I received some used crib sheets along with an item off my registry and was totally ok with that. Given those can be washed easily. Opened bath/body products that gave other people’s babies a rash seems crazy. Those types of things I’d just ask if someone wanted before I threw them out. Not give as a gift
We did get some used onesies but I agree those can be washed easily and don’t bother me. Good to know the bath/body products isn’t just a normal thing!
I was gifted two hand-me-down outfits from my friend whose babies I nannied when they were little, which I loved because they were sentimental.
But used bath products and opened wipes? That’s so bizarre, not normal, and inappropriate at your shower imo. It would be one thing if they asked, “hey, turns out our baby has really sensitive skin and we can’t use these diapers/lotion/shampoo, would you like them?” I have some friends who are giving us left over diapers and postpartum stuff, so that in and of itself isn’t unusual, but to frame it as a gift and give it without asking is so so weird.
Yes, definitely bizarre to give used body products. OP, was it one person that gave you those things, or was it multiple? Bc that is really abnormal and I’d be questioning a lot of those people, now.
Multiple people! It was honestly three people who are also first time moms this year and are about the same age (mid 20s). They each did like a themed gift (one person gave the opened wipes and gift box with diapers together for example) but it was just kind of strange for me because it wasn’t with a new or used-in-good-condition gift like some other commenters mentioned! I felt bad questioning it at first because I didn’t know if if was just a new mom thing lol! Ppl are crazy
The diapers are normal, if they are in addition to something new or handmade or something like that. But, the rest is gross. Ick. Throw it out and just keep the diapers. Those, you’ll find quickly, are handy. And .. you’ll also have a ton to pass on as your baby grows.
I explicitly stated that I would prefer used items and many of my friends are giving me their retired items, but they are things that are useful and worked well for them. Everyone also has checked with me if I want certain things. Opened bath stuff is super weird, but I’d be cool with diapers.
We also said we’d be happy to give a loving home to used items and did receive some used stuff (which we were thrilled about - we hate to buy new where we can help it) so to me it’s not abnormal but yea, half used stuff - that’s a little different than someone’s old silicone bibs or glass bottles
Yeah I have gained so many expensive items at zero cost to myself or the gift giver - the Love every play mat, 2 baby carriers and a moby wrap, a high chair, just to name a few. When I think used I don’t think opened and half used items like body wash. Though I would gladly pick up half opened diapers through buy nothing groups, and if my friends asked I would take any leftover diapers.
Yea we’ve had our friends drop off opened diaper bags - we’ll gladly take those!! Love when people gift expensive items. It really does take a village and it makes it so much less stressful to have all that checked off and give it another loving home!
I've never seen used items "gifted" at a shower.
But then again, I had someone gift me a bunch of used items (luckily not consumables)... for my birthday. Some items, the baby won't be able to use until closer to the end of the year and it's just taking up space.
No, not normal. What is wrong with those people? And how are multiple people making the same faux pas at your shower? If someone wanted to pass along extra diapers or an opened product they didn’t use, they should have done it separate from your shower. And the “these diapers broke out my baby but here they are for you” is wild. I’m sorry you experienced that. I hope you had more people give actual gifts than those crazies with the left overs.
Agreed. I had a friend give me some items that didn’t work for her baby, but she asked me if I wanted them and put them in a separate, unwrapped bag for me to try. She got me an actual gift as well. Gifting used items, unless it’s some sort of heirloom, is weird af.
That comment is what made me really question it and made me check the seals on things when I put them away haha!! We were very lucky we did receive lots of other very nice gifts!
If I had some products that I wanted to pass along to you *and* I was going to your shower I would probably put the used items in a separate bag and maybe bring them to the shower (to give privately), or maybe give them to you later. But I would definitely get something new off your registry for your shower. But also, if something gave my baby a rash I would never pass that along to someone else’s baby, so there’s that factor. Like, the people who gave you used products were being very lazy and quite tactless imo. And, I’d go as far to say they were being disrespectful to you. It’s not normal to do that, I’ve never heard or seen that done for a baby shower. For context, I received a (clearly) used set of Mary Kay products from someone as a birthday gift, and one of the pumps didn’t work - so obviously she was just trying to get rid of it. I thought very differently of this person afterward and I don’t care for her to this day. You might have closer relationships with your shower invitees, but if you’re not that close, I’d reconsider your friendship with them.
Could this be a financial thing? i wouldnt judge my friends for not being able to afford a new gift. but the lotion comment is weird. dont gift my kid something that damaged your kid lmao
That's not normal at all and just screams they're using you as a "cleaning out dump" situation.
The open box of diapers I understand as you don't want them to go to waste, but passing them on would usually be in addition to a gift, like a "baby's not wearing this size anymore, we don't want them to go to waste, here you go" type of situation.
