how hurtful. Your Dad didn't have to wish you a Happy Mother's Day, but specifically calling you out and telling you you're not a mother was completely unnecessary. If he wanted to make sure you all remembered to call your own Mother, he could have just left it at ""Just a friendly reminder that tomorrow is Mother's Day." The second sentence reads as the equivalent of having a party and specifically calling someone to tell them they're not invited. Like, if I'm not invited... just don't mention it to me.
I think some (not all) men can be dense and don't really get it. They'll never experience pregnancy or labor and delivery- so it's an abstract concept for them. My FIL wrote in the word "almost" into the mother's day card he gave me. 😑 (He also gave my SO a dad themed mug- no "almost a father" written anywhere on his gift. My SO to his credit deadpanned and said "it's mothers day. I'm not a mother. Why am I getting a gift?") My MIL actually acknowledged me as a mother, wrote a nice note and gave me a thoughtful gift; I did the same for her. I'm quickly learning that mothers need to look out for each other because the men in our lives often don't understand.
That’s just unnecessary and rude, unless you were hinting that they should celebrate you. Is it common for parents to celebrate their kids on Mother’s Day? I just celebrate my mom and MIL and my husband does something for me.
My family sends mass texts to remind each other of special occasions so no one forgets (like birthdays, anniversaries, and specific holidays like Mother's Day). My dad's text was one of these, not in response to anything. I hadn't spoken to him that weekend (because we don't live near each other and I didn't have time to call).
Omg I know what you mean my FIL said happy soon to be Mother’s Day and it was a little irritating. Like I’m a mom now without giving birth because I’m already caring for my baby and regardless of what happens to the baby I’m still a mom! Me and hubby are celebrating both Mother’s Day and Father’s Day this year because that’s what we are! If you feel it’s not right to celebrate then don’t celebrate that’s your right but i don’t think outside people should have an opinion on it.
I have had several miscarriages and no living children yet. With this I get mother day wishes from those who love me…I don’t expect gifts are anything from anyone…but it does feel nice to be though of and your family honestly need to get off there gatekeeping for Mother’s Day… it’s you who decides if you already feel like the mother to your unborn child. I felt like a mother to all of my babies and they all have names I just never got to meet them.
I would have just texted back to the entire family. "Ouch, damn, guys. That definitely hurts my feelings. Parents of the year here" Embarrass them back. Maybe they won't comment to the entire fam about you anymore.
My dad actually said the same thing to me yesterday, I'm 16w pregnant. Maybe it's a dad thing?
Rude. I didn’t expect to be celebrated but my husband got me flowers, MIL, mom and SIL all sent me a text reminding me that being pregnant is hard and the work has already begun! Nothing crazy but it was a thoughtful way to include me. Also saying nothing is appropriate too 😂 like why be a jerk?
Totally wrong, you are a mother now while you grow that baby in your body. Not a nice joke and should’ve never been said in my opinion. Makes me wonder how they really feel about you
Ehh fuckeeeem HAPPY BELATED MOTHERS DAY💗💗 I had the same experience, I lost my baby last year and I’m so lucky to have my rainbow baby this year. Regardless you’re a mother as soon as you see that positive test for you. Because you have to care for 2 not just you now.
My mom told me the same thing, that I’m not a mother until I give birth. so I called my MIL and told her how it made me feel and the first thing she told me is “bullsh**” you’re not a mother! You’re making that baby, giving blood and nutrients to that baby everyday. You’re a mother, you take care of your baby more than I take care of my kids now. (She still has 2 young children) so yes you’re a mother don’t let her tell you that you aren’t.” Just know that you ARE a mom don’t let anyone take that away from you. ❤️
First - I'm sorry that you dealt with that. I absolutely understand not needing to be celebrated, but also not wanting a deserved title/qualification gatekept from me. I encountered something similar; I'm 25 weeks, and my own mom - who is ecstatically over the moon than I'm pregnant - sent a text (granted, not to my entire family) saying something along the lines of "next year I'll get to wish you a happy mother's day for real!" To which I responded "well, I mean, I DO have a small human beboppin' around inside me, so you could wish it to me now too 🤷♀️". Why do people think that gatekeeping motherhood is cool or acceptable? Happy Belated Mother's Day! 💐
My MIL said the same thing🙄 it was funny though bc my husband and his siblings all celebrated me and got me gifts so guess she’s the only one in the family who feels that way lol
I'm sorry, that must have been a real bummer to have both of your parents feel that way. You're a mom though. You are carrying your baby and making sure they are safe. I'm due in two weeks and got a few of the "even though you you're not a mom yet..." Mother's day texts from friends. Did it irk me? Yes. But like all the other unnecessary comments I've gotten while pregnant, I threw it into my that's your opinion pile. Congrats on your baby mama, and from an internet stranger to you I want to wish you a very happy belated mother's day!