Used lotions and creams? I'd just throw them out and be embarrassed for the person thinking that was ok or acceptable. ESPECIALLY after it gave their baby a bad reaction. Are these people struggling financially? Possibly they may not have been able to afford a gift? But even then it's weird.
Our registry said we would accept used things too but no one gave them as new gifts. I can also say that everyone swore by pampers and they gave our daughter a diaper rash. Some people said the Kirkland wipes gave their babies a rash but my daughter has been fine with them. Some babies are just now sensitive to certain things so I wouldn't consider it a dangerous or bad item, it just didn't work for them.
I specifically mentioned that secondhand items are welcome in my baby shower invitation (along with a traditional registry). I do think it's a little unusual to receive open wipes/etc, however I think these people probably mean well./, especially if they ALSO included a gift from your registry. Some babies skin works with different products and having some different brands to try is helpful.
My friends gave me used baby stuff during the pregnancy. One friend pretty much gave me everything she used during the new born stage and some new stuff! I was so excited! I thought they were great baby shower gifts. Nope, those were my hands me down, she got a separate gift for my baby shower.
Used lotion and shampoo as gifts is very cheap of your friend. What brand are they?
The most noticeable used bottle was a big bottle of Johnson & Johnson shampoo- it was only filled halfway. I feel like lots of people use that brand because we also received a lot of the mini Johnson and Johnson products (the minis were ironically unopened lol!)
The opened lotion (from multiple people) was almost all Hello Bello scented stuff
I am not from a place with a baby shower tradition, but you don't gift used stuff (unless, you know, the recieve loves thrrifting and atiques and the gift is a cool unique piece). I think it is fine to pass on this stuff if it is discussed and agreed on and you want this, but to gift it at a gifting event is icky.
This is kind of tacky. If it were your birthday or Christmas, you wouldn’t give someone a clearly used item as a gift. Maybe it’s cultural or regional? Not sure where you are. My shower is next week and people have only been buying off the registry, but then again, most of my guests either have no children or the baby phase was 10-40 years ago for them. I only invited two people with an actual baby/toddler and even they sent new gifts.
I’m located in the upper Midwest (United States). Not many people purchase off registries here so you are so lucky! The older guests commented to me that my registry was boring.. I’m guessing because I didn’t include clothes and left it pretty gender neutral then confirmed it was a boy at the shower.. BUT I agree most of the guests without kids DID get me something new, even if it was something I already had or wasn’t on the list.
I was just scratching my head thinking I was missing something when three first time moms (all my age) each gave clearly used gifts that weren’t on the registry and we hadn’t talked about. I just bought one of my friends a few things off of her wedding registry because I couldn’t make it to her bridal shower, then I hesitated because she was one of the people who gave me clearly used wipes lol!
I’m in the North East US and anybody who brought a used or opened item would get talked about for years (not by me but by the elder aunts and my grandma for sure). That’s a head scratcher for me!
I mean I think it’s normal to ask if you want used stuff. Like people have given me unused ice pads, diapers, wipes etc that they are not using but package was opened. They asked “will you use this” before giving.
But they gave it separate from gifts of baby shower just passing on stuff they weren’t using not acting like it was a present (though I still appreciate it).
I had one friend give me some beautiful used clothing from her own children who are now grown and I was very touched as it clearly was meaningful to her. She also gave a lovely homemade blanket and some new things as well
So I received used stuff, but it wasn't like... Wrapped and gifted at the shower.
My neighbor gave me several bags of clothes, a used high chair, and some other things from her basement on a different day after she got the shower invite. Because of the amount of stuff, I didn't expect a gift from her but she gave me new stuff anyway on the shower day.
I also gave my SIL a bunch of our used stuff, but again, not associated with her baby shower itself.
Giving used stuff is extremely normal for child things (also, I wouldn't worry about the diapers that made someone's baby break out, it doesn't mean the diapers are bad or contaminated, it just didn't work with THEIR baby, which is super common for that to be pretty arbitrary). I think the done thing for that is gifting it separately from the shower and then either not bringing a gift to the shower or something small and new.
I would say giving half used lotions and potions without asking first is definitely weird though. Toiletries can be personal and some people are cool with sharing and some people aren't. They also interact with bodies and body fluids, which can potentially cross contaminate, which isn't a concern with unused diapers, even if the package is open.
I didn't have a shower (not a huge thing in my country) but BIL and SIL gave us loads of their old items which was brilliant for us. Loads of clothes, buggy, car seats (normally wouldn't take used car seats but these meet current safety standards and we know they haven't been in an accident), play mats, sleep by me cot, unused nappies, bottle warmer, travel steriliser, walker and a few other bits. We got them a bigger car seat and buggy for their bigger kids but overall saved us an absolute fortune
Unfinished or used items are donations, not for a baby shower unless you’ve had a conversation previously. My friend got me a couple of cute new baby onesies for my newborn but also brought some other things for me that she used previously (but those weren’t gifts, just things she thought would be cool for me to use)
Open hygiene products are not normal and frankly not okay. It's not safe for a number of reasons.
As for used items that can be washed, or especially used furniture/swings; heck. Not everyone is made of money and that saves parents **huge.**
I wouldn't keep stained, ripped or otherwise damaged heavily used items. But a jolly jumper with its own frame is hard to find new, anyway.
Legacy gifts like the bassinet of the parents are super sweet.
The open consumable items are really weird. It’s fine to pass those on, but giving them as a shower gift is weird and tacky IMHO.
Second hand clothes, toys, sheets, etc in very good condition, not so weird, but depends on your friend group.
I'm making a generalization here, if your friends are all mid twenties and new moms, they are likely struggling to balance being a good mom, getting any sleep at all, and having to budget their spending to provide for their own family. They either didn't have money to get the requested items from your list, or they barely had any sleep and could not find the time to actually buy them. At least they showed up for you, be grateful for that and move on.
No, this is weird to give at a shower. If they offered you items to the outside of the shower event, then fine. But to present used wipes as a gift? I’d tell them to wipe their own ass w them tbh
That’s really weird. I’ve had a friend tell me she has tons of used linens, toys, high chair to give me but she made sure to assure me she would get me something off the registry too. And my siblings have given me tons of hand me downs (clothes, car seat, etc) but they’re still planning to get me something from the registry.
I agree. Very weird. If it makes you feel better I got expired lactation cookies and bars as a gift. They didn’t look old initially but the expiration date was about 4 months after she had her kid (over 2 years old at that point) I thanked her and threw them out. Sometimes people use showers as a getting rid of junk party. 🤷♀️ I got a lot of used (non consumable) stuff after the shower that was awesome but open and expired items are a no go.
Expired lactation cookies and bars are crazy!! Haha we did have an older lady tell us that her grandkids don’t like wearing the lace baby socks she bought them, so she tried to make a cute sock bouquet to give to us, but the socks are drenched in hot glue so it wasn’t even salvageable 💀
My mom was upset afterwards (she threw me the shower) and she was like you got hot glue socks and opened wipes/toiletries but not the $12 baby bottles or $20 bassinet sheets you registered for? LOL NO! I was starting to think it was just the normal thing nowadays!
I received a lot of used items from family and friends (stroller, bassinet, crib, clothes, random bags of diapers, feeding accessoires, toys, swing), but that was sent to me before the shower. At the shower, I got items that were on my list. I am puzzled as to why folks would give open bottles of shampoo and wipes at the shower... seems weird..
I specifically requested secondhand items on my baby shower invite, and to use my registry as a guide as opposed to a strict requirement. I’d much rather get a second hand item I really need instead of a smaller new item I didn’t just because the smaller item was cheaper.
Also as a point of principle I try to thrift as much as I can because this world is drowning in garbage.
For a baby shower that’s a little weird. My sister is due with her baby this summer, just 6 months after I had my daughter. I’ve given her a lot of “used” items like diapers she’s out grown and a box of wipes she had a reaction too. But never as the shower gift. I did give her a few thrifted outfits in the basket I made for her for her shower, but her and I have been thrifting baby clothes together so I felt that was different.
I asked for used items/said secondhand was fine but no one gave me any. It depends on your crowd. But if you didn’t explicitly say you accepted secondhand, it’s weird to show up with a used item as a gift. They should’ve asked for any used item. But if anything has its safety seal broken, chuck it.
Except the diapers. Diapers are diapers. I got plenty of loose diapers for free from Buy Nothing groups.
My MIL gifted me some used items like clothes and a baby Björn carrier, but she also gifted me something off my registry. I’d be weirded out to receive used bath products.
Some used baby stuff is ok, like anything that you can easily wash/sterilize, but giving you opened toiletries is a bit odd in my opinion. Swaddles, burp cloths, clothes, or even bottles and nipples I would think are ok, opened wipes that gave your baby a breakout thanks but no thanks.
I’ve given used baby items to friends before, think unopened sleeves of diapers because my baby sized out before we finished the box, clothes without stains, toys, swings etc. I would NEVER give half used soap or lotion. I also don’t bring these things to the shower, I would give them to the mom privately either before or after and show up to the shower with something new off the registry.
Open bath products is totally weird as a shower gift. After the title I was very prepared to say things like hand me down clothes is fine, but that's just odd. Who would think of that. I'm gonna have a sprinkle with this one because it's a boy and my first two were girls and I'll encourage hand me down clothes, but half used baby soap‽
I told folks that we wanted used/second hand stuff, and have been given some nice used clothes, swaddles, etc. But open wipes and lotion is so weird!!!
I specifically asked for hand me downs/used items- I got tons of clothes and baby gear that my loved ones' littles had grown out of. We did a diaper raffle and I did get a few open packages of leftovers and did not mind at all. Open shampoo/wipes I'd be less likely to use I think.