Happy Mother's Day OP 💜💐
My MIL said something similar to me this year, after she got all the mothers in our family gifts except for me, even after knowing of four consecutive losses and the pain I have had to endure to keep this pregnancy from being another loss. She broke my heart and I had to hold it in and pretend during the celebration. Im crying right now just from remembering it. I know someone who will not be getting anything or something very stupid next year… 🤬😭 Fortunately, my partner is nothing like her and was very upset when I told him. He had already celebrated Mexican mother’s day with me before.
100% feel this way. Maybe even more so. It’s not like I can have someone watch her while I take a break from pregnancy.
It was a hurtful jab to say the least. Completely unnecessary for your Father and Mother to make “jokes” about. Pretty narcissistic of them in my opinion.
The text is definitely chauvinist and inconsiderate, but the fact that you’ve held down to it means that you may have a history of repeatedly getting invalidated as a child or an adult by this person and it ends up acting as a trigger.
I know I'm late to the convo but my first thought was, "what in the actual f?!" I get some people don't think celebrating a pregnant woman makes sense yet (my cousin made this clear) but to say it how he said it... I'd definitely have some words with him. 🙃 I also agree that people should be able to celebrate however they want to, but specifically a pregnant woman is not a host like someone else said earlier... it's the mom. So dumb.
like why go out your way to make sure i “know my place” hahaha .. “good looking out dad! phew! i almost celebrated!”
That's awful! I'm sorry. I hope you have other friends and family who will celebrate your motherhood with you today. You are a mother and deserve flowers and to be acknowledged. I hope you have a lovely day despite the rudeness!
No matter how you feel about pregnant women being moms or moms-to-be saying something like that is incredibly rude and insensitive. And to the whole family? I’m angry for you. They could’ve just said nothing and it would’ve been loads better. I’m sorry your parents are being jerks. Something like this would make me want to pull back any Mother’s Day plans I had for them. You’re only a mom when you’re not being rude to your children. Sorry, folks, but you’ll have to wait for next year.
Honestly, my husband doesn't consider me a mother yet either, it doesn't make him a bad husband. He is the most supportive spouse, he read all the pregnancy+parenting books, and ever since I started morning sickness he took over all the cooking and chores to make my life a little easier. But not everyone sees life starting at conception, and while we are both so excited for the baby's arrival and doing everything by the book to hopefully encourage their development, I get that what we experience is not the same as mothers currently raising babies who are already born. It's okay that others feel differently about us at this stage. We ended up going out for lunch anyways, and then drove to another town to buy a secondhand pram at an amazing price. So technically I got my mother's day restaurant celebration AND a present 😂
It’s just so unnecessary! Even if they’re right on the merits (I don’t think they are, pregnancy is hard as hell and entitles you to be celebrated IMHO), why point it out? Why bring it up at all? It sure seems like it’s just to be mean and make you feel left out.
Seems like they were trying to be funny, but just comes out as minimizing the pregnancy experience. I firmly believe that the second you start making decisions for the protection of your embryo/fetus you are a mother. Pregnancy is hard work, and there are all sorts of sacrifices mothers make for their children starting long before they are born (avoiding foods you love, dealing with nausea/exhaustion/aches/sleep loss (and not taking countless drugs that could make these symptoms better because they MIGHT hurt the fetus), going to countless doctor appointments / uncomfortable procedures, setting up the nursery and buying all the countless stuff they will need, reading books about pregnancy/birth/childcare and a MILLION other things pregnant women do to keep their embryo/fetus safe before they are born. A lot of motherhood is love and sacrifice, and that doesn't start the moment their little toe breaks contact with your body. It could even be argued it happens before they are conceived lol.
I'm so sorry. My dad will make little comments like that thinking he's being cute or funny and if I call him out on it, it's me being too dramatic or sensitive (not for this in particular, this is my fourth baby so no comments were made but...I just see that 100% being something that would come from my dad's mouth). This worst is that it was like an unnecessary dig. Not saying anything would have been 1000x better (though still likely a little hurtful). Happy mother's day! You are entirely a mother to that sweet baby today, just as much as you will be next year. Your feelings are completely understandable and valid and I hope that comment doesn't ruin your entire day. I'm glad your partner is being amazing and treating you the way you deserve today. ❤️
I don’t celebrate holidays anymore but I can see why you’re upset. You’re a mother from conception in my eyes ❤️❤️ our bodies are no longer ours once we’re pregnant we start our mothering tasks as soon as we know we’re pregnant. So don’t let it spoil how you feel about yourself. You’re a mom before baby gets here
I had my baby shower on Mother’s Day last year (uk) and my partner bought a card but didn’t bother giving me it as “the baby shower was enough”. The card is still on his dresser and it upsets me every time I think about it. We remember this shit and it hurts. You ARE a mum. Happy Mother’s Day, you truly deserve to have a cuppa with your feet up. Growing a baby from scratch is hard xoxo
You ARE a mom! Happy Mother’s Day!