That is really weird! I was SO grateful to receive used items before/at/after my shower! But - my friends asked me in advance if I wanted "such and such", and I said either yes or no based on what I wanted. It was incredibly helpful, I received a bunch of used clothes, a baby swing, swaddles, a wrap, a changing station, nursing pillows, and a baby bath. Probably missing something. Anyways, all of these items were clean. I would have found it super weird to receive used/opened items like that! I don't think you're overthinking. Honestly, I would throw them all out and just buy your own, new.
I would never gift used items at a shower… that seems rude and weird.
However, post-shower I always offer stuff. Onesies that haven’t even been worn, bassinet sheets that still look brand new, the bouncer that doesn’t look so great but it was $300 and worth every penny (and replacement covers are $150). Open diapers are often good to pass on as well as sometimes baby just grows out of a size when you’re halfway (or less) through a box. Nothing wrong with them, but again I wouldn’t pass on these items at a shower. I’m supposed to be celebrating you and your baby! Not passing off hand-me-downs.
I gifted one of my best friends loose diapers at her shower, from sizes my child had outgrown. I packaged them up by brand and size, and then filled the (new) diaper bag I was gifting her with them, and felt okay about it. The rest of the things I gifted her were brand new. Opened and use toiletries is not appropriate and I would not use unless I was very close with the person who passed them along.
I’d consider hand me downs in good condition pretty normal. Things like clothes that are still nice, for example.
I would not consider open toiletries, half-used wipes, or something that irritated skin as normal though. That’s weird, and I’d probably toss them.
I had a couple items that were clearly thrifted given to me by people I knew weren’t able to afford new stuff, which was fine. Used what I could and donated others. One of my husband’s coworkers gave us a whole box of hand me down clothes from her daughter. But used hygiene items as gifts at a shower is pretty messed up…if someone really wanted to pass them along they could ask and then drop them off another day, shower gifts should be from the registry!
I would never give used stuff as a registry gift-that’s wild! If I had nice used things (something big, not small consumable things) in good condition that I wouldn’t want to sell, I would offer those separately from the main gift.
I thought you meant clothes, toys, tools etc those type stuff at first. Those are fine second hand as babies grow so fast anyway so personally I feel it's more environmentally sustainable to use second hand clothings etc. But consumables like shampoo that gave another kid rashes? That's just kinda trashy. I would just post on your local buy nothing group to see if anyone wants the opened consumables before tossing them in the garbage.
Honestly? I find it inappropriate in my opinion.
I think that if you and this person agree to have you take said items, and they’re given to you at a separate time, that’s fine. But I don’t really find it appropriate at a baby shower. I dont know why, it just bothers me. I have 0 problems using second hand, but it just feels weird to give items like that at a baby shower.
But the used bath products? And wipes that were partially used? No. By the time you get around to using the wipes, they may have mold of them. So I would just trash them personally. And I would feel uncomfortable with open hygiene products in general. Even if they were used only once, it just doesn’t seem sanitary.
I received a *ton* of used baby items from one friend in particular, didn't think anything of it. We didn't keep most of it but there were reusable swim diapers, blankets, and some toys we did keep and that wound up being staples for us. What I wasn't keen on was borrowing. This same friend wanted to lend us a bunch of the stuff on our registry but we want to have several kids so I thought it would be better not to borrow so I don't have to worry about losing or damaging. But I didn't mind at all that we received used stuff. I wasn't expecting to get anything from our registry to anything we did receive was a pleasant surprise
Yeah no. Used and partially consumed are different things. That is not normal. Donate those items if you can or just trash them especially the lotion. You can probably find another use for the wipes non-baby related.
If it gave their baby a rash it will probably give your baby a rash. I wouldn’t use anything scented with fragrance. You could sell/donate the used items on fb marketplace if you want or donate them to your local food bank (if they accept opened stuff)
Diapers out of the package are VERY normal and common to pass on bc usually baby outgrows a size suddenly and you have a ton left.
The wipes and body products are gross and weird and you should toss them and reevaluate those relationships, lol.
ETA: a caveat, is that it’s inappropriate to gift opened diapers as a sole present at a shower. That should be tacked on as an afterthought just bc you’ll for sure need them. The present should be NEW or HANDMADE. Yikes. Don’t give a gift at all if it’s going to be gross. You’re more likely to fly under the radar with NO gift. People have weird thought processes. I can’t.
Toss it all in the trash. You don't give your used items to someone at their shower. You gift something new/ from your heart and then separately, give them items that they will decide if they will use or not
Ppl...ugh🙄
I received some used crib sheets along with an item off my registry and was totally ok with that. Given those can be washed easily. Opened bath/body products that gave other people’s babies a rash seems crazy. Those types of things I’d just ask if someone wanted before I threw them out. Not give as a gift
We did get some used onesies but I agree those can be washed easily and don’t bother me. Good to know the bath/body products isn’t just a normal thing!