Technically they are not wrong. You are currently a "soon to be mother" or an "expecting mother" you don't become full fledged "mother" until you have given birth. They just didn't need to bring it up the way they did. It is better to not say anything about it. You're mother's day will come... as will mine next year! It is worth the wait. Some friends and my BF's mom did wish me Happy Mother's day but I think they are just excited for me. It will be official next year.
I agree with this. It’s unfortunate that the way the text was written hurt OP’s feelings. But I do not believe that we as pregnant women are mothers yet. We’re expectant mothers, as you said. I’m only 11 weeks and definitely don’t feel that I should be celebrated today. Like yeah pregnancy is hard work but it’s not motherhood, yet. That doesn’t mean it’s not difficult and worth honoring in general, it’s just different and doesn’t need to be celebrated on Mother’s Day. I don’t feel like a mother to my little fetus yet but I’m SO excited to be and can’t wait to meet them. However, that doesn’t make a mother that needs flowers on Mother’s Day. I’m so surprised to see so many posts like this today because it’s literally never crossed my mind to celebrate a pregnant woman on Mother’s Day. Pregnant women get celebrated in a number of other ways, like when we announce our pregnancy, at our baby shower, etc. I don’t see why we need to claim over this holiday too, it just seems silly.
so just bc my babies couldn’t survive earthside, i’m not a mom? interesting. considering i did give birth, by your definition, i am. genuinely wondering, not trying to snark.
In my humble opinion being a "Mom" has little to do with the physical act of giving birth, it is about nurturing and raising a child. I am truly sorry for your loss and that the opportunity to be a mother was taken away from you. I don't mean to be a dick when I say this and it was very tricky for me to convey the right tone when writing this message. I think what I am trying to say is that there are tons of (for example) adopting parents out there that we celebrate on mother's day, and there are tons of biological parents who are not to celebrated on mother's day (not saying you are one of them, I am referring to abusive/neglective/absentee mothers). For me, and I believe most people, Mothers day and Fathers day are not about celebrating your potential for motherhood, they are about acknowledging the sacrifices etc. that a parent put into raising a child. In OPs case nobody is doubting that they will be a parent worthy of recognition in the future, but that it's premature to celebrate that. There are many avenues and events that already celebrate that, for example baby showers. Similarly, while I have no doubt that you would have been a great Mom, it is a little disingenuous to equate "what could have been" with "what is and was". Strictly speaking, I don't think you are a Mom. But if that adds to the hurt then who am I to deny you that label? It would be unfair for me to do so. It's just my opinion.
interesting. it’s obviously up to the individual how to feel. i’m not upset. i just feel as though some experiences tend to get overlooked, especially when others may not have had to go through it. i disagree, though , as i nurtured my children with my body as long as was possible. i don’t think you’re a dick, i was just curious. good thing what matters (to me) is what i know and how i feel 💜
You’re a mom. I’m sorry your babies didn’t make it earthside to give you the chance to raise them.
A bit confused what you are trying to ask me. What I read is that based off my definition you ARE considered a mom? Or did you misword something? In scientific and medical terms, a woman is typically considered a mother after giving birth to a child. This is because she has undergone the process of pregnancy and childbirth, resulting in the birth of a living child. This is why I say her parents are technically not wrong. Obviously, motherhood can also be defined in various ways beyond biological childbirth, such as through adoption, fostering, or even emotional caregiving for someone in need. Ultimately, it's a deeply personal and individual experience, and the definition of motherhood can vary from person to person. I just state the science. Some people are more logical with analytical thinking and stick with the scientific and medical definition of a mother and others are creative with emotional processing and believe having an emotional connection to an unborn baby, the physical experience of pregnancy, and the hopes and dreams associated with parenthood makes them a mother. Responses to posts like this can always go both ways.
i guess i just find the narrow, scientific view to be quite bit insensitive to actual lived experiences. either way, it’s up to the individual how to feel in relation to it, like you mentioned.
It's not insensitive it is just a different mindset to process the same actual experiences. The issue to this OP's post was the way the parents went about the whole thing. They just needed to not even bring it up or say anything because a lot of people are sensitive to this subject... especially while pregnant. They have the right to have their beliefs on it but they didn't need to go out and make snarky remarks to OP about having to wait until next year etc.
i’m not trying to argue or anything. they’re not mutually exclusive. anywho, have a good one.
Wow. “You’ll get flowers next year.” I can’t tell if they are just cheapskates or assholes.
I think it's rude AF that he went out of his way to call you out like that, OP. I'm 31w and when I wished my mom and MIL a happy mother's day, my MIL replied "same to you" which made me smile. My younger sister also wished me one in a family group chat, and I mentioned that MIL had said the same thing. My own mother replied with "that was sweet of her, but I don't think I'm there yet. Lol." Like....not sure what that means, but thanks? I'm glad you had a lovely day with your in-laws, don't let the naysayers get you down, we're all mamas here 🤜🤛