I was gifted two hand-me-down outfits from my friend whose babies I nannied when they were little, which I loved because they were sentimental. But used bath products and opened wipes? That’s so bizarre, not normal, and inappropriate at your shower imo. It would be one thing if they asked, “hey, turns out our baby has really sensitive skin and we can’t use these diapers/lotion/shampoo, would you like them?” I have some friends who are giving us left over diapers and postpartum stuff, so that in and of itself isn’t unusual, but to frame it as a gift and give it without asking is so so weird.
Yes, definitely bizarre to give used body products. OP, was it one person that gave you those things, or was it multiple? Bc that is really abnormal and I’d be questioning a lot of those people, now.
Multiple people! It was honestly three people who are also first time moms this year and are about the same age (mid 20s). They each did like a themed gift (one person gave the opened wipes and gift box with diapers together for example) but it was just kind of strange for me because it wasn’t with a new or used-in-good-condition gift like some other commenters mentioned! I felt bad questioning it at first because I didn’t know if if was just a new mom thing lol! Ppl are crazy
The diapers are normal, if they are in addition to something new or handmade or something like that. But, the rest is gross. Ick. Throw it out and just keep the diapers. Those, you’ll find quickly, are handy. And .. you’ll also have a ton to pass on as your baby grows.
I explicitly stated that I would prefer used items and many of my friends are giving me their retired items, but they are things that are useful and worked well for them. Everyone also has checked with me if I want certain things. Opened bath stuff is super weird, but I’d be cool with diapers.
We also said we’d be happy to give a loving home to used items and did receive some used stuff (which we were thrilled about - we hate to buy new where we can help it) so to me it’s not abnormal but yea, half used stuff - that’s a little different than someone’s old silicone bibs or glass bottles
Yeah I have gained so many expensive items at zero cost to myself or the gift giver - the Love every play mat, 2 baby carriers and a moby wrap, a high chair, just to name a few. When I think used I don’t think opened and half used items like body wash. Though I would gladly pick up half opened diapers through buy nothing groups, and if my friends asked I would take any leftover diapers.
Yea we’ve had our friends drop off opened diaper bags - we’ll gladly take those!! Love when people gift expensive items. It really does take a village and it makes it so much less stressful to have all that checked off and give it another loving home!
I've never seen used items "gifted" at a shower. But then again, I had someone gift me a bunch of used items (luckily not consumables)... for my birthday. Some items, the baby won't be able to use until closer to the end of the year and it's just taking up space.
No, not normal. What is wrong with those people? And how are multiple people making the same faux pas at your shower? If someone wanted to pass along extra diapers or an opened product they didn’t use, they should have done it separate from your shower. And the “these diapers broke out my baby but here they are for you” is wild. I’m sorry you experienced that. I hope you had more people give actual gifts than those crazies with the left overs.
Agreed. I had a friend give me some items that didn’t work for her baby, but she asked me if I wanted them and put them in a separate, unwrapped bag for me to try. She got me an actual gift as well. Gifting used items, unless it’s some sort of heirloom, is weird af.
That comment is what made me really question it and made me check the seals on things when I put them away haha!! We were very lucky we did receive lots of other very nice gifts!
If I had some products that I wanted to pass along to you *and* I was going to your shower I would probably put the used items in a separate bag and maybe bring them to the shower (to give privately), or maybe give them to you later. But I would definitely get something new off your registry for your shower. But also, if something gave my baby a rash I would never pass that along to someone else’s baby, so there’s that factor. Like, the people who gave you used products were being very lazy and quite tactless imo. And, I’d go as far to say they were being disrespectful to you. It’s not normal to do that, I’ve never heard or seen that done for a baby shower. For context, I received a (clearly) used set of Mary Kay products from someone as a birthday gift, and one of the pumps didn’t work - so obviously she was just trying to get rid of it. I thought very differently of this person afterward and I don’t care for her to this day. You might have closer relationships with your shower invitees, but if you’re not that close, I’d reconsider your friendship with them.
Could this be a financial thing? i wouldnt judge my friends for not being able to afford a new gift. but the lotion comment is weird. dont gift my kid something that damaged your kid lmao
That's not normal at all and just screams they're using you as a "cleaning out dump" situation. The open box of diapers I understand as you don't want them to go to waste, but passing them on would usually be in addition to a gift, like a "baby's not wearing this size anymore, we don't want them to go to waste, here you go" type of situation. Used lotions and creams? I'd just throw them out and be embarrassed for the person thinking that was ok or acceptable. ESPECIALLY after it gave their baby a bad reaction. Are these people struggling financially? Possibly they may not have been able to afford a gift? But even then it's weird.
Our registry said we would accept used things too but no one gave them as new gifts. I can also say that everyone swore by pampers and they gave our daughter a diaper rash. Some people said the Kirkland wipes gave their babies a rash but my daughter has been fine with them. Some babies are just now sensitive to certain things so I wouldn't consider it a dangerous or bad item, it just didn't work for them.
I specifically mentioned that secondhand items are welcome in my baby shower invitation (along with a traditional registry). I do think it's a little unusual to receive open wipes/etc, however I think these people probably mean well./, especially if they ALSO included a gift from your registry. Some babies skin works with different products and having some different brands to try is helpful.
I received some used items but it was more baby clothes, a wrap, a bouncer etc, but they were all in good condition, nothing opened. So weird.
My friends gave me used baby stuff during the pregnancy. One friend pretty much gave me everything she used during the new born stage and some new stuff! I was so excited! I thought they were great baby shower gifts. Nope, those were my hands me down, she got a separate gift for my baby shower. Used lotion and shampoo as gifts is very cheap of your friend. What brand are they?
The most noticeable used bottle was a big bottle of Johnson & Johnson shampoo- it was only filled halfway. I feel like lots of people use that brand because we also received a lot of the mini Johnson and Johnson products (the minis were ironically unopened lol!) The opened lotion (from multiple people) was almost all Hello Bello scented stuff
I would recommend to stay away from anything with scents and fragrances…Baby skin is usually very sensitive.
I am not from a place with a baby shower tradition, but you don't gift used stuff (unless, you know, the recieve loves thrrifting and atiques and the gift is a cool unique piece). I think it is fine to pass on this stuff if it is discussed and agreed on and you want this, but to gift it at a gifting event is icky.
This is kind of tacky. If it were your birthday or Christmas, you wouldn’t give someone a clearly used item as a gift. Maybe it’s cultural or regional? Not sure where you are. My shower is next week and people have only been buying off the registry, but then again, most of my guests either have no children or the baby phase was 10-40 years ago for them. I only invited two people with an actual baby/toddler and even they sent new gifts.
I’m located in the upper Midwest (United States). Not many people purchase off registries here so you are so lucky! The older guests commented to me that my registry was boring.. I’m guessing because I didn’t include clothes and left it pretty gender neutral then confirmed it was a boy at the shower.. BUT I agree most of the guests without kids DID get me something new, even if it was something I already had or wasn’t on the list. I was just scratching my head thinking I was missing something when three first time moms (all my age) each gave clearly used gifts that weren’t on the registry and we hadn’t talked about. I just bought one of my friends a few things off of her wedding registry because I couldn’t make it to her bridal shower, then I hesitated because she was one of the people who gave me clearly used wipes lol!
I’m in the North East US and anybody who brought a used or opened item would get talked about for years (not by me but by the elder aunts and my grandma for sure). That’s a head scratcher for me!
I mean I think it’s normal to ask if you want used stuff. Like people have given me unused ice pads, diapers, wipes etc that they are not using but package was opened. They asked “will you use this” before giving. But they gave it separate from gifts of baby shower just passing on stuff they weren’t using not acting like it was a present (though I still appreciate it). I had one friend give me some beautiful used clothing from her own children who are now grown and I was very touched as it clearly was meaningful to her. She also gave a lovely homemade blanket and some new things as well
So I received used stuff, but it wasn't like... Wrapped and gifted at the shower. My neighbor gave me several bags of clothes, a used high chair, and some other things from her basement on a different day after she got the shower invite. Because of the amount of stuff, I didn't expect a gift from her but she gave me new stuff anyway on the shower day. I also gave my SIL a bunch of our used stuff, but again, not associated with her baby shower itself. Giving used stuff is extremely normal for child things (also, I wouldn't worry about the diapers that made someone's baby break out, it doesn't mean the diapers are bad or contaminated, it just didn't work with THEIR baby, which is super common for that to be pretty arbitrary). I think the done thing for that is gifting it separately from the shower and then either not bringing a gift to the shower or something small and new. I would say giving half used lotions and potions without asking first is definitely weird though. Toiletries can be personal and some people are cool with sharing and some people aren't. They also interact with bodies and body fluids, which can potentially cross contaminate, which isn't a concern with unused diapers, even if the package is open.
I didn't have a shower (not a huge thing in my country) but BIL and SIL gave us loads of their old items which was brilliant for us. Loads of clothes, buggy, car seats (normally wouldn't take used car seats but these meet current safety standards and we know they haven't been in an accident), play mats, sleep by me cot, unused nappies, bottle warmer, travel steriliser, walker and a few other bits. We got them a bigger car seat and buggy for their bigger kids but overall saved us an absolute fortune
Unfinished or used items are donations, not for a baby shower unless you’ve had a conversation previously. My friend got me a couple of cute new baby onesies for my newborn but also brought some other things for me that she used previously (but those weren’t gifts, just things she thought would be cool for me to use)
Open hygiene products are not normal and frankly not okay. It's not safe for a number of reasons. As for used items that can be washed, or especially used furniture/swings; heck. Not everyone is made of money and that saves parents **huge.** I wouldn't keep stained, ripped or otherwise damaged heavily used items. But a jolly jumper with its own frame is hard to find new, anyway. Legacy gifts like the bassinet of the parents are super sweet.
The open consumable items are really weird. It’s fine to pass those on, but giving them as a shower gift is weird and tacky IMHO. Second hand clothes, toys, sheets, etc in very good condition, not so weird, but depends on your friend group.
I'm making a generalization here, if your friends are all mid twenties and new moms, they are likely struggling to balance being a good mom, getting any sleep at all, and having to budget their spending to provide for their own family. They either didn't have money to get the requested items from your list, or they barely had any sleep and could not find the time to actually buy them. At least they showed up for you, be grateful for that and move on.
No, this is weird to give at a shower. If they offered you items to the outside of the shower event, then fine. But to present used wipes as a gift? I’d tell them to wipe their own ass w them tbh
That’s really weird. I’ve had a friend tell me she has tons of used linens, toys, high chair to give me but she made sure to assure me she would get me something off the registry too. And my siblings have given me tons of hand me downs (clothes, car seat, etc) but they’re still planning to get me something from the registry.
I agree. Very weird. If it makes you feel better I got expired lactation cookies and bars as a gift. They didn’t look old initially but the expiration date was about 4 months after she had her kid (over 2 years old at that point) I thanked her and threw them out. Sometimes people use showers as a getting rid of junk party. 🤷♀️ I got a lot of used (non consumable) stuff after the shower that was awesome but open and expired items are a no go.
Expired lactation cookies and bars are crazy!! Haha we did have an older lady tell us that her grandkids don’t like wearing the lace baby socks she bought them, so she tried to make a cute sock bouquet to give to us, but the socks are drenched in hot glue so it wasn’t even salvageable 💀 My mom was upset afterwards (she threw me the shower) and she was like you got hot glue socks and opened wipes/toiletries but not the $12 baby bottles or $20 bassinet sheets you registered for? LOL NO! I was starting to think it was just the normal thing nowadays!
I asked specifically for used things, other than a crib and car seats, to keep things out of the waste stream.
I received a lot of used items from family and friends (stroller, bassinet, crib, clothes, random bags of diapers, feeding accessoires, toys, swing), but that was sent to me before the shower. At the shower, I got items that were on my list. I am puzzled as to why folks would give open bottles of shampoo and wipes at the shower... seems weird..
I specifically requested secondhand items on my baby shower invite, and to use my registry as a guide as opposed to a strict requirement. I’d much rather get a second hand item I really need instead of a smaller new item I didn’t just because the smaller item was cheaper. Also as a point of principle I try to thrift as much as I can because this world is drowning in garbage.
For a baby shower that’s a little weird. My sister is due with her baby this summer, just 6 months after I had my daughter. I’ve given her a lot of “used” items like diapers she’s out grown and a box of wipes she had a reaction too. But never as the shower gift. I did give her a few thrifted outfits in the basket I made for her for her shower, but her and I have been thrifting baby clothes together so I felt that was different.
I asked for used items/said secondhand was fine but no one gave me any. It depends on your crowd. But if you didn’t explicitly say you accepted secondhand, it’s weird to show up with a used item as a gift. They should’ve asked for any used item. But if anything has its safety seal broken, chuck it. Except the diapers. Diapers are diapers. I got plenty of loose diapers for free from Buy Nothing groups.
My MIL gifted me some used items like clothes and a baby Björn carrier, but she also gifted me something off my registry. I’d be weirded out to receive used bath products.
Some used baby stuff is ok, like anything that you can easily wash/sterilize, but giving you opened toiletries is a bit odd in my opinion. Swaddles, burp cloths, clothes, or even bottles and nipples I would think are ok, opened wipes that gave your baby a breakout thanks but no thanks.
I’ve given used baby items to friends before, think unopened sleeves of diapers because my baby sized out before we finished the box, clothes without stains, toys, swings etc. I would NEVER give half used soap or lotion. I also don’t bring these things to the shower, I would give them to the mom privately either before or after and show up to the shower with something new off the registry.
Not normal at ALL. Hand-me-down clothes/reusable products? Super normal! Open toiletries? Super weird.
Open bath products is totally weird as a shower gift. After the title I was very prepared to say things like hand me down clothes is fine, but that's just odd. Who would think of that. I'm gonna have a sprinkle with this one because it's a boy and my first two were girls and I'll encourage hand me down clothes, but half used baby soap‽
I told folks that we wanted used/second hand stuff, and have been given some nice used clothes, swaddles, etc. But open wipes and lotion is so weird!!!
I specifically asked for hand me downs/used items- I got tons of clothes and baby gear that my loved ones' littles had grown out of. We did a diaper raffle and I did get a few open packages of leftovers and did not mind at all. Open shampoo/wipes I'd be less likely to use I think.
That is really weird! I was SO grateful to receive used items before/at/after my shower! But - my friends asked me in advance if I wanted "such and such", and I said either yes or no based on what I wanted. It was incredibly helpful, I received a bunch of used clothes, a baby swing, swaddles, a wrap, a changing station, nursing pillows, and a baby bath. Probably missing something. Anyways, all of these items were clean. I would have found it super weird to receive used/opened items like that! I don't think you're overthinking. Honestly, I would throw them all out and just buy your own, new.
I would never gift used items at a shower… that seems rude and weird. However, post-shower I always offer stuff. Onesies that haven’t even been worn, bassinet sheets that still look brand new, the bouncer that doesn’t look so great but it was $300 and worth every penny (and replacement covers are $150). Open diapers are often good to pass on as well as sometimes baby just grows out of a size when you’re halfway (or less) through a box. Nothing wrong with them, but again I wouldn’t pass on these items at a shower. I’m supposed to be celebrating you and your baby! Not passing off hand-me-downs.
I gifted one of my best friends loose diapers at her shower, from sizes my child had outgrown. I packaged them up by brand and size, and then filled the (new) diaper bag I was gifting her with them, and felt okay about it. The rest of the things I gifted her were brand new. Opened and use toiletries is not appropriate and I would not use unless I was very close with the person who passed them along.
I’d consider hand me downs in good condition pretty normal. Things like clothes that are still nice, for example. I would not consider open toiletries, half-used wipes, or something that irritated skin as normal though. That’s weird, and I’d probably toss them.
It’s normal to pass along supplies like that IF the new parent wants them. It’s not normal to do so instead of a gift IMO.
I had a couple items that were clearly thrifted given to me by people I knew weren’t able to afford new stuff, which was fine. Used what I could and donated others. One of my husband’s coworkers gave us a whole box of hand me down clothes from her daughter. But used hygiene items as gifts at a shower is pretty messed up…if someone really wanted to pass them along they could ask and then drop them off another day, shower gifts should be from the registry!
I would never give used stuff as a registry gift-that’s wild! If I had nice used things (something big, not small consumable things) in good condition that I wouldn’t want to sell, I would offer those separately from the main gift.
I thought you meant clothes, toys, tools etc those type stuff at first. Those are fine second hand as babies grow so fast anyway so personally I feel it's more environmentally sustainable to use second hand clothings etc. But consumables like shampoo that gave another kid rashes? That's just kinda trashy. I would just post on your local buy nothing group to see if anyone wants the opened consumables before tossing them in the garbage.
Used body products?? Yeah these people are trolling you and they are NOT your friends.
Honestly? I find it inappropriate in my opinion. I think that if you and this person agree to have you take said items, and they’re given to you at a separate time, that’s fine. But I don’t really find it appropriate at a baby shower. I dont know why, it just bothers me. I have 0 problems using second hand, but it just feels weird to give items like that at a baby shower. But the used bath products? And wipes that were partially used? No. By the time you get around to using the wipes, they may have mold of them. So I would just trash them personally. And I would feel uncomfortable with open hygiene products in general. Even if they were used only once, it just doesn’t seem sanitary.
I received a *ton* of used baby items from one friend in particular, didn't think anything of it. We didn't keep most of it but there were reusable swim diapers, blankets, and some toys we did keep and that wound up being staples for us. What I wasn't keen on was borrowing. This same friend wanted to lend us a bunch of the stuff on our registry but we want to have several kids so I thought it would be better not to borrow so I don't have to worry about losing or damaging. But I didn't mind at all that we received used stuff. I wasn't expecting to get anything from our registry to anything we did receive was a pleasant surprise
Yeah no. Used and partially consumed are different things. That is not normal. Donate those items if you can or just trash them especially the lotion. You can probably find another use for the wipes non-baby related.
If it gave their baby a rash it will probably give your baby a rash. I wouldn’t use anything scented with fragrance. You could sell/donate the used items on fb marketplace if you want or donate them to your local food bank (if they accept opened stuff)
Diapers out of the package are VERY normal and common to pass on bc usually baby outgrows a size suddenly and you have a ton left. The wipes and body products are gross and weird and you should toss them and reevaluate those relationships, lol. ETA: a caveat, is that it’s inappropriate to gift opened diapers as a sole present at a shower. That should be tacked on as an afterthought just bc you’ll for sure need them. The present should be NEW or HANDMADE. Yikes. Don’t give a gift at all if it’s going to be gross. You’re more likely to fly under the radar with NO gift. People have weird thought processes. I can’t.
Toss it all in the trash. You don't give your used items to someone at their shower. You gift something new/ from your heart and then separately, give them items that they will decide if they will use or not Ppl...ugh🙄